#going to get an extremely painful procedure done next week

[friendsofabracadaver]

Livin' the dream

Resistin' the urge to scream

[blugnettabutterflies]

This comes with spoilers for Criminal Case: The Conspiracy

(mainly after case 60. Also a TW for medical talk and a lot of injuries and scarring burns.)

So I finally decided to put together an Injury Chart for Jones for what happens in Blaze of Glory. Because I am so damn sure that he didn't just walk away with the repercussions that he got. It must have been way more and I am here to give it.

With that said, this is my personal interpretation of the situation, and screw canon!

Here, the full body picture

And now, some headcanons where I'll explain my position on this situation!

He didn't wake up that same night when he was admitted. There is a possible reason he could have been woken up and it was because of evacuation, but they didn't do it in the end. Maybe they kept him semiconscious to not risk a lot of brain damage since the injuries are bad. I supposed that he was put back to sleep for the next 3 or so days completely and maybe a bit more. He woke up after 5 days or a week. He still gets brain damaged (ill explain more down)

Speaking of injuries, the burns took almost 60-70% of his body, especially on the front side and the face. The face burns were from 2nd to 3rd, as well as the torso and up side of the legs and mainly the right arm. The left arm and downside on the legs were second degrees mostly. That's why he was in a lot of pain as said by Cathy.

Also, he had to undergo a lot of surgeries. Not only to amputate his eye but also a brain/skull surgery had to be gone because he hit his skull BADLY on some rocky furniture, since the blast sent him flying away. Other surgeries were made around the broken bones, essentially on ribs, arms, and legs. Luckily none of the vertebral bones were cracked, so it means that he can walk.

The surgeon also put him some skin graphs at the most injured parts and that procedure lasted for some months.

Another surgery that was done on him (as you can see in the picture) was a hair transplant.

Around the brain damage side of things, the blast caused him to have some alteration in his cognition. Not completely severe to the point that he to be dependent forever, but some sensation weakness, as well as mobility and mainly voluntary movement, which is what causes his prolonged paralysis mainly on his right side. He found it difficult to manipulate object with hsi right hand and to stand for a big amount of time, another reason of why he uses the cane. Additionally, he experienced speech and concentration difficulties.

What Gabriel informed Cathy was true. The surgeon and the staff who took his case had no idea if he was going to make it through the night. In fact, this was because, when they were operating on him, his vitals were fluctuaring a lot. He flat-lined once, and while he recovered quickly from that one, it was a sign that he was a delicate patient. Also, they were in the middle of the neohuman rampage, so there was even more of a risk. The staff sighed of relief when they saw Jones' brain activity actually responding to stimuli after a few days.

Around the topic of walking, due to the blast, he pretty much wasn't able to walk properly anymore. Not only because of the muscle weakness that this caused, but also because the waist bones had a hit too, and walking for big amounts of time causes some pain at first. He was in a way unable to move, on a wheelchair for the first 6 months. He is going to Physical and Occupational Therapy daily to go up some stairs. He was probably able to walk with a roller a few days after the 6 months, only in days when he felt confident. He started to use a cane after a year or so. He permanently uses it.

In fact, I am not sure if he actually made it to the memorial. He either woke up when the memorial was happening or he wasn't allowed to go due for the risk. If he went however, he was extremely supervised. As soon as it was over (or even before that), he was back at the hospital. He did go to Amir and Jasper's wedding 5 months later though, still in a wheelchair to not cause an accident.

Other injuries from the blast also include injuries on the eardrums, which caused audition alterations. He has now moderate to severe deafness on his right side and mild to moderate deafness on his left. He does use hearing aids (sometimes he forgets to take them out in his sleep).

Also, around his still functioning eye, while it's not damaged completely, he has problems with vision perception, making the walking part even more difficult. Actually, all of the tasks he does are difficult because of that at first.

Around the mental health side of things, during the rehabilitation process, his emotions were swinging around. He needed... A LOT OF HELP ON THAT. He was lucky that there was a therapist who decided to take his case and was able to receive all the punches and breakdowns.

There were a lot of nightmares. And I'm telling you. A lot. Of them. He would wake up in sweat and major pain. They became easier to handle with time.

The first time he saw himself in the mirror was... an experience to say the least. He saw himself and cried a lot, to the point that he had to be comforted for a few minutes. It took him a while to adjust. He knew it was his face, but he hated it a lot at first.

Before seeing his face, the visits were very secluded to best fiends and family members. Since his coworkers at the precint were his "family" he would allow their visits. After seeing his face, the visits were reducing by his own command. He was ashamed of himself for a bit.

Still, the team was eager to make him company. Despite him sometimes rejecting the visitations, when he accepted them, he found that it was a nice time. Their reassurance and news about the outside world would motivate him to recover so he could feel it himself.

Another thing that motivated him (or better off, someone) was Zoe. When he was able to move his hands and handle things for a while, he would read almost daily the letter he received back when he was hospitalized from his attempt. It gave him a boost, thinking that she would like for him to still try. It's a good pick me up. (If he couldn't he would ask someone to read it from her. Aside from other letters the team found in the meantime.)

But his big breakthrough was a bit later. He originally was going to have an eye prosthetic, and he was so sure of it... until he got a visitation from his sibling's family, where his nephew told him that he looked like a pirate with the eyepatch. He liked the idea of being something not as scary as he thought. And he, while the eye prosthetic was tempting, he denied it for the moment.

That gesture gave him a complete change of perspective to a more positive one, and the rehabilitation process was actually working even better. He was a pirate in that kid's eyes. So he may just commit to the bit.

After being discharged, he lived in various houses with Astrid to avoid being alone, until he could back on his feet. Sometimes he stayed at Gabriel's, other times at Ramirez's, Parker's, and occasionally at Player's house. During the first few months after his discharge however, he mainly stayed at Ramirez's house, where he and his family had a spacious room prepared for him with a great view.

Since he was on a medical leave for months, he took other activities that caught his eye (not pun intended) and his body would allow. He actually retook his reading hobby from it.

He actually took care of himself. He still attended the therapy sessions, he even went to a support group dedicated to survivors of deadly situations. He met a lot of people and he didn't feel lonely. And saw that there was more life than his job.

At first, he was so eager to come back to work and be useful and worth it. After rehabilitation and the support groups, he started to doubt, until he finally decided that he deserved a more calm life. And with that, he retired. He doesn't regret it. He keeps contact with the rest of the precinct. He still attends to their birthdays.

And he's happy. After all, limping sometimes, and even with some nightmares, he was overall, happy.

And there you have it! Screw canon my boy is disabled!

[blackroseguzzi]

Girl Next Door Part 6!

HEYYOO IM BACK BITCHES!

Summery: You explain to Kai what you’ve done. He can't understand, and he doesn't really want to.

Warnings: talk of abortion, pregnancy, swearing, and Kai’s beginning stage of inner rage. 

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! 

You knew the choices you made had serious consciences, these choices were not made lightly. 

You had moved through a week since you had come clean about your pregnancy. You and Kai were sent into a discussion over what needed to be done. You had never seen Kai so incredibly persistent on what he wanted. He saw a future with you, and he wanted to keep his seed planted and watch it grow. You were completely blind sided by his reaction to be honest. You were fearful he was going to pull away, upset at the thought of fathering a child so young. You didn’t realize that he would grab your face and tell you that there was only one street to follow. 

You felt bile creep in your throat, and as much as you wanted to let it out, you swallowed it down in distaste, just like you’d taken in Kai’s extreme moral compass, practically begging you not to have an abortion.

But your mind was already made up the second you saw that test turn up positive. You were not ready for a child to come out of you, or to be welcomed into your arms and suck the life out of you. Not now, and maybe not ever.

You knew that Kai would ultimately understand, he was Kai. He was your best friend and you knew he had your best interest in mind. You had went home that night and made an appointment at planned parenthood for an abortion without Kai’s knowledge. He told you he would give you a week to think about things- but that didn't stop him from constantly texting you asking you how you were feeling or if he could do anything to make things easier for you. God, he was everything a girl dreamed of and you wished your heart didn't want both Kai Anderson and his idealistic family and a college education, experience, and career all for yourself.

You laid in the recovery room, a heating pad on your abdomen to help with the constant cramping you were feeling. The clinic told you that you were not allowed to drive yourself home, and you knew that meant you had to give Kai a call to come get you. You flipped open your phone and pressed his number, you winced as you shifted in the strange shaped chair. You saw another girl across from you, quietly sobbing into her sweatshirt. You wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

“Hey,” Kai’s voice answered the phone on the first ring. You could already tell by his tone that he was an anxious mess. 

“Kai, I need you to pick me up. I’m at planned parenthood on upper east,” You whispered, not wanting to draw attention to yourself.

“Oh, yeah yeah of course.” His voice was soft and it calmed you for a moment. “Is everything okay?”

You closed your eyes and let out a slow breath as another painful cramp surged through you. You were so ready to get home and lay in bed, and you were hopeful that maybe Kai would stay with you and rub your back and tell you that you made the right choice. 

“Yeah, I’ll explain when you get here.” You spoke quickly, watching the nurse walking towards you as you hung up the cell phone before Kai could get in another word. She gave you another dose of Advil with water, and you hadn’t realized how dry your mouth had been until you sucked every last drop of the water from the cheap paper cup.

“You’re free to leave when your ride gets here, and don’t be afraid to call if you have extensive bleeding, or don’t feel better in a couple of days.” She gave you a weak smile as she pulled the warm compress from your body. You face scrunched under the knowledge that they were in fact kicking you out of the room in order to make more space. 

You slowly lifted yourself from the chair and your head felt like it was reaching the clouds. No wonder they don’t let anyone drive after a procedure. You walked slowly into the waiting room, taking a seat as you looked around the parking lot for any sign of Kai. 

The eyes that were landing on you every so often was starting to make you uncomfortable. One younger teen looked like she was about to give birth right there in the chair. She looked uncomfortable- no no miserable. She didn’t have that pregnancy glow and your quick glance revealed swollen ankles and lots of hormonal acne. You felt relief flood into your veins as you saw Kai’s car swing into the parking lot with eagerness. It pulled up right out front and you hugged your jacket as you shuffled out of the building.

Kai’s eyes were wide, watching you make your way into the vehicle. You felt the pad in your underwear shift uncomfortably as you took a seat in his warm car. You hadn’t worn one of these since middle school, and you were so glad someone had created the tampon.

“Thanks for coming to get me,” You smiled softly at your best friend. He returned the smirk and nodded slowly.  

“Let’s go to that drive through burger place that you love so much,” You leaned over and rubbed your thumb up and down his veiny hand. He took a deep breath, staring into your eyes with worry. 

“Um, Sonic?” 

“Yeah that’s the place, I’m really craving the lemonade they have there.” You rested your head against the back seat. You realized your use of the word craving was probably not the best idea since you could already tell Kai’s demeanor was perking up and he smiled widely as he focused on the road and pulled out of the clinic parking lot.

“My baby wants a lemonade, my baby gets a lemonade.” 

Your heart skipped, wondering what baby he was talking about- because he now only had one. You knew you’d break the news to him, but you wanted to be parked anywhere but the clinic.  

You made your way to Sonic, ordering and sitting in the parking lot awaiting your food to be brought to you. Kai bites his thumbnail, not knowing what to say or do. He was waiting for you to break the silence, you knew that much.

You felt the cramping subside, the Advil clearly working its magic yet again. Kai turn the radio down and his eyes burned into you. You were about to open your mouth when his voice cut through the air.

“You can’t do this to me. You can’t abort this baby, y/n. It’s part of me, and even better - its a part of you. It’s like fate or some shit. Please, I’m begging you. I can’t take any more people being taken away from me.” Kai’s voice broke as he finished. You watched a tear roll down his face and land in his lap. He was fucking crying.

“Kai… I,” You felt your heart speed up, suddenly fearing what you had done was going to rip your relationship completely apart. There was no part of Kai that would be nodding his head and cradling you in understanding. 

“Y/n, Let’s run. Go to Vegas and get married. We’ll start up that software company we always talk about- and you can do your comics on the side. Fuck, you could do it full time. I’ll take care of you I promise.” You were stunned at the word vomit coming from Kai’s mouth. You wished that this had happened 7 years from now when you were not about to graduate high school and you and Kai lived together and had steady jobs. You dreamed of a life with Kai, but not when you were young and dumb. 

“I’m going to be sick,” You managed to squeak out, you clutched your stomach and hunched forward. Panic corsed through your veins.

“What’s the matter? It is morning sickness from the baby?” Kai leaned forward to put his hand on you and gently rubbing circles on your back.

“NO KAI,” You felt hot tears burning too be released. “Its not from the baby because there is no more baby.” You closed your eyes and felt the salty water drops fall into your lap. Kai’s hand removed his hand from your body, and you glanced over at him. His mouth was hanging open, and his eyebrows came together in a point. 

“What do you mean… no more baby?” His words flung out of his mouth like hot venom. Oh, he wasn’t sad- he was viciously angry.

“I wasn’t at the clinic for a check up Kai, I was there having an abortion.” You breathed out, a sense of calm washing over you as you relieved yourself of your secret. The car was silent, except for the quiet sound of Moondance on the radio. 

Kai’s eyes turned rather dark as you spoke, and you felt like he was biting his lip hard enough that blood was going to spirt out onto his soft green sweatshirt. 

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me that you were doing that?” He spat between his clenched teeth. 

Before you could speak, the young male waiter tapped on the driver side window. Kai’s eyes didn’t leave yours as he rolled down the window. 

“Uh, order 430? Here’s your food.” The boy spoke quickly, pushing a tray full of food towards the open window.

Kai’s head slowly turned to meet the tray at his window. He reached his hand out,  batting one of the lemonades off the tray causing it to smash against the pavement. You heard the splash and Kai sucked in a deep breath.

“Did you.. Do you want a refill for that?” The young waiter asked quietly, unsure of the situation at hand. “FUCK OFF!” Kai yelled before rolling the window back up casually. The boy took a moment to assess the scene and decided it was best to just head back into the sonic. 

“That was rude, Kai!” You had never seen him behave this way. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” His devilish laughter shot around the car and gripped you like a vice. “ I think getting an abortion and not telling me is fucking rude, y/n.” 

You felt the dagger hit your heart, and guilt consumed you. 

“You told me to take the week to decide, so I decided.” Your voice surprised you, just the sheer weakness that it carried. You had zero guilt about your decision for yourself, but you felt guilty for having to make a choice that kai didn’t agree with.

“Unbelievable,” He huffed. 

“What would you have done if I told you I wanted an abortion? Huh? You would have held my hand through it?” You looked over at Kai, his anger still considerably there, but the hurt was far more visible. His face curled in that look you get right before you break down and cry.

“I had the right to fucking know. I had the right to try and change your mind. This wasn't just your choice to make.”

“You were not the one who had to carry a baby inside of you and then give birth. I’m about to graduate high school.. You clearly don’t fully understand what having a baby would mean for me, Kai!” 

“You know, you’re so fucking selfish.” Kai hissed. He watched your eyes widen, and you pulled yourself back as your jaw dropped.

He shook his head slowly, “You always want people to do everything you want them to. You don’t ever sacrifice a god damn thing for anyone. You don’t want me to talk to other girls, yet you refuse to put a label on whatever the fuck we’ve been doing.” He runs a hand down his face. Rage was filling his sad eyes again. “You want me to fall fucking head over heels for you, but then you won’t say you love me back. Then the kicker! You get knocked up, and you know that I want nothing more than to have this baby with you and you go and fucking KILL IT.” 

The car is silent again for what felt like a lifetime. Your heart was pounding, realizing his truthful words. Maybe you were selfish, maybe your fears had made you into a raging selfish bitch. 

“Kai.. I’m just trying to do what I think is right.” 

“AH! Exactly my point. You do what YOU think is right,” He hissed. 

You took a deep breath, your head is pounding and you wished that Kai had let you at least have a sip of that lemonade. 

How would they ever come back from this? You hadn’t just lost the man you had grown to love, but the best friend you had ever had. You had taken something so valuable away from him, and he was punishing you for it. 

“Do you love me?” Kai’s words burned into your skull, and you nodded quickly.

“Yes, yes I do.” You whispered. He bit his lip again and shook his head.

“No you don’t, you won’t even say it- That’s where we’re so different. I’m not afraid of you, of us.” 

You took in a shaky breath, making sure that you locked eyes with Kai as you overcame the fear of the three words you felt since the moment you met him. 

“I LOVE YOU, KAI. Okay. I FUCKING LOVE YOU. Is saying that going to fix our relationship?” 

He studied your face for a moment-like he was memorizing something he was never going to see again.

“No, you killed that too.” 

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

The Gym Membership - Part 19 (Crosshair)

Summary: Crosshair thinks back to the reason he visits the hospital.

A/N: Hello lovelies,

Another part to Crosshair's story. I always want to let you guys know I will begin uploading the second story to the Razor Crest Ranch at the end of the month, I know I said four weeks. But I'm sorry, things got a little hectic lately.

Love oo.

Italics - flashback

Warnings: Anger, angst, mentions of medical procedures, coma, blaming someone for another's injury, grief, crying, fear, mentions of being shot at, kidnapped and blown up, I think that's it, if I miss anything please let me know.

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“I thought you only came here Wednesdays and Sundays” Crosshair stated as he tried to ignore the woman beside him, when she didn’t answer his question. 

His voice grated on my nerves, I did my best to ignore him. Ever since he stepped into my sister’s life, he’d become an annoying presence. Having him sit beside me, with his ridiculous long legs stretched out in front of him, his lanky arms crossed and his breathing … ugh! How could a man be so infuriating? 

Crosshair shifted in his seat doing his best to ignore the woman beside him, he never liked her. She didn’t exactly leave the best impression, when he first met her. Granted, the situation was tenuous, their emotions were all over the place, and they both were extremely sensitive after the loss of sleep. Didn't help that he was already freaking out about Avery, the last thing he needed was her sister asking a million and one questions for which he didn't have answers. 

The noise on the tarmac, the orders being shouted out among the ground crew were all drowned out, as she walked up to Crosshair, anger clearly prevalent in her face at seeing him standing there.

“Your Crosshair?” She didn’t bother introducing herself, she just wanted answers. 

“Yes, ma’am”

Her fist clenched by her side, as she poked him in the chest, “Explain! Explain to me how you made it back under your own power? While my sister has to be carried out on a stretcher.” 

The woman whose face was tear stained, was standing her ground blocking his way as she stood watching the stretcher being loaded on to the ambulance from the aircraft. Cross wanted to say a whole lot, he wanted to tell her she wasn’t the only one in pain, that for now her sister was alive; but nothing came out of his mouth. He couldn’t even tell her why he was allowed to be by her sister’s side. No matter how hard he tried to open his mouth, it refused to listen to him. 

She wiped her face as she moved closer to the ambulance, her anger growing with each step she took. She turned to look at him, “Why are you even here? Just to make sure you can hand over your responsibility? Don’t worry, I’ve got her. You can go back and do whatever the hell you do.” She shook her head as she looked at him, “Avery would rave on and on about you, and I don’t understand…. I don’t understand how you … why are you here? Why isn’t she here standing where you are!”

Before Cross could answer, one of the medics walked over to the two of them, “Excuse me, Captain Crosshair, ma’am” he tipped his head towards the two of them, “Your wife is all set, Captain. They’ll be taking her straight to the Army Hospital, sir.”

“Thanks. We’ll be on our way.”

Her eyes widened as she looked back at him, “I’m sorry” she pointed to the medic “Did… did he just …” She took a deep shaky breath, “Did he just call her, your wife?”

Crosshair didn’t respond, Avery had wanted to tell her sister first, and he wasn’t going to rob her of that joy. Even if she was in a coma right now, when she woke up she was going to be excited to tell her sister everything. 

The anger and frustration building within her was clearly evident, it was like a volcano getting ready to erupt. She was done. Done with the lack of information she received from the Army. Done with the man who apparently had married her sister. She ran her hand through her hair letting out a frustrated choked sob.

“Fine. Don’t answer, but once Avery’s settled and we know what’s going on, you and I are going to sit and you’re going to tell me exactly what happened in detail, and once that’s done, you’re going to get the hell out of her life for good. Since you stepped into her life, she’s been shot at, kidnapped, and now she’s been blown up. She was a desk clerk! An analyst for … she NEVER went into the field before you came into her life!” 

Crosshair could still remember that moment as though it was yesterday, ever since that day they never really talked to each other. There was barely any acknowledgement of existence between the two of them, they just argued with each other whenever they did attempt to talk. The only time they agreed and were somewhat civil to each other was when it came to Avery’s medical procedures. 

His eyes focused on Avery’s face, all the tubes going in and coming out of her. The breathing tube that was currently keeping her alive. The various wires connected to her heart and brain, monitoring her every second. 

Once the doctors had been able to examine Avery, they were informed, the brain injury she sustained was severe. They needed to prepare themselves with the possibility that the chances of her waking up were slim.

In fact, the only thing keeping her going for the last year was the ventilator she was currently on. He wanted to let her go the moment they put her on it, he wanted to let her be at rest, but Avery’s sister, Layla, was not willing to let her go. He understood what she was feeling, but the truth was there wasn’t a chance she could wake up now. And even if, by some miracle she did, she’d never recover. She’d never be the same Avery, he got to know and love. Looking at her sleeping form, coming here week after week knowing there was nothing he could do for his wife was torturous. He had to admit however, he admired Layla’s determination and having faith Avery would wake up and come back to them. 

“Do you think she’ll ever wake up?”

Cross looked over to Layla, shocked by the fact she was actually speaking to him, but for the first time in years, there was doubt in her voice. Yet, he couldn’t actually acknowledge her question outright, “Oh, you’re speaking to me now?”

I put my book down on my lap, resisting the biggest eye roll I wanted to give him. How could he just irritate me so easily? I let out a sigh, as I turned and looked at him.

“Crosshair, could you please just answer the question, do you honestly think she’ll ever wake up?”

Crosshair turned in his chair, focusing on Layla’s face, he hadn’t noticed before, mainly because he avoided looking at her. But now that he was, he observed how puffy and slightly red her eyes were, the tip of her nose was flushed as well, like she’d been crying for a while. His eyes narrowed as he took in her form, her hand was clenched against her knee. Her face looked paler than usual. 

“Layla, what happened?”

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[phladydoor]

Alright. Time to talk about my TIT experience.

This is not really about the show itself. This is about me and my health and the shit I had to do to get myself in that seat tonight.

TL;DR: I’m disabled and had to work extremely hard to be at the show and I’m proud of myself and I’m yappin about it!!!!

Okay now for the long-winded version.

When my friend grabbed us tickets back in June, I was just starting the process of addressing a mobility issue that had completely altered my life in recent years.

I have chronic back pain. It came on very suddenly and severely one day a little over two years ago now and it has been an uphill battle to receive the care I need ever since. I can walk only short distances and stand for only a few minutes before needing to sit and rest. It is debilitating and isolating and painful.

But still, I told my friend to get me a ticket. I had four months to prepare. I had faith in my brand new physical therapy team and spine doctor. Four months seemed like such a long time back then.

Things did not go as planned. Physical Therapy was overwhelming and difficult. I pushed myself to my limits, trying desperately to make it work. I blamed myself when I plateaued. The spine doctor said we should consider other options.

The first other option was a series of nerve ablations. The procedures would potentially reduce my pain level and allow me to return to physical therapy with better results. We started the process, but things moved slower than I’d hoped. Two weeks ago I was supposed to have my final test procedure before the real deal. My insurance denied it on a technicality. They will likely continue to deny it even upon appeal. I will have to return to my doctor to discuss the next other option.

So there I was. 14 days out from TIT and with my back barely better than it was when the tickets were purchased. I was facing down the very real possibility that I would not make it to the theatre. I spent a lot of time sobbing in therapy sessions, lamenting my limitations, and asking “why me?”

I talked to friends (there’s nothing better to alleviate a shame spiral) who encouraged me to look into mobility aids that could help me get to the show. I want to make it clear — never once have I judged another person for the use of a mobility aid. There is simply nothing worth judging about someone using a tool to make their life easier. But, when it came to accepting my own disability, I will admit that I had been resistant to the idea of using one. Not to get too in the weeds, but I’m in a larger body and the stigma associated with a fat person using a mobility aid vs a thin person? Is a very different beast.

But I did purchase one - a cane I could lean on that can also be transformed into a stool when I need to sit and rest.

I spent hours researching the venue — finding our seats via Google map and planning when and where I could take a rest on my cane/stool (my stane? My cool?). I would forgo the merch line. I’d have my friend drop me off at the wheelchair ramp before parking the car so I could get into the theatre without needing to take multiple flights of stairs.

Another fun little medical issue I deal with is chronic anemia, and let me tell you. I cannot recommend it. There is nothing quite like the wave of nausea that hits you when you’re desperately trying to catch your iron-poor, de-oxygenated breath. So I knew I would have to take things slow, and I checked in with my friend a week before to make sure they knew what support I might need.

I’m rambling now. I am, much like Dan, a catastrophic yapper. The point is I tried my very hardest to attend to every variable. I wanted to go to this tour so goddamn bad.

Going to see this show is the first thing I’ve done for myself in two years that isn’t about shouldering the burden of my condition all by myself. I have struggled with codependency in the past (what hasn’t this bitch struggled with, you ask yourself) and as such I spend a lot of time trying to be independent at the cost of… well… everything else. It’s a problem. I’m aware. I swung from codependency to refusing to ask for help even when it’s reasonable.

But that’s what this night had to be all about — leaning on friends. I had to communicate my needs. I had to put my health and my joy first. I had to push past the shame of existing in my current body.

And I did. I fucking did it.

I’m so sore and my back hurts and on the way out I did very nearly puke from the anxiety and the aforementioned anemia nausea. But it doesn’t matter. Because I used my little cane and took the space I needed and utilized my support system and I watched two gay idiots be so gay and such idiots on stage for multiple hours and I had fun!!!!!! And I did it for myself!!!!

I doubt myself frequently and often automatically. I grew up in a family who made me feel incapable of doing anything right. I was infantilized and dismissed and ignored. And tonight I was the person little me needed me to be. Tonight I fucking did it. I am so proud of myself and so happy I pushed through all this bullshit to see those gay men dance.

[from-the-working-classman]

Ohkay! Hi, just cruising by, and you don't have take this into account, alright?

I have a relative who's had gallstones for 7 or so years before removing it, and let me just explain why and how that is.

When they first got the diagnosis the doctor was completely unperturbed about it ─ he just dismissed and said 'Oh yeah, you have gallstones, you should take it out'. Aside from the general diagnosis, they were pretty nonchalant about it (size and diameter is a big factor on whether you get pancreatitis, they never disclosed that), and after the pain stopped (a constant pain for 4–5 hours) they sent them on their way and that was that.

Everyone agrees he didn't need the surgery.

Some trial and error later ─ and by that I mean: 1. Eat something fatty, 2. It does not go down well. 3. Bam. Pain for 2–3 hours. ─ the general problem is narrowed down to: Many fatty foods, too much food in one go and fast food. Okay. So we cut those out.

And hesitantly, we leave the matter closed.

They started a food regime, you know, watched what he ate, and practised fasting more often.

He's admitted to the hospital three other times after the first scare, each progressively worse than the last. By the third time, when he checked into the ER around 2 am, the pain, even with the morphine they gave him, did not go away until the early hours of morning.

The doctor on call said his gallbladder was severely inflamed, but that they would not remove it due to surgical complications that may happen to arise ─ and asked him to come back after seeing a doctor for exams and a surgical recommendation.

Thing is, they're moving away. So they don't visit a doctor, move away and put the issue on the back burner, as you don't do.

Then he starts eating out more often, growing more relaxed, not watching out for dishes that he knows causes him issues ─

A year and a half later of no pain whatsoever, they just drive him to the ER with the worst pain of all pains ever ─ and everything falls apart. For four days, four whole days, after seeing a doctor and scheduling a surgery a week later, he can't eat any more.

Anything remotely solid is immediately rejected and leaves him in crippling pain. He can't sleep, can't even hold in some soup or broth ─ he checks into the ER on the second day.

The doctors look him over, claim his gallbladder is not inflamed or infected, state that his situation is hardly all that bad, give him some weak painkillers and say he is free to leave.

So they go home. He's still with pain ─ and by the next afternoon they drive him to another hospital.

It takes hours of begging, after asking a nurse they know to come check his situation, and of that nurse asking the surgeon on call to look at him, for the hospital to schedule him a surgery.

Divider by @cafekitsune

But the Lord Almighty is very merciful; his procedure took 5 hours (three more than i normal) due to an adverse reaction to the anaesthesia he was under.

When they returned for his checkup, the surgeon gifted him his gallstones (removed), looked him in the eye and said, very seriously: 'I do not know why the hospital denied your surgery. Your gallbladder was extremely infected and stretched impossibly thin. Had you not done this surgery, would have died'.

I do not know why they are called gallstones. They looked like fragments of sharpened rock, very fragile, very brittle.

I do not intend my writing to cause any sort of alarm to you.

Their situation was extremely dangerous because the problem's shelf-life was extended, and I not pretend to understand your medical situation.

My healthcare is not your healthcare, and I do not see any reason to do a surgery so soon.

My only advice is that you think about this again in one or two years' time ─ if and only if you are no longer troubled by this issue.

.

[audiovisualrecall]

I'm going to note that she didn't put the post-procedure xray up on the screen at a time when I could take a comparison photo, but this is the xray before the endodontist went back in to try re-doing the root canal to see if the tooth can be saved. Also note that she claimed she couldn't see the crack, but acknowledged there's something up with the tooth. And she didn't offer likelihood of successful re-treatment, just had someone else tell me the prices for either successful or unsuccessful retreatment. Now, looking at the xray comparing it to an illustration of what a post-root canal tooth situation should look like (on the right), it's obvious to ME that there's a few issues and that trying to redo it wouldn't necessarily help. First of all, the post she used originally...looks weird, my dentist actually acted like it was really large. Second, there is no visible filling for a certain amount of space under the post, and then what now clearly looks to me like a crack in the root filling is very much visible on the right aide of the tooth! So I'm not sure I should have trusted her at ALL if she claims she doesn't see a crack, when that clearly is supposed to be one solid line of filling within the space of the root. And it's not! And it's possible that the left side is a calcification near the bottom based on another diagram/illustration. It seems clear to me that she didn't want to admit to my face before starting that it wasn't likely to help, that the issues were here and there, and xyz are why it would or would not help and if there's not enough structure here abd there it can't be saved and could cause pain after, etc, whatever the case was, she did not fully inform me, I suspect she knew it wouldn't work but decided to go forward anyway because either way if I went forward she gets $$$, and if she admitted that it wasn't likely, which she Should be able to tell from her extremely high-quality Xray, since my dentist could tell from his regular quality xray, then I would have left with only the consulting fee. Which no one informed me of, btw, prior to being seen, but I'm Sure they had one, even if she barely consulted, so if I'd decided nevermind I'm not gonna do the retreatment, they would've surprised me with that. Probably way too much $, too. As it is, the failed retreatment cost $1200, and ongoing pain in my mouth from her brusque stabbing with the needle for the numbing stuff, and whatever she did to the tooth during, possibly also from the messily-done temporary filling, and tmj pain from my mouth being held open too far for too long. And I'm concerned she made it worse or opened it up to more infection. Basically, I shouldn't have gone to this endodontist, her bedside manner was lacking, she didn't fully inform me Probably bc she wouldn't make as much $ if she had, and I'm in enough pain that the tylenol isn't even working well after 4 hrs. And even if I'd still be in this pain after the extraction, or at least the tmj part, right now I'm afraid it's going to be an ISSUE for the extraction if the muscle is too swollen or the discs are slipped out of position and that's the cause of the pain, I'm afraid I won't be able to have my mouth open enough for the tooth removal next week, and if the pain lasts till then I will cry anyway, and it'll be exponentially worse after the removal I'm sure! I really hope I didn't screw over things with the removal, too.( I'm terrified of that too btw.) And I didn't ask her the likelihood of success but she should have said. Now it's 3am and I've been awake since 2 bc of pain, I've been in pain since 12am but tried to tough it out till 5 when I have to wake up to be at work at 6, but it woke me at 2 bc if was a level 10+ pain. Now I have 1 tylenol in me so I can take a 2nd one at 6/6:30 at work (If I take 2 at once I can only take tylenol 2 more times today which doesn't work. If I stagger them, I can have the effect last longer.)

[idiasdiscordkitten]

omg hi! welcome back!!! i was a bit sad to see your old content go, but i’m even more excited for your new writing 🥳 (also your masterlists. they’re so pretty)

i'm having my wisdom teeth removed next week and i'm pretty scared about the whole procedure + anesthesia. so as some sort of comfort i thought i'd request some headcanons about the twst boys being all groggy after their wisdom teeth removal and s/o taking care of them. like would they be all romantic and sweet? call somebody’s mother a bitch? (yes epel i am looking at you) shout their deepest darkest secrets for the whole campus to hear? endless possibilities. i hope you’re comfortable with this topic! also i couldn’t find a character limit anywhere, so i'll just ask for the first years (ace, deuce, jack, epel, sebek). thank you so much and welcome back again! 💕

aw it'll be okay! the most important part is the aftercare, so make sure you are paying attention to keeping your mouth clean!

i don't have a character limit, depending on the prompt! for something like this, i'm happy to write the first years. let's go!

s/o taking care of the first years after they get their wisdom teeth removed

Ace Trappola

❤️ probably requested that you film him when he’s loopy so he can laugh at himself later

❤️ when he’s loopy, ace keeps trying to talk to you and gets annoyed when you tell him not to.  he’ll try to stick his fingers in his mouth to because he doesn’t believe you when you say there’s gauze in there

❤️ after you get home and he sleeps a little, all he does is complain when he gets up.  he knows not to talk too much, so he mostly is texting you.  he feels bad that you’re stuck looking after him and tries to tell you he’ll take care of things himself

❤️ ultimately, he’ll just want to watch movies with you for days on end until he’s all healed

Deuce Spade

❤️ extremely nervous about the whole thing--he’s less nervous about the surgery itself and more about the aftercare, because he doesn’t know what he’s doing and will definitely need your help

❤️ immediately after waking up from surgery, deuce will claim that “someone stole his tongue.”  he’ll stick his tongue out, trying to prove that it’s gone

❤️ he spends most of his recovery sleeping.  he gets back to moving around pretty quickly, since he wants to be in charge of his own recovery, but he listens to every word you say if you tell him to relax or that you’ll handle things for him

❤️ he promises to take you out “somewhere really fancy” as thanks for nursing him back to health once he’s able to eat real food again.  you both know that’s probably not going to happen, just because of money, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t do everything he can to make sure it does

Jack Howl

💛 honestly did not anticipate having to get any teeth removed, since he’s a wolf beastman.  he braces himself for the operation, though, and tries to learn what he can beforehand to prepare

💛 after he wakes up, he’s very uncharacteristically bubbly and extra talkative.  you try to remind him that he should keep his mouth closed, but he doesn’t realize that something’s “wrong” and doesn’t listen

💛 he tries to act tough when the silliness wears off, claiming that the pain’s not that bad and he’s fine, but he just doesn’t want to be a bother to you.  if you approach him with painkillers, he’ll take them, but he’ll never ask for them

💛 jack reminds you at every opportunity that he really appreciates your company and is happy that you’re there.  he would have been embarrassed if anyone else was looking after him, but with you, he had the most comfortable recovery possible

Epel Felmier

💖 epel is honestly very irritated that he has to get this done, claiming that it’s just not something people really worry about back home

💖 he is exactly how you would expect when he’s waking up after surgery.  he’s deep into his natural accent and has absolutely zero filter.  he’s slurring his speech, swearing, making rude comments about those around him--you’d almost think he was drunk

💖 when that wears off, he does everything he can to act as strong as possible.  he’ll go as far to say that he’s fully healed after just a week, which you both know is a massive lie

💖 in truth, he doesn’t really mind having you look after him.  he likes your constant presence, and it has him thinking about what it’d be like if you two had kids.  would you be as kind, gentle, and helpful with pain like this?  gosh darn it, of course ya would

Sebek Zigvolt

💚 saw this coming, since his dad is a dentist.  was disappointed that he’d need to have this done, though

💚 sebek is very quiet when he wakes up, uncharacteristically.  some people wake up after the surgery and, instead of being funny when they’re loopy, they’re more on the sad side.  you try to shush him, but he vents a little about not thinking he’s good enough to be a knight for malleus and that he just wants to make everyone proud

💚 he has no recollection of this after it all wears off, though.  his aftercare is the best out of all the first years, thanks to his pre-existing knowledge of the procedure, so you actually don’t need to do very much

💚 he does, however, love that it was you who was with him while he was vulnerable (recovering) and not someone like malleus, who he would hate to look weak in front of

[rafescoke]

New Girl ; Rafe Cameron

masterlist

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader

Summary: Just as Rafe thought his life couldn’t get any worse, a new girl moved into town. 

Warnings: Straight smut! Mentions of trauma, extreme love-hate relationship, fluff

A/N: thank you so much for 600+ followers wtf ily <33

p.s; you know the drill. . . send requests!

One thing that Rafe was sure of; he was no tour guide, or anything of the sort.

Sure, he got himself into trouble; vandalising the principal’s office and destroying school’s properties, but that was it. He didn’t try to include the part where he goes to parties to get high and wake up the next evening with a painful headache, that was more to his personal life and he believed no one in the education system could have the advantage to be mad at him for it. 

“I simply just won’t do it,” Rafe shrugged, sighing against the chair. “Look, why don’t you ask Topper to help this new kid? He’s good in class.” 

“You answered yourself, Mr. Cameron,” the counsellor sighed, placing a file on top of the table lightly. “He’s good at school work, and you’re not. That’s why we’re going with you.” 

So that was the core reason as to why Rafe was waiting impatiently for the arrival of the new student, whom he didn’t even care about to know the gender. All he wanted was to sit at the back of the school and light some joints. 

“Mr. Cameron, this is Ms. (Y/L/N).” 

Rafe took a look at her. He bit the insides of his cheeks, thinking how she didn’t even make an effort to dress properly for her first day in a new schoolz 

An oversized tee and denim shorts. Really? 

“Hi,” she smiled, extending her hands. “I’m (Y/N).” 

“Rafe,” was all he said, before handing her her timetable for the semester. 

She scanned the paper, nodding slightly and pointed at a word. When she realised how Rafe wasn’t listening, she cleared her throat. 

“What?”

“I got Biology with Mr Garcia. Where’s Room 3?” 

Rafe scooted closer next to her, and the smell of strawberry cheesecake wafted into his nostrils. He took a step back, seething. 

Who would even wear a cakey perfume? 

“Uh, that’s like, at the end of the hall?” He answered, but it was more like a question. He looked at the direction he was noting, and nodded again. “Definitely the one at the end of the hall.” 

“You really don’t care, do you?” She asked, crossing her arms. “Where’s my locker?” 

Rafe took another look at her timetable, searching for her locker number. 

372. 

He turned to look at his own locker, finding the number, and letting out an ‘oh’. “Yours just 4 lockers away from mine.” 

“Thanks.” She muttered, and Rafe sighed before fixing the left side of his bag strap dangling from his left shoulder. “Is that it? Can I go?” 

“Not so fast, Rafe,” the counsellor sighed, stopping him by his chest. “You’re supposed to stay with her for the week. Help her get around. And you’re supposed to show her around the school compound now.” 

Rafe looked up to the counsellor with a pained expression and then back to (Y/N), his chest heavy. “Fine. Let’s go. What do you call yourself again?” 

Right before lunch, Rafe stayed over in his class for a few minutes before going out to the hall. He didn’t want to see the new girl, and he didn’t feel like being her assistant anymore. 

But the world wasn’t that fair. 

(Y/N) grinned, walking towards him. “Can you show me the cafeteria?”

“How do you even know my class?” He muttered, keeping a distance between them. The last thing he ever wanted was to let the news of him being with the new girls circulating around the school, or worse, the whole island. 

“My class is directly in front of yours. We parted just now.” 

Of course she would remember that. 

. . . 

A week went by quickly, and before Rafe would know it, he didn’t see (Y/N) anymore, and he was content with it. 

Until her family decided to become neighbours with his. 

“What do you mean the (Y/L/N) bought the house next to us?” He groaned, watching as Rose and Ward prepared to greet themselves to the new family.

The last thing he wanted was to show her around the fucking island like he was some kind of a hotel worker. 

She was in a yellow sundress, and Rafe couldn’t help but notice the way her (H/C) glowed under the sunlight. She looked similar to her mother, both bringing pastries as a way to introduce themselves. 

“Hi, we just moved next door,” Mrs (Y/L/N) said, showing the Camerons her pearly white teeth. Rafe wondered if she ever got them done, because it’s not possible for a human to have such white assets. 

“Hi, welcome to Obx,” Ward gushed, accepting the pastries happily. “Rafe, take the other cake.” 

(Y/N) looked up at the sound of his name, and to Rafe’s amusement, began gritting her teeth. He took the cake with a smirk, happy that he got her all worked up. 

He would definitely have the best time of his life taunting the shit out of this girl. 

. . .

“Hey, wanna ride a boat?” 

“Topper, leave her alone,” Rafe sighed, fixing his cap so it was facing backwards. “She’s not interested.” 

(Y/N) perked up at this invitation, never actually riding a boat alone if it wasn’t during a holiday since she was originally from the city. She walked towards her neighbour’s deck, her skin illuminating the golden sunrays. 

“Sure.” 

Rafe mentally groaned, having to deal with the girl now, but he wasn’t sure if he was angry or jealous. It wasn’t him to be jealous easily, but after a week of becoming her tour guide, he guessed he deserves some kind of a credit from her. Topper didn’t do anything, but she was gladly accepting his invitation. 

Their usual stroll along the stream of the island was not like usual, since the air was now filled with the annoying chatter between (Y/N) and Topper. Rafe could never relate with them, only wanting to relax his mind and sleep it off. 

“So you’re a city girl? That’s great!” 

“Sure Tops,” Rafe wondered, smiling delightly. Anything to get into a girl’s pants. . . 

“You know what, (Y/N)?” He called from the place he was resting, and he waited a few seconds before continuing his speech. “If you’re looking for a boyfriend, Topper’s not the guy. He hasn’t moved on from his ex-girlfriend.” 

Sure, he would get a lot of shit from Topper for saying that, but he was done with the pointless flirting between them. 

“What about you?” 

Rafe opened his eyes, watching her from behind his sunglasses. He shifted his position, “What about me?” 

“Have you moved on from your ex-girlfriend?” 

Has he moved on from Kie? He wasn’t entirely sure. Their relationship was brief, but she was all Rafe had. When she decided to go all full-pogue, he knew there was nothing left of them. 

“I don’t date.” 

“I can see why,” she said, and Rafe swore he heard some kind of mirth behind her tone. 

“Have you?” 

“Moved on from an ex?” 

Rafe nodded, opening his eyes slightly. 

“I guess.” 

“Good for him.” 

“Excuse me?” She gasped, pushing him lightly. “You’re an asshole.” 

She leaned closer onto him, and for a second Rafe thought about letting her in his bubble, but he quickly shoved her away. “Watch it.” 

“I’m just trying to tell you about that fucking fly on your face.” 

“Yeah? Liar.” 

(Y/N) huffed, stomping back to Topper, and Rafe laughed silently. 

1-0.

. . .

Fuck. 

If he would’ve known about the police raid in Topper’s party, he wouldn’t have come to his house at all. But here he was; all pushed up against the metal chair of the police station, his hair messy and his eyes bloodshot. 

“We’re taking a urine test, son,” Shoupe said, sighing. “There’s always something wrong with you.”

Rafe thought about (Y/N) suddenly, and how she was probably back home and watching some kind of a rom-com. That’s totally her; all cuddled up with a pink teddy bear probably named ‘Bear-bear’, constantly wiping the tears off her face over the sad breakup scene of a movie. 

Rafe was forced to strip out of his shirt and jeans before entering the small cubicle, and having to go through this same procedure for quite a few times now, he didn’t mind giving a show to the workers. 

He quickly zipped his jeans bag, handing a female worker a cup filled to the end with his urine. He yawned, already knowing the results, so there was no use being nervous about it. 

He was picked up by an angry Ward an hour later. He groaned, getting in the car to prepare himself for the same lecture about his future and how he shouldn’t jeopardise it, but he was shocked when Ward didn’t utter a word at all. 

It was very uncomfortable, but he guessed he was just tired. 

“Good morning.” 

Rafe rubbed his eyes against the bright sunlight, feeling the pain from his head slowly soaring throughout his body. He squinted his eyes at the figure in front of him again, trying to blink the blurriness away. 

“What the fuck?” 

“Your mom told me to call for you,” (Y/N) said, looking away from him. Rafe looked down to his body, seeing his shirtless self, and laughed.

Of fucking course she would be uncomfortable with him being shirtless. 

“She’s not my mom,” he grunted, removing the covers off of him and checking his phone for the time. 

12.43p.m. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, and his eyes turned to her again. “What are you doing here again? Leave.” 

“Waiting for you.” 

“I’ll be downstairs in a few seconds,” he muttered. He didn’t need her to be some kind of maid for him. 

(Y/N) muttered some curse word, hoping that riled him up, but she would be stupid if she thought a random curse word would make him Rafe Cameron angry.

It would take a lot more to raise an expression from Rafe Cameron, and a curse word definitely wouldn’t. 

. . . 

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” 

His boat was not working, but he had just filled her up the night before. This was the newest model too, and he couldn’t afford asking Ward to fix his boat again. Not when he was caught with being on drugs from his urine test last week, and the only reason he got out of the trouble was because of Ward again. 

“Is it not working, Rafey?” 

Rafe looked up to the sound. (Y/N) was watching him with a sly grin, shielding her eyes with her hands from the sun like she was some goddamn queen that would melt from the heat. 

“What did you do to my boat?” He groaned, trying to turn the ignition again. 

“What did I do? Come on, why do you always think so bad of me? That’s kinda ru—”

Before she could continue her taunt, Rafe climbed the deck, inching closer towards her and smeling that goddamn cake smell again. 

Hell, he’ll buy her a new perfume to stop breathing in that fucking smell. 

“That’s kinda what?” He whispered. He was so close to her now, and he could hear her breath hitching. He smirked, his heart soaring. 

“You’re kinda dumb for a kook, Rafe,” she sighed. She dangled a familiar key in front of him, and when Rafe took a closer look, he noticed it was the key to his boat. 

She threw the key into the water and Rafe watched it plopped, moving straight towards the deep end. His eyes flared at her again, his chest heaving. 

“Hope you have a spare key.” 

1-1. 

. . .

That should be good, he guessed, for being in a tie with (Y/N). But he doesn’t like someone being in the same league as him, so it must be 2-1. 

And the 2 from him. 

But that was for another day, because Kiara Carrera was in front of him. He fixed his cap so it was facing backwards again, and then putting his hands into his pockets for good measure. 

“Hey,” he greeted her. She smiled at him grimly before looking back at the menu, clearly uninterested. “How’re you?” 

“I’m. . . great,” she breathed. “Why?” 

“Just asking,” he shrugged, “Do you wanna go out for some drinks sometimes? Like the old times?” 

Rafe curled his toes, waiting nervously. 

“Um, I have to check with my parents first,” she replied. “But, Rafe, you know, it’s been. . . a year.” 

“Of course,” he laughed, trying to hide the sudden emotion inside him. “I meant hanging out as a friend.” 

“Of course!” She suddenly exclaimed, “If you would bring (Y/N) with us.” 

“Oh, I don’t-”

“You don’t?” 

“I- fine. I’ll bring her with me. Is tomorrow okay?” He sighed, already foreseeing the future. 

And it’s full of shit. 

“Tomorrow.” 

. . .

“Wow, I am not going to third wheel you and someone, Rafe,” (Y/N) laughed, resting her back against her chair. 

“Please,” Rafe begged, sighing. He didn’t know how much begging he could do anymore, not when he had so many things to do. He took a deep breath again, “I’ll do anything for you back.” 

“Including hooking me up with JJ?” 

“Yes- no. No. What the fuck? Where did you even know this guy?” He expressed, his eyebrows furrowing. He was not going to let her a pull a Kie, though they weren’t dating. 

“He helps mower the lawn.” 

Of course. JJ Maybank would never pass the chance to get some money while checking out girls. 

“I’m not helping you to get together with JJ,” he sighed. “Can we go for a better option? Like Landon? He’s rich.” 

“I’m richer,” she yawned. “Okay. Fine. Topper.” 

“No,” he shook his head. “Not going to happen.” 

If she ever thought about him allowing her to date his best friend, she has to be a lot smarter than that. 

He didn’t know why he wouldn’t allow it. Maybe he was scared of Topper hurting her. 

Or maybe he just couldn’t imagine her with someone else.

“Then we have no deal,” she replied simply, gazing at her newly painted nails. She gazed at Rafe who seemed to be thinking hard from the top of her sunglasses. 

He groaned. “Fine. I’ll help you with Topper. But I’m warning you; he. Has. Not. Moved. On.” 

“Oh, he will.”

. . .

Kie was all up on Rafe.

He didn’t know what had gotten into her, because she was never this. . . strong-willed. 

Kie had her hands placed against Rafe’s chest, kissing him tenderly and sometimes running her fingers through his hair. 

Rafe sucked in a breath, watching as she part. Her mouth formed into a grin, and Rafe couldn’t help but grin back. 

“Wanna do it?” 

Did he? Of course he wanted to “do it”. He had been wanting to do so since forever. He would be crazy to say no to that invitation, and he was definitely sane. 

He looked at (Y/N), who was awkwardly perched up on the sofa, tucking her legs under her and watching some kind of a movie on her phone. Her eyes looked up to Rafe, and she quickly looked away. 

“In one of the rooms?” 

Kie seemed to look around the boat for a while, like he was looking for someone, but there were only two of them. And (Y/N). 

“Fine,” she huffed, and pulled him towards one of the rooms by his wrist. 

Kie pushed him onto the bed, and Rafe wondered how she got this side of her. Throughout their 6 months of dating, she never showed him this, so this was a bit of a shock to him. 

“Hey, hey,” Rafe gripped her wrists, holding her still. “We don’t have to rush.” 

“I want to,” she said, and leaned closer. “I thought you wanted this?” 

They began making out, his hand slipping down her back to grab her ass, only to be met with her vibrating phone in her back pocket. 

“I’ll get it,” he mumbled against the kiss, and pulled her phone out.

A picture of JJ Maybank’s smiling face right next to Kie greeted him, and his name was perched on top of the screen, signalling his call. 

Of course. She never wanted to fuck him. It was always to make someone jealous. That explained the gritted teeth Kie would make when he mentioned JJ earlier. 

He sighed, pushing her away so she ended up by his side. “I gotta go.” 

“Huh?” Kie sat up straight, looking from Rafe to her phone. She saw the caller, cleared her throat, and held up a finger to tell him to wait. 

He should’ve known. 

. . . 

Rafe never liked the annual Obx’s drive-in movie theatre, because he really didn’t get the hype of watching a mainstream movie that he had watched with Wheezie a lot of times before in his car. 

This year, it was way worse; they decided to have some kind of a horror themed drive-in movie theatre, and the best part of all; (Y/N) was going with Topper. 

Rafe groaned for the thousandth time at the rapping of a clown against his car window. He gave the clown his middle finger, telling him ‘watch it, you’re scratching my car’, and moving his attention back to the screen. 

Annabelle had disappeared from the room the two nurses had placed her in, and the volume quietened before booming again when the doll had appeared in the living room, perching on top of the sofa. 

He rolled his eyes, and took a look at (Y/N) and his best friend laying in the back part of his jeep from the rearview window. 

They were cuddling. 

“Fuck off,” he grunted, throwing his hands into the air. A human-sized Annabelle pulled on the shotgun’s door now, and Rafe gave the actor another middle finger before yelling a ‘fuck you’.

“This is ridiculous,” he said to no one in particular. He stepped out of the vehicle, knowing damn well he would be the target of the ghosts now, but he couldn’t care less. All he wanted was to step away from all of this and maybe refill his soda. 

He made his way to the back of the lot, getting his money out beforehand. Some type of a wannabe Michael Myers came up, to which he quickly put a hand up to stop him. 

“Don’t. I’m not in the mood.”

Michael Myers seemed to get him, because he left to scare someone else. 

“Refill,” he sighed, giving the worker his cup. “Coke.” 

“You mean like literal coke?” 

Rafe looked behind him, surprised to see a red-faced (Y/N) holding a popcorn bucket. He licked his teeth. “Why? Have you tried it before?” 

(Y/N) went up beside him, muttering about putting more caramel in her popcorn to the worker before looking at him. “You seem mad.” 

“I’m not.” 

“You are.” 

“That’s because you’re all up in my business,” he scoffed. He turned to look at his coke, but the worker was still filling the cup up. 

Good. Did the machine break or something? 

“Where’s the girlfriend?” She asked. She was clearly amused by his sudden tightness, but he quickly softened, as to not rile her up. 

“Where’s the fuckbud- I mean boyfriend? Sorry. It just slipped.” 

(Y/N) nodded, her mouth forming into a grin. “If you’re jealous, you can just say that.” 

“Wait, wait, of what, exactly?” 

She shrugged. 

“Yeah, exactly. No. For all I care, you guys can get married and move to fucking Antartica and have mini (Y/N)s and Christophers running around.” 

The worker placed the newly refilled coke and caramelised popcorn on the counter, and Rafe wondered why she would receive her food at the same time as his when had come here first.

He rolled his eyes, grabbing the drink and walking back towards the car. 

(Y/N) jogged to catch up with him, her popcorn bouncing against her chest. “You’re rude, do you know that?” 

“Jesus Christ, we’re still on this?” He mumbled. He was still walking, but he wanted her to catch up so he slowed down. He guessed it would be the perfect ending to his night to taunt her until she’s all worked up. 

“I just can’t think of a reason why you’re acting so fucking rude to me.” 

“Yeah? Think again.” Rafe sipped on his coke, feeling the carbonated drink sloshing down his throat. He felt content, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the coke or from the girl beside him. 

“This is—”

A nurse with a bloody front suddenly appeared before them, using some kind of a spray to maximise the size of the fire from a lighter. (Y/N) screamed, turning away from the heat, and Rafe quickly caught her before she could end up on the floor. 

“Fuck, fucking move,” he yelled to the nurse, who seemed to be satisfied with her work. Rafe turned to (Y/N), trying to check on her state. 

“Yo, yo, you good? Why are you shaking?” 

She was trembling really hard against him. She had her arms around Rafe’s neck, her popcorn splattered on the ground. She jolted when a scream came from the speaker. 

“Come on, let’s get you to the car,” he mumbled, helping her walk. She kept her face hidden in the crook of his neck, and Rafe had to try his best to balance both of the girl and the Coke in his hands back to the vehicle.

Topper was no longer in the back seat, perhaps looking for Sarah (Rafe wasn’t a bit surprised at this). He was glad his best friend wasn’t there, because the last thinf he needed was two people freaking out on him. 

“Okay, chill, I got you,” Rafe grunted, placing the Coke in the cup holder before seating the girl beside the driver’s seat. He sighed before climbing into the driver’s seat and locked the door in case some kind of a crazy maniac tried to freak her out again. 

“What’s wrong?” 

She didn’t answer, not that Rafe expected her to. She looked like she was reminded by some kind of memory, but Rafe didn’t want to dwell so much on it. 

If he could, he would reverse his car out of this lot back to their homes, but he was one of the first cars to arrive at the drive-in theatre, so it was impossible to get out. 

He sighed, placing his hands against his lap. “You can tell me, you know.” 

She finally looked up to him, and Rafe’s breath hitched from the sight of her red eyes. He softened. 

Whatever it was with that fire, it had triggered some kind of a memory in her. 

He placed a hand against her lap, but not moving so; just a splat of his hand against her soft skin. He had meant for that as comfort, but he realised how creepy the situation was. He pulled away, clearing his throat. 

So they stayed until the end of the movie, just the two of them, and Rafe was sure she wasn’t even watching the remaining parts of the movie. He pretended to watch, but he was really just staring at her the whole time. 

Will she ever let her hair down like this again? Because he liked it. 

When the movie ended and the cars were starting to move, Rafe slowly reversed the car so as to not shake her awake. But she was a light sleeper, and she woke up as soon as he hit the brakes. 

She rubbed her eyes, “Where are we going?” 

“Home,” he answered. “You’re okay?” 

She didn’t answer, and Rafe knew she wasn’t.

. . .

Two weeks after the incident, they never spoke of it again. 

Rafe tried to get an answer out, but to no avail. He didn’t get why he was trying his best to help her, because he, too, needed help. 

“Nah. I won’t invite her. If you want (Y/N) to come, then you’ll have to invite her yourself.” 

Wheezie’s shoulders slumped, “But you’re close to her!”

“I’m not, and she hates my guts,” Rafe replied honestly. Because that was the truth, right? She didn’t even want to tell him about why she was so scared of fire. 

“Invite me to what?” 

“(Y/N)!” Wheezie ran to hug her, to which (Y/N) laughed before patting her on the crown of her head. “Tell her, Rafe!” 

Is she fucking serious? 

“Tell me what?” (Y/N) looked up to Rafe strangely. 

“Wheezie wants to have a movie night, and she wants you to watch with us.” Rafe sighed, hating how he couldn’t just ignore Wheezie. She was definitely Rafe’s favourite, being so close to her brother ever since she was born. 

“Oh, is that true?” She smiled, looking at Wheezie. “Should I come and wear my best pajamas?” 

“You’re not sleeping over, your house is literally 5 minutes away. 2 if you run.” Rafe rolled his eyes. He went up to the counter to pick up a sandwich before biting into it, tasting the creamy eggs and ham. He licked his lips. 

“She can sleep with Sarah, right, (Y/N)?” 

“If she wants me too. . .” 

Rafe rolled his eyes again, “Sarah won’t be with us for tonight’s movie night. She’s starting to hang out with the pogues.” 

“Why are you so against the pogues?” (Y/N) asked, when Wheezie left to write a reminder of tonight’s event in her diary. 

“Why can’t you just shut your mouth?” He sighed. “It’s all bla bla bla bla. Can’t you see you’ll be happier without having to open your mouth every few seconds?” 

(Y/N) bit her lips, and for a second, Rafe had to look away from the look she was giving him. 

Shit. Why was he even looking away? 

She turned to go away, but was halted by Rafe’s fingers around her wrist. She groaned, turning her attention back to him. “What?” 

“You still haven’t told me about the night of the drive-in theatre.” 

“Good,” was all she said, before she went back by the sliding door to her home. 

. . .

“Rafe would be mad if he saw me watching this.” 

“It’s rom-com! And it’s totally PG-13. Trust me on this, okay? Anne Hathaway, yeah, that girl, yes, she’s going to get prettier throughout the movie.” (Y/N) smiled, popping popcorn into her mouth. 

Wheezie sighed, placing her head against (Y/N)’s shoulders and yawned. “Like what? Princess Diaries?” 

“Yes, but this is The Devil Wears Prada. You’ll love it!” 

A beam of light filled the mini movie theatre of The Camerons, signalling the late arrival of Rafe Cameron. He brought two chocolate bars, a Coke (again) and some chicken nuggets. 

“Move,” he said, motioning to Wheezie. 

“There are more seats around here!” Wheezie hissed, crossing her arms. “I’m not leaving (Y/N).” 

“You’re not leaving her, silly, you’re just scooting more to the right.” 

“What’s in it for me?” She raised a brow. 

“Nuggets?” 

She scooted to the side, giving more space for Rafe to place himself beside an annoyed (Y/N). 

Out of all 7 medium-sized sofas in the theatre, he decided to pick the one the two girls were sitting on. 

Rafe handed Wheezie the plate full of chicken nuggets, looking at (Y/N) before watching the screen. He groaned, “What’s this? Trash?” 

“A masterpiece, so shut up,” (Y/N) replied. Rafe huffed, amused, and unwrapped the chocolate bar. 

“Want some?” 

“No.” 

“Come on,” he cooed, placing the chocolate before her eyes. She grunted, pushing his hands away. 

Rafe took that as his final warning. He didn’t want to annoy her even more, knowing that she will probably not talk to him anymore. He decided to wait until half an hour later, just to taunt her again. 

“I’m going to get more popcorn,” Wheezie suddenly said after an hour into the movie. She excused herself to the kitchen, leaving the two of them alone. 

(Y/N) sighed. Great, just like how she wanted. 

“What do you want from me?” Anne Hathaway’s voice blared from the speaker, and Rafe looked at (Y/N). 

“What do you want from me?” He asked, repeating the dialogue. (Y/N) watched him from the corners of her eyes, not getting any delight from this. 

“For you to shut up.” 

“Really? That’s boring,” he sighed. “Do you want to know what I want from you?” 

“Sure.” 

“I’m thinking of a few things. Maybe you, on my lap.” 

(Y/N)’s breath hitched, but she tried her best not to look disturb. She shifted in her seating position. 

Rafe leaned closer, feeling her heat. “Your turn.” 

You know what? Fuck it.

(Y/N) turned to look at him fully in his face, leaning even closer that a part of her was practically on top of him. “Do you know what I think of you, Rafe?” 

His eyes dropped to her lips, and he swore his heartbeat quit beating. 

“I think about you, Rafe,” she whispered. “All pressed up against me in my bed, whim-”

“More popcorn!” 

(Y/N) returned to her previous position, bewildered. She fixed her hair, and her eyes were back to the screen. 

If Wheezie were to hang out with a pogue right now, Rafe wouldn’t give a fuck. 

“Well, the ending’s shitty,” Rafe exclaimed, clapping his hands. He watched as the end credits rolled, and took a look at Wheezie. 

He nudged her, sighing. “Wake up, Wheeze. Go to your room.” 

She groaned, searching for her fallen glasses. Rafe helped her to put them on, and gave her another poke. 

“I want to watch the movie.”

“The movie’s finished. It’s time to sleep. Go.” 

Wheezie groaned, muttering how it’s not fair that her brother could stay up with (Y/N) to watch more movies, but she guessed she was too tired for another round of movie anyways. 

“What’s the next pick?” 

“Horror.” 

“Nah.” 

“Why?”

“‘Cause you’re going to freak out on me again.” 

“I won’t,” she assured him. “Let’s go with Hereditary.” 

Rafe’s fingers and (Y/N)’s were almost touching. He was still bothered by her comment before Wheezie came barging in, and he was still desperate to hear her reply. 

“(Y/N)?”

“Hm?” 

“What were you trying to say?”

(Y/N) stopped watching, and looked at him. “What?” 

“About you thinking of me.” 

She blushed. “Nah.” 

“Come on,” he nudged. When she didn’t move, he tried placing his hand against her thigh. 

(Y/N) stood up suddenly, and for a second, Rafe thought he had fucked up. He watched as she went to the door, locked it, and went back to their place. 

“You locked the door.” 

“Yeah.” 

Rafe licked his lips, smirking slightly. “Ah, I see the game you’re playing.” 

“What game?” She raised a brow, only turning to the screen when a scream blared from the speaker.

“Hey, look at me.” Rafe tugged on her chin, forcing her to look at him, and his eyes actually looked into hers. He noticed the (E/C) colour of her eyes now, and he swore he had never looked at something more appealing. “Tell me.” 

She stayed quiet, not moving a muscle. 

Rafe sighed, getting impatient. He leaned closer now, this time his lips merely an inch away from her cheeks. He could feel the heat radiating from her. 

“Tell me, baby.” 

“You getting all close to me isn’t helping, Cameron,” she sighed, laying her head against the sofa. 

“Still playing hard to get?” 

“I’m not playing anything.” 

Rafe slowly placed a kiss against her temple before trailing down to her cheeks. She sucked in a breath, and Rafe smiled. 

“Still playing?” 

She nodded. 

Rafe’s lips touched hers by a bit, and she let out a moan she had been trying her very best to contain. Rafe chuckled, pulling away. 

“Still playing?”

“Shut up.” 

“That’s a yes? Or a no?”

“That’s a fuck you.” 

“Oh,” Rafe smiled. “Thought you never asked.” 

His kiss was gentle. So soft, and (Y/N) had never felt something like that before. The kiss deepened when she let out a soft moan, riling Rafe even more. 

He pulled her up onto his chest, letting her hands rest against his chest before pulling her away. Her lips were red, and there was a string of their saliva hanging from both of their lips. 

“What do you want, (Y/N)?” 

“You.” 

“Huh?” 

“You.” 

He smiled, tugging on her shirt. “Off.” 

She wasted no time to remove her shirt, exposing her new black bra she ordered online a few days before. Rafe sat back, his eyes dark. 

“Jesus Christ.” 

He kissed her neck, trailing down to her collar bones before stopping directly on her chest. His fingers fiddled with the bra clip, being so used with this already, and removed the piece of clothing with ease. 

(Y/N) instinctively covered her chest, her chest heaving. 

Rafe looked up to her, his eyes softening. “What’s wrong?” 

“Am not comfortable.” 

“Oh, that’s alright, we don’t have to do—”

“No, Rafe, I want this. I just don’t think I’m perfect enough for you.” 

Rafe let out a breath, placing a soft kiss against her stomach. She closed her eyes, throwing her head back. He guided her hands away, exposing her perky breast to the entire theatre to see. 

Rafe was glad he was the only guy present. 

“Fuck, you’re beautiful.” 

“Shut up.” 

He looked up into her eyes, wetting his lips. “I’ll do anything to fuck you right now.” 

(Y/N) grinded against him, causing a groan to escape from his throat. He held her waist in place, not wanting to trigger his release. 

“Do it,” she whispered. 

The movie became a background noise as he fumbled with her shorts, grunting when he couldn’t figure out the knot. 

He positioned himself before her, and looked up into her eyes again. Her chest was heaving, and she looked nervous. 

“You’re okay?”

“I’m a virgin.” 

Oh fuck. 

Why would she even say that? He couldn’t even contain himself anymore. 

He pushed himself into her, letting her get used to the feeling. He waited for her nod, signaling that she was okay and hadn’t changed her mind, and thrusted into her again. 

His hands stayed around her waist to guide her, watching as her mouth slightly parted as he deepened inside her. She bit her lips, her nails clawing onto his shoulders. 

“Oh my god.” 

“Fuck,” he groaned, feeling his own forehead clammy. He didn’t notice her hands that had left his shoulder. She cupped his face, placing wet kisses against his cheeks. 

“You’re so good for me, baby,” he whimpered, allowing her hands to guide his. She placed them around her breast as she rode him, and Rafe had never felt better. 

If he has to taunt and annoy her more to get into this level again, he’ll do it again. Without any hesitation.

“I’m so close, baby, fuck,” he groaned. He gave her another longing kiss, looking down to where their bodies connect, and moaned loudly. 

Just before he reached his end, he pulled her away, not wanting to plant himself into her. (Y/N) tried to wrap her fingers around his penis to which Rafe jerked at for  being so sensitive. He pulled her hands away, his chest heaving. 

“Don’t,” he grunted. His load shot out of his member, wetting the sofa underneath them, and Rafe quickly slapped his shaft against her core to get her to reach her end. 

“Rafe, I-”

“Let it,” he whispered, watching as she tilted her head back, exposing her neck. “Let go, baby.” 

She trembled slightly, finally reaching her high, and collapsed on top of the heaving boy. Rafe stroked her hair, pulling her into a lying position, and planted another soft kiss against the back of her head. 

“The movie’s still on.” 

“Watch the next part, it’s amazing,” Rafe whispered, still holding her close. They were both naked, still coming down from their highs, but Rafe had never felt better. 

(Y/N) turned to look at him. “You’re still an asshole.” 

He placed a soft kiss against her lips. “Your asshole.” 

-

@okayshoto @joselyn001 @onceuponateenagetrash @dyingsleeping @iwannabeapogue @meaganjm @rafesobxs @flossy2929 @unfortunatekiwitrash @scottybitch @asimpwriter @amaya124 @tommy-tommo @thatshithurted8 @fallincindy @marvelwhor3 @rafeswh0ree @kookap @supernaturallydc-blog @blank-velvet @alaniskauany @kiiim8 @witchywrter @kaitlyn2907 @heyimflo @overcookedpastasause @tsukkiswifeey @spidey-d00d @anonymousobxfan @gotmeinloveagain @chicagoblackhawkslover96 @lexi-writes @classydragonthingknight @belongtoyou-u @badbussylol @savannah-elliott @angelreyesgirl100 @haterpenny @beehappyyy @alwaysclassyeagle @maybankslut @kayleea122 @clearbolts @lovelyxtom @christianaevans @jemimah-b99 @opierdalacz @dangerdolns @wildflowerliv @classygirlything21 @pogueslandia

[anachrosims]

[TS4] RE-OPENING COMMISSIONS SOON.

With my car breaking down, and the doctor ruling me as a good candidate for surgery to remove the growth (and potentially my entire lady-business), I’m really strapped for cash right now. I’ve been trying to do more overtime, but this fucking thing is sapping the life out of me and I really can’t afford to dive headlong into more burnout.

Here’s the details in nice neat bullet points:

I still need to work on more projects but as it stands, commissions WILL take priority.

I need to mull over what I’ll be able to commit to over the weekend--that includes number of slots, what kinds of things are on offer, and prices.

Expect a proper post some time next week after Juneteenth.

All commissions will be PUBLIC and up for download for FREE.*

*-- If there’s something of a personal nature, however, just tell me, and I will not upload it for the public. I just won’t do Patreon exclusives because that’s scummy AF.

I’ll post monetary goals because, at least for the moment, I don’t need an astronomical amount. (Well, not astronomical in USD.)

I’ll also post my Ko-Fi in case anyone would like to donate any amount without commissioning.

-

If y’all want to suggest items you’d like to see more of, feel free to do so in the replies/reblogs. 

(Right now I know I will NOT offer mesh edits for CAS. I MAY offer MINOR mesh edits for OBJECTS, but I’m really not as comfortable as I’d like to be in Blender. Maybe it’s the perfectionist in me, but if I’m going to charge money, I want it to be worth it. So, we’ll see.)

Read below for more details about what���s going on medically for those interested. Nothing ACTUALLY detailed lol. If you don’t want to read vague descriptions of AFAB shit then feel free to skip what’s under the cut.

Basically I’ve been having extremely heavy cycles, like, to the point where I ended up missing four days of work because I could barely move after the blood loss. After that, I went to my doctor to get an exam and ended up doing a follow-up for an ultrasound. They found a growth in my uterus. It’s likely not cancerous since it doesn’t seem to be spreading, but we haven’t done a biopsy yet. 

They wanted to treat it with birth control but all the stuff they gave me landed me with chest pains, so that’s a no-go. And because of other reasons, they can’t do minor surgical procedures due to where the damn thing is. Other treatment options were discussed, but I’m not a good candidate for most of them due to my physical response to oral hormone treatments.

All the while, I’ve had about three cycles in the last two months--where it’s like, I’ll have the Week, then the post-week, then the pre-week, then another Week; rinse, repeat. It’s also been consistently painful, and has caused acute dizziness to the point where there are times when I feel it isn’t safe to drive. Plus stomach cramps. Needless to say, it’s been absolute hell.

I’m heading back in two weeks to get another ultrasound, and then to have a consultation with my doctor about surgery. I don’t want kids, so I’m not worried about the risk of ending any chance at fertility. I just want to get on with my life. I live alone and it’s kind of terrifying as a result?? So that’s kind of where I’m at with this.

[nsk96]

Rant post

Mom’s been in the hospital for 2 days and just came home today. Yesterday my dad came home and complained about having to take HALF of the day off of work yesterday to keep her company in the hospital. (First of all, he’s a foreman, he can take off work and has plenty of unused paid vacation days). And he’s complaining about how he has to get the nurse whenever she needs something. Dude, you’re spending most of the time sitting there on your phone anyway, really? Dude they’re not even feeding her and she’s hardly even sleeping, and she has heart palpitations and chest pain! Not to mention how badly they’re treating her (and the patient next to her) and you’re the one complaining?

And when she came home today, she told me that the nurses got rude with her and was abusive especially the nurse putting the catheter in (all because she didn’t want to be the one to put the catheter in) who rammed it in 4 times and would say “stop fighting it” each time as if my mom has never had a catheter before. Mom told me she was in such extreme pain from it that she felt nauseous and wanted to throw up (and is still in pain now plus extreme burning). My dad was right outside the room and never came in to check on her despite her screams from the pain. It was ordered by the doctor and it was only supposed to be for the night (after a procedure) but the nurse instead put it on order that it’s supposed to stay in for the whole stay. My mom had to fight with the nurses and beg them to take it out.

My dad at least helped her shower when they got home (because she begged), but then he went outside to water the plants right before she finished washing off. I had to stop in the middle of my breakfast to go help her dry off when she was done because he apparently doesn’t want to be bothered. When she asked him where he was when he came back inside he said “I was just taking out the trash”. I spoke up and said “it sounded like you were watering plants.” He replied with a slight stutter, “well it was just one plant that’s drying up.” Which is bullshit. All three of us are gardeners and know well it doesn’t take you nearly 10 minutes to water one small plant. And I heard the sound of the water hose shifting and change location so I know it wasn’t just one plant.

He has already complained about having to help her for just 2 days in the hospital, when she had helped him through all three of his surgeries: knee surgery and 2 shoulder surgeries. She took care of him in the hospital each time and cooked, cleaned, helped him eat, helped him shower, helped him get dressed for MONTHS without a single complaint. God, despite my issues with her, this lady is a saint. Back when my mom had her complete hysterectomy done years ago, my dad only helped her for a WEEK and constantly brags about it and holds it over her head, which is laughable because last I heard, it takes a minimum of 6 weeks to recover from a full hysterectomy. She was in immense pain and bleeding for months after that surgery and still got up and did all the chores and went back to work.

The hospital these past few days was horrible. They treated her so badly and treated her “roommate” badly too. I don’t want to list everything here because it’s too much and my mom may not feel comfortable with it, and I’m appalled at how transparent the nurses have gotten about their contempt for patients. My mom isn’t even a trouble patient. She’s the kind of person that’s like “do whatever is comfortable for you” putting a stranger’s needs before her own, but they treated her and other patients like shit. Just to give an idea how bad it was, I will some mention one specific thing they did to the other patient:

The woman, an elderly woman, is an alcoholic experiencing withdrawal symptoms. She ended up slipping and falling and injured her hip. When she came to the hospital, she stated clearly to the nurse, “I fell and hurt my hip. I can’t walk.” The lady had to go for a cat scan and the same nurse brought her a wheelchair and tried to force her to walk to get into the wheelchair. The lady fell and the nurse said, “what are you doing! you were supposed to walk while holding on to me.”

Bitch, what part of “I can’t walk” did you not understand. The nurse didn’t even report the fall (to which the head nurse got rightfully angry about). I can only imagine how many falls these nurses let happen and don’t report (because that night alone, 3 falls were reported, NOT including the elderly woman). And the lady also asked for a bedpan so she can ‘use the bathroom’ and no one brought one. The lady eventually pooped and they left her in it for an hour. My mom had to sit out in the hallway because the smell was too much to handle.

Back when my mom left the ER to go into a room upstairs, the sheets they had my mom on were not clean. When she asked for clean sheets the nurse’s excuse was “oh we’re short handed.” Bruh, there were nurses standing around at the nurse station (which was right in front of the room) chatting and pretending to work even with the other lady’s poo smelling up the whole ward. My dad said he could smell it in the hallway. I bet they were too busy gossiping about patients like they always do.

I can’t say I’m all that surprised either. A few years back, I had my issues with a couple of nurses never being where they’re supposed to be and always ended up finding them standing around in the nurses’ lounge chatting. Like, I know I did not just climb 4 flights of stairs to deliver this medication to you and now have to ask around for you, only to find out you’re in the lounge. Eventually, that became the first place I’d have to look (for specific nurses. Thankfully not all of them). But I didn’t expect this behavior to get so widespread at the hospital my mom was at, especially since it’s a big “Heart Institute” that specializes in cardiovascular health. The way they treated her was absolutely disgusting. I want to write a review on Google because it’s the only thing we can do, but my mom said ‘no’ because she’s scared they’ll know it’s her. And for that reason as well, I don’t want to mention everything they did to her. The hospitals down here are getting like the hospitals in Trinidad, it’s sad.

All of that and my dad wants to complain bout having to take off of work (Don’t get me started on what he does while he’s in his office at work. I’ve seen his phone plenty of times to know he ain’t as busy as he claims to be when he ignores my mom’s phone calls or when she asks him to make important phone calls on his lunch break, when she’s unable to make the calls herself).

Edit: I also forgot to mention that when my dad came home on the second day, he stood in the front patio talking to my mom’s brother. If the conversation was one that I’m allowed to listen to, why didn’t he come inside, right? I sneak up to the front door and was able to hear and surprise, surprise: he was talking shit about my mom with my uncle. It amazes me how easily he turned my mom’s brother against her. But I heard that’s what abusers do. They isolate you from your friends (check!) and they turn your family and their family against you (check! And check!).

I also found out my dad was watching porn on his phone while sitting in the ER with my mom who was struggling with chest pain and heart palpitations. He showed no concern for her and never even asked her how she was feeling. My mom had to be the one to talk with the nurse about her issues while he sat back like he didn’t know her. Then he fell asleep with the phone in his hand and then the phone tilted outward which would allow everyone to see what he was watching. I’m not even surprised. I saw his screen time last week and it showed he spent over 5 hours on chaturbate (and that’s while he’s at work). Don’t you have to pay money for content on that site? Is this where the money is going? Why we’re over $70k in debt (and claims it’s all my mom’s fault)? Why he had to get his credit cards consolidated and can’t use them? Oh but surprise surprise, he can still use PayPal though. The past few months whenever my mom needed to buy something online he says he can’t because he can’t use credit cards, but suddenly buys filters for the pool online recently. My mom and I were wondering where he got the money for that and confronted him about it today (7/21/22), and finally the truth came out that he can still use PayPal. The bastard…it’s just one lie after another with him. Don’t even get me started on what’s going on with his niece: the one he told us he doesn’t talk to, the one he deletes his text conversations with, the one he secretly bought presents for. She moved closer to where we live and suddenly he’s finding excuses to drive by her area. I didn’t want to think the worst but…I found out that incest is both his kink and is actually not anything new in his side of the family. There’s a rumor in the family itself that one of my younger cousins is the son of my older cousin and our aunt. I always thought he strongly resembled my older cousin. As a little kid, before I knew the family relations, I did think they were a couple. The mother of my older cousin was always weird about that aunt and so the pieces of the puzzle are coming together it seems. My older cousin spending every weekend with my younger cousin is starting to take on a new meaning. Our aunt and older cousin lived together for a while before younger cousin was born, because older cousin was apparently helping her with money issues. My mom fears that the reason my dad’s niece moved closer could be for the same reason. His side of the family just grosses me out. Now knowing what my dad is into, I can’t help but wonder if he was the one who encouraged my brother to do stuff to me when I was a little kid

[ask-a-vetblr]

Hey! I have something that’s been bugging me for a while. I (briefly) worked as a veterinary assistant for a small veterinary practice. While I was there, I quickly became uncomfortable with the fact the clinic did debarkings and declawing and decidedly to leave as I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle watching that stuff done long term. One of the vets there also assisted with an artificial insemination of a dog that, in his own words, was not a good candidate for breeding. My question is—are things like these (i.e. having declawing and debarking as available procedures, doing AIs on animals that shouldn’t be bred) typical? Do practices have to do them to stay in business/keep customer relations intact? Can vets refuse to do procedures they are uncomfortable with or find to be unethical?

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise!

Vet-and-wild here.

It does ultimately vary by practice, but the American Veterinary Medical Association does recommend against these procedures, meaning doing them as a first line treatment would not be considered best practice or gold standard medicine. I am not currently aware of any vet schools that have debarking (or tail docking and ear cropping for that matter) as part of their curriculum. Declawing is being phased out. I can’t speak for every school, but our declaw lab was mainly toe amputations and telling us why we shouldn’t declaw. We really only got to try out the techniques on specimens briefly so we knew what was involved. So if a vet wants to learn to do any of those elective procedures they are very likely going to have to seek them out. Maybe they start at an old school practice and learn either by necessity or because they’re interested. But regardless, these techniques are being phased out and likely won’t be done by most new grads.

In terms of why clinics do these, it depends. There are some old school vets that just don’t think these procedures are wrong. Declawing just used to be the thing you did. You’d spay/neuter and declaw all your cats. So some of them still don’t have a problem doing it. Others see doctors like that and offer these services so it can be done “right”. Pain meds, newer techniques, etc. Some doctors would rather see it done with the highest possible quality on the assumption that people who really want this stuff done will get it done anyway. Another reason is that some vets feel that these techniques are ok as a last resort to prevent euthanasia/abandonment. They try to talk the owner out of it but would rather declaw than euthanize.

As to your question about refusing to do stuff, we can. We have no legal obligation to do a treatment or surgery. However, we won’t be protected if our employer doesn’t agree with our decision (unless specifically outlined in the contract). Most employers are understanding about these kind of procedures, but theoretically it could be a problem. In school we were always told to not do anything that would keep us up at night. Sometimes that means having an owner sign an against medical advice (AMA). Sometimes it’s flat out refusing a service.

The situation you brought up with the breeding is definitely a grey area. Is it a situation where the dog’s health is at risk with a pregnancy? That’s something that may hold up. Or is it a dog that isn’t a good representation of their breed? Frankly, that’s not our business. Do we get extremely frustrated with the back yard breeders and try to discourage them from having more litters? Absolutely. But we can only recommend against breeding, we can’t force people to not breed their dogs. While in theory the vet in question could refuse to AI the dog, that would be a really rough line in the sand. That’s something that could get messy really fast.

gettingvetted here:

I just wanted to briefly add - my first practice offered declawing, dog breeding, and tail docking. I straight up told the practice owner at my hiring that I would not do those. Sometimes the staff would tell me that the next appointment was a litter tail dock and I would tell them that those people could wait for another doctor to be available or reschedule, because I would not be handling their appointment. If the practice owner wanted to, she could’ve fired me for refusing to perform the services, but she definitely wasn’t in a position to do that, and most clinics right now are not. They can’t ethically force you to do anything - just like I wouldn’t perform amputations, because on my surgery days at that practice I was alone in the satellite office and I wouldn’t do a procedure as major as that without direct supervision the first time. They really can’t fault you for it.

In my program we were not taught the procedures for breeding, declawing, tail docking, etc. On our soft tissue surgery rotation there were elective procedures scheduled on Mondays and students could sign up to perform said elective procedures (on any other surgeries, we didn’t actually perform, just observed); usually these were spays and neuters but we did have one declaw scheduled on my 4 week rotation. If nobody had signed up to perform that procedure, they wouldn’t have forced us (although a student would have been required to take the case on a before- and aftercare basis).

This is also an ethical dilemma in the horse and cattle breeding world - many vets are stuck repeatedly trying to get animals pregnant that clearly should not be, whether due to age, health issues, poor conformation, poor care from owners, or just not getting pregnant despite extensive human intervention. In cattle these animals are usually culled due to reproductive unsoundness, but with horses the tendency is to just push harder, or end up trying to get embryos for placement in recipient mares that are more capable of carrying a pregnancy.

I think my previous boss offered those procedures mostly so that animals didn’t end up in the shelters or tossed outside, and so that breeders would like her and use her to offer a bare minimum standard of care for their animals (all the breeders in that super rural area were terrible).

[cookinguptales]

Love living out here in the forest, hate having to drive two hours every time I need to have blood drawn lmao.

Today we have to drive to the nearest town with a LabCorp because I need a lot of bloodwork done, which means I have to go on a long car ride without any food or electrolyte tablets (my love) in my system for about 12 hours. I have a whole host of chronic illnesses, so lbr, this is gonna fuck me up. Good chance I’ll be very iffy the next couple days. If you really need me, send me a chat or an ask so it doesn’t get lost in my notifications and I’ll get back to you when I can! I promise.

I say this because next week I am going to be even more iffy so just in case I don’t feel up to talking before then, I’m not dead! I’m just gonna be hooked up to an IV for several days lmao.

[cut for personal stuff]

I haven’t been talking about it really in-depth because frankly, I doubt people really want to hear the gory details of my personal life but like. Things have been pretty bad for the past eight months or so. Health-wise. I mean, they’re always pretty bad, but things have been... worse. I always joke about oh, I can’t see today, oh I can’t keep food down, oh my body sounds crazy today but like. Honestly speaking, it’s been really hard. My work has suffered, my writing has suffered, my mental health has suffered. The brain fog has been absolutely unreal. I can’t tell you how frustrated I’ve been with these stories in my brain that I can’t seem to draw out. I want to show you them so badly and I’m running out of time... Sigh.

I digress. I was in the process of getting signed up for ketamine treatments before the pandemic hit and I’ve finally gotten an appointment to get started next week. Again, I don’t really talk about it much in detail but like. Yeah, I’ve had MDD since I was in elementary school and there have been some very dangerous periods in my life. It’s extremely treatment resistant and if we’re being entirely honest, dark thoughts are just kind of the cosmic background radiation of my life and have been since I was too young to even understand what I was thinking about. It’s been even harder to push through lately, but ketamine has been shown to help in a lot of SSRI-resistant situations... idk. They say it should also help with the pain, but I guess we’ll see. I’ve sure heard that before.

(At least if no one else is having a good time, I’ve sure given some doctors a puzzle they enjoy...)

I’m kind of scared, honestly. It’s a daunting set of (somewhat experimental) procedures anyway, but also like... I’m scared that it won’t work and this will just be my brain forever? But I’m also scared that it will and I’m going to have to figure out how I’m going to afford this going forward. It’s not covered by my insurance. 🙃 So my brain’s kind of all over the place, but some of that is also that I’m hungry and dizzy as hell but I won’t get to eat or consume salt for another *checks watch* 4-5 hours. ;;

(Why yes, I’m sure I do sound very scattered rn. Don’t worry, I’m not the one driving. lmao)

idk, just trying to keep my head up. We have to drive all the way down to freaking San Francisco next week and I’m not looking forward to THAT drive, but I’m hoping I have the energy to do some grocery shopping down there. Again, love the forest. Hate the food selection out here in the middle of absolute nowhere. lmao

I do not know how the ketamine is going to affect me just like, frankly speaking, I usually don’t know how fucking any medication is going to affect my weird-ass body. I could be fine and happy as a clam posting about vampires next week! But I could also be out like a damn light and totally uncontactable. So heads up either way.

OH BUT SILVER LINING the doctor did say I’m allowed to take my motion sickness pills before we drive down today, and if you’ve ever been on the roads up in the far northern part of California, you will know why I about cried with relief lmao.

[btsqualityy]

We’ll Be Okay

Jimin x Reader

Genre: Major Angst, fluff, established couple 

Warnings: miscarriage, description of a medical procedure (it’s kind of vague though), grieving parents

“That’s not a plus sign, is it?”

“What the hell else would it be, a cross on a pregnancy test?”

“Wahh,” Jimin gasped, looking up at you with wide eyes as he clutched both of the pregnancy tests in his hand. “You’re pregnant again jagi.”

“Let me see,” you demanded, reaching out and plucking both tests out of his hand. When you held them up, there was a clear ‘plus’ sign on the face of both tests. “Wow.”

“Aren’t you excited?” Jimin asked, his smile slightly dropping from your reaction. “We both agreed to try for another baby.”

“I know we did, but it’s literally only been two months,” you chuckled in disbelief. A loud cry sounded from Sydney’s nursery, so you set both tests down on the bathroom counter and walked out of the bathroom, with Jimin following close behind. 

“Jagi, we’re both still young and have never had any fertility issues so there’s no reason why it wouldn’t have worked,” Jimin pointed out, watching as you walked over to Sydney’s crib and picked her up, cradling her against your chest. 

“I know, but I’m still shocked,” you shrugged. “I mean, Syd just turned one three months ago and it’ll be a lot to handle three kids under five.”

“So what? Do you not want it?” Jimin wondered and you immediately shook your head.

“Of course I want it, I’m just nervous,” you admitted. Sydney then lifted her head from your neck, reaching out towards her father. 

“And that’s ok,” he assured you as he took Sydney from you, lifting her up and setting her on his hip. “But you’re not gonna be alone Y/N-ah, I’ll be right here with you the entire time.”

“I know,” you nodded, smiling fondly as you watched Sydney snuggle up to him. “Seeing you with them is what makes me want more babies with you, because you’re amazing.”

“Ditto jagi,” he smiled. “And hey, look at it this way: at least you got to find out like a normal person and not by fainting this time.”

“That’s definitely a highlight of this pregnancy,” you laughed, making Jimin do the same. 

“I got you, ok?” He whispered and you nodded. “We’ll be okay.”

............................

“So, I see we’re expecting another little Park,” your doctor smiled as she walked into the examination room where you and Jimin were waiting. 

“Yep,” you nodded with a grin, the nervousness having waned and been replaced with excitement over the month and some change that had passed since the positive pregnancy tests and your first doctor’s appointment. 

“Alright, let’s see what we have here then,” your doctor said, motioning for you to lay back. You did so, making sure to pull up the hem of your shirt a little so that your lower abdomen was showing. Your doctor grabbed the ultrasound gel, squirting a healthy amount onto your skin before grabbing the ultrasound wand and setting it on top. Jimin reached down and grabbed onto your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours as the both of you watched the screen for any sign of your small little baby. However, about two minutes passed without a word from your doctor. 

“How long ago did you take that pregnancy test Y/N?” Your doctor wondered.

“About a month ago,” you replied. “Plus another week.”

“And how many days late was your period before that?”

“Three weeks,” you answered with a raised brow. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just trying to make sure that I have this right,” she mumbled as she focused intently on the screen. “So, you’d be eight, almost nine weeks pregnant then.” 

“That sounds about right,” Jimin confirmed and your doctor sighed.

“The baby’s heartbeat isn’t exactly as strong as I’d expect it to be at this point in the pregnancy,” she admitted. 

“And what does that mean?” You asked. 

“I’m sorry you two, but I don’t think this pregnancy is going to make it to full-term,” your doctor said apologetically. “Of course, I’d like to run some more tests on you just to be sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you miscarried within the next few days.”

“But...what?” You chuckled in disbelief. “But I’ve been feeling great this time around. I haven��t even fainted like I did with my past two pregnancies.”

“I’m sorry Y/N, and Jimin, but sometimes these things just happen and there’s no real rhyme or reason to it,” your doctor told you. “I’d like to run those tests on you though so we can be sure, so I’ll go set that up now and give you two some time alone.” Your doctor bowed lightly before quickly excusing herself and walking out of the room and as soon as the door shut behind her, you sat up as tears began to stream down your face.

“Jimin-ssi,” you whimpered, turning to look at him and he just wrapped his arms around you, hugging your body tight to his. 

“I know,” he replied, feeling his eyes starting to become cloudy with tears as well. 

“I’ve been feeling fine, I swear!” You sobbed against his chest. “I would’ve said something if I weren’t!”

“I know baby, I know you would’ve,” Jimin soothed you. “We’ll be okay, though. I promise.”

............................

After getting more tests done, your doctor found that your HCG levels, which is a hormone produced by the placenta, were extremely low and this only confirmed your worst fears. You requested another ultrasound just to be sure, and your doctor found that the baby’s heartbeat was still just as slow as it had been earlier in the day, and had even slowed down more. 

At that point, you had to start to think about how you were supposed to mentally prepare yourself to miscarry your child, but you weren’t even able to leave the doctor’s office before the pain in your abdomen started up and you knew that it was the beginning of what would surely be one of the most painful experiences in your life. 

To be on the safe side, your doctor opted to admit you into the hospital rather than have you go home, so that she’d be able to keep an eye on you and your physical condition. Once you began to bleed, you and Jimin talked to each other and decided that it would best for you to have a dilation and curettage, or a D&C. This was so that you could be sure that the baby passed completely, and that there’d be no issues with any future pregnancies.

Once you had the procedure done and had gotten settled in your hospital room, Jimin crawled into the hospital bed with you and cuddled up to you as you both cried into each other’s arms. It was hands down the worst day of your life thus far; such a happy day turning into a nightmare in the blink of an eye. 

............................

“Mommy?” You heard a soft voice whisper and you opened your eyes to see Noah standing next to your side of the bed. “Are you ok?”

“Not really,” you replied honestly, doing your best to give him a small smile in order to make not him worry completely but you knew that he’d be able to see through it. 

“I thought so,” he said. “You’ve been in bed a lot, and you don’t usually do that like how uncle Yoongi does.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” you agreed, sitting up and scooting back so that your back was pressed against the headboard. “I’ve been really sad though, and so has Daddy.”

“Why? What happened?” Noah wondered and you sighed, the pain of the miscarriage still extremely fresh since it had only been about a week, but you figured that you could tell Noah in a way that was age appropriate. 

“Come here,” you said, holding your arms open and watching as he climbed up onto the bed, immediately snuggling into your side. “Well, Mommy was pregnant.”

“I’m gonna be a big brother again?” Noah gasped and you shook your head.

“Noah, the baby died and went to Heaven,” you explained and the smile immediately let Noah’s face, being replaced by a pout.

“I didn’t even get to see them first!” He exclaimed and you almost wanted to chuckle at how outraged he was.

“We didn’t get to see them either baby,” you told him. 

“Well, if the baby went to Heaven, then you should be happy right?” Noah questioned. “Because Heaven is a place that’s good.”

“I’m sad because the baby was still a baby, and they should’ve been down here with us, growing in my tummy for a while and then being born,” you explained to him. “Just like you and Sydney did.”

“But since it’s in Heaven, the baby can look over us, like the ancestors do,” Noah replied. “You know, like Daddy said.”

“Yeah, but I still miss them,” you sniffled, reaching up and wiping at your eyes before the tears that had been welling up could spill over.

“Can I cuddle you Mommy?” Noah asked and you nodded immediately.

“I’d love that Noey,” you smiled softly, watching as Noah wrapped his arms around you tighter and threw one of his legs over yours, the same way that Jimin does when he cuddles you.

............................

Three weeks later, you had been making an effort to try and get back to normal, or as close to it as you could manage. You still hadn’t gone back to work, but you weren’t staying in bed all day anymore and you had actually started doing things around the house and playing with the kids again, so you figured that it was a start. 

As for you and Jimin, the two of you hadn’t really been talking to each other much anymore these days. It wasn’t that you were purposely ignoring him, it was just that things felt a little tense between the two of you now, since neither of you had never been good at dealing with negative emotions. 

One morning, after dropping Noah off at school, you came back home and were greeted with the sounds of glass breaking. Pacing into the kitchen, you found it completely empty, which only further confused you. Taking a quick glance around, you saw that the back sliding door was opened and as you walked closer to it, the sound of glass breaking got louder so you knew that it was coming from there.

“What the hell are you doing?” You asked in surprise, making Jimin stop and turn towards the back porch, the sledgehammer in his hands falling to the ground. There were several large stacks of glass plates surrounding him, as well as several glass cups, bowls, and pitchers. 

“I’m breaking glass,” he shrugged, reaching down with a gloved hand, picking up a plate and chucking it against a nearby tree. You watched as it shattered once it came into contact with the bark, and you looked back at Jimin with a raised brow.

“I can see that, but why?” You pressed, walking away from the sliding door and down the steps of the back porch to walk over to him, maintaining a few feet of distance between the two of you since he was still throwing glass.

“I’m angry,” he huffed, picking up the sledgehammer again and swinging it over his shoulder, hitting a glass water pitcher. 

“About?”

“The baby,” he grit out. “I’m the one who even brought up having another baby, and then we fucking lost it. Makes me feel like a terrible husband.”

“Jimin, it wasn’t your fault,” you tried to convince him but he just scoffed loudly.

“If I hadn’t opened my big mouth, like I always fucking do, you wouldn’t have been pregnant in the first place,” he snapped, picking up a glass cup and throwing that against the tree as well. “So I’m doing this to release some anger because if I don’t, I’m gonna lose my damn mind.”

“Jimin, stop,” you called out.

“No,” he mumbled.

“Jimin, please,” you said more firmly, but he just ignored you as he threw the sledgehammer down again and began to pick up plates in both hands, throwing them at the tree with more force than he had been before. You waited until his hands were completely empty again before moving towards him, quickly setting both of your hands on his cheeks, which made him stop moving.

“Don’t do this to yourself,” you pleaded and his eyes softened considerably. “There wasn’t anything that either of us could’ve done.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” Jimin chuckled ruefully. “Knowing that our child died and that we couldn’t do anything to prevent...it fucking hurts.”

“I know, I know,” you sighed. “But it happened and we have to figure out how to keep living our lives. No reason for us to lose one another in addition to the baby.”

“You’re right,” he huffed, reaching up and wiping his face free of the tears streaks that had stained his skin. “You wanna go soak in a bath, drink wine, and cry until Syd wakes up from her morning nap?”

“Yes please,” you nodded, reaching down and intertwining your fingers with his. “We’re gonna be okay eventually.”

“We will,” Jimin agreed, leaning forward and kissing you softly before turning around and leading you into the house. 

............................

“Alright Jagi, do you wanna say a few words?” Jimin asked as he straightened up from sticking the small granite headstone in the ground of your backyard. As a way to get more closure from loosing the baby, you and Jimin decided to have a little memorial service, with just the four of you present. The headstone was very simple, grey in color with an engraving that simply read “Baby Park. 2020-2020. Always Love and Always Missed.”. 

“Sure,” you nodded, handing Sydney off to him before stepping forward so that you were closer to the headstone. “I’m so sorry that you couldn’t stay here with us. I still somewhat feel like I failed you little one, but I also know that there’s nothing I could’ve done to keep you here with us. Regardless though, I’m always going to miss you and I love you so much.”

“I feel the same way as your Mommy,” Jimin spoke up. “I’ll always wonder who you would’ve looked like this time, me or Mommy. I’ll also wonder if you would’ve loved cuddles like your brother and sister, or if you would’ve loved music and dancing like they do. It sucks that I’ll always just have to wonder, but I love you very much and I’ll do my best to be patient and wait to ask you these questions years from now, when I see you again.”

“Mommy?” Noah called, reaching up and patting your thigh, and you looked down at him.

“Yeah Noey?”

“Can I say something too?” He asked and you nodded. “Hi Baby. It sucks that we didn’t get to meet you but we all love you a lot, even Sydney. Make sure to look over us with the ancestors, ok? Love you!”

“Very well said, mini me,” Jimin smiled. “Alright, who’s hungry?”

“Me!” Noah shouted and Sydney babbled loudly in her father’s arms as she waved her arms around.

“Ok, come on,” Jimin said, turning around and walking with the kids towards the back porch. When he noticed that you weren’t following him, he turned around and saw you still standing in front of the headstone. 

“You coming Jagi?” He called out and you glanced over your shoulder, giving him a small smile. 

“Yeah, just give me a sec,” you nodded and he did the same before turning around and walking into the house. You then knelt down, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to the surface of the headstone. 

“You’ll be okay without us,” you smiled softly, glancing down at your charm bracelet that sat on your wrist. There was one charm that had the zodiac symbol for Libra which represented Jimin, one that had the symbol for Virgo which was for Noah, and one that had the symbol for Scorpio, which was for Sydney. However, your newest charm held the zodiac symbol for Sagittarius, which is when your third child was supposed to have been born. 

“We’ll be okay too,” you stated firmly, giving one last look to the headstone before standing up straight and walking towards the back porch, where you could hear the voices of your husband, son, and daughter flowing from the kitchen. Despite the shitty circumstances, you still considered yourself to be pretty damn lucky. 

[fishgirlbelly]

HAI um . i realized i dont rlly post unique textposts too often so heres some silly little updates !!

first and foremost, our system blog is gone !! this one was mainly due to our gatekeepers wanting details about our sys to be more private and wanting us to practice safety more diligently, which i agree with! u cant share everything online ykno ? internet safety and all that, especially when it comes to our plurality; so much of our plural experience is internal, so sharing our system info = sharing very sensitive info about how we function and about our inner mind . . . my sysmates may still use this acct from time to time to post abt their interests and such but there wont rlly be detailed descriptions of what goes on in our head / among our sysmates anymore tho !!

secondly, i got major oral surgery done only a few hours ago and it was. awful* . . . i had an under-developed wisdom tooth extracted, a molar extracted, and three fillings, all on the top right portion of my mouth. im glad i got it over with but im Not excited about the stupidly expensive bill + all the return visits (my dental hygiene hit an all-time low and nearly every tooth needs to be worked on in some way... this was only 1/4th of the entire process)

*the procedures went extremely smoothly btw--it was probably the most comfortable ive been during a medical procedure, actually (the only genuine pain i felt was probably the numbing shots that i got on the roof of my mouth... that shit hurt)--im just not too excited about going to the dentist? like i dont schedule an appointment and think "FUCK YEAH i cant wait to get my teeth pulled out"

umm but other then that nothing much has been happening with us !! im working on my characters and stories more tho, so i should be posting to my art/OC acct more frequently pretty soon :3 im ready to drink nothing but smoothies for the next week and cry over not being able to eat solid food /lh /nav

[fakexface]

Hi, Tumblr.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-with-karens-recovery?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1

On October 6th, 2021, Karen (my mother) went in for a renal artery stent due to both arteries being blocked over 70% (the right was at 91%, the left was just above 70%). Normally, these procedures go quickly and easily- and at first, we assumed that it had gone quickly and easily. Her surgeon’s team called me and informed me that everything had gone well.

We would soon find out that everything had not gone well. After my mother was released back to the Cath Lab’s recovery floor, she would begin to feel an intense, strange pain in her leg. As the hours passed, she would lose feeling in her foot. Her nurse at the time told her that nothing was wrong despite her complaints, and brushed it off as being sciatic nerve pain due to Karen laying on her back for six hours.

Karen was released the next day (October 7th, 2021) at 5 a.m. after my sister argued with the nursing staff to keep her until 5 a.m., rather than releasing her at midnight. We drove 2 hours to get home from the hospital, and the entire time, my mother was in pain- which isn’t normal after a stent. Discomfort is normal, but not being able to sit, stand, or lay down comfortably without feeling extreme discomfort is not normal. By 9:00 a.m., she called the Cath Lab and informed them of what was happening. They called her back shortly after and told her that she needs to get back down there as soon as possible, because their worst fear was happening: a clot was forming, and no one had caught this due to the negligence of a nurse.

My mother lost all feeling in her leg, and her foot began to turn purple- and the bottom of her foot began to turn black. For over 24 hours, a massive clot had been forming due to her surgeon admitting that he accidentally stitching her femoral artery closed- no artery was supposed to be stitched closed at all, only the skin. The femoral artery is the major artery that runs along the outside of the leg. Due to it being stitched closed, her leg received no blood flow for over 24 hours, causing thrombosis to set in. They feared that she would lose her foot, or possibly her leg from the knee down. Her surgeon was able to dissolve the clot over the next two days, but the damage had already been done- and more would come. For the next two weeks, a fever set in that would come and go, and her leg and foot swelled to almost twice it’s original size. Blisters formed on her leg and foot, and rather than treat them, the surgeon placed a compression sock over her foot and leg.

She was released to a rehabilitation center in this state on October 22nd, 2021, where she would be diagnosed (at the time) with cellulitis. They worked with her for the next week, before she was released to come home on October 29th. However, as of November 3rd, Home Health and Physical Therapy have declared her as being unable to walk at all on her right leg for the time being.

As of November 1st, 2021, she has been to a doctor at a clinic in town and was diagnosed with her blisters having turned necrotic. She will be seeing specialists in the coming weeks at a different hospital to treat both this, and the compartment syndrome that has set in in her right calve.

At the moment, I am the only one able to work in my house, due it being just myself and my mother here. I work part time at a college- and this is my only source of income. This page is to help us over the next few months while she is out of work, and we try to navigate this situation that we are now in, with bills being due and hospital bills starting to already come in, along with possible lawyer fees. Any contributions are greatly welcomed by our family, as are prayers. Please share this with your friends! Thank you, Melissa Hayden/fakexface