#oc: fuck me yourself you coward

[mishy-mashy]

Bruce is actually really attractive, and I have enough reasoning to make a list

He's:

Tall (. Tall enough to hit his head on the vault doorframe)

Long-legged

Has a straight nose bridge

Has high cheekbones (more noticeable in 2nd pic below)

Has a strong jawline

Sharp eyes, but they aren't small (plus eyebags if you're into that)

Overall, he has strong, attractive facial features

Has broad, refined shoulders. You can tell he works out (or he did, when he was alive)

Even has a thick, muscly neck

He has MUSCLE. Is SCULPTED. NOICE. VERY NOICE. (nice arms. Nice shoulders. Nice neck. Nice legs. Nice butt-)

(There are actually panels where you can see some of his muscles. Other than those already shown here, he's got bricky thighs-

-and in the panels where we first get his name dropped, he's got those shoulder blades too-)

The one time we see him smile, and he actually has a scary one

Has small, kinda sharp pupils, and his eyes remind me of a cat. We only ever saw him tense or defensive, so his resting/listening face is really cute

Other than the physical appearance stuff, he also:

Takes shit without batting an eye (patience, knowing it's just how Kudo is, etc)

Kudo being all "Cut the crap Bruce and give it to me straight", after Bruce tests his blood and is rightfully Concerned because they just faced AFO

Put up with Kudo's experimenting and testing over Yoichi's transferable Factor

Did ya'll see the look on Kudo's face when he realized he had Yoichi's Factor/will? Kudo was going to start in nonsense and Bruce just dealt with that.

Also something I noticed when looking back at the images here; Bruce has bandages on his arms in the void. But not when he faced AFO in the sewers.

Were he and Kudo cutting their arms open in their experimenting over Yoichi's theory? Is this why Kudo has two gauntlets instead of his one? Why we never see his bare arms in the void? That he always keeps his arms down so there's no slip?

Is smart enough to run blood tests, plus has enough common sense to pick Shinomori as his successor

He picked a guy who avoids society, has an Ability to detect danger so he can always stay away from AFO, is also a coward so he's never going to go throw himself into danger, even without knowing instinctively he stands no chance, etc.

Meanwhile, Kudo chose Bruce, who he played Hot Potato Yoichi with; but he did also trust Bruce, and put the only pure combative Ability in OFA through Bruce.

These two made their choices based on what they valued and saw the Factor needed.

Is logical, analytical, and calm.

He tried advising Midoriya on their Abilities in One For All, especially his own.

Midoriya then tried ignoring him about using Fa Jin for the first time, but found he was right, thinking: "Dammit!! I had [Lady Nagant] right where I wanted her, but... ugh! The Third was right. My parallel Quirk processes are all screwed up!" (ch. 314).

Plus, when Midoriya fixed his processing mistakes, Bruce was analyzing the way he reached his new conclusion. Pure facts, no bias, very calm, just saying it as it was.

We never see him panic. When he's caught by surprise in the sewers by AFO, Kudo, and Yoichi's little bubble event, he immediately reacts. He doesn't falter, he just knows he has to do something right now.

Was more willing to listen than Kudo to Yoichi's beckon, and probably was just following Kudo's rejection of Midoriya

While we don't see Kudo's face, we see Bruce's eyes when Yoichi calls on his heroes. Bruce was more open and receptive, or at least more impacted.

Bruce was also the one to start talking, while Kudo just kept quiet.

He actually communicates a lot

When Yoichi called them to support Midoriya, Bruce started talking to paint a picture of why they thought the way they did, so Yoichi understood where they were coming from.

(Though he seems to beat about the bush sometimes, since Kudo spoke up to be direct on how they couldn't just put their trust in some starry-eyed teenager. Plus, when Kudo tells him to just tell him what's wrong [double Factors])

When Midoriya first used Fa Jin against Nagant, Bruce came out just to tell him he knew what he was trying, but that Midoriya wasn't ready; and Midoriya found he was right. Midoriya just didn't want to listen to him then.

He asks Kudo for clarification after finding Kudo had two Factors in him after the sewer incident ("Just to be sure, All For One didn't touch you, right?") Kudo knew him well enough to go "stop beating around the bush and tell me", so Bruce was probably gonna start with questions, theories, and trying to understand everything in general, before saying "yeah you have two Factors. Don't know why".

Is strong-willed and loyal.

He followed Kudo, even to death, carrying on the cause he started until it ended with him.

Plus, when talking about how AFO needs a strong will to override OFA's own, we first see Bruce, Kudo, and Yoichi.

AFO couldn't steal OFA because the will was too strong for him, and that was back during Banjo's time. Since Shinomori never actually tried opposing AFO and just hid, we can assume the first Three (Yoichi, Kudo, Bruce) already had an accumulation of strong willpower that made OFA un-stealable. Those three are a strong enough foundation, and the main wills, that the other users just become bonuses.

Kudo, also saying that Midoriya needs allies with the same will and drive as him... hey Kudo, you're talking about yourself and your old allies, aren't you? That's why you look at Yoichi and Bruce when you say this.

Not only is Bruce attractive, but he's got good character. THE END.

[uniquezombiedestiny]

thinking about senet and votive again (explodes into a million shards. walks into the ocean. lays on the floor. god)

it couldnt be real. i couldnt believe it, couldnt believe in it, so i crushed it. now it's shards on the floor and all i can do is look. i can look, it's bearable to, but all the light that was once in it is gone

when senet finally gets what he wanted, when he looks back so utterly joyfully, at votive who has suffered nothing but misery. it surrouned her always, leading so many others to their demises too, because that's just what she is. there's nothing else to it, so she learned to be happy in misfortune and to find it in misery itself

and then senet came along and proved her all wrong. every hardship he beared through with her, and when when he wavered, votive (as much as she obscured her words and intent) still picked him back up, for some reason. maybe it was the community they saw in eachother.

two disgraced nobles, prince and heiress. two travelers, wearing the same masks, chatting along as they walked a path alone, as noone else would come near them. the innocent and the knowing, the pitying. the knowing one who was proved wrong in the end by someone who, entirely naively, refused to stop hoping.

and when he finally found a cure, a way out, for the entirely unknown ailment that was leading him to a slow, likely miserable death for so long, she stared in bewilderment. the most emotion she'd expressed in a long time.

it couldnt be real that he found happiness with her by his side - with her there. it couldnt be real that she had anything to do with hope and joy and happiness

so she betrayed him at the very last second. just to prove it. to prove something to them herself

votive is an omen of misfortune and misery

senet is the innocent, naive traveler who made the mistake of staying by her side

senet is the one who weathered through the storm, who hoped against all odds, until he made it out on the other side

no. senet was not the one

senet is the idiot, senet is the fool in this play, the one who made the fatal mistake of trusting her, the one who dared to challenge his puppet strings, the one who couldn't see when to possibly quit and stop trying to give affection to a mere dead mass of brambles and thorns

he's the one who won, his victory now forever scarred by a betrayal he will never understand, one that did nothing at all to change anything.

and votive is the idiot, alone, looking up and wondering where her puppet strings are

[darkbluekies]

Oooo okay for the Drabble I think Jerry and Silas cause you know why not also because i like them a little too much

Silas & Jerry drabbles: comforting a scared darling

Mafia!yandere OC & female!yandere!mafia

Warnings: graphic threats from Jerry

Silas:

First, you didn't want him to leave for a mission when you were supposed to go to bed, and when he did you wanted the lamp on. You and Silas had watched a horror movie not too long ago. Silas hadn't imagined that you would take it so hard.

He knows that he shouldn't have left you alone in the bedroom, but he has to have this meeting. He should have seen it coming.

"Boss, your spouse is here", his second in command says from the door. He's been standing by the wall to keep an eye over the room, to make sure that no one will try to do anything. "Should I send them away?"

He should have known that you wouldn't go to bed. He excuses himself and stands up, walking over to the door. You're standing outside, wearing one of his hoodies. This new fear of yours have brought out a clinginess for him that he can't resist. You're just too cute.

"What are you doing out of bed?" he asks in a hushed tone so that his men won't hear and grab your arm. He knows why you are here, but he wants to hear you say it.

"I can't sleep", you whisper for him only. "I'm so scared, please ..."

"We've talked about this, little thing, nothing will hurt you. Everything we saw was made with cgi and rehearsed numerous times. Nothing was real. You know that."

You glare at him. How dare he belittle your fear? He senses his wrongdoings right away.

"No, I didn't mean that", he says quickly and moves closer. "Baby, listen, I'm just saying that what you are afraid of was never real. It can't hurt you."

"That doesn't mean anything. Just because you say that doesn't mean that I'll surprisingly stop being scared."

He can't resist your scared eyes. Silas sighs and hugs you.

"I have to do this meeting, it's urgent, I can't go to bed with you", he says, and then decides. "Okay, you'll sit next to me and stay here until the meeting is over. Eyes down, got it?"

You nod. Silas leads you into the conference room and lets you sit on a chair close by him. Your head is turned down, hand holding onto his pants. No mafia man is as scary as that fictional monster.

Jerry:

Darkness? Why are you araid of darkness? It's such a stupid thing to be afriad of, when Jerry is the definition of it.

"Don't be absurd", Jerry says and turns off the car. "Nothing will touch you as long as you are in the car!"

"Then let me keep the car light on", you say.

"No, it will attract threats."

"You said that nothing would hurt me in the car!"

"As long as you keep the lights off."

"Jerry, I can't deal with darkness."

"Y/N, I really don't have the time to fight with you. I have a man to kill if you have forgotten and the longer I am here, the further away he comes."

She sighs at your teary eyes.

"I'll be gone for a minute — two at most — and then I'll take care of you. Wait here — in the dark — for me."

With that said, she's gone. Those two minutes she's away, you've already started crying. She's back in a wit and is quick to take you in her arms.

"You're such a coward", she cooes and hides your face into her shoulder. "You have nothing to fear as long as I am here."

"But you weren't here! You were out killing some man!"

"For two minutes, baby. I'm here now. Breathe before you pass out."

"I fucking hate the dark ..."

"I know, baby, I know." She kisses your forehead. "I'm not going anywhere else for tonight. I'm going to take good care of you."

You cling onto her.

"Don't cry, you little baby", she whispers. "The darkness isn't anything to be afraid of, you know? It is actually a good thing, believe it or not. Without the darkness, i would be in jail by now. The darkness hides things you don't want to see. You should actually be thankful."

You sniffle.

"Oh, pull yourself together, baby", Jerry sighs. "I already told you that I am here and that nothing will happen. I will cut the throat of anything that tries to put their hands on you. Does that comfort you?"

"A bit ... maybe."

"Well, let me try again then, if you insist on being so fucking difficult. I will, personally, dig out the eyes of the naive enough to come close to you, in darkness or not. I will cut their hands of, braid their veins and create skipping ropes with them. Is that good enough for you?"

She laughs as you tug at your lips. Jerry might not be the best at comforting, but she will do everything for you.

[seijorhi]

invidia ii

a (very belated) christmas present for my beloved wife @iwaasfairy who has, for two years straight, begged me for more shinnosuke content. i hope you like it bby! kuroo tetsurou x female reader, kuroo shinnosuke (oc) x female reader part i w.c 3.1k tw: noncon/dubcon, slight daddy kink, (forced) infidelity, yandere themes, nsfw, smut, age gap, i guess hints of breeding kink, dilf kuroo

“Why did your parents split up?”

Mid-way through pulling on a pair of old, grey sweatpants, mopping at beads of water from his shower still rolling down his bare chest, Shinnosuke throws you a curious look, but shrugs easily enough.

“They weren’t ever really ‘together’ to begin with. They tried the whole co-parenting thing to start with but mom… they never loved each other. Hell, I don’t even think they liked each other most of the time beyond–” he breaks off, his nose wrinkling in distaste. It almost makes you laugh. “Anyway, dad always said she had one foot out the door from the start. Dad was the one who stuck around to raise me.” There’s no animosity in his tone, he says it like it’s the simple truth. You’ve never met the woman, never having shown up to any of the Nekoma games, his graduation, any of it. You’ve seen a picture or two, overheard the odd phone call, but for as long as you’ve known him, the only real parent in Shin’s life has always been his dad.

If there’s anyone he idolises, it’s his father.

 Which is why the words that he says next – casting aside the damp towel in the general direction of the laundry basket (boys) and sauntering on over to join you in bed – take you entirely by surprise. “We’ll go visit her in Golden Week. I want her to meet you.”

And again, the words are just that; words. Shin kisses you, a sweet peck on your lips, and wastes no time in scooping you back into his arms and settling back with a contented sigh. They’re just words, but there’s this look in his eyes when he says it that makes you think he means something more. 

Your stomach flutters.

—

‘You really wanna break his heart like that, kitten?’

—

“Still not feeling any better?” Shin asks, brushing your hair back to feel your forehead. The beginnings of a frown start to take shape, teeth gently burrowing into his bottom lip, but he straightens and sighs, and that hint of discontent smoothes over like it had never existed in the first place. He strokes your hair again and offers a small, sympathetic smile. “No temperature, that’s gotta be a good sign, right?”

You’re a coward.

“It’s not my head, I just…” don’t have any visible, plausible symptoms for the fake illness that’s currently keeping you curled up in Shin’s bed. Away from the creep who’d smiled and fucking winked at you Christmas morning. “I just feel off.”

“Poor baby,” he coos, laughing when your face screws up and you swat at him.

Right now, swaddled in his hoodie, his fingers carding through your hair and that stupid, impish, almost believable grin beaming down at you, you want to forget. To pretend. 

Because there’s a pit in your stomach. A bitter, gnarled, seething mass. This moment right now, in Shin’s bed, it’s like glass, paper thin and already cracked, it can’t possibly last, and yet you’re clinging to it so desperately, head buried in the sand, willing yourself to pretend, from one heartbeat to the next, that what’s happened won’t break the two of you. 

That your stomach doesn’t threaten to upend when you catch sight of those hazel eyes peering down at you – the same shape and shade as his father’s.

You shudder out a breath, and what little levity there was between you two gets sucked out with it. Shin’s expression gutters.

Yeah. 

His fingers don’t leave your hair, though. Playing idly with the strands as though the suffocating tension in the room doesn’t exist at all. “Dad’s taking us out to dinner tonight,” he tells you. Reminds you, because you knew all of this beforehand. Everything but the party. “Do you want me to run by the pharmacy to get you something?”

Another tap at the fractured glass. 

That’s Shinnosuke all over, isn’t it? You might’ve been the manager back in the day, but it was always Shin who kept an eye on his team, on you, to make sure everyone was good. 

“No,” you shake your head. “I’ll–” the words get stuck in your throat. “I’ll see how I feel in an hour or so. ‘m still a little tired.” 

“You want some tea, sweetheart?”

‘Shh, sweetheart, you gotta keep it down.’

A cold sweat breaks out on the nape of your neck. No. No, no, no, no–

“Baby?”

You flinch like he’s slapped you, jerking away from the hand he’s wound in your hair. The startled look he shoots you borders on wounded, but you’re already squirming towards the edge of the bed, stumbling to your feet like a newborn foal. “Bathroom,” you manage to eke out, your voice sounding far too strangled and hoarse to pass as anywhere near the realm of fine. 

Shin doesn’t follow, doesn’t so much as utter a word – all kicked puppy confused – as you throw the door closed behind you and collapse back against it, a sweaty, ashen mess. 

He usually calls you love. Baby. Princess when he’s being a little shit. 

Sweetheart’s a rare one. 

Your heart races, a runaway train pounding in your chest. His eyes, his touch, sweetheart, sweetheart, sweetheart.

Another shuddering breath in. Out. 

Fuck. 

There’s a knock – not at the ensuite door, the sound’s too muffled for that, and you didn’t hear Shin’s footsteps (though you’re not sure you would, over the pounding in your ribs) meaning that the knocking’s at his door. 

There’s only one other occupant in the house. Though you try your damndest to fight it, there’s no stopping the wave of panic that stabs through you. Shin’s door creaks open, soft voices barely creeping through the gap in the door, and your fingers go rigid, nails clawing at the black and white flooring as though you can ground yourself by breaking through it instead. 

You don’t realise you’re crying.

Not until the droplets splatter on the tiles by your feet.

—

You should’ve left days ago.

After Christmas, when you’d ducked out from under Shin’s arm and lurched for the nearest bathroom, when it’d finally clicked for him that you violently hurling your guts up wasn’t the result of a simple hangover, you’d tried. Short of admitting the truth – and swinging a bat at the bees’ nest – convincing Shin to leave his dad’s place goes about as well as drawing blood from a stone. 

He’s even less thrilled about the prospect of you going back by yourself, leaving him to spend what’s left of the week with his dad like they’d planned.

There’s only so far you can push without breaking something. You, probably. You and Shin, almost definitely. 

Even so, you might’ve had more of a backbone if he hadn’t been so… Shin. All coaxing and concerned. Logical to a damn fault. 

‘You don’t wanna be stuck in a car driving for hours when you’re feeling shitty, love, and besides, dad’s place is bigger than ours. Comfier. You’ll probably be on the mend by tomorrow anyway, so there’s no point in us heading back.’

If you weren’t trying to salvage what’s left, or maybe clinging to the idea that you can – and want to – then it would’ve been easier just to go.

You wouldn’t still be here, stuck in the house of the man who’d– who’d raped you.

You wouldn’t be avoiding your boyfriend’s eye.

You would’ve screamed the whole house down before Kuroo Tetsurou ever bent you over the kitchen counter.

But the gentle extrication in the early hours of the morning, Shinnosuke’s lips brushing against your cheek, the sleepy rasp of his voice as he mumbles a quiet, “Love you,” before slipping away – you barely stir, cozy and safe and content.

He loves you. Shin loves you. 

A while later – minutes, maybe, or hours, it’s hard to tell when you’re still in the grips of sleep – the mattress dips under Shin’s weight, and those strong, sculpted arms seek your warmth again, you only sigh and lean back against him. 

“I love you,” you whisper, not yet willing to open your eyes and face another day of lying to him. 

The arm slung over your waist curls tighter, his face nuzzling into your neck. The kisses he leaves there aren’t affectionate, exactly, they’re not gentle, when teeth catch, nipping sharply at your skin, only to be soothed by a lave of his tongue.

And the laugh that rumbles at your back – a shade off your boyfriend’s – is anything but nice. 

“Yeah? Fuck, you’re sweet in the morning.”

This time, you don’t hold back. You shriek, kicking out like a wild thing – or you would have, if Kuroo’s hand hadn’t clamped down on your mouth, if his weight hadn’t shifted so that rather than lying curled up behind you, he’s half on top of you, pinning you down to the mattress with a thigh lodged between yours. 

“Uh-uh-uh, we were doing so good, kitten. Don’t you wanna be daddy’s good girl?”

Your only answer is a ragged noise, torn from somewhere deep inside of you. He chuckles again, grinds against you, his cock a thick, unignorable presence pressed at your ass. There’s nothing but the thin cotton of your sleep shorts separating it from you, and from past experience, that barrier won’t do much to deter him for long.

Kuroo rolls you onto your back and slots himself nicely between your legs. Naked, you realise with a fresh stab of fear.

You scream the moment his palm leaves your lips to capture your wrists, scream for Shinnosuke – for anyone – so loudly that it feels like you’ll bleed for it. Let him come running, find you pinned and squirming, terrified beneath the man who raised him.

Let it be the final crack that obliterates everything. 

If Shin sees you like this, utterly petrified, on the verge of being raped again and still thinks it some kind of a betrayal, let him choke on it. You don’t care anymore, you just want someone to stop this. 

(Shin wouldn’t, would he?)

But Kuroo only snickers. Leans over to lick along the edge of your lashes, where hot, glistening tears are already spilling over, trickling down to disappear in your hairline. “Your boy’s not here, but we don’t have long ‘til he gets back. You’ll forgive me if we bypass the foreplay this morning, right, sweetheart?” You shudder, goosebumps prickling where his breath washes over you, and you squeeze your eyes shut and violently – pointlessly – shake your head. “We’ll have to save eating your pretty little cunt for next time.”

All too eager, he hungrily captures your lips again and yanks down your shorts, taking your panties along with them.

Christmas morning, you’d been shoved face down over the kitchen counter while he’d fucked you from behind. You’d give anything for that distance right now. At least then you hadn’t had to endure his suffocating warmth, having him squeeze and grope at your tits over your old, threadbare tee.

You wouldn’t have to writhe away from his mouth while he rucks your bare thighs up either side of his hips, dragging you closer.

Even with your eyes screwed tightly shut, you can’t pretend that this isn’t happening as Kuroo spits and a heartbeat later the thick head of his cock slowly – agonisingly slowly – splits you apart.

You forget how to breathe. 

Eyes popping open and back arching up into his chest, your fists clutch desperately at the sheets of Shin’s bed, trying to squirm away, only the grip he has on you makes sure there’s nowhere for you to escape to. He’s big, long, mostly, and you’re too tight to take him easily, especially without any prep. The spit doesn’t help any, and Kuroo doesn’t care, groaning out in pleasure as inch by inch he pushes himself deeper, until at last he’s seated firmly inside of you. “Good fucking giiiirl,” he purrs, a kiss pressed to the tip of your nose.

A tiny, drawn out whine is all you can manage when your lower half radiates pain. 

“Gonna fuck this perfect pussy nice ‘n full,” he tells you. “Give you everything you need, sweet girl. You can take it. I know you can, you just gotta breathe for me.”

But unlike last time, he doesn’t allow you the luxury of a minute to adjust. His hips draw back and punch forward, jolting another mewling gasp from your lips. And again. And again. The pace isn’t violent so much as intense, like each thrust ignites something inside of him that burns for more.

He clasps your wrists in one hand, pants into your open mouth between frenetic kisses, groans out your name in that shuddering gasp.

“Mine,” he pants, beads of sweat dripping from his chest, his chin, rolling down onto you. “You’re daddy’s girl– fuck!”

Your cunt reacts accordingly, flexing around his cock, easing its passage so that the wet, lurid sounds of him fucking you quickly fill the air. A betrayal that has your cheeks flaming. 

The muscles in your thighs burn, Kuroo all but forcing them back towards the bed, his weight driving into you with fervour. A quick adjustment to the angle of your hip and his cock hits a spot deep inside of you that has you choking on a moan of your own, a burst of bright, sizzling pleasure bleeding through the pain.

Kuroo grins ferally at the sound of it. Drops his weight on an elbow and bucks into you, hitting it again. Your inner walls twitch, squeezing and slick, dragging noises from you that make you wanna burn with shame – that, or cut yourself loose entirely. You can’t muster resistance when he swallows them down, sucking on your tongue, moaning into your mouth. His momentum turns rabid, his hand no longer encircling your wrists, but entangled with them, pressing them down to the mattress. “Almost… there…” he grunts, gasping as he curls over you, abs flexing.

A shudder rolls through him, his hips faltering just as something vital shatters inside of you, toes curling, white hot pleasure exploding from your core, rippling through your whole body like the aftershocks of an earthquake. With your pussy spasming around his cock, your body taut and locked with pleasure, Kuroo hurtles off that cliff right alongside you, a strangled noise somewhere between a moan and a growl escaping him as he pumps your cunt full of his seed, all but collapsing atop of you afterwards.

It takes a minute before he peels himself off of you; pushing himself up, braced on elbow so that he’s not crushing you entirely, Kuroo waits, buried inside your warmth, for you to stop trembling with the after effects of your orgasm, for his cock to soften and both of your breathing to even out. 

Waits for those glazed over eyes to focus back on him and once again fill with tears, stroking a hand through your sweat-dampened hair as he does so.

“You should go take a shower before Shin gets home,” he says after a minute or two, his voice a low purr. “He can’t be far off.”

But aside from rolling off you to allow you up, Kuroo makes no moves to follow you, or so much as get up off the bed. Naked, his cock soft and glistening with your juices, one knee propped up, he watches you stumble like a newborn foal into the bathroom (only half managing to close the door behind you) with damn near predatory intent, a smirk teasing at his lips.

It’s where Shin finds you a short while later, curled up on the floor of the shower, shaking through silent sobs. 

—

Shin doesn’t let go of your hand the entire trip home.

Uncharacteristically sober, he says little aside from the occasional murmur to check in with you – always unanswered – and keeps you tucked close, as though a fraction of distance between you might pry you from his side entirely. 

The hours pass in a haze of… nothing. Your tears dry. Numbness takes over. You move like a robot, Shin guiding you every step of the way until you cross the threshold of your apartment.

He never asks what happened. You suppose the smell of sex in his bedroom and the bruises and love bites scattered over your body tell the tale well enough. Shinnosuke’s never been stupid. He’s not dense. 

He’s not heartless, either.

In the sanctity of your tiny, shitty bathroom, you shower again. A proper shower this time, with the water turned up full blast, scrubbing viciously at your skin– or at least, you do until he steps in and takes over. You’ve never thought of your boyfriend as particularly gentle, but he pries the loofah from your hand with a delicacy you didn’t know him capable of and takes care of you, cleaning you up with a tenderness that borders on reverence.

You pretend not to notice how his eyes (so like his, sharp and hazel) narrow into a scowl every time he spots another bruise, another mark left by his father. Once or twice his fingers begin to ghost over them, burgundy fingerprints on your thigh, a love bite sucked into the delicate skin above your collarbone, only to catch himself, swallowing tightly and resuming his task like he’d never faltered in the first place. 

When you’re done, he dries you both off and helps you into fresh clothes – a pair of comfy sweatpants and an old hoodie of his and guides you back to the living room, setting you down into his lap on the couch.

“I–” his voice is hoarse. Quiet, especially in the stillness of the apartment, and when you glance his way, he awkwardly clears his throat and takes a deep breath. “I went to the pharmacy. I thought– I thought…” he trails off again, dropping his gaze. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”

Your heart twists, and it’s your turn to comfort him. Or maybe you’re comforting each other, shifting slightly in his lap so that you can wrap your arms around him and draw him in close, burying your face in the crook of his neck and breathing in the fresh, clean scent of him. “No. I– it wasn’t…” but the words don’t come. You flounder. 

What are you supposed to say? It wasn’t his fault? Wasn’t yours?

You should’ve said something earlier? Should’ve fought back harder – against both of them, should’ve grown a spine?

A beat passes in the tense, thick silence, and when it becomes clear that you’ve got nothing for him, he makes an odd sort of huff that sounds almost irritated. You frown a little, but you don’t fight it when his arms pull tighter around you, when his cheek comes to a rest against your hair and his hands seek yours, curling around your wrists and stroking at the skin there. 

“We’ll get through this,” he vows. “I love you, this doesn’t change anything. It won’t change anything.” His lips meet the crown of your head in a soft kiss. “You’re mine. You’ll always be mine.”

[quill-pen]

Orin: "... you've ruined everything! My reputation, my social standing, everything! Because of you!"

Me: *standing off to the side watching the altercation* ... Sir... this a Wendy's. And I'm going to have to ask you to calm the hell down.

A future look at “Begin Again” and

Haha

Oh nooooo

“You let your wife walk away before you made it to the fucking altar” Orin slandering Isabel? RIP

[caradecema]

Again// Twister

Part 4

Summary: A love-hate relationship between a cold, could careless, Scott and happy, carefree Marian. The two of them are on different sides when it comes to chasing Tornadoes.

What could happen between the two of them when Tyler Owens is playing Cupid.

{Scott x OC fem}

Part1, Part2, Part3, Part4, Part 5

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A soft smile formed on her lips as she remembered the event of last night. Her arm began to move trying to find Scott's body when she didn't she sigh looking around wondering if he was changing. 

When she didn't see him she called out for him but got no answer. What the fuck? Taking a look around the room she noticed his clothes were gone. She grabbed her phone and dialed his number a smile on her lips as she waited for him to pick up when he didn't she opted to text him instead.  

Marian- Did you guys already leave? Marian- Scott? Marian- Hello?

A pang went through her entire body but she refused to cry instead she picked up her clothes and made her way to her room. Fucking him had been a fucking mistake.

After taking a shower and packing her clothes she made her way to the van. Tyler looked at her a smirk on his lips as he looped his arm on her shoulders. "I went to see if you were fine but you weren't in your room" Tyler teased. Mar didn't say anything as she pushed his arm away and made her way to the truck focusing on her tablet.

Tyler stood there wondering if Scott was just as bad as fucking as he was talking. But now that he thought of it the Storm Par was gone. "Mar?" He asked as he got in the truck. "An hour from here should be another tornado in a few hours" Mar spoke tapping away on her tablet and ignoring him not wanting him to ask more questions. 

"Give me that shit" Tyler spoke taking Scott's hat and placing one of his as he threw the hat to the back of the truck.

"Forget about that good for nothing, I'm sure once you go back you'll find yourself a good man and wealthy unlike that bitch" Tyler smiled making her smile as well "You forget he is wealthy, he's the nephew of the owner of Storm par" Tyler gave her a grin "Someone wealthier" He corrected himself. "We truly don't have luck when it comes to our love life huh?" Mar told him making him laugh. "It seems we don't,  little one, it seems we don't."

-=-=-

A few days had gone by since the incident with Scott, thankfully they had not run into storm par but Kate had texted wondering what had happened between the two of them. Kate had told her that Scott was more of an asshole than usual and was a pain in the ass to be around. Mar had been honest with her and told her what had happened the night before they took off.

With Kate and Storm Par, they had called it a day and went back to the hotel they were staying at. "You need a babysitter now too?" Scott asked annoyed at Javi making Kate turn her finger jabbing into his chest. 

"You need to chill the fuck up! Just because you ran away from her because you were a coward that couldn't appreciate a good woman does not mean you get to be a bitch now! I have never met someone so stupid as you Scott" Kate sneered as she left for her own room leaving behind Scott and Javi to look at one another.

"The hell happened between you two?" Javi asked making Scott sneer "T'fuck you looking at? Don't you have a job to be doing?" Scott shouted at one of the interns as he left for his own room. 

When he made it a sigh left his lips as he saw the missed call and text from Marian. God, she had felt so good, but he was scared he hadn't felt this vulnerable with someone and it scared him. It was better for her to think he was an asshole that didn't deserve her.

Javi was left behind confused as to what the fick had happened. All he remembers was Scott knocking on his door in the butt crack of dawn that they needed to leave. T'fuck happened between him and Mar?

-=-=-

Much to her luck, they ran paths with Storm Pat again. Marian lowered her hat as she quickly made her way to her room ignoring Scott. Kate gave Scott a look as she went to knock on her door telling her it was her and not a certain someone. 

Tyler couldn't help but feel bad for Mar, he had kind of pushed them together in a way. Now looking at Mar all sad made him feel horrible but not horrible enough not to beat the fuck out of Scott.

Tyler kept his gaze on Scott a scowl on his face as he made his way to them. "Here" Tyler spoke shoving the hat to Scott's chest "Don't fucken get near her again!" He warned him and left.

Javi gave Scott a look "What?" Scott snartle "Nothing," Javi told him leaving him to go take a much-needed nap. Scott looked up to see his room number noticing that he was next to Mar just like before. He stared at her door wondering if he should knock and apologize but he chose not to and made his way inside his own room.

By nightfall, Tyler had texted her of a rodeo that would be happening a few miles from where they were staying. Not really having much to do she got out of bed and changed into some jeans, a shirt, and a pair of boots and headed out the door. As she made her way to one of the trucks she came face to face with Scott. The two of them gave each other a look.

Marian didn't say much but she cursed herself as she looked him up and down. He was wearing a pair of grey sweats and a black t-shirt that hugged his entire body perfectly. Fuck why they he have to be so hot?

"Mar-" That's all it took for her to snap out of it as she walked past him and made her way to the truck starting it when she saw him walking her way. Scott was left there a look of defeat on his face as he went back to Javi's room wondering if he knew where she was heading. Or could track down their truck.

It didn't take long for Javi to open the door a confused look on his face when he saw Scott. "Where is Marian going" Javi didn't say much instead he opted to close the door on Scotts face. Scott stood there confused as fuck before knocking again harder this time.

"Javier! Open the fucking door!" Scott sneered. Inside Javi let out a sigh before opening the door. "I have no fucking idea what happened between you and Mar... But I know you hurt her! So no I ain't telling you where she is going! Now leave me the fuck alone" Javi sneered "Melolengo, estupido, como puede ser que seas tan arrogant?" Javi added before slamming the door in his face again.

Scott stood there not knowing what the last part meant but he knew he got called stupid. With one last glare, he left for his room wondering if he could track their truck with his tablet.

It wasn't long for Mar to make it to the town a smile forming on her lips as she made her way to the rodeo trying her best to stay away from Kate and Tyler who sat a few rows in front of her. Mar enjoyed the show as she ate her hotdog. More than a few times she would wince when the men would go flying as the bull went after them.

As the night went on she had forgotten about Scott her head on the rodeo and taking pictures of Tyler and Kate as they spoke with one another. The fun didn't last when the tornado warning went out. Tyler and Kate were quick to look back at her their eyes widened as Mar jumped down the bleachers and to them. "Let's get the fuck out of here," She told them as she reach for her tablet but remembered that she had not brought it with her.

The three of them began to make their way out of the arena just to see people going in their cars and leaving. Looking up the three of them could see the tornado forming as the thunder illuminated. 

"There should be some kind of shelter" Tyler shouted as they made their way towards the motel. "Go inside I'll make sure no one needs help" Mar shouted as she left the two of them alone and ran out.

Making her way around she notice everyone running like headless chickens trying to get the fuck out of there. Looking up she knew they didn't have enough time before the tornado hit. "Sir, you won't make it!" Marian shouted as an older gentleman looked at her as he held his dog. "Then what do you suggest we do?" He shouted as he looked up.

"Go to the motel there should be a basement" Marian smiled as the man nodded and left. She kept walking holding herself as the heavy rain soaked her in seconds. Her hand rested on her face trying to shield it from the heavy rain as she kept sending people away she began to make her way back to where Tyler and Kate were just to see them running out of the motel. "Tyler! Tyler" She shouted but due to the strong wind her cries were swallowed.

Marian began to run to them trying to get to safety as she saw the tornado nearing them. Before she could go any further a piece of debris knocked her to the ground as the wind began to suck her towards the tornado. Her body froze as fear began to take over her senses. \

She tried to stand but was knocked out again by a branch this time a scream sounded she didn't know where it came from but part of her knew it was her. It wasn't until she felt a grip on her arm. Looking up she saw a man smiling down at her as he helped her.

"Come on sweetheart," He smiled as they made it to one of the sheds in the back. "Hold up, my friends! We must tell them" She shouted as she pointed to the motel. The man gave her a sad smile "I'm sorry love, but there's no basement there, Steady now, love" he whispered as he began to help her down to the basement. Marian couldn't help but cry at the thought of Tyler and Kate dying.

The man gave her a pitty look as he held her, the harsh wind sounded above them as the Torndado passed. The wooden doors shook like crazy making many cry. Marian stared at the black wall tears leaving her eyes.

Javi and Scott made it to the town after Javi received a warning of a tornado that would pass where Marian, Kate, and Tyler were. The two of them looked at one another as they saw what was left of it. 

"Javi" The voice of Kate made them look up a sigh of relief left Javi's lips as he made his way to her engulfing her in a hug and patting Tyler on the arm. "Where's Marian?" Scott asked when he didn't spot her with them. Tyler went wide-eyed as he left them.

"Mar! Mar!" He shouted. "Mar! Come on little one!" Tyler's voice began to crack as he shouted the name of his best friend. Scott stood there looking at him and then at the others as they began to shout her name. She was dead? He thought and it was his fault! If he hadn't left that night, she wouldn't have left... she would be back in the motel with him.

"Marian!" Tyler's scream brought him out of his train of thought. "Marian, oh thank you Jesus" Tyler cried as he brought her into a hug. Scott looked at her before walking her way. "How bad does it hurt?" Tyler asks when he notices the cut on her face. "I'm fine, mama" Marian laughed but Scott knew she was lying he could see she was in pain.

"Let's call the others" Tyler spoke taking his phone and dialing Boone. "Here" Scott spoke as he placed his sweater on her shoulders. "Thanks" that is all she said as she made her way to Tyler the older boy hugging her and guiding her to Javi's truck. 

Looking around she saw nothing but debris and people crying, she wanted to cry too.

Scott kept his attention on her, he could see her lip trembling as she wiped away her tears. "Fix it before it is too late" Javi hissed passing by him. Scott gave him a look as he left for his truck and grabbed a sprite.

"Here" Scott spoke as he handed her an opened bottle of Sprite. Mar gave him a look "Go fuck yourself" she told him turning around and ignoring his presence. "Marian... look I know me leaving and not answering your text or call was fucked-" Marian turned around with a look of anger on her face as she slapped the bottle of Sprite to the ground.

Scott looked at her then at the bottle of sprite that now laid on the ground.

"Did you only want to get in my pants? Was that all you were after Miller?" She shouted making Scott sigh. "Of course not, shortcake" this made her more mad. "Stop calling me that shit at this point call me a fucking slur" She sneered pushing him away and closing the door to the truck. Scott gave her a look as he tried to open the door just to realize it was locked.

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[spin-birdie]

kinktober day 4: voyeurism/exhibitionism

kinktober prompt list

word count: ~570

pairing: tav (oc)/astarion

rating: explicit

additional tags: transmasc tav, astarion's pov somewhere between the act 2 confession and act 3 resolution, so there's some angst/allusions to astarion's trauma

Thorn won't stop staring at Astarion, even as his eyelids flutter from pleasure, But Astarion can't find the strength to meet Thorn's gaze. Instead, he watches raptly, barely breathing as Thorn's skilled fingers caress his swollen, tiny cock.

Thorn doesn't get wet very fast. He mentioned it on their first night together. Bashfully warned Astarion that they'd need oil, or else Thorn wouldn't be wet enough to fuck until he'd already come. At the time, Astarion had brushed him off, dropping some line about 'a better idea'. An idea that put Thorn's pleasure first. An idea that would see Astarion's tongue put to its only real use.

But then he blinks, and shoves those thoughts aside. Thorn's fingers drag through his folds, gathering a trace amount of slick to rub into his dick. His legs part, and he leans back against the bed as he quickens his pace.

He masturbates a lot like a woman; an observation Astarion knows better than to remark on. He rubs his cock in circles, or side to side, for the most part. Occasionally, he stops to fuck his fingers, his engorged cock peeking out and exposed.

Astarion licks his lips, nails digging into his thighs. In another life, he would march over there in a heartbeat to take that nub into his mouth. To make love to it with his tongue and lips. To delve his tongue into Thorn's sweet cunt and taste his slick. He aches to be inside him, to taste and feel him, to be consumed by him…

But he doesn't move. He can't. As soon as he imagines Thorn trying to reciprocate - warm hands on his back, a wet tongue writhing against his - it's a slippery slope towards feelings and memories Astarion wishes he could carve out of his skull more than anything. So he simply watches Thorn touch himself.

Giving himself the pleasure Astarion can't give him.

As seconds stretch into minutes, Thorn loosens up. He releases the subtle tension in his shoulders. His eyes flutter closed. The slick sound of his fingers working his cock fills the tent. His head tilts back, lips parting in a quiet gasp.

Gods. He's so handsome in the throes of pleasure. Astarion imagines himself fingering Thorn, stretching him slowly, working his cunt until it clenches around his fingers, drenching him deliciously.

"You're hard."

Thorn's soft remark snaps Astarion out of his stupor. Gods, when did his erection become so painful? His body aches for relief, for a warm body-- for Thorn's body. His stomach churns, his skin bristles. He's locked in a purgatory state. Wanting and not wanting in equal measure.

"It's okay," Thorn says, as if he knows what's on his mind. "Touch yourself. Or…or don't. I'm flattered either way," he pants. His adorable, nervous smile makes Astarion's dead heart seize uncomfortably.

But his words manage to break through the mental paralysis, in some way. Astarion sighs, shifts in his seat, and takes himself in hand. He tries to match Thorn's pace and technique. Slow, purposeful strokes. Rubbing his thumb against the head til his toes curl.

"I want you so much," Astarion hisses.

"Me too," Thorn admits. "Would… Would you tell me? What parts of me do you want?"

The question is multilayered, and it gets tangled in the brambles of Astarion's shameful mind.

What parts of me are you attracted to? What parts of me are valuable? What's stopping you from fucking me? What would you do to me right now if you weren't a coward?

Astarion can only grit his teeth as he responds. "Everything."

[tequitoclown]

Hey guys what do you think my of my new watermark?

[Image ID: White text on a transparent background reading: "I made this artwork myself for myself. I made the artwork on my PAID copy of Clip Studio Paint 3.0.4. I really don't fucking care if nobody likes it, really, I'm not even here to get famous, This is my fucking life and I'll draw whatever the fuck I want. Download it and scribble over it just out of spite, I really don't care. Just don't fucking scrape this shit into your half-asses "AI" bullshit. Like are you fucking kidding me? Your dumbass can't draw, so instead of going to look at some tutorials for FREE on Youtube, developing your goddamn skill, you take MY hard work, put it into some fucking machine, and make it spit out garbage so you can giggle and said "I did it!" Like no you fucking didn't. That's like going to Mcdonald's, ordering food, and telling everyone you cooked the goddamn burger yourself. No you fucking didn't. You're standing on the back of someone else's work. You typed some tiny words in a box and got a busty woman with fucked-up hands. You've created a machine that just spits out garbage with the same art style. Have you considered just trying to draw yourself? Yeah it's gonna look like shit. If you want artwork immediately you can pay a fucking artist to draw your weird fucking idea. Go ahead, do it. Go tell an artist to draw a hot MILF or whatever the fuck you're typing into those fucking generators. They'll fucking do it. Just give them money, an idea and they make something beautiful, unique, and something you'll appreciate. But no, not you. You've got a plan to take the shitty 30-minute piece of art that I shit out and put it into a goddamn machine so you can make better shit. What the fuck is it going to help you with? You think taking artwork of my dumb fucking OC is going to do you any good? He's literally just for me. Like 4 people even knows he exists. Want my fursona too you little fuck? Or are you too much of a coward? Go ahead. I don't give a shit anymore. FUCK YOU. Your whole, FUCKING, EXISTENCE. Fuck. you." ./End ID]

[shakesthewizard]

Untitled Stormlight OC Fic, pt 1

cw: discussion of suicide & suicidal ideation

Lightning exploded only a handful of feet to Sahan’s left, and before the thunder could even begin to fade, a boulder crashed downward in front of her. She stood hunched against the leeward side of a grain silo, arms wrapped tightly around herself. She was soaked to the bone, and her hair tied itself in knots in the wind. She sobbed, crying out in a hoarse voice that vanished in the wind. The storm was at its height; the time had come. All she had to do now was step out into the wind.

“You won’t do it,” said the voice. Sahan jumped, yelping. Squinting through her hair, she saw it – the pattern in the stone, like the shape of lightning burned into the stone.

“Fuck you,” she spat at the shape. “I told you to stop following me, you voidbringer shit.”

“And what are you going to do about it?” Said the voice, strangely clear in the storm, “kill yourself at me?”

“Fuck you,” she said again, softer this time. Thunder deafened her.

“If you wanted to die, you would’ve picked something more reliable than the old man,” it said. “I’m not challenging you, kid. I’m telling you what you knew going in.”

“Of course I don’t want to die!” she screamed.

“But you think you deserve to.”

“Because I do.”

There was quiet for a time, and Sahan could tell, somehow, that the thing on the ground in front of her was considering.

Eventually, he said, “Maybe. To be honest with you, ‘deserve’ has never made a lot of sense to me.”

“Well let me fill you in,” she said, suddenly full of spite. “Sometimes a human hurts another human. Hurts them too badly to ever make it right. Too badly for the person she hurt to ever get better. So badly that the closest thing anyone can get to closure is for the one who fucked up to guarantee that nobody ever has to worry about seeing her again. I deserve this because I was given a choice, and the power to make it, and I chose wrong. Just let me die. Please.”

The voice paused again. “No.”

The storm raged around them.

“Why?”

“Because the last person who listened to me died with blood in his teeth. Because you and I are the same kind of idiot, and I’m too stupid to give up on a lost cause.”

“So what do you want with me?” she asked.

“You know what I want.”

And she did. The thought crystalized in her mind. She tasted bile.

“You want me to take the coward’s way out. To make the selfish choice, again.”

“I promise if it goes wrong, you can blame everything on me.”

She drew a shaking breath. She thought of her mother. She spoke.

“Life before death.”

[thetrashbagswasteland]

WIP ask game, what's up with A Lot Like Devotion?

Aha! The one I've possibly talked about least!! A Lot Like Devotion is theoretically my submission for March's surprise challenge (Time Marches On) - five vignettes of my two OCs, Kuris Rix and Venna M'yava throughout their lives together. They're a complicated pair - friends, then business partners, then co-parents of a baby and only really lovers an awful long time later because they both not only suck at communicating but are also utter fucking cowards about putting themselves out there in case they get hurt (again). Anyhow here's an extended snippet from the 2nd vignette:

“Pol? Nah.” He snorted, acquiescing to the knee and settling on the floor instead, eyes focused on the now-blank datapad he’d grabbed before it could wind up hitting the tiled floor alongside him. “He has some ulterior motive- always does. That’s how he was raised.” With the intensity of his focus, it might as well have held the answer to life’s most existential questions. Harsh words - harsher than she was used to hearing from him - and here Kuris had always struck her as the forgiving sort, willing to do anything for anyone who just so much as asked. She’d presumed it was naïveté, or perhaps optimism but… maybe not. Once again, there had to be a reason he’d run away to Omega, even if it was something he’d never been inclined to share with her. “Be that as it may- this means you’re an uncle, doesn’t it? Maybe that ulterior motive is just having you know your nephew.” Clearly not, given his ensuing grimace.  Maybe, truth be told, the fact that she’d no contact with whatever family she had left was a blessing sometimes; hers definitely had no desire to reconnect, not after how she’d left them last, and that spared her from this shit, didn’t it? Spared her from whatever it was that’d driven Kuris all the way out here and which, unless she was much mistaken, would have sent him further if only there was a further to attain.  How smooth his plates were always took her by surprise but nowhere more than his crest - smooth as the metal that made up part of their composition and yet warm and flexible all the same. Her fingers found a familiar path, tracing the cracks between the blades that made it up with one fingernail. Up and down. Up and down- he rumbled lowly, relaxed just a little with his face hidden in the fabric of the sofa side. When she’d learned that it was just that easy to settle him, Venna wasn’t sure but damn if it wasn’t useful at times like this.  “Motives aside, do you want to reconnect with your brother?” She asked when, after minutes had passed and his mandibles had relaxed away from his jaw, it finally felt safe to carry on.  Maybe she’d been too hasty- with a solid clack they hit his bottom jaw once more. But at least the question was pondered, his head tilting to the side. More room for her to scratch the fingernail of her thumb against the leathery hide of his neck, finding the edge of where plate attached to it- and he took a deep, shuddering breath. “I guess… well, shit if I know.” And yet this wasn’t something anyone else could answer but him. His eyes slipped closed under her touch. “Pol and me? It’s… complicated. I owe him more than I can explain but I sure as hell don’t trust him either.” That, Venna suspected, was the sort of conflict that only made sense to close siblings. Or at least, closer siblings than she had. “It doesn’t have to go further than messages.” She pointed out, for what it’d be worth to him. “You throw yourself headfirst at everything, I know, but you can be cautious too- it’s easier to cut contact again than build it twice over.”  Shit if it didn’t sound like decent advice, no matter how little she truly believed in it. But, that’s what the dumb bird got for trying to go to her for advice and support about the other dumb birds he had the misfortune of being related to. If he wanted better, well, he’d have to find that elsewhere - preferably with his own species.  All her sage advice earned her in response was a grunt. A grunt- goddess was he an infuriatingly hard-headed creature. Just like the rest of his kind.

[lotusarchon]

I noticed that you have been answering asks...quite aggressively. It might have been your fight or flight stance after what had happened but do try not to answer it in an angry tone? sometimes people ask questions cause they are genuinely want to know or is innocent, so when you answer those in that way, people will really think you have a problem. just my two cent. take care

Two cents? In this economy? I'm worth more than that I'll have you know, triple it or nothing.

I think it's just funny how this is the second anon coming in with some advice, but it's literal shit. But, I'm in a good mood today, so let's replay your words

Anon who asked a dumb question

Anon who simply stated about people not knowing of Erlang until they found my account

Anon calling my tastes basic which I pointed out liking Wukong is basic while also insulting myself for liking Wukong too

An inside joke with a friend about my DBZ phase

Ask about my oc

Ask about an old account of mine

Someone attempting to offer reassurance after someone called me ungrateful for feeling uncomfortable

Same DBZ friend

And most recently from 31st, someone i was booping endlessly

You want to see aggressiveness, Anon?

How about you're a little coward hiding behind anons, thinking you're the better person by attempting to "give your two cents by referring my trauma being the reason I'm so hurtful, and people will think there's something wrong with you for it :((". Let's talk about how you're attempting to invalidate everything I've been through by trying to make it seem I'm in the wrong for pointing out an anon purposely looking for problems. Let's point out that your opinion is not only dumb, it's also wrong, because there hasn't been anyone else who I've been "so aggressive" with.

Hm, okay, so basically, you're telling me that if someone asks a question that insinuates you being in a relationship with a minor, I should be calm, correct? Nevermind that people have already made rape and grooming accusations about me and have involved other minors and have written nsfw of that minor friend with my oc just to spite me.

Tsk tsk. Anon, my dear, with the way you came in here...were you perhaps the person who dared to ask such a question? Is that why you're here, directly insulting me with sugarcoated words? Are you perhaps insinuating that everything that has happened to me till now, I should only dare to be nice and so people like you can feel happy?

Huh. You know, I truly had no idea. I had no idea some bitch who can't reveal their account knows more about me than I do.

Hm. Well, I suppose it is what it is, but I should tell you anon, since you lack basic common sense, that the anon from prior who suggested such a question, with their tone and wording, HAS suggested they've been following my account.

See, I think you're a child trying to act as an adult, so I'll have to explain great detail to you why that anon received such a reaction.

Hi! I apologize if this is an odd question, but are you and Little Coffee dating? I often see them in your posts.

1) How can you see someone often in my posts unless you're following me, right? By extension then, how can you not have noticed the amount of times Hongtao (Little Coffee) has been stated to be a minor in multiple posts. There's no way you're a stranger, because if you're someone coming across my account, how can you see Hongtao's and I interactions?

2) Imagine you're an adult and someone asks you if you're dating a minor? Imagine you have a brother or sister and someone asks if you're dating?

So, you're telling me that I'm not allowed to respond rudely to an obviously dumb and, to pardon my patoi, dotish fucking question all with the intention of making a problem? Isn't it hilarious how you immediately pulled up in my anons right after I answered that? Maybe you ARE the person that asked it and you're attempting to make yourself look good by pointing out "people will think you have a problem."

The higher the pedestal, the harder the fall, sweet thing. You place yourself on this pedestal, daring to act like a white lotus. You dare to come here, daring to speak as if you're better than me, oh so trying to act like some sort of saint giving "advice". Do you think I'm stupid? Shall I entertain you, you little koala brained fool? Are you trying to be Moses when realistically you're merely Pharaoh with your false ideas?

I should advise you, if you still have the balls to come back; if you dare to bring up any mental illness as an excuse, I'll have to stop you right there. Mental ailments are not excuses for your behavior and actions, otherwise, the people who have been harassing me with BPD and autism are in the right for celebrating my suicide attempt. Don't you dare try to defend yourself with an ailment, you're only proving me right.

Act like an adult, and dear Anon, please read. The size of a brain doesn't count, it's how you use it, and I implore you to use your head properly.

Otherwise, I'll treat you like the bumbling false prophet you are and watch you hurdle towards your own end with your ideals.

Toodles, dumbass.

[fractured-shield]

Writerly questionnaire

thanks for the tags @honeybewrites and @nczaversnick!!

about you:

when did you start writing?

I was stapling together loose paper and handwriting weird shit on the playground instead of socializing for as long as I can remember, but I was 12 when I first got serious about telling any kind of coherent narrative and 19-ish when I overhauled FS into it's current form

are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

oh, nah, I'm a sucker for the same cliche high fantasy tropes as I write. I got really into LotR in 6th grade (like, reading the silmarillion and other supplemental texts the following year. don't ask me about my favorite traumatized elf guys unless you want the most incomprehensible rambling response. i've been told it's all very predictable of me on no less than half a dozen occasions) and that shit was a formative experience I can't go back from

is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

yeah i think every high fantasy writer gets compared to tolkien at some point, the whole mt fuji analogy of the genre and all that. I'm not really trying to emulate the same scale or depth of lore, but I find that a lot of the themes really speak to me now in my mid-20s more than they did as a kid, so I like to lean into some of those in my own writing, and keep (and occasionally fuck around with) the typical high fantasy trappings along the way

can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

eh...don't really have one rn. i'll write anywhere from scrap paper during church (i'm a church musician only so i don't lose my skills lmao) to my phone, to actually sitting at a desk. but i recently had to move pretty suddenly and don't have much set up yet

what’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

find yourself in traumatizing situations and project them onto your characters instead of getting therapy long car rides listening to music

did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

i'm sure it did a bit subconsciously, but most of my formative years were spent using fiction as escapism, so not too much

are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

grief and trauma and coping with things out of your control, finding purpose, found family and good supportive familial relationships, feeling lonely and othered and using self-improvement as harm...etc. normal stuff like that. i'm doing so good i'm so well adjusted please believe me

your characters:

would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

😔 <- character profile link. i cannot pretend anyone else is my favorite when i literally have a tattoo in honor of him. (tldr that's my protag's father. she wouldn't even be mad she's relegated to second favorite, she'd agree with me)

which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?

i think i'd get along with a lot of them actually. therien, oenith, and waith would all have some initial conflict but we'd figure it out. hal would be chill. i wish leithe and idhren were my parents

which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

i think if i met maithyr he'd kinda scare me tbh. and i'd be so tired of dealing with malin's genuinely friendly extroverted behavior, love the guy though. waith's parents piss me off, as do deras and ealrid. alfrin is a little shit and, like therien, he'd get under my skin. unlike therien, i'd be too much of a coward to punch him

tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

uhhhhhh therien and oenith kinda happened on accident...? a friend and i were fucking around and wanted some sick ass fantasy self insert ocs and now it's 12 years later and they're their own fleshed out fully different characters. waith was originally a shared oc with a different friend, and she's still pretty similar and they get consulted sometimes about how i write her. idhren and leithe were always therien's parents but their role wasn't originally supposed to be this big. maithyr and linna are shamelessly based on the vibe of a popular ship in a fandom i've been in but i made them debatably worse. hal just showed up one day and malin reinvented his whole self when i wasn't looking. ...mor and arennir and alfrin were...interesting cases...

do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

mostly the trauma, yeah

how do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.)

i've had them all for long enough that it's some fluid mix of faceclaims (one very notable story about that), picrews, video game character builders, and just imagined collections of features and vibes

your writing:

what’s your reason for writing?

idk i didn't know it'd be 12+ years of these guys with no signs of stopping when i made therien and oenith and idhren back in 2012. they're like real people to me and i'm very fond of them, so i enjoy thinking about them and i think their story deserves to be written

is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

i really like when people connect with my characters. particularly therien and idhren, any "oh my god she's weird as fuck i love her" or "ohhh im sad about him i think a hug from him would fix me" is like. going to make my entire week

how do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

tbh i've never really thought about how i want to be seen as a writer. i just want to tell a story people connect with, i'd rather readers find characters as inspirational rather than myself

what do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

probably characters, but only within FS. I don't think it's a strength, like any new character I make for another project is whatever, but with these guys—I hope they feel complex and realistic, I've been thinking about them for long enough

what have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

i've been told I write dialogue well I think? I also got a comment from when I submitted ch1 of my current draft for a class critique last spring where someone said I wrote anxiety/panic in a very realistic way. that scene wasn't even in the outline lmao my characters do what they want

how do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

it's...fine I guess? It's definitely gotten noticeably more consistent and closer to what I want it to be in the past 2-ish years, but I still struggle a lot with feeling like the style is bland and the topics forgettable. I try not to linger on it too much because I primarily write for my own sanity, the approval of any readers is just a bonus

if you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

oh yeah, i'd keep writing. i like my characters and i like seeing new parts of them and their stories revealed to me as i progress

when you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

nah, not really. i mean, aside from "if i introduce this thing earlier it'd make more sense / breaking the chapters here would flow better for readers" type things. the actual content and themes and characters are purely what I enjoy. i'm not delusional enough to think publishing is likely anyways, i know the whole "cliche high fantasy" thing isn't terribly marketable, especially how it falls in the overlap of YA and adult

open tag for anyone who wants to join! doing open tags until I get caught up I think

tag list: @just-emis-blog @orions-quill @honeybewrites @leahnardo-da-veggie @robin-the-blind-sniper-rifle

[capnkerfufflez]

I contain multitudes, so i made a uquiz for some of my quintessential sonas for fun

i dont really expect people to take it, but man i love an excuse to draw some of my boys i don't give much love to brief descriptions and the result descriptions under the cut

here's the link outside of just embed btw : https://uquiz.com/hkfS0R

in image order and i marked the number and color of the background above we have :

1 [red] E : non-fandom sona I use to vent mostly - "Conceptual Chaos Junkyard" / "CC Junkyard" so he's mostly negative traits of myself turned up to 11. He's the overly emotional and sentimental and over-reactive side of the duo between him and G.

"[[ oh baby girl, I'm so sorry for you, get some help ]] Everything you've ever done blows back up into your face, you don't know what you're doing wrong?! Or well, you've figured out a few things wrong with you, but you can't figure out how to fix those things about yourself…"

2 [red/orange] Knox S. Consumer : kinda a minecraft sona? - "What's Minecraft is Yourcraft" / "Yourcraft" He's in general a minesona, at least when I first made him. In Yourcraft he is the sona/character version of an oc that's a minecraft youtuber/streamer and who is very distinctly not me, so Knox falls into an odd character category where's he's both my sona and an oc's sona. He's an old grouchy wizard type, but breaks character often to help friends

"[[ you may think im stretching on this one, but i assure there's more obscure ]] You know so much yet so little. The type of guy that can recite so many video game lore details and fun facts across all subjects, but will fail to realize that they really did mean it calling it "cream cheese," it is actually a cheese. You are very smart though, with your intelligence only rivaled by your stubbornness."

3 [red/pink] Dong : pokemon not a big surprise, but he's a pokesona of sorts. He's a Mareep that's specifically paired with my friend's Wooloo "Ding," he's somewhere between a pokemon in the anime and pokemon mystery dungeon in terms of personification, he's very bitey.

[[ haha dong ]] Lil gremlin guy. You're the typa bitch to fucking taunt people bigger than you and when they get pissy you go 'oh im just a lil guy a lil birthday boy.' All talk no bite. well, maybe a lil bite, like consensually or deserved.. BUT the point is you take no responsibly of the misdeeds you may or may not do !

4 [orange] Bibbly : double life / life series Bibbly is the character I made soulmate's with my friend cause we were watching other people make sona's and pairs with their friends too. Bibbly is based off of a drawing I did based on a more literal interpretation of one of my minecraft skins (specifically my 453 skin), "Bibbly" coming from "Biblically accurate." Personality wise he varies a lot cause in conception and most practice he is an utter coward, very reliant on my friend's character, though in other interpretations I make him a lot more jaded and no-bull shit but also those are usually what is supposed to be later in his development and/or away from my friend's character

[[ telephone game of sonas ]] You are a recursion of self analyzation. You try to map out your intricacies only to have your theories on yourself become rules. And once you've realized its a set habit of thinking. You know trouble and you avoid it the best you can.

5 [muddy yellow] Clart : minecraft sona ? - "What's Minecraft is Yourcraft" / "Yourcraft" Similar case as Knox, where Clart is my sona and the sona of one of my oc's who isn't me, but for Clart he and the oc, they align closer with who I am so it's not quite as weird a case. Clart is very easy going and cares a lot, he isn't particularly notably in Yourcraft as he's not really someone who develops more a character that help's the other characters develop

[[ straight up gooping ]] You just want a break, things to be nice and easy and do menial tasks and be with your friends. You give all you can, not because you feel you need to, you just want to and you can. You know pain and cruelty, you choose to be kind.

6 [yellow] [453>- / 453 / The cooler Casey : a general sona He's a more stylized, exaggerated version of myself and usually a lot more malicious for the fun of it. In his "lore" he is a shapeshifting sand.. thing, it depends on the specific backstory I'm going with. He is generally very energetic and bitey and evil for the sake of it cause man villains are fun when they are having fun and he is having a blast

[[ creature !! ]] You are the coolest sexiest mother fucker out here! or you sure pretend to think so. A whole fucking jaw breaker flipping between god-complex and inferiority-complex, who knows what's at it's core (probably inferiority). You love to be an edge case, probably the type of guy to make a fan character concept that's over done but do it with a twist. No fear of ocs coming off like a mary sues just cause YOU know how cool and really clever they are really even if they give a bad first impression.

7 [lime/green] Casey : general sona / how i draw myself This is just me, like, just how I draw myself, it's as general and genuine as I can manage which my not really be all that accurate maybe but oh well

[[ oh fuck u are just like me frfr ! or like at least closest approximation ]] You are only human. You love your friends more than the world and you try to be worth all you're given. You have some self esteem and self image issues, but maybe if you shove your ocs full of enough of your issues you'll solve some.

8 [green?] Caddle : general sona / fursona / the one i use for sexual stuff Caddle is a cow-adject shapeshifter. He is the sona I use the most when it's anything sexual, usually paired with my partner's fursona, but he's supposed to have other buddies too that I never really draw. I've got complicated feeling on sexual stuff and myself in relation to it, so he gets those feelings dumped into his character too. But aside from that he is a fun character especially to draw cause inconsistency is baked in and I love him dearly, he is very lazily chill with a big heart, he's also a rodeo clown even though i dont draw a full on clown get up for him much

[[ honka honka we got certified clown ova here ]] You are silly, a goofball even, one may even argue a jokester. You may present all goofs, gafs and dick jokes, -and by all means you do genuinely loving goofing gaffing and dicking- but you are a person with complicated wants and thoughts and feelings. Wants and thoughts and feelings you hold close to yourself, you do not know how to voice, so more often than not, you don't.

9 [bluish green] Gilon Kurt : lesser sona Gilon is a sona that I made just on a whim off of a twist on my name with "fluffle" being a the name for a group of rabbits, he's "Capn Kerfluffle." And then I made him a rival to my main fursona in their story and he gained a personality outside of me as they so often do

[[ rage rage murder rage !!!! ]] You have worked so hard for what you have and yet it is never enough. There is always something else to achieve more to earn, people clawing for what you have. You can have no peace nor solace, relax? chilling? never heard of her!! There are experiences to be had!! People to meet!! Friends to continuing loving!!! And you'll fight for it all, fight until you die!!

10 [cyan] Yeode : minecraft sona [real] Yeode my beloved, she is my darling rock-based robot made to search villagers that learns to live for herself kinda. A lot of her kindness and softness and story comes from backstory for just me playing minecraft ig who is a lot less kind in practice.

[[ yippee !!! ^.^ ]] You are a people pleaser to your core! You are born and molded by your attachments and use to others. Even in their absence you still live on for them in part.

11 [saturated blue] G : non-fandom sona I use to vent mostly - "Conceptual Chaos Junkyard" / "CC Junkyard" similar situation to E of mostly negative traits, but the other side of it for the most part. she is full of anger and malice at being stuck with little control over her situation and takes it out on E

[[ oh sweetheart, no ]] You think yourself a "bad bitch" a "girl boss" even. Emotions are not your strong suit. You have a hard time managing your own feelings, let alone dealing with other people's. You may not always be right, but you work hard to try to be.

12 [less saturated dark blue] D. Base : minecraft sona, specifically in magic mods / heavily modded minecraft he came about from when i was testing a modded server with my friends there was something that would crash my game if i entered specific chunks, and in those 'dead' chunks was my silk worms so i made dBase as a character for the friend server and he is supposed to be that glitched silkworm i got in testing, uuh end then that server slowly broke too, so i like to think it was somehow also his fault; while i did get to play on the server i got really into a few magic mods, mainly mana and artifice so he is not only gitchy but a magic man

[[ grub ]] You think of yourself highly, not perfect, but damn good. You've worked your ass off for the skills you've obtained and are happy to show off when they are even slightly relevant. Your "fuck it we ball" attitude somehow works out for you most of the time, though some collateral damage to others.

13 [light blue] Clerk James : fursona / used to be mascot character to note if you see other art of him there is a stark difference between the silly goofy Clerk that's my sona and the asshole angsty backstory version of him before he got so very concussed; current Clerk is very sweet and very dumb, he's the "capn" of a pirate themed ferry though also goes on some genuine treasure seeking adventures pg pirate style

[[ consider it the post-drownings one, don't worry ]] A mix of poor memory, self-doubt, and self-hatred that results in a potent blend of guilt for things you aren't really sure you deserve to hate yourself over, being it maybe not or fault or maybe never really happened. Aside from that you're upbeat and a bit stupid in a silly lil guy way. You're just a lil guy!

14 [purple] Cassio Inerta : homestuck / trollsona - "retroll" he is baby, very sweet and well meaning but oh so very problem avoidant and low empathy mostly from being sheltered; in retroll he is canonically in-universe a self insert of myself watching the plot go down and has a made up boyfriend given to him who loves Cassio by virtue that is what the boyfriend was made for, but kinda just puts up with Cassio, a projection of how i felt and feared in some previous relationships

[[ explicitly cannon self insert huh ]] You are a suckerrr for romance. You want and want and want so badly and you feel and in every instance you are given a taste it feels unreal. it feels unearned. It feels disingenuous. But you need it so bad. You don't know shit about anything, so terrified to fail you're terrified to try. But little by little you keep trying.

15 [magenta] Carcumber : a sona based off of my friend's previously-main sona's species so my friend's main sona and mascot character was a "lavamander" though the species had other character with other elements such as ice and sound waves and species had name trope of two favorite foods combined; Carcumber's name was Carrot + Cucumber but my friend changed main sonas and has since renamed most to just a single food name hence the opening statement for the quiz, i dont remember if he had an element associated, if he did i think it was "cart" or "car" or "money" or something stupid like that, and his is a used car salesman, similar energy and pathetic-ness of spamton

[[ oh man do i gotta change his name now that's that not the naming scheme? ]] You are passionate about everything you do! Cause if you aren't you don't do them! You exaggerate yourself to the point the mask becometh you.

god ya that's a lot of em and i have more sona's than just that, but most fall similar to others or i dont use enough to care

if you read it all thanks so much i love u :D

[homicidal-slvt]

"Close Bonds"

-

Part 1 - Part 3

-

Alec 'Everest' Amanzi x F!Reader x Aiden 'Vortex' Dunbar

Rookie|Y/N

-

Warnings: Unrealistic, Fluff, OCs x Reader, Love Triangle, Bullying, Transphobia (Vortex is Trans)

-

You found yourself spending most of your time with Vortex and Everest, only occasionally interacting with the others that were around.

You quickly found that they were best friends, consistently sparring together, eating together and generally just hanging around one another. Today you were seated between them at the table, listening to Vortex ramble about a 'cool spot' he found.

"You have to come and see it!"

Everest hummed contentedly and shook his head.

"Last time I went to see something with you I had to hike for an hour through the woods. I'll pass."

"It's a great view though! You'll come with me later, right?"

It caught you by surprise when his gaze shifted to you instead, bright smile and pretty green eyes twinkling with hope. It made it really hard to say no... Maybe it'd be good to have a little adventure anyways.

"Fine but it better not be too far."

"It won't be and it'll be worth it! I promise!"

He sounded so chipper and sincere- shuffling slightly and Everest chuckled a bit.

"You two have fun. Don't go dragging her around though."

This lead to a bit of laughter from you as well, eyes flicking up to meet Everest's. So calm and gentle to the point it's easy to get lost in them, it's like his warmth could absorb you.

They were so different- one was a powerful whirlwind of energy that drags you out of your shell and bleeds into you with pure life. The other soothes you and allows your mind and everything to simply be at ease.

"Would you like to know how we first met?"

Everest offered a story- one of back when he first was introduced to Vortex.

"It was actually back when we were in highschool. After highschool we were separated for years and then as luck would have it- we both ended up here."

"Small world!"

Vortex chimed in.

-

Splash

Soda coated Everest's torso entirely and he stood there, sticky and dripping while the bullies simply laughed at him.

"The big freak won't even defend himself. What a coward."

His silence was loud- the laughter deafening as he took a step back and tried to simply walk away. Only for one of them to block his path.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Before Everest could respond the bully grabbed the back of his head and grunted in pain, a rock had been thrown at him.

"Fuck off chicken shit."

There stood a drastically short curly haired ginger who was quite filled with rage.

This of course did not set well and that's when the yelling between all of them started.

"You'll never be a guy- you realize that, right?!? You're a fucking freak-"

Before he could finish his sentence he was harshly flung to the ground, Everest standing over him now planting his boot firmly on his chest.

"Enough."

-

For some reason that story explains a lot about their dynamic. Smiling warmly at the two you finished eating and stood up.

"Got stuff to do... I'll see ya around."

"See ya."

"Bye!"

••

Slumping forward with a groan- you've been stressing over everything that needs to be done for hours. It was taking it's toll on your well being.

A soft knock forced you out of your head, dragging your body up from the chair to go answer it.

"Who is it?"

"It's me."

Opening the door slowly you peered up to see Everest, standing there with a mug of coffee in his hand... He got that specifically for you?

"May I come in?"

"Yeah... Of course."

He stepped in and set the mug down for you, eyes drifting to your face and taking in how exhausted you looked.

"You've been at this awhile. Take a break."

"I can't-"

"If you don't you'll burn yourself out. It's okay... Get some rest."

His tone wasn't rough like how most would regard you, yet still it was clear and unmoving. He wasn't going to let this go- he needed you to be alright.

He had noticed that you were over working yourself, taken note of all the little changes in your behavior.

And he's not just going to stand by while you burn your candle at both ends.

"Okay..."

-

{Hope y'all love them as much as I do. You guys are in a love triangle with best friends oops. LMAO}

-

{@sofasoap @deadbranch @a-world-with0ut-dr34ms @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world @scar-crossedlvrs @blingblong55 }

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{More Content}

[loudmouthedllama]

Tell Them How It Really Is Llamas.

Those who have been

Ignored

Isolated/Shunned

Chased away

Ghosted/Lead on

Harrassed through anon and told to just 'ignore and deal with it'

Those who have just posted their feelings on their dash, only to get verbally abused into being silent.

Those too scared to approach published writers now, because they know it'll be immediate rejection/ghosting. ('What's the point? They're just gonna use me too...')

Those who never even get a CHANCE!

SHOW THEM HOW IT IS

These people legit think their popularity stems from fucking followers. They fucking forget that you have to actually roleplay and interact with people whom they fucking follow back (PUBLISHED OC OR UNPUBLISHED, THEY BOTH DESERVE RESPECT YOU FUCKS.) Their entire lives in RPCS revolve around whether or not they are maintaining enough for them (kinda like a Twitch, or only fans bullshit.).

Stop following/unfollow accounts with loads/heavy affiliates in general.

Start it slow, then make it grow. Progress in unfollowing en-masse, watch how hard these fucks panic then go silent. Watch them cry and whine about how it isn't fair, regardless of the bull shit they put you and others through.

Speak up against anonymous hate, and be bloodthirsty if you must! They are the cowards hiding behind anon because they know if they were seen giving hatred themselves they'd lose followers. You already know it's them, just do them the favor. Give them what they ask for, and unfollow them. You have a right to defend yourself, don't let them tell you to just turn that shit off. IT'S JUST ANOTHER WAY TO SILENCE YOU.

Take this icon, only if you want of course, and make it your own in the rpcs. Let my message spread like wildfire, like a fucking virus.

Talk only goes so far, change can only happen if people step up. So, for those who wish to speak but cannot, take my icon SHOW THEM INSTEAD. They can't silence you forever, I feel your anger. I feel your loneliness and isolation. I HEAR YOU AND I AM WILLING TO BE YOUR MARTAR. LET ME TAKE THE BRUNT OF FANDOMS' VERBAL ABUSE. LET THEM KNOW YOU ARE

MINE.

MAKE THEM STOP DEHUMANIZING YOU.

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter thirty eight

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

november 12, 2018 cologne, germany calum

When I get to the venue for soundcheck, meeting up with the band for the first time today, Crystal is absolutely pissed. Michael groans when I walk in, and Crystal glares at him. 

“You tell him right now or I’m doing it for you,” Crystal mutters. I’ve never seen her this mad, which makes me nervous. 

Michael sighs and runs a hand over his face, but doesn’t say anything.

“Fine, Cal, I’ll tell you. Michael here is a fucking dick and—“

“I’ll tell him! Jesus, Crystal. Give me a second to breathe!”

I look between the two of them, not saying a word. Clearly something is going on and I don’t really care about it, so I’m just going to let them say whatever it is they have on deck for me. 

“I drunk texted Orion last week,” Michael says.

That’s it? I raise my eyebrows at him. It’s not like they’re not allowed to talk to her. In fact, I think the whole band and a lot of our friends are still speaking to her, so I don’t know why Mike drunk texting her is a problem for Crystal. 

Crystal rolls her eyes with exasperation. “Oh my god, you’re not going to fucking tell him. Give me your phone.” 

When Michael doesn’t hand her his phone, she sticks her hand into his pocket to do it herself. She types in his passcode before handing the phone to me, his text thread with Orion lighting up the screen. 

To: Orion Moss yknow what orion, fuck you i don’t give a fuck that it’s your birthday FUCJ YOU my band, my BEST FRIENDS, aren’t speaking because you couldn’t tell the truth thos is your fault calum won’t even LOOK at ash! howrdare you you had no right to come into our lives and fuck up the one thing that matters most to all of us and then just LEAVEW do you know how depressed cxalum is he doesn’t do anything except show up on stage and drink and whineand moanmb he’s a fucking qwreck and that’s on yuo you play this innocnt sweet act that you’re jsut being kind and whatever bllshit you tell yourself but you and i both know you’re actually a shitty person what kind of person doesn’t tell their partner they have CACNDR and then BROAKS UP WITH THEM over it fuck you. i hope it’s terminal. and i hpoe it sucks.

It makes my blood boil, the things he said to her. She didn’t reply, which doesn’t surprise me, but I know she read it. Orion checks every single notification she ever gets. 

I lock Michael’s phone and hand it back to Crystal before I walk away, heading to the coffee pot in the corner of the room. I pour myself a cup of the hot liquid and take it with me to find Matt. I don’t want to talk about it. It’ll just piss me off more, and the last thing anyone on this tour wants is for me to have anger in my system when I’m already doing a shit job on stage each night.

“You’re not gonna say anything?” Michael calls out after me, and that’s what snaps my patience.

I spin back around, walking to him and Crystal. “I don’t think I need to say anything for you to know how I feel about the complete and utter bullshit you sent her.” 

“I’m sorry, dude, I feel awful,” Mike says.

“Good. You should feel awful.” 

Crystal is still seething. “The twat wasn’t going to say anything. The only reason I know is because Emelia called me earlier to make sure I knew about it.” 

“What even is this band anymore, guys? Feels like I turn around and each time I do, one of you is stabbing me in the back.”

Michael steps toward me, and I hate how much emotion was just in my voice because he wants to hug me. I step back, not wanting to feel any more feelings, and I know I’ll get more upset if Michael hugs me. 

“Cal, I’m sorry. I know she didn’t deserve that.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Did you even apologize to her?” 

“No, he was a fucking coward about it and didn’t say sorry and expected that it would all just blow over,” Crystal spits. I’m grateful that she is as pissed about this as she is, because I don’t have the energy to really get mad at him right now.

“Apologize to her. Now. Her life is hard enough right now without you telling her you hope she dies. It’s a low fucking blow, Mike.” 

I walk away then, confident that Crystal will make sure he texts Orion, in search of Matt. I find him talking to the sound crew, who see me coming and end their conversation with him there. 

“Hey, Cal. What’s up?” 

“Make sure I’m not sitting next to any other members of my band on our flight home.”

Matt sighs. “Seriously? What happened this time?”

“None of them seem to respect me or Orion and what we’re dealing with right now, and I can’t sit next to them while we’re stuck in the air for eight hours.” 

Right as I say it, Luke turns a corner and comes into view. 

“Wait, what did I do?” He asks, looking hurt.

I roll my eyes. “Hopefully nothing.” 

“There we go, you can sit next to Luke on the flight home,” Matt says, slapping me on my shoulder. He then points at Luke. “Don’t piss him off between now and then, please? We’re running out of band members.” 

Matt walks away then and Luke looks to me, concerned.

“What’s going on?” He asks.

I sigh. “Just the shit with Ashton and then Mike decided to be an absolute ass and drunk text Orion some nasty shit on her birthday of all days. He didn’t even apologize to her!” 

Luke raises his eyebrows. “What did he say, exactly?”

The thought of what he exactly said makes me angry again. “He told her he hopes she dies, basically.” 

Luke opens his mouth in shock and shakes his head. “Fucking hell, man. I sent her a nice text and Venmoed her so she could have a drink on me on her birthday, for the record.”

I wish I could’ve sent her a nice text. I wish I could’ve taken her out to dinner and surprised her with all our friends waiting for us at her favorite dive bar afterwards. I wish we could’ve watched the sunset together. I wish I could’ve bought her flowers and the new pair of Converse she’s been eyeing for months. I wish I could’ve woken her up with breakfast in bed and we could’ve gone to the beach in the morning.

I don’t even realize I’ve gotten so zoned out that I’ve started crying until Luke starts hugging me. 

“Have you thought about reaching out to her?” He asks.

Have I thought about it? It’s practically the only thing I think about. All I do is think about her and about us. 

“I can’t, Luke. She’s stubborn. If we’re going to talk again, she’s gonna be the one to reach out.” 

Luke sighs. “She’s not doing well, Cal. Em’s said she barely does anything all day and she spends most of her time ‘napping’ in her room, but when Em walked by the other day during her ‘nap time,’ she could hear her crying.” 

My heart hurts hearing him say that. I can’t imagine how much pain she’s in. I hate that I can’t even check on her. I hate being apart, and I hate that she made me leave. 

Emelia seems to be doing a great job of being there for her, which isn’t surprising. If she’s calling Crystal to make Mike apologize and she’s updating Luke like this, she has to be around her a lot. I’m glad she’s not alone. I wish I was the one with her, but Emelia is the best option if I can’t be there.

“She doesn’t want me there, so I’m not there. But if she called, you know I’d be on the first flight home.” 

“And I’d book your ticket for you,” Luke says. “I want you guys to spend as much time together as you can. You’re so good for each other.”

I nod. “Thanks, but doesn’t seem like we’ll be booking that flight anytime soon.”

“I know, mate. I know,” he says sadly. “C’mon, let’s go get the others for soundcheck. I know you’re pissed at both of them, but we’re a band, after all.”

He doesn’t give me a chance to reply before he’s grabbing my arm and dragging me back to the room that Michael and Crystal were in earlier, but the closer we get to it, I realize that Michael and Ashton are arguing now because they’re both yelling at each other.

“Why the fuck do you think you’re better than me?! You’re the reason they broke up in the first place!” Michael yells. As we enter the room, I see that Ashton has Michael cornered and is looming very close to his face. 

“I was respecting Orion’s wishes! You don’t know anything about respecting her, apparently!”

“Oh fuck off! She’s a big girl, she should’ve been able to fend for herself. She didn’t need you to play henchman!”

“She didn’t even want to tell me! She had to beg me to keep it a secret after I found out, and every time I spoke to her after that, I begged her to tell Calum.”

“YOU’RE THE REASON THE BAND IS FALLING APART!” Michael screams. 

“Woah, chill out guys!” Luke says, walking over to the two incredibly angry men in the corner. 

“You fucking told her to die! Is that not sinking in for you?! She’s ill and you told her you hope her cancer is terminal and that her death sucks. What the fuck, man!?”

“If she died, our lives could go back to normal!”

As the words leave Michael’s mouth, I see red. I walk over to him, shoving Ashton out of the way, and grab the collar of Mike’s shirt while I push him into the wall. 

“Don’t you ever say shit like that about her again,” I say through gritted teeth. Just like when Ashton told me he knew about O’s cancer, I so badly want to punch Michael but know that I can’t. Orion would never forgive me. The last thing I need to do is give her a reason not to want me back in her life.

Michael looks like he thinks I’m going to punch him, and that’s satisfying enough, I decide. 

I grunt and let go of his shirt, pacing backwards and out in the direction of the stage. Before I leave the room, I turn around to face the three men who are all quite angry. “I don’t know who the fuck any of you are anymore.”

I leave the room, but then quickly go back in. “Except for you Luke, you’re good.” 

“Love you, Cal!” He calls after me. 

I pull out my phone, deciding I can text Em, even if I can’t text Orion.

To: emelia bo delia hey em. shit’s really hitting the fan over here, but just wanted to say thanks for being such an amazing friend to o. i appreciate you so much and she’s so lucky to have you.

She texts back instantly.

From: emelia bo delia cal! i’m so happy to hear from you. you know i’d do anything for hertake it crys made michael apologize to you and you made him apologize to her? sending you so much love. i know this hasn’t been easy. i miss you guys

I want to reply, but I don’t. I feel like if I start telling her how much I miss Orion I won’t be able to stop, and it’s time for soundcheck now.

Soundcheck, the handful of hours backstage before the show, and the show itself are all incredibly tense. I still can’t make it through Ghost of You and Amnesia without crying, but thankfully, despite everything, Mike still covers for me and sings my parts when I can’t. None of us have any moments of banter or goofing off on stage, which is never how things go for us, but I’m certainly not in the mood to make things different. 

After the show, normally we’d go out as a group for beer or something, but not tonight, and since the breakup, I’ve not hung out with the group on any of those outings. I have gone to small bars near our hotels and drank far too many pints of shitty beer alone before going to bed, but I don’t go out for fun. I go get drunk so I don’t have to think any more about Orion. 

I didn’t even see Crystal in the VIP section tonight, so she must be pissed at Michael still. I guess we could start a club. 

Once I’m out of my stage clothes, I throw on sweats and a beanie with my leather jacket, ready for another night to hang out at a bar by myself. It’s cold here, so I can't believe we still have fans camped outside of the venue. I nod and wave to them all, not planning on stopping but I can’t pretend they’re not there.

“Calum!” 

Of all the people shouting my name, I don’t know how I’m able to distinguish a voice from the rest, but I do. It stops me in my tracks. I turn around, trying to find the familiar voice’s owner. It’s been at least a year since I’ve heard it, but I know who it is without a doubt. She’s easy to spot, wearing a bright red puffer jacket and towering a few inches above most other girls in the crowd. She looks so relieved when I stop to see her and she pushes her way out of the group, walking up to me and throwing her arms around my neck. 

I hug Paula back. She’s one of the most neutral people that both Orion and I know. She’s not super close to either of us due to geography, but I have no doubt she’s finally heard the news. I wonder why she’s here. I don’t mind. It’s good to see a friendly face who hasn’t lied to me or pissed me off and won’t act like I should have my shit more together than I do in the wake of this all. 

“It’s so good to see you up close,” Paula says, laughing slightly. “My seat was shit.” 

We break our hug and I’m able to look at her again for the first time up close. She looks exactly the same, but her hair has a few more blonde streaks in it than it did two years ago. 

“You should’ve told me you wanted to come. You know I’d have gotten you a pass to be… wherever you wanted.” 

Paula smiles and rolls her eyes. “I know you do that for cute little American girls named Orion, but I wasn’t sure if you’d do it for me.” 

I smile, something I don’t do much these days. “Of course, Pau. You’re the reason we’re together in the first place.”

After I say it, realization washes over both of us. Neither of us knows what to say next. We’ve both gone ashen. Paula is basically the reason Orion and I were ever together, but the truth is that we aren’t together anymore. I clear my throat. 

“I’m about to go get plastered at some bar, wanna come?” The words sound worse after I say them out loud. What I’ve been doing for the last month hasn’t been healthy, but on the road, it’s the best way I can cope. I’m hoping things will change once I’m back in LA, but I don’t know how they will considering I’m going home to an empty apartment without Orion there. That might even be worse than being stuck with Ashton and constantly pretending everything is fine. 

Paula laughs and nods. “Sure, let’s do that.” 

We walk a few blocks and find a bar that looks like it’ll do the trick, taking a seat at the end of the bar in the darkest corner we can. We shed our coats and order beers, and it feels nice to be with a familiar face that isn’t causing drama or anything. 

“How is everything?” I ask. “Still planning on the US for grad school?” 

Paula smiles widely, looking a little surprised. “Yeah, I am. I’m surprised you remember.”

I frown in disappointment. “What? Why wouldn’t I remember? You were a huge part of the best summer of my life.” 

“You just meet so many people and it’s been two years, I don’t know.” 

I shrug. “You’ve been important to me and Orion for two years. I remember a lot of things about you.” 

Paula nods and sips from her mug of beer. “You guys are important to me, too. But, anyway, yes, I’m still planning on the US for next year. I’m hoping do a graduate program in journalism at NYU.” 

I’ve always admired Orion and her friends’ dedication to their educations. It’s a life I never really thought about, and truthfully, I don’t know what my life would look like without the band. I’d probably be working some dead end job in Sydney. I don’t know if I’d have gone to uni. Soccer could’ve possibly panned out, so maybe I’d be doing that. 

Orion has known what she wanted to do since an incredibly young age and was already planning out her college majors when she was in middle school. She’s always known that she’d be in school for seven years after high school. 

“Sounds very fancy. I’m sure you’ll get in and you’ll love New York. And, Lucia? Are you guys still together?” 

Paula blushes and smiles at her beer before she sticks out her left hand, a sparkling ruby engagement ring adorning her ring finger. “Engaged!” 

I look at it and almost start crying. It’s almost identical to what Orion’s dream ring looked like, except she wanted a green stone instead of a red one like Paula has. I suck up my emotions and smile. “Congrats. I’m happy for you guys.” 

“Thank you, we’re really excited. She’s hoping to come with me and find a bar to work at while I’m in school, but that will depend on visas and stuff.”

I nod. “I get it. I know that stuff can be complicated. Orion would be helpful with that, you know? She knows a lot about the immigration system in the US.” 

Paula nods. “I know, I’ve been meaning to ask her. Just… with everything going on, I haven’t been certain that it’s a good time.” 

“Pau, if I know anything about her, it’s that she’d love to help you and take her mind off of things right now.” 

She sips from her beer and I do the same.

“Our last conversation didn’t exactly go all that well, so I’ll have to rest the waters in a few days.” 

I raise my eyebrows. “What happened?”

Paula rolls her eyes and chuckles under her breath. “She’s just being stubborn. We talked about you, mostly.”

I try not to choke on my beer. “Oh?” 

She shakes her head. “I, like everyone else, disagree with what all she’s done to your guys’ relationship and I could see just how horribly she’s doing right now. The solution is so simple, but she refuses, and I think she’s just scared.” 

I just nod and drink more beer. I don’t want to push her, because clearly Paula stood up for me, but I don’t want to say anything specific about Orion because I'm trying my best to make sure there is absolutely no reason that she could have not to get back together. 

“Anyone who knows either of you knows that it would just take a quick phone call for you to be back by her side,” Paula says quietly.

She’s right. And everyone does know it. Surely, Orion knows it too. 

“Why’d you come tonight?” I ask, shifting the subject. 

“I don’t really know. I just felt like you could use a friend right now, and the flight to Dusseldorf ended up randomly being really cheap, so I went for it.” 

“You came all the way here because you thought I might need a friend?” 

Paula laughs. “Maybe I wanted to try to convince you that you should go to her when you get home, too. I think it’s what’s best for both of you.”

I sigh and look down to my half empty beer. I can’t pretend that I don’t want that, and I can’t pretend that I don’t think it’s what’s best for both of us, but I am almost positive that if Orion doesn’t ask me to come, she will turn me away. 

“I don’t know, Pau. That morning, when she ended things, it was like someone else was inside her body speaking for her.” 

“You’re both stubborn. I just thought you should know how I feel. I love both of you, but I love you best together. If me saying something puts you one step closer to repairing what’s broken, it’s worth it to me.” 

I smile. “I love you, too, Pau. I appreciate you. You’re a good friend.” 

Paula and I both have another couple of beers, catching up over what we’ve missed in each other’s lives. I fill her in on the drama within the band and she takes it as far as unfollowing Michael on Instagram and Twitter because she’s so mad about what he said. She shares that she still lives in the same apartment that Orion once lived in, but now it’s just her, Marta, and Lucia, and they use the extra two rooms as a closets and an office for Marta and her to do their schoolwork. 

It’s nice to catch up with her, and after we are both warm and a little tipsy, I walk her back to her hotel and promise her tickets to the Madrid show next week. It’ll be the final show, so it’ll be special and even more special with some extra friends in the audience. 

I walk back to our hotel after, actually stopping to say hi to a few fans. Paula put me in a better mood, and I’m not quite so sour right now. While today has overall been shitty, it ended on a pretty good note. 

—

@5SOSDeutschland: Calum spotted with a new girl in Cologne Image attached

@SOS5ever: Who’s that girl w Cal? Image attached

@5secsoffall: wow cal’s already seeing someone else and it’s not me :( Image attached

@CalPal: Replying to @5secsoffall: wtf he and orion JUST broke up???      @Ashton5SOS: Replying to @5secsoffall: that’s a mutual friend of both cal and orion. people can have friends and not be dating.           @5secsoffall: Replying to @Ashton5SOS: omg ashton replied!!           @CalPal: Replying to @Ashton5SOS: sad you have to even say that but thanks for clarifying!!! 

@EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: introducing my friend @PaulaPeriodista! my bestie’s roomie in spain and the best tour guide Image attached

@EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: since y’all jump to conclusions in a nanosecond thought i’d clear that one up real quick.      @PaulaPeriodista: Replying to @EmeliaBoDeliaSmelia: LOL people really ignored the ENGAGEMENT RING on my hand and already have rumors going. 

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