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#gonna try to make the best of a bad situation
l4ndonorizz · 3 days
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cooking stream gone wrong / lando norris x reader
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pairing: lando norris x reader
song: disclosure - latch
summary: cooking stream is not something lando does often, but when he does it's worth it. and gossip is his middle name.
wc: 1.3k
“Alright, we’re live!” Lando grinned at the camera, adjusting his headset as you stood beside him in the kitchen, waving to his thousands of Twitch followers tuning in for what was supposed to be a simple, fun cooking stream.
“Say hi!” he nudged you with his elbow, a cheeky smile playing on his lips.
“Hi, everyone!” you laughed, feeling a little awkward but excited at the same time. Cooking was not your strong suit, but Lando had convinced you it would be fun—how hard could making pasta be?
“So, here’s the plan,” Lando started, turning back to the camera. “We’re going to make...well, attempt to make some pasta. Easy, right? We’ve got everything set up, and—”
“And by ‘set up,’ you mean we threw everything onto the counter and hoped for the best,” you interrupted, earning a laugh from Lando as the chat started flooding with comments.
"Lando can’t even boil water."
"This is going to be a disaster, isn’t it?"
"Who’s the better cook?"
Lando squinted at the screen, reading the comments. “Who’s the better cook? Honestly, neither of us, but I think I’ve got this. Easy win,” he said, confidently reaching for the flour to start mixing the dough.
“Sure, sure,” you teased, rolling your eyes. “Let’s see how that confidence holds up when we burn your kitchen.”
As you both got to work, the chaos started almost immediately. Lando spilled flour all over the counter while trying to measure it, and you couldn’t stop laughing as he attempted to save it by brushing the mess into a pile.
“Mate, I’m a racing driver, not a chef!” he exclaimed, looking at the camera as if that excused the growing disaster in front of him. The chat was already spamming laughing emojis.
“And yet, here we are,” you said, reaching for the eggs. “Okay, let’s at least try to make the dough...not a total failure.”
A few minutes later, you both had something that vaguely resembled dough, though it was sticking to your hands and the countertop. You exchanged glances, trying not to burst out laughing.
“This...doesn’t feel right,” you said, holding up your sticky hands.
Lando shook his head, grinning as he swiped some flour from the counter and smeared it across your cheek. “You’re doing great.”
You laughed, pushing him away playfully. “Seriously? You’re just making it worse!”
The chat exploded with more comments.
"What’s happening here?"
"This stream is pure chaos."
"They are so bad at this!"
“Alright, alright, let’s focus. We’re gonna make this work,” Lando said, trying to regain control of the situation. “We just need to roll it out, right?”
You nodded, grabbing the rolling pin. But, in true chaotic fashion, you accidentally knocked over the bag of flour, sending a cloud of white powder into the air. Both of you froze for a moment, staring at the mess before bursting into uncontrollable laughter.
“Okay, this is an absolute disaster,” you managed to say between laughs, wiping the flour from your face.
“Disaster? Nah, this is quality content,” Lando grinned, gesturing to the camera as he brushed the flour off his shirt. “Everyone loves a bit of chaos.”
The chat seemed to agree, with viewers sending donations and spamming messages about how this was the funniest stream they’d seen in a while.
With the dough finally rolled out (though not exactly perfectly), you both moved on to boiling the water. Lando confidently set the pot on the stove, turning up the heat.
“See? Easy,” he said, wiping his hands on a towel. “We’ve totally got this.”
“Don’t jinx it,” you warned, but the damage was already done.
Just a few minutes later, the water started boiling over, steam rising from the pot. Lando scrambled to turn down the heat while you frantically grabbed a towel to clean up the mess.
“I said don’t jinx it!” you laughed, trying to keep the chaos under control.
“Okay, okay, I might’ve messed that one up,” Lando admitted, wiping his forehead dramatically for the camera. “But we’re still going strong!”
As the chaos in the kitchen continued, you both got more and more caught up in the moment. Between the flour, the boiling water, and the laughter, it was easy to forget about the camera still rolling. The playful banter between you and Lando became more flirtatious as the minutes passed, and you couldn’t help but notice how close you were standing to each other now.
Lando leaned in, a grin on his face as he pretended to offer you a bite of the pasta that had somehow ended up slightly burnt. “Care for a taste, chef?”
You laughed, leaning back against the counter. “Oh, I’ll pass. Looks like you’re trying to poison me.”
But instead of pulling away, Lando stayed close, his hand resting gently on your waist. The playful energy shifted, and suddenly, the laughter faded, replaced by an unfamiliar tension. His eyes stayed on yours, the teasing glint in them softening as the air between you thickened.
You felt your pulse quicken, your heart racing in your chest. "Lando..." you started, unsure if you should break the moment or let it take its course.
He didn’t answer. Instead, his gaze dropped to your lips, and before you could even process it, his hand slid up your side, pulling you closer. His lips found yours, softly at first, as if testing the waters, but then something shifted, and the kiss deepened with an urgency neither of you had anticipated.
Your hands moved instinctively to his chest, your fingers curling into his shirt as you kissed him back, completely caught up in the moment. Everything else faded away—the kitchen, the mess, the stream. It was just you and Lando, lost in a kiss that felt far more intense than anything you’d ever shared before.
His hand slid from your waist to the small of your back, pulling you flush against him as the kiss grew hungrier, more desperate. You could feel the counter digging into your back, but you didn’t care. All that mattered was the warmth of his body against yours, the way his lips moved over yours, the way your heart raced uncontrollably in your chest.
Then suddenly, the shrill sound of a phone ringing pierced through the haze.
You both froze, your lips still inches apart, breathing heavily as reality crashed back into the room. Lando’s phone continued ringing, and you blinked in confusion, your mind scrambling to catch up with what had just happened.
Lando reached for his phone, glancing at the screen with wide eyes. “It’s Max,” he muttered, his voice hoarse.
Lando answered the call with trembling fingers. “Uh...hey, Max.”
“Bro,” Max’s voice came through the speaker, half-amused, half-panicked. “Are you guys seriously still streaming? Because, uh...you’re about two seconds away from getting banned for...whatever the hell you were just doing on that counter.”
Lando’s eyes widened in horror as he glanced at the camera, finally realizing that the chat was still going crazy. His hand shot out to shut off the stream, but it was too late. The damage was done.
You stood there in stunned silence, your face burning with embarrassment as you covered your mouth with your hand. How could you have forgotten about the stream?
“Well,” Lando finally said, breaking the silence after what felt like an eternity. “That...happened.”
You let out a nervous laugh, still feeling the lingering heat from the kiss. “Yeah. That definitely happened.”
Lando ran a hand through his hair, clearly still trying to process everything. He looked at you, his expression a mix of embarrassment and something else—something unspoken.
Before either of you could say anything more, he reached for your hand, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “I guess...we’re going to have some explaining to do, huh?”
You nodded, still breathless from the chaos of the last few minutes. “Yeah. But...I don’t regret it.”
Lando grinned, a hint of that familiar mischievous spark returning. “Neither do I.”
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sturnioz · 2 days
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hey
wait
what about
mechanic!matt…………..he been told you to get rid of your car but you don’t have the money for it, the uni semester has already been off to a chaotic start, and PLUS it was a gift from your grandpa on your 18th :(
i lowkey kinda fucked up this req and changed it a bit cos i struggled to write it :| i wrote meeting mechanic!matt for the first time instead my bad my bad my bad.
you're freaking out.
you're freaking out so bad you're teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown, overwhelmed by a storm of emotions as you stand in the middle of the auto repair shop.
you've been so stressed; your new semester had a chaotic start, your classes keeping you unbelievably busy. to make matters worse, you've also had a painful falling out with your best friend, the kind of rift that feels like a gaping wound. on top of that, you recent breakup still fucking stings and you feel like you're going to throw up every time you cross paths.
and now, as if the universe is conspiring against you, your car has betrayed you, refusing to start in the middle of the road when you were on your way home. (the embarrassment of having to call a tow truck had only made it worse).
the constant sounds of clanging metal and the low hum of machinery surrounds you, gnawing at your nerves, overstimulating you. you close your eyes and rub your temples, desperately trying to block out the flickering overhead lights that create disorientating flashes behind your eyelids.
the air was thick too, heavy with the scent of motor oil and burnt rubber, a pungent reminder of your current predicament that makes your stomach churn with nausea, and you feel an overwhelming urge to escape, to bolt out the fucking door and leave this place behind.
but you can't.
you can't abandon your car — your baby, a precious gift from your grandpa.
with a deep breath, you peel your eyes open, your teeth gnawing at your bottom lip as you scan the bustling shop for the beefy man who greeted you when you first arrived. you're desperate for answers, anxious to find out if your car is truly fucked.
oh god, you wanted to cry. the thought of the repair costs makes you stomach twist. how much money will you have to spend? money that you don't even have. panic instantly washes over you.
you're screwed. you're done. you're hopeless. you're—
"hey," a voice jolts you from your spiralling thoughts, and you snap around, bracing yourself to confront the man you were searching for, but instead, you're taken aback by someone completely different.
he stands before you, hair tousled, strands falling over his light blue eyes. he's wearing a snug black tank top and dark blue overalls, the sleeves casually wrapped around his slim waist, showcasing a patchwork tattooed arm. his hands are smeared with grease and oil, evidence of a long day spent working on cars, and he nonchalantly twirls a wrench around his finger while chewing gum, casualness radiating from him as he stares at you.
"how bad is she?" you dare to ask, your voice trembles slightly, a mix of fear and hope surfacing in your chest.
the corner of his lips twitches slightly at your words before he begins. "she's not doin' too good." your heart sinks, a lump forming in your throat as you brace yourself for what's coming. "for starters, your battery is dead, but there's some damage done to the ignition system too... s'likely that the stater's shot, and the alternator needs replacing too."
you swallow hard, the reality of the situation hits you like a punch in the gut, and the weight of his words settling over you like a heavy fog. "how... how much are we talking?"
"could be a couple hundred for the battery 'n starter, maybe more dependin' on what else i find when i dig deeper," his fingers rhythmically tap against the wrench in his hands, chewing his gum slowly as he admits, "not gonna lie t'you, sweetheart — s'not gonna be cheap."
"fuck," another wave of panic rises within you, tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. you feel so helpless. "i uh, i don't, i.. i can't, i—"
"hey," he says again, his voice steady and soothing as he gets your attention. your watery eyes snap to his when you feel his hand touch your shoulder gently. you don't even care about the grease and oil staining your shirt right now. "take a deep breathe, yeah? in and out. eeeeasy."
you nod quickly, following his instructions, inhaling deeply through your nose and exhaling through your mouth, trying to regain control over the rapid beating of your heart. your skin feels clammy, and your head is fuzzy, but his calm demeanour seems to help anchor you.
"there we go.. that's it," he hums softly, squeezing your arm as he nods in approval. "now, talk t'me. slowly."
"i... i can't afford it," you whisper defeatedly. "i don't have a job right now, i can't. i don't know how i'm going to pay for all this."
he studies you quietly for a moment, his gaze shifting from concern to something more contemplative. "we can figure somethin' out... sellin' the parts might be—"
"no!" you blurt out, shaking your head sharply. the suddenness of your response catches him off guard, his eyebrows raising slightly in surprise at your defiance. "i'm sorry, i... i can't sell it."
he lifts his hand to scratch at his cheek, squinting his eyes as he processes your reaction. "you uh, y'not makin' this easy, sweetheart—"
"i know, but i can't sell it," you insist with a soft sigh. "it means a lot to me.. please? is there another way?"
he studies you again, standing in silence, and you hold his gaze, hoping he'll come up with a solution. you watch as he takes a step closer, lowering his voice as if he's sharing a secret.
"what if.. we work somethin' out?" he suggests. "i'll uh, i'll fix your car for cheap — maybe for nothin' if you do somethin' for me?"
"what are you suggesting?" you ask, curiosity piqued.
he grins, revealing his pearly whites as he chews his gum, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly as if he hadn't just proposed something so serious and sudden. he doesn't answer you, which makes you prompt the question again, and he keeps the grin on his face as he turns and walks further into the shop, casting a glance over his shoulder at you, a silent invitation to follow him.
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goldenpinof · 3 days
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the 2 regular tickets upgrade
i did talk to dnp about it, but then i got blessed during the intermission (i wasn't hounding anyone this time! it was very spontaneous, and it wasn't the merch crew, stop yelling at me), so here's a product of both interactions:
- the upgrade thing was sent out to the venues. they have all the information about the tickets, their holders, and everything;
- the venues select the winners and contact them via email;
- the selection happens a few days before the show (which is fine for the shows after September but very shady for the 1st leg because not everyone participates, basically);
- neither dnp nor their team have any control over this other than the brief they sent to the venues with basic "only general tickets" and etc. only general tickets, so no Silver VIP for sure. it's on the venues to do everything, and sometimes they make strange decisions. the Stockholm situation with the winners picked right before the show wasn't planned. the venue just didn't select anyone beforehand. the crew wasn't happy about it, lol;
- they will try to organise it differently/better for the US/Canada leg, because this was a bit chaotic. like, it worked but not the best.
note 1: i asked to put the terms on the website. not sure if it's gonna happen. i did try my best in the moment to explain why it's important for us to know the terms. and the person i was talking to during the intermission said that quite a few people ask about that ticket upgrade thing, so it would make sense to just put the info somewhere for people to see.
note 2: about the selection timeframe. it is weird, but that's what i was told. the venues live on their own planet, so idk if they actually selected everyone a few days before each show (minus Stockholm) or waited a bit more. in the USA, and further the plan is probably gonna be to stick to this timeframe. it's not a bad one, just doesn't suit the 1st leg since we could buy tickets on the days of the shows.
if i remember anything else about this, i'll update the post
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k-aalia · 3 days
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Breathtaking
Joey knows it's bad manners and probably distasteful. Really, he does.
Despite what others may think, he really is a gentleman. Tries his best to be, at least.
Unfortunately, his mouth has always run quicker than his brain. Usually it just gets him into a bit of trouble he can't talk his way out of, but every now and then it just leaves him embarrassed and humiliated in front of pretty people.
He will not let this be a repeat of that situation though. Not when the girl who's grabbed his heart is the most gorgeous, ethereal woman that he has ever had the privilege to lay eyes upon.
Especially not when she's Seto Kaiba's fuckin' personal assistant.
It's not often Joey comes to KaibaCorp -- okay, he never comes to KaibaCorp -- but Yugi had invited him along for one of his weekly matches with the man himself.
And for the first time in his life, Joey just cannot focus on the game playing out in front of him.
Not that seeing Yugi and Kaiba duel isn't always some sort of spectacle -- and these days, filled with so much innuendos and flirting it's like watching a particularly captivating trashy TV show -- but no matter the dramatics or the plot twists, Joey's attention is firmly held by the pretty woman sitting next to him in the spectator stands.
Kisara, Joey knows her name is after hearing Kaiba bark commands at her. Silky white hair flowing over her shoulders and curling round her pale face. Her eyes are a beautiful sparkling blue, intensely focussed on the laptop sitting on her knees.
"Hey, how's it going?" Joey says to her and fights the urge to wince.
Really? That's the best he can do?
Kisara blinks and turns her head to face him, concentration broken as she looks at Joey like she's only just realised he's there.
"Oh, hi. I'm just working," she tells him with a quick smile and fuck is it breathtaking.
She turns back to her laptop and Joey curses silently as he realises he'd missed the opportunity to say anything more, too captivated by her stupid pretty smile and now if he tries again it's gonna be awkward and god, what if he makes her uncomfortable?
Kaiba and Yugi's duel finishes soon after and Joey practically runs up to Yugi to try and escape his spiralling thoughts. The two of them are halfway to the door when Kaiba grabs his arm and pulls him back.
Joey whirls around, a taunt on the tip of his tongue. What's wrong, rich boy, want me to beat your ass too?
But he stops when he sees Kaiba's sneer.
"Don't hit on my assistant." He warns "Kisara is too good for a mutt like you."
Joey feels himself flush, pulling his arm out of Kaiba's grip.
"Fuck off man, I was just being polite!" He snaps back.
Seto's sneer falters slightly as he narrows his eyes, looking Joey over like he's some fun new puzzle to solve.
"At least wait until she's off the clock. I can't have you distracting her."
Seto stalks off before Joey can get another word in, Kisara at her bosses side in an instant. Despite recieving Kaiba's blessing -- which he didn't want or need, by the way -- Joey is almost certain it's not gonna do him any good anyway. Kisara is way out of his league, as usual, and totally not interested in him. As usual.
Joey suspects he has a type.
But just when he thinks he's done for, Kisara looks over his shoulder to shoot him a wink and a smile.
Oh. Joey thinks, heart beating so fast it could burst from his chest. I'm totally in love.
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ghostinthetumbchine · 23 hours
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Not gonna lie, people who are whining about how trop does not potray a clean, straightforward complete good vs complete evil or that the bad guy is being "made" sympathetic (ridiculous claim when tolkien is the one who gave him this sympathetetic /freudian reason, all this series is doing is coloring in the blanks) make me feel like so many people read this story with their brains on vacation. Or didnt read it at all, at best just skimmed it and are only pretending to be tolkien fans when they're in reality peter jackson fans.
Because the "i would use this enourmous power on and over my surroundings with the intention to do good but it would not stop there" is repeated so many times, through so many characters and situations that it at some points feels like tolkien was trying to hit people over the head with it. And yet, someohow, to this day, so many miss it
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peaches2217 · 1 day
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My first therapy appointment in several months went really well! I’m returning to the councilor I’ve had for a couple years now. I updated her on my transition journey because the last time I saw her was a couple weeks before I started on T; I told her about coming out to my dad last night, and how disappointing it was.
The ensuing conversation was both productive, and so fucking validating.
My recent depressive episode? Complicated by an event with a former friend, but set into motion, and dragged out for so long, because of the stress of what was to come. My voice has gotten too low to even PRETEND it’s just a holdover from being sick or part of allergies or what have you. I’ve known for the past month that the time to tell my dad was coming. The fear of his reaction and the consequences it could bring since I’m currently in a financially vulnerable place was killing me.
And as we talked, I figured out that the unpredictability is still my only real, big fear: my dad promised me he wouldn’t kick me out, but there’s that lingering fear that he could change his mind, and even if he doesn’t, he could start draining my paychecks — I told him my GAC, insurance copays and all, has been coming exclusively out of my pocket, so I get the sneaking suspicion he’s gonna take advantage of us sharing a bank account and deepen that financial dependency. And above all, I’m afraid of losing our relationship. I’m okay with him not accepting my identity so long as he doesn’t treat me any differently in spite of it. But if he starts pulling away or pushing me away or withholding love as punishment for following down a path he disapproves of, what then?
My counselor told me that, sad as it is, I can’t control how he chooses to react. But I have my mom and brother’s support, my girlfriend’s support, and an online community of friends; if I lose my relationship with him, that’s ultimately his decision and his loss, and no matter what he does, I won’t face it alone.
I had hoped that assuring him I felt God’s peace in my choices and that I’d spent years praying over the situation would at least sorta put him at ease, but all he did was infantilize and illegitimize my entire experience as guided by evil and selfishness. I can’t reason with him or come to a happy medium with him like I did with my mom. The faith he’s praised me for sticking close to he’s now decided is all lies and self-delusion simply because he doesn’t like the conclusions I’ve come to. Nothing I do will satisfy or convince him… so why waste energy trying?
I just have to live with his disappointment, and as much as it hurts, it’s also freeing. I’ve done all I can do. I don’t have to hide anymore. I don’t have to live with the stress of what will happen once he knows, because for better or worse, he knows now. If he doesn’t like it, so be it. I’ve laid my cards down, and how things progress between us is entirely up to him. When I put aside my stress over our relationship, I feel nothing but confidence and happiness and certainty. If he thinks this is a mistake… well, he’s gotta let me make my mistakes. I spent 20+ years not doing anything for fear of what bad might happen, and that left me a suicidal wreck by age 18. I won’t sit by and let ominous warnings and premonitions hold me back any longer. It COULD be a mistake, or it COULD be the best decision I’ve ever made. How will I know if I freeze up in fear?
My counselor noted several times that I look, sound, and act more confident than she’s ever seen from me. Without the pressure of keeping secrets, I’m able to more easily sort between what thoughts are mind and what thoughts my dad, my trauma, or both have planted in my head. I can say with my whole chest that I feel I’m going in the right direction. I can even say “Fuck it, my dad’s approval or disapproval is on him, not me” with greater conviction. I’m acting on things I’ve wanted from the moment we first spoke, and she says the positive change it’s made radiates off of me. She said she’s extremely proud of the progress I’ve made.
I’ll be seeing her again next week, then dropping down to seeing her every other week. In spite of how relatively poorly last night went, I feel empowered. God I’m so glad to be back.
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lllsaslll · 2 years
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Instagram took my art account away and this is how I know it went down:
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New art acct • screencaps from this tiktok
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vynnyal · 4 months
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Turns out Sunlit Trail isn't quite done just yet, so after all that they just send you to a dead end 😂
#rain world#comic#rw chasing wind#sunlit Trail#Hunter#Art#Chasing wind spoilers#I can't imagine anyone filters that tag but just in case sksksks#ANYWAYS turns out mod is way better than I expected and it's super well made.#So far made the trip as hunter (first time) then riv and now working on arti.#For arti I realized that howling rifts led to sub and sub led to dar shore so I was like sweet! A shortcut!#Now imagine for a sec trying to get through a parkcore + miros bird gauntlet with a corpse and a worm within 5 cycles#before the scav ran out of karma and you were stuck inside forever. Yeah#Besides that tho I've been messing around and been very tenderly modding the game.#Turns out you can have a bit of fun with most sprites without too much effort by simply cloning the MSC mod in your files#Then changing the copy's mod info so it doesn't clash and simply swapping images out for whatever you want#As long as you have the sprite name you can do this. You can also change region names and decals and music all sorts of stuff.#In short I've been brewing a custom mod for a friend to make her suffer as much as possible <3#Thanks to a buddy on the rw server for showing me that trick btw lol. The best cesspool I've ever participated in#Oh before I forget- the symbol on CW's head is completely made up. They just looked so... Bald.#Tbh I wasn't expecting their personality to be so... bright? Most interpretations make them kinda solemn and gloomy#But nah this CW is what NSH should've been 100%. I like them. Not gonna spoil too much but their situation is somehow so... chill.#Still bad tho!#Other fun news! There's a scammer going around on discord that's basically like ''bad news I reported you for fraud''#And they're getting a lot of people. My buddy that owned my home server got hit and we lost everything. It's all OK tho nobody was hurt#I keep trying to ask them questions on my alts but they're ignoring me... I kinda wanna bait them into doing the scam with me#to see how far I get before they catch on 😜#Wasting a scammer's time is never a waste of time#Ah I had more to say but I reached my tag max. Till next time- hopefully my animation project will be done by then!
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fizzyghosts · 1 month
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Hywel is inspired by a mix of my issues with stories with nonhuman protagonist/about nonhumans becoming human AND vet posts ive seen warning people about the dangers of anthropomorphisizing animals. Its fine to joke about your pets doing things out of spite or other human emotions, it does put you at risk of not being able to read their body language correctly. Cats dont cry out of sadness, a cat crying, with actual tears streaming down its face, is a sign of a medical issue. A dog smiling isn't doing it bc its happy, it means its nervous. Not being able to spot these is bad, and sometimes even dangerous, for you and the animal.
If you never get past Hywel's human appearance and treat him like one its like getting a reactive dog, doing zero research or training, and then taking it to a dog park. If Hywel mauls someone in town then its on you.
#hywel struggles a lot with good vs bad things specifically#he makes decisions based on what makes him feel good or bad (like most people) but#if you explain something being bad to him using emotional reasons (it makes you a bad person‚ its an awful thing to do‚ its gross)#he genuinely will not get it#he'll try to stop! just bc he was told to stop! but he doesn't know how to apply it to other situations#murder for example#he's immortal death doesnt have the same meaning to him#and he doesn't particularly care about people outside of arisen#they're entertaining he finds them fun. they're critters to him#but he's not bothered by them dying#arisen dying is bad bc it means he failed his charge. he cant die. regular people dying? eh whatever#so he doesn't really get why murder is bad#if ur in vernsworth and tell him no then he'll be like i dont understand but ok!!#its only bad in vernsworth bc thats where you said no at!! everywhere else is fine !#he's not trying to find loopholes!!! he genuinely doesn't get it and is doing his best to work with what he's given!!!#his way of thinking is p straightforward and logical though#so you have to explain stuff by how it effects him and how the cons of doing it outweigh the benefits#hywel u cant murder people you dont like bc if we allowed that people would kill merchants and then you couldn't buy stuff#anyway bonus scifi au stuff while im here#hywel would remember the time loops and would do whatever it takes to keep the crew safe#but the thing is. cosmic horror hywel doesn't really understand time or how the loops are fucking people up#he knows the false dawn losing its crew was bad. he doesn't understand WHY its bad‚ but he knows it is#and he loves this crew! theyre funny and some of them are fun to chew on. enrichment.#he's gonna do whateve it takes to keep this crew safe and together. on the ship. y'know‚‚‚ bc the other ship losing its crew was bad#restarting a loop means nothing to him. yeah he's gotta start over with his friendships but thats fun! enrichment!#hes a creature time means nothing to him#beginning of the loop all his friends are here :^) he's completely unaware of how its negatively effecting people#anyway i cannot stress enough he isn't doing this to be malicious he's just doing his best#someone would absolutely realize he was doing this early on and if you tell him to stop he will#but yeah better hope you can explain why he cant do that well enough or hywels gonna unintentionally find every loophole
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heartshattering · 5 months
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5 AM
Just me and my overactive mind facing the nighttime again 🙃
#hopefully the meds work but while waiting for them to kick in I get so damn nervous#and sometimes I do get nights where even on my full dose my anxiety is too overpowering and I just. Do Not Sleep#I mean I do eventually but not without spiraling first :')#way before I was prescribed sleep meds my longest was 3 nights without sleep while on a VERY stressful trip#I felt like I was gonna die and I did not sleep until I got off the plane and was back at home#(this was like 15 years ago already but it still haunts me fhfgsgdh)#my best friend and I were having a conversation today#and she was like 'not sleeping can make you hallucinate right?'#and I was like :') I get the hallucinations in other scenarios too#BUT I also get what she meant#not sleeping is really bad for me mentally which is why I can't do 'sleep restriction therapy'#and fun fact#a lot of my OCD obsessions revolve around sleep!!!#which is 'awesome' because laying in bed with insomnia makes my OCD flare up so like#the two get to feed off each other and make my life a living hell!!!#and don't even get me started on my sleep paralysis episodes#(which I like to think of as just my brain misfiring but that my aunt tells me is saints or demons trying to talk to me)#'cause she hallucinates too but hers are like 'spiritual' or whatever#same with my mom's hallucinations as well#and to add fuel to the dumpster fire of my mind and body is the fact I've been overcaffeinating again#which I've known not to do ever since I was in middle school and saw the pediatric cardiologist who specifically said 'hey don't do that'#fast-forward to adulthood and I still haven't learned how to handle anything#like. I have heart meds and sleep meds and migraine meds and IBS meds#and yes meds are good but like. I know you need to incorporate lifestyle changes as well#which I do for like 2 weeks until the next time I fuck up#I've been so irresponsible lately but like. ESPECIALLY today#didn't eat#took some meds on an empty stomach and forgot to take my other ones at all#had too much caffeine#stressed out over some stupid situations thanks to overthinking
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justablah56 · 5 months
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hmm I think instead of feeling bad I will simply project this bad onto The Character . for funsies .
#just blahs#not gonna do anything abt it bcs idk how i could but ovuehncke sparrow with scrupulosity ocd <3#just consider with me sparrow being terrified of accidentally saying anything wrong or offending literally anyone#and her completely accidentally saying smthin offensive and trying to figure out how to properly deal with that#without just making the whole situation about herself rather than the person she actually offended#bcs shes afraid that makes her a bad person who just didnt care enough to be aware of herself#gets a bit venty past this point but guys im literally pinky promising you rn I'm ok and ill figure it out please no one bring it up to me#and nobody think about the fact that im projecting rn just think about sparrow ok#this is my way of dealing w similar stuff w/o making it about me bcs ik that thats a shitty thing to do and i need to work it out myself#aughhncns literally every time goddamnit . i accidentally do smthin wrong and then someone (very kindly !!!) tells me hey that was wrong#and then i have a breakdown about it and feel bad and overthink it for the next like week#jesus fucking christ ok it's fine im being patient with myself and i know no one thinks im a bad person#and i know that they know i didnt mean it#and i know that i did say smthin insensitive and thats just something i have to be aware of#and the fact that i said it doesn't mean that im a terrible horrific irredeemable person#i'm trying my best now to be aware of it and be better and think abt whst they said and that's all i can do and thats ok#its fine .#anyways .#also hi cookies if you see this genuinely thank you for telling me tho like i do appreciate it and i am ok dw
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lilowoof · 19 days
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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c3p-mo · 2 months
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Having emotions is cringe
on cloud nine as the sun rose to falling right into my grave twelve hrs later
lol
lmao
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pepprs · 2 years
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mission failed we’ll get em next time 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#i literally can’t quit omg i feel so fucking bad. it wasn’t so bad this time but also HE LITERALLY FORCED ME TO COME OUT LKKE GIRL HELLO???#he cornered me and asked me if redacted had to do w my s*duality and i was like ummmmm. yeah 🫣 and he was like now why didn’t you say that#the first time 🤨 and i was like …………. 😳. AND THEN i asked him why he asked me that and he said he’s been waiting for the right moment to ge#it out of me and he always suspected it LIKE HELLO I THINK THAT IS POSSIBLY WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE I WANTED TO DIEEEEEE#and i lied right to his face abt stuff w my mom and also the redacted situation bc i always feel in trouble whenever i talk abt them w him#and also he asked how things were w my mom and i told him and he was like that’s great but how are things with YOU and yoir mom 🤨. UGHHHHH#and i can’t leave bc his supervisor is gravely ill and they haven’t talked abt doing inter generational therapy w me yet which is what they#want to do <- hasn’t looked it up yet and doesn’t know what it receals about me. and he also is like yet agai. trying to get me to separate#myself from data expunged AND ITS LIKE OMGGGG NOTHING IS HAPPENING WHY DO I HAVE TO THROW AWAY A GOOD THING THAT IS WORKING FOR ME JUST FOR#THE SAKE OF CONFORMING TO SOME STUOID MENTAL HEALJT STANDARD. so yeah ummmmm idk what to dooooo i know im not getting the best possible car#and this whole thing has been a cluster fuck but he validated my reaction to something for the first time like EVER today and he has plans#and what if they work. and like omg if i drop it on him he’ll be so hurt and surprised like it will really come out of nowhere and i don’t#want to look like even more of a fool to him than iam. but he says i can’t withhold stuff bc it’s doing me a disservice and we need to see#the fullness of who i am to get to the root and solve problems and stuff but it’s like uhmmmm… but you don’t make me feel safe for reacting#the way i do or wanting things to work out in a way you disagree with so how can i bring out all the parts of me if you don’t make me feel#safe and unjudged for doing so like. lol. the thought of leaving him makes me feel so guilty and stupid bc it s like why are you throwing a#away sliding scale therapy that could turn out to be really useful and running away when ppl tell you things abt yourself you don’t like to#admit and force you to look at your hard ugly truths. but also the thought of working w him until july after already having had 16 weeks of#this literaly makes me fucking insane so idk what to do and finding a new counselor would be so hard and i don’t have time or money. UGHHHH#purrs#delete later#like how am i gonna walk out on him when we just spent all this time talking abt how this new technique will bring me into a new season. AU
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medicinemane · 5 days
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I don't know, I get tired of a lot of positivity
Like yes yes, the world's wonderful and I'm so strong or whatever generic thing is being said (because it's always so generalized to the point of meaningless), but you know shit is what it is, and the only way forward is with changes I manage to make... which you're not helping with at all
And as for like... my internal mood, I'm deeply isolated, sorry if hollow platitudes don't sooth the gaping maw inside me
It is what it is, and I probably get my shit together enough to do stuff like teach out of my basement like I'd like, it's just I believe that I'll be alone in a crowd like I've always been
But positivity... I just... I kinda get sick of it. There's this guy on youtube I watch who talks about economics stuff, he's recently started doing positivity and... I just fucking know his personality enough where it's like sorry mate but I'm not interested in hearing you spout Secret light kinds off drivel
...I don't know, I suppose it boils down to this
One, I can barely fucking take in positive things said directly to me, about me. Generalizations don't help even a little... I'm a mess, I'd really like someone to toss me a life preserver instead of always tossing confetti at me while I struggle to stay afloat... doesn't help
Two, the world is a terribly imperfect place, and rather than taking a mentality of "everything will work out", I think it's important to acknowledge that sometimes good people live alone, die alone, and they never got the break they needed and slowly bled out
I think it's worth knowing that if you can't step in and help yourself, then maybe no help'll come at all
...I don't know, I suppose in the end the core of what I'm saying is a lot of positivity seems like self help tier stuff and... I get tired of that, and I see so many good people struggling and... eh... either I can at least come in and say something positive custom fit to them, or I can keep my mouth shut
Just fucking let me rot. Help or let me fester on my own, you know?
I got rid of the trailer, I maybe did something like cleaning though I can't tell... at what point will my pace on trying to make things better be good enough for people, and I'll be able to stop having people tell me to fix my life... as if I hadn't thought of that already
...everyone means well, it's just tiring
#it's like when people make you being suicidally depressed about them#I... don't really want to say some more specific details cause they might be able to pick themselves out of a line up#but it's just like... man... is this more about trying to get me in a better place; or about making you feel better#wears me out#mm tag so i can find things later#just seems impossible for people to not offer advice on things#the thing people never think of with advice; is that people living a situation often have thought about that situation a whole lot#it's like why... with my friend that's looking for theatre jobs; I don't offer a lot of advice because I figure they've done quite a bit#just kinda... offer to help the best I can and ask what they need; and then mostly just listen#it's not like I never ever say anything; it's just I try to back up advice with something concrete#like... for instance if I wanted to suggest someone do therapy; then I'm gonna be offering to help them find a therapist as best I can#cause I get that it's not like you just 'go to therapy'... getting started on things is often the hardest part#eh... keeping this as vague as possible cause I want the actions I took not the details#but when I had a friend who was someone who didn't treat them at all well#I didn't directly try to get them to leave cause I know that... it's hard; they were in deep#instead I just made sure to validate their perception of reality a whole lot#counter the literal gaslighting by just pointing out that they made sense and questioning how reasonable their partner was#and then I attempted to get them in touch with some other people so they were less isolated and had other people to validate them#and thankfully they're not with that person anymore; they're doing a great job at life and are much healthier now#...but advice... honestly I don't think I gave them much#I more asked leading questions to try and shine a light on things; or would brainstorm about what to do with various stuff#they were real stuck; and it was painful to see them stuck in such a bad situation; but... better to sit with them than push push push#it felt like if I gave them my actual advice; dump that abusive freak; they couldn't have heard me#it was easy for me to tell them the solution; but that didn't account for all the barriers to implementing that solution#in this case; many of the barriers were internal; but internal or external; barriers are barriers#I don't know... I just think sometimes you gotta be comfortable sitting with discomfort along side someone#unless you got an actual fix; and you're willing to put in the work to fix it... shut up about fixing and just be there for them#mhh... we'll take one of the only things I'm actually capable of doing instead of something more serious#if someone wants a minecraft server; I can either fucking help them set it up; or I can kinda keep my mouth shut#if I'm not helping them set it up; I can give them shit like 'that sounds cool; I bet you could do it'
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delusional-mishaps · 15 days
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updating my resume and applying to new places is scary and stressful but i hate my boss i hope his business burns
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