#god they really did give me EVERYTHING
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"So, live with me. And in exchange, do everything I say."
TAIKAN YOHOU (2023). EPISODE ONE.
#taikan yohou#asianlgbtqdramas#asiandramasource#jdramasource#tvedit#mediagifs#*#faiza gifs#god they really did give me EVERYTHING#a WHINY BRATTY yoh ................. GOD.#a whole segasaki that knows EXACTLY what yoh wants ........... GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.#anyway. thats my little show right there! my baby!
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you think YOU had a bad day at work?
bonus: sid shrieking "no!!!! NO!!!!!" loud enough to be heard in the stands and on camera
#this is now my FAVOURITE game i've watched in real life knocking the game misconduct one off the number one rank#he was so annoyed the entire game and so annoying about it :')#he kept shrieking away on the bench and i couldn't hear a word from where i was seated#but you could just hear this constant yipping away dhfsgfkjshgfsjf PLEASE it was so funny your 36-year-old babygirl was BARKING#drew kept sitting there like... is mom okay... i don't think mom's okay...#also extremely good for me (since he wasn't really hurt) was the whumpfest of it all oh my god what ancient gods did he anger.........#geno kept Hovering in concern#po kept giving him little shoulder pats the way a sweet brave babyboy would try his best to soothe a rabid little dog#ek of course kept trying to slide right inside him and also kept skating up to him and STARING him in the face in concern/lust/both#also guys this is my first time in canada ever!!!!!!!! i'm excited#anyway. very good game for me sorry for this post but you know i love a#long post#sidney crosby#evgeni malkin#pittsburgh penguins#also!!! to all who celebrate#ramadan kareem/eid mubarak#<333 staying with a friend here through the eid celebration and they've been cooking and everything smells so good
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so about the choice in act 3. I feel like the writers wanted to do the suicide mission from me2 AND the companion choice from me1. which clashes at its core because the whole point of the me2 mission was that if you did all the companion quests and worked for it, you could keep everyone alive. and I get wanting the shock of having one of the companions die no matter what, but at this point in the game after the obvious set up, it just feels like one of those haHA surprise! moments
then there's the fact that it's between davrin and harding. the black man and the fan favourite from dai. like it feels so stacked against davrin at that point.
I picked davrin first, and then I went back and picked harding, thinking maybe that was the right choice to keep her alive. and here's where the whole choice gets even worse for me, because harding, instead of using her stone magic, the actual thing that would give her an advantage against ghilan'nain, she climbs up to the exact same spot as davrin, and uses her bow. she tries to use arrows against a giant multi-limbed blight enhanced being. it's stupid! of course she dies!
I had expected that if you picked harding, she would use her stone magic, which would distract ghilan'nain because of the history with the titans, giving lucanis enough time to act. it would have worked really well as a continuation of her character arc, and it would tie into her personal quest in a way that would make it clear that the effort we put into doing that was what makes the difference.
but by not doing that and having her die no matter what, it instead feels like it doesn't make sense. davrin, at least, is just a man with a sword. his death here makes sense because he's against impossible odds.
which brings it back to feeling really bad that the choice was between him and harding. because for this sacrifice / loss to make sense, it feels it should be davrin. for this narrative beat to make sense, it should be davrin dying.
it feels like the writers are saying: the correct choice here is davrin. he's the only companion who should die no matter what. to signpost this at the moment you make this choice, we will have the other choice be the fan favourite from dai. because no one will want to risk her potentially dying.
it feels bad. it feels racist. davrin deserved better.
#dragon age the veilgaurd spoilers#datv spoilers#datv critical#dragon age critical#bioware critical#davrin#lace harding#like i was genuinely upset by davrins death. I really loved him as a character#i genuinely want to make a pt to romance him and im gay#hardings death just pissed me off#she even says she has the best chance because of her stone magic#and then she doesnt use it!!!#she doesnt even climb to somewhere further away to give her a better advantage!! because shes an ARCHER#god its so ajejkaaj#like if you take this in context with everything the writers did with the antaam. and the racisim there. its a pattern its a BAD pattern
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Twitter shouldn't be the only one to see the video version of this
I was waiting for Tumblr to be grumpy about the size so it's really just the Loop talk
#isat#isat spoilers#act 6 spoilers#in stars and time#I'm main tagging this oh god#isat siffrin#isat loop#isat shitpost#isat au#I'd say “isat mod” but that's a ton of planning for me alone#also I'm extremely self-conscious about everything when I'm not extremely curious about something#like this thing is giving me anxiety from how it's literally just an add to the game with Loop in it#because again. those sprites make me think a lot and this is exactly what I was thinking#(not quite but I struggled with Act 6 2hats map and it won( )#I really want to try more though#for research purposes#I love how isat is written - coding wise - I just look at it and go IT'S SO INTERESTING and just learn how did one lead to another and stuf#it's like how I was with undertale back in 2017 BUT I never learned how to open undertale or see the code aside from saves#and learning how to manipulate them was so fun!#sadly isat saves are written differently so I can't do that manually#but I DO have like 7 Act 6 saves#anyway a fun fact - this save is actually pre-2hats battle I checked at the end but cut that out#so basically in this scenario there are two Loops at once! what a miracle!#but honestly Loop is literally based on how Head Housemaiden is written I checked Isa's dialogues to check where did I make a mistake#and basically all other stuff was me dealing with editing sprites bc Loop has only a walk cycle and this one has all sprites to rotate#anyway! that's that!#video#human loop#also Siffrin faces are so much fun to choose from I love them
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I will admit I'm a little salty that people, in an effort to prove that there is no good dialogue in Veilguard at all, keep comparing mission exposition to the high point narrative set pieces of prior games. I agree that some of the writing related to plot mechanics and mission exposition in Veilguard is a little too utilitarian, but that doesn't mean none of the dialogue is good or that prior games didn't also sometimes have this issue here and there.
I also generally dislike when people put the bar for good writing — and all writing too, not even just dialogue writing, ALL writing — at mic-drop sentences that still sound good completely divorced from context, because that really just reduces "good writing" down to like fake-deep philosophizing or witty quips exclusively. sometimes, a really good bit of dialogue sounds like a completely normal sentence out of context.
#Also writing includes what's on the screen! The castling scene is good writing! Rook struggling to hold onto the statues AND the dagger?#The Siege of Weisshaupt is good writing! It is writing when Rook opens those doors to see Ghilan'nain and realizing oh this is....#Blood of Arlathan! But like just going back to dialogue writing#I think a lot about that INCREDIBLE bit of dialogue in Psych where Shawn say “Since I met you‚ I've been thinking about getting a car.”#Which is a perfectly normal sentence out of context but it makes me so warm bc I know the context#“That he forgives me. And that I deserve it.” is an INCREDIBLE moment that NEEDS its context#“What did we sign up for?” “Love‚ I think.” is another one#But even if we were to just go for Veilguard lines that are still great out of context? It has those?#I see all of you into “There is no fate but the love we share” which IS a great quote#“He is loyal to nothing but his own fears” and “The gods! They give strength but all they ask in return is everything”#“Regret is even strong enough to serve as the lock on a prison built to hold gods. But such a prison can hold any captive... even you.”#“Everything dies. People‚ cities‚ empires. Fashions. Your favorite song. Things fade and are forgotten. [cont.]#Why would you want to outlast everything you love? It sounds like a terrible fate.”#“Do you really think something inside you has changed?” “It's possible. Or maybe we're the same. But does that mean we'll BE the same?”#“The cost of mercy is too high when others may die in its wake.”#and so on and so on and that's just stuff I remember off the top of my head#DATV things
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I think it’s so ironic that the Pony Express escapes a lot if not all blame in discussion. I can’t even say I am excused from it but it’s just how hard people circle back to the characters alone without considering the environment they were made to be in.
Why would they design a ship where only two of the rooms lock? Not the bathroom? Not the sleeping quarters? We assume that all the companies in the universe are this shallow and careless to their workers but we explicitly know the Pony Express in extra vile. They are fed processed slop pack they can’t even really cook and the ration of those pack is meager at best. They hired and made people with a plethora of conflicting demeanors and beliefs work together on a mission where cohesion is important if not an outright necessity and punish them for not being happy about it. There’s no social protocols, not chain of command other than Captain’s word/choice and the only way to enforce that is with a literal firearm. They don’t allow them to celebrate freely and even took away leisure activities that would make them less stir crazy. They are only allowed a few hours of sleep despite their being no other real responsibilities or work on the ship, no matter the position or its importance. With any crew, with any level of synergy, this was a powder keg waiting for a spark.
I’m not saying characters that made mistakes didn’t make huge ones, but I think part of the horror is that at least for some (this is targeting Jimathan) those mistakes are partly made by a force of the hand. There’s a running theme of lack of choice and being forced into something and the very nature of how The Pony Express expected them to function plays a big part.
#like even I forget that all actions taken in the game were people trying to remain in protocol outside of Jimmy#Anya couldn’t have jus stolen the scanner and got the gun cause she’s a sensible person and knows she’d be in legal trouble#or get everyone’s credits docked or just hoping that there’s some chain of command for this sort of thing#Daisuke only really acted in accordance to his direct superiors because he’s an intern he wouldn’t know the first thing about protocol or#what to do in any situation. like this is essentially implied to be his first real job#Curly may be the captain but he still has to follow rules and procedures and we see with the letter the Pony Express likely has very shady#and shitty ones. he gives the best not depressing or totalitarian options he can otherwise everything is just his word which aren’t even his#or like him just asserting his position with the gun which he wouldn’t do#Swansea follows the book begrudgingly because he’s trying to stay right and not fall back into who he once was#I feel like it’s not incorporated nearly enough that the environment they were dropped into heavily affected their actions#say there was a single person higher than Curly or a plan of action when a crew member is considered a danger to himself or others#I think it’s fascinating how people will stick to protocol and break when they get scared or to their limit#cause the game shows how normalcy deteriorates and I think discounting what the characters where put through by the company takes a way a#real and scary aspect of what happened to Anya because as a friend Curly didn’t do enough for her at all his comfort was there and he#appreciated but it was a distracted sort of care but as a Captain he didn’t protect her but he’s was a Captain of the Pony Express like what#if they told him to wait to? he still should’ve done something because Anya was actively suffering and Jimmy should’ve been reprimanded but#he’s a captain with orders like the Tulpar isn’t his ship in the same way like#god I wanna explain this in a way that makes sense but the Tulpar is like designed to breed animosity and work on the bare requirements one#needs to get things done that’s not how people work and if anyone deviates or interrupts that it literally has nothing to handle it#it becomes clear that if any social unrest happens why they just say fuck it and give the Captain the gun because if something happens the#blame can easily be placed on the person they put in charge despite what they put them#in charge of like this is just like work place harassment irl because often the perpetrators are not punished but the supervisors for not#stopping them with meetings or cuts or whatever but the environment the company fostered is rarely fixed or blamed#like why was this allowed to occur? and honestly that is because Jimmy did what he did#ask me about this if this is confusing cause I worded it crazy#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#the pony express
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Here are all of the visions you can have if you pick Nia's elite skill in Book 3, Chapter 4!
(No spoilers, please, vip friends! We general release players are still in the dwarven afterlife)
Aerin
Imtura
Mal
Tyril
Valax
My wild speculations in the tags! (I don't want to encourage confirmation too much knowing there are people out there who have the answer)
#Poster's wild speculations ->#So our man Mal's still depressed-huh#Giving me real Lethe vibes (a river in the Greek underworld that could make you forget everything)#And Tyril if you try to somehow pick the Old Gods over your friends I will be so upset with you!#Valax's makes me think we're going to relive memories somehow?#Did Imtura have to watch us get swallowed by a whale?#And Aerin really is constantly having someone cause him pain#Maybe something related to his dead mom who has been brought up a suspicious number of times lately?#aerin valleros#nia ellarious#tyril starfury#blades mc#imtura tal kaelen#mal volari#princess valax#valax#blades of light and shadow#blades of light and shadow 3#choices bolas
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hello... please consider... yakumo in:
the classic traditional style qipaos
the modernised and modified ones
bonus: modified hanfu
he would look wonderful wouldn't he? all the more delectable and sashimiable?
ahaha...ahah...AHAHHAH.AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
#feesh answer#the more i scrolled the more manic laughter leaked out of my face. exolkoiddeploded really#i had no images to accurately convey my emotion. so i had to make one#BEHOLD! MY PHOTO COLLAGE SKILLS!!!!!!🤣#did you really just have yakumo-coloured outfits ready and waiting somewhere in your storage??!#your curation feels like a personal attack even tho i know you just out here doin things for You#me normally: i want the most obnoxious ridiculous over the top colour combo and clashing finalfantasia10000belts mess----#me now: ok but there's something about that 3rd modern one. it's. so simple. but. i. but i......#i need him to be cute and helpful in the traditional ones. i want him walking around in the garden just sniffing pretty flowers#wait no i want him in one of th emodified ones just absolutely DESTROYING eiden's ---#waiT no I want him IN THE FLOWING ETERNALGARMENTS WITH HIS GLOWY EYES AND SOBBING POSSESSED DEMEANOUR BUT NOT ACTUALLY POSSESSED#so just glowing and crying. got it#WAIT NO-#god it's like all the things i used to be meh about or go 'what kinda character design is this'#now i'll see it on yaku and it's.....well......#those maiden buns? the lil twin baobao or whatever? hated thsoe things forever and always#then someone will put em on yakumo and suddenly everything is fine#WHAT IS HE DOING WITH THE LIL. ORBS ON HIS HEAD. I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYONE WHO WEARS THEM.#ONLY LITTLE GIRLIES. IS IT INAPPROPRIATE TO GIVE YAKU THE BUNS#BUT I. IF HE DOESN'T WEAR HIS HAIR LIKE THAT.#i will straihjtt up put steamed buns on his head#and force him to stay still and balance them#until i finish eating them all#it's a game of pile bread on the snake#i will require a stepladder#nu carnival yakumo
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For you. And Harding. And everyone we've lost.
*sob sob sob sob sob* it's fine I'm fine I just have to I just need a moment and then I'll be -- *sob sob sob sob sob sob sob sob*
rye 'I want varric back you son of a bitch' ingellvar showing up to the narrative stricken to the core with grief and digging two graves. one for the dread wolf. and another one also for the dread wolf because by the time rye is done with him that fucker is hopefully going to be in several pieces. lucanis hold my shovel for a moment would you I need to commit some acts of grim violence and deep poetic irony (*supportive lucanis voice as rook grabs the fake dagger* go get him rook I've got your shovel). solas I'm sorry I love you but if you were going to pull that shit you probably should have done it to someone a little less like, well. you
#do you think solas started to notice the parallels between him and rye. and didn't quite read ahead to the stuff *he* did after mythal died#who are you that did not know your history even though you lived it my love. I hear it sometimes rhymes#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#varric tethras#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#can't deal with how big varric's hand is against rye's elbow btw. if rye ever tried to wear varric's duster#it'd be the length of a normal jacket bordering on crop top territory but it'd still be broad enough in the shoulders#that he'd look like a boy wearing his father's clothes. don't look at me I cannot be perceived in this moment#*devastated you're my dad boogie woogie woogie noises in the background*#listening to all the versions of 'time to go' from stray gods in the background rn. 'I gave everything to watch you go/I know.#but it's time to go'.....#when I do my rose playthrough it's going to be so interesting b/c I think she more consciously recognizes herself in solas#(specifically in his relationship to mythal and hers to viago. or at least what she really would want it to be#please please PLEASE let me be your most loyal knight and attack dog I would be so good at it. I know we kill people for money#but that's just like. business I want to give my whole soul to someone. what do you mean no and also eat my vegetables)
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I would love to understand why my brain and body are desperate to not shower in the safety of my own home but perked up at the offer to go shower at the gym that’s full of people I don’t know and men who could pin me and locker rooms with open doorways and less control over cleanliness than I can get in my own apartment. Something something the years of swim practice and swim meet locker room showers being safe I guess?
#I’ll allow it#I’ll even encourage it if it can help me get over 6 miles walked per day again#but can I please fucking shower? I feel so gross#I have never in my life had as hard a time showering or bathing as I have this year and it’s been killing my self esteem#I feel like everyone knows I’m gross and I KNOW I need to shower#it’s important#and I don’t want my hair greasy or anything#but I go out of my way to avoid it except for an occasional hair wash or body shower when I need to go to an event#and it’s driving me CRAZY#cleanliness is really really next to godliness in my family and also I know everyone in the world views hygiene as a moral issue#and I CAN SHOWER I did it for YEARS I even did it daily for years I used to be SO good at always always doing at least the minimum#even if sleep deprived or sick#but now it’s like I’m stuck SCREAMING and slamming my palms bloody in a containment cell somewhere in the center of my concept of a body#BEGGING to just stop being so gross and to do a daily face routine and use lotion and keep my teeth healthy and keep my hair clean#and it doesn’t even matter#I’m so ashamed all the time#but my brain doesn’t give a shit about it anymore#it views the endless shame as a lesser evil and god I hope I figure out how to get that stopped#I don’t even get triggered in the shower!!! I don’t know what’s wrong! my brain just does everything it can#to keep me from undressing and showering#no matter how much I hate it#and this is so tmi sorry oh god#I’ll probably delete this later#but#shh katie#add to journal#is it the dissociation? is it the adhd? is it the ptsd?#FINALLY my POTS symptoms chill out for the winter and now THIS?
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Not trying to start anything but is there a reason why you want Yuuji to have kept his injuries so badly? /gen
a ! part of it is the fact that I spent so long figuring out how I wanted to implement yuuji's scars into the way I draw him, n now to have had all that effort be for naught is salt in the non-existent wound :'> there were so many of them that I was pretty proud of myself when I settled on something I was happy with,,,, not to mention they looked so cool cries i was ROBBED
but even from a non-petty non-aesthetic standpoint i have some thoughts on why i think yuuji should have kept the scars. SPECIFICALLY the right eye injury. don't get me wrong megumi having the facial scars that echo sukuna's mask does look cool it's nice and angsty he looks good i do Like it. HOWEVER. i think from a narrative standpoint, to have Yuuji be the one to lose the right eye or have a significant scar in that spot would have been Better visual storytelling. Not only does yuuji spend more time as sukuna's vessel comparatively but Yuuji as sukuna's vessel n foil is SUCH a key plot point (mans literally says "you are me" like>?>??????????) n i feel like the scars n what they represent in that regard are better suited to him. family resemblance if u will.
ik this isn't rly taking into account megumi's torso scars but personally i got no beef with those I think they make sense. he was punched out of sukuna, obv that's gonna leave a mark . "but by that logic couldn't you make the same argument for why megumi keeps the facial scars?", I hear you ask. and to that i say you /could/ but imo megumi's torso scars also carry a symbolism that makes it Meaningful fr him to have them. i'm mostly thinking here about yuuji being better able to Suppress sukuna's true form whereas megumi Couldn't and him having to wear the reminder on his body as a result. at the end of the day though my main gripe really just boils down to the fact that not only does megumi end up with /more/ sukuna-related scars than yuuji, but Yuuji straight up loses /All/ of his. As far as we know he has none now and that's SUCH a shame imo.
I think if megumi were to keep the torso scars + slits where the second eyes used to be (+ some other misc LEFT SIDE facial scars from the fight w gojo and the jacob's ladder attack), with Yuuji instead being the one to sustain the main right eye injury as a visual reminder of sukuna, that would be ideal for Me. Have megumi be an echo of the body, have yuuji be an echo of the face. That way there's good symbolism - the size/placement of their marks better corresponds 2 the nature of the time they spent as vessels + the weight of their respective relationships with sukuna. simple, effective, matching angsty bfs. AND they get to look at themselves and each other and be riddled with intense soul crushing guilt!!!!!
anyway scarred!megu nation we won but scarred!yuuji nation suffered for it and i'm not going to take that slight lying down.
#answered#DID NOT MEAN TO YAP THAT MUCH GOMEN#i didnt realize how much i actually had to say#but then i got going and thought oh im Really pissed off abt this actually huh#once again gotta do everything myself in this household smh#god put me on this earth to draw and i am going to give my favourite characters the bodily trauma they deserve.#gege if youre listening thank u fr keeping them alive im not actually mad-mad im just salty pls don't do anything drastic#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers
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Come back home when you have some sense
You can throw your life away just not at my expense
You’re not the son I raised
#jhariah#this one just rawrrfrrr#and then uh another line thats like ‘tell me did you raise a man?’#nice#im just listening to the new album to cope with nasty sickness and feeling out of it#god this album is really good it has every emotion in there like this song for example just the part where they scream the chorus its like#hnnnghhh#hm some other moments from the album im liking a lot uhhh i love re: concerns a lot#the part where hes like reading off the complaints and then the part where hes just screaming and its like BAM BAM BAM BAAAM#sasuke is so good and the bit at the end where its like ‘i just want you to know im so so...’#like hes gonna say sorry but cant seem to say the word for whatever reason and i know nothing about sasuke#but i has to imagine the fan girlies are eating gravel over that one lol it gets me#and theres just that like spooky echoing afterwards#the intro to fire4fun goes SOOOOOOOO hard i was losing my shit its awesome#the entirety of trust ceremony is giving me big feelings but specifically that part towards the end where its all quiet and you hear#its like whistling i think? like a marching band is coming in maybe#but it also kinda sounds like nature too and idk i like got a little bit um magical at that part cuz i was driving down a big hill#and it had been raining but there was a clearing in the clouds and the sun was bright and like at this particular hill#you can just see everything like the land stretches for miles theres trees hills the river farms all that shit#and idk with the extreme stress and depression ive been feeling its hard to have these moments where life seems worth it#and its hard to really feel anything anymore or to feel in the moment but idk i was just going down that hill seeing everything and it was#very majestic so yeah that song is definitely gonna have the same effect as pin eye for me#which i must mention pin eye again its still OOOOGHH very good it came at a pretty good time for me#yeah basically this album is uhhhh whats keeping me somewhat grounded rn i recommend 👍
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#this question is very hard for me to answer so obviously I have to torment everyone else with it#cause like. like I can really see the potential in either answer. both are feasible#I will say. most realistically. to me. edwin first charles harder#because I think…..I think the reasoning behind the other way around usually tends to be about how edwin absolutely was slower to bond and#open up in general whereas charles hit the ground fucking running#but i don’t think that particularly applies to their romantic relationship#if you mean ‘fell for’ in a general sense rather than a romantic one then yes 100%#but that’s not what im talking about here#I have a few different reasons but generally I think edwin fell first because like… the way he attached himself to charles and accepted him#as his person and etc is so unlike him to do with literally anyone- especially at the point where they first met/the first years they knew#each other. charles just seems to have hit him as something very very special and irreplaceable quite quickly for him to open up the way he#did and change and flourish into a fully realized person because of how safe and worthy charles made him feel#he took to charles with an unusual amount of ease and trust and I think that says something about how charles struck his heart Early#whereas with charles… yes on one hand he did stay on the mortal plane largely because of edwin and absolutely would’ve been impacted by the#tender act of mercy that was edwin reading to him as he died so he wouldn’t be scared. that’s absolutely what got him to trust edwin and to#want to be with him and protect him and so on#but charles would still do that and be like that under intense platonic circumstances I think#but most importantly I just think charles fell harder. when he fell is less important to me here- more important is that by GOD that boy is#down so fucking bad and outright SAYS IT in so many ways that he doesn’t realize– the sheer amount he restates how he’s content so long as#he’s with edwin. how he doesn’t want to be anywhere where edwin can’t follow. would and Did go to hell and back for him. believes him#to be the kindest and most incredible person he’s ever met. prioritizes him above anything and everything. etc etc etc#that’s not to say edwin doesn’t feel a similar amount of devotion– but charles just. really loves him with his whole person. loves him as a#fact of his existence and a piece of his very soul#idk man. it just feels like he is so incredibly smitten and he doesn’t even know it.#like I said though I can see both options and give reasons for both options so this question EATS at me I GENUINELY don’t have a super#strong feeling either is absolutely correct. it’s so difficult to answer they’re both so smitten and have such a history and GRAHHHH#payneland#dead boy detectives#rambling#polls
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the way the ericson group were at the outbreak just a bunch of troubled kids who made various mistakes or committed crimes and were judged by a system that punished and abandoned them instead of giving them the support and love they needed, are then nearly a decade later put into a situation where now they must judge a troubled child for the mistakes and crimes hes committed against them. and 5 to 3 vote them out 😭
#twdg#i love the way s4 connects back to lees whole 'murderer' thing back in s1 😭 guilt...atonement.....systems of punishment#i love thinking about s1>s4 themes and crying#anyway this is partially why i hate when i see the ericson cast reduced down to 'just some teens' its so much more than that#them being abandoned in a boarding school for troubled kids is SO IMPORTANT its not 'just some school'#anyway its also probably why theyre my favorite cast#theyre literally one of if not the most mature group of the series even while being a bunch of kids who make choices i dont agree with#because they actually love and care about each other. even when theyre mad. because theyre all they have left#i do think the vote was a fair way to handle it even tho i still ultimately find it cruel. they couldve talked it out#but this is still a story that needs conflict to resolve so is what it is#they would rather they leave than have to face their confused feelings. the most immature thing they do. but understandable#they did such a good job crafting that cast for clem GOD an entire ensemble built around her and aj....delicious#zombie/post apoc media about love and community my beloved 😭#sorry but get tf out of here with that 'humans are evil and everyone dies' lame ass bullshit we are nothing without community#the amount of love pouring out of s4 is like getting my ass kicked but then they give me a big hug and kiss after and send me on my way#s4 my absolute beloved i really love it more and more every time. so much to appreciate even with it the way it is#the themes bro the themes........ the connections between seasons 1 and 4 you are everything to me#it speaks
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i think i have problems and issues
#read this like 2014 interview with anthony green last night where he talks about dealing w heroin addiction and#there was a portion of the interview where he was like. i wasnt unsafe for my kids to be around but i was high around them i wasnt present#with them and im embarrassed to have not been more there with them.#and watched an interview call he did in like 2024#where he talks about wanting to give his kids “space to talk freely” that he didnt have as a kid...#and that he wants to make a space for them that's honest and open and where they can tell him about anything.#and how it's been important for him to come to terms with abuse he went through so that he can make sure they have the support and safety#they need#and its like.... head in my hands#[about to make this about my father issues]#i wish my dad had the ability to ***consistently*** be like. i'm embarrassed by the ways i acted around you and i want to be better for you#and i wish he had been able to really sit with and recognize how fucked some parts of his childhood were ... and ***consistently*** reflect#everything with him is so confusing and exhausting right now. it#it's so hard to articulate what i need from him.. but.#it fucking hurts to see anthony. whose music has gotten me through so much of the past two years—#which have been defined in large part by my understanding of my dad and relationship with him shifting dramatically—#talk in interviews about his mental health issues and wanting to be present with his kids and give them openness and#be honest with them about what's happened to him and how he wants them to be able to tell him about anything.#and know that. my dad wanted to give me and my little brother openness and safety too. but he was stuck i think in a lot of ways.#and now there's all this damage done. and i still can't count on him not to blame me or my little brother for his own actions.#i cant count on him to actually listen to me. and i tell him that and he tells me he's listening.#i can't count on him to not talk about the possibility that he kills himself around me or even to pick up on the fact that.#that's like. not something you put on your fucking kid.#i Know that when i step away from him‐ because i have trouble setting boundaries and being honest when we're close-#he feels like i'm abandoning him.#and . god. to have been told. by him and HIS THERAPIST. . that if we are to have a relationship. is to not DISAPPEAR .#just reinforces the part of me that feels wholly responsible for his emotional well-being. and im HIS SON.#and then to think that he tried to . dad-break-up with me over the summer and blamed me for 'deciding he's not trustworthy' after he was#after he was so controlling and hurtful to my mom and brother for years and rejected my gentle attempts to call him on it. like.#i wish he had been able to be more like the kind of parent anthony appears 2 b. i hope he can start learning now but hoping keeps hurting me
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finished hazbin hotel and what the fuck it's actually kind of??? good???
#random thoughts#i like it at least#the finale is SO GOOOOOOOD OH MY GOD#sir pentious going to heaven? alastor's solo? LILITH DROP???#like there are A LOT of things that could have been done better#like how vaggie as a character is very one-note and how angel's abuse is handled could DEFINITELY be better#especially considering how they handle pentious's gang rape (like tf)#but to be fair that joke was more a play on pentious's cowardice. the joke was more about how him bowing out of flirting escalated#rule of three's and all that#but god. when adam's mask cracked it DEFINITELY made me realize i thought that was just his face#'you only live because i let you' is such a petty way to phrase mercy#i DEFINITELY need to watch some analysis videos because am i missing stuff??? is it secretly bad???#yknow besides all the stuff with the creator which like. idr everything she did that was a shitshow#but like even the rape jokes are pretty mild for an adult comedy? they got rid of most of the offensive jokes pretty fast huh#most adult cartoons the first season or so is dedicated to the most offensive jokes before The Plot takes over#vaggie being an angel btw. not sure how to feel about that#i like how they handled it because it leans into the whole 'redemption' theming but like. feels very 'we need a conflict!'#which like i do appreciate because vaggie and charlie's relationship is too smooth sailing. throw some rocks in there#also 'i named you after the best thing: vaginas' is. hilarious actually. was that planned? or was that retconned in?#sir pentious as a character wasn't really. there enough in the latter half of the season for me to really feel anything about his death#like i liked him! very pathetic man. love his character design. but i think they should have alternated episodes#instead of just making the first few all about him#also his death was too sudden for me to feel particularly bad about. was convinced it was a fake out death#LOVE the ship callback tho. love me some chekhov's gun#btw i knew. literally nothing about hazbin hotel going into this. was watching the pilot like 'wait is this a musical'#bitsy. thingy. whatever her name is. fucking love her. PLEASE give her more knives.#fucking LOVE lucifer are you kidding? all that set-up for him to be a typical adult cartoon neglectful father and he's???#he fucking LOVES charlie holy shit. someone get this man some better communication skills stat#also? love his design. the prevalence of white really makes you remember he was the light bringer#hell
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