#gonna make it a goal to take better care of myself in all the ways

[solarwynd]

Fine, I'm miserable. But I asked a valid question, because I want to see better for Jimin and do better for him, and I don't care that you hate it. And I didn't "resort" to any kind of negativity; these are the questions I've been asking since mid to late 2023 when we were still streaming for Like Crazy, and I was met with the same hostility in these blogs, called an anti, a fuckass jjk cosplaying as a Jimin fan lol. It just came up again because of @tomuchabotme 's last post. I would have asked the same question had it been any other time, it has nothing to do with Jimin reaching yet another milestone today.

I get that it's dumb to let antis get under your skin, but I'm sorry that's just who I am, just as you are who you are. And they'll 100% always get to me if it's about something that makes sense to me, because unfortunately their taunts do make sense this time. Like I said, I had been asking myself the same question way before they even started mocking Jimin. Why his members, especially the one whose stans halfass his music, are able to chart more than one song, but we can't. Why Love Me Again/Friends and Seven/SNTY were simultaneously on the charts but only Like Crazy was standing when we could have put SMFPt2 right up there with her. And I thought when Who came, we'd still be able to chart both songs, but look what happened.

The title track should and always will be the priority to me when it comes to comebacks. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Not saying to neglect the rest of the album, cause for MUSE I do feel like outside of BE MINE, (and SGMB) the bsides did not get their fair chance to shine streaming effort wise because the focus was on WHO getting a huge debut. Yes it would be nice to have multiple songs continuously charting at once, but I’d rather maximize the streams the title track can get than divide amoungst bsides that realistically are not gonna last beyond a week at most anyway on global.

And all the comparisons to what Taehyung and JK stans are doing with their songs like we don’t all know both of them are being carried purely by Thailand and Vietnam. They brought 3D back to global for one day before it fell right back out and SNTY dropped out as soon as it hit 1B because it was pulling mainly from those two countries. Those two countries are dominated by people who bias Taekook. Jimin stans are in the minority. That’s why they can only give him big debuts first day, but fumble the rest of the week. Charting multiple songs at the expense of stability is not gloat worthy or worth it in general. That’s why I feel like it’s pointless use them as the standard in that aspect.

And I’m sorry, but I still will never see the reason why anybody would take antis, who stan people who can barely enter top 40 much less chart on global at all seriously about who can’t keep multiple songs charting on Spotify. These are the same people who have made it their mission to nitpick everything about Jimin’s numbers because they find joy in any kind of shortcoming or flaw that he has. They’ve been stuck on these inconsequential city charts and mls for months now. They find any way to discredit him, no matter how meaningless or nonsensical the accusation is.

I understand wanting to work towards a goal, but their taunts should not be one of the driving forces of why you’re trying to achieve it- just to shut them up. I’m not gonna call you an anti for genuinely wanting to do better for Jimin, nor do I believe you should’ve been called one. But at the same time I believe that the energy you’re expending dwelling on what antis think can be better put towards other things. These people do not matter once you close these apps.

[mer-se]

convinced February is the worst month of the year ✨horrendous✨ energy hahah goodbye

[venusoracle]

pac: winter wishes from your future spouse

this winter, what message does your future spouse have for you? pick a card for a message and chanelled christmas song from your future spouse <3

take only what resonates, this is a general reading

reblogs and likes would be really appreciated! :) i would love to hear which one you picked!

PILE 1

♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡ come out and play - billie eilish

hi, my love. how are you? i wanted to let you know -  i wish you could see your full potential. your shyness is cute and i love that you’re introverted because we get along so well (and i actually keep imagining us going on dates and your cheeks being all flushed... so cute) but i wanna encourage you to be more confident sometimes. you are beautiful and strong and i love you. i understand that when you were younger, people were harsh to you when they spoke to you, but i want you to know that it’s okay to stand up for yourself. i’m proud of you and i’m proud of you for wanting to heal your inner child. i know it’s scary and it feels difficult to face your fears… but i promise that your life will change for the better. don’t be intimidated and don’t listen to other people, you’re stronger than you think. i love you, you’ve got this, hang in there, the cold will be over soon.

PILE 2

♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡ santa tell me - ariana grande

hey darling!! you’ve been working so hard recently and been so focused, i really admire it. but baby, please don’t get too obsessive with academic / work validation - you are so much more than that, especially to me. i feel like you’re my soulmate and i know that it’s part of my destiny to meet you, do i sound cheesy? anyways, you inspire me to keep working on my goals and to be resilient when i want to give up. your kindness and loving heart already support me during tough times. i can’t wait to meet you, i’ve been waiting so long and i’m so excited to build a future together with you.

PILE 3

♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡ love to keep me warm - laufey and dodie

oh baby, i’m sorry that people have betrayed you in the past. you don’t deserve that at all. you’ve been manifesting me and i’m glad that i’ve been helping you in a way… when we meet, i'm gonna feel complete because i know we’ll accept each other for who we are. have you been shutting yourself off from meeting people, love? i feel like you are for some reason :( i know it’s daunting to think that you might get treated badly again but you are a beautiful person who deserves to make meaningful connections. don’t hide away, you’ve got this. also this is hella random but you remind me of a princess :) do i sound creepy? possibly but whatever, don't forget to wear your scarf.

PILE 4

♫₊˚.🎧 ✩｡ christmas tree farm - taylor swift

i feel kinda shy tbh… hello, i hope you’re doing well. i’m normally not an emotional person but i’m learning how to communicate better recently. i want to change myself for the better cuz firstly, i wanna be successful and also cuz i’m probably gonna have to fight for you lol. anyways, i’m not giving up. take care and stay warm, don't get sick and i'll see you around.

[dailypav]

Drawing Pav every day until he's playable: Day 181 (final)

Sooooo uh.... I thought for a while about what to do with this blog going forward, and to put it simply I just don't have the motivation or time to continue with it. Mostly the motivation part tbh, I'm sure I could keep truckin on if I really wanted to, but this blog was always a product of unadulterated hyperfixation for me, and I kinda realized that forcing myself to continue when I don't get any enjoyment out of it anymore isn't really gonna do anyone any good.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to reach the blog's ultimate goal (something something the journey is better than the destination idk), but I'm glad to see that people took on the role of making Pav playable before Miro even did. In a way he already IS playable, which is absolutely amazing!

Even though I'm not continuing this blog anymore, I had a lot of fun while I was here c: Thank you so much to everyone who gave me kind words and who sent asks, I'm sorry I wasn't able to get to all them!

I wish the absolute best to @dailyhenryk for continuing the ritual of daily funger npc blogs, y'all got this!!

If you're looking for more daily content of Pav, I'd highly recommend giving @pavdaily a follow if you haven't already, I seriously love that blog so much.

Ok ok rant over, take care everyone!! <3

-dailypav

[andhumanslovedstories]

hi! i'm gonna overshare a little bit but i'm doing my nursing prereqs right now and i'm really worried. i'm kind of really mentally ill and i've been worrying recently if nursing is worth it. i want to help people and it sounds so interesting and i love medical stuff but i don't want to get burnt out with the stress and long hours. someone told me that nursing is a lot like being a restaurant server, and i don't want to go to school and get a degree and a career that's literally just serving again. is it satisfying? is it rewarding? is it soul-killing? i'm scared

hi there! I'll overshare in return! I'm just coming off three months of disability for burnout (which for me is just depression but with a name you can use in the workplace). My job didn't cause my depression, but it certainly exacerbated it. The hours, the stress, the constant exposure to people suffering and the limits on your ability to do something about it, all those suck and they can break your brain. (On the other hand, I've been majorly depressed while working at an ice cream parlor where the walk-in freezer was for smoking weed. You can be depressed anywhere.)

And it is a hard job! Harder in some parts of the field than others. Different places have different nursing cultures, different laws, different staffing, etc. Where I work, there's good protection and advocacy for nursing. That's not true everywhere.

With all that said--I really like nursing. I get to do work that I know contributes good to the world. I get to solve very practical problems. I meet people I would never otherwise meet. I have the opportunity every shift to do something that I am proud of. And a lot of times, I find it fun! It's fun to brainstorm how to make someone who's been puking all night feel better. It's fun to see your efforts rewarded, even in small ways. It's fun to stop something before it becomes an emergency. It's fun bustling around, juggling a dozen different things. It's not ALWAYS fun. But for me, the work is not just meaningful but also enjoyable.

That's how I knew I had bad burnout btw. Even when things went well and I did work I was proud of, every shift was such a fucking slog.

If you are interested in the basic work of nursing (managing the human response to illness and promoting health), then there's a million and one jobs you can do with a nursing degree. They cater to different traits. I've discovered I really like precepting new nurses, I like working on the floor with its routine and concrete goals, and I like symptom management. I don't like critical care or the emergency department or working on stuff that isn't patient care, like paperwork and charge nursing. I like novelty but not chaos. I like independence but not being left entirely to my own devices. I like that I physically cannot take any of my work home. I do not like being on committees. So for me, right now at this point in my life, I like being a basic med-surg night shift float pool nurse. I would be absolutely miserable as a neuro ICU critical care day shift nurse. I would be bored to death being an inpatient rehab night nurse. Being a nurse manager would probably make me suicidal again.

If you find the basic work interesting and rewarding, you can tailor it to your taste. (I can't recommend floor nursing enough for the adhd havers amongst us.)

and last thing, regarding mental illness: I think a lot of nurses (and ppl in healthcare in general) struggle with mental illness way more than they think they do. Someone who knows they have depression and works to manage it will likely be more resilient than someone endlessly pushing through their fatigue and misery. Probably a better nurse, too. I take meds, go to therapy, get sleep, push myself to eat, take sick days, protect my limited energy, do physical activity--I'm a gym girlie now!!--because I'm treating a disease I know that I have. Just knowing that there's something up with your brain and doing something about it puts you way ahead like half of the people who work the emergency department.

[laroserie]

— characters : Alastor, + the hotels residents (vague mention - expect for Charlie)

— content : x gender neutral reader - reader is a baker, reader is naive (for a sinner), Alastor manipulate reader into coming to the hotel, Alastor is Alastor but he's also OOC (kinda but uh who write canon Alastor anyways)

— author note : this is the second part of an (potentially yandere!) alastor x baker reader - the first part is here (also the words count is : 1.7k ) (saying that because i outdid myself lol) (also yes i know Alastor canonically do not like tea idc this mf is gonna drink tea) ++ honestly considering doing a third part because I have so much more to say and write about this

After Alastor came back from his seven years hiatus and he came for at your bakery again, he could come so often, like once every two days.

But it could take him a while to make a 'move', try to get closer to you or talk to you about the hotel but one day, he comes to your bakery and asks for an unusual amount of pastries. You don't comment on it as it's not your place - you are just a simple baker ! But you can't help but raise an eyebrow.

Alastor meant to talk to you about the hotel, not because he wanted you to reedem yourself or because he wanted to do it for Charlie - well maybe a little but he won't admit it - but more or less to keep an eye on you. By then, he isn't sure as to why he wants to keep an eye on you - his assumption is that he feels the same way toward you as he does toward Rosie. He sees you as a friend but not quite - you are the sweet baker who makes quite good pastries and you are by far one of the less annoying sinners he ever spoke to. But he feels some kind of protectiveness over you - probably because he sees you as quite meek and weak.

So obvious what could be better than inviting you to stay at the hotel ? A place where he can both protect and keep on eye on you at -nearly- all time.

Alastor took this opportunity, 'These aren't all for me, dear. They are for ... my friends ?' he started while you were wrapping up what he purchased, 'You see ... Have you heard of the Hazbin Hotel ?' he asks.

'Uhm ... The hotel run by the princess ? Yeah I've seen a bit of talk about it, why ?'

'Well ! I am the facility manager of that, hotel ! And the ... pastries are for my fellows workers and residents.' He stopped for a second to gauge your reaction to that information - which was a simple nod and a 'ohh' - he continued. 'Hm, the goal of the hotel is to help sinners redeem themselves ... could you be by chance interested ?'

This question probably takes you by surprise. By then you already finished packing Alastor order - you push it toward him on the counter. You respond hesitantly 'Ha, well ... Is it possible ? To even redeem yourself ... ?' Your smile falter a bit and you look in the void for a bit. 'I don't think redemption is for me ... If I'm here it mean I deserve it and that it's already too late ...' Alastor didn't fully expect you to react like this - he did expect that you could say 'no' at first but not that.

'But ! Anyways, there is your order, enjoy !' You said trying to end the conversation there. But alas Alastor was not the type to give up so easily.

He took his order but continued on, 'If you couldn't mind dear, please just come and visit once, to be truthful, we haven't had a whole lot of sinners coming, you just simply visiting could be wonderful, and you could help bring Charlie mood up, oh and you both could get along so well !' As he finished his sentence he turned and walked toward the door and threw you a 'Goodbye!'.

Alastor knew you enough to know that he could pull at your heart strings to get what he wanted - you were always the sensitive type, the type to care even about strangers. He was sure that he could see you 'visit' in the near future.

And well he was right ! A mere three days after you found yourself at the doorstep of the hotel. You had been waiting for a few minutes already - you were still debating on entering or just turning on your hells and going back home.

But before you could do anything the hotel door in front of you opened in a big 'slam'. And once again before you could do anything, you were dragged into the hotel in a very enthusiastic manner.

'Hello !! Are you interested in the hotel ?' A cheerful voice asked you, as she dragged you into the hall, you recognised quite easily who is was - the owner of the hotel - Charlie Morningstar. It wasn't your first time seeing her, but it was your first time seeing her up close. You had to restrain a laugh at her over-enthusiasm, you didn't want be irrespectful toward the princess of hell.

'Good morning, I am simply visiting as it was recommended by ... a friend of mine.' You saw her be a bit disappointed hearing that. 'Oh. Is there anyways you could I don't know change your mind ? Maaaaybe ?' She asked.

You a small smile appeared on your face 'Maybe. If your convincing is good enough.'

Charlie took it as a challenge, she started by showing you around the hotel, and then made you meet the residents - you spoke a bit with everyone - at the exception of Alastor how was visiting his friend in Cannibal Town. To say you were surprised knowing that the two sole residents of the hotel were one of the biggest pornstar of hell and somekind of mad inventor could be an understatement. The staff of the hotel was also something - you knew already Niffty and Husk having heard about them from Alastor and you saw and spoke with Husk a few times when he picked up orders at your bakery for Alastor. And then there was Vaggie, she seemed to be quite suspicious of you and it feel like she could gut you out as soon as you do something wrong.

By the end of the day, Charlie asked you once again if you wanted to join the hotel - you struggled to answer her - a part of you seriously started to consider joining the hotel and trying to get redeem but the other one was still wary of the idea.

But you asked her if you could come every once in a while to visit and she was overjoyed by it - you didn't join the hotel but it was still an advances to have someone visit the hotel.

You did end up visiting the hotel a lot - at some point you could come once a week - you ended up befriending most people from the hotel.

One of those day, most of the hotel residents were out - only Alastor and Niffty were at the hotel. Niffty was running around chasing cockroachs - you were having tea with Alastor.

Alastor had finally decided to move to the next steps of his plan - to have you under his grip. He started by asking you a few questions about how you felt about the hotel.

'I told you, you could get along with Charlie !' You nodded as you sipped on a cup of tea. 'Are you thinking of joining the hotel officially ?' You sighed and shake your head, 'Alastor, you already know my answer ...'

'Are you sure dear ? I truly think it could be beneficial for you to join.' He persisted. 'But, I have a bakery to run, I, I have responsibility.'

'You can continue to run your bakery while being a resident here darling ! Honestly, why don't you want to ? Please don't tell me you seriously believe you cannot be redeem, we all know that it's not true. You by far one of the most ... redeemable sinner there is' Alastor tone of voice was serious - the atmosphere shifted and suddenly the way you were sitting became uncomfortable. 'Alastor please ... Don't.' You managed to utter, your looked down at the cup between your hands.

'What, I am simply saying the truth. I am just asking you to enlighten me as to why you don't think you should at least try to redeem yourself and join heaven.' You looked up to see Alastor with his usual smile plastered on his face - it felt wrong, you felt yourself crack. 'There is no real reasons to be frank, I just know that it's not possible, that it's not right ...'

Alastor shacks his head, 'If you don't do it for yourself please do it for Charlie, you both are dear friends now right ? Couldn't you like to make her happy by becoming a resident and attempting to cleanse yourself of your sins ? Ah, it could even make me happy ...' He pulled out the last card in his deck - once again he knew that playing with your feelings could be the easiest way to get you to stay - and so he did.

He could see you hesitate a bit, 'Are you sure ...? What if she learn that I don't believe in it truly ? I do not wish to be hypocritical ... isn't that a sin itself ?' Alastor laughed a little hearing you, 'You shouldn't worry about that darling. The important thing is the end result - not how you got it. Who cares if you aren't honest ? And if it's stay between the two of us, Charlie will never know.' You took a few minutes to think - weighting the pros and cons.

You sighed and nodded your head, 'Sure, I mean what could go wrong ... ha.'. Alastor smiles 'Exactly dear !', he took a sip of tea, 'Now, shall we do the paperwork now ?', he didn't wait for an answer and just pulled out a stack of papers and a pen out of Satan know here and slided them toward you.

You didn't brother to question him and just took the pen in hand, 'Do I really need to read all of that ?' you said pointing to the small toward of papers in front of you, 'Oh of course no, it's just good 'ol paperwork, you don't need to read anything ! Just sign the bottom of each pages and ... we should be good.' you probably didn't notice the way his smiles twisted as he uttered those words or if you did you just preferred to not question it.

Looking back you probably should have - it could have saved you from the collar and leash attached to your neck and the overall pain that was having your soul being owned by Alastor - with the added layer of being a full time resident of the hotel.

[chaifootsteps]

Hey Chai,

This is a long one, so I’m gonna start out by first thanking you for this blog you’ve created as a safe place to share your thoughts and those of others, including when they disagree with you! You are both admirably unabashed and pleasantly down to earth in how you carry yourself on here! Now to get into the meat of it, I felt like sending in my thoughts on the idea of “wasted potential” as applied specifically to Lucifer from Haz_bin Ho_tel, and to ask you for your thoughts on that concept and Lucifer as a specific example (if you wanted to share them, of course)! I want to clarify that I’ve never personally liked referring to characters, story beats, or theme explorations in a piece of fictional media as “wasted potential” because some part of me feels that I don’t get to make that judgement call when I wasn’t the one writing. This isn’t me claiming that I am better or more mature than people who discuss wasted potential within media analysis - I am well aware that I am entitled to dislike the direction a character or story is heading as much as any human - this is just me saying that I personally never try and act like I could speak on knowing what was better for someone else’s creative vision, so I just tend to keep my thoughts to myself. Until I witnessed what Vi_v did to Lucifer. Memes are funniest when quoted ironically, but it was after episode six that I sincerely said out loud to myself “look how they massacred my boy!”

In the days of the pilot and promotional character art, Lucifer was my favorite character. Viewers barely knew anything about him, but the little we did know was OVERFLOWING WITH POTENTIAL. He was my favorite character design in the entire show, and a near hyperfixation in my mind. The limited information and visuals we were given were those of a well dressed, unwaveringly confident, and - seemingly - unapologetically aware player in a story about the slaughter of sinners and the near-lost cause of Charlie’s efforts towards their redemption. He was the King of Hell, husband to the first woman in existence, instigator of human sin, and REBEL AGAINST GOD. Even juicier, assuming we never got to see him as his own character, there was at least the mystique of the domino affect he had on the characters of the show including Charlie, Alastor, and even Vaggie as Charlie’s girlfriend and a fallen angel, herself. The second-hand accounts we heard of him through Charlie - specifically “I think dad was right about me-“ and “- you don’t take shit from other demons!” - depicted a character who had little sympathy for Charlie’s goal or the sinners while still showing his care for her in his own, twisted way. All of this oozed with POTENTIAL for the enormity of this character and his weight on the story as the embodiment of pride and as the King of Hell.

And we, the audience of the final product, got NONE OF THAT. The final character - the canon depiction thrown at our faces following over four years of anticipation - was a self-pitying, judgmental, immature, wishy-washy, absentee father who remained WILLFULLY unaware of the life and ambitions of the singular child he claimed he wanted a better relationship with and took ZERO accountability in running the very people and kingdom he had been stuck with for 10,000 years! He didn’t even know his daughter, the princess of Hell and his most treasured family, had a girlfriend of multiple years. In a lot of ways, he was a well-dressed man-child constantly shouting some version of “I DON’T WANNA!”. 

And GOD did that hurt to see. How it hurt to see his wasted potential. 

There were so many things he could have been starting in late 2019, so many things that seemed perfect for both a character and story beat as would have explored the greater themes of the show itself. Unfortunately, he wasn’t any of them on that particular day in late January of 2024. The CLOSEST he ever gets to embodying that potential was when he was protecting his daughter while beating the holy light out of Adam in the finale, but even his statement of “You’re in my house, bitch!” doesn’t depict the imposing and unmeasurably egotistical being of pride he seemed to be in 2019, it just sounds like something any person would say in a cocky manner punching down on someone who broke into their house. For me, it took the wind out of my sails to see how far my once adored character had fallen from the character he COULD have been. How he had been denied all the potential that he once had. Potential that, through writing choices by the creative team, was decidedly "wasted".

So those are my feelings as applies to both the concept of “wasted potential” in writing and to the character of Lucifer in Haz_bin Ho_tel. I apologize again for how long this whole rant has been, but if you have any of your own thoughts or want to comment on my whole spiel around how we describe wasted potential as viewers and Lucifer as a possible example, I would be excited to hear them!

Thank you again for this space you have created and keep fighting the good fight, even if that’s just for the freedom to our own opinions on popular media!

No apologies, Anon, and thank you for the kind words! Everyone should feel like they have a safe, fun place to bitch about how much they dislike popular media...whether HH runs for one more season or 10, I'll do my best to keep this little pocket available!

Thank you for your heartfelt Lucifer thoughts. I know back in the day, when I still loved and had high hopes for this show and actually hoped Viv could get Weird Al to voice Lucifer, this was the thing that made me really fall in love with him. If I'd known back then that he'd turn into a crude, idiotic frat boy, I wouldn't have bothered.

I think the longer these shows run, the more it gets to be that people are mourning their favorite characters and the potential they could have had. It's pretty painful to love a character so deeply, to be so excited to see what they become, and to be rewarded with the worst possible version of them you could imagine. Happened with Stolas for me, with Lucifer for you...it's a story you hear time and time again.

It sucks.

[lains-reality]

q&a

a q and a of most of my asks

basics

where do i start?

what do ppl who follow ND have as a "goal"?

is it necessary to read the book?

could you simplify non-duality in a few sentences?

how do i observe ego?

how do i practice letting my thoughts and emotions pass throughout the day?

i feel like i keep going back to my human body-self-mind. how do i stop this?

how do i just apply?

do i have to quiet the mind?

how is life a dream and also self?

if we choose what to take real or not, is ego truly real?

how to stop battling the ego?

who's the one thinking? Who's the thinker?

thoughts that come up in the mind and thoughts that don't

how to not get involved with the ego?

realising Self instantly?

my thoughts won't stop?

other questions

i am still trying to understand the concept of space-time.

does continuity not exist?

does remembering the past make it current?

what is imagination?

is detachment important?

what is self inquiry?

why would consciousness express in this body? why does manifestation exist? why do we still suffer?

ego worries

how would one approach in the dualistic perspective of being rejected, the need for validation, not feeling chosen?

i have to give up?? but i have a life and responsibilities?

how do i deal with the worst time of my life? / i've put my life on hold (tw: health problems, sa, death)

my ego lives such a boring life

my ego, how to make it stop calling me delusional? i have anxiety

dissociation and nondualism

how do things happen?

even if thoughts aren't me, they still limit me (+ how to view everything as self?)

if i really can't understand non-duality is it better to just go back to loa?

for people who want to ask more 'practical' or 'ego' orientated questions about circumstances than spiritual

progress

how do I remove the urge of trying to let this click?

I don’t actually really know how to apply any ND knowledge

i get really confused why they say stop trying to realize that you are oneness

i'm trying so hard and nothing is happening!

it feels like i'm just forcing myself... / self inquiry

am i supposed to just keep observing this character till what? what should i do now?

i can't understand anything...

desires / choosing a different character

materialisation

"nothing is materialising!!"

what's the point of all this detachment if nothing seems to materialise?

how do we "choose a different character?"

is this not like loa?

using nondualism as a way to get something material?

If we are not gonna change the world through non-dualism then through what we can change it?

i need to manifest instantly please help

i don't understand what to do about desires

how do i fix a big problem?

what will take care of the problems?

what is the point of being God if there is no desiring?

sp question

void state question

i don’t understand how when i imagine something is already happening?

i have to do something i don't want to do...

changing the past

how to just choose what i want?

[edensgaia]

Kaboodle [talking about Zam]: "We're not similar because we both have bloodlust, we/re similar because we both get– we both get picked on by the strongest people on the server, and fuck I wasn't any better. I'm not any better. If I'm picking on Zam too man, it's the same shit Mane did to me. What's the point, right?"

Kaboodle: "I'm a lot more similar to Zam than I thought I was, but not, you know... not because of who he once was."

Kaboodle: "[Reading chat] 'It comes full circle' Yep, I guess so! I guess so. [Laughs at the messages in the game chat] But, listen, I need to re-evaluate my goals a bit cuz yeah, it's fun, it's fun blowing stuff up, I agree, it's fun putting people in bad situations where they have to make tough choices and I enjoy all of that, but... doing that to Zam... It's not– It's not the morality of the situation that I wanna, you know, reconsider, cuz there's definitely some people that fucking deserve it, and... maybe some people that don't that I would still do it to anyway because it's fun, but... Zam's a weird case, cuz... he's... he's like me. He's like me. I don't know he... he's being harassed for weaknesses by Mane and– and Wemmbu and Flame. Which is the same shit Mane did to me. I don't think I quite realized that until he said it yesterday about why he does this stuff and why he's like this.

"[...] Yeah, it's uh, it's a weird situation chat, cuz it's like, I really enjoy fucking with Zam, I really do, but– it's not right. And beyond being not right, that I'm not willing to do, because it's literally just the same shit that I've been fighting against, and now I'm just– it's just generational bullying, that's what it is, it's just– Mane bullied me, I'm taking it out on Zam, and... the cycle never's gonna end if I keep doing that. Out of everyone, Zam is the last person to deserve that at all, honestly. And I need to solve that, I need to stop it, because right now, he's– you could see his fucking tab list [talking about Zam's skin, wich has one eye that is patched and the other one visibly bloodied], he's having a bad time. I mean he– he's never gonna trust me ever again, but... I guess the best I can do is leave him alone and– get myself in check, because I have other people to deal with.

"I have other people to deal with, I have a ManePear still to deal with, and that should be my priority. I'm not gonna have fun killing Mane but... there isn't a point going after Zam, it's just... he's just like me, and there's no point pilling things on top of each other, I don't know. I still believe that he's got the fucking evil inside of him, I still believe that, and I want to exploit that from him, but... not now. Cuz I wanna do it in a way that's fun, that's enjoyable and... kicking him while he's down makes him more miserable, and it's– it's not fun for me at all, right, what's the point in tearing someone down if you– oh my goodness, wow [looking at the damage done at spawn] Hmm, I did not realize how severe this was, holy shit. Wow. Wow. He's gonna have a rough time with this uh... but that's– that's not my jurisdiction anymore. I– I don't– I don't wanna talk to Zam [laughs] Honestly in any of the lights, I don't wanna speak to Zam, because... I don't know– it's... it's weird– it's– it's a weird thing, because it's like, I don't– I don't... I don't wanna trust people again, uh, like I trusted y'know, the Mice, and Red, but... [laughs] fuck, I don't wanna be alone again. And yeah I have my team, but is my team really a fucking team, are they really a team, let's be so for real.

"[Looking sadly at Zam's destroyed house at spawn] Oh Zam. I don't know. I– I empathize with Zam, I care about Zam more than I probably should, in all honesty. [Looking at spawn] Fuck, this is rough though. But he doesn't want my help and... I gotta respect that. And I don't wanna talk to him either because... he is scary. [Laughs] In all honesty, hes scary, cuz he makes me let my guard down, and I don't like that, so..."

[pancake-breakfast]

For as much as I love the series now, Attack on Titan was a bit of a hard sell for me. Through much of the first season, I kept asking myself why I should bother to invest in a series with such a high death count and such a bleak outlook for the characters. And, when you're near the beginning, it does seem like this anime might just be following a lot of typical shonen tropes. You have the brave-and-determined dumbass, the stoic badass, the nerdy friend, the love interest, the rival, etc. etc.

But while AoT uses this as a starting place, it doesn't stay there. If your main character is a dumbass, he doesn't get to be the lovable dumbass who has everything magically work out around him. His dumbassery has consequences. People might still love him. Things might still work out. But if they do, it's in spite of him and not because of him, and they don't work out nearly as well as they would have if he hadn't been a dumbass.

One of the scenes that better illustrates this is in second season, when Eren and Ymir are captured by Reiner and Berthold and they're all talking in the tree. Eren takes stock of the situation and thinks to himself, "Ok, in order to get through this with the best outcome, I need to plan my actions, bide my time, and not let my emotions get the better of me."

A minute later, he's raging and trying to headbutt Reiner out of the tree while Ymir facepalms and decides her own goals will be better met if she sides with Reiner and Berthold.

Eren's not acting out of character here. He might have decided in the moment that he's gonna try to approach this situation more calmly and thoughtfully than he generally does, but because "raging dumbass" is his default at this point in the story, that part of his character doesn't just spontaneously evaporate so he can become Amazing Hero Guy(TM). Since he's NEVER actually acted in such a calm and calculated way before, making that sort of change is going to take time and practice. (Or straight-up trauma, but that's another post entirely.)

And because he isn't able to make the best decision in the moment, Ymir hesitates to side with him, thus making the whole rescue attempt by the Scouts and their allies MUCH more bloody.

Similarly, the unfolding of Levi's character helps us see how much more than a trope he is. At first, he seems like he'll be that cold, cool, distant commander guy who doesn't play by the rules, but then, no. He's got more nuance than that by a long shot. Because if he *was* that cold, cool, distant leader guy, he wouldn't be a very good leader, and if he couldn't follow orders, he would never be given his own command.

You can't gain the loyalty from your subordinates just by being good at what you do. You have to pay attention to them. Levi isn't loved by the fandom just because he's a badass, but because he's intuitive and insightful about both people and situations. One could argue that no one else cares more for their subordinates than Levi. And that sort of behavior from real-world leaders wins over hearts far more than being a badass rebel.

I could go on, because practically every character in this series has the nuance necessary to give them depth and believability that isn't demanded of shonen series. These characters could have all just been tropes, but they aren't. They have to go through the same learning processes that real-world people do. They have to find ways to relate to others just the same as everyone else. And when they fail to do that, or don't do it on the right timeline, there are consequences.

Recognizing that the series was more about consequences than about any given character being right or wrong by default was what really allowed me to buy into it. And I'm glad I did, because it's been a wild ride.

[curiositythecryptid]

stop thinking about You.

Ris rambles about DRS2E7 because it made me cry. Do not read if you haven't watched DRS2P1 yet.

Let's start from the beginning.

They're trying to learn a new technique, the Rising Dragon, that is their only chance against a new foe. In order to do it, they need to master the principle of Motion, which is all about moving in harmony with the universe around you. They're going through a training course, taking turns trying to get the technique right, and it's Kai's turn. Kai fails, Egalt criticizes him, and this is where the scene starts.

"Who are you saying lacks spirit?" Fire is sometimes associated with spirit- with what's vibrant and intense. Kai is like that, he's full of spirit, it's one of his main marking traits as a character, to be vivid and confident. Just like his hair, Kai holds on tightly to anything that makes him feel unique. "Ah, you better not be talking about me!"

Nya asks to do the course as a pair for Kai's sake. Kai realizes that and quickly goes "I can do this myself, Nya!" He has to be able to! Just like he Has To Be Able To Light A Fire*, he has to Figure The Thing Out, he has to solve the problem because there's no mom or dad around- ah whoops.

(*TLDR: Lighting a fire is a survival skill, and survival doesn't listen to "excuses". What is needed in the moment is needed and that's it- either he figures it out or his family gets hurt, that's the logic he's used to.)

"I know what's holding you back." "What?" "You. Stop thinking about you. Start thinking about Counter Shot."

This is an old song. "Kai, start thinking about yourself as part of a team!" This is an OLD song. The smith siblings are very independent, self-confident people, and they're very hard on themselves. Independence is not a bad thing, but it can get in the way. Nya understands that better than Kai does, because she had an arc around it. Around not being able to solve everything herself, but rolling with the punches and trusting others to continue what she started.

Stop thinking about you. Start thinking about Counter Shot.

Stop thinking about how you need to Handle It. Start thinking about the thing that needs to be handled, start thinking about the goal, not about the price of failure.

In the end, the drill stays the same. They're doing the same course they would do if they were alone. The only difference is just the mindset of doing it together instead of Being The One To Handle It. It goes from "I'M gonna do it!" to "we're DOING IT!"

And then we get the flashback- and this is what we see:

That house.

That frame of the blacksmith shop is so important to me. They look so small in front of the house, and they ARE small, and for a while they were the only people living in it. This has almost the same vibe as someone looking at the mountain they're going to climb, standing before a challenge.

This is where the map is hidden. This is where Maya and Ray will be taken from. This is where they learn to blacksmith. This is where they're going to grow up. This is where will take care of eachother and this is where they will inevitably hurt eachother.

This is where Nya will be kidnapped. This is where the entire series started.

When I see that house, I can't help but see that history. The camera has them holding hands, looking nervous to complete the challenge. It zooms out, but INSTEAD of focusing on the horseshoes- the game they're getting ready for- it pans out to focus on THE ENTIRE HOUSE. Growing up is a challenge they will face together.

sure, it's an establishing shot. But coupled with their body language, it's. Something. They're standing together, holding hands, nervous about getting the course right. They're facing the house where all of that history will happen. This draws a parallel between Counter Shot (we're DOING IT!) and that house (growing up, surviving and everything that came with it).

It's saying, "this is a game they will play as a team."

But growing up, running the family business, lighting up the forge to work every morning, heating up their food in time for lunch, taking charge and coming up with a solution whenever there isn't an adult around to do it... that doesn't feel very much like a game anymore.

If HE doesn't Do The Thing, who will? Nya. At least, that's how it used to work- if he fails, he's giving Nya more work, and she's just a kid and younger than him, so he can't let that happen. He's giving those around him more work and he can't have that happen because they've already got too much on their plates.

"[what's holding you back is] You. Stop thinking about You. Start thinking about Counter Shot."

Start thinking about getting this done regardless of how you need to do it- there's no shame asking for help. (There's no shame in loving yourself, there's no shame in self-care- things he proudly does and states!)

Nya knows Kai very well, and in this moment she knows exactly the kind of mindset that he's sinking back into, visible in how worked up and defensive he's getting about it. So she comes up with a plan. Something from way back, some situation in which he didn't have that mindset nagging at him.

Seeing Kai and Nya have fun as kids is so healing to me. From the way he looks and sounds thinking about it, it's healing to Kai, too.

The establishing shot draws a parallel between their history and the game, and Nya sets a parallel between the game and Kai finding harmony with the world around him. But what is that harmony?

"I am perfectly still, Master." "Wrong!"

Egalt estabilishes that you're never still, even if you try to, because your body moves of its own accord, and because the world around you pushes and moves you.

Your body moves of its own accord. No matter empty the world, the house might have felt, it was still where they lived, where they were alive to make memories, memories he grows up to find special.

The world around you moves you, whether you see it or not. Nya looks after him, too, no matter how alone he thinks he is, he can't escape the fact that there will be things others will help him with. He can't escape the fact he isn't alone, all he needs is to do is see that.

Kai is not moving alone: that's Motion, and that's the Rising Dragon.

[megumi-fm]

18 day habit tracker

since the year started, days are passing by and sure I'm doing alright and getting stuff done but lately it just. feels like I'm whiling away a lot of my time which which I could spend learning or doing a lot of things that I've kept shelved for years. I want to make better use of my days and I want to understand how to kind of... develop the intrinsic motivation to improve my productivity. additionally, I also need to do things to take better care of my help given the harsh weather and my ankle (im)mobility.

so I've decided to spend the next 18days trying to be more conscious of how I'm spending my time and also trying to push myself little by little. in this eighteen days I want to figure out what my limits are (vs what I think my limits are) and I also want to understand how to stay consistent and maintain the momentum I need to keep going. eighteen seems like a small enough number to start with; from some surface web scouring it seems like 18days is the minimum number of time it takes to develop a habit. and coincidentally enough it's my birthday in exactly 18days so it seems like a good place to start

to track

🥛 water intake ⏰ hours of sleep +sleep and wake times 📵 phone usage 🍉 fruit intake +the kind of food I'm eating in gen 📖 reading

---

personal goals

🧮 relearning math my relationship with mathematics has been quite messy since junior college and it has only worsened through the past four years of engineering(with the introduction of multivariate calculus and Laplace transforms and whatnot)... it feels kind of late and embarrassing to start now but I really want to understand math better and enjoy doing it and now is a good time to face my fear/discomfort and start over at the very basics. I'm gonna start with precalculus and linear algebra

💃 dancing I used to dance all the time as a kid and then... i don't know what happened... as a lover of kpop choreographies it's heartbreaking to realize I haven't learnt nearly as many dances as I'd have liked to. The year started off pretty strong but then my ankle got in the way and... yeah... I want to get back into dancing both as a means to improve my mobility and as a means of exercise, and also because I enjoy dancing in gen... and four to five days seems like good enough time to learn a single dance so i hope to learn the choreography of atleast 3-4 dances in these 18days

✏ art I have wanted to learn drawing for years now but for some reason I just never seem to get around to it (the 'some reason' being my impatience and inability to accept that I'm actually a beginner) but yknow what. if I'm anyway going to feel bad about how poor I am at drawing, I might as well do it while drawing poorly instead of trying to avoid it. I've decided to use this youtube playlist as my starting point

🍳 cooking for someone who is planning to live abroad and live alone I can't cook to save my life, but putting that aside, the main reason I want to cook is that a lot of my favourite regional cuisine is centered towards dishes for the winter and I want to learn to make tasty + nutritional food suitable for this summer heat without resorting to consuming excessively sugared juices and soda in copious amounts

---

yeah. day1 starts today. I hope it works out. my weekly tracker and my work tracker will also be updated in parallel

[asumofwords]

The ask about the dicks??yall are wild 💀💀💀

I want to ask something spicy too and very important: what do Aemond, Aegon, Daemon, Jace and Criston like more?ass or boobs? Like what do they prefers in a woman or what do they see fisrt?what preferences do they have?for example I know for sure that Aemond would have a massive size kink and is into petite girls(and it has nothing to do with being a short queen myself and being delulu) because he likes the power dynamic

Sorry for taking so long to answer this but omg I love it heheh. I am literally cackling as I write this. I know I'm going to miss a lot, but let's at least set down the baseline.

What Aemond, Aegon, Daemon, Jace and Criston fancy.

Aemond is definitely a boobs kind of guy, we all know how feral he gets at the thought of breast milk and them tiddies being swollen (Mummy issues right? Freud is rolling in his grave if he existed in the HOTD universe lmao).

You’re right about Aemond having a size kink, he likes loves when you’re smaller than him. He loves when he has power, strength over you. To throw you around, grab you, fuck you and do anything he wants.

He definitely loves marking people, whether hands, lips or teeth, he wants to mark you so that everyone knows you are his. Possessive right?

Loves submission but also brattiness is a weak spot for him. He wants to break someone in, bend them to his will and put them in their place. Massive power dynamics with him.

Loves fear play as well, the hunter/prey gig. Aemond lives for the chase, loves to see the fear in your eyes when he catches you. Did I say knife kink?

Somnophillia is definitely something he thrives on too, this man is just a filthy little deviant. DID I MENTION BREEDING KINK. Pussy eating is an addiction this man will not go to rehab for.

Aegon; Tits and ass man, not really fussed, anything goes. He’s got that ‘any holes a goal’ attitude and sticks to it.

Breeding kink 100%, loves watching cum drip out of cunnies, or to be fair, any orifice. This man will cum on your face, tits, back or wherever he wants. The dirtier the better.

Definitely a switch. Can be very submissive, mummy kink to boot. Wants to be taken care of and praised, held and doted on. Wants someone to press kisses to his face whilst they ride him and tell him he makes them feel good.

Loves quiet, little creatures who will squeak if he pinches them. Insatiable, like his brother. Will fuck you anywhere, anytime, drunk, sober, awake, asleep. If your hole is the goal, Aegon is gonna get it.

If we ignore cannon assaults, I would say he definitely has a CNC kink (consensual non consent). When he’s in the mood, stressed or pushed, he will bend you over any surface and force himself in.

Free use King.

Not a pleasure dom, will get his nut and run most of the time.

Our Daddy Daemon has no limits to his tastes. Call this man a connoisseur. Tits, ass, anything goes for this man.

Absolute kink King, would let you peg him if you begged prettily enough. Orgies galore, the more the merrier. Loves his ass being played with, lick, finger, rub, fuck, anything for that stimulation that makes his toes curl and teeth clench. Go. Off. King. If you play with his balls when you suck him off, that man is a goner, eyes will roll in the back of his head.

Definite size kink, loves the power of it, seeing how small you look beneath him as he fucks into you. This man has a giant cock, we all know it's the truth, and he would delight seeing the bulge of it in your stomach.

Daemon has a thing for eating pussy like his nephew Aemond, blood runs thick in this family, and Daemon will spend an entire night between your thighs until you are crying and begging for him to stop or have passed out.

Restraints? No problem, he will tie you up with silk or whatever is lying around and have his way with you, or simply hold both of your wrists in his hands as he plows into you.

Breeding kink…enough said.

Considerate lover, will make you cum every time. Voyeur king, anywhere he can get caught? Mans will be there to fuck you into any surface.

Jacaerys is an ass man. Don’t ask questions, I just get the vibe. He wants to grab your cheeks and spread them apart, look down at both of your fluttering holes and watch his seed or your release leak out. Speaking of ass man, anal. Loves it.

He’s such a cutie as well, will praise the living hell out of you. Spit? Loves it. Will spit in your mouth, on your pussy, in your holes, wherever he can, but he will be real polite about it.

Soft dom for days, will praise, compliment and encourage you until you’re a puddle beneath him and blushing. But will also grab the fuck out of you if you are bratty. He has his mothers temper.

And like his Step Daddy Daemon, man has a fucking hog, and loves to stretch you out on it, insert oooh big stretch. Size kinks galore with this one.

Loves to fuck your face and coo at how well you take him, smoothing hair and tears away from your cheeks as you gag on his length.

Skilled fingers, this man has a thing about his hands and needs them to be on you. If you have your period, he will make love to you during it and be so doting and caring about it. He loves how much wetter you are and how sensitive you can be. He also loves knowing it makes you feel good, because he wants to take care of you.

Anything you want, Jace will give to you.

Criston Incel Cole. Wants a submissive, demure woman who won’t hurt him like Rhaenyra (cough Alicent cough). Boobs and thigh man, loves to grab and suck at the skin and mark it, but not in a way that could be seen publicly. He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s broken his oath or that you’re his whore behind closed doors.

Loves praise.

Hard dom. Very strict on instructions and commands, will wear his uniform as he fucks you, will be angry, rough, but after, soft and gentle. He has to get his anger out somehow.

Creampie kink, not necessarily a breeding kink, but loves to see you full of him. Will play with it as it leaks out of you. Has a thing about kissing you though.

A Missionary Man, hard to get him to fuck you in any other position, but he likes to watch you below him, how your breasts jiggle with each thrust or how your face flushes when you cum.

Not the most skilled of lovers, but is eager and willing to learn.

If he really trusts you, man is a fucking SUB. But that is a rare occurrence.

-

Hope you enjoyed my disgusting fucking thoughts on this hahahaha

[xeungwannie]

the girl without a name

i alr got a second part planned out. also how do yall do this writing shit while still living an adult life bc omfg im so over it lol. i also semi-halfassed writing this one as i couldnt come up with a decent enough "plot".

julie x f!reader (fluff. theres like one peck of a kiss)

---

“come on! its an open invite! hosted by the rich! we HAVE to go!”

you rolled your eyes at your friend, winter, quick to remind her you didnt like going out.

“what happened to eating the rich? AND THERES GONNA BE PRETTY WOMEN! i know you cant say n-”

“no.” you stared at winter with a stern face.

“itll be the last party i invite you to…”

and with that you started to get ready, still letting out sighs here and there with the goal to see if winter would allow you to just stay home… you failed.

—

pulling up to the party, you and winter were both handed two masquerade masks that covered from your eyes to the tip of your nose. giving each other a stare, you two were quick to let out a laugh before making your way into the house.

upon entering all you could do was look around stunned at just how big the place was. winter was quick to say your exact thought while sipping on a drink she randomly got from the trays of the men walking around.

“we're not even five minutes into this party and youre already drinking? whered you even get that?”

“the man with the drink tray. see! right there!” winter points to the man while taking another sip.

you were quick to drag winter to the man, getting yourself a drink too to ease up your nerves. you knew it wouldnt be good for you as you were trying to stop from drinking so much but it was your only way to feel better. after an hour had passed, your friend was nowhere to be seen and you were now alone with your sixth drink in your hand.

“ive never seen eyes wander around so much.”

you turn to your left finding a girl standing there giggling to herself at your confusion.

“im just trying to find my friend…” you tell her.

“arent we all?”

you look back into the crowd trying to decipher if she meant that in a sarcastic way or not.

while looking around, you suddenly felt a hand grab at your wrist. thinking it was winter, you were getting ready to slap the absolute shit out of her arm until you turned around to find the girl still standing there with her being the owner of the hand on your wrist.

“holy shit! im so sorry! i thought you were my friend!” you quickly apologized, putting your hand on your chest to calm yourself down from almost slapping someone you didnt even know.

“you guys must slap each other a lot for you to immediately want to throw hands at someone you thought was your friend.” she laughed out.

“i didnt mean to scare you though, just thought since we're standing here together we mightve as well get to know each other.” she quickly adds on.

you agreed and followed her to the bar to sit and talk.

as time went on you forgot to even care about continuing to look for your friend. the conversation was smooth and calm, the perfect way to draw you in. the girls voice was also a plus, it was sweet sounding, something youve never experienced before but loved the feeling of.

“wanna get away from all the noise? i have the perfect place where we can be alone and actually hear each other.” she asked with anticipation.

again, you agreed and followed her.

“tadaaa!” she smiles with her arms extended.

you stood there, speechless, fully taking in the view from the rooftop. youve never seen the stars be so visible before, it felt like the perfect place for a late night date.

“this is absolutely so bea-” you pause at seeing the woman without her mask on, the view meant nothing to you now.

you were shocked to see such a beautiful woman in front of you. it felt like a dream… a dream and she was an angel.

“youre free to take yours off too.” she says laughing at your sudden pause.

“not many people get to experience this part of the house, i like to keep it to myself. of course my friends know about it but they dont come up as often as i do.”

“THIS IS YOUR HOUSE?” your eyes grow wide.

“everyone says that when i tell them.” she lets out a little laugh.

—

your conversation with her was as amazing as it could get: everything was finally heard without trouble, no one was bumping into you two anymore, and nothing was interrupting you two at all.

everything was perfect.

all except one…

you still didnt know her name, never once did you two introduce yourself to each other.

“i dont think we eve-”

“hey! sorry to interupt but i think your friend is looking for you downstairs. the only blondie right?” you turn to look at the woman at the door guessing shes one of the friends that knew of the place.

“yeah...”

you gathered your things and started to make your way to the door. a hand grabs at your wrist again before you could leave.

“i had a lot of fun getting to know you.” she says giving your cheek a little peck before letting go of your wrist allowing you to go to your friend.

you smile at her before hearing a loud yell from downstairs with you immediately following the voice knowing it was your friend who was more than likely drunk.

[bi-bard]

Against the Current Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Jason Todd - Jason Todd Imagine [Titans]

Title: Against the Current Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Jason Todd

Pairing: Jason Todd X Reader

Word Count: 1,952 words

Warning(s): yelling, mention of violence/attack

Author's Note: I love that I am using this little run of Jason Todd parts to this series as an excuse to talk about music that I don't get to talk about much. Like Against the Current, who I have been listening to for a very, very long time. Like close to a decade, if not longer.

**Not intentionally written in chronological order**

-------------------------

Blood Like Gasoline

Baby those lips like fire My blood like gasoline Sparked the fire That burned down everything

It was a bad decision.

I knew that.

However, considering that Hank had a bomb in his chest and the rest of the team was focused on completely the wrong thing, I thought it was the only choice I had.

After some careful sentences, I managed to get Hank to tell me exactly where he had met with Jason. Without a word to anyone else, I left.

My goal was to talk to him. To get through to him and get him to stop this. The team didn't need another loss right now. They needed all the help that they could get.

I walked most of the way into the room, looking all around for any sign that someone was staying there.

"I knew you'd show up."

I immediately turned around, hand going for my weapon.

"What? Are you gonna shoot me?"

I dropped my hand as soon as I saw it was Jason behind me.

"You showed up earlier than I expected," he continued. "Thought Hank would see through your attempts to find me."

Was I really that predictable or did Jason just know me?

"What happened, Jason," I asked.

"Do you mean how did I come back to life or why I'm doing this?"

"I'll take either."

"They hated me," he explained. "That whole team did. In the end, especially."

"Gar didn't... Dick didn't," I took a step forward. "I didn't."

"You never did, huh?" he chuckled. "Always wanted to save me. From Deathstroke, from the team, from myself..."

"How do I stop the bomb, Jason?"

He ignored my question, instead deciding to walk closer to me.

I finally had to tear my eyes away from him. There was something in his eyes that was just too intense for me to continue looking at. I couldn't do it.

I heard Jason chuckle. "Aw, do I still make you nervous?"

He stepped forward, smirking at me. I felt my eyes jumping between his lips and his eyes. I thought I had better self-control than this, but this was Jason. He had a different effect on me than most other people. Even now.

I took a deep breath. "Jason, how do I save Hank?"

"Oh my God!" he rolled his eyes before stepping away from me. "Why do you care about helping him anyways? He treated you like shit!"

I shook my head. "That doesn't mean that I'm gonna let him die."

"Oh, please! You don't care about him!"

"I care about Dawn!"

"Who was more than happy to turn her back on you because Hank told her to?"

"That's not what happened."

"Isn't it?"

I closed my eyes and shook my head, letting my head fall so I was facing the ground. I never liked fighting with Jason. I thought that I would be more willing to now that Hank was in trouble, but Jason was right. Hank treated me like shit. And Dawn did nothing to stop him. God, I hated when Jason was right.

"(Y/n)."

He had walked back over to me at some point. I looked back at his face. I saw his eyes scan every part of my face. It was like he was trying to commit every detail to memory.

Slowly, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I think some part of him expected me to pull away. But I couldn't bring myself to do that.

Even after everything had happened, the kisses still felt the same as they had before. Annoyingly right.

I felt a fire burning in my chest. Mostly love but there was this small spark of anger. A spark that being with Jason only encouraged.

He pulled away first. "Stay. With me."

I paused. A million thoughts hit me all at once just because of three words.

"Come on," he pushed. "None of them treat you the way that you should be. None of them value you. Please."

After a few more seconds of hesitation, I leaned forward and kissed him again. I couldn't leave him. Not when I just got him back.

All I wanted now was to do anything I could in the hopes of keeping him.

No matter what that may have meant.

I Like the Way

It's not a lot but it's sweet when it's simple Don't overthink it, just dive in and let go Don't complicate, I like you babe

When Jason and I first became friends, I was in a situation that was eerily similar to his.

Spent a long time with a bad family, fell into what was mostly a bad crowd, and then was taken in by a rich family. The big difference was that I had spent much longer in that rich world than he had.

We had met at some fancy event that I don't remember the purpose of. I didn't really care to find out anymore.

We were fast friends. Telling old stories and comparing our new lives to each other. It was nice.

Being friends with Jason led to a lot of trouble.

When we started dating, there was even more.

For example, him sneaking in through my window.

I spotted the light from the motorcycle through my window. I jumped up and made it over to look out at him. I couldn't see him until he had shut off the bike and made it closer to the house. He waved at me.

I opened the window. I would've yelled down at him, but I knew that would've alerted someone. He climbed up a part of the building to get to my window.

"What the hell are you doing?" I whispered as he pulled himself in through the window, closing it quietly behind him.

"Why are you whispering?" he replied. "Your parents' room is on the opposite side of the house."

"And yet they seem to hear every single thing I say," I shrugged. "You can't be in here."

He chuckled as I pushed him toward the window again. "Then, come with me."

"I can't."

He turned around to face me. He was much closer than I expected him to be. I froze where I was.

He seemed amused about me freezing when he spoke up, "Why? Do I make you nervous?"

He stepped even closer to me. He had this smirk pulling at his lips as he raised an eyebrow at me. I felt ridiculous for how nervous I got around him sometimes. We were already dating. I had no reason to be shy around him anymore. But I couldn't help it. I just rolled my eyes and shook my head, looking away from him for a moment.

"Come on," he pushed. "We both know you have far more fun with me."

He was right. Spending time with him was usually far better than whatever else I had planned.

"Just not tonight, okay?" I replied. "I'm pretty sure they're still pissed about our last night out."

"Fine, fine," he held his hands up. "You owe me."

"Owe you?"

"Yup," he nodded. "You think sneaking out of Wayne Manor is easy."

"Alright, alright," I said. "What do I owe you?"

"A kiss."

I scoffed. "That was... disgustingly cheesy."

"Shut up."

I chuckled before leaning forward to kiss him gently. "Good enough?"

He sighed dramatically. "For now."

Jason finally relented and went to climb back out the window again. I stepped back as he did, looking over at the door to make sure it wasn't open at all.

"Hey," Jason was basically hanging out the window when he spoke up again. I looked at him. "Love you."

I felt my face warm up as I smiled. "Love you too."

Maybe being with Jason brought quite a bit of trouble, but he definitely made it worth it.

weapon

I seem fine But I can't take the highs and the lows All I am is a weapon I shoot 'em down 'til I end up alone

If I hadn't lost my notebook, none of this would have happened. I wouldn't have been digging around in Jason's stuff and I wouldn't have found something that I didn't want to see.

Jason had first talked me into following him to San Francisco. Following him back to Gotham after everything went to shit felt natural. I stayed with him in the manor because of a strong blowout fight before I left the first time.

I don't remember how I found it. I feel like I just kind of nudged and stumbled onto it. What I could remember was looking for my notebook one minute and the next, I was holding some oxygen mask with a vial of some green or yellow liquid in it.

I sat and stared at it for a moment. I hadn't heard anything about... whatever that thing was. I turned it over in my hands, looking for any identifying markers.

"What are you doing?"

I froze for a moment when I heard Jason's voice. I took a deep breath. "I was looking for my notebook. Thought I may have thrown it over here."

"That fancy one that Bruce got you?"

"Yeah, that one," I nodded as I stood. "Jason?"

"Yeah?"

I turned around and held up the contraption I had found. "What is this?"

I saw his entire face shift as he saw what was in my hand. It was enough for me to assume it was his.

"What is it, Jason?"

"It's nothing," he replied.

"Jason-"

"Give it back."

"Not until you tell me what it is."

"It... It doesn't matter," he shrugged. "It's none of your business."

"We are a little past that, don't you think?"

"It's nothing!" he insisted. "It's just to help me get back to normal."

I furrowed my eyebrows.

"No more nightmares or fear. I can be Robin again."

"Does Bruce know about this?"

"Why should he?"

"Oh my god," I mumbled.

"I need to be Robin, you know that! I... I can't just be forced to the sidelines! I need to be able to fight and work without all of this shit!"

"I don't give a shit about Robin!"

The tension in the room after that was thick enough to be cut with a knife. I closed my eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking at him again.

"I... I care about you, Jason. Not about Robin. You are more than Robin. And you shouldn't need to do... whatever the fuck this is just so Bruce will care about you! If that's the case, then I'm sorry, but he's a piece of shit!"

It was a strong accusation, but one that I had grown more confident in over the course of the last several weeks.

Jason closed his eyes and looked away from me.

I walked over to him, tossing the contraption on the bed as I did. I reached up and cupped the sides of his face. He looked at me again.

"I can't force you to do anything," I said. "I know that. I am just asking you to not do something that'll get you hurt. I want you to be happy, and if being Robin makes you happy, fine. But I don't want you to think that being Robin is the only thing giving you value."

His hands reached up and touched mine, trying to hold them in place. I grinned at him. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine.

"I love you," I mumbled. "I... I need you to know that."

"I love you too," he muttered.

I smiled a little bit wider. That was enough for me for the time being.

-------------------------

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[kingdoms-and-empires]

After great and intense deliberation, which involved me asking myself if feeling loved is worth sticking the dick in crazy, I have decided that it is worth it. I'm definitely gonna for Nsythe. But please author-man, I must know. How far crazy are we talking here? Am I gonna have to hold onto her wrist because she planning to stab someone crazy?

Uhhhh

So NOT this:

Cause she won't get caught. She wouldn't out herself. And why kill if she can destroy their social life with rumors? Blackmail? Intimidation? She has the resources of a rich noble house, and the support of her older brother that signs off on any resources she needs. She knows what to tell him, he won't know.

Nobility takes reputation seriously. And she knows how to outmaneuver around boys or girls in the way of MC's happiness. But she's tricky. Unpredictable.

She won't help if she thinks the MC's got this.

She won't help if she thinks the MC can grow from this.

She won't help if it'll help break the MC a bit more and make them dependent on her, but only if she thinks the outcome benefits the MC in the end. She doesn't want a broken partner, after all. But what does broken partner mean to her? It's her metric we're measuring, and we don't know it.

She might help a rival with romance, if she thinks they're truly in love with the MC and the MC will find happiness, she'll root for their pairing, even help here and there. But then she'll stop helping and let things take its course. If the love rival fucks up, better for Nysthe, so she can swoop in. To either begin her own romance, or be that patient friend that offers a caring ear. See, she loves MC. She doesn't desire them physically. She loves. She wants to be in their life, support and help them. If she can be their wife or lover, all the better. But it isn't her main goal. Her main goal...