#gosh it took me so long to post this
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unnamedcrane · 1 year ago
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Hi hello guys, so like last month right after sans polls on twt and everyone drawing their favs in maid dresses i got... inspired
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And now i have a very pretty maid Sans keeping me company 🥰🥰🥰
(Also his apron is removable so he can also just wear a pretty dress and be the prettiest girl at a party)
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unriding · 7 days ago
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me n moze say good morning to the world !!! ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ
art by @rabbbitseason of course <3
#🐦‍⬛🐕 .#<-#hehe i took inspo from kai’s rb of my mb:>#MY FIRST MOEVIE COMM#this is queued#im asleep (at least i should be by the time this is posted) but it’s a mystery as to how i will fall asleep knowing i would have to#close my eyes and not actively stare at this for the rest of my life#full factory reset i really don’t know what i would even say to this 🥹 im just#things i would do for bitti : anything! i cannot think of something i wouldn’t do for her#i gave her the most cursed ref known to mankind and she came up with this im so 🥹 thank you so much … your art blows me away every time ….#i may pass out seeing him in your style … the way you did his hands and he’s so big#this is me -> ໒꒰ྀི o̴̶̷̤ ̯o̴̶̷̤ ꒱ྀི১ at this HSJDNCN aaaaaa 🥹#i will also state the very obvious and say that bitti is such a pleasure to work with ajsnxnkck ….. please im on my knees#when i saw this- my stomach literally flipped inside out and my ears were ringing .. and my heart was beating a million beats per second#if bitti’s comms were open for eternity & i won the lottery- i would commission so many mozes ….. the world would be full of bitti’s mozes.#^ though that sounds terrible for bitti … im so sorry#i swear that won’t happen i would never do that to you#he is sooooo yum in your style (severe & outrageous understatement)#but what i can do is stare at this all day#THANK YOU BITTI UEUEJJSJS 🥹🥹🥹 I HOPE UR PILLOWS R ALWAYS COLD !!!#not even aventurine’s shield can protect me from the 100000000 damage i took from this /pos#such a shield doesn’t exist in the hsr realm or the real world !!!#evie.ss#IM KIND OF ANGRY THAT I KNOW THERES NOTHING I CAN SAY TO EXPRESS HOW I FEEL !!!!! WHAT COULD I SAY >:#WHAT AN ODD FEELING WHERE I AM reduced to my knees but from positive emotions alone …#im so dizzy /pos let me stop here this is already so long omg 🥹#edit: dude /gn my screen time is gonna skyrocket because im still staring with such a dopey smile on my face ahsndnxkc gosh im happy :’) th#thank you so much bitti …. this means so much to me#i literally can not put into words how much this has made my entire year :’)) im so soft im so happy
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springypaws · 6 months ago
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Oh no the archivist is archiving (more versions & ID’s under the cut)
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ID: It’s a drawing of Johnathan Sims from the Magnus Archives, sat legs-crossed, with one arm loosely held on his legs and loosely holding his glasses, and the other propped onto an invisible surface. The propped arm’s hand is raised to Jon’s eye, stretched out, but with his index finger creating an opening with the rest to display his overshadowed eye, still easily visible due to it being outlined by bright green lines. The style the eye is drawn is similar to the style of the bright green eyes haloed to the side of his head, and the large, less opaque, large one in the background of the drawing. The middle finger of this hand is lightly pulling down his bottom lid, making the eye more visible. Jon is colored in a grey-scale manner, the dull color ever-so-slightly hinted blue. He is half outlined in the same bright green as the eyes, half outlined in a bright red. This bright red is also present as cartoonish exclamation symbols around him, and in the pupil of his bright-green eye. His other eye’s pupil is also colored brightly, but with the green, rather than the red, interrupting the greyscale of the rest of the area. Jon’s expression is neutral, although he looks exhausted, with deep dark circles under his eyes and a slightly furrowed brow. He is wearing a dark overcoat with lighter patches on the elbows and shoulders, and, under this, is wearing a lighter vest. Under the vest is yet another layer, being a semi-visible white button-up shirt. He is wearing darker dress pants and black, professional, and simple shoes. His hair is long and unkept, decorated with white streaks and put back into a loose half-bun.
Plus some filter-playing fun:
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ID’s: The first filter makes the drawing look almost like it’s behind the screen of an old electrical device, more similar to that of an older model of computer. The colors are dulled ever-so-slightly, and the edges of the drawing are darkened with shadow.
The second filter has made the image completely greyscale, muting the bright and dull colors both.
The last filter has made the colors all a bit more blue, giving the drawing more color than it had originally.
And the sketch too cause I think I might like it better (as always)
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ID: A colored and shaded sketch of the drawing. It looks very similar to the final product, except less cleaned-up and covered in guidance lines and coloring that goes out of the lines.
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arthur-lesters-spinal-cord · 2 months ago
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Rip Noel you were just too pretty and Kayne couldn’t deal with the competition
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sage-is-in-fact-very-tired · 10 months ago
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everytime sherb adds a song to the c!sherb playlist I stare with my little eyes trying to decipher what it means. sometimes it takes me multiple hours but I do usally get to what it means-
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tj-crochets · 3 months ago
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Crafting/vaccine side effects update: I am still not up for crafting but oh my gosh I feel so much better than I expected to! I did have a POTS flareup but my blood pressure never got below 100/60, so like it barely counts. I mean, the tachycardia was worse, but even that was nowhere near what it's been previous times I got the booster shots, and it's mostly resolved itself within like 24 hours of getting the shot instead of like three days. I'm still operating at a deficit of water and salt but I'm working on it bit by bit, and I was skeptical when my doc said I wouldn't need an extra dose of my salt-go-up pills* but he was right! Anyway point is no crafting updates today but there might actually be crafting updates tomorrow, which I did not expect to be saying *fludrocortisone! It helps me retain salt in a way almost approaching the normal human way of processing salt
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illusionsofdreaming · 9 months ago
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To this day I hope you post again 🙏
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it's always tough receiving messages like these, since as a reader myself, I know the feeling of patiently waiting for a writer to post - be it meals or crumbs.
yet to be honest, I have no idea what to post anymore. I feel completely rusted in writing - I have the feeling of wanting to post but I can't seem to stop hating everything I write.
It's also been so long since I've read TCF, I'm not sure anything I write now will be relevant. My only comfort is that TCF's community has grown so much since I first started writing, nowadays you'll find plenty of better content out there haha
I, too, hope I post again in the future. I love reading and though I often go through an intense cycle of hatred for my own works, I always come back to writing.
So I do hope I do write and I wonder what I should write nowadays? Do people still read reader inserts?
More TCF?
New series...?
Anyways, I hope everyone who's still haunting this blog, a very, very nice weekend~
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akai-anna · 1 year ago
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So I already asked this before, but here I am asking you to do it again cause I honestly really enjoy reading about how you view each of the relationships in decto. So if it's not too much to ask will you do a part 3 just rambling about other relationships in decto. Also I'm glad my last ask made you that happy, and don't worry take as long as you like there's no rush to make them.
Anon-san. Dear. Darling. You are truly a blessing, a pure source of joy, a beauty in this measly existence we call a life. I would have never thought you'd come back for more rambling. Just. Thank you. So much.
And I'm happy you enjoyed my previous ramblings, and I hope you will enjoy this one too.
Notes, as always:
as in the previous asks relating to the ship opinion bingo, i interpret relationships in the broadest possible sense
i check everything that makes sense to me, even if they seem contradictory; i view them applied to different situations/universes/possibilities
*rolls up sleeves* Ok, now buckle up.
I. Akai Shuuichi/Okiya Subaru - Kudou Shinichi/Edogawa Conan (and The Kudous)
The Silver Bullet Duo (and the Parents Partners In Crime)
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They just... have such a fascinating dynamic.
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Akai, first learning about this lil kiddo through investigating Vermouth (Cool Guy) and as they started interacting, treating this boy as an equal despite him (seemingly) being a child. The fact he is openly impressed by Conan/Shinichi ("You always amaze us, boy."); I cannot put into words how important it is to me that Akai respects this gremlin child. (ONE OF thE BESt INVEstigAtoRS IN JAPAN HE SAID!!!!) Shinichi Being all sus of the guy at first, only to find a great mind in him, an amazing scheming partner, someone he can trust to protect his friend. They are not only on the the same wavelength (not even being in the same place) but make a very effective as a team; the sheer compatibility.
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But also their actual first meeting BEING: SHINICHI BASICALLY CALLING AKAI SHUUICHI A CLOWN. INCREDIBLE.
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And also, Akai being one of the precious few who knows about this lil gremlins identity. It's so important to me; as someone who dearly wants and aches for Shinichi to share his identity with at least a few other people, I cherish all individuals who are aware of his true identity. Not to mention, that the identity reveal to Akai was one of the most hilarious things I have ever witnessed. (Shinichi literally outing himself because he is too comfortable, too at ease in his own home and around these people, and distracted by Ran and solving the mystery, he forgets to be cautious. THIS FCKIN CHILD I LOVE HIM.)
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And Akai constantly hinting at his real identity gets me so bad too. They are so precious to me.
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And then there is the whole Akai-Yukiko & Yuusaku dynamic too. He literally became part of this oddball of a family? (YUKIKO tAUGHt HIM to COOK I CANNOt???) FITTING IN WITH THEM SO EFFORTLESSLY. I LOVE THEM.
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⊱✿⊰
II. Agasa Hiroshi - Kudou Shinichi/Edogawa Conan - Miyano Shiho/Haibara Ai (- Detective Boys Trio)
Found Family: "Sometimes a family is 1 middle-aged man, 2 fake and 3 real elementary students" as I like to say.
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Not many scenes to share here (tho I will definitely collect them in my newest reread session) because I don't have the energy to look for them. BUT.
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Agasa Hiroshi is a Good Man. He doesn't have to invent all that stuff for Shinichi BUT HE DOES. He doesn't have to help this lil gremlin out BUT HE STILL DOES. All the times he just drove him around, all the times he allowed himself to be used (with no advance notice which he keeps ASKING SHINICHI FOR, TO JUST LET HIM KNOW) as a way to solve a crime; EVERYTHING HE DOES, DESPITE KNOWING HOW DANGEROUS IT IS. The way he only helped Yukiko and Yuusaku with the mad plan (because IT IS MAD; ODDBALLS) of "kidnapping Edogawa Conan" because he thought it would help drive the point home, of how dangerous this whole business is. Agasa Hiroshi just wants what might be best and safest for Shinichi. Just being there for him, and if he cannot he lets others, who can, know (Yuusaku and Yukiko in the above scene, Heiji in desperate revival, and so on). He cares.
On the other side, Shinichi might seem like, he doesn't appreciate Prof Agasa much at first glance (his constant comments about Agasa creating junk, says the one who uses his inventions, HYPOCRITE), but god, he goes BALLISTIC WHEN IT COUNTS. (Kidnapping case, just to mention one off the top of my head.) Shinichi literally grew up with this weird adult figure around, he is like family to him, and he cares. Tons. He trusts Agasa Hiroshi, literally, with his life.
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Moving on: another point of Prof being a really good man. The way he is with the kids. He literally goes out of his way, to take them out to places, spend time with them. Be it camping, or eating out, or invent stuff for them, cooking for them, or just getting a cake to eat together... He got attached to these kids (just like Shinichi himself) as they spent more and more time together, and cares a great deal about them. And the kids grew fond of him too, despite all the little comments and teasing. (Or as I see it: he is an adult figure to them that they are comfortable around, and are not afraid to say what they think.)
As for Ai. Exhibit C of Agasa Hiroshi being a really good, kind-hearted person.
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Agasa Hiroshi picked up a girl that brings even more danger with her mere presence, and at this point she is not trustworthy. Who knows what she might do? But he took her in anyways. (Without talking to Shinichi too, which led to some Emotions and Yelling.) And as time went on, this girl, who constantly lives in fear of being discovered (fearing so much, that she even tries to let herself die, and considers leaving everyone behind to protect them), slowly crawls out of her shell, to just be a person. Ai and Agasa come to care about each other too, so deeply; there is no blood-relation between them, yet there is such a strong familial bond between the two. (People mistaking them as father and daughter!)
They are a weird lil family unit, your honour, and I care about them so. So. SO MUCH.
⊱✿⊰
III. Mouri Kogorou - Kudou Shinichi/Edogawa Conan - Mouri Ran
The Mouri Family Unit
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I just love them. God. I do.
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I love how Shinichi got integrated into Kogorou and Ran's everyday life (be it cleaning, or just checking he's there and didn't run off again LOL). I love the rare moments of Kogorou actually being parental, be it to the lil gremlin or Ran. (HE LOVES BOTH OF THEM YOUR HONOUR!!!
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I adore the fact that they watch stuff together, and discuss it, I find it really sweet (and funny). Also the fact that they eat together. Eating together with loved ones is a very important point in my own life, and it's a really... "intimate" is not quite the word I'm looking for but... I guess a bonding thing. Something meaningful. And these 3 definitely do it most days. The way they are so comfortable around each other, and everyone has their own lil space at the table. I really adore the thought of Shinichi getting so used to the lil routines and bustle of the Mouri Household, that after he turns back, he'll miss it. Especially, how he was living alone for years before the Conanification, without his parents; the Mouris are such a strong contrast against that. (Post-Conan Shinichi, that moves back to the Kudou House, and finds it too big and quiet and lonely, just going over to Agasa's and the Mouris' all the time to be around his loved ones. Him spending most of his time at their places, so much, his stuff is slowly moved into both places. And No One says a thing about it, it just happens, and they all let it happen. Please. I'm WEAK.)
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I also love to see them in various combinations: Ran-Shinichi teaming up against Occhan, but also Ran and Kogorou constantly being "WHERE IS THE CHILD" in their own ways, and Shinichi and Kogorou team up too (like the time they tailed Ran, or when Ran told them Araide will be in the play too, HAHA). Each is so very delightful for their own reasons.
Thank you so much for asking me (AGAIN!!!!) to talk about relationships, it means a lot tome, and I truly hope you enjoyed reading these! May you have a blessed day, darling.
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yuriyuruandyuraart · 2 years ago
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woo heyy you guyyys!!!!
*looks at the last time i've been active*
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soo...school amma right??? haha i'm turning into a corpse with how little i sleep :'D
(man and i swear each time i try to even THINK about drawing they bombard the whole damn week with assignments smh >:/)
i really can't feel time pass anymore hhh BUT! i have some news!
i put some reblogs in my queue a while ago (i try to whenever i have some spare time) so worry not! i am not dead and i did see some of the art in my dashboard/i was tagged into so posting those would be my top priority!
second is that i'm gonna start posting the art i had planned before starting tomorrow! i will also post some doodles i did in ms paint/ edited in medibang while i wait to get a new tablet/pen/whatever :'(
i am not even gonna try and make any promises or with my luck i'll end up with another disaster next year</3 but i will try to post whenever i can! it's been some rough months lately and i'm not doing the best, but trust me when i say i ain't leaving any time soon!! y'all are stuck with me >:)c <33333
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taniushka12 · 4 months ago
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Posting these tomorrow, btw
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besidemethewholedamntime · 2 years ago
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hello! it has been a long year but i’ve finally written something again! i hope it’s in character and my rustiness isn’t too evident but i’ll let you guys be the judge of that :p i hope you enjoy!
no less of a devil for that
Summary: 
“Actually, sweetheart-” and at the slow, careful tone his blood freezes. “I have something to tell you.”
“Oh.” His heart starts to race, panic ensuing. He runs through the checklist in his head. Jemma’s upstairs with the twins. Alya’s at school. Marnie’s at nursery. His mum is on the phone. She sounds strange but not hurt. It’s okay, he tells himself. It’s alright. Everyone is fine.
“It’s about your dad,” his mum says, and for a second Fitz thinks she’s talking about someone else. It takes him a second to make the title match the man. “I’ve seen him.”
There's the possibility for Fitz's father to make an unexpected return. Post-series featuring emotional conversations and four adorable Fitzsimmons children.
Read on Ao3  or taste the first little bit below!
Fitz’s stomach now rolls when his phone rings.
It’s involuntary, a sympathetic reaction to too many years of deception and separation. Ironic, really, that a simple device used for bringing people closer together inspires such a fear of being pulled away, but it’s just one of a long list of ironies in his life that he doesn’t think of it anymore. Besides, it’s been four years since he left SHIELD, and there’s only a very select few who have his number. Like a lot of things, he’s learned to live with it.
All the same, the nausea usually dissipates when he sees who it is, especially when, like now, he sees that it’s his mum. But today it doesn’t. In fact, it intensifies.
“Hello,” he answers, holding his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he folds the washing. Now a father to four children, it seems to be never-ending.
“Hiya, sweetheart. You alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, somewhat distractedly despite the ever-growing unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach.
“That’s good, that’s good,” his mum says, though it sounds like she hasn’t really listened to him at all.
There’s a long pause. Fitz sighs in frustration. Alya’s red sock has somehow found its way into the whites load and now the twins have nice pale pink t-shirts and jumpers and hats and towels and… the list, like the washing, feels endless.
“Look, Mum, can I ring you back in a bit? It’s just I’m in the middle of-”
“Actually, sweetheart-” and at the slow, careful tone his blood freezes. “I have something to tell you.”
“Oh.” His heart starts to race, panic ensuing. He runs through the checklist in his head. Jemma’s upstairs with the twins. Alya’s at school. Marnie’s at nursery. His mum is on the phone. She sounds strange but not hurt. It’s okay, he tells himself. It’s alright. Everyone is fine.
“It’s about your dad,” his mum says, and for a second Fitz thinks she’s talking about someone else. It takes him a second to make the title match the man. “I’ve seen him.”
“Oh,” he says again, feeling his hand start to shake. He puts the washing back in the basket and lets his shoulder drop from his ear. His voice comes out strangled. “Where?”
“At my work.”
“Your wor… what, was he like a patient or something?” His head is spinning. He feels sick. All of a sudden he’s ten years old again and afraid of the dark.
“No, not like that. He… well he came to find me.”
Continue reading on Ao3!
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theodore-sallis · 1 year ago
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“The Gift of Death,” Man-Thing (Vol. 1/1974), #8.
Writer: Steve Gerber; Penciler and Inker: Mike Ploog; Colorist: Petra Goldberg; Letterer: Artie Simek
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berryblu-soda · 2 years ago
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been hesitating to post this bc i usually try to be super chill and upbeat, but im also trying to be more genuine, so here it is i guess (im doing okay, dont worry)
this probably warrants a trigger warning even tho nothing ever really happened :/
i´d like to thank from the bottom of my heart the friends ive made on this silly little site, i may be a almost a stranger to some of you, im not the greatest at keeping contact with anyone, but if i call you a friend its because you have very special a place in my heart <3<3<3
when i first made tumblr i was really struggling, it felt almost impossible to see anything lovable in myself, if it were up to my whims back then, i wouldve made myself poof out of existence, leave no trace behind. "Goodbye to that worthless piece of trash, everythings so much better without her"
it wasn´t that there was anything wrong at home, my family´s always been nothing but loving and caring to me, but i just struggled to understand *why* that was, i wasn´t contributing financially, functionally, nor did i excell at absolutely anything (looking back, i didn´t have to, i was literally 14) , everything id ever been remotely good at i knew someone who was better than me by a long shot. i didn´t have any irl friends, i had my cousins, but being family it felt a little like they were conditioned and obligated to love me because we were family
i felt alone despite being surrounded by people who loved me, i´d grown too used to it to recognize it as genuine love, so meeting you guys really helped me know that hey! maybe people arent just nice to me because they feel obligated to be! you guys inadvertedly gave me the support i needed to continue living life! And for that im endlessly grateful for <3
i can recall several times, when i was beating myself up over the simplest of mistakes, i genuinely didn´t want to exist if i wasn´t perfect, but when my spiraling got too bad and i´d even start to think of how i´d explain to yall that i´d finally given up on living, i´d start bawling my eyes out, beause I couldn't do that to yall, I still had messages to reply to, friends to wish happy birthday to... i would be devastated if any of you guys left and i couldn´t do anything to help you
so i made myself stick around, to hold on to whatever i could even if it consisted of numbing myself to the point of it being unhealthy. and ive lost years trying to get a grip and snap back to reality, but i made it! im happy these days, and i know no matter what happens im glad im still alive. And hey, maybe i´ll start digging myself into a pit again eventually, this post has been sitting in my drafts a couple weeks and in that time ive had some less than ideal days where i felt myself slipping into that old, sad, lonely, self deprecating mentality, but the difference between back then and now is that now i know i made it out of there once, and i know what´s real because ive already recognized it before, my family isnt lying to me when they say they love me, my fiends arent lying to me when they say they care about me, the only one whos lying to me is myself, saying im not worth any of that. 
so i´ll say it again, thank you friends, for existing and being there, for being my lifeline and not letting me go off the deep end, and acting as band aids for my emotional self-inflicted wounds, i´m not sure how i can ever pay you back, i´m here if you ever need me, i love you, please take care <3
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tvrningout-archived · 2 years ago
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on quiet nights he’s sat with his brother, and in the privacy of their garden (—once Shinjurō has gone, once he cannot hear) Kyojurō has laid out his heart for him to see. It’s vulnerable, it's bare. He’s told him a story, a beginning from many moons ago, so he’s learned about the flower that blooms at night.
there’s secrecy between both rengoku brothers, and after all that’s happened, after all this time, senjurō has made a place in time under moonlight to sit and share a piece of his mind with the other side of his heart.
his hands? small, calloused from his training and work (not to the extent of his brother’s, that’s for sure) and dry from house work. but he still takes kaiya’s tender ones between his own. 
senjurō’s smile is one he shares with the sun, and so he speaks, with intent, with his heart on his sleeve:
❛ kaiya…you’re not alone. you never were. ❜  // ajkshkd from that little inbox call! i hope this makes sense? if not lmk ill switch it EEEP!
@xstarlights ft. @szukis/@yasashiiku's kyojuro | unprompted | always accepting!
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it's a habit, kaiya's come to realize, to carry burdens as though she were atlas, shoulders aching and lips firmly pressed together in a deceptive smile. she isn't sure which parent she gets this from, or if maybe it's something born from her own experiences -- maybe to lessen her mother's pain, even a little, when she lost her other half.
she hadn't realized, though, that she acted as if she were alone rather than surrounded by loved ones. even as she struggled to support her grieving mother, as she stumbled and denied her own grief, she hadn't reached for the hands of her neighbors. their palms were ready, waiting, yet kaiya kept her fists curled within the safety of her kimono. she believed she was being kind.
even sei and chinatsu aren't often aware of all kaiya keeps to herself. she... she just doesn't want them to worry. they have their own problems to face, and they do more than enough already.
she's being kind, considerate. that's all.
but that isn't it exactly. not since becoming a demon. now she worries how others may view her, how they might hate her if they knew her whole story. so kaiya keeps it all to herself, even the pieces that make it impossible to sleep without waking up in tears.
no one should burden themselves with her heavy heart. to be alone in her guilt and despair only seems fair after what she's done.
still there are those who believe otherwise, like kyojuro whose warmth has always been persistent, never-changing. how delicately he's cradled her heart between his hands, touched the ugly, scarred parts without judgement, without reluctance. kaiya never asked this of him. she didn't have to. his strength, his care, his affection -- he gives them unconditionally for in his eyes, she isn't an unforgiveable monster deserving retribution. she is only kaiya, someone who lost her way once and tries to do what's right now.
she wants to believe him, has begun feeling less like a tragic creature and more like... a human. but old habits die hard, and she can't help but keep her worries to herself as kyojuro recovers from his encounter with upper moon three. she doesn't bother sweet senjuro with the fear she's felt since learning of his brother's wounds, even when the boy gives her the opportunity to lean upon him. she doesn't show the discomfort she feels watching kyojuro struggle with tasks that were once easy ( how frustrated he must feel to be helpless when he was once so strong ), and she certainly doesn't share how hard it was to see him covered in bandages, how it felt like the sun had disappeared and left her cold and alone as she waited for kyojuro to wake up.
if it's been hard on kaiya, how much worse must it be for senjuro? how much worse must it be for kyojuro? she needs to be strong for them, bright and warm so they don't have to be.
the night air is cool as kaiya and senjuro sit on the engawa, though she can't feel the chill like the younger rengoku can. she realizes maybe she's kept him out here too long rambling on about the constellations and their stories -- the cold has turned his nose a cute shade of pink -- so naturally, kaiya apologizes. she gets carried away much too easily. that's alright, senjuro reassures her. there's something he wanted to talk to her about before they retire, though.
he surprises her when he takes her hands in his, smile radiant and soft like the first rays of sunrise. her heart stirs in her chest, thankful for the warmth she's so dearly missed, and tears spring to her eyes as senjuro speaks.
" kaiya... you're not alone. you never were. "
a shaky breath escapes from her quivering lips. " you're more like your brother than you realize, " kaiya muses, gripping senjuro's hands a little tighter and managing a smile. " i'm not a good liar, but i'm decent at pretending. not decent enough to fool you two, though. " then her gaze falls to their joined hands, and her voice comes out quieter, smaller, like she shouldn't speak the words aloud.
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" it's just... easier for everyone else if i pretend i'm on my own. you already have so much to worry about without me adding to it. "
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bxtonpxss · 5 months ago
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princess-of-purple-prose · 1 year ago
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[ID: An Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint comic of Kim Dokja speaking to Yoo Joonghyuk while they both sit in Dokja's hospital bed. Dokja looks down, blushing, and says, "Hey, Joonghyuk. I wanted to tell you something." Joonghyuk looks at him curiously.
Dokja's lengthy internal monologue fills the entire background of the next panel, essentially saying that he's been selfishly holding Joonghyuk back from happiness while blaming himself for hurting him, and that by confessing, Dokja can free Joonghyuk from obligation. Out loud, he only smiles, tenderly and tiredly, and says, "Yoo Joonghyuk, I am in love with you."
The style turns cartoony for a panel as Dokja clutches his chest and thinks, teary but relieved, "This should be enough to get Yoo Joonghyuk to step back..." A sparkle floats beside him as he says out loud, "It was not right to hide it from you." A note adds, "Ah... It hurts a little... 💔" Joonghyuk blushes lightly, emitting an ellipsis.
Then the style goes back to semi-realistic as little hearts and flowers surround Joonghyuk, who blushes while smiling with contentment as he says, "Hm. (Good.)" Dokja, hand still at his chest, flushes hard and says shakily, "... Eh?" He goes, "W... What's with that face?" as he stares with a shocked smile, thinking "Wait wait wait" over and over.
Joonghyuk turns to Dokja, serious and blushing, and takes his hands as he exclaims, "Kim Dokja! How do you feel about a spring wedding? (We should start planning it out now.)" Dokja, blushing hard and stunned, goes, "Huh?!" The final panel is once again cartoony as Joonghyuk stands up, looking excited and determined, and exclaims, "Time to plan a wedding!" Biyoo cheers, "Congrats, Father, Captain!" Dokja is left on the bed, surrounded by woozy spirals and question marks as he mumbles, "Wha? Hu~h?" The mugs they'd been holding lie discarded on the floor.
The bonuses are the entirety of Dokja's internal monologue and an alternate version of panel four. The full monologue reads:
"I have been thinking this for a while, but... Haven't I been selfishly holding Yoo Joonghyuk back from pursuing the love of his life until now? He is such a devoted and loyal man, and he cares for his companions a lot, has suffered so much, and I have been the cause most of the time. This regression and the source of it all. Clearly he has spent so much time chasing after me even through space and time but... He could have had a life. Loved someone, settled down. Instead he had to suffer longer than necessary out of obligation. I caused his regressions and his pain, and he was still fooled into caring for me. He was shackled to me and I was too selfish to want to distance myself all this time, living on borrowed time and too stupid to realize what these feelings even were until now. I have to fix this and set this man free, but if I simply step back, he will never allow me, this stubborn fool. He is too loyal, even to this rotten existence of mine who caused him so much grief. I demanded all his focus and was too greedy... No more, though. I will confess these feelings I holds for him, expose this shameful desire and let him see all of it, and he will be the one to step back and put some distance between us. It will hurt but this is for his happiness and I have already asked for too much as it is. I will grieve and let him go, and I know that despite everything he will still make space for me in his life even then, because he is kind and I am not a good enough person to say no. It will be enough to have him in my life like that. I cannot ask for more when he has given me so much already. This will be my goodbye. Yoo Joonghyuk, please, be happy, even if it's not by my side..."
The rejected panel, which takes place after Dokja says "It was not right to hide it from you," is unshaded. In this version, Joonghyuk smiles at Dokja while blushing and says, "I've been waiting for a long time to hear you say it, Kim Dokja. I am in love with you as well. (Have been for a while.)" Dokja, extremely flustered, exhales a contented-looking spirit and babbles, "Ha haha what." End ID]
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Yoo Joonghyuk is now planning to cook the wedding reception meal.
So this stemmed from me realising that most of the time, Kim Dokja in fanfics (or fanart) doesn't quite confess and keeps all of his feelings buried.
I also thought, though, that he would choose the opposite way too -confess his feelings, pretend it to be not as important, not as big, as a way to distance himself from those emotions, ready to take some embarrassment and shame due to the confession in order to feel less pained when inevitably (in his mind) those feelings are rejected.
Takes control of something horrible and shameful for him so it will feel less raw and visceral, less 'i'm being perceived'.
Except he absolutely does not count on Yoo Joonghyuk having feelings back so of course he's blown away by YJH accepting and coveting that confession that he's been waiting forever to hear.
extra: the background from panel 2 since i handwrote that, and a rejected panel.
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