#good friends understand depression
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The terms of my parole prohibit me from doing any of that shit.
#nah not really#I try to be a rock solid friend#sometimes I can’t#good friends understand depression#I really shouldn’t be left alone with kids#I’m a master packer but a shite mover#horrible knees— have X-ray evidence
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Shoutout to this draft I made a couple hours ago when I suddenly had an epiphany for how I could fix a part of my story and I was so excited that the only way I could express it is to write whatever this is but I couldn’t post it because I didn’t have internet
also it got marked as mature for some reason
#mood honestly#OHHH OHH. WA#there is pure happiness behind those words#I don’t know if I’ll keep the idea that I came up with but it’s so much better than what I had before#ties up loose ends while also keeping it vague like I wanted mmmm#and the ending isn’t super depressing now!!! sort of!!!#it is Not final so I won’t yap about it just yet but#I think I might be able to give gourdie a somewhat happy ending….that is all I wanted…..yes…..#cause like damn at first she was just miserable by the end with no happiness in sight. which didn’t really match the rest of the story#cause it’s more so lighthearted even when there’s like. death and stuff#like. bad shit happens but it’s not an emotionally charged angsty story#if people do find it sad despite the jokey tone then all the better because that means I can have my cake and eat it too#but my point is simply that Gourdie’s ending did NOT match up with anything else#she was just left completely depressed by the end#BUT I CAN FIX IT. I THINK. STILL WORKINH IT OUT IN MY MIND#TRYING TO MAKE SURE IT WOULDNT RETCON ANYTHING PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED#perhaps it makes the ending a bit less impactful but who tf thinks I’m going for impact!!!#gourdie gets to mysteriously disappear too. as a treat.#and it also plugs that plot hole…yes….good…..#I’m just rambling at this point hey guys how ya doin#pdbc#not a pikmin post#more pdbc posts are coming cause I spent like 4 hours today writing#by that I mean like. 4 hours of just trying to fix the ending. but I kinda did it soooo#point is I rarely have scripts for certain sections and I now have a script for a sliver of a section so that’s a win#this is a huge wall of text uhhhh#I’ve been yapping about pdbc an unhealthy amount lately and I’ll never stop#my friend wants to know the lore as well so I’ll have to find a way to explain it all to her#< it’ll be easier for her to understand actually cause of reasons#anyway I’ll shut up now bye bye
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Finally got enough energy to talk about Furina's SQ and while I loved her and the troupe, MC and Paimon were .... Not Great. I talked about this with friends but in Paimon's case especially, the way they interact with Furina feels like people who just don't understand trauma and depression and then engage with someone suffering from both in all the wrong ways.
Talking about how much of a downgrade her house is from the opera house, making fun of how she can't cook, pushing her to act when she's set a very clear boundary and then guilt tripping her after she's stuck to her guns, shaming her for not being able to fight well (Paimon literally talks about how second hand embarrassment is overwhelming and I'm just like ?????), telling her she's "not acting like herself" when she attempts to open up and be vulnerable....it's just really rough. That and the MC asking "is something wrong" when Furina gets sad over Poission ..like bro people died and she couldn't save them and she's tearing herself apart over it. Those people are never coming back and you know it and you have the gall to ask her is something wrong??? Of COURSE there is!!
It just feels especially odd because we literally get to see all of Furina's suffering and Paimon in particular is. SO mean? Like she was more understanding with Wanderer and Ei and THEY'VE tried to kill us multiple times!! I don't get it, and honestly I'm very proud of Furina for refusing to waver. Let her rest!! She's tired and depressed and she needs time to heal; and honestly fuck Paimon for trying to make her feel bad. Furina's worked harder than she EVER will.
#as someone with depression and who's highly sensitive this story quest hurt a LOT because ive also encountered people who don't understand.#i've been told i need to get over my anxiety. i've been asked what am i so tired from since i just lay in bed.#so furina's character and how she was treated hit very very hard for me. she's isolating herself and not coping well but she is TRYING.#she's trying so hard and she equates her worth to her role. like she literally tells you that she serves no more use to anyone.#and i wanted to shake her so hard. because it's not about what she can do#she has worth simply because she exists. full stop. she is loved and she is appreciated just for being herself#her worth isn't decided by her power yk??#i hope she can rest and heal and find some good friends - after the way mc and paimon treated her i honestly don't think they should be#or if they are; they'd have to work to earn her trust cuz good LORD. they treated her so weird and so tone deaf!!#i've seen a lot of people complaining about it too so im glad im not alone.#anyway. there is something wrong with me i have cried actual tears over furina please god she needs a hug#and to be told she did a good job and she can rest now and things will get better#4.2 spoilers#genshin impact#furina
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hey. um. i love him
#O_O i really love him#it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer#by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die#sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day#kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do#using another website just sounds so depressing#im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it#but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation#i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it#and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience#I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it#i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of#the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked#and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that.#there's several reasons#but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know#in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time#idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what#no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself#and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one
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Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.
I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.
I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.
So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?
#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks#i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me#but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world#tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of#but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets#this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me#i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items#i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em#its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there#the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students#mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression#in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me#no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings#if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask#but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself#and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding.#words#mr octopus#mental health#doodles
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#when you feel yourself falling headfirst into a depressive episode bc of all the bad stuff that's been happening in the last months and all#you wanna do is talk to your best friend about it but you can't bc your best friend cut you out of their life bc their new partner told them#that you're a crazy person who's bad for her and convinced them to stop being your friend and your just miss her#and you miss her and you miss her and you miss her and knowing you could be dead right now or could be dead in a month or a year or in 40 or#or 80 years without her even knowing or caring hurts it hurts like someone cut of a part of your limb and when you talk to people you#sometimes still make your inside jokes and no one will understand them and it will hurt again like the first moment she betrayed you and#told you all the bad stuff she know believes of you and then you'll remember this has all happened before and you were a fool for trusting#them again after what had happened the first time but you did and the hurt never stops bc she was your best friend for so long and you two#thought you were soulmates once and you apparently were not and now it hurts still and every time something good or bad or very bad happens#you wanna talk to her and tell her and you wonder how they are doing but he cut you out and told you horrible things and accused you of#terrible stuff that you didn't even understood where it came from and you know you can never be friends again bc you know there's no way#you will ever be able to trust her again but you wonder#you wonder how his life has been going and she's happy and if they're health and whether they think about you too sometimes#and sometimes you're scared for her bc all has been scratchy and you know nothing about what even happend and you suspect he's in an abusive#situation but you don't know bc they blocked you everywhere even duolingo and goodreads and she deleted her tumblr which she didnt last time#and when you were at the hospital every second of every minute of every day your fingers itched to text her about your terrible roommate and#when you were there again they itched to call her bc you were so scared but that will never happen again and now that all the bad stuff has#happened you kno lw you can deal on your own and you're strong enough to do it but it still hurts and will it ever stop?
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#i was so proud yesterday to have managed my panic attack on my own.#i thought i also had managed to do the right thing but turns out it wasn't the best thing i could have done.#today is trying to get rid of the feeling that life is.#im afraid of going home because i feel like i have stepped back so much. that im a weight. that it's annoying that people have to bear wit#all that of me#im sorry... im sorry. i don't have more answers. sometimes someone tell you they have a bad day and you ask them why and your friend will#just tell you. ''idk. im sad today and depressed''. and it's just that. i think. is it justme?#i feel like such a waste#i thought i had had a good breakthrough w my psychiatrist; trying to go with that sensitivity. but turns out im still. it doesnt change the#fact that its stupid and beyond understanding. sigh.#my life is not running away my life is not running away. it feels like it but it doesnt. this too shall pass this too shall pass#stuff that's been built won"t just waste away. everyone has something going on it's called life#i know i have to tell myself it's all in my head. and i am. but. but. but. im still scared#(therapist voice: what purpose is this fear serving? loved one being angry or annoyed at me. are they? it seems like it.) (i am loved this#oo shall pass)#(mantra)#dni dnid dni
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is it weird to tell my friend I miss having music conversations like we did at uni
#or is that a normal thing to say. it sounds like a normal thing to say#but does it sound normal coming from me. is it in character for me. will he think it's out of character for me#i'm not saying I miss Him (although the drifting of our friendship is something i think about at least twice a day) i'm just saying i miss#the music conversations. which we had a lot of at uni#does it sounds clingy and stuck in the past to be like ''like we used to do at uni''. or will he understand#and also i can't tell if he feels the same way (misses the friendship) and isn't saying anything bc he's just like me when it comes to#emotional stuff. or does he not talk to me as much bc maybe he has just gone off me. he's always out doing things and talking to people#and i'm his sad unemployed hyperfixationless friend who lives far away and always acts depressed and zone outey#and is always like remember the good old days remember how we used to run etc.#so idk.#the context is he sent me a song i recommended him years ago like 'listening to this again thanks for recommending lol'#and maybe it just came up on shuffle maybe he actively went and listened to it idk#so would that be an appropriate time to send:#''I feel we should recommend songs more like we did at uni I miss having music conversations lol''#obviously i've responded to the actual message but would it be weird to send that too#anyway#ramble
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looking at the clock and going "oh. i didn't. even realize it was past 8pm." and its not funny or cool its just unbelievably concerning
#medusa rambles#kind of venty ig#ive been having. a really shitty two weeks and an even shittier few days#i decided to step down from the student organization i started a year ago#which basically means itll probably fade into oblivion#i lost so many connections i had to this awful fucking college#in the past two weeks#and its like#all i have left tying me there is a degree that i don't really need for what i want to do#and a handful of professors & staff i genuinely value#i have very little support system in general and its just#why am i even staying here#why stay. genuinely why stay#i am such a community based person and like#i have no community there#everyone who im close with there just#are busy and i get it and i understand it but we Don't Talk. they understand my life via scattered updates that they dont really care for#and talking into the void is funny until its. not.#and logically i know that this is just like. pure depression speaking and not actually reflective of whether my friends care for me or not#but it just doesnt matter#and i think its just like. i Need to stop trying#because every attempt at any form of connection#that just fails completely and utterly is so severely damaging#but what do i have if i don't try. what is there otherwise.#i remember a year ago#when i first started college#sitting in my dorm and sobbing every night because i was just so fucking isolated from everyone around me#and its like. nothing has really changed. i am just as isolated as i was then#i think honestly like. maybe i do just need to be hospitalized again#i dont. feel like i did when i was 16 but i know that This is not sustainable and not good and like. sitting and going
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answering I have no point of view of rhaegar but the mentions are from people who were in love with him joncon, cercei or people like barristan who is an ass kisser who follows the megalomaniac daenerys who believes that rhaegar was perfect, besides he says that he could not be happy something like that following ned is not a reliable point of view either because he arrived when lyanna was dying neither viserys or the maniac daenerys are not reliable because they believe in the propaganda that her brother fought for the woman he loved a means to justify his crimes 2 being a tough stubborn and intelligent girl does not make you not be a victim of manipulation or grooming of what he did he let a girl die alone he fought for her father he made a child live with the stigma also his guards took ned away from his sister in a traumatic moment. 3 of course he didn't plan to die because he's like his sister Daenerys who believes that everything revolves around them and that they alone can save the world because in their megalomania they believe that they could get away with it, he was so arrogant to believe that he was going to be victorious
ned is not a reliable point of view ned is a hypocrite who let his wife mistreat his nephew who let horrible things happen who basically dismissed lyanna's feelings about robert who said that brandon and lyanna sought their endings who blamed lyanna's savagery on her sister and not the idiot who took advantage of her she the one truly responsible was rhaegar so ned who is not an example of morality when it comes to jon or lyanna because he failed them both
I know it was a fever dream but it doesn't change anything. He was irresponsible for taking her to Dome. It's a land where she would be far away from everyone and dangerous because of his wife's family. It could put Lyanna and Jon in danger because he was even a fool to take a girl that he turned into his lover to his wife's land. I'm not a fan of Elia Martell. In fact, she's a tertiary character that I don't care about.
anon,
glad you seem to know what a period is, though i wish you used it more often.
also, you’re delusional, and frankly, i don’t think you’ve read a single Daenerys chapter.
#somehow every character who thinks well of rhaegar is so biased that they’re 100% wrong about rhaegar’s personality#somehow despite understanding the fact that we don’t have rhaegar’s POV you still state your headcanons as fact#i think dany looks up to rhaegar and admires him but she does think he was wrong for embarrassing elia at the tourney of harrenhall#that doesn’t sound like someone who thinks their big brother is perfect#just sounds like a young teenage girl desperate for a connection to her family#btw anon i have a soft spot for characters who exhibit signs of depression#so i really despise the idea that rhaegar was never happy#especially since rhaegar and lyanna stayed in a tower rhaegar called the tower of JOY. like hello?? sounds like he was happy with lyanna#what the hell is your 2nd point even about? you are so contradictory#kinda getting concerned for you#i do agree that ned failed both jon and lyanna but this doesn’t mean he’s not a reliable pov#what is dome#i think it was a good idea to hide lyanna in dorne near starfall aka the home of his closest friend#anon answered#super tired so this is chaotic#may these anons never find me again
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:(
#for context: i missed out on 4 years of having a true best friend#because i've been stuck with this selfish#egotistical#jealous#girl who's obsessed with grades and intelligence#always trying to be better than me#and then comes up with excuses when she falls short#like an annoying kid on a video game who insists theyre good and then says “i just have bad wifi” when they inevitably fail#she lies to me#she doesnt care about any of our other friends#she has no sense of humor#no shame#she doesnt understand any social cues at all and even if i TELL HER shes making someone uncomfortable she'll deny it#and shes always been like this#ive been calling her my bsf for 4 years#all the while ive missed out on having real genuine bonds with someone else#i still haven't found the watson to my holmes/the holmes to my watson#and i hate it#im so worried im gonna be stuck with her as my best friend forever#because she thinks we're gonna be best friends for life#but the entire time ive been friends with her i literally can hardly tolerate her#she radiates negative energy#always so pessemistic and depressed and she FAKES health conditions as an excuse for stuff#she blames her anxiety/insomnia on EVERYTHING#and she only talks about like 3 things anyway#i dont know what to do#i hate her#i need a new best friend.#im too scared to leave because i cant just say “i hate your personality!”#holmes/watson
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#not feeling so great as of lately#i thought it was just that i was thinking about stuff at a too late of a time yesterday but now its morning and i still feel bad#sure i slept very badly so maybe its still that but idk it still doesnt feel great no matter what the reason is#i feel like. so annoying lately#and like yea maybe i am and it shouldnt matter yk like all that ur allowed to be annoying and just be urself and whatever#but it just of takes a lot out of u when u t talk about ur interests or ur day or smth ands like everyone just brushes it off or ignores u#and obviously im probably being dramatic like this is a busy time of the year!#and its not always about me and like other ppl have their reasons to do what they do u know#but it still feels bad :'))#also this isnt about like anyone specific its like a combination of little things that FEELS bad to ME not a thing someone else does#like i know ppl dont have to care about stuff yk i like that i KNOW they dont care about so like what do i expect#and i dont ever know what to say to stuff idk anything about either so its very understandable#but its took me years to like. talk about things i like without prompting so it feels like a big hit when i dont get any reaction back fsgsh#and thats not trying to blame anyone else either its not anybody elses fault im not good at something#i think my kind of insecurity is showing one of my friends had to reassure me that yes they do want to hear how im doing fsgsh#but im thankful for that it feels good to hear when ur feeling kind of unstable with ur relationships fshsh#also since i am feeling like. unstable on EVERY relationship i suspect its just seasonal depression or stress or something#still wont stop the brain from like trying to blame itself lmao#this is kind of stupid idk what im trying to even say here#my post#vent#maybe ill delete it later?? this feels stupid
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laverne and shirley always together always and forever, they’ll always choose each other and that’s enforced again and again in the show <3
#they come in a pair !#i rewatched bridal shower today and the way they’re just connected at the hip the whole entire time—a unit against their high school friends#scratched my brain so good bc it’s like ! laverne and shirley and shirley and laverne they’re a package deal they come together#they live together. people drift apart from their high school friends but not them ! they beat that bc they’re them bc they’re connected#they rent an apartment together. they bought a car together. they move to california together !!!#they always find jobs in pairs. they joined the army as a team. they double date with eachother !#where there’s one there’s the other bc they can’t fathom a life without eachother !!!#and i’m not even making it up to please my lesbian brain#if in heaven we don’t meet hand in hand we’ll bear the heat and if it ever gets too hot pepsi-cola hits the spot !!!!#they’ll go to heaven or hell together it doesn’t matter as long as it’s them as long as it’s laverne and shirley forever connected forever#at each others side#do you get it ? do you understand ???#season 8 is a sham it’s awful it’s terrible bc for the first time they’re apart ! it’s depressing it’s sad it’s awful#it’s 6 am and i’ll cry over there love#does this make sense i hope it does i hope y’all watch laverne and shirley
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btw my mom said it. she said it to me looking me in the eyes. i told her about how difficult it was for me to get through those family reunions, and she admitted it was very important to her, important enough that she was just going to do it anyway.
#i know there are compromises out there#and i'm not going to live w them my whole life so i'll be out fairly soon all things considered#and i'm trying to be understanding when people's priorities aren't the same as mine#but i uh. would be lying if i said it doesn't hurt a little wittle bit.#i'm gonna keep handling it because i've been an asshole to my parents for long enough#i largely owe them that. cooperating and spending time with them and engaging in what matters to them.#but then she's says things like ''but whenever you move out you'll still be part of the family and invited if you want uwu''#it's just ?????? okay thanks ???? perhaps you could also try seeing things from my point of view perhaps????#it's all circling back to that. they have a very weird way to ''help'' me#throwback to them trying to cure my depression with amusement parks#when i would have liked a little less of that and a little more help and understanding#it feels like they're trying to put bandaids on a cancer#''you don't ask for help'' okay no help is coming. i am not being helped.#the system can't help me cause there's no damn beds no damn professionals no damn time to help everyone#the people around me can't help me because it's not their job or within their wheelhouse to help me#and they've got their own shit to deal with#on that note#i was discussing stuff with my mom#and i mentionned it was indeed pretty difficult to manage your time when you had to deal with school and friends and your parents#and she was like ''deal with your parents???? what do you have to deal with????''#oh i don't KNOW maybe that i'm officially an associate of my dad and i have to help out w events and some accounting#or maybe i have to pay back the fucking years i spent being an ungrateful child now i do everything you expect me to and it's exhausting#maybe that you constantly remind me i am living in YOUR house by touching my shit instead of letting me deal with shit at my own pace#maybe the fact that despite everything i care about you and i want us to have a good relationship and that takes WORK and i'm exhausted#maybe the fact that you keep giving me advice that is unproductive misguided misunderstanding etc etc#and cold comfort after you did something you knew to be difficult for me#how you keep encouraging shit that i don't want and am unhappy with because it's the ''normal'' way#how you raised me from childhood to be an empty shell in a family of empty shells#broadcasting my misery#vent
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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)
#i guess it affected me more than i'd like to#i don't want to make people uncomfortable#and i am sorry if i did that with any of my posts i know they have been overly emotional and maybe a bit insane#it's true that i am trying to deal with losing and finding peace i am not very good at this due to my intense emotions#and my fear of loneliness and losing people. i am also in a very bad depressive episode. i am aware that this isn't an excuse for any#of my behavior. i never had a support system so dealing with all this on my own and getting no therapist who is willing to see you#it's a downer. guilt is eating me alive and my mental condition is the something that has ruined a lot for me but it has never before done#such a terrible job before. recovering from that and dealing with the aftermath of this is exhausting and has taken a toll on my physical#and mental health i know this post doesn't mean anything to most of all and is at best confusing but i guess it's my poor attempt#of avoiding that people will hate me. i don't want to self-pity more than i already did. but i do that all on my own already.#i know that life is so much more difficult than fiction and you can't expect miracles or believe in faith to fix anything#i know there is no cure to who i am. i can only try to navigate it better in the future. it doesn't mean that i can't regret what i did.#that i can't feel guilty about it. i know that won't change anything but i am also trying to get better and i understand if that's not#visible. i just have to believe that one day it will be enough for people to say 'hey. i know you are fucked up.#and you hurt me and you've been a bitch. but we'll work on it. i believe in you.' otherwise i have to believe that this loneliness#is all there is and that i'm gonna die hollow#i don't want much. i just want some patience and peace#i want to believe that i am worthy of love and that i can get a future. and yes. me talking about wanting a wife and this stupid apple pie#life... maybe it's cliche and stupid but i have been alone for years and i am so tired of fighting. is it so bad that i don't want to do#this alone? and that goes for friends as well. i want to cook for people built things and tend to a garden to take care of animals#and to create instead of destroying for once.#i don't know why i am still writing i guess when the dam breaks... again. i am sorry for ever making people uncomfortable or even hurting#them that was never my intention. i promise#so i really hope. whoever is reading this. i hope you are doing alright. i hope you had/have a good day. tell the people you care about#you love them and enjoy the little things. read that book. eat that chocolate or do whatever brings you joy. the world is so difficult to#navigate but you are doing such a great job by just existing. you are making this world a better place with the light you radiate#the last thing I want to do something I never can forgive myself for is hurting people#not only but especially the ones I care about. but beyond that those I barely know too because I care about you guys too#I just don't want that... I want to leave the world better than I found it but I'm having a hard time doing it due to this stupid fucking#brain of mine.
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im so blessed... these memories of waking up for school every day and every day my parents would peel and cut up a fruit (usually an apple) and bring me tea and id start my day so nicely... my dad singing a song to wake me up when i was way smaller, he was always so sweet and gentle about it... and mom always giving me more than i want/need/ask for... is there any love so selfless as a parent's...
#i should write a book about them im obsessed with how well i was loved#maybe they set my expectations so high that not being loved and cared for like that by any friend was a depressing shock for my mind#i could literally not understand a world where someone would just put someone else down for fun because#noone had shown me that could even happen til i got that certain age#i mean i just found it weird i was so weird and sad as a kid when i had such a good home life#(even being forced to study a lot they were alwayyssss making tons of time to help me. even on their busiest days)
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