#goes together like pickle juice and ice cream

[athina-blaine]

man the griffin soup chapter and the changeling chapter really just happened to fall into the same episode bracket huh ...

[caffeinated-beverage]

HEADCANON LIST FOR MY PERSONAL MUSES!!!

First, though, let me list their names:

Ąžuolas: 1p Liet

Tatjana: Nyo Liet

Raivis: 1p Lat.via

Rebeka: nyo Lat.via

Motega: 1p Ame.rica

Kima: Nyo Ameri.ca

Kateryna: 1p Ukr.aine

Jomari: 1p Phil.ippines

Hiraya: Nyo Phil.ippines

Hafoca: 1p Ice.land

Björk: Nyo Ice.land

Madam Chaikova: 1p Bel.arus

Anastazy: 1p Pol.and

Kaishek: 1p Hon.g-Kon.g

Karling: Nyo Hon.g-Kon.g

-Ąžuolas gets airsickness when flying in the plane. HE DOES LOVE VISITING OTHER COUNTRIES THOUGH but flying in the plane makes him feel nauseous. Good that he can teleport though, yea? :D Ofc, he's technically not SUPPOSED to TP into another country bc of things like,, visas n whatnot. But unless someone snitches, no authorities will ever know :P

-When Tatjana was in the hospital for a recent major surgery, there was someone visiting her & trying to make her laugh, at a point where it was still painful for her to speak, let alone *laugh* 🤦 they meant well, ofc. but still.. that hurts.. :(

-Raivis stims by stretching out his hair curls, fluttering his eyes, rocking side-to-side, rolling his eyes (he's not trying to be rude, i promise you! it's subconsious, and means absolutely nothing!), crossing his eyes, rubbing his hands together, clicking his pen (this drives Ąžuolas NUTS, but he tries not to say anything), whistling, shaking his head, etc. He toys with his bracelets, sits there are stares at the little dust particles floating around in the light, and loves to try and balance the light switch and watch the lights flicker in rooms (this also drives Ąžuolas absolutely BONKERS!!). He also likes to open and close the fridge door and just watch the light in there go on and off. And whenever he walks past any fences, trees, or bushes, he has to run his hands on them.

-Rebeka enjoys herbology, and likes to make potions :)

-Motega actually really dislikes pickles. He also doesn't rlly like sour stuff, but his reaction to tasting something sour is absolutely hilarious xD

-Both Motega & Kima really enjoy playing baseball, but they don't play it professionally

-If you go tipping Kateryna's cows, she'll tip YOU over next >:(

-Ąžuolas & Motega are gossip buddies.

-Ąžuėlis & Mote skype each other every night (or day), and just chat about general things, AND ALSO spew about whatever gossip they heard recently.

-Tanja is the type to make sure nobody who comes to her house will ever starve while they're there

-Raivis & Hafoca are QPR partners who have sleepovers as often as they are able, give each other "tattoos" with markers, cuddle on the sofa watching cartoons, etc.

-Rebeka has abit of a crush on Karling. Karling barely knows her 😂

-Motega & Ąžuėlis kiss each other goodnight

-Kima would buy you a new ice cream if u dropped urs on the floor

-Kateryna is the type to lie and say she's already eaten a big meal when she goes to someone else's house & they offer her food, bc she doesn't wanna be a burden :((

-Both Jomari & Hiraya know about mythical sea creatures, know they exist for real n whatnot, but they don't tell anyone bc they were required to keep their sightings secret

-Hiraya is the type of person who is making spam musubi at 2 in the -freaking- morning 😂

-Raivis & Hafoca like watching & poking fun at those fake 3AM videos together

Madam Chaikova is the type of person who always must have either a scented diffuser, or scented candles going in her house

-Anastazy has two yappy pomeranians who will bark at literally anything & everything, and somehow ALWAYS know when he spills his drink or drops his food/snack.

-Björk secretly enjoys kids' cartoons

-If you were to read Jomari's diary, you will see several hand-written articles in full-detail about his encounters with mythical sea-creatures, which might not be so "mythical" afterall..?

-Hiraya is an AMAZING cook. Could go professional if she ever wanted to. She makes god-tier halo-halo, puto, & pan de coco.

-Hafoca's favorite drinks are apple juice, yogurt smoothie, & coca-cola

-Madam Chaikova has a itty-bitty black cat that is missing one eye. Her name is Rybka, and she helps her with alchemy <3 and, unlike her MOMMY, she is a very sweet lil' cat (madam chaikova is a grouchy old lady lol)

-Anastazy doesn't know what to do with flowers when they are given to him, so he just eats them 🤦

-Björk really does not like to go swimming, because ✨ insecurities ✨

-Karling is the type who gets to go on a vacation once per summer (so jealous fr)

-Ąžuolas plays basketball as a recreational activity. Also, he gets really into it when watching basketball on the tv. He be yelling at the tv screen and everything

-If you have to confess something to Tatjana, DO NOT approach her with an "I have to tell something to you, but pls don't be angry 🥺 ", because if that's the first thing you say to her, she will already be heavily suspicious, and also way more likely to get mad if you tell her something slightly anger-inducing.

-Raivis can see ghosts, but he's been seeing them for so long, he is too used to them to get scared. He knows every ghost that lives in his apartment building by 1st & last name, age, gender, and appearance. And, if one of his plates suddenly crash onto the floor for seemingly no reason, he knows exactly who is to blame for it.

-Rebeka loves boba tea. Also, her favorite candies are always chocolates. Also, she tries to cook & make concoctions, but it always gets really messy. She does try to clean up after herself though, but she still manages to leave something behind, proving that she's been up to something

-Kateryna grows corn, wheat, & soybeans in her farm, and also has some apple trees.

-Motega isn't really too much into drinking, but he may have an occasional drink during social occasions. Also, he's slightly addicted to energy drinks. And when it comes to pepsi vs coca-cola, he is 100% with coca-cola, but his boyfriend ĄŽUĖLIS prefers pepsi >:(( But they both love cream soda tho

-Kima has a dog; she's a pitbull/rottweiler mix named Brownie. Brownie, despite being a big & muscular dog, thinks she's a lapdog and has a habit of jumping up into EVERYONE's laps, even guests. Also, headcanon Eng.land screams like a little girl every time that dog jumps on him 😂

-Jomari is an ocean fisherman. He's been in this profession for a long time, too, so he even knows how to handle the types of sea creatures everyone is afraid of, such as sharks, squids, crabs, etc. He knows the best spots to catch the most fish, and the best methods for getting them. Also, he ironically owns & wears this hat:

-Hiraya owns a motorcycle, but she still uses public transport sometimes.

-At some point, Hafoca was in archery classes. He was the top student in these classes, but he was always incapable of taking compliments/praise from others 😂

-Madam Chaikova has very granny-type hobbies, such as; knitting, embroidering, gardening, baking, reading, birdwatching, crotcheting, hiking, quilting, alchemy (potion-making), witchcraft, etc.

-Anastazy drives a motorcycle. And, there have been many occasions where some assholes stole his motorcycle despite him using a lock for it, but he has always managed to report it & get his motorcycle back. But in the meantime while his motorcycle was missing, he'd carpool with Ąžuėlis.

-Björk is the type who always oversleeps & is grouchy when she wakes up, and also gets difficult whenever someone tries to get her up. But then, when she wakes up & sees the time, she freaks out and is like, "OMG NOR.WAY!!! WHY DID YOU NOT WAKE ME UP?!?!" whilst she runs around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to hurry up & get ready. Also, she always has messy hair due to her usually waking up late & not even having time to brush her hair a bit, let alone style it in any way. There have even been a few times when she showed up mildly smelly, bc she was in such a rush that she forgot to put on deodorant 😭 She's always atleast a little bit late to wherever she was going, too 😂

-Karling snores like a train 😭

-Kaishek is the type of kid who takes his nintendo switch with him everywhere

[bakubitch-minusultra]

Not Alone: Chapter One

-> an apocalyptic series with bnha characters but without quirks because im the writer and i can do whatever the fuck i want :3 anywho i hope you enjoy :)) The main love interest will be reader and bakugo i think edit: it is not going to be just bakugo it will be a love triangle k byebye for the second time oh also this is fem reader k bye lol

-> Word Count: 1.9k (I lowkey popped off)

-> Warnings: None rly just mentions of guns and blood

-> Tag list: @5sosfckss @laudthingcat

Chapter One

People would tell you that the world was made for two, but as Y/n sat in the silence of the old cellar two felt like a long lost dream. It was like wind rolling around you gently, trying to persuade you to move in all directions. It’s an ice cream cone on a boardwalk with the sun above and the salty ocean below. It’s a perfect place no one tries to remember.

Any mind left functioning in the world has evolved to be built for pain. Maybe once upon a time there had been a time and place where love and compassion was something for people to look forward to in life.

This wasn't that world anymore.

To Y/n, that type of world never existed anyways. The world had always been a selfish dark place where love is fleeting and the people are brutal. Once upon a time, true love accidentally affected those who were fortunate. But like every other beautiful thing, they polluted and corrupted it, and like everything else, it got sick.

Y/n’s seen it all. And in the end when it’s taken away the people who protested or cried the loudest, were the one who had taken it for granted the most.

Y/n looked around the cellar, in three days she barely moved. It’s her rule and because of it she can leave easier with the feeling of safety. She always ended a shopping trip with a quiet few nights in a cellar or basement.

Y/n wasn’t born to do this, she had to learn to move around quietly, how to sit still. She knew what she had to do to survive. She had lain amongst the dead, she had run through the dark woods, having to feel her eyesite clear like a wild animal and embrace the darkness.

She crept out into the beam of dust lingering in the stale air, sparkling from the sunlight that found its way down two stories into a dark cellar. The beam of light almost made her smile as she admired the light's determination. Y/n shook her head to bring her thoughts back to the harsh reality as she took her first step towards the stairs.

The explosions never seemed to destroy this home in any way. The stairs were in one piece, which had become a bit of a novelty to her. The old farmhouse was too far from any major centers or roads to have even known of the problems, at least in the beginning. The blood stain smears on the white siding outside proved that sickness has touched every single inch of this world.

The hard wood creaked under the weight of her first step. She held her breath and hoped that the creak went unheard. She slowly took another step up as she let out a shaky breath. On the third step she hesitated, listening for any sort of alarming sounds. Her heart was beating like it was trying to free itself from her constricted chest. She waited a second longer, it was another rule of hers. Never leave when you feel safe, always wait three more seconds.

She put her feet on the far sides of the stairs, where the rusty nails attached the boards to the frame. Shallow breaths make sounds in this new world, in the borderlands anyway. There was no electricity, no cars, no phones, no buzz. The world now sits quiet, as if it was sighing and taking a long inhale after what seemed like forever with mankind and the noise pollution. Y/n was at peace when she was at home, but here in the open world she was one of them. One of what was left of humanity. What scrambles to survive, most of the time seperate from everyone else.

Y/n looked through the cellar door and tried to keep her anxious heartbeat low and her breath quiet. She knew that her body needed to make some noises, but others she could control.

The house was simple. Farmhouses were always the best houses according to Y/n. They always sat a long way off the road, not that roads mattered anymore. They always have canning and pickling that would outlast any human. They always have safety supplies and extras of everything. Farmers lived the longest, just as Y/n’s father said they would.

Two trips a year was rarely enough, but Y/n knew that if she traveled any more than that she would be caught.

She walked through the small kitchen and was amazed at how pristine it still was. Everything was still in its place, just as it was the first time she came to the farmhouse, although now layers of dust had found their way into the home, along with the bits of weeds that grew in through the cracks. With no busy grandmother to buzz around cleaning and dusting the mess, everything shows the house’s years of abandonment. Vines grew up the sides of the house, like all houses. As always, she stood against the doorframe and put her hand at the top of her head as her measurement. She turned and looked at how much higher it is than the mark she foolishly put there last time she came.

She looked away from the mark and pushed away the memories of the happy little girl she used to be. She walked low to the ground toward the backdoor. She couldn’t help but laugh inside at how ridiculous it was that she still felt safer going through the backdoor, even though there was no front or back. There were only doors. They didn’t go anywhere anymore. There was no direction.

Nothing goes anywhere.

Y/n positioned the heavy pack on her back carefully. It contained jars full of heart and soul and survival. To Y/n each jar was like a gentle kiss from the old lady who canned and pickled from her own farm of fresh vegetables. She assumed there are no preservatives, no added colorings, no added salt. There weren’t any labels to contradict anything. For all she knew there was MSG in everything. Y/n found herself smiling at the letters MSG, they meant something to humanity once. That was before.

She fought back memories of nice old ladies and the world before. She had been to many worlds in her life, and being nineteen felt more life sixty most days. She took a deep breath and creaked the door open, as if the wind had opened it. She closed it and opened it again. It felt like the wind coming off the brown dirt field was playing with the door.

Her sharp eyes focused on the dirt yard. Nothing moved, everything was standing still. She knew that she should’ve been waiting for the night to travel, but she had stayed too long this time. She needed to get back. Things only lived so long alone, she knew this well. Her garden had died many times before.

The old barn door swung in the soft breeze, making it creak slightly as the long tan grass swayed and small pebbles scuttled along. Everything moved in sync with the wind. Y/n learned how to spot that.

Y/n pulled the door and cringed, she knew this was always the worst part of the walk home. She hated leaving this house.

She felt her eyes squint shot, as the intense light of the sun nearly blinded her. Her pack felt like tons of bricks on her back, but she took her first steps, desperate for the walk to be over with already. She tried not to jostle her bag too much because she didn’t want to break any jars. She learned the hard way that pickle juice is hard to get out and that backpacks were even harder to find.

Walking across the dirt and gravel driveway to the field was the worst. Y/n looked around, walking with her shotgun in her hand. She usually practiced often with her rifle and silencer at home. But on the road she always brought her shotgun. She saw it as her lucky gun. The thick cold metal made her feel strong, even though she knew what strength was.

To her, strength was not pulling the trigger. At this point in life she has yet to prove her strength to her own self. She always took the cowards path. Just like her dad told her to.

Her boots crunched along the path. She walked softly but some noises were unavoidable. She knew the noise would last until she reached the huge wheat field. Then she would be a whisper in the wind. She entered the field without looking back, when she reached the field she knew the rule.

Her legs groaned under the first steps, but after the first quarter mile she started to warm up and she enjoyed running. Her back was the issue, what with the pack being so much heavier than she had ever trained with. She gripped the shoulder straps tight until her arms couldn’t stand it for another second. Even then, she kept pushing until she reached the forest.

She ran deep intothe woods, always on the same side. Never the same path but always the same destination. The branches whipped past her. The edge of the forest was always the thickest. As the forest clears I see him. He’s smiling like always. He’s calm. He doesn’t run and jump. He waits to confirm that she hadn’t brought anything with her. He’s seen them before. He knew how bad it could be. Together both of them had seen the people get swarmed and taken, usually women.

“Hades.” Y/n whispered out of breath.

Instead of the warm greeting they both want, she quickly turned around and held her shotgun up. She walked backwards as Hades sauntered over to watch the forest. They sat behind a tree and waited and after a few minutes she put the pack down gently and climbed one of the huge trees. The thick branches were very rough against her hands. She sat on a branch and looked through her binoculars from the high viewpoint.

She could see the entire field of brown hay from where she was sitting. Y/n let herself have a weak moment and let herself imagine living in the farmhouse one day and harvesting hay. She felt her eyes strain as she tried to find even a single strand of grass moving in a way that would mean she was followed. She looked at the farmhouse sitting still and alone and hoped it would stay that way until her next trip.

She looked past the farmhouse and watched everything move just as it should. After coming to the conclusion that no one had followed her, she climbed down the tree, eager to lay in her own bed.

When her feet touched the dry ground, she looked at Hades, whose yellow eyes confirmed her thoughts. They were alone. She dropped to her knees and greetedhim as he bounded towards her. The large tundra wolf licked her face and raised his massive paws up to hug her. She would hug him so often when he was baby and one day he hugged back.

He nuzzled at her softly and nipped at her arms. She rubbed his huge soft ears and stood up. She patted him gently on his head.

“Ready?” She asked.

She picked up the heavy pack and adjusted to having it on her back again. The walk home would take an entire day if she could manage to keep a solid pace. Hades started the walk home by heading past the old broken oak tree. Their meeting place.

--

I worked really hard on this and so i hope people enjoy this although ik this chapter is a lil boring but i promise next chapter will be better k goodbye have a good day love u

[1010ll]

do you have any new recipes that you've learned recently? i remember you wrote something a while ago about carbonara and i tried it out for myself it was really fun!!

i love this 😭 im gonna write way too much idec! something that has changed since that post: my kitchen is worse. i have a horrible combi oven which has resulted in me accidentally eating raw chicken, because it had been in there for more than 2 hours at supposedly 230 °C and i was really hungry and thought it HAD to be done by then. also i have less time and less money lol. it has made me a bit sad, and less motivated to cook nice things but i also love food! which means these tips/recipes are gonna reflect that and might seem a bit dull but probably also relatable for a lot of people.   i’ve definitely made spaghetti carbonara a bit too much because it’s simple and require few ingredients! will still vouch for that one tip about substituting the bacon with roasted veggies and other types of meat.

last week i made risotto for the very first time, i think? which means i might be assuming a bit too much, but i think it’s a great dish that you can almost make with whatever you have in your fridge. i made it with roasted beetroot(needs A LOT of time to soften, lesson learned), carrots and parsley root or parsnip(idk the difference), dried rosemary and thyme, garlic and onion. i had some leftover sushi rice, which is great for risotto apparently(love versatile ingredients), roasted them in some oil and then added white wine and chicken stock and actually added a leftover parmesan rind i had in the fridge to give the ‘stock’ some flavour, a bit of nutmeg and then in the end some shredded gouda lol… it was surprisingly delicious and i didn’t even really care to cook the rice perfectly. it also tasted delicious 3 days later, which was a nice surprise. i bet there are tons of risotto recipes online, but as long as you have rice, some kind of flavoured water, i guess you could kind of add whatever you want of veggies and top with whatever herb you have around.

another type of porridge i consume a lot these days is hot oat porridge, which i’ve eaten since i was little and it was the first ‘dish’ i learnt to make myself and it’s cheap. some people really dislike the consistency and look but i don’t. it’s also very easy to customise. i put in whatever nuts and seeds(which are often cheaper than nuts) i have around: flaxseed, sesame seeds, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, chopped almonds and sometimes a dollop of peanut butter. i let them simmer along with the oats. i like adding those elements because it gives it some texture and it keeps me more full throughout the day. it’s very important to me because i hate spending money i don’t have on fast-food when i’m not home and i hate being hungry. dried raisins, cranberries for a bit of sweetness and if i’m treating myself i’ll add some fresh apples cut into small pieces or some homemade berry compote(i use frozen) or brown sugar. if i had more money i’d use maple syrup but i don’t at the moment. i also add a bit of cinnamon and cardamom, dried ginger etc, whatever you feel like. some people also add milk afterwards but i’d rather spend my milk on my coffee.

a small tip: making chili flake / garlic oil. it’s really delicious, you could put it straight on pasta with some parmesan and pepper and it would be a filling meal. either chop the garlic really fine, grate it, microplane it, smash it to pieces. heat some olive oil until it’s quite hot, then remove from heat and add the chili flakes and garlic. if the oil isn’t hot enough you can just put the pan or pot back on the heat but be careful you don’t burn the chili flakes or garlic, as it will make it bitter. the longer it will toast, the less pronounced the raw garlic flavour will be, so when it smells toasted enough for your taste, take it off. i store it in a tiny glass jar and add it in stews, sauces, toasts, pizza, sandwiches etc. the flavour is very strong imo and everything it touches will smell like it. something to drink: i like strong foods and i like sour foods, which is why i like lemon/ginger based drinks. to make it even more winter friendly and easy to make, i like to grate unpeeled ginger(i hate slices of ginger, they do nothing for me and seems like a waste of ginger), lemon zest, lemon juice and mix it or blend it with some water/apple juice and honey and strain it afterwards. if you have a really nice blender you can just add all of it together with some ice. i’m basically making a large amount of ginger shot mixture. then when i feel like it, i can take some of the mixture and either drink it as it is, add more apple juice if i need a refreshing beverage or add hot water and more honey for when im cold. you could also add turmeric, chili, use less sweetener and other sorts of healthy stuff but i honestly do it for the taste so i don’t care about that that much.

something sweet: i posted earlier about cakes and someone mentioned swedish kladdkaka, which is a super delicious, cheap, brownie-like chocolate cake that is easily customized and hard to fuck up which is why i’ve made it since i was very young and is a go-to and i didn’t even know it was a swedish thing. if you like airy, light cakes this is not for your. this is sticky, sweet and almost like confection. you can add nuts, swirls of peanutbutter, tahini, actual pieces of chocolate, replace the white sugar with brown sugar, the butter with oil(you can be fancy and use a bit of olive oil) or use a mixture, brown the butter, you name it. the recipe i use is this: melt 100 g butter and let cool. mix 2 eggs + 3 dl sugar in a bowl until fluffy in one bowl. mix 1.5 dl flour, 4 tbs cocoa, 1 pinch of salt in another. mix the dry with the wet mixture and add the cooled, melted butter. this is the point where you’d add chopped nuts, chocolate etc. pour the batter into a cake tin lined with parchment (i use one that is 16 cm in diameters i think). bake the cake for around 30 mins at 150°C - 175°C degrees. check on the cake using a cake tester or a a knife. if the knife is clean after … stabbing it, it’s done! the cake will change it’s texture after cooling. this is a cheap cake, and if you like cake dough you might want to give it less time in the oven for a more fudgey texture. make it your own! there are no rules. last time i made this, i left it in for too long in my opinion but it was still delicious. also i literally have a shit oven with a round oven rack that goes in circles no matter what due to the microwave function, and the only ‘mixing’ equipment i have is a whisk and a spatula. no need for kitchen aids or  even electrical hand mixers.

something else i’ve been eating a lot for lunch is simple open faced sandwiches, and something that can really elevate those is: making your own mayonnaise(and toasting the bread). it can be challenging, but it’s really worth it imo and i can’t remember the last time i bought it in a store. i have a small plastic bowl, whisk and 1 egg yolk. something i can really recommend is buying pour snouts for bottles. i transfer my oils from their plastic bottles to smaller, old soda bottles because im cheesy like that and it’s really handy especially when making mayo. constantly whisking the egg yolk by hand and then adding the NEUTRAL oil ever so slowly. don’t be fancy and use cold pressed stuff or extra virgin olive oil because it will taste weird. i only ever fail when i try to use immersion blenders for some weird reason but i find it rewarding to do by hand anyways and i think it might be easier to make smaller portions that way. mayo needs acid and you can get it by adding regular vinegar, apple cider vinegar, balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, lime juice, pickle juice, citric acid dissolved in water etc. it’s really easy to customise! when im making banh mi, i add some sesame oil, soy sauce for saltiness and use lime as the acidic element. for more regular use i add a bit of mustard(also helps with the emulsion), for fries, i like adding some fresh garlic. something as simple as mayo, tomatoes, flaky salt and pepper topped with chives is really nice. i also really like using slices of boiled potatoes or boiled eggs(idk if that’s only a thing where i’m from), mayo and the chili garlic oil. it’s also great for making tuna salad. yesterday i made a really simple sandwich with a very simple tuna salad(tuna, mayo, yoghurt, lemon and pepper), arugula, basil, the garlic/chili oil, cream cheese, pickled jalapeños and onions, green peber, cucumber and tomatoes. you could leave out everything but the tuna salad and it would still be a great little meal.

another nice condiment that beats the supermarket stuff by far is homemade ‘pesto’. when i buy parsley from my local grocery store, it’s a gigantic amount that i in no way can consume in a week. first of all when buying fresh herbs i really recommend washing them, wrapping them in a damp towel and keeping them in a closed container. it will prolong their lifetime from lasting a day to a week(change the towel if it seems too wet). i once had some cilantro in my fridge for several weeks and still be fresh. anyways, when i buy that much parsley, i like to remove the tougher parts of the stem(which i use in stews/sauces! chop it up and sautee it along with garlic and onion), add literally just olive oil, water, pepper, garlic, and a bit of acid and then blend away! it keeps for a long time in the fridge and is also delicious beneath tomatoes/potatoes/cheese on open-faced sandwiches. if you want to be fancy you can of course add some type of hard cheese, nuts, seeds, dried tomatoes, whatever.

i know this is the longest text post ever, but as a last reminder, i really recommend watching pasta grannies on youtube. really simple recipes with focus on few, good ingredients that just takes some time and love.

[leafs-lover]

Because Two People Got Drunk: 4

Series Masterlist

Summary: You and Fred begin to figure out your friendship moving forward, or you thought you did.

Warning: Swearing, smut, unprotected sex

Word Count: 1,866

May 10, 2021

You haven’t heard from Fred since that day.  You don’t know if he is coming but sitting in the empty exam room you realize he may not be. The doctor opens the door. “Hi (Y/N). How are you doing, any morning sickness, hormonal changes?" 

 “Yes and yes! The morning sickness was really bad for a few weeks, like all day every day but it seems to be dying down. Still have it sometimes but it’s not as frequent. But I find my hormones off the wall some days.” 

 “All very normal. But the hormonal changes will likely get worse" you groan “you’re approaching you’re second trimester so the morning sickness should subside, but…that’s when a woman’s sex drive normally goes into high gear, urges all the time…” the door flies open. 

 “Sorry was caught at work, I’m Fred the father” he sticks his hand out. 

 “We were just getting started, if you want to take a seat" she points to the chair beside the table. As he hits down you shift in your chair, you smell his cologne mixed with sweat, intoxicating. She lifts your gown pouring some cold jelly on your stomach and begins moving the wand. She stops and points to the screen “this is your baby" flicking on button “and this is its heart beat, sounds good and healthy." 

 Fred’s absent mindlessly grabs your hand. You sit there barely listening to the doctor as you focus on the heartbeat. She hands you each a picture “If you don’t have any questions then I will see you at your next appointment and good luck with what we talked about." 

 With that the doctor leaves the room and Fred stares at you “I need to get dressed” you whisper to Fred “and I need my hand back." He releases your hand and gets up and leaves the room. You walk into the waiting room and see Fred there he gets up to leave with you “Can we go somewhere and talk, maybe grab a coffee” you nod. 

 “I wanted to apologize for how I reacted last time. It was a lot to process all at once.”

 “It’s okay” you respond.  

 “No it wasn’t” he exclaims. “So what was the doctor talking about at the end? The good luck thing?” A light blush comes across your face “oh nothing” you respond.

 “Are you sure? If there’s something going on with the baby I feel like I should know” he says getting offended.

“Oh no, it’s nothing with baby it’s just stuff with hormones.” He doesn’t look convinced. “I promise it’s just something that every woman has to deal with when they’re pregnant it’s not a big deal if it was anything with the baby I would let you know right away.” Fred lets it go, but you can tell he still has questions.

_______________________________________________________________

Mushrooms?” He questions. “I thought most women crave pickles or ice cream.” 

 “Yeah I know it’s weird they have to be cooked though, grilled, fried, baked, in a sauce, no sauce doesn’t matter just as long as it’s cooked. Like every meal I eat has to have mushrooms, sometimes I just eat mushrooms as a snack. I know its super weird.” You laugh.

 Fred and you have been talking a little bit since the last time you saw each other. He’s been checking in on you, your morning sickness and asking a million questions from things he has googled or the book he’s been reading. You are trying to figure out how co-parenting is going to work once the baby is born and having some form of friendship will likely help. 

“But otherwise the appointment went fine. The doctor says that we can probably find out the gender in a few weeks if we want” Fred is silent and you can hear a commotion on the other end. “You okay?”

 “Oh sorry I got to go we’re having an unscheduled team meeting, you know playoff stuff.” 

 “No worries I’ll talk to you later.”  

 ______________________________________________________________    

June 1, 2020

 A few days later Fred’s at your door, with the Leafs recently being eliminated in the second round. “Hey what are you doing here?” He reaches into the bag and pulls out mushrooms, you just laugh letting him into your apartment “I thought I could make you lunch” he says.  

 He looks down to your stomach “wow really popped these last couple of weeks.” 

 “Yeah growing a human does that to a woman.” You laugh, “you can touch it if you want." 

 He walks over “you sure?” you just nod. He slowly takes his hand and places it on your stomach, a smile spreading across his face. You feel wetness pool as you remember the last time his hands were on you and how they felt. How his fingers were in you, with your juices dripping down them, how they felt around your neck. 

 “Have you felt anything, like kicks?” he asks bringing you back.

 “No nothing yet but it’s still kind of early to feel kicks. Likely not for a bit longer, I’ve heard with first pregnancies it can be later on too.” He takes his hand off and turns back to the food. You finally take a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding in.

 “How have you been feeling” he asks looking through your cupboards to find what he needs to make food but you get lost staring at him. You can tell the playoffs have taken a toll on them he looks tired with bags under his eyes, but he still looks really good tight t-shirt, khaki shorts. Those second trimester hormones have really kicked in. 

He stops cooking to stare at you waiting for your response you shake your heads “I’m sorry what?” you look at his hand wrapped around the knife.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

 “Yeah sorry these uh hormones, and pregnancy brain, and stuff it’s all bugging me, didn’t realize how badly were until you got here.” He looks almost offended by that comment but keeps cooking. A few minutes later you are on your couch eating stuffed mushroom caps. He still hasn’t said anything. 

 “Remember that thing the doctor mentioned at the last appointment?”  He nods. “Well during the 2nd trimester hormones start to go all over the place, including my sex drive. Like everything turns me on. I’ve tried to deal with it myself” you pause for a minute “but it just isn’t doing it. And it’s not like I can ask someone to help me. I mean who will sleep with a visibly pregnant woman? I just have to deal with it during the pregnancy...” 

 You stop rambling and sit silently finishing your food. You take your plate to the kitchen “why did I say all that “runs through your mind. You sit back down beside Fred, what feels like hours pass before he finally speaks. 

 “Did you ever consider asking the person who got you pregnant to help" his hand resting gently on your thigh sending a shiver up your spine.  “I mean I get not wanting a random person, but I already slept with you once, what’s another time? And from what I remember it was unbelievable. 3? Or was it 4?” He smirks, leaning closer inches from your face now whispering. “I’m sure I can do a better job than what you have been doing yourself.”

 “What if things get complicated? I want us to have a good relationship going forward for when this baby is born.” 

 “When has sex ever made something complicated?” he questions with a smirk. “We can stop at any time. We don’t have to just thought I could help you out" he begins to lean back but you quickly jump to straddle him. His hands go to your hips and you grind against him, feeling him grow hard under you. 

His lips connect with yours as his hands begin to slide up, bringing your shirt off. He slides your bra down, His mouth connects to your nipple, you lean back and groan. His hand making quick work of your bra clasp and his hands slide into your pants and cup your ass. 

 You tear his shirt off and begin kissing his chest, he quickly flips you so you are lying on the couch and undoes your jeans and slides them down. He returns placing soft kisses on your inner thigh and your back arches forward. 

 Fred chuckles, coming up to you and kissing you. One of his hands goes to your hardened nipple and begins massaging it as he deepens the kiss. Your hands rake down his back. His hand slips down into your underwear sliding it over your clit as he feels your wetness “you weren’t lying, you need this bad.” 

“Fuck you have no idea.” 

 He uses his 2 fingers to play with your folds gently opening you up and uses his other hand to pull your underwear down. He slips two fingers in, causing you to moan in pleasure as your back lifts. He uses his other hand to apply pressure to your hips to keep you from moving.  His mouth moves to your neck, lightly biting you, as his fingers continue to fuck you increasing the pace. “You gonna cum for me babygirl?”  

“Close" you respond. He picks up the pace, his mouth moving back to your nipple swirling around it. His thumb comes up to rub your clit sending you over the edge.  

His fingers slowly leave you as you come down from your high. He removes his belt and pulls his pants and boxers down. You reach to stroke his dick and he grabs your wrist “this is all about you, and making sure you feel good" he says. 

He returns over you and kisses you lightly and he shows you a condom “Do I need this?” 

“Well you already got me pregnant” you chuckle. “And since I’m pregnant I’m not sleeping with anyone else” 

 “I haven’t since before we were last together” he says dropping the condom on the floor. 

 He lines himself up and pushes into you. You moan loudly, you had forgotten how large he was, how he stretched you out before. He slowly pulls out and pushes back in, a whimper leaving you. 

He continues this slow pace and your hands grab onto his shoulder, holding him close to you as he begins to speed up. 

“Fuck.” He pulls out and slams back in “Oh fuck! Yes!” his pace is very fast now as you begin to grip his back hard. You can feel his thrusts getting sloppy so you reach down and begin to stimulate your clit. 

Danish swear words spill out of his mouth as he slams into you “Fuck let go. I want to see you" he snarls as his mouth connects to your nipple gently biting. 

 You come undone around him. You clench and lean your head back. Shortly after you feel yourself fill up with Fred’s warmth as he collapses onto you. A few moments later after you’ve both caught your breath, he pulls out and looks down at you.

 “So did this help?”

“You have no idea" 

Next Chapter

[copias-thrall]

But Can You Hang?

⬅️Previous

Another milestone—will Suey pass or fail?

“It’s just some beers with my crew. Kinda a pre-New Year’s thing, but smaller. I still gotta work and shit later.”

You hadn’t even been home 24hrs before Mary was banging through your door. You’d all but collapsed the night before, shooting off a text to Mary warning him against disturbing you upon pain of death. He’d kept to the letter of the law, if not the spirit.

Christmas had been fun but full—complete with a Christmas Eve ice storm that had knocked out the power and left the lot of you to drink all the supplies by candlelight before huddling into a pile of sleeping bags and blankets for warmth. Christmas Day had been a mess of transferring food from the fridge into the snow and sledding down the frozen street hill on cardboard boxes, trying not to sustain any life-threatening injuries. Power had come on just before dusk, and it had been someone’s bright idea to turn the oven up to max to cook the partially defrosted turkey faster. That had ended with a kitchen full of smoke and a bird that was blackened on the outside and still frozen on the inside. In the end, you’d all chipped in for a traditional spread of Chinese takeout. All-in-all, it was three days of shenanigans and drinking (and subtle digs at you for “settling down”), and the morning of the fourth was filled with painkillers and regret.

The drive back was quiet while you all contemplated your poor life decisions and passed around the pickle juice. When you got back to your place, you’d dumped your stuff by the couch and crawled immediately into bed.

“Ok,” you say as you try to sort through your pile of mail. Mary had finally taken a firm stand(“If this mountain falls on me one more time, I’m burning it, Suey.” “Don’t touch my things!” “Then deal with them!”). He’d come over the other week with a metal mail organizer that has seen better days (“Did you pick this out of the trash?” “Naw. I got it from my buddy Big Stevie. He might have got it from the trash.”), so you’ve been making an effort to deal with your inbox.

Since the couch has been commandeered by piles of envelopes, Mary leans against the wall. “It’ll only be for a couple of hours.”

“Ok,” you say again, absently—you’re trying to discern if this one particular item is junk or one of those clandestine correspondences from your bank.

“So ….”

“So have fun.” You rip the envelope open with your nail file and—ta da! Junk mail. At the lack of response from Mary, you look up. He’s giving you an unreadable look. “What? Sorry. Didn’t mean to sound so short. I really don’t mind if you want to go drink with your friends. I hope you don’t think you need to ask my permission …”

Mary presses his fingers into his eyes.

“I’m not asking permission, you daft cow—I’m asking you to come with me.”

“Oh.”

When you don’t continue, he tries again. “So: do you want to come with me? Meet my friends before the party and all?”

You look down at your lap covered in tattered paper.

Your brain catches up to what he’s saying, and you feel the blood drain from your face. You hear the paper crumple in your hands when you say, “This is a meet your friends thing?”

“Uh, yeah?” He squints at you.

You make an agitated noise in your throat, and you begin to stack your letters back together. Mary throws out his hands.

“What are you doing?!”

“Jesus, Mary—I look like death warmed over and I feel like a mealy potato. A little fucking warning would have been nice. Now I have to perform magic.”

"You were so close!” he whines as you drop the pile back in the place mail goes to die.

You stomp to your room and slam the door shut so that you can rifle through the clothes on the hook. It’s a surprise when the door opens and you’re beaned in the face.

“Ow, FUCK.”

“Oh shit, sorry!”

“Why didn’t you knock?!” you say as you rub your nose.

“I—because … why were you just standing behind the door?!”

Glaring at him, you gesture at the clothes. His eyes follow your hand.

“Oh.” He looks back and you and suddenly starts laughing.

“It’s not funny, asshole.”

He’s still chuckling when he leans over, grabbing your chin to tilt up your face.

“Hmm.” He pretends to examine your face, eyes darting around to assess the damage.

“Well, will I live, doctor?”

“Yeah, I think you’ll be all right. Might need to amputate the nose, though.”

“That bad?”

“Yes. It’s terrible.”

“A lot of bruising, then?”

“It’s definitely an eyesore.”

You lean forward and stick your tongue into his nostril. Mary sputters out an Ack as he stumbles backwards away from you. He’s pulling at his nose and scrunching his face at you.

“Don’t be fucking weird.”

“I’ll do whatever I damn well please, Mary Goore” you say, as you go back to rifling through your options, tossing choices onto your bed. Mary wanders over and reclines on your bed; he paws through your discards and occasionally holds one up to himself. You settle on a graphic tee that you altered into a halter and a denim miniskirt; you shimmy out of your loungewear and then into the mini.

Suddenly Mary presses himself into your back and pins you against your door. His hand slips down the curve of your ass and under your skirt, fingers pressing on your perineum. You gasp.

“Mmm, I like this skirt very much.” He massages you. “Can I fuck you in it?”

“But—oh fuck—but your friends …?” You press back into him and feel his erection on your ass.

“My friends know I live on Mary Standard Time—now: can I fuck you. In this skirt?”

He leans down to suck a bruise into your neck as his other hand wraps around to squeeze at a nipple. You groan, then turn around so you suck his lips into your mouth. He hums an Mmm into your kiss, and you make quick work of undoing his jeans and shoving them down his legs. The two of you fumble until you’ve got your legs and arms wrapped around him and he’s got his arms hooked under your thighs, pressing you against the door. He lets an arm go and quickly maneuvers his dick inside you.

“Oh fuck … oh fuck,” he chants when the tip enters you.

You cry out, “Oh shit—slowly, Mare.”

He looks up at you, face red and body trembling. “You ok?”

“Yeah,” you say, “just not so fast—I’m not … I wasn’t …”

“Yeah, ok—sorry.”

He rocks his pelvis slowly, easing himself deeper into you inch by inch with every thrust. His forehead is pressed to yours.

“You feel so good. So wet around my cock. Your fucking cunt—so tight.”

You moan at his words as he continues to ease his cock in and out of you.

“Fucking love how you give me your cock, Mary.”

Mary starts to speed up. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You like my fucking cock inside you?”

“Fucking fills me up so good.”

His mouth finds yours, and he presses his tongue into you gracelessly. With every increasing thrust of his hips, you can hear the door jolt against its hinges. All you can really do is koala onto him tight as he struggles to fuck into you. Without warning, he turns and tosses you onto your bed. You bounce once as he’s shucking off his jeans and then crawling over you and guiding himself back inside.

“Wrap your legs around me.”

You do, and he straightens himself up onto his knees, his one hand reaching down to thumb at your pulsing clit. He starts pumping into you again, and you reach your arms behind you to brace yourself.

“Wanna see it,” he pants. “Wanna see your face when you cum around my cock. Wanna see you come undone because of me.” There’s a tinge of desperation in his voice.

“So eager to please me, Mary” you purr. “Such a good boy. Is my good boy going to make me cum?”

Mary whines low in his throat. He slows his thrusts, shifting around until you moan when he hits your G-spot. He concentrates on that spot as he uses your slick to slip slide his thumb on your ever-hardening clit. You’re breathing out oh my god oh my god oh my god.

“Fucking. Hand me your vibrator—I want you to squirt all over me.”

You loll your head around until you can see where your vibrator is poking out from under your pillow. You grapple behind you until you’ve got a hold of it. Mary all but tears it from your grasp as you offer it to him. You’re about to remind him what settings you like, when he just turns it on and places it directly on your clit.

“OH FUCKING SHIT,” you cry out as the stimulation is ramped up to 100—and then your pussy explodes in hot burts. You feel the telltale trickle as you do indeed squirt messily all over his cock before jerking away from the overstimulation.

You lose a little time as you wait for the pulsating throb between your legs to calm down, but tune back in easily enough when you feel the splatter of Mary’s cum on your nethers.

You lazily gaze up at him as he finishes squeezing every last drop from his cock—the pink of his cockhead disappearing and reappearing in his fist. When he’s satisfied, his whole body slumps, and then he’s flopping down beside you, practically trying to merge with you as he presses his face into the juncture of your neck and shoulder.

“Oh fuck, that was so hot.”

He’s grabbing at your curves and biting along your shoulder. You tolerate it for the moment, scritching at his scalp.

"Mmm … very good. Thank you.”

He sighs, and one of his hands brushes over your still-hard nipples. If he keeps that up, you guys will never leave, so you sit up, jostling his hand away.

“Shit,” you say, looking down at yourself and the bed.

“What?”

“Nothing, just—this skirt and basically everything on my bed are toast.”

Mary follows your gaze. “Oh,” he says, but he’s smiling wickedly at you.

You roll off the bed and begin to tug off your skirt.

“Ok, Mr. Way-Too-Pleased-With-Himself—since I have to shower, you can deal with shoving these in the washer.”

Mary pouts at you even as he’s making movements toward stripping your bed.

“A shower?! We’re running late, you know. Can’t you just—wipe off?”

You give him a mean lemon face.

He grins at you.

* * *

Because half your passable outside clothes got slimed in your and Mary’s amorous interlude, you had a limited wardrobe to pick from. You ended up in a shapeless, cream knit-tunic dress—which you had to dye brown with a tea wash due to the numerous stains (can’t take you anywhere)—paired with a wide belt, grey argyle tights, and your peeling docs.

You’re giving him Grump Face, but he’s just beaming at you.

“I’m not sorry. And you look hot. Stop fussing.”

He ushers you into his neighborhood dive bar, a light hand at the small of your back. You’ve definitely been here before—never in context with Mary—usually as a stop on a bar crawl. It’s an old man pub during the day and a punk go to after hours. Mary steers you toward a high-top where there are maybe 5 people congregating with various levels of beer consumption. They’re all on the punk scale—ranging from dirty gutter punk to clean & stylized.

When they see Mary, they all perk up. There are high-fives and back slaps and hugs. Mary steps back and introduces you to everyone—you’re so intent on smiling normally and not like The Joker that you immediately forget everyone’s name.

“So you do exist,” says the woman with perfect winged eyeliner and a mustard beanie.

“Unfortunately,” you quip, and they give you a polite chuckle.

There are a few more careful questions about you before the conversation turns to one of familiar friends rehashing old grounds. Mary is happy, at ease, content to give as good as he gets. You’re content to sip your beers and do a round of shots as they joke and gripe at each other. There’s not much you can do to contribute—it’s not like you were there the night they got pissed and decided to egg cop cars, or have any point of reference for what Ed looked like when he burned half his scalp and a chunk of his hair fell out after he ignored the at-home bleach kit instructions. But Mary’s arm drapes over your shoulders like a letterman jacket, and you’ve rooted your hand firmly in one of his back pockets—a firm statement of inclusion.

Kara (much less makeup and in a ratty tee and jeans) and Elsie (mustard beanie), have gone to get another round of shitty lite beer, when you beg off to visit the ladies' room.

“You ok?” Mary mummers in your ear.

“Other than having to pee like a racehorse, I’m peachy,” you retort.

He sends you off with a playful slap to your ass.

A dive bar bathroom is a dive bar bathroom is a dive bar bathroom—but this one doesn’t reek too bad. You slip into a stall, happy to relieve the pressure on your bladder. You suddenly become aware that Kara and Elsie are in the big stall; you wonder if you should say something, but you’re 100% sure the 3 of you aren’t at bathroom stalls-level of friendship yet. So you just do your business.

You’re rethinking your decision when it’s clear their discussion turns to you.

“So what do you think of her?”

“Mary’s so-called girlfriend?”

“Yeah.”

The toilet flushes.

“Mmm. She’s ok, I guess. Seems nice enough.”

“Yeah, she seems totally sweet.”

“But … ”

“Yeah.”

The stall’s door lock clicks, and it opens.

“Like, a nice girl—but what’s she doing with Mary?”

“Yeah, I don’t get … them.”

“I was expecting … I dunno. Apparently she’s supposed to be this big-ass bitch, and … I just don’t see it?”

The faucets turn on.

“Right?! Exactly! She’s kinda … ?”

“… mousey?”

“I mean—for Mary, anyway. He’s kinda a handful. I love him to death—you know I do—but he’s obsessed with keeping his dick wet. Can you really see her … ?”

The automatic driers turn on.

“I mean, whatever. If he’s happy. Maybe there are hidden depths.”

“Oh absolutely. As long as he’s happy. And if she can hang, whatever.”

The driers stop.

“Maybe we just gotta get her loosened up! More shots!”

The creak of the bathroom door as it opens.

“Yes! It’s always the quiet ones.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Mousey? Well, you’ll show them mousey.

Not wanting to come back immediately after them, you spend a little time primping in the corroded mirror. When you get back to the table, you note that Kara and Elsie are looking at you with wide eyes.

“Was gonna send a search party. Beginning to think you fell in!” says Mary as his arm comes back around you.

You smile widely at him. “You know how the lines are.”

“Pfft. Like you care about lines.” He turns to the group and grins. “That’s how we met, after all. Coming out of a stall in the men’s room”

“Whatever,” you sniff as you toss your hair. “You’d’ve been on my shit one way or another. Everyone knows you can’t resist a pair of big tits.”

Ed (green hair fins and a wardrobe like Mary’s—denim, patched and studded) does a spit take and Trevor (black beanie, striped shirt, and angel bite piercings) thumps him on the back a few times.

Mary mock gasps at you. “Suey! My delicate sensibilities!”

You grab your boobs and waggle them at him as you stick out your tongue.

“Hey! That’s my job!” Mary leers at you, and his hands lunge for your chest; you smack them away, hard. “Fuck, ow,” he yips as he shakes out his hand, but he’s smiling.

The group just looks on, bemused.

“Let’s get more shots,” you say to Mary. “I heard they can loosen you up.” You give the women across the table a wink.

Mary follows you without protest, raising his eyebrows when he realizes you’re tugging him toward the bathrooms.

“What’re you up to?”

You pull him in close and cup your hand around his junk.

“I want to give you a blow job.”

Mary’s chest rumbles. His hand clasps your wrist, but he doesn’t remove yours.

“Why?”

You bat your eyelashes at him. “You just got me thinking. Memory lane and all.”

He looks over his shoulder. “But my friends …”

You knead his balls, and his eyes close as he sways into you.

“Don’t you want me on my knees?” you murmur into his jawline. “Lips wrapped around your—”

“Fuck, Suey. You don’t play fair.”

“You know how much I love sucking your cock.”

“Shit. Yeah. Yeah.” He presses his semi into your hand. “Look what you’ve started. You fucking better suck me now.”

“Men’s room. Last stall. I’ll meet you in five minutes.”

He straightens up, and you watch him waddle stiffly to the restroom.

You hum the tune of a song you think is about 5min, and then you head to the men’s room. When you bang in, there’s a dude at the stalls who screams at you as he covers his dick.

“You can’t be in here!”

“Your dick’s not special!” you scream back.

When you open the door of the last stall, Mary’s standing there with his pants half down and his hard dick in his hand. You crowd into him, kissing him full and hard.

“Fuck. I’m gonna be in so much shit with my friends. Look at what you do to me.”

You bite his bottom lip and pull it into your mouth.

“They don’t think I can handle you. Think you’re gonna get your dick wet elsewhere. Are you gonna do that? Are you gonna do that when my mouth is pliant and ready?”

Mary’s hands come up to cup your face.

“Hey,” he says as he makes you meet his eyes. “I’m not gonna … I’m not gonna ‘wet my dick’ elsewhere. They don’t know everything.” He thumbs your lips, eyes hooded. “I love your sweet little mouth,” his eyes sweep back up to yours, “but I’m not here for that.”

You give his dick a squeeze and he grunts.

“Ok—you offered to suck me off, and I’m here for that … but in life, in general, that's not why I—not why you’re my baby doll.” His finger lightly taps the necklace pendant.

“I’m not boring,” you say as you mouth at him.

“Hey, hey hey—” he says as he clasps your roving hands. “Is this why we’re here?”

You lead one of his hands under your tunic and into your panties. You’re slick with excitement, and you want him to feel you; he lets out a soft Fuck.

“Maybe a little, but you also get me going when you’re all Mean Skeleton Mary,” you say as you drop to your knees.

Usually you play with Mary a little. Suckle and trace his tip in a tease before sucking him down whole. But now you’re in a time crunch, so you take him down as far as you can go in the first shot. He moans and grasps your hair. You deep throat him, and it’s a messy business—tears stream out your eyes as you gag and half choke on his dick—but you love the sounds he makes (short gasps and half-whispered swears) and the way his legs tremble. He lets you set the pace—his one hand resting on the back of your head and the other lightly petting your cheek—so you alternate between hollowing out your cheeks and swallowing around him, relishing whenever he lets out a Fuck.

Someone bangs on the door at some point, and Mary yells at them to fuck off, but otherwise the unofficial ettiquette seems to state that the other patrons let whomever the lucky bastard is get his.

When you can tell that he’s getting close, you maneuver his other hand onto your head to encourage him to fuck your face. “Fuck yeah,” he breathes as he grips tight into your hair and starts thrusting into your mouth—shallow at first, and then deeper as he gets his bearings. You relax your jaw, making glup glup glup noises as his cockhead hits the back of your throat. If you weren’t using your hands to brace yourself, you’d be working one between your legs to ease the growing throb there.

Mary’s panting hard now, and he lets out a grunt as he shoves your head down, holding you in place for a moment. You feel his dick throb, and then he’s yanking your head back up. You suck in some air and cough a little before he guides his dick back into your mouth. He slips his other hand down to hook his thumb in your mouth.

“Can I cum on your face?” he gasps as he continues to thrust into you. You hum around his cock, and he pulls out of your mouth, hand quickly jacking himself before his cum splatters hot and sticky on your face. Head back and eyes closed, he rubs his cockhead on your lips, and you suck him in again—relishing his groan as he cock gives another throb before softening in your mouth.

He pulls you up and kisses you (“Fuck, I’m covered in your jizz, Mare.” “I don’t give a shit.”) before using the bottom of his shirt to wipe off the both of you.

“What a gentleman.”

“Fuck you.”

His hand travels under your dress to press between your legs, and you sway into him with a breathy Ah.

“Shit—you’re practically soaked through.” His head dips to your neck. “Christ. I bet the whole bar could smell you.”

His hand is still pressing into you, and suddenly the thought of spending the rest of the night with this heaviness between your legs seems untenable. “Oh fuck! Touch me, Mare!”

His hand fumbles to work itself into your tights and panties as you find his mouth. You suck his tongue as the pad of his finger starts easily circling your clit, and you suck harder—fingers digging into his arms—as he flicks your nub then taps a morse code on it. As he does another round, you press into him, and he stumbles a bit until his back hits the grody tiles of the wall. You’re making little gasping noises that escape out the corner of your mouth as you rock not just into his hand, but the whole line of his body.

By the time you’re ready to pop, you’re butting your head into his chest and shaking with need. Mary’s got expert fingers, but you’re still standing up and in a busy bathroom. You mewl every time you reach the crest but not quite—hands now fisted into Mary’s shirt.

Suddenly Mary’s breath is hot on your ear.

“What a little whore you are. So fucking desperate to cum you’ll fuck anywhere. Is my dick not enough? Maybe I should unlock this door and have you open for business. Let any guy who comes in stick his dick in you somewhere, have you plugged up in—”

With a burst of adrenaline, you finally rise over the hill and crash down fast. “Ughn, Mare,” you cry out as you press into him, his finger busy still massaging your clit as you spasm with orgasm.

You’re still buried in Mary’s chest when he finally removes his hand and wipes his fingers on his jeans.

“Hey,” he says, shaking you a bit. “Can’t sleep here.”

You grunt, but pull away from him, albeit reluctantly.

“Christ, they’re gonna think we left.”

“Nah,” you say as you fumble with the industrial no-ply toilet paper roll that only seems to want to come off in bite-sized tears. “Our coats are still there. You’d never leave without your jacket.” You pry the dispenser open so you can maneuver the roll in bigger chunks.

“What’re you doing?”

“I don’t want to be sticky all night.”

Mary licks his lips.

“Nuh-uh, mister.” You surreptitiously begin to clean yourself.

“Whatever. As if you weren’t just trying to suck my tongue out of my mouth. I swear one day you’re gonna suck it right off.” He gives you a vulpine smile. “Save that hoover for my dick.”

“If I sucked your tongue out of your mouth, I’d just use it in tandem when I sucked your cock.”

Mary looks at you aghast as you dispose of the toilet paper in the toilet and flush with the toe of your boot.

“You’ve been spending way too much time around me.”

You just grin at him.

As you leave the stall, Mary glares at anyone who dares to even glance in the direction of the two of you. No one else yells at your presence.

After washing up the best you can without a mirror (and Mary flicking water at you), you tug him to the bar where the two of you order the round you promised to get a blow job ago. While the bartender is setting up the glasses, Mary leans in to whisper,

“Hey, do you want to play?”

You turn to look at him. “Play how?”

He pulls at your clothes. “We could do that thing I talked about.”

You perk up. “You want me to take charge of you?”

Mary’s dilated eyes suddenly focus on yours. “You know I love it when you tell me what to do”

Lightly, you grab his jaw. “In front of all your friends?”

“You and I want the same thing.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” He reaches up to thumb at an invisible smear of makeup on your chin. “To show them I can be handled.”

“That’s grossly romantic, Goore.”

“Mebbe,” he says, pulling you in close.

“Ugh,” you grunt at him as you tip your head away.

“Is that a no?”

You roll your head back around to face him.

“No, it’s definitely a ‘yes’.” You rub your thumb across his bottom lip, smearing what’s left of his matte red down his chin. “But not because I’m smushy.” You get right up in his face. “Because I like telling you what to do. From now until when you leave, I own your ass. You don’t do anything without my permission.”

“Fuck. What you do to me, woman.”

You jab a finger into his chest. “That includes talking, mister. You got that? Nod if you understand?”

Mary nods.

“Mmm,” you grin. “Such a good boy already.”

The bartender sets down the shots on a platter and shoots you both a sideways glance.

“Well,” you gesture at Mary, “those aren’t going to carry themselves.” You turn away, then look back over your shoulder. “Don’t spill a drop.”

Mary quickly, but carefully, takes up the tray. You make your way through the crowd, and you don’t look back at Mary, trusting him to safely transport the drinks.

When you join the table again, everyone seems to zero in on your smeared face. You try to give them a friendly smile.

“Mary’s just behind me with the shots.”

The table erupts with a cheer as Mary appears at your elbow, carefully setting down the platter.

“For fuck’s sake, Mary,” grunts Elsie. “Half your makeup is gone, and the other half is smeared on her!”

There’s some assorted snickering as Mary just shrugs and you preen.

“Classic Mary,” snorts Dee (metal shirt and black jeans).

“Christ, we were wondering what was taking so long,” says Kara.

“Dominance fuck,” you quip just as Ed’s taking another sip of beer. He sprays it everywhere again—Trevor just managing to jump out of the splash zone—and the whole table bursts out laughing.

“Jesus,” Ed says as he wipes his chin. Trevor hands him a used cocktail napkin.  “Mary, tell your girl to quit doing that.

Smirking, Mary just holds his hands out, palm up.

As Ed pats himself dry, the others take up their shot glasses; you notice a wet spot on the tray. Catching Mary’s eyes, you point to the droplet.

“Mary.” Mary looks at you, eyes big at your tone. “Tell me what this is.”

“Someone bumped into me.”

“That’s an excuse. I told you not to spill any. What do we say?”

Mary speaks down into the table. “Um, well—”

“Don’t mumble” You lift his chin up so that he has to meet your eyes.

“I’m sorry I spilled the drinks.”

You pat his cheek. “It’s ok, Mare Bear. You did your best.”

His friends are staring at you, but they all look away as you turn back to the table. You pick up your own shot glass.

“What are we toasting to?

“To shenanigans both old a new!” says Dee.

Everyone holds up their shot glasses, except Mary. Mary looks plaintively over at you.

You nod, and Mary picks up his shot glass.

“To shenanigans both old a new,” he echoes as he raises the glass.

Everyone clinks and shoots. Trevor and Dee slam their glasses back on the table before chugging their lite beer. Ed’s dribbles out the corner of his mouth, and he lets out a wet Fuck. Elsie downs hers in one go, but Kara takes a couple of gulps—some of it dribbling down her chin like Ed. Elsie laughs at her and calls her a sloppy bitch. You manage to get yours down in two swallows before taking a swig of beer. A professional drinker, Mary downed his with ease, setting the shot glass down without slamming it. He looks at the beer.

“You want a chaser?”

Mary nods.

“All right, come here.”

He shuffles over, and you carefully tip the contents of the beer bottle into his mouth, his eyes never leaving yours. You smile at him. Out of the corner of your eye, you see looks shoot across the table at each other.

When he’s satisfied, you bring the bottle back down, and he crowds into you. His hand finds the small of your back, and he’s practically purring.

Someone clears their throat. “So, uh, Suey,” says Dee, “you’re an accountant or something?”

“Paralegal,” you correct.

“How does that even happen?” asks Elsie.

“Ah, well. It was the only thing I could think of to do with my pre-law degree.”

Mary looks at you sharply, and—oh oops. You hadn’t quite shared that with him yet.

“Long, boring story.” You wave it away. “What about you? You’re a … graphic artist?”

She beams. “Took a while, but I finally got my degree from SCAD, and now I’m a junior designer at some tech start up.”

The conversation blossoms from there, and it’s actually much easier with his friends after that. You find yourself heavily contributing to the conversation in between giving Mary permission to talk or feeding him a drink—which becomes the elephant in the room that no one seems brave enough to address. Kara & Elsie … well—they're unreadable, but aren’t actively being bitchy, so you consider that a win.

At one point you notice that Mary is squirming excessively.

“What’s the matter,” you ask softly.

“Have to piss,” he whispers in your ear.

“So ask if you can piss, Mary,” you whisper back.

He hesitates, then says quietly, “Can I go to the bathroom?”

You run a finger under his chin. “You may. But no side quests. There and back, got it?”

Mary nods emphatically then practically propels off his stool in his haste.

When you turn back to the table, Kara and Elsie are staring at you. You smile and waggle your empty glass.

“Excuse me,” you say, as you slide off your stool. You’re not 3 steps before Kara and Elsie flank you.

“Ok. What. The. Fuck,” says Kara, but she’s smiling.

You grin wolfishly at her.

“No, I echo that,” says Elsie.

You shrug. “Mary likes a firm hand.”

Elsie snorts. “Clearly.”

“Yeah,” says Kara, “I thought he was going to unhinge his jaw and eat you.”

You smile wider. “He does do that.”

“Fucking get it,” Kara hoots.

“Let’s do another round without those losers,” says Elsie when the 3 of you get to the bar.

“Yeah!” Kara perks at the suggestion. “I wanna hear all the fucking dirt on Mary.”

You give her a Mona Lisa smile. “I don’t kiss and tell.”

She awkwardly wraps an arm around your shoulder. “We’ll get you there, babe.”

Somehow a round of shots turns into two, and by the time you guys get back to the high top, Mary is already there and shooting you daggers.

“Fucking finally,” says Trevor. Then, “Jesus—you didn’t even bring back a round of suds?”

The 3 of you look at each other and burst into giggles.

Ed sighs. “I’ll go get—”

“No,” say Dee and Trevor in unison.

“Fuck, man,” says Dee. “With your track record tonight I wouldn’t trust you with an unopened bottle. I’ll go.” He turns to the group. “So that’s … 7?”

“Oh!” you interject. “Just water for Mary. I doubt Mickey will be thrilled if he shows up sloshed.”

Mary pouts at you, but you just raise an eyebrow at him; he knows he can end this at any time.

“I know.” You pat his arm. “I’m the meanest girl in the world.”

Mary sighs but rests his head atop yours.

After that, Mary really does start downing water, and you switch to lite beer (and you give him blanket permission to make his subsequent frequent bathroom trips because you’re not a monster). You vaguely recall when he kisses the top of your head and heads off to Mickey’s bar. It’s a bit fuzzy, but the 3 dudes either leave with Mary or soon after—leaving you, Kara, & Elsie to continue to pound shots that you chase with shitty beer.

“Sssooo … was he like?” slurs Elsie.

“Hmm … Mary?”

“Yeah.”

“Like wha?”

“Jus like. Assa boyfrien.”

“Yeah. We all know he gots that D. Was the tea? Hah! I rhymed.”

You try and sort through your alcohol-addled brain.

“Hessa dumbass,” you slur back.

Kara starts cackling.

“But … but a good bean. Does my dishers. My disheshes. Fuck.”

“Fuck. Keep ‘em,” slurs Kara.

You slam your hand on the table.

“I fhuckhen intend to!”

It devolves from there with the 3 of you swapping weird sex stories then trying to one-up each other. Finally, they put you in a cab—which you scramble to pay for in cash because your card is still at the bar—and you stumble drunkenly up to your apartment. You’re still trying to figure out how your keys work (wait—how did you get into your building?), when the door opens.

“Jesus fucking christ, Suey. Where the fuck have you been? It’s nearly 4am and your phone’s dead.”

You teeter forward and press your face into Mary’s chest. He smells like beer, the decal on his band tee, and sweaty boy.

“Shmells niss,” you murmur.

“Oh my god—you’re shitfaced,” you hear him say.

“Yer friens are niss.”

“Ok, drunkee. C’mere.”

Mary leads you to the couch and proceeds to make you drink lots of water (“No. FULL.” “Shut up and keep drinking.” “Hate you.” “I know.”), and then wrangles you out of your clothes and into bed.

* * *

When you wake up the next morning, everything is awful. You can’t focus on anything without feeling ill, and your stomach insists you ate a whole bag of gummy bears. You let out a sound that you’re sure only dying animals make. As if on cue, Mary bustles in—fresh as a fucking daisy—with a plate of greasy eggs & bacon and a sports drink on your tray.

“Goooood morning, little rosebud.”

You squint at him. “I will murder your face.”

“You’d have to catch me first!” he chirps as he arranges everything and himself on the bed. He helps you sit up, and you sip at the drink with some painkillers as he configures the breakfast onto some toast. You let him maneuver a few bites into your mouth, before you curl back into yourself.

“Ok, Suey. Good job,” he says as he rubs your back.

You burp at him.

“Yeah, ok. Go back to sleep.”

When you wake up again, it’s much later. Somehow you’re sideways across Mary’s lap; he’s reading a book. You squint up at him.

“The fuck,” you say.

Mary collapses the book on his finger and looks down at you.

“You must be feeling better.”

You roll around and bury your face into his abdomen. He pets at your hair.

“Feel like finishing those eggs?”

Bile rises, and you jump up to run into the bathroom. You then proceed to empty the contents of your stomach into the toilet. Gentle hands are there suddenly to hold back your hair.

When you finish and tumble back against the tub, he says, “You could have just said ‘no’ on the eggs.”

You burst into tears, and he pulls at you as you flail ineffectually against him. “No! I’m so gross and stupid.”

“Aww, baby doll, it’s just a hangover. I’ve spent most of my adult life hungover. You’ll live.”

He manages to get the tub going and coaxes you into it. Soon, the two of you are ensconced in a steaming bath.

“Baths are gross,” you grumble, even as you lean into the V of Mary’s support.

“Just shut up and enjoy it like a normal person.”

“Big into baths then?”

Mary hesitates, then says, “My mum. I know it sounds weird, but—with my dad gone? I’d run a bath for her—with these bath bombs?—to get into after she finished a double.”

“That’s really nice, Mare.” You hesitate, then continue, “You don’t really talk about what happened.”

A beat.

You take his pruning hand and kiss his knuckles to reassure him.

“Cancer. She had life insurance and shit, but … it mostly went to medical bills. Couldn’t keep the house.”

You wait, but he doesn’t go on.

“Sucks. I hate it for you.”

“Thanks.”

The two of you sit in the bath until it grows cold, you dozing against his chest while he gently splashes the water with the hand not hanging off the lip of the tub.

“More warm water, or … ?” he asks.

“Can we go back to bed?”

“Yeah,” he says. “I can stay for a bit. Gotta work again tonight, though. So I can be free for New Year’s.”

When you’re nested back in your bed—body leaden and eyelids heavy—you ask, “So, did I pass the test?”

He sighs. “It wasn’t a test.”

“Great. Did I pass the ‘not test’?”

He rolls his eyes.

“Well, half my friends are screaming at me to lock it down, and the other half think you’re batshit and I should run far away.”

You smile at him.

“Sounds about right.”

Mary snuggles in closer. “It’s not them you have to care about anyway.” He kisses the back of your neck.

You groan and weakly kick at him with your feet. “Don’t bring my bile back up, Goore.”

“Fucking shut up, Suey. Whose necklace are you still wearing, anyway?”

And yeah, ok.

Next ➡️

[lovemesomesurveys]

when’s the last time you ate a pickle? It’s been a few years since I’ve actually eaten one, but I like to have one on the side sometimes with my sandwich cause I like to squeeze out the juice and dip my sandwich in it. It’s quite delicious. what’s that you’re listening to? An ASMR video. was the last thing you drank a coke or pepsi product? Nope. how many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears? I only have my earlobes pierced.  what are your pets names? Princess Leia.

do you need to take a smoke break right now? I don’t smoke. have you ever had a pet bird? Nope. honestly, do you think that you’re going to be an overprotective parent? I don’t plan on being a parent at all. what was the last kind of chips you ate? Probably Doritos. It’s been awhile. tell me the birthdates of everyone in your top friends. would you rather have ice cream, freeze pops, or popsicles in the summer? I like freeze pops, or Otter Pops as I call ‘em. It’s been a few years since I’ve had those or any ice cream, though. what kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? We’re not on bad terms or anything, but we’re not friends either. We drifted apart. We do have each other on Facebook and Instagram, though. I’ll “like” some of the things he posts sometimes and he’ll like some of the things I post sometimes, but that’s the extent of it now. have you ever told a stranger that their barn door was open? No. what color are your toenails right now? They’re not.  when was the last time you clipped your nails? I pick/clip at my nails and the skin around them quite often. Like, a few times throughout the day. I don’t know what’s left to pick/clip at, but I do it a lot. :/ does your mouse have a wheel to scroll with? I have a track pad that’s built into the laptop. what is your biggest accomplishment in life? Blah. click on a myspace bulletin and scroll to the main bottom - what’s it say? what is one thing that you really wish you could understand, but don’t? Myself, really. I don’t know why I can’t get it together. Why I put off certain things. Why I don’t take care of myself very well. The list goes on.  what were your grades on the last report card you recieved? I got all As my last semester. what temperature do you like to keep your room at? I don’t know the temp, but I like to keep it cool. I’ve had 3 fans going all summer and even now as well because it’s still warm here. It’s starting to cool down and it feels nice at night and in the morning, but it’s still warm during the day. Still need my fans all day and we’re getting into mid October. Sigh. what’s your favorite department in lowes? I don’t go to Lowes often. Actually, last December was the first time in I don’t even know how long.  what is the brightest object you can see by just looking around the room? My lamp is bright. have you ever been tutored or tutored someone yourself? I’ve been tutored.  would you rather wear necklaces, bracelets, rings, or earrings? Bracelets. pretty, bright, fake jewelry or boring, plain, real jewelry? I used to be really into accessories and I’d wear a lot of stuff from Claire’s and Hot Topic. I liked to matching my accessories with my outfits. It was cute, but inexpensive stuff so I was able to get a lot of it. Of course, real jewelry is beautiful and I like that as well. I have some plain piece and some with stones. I don’t wear jewelry anymore for some reason, though. Well, except for recently when I started wearing beaded bracelets. I don’t know why I stopped. where did you recieve your last receipt from? Walmart. what was the last thing you said outloud (singing doesn’t count)? “It’s warm in here.” is everything you have on actually yours? Yes. when was the last time you wore a band-aid and why? A few weeks ago cause I got a cut on one of my fingers. do you like ketchup or mustard better with your corn dogs? I mix them together. do you ever just randomly drive around when you’re upset about something? I don’t drive. you look at the clock and it’s 4:44 PM, what do you do? Uh, nothing? What’s significant about that time? a trip to california, the bahamas, new york, wisconsin, utah, or canada? I’d love to visit the Bahamas, New York, and Canada.  what would you do if you discovered that you had a 7 year old kid? Well that’s impossible, so. I’m pretty sure I would know if I did, though. moon sand or play doh? Playdoh.  what was the last act of creativity you displayed? I made a few beaded bracelets recently. I don’t think that’s all that creative; though, but *shrug* do you like the way your hair looks right now? Ugh, no. do you ever find yourself just writing/typing out your feelings? That’s exactly what I do in these surveys. if so, does that make you feel better? It’s nice to have a place I can just ramble and vent. who’s house were you at last, besides your own? My aunt’s. any big plans for this summer? Summer is overrrrrrr. :D are you missing school yet? I don’t miss it. play guitar, drums, keytar, xbox, sims, sing, or take a dance class? Play The Sims, ha. what’s your favorite department in wal-mart? Apart from the food, I like looking at the decorations during Halloween and Christmastime. I used to like looking in the makeup department a lot, but I don’t wear makeup much anymore. have/would you ever run track? No. do you honestly believe that someone will waste their time reading this? Some people like reading other people’s survey answers. I do.  do you like your teeth? No. the last male that you texted just confessed his undying love for you do you still speak to him? Uh, that’s my younger brother... are you in a hurry to grow up? I was never in a hurry to grow up. I wasn’t the kid who couldn’t wait to be an adult. Even at 30 I’m still not ready, but time keeps going whether you’re ready or not. who was the last person you were in a vehicle with other than family? I haven’t been in a car with anyone other than my family in years. does piano music tend to calm you down? I don’t use that as a way to calm down, but I suppose it probably would help at least a little. It is nice to listen to. do a 180, then turn back around and tell me what you saw. Nah. do you actually pay attention to the lyrics in a song before you add it? Sometimes, but usually it’s just if I like how it sounds. Then I’ll listen to it closer.  how many people can you think of that you know named christopher? One. how far away are the people you miss most? 3 of them passed away. I don’t know where the other is. what’s something you need to get done soon? I’ve been needing to do a lot of things for a long time. what is the most repulsing smell you can ever recalling catching a whiff of? Public restrooms can smell pretty rank sometimes. :X your best friend tells you they’re moving. believe it or think it’s a joke? Uh, I’d sure hope my mom would be joking if she said that. I’d be like, “So, we’re moving?” who’s pool did you last swim in? It was a friend’s boyfriend’s pool. is your best friend awake right now? Yes. are any of your friends or family members out of town right now? Not anyone in my immediate family. I don’t know where every single person in my extended family is, I have a large family. your grandparents just died in a plane crash, what are you doing? I’d be devastated to say the least. what website did you last visit (and no, myspace doesn’t count on this one) Well that’s good cause it wasn’t Myspace. Haven’t been there in over 10 years. Anyway, apart from this one it was Google.  if i came to your house, could i find any kind of chocolate? There’s brownies. There may be chocolate ice cream bars, too. do your parents allow smoking in your house? Nope.  does everyone in your top friends really deserve to be in that place? what size bed do you have? Full. would you rather frolic through a field of daisies, sunflowers, or daffodils? “Tiptoe through the tulips...” lol. do you remember the last time that you colored a picture and what did you draw? I don’t draw, but I like color. I last colored something earlier this year. last person you left a voicemail for? I don’t like voicemails. what is the last thing you charged? My phone. who was the last person to upload a picture with you in it? My aunt. have you ever held a snake? Nooooooooooo. what did you last use tape for? I don’t remember.  what was your score last time you bowled? I don’t remember. The last time I went bowling was several years ago. do you remember your cubby hole number from kindergarten? No. Actually, I’m not completely sure they even had numbers... I feel like they had our names. Awwww that made me so nostalgic and kinda sad. I miss those days. :( do you like peas? No. is your current status update and mood accurate on what you’re doing? I haven’t posted a status on Facebook in a long time. describe to me the nearest stuffed animal to you. There’s 3 on my bed: a small dog squishmallow, which is a super soft and squishy stuffed animal, a big giraffe squishmallow, and a regular giraffe stuffed animal.  what is the last cd that you listened to in a vehicle? I don’t remember, it’s been years. do you ever wear sleep masks when you sleep or shower caps when you shower? No. I kinda want to get a cooling eye mask, though. what would you like to drink right now? I’m good with my Starbucks Doubleshot. zebrah print, cheetah print, cow print, polka dots, or stripes? Polka dots or stripes. could you tell me exactly what pets everyone in your tops friends have? when is the last time you ate pudding or yogurt? Several years ago, not a big fan of either one. do you like raisins? Yeah. do you tend to drink lemonade often? Nope. It’s been years since I’ve had lemonade.  would you rather go to a beach, and amusement park, or a water park? Beach or Disneyland/World if I got to pick the amusement park.

[j-j-ehlby-writes]

Fate (c.e.) (1/6)

Chapter One- Coincidence

Pairing: Professor!Chris Evans x Student!OFC

Word count: 5.4k

Summary: fate (noun): the development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power. (verb): be destined to happen, turn out, or act in a particular way. 

Amara is about to start her senior year of college with her newly single best friend, Elizabeth. She goes out one night and meets a handsome stranger, Chris. Sparks fly. Fast forward a week and she finds out Chris is her professor. What happens when she also meets Sebastian, a cute guy from another one of her classes?

Series masterlist

“Do you really have to go out tonight? I was hoping we could watch The Notebook and The Last Song again while shoving tons of junk food in our mouths while I bawl my eyes out at how my perfect love story couldn’t be like Ronnie’s and Will’s or Allie’s and Noah’s.” My poor, heartbroken best friend, Elizabeth complains while watching me straighten my hair.

“We’ve been binge-watching Nicholas Sparks movies for the past three days. I need to rejoin civilization, even if you’re not ready to.” I run the straightener down the last chunk of hair before shutting it off and setting it back down in my bathroom sink. I love her to death and I’ve been as supportive as I possibly can through this break-up, but there’s only so much Nicholas Sparks and junk food that a girl can take before she goes nuts.

“But, I’m shattered.” She whines, leaning against the doorway.

“I know, which is why I’m not forcing you to go out with me. You take as much time as you need to recover. Just remember, we start our senior year of college in a week.” I pat the top of her extremely messy bun and continued applying my liquid foundation.

She sulks, “You’re no fun,” before finally leaving me in peace.

I finish with my foundation before moving to my eyebrows. I fill them in with a deep brown eye shadow to shape my heart-shaped face. I apply a shimmer, cream colored eye shadow to my eyelids to make them pop. I use black eyeliner to draw on my top lid. Last, but not least, I added mascara on my top lashes. I spritz some body spray all over for the finishing touch. I double-check my appearance in the full-length mirror on the back of my door. With a nod of satisfaction, I’m finally ready to go.

“Damn, you look hot Rems. You could turn a gay man, straight.” Elizabeth bellows from the couch, covered in numerous blankets and pillows, already snacking on another pint of ice cream. I feel bad leaving her after her asshole of an ex broke up with her after four years together over text message. Oh, the ass-kicking I wanted to deliver to his doorstep… They started dating in high school, went through the long-distance thing while we went away for school and he stayed in our hometown, and beat the odds until recently when all they’ve been doing is fighting. As her best friend since ninth grade, after our common ex screwed her over, thus us becoming friends, I heard all about it. I was starting to think that maybe they weren’t meant for each other and so were they. It technically was a mutual break-up because they both agreed that their relationship wasn’t working anymore, but he instigated it. Therefore, it’s his fault my best friend has been wallowing in self-pity on the couch in our living room for the past seventy-two hours. You can see why I need a break.

I wink her way while slipping my cross-bodied purse over my shoulder. “That was the plan!” I lean over the back of the couch, placing a quick smooch on her cheek. “Call me if you need anything.” Her shaking her head is the last thing I saw before I shut the door. Freedom at last.

I descend the three flights of stairs to the underground garage where my car sits. I climb in and am on my way to my favorite little bar in town. It‘s a Wednesday night so I knew I could escape there without having to be bothered by too many people. I just needed a getaway. I pull into the parking lot moments later and walk in. The bartender knows me because Lizzie and I have worked here since we started school. I find my seat at the bar and my favorite drink is there waiting for me. I chug it down before slamming the glass back on the bar.

“Bad day?” Robert, the bartender and owner, asks already making another one. He’s owned this place for longer than I’ve been alive. He’s almost like a second dad to both Lizzie and me. Without the over-protectiveness and judgmental attitude. And he’s not like other people his age. He likes today’s music, but nothing pop or rap. If anybody blares that “nonsense” in his bar, they are out. He’s more of the rock and alternative type, which he plays in the bar a.k.a. one of the main reasons I come here.

“Bad week. Liz and Robbie broke up on Sunday.” That was all I needed to say for him to have my favorite food ordered. I look around the bar, not surprised to see only handful of people at the tables. Wednesday is a slow night, which is the way I like it. I can hear the music over the speakers better that way instead of everybody’s constant, loud chatter.

I decide to go easy on my second drink now that I got the first one out of the way. I don’t want to get hammered tonight. That isn’t the reason for this outing. I check my phone to see if Lizzie sent me anything only to find nothing, thankfully. I put it back in my purse just as my food is placed in front of me. Deep-fried green beans with ranch dressing and a bacon cheeseburger with pickles, ketchup, and crunchy peanut butter. The chef here calls it the Skippy burger for obvious reasons. It’s the most amazing burger I’ve ever tasted. I will never order anything else from here, ever.

Well after I had inhaled my food  like the lady that I am, I continue to sit at the bar and listen to the music. I take out a small notebook from my purse and continue writing in a book I was writing. I also like coming here because it’s a great place to get my creative juices flowing. It’s basically what I would be doing at my own apartment, the music is just louder and there’s more people around. I was just pausing to think of what to write next, when someone speaks to me.

“Whatchya writin’?”

I look to see who that deep, baritone voice came from. To my right is probably the most beautiful man I had ever seen sitting a couple seats down from me. His golden brown hair is slicked back. His eyes are a light color, but he’s too far away to decipher exactly what color they were. He’s fair skinned and not a blemish in site. He’s smirking at me with beautiful full lips and straight white teeth. He has facial hair, which I normally find revolting, that was hiding an incredible jawline, only added to his sexy factor. And that’s only his face. He’s built. His torso is long and defined. He has broad, muscular shoulders that stretched his poor t-shirt he wore. His arms are thick, too. He could easily bench me more than enough times- and I’m not small by any means. His biceps make the sleeves of his white, short sleeve, V-neck stretch just enough to show how big they truly were. From what I could tell, he looks to be tall- one of his feet is resting easily on the floor while sitting at the bar stool. I can’t touch the floor if I tried. He’s just gorgeous. Plain and simple. And he’s talking to me.

“I’m sorry for prying. You were so intensely writing, I had to ask.” He sends me an apologetic smile which nearly knocked me off this stool. Dear Lord…

Do I be snarky and say mind your own damn business? Or do I tell him the truth about what I’m writing? He seems like a decent guy just from the few sentences he’s thrown my way. And he’s hot. Way too hot to be a bitch to.

“Just jotting down all of the ways I could kill every single person in the bar and make it look like an accident.” So, I decide to go the sarcastic route. At least I had hoped that I came across as cynical and not sound like a total lunatic that needs to be committed. According to the sweet sound of his laughter, I was successful.

“Oh yeah? What are some of those ways?” He inquires, angling his body more towards me preparing for my answer.

I fake a gasp, pressing my notebook to my chest, hiding the “contents” from any prying eyes. “A sociopath never reveals their methods.” His laughter continues, his hand is thrown over his heart, making my heart feel like it was soaring. Don’t ask me why. 

“Is that your spin on ‘magicians never reveal their secrets’?” His eyes sparkle even in this horrible lighting. How is that even possible?

“Maybe,” I shrug. He’s right though. I guess that was my twisted take on that saying. I just thought it would work in this situation if I tweaked it to fit. 

The beautiful stranger moves to the chair right next to mine. “I’m Chris.” He holds his rather large hand out towards me.

I place my hand in his. His fingers curl around my hand, dwarfing it. “Amara.” Amara Remington. Elizabeth calls me Remi and she’s the only one allowed to. I call her Lizzie and I’m the only one allowed to as well. It’s a great friendship we have going here.

“Well Amara, what’s a beautiful girl like you doing at a bar on a Wednesday night?” He takes another sip from his drink. Every move he makes is so fluid and natural… Is this guy even real?

“It’s the slowest night of the week. I like to come here for the food and to listen to the music.” If I was going to get anywhere with this guy, friend drama is not something to bring up right away. I most definitely want to see if this will go anywhere. Even if it’s just for a night.

“I could tell by the way you inhaled that burger. It must have been good.” He chuckles while I most certainly did not. Thank God for the poor lighting in here, I must have turned either beat red from embarrassment or stark white from mortification. That burger was so messy. I was licking my fingers right and left and wiping my face after every single bite. I must have looked like a pig! And he still called me beautiful?

“I can’t believe you saw that and are still wanting to talk to me.” I want the floor to turn into a black hole and swallow me up. How did I not see him before? I for sure would have noticed him when I sat down. I must have been so engrossed in my food that I was oblivious to my surroundings. Damn that delicious burger.

“It was endearing, actually,” He admits.

Is he nuts? Or just blind? “How could that have possibly been ‘endearing’?”

“I like a girl who isn’t afraid to make a mess while eating and who doesn’t care about counting calories and all that weird stuff that people do nowadays.” He shrugs like it was no big deal. “So, I was wondering if you weren’t too full from dinner, maybe we could go get some dessert? I saw this little bakery down the street that I’d like to try out.”

Was he asking me out? If so, jeez he’s forward. But hey, I’m not complaining. I know exactly which bakery he’s talking about and it’s phenomenal. That’s where Liz and I go for our comfort food during our time of the month. It’s remarkable. I could go for one of their fluffy cupcakes. I happily agreed, left some cash on the bar, and we walked out.

When we were walking down the sidewalk, my previous assumption about him was true. He’s taller than me. I have to look up at him in order to talk to him, making him at least 6’0”. I found out he’s from Boston. He just moved here to start a new job. He has two sisters and one brother. His favorite sport is football, he’s a diehard Patriots fan. He loves Disney as much as an adult as he did as a child. He was passionate about space and politics, going off on an elongated tangent on our current Commander-in-Chief. He even had to interrupt himself when he went on his rant. I didn’t mind watching him. One of my favorite things is watching someone talk about something they’re passionate about.

We finally made it to the bakery and each got a treat for each other that we wanted the other person to try. I had him get a triple chocolate brownie to be safe, and he had me get a piece of key lime pie since I had never had it before. We stroll down the block to the small park that was completely empty. We eat our desserts and just talk about random things. He'd ask me questions and vice versa. He’s so easy to talk to. I feel like I had known him for years instead of an hour.

After we're done eating, we decide to hit the swings. We have a contest to see who could get the highest the fastest. I welcome the challenge even if I knew I was going to lose. My shorter legs are at my disadvantage here. Establishing that he was the winner, he decides to be reckless and jump off when he got to the highest he could. He almost made the perfect landing, but he stumbled a little and wound up falling to the ground. I laugh so hard, I have to clutch my stomach at his silliness while I tried to slow myself down.

When I’m low enough to where I could get off safely, he’s walking towards me, looking determined. He doesn’t stop, even when I almost hit him. He calmly grabs the cold chains and keeps going until I’m well off the ground and our faces are impossibly close. It's the first time since I met him that I felt nervous. I tighten my grip on the chains and lock my ankles together underneath the seat. His eyes flicker to my lips for a split second before speaking.

He grunts, “One last question.” All I could do was nod, so he continues, “Do you believe in coincidences?”

I take a second to think about the concept of “coincidences.” I do believe everything happens for a reason. There was a reason why I decided to come out tonight instead of any other night. There was a reason why I came to this bar at the time I did and had the food I did because that caught his attention. And there’s a reason why I had the ideas I absolutely had to write down, which got him to talk to me. Same thing goes for him. Every decision we’ve made up until now has brought us here in this park, on this swing, in this position. So, do I think that it’s a coincidence that we were brought together tonight?

“Yes.”

In a second, his lips lock with mine. I respond quickly, hands pulling his face even closer as my legs wrap around his waist as his hands support my backside. As we deepen the kiss, he lays us down onto the rocks with me straddling him. Our lips move in sync as we both deepen the kiss. His lips are everything I thought they would be: soft and plump. His kisses are gentle, but full of passion. I feel how passionate he was all the way down to my toes. One thing I liked was he never pushed his tongue in my mouth. I hate when people automatically thrust their tongue in someone else’s mouth as soon as their lips make contact.

His hands wander up my back and tangle into my hair. Mine wander down to his pecks and around his shoulders, which are incredibly firm. I’ve never been so close with a guy this fast. But, despite everything inside telling me not to, it feels… right. Every fiber of my being tells me this is right, that I was supposed to be here in this moment with him, that I was meant to be with him…Which is why I need to stop this now.

I try to pull away, but every time I do, he would just bring his lips back to mine making me not want to leave. I knew I had to though before this went any further. I gently push on his chest so I can sit up, separating our lips. “Oh God, I need to leave now.” I get off of him and start to walk away.

“Where ya goin’?” He calls after me, sitting up on his elbows now.

“Home before we both do something we regret. I had a great time tonight. Hope your new job goes well!” I jog down the road, back to the bar to obtain my car. 

I make my way home resisting the urge to let the butterflies in my stomach influence the smile that wants to form on my face. Lizzie is not going to believe the story I’m about to tell her… I’m not even sure I believe it. Did that really happen or did I imagine it? When I park my car in the underground ramp, I take out my notebook to see if I had written it, thinking it happened. But nothing I wrote tonight reflected the events that happened in real life. But how could one human being be so perfect? He was the easiest person to talk to, made me feel so at ease with him, and incredibly handsome. And the way he made me feel? It was indescribable. Butterflies in my stomach when he looked at me, palms sweating when he was close to me, the sparks I felt when he touched me… Chris. Such a simple name for the perfect guy.

I climb up the stairs back to the apartment. I close the door and lean against it, still in a trance. Now that I'm in the privacy of my own home, the cheek-hurting smile that was begging to come out makes its appearance.

“You’re back earlier than I expected.” Elizabeth was talking while she was in the kitchen, but when she comes into the living room, she gasps. “You totally met a guy!!” She shrieks after seeing my face. “Tell me everything! And I mean every detail. Don’t leave anything out!” She drags me to the couch, forcing me to sit down.

So, I do tell her everything. From the second I got to the bar, to coming home; from every thought I’ve had to everything I’ve felt. She squeals through the entire story, expressing her excitement for me. She then asks me when I was going to see him again. 

Every thought I’ve had within the past couple hours is gone. I never got his number, where his new job is, or even his last name. There’s no way I can get into contact with him. I sigh falling over onto my best friend’s lap. “Never,” I groan.

“What do you mean?”

“I have no way to contact him or know where to find him. I never got his phone number or his last name.” I groan again wanting to crawl into a ball and mourn the loss of the love I will never have with this guy.

“There’s more ice cream in the freezer.”

“I’ll get a spoon.”

For the last week of freedom we had, we wallow in pity on the couch. The thoughts of Chris are always on my mind. His smile, his laugh, his kisses… Ugh why didn’t I at least get his number? I wonder if he feels the same way about it or if he’s completely forgotten all about me by now. That thought depressed me even more.

We watch every rom-com we can find and consume copious amounts of ice cream in this last week. So, when the first day of school comes, we reluctantly peel our butts off the couch to rejoin civilization. We shower and get ready in our rooms. I straighten my hair before putting half of it up into a bun, and do my make-up with eyeliner and mascara, and fill in my eyebrows. I brush my teeth and wait for Liz to be done so we can leave. Our classes start at the same time so we decided beforehand to ride together.

Once we got to campus, we agree to meet up for lunch at one after our first couple classes. I head to my first class, English 5116: Advanced Writing of Fiction. It’s one of my final classes for my major in English with a concentration on Creative Writing before I start my internship next semester. I heard from past students that it’s a hard class, but that was with the old professor. Said professor retired last year, so they had to hire a new one. There wasn’t any news of who the new professor is or his or her teaching style, so this should be interesting.

I find the lecture room with plenty of time to spare. This lecture room is like any other. It’s smaller than normal ones on campus; there are only five rows of ten seats to each row, all curved so it formed a semi-circle around the room. There’s a wooden podium off to the right side of the front and a huge projector screen just waiting for something to appear on the screen. I descend the stairs, and choose a seat close to the front. I found out during my freshman year that I learn better when I’m in the first couple rows. I take out the designated notebook for the class, write the date on the top line, and wait.

There’s still ten minutes ‘til the class starts so I also take out my story and see if I could continue where I left off. More and more people pile in as it gets closer to start time. There isn’t any sign of the professor yet. I hope that he or she is late. I think I have where I want my characters to go next and I don’t want to lose my train of thought.

But then everyone hears the bang of the door closing, startling everyone. “Alright, everyone. Welcome to Advanced Writing of Fiction. I am Mr. Evans, the professor for this course. You may call me Mr. E. or Evans. I will answer to either.” He trots down the stairs, handing stacks of papers to the first person in each row until he gets to the front of the room. My heart does that leaping thing just listening to him speak. What the hell is wrong with me? I look up to see why that happened. A gasp escapes and I think my heart stops completely. 

Chris? The guy I met in the bar was standing at the front of my classroom. The guy I had an amazing make out session with is my professor. Oh boy…

He keeps talking about something I couldn’t tell you about because my mind went into shock. He looked so different in a tight, white button-up with a black tie, black slacks and shiny black dress shoes. His hair is done the exact same way it was in the bar. His facial hair looked shorter than it was before. But it was his eyes that looked the most different. In the bar, they looked vibrant and full of life. Now, they look flat and uninviting. I wanted to know why.

“I will not have a formal sign-in sheet,” an overwhelming relief falls over the entire room. “But, there will be a daily written submission due at the end of class every day.” Just like that, said relief was gone. I didn’t mind really. I love making short stories. “The submissions can be from something you’re currently working on, or something you make up on the fly. It doesn’t matter to me. But please, a five-page maximum. I do have a life outside this class.” Chuckles peppered the room. 

“I am a little bit old fashioned, so you will have to physically turn it in to me. I will be copying them and handing them back to you at the beginning of each class. I will be keeping a profile of said copied excerpts until the end of the semester. I will meet with each of you three times this semester. First meeting will be to get to know you and your writing style. Second will be at mid-terms to check-up and see how your works have improved throughout the first half and see what there is left to improve on. And the last meeting will be a final assessment of how you have advanced in the writing of fiction.” His pun is cleverly placed and very funny. I wonder how many times he practiced that one at home.

“Now, there will be no formal tests.” Again, relief washed over the room. “The excerpts that you write are your tests to see if you are grasping the concept of what I am teaching you. If you need extra help, my office hours are on the syllabus. Feel free to make an appointment during those hours and I will happily help you with whatever you need.”

“He can help me with something else.” I hear a girl whisper suggestively in the row behind me. I roll my eyes. Does she really think he’s going to be anything more than her professor?

“Since today is the first day of class, how about we go around the room and introduce ourselves? Say your name, major, and what kinds of things you like to write about.” He pulls a chair out from behind the podium, placing it in the middle of the front, sitting on it backwards. He starts in the back row so I was safe until the end since I'm the first person in the front row. Everyone’s answers to what major they were and what kinds of things they liked to write about were all different. From aspiring authors to journalists and poems to novels; so many different combinations.

As it got closer to me, the more nervous I got. Would he recognize me? How will be react to seeing me again and realizing he made out with one of his students? Will he freak? No, probably not. He most likely wouldn’t want anyone to know what occurred between us. Would he request that I transfer out of this class because it’d be too weird? I don’t know what I would do if he did. I need this class to graduate this spring. I might have to beg and plead for him to let me stay if that’s the case.

When it got to me, I try not to look at him for fear of seeing his real reaction. But I had to know what it was. When our eyes lock, nothing happens. His expression never falters. No sign of recognition, fear, shock- nothing. That should be a good thing, right? I can stay in this class and not be weird… But then why does my heart hurt?

“I’m Amara. I’m an English major with a concentration on Creative Writing. And I mostly write novels.”

“What kind of novels?” He pries for more.

“Romance, mostly. Some fantasy. Just depends on my mood,” I shrug, “but they’re definitely all fiction.”

“Well I look forward to reading every one of your submissions.” He concludes, turning back to the rest of the class. “Now, with the rest of the time we have, which is about an hour, I want you to write whatever you want to write about. Your first day, the greatest party you’ve ever been to, the love of your life, anything you want. Just keep it clean, please. This will give me an idea of what I’m dealing with this semester.” He stands up from the chair. “When you’re done, you can leave.” He goes back behind the podium and just stands watch.

I look down at my notebook and nothing. Nothing came out. Zero ideas. Nada. Zilch. El zippo. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I guess I could jot down something from the story I have with me… But that’s personal. I don’t know if I want him to read something so personal to me. Not yet anyway.

I glance back up at him, only to find him staring back at me. I observe the classroom to see everyone writing furiously in their own notebooks.  When I bring my eyes back to him, he's holding up a piece of paper. It reads: “Class after this?” I shake my head. He sets the paper back down, scribbling something else down. “Be the last one out” was the next thing he said.

Oh gosh, he does recognize me. And he wants me to stay after. My heart started racing just thinking of what he might want to say to me… I nod once before focusing back to my still blank paper. What could I possibly write about that will get my mind off what’s going to happen after class? I could write about how I felt when my childhood cat died. That’s still personal, but less personal than my novels. It was decided then.

An hour and three and a half pages later, I break out of my trance to see I was the last person still working. Chris is still behind the podium, watching me with what looked like amazement. “You okay?” He asks, breaking the silence. It was in that moment that I realized I had tears running down my face. I immediately run my hands over my face, trying to erase all the wetness on my cheeks and chin. It’s been four years since my cat died and I still get emotional about it when I talk or think about it.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a sore subject.” I jot down my name at the top before tearing out the pages.

“You had a pretty intense look for the entire time you were writing again.” He smirks at me again. I pack up my stuff then bring my submission over to him. He continues, “You always have that look when you’re writing. I’ve never seen someone so engrossed in their work before.”

“You’ll see why when you read it.” I hand it to him reluctantly.

“You know, I knew it was you the second I saw you.” He blurts after a silent moment. “I was wondering if I was ever going to see you again, and now here you are.”

“Your student.”

“My... student.” He repeats slowly.

“What are we gonna do? I can drop out of your class, if it’d be too weird.”

“Why would it be weird? We’re both adults. We can be rational about it. It was before I knew you were my student. No harm, no foul.” He shrugs, brushing it off as if it were no big deal at all.

“So, we’re okay?” I ask confused by how calm and nonchalant he was about everything. Maybe he didn’t care about me, like I cared about him…

“Absolutely. I’ll see you on Wednesday.” He grabs the rest of the papers and started up the stairs. I follow when he disappeared from the room.

He can forget everything just like that? He has been on my mind every second of the day since that night. How could I feel so much for him and him feel nothing? He was like a completely different person from when I saw him last. The Chris I met was passionate, careless, and full of life whereas this one was cold and stoic. I guess being in his class will be easier than I originally thought…

I shake it off and went to find Lizzie. She is going to die when I tell her everything.

Chapter Two- Fortune

Permanent taglist: @elusive-beauty @im-a-slut-for-an-accent @naniky @drakesfiance @fantasy-is-my-reality

[weightlossfitnesssinfo]

75 Tips to Reduce Food Waste

It takes about 460 gallons of water to provide 1/four pound of beef and 13 gallons of water to provide a single orange. Not to say the added gasoline, processing and packaging earlier than it even touches the cabinets.

Tossing these outdated leftovers or moldy strawberries might not seem to be an enormous deal, however in response to a 2012 NRDC report—Americans throw away 400 lbs of meals per 12 months… per particular person!

That’s lots of wasted vitamins, assets, cash and energy—on prime of the environmental influence of all that waste going into landfills. 

By decreasing your meals waste, you’re guaranteeing on a regular basis, power and assets that went into producing that meals, just isn't wasted. You can lower your expenses AND scale back your carbon footprint by decreasing your meals waste.

So what are you able to do about all this? Start by studying our 75 tricks to scale back your meals waste from planning to purchasing to storage and extra. Start small and select a pair to begin with to cut back your meals waste at dwelling.

75 tricks to scale back meals waste

Plan meals forward of time – This can save time and may also help preserve you on monitor. Have a plan for the whole lot you purchase.

Plan a leftovers evening – Plan one evening of the week to eat up or repurpose leftovers. Enjoy leftover meals, or get artistic with these odds and ends. 

Use what you have already got – Old carrots and wilted greens? Chop them up for pasta, frittata, or a soup or salad.

Can it – Learn easy methods to can recent produce. It’s best to begin with meals like salsas, jams and jellies. Here’s your canning 101.

Befriend your freezer – Bought too many inexperienced beans? Berries appears unhappy? Wash, lower, and freeze on a baking sheet. Once frozen, mix in a container they usually’ll final for months. Same goes for wilted spinach and herbs — even attempt creating herb and olive oil “ice cubes”. 

Revive wilted greens by inserting them in an ice tub for a pair minutes.

Eat the skins – Fruit/veggie skins include lots of nice vitamins and fiber. You can eat the skins of cucumber, potatoes, peaches, apricots, zucchini, eggplant, kiwi, and the checklist goes on.

Store tomatoes on the counter and on the vine so long as doable, vine facet down.

Save the seeds – When carving out pumpkins or squash – save these seeds for a crunchy baked snack. 

Save your scraps – Save veggie ends, cheese rinds and rooster bones for a straightforward do-it-yourself inventory. Store the whole lot in a freezer bag till you will have sufficient for inventory.

Plan to make use of delicate produce first (greens, tomatoes, peaches), whereas hearty produce can last more (beets, potatoes, cabbage).

Use clear storage containers and make a behavior of clearing out the fridge earlier than shopping for extra. 

First In, First Out  – Use your oldest meals earlier than going for the newer ones you simply purchased.

Proper produce storage – wrap greens in a towel, preserve potatoes away from onions, and separate bananas and peaches (and different ethylene-emitting fruits like apples). 

Buy much less + store extra typically – Shop sensible by solely shopping for what you want, particularly perishable meals. Plan to hit the farmer’s market or grocery retailer as soon as every week as a substitute of as soon as a month to get your recent meals.  

Buy from bulk bins – this doesn’t imply it is advisable purchase massive quantities, however you should purchase simply what you want. Also carry your individual bulk luggage! Look for bulk bins in your grocery retailer. You can even try the BulkFinder app for shops with bulk in your space. 

Write an inventory – Reduce impulse shopping for and purchase simply what you want with a easy checklist.

Buy frozen meals – Frozen fruits and veggies can have mainly the identical nutrient content material as recent, however they last more and may also help scale back meals waste, particularly you probably have bother getting by the recent variations earlier than they go dangerous. Keep in thoughts, frozen does include packaging so be aware of your purchasing habits.

Pack leftovers for lunch – Make further for dinner so you will have leftovers for a wholesome lunch. 

Turn further or mushy apples into applesauce, apple chips or scrumptious baked apples.

Use the blender – mushy berries, wilted greens, and brown avocados are all nice smoothie additions. Our newest smoothie concoction: bruised peaches with cucumber juice – you'll be able to add absolutely anything to a smoothie…

Date objects to maintain monitor of what must be used first.

Embrace ugly produce – The growing older apple, bruised banana and crooked carrot nonetheless want properties too, they usually’re nonetheless completely edible!

Regularly clear out the fridge – I’m positive you’ve heard the saying “out of sight, out of mind”? Search the entire fridge for hidden meals. Don’t let these berries tucked within the again go dangerous earlier than you notice. Prevent meals spoilage by holding issues clear and visual. 

Understand meals labels – Use by, promote by, and finest by all imply various things. Also know, these labels aren’t regulated (aside from child components)and there aren't any universally accepted descriptions used on meals labels for relationship so you should definitely use your senses.

Use your senses – Look for modifications in shade, odor and texture and use your finest judgement. Also bear in mind, when doubtful, throw it out..

Don’t end your plate when you’re full – overeating just isn't the answer for meals waste. Store further for leftovers or reassess the meal measurement for subsequent time.

Pickle it – cucumber, inexperienced beans, cauliflower, beets, carrots, radishes, garlic, mushrooms, peppers, even watermelon rinds. 

Save citrus peels – they work nice to taste water or make a pure family cleaner. 

Compost – This is an effective way to show these meals scraps into an incredible soil modification. There are plenty of methods to compost: a yard arrange, bokashi, vermicomposting, using metropolis composting, and even asking if a farmer composts and may take the meals scraps. 

Used espresso grounds make for an important hair or face masks, act as a wonderful exfoliant or can fertilize crops.

Use “past-their-prime” produce for self pampering. Use overripe avocado for a face masks or used tea luggage to cut back under-eye puffiness.  

Make an excessive amount of? Share extras with associates and neighbors.

Store grains, cereals and crackers in hermetic containers to maintain from going stale.

Make positive your fridge and freezer are set to the proper temperatures and have safe seals to maintain them on the correct temperature. (fridge 33-38 levels F, and under zero for the freezer).

Take the “Food: Too Good to Waste” problem to maintain good meals from going dangerous.

Shop out of your fridge, freezer and pantry first. If you will have any objects left from final week, be certain to plan your meals round these objects. 

Share plates when eating out – This may also help preserve portion sizes in verify. You can even get a to-go container (or carry your individual!) for straightforward leftovers.

Use the FoodKeeper app for info on storing meals correctly to take care of freshness.

Create an space in your fridge for “need-to-use” objects which might be about to go dangerous. Make some extent to eat these first. 

Follow the 2-hour rule. Don’t preserve perishable meals out at room temperature for greater than 2 hours (1 hour if it’s hotter than 90 levels F). Harmful micro organism can develop quickly at room temperature. Food poisoning just isn't enjoyable. 

Hosting a celebration? Have associates carry their very own containers to take dwelling extras. 

Serve smaller parts and have folks get seconds in the event that they’re nonetheless hungry. 

Be life like together with your meal plan – Plan for fewer days and deplete leftovers first. 

If you will have extra meals than you want, contemplate donating to a meals pantry or meals drive. 

Have a mishmash of things and don’t know what to make? Try soup, tacos, pasta, salad, stir fry, or a frittata.

Buy in bulk – It might be price efficient, however be aware of portions. It doesn’t lower your expenses if you find yourself throwing it out.A value efficient approach and simple zero waste strategy to purchasing meals.

Freeze lemon zest and juice for straightforward use later.

Keep monitor of what you throw away – then you'll be able to assess and make modifications. Do you end up throwing away full gallons of milk? Go with a smaller container. Find your bread typically moldy earlier than you'll be able to eat all of it? Store half within the freezer till you want it. 

Use the whole lot! Use the broccoli stems and cauliflower leaves. Don’t throw out these beet and carrot greens. If you peel potatoes, roast the skins for a crispy snack. And use the rooster bones in inventory.

Buy the entire merchandise – carrots with greens, the entire rooster utilizing further bits for inventory.

Keep mushrooms in a paper bag or one other breathable container.

Grow your individual meals – By rising your individual, you'll be able to seize simply what you want as a substitute of shopping for the entire bunch. Like selecting simply sufficient mint leaves as a substitute of the packages you can by no means appear to complete. 

Keep a working grocery checklist – Just ran out of rice? Write it down! Makes subsequent week’s grocery checklist that a lot simpler.

Prep objects forward of time – grab-and-go snacks and a few easy meal prep.

Use lemon juice on an opened avocado or sliced apples to sluggish browning.

Stale bread? Make the bread into croutons, crumble into bread crumbs or bread pudding.

Store sliced carrots, asparagus and celery in a jar with water to maintain them recent and crunchy.

Freeze brown bananas – you’ve obtained future banana bread, banana pancakes and banana ice cream!

Store berries and cherries with small towel, unwashed within the fridge in a sealed container to take care of freshness.

Store woody herbs like rosemary and thyme rolled up in a humid towel, sealed in a container within the fridge.

Plan meals that double up on components – use cabbage in your bun mi sandwich and within the slaw to your tacos so that you don’t find yourself with half a head of cabbage going to waste.

Don’t retailer milk and eggs within the door of the fridge – the temperature fluctuates most frequently right here. 

Store delicate herbs like basil, cilantro and parsley in a glass of water on the counter, altering the water day by day.

Create clean-out-the-fridge meals – meals like pasta, soups and buddha bowls are nice for this.

Use the customarily forgotten stems and leaves out of your produce – roast or saute kale/chard stems and use celery leaves in your salad or as a garnish.

Dry recent herbs and use them dried.

Wilty herbs? Make a pesto or chimichurri.

Buy dried mushrooms, and rehydrate to be used so that you at all times have mushrooms available with out them going dangerous.

Know your quantities. Include portions in your purchasing checklist to forestall shopping for an excessive amount of.

Dehydrate meals for longer storage, or backpacking meals!

Don’t store if you’re hungry – this usually ends in extra impulse buys.

Utilize expertise – attempt apps like foodkeeper app, waste no meals, spoiler alert. Check out these 16 apps that may assist forestall meals waste.

Learn all you'll be able to in regards to the meals system and what you are able to do to assist scale back meals waste in your neighborhood.

Start small – select one factor you can begin doing at this time to assist scale back your meals waste.

Want some recipe concepts for utilizing up scraps? Check out our scrappy cooking recipes like Roasted Carrots with Carrot Top Pesto, Roasted Squash Seeds and Homemade Bone Broth.

How do you're employed towards decreasing your meals waste? We’d love to listen to!

We’re at all times striving to cut back our meals waste. It’s a private aim that may make a big influence. It’s not about a couple of folks being excellent, it’s about A LOT of individuals doing it fairly imperfectly. When folks collectively scale back their meals waste, we are able to make an actual influence on the world of waste. So let’s make one thing scrumptious with our so-called waste.

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75 Tips to Reduce Food Waste was first published to Weight Loss Fitness

from Weight Loss Fitness - Feed https://weightlossfitnesss.info/75-tips-to-reduce-food-waste/

[paleorecipecookbook]

31 Paleo Recipes Perfect for Labor Day

While Labor Day isn’t as big of a “food holiday” as others, it stands as a sort of end-of-summer celebration. Recipes that are perfect for this Monday are a mix of summery fresh ingredients with a hint of longing for those crisp autumn days. These 31 Labor Day Paleo recipes are simple, delicious, and perfect for any holiday all year round.

1. Chunky Turkey Chili

Chili is usually a cold weather staple, but this Paleo-friendly version uses chunky summer vegetables, which add both texture and nutrition. Ground turkey is loaded with health-promoting proteins that when combined with the veggies, makes for a perfectly balanced Paleo meal. This is the perfect bridge between summer and fall, and will become a go-to favorite even after the weather has turned, well, chilly.

Recipe by PaleoPlan | Chunky Turkey Chili

2. Loaded Bacon Cauliflower Mac and Cheese

While you might not get traditional mac ‘n cheese on a Paleo diet, this one will trick your mouth into believing you’re getting the real deal. It’s the perfect deluxe dish for holidays, plus it’s kid-friendly and the ultimate comfort food. You’ll never believe there’s not actual cheese in this dish.

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Loaded Bacon Cauliflower Mac and Cheese

3. Fried Catfish with Spicy Slaw and Sweet Potato Fries

Cole slaw is one of those ubiquitous holiday meals that goes perfectly with everything, but especially with fried fish and fries. This dish is 100 percent Paleo, and will have you running back for seconds (and thirds).

Recipe by Pastured Kitchen | Fried Catfish with Spicy Slaw and Sweet Potato Fries

4. Shrimp, Watermelon, and Tomato Salad

This easy to put together Paleo salad recipe combines tender shrimp with sweet watermelon and cherry tomatoes. Tossed with a little lime juice, olive oil, and fresh herbs, this amazing Paleo salad will be a big hit at your next barbecue.

Recipe by PaleoPlan | Shrimp, Watermelon, and Tomato Salad

5. Avocado Bacon Burger

It doesn’t get more Paleo or classic Labor Day than a juicy beef burger that is topped with ripe avocado. This classic dish is perfect year-round, and can be jazzed up with additional toppings, like cole slaw, bacon, and even Paleo fried pickles.

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Avocado Bacon Burger

6. Sweet & Crunchy Chicken Slaw

Make your slaw a main dish with this delicious classic dish that includes chicken for some protein. Perfect for barbecues, potlucks, or holidays, this one-dish meal will quickly become a family staple.

Recipe by Lexi’s Clean Kitchen | Sweet & Crunchy Chicken Slaw

7. Stuffed Poblano Peppers

Want a dish that doubles as both an appetizer and an entree? This stuffed pepper dish is quick to prep and filled with zingy spices that will delight anyone who’s a fan of tacos (and who doesn’t love tacos?).

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Stuffed Poblano Peppers

8. Simple Tuna Salad

It doesn’t get much easier than this simple tuna salad! Packed with protein and healthy omega-3 fatty acids, this Paleo tuna salad tastes great when eaten on its own, served upon a bed of mixed greens, or wrapped up in lettuce leaves.

Recipe by PaleoPlan | Simple Tuna Salad

9. Peach Ginger Ice Cream

This ice cream is AIP friendly, so if you’re following that plan for an autoimmune disorder, you can still indulge in a delicious treat that pairs the freshness of summery peaches with the warmth and spice of autumnal ginger.

Recipe by Phoenix Helix | Peach Ginger Ice Cream

10. Toasted Marshmallow S’more Tart

What better way to say farewell to summer than by toasting it with a delicious Paleo s’more? This fabulous dessert serves six to eight, making it the perfect take-along to a Labor Day party, or any special event!

Recipe by Against All Grain | Toasted Marshmallow S’more Tart

11. Satay Chicken Skewers with “Peanut” Sauce

Kebab lovers will go crazy for these Satay Chicken Skewers with “Peanut” Sauce. Not only are they an excellent choice for serving at your next event as an appetizer, but they’ll also serve up well as a snack. They’re easy to make and nutritious! If you don’t have access to a grill, the chicken is just as delicious roasted or broiled.

Recipe by PaleoPlan | Satay Chicken Skewers with “Peanut” Sauce

12. Smoky Maple Glazed Chicken Legs

While most barbecue sauces are full of sugar, this homemade recipe uses a smoky dry rub followed by a light maple syrup glaze for a heavenly sweet and smoky flavor.

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Smoky Maple Glazed Chicken Legs

13. Prosciutto Melon Wrap-Ups

This salty-sweet appetizer is a perfect homage to summer’s flavors while staying relevant during any season of the year. You’ll want to make extras of these: your guests will be coming back for seconds and thirds.

Recipe by PaleoPlan | Prosciutto Melon Wrap-Ups

14. Bacon-Wrapped Avocado Fries

These easy two-ingredient fries are a game changer come snack time. While avocado usually gets mashed into a guacamole or blended into a cool smoothie, for this recipe you’ll be wrapping avocado slices in bacon and baking them for a dish filled with healthy fats and protein.

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Bacon-Wrapped Avocado Fries

15. Endive Salmon Poppers

This exotic-looking appetizer is perfect for a special dinner party, a BBQ, or a farewell-to-summer party. Salty smoked salmon is topped with pungent minced onion and creamy slices of avocado for a perfect and sophisticated mix of flavors.

Recipe by PaleoPlan | Endive Salmon Poppers

16. Grilled Hawaiian Pineapple Chicken

Grilled fruit is a delicious way to upgrade any meat dish. In this recipe, you’ll be grilling pineapple slices next to chicken marinated in a mouthwatering, sticky-sweet glaze. The combination makes for the perfect sweet and savory dish!

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Grilled Hawaiian Pineapple Chicken

17. Bacon Chips and Guacamole

This low-carb option is the perfect protein-packed snack—and really, who doesn’t love bacon or guac? Paired together, this appetizer will be a smashing success.

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Bacon Chips and Guacamole

18. Mini Parsnip Cakes with Creamy Buffalo Dip

These mini parsnip cakes are crisp and flavorful, and are a great appetizer or side dish for any outdoor event or party.

Recipe by PaleoPlan | Mini Parsnip Cakes with Creamy Buffalo Dip

19. Mustard Pork Chops

These herb-crusted mustard pork chops pack mouthwatering savory flavor. Plus, they’re ready in just 20 minutes—perfect for busy weekends or holidays filled with lots of family and friends.

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Mustard Pork Chops

20. Coconut Milk Ice Cream

This dairy-free ice cream is the perfect complement to any Labor Day dessert. Jazz it up with your favorite fruits or chocolate, or enjoy the fresh coconut on its own.

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Coconut Milk Ice Cream

21. Buffalo Deviled Eggs

What’s a Labor Day (or any other) party without deviled eggs? These take the classic version to the next level.

Recipe by Living Loving Paleo | Buffalo Deviled Eggs

22. Smoked Salmon Cucumber Bites with Cashew Cream Cheese

This quick snack recipe is made with a cashew cream cheese that takes only two ingredients, but tastes just as rich and indulgent as the traditional dairy version. When topped on cucumber slices, it makes a decadent snack that is easy, healthy, and downright delicious.

Recipe by PaleoPlan | Smoked Salmon Cucumber Bites with Cashew Cream Cheese

23. Carrot Cake Donuts

These lightly sweetened donuts are a carrot cake lover’s dream! They’re made from an almond and coconut flour base, which lends the same thick, satisfying texture you expect from a classic donut. These donuts are perfect for breakfast, dessert, or a holiday snack!

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Carrot Cake Donuts

24. Grilled Peach, Avocado, and Crab Salad with Peach Dressing

This salad is grain-free, dairy-free, egg-free, and low-carb—the perfect allergen-friendly side or main dish for any type of gathering. If you aren’t a fan of crab, swap it out for your protein of choice.

Recipe by Lexi’s Clean Kitchen | Grilled Peach, Avocado, and Crab Salad with Peach Dressing

25. Paleo Creamsicle

This is a favorite Paleo-friendly drink that pairs delicious warming vanilla vodka with bright and fresh citrus.

Recipe by PaleoPlan | Paleo Creamsicle

26. Zucchini Pizza Bites

Pizza is always in season, and these delightful finger-food appetizers are the perfect way to snack on healthy yet tasty ingredients that no one will know is actually Paleo. Take these as a carry-in to a party you’re attending, or delight your guests of any age when you serve these at your BBQ or party.

Recipe by PaleoPlan | Zucchini Pizza Bites

27. Hasselback Apples

Warm and spiced, these hasselback apples are the perfect indulgent dessert to welcome fall. Top with coconut ice cream for à la mode decadence.

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Hasselback Apples

28. The Ultimate Fudgey Paleo Brownies

Brownies are the perfect dessert for any day of the year. These are completely Paleo and tree nut free

Recipe by Girl In Healing | The Ultimate Fudgey Paleo Brownies

29. Bacon-Wrapped Jalapeno Poppers with Cashew Cheese

This is the perfect spicy appetizer with a creamy center, which is ideal for BBQs, parties, and special events. Think jalapeño poppers without the frying!

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Bacon-Wrapped Jalapeño Poppers with Cashew Cheese

30. Buttery Avocado Lime Cheesecake

If there’s one ingredient that should always be in a Paleo kitchen, it’s avocado. The nutty flavor and creamy texture are perfect for making a dairy-free cheesecake that will be sure to delight guests, Paleo or not!

Recipe by PaleoHacks | Buttery Avocado Lime Cheesecake

31. Cucumber Cilantro Margarita

A refreshing toast to end of summer by pairing the perfect hint of cucumber with the classic margarita.

Recipe by Against All Grain | Cucumber Cilantro Margarita

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[gyrlversion]

Munchies’ Farideh Sadeghin Is a Regular at Her Local Slice Joint

Farideh Sadighen at L’Industrie in Williamsburg.

Photo: Christian Rodriguez

As the culinary director at Vice’s Munchies, Farideh Sadeghin’s days are split into two distinct modes of eating: “I make nice, really great things at work,” she says, “and when I leave I have random junky things like pizza and fried clams and hot dogs.” (As of this year, she’s also the host of “The Cooking Show With Farideh,” a goofy and candid stand-and-stir.) This week, Sadeghin realized she can’t go a day without chocolate, got in not one but three styles of pizza, had clam chowder and lobster rolls on Long Island, and celebrated her birthday with dinner at Keen’s and karaoke. Read all about it in this week’s Grub Street Diet.

Thursday, May 2 I wake up around 6 a.m. most days and either run outside or at the gym. I’m not a morning person, exactly, but I can get out of bed. I don’t drink coffee (well, once in a blue moon, but it makes me fucking hyper and nauseous). I also don’t really eat breakfast, so when I get home from the gym or whatever, I shower and walk to work. I live in Bushwick and the office is in Williamsburg, so it only takes around 40 minutes most days.

Once at the office, I started on the first test of a recipe for gluten-free almond-and-blueberry scones I was working on for “The Cooking Show.” I used only half a cup of blueberries and ate the rest. The scones came out good, maybe a little salty. They looked more like cookies than scones, which maybe I wasn’t mad about? Had to think on that. I wanted to riff a bit on strawberry shortcake, but with blueberries and maybe nectarines.

I showed Amanda, our kitchen manager, how to fillet a salmon, and we decided to pickle some, gravlax some, and cook some for lunch. My intern tested a recipe for the katsu sando from Matt Abergel’s book, Chicken and Charcoal. Had a bite of that, too.

I set up a station for Abra Berens, author of Ruffage. She made a recipe from her book, a stewed eggplant and tomato dish. I made it the day before so we had a swap and threw that in the oven to heat. She came and I took her to the rooftop garden to grab some random herbs and flowers to garnish the dish. I scarfed down some eggplant stew and a chunk of bread.

After she left, I started on another possible recipe for the show, this time for stuffies (a classic Rhode Island recipe; basically breadcrumbs, chorizo, and clams stuffed into some quahog shells and baked). They’re great, but have too much hot sauce, so I planned to remake them the next week. Amanda made a shredded cabbage and arugula salad with some lemon juice and olive oil and I ate a large bowl of that. Needed some greens. I also grabbed a handful of M&M’s, because also needed some chocolate. We always have M&Ms in the office as snacks, plain and peanut. (I keep a stash in the freezer at work, also at home. Chocolate is always better cold, IMHO.) We used to have peanut butter M&Ms which are the best, but we don’t have those anymore. I don’t know, fucking cutbacks, man.

I went to boxing that night (I have never been a “workout class” person, but a friend got me into this and I like it for my hand-eye memory stuff). I grabbed a glass of wine from the Four Horsemen afterwards and then wandered over to L’Industrie for a slice (the Farmer, with goat cheese, guanciale, crème fraîche, honey, and basil). I walk by it daily to and from work, and the pizza is awesome. I go almost every week. Always crispy and light, naturally leavened. I like to go in there and talk shit with Massimo, the owner, and Nick, one of the pizzaiolos.

I walked home and decided that I needed chocolate. There was none left in my freezer, but I managed to scrounge up the last Cookie Time Afghan biscuit I brought back from a trip to New Zealand in February. They’re chocolatey and crunchy. I thought there were potato chips in them … but, nope, Googled to confirm, and it’s actually cornflakes.

Friday, May 3 6 a.m. wake up. You now know my morning routine, except this time, I ate the other half of my cookie before walking out the door to work. There were chocolate crumbs, and you don’t want to waste those. They’re from New Zealand!

On Fridays, Vice gives us bagels and Peter Pan doughnuts. I tore a fourth of a bagel and slathered it with veggie cream cheese (honestly never, ever liked veggie cream cheese before, but I am a convert as of, like, a month ago). An hour later, I saw a box of doughnuts still there and broke into one of them, too. To any of my colleagues reading this, yes, I am the dick who breaks off pieces of the bagels and donuts on Friday, leaving remnants of dough, and I am not ashamed to admit it.

I tested a new recipe I’m developing for a peanut butter–chocolate tart with a gluten-free crust. Kind of like a Reese’s peanut butter cup? The crust was not good. At all. But the chocolate and peanut butter layers were fucking great. Also, cooked up some escargot that was leftover from a shoot and snacked on snails.

Our West Coast senior editor Hilary was in town so we baked an impossible flan together. It’s a classic Mexican dessert that I’m putting in our third cookbook. Basically, you pour some caramel in a cake pan, then chocolate cake batter, then a flan mix, cover it with foil and bake it in a water bath. The layers separate and once it is baked and cooled, you flip it out and the caramel is on top, then the flan, then the cake. It’s really good, but the version I’d been working on has been giving me some trouble, so I’m tweaking it.

Made some cookie dough to freeze for the Altro Paradiso bake sale Natasha Pickowicz organized to benefit Planned Parenthood. I love cookie dough and will eat it raw forever, always. Totally forgot that I had weed-infused cookie dough portioned out in my freezer that I should eat!

Also made some onion dip for a going-away party we hosted in the kitchen later that night for one of the founders of Munchies and executive producer, Chris Grosso. Detroit-style pepperoni pizzas, some steaks from DeBragga, roasted chickens, salad, cheese boards, ricotta cheesecake. Lots of wine. Maybe a little too much wine, TBH. Some cheesecake may have ended up on the ceiling? We ended up at a friend’s later that night with Archie’s pizza and freshly baked peanut butter and chocolate chip cookies. I was passed out, sitting on the couch, I’d keep waking up, they’d be like pizza is coming soon, I’d be talking and pass out again. You know how it goes.

I was sent home with a goodie bag of cookies. I ate a couple more on my ride home.

Saturday, May 4 Woke up early, despite being able to sleep-in. Ate a cookie. Drank a can of tangerine LaCroix (drinking an ice-cold can of soda from the can is my personal hangover cure). Popped in a slice of Vogel’s bread to the toaster (another souvenir from my trip to New Zealand). Vogel’s bread is the best bread, ever. Four-inch squares, pretty dense. It takes two go’s in the toaster to toast it. I slathered on some butter and Marmite (the NZ kind, not the English kind). It’s similar to Vegemite, maybe a touch sweeter. I LOVE the stuff. I know Marmite and Vegemite can be quite polarizing in general, but I lived in NZ for around seven years (I was working as a chef while over there) and became addicted to the stuff. My recent trip was the first time I’d been back in almost seven years, so I stocked up on all my favorite foods.

Vogel’s in hand, I grabbed my camping stuff (thankful I had set out most of it throughout the week so I had less to pack with my foggy brain). My friends Kim, Lili, Eleanore, and I drove out to Long Island to camp for the night. We stopped at Bigelow’s Clam Shack on the way and got a bowl each of Manhattan and New England clam chowder and mixed them. Not sure if that is something everyone does, but it is definitely a Maryland thing with crab soup, and doing it with chowder works just as well. Also got Ipswich clams (with tartar sauce for me) and coleslaw. Had a Budweiser. Oh, also shrimp cocktail. I’m 100 percent a seafood shack person.

Kept driving and stopped at Lobster Roll on our way to our campsite. Split a few lobster rolls, ate some fries, drank some wine. (Don’t worry, Kim was the designated driver.) Also had a chocolate egg cream. Grabbed some extra pickles to have with dinner.

Got to our campsite to set up camp. Drank wine on the beach. Built a campfire and ate cheese. A huge seagull grabbed our huge knob of blue cheese and flew off with it. We ate Manchego and gouda instead, plus oysters that Eleanore had grabbed from Greenpoint Fish and Lobster before we left the city.

Grilled up some hot dogs I had from Olympia Provisions. Ate those with spicy brown mustard and Dijon. Mustard is my favorite condiment, so I double down on my dog. Also topped it with crispy shallots and crispy garlic. Oh, and one of those pickles from before.

Had stowed away a Cadbury almond chocolate bar and ate a lot of that with more wine. A bit of whisky, but mainly wine, then crawled into my tent.

Sunday, May 5 Woke up to a lot of rain hitting the tent. It definitely sounded worse in the tent than actually being outside, but still, rain sucks when you have to pack up a campsite. Kim made a Spanish tortilla and stuck a candle in it. My birthday was on Monday, so they sang to me (I really hate when people sing HBD to me), then we sliced into the tortilla, topped it with lots of hot sauce. I should mention that this all happened in one of the tents since it was raining.

Drove out to the lighthouse. Didn’t get out of the car because: rain. Went into town to get coffee and some food at Anthony’s Pancake House. Kim got banana pancakes, Eleanore got the club sandwich, and I got mozzarella sticks. We wanted soft serve from John’s Drive-In, but the rain just didn’t really get us in the mood, so we grabbed some Cool Ranch Doritos and Cheetos for the road.

Got home and put away all my wet camping crap. Showered and got into comfy clothes for the couch. I cook a ton at work, so I usually opt for easy things when I’m home that don’t require a ton of effort. My fridge is often full of only condiments. Also eggs and flour tortillas and fermented bamboo shoots.

I made a box of ash-e reshteh from Sadaf Foods. Ash-e reshteh is an Iranian soup with noodles and beans and herbs. My dad is Iranian and made something similar growing up (minus the noodles), and it is kind of the perfect thing to eat on the couch when it’s raining (warm, filling, comfort food). He’d do it in the crockpot, and you would eat it for a week straight. The smell of it reminds me of my dad in a good way.

Monday, May 6 It was my birthday. Went to the grocery store and got stuff to make BLTs (one of my all-time favorite sandwiches). The grocery store had Peter Luger’s bacon, so I grabbed a couple of those and some sourdough, tomatoes, and lettuce. Also a Carvel ice cream cake because Tuesday was my colleague Peter’s birthday and we were going to celebrate our b-days with ice cream cake (mainly because I love ice cream cake). I bought some Klondike bars, too, because if I have learned anything about myself while documenting what I have been eating for the last five days, it is that I cannot go a day without chocolate. The guy at the register sang “Happy Birthday” to me which was weird but fine. Ate a Klondike bar on my walk back to the office. P.S. Klondike bars are a lot less thick than they used to be. What’s up with that?

Laid the bacon out on trays and baked it all, toasted the bread, sliced and seasoned the tomatoes. Duke’s mayonnaise, but only because we didn’t have Hellman’s. Ate my BLT standing in the kitchen (I often find that I eat while standing at work). Got mayo on my neck somehow. Also had sour cream and onion chips. Fuck, those are the best, especially with a sandwich. I usually put chips on my sandwiches, but in the case of the BLT, sour cream and onion chips are enjoyed on the side. If you’re not putting chips on your sandwich, you’re doing it wrong.

Was delivered a package of Bagel Bites and Totino’s Pizza Rolls. I had no idea from who, until my friend Laura texted me about a package. She’s visiting next weekend from Richmond, so I decide to not immediately open and bake them all, but pop them back in the freezer and will make them for her visit. Only the best for my guests.

Left work a little early and met my friend Kate at the bar at Keen’s Steakhouse. She got there before me and ordered some crudités. I have to say, celery is fucking great. I love a celery stick. Had a dirty gin martini, four olives. We ordered and split the prime-rib hash, a wedge salad, and creamed spinach. Switched to a Manhattan and drank two of those. Came out from the bathroom to a piece of Key lime pie with a candle stuck in it. Nobody sang. The crust was very good. The pie was, too.

Forced Kate to go to karaoke and sing some songs. I may or may not have a note in my phone of just karaoke songs. Pat Benatar and 4 Non Blondes were definitely sung. We were the only ones there, which, you’d think would be cool, but I kind of like seeing other people sing awkwardly. Finished the night with a Maker’s on the rocks. Maybe two?

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The post Munchies’ Farideh Sadeghin Is a Regular at Her Local Slice Joint appeared first on Gyrlversion.

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New Post has been published on https://travelonlinetips.com/a-foodies-ultimate-long-weekend-in-the-scenic-rim/

A foodie's ultimate long weekend in the Scenic Rim

It might seem unlikely to find a foodie’s paradise on the edge of an ancient volcanic rim, but head south-west of Brisbane for just an hour and you’ll land at the Scenic Rim region – a spectacular landscape packed with culinary surprises.

From speciality seafood to award-winning cheese and world-class fruit, the Scenic Rim is an endless buffet of fresh produce and the ultimate spot for experiential diners. Devour the best it has to offer by digging into this long weekend itinerary.

Day 1

12PM: Spicers Hidden Vale

If Brisbane’s backyard has a best-kept secret, Spicers Hidden Vale is it. The true hero of the property – set on 12,000 acres of working farmland in the Lockyer Valley region – is the Spicers’ signature restaurant, Homage.

Head chef, Ash Martin, makes paddock to plate look positively perfect, with a menu incorporating products from the local area and herbs from the onsite market garden. By day, sweeping views of the Scenic Rim are complemented by a gourmet picnic of tomato and goats curd quiche or antipasto vegetables with olives, or seasonal two and three-course lunches.

To cap it off, Homage has been awarded one chefs hat in the 2019 Good Food Guide Awards – so you know it’s going to be worth the pitstop.

2:30PM: Freshwater Australian Crayfish Traders

Driving between Hidden Vale and Tarome, you’ll see why this area is so keen to celebrate its farmers – but stop in at Freshwater Australian Crayfish Traders’ 80-hectare property and you’ll be treated to an even more unique perspective.

Packed with over 70 freshwater dams, it’s home to some of Australia’s best crayfish with this local trader selling up to a million redclaw crayfish each year, as well as a range of other freshwater aquatic fish and shrimps, to the restaurant trade all over south-east Queensland.

Pack an Esky and grab yourself some takeaway crays at a great price.

6PM: Spicers Peak Lodge

The twists and turns your wheels will take to make it to the top of Spicers Peak Lodge are well worth it when you arrive at 10,000 acres overlooking the World Heritage-listed Main Range National Park and Great Dividing Range.

Peak Lodge might be Australia’s highest non-alpine luxury property, but that’s not it’s only claim to fame – the property’s restaurant, The Peak, was also awarded one chefs hat in the 2019 Good Food Guide Awards.

With a focus on ‘The best of Australia’, you’ll be feasting on uniquely Australian goodness with luxury trimmings. The Peak’s menu sates appetites with ingredients such as Fraser Isle spanner crab, Moreton Bay bug and Bowen mangoes.

Rest your head here and all meals and beverages – including the celebrated degustation dinner menu – are included in the price tag.

Day 2

8AM: Stay right where you are

Whatever you do, don’t skip the first meal of the day at Spicers Peak Lodge. The breakfast game is strong here – especially the dressed-up avocado on toast with goats curd, sumac and dukkah on house-baked sourdough.

Or, you can dig into other delicacies like the “Funghi Feast” served with poached eggs, mushrooms, parmesan custard, marinated grains and soft leaves.

11AM: Kalfresh Vegetables

Veggie lovers should make a beeline for Kalfresh Vegetables, Queensland’s largest supplier of carrots. You can stop in at their Kalbar base to see where most of Australia’s carrots, onions, green beans and pumpkin start life as seedlings.

Aside from observing produce and packing, you’ll also stumble across one of Queensland’s most unusual creations – carrot beer. Made with 16 per cent carrot juice, it’s surely the healthiest beer around.

12PM: Fassifern Valley Produce

Heirloom tomatoes have never looked as good as the ones that come out of Fassifern Valley Produce. With colours befitting of such exotic names, brace your taste buds for flavour bursts from their Green Zebra, Tigerella, Ida Gold and Black Cherry varieties, plus the Mortgage Lifter – a tomato named by its grower in recognition of this ruby red fruit being his ticket to a debt-free life.

Bring your reusable shopping bag and stock up at their roadside stall on Boonah-Fassifern Rd, which turns over more than a tonne of fresh tomatoes each week.

1PM: Kooroomba Vineyard & Lavender Farm

Dig into a scrumptious lunch prepared by the chefs at Kooroomba Vineyard & Lavender Farm. While seasonal vegetables are prominent on the menu it is, of course, lavender that plays a starring role in dishes like lavender confit duck leg and lavender crème brulee.

You’ll also find a cellar door and lavender shop here, all overlooking six acres of vineyards, fields of lavender and the Scenic Rim Mountains.

2PM: Naughty Little Kids

Move over Italy; Boonah is serving up some of the best gelato this side of Rome. Dig your sweet tooth into a scoop of Naughty Little Kids gelato on the farm where it’s actually produced.

They’ve put their own spin on the traditional gelato recipe by using goat’s milk instead of cow’s, which makes this ice-cream lactose friendly (not lactose-free), and 100% gluten-, egg- and nut-free to boot. Sensitive tums, rejoice!

3PM: Bunjurgen Estate vineyard

Ah, rosé; the lovable grape combination that merges the crispness of a white with the body of a red and goes down as smooth as a bubbly. If you feel the same way about rosé, make tracks to Bunjurgen Estate Vineyard for their award-winning pink drop.

Wine tastings are conducted in either an undercover outdoor cellar door or beneath a jacaranda tree, allowing you to take in the breathtaking Scenic Rim vistas with every sip. The kind folk at Bunjurgen allow BYO picnics (or fresh Fassifern Valley tomato hauls) too.

5PM: Scenic Rim Brewery & Cafe

Operating out of a heritage-listed old general store, the small family-owned Scenic Rim Brewery & Cafe is dedicated to brewing craft beer with the best ingredients.

There’s a café smack bang in the middle of the brewery’s factory floor, so you can wash down your glass of Digga, Shazza or Fat Man with a tasty treat from their Dutch-inspired menu.

7PM: Ketchups Bank Glamping

You’ve got to love a destination where even the accommodation sounds like something you can eat! Enter Ketchups Bank Glamping and their luxury eco-tents near Boonah, where you’re promised unparalleled mountain views and a relaxing evening in a rugged Australian bush setting.

They offer up BBQ dinner hampers for two, packed with locally-sourced cuts of meat and fresh vegetables ready to toss on your private BBQ or campfire; plus a country breakfast hamper for the AM.

DAY 3

11AM: Towri Sheep Cheeses

Ditch the traditional morning tea and lunch meals and dedicate this day to grazing – on sheep cheese!

Towri Sheep Cheeses, just outside of Beaudesert, won’t just let you devour the cheese, they’ll also teach you how to make it with their ‘art of cheese-making’ class (takes place every second Wednesday).

With 350 sheep on site, there’s no shortage of supplies to make hard and soft varieties. And you certainly won’t leave hungry with morning tea, light refreshments and lunch all part of the package.

3PM: Witches Falls Winery

Follow the ridgeline of this ancient landscape towards the coast until you reach Tamborine Mountain, timing your route to catch the cellar door at Witches Falls Winery before it closes.

Get to know their signature drops with a tasting paddle – a flight of wines will leave you with change from a tenner. If you order in advance, you can pair your tipples with a delicious platter from local deli, The Vintage Pickle.

6PM: Witches Falls Cottages

  Stay within arm’s reach of the winery at Witches Falls Cottages – all about location, and offering up a secluded setting for a romantic getaway.

As for food, if there’s still belly room, you can have take-away delivered to your cottage from many of the local restaurants on the mountain or the Witches Falls team can pull together a BBQ dinner hamper complete with dessert.

Day 4

A day of hunting and gathering

Make today about stocking up on local supplies before leaving the Scenic Rim. While most of the suppliers don’t have their own farm gate, they use cafes, restaurants and boutique shops to sell their produce.

Look out for these grocery essentials:

Scenic Rim Olives: The region even produces its own olives. You’ll find them in brine, olive oil, tapenade and dukkah for a salty fix.

Dewar Honey:Making the Scenic Rim all the more sweet, these jars of liquid amber are the work of a third-generation beekeeper.

Farmer Joe’s Garlic and Produce: Warding off vampires this side of the Gondwana Rainforest, Farmer Joe’s garlic business is one of only 30 garlic growers in Australia.

Tamborine Mountain Free Range Eggs: These chickens are so special they have their own guard dog who keeps them free from predators on the 80-acre farm.

4Real Milk: If you’re enjoying a cup of coffee in this neck of the woods, chances are it’s made with 4Real Milk, a pasteurised, non-homogenised full cream milk.

The Lime Caviar Company: The Scenic Rim happens to be home to Australia’s premier grower of native finger limes. They pick-to-order and supply local and international fine dining markets.

Want more? Scenic Rim Eat Local Week is your backstage pass to the farms, wineries and food stories of the Scenic Rim. Eat your way around the region through a range of experiences from long table lunches to carrot-picking!

Have you done a foodie weekend in the Scenic Rim before? Let us know your finds in the comments below.

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[happyhappyhappyplace]

All the hate in the Ereri and riren fandom is really getting me down :( Could u help remind me how awesome the ship is, because a lot of people think that riren makes the characters ooc. My whole life has been a lie... Not really lol, just need some reasurrence that riren can be shipped for good reason. riren/ereri it doesn’t matter! Whenever people want to reduce a ship down to where the peen goes, I’m a little concerned because 1) there is more to sex than penetration and 2) there is more to a relationship than sex! So whenever people fight over ririviviviivivireererereri nonsense, I make up my own positive headcanons: Eren loves ice cream, but Levi is lactose intolerant so he gets sherbet. Eren likes the ostrich on the carousel, Levi likes the tiger, but both are fond of the wonky eyed horse. Levi doesn’t like it when Eren buys oversized sweaters because Levi likes to borrow Eren’s sweaters so that just means it’s three times too big for him. Ah, who are we kidding, he likes those too. Levi is remarkably good at winning goldfish at the ring toss. Eren’s aquarium is overcrowded. Both claim to like creepy horror flicks, but somehow have never made it an entire movie without turning it off. But only to makeout, not because they were scared or anything. Eren is banned from most putt-putt golf courses, especially the one with the windmill. In protest, Levi stole three boxes of golf pencils. At the beach, Levi sunburns easily. Eren writes, “I love you!” on his back in sunscreen. Eren tells the waitress it is Levi’s birthday so they get free dessert. Levi hides in Eren’s armpit when they sing him happy birthday. Levi is really good at “crack the whip” in roller and ice rinks. Eren crashes into the snowbank. Levi’s Valentine’s Day cards to Eren have stenciled letters on the front. Eren’s explode in glitter. Eren spends Valentine’s Day cleaning up the glitter. Because of his insomnia, Levi takes catnaps during the day. Eren rigs up a hammock in the backyard and often finds Levi there, the watering can on the ground and his large gardening hat still on. Now which one of those mini headcanons is ereri and which one is riren? I can’t really tell. Oh, I have a good one: Eren thinks Levi’s nose is adorable, and sometimes when Levi is talking to him, Eren will space out and then slowly raise his finger up and press the tip of Levi’s nose and say “Boop!” (He does the same thing to his mother’s cat.) Sunday morning is banana pancakes morning. Whenever they’re in the car, the rule “driver chooses the music, shotgun keeps their mouth shut” is the first thing that goes out the window. They settle it with rock paper scissors instead. Levi always winds up eating the pickles out of Eren’s cheeseburgers and the olives out of his pizza slices. Levi likes the regular goldfish and Eren likes the flavor blasted, but they fight over the pretzel all the time. They end up sharing it on the couch with a movie on. Eren eats all the food in the house and won’t buy more until Levi throws money at his head and makes him leave. He laughs all the way down the street, but Levi waits until he’s around the corner before laughing. Eren is pretty good at video games, so when he’s gotten a good streak, the only way to break him out of it is for Levi to join the game and kick his ass. This is only used in dire situations as Levi doesn’t like to mess with Eren’s ego too much. Levi always buys silly string and sprays it on Eren on their birthdays. Even though it’s a pain in the ass to clean up, it’s worth his reaction. When they go on an airplane, Eren likes the window seat and Levi secretly prefers the middle because he can lean on Eren and he’s small enough not to get squashed. Eren always gives Levi the little snacks claiming that he doesn’t want them, but when Levi puts one in his mouth Eren kisses him to get it back. Levi pretends to be annoyed, but he always goes along with it. Levi normally doesn’t like PDA but has been known to make out with Eren shamelessly if someone makes a homophobic comment. Eren and Levi have a little unspoken competition to see who can carry the other more places. Eren talks in his sleep and Levi pretends to be annoyed about it, but he actually finds it very cute. Levi really likes it when Eren wears bright pastel colors. Flower crowns are a plus too. Both Eren and Levi (though Eren more so) get jealous pretty easily and if someone flirts with Eren, Levi tends to be very blunt and specifically points out they are together. Whereas Eren gets really touch-feely, such as throwing an arm around Levi’s shoulders, waist or grabbing his hand. Even, going as far as kissing him- on the cheek or mouth. Eren has a habit of chewing on his pens when he’s thinking. Levi tries to get him to stop, but after a few weeks Eren catches him doing it. He teases him about it for a month. Levi never starts a tickle fight, but he’ll finish one. When they watch a movie together, Eren throws whatever snack they have into the air and Levi has to catch it in his mouth so it doesn’t make a mess. Eren always sits on Levi’s lap, which is a good idea at first, but as Eren gets taller, Levi gets squashed. Eren picks up Levi’s habit of holding cups funny and Levi thinks it’s adorable. Levi got glasses before Eren did, and Eren would steal them off his face and wear them around the house until his vision got worse and he realized he could see better wearing them. They went to the eye doctor the next weekend. Eren still does it every once in a while. Eren loves playing with Levi’s hair. Levi is bisexual, so Eren made him a bracelet that alternated black links and the colors of the rainbow because “it’s as gay as you are!” He learned that there are bisexual colors the next day. Levi only takes it off to shower. Eren likes drawing butterflies on Levi’s binders. On laundry day, Eren and Levi have a sock fight to sort the socks. Levi almost always wins. They switch iPods for a day every week. When one of them has a bad day, they blast Taylor Swift and jam out until they can barely move. If it’s a really bad day they get ice cream first. Whenever they go to a restaurant, no matter how fancy, they always get into a game of footsie that escalates into a full on foot war. Eren tends to win these, but most games remain unfinished. Sometimes when Levi is reading a book Eren likes, Eren will read over his shoulder and poke him in the side if he closes it. Eren mouths words of songs to Levi that he thinks represents their relationship. Eren and Levi wear matching shoes every once in a while. Hanji is the only one who’s ever noticed. When Levi stays up late working, he uses Eren’s stomach as a pillow. Eren loves apple juice and leaves empty bottles everywhere around the house. Levi doesn’t mind that much because he thinks watching Eren drink it is so cute. Levi is left handed and always wears his watch on his right. Eren wears it on his right hand as well, but he is right handed. Eren has ADHD and has to take medication for it. Levi gives him extra hugs when he’s on the come down. Eren tends to get out of control angry but Levi’s always the one to calm him down. Levi has a tendency to fall asleep in his desk chair working, but Eren’s learned to see when Levi’s about to fall asleep and lifts Levi into bed. Levi always complains about the mess Eren makes when he’s doing art, but secretly Levi enjoys the gentle curves of concentration between Eren’s eyebrows and the way he sticks his tongue out when he’s focusing on little details. Eren and Levi have a neighbour who complains constantly about their noise levels, so just to annoy them, Eren buys a dog whistle and blows it every once in a while during the night and complains to the neighbour upstairs that their dog keeps them awake. Levi says Eren shouldn’t do it, but he really finds it funny when the neighbour was completely baffled about their dog. Eren has a tendency to leave paint streaks on his cheeks, and Levi never says anything about it. Levi isn’t a really big fan of dogs due to hair, but when he comes back to Eren cuddling a puppy, he decides he can live with it. Eren snores, and Levi finds it cute until he realises he really can’t sleep with Eren’s snoring. Levi ends up kicking Eren during the night to make him shut up.

Many many many different posts

[sizzleitupofficial]

Hello everyone! It’s been a few days, hasn’t it? Have you missed me? Of course you have, you’ve been living off of cup noodles and vending machine cheetos since you don’t have Taako to lead you to culinary enlightenment.  Well bad news, fellas - Taako still ain’t back yet, not for real.  I know, a tragedy. But don’t fear, food fans! I heard it was @tazladyweek, so while I’m out of the office, I thought it’d only be appropriate to bring on one of my favorite girls, best students, and biggest fans! She saw my show and was inspired to pick up the spatula and wand, and made her way to the town of Refuge, where she now runs the bar at the best (and only...) hot spot in town - The (soon to be famous, I’m sure) Davy Lamp! So, I’ll hand this over to the one and only Ren! She’ll take fabulous care of you, and I’ll catch you all later! Peace! 

-Taako

Wow! Hi everyone! It’s Ren! Ren the dark elf! From Refuge! Which is a town that I live in. Uh, wow, ok, this is really uncomfortable huh? Taako makes this whole “charismatic chef/tv host” thing look easy. Um, ok, starting over. Hi I’m Ren! I’m so excited that Taako asked me to share a recipe with you all! It’s one of the first original recipes I made, back when I was still living in the Underdark! 

In the Underdark, we didn’t really have, uh, easy access to a lot of ingredients surface folks have. After seeing Taako’s show, I tried copying his recipes but when you live underground in a series of dangerous and deadly caves, obtaining things like fresh produce or spices is no easy quest! So, I had to adapt and create my own recipes, using the stuff I could find back home... which... wasn’t a lot. 

But! Taako and his magic cooking inspired me! So I’m so happy and proud that he asked me to share one of my favorite and first original recipes with you all! The first time I made this, I used cavern spores, mold cheese, and giant cave crab as the main ingredients. I probably would NOT recommend that route (especially if you aren’t a Drow or a Deep Gnome or something - or aren’t good friends with one - to help with the crab situation. Those guys can be nasty when they’re untamed!).  When I moved up to Refuge, I found that regular old mushrooms and non-deadly crabs work just as well, and that cheddar cheese is better than the blocks of mold we’d import in the Underdark... Oh, yeah! And, up here, I found the joys of fresh produce like stone fruit, or mangos! 

Combining the flavors from my old and new homes (and the spark of magic I learned from Taako, of course!), I finally managed to create something I’m really proud of! These bad boys are a happy hour favorite down at the Davy Lamp! I hope you’re excited for today’s dish...

Ren’s Underdark Snack Attack Special! Crab stuffed Mushroom Caps! (With mango salsa!)

I’m excited to get started! 

Ingredients:

1 cup chopped peppers (red, orange, green, yellow)

2/3 cup chopped green onions

1/2 tbsp chili powder

1/2 tbsp paprika

1/2 tbsp minced garlic

1 1/2 tbsp honey

1/3 cup cream cheese

2/3 cup sour cream

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

1/3 cup fresh chopped cilantro

1 cup diced crab

1 tbsp lemon juice

10 medium-large mushroom caps

2/3 Cup chopped mango

Ok, everyone! First thing is first, let’s get the mushrooms ready! Take a spoon or scoop and hollow out the inside of the mushroom caps, leaving a fair amount of space on the inside (trust me, you’ll want as much stuffing in there as possible!) and set the insides to the side for now.  Lightly cover each mushroom cap in olive oil, and place in a glass baking dish.  

Now, the good stuff! I have to admit, going from fermented, pickled, dried, and otherwise artificially preserved produce we had in the Underdark to fresh fruits and veggies up was a major change! In a good way! But it’s still so exciting to see so much color in food! I love it! I try to use as many colors as possible when I cook.  That being said, I know that some people can’t taste certain flavors, or deal with too much spice - so please don’t be afraid to adjust the recipe as necessary by omitting ingredients like certain peppers, cilantro, or even the crab (If you want a vegetarian alternative to the crab, I also like using tempeh!). 

Alright- Chop the mushroom insides from before, peppers, green onions, and cilantro. They should be chunky, not minced! Take the chopped mushrooms, 1/3 cup of the peppers, 1/3 cup green onions, chili powder, paprika, garlic, 1 tbsp honey, cream cheese, sour cream, lemon juice, crab and shredded cheddar and mix them together! Sprinkle in salt to taste (I usually end up using about a tablespoon!) and, if you prefer things on the spicier side, you can throw in some red pepper flakes or chopped jalapeño pepper into your mix! Don’t forget to taste as you go! 

Time to bring back those pre-prepped mushroom caps! Using a large spoon or scoop, stuff the mushroom caps full! Don’t be afraid to smush the mix down with the back of the spoon and really fill them up! The more the better! Like, full to bursting! Top each mushroom with a pinch breadcrumbs or crushed crackers and salt and pepper (just a pinch!)

Bake these at 400F for 15 minutes! 

Salsa time! This is a Refuge original and favorite (well, I think it is. I told Taako about salsa and he said he’d never heard of it before...) While those are baking, put 2/3 cup peppers, 1/3 cup green onions, and the cilantro and mango into a mixing bowl, with 1/2 TBSP of honey and toss it all together! Now you have a nice, fresh, mango dip! It’s that easy, and goes down great on a hot day (which, for me, is pretty much every day...) Again, if you want it spicier, add a little bit of jalapeño! 

Now, all that’s left is to take out the mushrooms and serve with a cool iced tea or beverage of your choice! 

I really hope you enjoy my recipe, everyone! I hope I can share more with you soon! 

-Ren                            

[babbletop]

Here's a list of 10 FUNNY Fast Food FAILS That Will Make You Want To Eat At Home! Yes, fast food is convenient, but here are some fails that will make you want to eat at home instead. ➡️ Subscribe to BabbleTop: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX--mGSg0UwDjl7MDL8H5Jg?sub_confirmation=1 When you choose to eat fast food, you know you're not going to be presented with a gourmet meal on a silver platter. But you at least expect a few standards to be upheld. Sometimes, though, disappointment happens. Here are 10 funny fast food fails that will make you want to eat at home. If you enjoyed this list of 10 funny fast food fails that will make you want to eat at home, then comment: #FastFood #Funny #Fails TIMESTAMPS: 0:21 Some Assembly Required at McDonald's 1:09 Subway Takes Extra Pickles to a Whole New Level  2:06 The McDonald's Extra Crunchy Hashbrown 3:03 Chemical Condiments at Taco Bell 4:23 This Undercooked Popcorn Chicken From Sonic 5:23 A Burger King Burger That Was Missing Just One Thing 6:26 A Subway Sandwich With a Free Kitchen Knife 7:34 The Extra Bacon That Wasn’t Very Extra at Wendy’s 9:12 KFC is Fresh as a... Feather? 10:26 Someone Missed a Step at Taco Bell  SUMMARIES: - This McDonald's customer decided to give in to their Big Mac craving and hit up the drive-thru, only to get home and see this poorly constructed creation. We see a lot of lettuce and onions and two very empty buns put together. - Pickle juice is becoming an in-demand ingredient to add a twist to a lot of classic things, from alcoholic drinks to slushies. But if this feels obsessive, there's apparently a scientific reason that people are so obsessed with pickles. It has to do with the addictive quality of salt and its correlation with the reward center of our brain. - There aren't a lot of things in this world more satisfying than a greasy, crispy potato for breakfast. However, sometimes fast food breakfast can be more than disappointing. This poor, unfortunate soul was chomping away on a McDonald's hashbrown when they noticed something was crunchier than normal. - Instead of giving the customer their fire sauce, Taco Bell decided they could use some floor cleaner instead. Imagine the surprise when the customer came home and discovered that not only were they given dangerous chemicals, they were also now missing their fire sauce. - Speaking of things that could have been a lot worse, this undercooked popcorn chicken from the Sonic drive-thru is slightly frightening. When you order food from a fast-food restaurant, you don't expect it to be the highest possible quality. - Looks like someone forgot the part of the burger that actually makes it a burger. It looks like the Wendy's slogan "Where's the beef?" could come in handy right about now. It's understandable that these mistakes happen. - Imagine your surprise when you open your sandwich and see a knife poking out at you. That's not really something that goes well with your ham and cheese sub. This also could have been pretty dangerous if this customer was one of those people who just rip the wrapper open to get to the sandwich. - If there's one thing we know for sure, it's that extra bacon is never a bad idea. Bacon is just one of those foods that goes with everything, whether it's a dessert or a main course. You can get bacon ice cream, bacon-infused alcohol, bacon popcorn, and a variety of other bacon flavored creations. - That's really taking fresh to a whole new level at this particular KFC, but we're more disgusted than anything. One particular KFC customer was surprised to see this feather stuck to a piece of fried chicken. And we don't blame them. Who knows how long it's been sitting there. - We don't really work at Taco Bell, but we're pretty sure you're supposed to take the Doritos taco out of the cardboard wrapping before it gets put in the soft shell. Taco Bell always has their signature crispy menu items, but we don't really think they mean it this literally. ➡️ SUBSCRIBE to BabbleTop! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX--mGSg0UwDjl7MDL8H5Jg?sub_confirmation=1 🥳 JOIN and become a BabbleTop member! https://www.youtube.com/babbletop/join 🔥 Our Most Popular VIDEOS! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOvb3ZRIwh0&list=UUX--mGSg0UwDjl7MDL8H5Jg All clips used for fair use commentary, criticism, and educational purposes. See Hosseinzadeh v. Klein, 276 F.Supp.3d 34 (S.D.N.Y. 2017); Equals Three, LLC v. Jukin Media, Inc., 139 F. Supp. 3d 1094 (C.D. Cal. 2015).

[visiononion28-blog]

drop cornbread biscuits

This past Saturday, we hosted our second Friendsgiving, stuffing 17 people in an apartment that has no business holding 17 people, but it’s okay, there’s wine for that. Our first one was in 2016; you can read about it here. I took 2017 off because I was a teensy bit busy book touring for Smitten Kitchen Every Day** It was fun to be back.

When having friends over, I like to get everything done that I can in advance and I do this for completely selfish reasons: I want to enjoy my party, too, and I can’t if I’m scrambling around all day and am bone tired by the time food comes out. But last week was abnormally busy and I only got to grocery shopping on Thursday, only to discover that one week before Thanksgiving, it’s like tumbleweeds, the lull before the weekend stampede, all past-prime rosemary and other sadness. I almost cancelled but my husband miraculously found almost everything that evening, and instead I did a very beautiful, highly recommended thing: I nixed a few things on the planned menu and swapped more complicated ones for simpler recipes with shorter ingredient lists but high reward. Here’s the menu, a few details, and completely random tips:

—

* Herb and garlic baked camembert: This is in Smitten Kitchen Every Day and there will never be an SK party without it. In fact, it’s gotten so popular that my friends and family make it now too, so I outsourced it. My SIL brought three, we heated them here. It was so nice to have one less thing to do.

* Bacon-wrapped dates: No recipe, but there are a gazillion on the web. I don’t stuff them (I did it once and it was way too pesky, especially given that they’re good without stuffing) and no dip. We made a ton and they were gone quickly; my daughter called them “bacon candy.”

* Turkey: In 2016, I did a hybrid wet brine from a bunch of sources. It was delicious but not worth the logistical nightmare. And mopping. This year, I made The Judy Bird, a Thanksgiving application of Zuni Cafe’s famous roast chicken. There are many dry brine recipes out there but this was the simplest and why make something more complicated unless you know it’s necessary? Based on the turkey reviews, I don’t think it needs anything else. My changes are that I baste it with a melted 1/2 cup of butter, and then when I’m out of butter, the pan juices, and this year, I put quartered red and yellow onion wedges in the bottom of the pan (tossed with a little oil, salt, and pepper) and friends, they were glorious after getting caramelized and lightly charred in turkey-butter drippings for a few hours. Here’s a logistical tip I don’t think enough recipes make clear: You want to rest your turkey for 20 to 30 minutes before carving it, tented lightly with foil. It’s then going to take 15 minutes to carve (I had a friend holding a YouTube video tutorial in front of me because I’m very bad at it.) This gives you 30 to 45 minutes of empty oven time where you can reheat sides, which is more than most need. I have a single, not big, not great oven and it was all I needed. [I mean, needs being relative, just in case Nancy Meyers is out there and wants to lend me a set kitchen and the life that goes with it next time.]

* Gravy: I really ought to write up a recipe one day, huh, but I use a basic formula of 1/2 cup butter, 3/4 cup flour, 8 cups chicken or turkey stock, a splash of dry marsala or sherry to deglaze the pan, and a lot of salt and pepper. (You cook this the way you would a bechamel.) When your turkey is done, if you want to separate the drippings, you can replace any of that butter with fat and any of that broth with juices. Or you can skip it! The gravy will have a less nuanced turkey flavor, but it’s still pretty awesome, especially if you have homemade stock. (In a freak bit of luck, I discovered two quarts of this in the freezer from last winter and used them for the gravy, stuffing, and more.) I make the gravy right in the bottom of the roasting pan, stretched across two burners; this way I can scrape up all the good, flavorful bits. If you don’t use the dippings to make gravy, I highly recommend you use them to drizzle over the sliced turkey, to keep it as moist as possible when you serve it.

* Stuffing: I also owe you a recipe for this but although I have two stuffing recipes on this site that I adore, I made a simple challah stuffing instead — although I made it decidedly less simple by making my own challah. Each loaf will make enough bread cubes to easily fill a 9×13-inch dish. I made mine with just celery, onion, and herbs, but you could easily sauté some mushrooms, diced apples, pancetta or crumbled sausage in too. Oh, and definitely make enough to have leftovers; this is important.

* Cranberry sauce: I went old-school with this, with a very early recipe on this site. I wanted something on the sweet side because my friend Ang was bringing a more savory one with tomatillos. Both were delicious.

* Green bean casserole with crispy onions: Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it (homemade). I make the green beans extra firm (just 2 minutes, then into ice water), then the mushroom sauce. Cool them both fully before mixing them. This goes in the fridge overnight. I’ll fry the onions — always make more than you need — and keep those separate until we’re about to eat the warmed casserole.

* Slow-roasted sweet potatoes: Once I realized I’d have no time for the root vegetable gratin I’d originally planned, I added these and 10/10, would recommend because the ingredient list is basically nonexistent. I baked them for the 2 to 3 hours before the turkey goes in, because they need a lower temperature. Broil them to get a good color on the skin. Leave them out while the turkey roasts (they’ll stay decently warm for a couple hours) and rewarm them just before eating. We served these in 2-inch segments, skin and all, and I was texting the recipe to friends demanding it even before going to bed that night. It’s that good.

* Stuffed mushroom casserole: My friend Ang brought this too and it was delicious. (She thinks it needs more cheese, though. I had no complaints!)

I didn’t make any pie at all! (Although my friend Molly brought a mincemeat pie with a cheddar crust and it was wonderful.)

* Bourbon pumpkin cheesecake: I made this in a 9×13-inch pan to cut as bars instead. Same recipe. Same temperature. However, you’ll want 1.5 or even 2x the crust, and it bakes in about 30. Seriously. It’s awesome.

* Perfect Manhattans: Because why not. I made two carafes of them, just scale up the recipe until you run out of an ingredient or carafe space. Friends can pour or shake it over ice; leave cherries or orange peel strips on the side.

* Cranberry crumb bars with mulling spices: This is in The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook.

—

Finally, as always, I have a last minute recipe for people who do things at the last minute. It’s never my intention, but it’s consistently my reality. I made these biscuits the first time over the summer, a season where we eat outside and act like it’s no big deal (waah), for a 4th of July ribs fest along with slaw and corn and all of those summery things. So, they go really well with warm weather. But they’re also a great quickie dinner roll, or even a fun addition to a breakfast-for-dinner night (like we had last night) with scrambled eggs and bacon. They take 5 minutes to put together and 15 to bake and there’s nothing not to love about that. They’re craggy and crisp on the outside and plush within, perfect for splitting open with your fingers, buttering, drizzling with honey, and finishing with flaky salt or nestling into the side of your holiday plate.

Previously

One year ago: Endive Salad with Toasted Breadcrumbs and Walnuts Two years ago: Root Vegetable Gratin and Cheesecake-Marbled Pumpkin Slab Pie Three years ago: Kale and Caramelized Onion Stuffing, Apple Cider Sangria and Date, Feta and Red Cabbage Salad Four years ago: Sticky Toffee Pudding, Pickled Cabbage Salad and Pretzel Parker House Rolls Five years ago: Perfect Uncluttered Chicken Stock, Cranberry Orange Breakfast Buns, Green Bean Casserole with Crispy Onions, and Apple-Herb Stuffing For All Seasons Six years ago: Granola Crusted Nuts and Spinach Salad with Warm Bacon Vinaigrette and Gingersnaps Seven years ago: Sweet Potatoes with Pecans and Goat Cheese, Creamed Onions with Bacon and Chives Eight years ago: Sweet Corn Spoonbread Nine years ago: Moroccan-Spiced Spaghetti Squash and Chard and Sweet Potato Gratin Ten years ago: Mushroom and Barley Pie Eleven years ago: Roasted Stuffed Onions and Simplest Apple Tart [New!] Twelve years ago: Cranberries: Candied, Fruity, and Drunk

And for the other side of the world: Six Months Ago: Pasta Salad with Roasted Carrots and Sunflower Seed Dressing 1.5 Years Ago: Rhubarb Upside-Down Spice Cake and Tall, Fluffy Buttermilk Pancakes 2.5 Years Ago: Failproof Crepes + A Crepe Party and Crispy Tortellini with Peas and Proscuitto 3.5 Years Ago: Crispy Broccoli with Lemon and Garlic, Not Derby Pie Bars, Liege Waffles, and Mushrooms and Greens with Toast 4.5 Years Ago: Strawberry Rhubarb Crisp Bars and Five Egg Sandwiches

** have you bought it? There’s so much great Thanksgiving and holiday stuff in there, like a chocolate pecan slab pie, a kale caesar that we have out at almost every dinner party, a wild mushroom shepherd’s pie, and a few of my favorite cookie recipes, ever. Between now and December 12th you can order either my first book, The Smitten Kitchen Cookbook, or Smitten Kitchen Every Day, my second with a custom inscription of your choice from The Strand and it will arrive by Christmas.

Drop Cornbread Biscuits

Servings: 8 to 12

Time: 20 minutes

Source: Land O Lakes

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Shown here are 8 large biscuits; you can make 12 smaller ones, just use the short end of the baking time range.

1 3/4 cups (230 grams) all-purpose flour

2/3 cup (90 grams) cornmeal

1 to 2 tablespoons granulated sugar (use 1 for a more savory biscuit)

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon fine sea or table salt

1/2 cup (115 grams) cold butter, in cubes

1 cup (235 ml) cold buttermilk (buttermilk substitutes)

Heat oven to 450°F. I covered my baking sheet with parchment paper but it shouldn’t be strictly necessary, and many shouldn’t go in this hot of an oven, so use your own discretion.

Stir flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, and salt in the bottom of a large bowl with a fork or whisk. Add butter and toss to coat cubes in dry mixture. Use your finger or a pastry blender to break the butter into smaller and smaller bits, until the largest is pea-sized. Add buttermilk and stir once or twice, until a dough comes together.

My very scientific method of dividing the dough evenly is to press it gently into the bottom of your mixing bowl into roughly a circle. Cut into 8 or 12 wedges. Pull out one triangle of dough with a soup spoon for each biscuit, pressing it into a craggy, messy ball, then drop it onto your baking sheet. Repeat with remaining dough.

Bake for 12 to 14 or 15 minutes; smaller ones should be done at 12, larger ones at 14 or 15. Remove from oven and serve warm. Biscuits are best on the first day. On the second, gently rewarming them will improve the texture.

Source: https://smittenkitchen.com/2018/11/drop-cornbread-biscuits/