#going through horrific amounts of trauma

[v0idwraith]

“He’s super grouchy when he doesn’t get enough sleep.”

“He’S sUpEr GrOuChY wHeN hE dOeSn’T gEt EnOuGh NyEeH”

[thedreadvampy]

The thing is I am definitely not happy or chill in the Immediate Sense lately but I am, big picture, so fucking happy with the person I am.

It's like. My brain was made by and for consistent trauma and since that trauma stopped about 5-7 years ago, it is incredible what the amount of resilience and cleverness and flexibility and thoughtfulness I developed to survive can do when it's not being all spent on surviving. like I had a hundred ton weight on me so I had to get REALLY STRONG to stay in the same place and not get 100% crushed, and when that weight came off I found I can use the strength it used to take to stand up and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound.

I was talking to my mum the other day and she said, "you've got the 'fuck it' energy at 30 that most women don't find until their fifties at least" and I'm like yeah man. Imagine how unstoppable I'll be in 20 years.

[prismalmelonman]

Touching on Gale, Wyll, and Halsin's traumas being a bit undermined in parts of the fandom

So one thing I notice on Twitter is how some people act about the bg3 characters whose abuses were perpetuated by women.

Gale specifically for this reason (but I will touch on others)bbecause I see him dismissed super often as "can't get over his ex".

But Gale's case obviously be has the line of Mystra being like "she was my muse, my teacher, and then my lover" and sure to some that's a red flag in itself (when it comes to adults I don't really give a fuck about teacher/student) but if you view it from not only Gale's own words "ive been connected with the weave for as long as i can remember"

And that doesn't distract from his genuine love of magic of course. And it also doesn't mean that he's actually been in connection with mystra for an amount of time.

However, if you ascend Gale, and he becomes a god, you get a bunch of new little things. Tara reminiscing of course, but you get a letter from Elminster, detailing that Mystra had Elminster scope out Gale when he was eight!

And sure is that pretty cool that he's a prodigy that got the attention of the goddess of magic at that age? Yes. Mystra is, however, known in forgotten Realms lore to seek young young boys who are in tune with magic to make into her chosen. And from context clues, her chosen can be anything from Elminster and Volo, dedicated wizards who try to keep things in check, etc etc. or they're somewhat of playthings to her.

Minsc also has a conversation where me mentions that weave-touched boys in his homeland were hidden away to hone their craft, then suspecting that it was because of Mystra, given Gale's case.

Gale always seems so proud that he got to bed a goddess, and on the surface, hell yeah, that's cool.

Gale continued to have her attention even as he went to Blackstaff Academy, and Mystra eventually did take him on as an apprentice directly to her, later making him her chosen, and sleeping with him.

The reason it bothers me that people dismiss all of Gale's stuff to just "he can't get over his ex" is because that's is like almost textbook grooming? She was in his life from a young age, shaping and moulding him up as he grew up to be her perfect chosen, rewarding him by sleeping with him, and so on. And then of course casting him away when he has his folly with the netherese orb (and to be fair, it very well could have looked like to her that he was trying to seize the power himself and yes the orb does siphon off weave. That is a problem for the mistress of the weave yes).

But she also tells gale to KILL HIMSELF for her forgiveness.

Gale is much more than "unable to be over his ex" this woman was in his life since he was a kid. She's almost all he has ever known. If course it's going to be difficult for him to 1. Say no to her. 2. Get over the fact that he's lost someone that he spent his literal entire life dedicated to. Honestly if asked, I don't even think Gale would acknowledge or really see that what he went through was, in fact, abuse until it was spelled out in front of him. (Which does happen somewhat with the player character pleading to him that killing himself for mystra's forgiveness is actually horrific and that he should in fact be angry for how he was treated)

Similarly, and this one has been discussed a lot, Wyll and Mizora. Wyll was 17 and actively trying to help his people. 17, in a vulnerable state, willing to do anything to help and prove himself. Mizora very clearly took advantage of him, and regards him as a "pet", refers to him being "leashed", and so on. Personally, I do dislike the sexualization of their relationship, because it very much is also grooming (although a different type. Rather than manipulating and shaping his life from the ground up, she takes advantage of a vulnerable and desperate state to manipulate and contract Wyll into doing her bidding. I won't go too deep I to this one because it has been discussed to hell and back. But I did wanna touch on Wyll's situation as well.

Also, Halsin as well, though that has also been discussed in many retrospectives by a very good friend of mine. Halsin's trauma often get dismissed due to his polyamory, open sexual nature, and his own somewhat diminishing/dismissal of it, which honestly I love the representation of, cause for a while I did that with my own trauma. Halsin was a sex slave to a house of Lolth-Sworn drow, a matriarchal society, where the men are generally used as fodder or for breeding, though male Lolth-Sworn drow can be wizards and rise in the ranks if wizardry, but are limited everywhere else. (Minthara mentions that the third male, and every subsequent male child after third are killed for being"useless"). Halsin often referred to them as "hosts" rather than being captors, (though he does touch on that if the Player Character threatens to sell him back into slavery). Again, everything I'd have to say here for Halsin has entirely been discussed top to bottom by a friend, their link is below!!

Anyway, long story short, I dislike it a lot when Gale, Wyll, and Halsin's traumas and abuses get diminished, even if/when the character themself doesn't see or acknowledge the abuse in the same lens that we, the players, do.

[wilcze-kudly]

I do find it annoying how a lot of Zutara fans tweak the character's stories, personalities and even the timelines to suit their own needs.

Once again, there's nothing wrong with fanon and headcanons, however if looking through the lense of canon, you're objectively wrong.

I ended up stumbling on a post from a Zutara shipper. (At this point I'm regretfully considering not following the tags for Zuko or Katara because I get way too much Zutara content lol) I'm not replying directly to her because I don't want this to turn into an argument, and I know she doesn't take criticism very well.

Ok, So let's break this down.

The character who was first out of the group to trust Zuko?

I'm quite sure this is referring to the scene in Ba Sing Se's caves. And yes, that is a very important scene. I think it's a very important scene preceeding Zuko's 'relapse'. It shows how he's matured during his time in Ba Sing Se and therefore it serves to add to our dismay when he joins Azula. I adore the fact that Zuko's journey to redemption is not linear, it certainly adds a lot to the character and shows us how his trauma affected him.

It's also a horrific moment for Katara. To have her worldview on Zuko and firebenders as a whole challenged, and then for it to go blowing up in her face. It rips open old wounds of her childhood. It refreshes her resentment of Zuko and the Fire Nation as a whole. It parallels the death of her mother when Aang dies due to Azula's lighting and she is unable to do anything about it. It places her back in that spot of helplessness. Even though she's grown up, even though she's a master waterbender, she still comes a hair's breadth to losing one of the most important people in her life.

No wonder she hated Zuko so much after this.

It's an important moment for both characters, but I wouldn't say it is that in a romantic sense. It's a sweet, hopeful moment that then turns absolutely horrific and visceral for both parties.

I could argue that there are other characters who could be given the title of 'first to trust Zuko'. Funnily, Appa being one of them lol.

But other characters trusting Zuko dovetails nicely into the next point.

The character who emotionally connects to Zuko?

Well, technically, I'd argue that most members of the Gaang connect emotionally on one level or another with him?

But I'd argue that Aang is the person Zuko connected with the most. Aang is Zuko's parallel. Aang is the first person to reach out to Zuko. Aang is the person who showed mercy to Zuko, multiple times. Aang is the person who valued Zuko's life, the life of someone whose whole life goal is to capture him.

This was also an incredibly important moment to Zuko. This is the thing he brings up when trying to convince the Gaang to let him join.

Zuko: Why aren't you saying anything? You once said you thought we could be friends. You know I have good in me.

The character Zuko feels safest letting his guard down around?

It's Mai. Love her or hate her, her relationship with Zuko is incredibly important to him. Maiko isn't my favourite Zuko ship, in full honesty. But even platonically, Mai and Zuko are one another's reprieve from their respective shitty lives.

People often talk about Katara touching Zuko's scar while discussing healing his scar, however one could argue that she did so as a medical examination. Mai touching Zuko's scar is a casual thing, neither of them really make a big deal of it and that's the beauty of it.

I'm mainly talking out of my own personal experience, as someone with a huge amount of burn scars, but there is a world of difference between someone inspecting my scars like Katara did and simply accepting them as a part of me, like Mai does for Zuko.

With Mai, Zuko isn't the scarred banished prince, Ozai's son or Azula's brother. He's just Zuko. And they speak freely with one another, arguing like real people do. Often, being comfortable having arguments is actually a sign of being comfortable with one another.

The character who helps Zuko heal from his trauma?

Once again, this is a bit of a flawed question. By the end of the show, Zuko isn't even fully healed, in my opinion. He has made leaps and bounds on the road to recovery, but when he will truly heal if ever is yet to be seen.

Zuko's journey to recovery includes plenty of people. This includes Iroh, Aang, Song and Jin. People who show him the error of his coping mechanism. Who challenge his worldview, who coax him out of the his shell of pain and anger.

The character known for showing most compassion to others?

Yes, Katara's compassion is a huge part of her character. Her need to help and protect those who cannot do that for themselves cannot be understated.

But Aang's compassion for others and all beings is just as great, if not greater than Katara's. Compassion and nonviolence are huge parts of his culture and his own philosophy.

Aang: Wait, we can't just leave him here. Sokka: Sure we can. Let's go. Aang :No, if we leave him he'll die. Aang airbends himself off Appa and retrieves Zuko, bringing him to Appa. Sokka: [Sarcastically.] Yeah, this makes a lot of sense. Let's bring the guy who's constantly trying to kill us.

Friendly reminder that Aang could've absolutely wrecked Ozai, but held back because his own moral compass was so powerful. Hell, he was friendly and nice to Azula, the woman who literally killed him.

This is why Aang and Katara work so well together. They're both incredibly compassionate people who will immediately jump in to help others in need. Like they did during the Painted Lady, destroying the factiry together.

The character who primarily bears the burden of having to step up into a parental role?

I think "parental role" is an incredibly vague term. There's a lot of things that go into a "parental role". Katara plays a stereotypically "maternal" role, while someone who plays a "paternal" one would probably be Sokka.

Katara deals with very "homemaking" tasks like sewing and cooking, etc. And Sokka often takes on the role of leader, hunter, gatherer and also protector, despite being a nonbender.

This coincides nicely with their core childhood traumas. The loss of Katara's mother impacted her greatly, leading her to have to step up into a motherly role. While Sokka was clearly heavily traumatised by his father departing and the crushing responsibility of having to care for his entire village.

Sexism also probably played a part in this dichotomy.

The character who represses their emotions to be strong for others?

I'd argue that this could apply to all the members of the Gaang in some capacity.

Aang's pain is something most of us will never experience and cannot hope to understand. The complete horrific destruction of his culture and home followed him through the entire show. He was entitled to his grief and rage, yet he supressed it. We see during Appa's kidnapping, how easy it would be for Aang to rage, to let himself be destructive. And yet, he wakes up every day and chooses to smile and goof off, because his friends need someone to remind them how to be children.

Sokka puts on a very impressive bravado, despite having a lot of insecurities. However, as the oldest member of the Gaang (pre Zuko) he puts on a facade of the confident and unbothered older brother. Even if he's the butt of almost every joke, he still keeps that demeanour up, letting it slip only a few times.

I'd actually argue that Toph is the person whom this label fits best. While we know Toph as witty, callous and strong, we have to remember that she kept up the facade of her parents' good, helpless little blind girl for no reason other than her mother and father's comfort. She actually hides a lot of her hurt, covering it up with a prickly exterior.

I want to do longer think pieces about Toph and Katara so apologies if this isn't complete.

I'm actually baffled by the idea of Katara repressing her emotions. She's actually quite straightforward and open about her feelings. She yells and feels a lot of emotions and lets them be heard. She gets angry and sad. She's actually kinda bitchy sometimes and that's honestly why I love her so much.

The whole inciting incident of the show was her getting so pissed off she somehow pulls a giant iceberg from the bottom of the sea.

She is anything but repressed.

She is angry.

She's angry at the fire nation, at Sokka, at her father, at men, and with good right to be so.

This is what makes her an amazing character and one who broke the mould of a lot of female characters at the time. Her anger and unrestrained emotions rang true with a lot of watchers at the time. I'm not sure why this is being taken away from her rather than celebrated.

I reiterate the point I made at the beginning of this post: there is nothing wrong with headcanons and fanon interpretations for one's enjoyment. I do find it a bit odd when it changes a character too much (because then, why not just create an oc?) but it's all in good fun. However, you shouldn't push that onto other people and how they perceive canon and you certainly shouldn't use it to take away from other characters. It's a very unfair way of entering discourse.

[brucewaynehater101]

love the idea of Tim thinking he’s being put through a ‘test’ of Bruce’s, when in fact it’s a real emergency. So when Tim like saves the whole batfam, he just goes “how did I score” to Bruce, finally making Bruce realize how deep the impact of his testing went in Tim’s brain

If Bruce was finally working at healing and redemption, then this is a great wake-up call for the man. There's a great amount of angst there. He should realize the errors of his ways and maybe acknowledge there's no way to fix the permanent mindset he instilled in a child. However, I don't think Bruce would outright notice anything wrong with Tim's behavior. They've established routines by now. The other kids, though? Their reaction would cue Bruce into how messed up it is.

A bit of a discret version of this would be Tim automatically filling out a mission report. Within the report, he lists his failures and mistakes he made on the mission. This could play out two ways.

One: another kid sees this and scoffs at Tim's perfectionism. It bubbles over into a fight where it reveals how Tim was constantly tested by Bruce with the imminent threat of being forced to quit and banned if he wasn't strong enough. Bruce couldn't stop Tim from being Robin, but he could make his life hell.

Two: Tim writes down the others' mistakes for improvement. This pisses someone off until someone eventually cues into this being an act of protection by Tim. He doesn't want them subjected to Bruce's training if they keep making the same mistakes.

Regardless, they find out how Bruce's constant testing, his trainings, and his treatment of Tim's Robin (and maybe even current treatment of Tim) has really screwed Tim up.

Another way to make this a great miscommunication angst would be Tim, post mission, not treating it with the seriousness it required. Everyone is down at the batcave trying to recover from their wounds and the trauma of what they've witnessed. Then Tim pipes up with a "how did I do, Batman?" Bruce automatically starts listing faults, and Tim just nods. Everyone else is floored because didn't they both just see that horrific shit that went down?

Tim is just high key dissociating to finish up protocol until he can go home and have a 5 hour long mental breakdown. Bruce is just finishing the list of protocols because it's a method of control and coping for him. It's also a habit.

[stargazedwinchester]

Soft Sounds | Dean

Summary: Dean mocks you for listening to nature sounds/lo-fi music while you sleep.

Based off of this request here, thank you! <3

Word count: 996

♱⁺. ⋆˙✧⋆✧˙⋆⊹.♱

Sleeping with any sort of noise has always been so comforting for you, having to live with the loud sounds of the world, all of the trauma you've endeavoured keeps you awake at night, memories creeping back from the most horrific times in your life.

You bought yourself your own little white noise machine a week ago, it makes multiple different sounds, and your favourites are lo-fi music and rain/thunder sounds. It's not every night that you have to use this, though, but it really does help. Especially with sleeping alone, your brain loves to play tricks on you during your quietest hours.

Tonight, you turn on your machine, clicking the button on top to change which sound you'd prefer to hear tonight. Your door is slightly ajar, knowing that the brothers were in the kitchen sharing a couple of beers and catching up. You had already told them you're going to have an early night for once and try to catch up on a lot of sleep you've missed out on recently. Doing this could probably help your awful sleep schedule.

You change into your pyjamas, a t-shirt and shorts combo that you threw on from the night before. Trying to look good while you slept is never the first thought since you literally live with two men who couldn't give any less of a crap, also, you're not dating either of them. You climb into bed and throw the covers over you, moving your hair out of your face, and lay on your side. Scrolling through your phone, you try to focus on the sounds coming from your machine, and within minutes, you're knocked out.

♱⁺. ⋆˙✧⋆✧˙⋆⊹.♱

As Sam and Dean call it a night, Sam stays to watch a movie in the main room, whilst Dean makes his way down toward the bedrooms. He notices your bedroom door is still slightly open, and he assumes you're awake.

"Hey, Y/-" He pauses, seeing you're fast out with your phone screen lit up, the lights still on and some noise coming from a weird-looking radio. He frowns, not knowing what is going on. He very quietly makes his way into your bedroom, and locks your phone, placing it on your bedside table. He dims the lights as he pads on over to your radio. "What the Hell is this?" He asks himself, keeping his voice just above a whisper. He glances at the tiny screen that presents what's playing. "She sleeps to this?" He scoffs, and a small grin appears on his face. He looks back at you, huffing. "This is such a Y/N thing to have." He says, standing back up and glancing over at you. Why would she ever own something like this? He thought to himself. It's stupid.

Your positioning in bed makes Dean chuckle to himself. You quite literally take up the whole bed, sprawled out like a starfish. It's mostly funny to him because of how cute you look when you're completely conked out. Your hair in your face, your shirt slightly riding up your torso from the amount of times you've tried to get comfy. "Hold on, is that my shirt?" He laughs quietly, admiring how natural you are.

Dean usually goes for the typical blonde, blue-eyed type of girl. The ones that show that they know they're sexy, that they can get any man they desire, but you - you were different. You never gave a damn about how you looked. If someone liked you, you'd make sure they get every single side of you, every single flaw and weakness. Having Dean see you completely barefaced and look like you just collapsed on your bed was the least of your worries.

Dean's gaze hovers over you for another minute or so, he catches himself smiling, noticing how comfy you are. You shuffle, which scares him a little, panicking that you're going to wake up to him watching you sleep.

"Dean?"

"Y-yeah?" He whispers, taking his hands out of his pockets.

"What are you doing in here?" You groan, wiping your hair out of your face, barely opening your eyes. "I um, heard your little radio thing and... I got curious." He says, an awkward smile appearing on his full lips. He reaches up and scratches the back of his head. You hum quietly in agreement with what he said. Whether Dean understood or not, it didn't matter. "Are you staying?" You mumble, shuffling yourself to the side to make more room. You quietly pat the side of the bed, inviting Dean to join you.

His heart skipped a beat. Sharing a bed with the only girl who genuinely liked him for him? It's almost unbelievable.

"Are you sure? I can go back to my room-"

"Dean, just get in." You say, pulling the covers open for him. His eyes lit up and the smile on his face looked as if it had been slapped on. He takes off his flannel shirt revealing his dark grey t-shirt underneath, and also taking his jeans off down to his underwear. He gently sits down on your bed, ensuring there's still enough space for you. He keeps his space, though, not wanting to give any wrong ideas. "Why were you looking at my machine?" You say, and Dean grins. "It looks weird. Why do you sleep with it?"

"It's to help me sleep."

"It's to help me sleep," He mocks, shutting his eyes. "Just sleep in silence, it's not that hard." He adds, and you huff. "So funny." You grin, slowly moving closer toward him. "It's nice though, really nice..." He trails, his eyes are fully shut, and his body is relaxing. "Come here," He says, adjusting himself so he's lying slightly above you, and you move in to lay on his chest, your leg intertwined with his. He keeps his arm rested above his head, his other hand caressing your hair. "This is nice," He mumbles, almost instantly drifting to sleep.

[gffa]

Rewatched the Rebels episode where Kanan and the others go to meet Ahsoka's friend for help in finding good base locations and it turns out to be Rex and everyone has a real bad time of it, because this show was for a young audience, sure, but it also didn't shy away from Kanan's trauma or letting us know that Rex had been through a lot of his own hurt, too. The clones having to live in this space of what they'd done, that it hadn't been their choice, but it had been their hands, killing the Jedi, the people who fought besides them on the battlefield, who bled and died for them, the clones were the ones who killed them because their very agency was taken away, their thoughts were overwritten, and you have to live with that guilt and anger and hurt, because it wasn't your choice, you didn't want this, but it was your brothers that still did it, and you have to worry that the Jedi will be angry at you for it, will come after you for being a danger to them, for having killed their children, and then you come face to face with a Jedi, a Jedi who is angry at you, who doesn't believe you, who was a child when a clone murdered his master in front of him and then tried to kill him, who had killed other kids his age, and how how how could anyone not want revenge for that? Jedi were taught not to seek it, but how could anyone possibly face the genocide of their entire people and culture, and not say this was different? How could they not go through that and decide, no, this did need to be avenged? And no amount of trying to explain that you didn't want it, you didn't know at the time, you didn't choose this, can ever undo what happened. And that you don't know if it's worse to have your mind stripped from you and monstrous acts done with your hands but you lived or if it's worse to have seen your entire culture murdered just for being born with the Force and for standing up to fight against evil and having the entire galaxy lie about who you were and what you did and why you did it, to still be hunted down just because you could touch the Force, no matter whether you fought back or not, to not even be able to just say the words, "I'm a Jedi." without someone probably turning you in to the Empire. Both sides of this utterly trusted each other once upon a time and that trust was shattered through no fault of their own and everyone can understand why everyone else is the victim of something truly horrific, but still can't get back to where they were before, because it doesn't matter that none of them chose any of this, it was still their hands that were forced into unthinkable acts and their kids' bodies on the ground and nothing can ever undo that. You have to do your best to let go of the horror and move on, maybe find something new, but you'll never not see everything that happened when you look at the other person. Anyway, I'm gonna go punt myself into the sun brb.

[omnium-gatherums]

I went from believing my life is normal, average, nothing bad has happened to me, my life is normal and fine.

To realizing I was autistic and that I have experienced abuse and trauma basically my whole life and accepting okay I'm pretty disabled.

And now realizing that I am truly extremely fucking disabled. My DID disables me to an extreme extent that I don't really see talked about, despite how much people love to preach about how DID is "ultra disabling and horrible!!!" I feel like people don't fucking GET IT, you don't get it, you don't get how fucking horrible this is, you don't get the amount of suffering we have gone through to have developed this disorder. The amount of suffering we still have to go through as we uncover memories and try to recover and go through therapy.

You see these posts right where people are like. Fuck I've uncovered horrific trauma memories and I wish I never did, it's horrific, it's awful, you don't want this, You Don't Want This, you Don't want to uncover this shit when you aren't ready, when you aren't in a place to do so, you don't get how horrible this is.

And you read those posts and maybe you dismiss it or maybe you think about how it won't be like that for you or maybe you think nothing of it, you scroll and continue on, and you just move on with your day or something.

I feel like the reality that my childhood was spent being sexually abused in horrific, disgusting, vile ways is right around the corner, staring at me with glaring, glowing eyes and the reality of it is right there, it's there staring at me and stalking me and I can almost feel it, as if I can feel it "on the tip of my tongue", and I just think to myself about how I really wish I grew up in a good home, with a good family, having a good life. I think to myself about how I wish I could go back to before this and remember my life the way I thought it was, not that I even remember any of this CSA at all, but it's all been slowly becoming more real to me and I've become more accepting of it all, I mean I can't go back now, not after sharing it all with my therapist, not after sharing it all here.

I am awfully fucking disabled and it's so fucking hard, it is so hard.

My fibromyalgia makes my whole body feel so fucking fragile, so fucking sensitive, everything just hurts all the time, and my IBS exacerbates it, and who knows what the fuck else undiagnosed shit I could have going on. Everything just hurts all the time and I can't do Shit. Everything just hurts and everything just makes me hurt and eating is impossible and living is so hard.

And I'm not even at the worst of it yet!! It's only going to get worse from here??? It's hard to believe that I wasn't happier before. Better before. Before learning anything more about myself or my life.

[purplealmonds]

How Mizue's costume design unlocks her tragic backstory in the original Bakeneko story arc

I believe that prior to being married into the Sakai family, Mizue was an oiran or perhaps even a taiyu. Recently, I learned that the hyogo hairstyle is exclusively for taiyu, the highest class of oiran.

Mizue has the same hairstyle, down to the last detail.

Oiran were not your average courtesan. They were well versed in music, conversation, poetry, and a plethora of other sophisticated activities which appealed to their aristocratic clientele. As such, they highly regarded as the "ideal woman" in Japanese society.

Unlike other yujyo (prostitutes) working in yukaku (the red light district) their high status grants them the privilege to reject customers they dislike. To become an oiran's patron, a prospective customer must not only spend exorbitant amounts of money, but also be a gentleman. They are afforded a level of dignity and power that most women of this era did not have.

But of course, with such manners there's always a darker side to this glamorous facade.

Mizue had to work her way up to be an oiran. As a lowly yujyo, she was likely sold to prostitution as punishment because her family owed a debt or committed a crime. The life expectancy for yujyo is abysmal - many die from disease or just terrible living conditions long before they can pay off their debt. What's more, if they become pregnant, they must go through horrific abortion practices.

At first glance, it seems like a foolish decision for Mizue to marry into the Sakai family. But let's examine the potential events that lead to that choice. It's entirely possible her first and only contact with the Sakai family is Yoshiaki. He's not particularly clever. He's also not particularly dangerous. Most importantly, he's filthy rich.

It was a common dream for those in her line of work to escape prostitution through marrying a patron. To Mizue, it would be laughably easy to manipulate this clueless man to propose. Then she's home free - access the Sakai's coffers and married to a man who admires but doesn't sexually desire her. Sadly, her ambition for higher status and freedom became her downfall.

In the Sakai clan, she is forced to face past traumas. In the original anime, is implied that Mao's father is Mizue's her father-in-law, Yoshiyuki.

This is more or less confirmed in the 2023 stageplay.

⚠️Be warned, stageplay spoilers abound beyond this point!⚠️

There is a scene where Mizue spurns her newly-wed husband, Yoshiake's, dimwitted advances. Yoshiyuki drags a screaming Mizue off stage. Shortly after, Sato, who isn't necessarily thriving in this hell as much as relishing her position as a lowly servant granting immunity to such torments, smugly congratulates Mizue for bearing a child for the Sakai family.

This surely gives Mizue flashbacks of her time as a yujyo before being promoted to an oiran, having to bed with whatever deplorable man who has enough coin to pay for her services.

This pregnancy granted her a twisted form of protection. In the stageplay, Mizue is suspicious of Sato delivering food to an unknown person. Sato deflects her inquiries, so she investigates for herself. She descends to that basement, and witnesses Yoshiyuki beating the imprisoned Tamaki.

Sato cooly reassures a horrified Mizue that she has immunity against this treatment. This is the difference between being a Sakai mistress and a Sakai childbearing wife.

Mizue knew that helping this wretched stranger would compromise her safety. She feels guilty, of course. But she didn't get as far as she did by choosing compassion. This lack of compassion was Mizue's time-tested survival mechanism. It is a sad irony that when she let her guard down to love Mao, it also made her vulnerable to the bakeneko's possession.

When Mao was born, perhaps Mizue a had brief reprieve. This was a child she did not have to abort. Perhaps this will be a daughter who will be free from the suffering she endured.

We don't get much characterization of Mao in the anime. But in the stageplay, she is portrayed as an innocent and carefree. Even the worst of the Sakai men seemed to humor her childish antics. Doted upon her, even. The risk of her innocence being shattered, however, is ever on the knife's edge.

When a young Mao scampers up to uncle Yoshikuni inquiring of grandpa Yoshiyuki's whereabouts, he easily divulges the information. Just then, Mizue and Yoshiyuki emerge together. Given the former's flustered reaction, it's highly implied the latter just finished violating her. Despite what just transpired, Yoshiyuki takes a grandfatherly (fatherly?) interest of the drawing Mao wanted to share with them.

In another scene, young Mao encounters and becomes enamored with a black cat. Yes - the very same black cat that escaped from Tamaki's basement some time ago. She procures a temari ball - one that grandpa Yoshiyuki gifted her - to play with her new feline friend. Yoshiyuki happens upon them. He balks and sends Mao away to do her studies. Yoshikuni watches on smugly, knowing full well why Yoshiyuki reacted the way he did. Then he draws his sword and begins his cat murdering spree.

Mizue is a perceptive woman. I fully believe she was aware of these happenings. But to act out would mean forfeiting her tenuous protection from becoming another Tamaki, now rotting away at the bottom of a sealed well.

What's more, acting out would also put Mao in danger. Tamaki was doted upon and showered with gifts too, once. One small act of defiance was all it took for the late mistress to fall from favor. There's no telling how Mao would react once she learns how horrible the men of this family actually were.

So Mizue plays nice and carves a place for herself within the Sakai family's power dynamics. Through her machinations (because Yoshiaki doesn't seem the type to power-grab), she usurps Yoshikuni's position as the head of household.

This new status grants Mizue and her beloved daughter an extra layer of protection. Unfortunately, with this new power, her husband's financially irresponsible tendencies are paired with unlimited access to the family's coffers.

When the family falls into debt (yet another trauma from her days as a yujyo), Mao was to be married off to the Shiono family. Perhaps Mizue, who's implied to handle Sakai family finances, proposed this idea.

I would like to think it was to give Mao a better life rather than for financial gain. Given her final words of advice to a living Mao, and her hysterical weeping over a dead Mao, it's clear Mizue cared deeply for her daughter.

Mizue was a women who was determined to rise above the unjust situations life threw at her. When her debt-ridden family sold her off to prostitution, she rose to become taiyu, the highest ranking courtesan amongst even the oiran. Her misstep of marrying into the Sakai family brought her low once more, but she used her wits to regain some of her lost power not protect only for herself, but her beloved daughter, Mao.

When she loses Mao to the bakeneko, it's no wonder she finally has a nervous breakdown. All her quiet suffering in the Sakai family to ensure a better future for her daughter was all for naught.

It's no wonder that the bakeneko latched onto her, a woman futilely fighting tooth and nail to regain her lost agency finally succumbing to that primal fury of the indignities that befell her from cruel men.

[howtofightwrite]

How well would a claymore mine field fare against troopers of a late medieval army (say, Swiss halberdiers in half armor)? How far away do the troopers need to be in order to have a good chance at survival? And how would a medieval army like that react to their leader hitting a landmine and getting blown up? Would they turn back and flee? Disperse away from the road? Or would they freeze up and lose unit cohesion?

In the words of the esteemed Dr. Farnsworth, “to shreds you say?”

So, for those unfamiliar, claymore mines use a shape charge to propel the shrapnel in a fixed cone (most the shrapnel is propelled in a roughly 45 degree arc, with almost all of it landing within a 90 degree arc of where it's pointed.) These can be rigged up with tripwires, or remote detonators. This is achieved by placing a fairly heavy plate behind the explosive, while the primary payload of eventual shrapnel is placed in front of it.

You don't technically hit a claymore mine. Again, these are shape charges, and designed to propel the destructive force (mostly) horizontally, so, you'd hit the tripwire, or a sentry with a detonator would activate it, possibly without even being detected by the people in the mine's kill zone.

Claymores have an optimal range of about 50 meters, with a maximum range of ~250 meters. So, “exactly how good do you consider your odds?” Because at 50m, the chances of being hit by fatal amounts of shrapnel is estimated to be about ~30%. (Obviously, in other circumstances, such as if you've got claymores set up in a confined concrete bunker, they're going to get a lot more dangerous.)

Also, we don't generally keep tight marching formations the way that early modern troops used, because modern weapons are horrifically effective against them. That Futurama quote is on the nose, because against a densely packed group of soldiers in early modern armor, the blast will likely hit almost all of them, and will, quite literally, blow many, if not most, of them apart. To put this more simply, using early modern military doctrine, they'd all be in the mine's kill zone when it went off, and their armor would do absolutely nothing to help them. In fact, this might be a case where their armor would further contribute to the shrapnel.

As for how they would react? I suspect most of them would take the ignoble option of dying almost instantly in the initial blast or shortly after from blood loss and extreme trauma. Would the survivors who could break and flee? Quite possibly. They also, quite likely, wouldn't even really understand what happened, simply because they'd never seen destructive force on that kind of scale before. “Would they lose cohesion?” My brother in Alfred Nobel's exploding cocktail lounge; they'd be losing biological cohesion with themselves. There wouldn't be a surviving unit.

There was a paradigm shift in the first World War. The stage had been set in the late 19th century, but most European armies didn't realize what had happened (and in fact, military leadership of the time stayed willfully ignorant) until after it came home.

Before this point, there was a concept of being able to “trade hits.” The halberdiers were expected to march into melee combat against other melee forces. This even survived the introduction of gunpowder units, and was still dominant military doctrine through the 19th century, where soldiers were expected to march in rank and file out onto the battlefield before shooting at each other in tightly packed formations.

What happened in the late 19th century was the development of weapons that were able to deal death with such speed and efficiency that getting into melee combat was no longer possible. The old, tightly packed, formations went from being an effective way to get troops into combat, to an effective way to see your troops completely eliminated by a single conscript's heavy machinegun fire.

The effective paradigm of infantry combat is now that your foes have the ability to end your existence, so you need to avoid their weapons (and preferably their detection) completely, until you can end them. (Yes, armor still exists, yes, it does work, but it's contingency you hope you don't need, rather than protection you expect to use.) Combat today is about controlling line of sight. Marching a squad of troops out onto the battlefield in tight formation wouldn't work, because a couple snipers with mediocre positioning could decimate them.

The claymore is part of this new paradigm. If you're in the kill range, unless you're in some radically more advanced armor than it was designed to deal with, you're going to have a bad day when it goes off.

We don't wear the same kinds of armor that those halberdiers used, because modern handgun rounds will perforate those. Modern armor does, sometimes, use steel plates (or, Kevlar, ceramic, or some polymers), as inserts but, the kind of steel used is significantly more resistant to modern bullets than what those early modern soldiers wore.

So, blown to shreds.

-Starke

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[doggboyy]

I'm actually astonished by the ramcoa community on here it's genuinely. shocking // tw's for tbmc, programming, ramcoa, sa ectect. If you aren't in a good headspace to potentially hear things you don't want to hear, come back later. no, you can't be programmed by one person. programming is organized abuse, organized abuse includes multiple people and, usually, multiple victims. You can be conditioned by one person, you can still go through horrific abuse if you only have one abuser, you aren't any less of a system because you only had one abuser, but you can't be programmed(at least successfully) by one person. That isn't how it works. And for fucks sake, you can't be programmed online. Unless you have someone in person with you, who is torturing you, you can't be programmed. You can be groomed into behaving and thinking certain ways, you can be manipulated into harming yourself as a punishment, but programming requires several people, in person, torturing you. You can't be tortured through a computer screen. Programming requires putting someone through enough pain & abuse that they dissociate, so they can put them through more pain and abuse to get them to act and think the way the abusers want. That can't be achieved on discord. However, it is normal to only remember one abuser/programmer. It's normal to only remember certain things. For security reasons, a lot of victims are made to believe there was only (ex amount) of abusers. If you can't remember them, you can't rat them out if you escape. It's normal to only remember the abuser who was the most involved in your abuse. I'm sorry if this upsets someone, but it has to be said. I'm tired of seeing people calling anything and everything programming because they're too scared to tell anyone that what they went through.. wasn't programming. You don't need to rethink your diagnosis or what people have put you through, you just have to accept that it wasn't programming. You have to accept that there are spaces that aren't made for you, and that's okay. You can still support and help victims. You can still get support for what you have gone through. You can still relate to terms and experiences, you just have to accept that they aren't for you. If you start trauma dumping in my askbox over this I will post it. I will go through what you've told me and explain how it isn't programming. I won't sympathize with you if you do that. You won't get any gratification by telling me that you still think you're programmed and listing off things you've been through because I'm going to tell you it's not. I won't sit you down and help you go through the possibilities, if this post urges you to trauma-dump to me I'm going to assume that you aren't programmed and tell you that. I know this isn't my usual stuff, but it's something that needs to be said

[azelmaandeponine]

I enjoy exploring different kinds of relationships in media and analyzing it, it makes me think and reflect. When I first saw the whole Bill and Ford thing it interested me.

There were definitely interesting takes on it in the fandom at the beginning, but now it’s expanded so much and become so popular I feel like the point has been lost.

Firstly, the widespread romanization of it sets me off. Maybe it was just me (?) but I thought it was understood that even though it was a “ship” and the “point” of it was that it’s toxic… I dunno. I have observed the abuse is either overlooked or romanticized, and both bother me. Because if you really stop to think about it for more than a minute you realize how absolutely awful and horrifying it must have been to endure that situation.

And I am of the perspective that wanting to explore these relationships is not a bad thing. It is complex, it can be interesting. You can learn a lot about the characters and how they think, process the world, view themselves, their relationships with other characters– and sometimes even yourself. But unfortunately a lot of that nuance can get easily lost and thought I don’t doubt there are some very interesting things out there that take the time to do that, in the more widespread fandom it gets oversimplified and lost.

Don’t even get me started on those who think they should reconcile/get back together. Maybe they don’t know how it’s like to be in an abusive relationship, but getting back in contact with a person who was abusive in your life is an awful idea. Even if the person HAS actually genuinely changed (which… yeah I don’t know about you but I cannot see Bill changing in any significant way that would even make this an option) for the sake of the others sanity and ability to move forward in life.

I really like Ford, as someone who is autistic I see myself in him. I know a lot of people don’t like Ford (for some reasons more valid than others). But regardless- on the subject of his past relationship with Bill, the amount of victim blaming is baffling. It’s giving “they were mutually abusive” kind of thing. Like yes, we can point out, even criticize how it probably isn’t a good idea to recite ancient enchantments outloud, or whatever you wanna point out. But I actually don’t care what he did to get himself in that situation. He was vulnerable, tricked, taken advantage of and mistreated (to put it lightly). This guy is in your MIND, in your head- literally! Not only did he psychologically torment him, mess with his literal thoughts and memories, hurt his body. I cannot imagine how badly that can mess you up. Now imagine after all that, after literally killing the guy, he’s like… Sixer come back. Even if he had changed for the better (which he has NOT like i said before) why would you want to associate yourself with someone who hurt you (and others!) so badly. And even if some codependent part of you did want it back, I’d argue that’s even more of a reason to stay away because that can only lead to things getting worse.

I’m not going anywhere else with this anymore, just a rant. Thanks for reading lol

You're welcome.

And I agree. I DO think the abusive nature of their relationship deserves exploration, and it IS canon Ford was abused by Bill. Explore that. Explore Ford's trauma. Explore how he heals from that.

It's when people act like it's a cute romantic ship, or boil it down to "toxic/mutually toxic"...like no. It is straight up horrifically abusive, with Bill as the abuser and Ford as the victim. Reading Journal 3 was unsettling in regards to Bill and Ford's relationship because of the abuse.

Reading TBOB was terrifying because of the abuse and torture. I was legitimately afraid for Ford during...certain parts...of TBOB. And TBOB is, you know, a book.

I can't imagine what it would be like to actually live through an experience like that.

And yet people continue to victim blame Ford, and it makes me want to pull my hair out. The way people victim blame Ford because he summoned Bill despite the vague cave wall warnings is just basically them going "you were warned he was bad news, so it's your fault for dating him in the first place". I think we all agree that's a horrible thing to say to a domestic violence victim. And given that Ford's relationship with Bill has been paralleled in canon to an abusive relationship, the same can be applied here. It's a terrible thing to say about Ford, who was literally abused by Bill. Abuse is never the victim's fault.

And yeah, getting back with your abuser is NEVER a good idea.

And while people CAN change, Bill shows no desire to. That was...pretty obvious in TBOB. He refuses to change, so I really don't see him as redeemable.

Honestly the fandom's victim blaming of Ford is giving me flashbacks to the BMC fandom and NOT in a good way.

[lemonhemlock]

THANK YOU I AGREE WITH YOUR AEMOND POST 1 MILLION %. Some of the replies are so frustrating, all you were doing is discussing the writers' decisions this season regarding Aemond, and how simplistic it would be for Aemond's motivations to betray Aegon to be based on the brothel scene. You put into words everything wrong with Aemond's arc this season and I tremendously agree! I feel that the writers are flip-flopping with Aemond and Aegon's relationship, first they were enemies as children, then Aemond lost his eye and they seemed to be on the same page, then AEGON'S SON WAS VICIOUSLY BRUTALLY MURDERED AND AEMOND IS (besides showing no character evolution driven remorse to speak of) BACK TO HATING AEGON AGAIN?! THAT'S HIS BROTHER. HIS NEPHEW. HIS SISTER'S KID. Aemond had zero fucks to give!

The fandom's reaction to Aemond has been so embarrassing! Why is he not held accountable for ANYTHING. EVER. I defended Aemond all through S1 and will always defend him from TB but HE'S A GROWN MAN NOW. He just doesn't show empathy for Aegon after Jahaerys' death, your brother is grieving and he swears Aegon is his King and he's his hitman and he will always serve his ass. IF THEY HAVE AEMOND MURDER AEGON BECAUSE HE TEASED HIM IN A BROTHEL WHAT EVEN IS THIS. Really bad writing. Really cringe too.

So don't worry there are some of us who whole heartedly agree with you and don't coddle Aemond a grown man, with the same standards season after season and hold him accountable for the sin of hoping he grows as a character even if he is heading for a darker turn.

thank you so much, anon, for this unexpected reply, as i'm hanging out at the airport with not much to do 😅

yeah, i think that, ON PAPER, aemond turning on his brother as a result of years of bullying is believable, sure, BUT. the bullying truly needs to be horrific to explain away the urge to commit basically three of the most grievous crimes in westeros: kingslaying, kinslaying and usurpation. like. no one takes those things lightly. and, i'm sorry, but teasing just doesn't cut it. i think that a lot of people may be kind of projecting their own personal grievances with school bullies onto aemond, which is natural to an extent, but they have to step back a little and realise that being rude or hurtful to someone just doesn't, in any way, merit a reaction so disproportionate that it amounts to soul-drenching crimes

in that regard, last season i was 100% on aemond's side as well, because, well, MUTILATION might warrant such an escalation in violence. compared to all that pent-up anger aemond felt for luke, the aegond rivalry is just not really well done. it COULD have been, but, without having seen ep 4, it feels very milquetoast and, most of all, unearned.

honestly, i think gwen emphasized really well the fact that we're in a fandom obsessed with their headcanons and brainrot, to the extent that it becomes difficult to separate the backstory one has created for some character with what has actually appeared on screen. what we've seen so far has only been mockery, and i get that, when you're a kid, it's very difficult to go through, but we are talking about murdering your sibling here. i mean, no, i don't think "it makes perfect sense". ALSO. pointing that out doesn't mean you're invalidating the trauma of bullying victims, let us please separate people's real experiences from fictional experiences, which 1. are fake and 2. can be improperly presented in media, which is what we are critiquing in the first place

on a final note, i have had people on my post clinging to this idea that, just because the writers had aemond say (in the most bored tone in existence) that he regrets "the business with luke" (or however the hell he phrases it) means that the writers want to communicate to us that he feels sorry over jaehaerys. please. they must either be aliens that are just now learning about human emotion OR they want to relay that aemond isn't really all that bothered fundamentally. his reaction is basically the stoned out version of this gif!

but, anyway, as dumb as aemond's reasons are or aren't, what ultimately brings the whole rivalry down is that they really didn't invest in creating any dramatic tension between these two. think of the scene at storm's end, it's the literal version of "you could have cut the tension in the room with a knife" and it's only a few minutes long. so it can be done. they just don't care OR, because of this stupid trend of reducing the number of episodes in a season, aegond was just one of those things that hit the cutting room floor. so we can all blame capitalism for rook's rest. 😅

[ammonite-collective]

TW: talk of OCD, intrusive thoughts, saliva, harming children

Disclaimer: If you feel you experience intrusive thoughts, consult a medical professional. This is not a replacement for therapy and I am not an expert, just someone with OCD talking about his experiences. I support self diagnosis but please do not diagnose yourself off of this post.

What is OCD?

I think everyone knows it stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder but what does that mean?

Well the main premise is an obsessive thought followed by a compulsion to “fix” the thought. Okay well what does that mean?

Here’s an example from my own experience.

The thought: I just shook hands with someone. They definitely had germs on their hand and now they’re on my hand. I’m going to catch a deadly disease from this person and die.

The compulsion: Washing my hands until the skin is red and raw.

If you don’t have OCD, you probably would just assume what we do makes no sense. You would be mostly correct. However, it makes sense to us. For someone who has OCD, these thoughts terrorize our every waking moment. We cannot go through a day without having an obsessive thought and needing to do something about it. Whether that thing makes any sense logically or not, is not important to us. It’s real for us.

I typically struggle with symmetry obsessions and contamination obsessions.

The way symmetry obsessions present is that I have to determine the exact middle of pretty much everything and blink when I find it. When I’m on the road, it’s typically telephone poles or whatever my brain determines is important. I don’t really have intrusive thoughts about this, it’s more immense discomfort and a horrible feeling of dread if I don’t do it. I also have to eat exactly the same amount on each side of my mouth. Say I have two green gummy bears and one orange. The green both go on opposites sides and I eat them simultaneously. The orange either gets my middle front teeth or I give it to someone else.

With contamination, it presented differently when I was a child and teen with obsessive hand washing and carrying around hand sanitizer with me. Unfortunately, I also experienced trauma related to this obsession and it changed to reflect the trauma. I cannot handle the idea of saliva. I just can’t. Sometimes it even applies to my own inside my own body. I can’t finish drinks in any container because I know that some of the liquid at the bottom is most likely saliva. Yes, it’s my own. I also cannot drink or eat after anyone. The idea that even tiny particles of saliva are on whatever they touched feels catastrophic to me. Sometimes I am able to kiss people, but if I’m having a particularly bad OCD day, I can’t. As listed above, this is partially due to the fear of disease and germs but it also has to do with the trauma I experienced.

Intrusive thoughts

This is where OCD tends to be the most misunderstood and stigmatized.

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts or mental images that make the person experiencing them distressed. Being upsetting is a requirement for an intrusive thought. If it is not upsetting, it’s not intrusive. They can also come with disorders that aren’t OCD but I am not knowledgeable on which ones.

Examples include: horrific images of loved ones dying, thoughts of harming others, or sexual imagery (must be unwanted).

Before I explain some of my intrusive thoughts, I must reinforce that intrusive thoughts are ALWAYS unwanted. They are things you would never want to happen and never do.

TW: intrusive thoughts of harming children for next paragraph

Some of my intrusive thoughts involve the fear of me hurting children or being a p*do. As a person who has experience sexual trauma, some of which while I was a child/young, these thoughts are the worst. Once I have this thought, my day is basically over. I can’t do anything that day and I absolutely cannot interact with a child. I tend to avoid children because I am scared I will hurt them. If I come across a child, these thoughts typically cross my mind and I need to walk away. “Was I creepy?” “Did I want to do something to that child?” I didn’t talk about these thoughts for years because I was terrified I was a bad person for having them. That I actually was a p*do and I needed to be far away from children. While I still feel this way sometimes as the nature of the disorder, I know in my heart that I am not bad. I love children and I want some in the future. I want to experience the ups and down of parenthood and I deserve to get that experience regardless of my disorder.

To people who don’t have OCD: The people you love with OCD deserve for you to be kind to them. Their disorder does not make them scary or unlovable. They are deserving of compassion, especially when they’re struggling.

To people with OCD: I love you. You are not weird or evil. I believe in you and I care for you. You are doing so great.

[therealslimshakespeare]

https://www.tumblr.com/precious-little-scoundrel/761057770755735552/for-me-im-20-so-im-a-good-two-years-older-than-lu

Apologies in advance for the rant, I know you’re inbox is bursting but I really just want to tell you that what you’ve said here about weaponized shame is so incredibly important to me. Another anon mentioned this, but I’ve always been so utterly invested in the detail that, she endures this horrific abuse and despite experiencing unbelievable amounts of trauma at such a young age, she holds it together remarkably well. And it’s not until the SS takes over and the degrading comments and the taunts begin that she sort of starts to lose it and struggle a little. The fact that she can endure the violence but it’s this that gets to her is just so painful and understandable. And the fact that the shame is so hurtful and impactful for her is SO relatable. And it makes so much sense that it’s her final straw when this sort of stuff begins against post-war during the smear campaign. And that it gets too much for her. So yeah, I just wanted to say that this whole concept of weaponized shame and the toll it takes on her and the fact that it’s almost more than the abuse itself is just so brilliant and important and special in my opinion.

I think so often about her crying to Ida and saying that she’d rather die than experience what she did with Ida with the boys. And no it’s not the whole thing, it’s not the abuse occurring again, but it breaks my heart that she has to go through the indignity of the comments and the dehumanization of being used to get at Bucky and Gale and Ida.

That’s exactly how I view it and want to weave it, yes!! It’s not happening again per say but it’s such a mirror and it’s devastating 😭

[historicity-was-already-taken]

This morning I picked up my paper copy of the New York Times and I was greeted by an extremely graphic article about rape as warfare in Israel/Palestine on the front page. I put the paper down, but it got me thinking about the value of reading about violence. When is reading these testimonies bearing witness to history, and when is it masochism? How do you discern between productive discomfort and unnecessary anguish?

I don't expect you to have the answer to these because they are such immense questions and also things vary from person to person, but I am interested to hear your thoughts on the issue as a historian who is outspoken about the effects of secondhand trauma through genocide research. My degree isn't in history, but I'm an aspiring museum professional (if the job market isn't too cruel, lol. I'm open to other careers but I'm passionate about weaving archival materials into public storytelling so *gestures vaguely*). I also have a really thin skin. I tend to avoid graphic depictions/descriptions of violence, but sometimes I wonder what I'm missing by avoiding that.

Anyway! Feel free to answer this privately, publicly, or not at all if you're swamped with other things. Thank you for running such an informative and interesting blog!

Hi! Sorry this was buried in my inbox.

It's a good question, and I'm not sure how to answer it in regard to contemporary, ongoing events, vs. history. I do think that the 24/7 news cycle has exposed us all to an amount of suffering and stressful information that we're not like...designed to be able to handle.

So I'm going to answer you like a museum professional, and use that shared language. Back in 2009/10 I was a Collections Management Intern at the 9/11 Memorial and Museum. This was before it opened to the public. While I was mostly cataloging, the staff was great about letting us listen on on ongoing higher level conversations.

I'm putting the rest of this under a cut, for reason which will be clear when you read what's under said cut.

Now, two of the (imo) most traumatic aspects of the history of that day, is 1) the photographs and footage of people who jumped from above the impact zones; and 2) the audio from phone calls and voicemails made from inside the planes, inside the towers, etc.

The museum handled those by making them optional. You want to listen to the last thing a woman in an office above the impact zone will say to her child? Ok. You have to make the choice to pick up audio mechanism, and press play. You want to watch footage of people jumping to their deaths to avoid burning to death? You have to make the specific choice to walk into a cordoned off vestibule, and view that material.

If you choose not to listen, or watch, you're not ignoring those histories or refusing to bear witness. You're fully cognizant of the fact that they happened, and you're simply choosing not to expose yourself to traumatic content. Bearing witness doesn't mean traumatizing yourself for the sake of bearing witness, you know?

I think it's enough to know that certain horrific things happened. Going that next step, looking at them, that's not necessary, and can't be rushed. When I was in undergrad I chose to focus on Ancient Near Eastern History as opposed to WW2 and the Holocaust because I know I wasn't ready to look too closely. I wasn't even really ready in grad school. It's really in the last 5/6 years that I've been able to do it. And I still don't think I'll ever be able to engage with detailed material about medical experimentation. But I know it happened. I know it was horrifying, and that's enough.

So, back to news media. I didn't see/read that article, but what I can say is that I appreciate when newspapers decline to put certain kinds of images on the front pages, and give the reader the option to look or not to look. I also appreciate when you're reading articles online, and you have to click multiple times to explicitly consent to view disturbing images.