#going on a bit of a rant here but i used to love star wars to like an INSANE degree but all the new content has ruined it for me

[home-and-having-tea]

DinBo is the new Reylo and I mean that in the least positive way possible

[salmalin]

My sincerest apologies and warmest welcome to my rant about FF7: Crisis Core. Or, as I like to call it,

Propaganda: The Video Game

I say this with the utmost affection. Crisis Core ranks really high up there in my favorite Final Fantasy 7 installments. I played it when it first came out, borrowing it from a friend to play on a borrowed PSP. And, the more I learn about the game and the more I replay it, the more everything lines up.

This game is not about Zack Fair.

This game is about how Capitalistic Propaganda can sink into every aspect of life to the point where it is entirely indistinguishable from reality. And it’s very overt about it. So…

Here we go.

My treatise on Propaganda’s starring role in Crisis Core.

Part One: The Timeline

Something that a lot of people gloss over due to decades of Child Heroes in media—Japanese Shonen and Shoujo series in particular—is how young these protagonists are. We’ll hand-wave a lot of stuff in non-live-action series with just a little bit of suspension of disbelief. And that’s honestly just accepted these days. But here’s the thing about those hand-waves.

Final Fantasy 7 doesn’t do that.

Now, FF7 hand-waves a lot of stuff. For example, how far you can travel in a day by foot, the distance a man weighing approximately 165lbs can jump after being genetically fused with what might as well be a cocaine demon (Jenova), and how much hairspray one can reasonably carry on a cross-country journey while on the run from the feds.

Age is not one of them.

Exhibit A: Yuffie Kisaragi.

Do I really need to say more? She acts her age. So does Zack. And Aerith, even. Most of the characters in the original lineup were over twenty for a good reason. We see several kids in the series, and they all act their age, too—both the OG and the remake. Age is not a thing that FF7 really grapples with. It’s something they take relatively seriously.

Now, to the point.

Zack is 16 when Crisis Core starts…

… and he was 13 when he ran away from home without his parents’ knowledge to join the military.

Which accepted him.

At 13.

Without a parental permission slip.

Think about that for a second.

… Or for the next several parts of this breakdown.

Part Two: The Main Character

As I mentioned in the introduction, Zack is not the main character of the events of Crisis Core. Instead, he is the focal point of the second person POV. This is not the first time Square has done this. It was done most notably with FF9, FF10, and FF12. (I’m not going to go on an Akira Kurosawa rant right now, but please check out his film “The Hidden Fortress”. FF12 and Star Wars episodes 4-6 borrow heavily from this film.) The purpose and position of this character is such that they might best witness the effects the other characters make on the world as their stories unfold, usually in the role of a love interest. For Akira Kurosawa, it may have been told this way because these people are most effected by the decisions being made.

“Well, then, Sal,” you may be asking, “who would you say is the main character? Would that be Aerith, since she’s the love interest, like in the other games?”

No, actually.

It’s the antagonist.

And by that, I mean Genesis.

Hear me out. I used to hate Genesis, for I was once young, full of judgement for flamboyancy (thanks, internalized homophobia), and was led by the narrative to believe he was mean to his friends. Then I met my Lovely beta who loved him, so I wrote a fic for her as a gift. So for that I kinda just… read stuff. Because that’s the thing about Propaganda—you gotta read stuff to navigate it. I read the in-game emails. I re-watched all the scenes I could get my hands on with him. I read his wiki and tried to track down more information about him. Then I watched the scenes in Japanese and gained a better understanding of not just Genesis, but Sephiroth’s character. And I realized that Genesis was put on this road from the start. In fact, a big part of the fact that he’s seen the way he is in Canon—only at his most hostile and lowest points—is because the story is told through Zack’s point of view.

So before we get into the breakdown, here’s the hard facts about Genesis.

1. He was a test tube baby who may or may not technically be Angeal’s fraternal twin brother, which we are not going to unpack right now.

2. He was adopted by a relatively rich family.

3. He was a child genius (which requires not only resources, but drive to achieve), and at a tender young age of like… ten or something? He decided to mess around and literally invented pasteurization. Which is incredible, and really speaks to his knowledge of the world and ability to grasp complex concepts even at a young age. But, again, this is not the time or place to unpack that.

4. He was best friends with Angeal, who might as well have been the sweetest, kindest boy to ever walk the Planet. (I’m biased. I love him.)

5. As a teenager, he became fixated on Sephiroth, who had gained national acclaim as a SOLDIER despite them being the same age. (Please see part 1 and think about that for a second.) He then goes to join SOLDIER and brings Angeal with him. And Angeal brings his step-father’s puritanical “hard work is honorable” mindset with him. (On that note, Angeal and his father’s arc really are a wonderfully scathing letter to companies that overwork their employees and how toxic/unhealthy that line of thinking is. But. Again. We are not unpacking that right now.)

6. At one point he became consumed with LOVELESS, a series of poems with heavy prose and symbolism thicker than syrup. It got to the point where he was so well known for it that there was an entire fanclub dedicated to both him and analyzing the text.

7. While he was in SOLDIER, he repeatedly had his achievements publicly accredited… to Sephiroth.

Over and over and over again.

Everyone did, really. They mention it in the beginning of the game. Sephiroth even got public credit for Zack’s raid on the castle when he wasn’t even there. How much of his legacy is real? How much of it is made up? How much of it was faked? We don’t know. No one knows. But he keeps getting credit, anyways. And when Genesis confronts him about it, Sephiroth doesn’t care. In the Japanese version of their fight scene, you could even say he indirectly implies that he wants Genesis to take his place as the “hero”. In the English, Sephiroth’s line is, “Come and try.” But in the Japanese the line is closer to, “Wouldn’t that be nice?” Which, depending on how you take his tone, can mean wildly different things—from mocking, to earnest, or even admiration—which is especially to tell because he might be annoyed with Genesis at the moment.

Fun Fact: In Ever Crisis, Sephiroth explicitly says they are making up his achievements in the press to target boys his age for recruitment. (Thus why they accepted Zack at age 13.)

My theory on this line is that he is being cynical; that Genesis doesn't understand just how harrowing and even humiliating his experience has been. This only enforces my theory that the "come and try" translation in the English not only does a disservice to a line as wonderfully heavy as, "Wouldn't that be nice?", but fundamentally misunderstands Sephiroth as a character.

8. Genesis then took the fight to Shin-Ra. Inspiring a good chunk of their staff to leave the company, he then staged multiple attacks on facilities, staff, and the main building—which also spilled out into the city of Midgar. He murdered his parents, buried them, killed everyone in town, and… Yeah. It wasn’t pretty. A lot of innocent people died simply because they were vaguely associated with Shin-Ra. These are the actions of a villain. What’s more, this is clearly a sign that he has been acclimatized to death and violence by Shin-Ra to the point where he doesn’t even consider taking hostages.

Except.

Except the entire town was a Shin-Ra town.

Banora, canonically, was a Shin-Ra built town, which means everyone there was basically an employee of the company. No one was safe. Everyone was a threat. And that…

That was how he was raised. And he finally knew the truth—that every moment of his life was touched, controlled by Shin-Ra, all the way down to his very conception. He has never known freedom. He has never known his own identity. And now that very cage was killing him, slowly and painfully, and turning him into something that couldn’t even be recognized as human. He was watching himself rot in the mirror, and it was all because of Shin-Ra’s greed. And as he searched for salvation, he sunk into LOVELESS as he always had, hinging his entire life on Minerva’s Gift because he knew he was dying and that was all he had.

9. And then he died…

10. … but then it turned out LOVELESS was actually kind of a blueprint, and he did meet the Goddess, and he did get reborn without his degradation so he was rewarded for his journey in the end.

So why wasn’t Genesis the main character of the game?

Simple.

His actions challenge the status quo without being about the status quo. It’s a story about revenge. It’s a story about retribution. It’s a story about answering mass violence with mass violence and ultimately being rewarded by it. And while, yes, the series is an action-based violence simulator, the violence in the original FF7 was a guided, tactical effort. (For all that the characters aren’t the brightest bulbs in the sun lamps.) But the biggest, most obvious shift in the narrative happened when they realized their role as terrorists—bringing mass violence to the company via bombing and open aggression—was just resulting in increasing levels of retaliation against uninvolved people. They might as well have been a child beating the ankles of a giant. The goals and themes of the game fundamentally change when they realize that answering mass-scale societal violence with mass-scale physical violence was not only unsustainable, but also wasn’t going to solve their problem.

FF7 is about change and learning when violence—and what kind of violence—is appropriate in the face of different threats.

Genesis’ arc undermines all of that, and making him the main character would contradict the very heart of the OG game.

So, instead, we are positioned as Zack, connected to him through a mutual friend. From there we see all the damage and horror this vengeance brings to those living under the status quo.

But also, that plotline’s a major downer in a lot of ways, so they needed to lighten things up a bit to keep audience involved. And that’s why Zack is, well…

Part Three: Zack is a Himbo

Please, for the love of all that is holy, keep in mind that everything I say here is with the utmost affection.

Zack is dumb as a rock.

He is a charismatic, enthusiastic sixteen year old jock who ran away from home at thirteen years old to join the military. Which, please know, why I say “military” I mean “private security guard force with a standard-issue Death Baton and a license to kill”. The first scene in the game is him being excited that he gets to murder a bunch of people in a simulation, which he is immediately scolded for by his mentor. He is a glorified, souped up private security guard who is canonically only in it for the glory at first. He wants to be a “hero”, but doesn’t seem to fundamentally know what that means. And, over the course of the story, the definition of that clearly changes for him.

Which tracks, because the story takes place over a period of time with high stress.

Occasionally I see people saying they wish that Zack had more complexity to him, and honestly? The game. Would be. SO. BAD.

Full Disclosure: I am not the biggest fan of Zack specifically because he lacks a lot of nuance. I wish he was a bit more complex, too. But I also know that would break the game. What’s worse, if he was still on Shin-Ra’s side because he understood Shin-Ra’s mission… Well… That would make him a villain, or a cog at best. That’s not main character material. It would make the ending more messed up, though.

Anywho, Zack was thirteen when he left home. He had no formal education. He didn’t tell anyone what he was doing. He even joined without a permission slip from his parents. This means that Shin-Ra was accepting thirteen, possibly fourteen year olds into the military. (Some people will say this tracks because you can get a job at fourteen in many parts of Japan. But, and this is important, you aren’t allowed to be a security guard until you’re quite a bit older, and you need a specific license for it, much like in the US.) Clearly they didn’t teach this boy critical thinking skills. Not because he’s a himbo, but because having their Super-Powered Private Security Force With A License To Kill think independently would explicitly go against their interests. (EX: Genesis.)

Shin-Ra needs SOLDIERs to follow orders or the company would no longer be able to function. Seconds and Thirds aren’t even allowed to reject missions. (One could argue that sending certain someone on back-to-back missions would be a good way for them to eliminate undesirables within the ranks by sending them to their deaths, which… would make an incredible fic idea, actually.) We already know that First, Second, and Third Class rank assignments do not actually reflect the power of the SOLDIER. This is canon. I would instead argue that those who make the rank of First Class aren’t necessarily the most powerful, but are instead the most visible in the media, thus the easiest to market, and/or the easiest to manipulate and control. (For a great example of this, see The Umbrella Academy.)

The point is, Zack may have been elevated to his position as a first specifically because he is malleable and single-minded. Even after all he saw with Genesis, he stuck by the company to the very end, with the exception of the time Sephiroth was literally guiding him to fail a mission. Zack allowed himself to take Shin-Ra’s side every time, taking down their enemies and following their orders, preserving his “honor as SOLDIER” as he had been taught. The only thing that made him stop…

… was literally getting put in a jar.

It was when he was no longer a SOLDIER.

Part Four: Honor

There is no such thing as SOLDIER Honor.

I repeat: There is no such thing as SOLDIER Honor.

It is a fictional thing that is borne of an ideology based around hard work. It only has power because it is believed in. It is an intangible social construct similar to the law, mathematical order of operations, and gender roles. So why are Angeal and Zack obsessed with it?

Pretty simple.

Angeal’s step-father followed it.

Now, we know three things about Angeal’s step-father.

1. He was chill with the fact that Gillian was already pregnant when they started dating.

2. He was a very good father.

3. He worked himself to death trying to pay off the sword he bought Angeal.

This, of course, says a lot about Angeal considering he rarely uses the sword. He essentially sees that sword as the symbol of his step-father’s life. Everything he uses it for, he sees as more important than his step-father’s life. That thing is usually Zack.

Zack, who is the child who joined the military based on stories of heroes.

Zack, who rises against Angeal in the name of his own step-father’s ideology and tries to talk him down, even at the very end. But Zack fails because he fundamentally doesn’t understand what’s going on, partially because “Soldier Honor” is just one more aspect of this narrative he was given. It is a narrative that Angeal has had to step away from, even though he doesn’t want to leave the memory of his step-father behind. He was a good man. He was a good, hardworking man.

And that is why he died.

Corporations will use you up until there is nothing left, then honor your memory/sacrifice. Shin-Ra was doing the exact same thing the company his step-father worked for did; using up SOLDIERs until they outlived their usefulness. And Angeal was horrified to realize that his “SOLDIER Honor” wasn’t honor at all.

It was willingly submitting to control.

But, unlike Angeal, over time, this meaning changed for Zack. Partially because he didn't understand it fully in the first place. It became about acting with integrity. It became about helping people. It became about not lying down and watching the abuse Shin-Ra handed out in exchange for literal money; for maintaining the status quo.

At the very end, Zack understood what it meant to be a hero.

Part Five: The Conclusion

To sum up, Zack believed in and idolized the propaganda spread by Shin-Ra at such a young age, and was so convinced by it, that he ran away from home at thirteen to join the military.

He was their target demographic, so they happily took him into their ranks. What’s more, people think this is normal enough that we see no one opposing this, because the only people who oppose Shin-Ra are “extremists” or “violent terrorists”.

Zack then became their loyal puppy, groomed to fill his role as super-powered attack dog to sick on anyone they deemed appropriate, and he filled the role. He believed he was doing good. He didn’t think they were invading another country, because that’s not what he was told.

He went after Genesis, because that’s what he was told, and he wouldn’t let Genesis’ actions shake his faith in the company.

Then he went after Angeal, hoping to get answers, only to become more confused. Angeal taught him about SOLDIER honor. He taught him about a higher calling. He was the one who made Zack truly loyal to the company. This challenged everything Zack knew.

He went with Sephiroth, planning a small rebellion of their own (a white lie on paperwork) to get answers, only to find things he wasn’t ready for and couldn’t fully understand.

Zack is shaken by each of these events. Horribly. At times, we even watch him grieve. But time and time again, he doesn’t leave the company. He sees the damage they do first hand, and he doesn’t leave the company. The company isn’t the problem, to him. He reads their emails, does their dirty work, and “maintains his SOLDIER honor”.

Zack swallows what they give him right up until what they give him is torture.

Zack swallows what they give him until he becomes their victim.

Every step of the way, Zack is fed a story of how the world is. He was raised on it. He lived it. He became part of it. He was paid peanuts to enforce the status quo Shin-Ra installed in the world by force, and he was proud of it because it was, to him, something to be proud of.

Zack believes the propaganda whole-sale, and we get to watch, from the point of view of an outsider, as it slowly destroys his life before killing him.

Propaganda has the power to make suffering normal. Propaganda has the power to make murder righteous. Propaganda has the power to take a thirteen year old boy out of his home so they can give him a sword, and when they point him in the direction of their enemies he charges of his own volition, because they made him believe in their cause. And he believes in their cause because he believes that it makes life better for everyone.

But that’s not what’s actually happening.

That’s just what he was told.

Crisis Core is about propaganda, and the depths to which it can affect our lives. It changes our belief systems. It changes our perceptions of reality. And when it’s torn down around our eyes, it can make us go insane. It can make us violent and unreasonable as we realize just how much violence is being forced upon us—violence other people just plain do not see. It's just a a piece of paper. It's just a law. It's just a job.

It's just a war.

Final Fantasy 7 was about Fascism.

Crisis Core is about the propaganda that built it. It is told from the point of view of a boy, then a man, steeped in it. He watches until the people suffering around him—Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal—are twisted into villains by the truths and lies around them. Genesis and Angeal are tortured by truths, Sephiroth is transformed by lies, and Zack is subsequently hunted down to conceal them.

Crisis Core is Propaganda: The Video Game.

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

In Every Life Time

Description: In every life time, you lost him. But in this one, each part of him you lost you find once more, staring back at you with a bit of each one you loved in each life time.

Percy has had many nightmares ever since he was young, especially since coming to camp Half Blood and being claimed as a son of Poseidon.

But he never liked any other dreams like these ones.

Percy would lay in bed, drift off only to end up somewhere else. Somewhere familiar. Somewhere he liked and somewhere he wasn't in a rush to leave.

Unlike the others before, this was different, but the same all at once.

Percy sat in a field, it was dark out, but the fireflies in the air lit up the sky unlike the stars did.

And Percy was breath taken once more as he stared at the same Goddess he saw every night sitting under the same willow rree, dressed in a white and gold trimmed Greek styled dress.

This time, the Goddess didn't look very...Goddes-Like. She looked younger, the same he always sees her as, but this time she felt it. Like in this dream, she wasn't a Goddess. The very first fifteen years of her life.

Like she was normal, younger, an actual teenager relaxing under a willow tree.

A boy in similar Greek clothing held his head in her lap, smiling up at the Goddess as if she had hung the sun up herself, hung the stars and painted the sky right before him.

Percy knew that look. He saw it every time in glimpses shared between the woman and all of the ones before, every single one different but the same all at once.

He looked a bit just like every one of them.

The same nose as the wood nymph from three dreams ago he had, the same green eyes as the Olympian from six dreams ago he had, black hair like the boy who ran around with a much younger goddess he had, the first dream he had of her.

“I would like to stay here.” Percy could make out the paint words, knowing what the man would say even before he spoke.

He saw the goddess speak, and like before, saw a look of sadness in her eyes as she smoothed her hand over the man's wild and messy hair. Hair just like Percys.

“I…I would like that as well…but we can't.” The goddess said, an almost distant look in her eyes before the warrior took her hand, kissing the back of it softly with a sigh.

“Why? You always say that like you're one step ahead. Why can I not?”

“I- I do not know. But...You will find out soon enough.”

And before Percy knew it, the all too well love scene before him faded in battle cries, swords clanging together and shouts of war.

Percy was in the middle of a battlefield, Gods and Goddess's fighting side by side and some against one another, fires roaring all around, he couldn't make out many faces, the ash burning in his lungs as he coughed.

Only thing he could see were her tears. Her tears as she held a limp, and very much so, dead and familiar man in her lap, brushing her thumbs against his cheeks as she said a silent prayer, her forehead to his almost as if it could bring him back.

She didn't sob, but he could hear her almost silent whispers.

"We should have stayed under our tree. I'm so sorry, my love. Please...find me when you are ready."

And just like that, Percy woke up with the bed shaken as Tyson woke him up, dragging him out of bed, to breakfast, and along the way to Annabeth and Grover with the goat boy he called his best friend, almost tap dancing in what seemed to be joy.

“Percy! I- we got chosen!”

“...What?”

Percy didn't expect for Grover to go on a rant about how the upcoming war was brewing, like he didn't already know.

Annabeth even had to cut in as Grover ran out of breath, giving the boy a moment before he started up again.

“Olympus needs all the warriors they can get. And they chose us to find the Goddess of (Create something you like bc idk)!” Grover fanboyed.

“Who?” Percy asked, confused at his friend's behavior and having never heard of that one. He's heard of, and fought, many gods and goddesses, but he's sure that one would've stuck if he crossed that bridge.

“The Goddess of (you choose).” Annabeth re-stated. “She used to be a mortal, but was captured during a really, really bad war and since the ones who captured her were fighting the gods, they punished her with immortality until-”

Annabeth cut herself off.

“Until what?” Percy probed with a frown, not wanting anyone to withhold information from him anymore.

“Until something. Her story doesn't go on from that, the ones that took her never said where she was. Even after they were sent to the Underworld and punished, she's been missing ever since!” Grover finished, almost shaking Percy by the shoulders.

Percy finally got it.

“So- we have to find her?”

“Yeah! Just like when we found Pan- but this can't be like that. This time, she is alive!” Grover insisted.

“We don't know that.” Annabeth sighed.

“Yes, we do!” Grover wasn't living this down and wasn't letting Annabeth either. “I know it, and we are gonna find her!”

And that's how Percy was dragged along the state, searching the skies, the gardens, underground, in every mythical and every sacred place he could think of.

Until, finally, Grover has led them to a garden of lights. For a seemingly prison, Percy has to admit, it didn't look like it.

Deers laid in the grass, birds chirped to their heart's desire, animals frolicking in the grass, koi and any other fish you could name in a waterfall so clear you could see to the bottom that glowed in the light.

It almost looked real. So surreal Percy didn't expect it. Especially when he leaned a bit too close, and a fish jumped up and scared him, falling back into the lake with a groan and his butt soaked.

He heard Annabeth and Grover yelp, their feet clashing with the water as they ran down after him.

He groaned as Annabeth and Grover dragged him to stand up, he almost barely noticed as both his friends froze in the middle of helping him, and a breeze went just past him.

No, not past him. It seemed to go over his entire body, around his arms, legs, messing up his already wild and black hair, feeling it on his nose, cheeks, lips and his eyes.

“Percy…”

Percy could barely make out Grovers whisper, his friend catching Percy's attention barely.

Percy looked between Annabeth and Grover, confused before he looked to see they were staring at a willow tree. Or, more like under the Willow tree.

Percy could feel his breath taken once more like in his dreams, seeing the same girl from them looking right back at him with the same look on her face

[frommybookbook]

Earlier today, some friends and I were discussing one of those Star Trek captains memes. You know the ones I’m talking about, the ones that pit the captains against each other with pithy descriptions that glorify and champion the men and shit on Janeway. The ones where Picard is describe as the wise teacher and scholarly diplomat; Kirk is the brave trailblazer and lovable rogue; Sisko is the take-no-shit commander and more-than-human uniter; Archer is the quick thinking explorer and the avenging do-gooder; Pike is the empathetic Boy Scout and the quippy everyman…and Janeway is an irrational murderer and erratic loose canon. And, as usual, I went on a bit of a rant. They (looking at you @redsesame, @epersonae, and @emi--rose) told me to share it here so, if you trudge through this whole thing, blame them.

Does Janeway make some questionable decisions throughout VOY (Prodigy!Janeway is a different conversation for another time)? Yes, absolutely. But here’s the thing: every captain does. What I still love about her though and will champion until I'm blue in the face is that Janeway owns her decisions more than I think any other captain does.

Picard and Kirk hide behind the Prime Directive a lot. That's the reasoning Picard gives for not interfering in the drug running in “Symbiosis” and leaving the Ornarans trapped in dependence on the abusive Brekkans. His line, “Beverly, the Prime Directive is not just a set of rules. It is a philosophy, and a very correct one. History has proved again and again that whenever mankind interferes with a less developed civilization, no matter how well-intentioned that interference may be, the results are invariably disastrous." is a cop-out we hear from him time and time again, especially to Dr. Crusher, as she is the one who most often calls him on his bullshit.

Kirk does the same thing. We still this when he leaves Shanna and the other thralls behind in "The Gamesters of Triskelion" and when he forces Elaan of Troyius into a marriage she clearly doesn't want because it's "for a greater good." And all the while, he's got Spock at his side giving him confirmation bias that he's following regulations.

And Sisko, Sisko makes some of the most horrific and destructive decisions of any captain and uses not only the Prime Directive to fall back on, but he's got the Dominion War to blame. He poisons an entire planet to get back at one man he feels betrayed him in "For the Uniform" and don't even get me started on his actions in "In the Pale Moonlight".

Enterprise is so unjustly shat on by the fandom that I almost hate to bring some of Archer's questionable choices into this conversation but I'm going to do it anyway. Similar to Sisko and the Dominion War, Archer has the threat of the Xindi in his back pocket to excuse some of his worst behavior. If Tuvix is the worst thing people can point to for Janeway, then we have to talk about Archer and Sim, the simbiont created solely to be a living tissue donor for an injured Trip, a procedure that will kill the living, breathing, sentient Sim. Archer orders Sim created against the arguments made by Dr. Phlox. He rationalizes his decision with the same argument for the greater good that we see from all the others. He says to T'Pol before Sim is created "…we've got to complete this mission. Earth needs Enterprise. Enterprise needs Trip. It's as simple as that." And it doesn't end there. When Sim is grown enough for the procedure and has figured out what's going to happen to him, he challenges Archer himself, arguing for his own right to live, and Archer sticks to his guns. This exchange directly between Archer and Sim is haunting.

Archer: I must complete this mission; and to do that, I need Trip. Trip! I'll take whatever steps necessary to save him. Sim: Even if it means killing me? Archer: Even if it means killing you. Sim: You're not a murderer. Archer: Don't make me one.

Not only do all of these captains (except Archer, who arguably writes the damn thing himself at the end of the series) have the Prime Directive to fall back on, they also have Starfleet/the Federation/Vulcan High Council right there on speed dial to validate their choices and hear their excuses and give them another commendation. They all know that ultimately, they can turn to someone higher in command to turn to for help.

Janeway is alone. She is alone with her crew 70,000 lightyears from home with only her training and her own moral compass to guide her. Yes, she claims the Prime Directive a lot but she also goes with what she feels is right and she is clear about that with her crew. When she makes the decision to split Tuvix, despite what everyone else says, she sticks to it and more importantly, does the procedure herself. Picard would have forced Beverly to do it, saying Doctor I gave you an order, your conscience be damned, and Archer does the same to Phlox with Sim, but Janeway takes the tool out of the Doctor's hand and says it's my call, I'll do it. When everyone is angry and mad about her destroying the Caretaker's array, she stands up for her decision and says yes, I did it, because it's what my Starfleet training said to do AND because I think it was the right thing and it's on me to make the hard choices.

She also can admit when she made the wrong decision, which isn't something we see from the other captains. In the season 5 opener, "Night", we see her in a depressive state because she's questioning her decision to effectively strand her crew in the Delta quadrant but she comes out of it when she's reminded by her senior staff that the crew believes in her and trusts her, she should do the same for herself. When the Doctor has a mental crisis in "Latent Image" after questioning his own choice to save the life of Harry Kim over that of another crew member, Janeway admits she did the wrong thing by first deleting his memories of it so he could get back to work and then sits with him for days while he works through it because that's what captains do.

And she does all of this without the backup and support of Starfleet. She doesn't have anyone higher on the chain of command. She's 70,000 miles away from the admiralty and her support system. There's no one higher than her to give her a break from making every decision.

To quote my fellow Missourian Harry Truman, for Janeway the buck stops with her in a way it doesn't for any other captain and she is painfully aware of that and owns that and that is why I love her and she's my captain.

[im-sleepdeprived]

Crazier • Pt. 1

pairing: mcu!peter parker x reader

a/n: this is a series ! prob 3 parts im thinking (i think im back AH), editing took me 10000 years actually so if there's something wrong PLEASE don't tell me !!! :D

warnings: umm just me not knowing anything about star wars, girls support girls<3, mentions of breakup, honestly theres nothing wrong but i think i said 'shit' like twice if you give a shit lmfao

"There's no way you actually think 'Return Of The Jedi' is better than 'The Empire Strikes Back'. Like, come on dude, it's so obvious which is better," Ned exclaimed, obviously feeling very strongly about the little debate he had currently going on with Peter. 

However, Peter couldn't have been more nonchalant. "Listen, man, I love debating with you but I know where I stand and this is where I draw the line," he shrugged.

Ned opened his mouth, no doubt to argue some more with his best friend, when his gaze shifted to you, "Hey man, maybe we should talk about something Y/N can enjoy too."

That made your head snap up from where you were just toying with the food on your tray. "Don't worry about me guys," you forced a smile, "Honestly, I love watching Ned beat you into a pulp about movies," you looked at Peter. 

Peter put on his 'sad-puppy-dog-face', "Ouch babe. You're supposed to side with me here, I'm your boyfriend after all." 

"Well, I would've sided with you if you hadn't bailed on me when we were supposed to watch the movies together the other night. If you'd been there then I would've been able to contribute to this conversation and agree with who I genuinely thought was right, which at this moment, I believe, is Ned." 

Ned grinned at you from across the table and you two high-fived while Peter just pouted some more, "I'm sorry sweetheart, I really am but y'know I had the internship."

You rolled your eyes, "Of course, I know that. At this point the surprising thing is whenever you don't have that internship," you looked at Ned, "Dude, do you know how many dates and hangouts he's canceled on me? I feel like I should be able to sue at this point. Can you sue someone for wasting your time?"

Ned winced, "Pete, I love you man, but you need to start actually acting like her boyfriend otherwise you won't be her boyfriend for much longer."

Peter's eyes widened a bit but then his face quickly turned nonchalant, "It was just a few slip-ups, don't worry about it," he threw an arm around you and pulled you in, kissing the top of your head, "but you're right, we should talk about something we'd all enjoy."

Laughing, you said, "I told you guys, I enjoy hearing you debate because Ned is always-"

Peter threw a hand up, "Don't finish that sentence. I've had enough of you two fraternizing against me for the day."

You and Ned laughed some more, "Well honestly, you two can continue your...," you waved your hands, " 'old-couple-bickering' and I can scooch down a little and go hang out with M.J.."

Peter pulled you in closer at that, "No don't leave," he muttered in your hair. 

"Yeah," Ned started, "let's talk about something else like," he trailed off, "OH, you're managing the school play next week, right? That's gotta be interesting, tell us about that."

"It's really nothing 'Manager' is really just a fun name they stuck on me. Mrs. Lightbody does most of the work."

"Oh come on," Peter said, "when you first got the part, it was all you wanted to talk about. What happened?"

you happened, you thought. It's true, you had been too excited that you'd been chosen to be in charge of everything and you couldn't wait to rant to your boyfriend about just that. That was until he basically ignored you and shook it off as nothing, running away for the stark internship. You hadn't really wanted to talk about it with anybody after that. Maybe it wasn't as cool as you'd thought it was. 

You looked down and just shrugged, "Dunno, guess I just didn't think you guys would be interested in it. You've never really shown interest in theater before."

"Well, that was before my gorgeous girlfriend was in charge. Now, go on, tell us what it's like to get a bunch of theater kids on track."

You laughed, "God it's torture. I'm convinced it's some personalized hell made for someone's eternal punishment and I do not envy them."

Peter and Ned laughed along with you, Peter saying, "Yeah I bet. We all know how much you love your control."

You gasped, eyebrows furrowing, "Peter Parker are you saying I'm a control freak?"

He held up both of his hands in surrender, "No of course not babe," he traded a glance with Ned when you weren't looking. 

"Anyway," he propped an elbow on the table, rested his head on his palm, and made a motion with his other hand, "continue."

You looked at Ned, "Are you sure I'm not boring you," you asked, shoving your hand in Peter's face when he went to argue.

"Of course not Y/N! Wild, out-of-control theater kids is a favorite subject of mine," he grinned and you huffed a laugh. 

"Fine, it's not as easy as I thought'd it be I'll say that. There's always someone way out of line, either singing songs from musicals at the top of their lungs or fighting someone else with the props. One time a kid started climbing the curtain bags and it was disastrous."

You told them all the funny stories you had from the past rehearsals and how you couldn't wait for the upcoming ones. 

"Hey these sound fun how come I haven't been to one yet," Peter asked, referring to the rehearsals. 

You scoffed, "Please Parker, you can barely make it to a date. There's no way you're gonna make it to one of these."

Peter felt a wave of guilt rush over him. He'd been leaving you hanging a lot lately. 

"I'm sorry Y/N/N, really I am. But I want to come to one of these. I want to see you doing your thing. In fact, when's the next one I'll be there," he sounded so sure of himself but you weren't. 

"Um," you hesitated, not really sure if you should answer him, "They're every other day after school until opening night. But Peter, honestly, you don't have to come I know how busy your schedule is and you barely fit in things that you need to do, I seriously doubt you have the time to voluntarily do this," you told him, refusing to get your hopes up. 

"Hey," he leaned closer to you, "I know I haven't been the best boyfriend lately but I promise I'm going to be there for you today."

"Peter," you said quietly not being able to meet his eyes and that alone made his heartbreak, "Don't make promises you can't keep. That never ends well."

"Hey if I said I'll be there, then I'll be there. come on, gotta have a little more faith in me than that sweetheart," he smiled a little, letting it grow into a grin when he saw your lips tugging up at the corners of your mouth. 

"Promise," you asked. 

"Promise," he confirmed, leaning in for a sweet kiss. Maybe he could really be there for you this time instead of-

Something hit the side of your face making you both turn your heads towards your other friend. You looked down to find a bunch of rolled-up napkins lying on the floor. 

"Well as glad as I am that y'all got that settled, let us remember that this is a public space," Ned said making you both laugh. 

"So it's settled, meet you in the auditorium after last period right," Peter asked you, trying to make sure he had the times correct. 

"Oh," you replied, a little shocked that he was actually doing this, "Yeah, if you're showing up then I guess so."

peter laughed, "Y/N come on, what did we just have an entire conversation about? Of course, I'm showing up."

You nodded slowly then looked towards Ned, "I didn't hit my head anywhere just a minute ago, did I?" 

Ned just shrugged, "I'm just as surprised as you are Y/N. Peter needs to step up his game and I'm sure the internship can wait an evening. After all," he gave Peter a hard look before an amused expression took over his face, "After all, what is an internship if not just running around making copies of random things and memorizing dozens of different coffee orders."

"Hey man come on, we've been over this." he nodded his head towards you and widened his eyes slightly, but you didn't notice, too busy taking a sip from your chocolate milk, "This isn't just any internship. I have to be available at every moment in case Mr. Stark decides he needs me on something."

"Mhm, whatever," Ned took a bite of his sandwich, "All I'm saying is that no matter how important it is, you need to learn to divide up your time evenly."

"Don't worry Ned, I'll be sure to sign him up for some time management classes," you said seriously, making Ned choke on his food from laughter. 

Peter sighed, one arm still resting on the table, the palm of it holding his head. his other arm tucked away under the table, hand holding yours. 

you were feeling amazing, your mood completely lifted now. Peter was finally making the first step to fix things after your many failed attempts. Things could start going back to how they were at the beginning of your relationship. sweet, caring, and mutual. 

You were so sick of feeling like this whole thing was one-sided but now things finally looked like they were turning up. 

Little did you know. 

When the day finally ended you couldn't wait. Spending time with Peter while hanging out with your new friends (somewhat, you weren't really sure but you were optimistic) seemed like it be such a good time. Almost too good to be true. 

You rushed towards your locker and gathered your stuff before shooting Peter a text that you'll just meet him in the auditorium. 

You arrived there before anyone else, which was typical, everyone would be wandering the halls with their friends for a while before making their way here. The cast and crew might mess around a bit but in the end, they were extremely passionate about what they did and you knew that in the end, the show would be amazing. They were all incredibly talented. 

little by little everyone started filing in in little groups. You searched them all for Peter but he was never a part of them. Oh well, he was probably caught up with Ned and MJ at the moment. He'll be here in a bit. 

When the majority of people were present you, reluctantly, decided you had to get things started whether Peter was here yet or not. Everyone had to start getting to work and he should be here any minute now. 

"Ok everyone, you've been wandering around long enough. Time to get started," you clapped your hands together, a clipboard held under your arm, "Noah, Jack, and Lacy we've got to start making progress on the set and I don't want paint everywhere we've had one paint fight too many," you narrowed your eyes at Noah and Jack who looked down sheepishly. It had been a mess. It'd looked as if a pride parade had thrown up all over the stage. 

"This background is our last chance and if you mess it up again we'll probably have to cancel and if that happens, I will not hesitate to unleash Lexi on you," you gestured towards the girl who glared at them and you could've sworn you saw them pale which made smile a small smile. 

You pulled out your clipboard to skim through and see what was on the agenda. "Where's our light-man," you asked and looked up. Everyone shrugged looking around until a girl, Martha, spoke, "Lenny had a teacher meeting, he's running a bit late but he'll be here."

You nodded, "Martha that reminds me, how's your mom doing with the costumes? does she have everything she needs?" 

Martha nodded quickly, "Measurements and everything. All of them should be ready a few days before the big day and she'll be here that night for any mending that might be needed." She shot you two big thumbs up. 

"Good, good, good," you muttered under your breath. You looked around at everyone and shrugged lightly, "OK so I guess everyone just rehearse your lines, get to work and we should be good for the next couple of hours."

Chatter quickly spread across the large room as everyone got together working and talking. You sat down on a seat and let out a long sigh. You tugged your phone out of your pocket and looked for a new message from Peter. There was nothing. You sent two more and added a call for good measure. He didn't pick up, it just rang all the way through. Maybe he got caught up with a teacher. Or maybe he got detention and didn't get a chance to tell you. 

You had more important things to get to and Peter would get here whenever he got the chance. He'd promised after all. So you shouldn't worry about it too much. 

You started making rounds around all the groups of working teenagers, stopping when you saw Lexi waving you over to her little group which mostly consisted of the main cast. 

You walked over to them, "And how's everything going over here? Any trouble?" They all shook their heads. 

"Actually, I think we're getting along rather well, it's a great cast you've rounded up here miss Y/L/N," Mrs. Lightbody said, making you feel extremely proud. 

"I actually wanted to talk to you," Lexi said kindly. 

"Oh? What's up, Lex." She grabbed your hand and led you a little farther away from the group, turning and shooting them a quick reassuring smile. 

Lexi was the star of the whole play, playing the main character, so you'd worked with her closely these past few weeks. She helped you with even the slightest things so you wouldn't get too stressed or anxious (she claimed you were the only sane person in the whole group and it needed to stay that way). She was undoubtedly the most excited person about the whole play and you couldn't blame her, you could already tell from just practice that she was going to do amazing. She was on the popular side where school cliques were involved, but she was always such a sweetheart. She quickly became a great friend of yours and you hoped it stayed that way even after the play and all these fun little get-togethers were over. 

"Hey, Y/N I noticed you seemed a little off before. I'm sorry if I'm out of line saying this but I just wanted to check in on you and make sure everything was okay. Anything going on? I'm always here to listen if you need to talk," she smiled one of her heartwarming smiles. 

You were a little shocked that she'd noticed, "Thanks Lex, really, but I'm fine I promise. but thank you so much for looking out for me."

she had a look on her face like she didn't believe you but she didn't push it, which you appreciated, "ok well if you decide you want to talk about I'm always around I promise," she grabbed you into a hug which you gladly accepted. she pulled away and squeezed your shoulder before heading back to the group. 

You loved her but really there was nothing wrong. Because Peter was gonna show up. Even if he hadn't answered you yet. He's gonna show up, follow you like a lost puppy, and marvel at your every move in that way of his to the point where it got annoying, and you were gonna make him swear to never come to one of these again. To which he would pout and give you puppy-dog eyes and you'd both forget whatever it was you'd said. 

He had to come. otherwise, you might seriously start considering Ned's words from earlier. or you won't be her boyfriend for much longer. 

Peter had to show up because maybe your whole relationship was on the line. 

An hour of a bunch of nonsense arguing passed until you finally heard the press of the large auditorium doors opening up. 

Your heart flew when you saw the large mess of brunette curls turned to close the doors. however, your hope quickly deflated as soon as the figure turned around. it was just Lenny the light-man. 

"Lenny, great. I need you to start working on the lights and getting them ready," you told him. He nodded and quickly made his way backstage. 

You were totally bummed. peter hadn't even replied to you so you had no clue what was going on. you'd even gone so far as to text Ned who'd just sent you a shrugging emoji and an apology for not knowing where he was. 

You felt a little broken, with each passing minute, your hope that your boyfriend might still show up dying down. 

You were desperate so you walked down to the side of the stage where Lexi was chatting with her 'co-star' Brad Davis, who played her love interest. 

You walked up to them, your hand lightly grabbing Lexi's shoulder which brought her attention to you, "Can I talk to you," you whispered. She nodded quickly. You looked towards Brad whose attention was already on you, "Is it alright if I just steal her for a moment," you sent him a fake smile. He smiled back, "No don't worry about it, she's all yours."

He looked like he was might say something else but you didn't give him the chance to before dragging your friend away from all the commotion, "I'm ready to talk now."

She looked at you knowingly before sitting down and patting the spot next to her. So you sat and you told her everything. You told her about all the missed dates, how sometimes he'd just ignore you completely making it impossible to reach him and come back and act like nothing happened, how it always seemed like he was hiding something, and how you were so tired. 

And she listened, of course, never making you feel like you were being overdramatic, and making you feel something that Peter always failed to. Seen. 

When you finally finished Lexi looked at you with total sympathy-eyes, you hated it but you sucked it up because you had chosen to talk to her. 

"Permission to speak freely?" she asked hesitantly. You nodded quickly, "Yes of course, please do that's why I came to you in the first place." 

"Dump his ass," she deadpanned. Your eyes widened in shock as you looked at her. "Really?" you asked. She nodded, "Y/N, I love you but it's obvious that this boy doesn't. Because if he did there's no way he'd test you like that, I mean, he's standing you up right now when he promised he'd be here. I say end it before it gets worse. But hey," she held up both hands, "If you think I'm out of line saying that I totally understand but I'm just telling you what I'd do if I was in your shoes."

"You think I should dump him," you mumbled looking down, not really believing it. You'd thought about it sure, what would happen if you two weren't together anymore but you'd never considered it an option, let alone a solution. 

"Thanks, Lex, I'll think about it," you gave her a tight smile and she smiled back. "I just hope you do whatever feels best for you Y/N, you've been looking down lately and you don't deserve that." She gave your hand a squeeze and one last smile before she went back to practice. 

You weren't seriously thinking about ending things with Peter, you were too scared to lose him. Your friendship was more important than any relationship ever could be. But the longer he went as a no-show the more it ran through your brain for the rest of rehearsal. Peter never texted or called. You were desperate for a simple "sorry" at this point, not wanting to have to settle for the worst option. But as time went on, the less it seemed like an option and more like a task. Something you had to do, that had to be done—something new to check off your clipboard. 

Rehearsal ended and people left in groups as they had come. You lingered, smiling and saying you had just a few things to check up on before you left whenever someone took regard for your incessant hovering. Soon enough you were the only person in the big empty room. 

You sat at the edge of the stage, legs dangling, and pulled out your phone from your pocket. You sent one last text, we need to talk. 

After about ten minutes of waiting there, you decided it was getting late and you had to get home before it was too dark. maybe you could convince your parents to let you head over to Peter's after dinner and you could get over with it then. your mind was made up. you were gonna break up with him. 

You gathered your things and made your way up to the big double doors. The hallways were quiet and you were hyperaware of every step of yours. It was weird to see the school so dead, a big contrast to the usual packed hallways. The more you thought about it the more it was like you could almost hear the running footsteps of students. No scratch that, student. Okay at this point it started sounding too real.

You turned around to catch your boyfriend speeding down the hallway, skidding to a stop when you saw you. 

"Oh my god Y/N, I'm so sorry I totally lost track of time. I was just helping May out with a few things and next thing I know-" 

You held up a hand to stop him, "Save it Peter I really don't care." 

His face fell, "But, hey, let me make it up to you! Let's go get some ice cream or something. You can tell me what rehearsal was like today and I'll walk you home after. It's getting dark."

You crossed your arms. you almost wanted to agree but you knew better than that, this whole thing was getting way too much for you to handle. 

"Peter I'm done," you told him simply. he looked at you a little confused, "done...done with what?"

"This," you almost screamed as you pointed at the two of you, "I'm done with this, this whole act because, let's face it, we both know you weren't helping May with shit." you were surprised you had gotten this far without crying and you wanted to keep it that way so you sucked in a breath and tried to steady your heartbeat. 

The guilty look in his eyes told you enough. you were right. he moved the slightest step closer but you moved back, you really didn't feel like touching him at the moment. "come on sweetheart," he said weakly, "there's gotta be something I can do. I promise I'll show up on time more, you'll never have to wait for me again. I'll be around you so much you'll get sick of me. just please don't do this."

"That's the thing, Peter," you groaned, "I don't want to be sick of you but I'm sick of the way you keep treating me. you make me feel like shit Peter. you're my boyfriend and you make me feel terrible. and I keep trying to help you out, coming up with different excuses each time but I've finally run out. I want a stable relationship and you can't give me that so I'm done." 

His eyes were red now and you had to push back the guilt you were feeling, he brought this upon himself. it's true, you wouldn't have done this unless it was absolutely necessary. you loved him but you just couldn't handle it anymore. 

"I can," his voice broke slightly on that last word, "I can give you that y/n just give me another chance to show you." 

You huffed, "Well Peter, part of a stable relationship is honesty. can you be honest and tell me where you were today? 'Cause it's been established that you weren't with May."

He froze a little and you continued, "In fact, why don't you tell me where you were when you missed all those dates, all those couple hangouts, and all those group hangouts? When you missed my parents' anniversary dinner that they invited you to, or my little brother's birthday party that he was really excited you'd be there for. Go ahead Pete," you flung out your arms, "tell me where you were and I'll believe you can give me a stable relationship."

He looked physically conflicted, as if he was genuinely having an inner battle with himself, "I- I can't y/n/n, but you have to believe me when I say it's for the best."

"And I can't Peter. I can't so just forget this," you cleared your throat, "Come back when you can actually handle a relationship Parker, or you know what, don't because either way, I'm through with this."

You turned to walk away. his hand reached out to grab your wrist but you dodged it and held your hand up, "I don't think we should talk anymore," you kept walking and he didn't follow. You didn't want him to. But in all honesty, it was hard to turn your back when the person you were leaving was always the one you ran to when your heart shattered as it did right then. 

the cold air hit you hard and the tears finally came, slightly smudging the concealer under your eyes but you couldn't care less at the moment. 

It was true what he'd said, it was dark already and windy so you tried to be alert on your way home, deciding you could process all your emotions when you're home safe. 

You were walking for a bit, wiping your tears and trying to keep your vision clear when you heard a slight thud next to you and footsteps matching up to catch yours. "Hello Miss, it's pretty dark, can I walk you home?"

part 2 is here !!

[mxlktxa]

𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚑𝚎𝚛

𝚊𝚋𝚋𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚡 𝚏!𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𝚊𝚋𝚋𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗*, 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚊𝚖𝚜, 𝚖𝚎𝚕 (𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚍)

𝚌𝚠; 𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎 & 𝚊𝚋𝚋𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜, 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚞𝚊𝚐𝚎, 18+ 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚗𝚝, 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎(𝚜), 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 (𝚛! 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐), 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚙-𝚘𝚗 𝚞𝚜𝚎 (𝚛! 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐), 𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 (𝚊𝚋𝚋𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐), 𝚙𝚎𝚝 𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎𝚜 (𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜, 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚢 𝚐𝚒𝚛𝚕, 𝚎𝚝𝚌), 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚐𝚎, 𝚍𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐/𝚙𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐

𝚠𝚌; 1.4𝚔 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜, 7.7𝚔 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜

“She’s totally into Mel. I don’t have a chance and she probably doesn’t even know I’m into her,” I huffed at Ellie as she sat across from me, looking up at me through her lashes.

“Well,” the freckled girl started, “You’re about her not knowing she’s into you. But she does like you. Asks me about you all the time,” Ellie shrugged, “Speaking of which, she just texted me, Ellie laughed, getting comfortable where she sat, “She says… ‘Hey, Els’, with plenty of exclamation points, ‘are you with Abby? Is she busy? I want to know if she’s coming to my party tonight’, heart eyes emoji.”

I perked up at the questions, straightening my back a bit, “Tell her you’re with me and that I’m going.”

“No, because when I tell you’re not here, she calls and spills her heart out and you need to hear that. I also like hearing those little rants,” she began typing out her reply, reading it to me as she did so, “So… ‘I’m not with Abby, getting ready to nap before I come over, but go ahead and call, I don’t mind’,” she set her phone in between us on the table, waiting for the call, “Give it a minute.”

Just as I was ready to roll my eyes and punch her, the phone started ringing, the caller ID reading ‘the child 🐸’ on display, “A Star Wars reference? Seriously?”

“She loves that little guy more than she loves cheese and crackers,” Ellie held up a finger to her lips, answering the phone and putting it on speaker, “Yes, Grogu? Spill your heart out.”

“You wanna know what the first thing I would say to her would be?”

I raised a brow at the question, glancing at Ellie as she chuckled and shook her head, “Why does it always start with this?”

“Do you wanna know or not?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Great answer. I would love to look her dead in the eyes and just say—.”

“Fuck me, Abby!” she whined breathlessly, back arching off the bed as I pumped my fingers in and out of her cunt, smirking all while thinking about the comments she had made earlier, “M’going crazy, I’m sha—,”

“No, no, you can take it, remember? You’re a big girl, you’ve got this,” I shook my head at her as she struggled to lift her own up, “What did you say earlier? ‘I could take two of you at once’? Hm? Can’t even handle just one of me.”

“M’sorry! M-M’sorry, I was just kidding, I didn’t mean it,” her little hands were flailing at my wrists to stop me from sending her over the edge for what was most likely the fourth time now, “I’m so close, Abs, please, please, please,” her chest was rapidly rising and dropping, cries getting more and more needy as she was reaching her climax.

“Yeah? You’re close?” I asked, only getting a small ��yes, please, yes’ in response. Removing my fingers, the small figure below me gasping while sitting up to look at me with those puppy dog eyes and that sweet, little pout, “I need you to be extra quiet, yeah? We don’t want your friend's downstairs to hear you, now do we?” I reached down to my belt, hovering above her and planting my lips on hers after she nodded in agreement.

She glanced down at my chest, eyes dragging back up to my own as that obvious plead in her eyes grew stronger, “Use your words, princess, don’t be shy.”

“Take your shirt off, too. It’s not fair,” she spoke in such a low whisper. I explored her nude body with my eyes, tilting my head in the slightest as if to take her request into consideration. I so badly wanted to ask her to repeat the statement, but I had been a little rough with her, so I let it slide, “I want to see all of you.”

I agreed, chucking my pants to the side before removing my top and then boxers. Her face lit up with excitement, looking at me through her lashes like she always did. I held the silicone toy in my hand, rubbing the tip against her dripping core to gain some soft, pretty moans from her.

“Such a pretty little thing. So needy for me. How pathetic,” I grunted at her, shivering as one delicate hand was placed on my shoulder and the other searched for my braid.

“Please, Abby,” she begged so softly, whines sliding out while I slowly pushed into her entrance, shushing her as the whimpering grew louder and louder, “M’sorry, sorry, fuck,” now that she was all shaky and whiny, she couldn’t hold on to me as well when I first got her started, “I’ll be quiet, please don’t stop.”

“Oh, pretty girl,” I gathered her wrists in one of my hands, holding them above her head before commencing at a slow pace, “You’re gonna need to learn to keep your voice down,” pace quickening already, hoarse gasps and cries leaving the angel below me, “Should’ve kept my belt to keep those hands to the headboard. Maybe next time, hm?”

I couldn’t help but smile at how her eyes rolled back, her jaw was left open, and her eyebrows furrowed. Carefully, my other hand traveled up to her lips, thumb slipping in to pull her mouth open a bit more to allow my thumb to push down on her tongue. She closed her mouth, sucking on my thumb to muffle her cries, eyes returning to their natural state in order to meet mine.

“Hey gorgeous,” I huffed, silently losing my mind at her pretty expressions and the way she closed her lips to suck on my thumb, losing my rhythm. I silently cursed myself to find the rhythm again, hoping she either was too fucked out to notice or she just didn’t care and was satisfied with the way I was drilling into her.

The little flinches she made in her hands caught my attention, watching as she fought against me to pull her hands free. Chuckling at her feeble attempts, my hand pulled my thumb from her mouth to grip her hips driving myself even deeper in her to see what reaction I could draw out of her this time, and fuck was it satisfying.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Abby!” her voice nearly cracked, tears were forming in her eyes, and I couldn’t help but notice the bulge in her tummy, “Please! I’m so close again! It’s so good, Abby, please!”

As she was crying out about reaching her climax, I had just come to the realization that I was too, strap-grazing my own clit every so often as well. The coil in my stomach wasn’t too far from snapping, starting to get sloppy in my thrusts and now dropping my face closer to hers, those delicious cries getting me closer and closer to the edge.

“C’mon, baby girl, let it out, let it all go,” that familiar white substance began to form around the base of my cock, those moans now just becoming gasps and grunts. Those pretty eyes rolled back again; jaw left wide open so those ravishing wails could leave her body. Even if she had reached that high, I kept going, not just for her sake but so I could also reach my climax, which, thankfully, came just after her own.

I let my body weight drop down on her, barely supporting myself in my elbows so I wasn’t completely on her. The music and partygoers from downstairs seemed to be beyond loud, thankfully covering up our noise. Thank God.

After about a minute or so, those gorgeous eyes met mine, and we just lay there to catch our breaths. I leaned down to plant a kiss on her lips, grinning as I came back up to face her, “You okay?”

“Mmm,” she started off, slightly stretching, “Aside from feeling euphoric, yes, I’m okay.”

I chuckled at the response given to me, pulling out and away to retrieve our clothing. We both got dressed, sparing glances at each other from time to time.

“Abby?” that little voice called out. Turning to her, all I could see was her walking up to me to place kisses on my neck, hands running along my abdomen as she did so, “You’ve been the best part of my life. Even just as a friend.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mhm… You’re a good person, Abby,” she hid her face in my chest, hugging me so softly as if I’d break if she added any sort of pressure.

“Let’s go get some drinks. We can come back up to your room after the party. But that’s up to you, of course.”

“Oh, please. It’s already on the agenda.”

[robotsandramblings]

me reading the "new" "canon" heights for the Bad Batch on starwars.com:

nooo thank you, don't like those, i'll stick to the wookiepedia + my headcanons version lol ✌️

i'll save my overall analysis & ramblings for under the readmore

(here's the og thread that brought it to my attention. make sure to read op's corrected version!)

(p.s. the height chart was done by me on heightcomparison.com, it's not an official star wars image -- but the data matches starwars.com)

first off, i will acknowledge that visually, in the show, their heights are always a tricky thing. i've been referencing a bajillion screenshots since i came upon this thread. their comparative heights change in like every screenshot, due to camera angles and/or where they're standing relative to each other. we never get to see all five (5) of them standing shoulder-to-shoulder, side-by-side, in a single straight line, with an eye-level camera shot*.

i'll also acknowledge that i've always just gone off of what wookiepedia says, because it's the closest to an 'official' source that we've ever had -- but it's still not the official source. Here's the wookiepedia version, btw:

and you know what? depending on what screenshot you look at, these can both seem right. sometimes, Tech looks as tall as Crosshair; other times, Tech looks close to Echo's height. (Tech is also rarely at full height -- he's usually got his head and shoulders bent down to read his datapad. i think he slouches too.) i also find Hunter's height varies a lot too, depending on the shot.

Personally, i will be following the wookiepedia version. i think the starwars.com numbers are way, way off. (Warning: here's where the ranting part begins lol)

Wrecker has never, ever been a full head taller than Tech, Echo, or Hunter. what the actual fuck lmaooo

and 7 inches taller than Crosshair?? i don't think so lads

they're tryin' to tell me Echo is shorter than reg height??? bullshit lol. and Tech too??? also bullshit lmao

i refuse to believe Tech is only 2cm taller than Hunter; Tech should be, at minimum, 2 inches taller than Hunter.

i feel Omega's height can vary in the show, like Tech or Hunter as i mentioned. sometimes she seems very small, sometimes she seems taller than i remember.

that all said, i think the height for Omega is correct... for Season 1**. but S2? and now in S3? she's definitely grown a bit.

so i guess if i had to come up with my own numbers, i'd go primarily with the wookiepedia data, with a few tweaks...

Omega**: at least 140cm / 4' 7''

Hunter: 180-181cm / 5' 11''

Echo: 185cm / 6' 1''

Tech: 190-193cm / 6' 3'' - 6' 4''

Crosshair: 193cm / 6' 4''

Wrecker: 198-200cm max / 6' 6''

(i will hold onto Short King Hunter with a death grip until i die. even though i'll admit he looks reg/Echo height in a lot of shots. but i just really love the idea that's he's juuuust under 6' !)

**My headcanon is that in S1, Omega was approximately 10 years old. (which would match with starwars.com data, since average height for a 10-yr-old = 127-137cm.) i'm assuming we're at least 2 years later by S3, so she should be 12, which should put her height at 140-162cm.

i think in the show, they're keeping her closer to 140cm, but i'm equally onboard with her being on the taller side, closer to 162cm. i like the idea that she will eventually grow to reg clone height of 6 feet, thus she'd be on the taller end of "average" child height.

*there is one singular screenshot i came across which might be the closest. however, it's only properly showing the OG four -- Echo is in the shot, but disproportionately in front of them. it's also from their pilot in Clone Wars S7, which arguably was just a beginning stage for them, and changes were made before their own show aired, including the animation style/models.

it would explain where many of us got our idea of Tech = Crosshair same height. but Hunter is also nearly as tall as them?? certainly not 180cm lmao. so idk. take that as you will.

[junii-moony]

Hey I'm autistic as shit so I'm going to go on a rant (/pos) about Firefly now that her new animated short is out. If you wanted an in-depth character reflection on Firefly, you won't find that here because I'm fucking stupid and don't know every aspect of Star Rail lore to do so. I'm just yapping about it from what I know. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ So, to begin with... Can you even fucking begin to imagine how scary of a situation she went through was? Like we obviously knew the Swarm was powerful. I would argue even more so than the Antimatter Legion, based purely on a factor of sheer numbers, but wow... How do you even begin to fight against something like the Propagation? It's impossible without the help of an Aeon (which is why Qlipoth eventually stepped in and sealed Tayzzyronth away). It just adds to that cruel aspect of Firefly's past. The Iron Calvary is fighting a battle that's already lost. It's a war that's unwinnable by all means. Senseless death, fighting for a kingdom that no longer exists, all because of blind faith that was hammered into their very souls as soon as they were born. They quite literally have nothing else to live for but fighting. Firefly specifically being the last of her kind is so fucked when you realize that, out of everyone in the Iron Calvary, she was the first person to question whether or not what she was fighting for was worth it. She only realized that a bit too late, and now she's the only one left. It really sheds light on her joining the Stellaron Hunters, because after being "controlled" (I used that term loosely, but you know what I mean) for her whole life, who wouldn't want to try and control their destiny? When you're given a new sense of purpose, you want to hold onto that tightly. I think other big reason why Firefly joined the Stellaron Hunters is in one part due to the fact that, in my opinion, she can't stop fighting. Even after separating herself from Glamoth and allowing herself to be her own person, she can't help but subconsciously follow her previous orders. Which is why she's so "violent" when she's in the Sam armor. It's a subconscious need to fight, due in part to trauma, which is why you could argue that Firefly is a "different person" while in the Sam armor. It's her military roots coming back, just a bit. Now getting back to more recent things, it's extra depressing when you think about her constantly running away from her supposed "death" in the future. Being the last of her kind, I think her fear of dying comes not only from a personal place, but from the factor that she is quite literally the last remnant of Glamoth. Once she's gone, the entire legacy of Glamoth will fizzle into memories, and then eventually disappear. Firefly may have removed herself from Glamoth, but it was still her home after all. It's just sad, she has no "family" to reach out to. Obviously all this in tandem leads up to her "death" in 2.0. Now, while we know now that Dormancy is just a gatekeeper for the Land of the Exiles, back then it was a lot more depressing in context. Like yeah, obviously Firefly's "death" was disturbing as is, but you gotta remember, she came to Penacony to escape her fate. She wants to be herself, not the battle-hardened weapon she was made to be. Even in a land of dreams, she couldn't, and that's sad as shit. There's more meta layers to how fucked everything is, like the fact Firefly's best support is a scientist who tried TO FUCKING CLONE AN EMANATOR OF PROPAGATION but it's fine. I'm so normal. I'm gonna end this long rant here, even though I do have more I could say, but I'll spare you the time. Can't wait for 2.3! Here's to Firefly, my actual daughter who I love.

[callsign-rogueone]

Hey my love, welcome to another rant of a chaotic mind. 😵‍💫❤️

Hear me out. Bren and duchess dancing. That's it. Whether it's at an event, say maybe there's this event at riorson house and there's music playing ( like classical idk ) he's dancing with her. Wedding ofc too. Say duchess is playing her millennial music and she's just idk vibing/dancing to it while holding Brens hand, he's going to give in to his wifey! He's has to right? He's a simp for her. He's gonna twirl her and hold her hand or waist/ lower back. And when she's just vibing to her music he lets her do what she wants. It's just a thought that has been stuck in my head for 2 days.

Also what do u think is bren and duchess song? I love the song love story from indila for them. But what do u think lovely? ♡

love all of the rants, especially about my most favorite couple 🧡

Duchess, being nobility, was definitely taught to do ballroom dancing and all that fancy stuff as a child. so she totally could (and has before) lead Brennan around in a lazy waltz in an empty ballroom in Riorson house or her parents' house, just the two of them swaying and Brennan humming a tune for them to dance to... keeping one hand on her back like you said, maybe he twirls her and pulls her in for a kiss, or dips her to make her laugh and hold on to him tighter... lots of potential there.

which is good practice for rare formal events where it's expected of them. and their wedding, of course. their first dance is just them swaying around and him holding her close and trying not to cry lol. Bren is absolutely going to cry at their wedding because he loves her so much and cannot believe it's happening + all the emotions of his fam not being there + the "official" start of his second life... yeah. I got a request for their proposal / wedding / honeymoon which I'm working on and it's going to be several emotions, fluff, spice, and a few tears lol

and you know he cannot say no to her. if she wants to dance with him, he's getting up out of his chair and following along, even though he's not the best at it / shy -- he just loves seeing her happy, loves holding her and seeing how graceful she is. he'll also stand silently and just watch her dance if she doesn't know he's there, and scare her a little bit every time when she twirls around and realizes he's there and gets all shy and embarrassed. but he just gives her a kiss and says it was cute / reminds her how much he loves seeing her like that.

also, if they're at a fancy party or something her parents are hosting, Brennan is by her side all night. no other man is going to dance with her since Brennan is glaring at any man who gets too close or looks at her the wrong way, especially if most people there don't know she's married to him. possessive baby, hehe.

only Brennan gets to hold you like that. the exception was Liam and Xaden and her dad each dancing with her at her wedding, which is traditional, and he knows that's her family. but nobody else! especially not Drake Cordella.

I do not understand any french at all but that song is really pretty! here's some of the songs that are on my playlist for them (I have playlists for most of the couples that shall remain secret, hehe)

across the stars (love theme from star wars): I like using this one when I'm writing for multiple couples, including them <3

I also like a lot of dramatic Lana Del Rey for them... young and beautiful (especially the orchestra version!!), born to die... dark paradise...

war of hearts by ruelle was on repeat when I was writing the chess game, for the dramatic ambiance. I'm listening it to it again now, going through my playlist for them and I can feel the panic I was trying to convey in duchess when the venin shows up... the lyrics don't really match their story but the vibe does!

for more thematic, obvious reasons, work song by hozier... "no grave can hold by body down, I'll crawl home to her"... generally anything about defying death for love. Brennan is just very Hozier coded in the depth of his love for his partner and his devotion to her,,, yeah. expect an essay about that later lol.

also, would that I by hozier... this one has references to fire, and to the beauty of her hair, and we all know how Bren feels about her hair.

til forever falls apart by ashe. I have a one-shot planned for this song but not for them, though I think it still applies -- they're endgame, until death and beyond.

I'm thinking about doing a little "disney love songs" type thing with little fics for a handful of the gfs / wives, and theirs would be kiss the girl from the little mermaid, with Ban and Marbh meddling and encouraging them to just kiss already!! since I still haven't given you how exactly they got together...

another song I have saved for a future chapter of theirs is are you with me by nilu. that will be the title for their next full chapter toward the end of iron flame / battle of basgiath... there's gonna be some angst there for sure, but "happy ending" (or as happy as the end of iron flame can be... both of them survive and the argument they have is resolved.)

[hotchocolatefanfics]

Quick Rant About Disney’s Handling of Planet of The Apes

On the one hand, I want Disney to do more with Planet of The Apes. Stuff like:

- TV series adaptations (like remaking the original TV series that Roddy McDowell was in or making novelizations like Firestorm and Revelations into TV series. I could also see a TV series starring Cornelius as he comes to terms with who he is and who his father was with Maurice, Rocket, Bad Ape, Nova and Lake also returning)

Or! A TV series revolving around Noa and Eagle Clan (like the many misadventures of Noa, Soona, and Anaya!) or Proximus and the coastal apes (which would give us more context and time for Proxy)!

- More merchandise. Because, really, Disney could do so much with the series in that way! I’d gladly spend my money on PoTA gear if it were available at Disneyland! (Coloring books, keychains, books, comics, stuffed animals, dolls, etc).

I’m not saying make a ride or location dedicated to the franchise, just something to say “the apes have arrived!”. Making merch for PoTA could also give the company time to play with the franchise while also giving us fans something to love and want.

We also need more PoTA merch in general. I only know of the NECA figures and Kingdom popcorn bowls and keychain (EBay does have figures and things from the original PoTA movies but it’s all expansive and not quite the same).

- They could also play around with the original series, maybe expand on and play with the setting and characters? It doesn’t have to be just the reboot series they could play with (maybe the Tim Burton remake could be added to Disney’s Halloween themes? 😆).

I don’t really mind if we don’t get much info or plan updates from Disney regarding the franchise. It just irks me that the company bought the franchise yet hasn’t put as much attention or time in it as they did with other franchises they’ve bought (such as Star Wars, Avatar or Marvel).

That being said though!!! I also don’t want Disney to do to PoTA as it did to those other franchises. Here’s what I mean by that:

- Make so many movies and TV series with a plot line that’s so similar you can’t tell one from the other (Like Marvel or Avengers movies-bad guy, fighting, team up, more fighting, dialogue, fighting).

- Similar to the one above but, create so many spin-offs that it becomes overwhelming and new fans don’t know where to start (Such as Star Wars and it’s many sequels, prequels, and everything in between).

- This is more of a side comment but Disney hasn’t exactly been making good or original movies lately (lots if sequels to movies they’ve already made or movies like Wish for example). Seriously, can someone check on the writers? They’re either overworked or Disney keeps interfering and dismissing their ideas and work (which is my best guess).

So yeah. It sucks that we haven’t heard much since Kingdom’s release but I’d rather Disney sit on the franchise for a bit before making anything with PoTA than for them to potentially harm the franchise with bad writing, poor quality, or uninteresting and overused characters (or character types).

The fact that Disney bought Fox and Planet of The Apes (to me anyway) implies that the company has ideas for the PoTA franchise. Ideas for where it can go after Caesar’s time or possibly involving the original movies.

Whether those ideas are good or bad remains to be seen but not doing so much as make merchandise for fans (seriously Disney!! I will buy it but you have to make it and sell it first!!), is kinda disappointing and frustrating.

[skywalkr-nberrie]

You mentioned old drafts in your rant about obi wan shippers... don't tell me that George Lucas at one point considered a love triangle?

Yeah, that is true. GL did merely and briefly consider a sort of “love triangle” between Anakin, Padmé, and OW. But from what I’ve researched and read about, it’s pretty clear that it was never meant to be a “set in motion” engrossing, love triangle, in the sense where two men are fighting over one lady while she’s stuck in the middle. It was considered to simply stir tension between Anakin and OW. And this was all mostly during the beginning stages of the writing phase, where everything is mostly just brainstorming and nothing is officially yet decided.

Like in the first ROTS drafts, it just has Palpatine manipulating Anakin with the false narrative that Padmé and OW are going behind Anakin’s back and having an affair. Which wasn’t actually happening, and was only said to heighten Anakin’s suspicions and lose his trust in the two people he loved most. It was a ruse by Palps to put Anakin against Padmé and OW, since those two are the closest to him, and therefore have the best chance at protecting him from Sidious’ evil schemes. Which was exactly what Palps didn’t want. It was only meant to benefit the narrative for Anakin’s fall to the darkside, not to create an actual love triangle.

This passage is from the ‘Secret History of Star Wars (2007)’ by Michael Kaminski, (unauthorized book.) and as we can see here, there was no mention of an actual “love triangle” being considered, just that Palpatine would manipulate Anakin into believing so, while Padmé and OW are simply worried for Anakin’s well-being. Like how it’s shown to us in the film. Even the writer says that this whole ordeal is a “sort of triangle” instead of an actual love triangle, and that it was merely being “experimented”, which again, falls in line with what I said about how none of this was ever decided.

{It says more that GL tried this concept out a bit then rejected it anyway. It’s clear he himself wasn’t rocking with the idea. Which makes total sense, because it’s so contradictory to the characters he was trying to create, especially the subplot on having Anakin suspect his wife and best friend is just ridiculous.}

Overall, GL himself said he pulled this concept out and instead decided to put the story we have today into canon.

“Earlier, and through various incarnations of the script, there was much more of a personal jealousy between him and Obi-Wan, but I pulled that out. Now it's just that she's betrayed him because she brought him there to kill him. [...] Now he's assuming that she's in league with Obi-Wan - not necessarily in a love relationship or anything, but in the basis that they're both on one side of the path - of going down one path and he's going down the other.”

- George Lucas, ROTS DVD Commentary

[miaikon]

From learning a Sci-Fi script to picking up a Con-Lang (or, a very long very nerdy Star Wars rant)

I need to rant at this to the void, and this blog is my go-to for these things. I feel free to do so since no-one comes here anyways.

A bit of background

(or, the part you can skip if you want to get to the nerdy rant now): I've been into Star Wars on and off since my teens. I'm nearly 40, so that's a few decades. I do watch the new series, and became very fond of "The Mandalorian" really fast. In-between seasons, my spouse and I also re-watched most of Clone Wars. In early 2024, we started a Star Wars 5E TTRPG campaign with a friend, where my spouse DM's, Friend plays a Jedi, and I play a Mandalorian (and she's just so much FUN to play). My character is one I came up with around... 2017? Maybe? IDK if you can find her if you scroll down far enough. Currently re-designing her, though. I originally came up with her after working my way through the Travis books and becoming fascinated with Mandalorians for some reason.

Accidential Language Acquisition

My latest obsession (and distracion from the summer heat) started with me looking up some Mandalorian phrases and curses for RPG purposes. Yes, I know, none of this is canon any more. None of us cares. We kind of make our own canon. Then I found out there's a script - and I was lost. I loved codes and obscure scripts as a child, and I did learn to read Hiragana in my 20s, so how hard could this be? I looked for a chart and found this site, which offers practice reading (and a dictionary, amongst other stuff). So, I started learning the characters in, I think, late July. I read quite well by now, my writing does lag behind. Juuust... the practice phrases are written in the Mandalorian language.

I didn't set out to learn a constructed language. I really did not. I just wanted to know WHAT I was typing. So I looked up the sentences on the cheat-sheet after I got them right. And some words started repeating, and I picked them up. Kinda automatically. I swear, I only practice reading/ writing this for like 15 to 30 minutes a day. After a while, I half-understood what some sentences said. Reading Star Wars fanfiction did not help (or help a lot, depending on your POV) there. I looked up missing words, building a bit of a vocabulary. It's erratic still, but I noticed something. In conversations, my brain sometimes supplies the Mandalorian words I know now. (I usually do catch myself, although stuff tends to slip in when I'm alone with my spouse, to his amusement.) My language center does not know this is a con-lang, after all. I also tried to write a ransom note in Mandalorian, which was a fun experience (for a private project). Through fan fiction and looking up stuff, I also learned about the Legends version of Mandalorian culture. That stuff is fascinating, although I feel like a visitor to an abandoned city. Everyone's gone (since Legends is out of print and stuff is falling into obscurity), but it's still cool to look around. It gives me a kind of bittersweet, nostalgic feeling, too. So many passionate minds, and things I'm so happy to experience, but wished I knew about sooner. Aay'han, if you will, only it's memories I never made. Nostalgia for what could have been. Not gonna lie, I'm obsessed. It's a feeling I seldom get now, although it was quite frequent when I was a teen. It feels great and enjoyable and unhealthy and I think I need to stop. I'm an adult, and I'm too old to fangirl. Or, at least, I keep telling myself this.

Analyzing a Con-Lang because my nerd brain can't stop looking for patterns

Mandalorian actually HAS different words for the people, the planet, the ruler, and the language. Let me start with Manda, which is the collective soul (or the concept of) of the Mandalorian people. The people themselves are Mando'ade (Children of the Manda/ of Mandalore. Singular Mando'ad). The language is Mando'a (no clue why, language would be joha. Maybe Mando'joha was too long and it got shortened). The planet is Manda'yaim (yaim meaning home. Simple enough). The ruler is the Mand'alor (alor meaning, well, leader. Also simple).

Before long, my brain started making connections between some things. Simple things first - "Ke" or "K' " at the start of a sentence is always the imperative form of something ("Command form"). The words for "you", "I", and the third person pronoun. Then, between words, trying to fit new words with what I already know. Like [something] ad was most likely about people. I built myself bridges that are just theories - I am not a linguist in any fashion, and I'm just trying to make sense of what's there. Like mirsh meaning brain(cell), kot meaning strenght, and mirshko is courage - so, "brain-strength"?

And no, for all of you out there that are as nerdy as me, this is not a full language. There isn't a word for "call" or "get in contact with" I could find, for example. Some authors just wanted to add flair to their writing, so an incomplete thing is what we have. Even so, I am kind of hooked in the weirdest way. I play around, trying to make my own sentences and combined words. It's fun, and private, and nobody needs to know. Except for the two people I TTRPG with.

IDK any more where I wanted to go with this. There might be a part 2, someday. If anyone read this, I appreciate you. If anyone read this and had this weird kind of obsession happen to them as well, let's talk. It might just be the universe's weirdest midlife crisis.

[riveriafalll]

Writeblr introduction I guess?

Guess what bitches (affectionate) I’ve been here for like six months and I’m finally making a writeblr introduction. I have just vibed within the community for all this time, and I reckon it’s time to actually confirm my existence as an actual writer.

A bit about me: you can call me River, I mainly write fanfiction for quite a few fandoms, I’m a full time student, I use all pronouns (agender bitches for the win) and autistic currently seeking diagnosis.(in this economy? I know, right?)

I’m open for all tag games and asks (please include me, I promise I won’t procrastinate on the tag game until it’s three weeks later and it’s too awkward to post it then)

Here is my master list of wips, categorised by fandom. The majority of these are not being regularly written in, but they all will one day find a home on the archive I promise.

I will link them up to their respective WIP introduction pages as they happen, if you want to hear about one sooner, let me know <3

Harry Potter

No Time to Die: Drarry au where I kill off Draco in the first scene, have many clever plot-fixes and throw in as much LGBTQ rep as I can

Aelia Lovegood - Luna Lovegood has a pyromaniacal twin who is trying to fix racism by punching Nazi children in the face. It’s mostly working

Oh dear it’s a time loop fic - Draco and Hermione are trapped in a time loop, what will they do? (Troll everyone for basically eternity, and try not to go mad)

The fic where Harry is a sociopath, and goes full homicidal mode on Voldemort along with a scary Hermione and a power-hungry Ron - eh the title explains it well enough

when stars collide (a black hole forms) - a person from our world falls into the HP universe, and immediately tries to mother hen her family out of being evil. Callidora is the twin sister of Bellatrix, and spends the next thirty or so years attempting to fix everyone through the power of love. It works most of the time.

Harry Potter and the job he should have gotten - thirteen years after the end of the War, Minerva McGonagall has a staffing crisis and breaks into people’s homes until they agree to teach. Harry/Theo Knott, Hermione/Pansy and Draco girlbossing it by himself while figuring out how to be a single father.

Marvel

Of Godparents and Aunt-sassins - Jokingly, a couple name the godparent of their new child as Loki. No one expects him to except. Ava is a menace, Loki is a gender fluid icon, a wonderful brother and a terrible influence, Natasha is the vodka aunt, Clint is the fun uncle, Cooper Barton is the responsible one, Peter is a tiny adorable baby who gets adopted, and the Avengers live the 2012 Tower life

SHIELD: An Unofficial Guide - based off the SHIELD survival tips blog here on tumblr, written up in a guide-book form, complete with neatly organised chapters and unique anecdotes

A Glitch in the System - Glitch, a winter-widow and the last remanent of HYDRA, is sent to assassinate the Avengers. When she fails, she runs away and meets a certain spider-child on a rooftop. Featuring a teenage Loki, an amnesiac Pietro and a certain blonde widow, who’ve all moved into May Parker’s apartment, and a lot of miscommunication between just about everyone

Loki doki timey wimey - set during Thor:Ragnorok, Tony and co notice that Loki has reappeared on Midgard, and promptly break into Doctor Stranges house to question him. Dr S promptly gets very annoyed by Tony and Lokis inability to get on, and sends them away to the magical equivalent of a get along shirt, which goes wrong and leaves Tony and Loki stranded in a time loop. They’re under the impression that the loop will break when they learn to get along, Dr Strange is doing nothing to disillusion them of that.

(This is the image that my beta once_and_future_fandoms made when I ranted about it to them)

Another life - something I started before the Loki show came out (take that Marvel), starts at the beginning of Infinity War, when a female Loki dies at the hands of Thanos, meets the personification of the universe, merges with the Tesseract, leaving her with a shapeshifting familiar and teleporting powers. She then travels briefly through the multiverse and lands in the OG Marvel universe, with a Tom Hiddleston themed Loki and attempts to fix stuff through the power of having a giant snake and knives.

Bucky and the time he lived in the woods with his murder daughters - Bucky escapes from HYDRA in the 90s with Natasha and Yelena. They live in the mountains of Romania together, learning how to be actual real life people and incidentally becoming cryptida along the way. Natasha and Yelena join SHIELD in their early twenties, and continue happily along their way in the canon plot, until their father James comes to visit the Avengers Tower after the Battle of New York, and bumps into a familiar blonde…

Supernatural

Woahhhh it’s Emmy - Emmy, (long for MJ, short for Mary Junior), is the standard extra Winchester OC, twin sister of Sam, who is almost as bad at talking through her problems as Dean is. While Sam went to Smamford, and Dean ran around with John, Emmy started a weapons dealing company for hunters, travelling around under the guise of an occult shop. She reluctantly joins back up with her brothers in season 1, just to make sure her dumbasses don’t get themselves killed. She solves half of the shows problems with a glock.

Doctor Who

Who the fuck is Sally Sparrow? - Kat Sparrow has grown up knowing that things live in the darkness. The Sparrows are known by all the intelligence agency’s of the world, for their abilities to find and trap those things. Their specialty? Angels. When River Song appears on her doorstep one night, telling her that she has an angel to catch, Kat does the only thing she can, and joins the Doctor, River and Amy in the TARDIS to catch it. Kat thinks it’s fantastic, Amy enjoys having a friend whos roughly her age, and River is cryptic as ever. The Doctor, however, would really like to know how the hell a human girl is capable of subduing the most deadly creature in the universe.

Redo of Sally Sparrow except there’s no Sally Sparrow and a completely different plot line - When River tumbles into the TARDIS at the start of the infamous Maze of the Angels episode, she brings someone else with her - her adopted daughter, Astra. Unknown to 11, Astra is his child from the future, the result of a coupling between 12 and Missy, who was partially raised by both of them and the other half by River. Featuring: Astra is briefly evil and genocidial, Astra gets therapy with 14 and Donna, Astra flirts constantly with half of his companions, River, Missy and 13 all walk into a bar, and the combination of lesbianism causes a rift in time and space, and someone really needs to stop 12 from naming people after his past companions.

The Vampire Diaries

TVDeeznuts - Cassie Gilbert, twin sister of Jeremy, heads off to an out of state boarding school after being compelled by Damon in an attempt to protect the first person to have trusted him unconditionally in the last hundred and fifty years. Yes, he might have been a crow for half of it, but the thought is what counts, right? Unfortunately, being the danger magnet she is, Cassie immediately manages to befriend a local artist by the name of Nik Mikaelson. Three kidnappings later, Cassie is the first honorary Mikaelson since Marcel. Let’s just hope it doesn’t go quite as bad as his did.

Shadow hunters

Making my OCs be adopted by a bunch of vampires has nothing to do with my parental issues I promise - Autumn, a rather shy twelve year old, is Turned into a vampire rather unexpectedly by a less than stable Maureen who wants to be best friends forever. She immediately attaches herself to Raphael, who is horrified, but ultimately decides that he can use the situation to gaslight Magnus into believing that she’s always been around. Autumn has no objections, Lily thinks it hilarious, and Elliot is just happy to have a little sister.

Shadow hunting my multiple mental illnesses - Astoria Fray is perfectly normal. She does her homework, eats far too many chips, and goes out to parties with her best friends Lily, Elliot and Raphael. And then her mom gets kidnapped, her sister goes missing, her uncle won’t talk to her, and a very sparkly man tells her that he’s a friend of her mothers and that she can stay at his place. And as if that wasn’t enough, turns out that she’s not human, her dad is shadow hunter Hitler, and vampires, werewolf’s and warlocks are real.

At least Lily and Raphael are still normal. Right?

we'll never get free (lamb to the slaughter) - Magnus Bane is forced to baby-sit a precocious, morally-grey Warlock child. It goes about as well as you'd imagine.

Fourth Wing

Fourth wing more like fortieth wip - Elyrion Melgren (currently going under the name Elyrion Foxe) lived in Tyrrendor for the first fourteen years of her life, while her father led the armies of Navarre, spending her days exploring the city with her best friend Xaden. Six years later, she hasn’t seen Xaden since the apostasy, and has been forbidden by her father to go into the Riders, as he doesn’t want her to interact with the Marked Ones. Elyrion promptly ignores his orders, crosses Parapet, and joins the revolution.

Throne of Glass

Cadre Coparenting - what could go wrong? -Two years after Aelin Galathynius was born, her sister, Aurelia arrived. Born with powers of darkness and death, Evalin and Rhoe have no choice but to send her to the only person with experience in controlling powers like hers - her Aunt, Maeve. Maeve promptly passes the child off to her loyal bloodsworn until she’s old enough to be useful to her. Between the six of them, the Cadre just about manage to raise a singular child, despite Aurelia's best attempts to be difficult. It’s entirely her fault that half of Doranelle now believes that Lorcan and Rowan are divorced, and co-parenting their daughter together with Gavriel and Vaughan, their new partners, and Fenrys and Connall, her brothers.

Twilight

Twi-mental breakdown-light - Twilight if Bella had a precocious ten year old sister, and Edward and Bella raise her in aroace solidarity. Esme is delighted that she finally gets a grandchild, and Emmett is not responsible enough to baby sit.

[queenlybeastly]

I normally don’t make my own posts on here because of certain reasons however i do want to say something about the newest Planet Of the Apes movie.

Specifically the shipping. The shipping of the MC Noa and the human character Mae.

Stop here if you don’t wanna get spoiled about the movie or if you’re already hating what might be said.

TW for: general cursing, mentions of incest and sexual stuff.

To clarify, i love interspecies relationships. Ask any moots of mine or even look at what i reblog when it comes to those types of ships.

However seeing this ship has rubbed me the wrong way.

I haven’t seen the movie, I’m planning to just not in theaters, but ive gone through the POTA tag on both here and on tiktok. From what I’ve seen and gathered the arguments for this ship are “look! They have chemistry! Noa wouldn’t have done all this for Mae if he didn’t like or have some feelings for her!” “the cast and crew hinted a love story for them!” And even “if you hate this ship even though you like interspecies, youre a hypocrite”

But i have some thoughts on all of this.

1) Chemistry doesn’t mean romance. Two or more characters can have the most amazing chemistry and still likely be friends or platonic soulmates/kindred spirits. And that’s what I’m most likely leaning towards when it comes to these two characters.

Yes they have long gazes, yes he saves her and she saves him, yes they both look up at the stars at the end. But i feel like that’s what two people may go through if they’ve went through the events Noa and Mae have gone through.

And if anyone thinks I’m not for this ship because of the lack of sexual nature of these two then get out. Leave. Block me. I may reblog funni haha horni posts but that’s not all of my damn personality. Thinking that is inherently gross.

2) The interspecies aspect is… odd. Mainly cause I don’t think these two are a interspecies relationship at all. Genetically we share a lot of DNA with primates. Culturally the apes in the current movie are currently going through their own age of civilization that can be comparable to pre Sumeria. They’re developing their own tools, customs, language, are training animals for hunting and are gathering. While interesting from an anthropological perspective they’re evolving the same way humans have.

You can apply the last bit to any fictional species but to me its like watching a distant cousin learning how to ride a bike.

I would deem interspecies romance as shipping characters that aren’t related to the human race at all. Apes and us shared a common ancestor. So, not interspecies.

3) This entire franchise may be fictional… but that’s what worries me. People as of late will shut off their brain if it means shipping something that is obviously problematic.

Case in point? House of Dragons.

I will not touch that show because of the shipping wars. I hated watching tumblr go googly eyed for when a young teenage Rhyneara was crushing over her uncle. Hell i even saw a post where someone got a pic from a trailer that showed a hand over hers and going ‘oh my god guys shes finally gonna bone her uncle!!’ As if incest was suddenly okay even from a literary standpoint. Even if it happened in the lore and books. This is why I think the entirety of The Game of Thrones universe should not have been created.

But this is what we have been seeing.

Just because something is fictional doesn’t mean it can’t happen in real life. And if we normalize something that should remain fictional people are gonna think its okay.

TLDR; I will only see Mae and Noa as platonic soul mates. And that will remain unless something happens where its not gonna be problematic.

Oh! And please don’t bring up the Harkness test when it comes to the validity of this ship. That’s a whole other rant for a whole other day.

[stories-dearheart]

🍂🍎

🍂 leaves: what does your editing process look like? how does your wip typically change as you work on it?

Typically I write a full rough draft, take a hard look at it and make notes of what I want to change, wait a solid few months, then go back and start re-writing it from scratch. Typically I’ve already come up with multiple things I want to change while writing the rough draft. There are always cornerstones of the stories and characters that don’t change, but everything else molds around those and changes to serve them better. For instance, in Order and Chaos, I said multiple times throughout the first draft that the lady is beloved by the people of the Commonwealth and truly wants to serve them, whereas the lord is distrusted and not known well; but I didn’t really show that much. So those core aspects remain, and other plot points and character dynamics are being changed to more clearly show and emphasize that.

🍎 apple: let’s talk about friendship in your wip. do you have any favorite friend/platonic dynamics? any friendships gone sour?

Ohoho do I!! As much as I love a good romance (and do have several), friendships make me go feral in a certain kind of way. Here are some of my favorites from each of my main WIPs:

Star Wars: Exiles - Jaina and Aji’s friendship is so sweet!! Neither of them have ever had siblings, so it takes a bit for them to get used to living together, but they pretty quickly become the sisters they never had. They’re both really lonely in a lot of ways, so they find solace in each other. Since Jaina’s several years older, and a lot more nurturing and traditionally feminine, she very easily slips into the big sister role. She may be a little know-it-all and sanctimonious at times, but she genuinely cares so much and will always be there for Aji with a hug and a place to rant. Aji, on the other hand, shows Jaina how to have fun again (though that fun may or may not result in getting in trouble more times than not). And since Jaina’s not good at standing up for herself, Aji will for her in a heartbeat. Hurt Jaina in any shape or form? Woe, small Mando be upon ye!

Order and Chaos - The lady loves her attendants SO MUCH you guys. So much. She’s not able to show it as much as she wants to, but having her girls around her is what helps her keep going every day. They are all so individual and lovely in their own ways, and they truly are a band of sisters who will support each other in every way possible. And they would absolutely lay down their lives for their lady (not that she would ever ask it of them).

The Raven and The Sparrow - There are multiple friendships in R&S, but the most interesting one is definitely Jay and Mel. As cousins growing up together in the slums, they were inseparable, and stood up for each other against bullies and villagers wanting to rid their town of Spirits. But, as they got older, Jay was hurt more and more, and Mel always seemed to get himself out of it—sometimes at Jay’s expense. Jay simultaneously clung to Mel as one of the few people who even slightly cared about him, and began to hate him. After Mel’s mother died, his father told him of Ilse, and Mel decided to leave even though Jay begged him to stay. That just built resentment between them. Jay didn’t know where Mel had gone, only that he had chosen to leave; when Jay wound up on Ilse’s doorstep himself, he was shocked to find Mel there. They pretty quickly became rivals for Ilse’s attention and approval, and the resentment only grew from there. Mel was always quick-witted and charming, and the strength of his powers meant Ilse offered him positions she wouldn’t give anyone else. But she also favored Jay and kept him closest to her, and despite the abuse he suffered because of that, Mel craved the attention and even semblance of love and resented Jay for receiving it. Lots of messy character dynamics there, and it will be really interesting to explore how they reconcile during the actual events of the book!

[megnificent-reads]

A Court of Wings and Ruin - Christ alive/5 ☆

Warning - this review is 1.2k words, and 98% negative. If you love SJM and the ACOTAR series, love that for you /gen. However, for your own mental health, I genuinely would not recommend you read this. For everyone else, and those who hate-read, Let's begin!

~~~

Okay, so I actually rated this 2 stars on Goodreads because I didn’t hate it the whole time but, I’m mad about it so it gets a special rating. ♡

I honestly lament when I was excited to read this book. Being what I refer to as a Lucien Lover (nuanced), I enjoyed a good bit of the beginning of this book. That’s not to say I wholeheartedly enjoyed every word of the first 100 pages of this book. 

So we start with Feyre in the throes of rage, becoming a master manipulator. Now, before I put just a minute or two of thought into it, I loved it. I love a girl tearing shit apart and using intellegence as a form of strength. However… 

Anybody think she was doing a little too much…?

Like, okay, Tamlin fucked up. Big time. I will admit justice is needed! Love when women take back power! But not only dismantling his entire country but turning everyone against him for things that he actually did not do? Crazy! He sucks! But people still live in that country. We still need order! His life is ruined now and I don’t necessarily think all that was necessary. 

Tamlin sidebar: “my father and my father’s father did the Tithe, so I’m going to do it.” Didn’t you acknowledge two books ago that your father sucks absolute ass? What fucking sense does that make? How in the first book was he the Perfect Moral Man that now can’t see the very evident immorality in the shit you’re doing. Anywhoozers. 

So, Feyre has her cool girl moments and returns to the Night Court. In book one, I was bored out of my mind until we arrived in Rhys-land. (Good one). This time, it was like the moment we arrived here the magic was lost. I was no longer excited to read. And honestly, I think the big issue was actually our beloved bat-boy, Rhysand.

I don’t know her personally, so this is not an attack on her character, but I’m starting to feel like SJM writes Rhysand based off of her fantasy version of what a man is like. Dominating, but soft and loving. Perfectly moral. Capable of evil, deplorable things, but too loving of people and their dreams to be that way. I’m going to be referring to it as PMS (Perfect Man Syndrome). 

Many of her men (sorry, males) are unfortunate PMS victims, but Rhysand is by far the worst. I wish I had underlined it when I was reading so I could cite it, but there’s just something about his actions. He is PMSing so hard that he doesn’t develop at all. He was old enough to be grown during the faerie-UK version of the Amercian Civil War where of course he was anti-slavery the entire time despite being raised by people who appeared to be violent racists. Good for our educated king. He also, of course, runs a sanctuary for abused women. 

Of course, I’m not saying that being anti-slavery and supporting abused women is bad. I love it. But like… be real with me here. I know that this is fictional. It’s not real. We can be happy here. But can I have some dimension, please? This man is the personality version of Flat Stanley. We had two conflicts between them since they got together and both were resolved by Rhys nearly getting on his knees and saying everything is his fault and he’s so sorry. The first conflict was just her thinking she stepped out of her Womenly Line and him not even knowing there was an issue. 

He’s just so. Fucking. Boring. 

Moving on. ♡.

Let’s talk about what makes me so goddamn angry about this book. I’ve seen complaints about SJM where other people are saying that other people call her books feminist literature. I personally have never heard anybody say that, but if I did, I don’t know if I would be able to control the rant that would ensue.  

I’m willing to have a civilized conversation, but I don’t remember Feyre actually doing anything. Yes, SJM puts her women in positions of power. Do they use said power? Maybe once or twice. 

Amren is an ex-god with powers above any character we’ve met so far. We see it used I think once. The rest of the time is spent talking about her power and her holding down the fort at Velaris while everyone else is off to war. 

Morrigan - also very powerful (described only). I remember her power being “truth” and never elaborating on that. She is a known soldier, that doesn’t fight. 

During the two huge battles, Feyre, Nesta, and Morrigan are on the ground while Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel are in the air fighting. After the first battle, Feyre is seen tending to her beloved mate’s wounds, Nesta is fetching water for Cassian, and Morrigan is getting mad at Nesta for wanting to fuck Cassian. So strong of all of them. 

Azriel is there doing… nothing. Which he has a habit of doing. Speaking of habits, SJM will create characters that I like because I’m excited to see how they will grow and develop. 

She then proceeds to do nothing with them.

I know more books are coming, as they will with SJM until the end of time, but it’s starting to drag. I love Elain. Well, I love what Elain could be. She’s a seemingly fragile, docile character. With her Seer powers, I was excited to see her notice the world around her sucks and develop into somone capable of holding their own. Instead, she uses her powers to relay some cryptic messages that no one heeds or even tries to, then she “snaps out of it” and can’t really do anything else. 

Azriel has a tragic backstory and seemingly a big story to tell. God, I wish I could ever fucking hear it. 

This is getting exceptionally long, but I remembered I had a list of things I wanted from ACOWAR and didn’t receive, so I’ll pick one more thing off. 

The Ouroboros. Out of all symbols, the Ouroboros is my favorite. Cycles and inevitability and all that. We spend a good chunk of this book leading up to Feyre retrieving this. It drives everyone mad. Only the strongest can look in it and survive. I was so excited to see what she saw! What the battle with herself would be like! How does she overcome it?

I guess we’ll never know.

She ended up seeing… herself? I guess she wasn’t previously aware of her flaws and then simply accepted them. Would love to have seen it!

And to finally end this review, I think the Ouroboros is a good symbol of every issue I have with this book. There’s so much build up and excitement that ultimately leads nearly no explanation. It’s like there’s ideas and concepts but then no idea how to execute them.

I won’t be reading ACOFAS or ACOSF or anything else. I already didn’t want to, then I found out about the pregnancy thing and. Yeah. I think I’m good off that.