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voidpacifist · 4 months ago

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potter-verse headcanons that I choose to view as canon bc fuck jkr <3

*I redid these bc james' lineage was pointed out to me in a previous comment and I don't wanna disregard it so I tweaked a few things to keep it true to the lore while also spiting the terf

this will be very long btw

starting with the marauders era (sorry this is basically an essay now)

adding onto that, I just would love to see his inner conflicts and hopes and ambitions and dialogue more flushed out, because I really don't think him being rejected by an old flame is at all cause enough for him to suddenly just hate children. even his rivalry and bullying with/from james doesn't feel like the push that comes to shove idk

severus snape is not an abusive man. in my opinion, the way that he's written makes him seem like a very cause to effect character without much complexity to him other than that he was in love with lily evans. in my mind, he's lily's closest friend and defender for most of their growing up together at hogwarts, especially after he begins unlearning blood purist ideologies. he tries to protect her from james potter, who's antagonistic of blood purists by nature, and also a massive troublemaker. thinking it will get lily hurt is what ultimately fuels his hatred of james (that and the fact that james is just kind of a dick to him the whole time they're at school together)

an earlier commenter pointed out to me that james' grandfather invented fleamont's hair potion, so the inheritance of that success would make james' family quite well off. and while he grows up with a very good home life and very loving parents, I imagine james also feels quite stifled sometimes, being that he's an only child with a lot of room in his house and a lot of legacy to carry. it's not like he has a complex about it, but he's sort of a steve harrington-esque kind of character. he's not a complete asshat, but he does experience a lot of growing pains and contentions to his worldview on multiple levels when he first becomes acquainted with lily and severus, and even when he first meets the other marauders. it adds a lot more interest than just making him the charming class clown, and james being desi adds another layer of complexity to him too. (I'm quite curious about how desi metaphysics are practiced, and how that would be a shift for him going from eleven years of his own household magic to hogwarts magic)

adding onto that, it's why he and sirius become such fast friends - sirius feels estranged from his own family, and james' only family are his parents and grandparents. they're closer than sirius and his own brother are. this does certainly make things strange and angsty when regulus takes an admiration to james that sirius notices, when sirius himself is constantly being compared to his more "ideal wizard archetype" younger brother his entire life

in fact, regulus' admiration of james starts as more of a scientific sort of reverence - he wants to understand how a pure blood can be so defiant of the ideas that suggest he's more worthy of practicing wizardry, let alone a pure blood who has come from so much. he learns quite a lot about james through sirius, and when he actually meets him for the first time, he's nothing like the troublemaker prince charming that everyone expects him to be. it's the first time reg experiences real endearment to someone who isn't in his own family, and even that kind of love is conditional at best (shout-out to walburga and orion black for their a-plus parenting)

it makes it that much more painful when he sees that james, while kinder and more considerate than he seemed at first, only thinks of him as sirius'-younger-brother-who-isn't-actually-that-terrible-perhaps; when he sees that james only has room in his heart for lily evans, who by black family standards isn't worthy to have any knowledge of the magical world, let alone belong in it. and he's trying to be better and to understand, but even the kindest blood purists are still blood purists, and it will take him years after this heartbreak to rectify that mindset - even as he's defying voldemort himself

lily grows up in scotland, and while her parents love her and petunia very much, they're constantly fighting. she and tuney often spend time together, and when lily's magical talents start to emerge, she at first asks her big sister, her protector, her closest friend, to keep this secret from their parents. so imagine the heartbreak when lily's owl comes in the mail, and instead of the magical announcement being a complication for their parents, the evans' are overjoyed. imagine the betrayal that petunia feels when, after years of borderline neglect to the both of them, lily leans into the praise and attention she's now receiving. and she tries to make it up to tuney - she even grows a flower in her own hand hoping to make peace with her only real role model in life, only to have it shut down by being called a freak. things only get worse as tuney is left at home with quarreling parents while lily gets the privilege of being away from all of it. the number of letters she sends to dumbledore begging to learn magic, then simply begging to see her little sister more than just during christmas, should be enough to convince the old man to have some leniency, but dumbledore doesn't

now let's talk about peter pettigrew. we all blame him for the downfall of james and lily that kicks off the tragedy of harry's childhood, which we should. but the why of it feels important to me, so personally, this is how I see his psyche playing a role: what if he grows up in a religious household? now I know how that sounds, but hear me out. peter grows up in a religious family because his parents carry some sort of shame surrounding their magical lineage. maybe it's because their squibs, maybe it's because of other trauma from being discovered by muggles, etc. regardless, he grows up discouraged from using his magic, but instead of suppressing it and developing an obscurus, he learns how to hide it. he practices his abilities in secret, until he's a very good liar with the worst case of people pleasing. so when his owl comes with his hogwarts letter, his parents are less than happy about it. he's sent to live with his aunt when he's not at school. in the meantime, he hides as much as he can about his family from the marauders. remus has his lycanthropy to worry about, and sirius already has an even rockier home life to begin with. so it's no wonder that peter latches onto james - ironically, james becomes a secret keeper of sorts for him. but peter is never close to him the way sirius is, or even remus. he's forgotten by his friends, disregarded by his parents, and written off as soft and submissive by his other peers and even the teachers. it makes him all the more suggestible when he's sought out by voldemort, who promises him a place of belonging, which is all that he's ever wanted since he was a child. he's hidden things from the people closest to him once before, so he can do it again, right?

until of course, voldemort actually physically manipulates him with an imperius curse. and all it takes is one curse for the dark lord to convince peter that his friends can never take him back, not when he's killed and maimed and cursed and destroyed lives as much as he has. "not when you're my most trusted servant, wormtail." in short, peter pettigrew is and always will be remembered as a coward. but before he was a coward, he was in pain. and voldemort used that pain to turn him against his only friends before his only friends could turn on him

speaking of other death eaters, let's talk about regulus again for a moment. in an audience-sparing plot, regulus lives. in an angst driven plot, regulus drowns. so for the sake of compromising realism for emotional lenience, let's say nobody actually knows what happens to him. there's all kinds of rumors about the missing black brother, but the truth is that regulus doesn't drown. he's badly hurt in his attempt to destroy the locket, because not only is that thing messing with him psychologically, it's also a pain in the ass to try and get rid of. brutally injured and looking for a place to hide, he enchants a supply cabinet in a muggle cafe to expand into his own flat, which looks to non-magic users like any old closet, even if they try to open it. kreacher is left the locket along with regulus' note, because he doesn't want to be found (great opportunity for him to make a sneaky little appearance in the first half of the deathly hallows though, when the golden trio are debriefing in a muggle cafe...)

remus grows up in a really good home, but like james, he feels a sort of isolation. not because of his class status but because of his condition. as his body begins to mature in his teenage years, his lycanthropy also "matures," taking a bigger and bigger toll on his body until by the time his third year starts at hogwarts (between growth spurts and growing pains and the intensity of his transitions), he can't walk without using a cane. he's pretty sickly as a child anyway to begin with, so more often than not, he spends a lot of time in his bed in the gryffindor common room. this means when a lot of the pranking and troublemaking is happening, he's either in the background unable to do much more than try and dissuade his friends, or he isn't there at all. it isn't until a little way into his fourth year that he begins actively participating in marauders shenanigans, including helping with the construction of the map. I imagine he and sirius both have feelings for one another during this time, but these feelings cannot or do not go acknowledged until the later years (like, year six or seven)

when it comes time to meet sirius' family, sirius has already been disowned by his birth parents and is extremely distant from his brother and cousins. all of course, except for his cousin andromeda, who reaches out to him after the news of his erasure from the family tree makes it to her. this is actually how remus meets tonks in my mind - because during the whole "meet the parents" thing, he meets ted, his wife, and their daughter nymphadora

that's all I've got for now from the marauders era but the golden trio era is a whole different ballgame (and probably way longer sorry in advance)

let's start with harry. petunia is not near as strict with him as vernon is, but they're both abusive to him in ways that are physical and psychological. dudley, of course, is given everything by his parents to the point of spoiling, while harry is forced to feed off of the leftovers. and while he definitely inherits his father's "fuck around and find out" personality, he's a lot less likely to fuck around with the dursleys. in fact, he's much more quiet until he gets to hogwarts and blossoms. I also think his scar is much more noticeable and does much more alteration to his face. because it's the aftermath of the killing curse, it makes him much more likely to die just from a physical standpoint than from simply a plot device standpoint. voldemort is obsessed with killing him, and incidentally, he's a very easy person to kill

however, this doesn't make harry a weak wizard by any means. his magic is incredibly powerful and he's incredibly cunning with it. it's why the hat finds it equally appropriate to sort him into slytherin, other than the obvious connection that he and voldemort share. but this does mean that other people's perceptions of him are that he is weaker. draco thinks he can easily manipulate him. ron underestimates his understanding of the wizarding world and how to defend himself. hermione even has her moments, though hers are more a concern for his well-being as a target of all sorts of evil wizardry. even still, it's a shock and a half to go from being consistently neglected and abused to being coddled and handled with kid gloves all the time. it's no wonder his "fuck around and find out" attitude we see in the books and films also comes to life due to the way he's being mistreated - whether that's with good or ill intent

ron is not only his first friend, but also the first person harry is formally introduced to. he's harry's gateway to what the wizarding world looks like outside of school. of course, molly weasley immediately decides this makes harry her son as well as ron, and it's nice for ron to have a brother his own age. but as the youngest son in a family of seven kids, with one of the honorary offspring being famous in the wizarding world, it's easy for him to get swept up in the idea that he's the afterthought of his friends and family. as a result, he tries emulating harry's attitude towards the world, but whereas harry's is built up by his upbringing and those around him, ron's is built up out of spite. it creates resentment when they're horcrux hunting together, because ron not only hates that harry is refusing to be taken care of - he also hates that nobody's taking care of him

it's why I think he and luna lovegood make an excellent pair. luna is an uncommonly kind person by nature, and we already know in the books that she takes a shine to ron. I wish we'd seen more of them in canon, so it's my personal philosophy that they should have been together instead of ron and hermione. luna really softens the resentment in ron, because she takes so much in stride that it sort of rubs off on him. and ron brings out something very protective and fiery in her. if she weren't a ravenclaw, she'd make an excellent gryffindor, though honestly she's such a multitudinous character already that she'd do swimmingly in almost any house, in my opinion

more on luna: she and hermione were actually quite close as first years, but grew apart because while luna was accepted for her neurodivergence, hermione was singled out. there's not much difference between the two of them other than the two factors that luna doesn't mask her traits, and is a pureblood. at the time that they're both eleven, I imagine eleven-year-old blood purist logic would muddy a friendship rather quickly, especially when you're trying to seek acceptance from your peers. this isn't to say that luna is a cruel person by any means - it's just that hermione has to work harder for her fitting-in-ness. naturally, being in different houses and different circles of peers along with all the other factors, they grow apart. four years after they've met, luna is simply "looney lovegood" to hermione

hermione's parents are very eager muggles to integrate hermione into the wizarding world. the two of them meet in college, when both take an interest in metaphysical studies and the history of witches and witchcraft. though it starts as a scientific fascination, hermione's father turns out to be a rather superstitious man in the first place. when their daughter receives her owl, both of them are overjoyed at the possibility of there being a world where their fascination with magic and the occult is real. the only reason they both go into dentistry (and together at the same office, no less) is because they're ridiculously in love with one another and want hermione to have a stable childhood

snape ends up being a very protective teacher over harry. the reason he hides it is because he knows dumbledore is on the hunt for power and control, however much the man tries to disguise it as working for the greater good. the headmaster simply believes harry is the perfect conduit to attain those things, and rather than view him as a threat, dumbledore views him as a tool. snape is desperate not to see harry become a pawn, the way he did, but he also sees so much of james in him that it's hard for him to reconcile any outward respect for him. this makes snape a very cold man for harry to cross (and he's already cold enough for several other reasons), but in my personal opinion, it does his character a disservice to make him outright abusive. he's dismissive and intense and extremely aloof, but never does he use it to punish harry himself. snape's only seen as a shifty, mean person by harry because of how similar he is to petunia and her dismissal of harry at home so by god do those trust issues jump out between these two. it's by no means a father + son dynamic, but it's certainly a begrudging guardian + clueless guardee dynamic, if that makes sense

in fact, when snape realizes draco is also dealing with abuse in the home, he makes it a goal of his to do what he can to make sure their time in his class is as easy as possible. of course, true to severus snape fashion, he does this in such a way that it seems like he's going to single them out when in reality, he's only breeding an environment where draco and harry start having a tentative, mutual respect for one another. this is at first very confusing for hermione and ron, as well as draco's circle of friends. but these two are nothing if not stubborn, which means cycle breaking is what they're destined for

this paves the way for draco and hermione to be in each other's circles. mutually indifferent to one another at best. detestable to one another at worst. very much enemies to lovers, until hermione bests draco in a dueling practice and draco gains some respect for her. he learns that she is a very well schooled person when it comes to traditional witch traditions and rituals; that she recognizes the holidays that christmas and halloween are bastardizations of; that she does in fact "respect her betters," because she respects her magic as the sacred gift that it is. at that point, does it become allies to lovers. and when the second wizarding war rolls around, he does everything he can within his power to play the roll of double agent. snape becomes his mentor in that regard in more ways than one (he has to kill dumbledore and he has to outsmart voldemort, homeboy is stressing)

hey speaking of pairings, the only original pairing that I tend to keep the same within the golden trio is ginny and harry. it is the sole good pairing that jkr brought to the table. I still have a few notes on it — I just wish there was more development with them. I wish there was more canonical tension than "brother's famous best friend," because while ginny is a wonderful character on her own, she doesn't seem the type to be besotted by someone because of their fame. in fact, an enemies to lovers hinny would almost make more sense to me. they're both incredibly stubborn, it's a wonder they don't butt heads more during canon events, with the fact in mind that ginny is quite soft spoken around him. she's very do-no-harm-take-no-shit, and I wish we saw more of that in their interactions. in my head, their pipeline is as follows: younger sister figure -> academic rival/enemy -> allies during the order era -> confidants -> lovers. if this makes sense. I know it's similar to the canon pipeline for them but please I need tension I need depth I need conflict

I also have got to talk about cho because first of all, what the fuck kind of name is "cho chang" for the only visibly asian character in a franchise? said it once and I'll say it again: fuck jkr. she didn't put thought or depth into this character even one bit other than making her ditsy and boy-obsessed and I hate that shit! with all my heart! in fact, all of the POC women in this series she writes specifically to be obsessed with harry, and that makes my blood absolutely evaporate because they could be so much more than one dimensional figures. I digress

as I see it, "cho chang" isn't her real name at all. it's chao-xing zhang, and the first name means morning star. she hails from a family where her father is chinese and her mother is irish. if I had to give her a middle name, it would be siobhan. she grows up with strong roots in both her irish and chinese heritage, and she's the pride of her family, since she's the only child her parents are able to have. when she arrives at hogwarts, she is quite shy and reserved. but she's brilliant, so of course she's in ravenclaw. but it's in an atypical sense that she is brilliant, not in the I-come-fom-an-asian-family-so-I'm-clever kind of way (I think giving her the gift of clairvoyance would add a really good layer to her arc). she tries to fight off visions of harry potter dying, but she cannot shake them, so instead she vows to fight with him, especially after voldemort kills the first person to show her love and affection for who she is, not for the "cho chang" that her peers think she is. it's only natural for her to take a shine to harry when he's the one who saw cedric diggory murdered

while we're on the topic of horseshit naming, parvati and padma aren't called parvati and padma in my personal mindscape of the potter-verse. they're instead named drisana and salena, meaning "daughter of the sun" and "moon" respectively. not only are they fraternal twins, they also have entirely separate personalities and magical gifts. they're as different as the sun and moon are different, but they also both reflect each other's gifts quite well, just like how the full moon is an expression of both itself and the light of the sun. of course they're both enamored by the boy who lived and his best mate, and of course they say yes to them when they need dates for the yule ball. but to say either of them are actually in love with or interested in either of the boys isn't true by a long shot - salena much prefers her own company and drisana has been eyeing the pretty ravenclaw, chao-xing, for as long as she can remember (I also think they would take harry under their wing and help him reconnect with his desi culture because I can't imagine being raised by the dursleys gave him too much opportunity for that tbh)

now onto more world-buildy types of things

in fact, I'd say the only stereotypical twins at hogwarts are fred and george, and even then they only play into it for the bit. they think it's wildly funny to confuse anyone who doesn't know them well enough to tell them apart, which is a very small number of people (I mean come on, even their own mother doesn't always manage to tell them apart). one of them is probably just a little bit fruity, and the other one is either none the wiser or not the least bit surprised. they pretend like they're carefree people, but they both feel the pull of the war on their morale, even before the war truly sets in motion with the death of dumbledore. they don't have any older sibling figures present as far as we read until bill becomes part of the plot, but I like to think he and charlie are the ones they go to when they're needing someone to talk to about the state of the world. even then, they have to be careful about it in their correspondences.

and while I like to think that molly and arthur are all very present in the lives of their children, I also believe that arthur's work in the ministry keeps him quite busy, and molly can't always be there for each individual child without totally burning herself out. long story short, the weasleys are there for one another as much as they can be, but mainly as a whole. and of course, every weasley brother would level london for ginny if the need arose for it, since she gets little sister treatment (as she should, we love her for it)

it is in my humble opinion that each house has some elemental magic attached to it. some of these are more obvious, for instance, gryffindor would likely have many ties to fire magic, whereas with hufflepuff's patron being the badger, they'd have many ties to earth magic. ravenclaw and slytherin were a little bit harder for me to parse out, but a raven for me would signify air/weather magic while a reptilian, cold blooded patron would be symbolic to water. and while of course, any magical student can have a proclivity for any element of the four, many gryffindors will have a higher aptitude for fire magic. it's why (in my opinion) seamus finnegan is so talented with pyrotechnics in the first place - it's no accident that gryffindor is where he was sorted with that level of fire magic

so then, liv, how does that explain dumbledore's weird water orb and voldemort's fire serpent featured in the order of the phoenix film? actually that's a quite easy answer - remember how I said not every gryffindor has fire magic tendencies? this is actually referenced with neville longbottom's talent for herbology. if anything, he's more inclined to work with earth magic. we don't see a lot of deviating from house elements at all in canon, but aside from the main main characters, jkr also doesn't divulge much on it to begin with. even then, neville still has the inner fire of a gryffindor. and even though voldemort's raw magic takes the form of a serpent on fire, we see his former self most comfortable with the basilisk, who lives in the dank underbelly of the hogwarts plumbing. water snakes, anybody? dumbledore's is a little trickier to explain, but I do think in his conquest to be more powerful than voldemort, he also ended up mastering all four elements. he does certainly favor fire though, considering his animal companion is a phoenix, and his raw magic is displayed with fire in the half blood prince film during the sea cave scene

beyond the elements and patrons of each house, there's also astrology, runes, divination, etc. basically magic that isn't necessarily assigned to an element, but the elements can be present in each practice. for instance, astrology is a very planetary practice, and it relies on the position of the earth itself in relation to the stars and other celestial bodies (or vice versa). the moon oversees the tides (water), the sun provides warmth (fire) as well as nurtures greenery and living things (earth). all three interacting in different manners affects the weather (air). runes can be written or carved anywhere, but are best written either with something fluid like water and inked, or etched into a solid surface such as wood or stone. divination, particularly scrying, is best done with a reflective surface, however tea reading involves some herbology when it comes to making the tea itself. I digress, the point is, different aptitudes mean some students will have a higher proclivity for one practice than another outside of their "inner element" or which element works best with them (also jkr why didn't you include something for the crystal girlies?? for the fellas who love the pretty rocks???)

onto the topic we all love (said sarcastically) the most: wizard racism. rowling really thought she could paint a complex narrative about blood purity and the differences thereof when her own writing is inherently racist? miss me with that horseshit, anyway here's my personal take on the whole blood purity smorgasbord:

the only difference between muggleborns and regular old muggles is that some have the aptitude and skill for harnessing magic, and some don't. I don't actually know the science behind it. maybe the stars aligned just right. maybe it's a distant genetic thing. regardless, muggles have a very whimsical view of magic itself. we have our holidays like christmas and halloween and easter, and our cutesy packagings of the aesthetic for each holiday. but the holidays that they originate from, such as yule and samhain, have been celebrated by pagans and witches long before this christ-ifying of them, and even longer before making them palatable to a consumer culture. meaning it is real culture that has been taken and warped and accepted by society as normal, when it doesn't credit the original practicers in the first place

and considering the salem witch trials and other witch hunts (some of which are still happening in places around the globe, mind you), it's no wonder that, taking the canon of harry potter into consideration, purebloods (in this case, those from pagan families who have kept the practices for hundreds of generations and have only married within magical bloodlines) are at least mistrusting of muggleborns. does it excuse the blatant mistreatment and alienation of muggleborn witches and wizards? absolutely not. does it at least explain the disparity? yes it does

it gives salazar slytherins perspective of only allowing purebloods into his house an entirely new layer as to why. if only he didn't go about hatching an ancient bloodthirsty beast to hunt down the muggleborn students!

it does also add a very archaic level to slytherin house culture, though - they're not only the most cunning house (and most misunderstood), they're also the most observant of traditional paganism. dumbledore is so dead set on the belief that slytherin breeds evil wizards and witches, however, that his favoritism to his patron house (which happens to have the opposite mascot and element, mind you) creates an environment where slytherins are either feared or outright disrespected by the other houses. here's a hot take: dark and light magic can exist within the same space and still not have any moral attachment to them. crazy, innit

which means that not only is dumbledore a more "accepting" headmaster of muggleborns - they too, are a means to an end in this vendetta he has against tom riddle; a vendetta he's had against a child since he realized this child (who mind you, was already isolated as an orphan and a wizard growing up surrounded by muggles) was the heir of slytherin. and while yes, this made him a threat to the safety of muggleborn students, dumbledore also ensured the creation of the thing that which he vowed to overthrow. his mission in life as a wizard with great power and responsibility was a self fulfilling prophecy

(enough said about albus dumbledore. I hate that man. no wonder jkr paints him as such a hero figure in the series though like damn)

more world building! I think it should be canon that a modified obliviate spell exists so that trans witches and wizards can erase the memory of a dead name from the minds of anyone who isn't them. use this headcanon how you must, it may be the biggest fuck you to the author I could come up with <3

phew! that was a mouthful, but on that note, those are all my thoughts/headcanons/other things that I've conjured so far. some of them may be based off of headcanons I've already seen (like, we've all basically confirmed james is desi at this point), but I did wanna drive a little deeper into those existing ones as well as add thoughts of my own. I am planning on using most if not all of these to write my own rendition of the potter-verse canon, but feel free to use any of them you see in here! I'd love to invite more dialogue, particularly about more thoughtful name changes (like seriously if y'all have anymore suggestions on that front please send them to me, I don't want to be totally ignorant or off base so any feedback is super appreciated)

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illisiusreads · 6 months ago

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wow... just wow. amazing, 10/10

many the miles, 1/2

evans!severus au

the one where 13yo severus sneaks off to cokeworth and unwittingly gets caught by his older sister, and they both end up on a train to the midlands OR a long meandering sibling-focused two-shot that i've been dying to write because these two wouldn't stop arguing in my head and it was driving me NUTS

wc: 6866 (more or less)

cw: mentions of epilepsy, growing up in the 90s/2000s, discmans, Fruit Polos (rip), being yelled at by older siblings in public places, 2000s eyebrows, swearing, whatever else

for @greens-your-color :)

“Severus!”

Severus froze mid-step at the sound of his name being called among the crowded orange halls of St. Pancras. It had been faint, as though coming from a distance or a fading dream, and his first thought was to consider whether his new potions regimen included late-onset hallucinations.

Fantastic, he thought grimly, but proceeded to steel himself to accept the possibility with reluctant grace. When his name was called out loud again, however, and this time with a hard edge, he frowned and quickly reconsidered the odds, deciding that hallucinations didn’t normally grow louder or fiercer as time went on. Besides…hallucinations didn’t tend to make Mercutio react, and as it was, he had already turned to face the opposite way, his massive tail thumping hard against Severus’ leg.

“Severus!”

There was something in the way his name was said that instinctively made him spin on his heel so fast that he nearly got whiplash. At first there wasn’t anything worth noting, but soon enough his eyes focussed beyond the crowd and he was met with the sight of a rather familiar blur of wild blonde hair and clenched teeth running towards him with all the speed and rage of a charging Erumpet…if said Erumpet was just over five feet and wore paint-stained overalls with their mother’s soiled red wellies (exactly the ones she usually wore when mucking about the garden and which he knew a fox had pissed on just days before).

His jaw seemed to unhinge, and he felt himself gaping in disbelief. Alarm flared hot and heavy in the pits of his stomach.

“Petunia…?!” Severus said with no small amount of trepidation. Between the possibility of being subjected to medication-induced hallucinations or his indignant older sister, he much preferred the former than the latter. Hell, death would be the preferred option to Petunia in a massive strop. His instincts screamed at him to run and find a dark corner to hide, but his trainers stayed firmly glued to the spot as he watched the figure approach.

Please don’t be her…please don’t be her, he found himself wishing, though he knew it was futile. The figure had already stopped in front of him, red-faced and breathless from the run, with the look of a creature possessed. Their chest heaved and their eyes flashed, and within the stuttering silence, there was a brief moment when Severus still held out the hope that this could all be a dream—

“You little…shit.”

A manicured nail poked him in the chest. Hard. Severus winced. Definitely (and unfortunately) not a hallucination then. Mercutio yipped again, happily. The traitor.

Severus held up his hands as though he was under arrest. Well, he technically was.

“Hang on—ow! Hang on, I can explain…” Raw fear made his words skitter and stumble past his teeth. His tongue had gone dry and suddenly wanted to make a home for itself on the roof of his mouth. “Listen, Toons, it’s not what you think—”

“No, no, no, you listen! Just what do you think you’re doing, Severus Tobias Evans?!” As though on cue, Petunia exploded, and Severus was suddenly awash in a tirade that rang and echoed across the station’s stone walls in a manner that would rival any well-placed Sonorous. “Do you know how worried I was?! I took my eyes off you for one hour and I came back to find your room empty with nothing but a cryptic note on your desk and the last redialed number on the phone one to a cab company leading here! It cost me sixty quid to get here, mind! Sixty! I’ve not washed my hair and I’m supposed to be revising for my exam! I only agreed to watch you for Mum and Dad since they said you were ill and not having lessons today. You’ve no business to be here. WHY ARE YOU HERE?”

Severus grimaced as Petunia shouted the final question, his ears burning something fierce. He hadn’t seen or heard her that furious in ages. The last time he could remember that she had exploded the same way was when he and Lily had been experimenting with their magic a year or so before they got their Hogwarts letters: they had ended up lopping the tip of Lily’s finger clean off and had attempted, quite unsuccessfully, to fix it themselves. Petunia had reached a similar volume then (possibly due to the amount of blood on the kitchen floor), but that one at least hadn’t been a public bollocking – she had calmed down enough by the time they had run over to Andi and Ted to ask for help, and had subsequently handed the reins off to the Tonkses for a second dressing-down; the memory of a particularly potent stinging hex against his palm wasn’t something Severus would soon forget.

This time it was different. They were out in the open and Lily wasn’t available for him to tag team with. If Lily had been there, she’d have likely covered for him so this entire situation wouldn’t even be happening. But as it stood, he now had to deal with an irate Petunia all on his own where strangers could ogle at them, and wasn’t that a treat?

“It isn’t what you think it is.” Severus forced himself to speak, although his voice was higher than he’d like. “It really isn’t.”

“Oh it isn’t? Because what I think is that you’re in heaps of trouble and that’s not even the whole of it.” Petunia spoke in a tone that eerily sounded like their mother’s and it made Severus’ skin crawl.“This really has to be the most idiotic thing you’ve done, Severus. Congratulations, you’ve exceeded expectations entirely with this act. What on earth could possibly justify your being here—”

She stopped mid-rant and Severus saw as she focused on the rucksack he was carrying, her eyes wide as they traveled up to his face. “Hang on, what is that?” She gasped, looking genuinely aghast. “Severus, are you running away?”

Severus groaned, resisting the urge to slap his forehead with his palm. Of course his sister would jump to that conclusion. “I just told you it isn’t what you think it is! I’m not running away.”

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to think given that we’re in a bloody train station and you’ve a bag with you! It’s not like I’ve caught you lollygagging at the corner store!”

“Toons, just—” He was getting equally frustrated and had to resist with his entire being from telling Petunia to just shut up for a bloody minute to make his ears stop ringing and from bringing them further embarrassment. God, he hoped none of the people around them knew who they were. “It really is going to be fine, just let me…” His words were starting to fail him again, and Severus clenched his fists at his sides. “Look. It’s only a daytrip, I promise. I’ll be back even before Mum and Dad get home, but you have to let me do this, Toons. Trust me.”

The shade of red Petunia’s face turned into wasn’t one he had ever seen on any living person before.

“Trust you—?! Severus, you’re thirteen! I can’t even trust you with a pocketbook of matches! And a daytrip? Are you mad?! Are you playing hookey just to go on holiday? Are you…” And this time, Petunia was mindful enough to look round and lower her voice before speaking the next sentence: “Are you going to Hogwarts, because I swear if you are—”

“What? No!” Severus frowned. “Why would I go to Hogwarts?” The first term for that year had barely started, and besides, he had already gotten approval to have several Advanced lessons that wouldn’t be taught to Lily and the rest of their class until later in the year. Apart from wanting to visit his sister, Hogwarts held very little appeal for him.

“How am I supposed to know what goes on in your head?” Petunia fumed. “Mum and Dad gave me specific instructions to keep an eye on you today because they said you were ill.” She peered closer at his face. “But you’re not, are you? You’re sneaking off to God knows where while they’re away!”

Severus felt himself flush. He hadn’t needed any of Lily’s Fever Fudge to fool his parents earlier that morning before they had left for their outing, but being called out on it now made him feel several levels of shame that he didn’t think he was capable of feeling. Petunia hadn’t even tried to see if he had a temperature; she had already cottoned on.

“Technically,” he muttered, “I am ill…with a chronic condition…”

“Oh, Severus!” Petunia exclaimed, and she really did sound like their Mum when she was at the end of her tether. It was freakishly uncanny. “How could you lie to them about this? Do you know how worried they constantly are about you? How I—” She stopped herself mid-sentence before consciously attempting to regain her composure. After a few uneven breaths, she leveled a glare at him.

“Right, you are going to explain now,” she ordered, her voice now deadly calm. “Or I’m phoning Mum and Dad, and you will be in so much trouble I doubt you’ll even be let out until you’re eighty.”

“You wouldn’t! That’s not fair!” Severus gasped. The worst possibility he’d considered in his plan was having his parents overly worry, causing them to stay behind. Careless as he was with many others’ feelings (his sisters sometimes included), his parents were the utmost exception and he took great care of theirs above all else, since he often despised how much they had to pause their own lives for his sake. The thought of his plan unraveling in such a way that it would make them cancel their holiday altogether made him sick to his stomach. Mum had even bought an entirely new wardrobe for it even though they were only going to be gone for the day. “They’ve been looking forward to this outing for months!”

“Well bully for you, I guess you should have stayed home like you were supposed to, then.” Petunia crossed her arms over her chest and cocked her head. “Talk,” she commanded.

Oh, Petunia was a tough nut to crack. If it came down to it, he knew she’d force the answers out of him somehow. Sometimes, Severus was glad his older sister wasn’t magical at all; he was sure she’d end up an Unspeakable, and the thought itself was enough to make him shudder.

“I really am not running away...” Severus said, and it took all his willpower to not allow his voice to tremble. He wasn't afraid, how could he be? Petunia was the height of a Christmas elf. But his knees felt weak all the same. And did his voice just break? Merlin. “Everything was all planned out. I put out a note just in case, but I wasn’t really expecting you or anyone else to find it.” He felt very much like a child as Petunia raised a razor-thin eyebrow at him (it looked so awful, why was this a fad? But both his sisters would kill him if he ever so much as breathed his opinion about them), but somehow managed to ramble on. “Anyway, I was going to go and be back before anyone could find out.”

“How could you think I wouldn’t check on you at any point?” Petunia looked deeply unimpressed which, honestly, was her default expression, but this time it seemed more pointed. “I would have had to make sure you hadn’t died before Mum and Dad came home…” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Severus, did you ward your room?”

Bleeding buggering hell, his sister should have really just joined the police force. An economics degree or whatever it was she was in uni for would be far too dull for her. Having Petunia as a copper would lower the crime rate in Britain to single digits, he reckoned. Between him and Lily, she had already garnered enough practice.

As in that moment, when the stilted silence between them already gave her the confirmation she needed.

“Severus Tobias Evans!” Petunia thundered, anger flooding her features once more. “How could you do such a reckless thing! You know Mum and Dad specifically told you to not put any kind of ward or charm on your room…it’s not safe!”

This time it was Severus’ turn to glare. Although he knew his family’s rules and their protectiveness always meant well, he couldn’t help but feel suffocated when they insisted on his safety as though he was made of spun glass.

“It was just the one time and you broke through well enough!” He said hotly. “That shouldn’t have even been possible with the Notice-Me-Not up!”

He was equally annoyed and perplexed at having been caught, especially knowing that it was due to Petunia being unaffected by the charm enough to enter his room. His sister was notoriously averse to magic, and simple charms usually worked on her effortlessly. To his surprise, Petunia scoffed at his statement. She raised her wrist and showed the bright green bracelet clasped around it. The same bracelets their parents wore, all of which were in the same fluorescent color as Mercutio’s enchanted emergency collar. Severus groaned, recognizing it right away.

“You’re bloody joking! How do you have one?” Part of him wanted to throw a tantrum, as pointless as it was. The bracelet would make Petunia the third person to have the ability to know of his general well-being whether he wanted them to or not. The very thought made him want to snap it off and chuck it into the Thames. “St. Mungo’s said it was only for parents and guardians!”

“I asked, and they gave me one when I came of age,” Petunia said snootily. “Your little tricks don’t work when your safety is concerned. The bracelet started growing warm all of a sudden this morning and I knew you were up to something. Now here I am, and my toast has been abandoned and is growing cold in the kitchen as we speak.”

“You were supposed to be revising for exams. I checked your timetable and everything and Mum had left me sandwiches in my room so you wouldn’t need to bother.” Severus was fuming. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Don’t even think of giving me lip,” Petunia snapped at him with a warning tone that instantly made him internally recoil, although he continued to glare at her. “And of course you went through my things even though I’ve told you a million times not to! And…hang on…if you bunked off your tutors today then even Andi doesn’t know your little scheme, whatever it is. She wouldn’t have expected you at her house today for lessons.”

It was more a statement than a question and Severus flinched. He had been avoiding trying to think of what Andi would do to him once – if – she found out.

“It would have been fine…” he said as he unconsciously rubbed his palm where Andi’s stinging hex had last been cast.

“Oh fine, he says!” Petunia’s sudden outburst earned them a few startled glances. “This is not fine, Severus, if you still haven’t noticed. You’ve told no one? Are you daft? If anything happened to you whilst you were out…we wouldn’t even know where to start!”

“I was only going to be gone for a couple of hours.” Severus couldn’t understand what she was so worked up about. In his mind, his plan made perfect sense. “I’ve been gone for longer to the library.”

“You’re comparing this to a trip the library, really? Have you utterly lost all sense? Do you truly not understand the danger…?!” At Severus’ defiant expression, Petunia groaned. “Seriously, I am going to end up tearing my hair out…what if you had gotten kidnapped? Mugged? What if you had become seriously ill at any point?”

Her eyes flashed at the words, although he needed no cues, verbal or otherwise, to understand what it was she was referring to. He crossed his own arms, mirroring his sister’s defensive pose.

“I wouldn’t have,” he said with full confidence. “But even if I had a fit, it would be fine. I’ve been taking my po—medicines, and Mercutio’s here—”

“Mercutio wouldn’t have been able to protect the people with you, you absolute numpty!” This time, Petunia didn’t look angry but terrified. “Did you not consider that in your grand plan? Mercutio could get you to hospital but someone apart from you could get seriously hurt with your…abilities…and then where will we all be? I don’t fancy being in prison—in either world! Mum and Dad either, mind!”

Severus felt the blood drain from his face at her words. The image of a train suddenly exploding mid-track and people losing assorted limbs due to his accidental magic ran unbidden through his mind’s eye and made him wince. It was true that he had only considered what would happen to him if he had gotten a fit at any point during the trip; he had forgotten about its effects on other people entirely. His family and the Tonkses and his tutors always seemed to know what to do…but he hadn’t planned on them being with him, had he?

Suddenly, Petunia being so spitting angry no longer seemed as ridiculous given that perspective.

Merlin’s bloody bollocks, he was a knob.

“I…” he licked his lips. “I didn’t��I didn’t mean…Look. Toons.” He attempted to placate his sister by being entirely upfront. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think—”

“That much is obvious.” Petunia snapped, before releasing what sounded like a pent-up sigh. She took a long pause before she reached for his hand. Her fingers were cold as she squeezed his.

“Listen, Severus, you honestly frightened me to death. Now…I won’t tell Mum and Dad, but let’s just go home, all right? Let this be the end of the adventure. We’ll forget about this and maybe I won’t use it as leverage against you in the future. All right? Let's just go.”

She tugged him in the direction of the exits, but he resolutely stayed put. Grateful as he was for his sister’s reprieve (a rare treat as far as he was concerned), he knew he couldn’t go. This had taken months of planning and he had already come so far.

“No,” he shook off Petunia’s hold. “No, I’m sorry, I can’t. I have to go today. It’s my only chance.”

“To do what?” Petunia, bless her, looked as though he’d hit her with an extremely powerful Confundus but was expending all her energy to fight it off. She pressed her palms against her eyes. “Go where? Severus, are you actually delirious? I don’t understand—”

“Cokeworth.”

“WHAT?” Petunia dropped her hands to gawk at him, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head. Her lips moved almost involuntarily although no further sounds came out. When her vocal chords seemed to have caught up with her, it was for high-pitched hissing and sputtering, making her sound rather like an anaphylactic snake, or an irate tea kettle.

“I’m sorry, you were planning to go where? The Midlands? NOW?”

“Yes.” Severus fished around in his pocket and produced the tickets he’d already bought. He’d saved his pocket money for weeks for this trip, and he’d even had to do some odd jobs around the house and for some of the neighbours. “The train is leaving in half an hour. You can go home and wait for me there, or just wait for me to come back here. But either way…I’m going.” He licked his lips nervously. He’d never stood up to Petunia this determinedly before and he was terrified of the possible consequences (Petunia could be quite vengeful, even for the pettiest things) but he didn’t want to mull over it now. Thankfully she seemed too distracted by the current circumstances to even ponder on future punishments.

“Are you even allowed to go?! As a child?? With a dog?? The police are going to be notified!”

It was a valid concern, but one that Severus had already covered. “I’m thirteen, it’s allowed, I checked,” he said, by means of explanation. He pulled Mercutio closer to him, who happily nuzzled his face into his hip. “Mercutio too. We’re not going to make trouble so there won’t be any reason for the police to come.”

This time, Petunia really did look as though she was about to murder him, and Severus was glad they were surrounded by people on all sides. She threw him a pointed glare before shifting her attentions to the clock on the wall, then the signboard, then her (well, their mother’s) shoes in movements so rapid Severus was wondering how it didn’t hurt her neck. It was a long minute before she started muttering a string of curse words that he was sure would have earned her a mouthful of soap if Mum had heard her.

“Bloody hell, I’m not even wearing socks.” Petunia whined as she tugged at the ends of her hair. “And…what am I wearing…fuck fuck fuck. I look properly mad.”

“Just stay here then…do a bit of shopping,” Severus offered, hoping his sister would take the bait. Petunia was as vain as the day was long, and he was sure the prospect of her getting a new wardrobe in case she met any of her many exes on the street was more enticing than tagging along with him to their old hometown while wearing mismatched clothing. “I’ll keep mum about the bills to Mum and Dad. And there’s…ah…a makeup store down the street, I think. I won’t be gone long—"

He made to already turn and walk away but was held fast by a tight grip on his collar. He yelped and when he looked up and there was only familiar determination in Petunia’s eyes, one he would normally associate with tyrannical despots or Andromeda Tonks whenever she requested audience with Headmaster Dumbledore for his ever-changing homeschooling curriculum.

“Right, you little miscreant. Listen here and listen well.” Petunia held him in place with an iron grip to his shoulder, bending a little so she could hiss straight at his face. All previous traces of amicability had been wiped away from her features. “Since you obviously won’t be dissuaded from your insane plan, I have no other choice but to fall in line with it. But let it not be said that I agreed with this! No, not at all! Because the second, and I swear, the second anything goes wrong, Severus Evans, I am taking you back home, kicking, crying and/or screaming, and Mum and Dad are going to hear all of it, you understand?”

“Hang on, you mean you’re coming?” It was Severus’ turn to sputter in shock. He had not, in the thousands of possibilities considered in his plan, anticipated either of his sisters coming with him. Lily had of course been removed from the equation at the onset, but Petunia, of all people?! No amount of Divination could have predicted this sorry lot. Forget the exploding train, there was going to be blood on their seats before they could even leave Kings Cross.

“But…your exam!” He finished lamely, his brain unable to think of any other valid excuse that could keep his sister in London.

“Sod the exam. I’m not going to fail that class. But Mum and Dad will have my head if I let you go off alone and something happens to you.” Petunia had a dangerous gleam in her eye. “You will owe me for a thousand years for this, whether or not we get out of this unscathed. Now come on. Let’s get this over and done with. I need to buy a ticket.”

Dumbfounded, Severus followed his sister as she stalked towards the ticketing booth, wild hair, dirty wellies, and all.

Merlin’s pants, what had he gotten himself into?

The train that would be taking them back to the Midlands (back home, a voice in his head said experimentally, but his stomach clenched painfully at the words) was nothing like the Hogwarts train. The Midland Mainline train was long and boxy, painted a dull green all throughout and covered liberally in a speckled coating of soot. Severus caught Petunia’s sneer when she first laid eyes on it, and she had automatically held out a hand as though to keep him back. Severus rolled his eyes before grasping her wrist and pulling her forward, ignoring the squeak that left his sister’s mouth as soon as they crossed from the platform to enter the compartment. He led them both to their seats, Mercutio at a leisurely pace beside them. It wasn’t a peak hour, thank Merlin, so locating their spot was simple enough, and he and Petunia both settled in rather quickly.

“How long was it again?” Petunia had chosen the seat adjacent from his, so he had full view of her sour expression.

“Two hours.”

A groan then a loud thump as she leaned hard against the window. “Bloody hell.”

“Shouldn’t you remember?” Severus barely remembered his life in Cokeworth but had counted that more as a boon than anything. He realized that although he had asked his parents more than once about their previous lives there, he had never thought to ask his sister. Trying to remember himself was a bit like wading through scenes being played on moth-eaten video tapes. “You were old enough when we moved, weren’t you?”

Petunia threw him a withering look. “We had a car, Severus, if you don’t remember being squished to within an inch of our lives at the back. We never took the—what the hell are you doing?”

Severus looked up from the small mountain of items that he had dumped from his rucksack onto the foldaway vinyl table that sat between them.

“Precautions,” he said, waving his sunglasses at her before putting them on. Even from behind the dark lenses, he saw as Petunia considerably paled at his response.

“You said you had taken your…your medicine.” Petunia’s wariness about magic extended to even their terms, and referring to his medication as potions was not something she could do even on a good day. At the moment, she looked as though she completely regretted being in an enclosed space with him; she looked fit to bolt. “Do you feel a fit coming on now? And don’t even think about lying!”

“Oh, will you relax,” Severus chided her as he untangled his headphones before putting them on his head. “I told you; I took my medicine already. This is just to…not tempt fate so to speak.” Pet Shop Boys on low was somehow effective at keeping fits at bay, and he had bought several CD sleeves with him in case.

“Severus…see here.” Petunia rapped at the tabletop, causing him to raise an eyebrow at her. “Swear to me.”

“What?”

“Swear to me that the second you start to feel something off, you’re telling me and we’re getting off this train. I don’t know how exactly, but we’re getting off.”

Severus rolled his eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time. “Toons, we’ve barely made it out of London…”

“I don’t care. Swear it, Severus!”

“Fine, yes, I promise to tell you,” Severus grumbled.

“Also I’m calling the shots. When I tell you we’re going, we’re going. There will be no ifs and buts, I am responsible for you during this trip and so help me, if you fight me, you are going to sorely regret it.”

Her directives made him clench his teeth, but there really was little he could do. Petunia’s presence already granted her default authority, and though Severus was loathe to do so, he knew agreeing to the path of least resistance was the most efficient way of getting through the trip with his sanity intact at the end. He could plot his revenge later.

“Fine,” he fought the urge to stick out his tongue, “but I don’t have to like it.”

“Good.” Petunia sat back in her seat, looking just a smidge bit relieved. “All we have to do is ride this out and hope your brain is calm enough the entire time.”

“I’ve told you though, the potions—” Severus stopped when Petunia hissed loudly, and begrudgingly corrected himself, “I mean, the medicine…it’s working this time around, believe it or not.”

“Working in what sense?” Petunia’s lips pursed. “It never does, or else Mum and Dad would have been crying in relief.”

“This batch works well enough. No fits so far while I’ve been on it, and it’s already been a fortnight.”

Petunia frowned skeptically. “But…? There’s always a ‘but’.”

Severus sighed. They had been battling his condition collectively for so long that none of them ever accepted any easy answers; doubt and anxiety always shadowed any sort of hope.

“There are some side effects. I didn’t really lie about being ill. The medicine makes me ill, but it’s just…fevers and headaches. Usually late in the afternoon then it lasts until early morning the next day.”

Petunia groaned. “You sod. And this is part of your plan too, I suppose? You’d taken into account that you’d be gallivanting off in the morning to the Midlands and coming back into London later in the day with a raging fever, is that it?”

“It’s hardly raging; it’s more annoying than anything.”He had debated not telling Petunia about the symptoms but had already learned from experience that it wasn’t wise. Besides, she already had the medi-bracelet from St. Mungo’s; she would know at any rate. “And a fever is child’s play. I’d take that over having a fit any day.”

“It’s hardly healthy to be getting those every day, Severus.”

Severus shrugged as he sucked on a Fruit Polo. The train was wobbling a bit even at the speed it was going, and it was already giving him a bit of a headache. “Well, if you’ve noticed, I’m not exactly the poster boy of health anyway.” He would have scrapped the entire plan if the new potions mix had had a worse effect, but since it hadn’t, the point was moot. He just had to do his utmost best to not be triggered into a fit which was, quite honestly, easier said than done, but Dad always quoted about boats being in harbors and their not being made for that, so Severus figured this was something along those lines. “I can take it. I know my limits.”

“Oh, please.” Petunia scoffed, but said nothing more on the matter. She glared stormily out the window as the train sped past Greater London, as if the view was a personal affront. “This is insanity,” he heard her mutter to herself.

Her eyes flitted across the aisle to the other seats of the train, and Severus knew she was imagining the worst-case scenario and figuring out an exit strategy (or several). Petunia had always been a bundle of nerves and paranoia, and it had only seemed to grow worse as they got older. He watched as her fingers knotted and unknotted themselves on the table before they were clasped against the sides of her head.

“Ugh, I can’t believe we’re doing this. Mum and Dad are going to kill me.” She groaned into the tabletop, and Severus wrinkled his nose in disgust. “I am going to kill you.”

Severus scoffed. “I’m sure if you wait long enough, the epilepsy will do it for you. That way, you don’t have to get your hands dirty—what?” He was startled as Petunia gasped, lifting her head so suddenly that it nearly sent her toppling backwards into her seat. “What?”

“That isn’t funny! Severus, you mustn’t say things like that!” She had paled so much her freckles stood out in contrast. “Take that back!”

“Oh, so you can threaten me but I can’t say the truth? It is funny. Dad calls it gallows humour.” He left out the bit where Dad didn’t like him making jokes about his illness either, but he didn’t often tell Severus off for it. “You just said it yourself: it’s hardly healthy to be ill this much. And at some point you’re going to have to accept—”

“Oh, just shut it,” Petunia snapped, and this time, there was real heat in her words. “Shut up right now. We’re not discussing this, not now, not ever.”

“What? You were the one who started—”

“Shut it, Severus!”

Severus bristled at being scolded and dismissed. It had been a while since he’d been alone with Petunia in such close quarters, and he’d forgotten how maddening it could be. While both his sisters had the habit of yo-yoing through emotional extremes, Petunia’s mood swings carried with her the weight of her authority as oldest and made it near impossible to defy her lest she follow through on any hidden or implied threats. Plus she could be downright nasty without trying.

“I didn’t ask you to come along,” Severus said. He felt so cross with his sister at that moment that felt compelled to goad her into an argument, consequences be damned. “You decided that all on your own, so don’t take it out on me. I didn’t want you here.”

“Well that makes two of us,” Petunia glared at him. “This isn’t exactly how I pictured my free day would be.”

“You can leave anytime, you know. The next station is in twenty minutes.”

“And that’s how we solve this, you reckon? I don’t have a choice, Severus!”

“Yes, you do because I don’t want you here! Look, I’ll pay you to go back.”

“Are you being serious right now? You realise I can put a stop to this merry jaunt of ours in a snap if you push me to it?”

“Do it then,” Severus was tired of her holding her authority over him. This trip shouldn’t have been that difficult but with Petunia there it was starting to feel like pulling teeth. “Do it already. You keep threatening to so just do it. I don’t care. I don’t.”

Somehow, he was close to tears although he couldn’t understand why. His head felt hot and heavy and his eyes stung. Petunia looked at him incredulously.

“The only reason I’m here,” she said slowly, “is I know…I can see how much this means to you. I wouldn’t have agreed otherwise. But even without your condition, you’re still only thirteen. I don’t care how grown-up or invincible you think you are. You aren’t going across the country alone with only your service dog for company.”

Severus’ face burned. “You think I’m too weak.”

“I think you’re a child.” Petunia said exasperatedly. “A rather reckless and stupid one, I might add.”

“You realize you being here with me makes you rather reckless and stupid too? You’re in as much danger being here with me than if you’d just stayed behind.”

“Yes, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take! That’s my business, not yours. Besides, there’s no way I could have made any other decision.”

“Why? You clearly have more important things to do and I’m always bothering you and everyone else. I would’ve thought you’d have liked a day off to yourself without being shackled into taking care of someone else—”

“You’re not ‘someone else’, you’re my brother, you idiot, and I’m not leaving you alone!”

The statement halted their argument in its tracks. Severus had already been close to being properly angry but found that he couldn’t think of a rebuttal to Petunia’s claim. He shut his mouth with a snap of his teeth and glared at his sister instead. Their small corner was quickly plunged into a filled silence and for a moment, they stared at each other, unyielding, but then Petunia’s gaze softened, and she sighed.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you an idiot. But you are a child, literally, and that’s not something you can use as a defensive argument. You are also being an utter pain in the arse right now but that’s also because you’re my little brother and that’s part of your job description. Now, look…I really don’t want to argue on a train of all places. Let’s just agree that this entire situation is mad and be done with it. We’ve already paid for the bloody tickets so we should at least see it through.”

Severus glowered, not wanting her to get the last word in. “You’re being a right tit too and I hadn’t even wanted you here.”

Petunia nodded sagely. “Touche.”

She held out her hand for a Fruit Polo and Severus grudgingly gave her one. It was as good a peace offering as any. They sat and sucked on their sweets in silence for a long while, listening to the clacking and rumbling of the train on the tracks and each other’s slowing breathing. It was just calm enough to lull him into a stupor, which felt rather nice, given that his headache had persisted throughout their fight and had steadily grown to a dull throb.

“Why are you doing this anyway?” Petunia’s voice floated over to him in the haze. “Why go back to Cokeworth at all? Didn’t we already do well leaving all that behind?”

Severus opened his eyes, not even realizing he had closed them. He frowned at being caught off-guard. “I’m not playing Twenty Questions.”

“It’s a simple enough question seeing as we’ve already had a hundred arguments and I’ve already lost at least a hundred quid to this madness.” Petunia’s words were harsh, but her tone was mild. She wasn’t picking a fight; she was genuinely curious. “We’ve not even been back in Cokeworth since we left and now, all of a sudden, you skip your beloved lessons and lie to our parents in a fit of inspiration? The least you can do is tell me why.”

Severus bit his lip, unsure of his desire to share any more than he had to. His chest felt tight around the memory of the day he saw Tobias, larger than life but washed out and faded, standing on the street where they lived. It was his closest-guarded secret and one he hadn’t even breathed a mention of to anyone, not even to Lily. The conversation he’d had with him hadn’t even lasted five minutes, but Severus recounted it almost obsessively, picking through his father’s words and expressions, the small movements of his hands and the slump of his shoulders. He’d known then that he had to go back to Cokeworth, but the exact reasons were lost even to him.

“Ghosts,” he said simply, and Petunia frowned.

“Ghosts,” she repeated. She studied his face, worry pinching her features. “Severus…” and now her voice was gentle, “…did something happen?”

“No.” Severus said, the lie rolling easily from his tongue.

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.” Severus breathed. “I just need to see it again, I think.”

Petunia’s face took on a strange expression. “Listen, I know we hardly talk about it but you have to know that it may not be what you expect or remember. I just want you to realise that. You were very young…and things…things were very very different.”

“I know,” Severus had already considered the possibility that what his glitchy memories could recall was far from reality, and the few photos they had at home didn’t really do it justice, “but it’s still worth seeing for myself.”

Petunia looked unconvinced, in fact she looked ready to put a stop to the trip once and for all, but she didn’t. She crossed her arms again unhappily but leaned further back in her seat as though in resignation.

“We’ll stay an hour and a half at the most. And we’re getting lunch first. You’ve gone all pale so I don’t care what you say, you’re drinking your second set of medicines where I can see you. Any arguments and I’m taking all of us back. I don’t care if we would have to get a cab all the way back to London. Clear?”

Severus gave her a grateful nod, glad to obey her orders for once. Bossy as she was, having Petunia there meant that he wasn’t required to think of the menial things, which was nice. He also realised that as badly as he had wanted to go back to Cokeworth, he also didn’t want to dwell too much on the matter. The memory of town itself felt like an old wound that still ached when touched or jostled, and he didn’t really want to figure out why that was until he had to, until he was there. If he had been alone, he wouldn’t have been able to help himself from picking at it his thoughts until they rattled about his head, unanswered. It would have eventually driven him mad. Arguing with Petunia and generally having her there had quieted them down somewhat, and for that he was relieved.

“Right, I’m just going to ignore you for the next hour then. I’m knackered and I don’t want another fight. Count sheep in the meadow and don’t bother me unless it’s an emergency.”

Not that he would have ever told her though.

“Crystal,” Severus said, before rolling over in his seat and shutting his eyes, soothed by the rhythmic clacking that surrounded them and warm in the knowledge that he wasn’t alone.

tbc

the story about tobias' unexpected visit to severus is here.

#severus snape fic #severus snape #evans!au #petunia evans #i don't usually like petunia but this was fun #so so good #this fic is amazing

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