#i DEFINITELY need to watch some analysis videos because am i missing stuff??? is it secretly bad??? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kateis-cakeis · 4 years ago

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Hi! I am/was a neglected kid so i am semi on Fundy's side by default, which gives me a bias i am trying to break. And since i came to fandom later I was told a big reason Fundy apologists "dislike" Alivebur was the fact "I despise you" made Espionage Arc have no real payoff which I'm inclined to superficially agree. I was wondering if there were any vods youd reccomend i could watch to break my preconceived thoughts/bias?

Hi, Anon.

Here’s some vods at the timestamps that are probably important to watch (X, X, X, X, X, X, X, X). They show Alivebur as a father, and also him getting disowned, as well as the despise quote itself.

But I’m gonna take your ask as an excuse to do some analysis, so hope you don’t mind!!!

I feel like I should tread carefully here since you said you are/were neglected but ummm...

Okay, so, in my eyes, Alivebur was the exact opposite to neglectful. If anything he was an overbearing and protective father who thought Fundy was far too young for any kind of power - hence why he never gave him any proper government position.

Here are a couple quotes where Alivebur mentions that Fundy is too young:

“That means you’ve got like a week till Fundy’s in charge of L’Manberg.” (Tommy)

“Nah, Fundy’s too young.” (Alivebur)

- (Wilbur’s video The Great War of the Dream SMP: 26:40)

and

“Don’t give him promotions he’s too young, he doesn’t understand.” - (Wilbur’s video Building the Resistance: 11:08)

This is likely because, as mentioned by Ghostbur, that around the time of the election, Fundy was fourteen. Which also means he was younger during the Independence War, and still fairly young at the beginning of the Pogtopia era.

Here’s the quotes:

“Last time I spoke to Fundy was… erm. When I announced I was running for President, and you said that you were also gonna run. That was the last time I remember.” - (Fundy’s Being Adopted: 1:00:43, 27th Nov)

–

“He’s very young, he’s only like fourteen.” - (Fundy’s Being Adopted: 1:03:12, 27th Nov)

–

“Phil, do you know how old Fundy is? I think he was very young when I remember, but I don’t know if he’s gotten older since.” - (Fundy’s Being Adopted: 1:03:23, 27th Nov)

The implication here is that Ghostbur doesn’t know if Fundy has gotten older since he last remembers, but Ghostbur last remembers talking to Fundy at the election.

This implies that the “He’s very young, he’s only like fourteen” means that Fundy was fourteen around the time of the election, but has gotten older since then, implied from Ghostbur asking Phil how old Fundy is. (If you wanna see more on this, here’s an analysis about the whole age thing)

With this in mind, it makes sense why Alivebur would baby Fundy and be overprotective, to the point where he gave him no responsibility. It comes from a good place, but Fundy didn’t like it all that much.

It seems with both Alivebur and Fundy, their relationship was good up until the exile. This is also further backed up by what Phil said about Alivebur being a good dad:

“Will, for good portion of your life, you were the best dad. You were great. But, at some point, you took a turn and... things got messy.” - (Wilbur’s Amangus with new and old friends: 1:59:37, 24th Nov)

That turn Phil is referring to? That’s Pogtopia, and something very notable happens with Alivebur and Fundy two weeks before Alivebur took that turn.

See, Alivebur has a very justified reason in hating Fundy, it’s not for no reason, not at all (full analysis on that here). He’s justified because, Fundy disowned him:

“Wilbur is just a founder, and I was born here and nothing else. That’s literally everything there is to it.” (Fundy)

“But you know that’s not…” (Alivebur)

- (Wilbur’s techno and wilbur make cave better: 58:20, 23rd Sep)

We have no idea if this was just for show as a spy, or if this was legit, but no matter what Fundy’s intentions were, he disowned Alivebur when he was right there, and it contributed into breaking him.

The paranoia Alivebur had in the latter half of Pogtopia? Part of it comes from Fundy. He literally claims to not even be related, at all. It’s not just disowning, it’s denying that Alivebur was ever his father.

That’s bound to hurt and break Alivebur down, and not to mention, Alivebur was hurt when Fundy wasn’t on his side at the elections, so this is so much worse.

After the above quote, Alivebur is silent for half a minute before saying this:

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Fundy. I don’t know who you are anymore…” - (Wilbur’s techno and wilbur make cave better: 59:08, 23rd Sep)

This is a major quote that gets overlooked. Alivebur thought he knew his son, but after he was disowned, he says this in a tone that seems as if he’s on the brink of tears. Losing Fundy like this hurt Alivebur deeply, but nobody ever takes it into consideration when talking about their relationship.

This is what makes Alivebur wholeheartedly believe that Fundy was on Schlatt’s side. And it definitely contributes to his paranoia. But what hurts the most, one of the quotes that matters the most, is when Alivebur, two weeks after the disowning, says Fundy was all he cared about in L’Manberg:

“Fundy, Fundy is very clearly on Schlatt’s side, look- Fundy was the closest thing I had to something I cared about in L’Manberg, when it all began. You know, when it started, the closest thing to anything I cared about was Fundy. Fundy was my, he was my, he was my boy! My rock! You know? And hearing what he said about L’Manberg and stuff is just… And when I heard him say that he had no care for me, I believe that. I think he’s so happy that he’s finally been given maturity in L’Manberg, you know. Like, Schlatt’s giving him the maturity he’s been craving, you know. And that’s cool. That’s fine. You know? I have no issue with that, he can do what he wants.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:44:10, 8th Oct)

Alivebur believed 100% that Fundy didn’t care about him, that breaks a parent no doubt. People act like Fundy never hurt Alivebur, and that he was unjust in his hatred but... that’s not true at all. Alivebur lost everything when his son betrayed him, because he had already lost his nation, his son was the last thing he had.

But Alivebur is also self-aware to why it happened, talking about how Schlatt gives him the maturity Fundy had wanted. He knows how his own actions and words had led to this, maybe even knowing he had hurt Fundy.

Which finally leads us onto the despise quote itself:

“Fundy, I despise you, you were my son and you just betrayed me. I have nothing to say to you.” (Wilbur’s The Meeting: Nov 6th, 35:55)

It’s not fair to take this quote out of context, like so many do. On its own, without everything else in mind, sure it looks bad, but with how Fundy hurt Alivebur, how it broke him, it makes a lot of sense.

After weeks - possibly even years in the SMP timeline - of believing Fundy had betrayed him and wanted nothing to do with him, Fundy walks back into his life and reveals he’s a spy. Not only is Alivebur going to find it hard to trust that, but he’s also not going to forgive Fundy straight away.

He had been hurt for weeks, if not possible years, of course he’s not just going to say he loves Fundy and move onto the plan. Yes, despise is a strong word, but look at the latter half of the quote.

“You were my son and you just betrayed me.” - This is one of the most important parts but no one ever talks about it! It can be implied from this that Alivebur sees family as the strongest bond, since this line implies he wouldn’t have expected a betrayal from his own son.

Which is why he despises him, which is why he as nothing to say to him.

Alivebur is a complex man, but pretty clear cut as a parent. He was overbearing, too protective, trying to keep his son from responsibility, from following in his footsteps in a leadership position that only caused Alivebur stress (and possibly caused his depression).

He’s a parent who thought he could rely on his son being on his side, only for his son to back his opposition at the debates, only for him to make his own party and then commit voter fraud (which you know like father like son in terms of rigging voting :P), only for him to stay in Manberg and cheer his father’s exile, only for him to disown him and claim he was never his father, only for him to reveal he was a spy wayyy too late.

It’s tragic, this relationship between them. Alivebur hurt Fundy by being overbearing no doubt, but he was never neglectful. The only time Alivebur had nothing to do with Fundy was after Fundy himself betrayed him. I think it’s rather harsh to say he had left him or neglected him with that in mind.

And ultimately, Fundy blames Alivebur for leaving him alone in the world. He still cared and missed him, and says himself that Alivebur left him when he needed him the most. But I also think that’s a bit harsh on why Alivebur died too, he didn’t do it to hurt Fundy, he did it to hurt himself.

Anyway... I hope this helps, Anon. I tried to be real sensitive but, I don’t know, you probably haven’t changed your mind anyway, people are pretty set in this fandom :P

But I really care about this father/son relationship - in fact I talked about it for hours last night with a friend - so I feel like I can sometimes shine a new light on some of the facts :)

#dream smp #alivebur #wilbur soot #dream smp analysis #damn this took hours to write XD #i got distracted trying to fact check #the cheering at exile thing #but both alivebur and tommy say it #so yeah #anyway really hope this helps anon :)#ask #Anonymous

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ilovejevsjeans · 4 years ago

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Daniel Ricciardo on his passion for combat sports, a walkout song and the time he asked Lewis Hamilton to ‘fight’

McLaren Formula One driver Daniel Ricciardo, who currently sits seventh in the driver standings heading into this weekend’s Spanish Grand Prix, is among the world’s best behind a steering wheel. But how would he fare if he swapped his racing gloves for boxing or MMA gloves?

“I’d love to do a charity boxing match or something just to feel that adrenaline of walking to a ring,” Ricciardo said. “It’s on my to-do list for sure. At school I had a few little fights but nothing crazy. Nothing I’d brag about here.”

Ricciardo says he learned the sport of boxing from a friend who fought as an amateur growing up. However in recent years his love of combat shifted more toward mixed martial arts, a sport that is “quite beautiful. It’s an art form and I was just taken by it.”

The Australian — who boasts 4.6 million followers on Instagram — rarely misses a fight night, whether that’s a small card or pay-per-view. Every Monday he gears up for multiple MMA podcasts to hear analysis on what just took place in the cage.

In an exclusive interview with The Athletic, Ricciardo opened up about his love for fighting, which driver would make the best opponent and why Lewis Hamilton turned down an opportunity to get in the ring against him.

You’re an avid fight fan. How did this passion for the sport start?

One of my best friends growing up, when he was growing up, he was doing amateur boxing and got very good at it. I was then doing my racing and he was doing his boxing. We were both on a bit of an unconventional path — both individual sports, not really the typical sports the kids at school were doing. We had that in common. Once I started taking my racing more seriously I began taking my fitness more seriously. So I started going to his gym to just train. I really enjoyed doing it. But the truth is — I don’t want to lie to anyone. I’m not a fighter. As much as I would picture beating the bully up at school, it’s not me. But I just fell in love with not only doing it but also watching it.

I enjoyed watching boxing but it was really when I got exposed to MMA … It just had me. It was back in 2011 when I started properly getting into it. It was the quickest sport I had ever been absorbed by. I was all in.

My whole YouTube feed is just all MMA shows, whether it’s press conferences, interviews, podcasts. It’s just full of MMA stuff. I’m a full nerd now.

Being in Australia and traveling a lot, are you forced to get up at weird times for fights?

The beauty was I was in LA when (Conor McGregor vs. Dustin Poirier 2) was on so it was prime time and I was happy. But normally in Europe, it’s 4 a.m. or 5 a.m., which isn’t as good. Any kind of sporting event that you look forward to, it’s always cool when it’s in the evening because you have all day to get ready and talk about it. If you wake up at 4 a.m. it’s like “ugh,” and then you’re straight into it so there’s not as much of a build-up. But it’s all good.

So do you still train at all?

No. To races, my trainer carries some pads and gloves just to stay a little sharp and change it up. If I’m getting my reflexes with some tennis balls, maybe I throw in a bit of a boxing combination or something. Again, I’m not saying I’m good or anything. But I just enjoy the whole movement part of it.

Boxing was cool and I enjoyed watching it growing up. But there was something with MMA where there’s just so many different disciplines and the matchups … as a contest it was so much more open and for that, exciting. I feel — I know it’s not always the case — you can kind of tell in boxing if someone is getting momentum, the advantage. It’s like “this guy is going to win the fight.” But in MMA, it’s like “this guy is winning standing but if this goes to the ground, it’s back to square one.” So I just loved it. I was really immersed by it all.

Did you have a particular fighter or fight that got you hooked early on?

One of the first events I watched was UFC 116. Chris Leben was on the card and I think he was losing the fight. And then he got a triangle with probably 20 seconds to go in the third round, so that was really exciting. Stephan Bonnar was also on that card and he got a really cool finish on “The Polish Experiment” Krzysztof Soszynski. That was a card for me where I was very taken from that. Then I discovered “The Ultimate Fighter.” I just binge-watched all of those (seasons).

In terms of fighters, Leben was a character, I liked him. Carlos Condit. I’d say Condit and Cub Swanson were two guys I got behind early on. Condit, I love his style and the way he carries himself.

Have you been to a lot of cards in person?

The very first one I did was the best for me personally. To this day, it’s my favorite sporting event I’ve ever been to: (Conor) McGregor-(Chad) Mendes. Vegas in July 2015. Obviously McGregor, but he wasn’t yet a champion and still kind of on the rise. It was the energy and atmosphere. It was just wild.

The whole event too. (Robbie) Lawler-(Rory) MacDonald, which had the fight of the year. Every fight on the main card I think was a finish, so I got very lucky at my first event.

I’ve done (Michael) Bisping-(Anderson) Silva in the UK. That was a great contest as well.

There are a lot of great fighters from Australia and New Zealand like Israel Adesanya, Alexander Volkanovski and Robert Whittaker. Have you had a chance to meet any of them?

I haven’t met them. A couple of them I’ve had interactions with on social media. But I love Whittaker, obviously Volkanovski is killing it. I’m fairly patriotic to the Aussie fighters. If they are fighting, 99 percent of the time I’ll be supporting them. But one of my good buddies is roommates with Luke Rockhold, so I got to know Luke the last couple of years. I was trying to do some training over Christmas with him but it didn’t end up working out.

I know you’re a big shoey guy. What do you think of Tai Tuivasa doing it after wins?

I’ve had a bit of contact with Tuivasa as well. It’s obviously great. But one thing I can’t get behind is spitting. That’s a little extra.

Plus he’ll grab some random fan’s shoe.

He definitely takes it to the next level. It’s cool that — as disgusting as it is — we have some traditions like this.

Shifting a bit to F1, have you ever gotten into any big fights on the track? What was the worst fight you’ve gotten in?

Earlier in go-karting there was a bit more. Unfortunately in F1, I guess because you’re on the world’s stage, even if you push someone you probably are going to get a fine or get penalized. At times it’s a little too clean. But I’m still waiting for the day that someone confronts me and I just lay them out (laughs).

You also just seem a lot more laid back than a lot of other drivers, so you’d probably not be my first choice of someone getting into a fight soon.

I’m all talk, it would be nice obviously to not have to fight anyone. But no one would expect it from me. Even when I tell people I’m a fight fan, people are like “oh really? You’re into that? You seem too nice to like that.”

But to get where I have in the sport, you need a bit of a killer streak in you. I do have it, but don’t always show it.

What other driver would make the best fighter?

I know some guys have done — for fitness — hit some pads. Randomly, he doesn’t have a seat this year, but Daniil Kvyat started doing quite a lot of boxing last year for his training. I saw a few clips and it started to look like he knew what he was doing. I would say he would be the guy who has the most idea. I’d put him and myself up there. The rest I don’t think stand a chance.

So if you had a charity event, you don’t have anyone in particular you’d want to go against?

To be honest, I actually asked Lewis Hamilton. At the beginning of 2016, he posted a video on his Instagram hitting pads. I was as well at the time, so I was like “hey, let’s do a charity fight.” I asked him in person. But he didn’t bite on that one so I was a little sad.

I might re-ask the question.

What about Max Verstappen? For people who watched the first season of the F1 show “Drive to Survive” on Netflix, I’m sure they would love to see you guys throw down at some point.

That would have been cool as well (laughs). Max would be a good competitor in the ring. The way he drives, he’s quite stubborn. He’d be a hard guy to put away. He’s probably the guy that you’d choke him and he’s going to sleep and not tapping. That would make an interesting one.

In contrast, is there an MMA fighter you’d like to race on the track?

An obvious one would be Conor McGregor. To hear in his Irish accent all kinds of things, that would make pretty good television. And he loves his cars. It’s obvious, but that would probably be the best.

How often would you say you watch fights now? Not just PPVs, right?

Unless I have something like work or another commitment, I’m watching it every week. Mondays I’m getting ready for every podcast. I sound like a real nerd but it’s just an addiction. I love it. Anyone doing that for Formula 1, I’d be like “you’re such a nerd,” but here I am doing it with MMA.

Is it hard to follow everything during the race season?

If I can’t see it live, then 100 percent I’m going to watch the replay or buy it later. But it’s also a good escape. If I’m traveling and I’m in between races, to get my mind away from my competition, I like to watch it. I also try to pick up things as well. Whether it’s from a mental point of view … I’ll look at the walkouts and how they are behaving. I try to figure out if they are really as calm and collected as they are portraying or if it’s a bit of a facade. I’m trying to work out what I can use in my events.

Do you have a walkout song prepared if you were to fight?

I’ve thought about it. The short answer is no. You typically have to have something heavy and fast, but I fell in love with Chris Weidman’s “Won’t Back Down.” It’s not typically a song that will pump you up but it’s so iconic and now it’s his, it’s very fitting.

I’d go for something more lyrically powerful as opposed to instrumental. I loved Max Holloway’s, I think it’s called Mount Everest (by Labrinth). (X)

#hopefully this is the right one anon #daniel ricciardo #dan #interviews

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armandyke · 4 years ago

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The link between diet and autism: a critical analysis of the recent Earth Locker episode and a chance for River to relive her lab report title writing days

Link to the original video

So as I already mentioned I’ve seen a few people talking about the recent episode of the Earth Locker (a podcast by Robert Sheehan, Tom Hopper, and Bryon Knight) where they talk with Tom and his wife Laura about their experiences raising their autistic son. I watched the whole episode and while there were a lot of good points made, there was also some misinformation, statements that were poorly explained and could be misinterpreted, and a couple of pretty harmful ideas put across which I’m gonna go into below.

Disclaimer one: I’m gonna be saying a lot of stuff that I’m not going to be posting sources for. This is because everything I’m saying comes from my experiences as an autistic person, my experiences working as a support worker for adults with autism where I am currently a key worker for two autistic individuals, my work related training on autism, mental health, and diet & nutrition, and my knowledge from my psychology degree in which I also spent a lot of time studying biology and physiology. This is all just stuff that I know, and at some point I might try to add some sources but I’m writing this fresh off watching and making notes on this video so my energy is already running a little low and I’d rather focus on getting my points across instead of having to take time to source every piece of information.

Disclaimer two: The purpose of this post isn’t to attack or defend any of the people involved in the podcast. This is also in no way a criticism of Tom and Laura’s parenting. This is purely a criticism of the discussion that took place on the podcast, not on any of the choices they’ve made for their son.

Disclaimer three: I’m going to be using the phrase “challenging behaviour” a lot while I’m explaining things as this is the term used in most modern research and is what we use at work. This basically describes any behaviour that causes harm to the individual or to other people around them, or behaviour that is detrimental to the individual’s wellbeing.

So the main thing I want to go into with this is the misinformation and misinterpretation of information that was central to the discussion in this podcast, and that was around the connection between diet and autism. Most of the things Tom and Laura said about the effects of diet weren’t incorrect, but it wasn’t explained accurately and missed out on some key points so let’s go:

In terms of whether diet can “cause” autism: no it can’t. There’s absolutely no evidence to suggest it does. It also can’t “worsen” autism because autism isn’t something that can get “worse” or “better”. A person with autism can develop and learn new skills and they can also regress (and diet can influence this, which I’ll go into further on), but an autistic person at a lower stage of development does not have “worse” autism than a person at a higher stage of development.

Poor diet can have an impact on autistic people in the same way as with neurotypical people. If we eat junk, we tend to feel like junk as a result, and when we feel like junk it can be harder to concentrate and carry out our usual day to day tasks. However, autistic people are also significantly more likely to suffer from digestive problems and food intolerances, and so for a lot of autistic people (or parents of autistic children) diet may be something that requires close attention. So saying that an autistic individual’s challenging behaviour could be a result of their diet isn’t necessarily untrue, but it does massively oversimplify the issue. The challenging behaviour is more likely a response to pain or discomfort, (as well as frustration if they are unable to communicate this), which is caused by a diet unsuitable for this specific individual, which is caused by an intolerance or digestive problem, which they were at greater risk of developing due to their autism. It’s worth mentioning that medical professionals still don’t know why this comorbidity exists.

So, referring back to Tom and Laura’s experience with their son, they were explaining that their son’s challenging behaviour spiked while he was on a high-sugar diet. Laura also added that he had been suffering from increasingly frequent infections in his ears and throat while eating these foods, which makes sense because high blood sugar levels can weaken the immune system and make us more susceptible to infections. They then explained that these infections stopped following a tonsillectomy and a change to a sugar-free diet, which then also lead to a complete reduction in their son’s challenging behaviours. Again, implying that the reduction in behaviours is a result of cutting out the sugar is oversimplifying. It’s most likely that their son’s challenging behaviours were a response to the pain the infections were causing, which may or may not have been linked to his sugar intake. Either way, autistic people are all individuals and so while a reduction in sugar intake has benefited their son, by no means does that mean that all autistic people should be following a low-sugar diet or that this would be beneficial for them.

This isn’t entirely on topic but there are two other things I want to address in terms of what Tom and Laura said while talking about their son, the first being when talking about their initial approach to their children's’ diet before they were aware that their son was autistic. Laura essentially said that she wanted their children to be able to try different foods and that the focus would be on education about health and diet rather than cutting “unhealthy” foods out of their diets completely, which I thought was a great way to approach things. However she then added that, had they known about their son’s autism at the time, they may have approached things differently, which I was confused about. I think (and hope) she was just trying to say that if they had known upfront that sugar particularly seemed to be detrimental to their son, they would have reduced that straight away rather than having to use a process of trial and error which makes sense, but just the way it was phrased set off alarm bells because it sounded like she was implying that they would have controlled his diet more strictly if they had known he was autistic. Hopefully this isn’t the case because autistic people don’t need to have their choices limited if there is no detriment to their health or wellbeing.

Another thing I was confused about, and I’m not sure if this was supposed to be more of a weird analogy rather than factual information, was when Tom started talking about “sensory glands” when talking about their son’s hypersensitivity to sounds. I think his exact words were something along the line of saying that the high sugar levels were causing his “sensory glands” to “swell” which was heightening his sensitivity. And like... unless I missed something there is no such thing as a sensory gland and they certainly don’t swell up when we’re over stimulated or when we have a lot of sugar. Sugar triggers high dopamine responses in our brains which then leads to cravings and can cause spikes and crashes in mood, and it can also cause inflammation, all of which can cause discomfort and in turn could lead to an increase in sensitivity, but as far as I know sugar doesn’t have a direct effect on our senses.

Now on to the elephant in the room and the two big, glaring no-no's in this podcast, both of which were said by Tom (these are not direct quotes because I didn’t get a chance to jot them down in time so I’m paraphrasing slightly):

“we cannot ignore the correlation between rising autism rates and the increase in fast food consumption” (spoiler alert: yes we can)

“I really want to get to the cause of autism and see if there’s something that can be done to prevent it”

So, first of all, autism isn’t something that needs to be prevented. Autistic people are not a detriment to society. We don’t have an illness, we just experience the world differently and, in some cases, require additional support to live our lives as fully as possible. Obviously it can’t be ruled out that fast food, or anything else, has a part to play in rising rates, but there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that it does and correlation absolutely does not equal causation. Gay representation in the media has also been steadily rising with rates of autism diagnosis. Does this mean that seeing gay people on TV makes people autistic? No. As Laura briefly mentioned, it is far more likely that the rising rates are actually due to an increase in understanding about autism and the accessibility of diagnosis, especially when you consider how many people are still slipping under the radar even with all the knowledge we have today.

I appreciate that most of this podcast is just a conversation between friends about various topics, but when the goal of this podcast is to “raise awareness”, and with the shared platform the people involved have, casual statements like these are incredibly dangerous. With the general implication that if everyone lived a healthy, clean, and organic lifestyle, we could reduce the number of autistic people in our society, this not only puts the “blame” on parents of autistic people, and on the individuals themselves, but is also dipping into eugenics territory. And while I don’t think the intentions behind either statement were malicious, they were incredibly ignorant, and the fact that they went completely unchallenged was concerning and made me pretty uncomfortable.

There were still a lot of positives in the podcast. I’m really glad Laura was also involved because she definitely came across as being the most educated on the subject of the four of them and did make a point of bringing up issues with diagnosis (particularly among girls with autism), her and Tom’s privilege in terms of being able to work with doctor’s to find out as much as possible about their son’s dietary needs and to then provide him with a tailored diet, and also addressing the issues with “high functioning vs low functioning” when Rob asked about the “severity” of their son’s autism. However there was still an undeniable amount of inaccurate or poorly presented information, as well as some things that were just plain incorrect and offensive. I appreciate that a lot of this was coming from personal experience rather than being generalised information, but I think this could have been communicated a lot more clearly and effectively considering the intention was to spread awareness, and the episode would have massively benefitted from the input of an autistic adult. Rob specifically had a lot of questions about autism in general and I think they would have been much better answered by somebody with autism, rather than a parent giving an outside perspective of their child’s experiences. It’s always a little uncomfortable to watch four neurotypical people discuss autism, regardless of how positive their intentions are, and I don’t think it would have been a great challenge for them to find an autistic person who would have been willing to talk about the topic with them.

#YES it took me two hours to write this NO I won't elaborate #tom hopper #robert sheehan #the earth locker

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silverducks · 3 years ago

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Game of Thrones - Jaime Lannister

A rambling character study of Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones.

Introduction

Ok, so nearly a month since I finished watching Game of Thrones, and I’m still not over how it ended. Like some things I can reconcile myself too, some things just annoy me when I overthink what happened and some things - ok one thing in particular - is just not letting me go.

And that is the way the show ended for Jaime Lannister.

I know I’m like 2 years too late on the GoT bandwagon and no one cares anymore. But I’m writing all these posts because I still care, having recently experienced what you all went through 2 years ago. And I know what I’ll be posting will have all been posted countless times before and discussed in the fandom years ago. But I kinda need to still get my own thoughts written down and outta my head.

Before I go on though, I just want to add in here that I do still love this show and, even right to the very end, think the acting, crew, music, sets/scenery, costumes, basically everything was pretty much amazing. That is except the writing, which, went downhill after series 4. Before then it was pretty much amazing too (not always perfect (is anything?), but so darn good!)

Now, turns out when I came to write down my thoughts on Jaime’s ending, I had even more than I realised. Basically it’s turned into me writing one massive analysis of Jaime’s character based on the show. So I’ve split it into separate posts, with this first one more of an intro, a summary of my thoughts and overall opinion on Jaime and a bit of context on my own experience with Game of Thrones.

Now, spoilers for Game of Thrones ending

I’ve read/watched a lot on the internet since I saw those episodes (series 8, episode 4 and 5 in case you weren’t sure) and I know a lot of people don’t like how they ended Jaime’s story in the show either. But I’ve also read a lot of comments where people did like it, or at least thought it made sense. The reasons they give make no sense to me, but it’s made me think and overthink and analyse way too much about how they did end his story.

So, in order to try and get them out of my head, I’m putting them down here. It’s a long, pretty rambling read, split up into a few parts because it got so long. Across the posts I’m going to go through my own understanding and perception of Jaime’s character and his arc and why I think they completely ruined it in episodes 8.04 and 8.05. I’ll then focus on some of the main reasons I’ve seen why people think it did make sense, and why (even though I maintain everyone is entitled to their own opinion) I completely disagree. Jaime’s character arc was annihilated in the show even more than Kings Landing. And that is more than a bit frustrating.

Now, just a bit of background to add some context to my thoughts; I basically only got around to watching the show a few months ago (I’ve not read the books yet). I basically binged watched the entire show and am now just a little bit reeling from it all! LOL! Also, as I did binge watch it, it meant I didn’t spend time between episodes/series really analysing/theorising etc. I had a few ideas and thoughts, but not to the depth it would have been had I needed to wait impatiently for each new episode. This means I think my viewpoint is of the show as an overall whole, rather than each separate series, because it kinda all rolled into one. This may, or may not, have affected my opinion and so this analysis of Jaime Lannister and my disappointment in his ending. It also means, having only watched the show once, I’ve probably forgotten or missed bits. However, since I finished the show, I’ve watched a lot of YouTube videos and read a lot of stuff on the net about it, including in comparison to the books. (And I maybe rewatched some of my favourite scenes just a few times…) And now I am analysing and theorising and thinking about this show way too much! LOL!

So I guess my viewpoint isn’t one of ignorance, but it might not be quite the same as someone who’s been invested in the show from the start.

Like most viewers, I pretty much thought Jaime = evil villain for most of the earlier series. He had the odd moment, but it wasn’t until he did that speech with Catelyn about the conflict of all those oaths he’d taken that I even started to take note of his character. And then series 3 happens, where he has his road trip with Brienne, loses his hand, saves her from a bear and basically starts his wonderful path of character development. And basically manages to go from a guy I pretty much do not like at all at the start, to one of my all time favourite characters ever.

Also, I’m definitely a Brienne/Jaime shipper and did wish them to have a happy ending. However, I pretty much never thought the show would actually even go there, let alone make it happy. In fact, I actually did my best to NOT ship them for such a long time because, being Game of Thrones, I knew it was very unlikely to end well. But, then yeah, their intense staring contests kept on happening and darn it, the way that Jaime’s voice breaks when he says Lady Brienne and him giving her a priceless sword, and what the sword represents and…

Ok, well, yeah, I could gush about them all day, but anyway, I ended up not being able to fight the ship any more after series 6 and THAT tent scene. But, even then, I still didn’t think the show would make it canon, like it would just leave it all open ended/make up your own mind kinda thing.

And then we get to series 8. Like we have a whole episode (that is actually named for their very storyline) with Jaime just staring at Brienne, being all dorky around Brienne and then, if that wasn’t enough, he even KNIGHTS Brienne! I mean, this is epic for this ship! And I would have been ok (not happy, but satisfied) as a Brienne and Jaime shipper if that had been it.

But then no, then he barely leaves her side in the fight against the dead in the next episode – they fight side by side with their two halves of one whole swords, each risking their own life for the other multiple times. And then in the next episode (where I don’t think there’s barely any scene where they’re NOT right next to each other) the show DID make it canon. Like it actually did go there, they slept together (in an adorably awkward scene I love). Heck, Jaime then even chooses to stay in the North and be with Brienne, even though he hates the North. Like this was just epicness of all proportions and I got so excited and all those shippy feels I was trying to hold back just came rushing out and then... and then...

THEN that scene happens. He leaves her. Like WTH…

Anyway, more on that in another post. I guess what I’m trying to say is that as much as I ship them, my issues with Jaime’s ending is less about his relationship with Brienne, and more just his complete 180 on character development. Jaime’s arc has been heavily influenced by Brienne, but it is still amazing in its own right. As I didn’t expect Brienne/Jaime to ever happen (so when it did and then got taken away in the very same episode, it’s incredibly frustrating and gives even less credence to what does happen), it’s not why I’m so annoyed and disappointed with what happened to Jaime.

I’m annoyed because they took all this amazing character growth over 7 series and then screwed it all over in less than two episodes. No, that’s not enough. It was a complete and utter character assassination that completely undermines and destroys 7 series worth of investment and development, completely nullifying everything Jaime went through as a character.

So, yeah, I’m a bit annoyed, but that’s because it makes no sense and it’s bugging me enough to write this whole series of posts. Because I can’t let it go. And having read people justify, even like it online, it’s made my inner analysis thought train go into override. And I’m sorry if these posts are like I’m preaching to the choir, or writing such obvious stuff and repeating myself, I’m just trying to get it all out my head as coherently as I can. Hopefully allowing me to move on a bit.

#Urgh #I need to sit in a corner and try to cheer myself up again before I can write anymore #Maybe watching some Brienne and Jaime fan videos will help cheer me up #And also simultaneously depress me even more.

#Game of Thrones #Jaime Lannister #Brienne x Jaime

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grahamcarmen · 4 years ago

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Hi, so I just finished the new season today! I have so many thoughts, the last few episodes felt kind of rushed? I wished they had gone about the whole situation between Gray and Carm at the end differently. More so on seeing them reunited. My biggest question, is why was he so quick on going back to VILE? He knew what they were capable of yes, was it to feed his criminal impulses? Why did ever want to steal in the first place? What led him to that conclusion and how did he learn of VILE? I was keen on seeing more of his backstory, and still need time to let the story simmer so I can analyze it more. It's just confusing. I guess it's just because the show ended that I feel so bittersweet y'know. What do you think Carmen would've done after they all disbanded? How could she leave them so quickly after she just got back to Team Carmen in the end? Besides wanting to see her mother. I was hoping they'd at least stay together.

i think that more than a few people feel that ( the knee jerk incredulity at her just leaving them a note and yeeting was real)

like disclaimer again: i do love carmen and this season this is just expanding on some little ??’s

on gray and “thinking gray.”: I was also feeling the lackluster on the payoff motivation wise for gray returning to VILE ( which was definitely needed as he was the secret weapon needed to finally get evil carmen back and at least partially inevitable due to ownership of the choices yadadadada )but like when he finally got his memories back he just repeated some things that i never really doubted. that gray did this of his own free will, he probably is of a lower empathy in general (which does not mean incapable of caring and doing the right thing. just that..~~~), that he regretted hurting carmen. in s1 he says his primary motivation as making more money and i was like”mmhmm fits.” being a thief and all and why not since they hadn’t introduced the big “needs to be able to tie up loose ends.” as a operative qualifier to anyone, including some of the recruits there. the only newer thing was his video that he seeked them out. which is interesting and all but sets him up as a go-getter so its so confusing that he’d choose to return to VILE ...a place where he was hurt and is so freaking selfish with what capers they choose to pursue. i kinda went on a tangent on another post that there is a theme of using a false sense of bonding to give them a little more loyalty which is like really heavy considering that means offering a “home” to what looks like operatives who might all be orphans but i don’t think it was highlighted enough to say “HEY YO” even tho GRAY LOOKS SO TIRED TO LEARN ABOUT HIS PAST WITH VILE

its really interesting because of the 3 people who had access to him/nature we got; carmen who only encouraged his desire to help (for the kiddos, for her safety, for assuring her that they were in...whatever... together, and make sure that they weren’t being secret spy jerks) ACME who got like...0 usefulness (riperonis ma guys), and VILE with maelstrom just hammering home all his shadier deeds with “YEAH THIS IS YOU.” AND HIM JUST ACCEPTING IT AFTER SITTING FOR A LONG AF TIME ALONE.

and when this was happening I was thinking about this analysis from another fandom about characters who resign to the law of the strong which could have been a reason for why gray doesn’t seem to hold the consequences for his failure against VILE even though he really should. (if they bothered but listen-)

its something that happens when characters choose to live in worlds they know are unfair, know that they choose to lie and steal and cheat, and thus should not be surprised or hurt when it happens to them in return. which of course lead to them not knowing where to draw the line on what happens to them...and i mean this in like some narratives usually go (hahaha no thats messed up please gtfo being treated like that is not ok and in allowing others to define your limits you are whittling yourself away). and they decide to live in resignation that. i am capable of bad... so i AM bad. (I am that guy. i’ve always been that guy) and makes them absolutely ripe for the (but you’ve been good . you can choose to be better. it won’t erase the wrongs of the past but it will make for a better future)

but that still leaves exploration of “WHY WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO LIVE BY THE LAW OF THE STRONG??” and you know...not having anyone to rely on, poverty, or what was simple rebelliousness turning to darker and darker paths, are some easy reasons to put a spotlight on maybe our operatives having depth and like..arcs. especially any of those reasons combined. ESPECIALLY SINCE THEY’RE WHAT VILE CONSISTENTLY IS SHOWN OFFERING. (shadowsan really is their s-tier character huh)

which i really thought this show would go for when a shivering brunt who is loyal and protective asked if she was really going to be left behind or remember how unsympathetic most of them seemed to see carmen chloroformed because “she did interrupt our heist.” meaning that they understand this world. probably have understood it for longer than anyone should. (antonio being content as a “pawn” is the tenant in my head today) and why shouldn’t more money be important. or honestly how simple it was to accept that someone would just need more money.

with gray they introduced that he could be good and he could be bad but like leaned into “no all that niceness was fake and he’s bad.” due to the hyper specificity of the mind wipe apparently? which also leans into really flat interpretation of evil!carmen (i just mean that there is a lot there ...) meaning theres no really exploration of him and more of a judgment (even though he’s shown to be kind, snarky, and upfront, as himself without a mind wipe.) and then we wait...

the pacing of the last 2 episodes: adrenaline bebe!!! but also there were so many concepts being introduced and resolved and skimmed past so that it is a little confusing at some conclusions. like the scene you’re talking about where carmen just leaves a note and ghosts is like 30 seconds and thats a lot to unpack because ?? i’m really thinking that it might have been insinuating that carmen left them the pen specifically to give them a new home to wait for her because she was going on that little break like she planned (and they knew was the endgoal) because it was behind her note and presumably placed by her but because i was focusing on the letter goodbye like ??? i thought for some reason that it was zack saying he would now like to try ACME because HE thought of it and i was like ??when did you consider this?? and 3rd watch i was finally “ahhh ok ok i think i get it.”

another bitten off scene i think might have been when gray in his first mission is already exhibiting signs of going...”huh this is not good.”

from stopping carmen from unprofessionalism to seeing that new carmen is willing to up and leave the group for mental gymnastics instead of relying on them 100% to going to the ferris wheel where he DEFINITELY SAW HER TRYING TO KILL A CIVILIAN since it showed his reaction after ivy’s. and then it turn to team red because how they feel about it definately matters more than gray but its also so easy to miss that choosing to have gray witness that as the start of what makes him turn himself in (maybe this is just a possible interpretation and its midnight ok)

evil carmen! lost her empathy. ok. so then like thats a static judgment about how they’re gonna make her do bad stuff and she still absolutely cares about her history and VILE still needed to enforce bonding and giving her memories that they comforted her and gave her her coat so thats why she cares about it and her anger at betrayal and sense of loss that she still throws right in shadowsans face when “evil”

carmen thought she crossed a personal line?? like jeeeeeez that’s 6 months of crossing lines and the most recent and horrifying one happened like not even a minute ago and then 5 seconds later we get chief and her reconciling because yes it needed to happen so we’re not gonna address how traumatizing it was or

VILE JUST WENT ALL THE WAY DOWN HUH??

and all these things are important and have the groundwork for happening but man they just happen one after the other and its like

before moving on to the next thing and like let me breathe omg

and yeah that means that so many people were left confused because the show about family (carmen’s family that SHE built ) seemed to disband for carmen to go to see her mother at last alone, shadowsan to go to his brother and a heartbroken pair of red heads to join ACME

and we get a time gap before reuniting but only a few seconds to decide if reuniting was the plan all along(the pressure point)

and there is a lot of actual IN TIME that is broad strokes that many people have already picked whats going to haunt them that wasn’t explored more...

TLDR; i get it on both counts (gray and rushed)! glad there was some sweet in your bittersweet and since canon definitely had team red in the same place they absolutely reunited and moved back into the shop and carmen talked to them about how great her mom is and planned a dinner

#red crackle thoughts #not really red crackle but #ask #midnight me needs to learn what brevity is i swear #cs spoilers #also i am notorious at clipping my pwn thoughts #some of the context in my head didnt make it to being typed i am so sorry

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yoificfinder · 4 years ago

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Hey love, hope you are doing well ✨ I was wondering if you have any recommendations regarding side characters (personality analysis, friendship etc.) I absolutely adore all the side characters in the YOIverse however there are not many fics revolving around them so if you know any good ones, it'd be great!! Thank you so much in advance 💟

Hey dear nonnie! This took a long time, I hope you're still here. I combed through ao3 to find fics I remember that fit your request and discovered new gems along the way! Many of these are not popular/underrated but I guarantee that they're good reads so I hope you (and anyone else who finds this) enjoy! If only for that reason alone, I really hope this rec list becomes one of the most popular posts in this blog (I would really appreciate a reblog!) so these fics/authors can receive more love! Plus this is the most exhaustive and time-consuming rec list I've made so far (but I still feel that I missed a lot so other recs are welcome!).

Without further ado, here are some great YOI side-characters' stories in canonverse:

(Don't) Give A Damn by @forochel [T, 9K]

Mari, through the years.

an open door by tripcyclone [G, 8K]

Lilia never wanted children of her own, but caring for Victor gives her a glimpse into the life she chose to pass by.

Beautiful In Knowing by @val-creative [T, 1K]

Sara knew she was a girl, even if nobody else did or believed her.

She ordered Michele to call her "Lady Sara" from now on. He would roll his eyes and grumble, but never attempt to misgender her. She liked "Sara" — it meant "lady, princess, noblewoman". And she would never go back to her deadname.

by any other name by iguanastevens [T, 2K]

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

Yuri's life as told by the names he's given; or, how Yuri's names direct his life.

Feathers on the Ice by Kiranokira / @kyashin [E, 79K]

After dinner and a bath and quality hamster time, snuggled in bed cocooned within his eight entirely necessary pillows, Phichit indulges himself and investigates Seung-gil's hashtag. There isn’t much from Seung-gil himself, but Seung-gil's fans are many and dedicated. Amid the photos of Seung-gil at competitions or practicing and the few candid shots of Seung-gil in airports or out on the streets of Seoul, there’s a very recent professional video uploaded by user andjoy_studio.

Phichit clicks on it, and his life changes.

fermata by perbe [T, 3K]

When one is patchwork of growth plates and bruises, it is inevitable that one must admire boys with words a size too big, as if they know down to their bones that they are meant for something greater.

I used to burn for you, Otabek thinks.

(A character study on Otabek's reaction to his placement at the Grand Prix Finals.)

Go On Ahead by @kiaronna [G, 2K]

Sour, grouchy Yakov didn’t understand sparkly purple skate outfits or wanting to eat your weight in sweets or having crushes on boys.

But Viktor did.

Gossips, Chinese whispers and misunderstandings by womanroaring [M, 8K]

Series of short stories relating to how certain (often perfectly innocent) scenes in Yuri On Ice would have looked from the outside. And just the gossip and stuff that would have surrounded them.

I am Yuri Plisetsky by rinsled05 / @dreaming-fireflies [M, 1K]

Who is Yuri Plisetsky?

He's not Agape.

Not a “prima donna” ballerina.

And definitely no Russian fairy.

No, Yuri Plisetsky is an angry, loud, in-your-face, Russian tiger who will take to the ice and give you a brilliant gold-worthy performance you will never forget.

... a piece on Yuri's rationale for skating to "Welcome to the Madness". Rated for the actual foul-mouthed language in the story itself, courtesy of one Yuri Plisetsky.

if friends were flowers i'd pick you by windupbirdgirl / @tanpopori [G, 4K]

Yuuko thinks of Yuuri’s skating, beautiful and flawed. She thinks of Yuuri sitting with the girls instead of the other boys at practice. She thinks of Yuuri and Viktor, the posters of him he asks her to buy him for birthdays. The posters he wouldn't ask anyone else to buy.

“Oh, Yuuri.” She bites her nails, ruining the carefully applied polish. She doesn’t care at all.

Sitting in that tiny bedroom, she makes a big decision.

if love is king, who wears the crown by @crollalanzaa [G, 1K]

“Second is seen as nothing,” Christophe had derided.

“But that moment you glide onto the ice, that hush of the audience, and that expectation, isn’t that worth something?”

“You speak as if you know. You used to skate?"

Past tense. It still stung, even if it was expected.

Minako knows exactly what it's like to be at the top of your game, and she remembers the descent just as clearly.

if she wants me by renaissance [G, 6K]

Hiroko and Minako, then and now.

kagura by night by seventhstar / @pencilwalla [T, 1K]

The world around her is like the mountains.

A mortal lifespan is narrow; mortals watch the mountain’s unchanging faces, unravaged by the same measure of time that takes a human from dust to dust, and think them immortal in comparison. But stone erodes, just as flesh decays. It just takes longer.

If she watches long enough, everything changes. Languages drift until all the words she learned before are meaningless. Technology changes until she ceases to believe in magic because human ingenuity is more infinite than the stars. What is beautiful, what is polite, what is wrong, what is right—time, given its way, reshapes all.

But Minako’s body remains as it has always been. That’s why she loves to dance, she supposes; it’s the one thing time cannot take from her.

Katsudon by @azriona [G, 8K]

Hiroko doesn’t need to see to coat pork cutlets in egg and panko. She has made this dish for her family for over thirty years; she’ll make it another thirty, if she’s lucky.

Now she makes it for Yuuri and Victor as they fly home from Barcelona, with silver around their necks and gold around their fingers.

keep me steady as we go by strikinglight [G, 3K]

When Isabella stood and crossed the room to where he sat she saw her notebook open in his lap, turned to the last page of their to-do list, all but three items crossed off with less than a month to the wedding date. License. Ceremony. Everything after. She saw the angle of his gaze, too, not on the words but straight ahead, staring blank and glassy and brittle into some invisible place she still wasn’t sure she could follow him to, yet. And yet she had been the one who’d promised to try—and to keep promising, forever and forever.

Kooks by BoxWineConfessions [G, 3K]

Mari clasps her right hand across her left hand and rests them both atop her growing stomach. “I guess you’re just lucky that your father, I mean your other father, my brother-“ Mari giggles. “God, it all sounds so weird, doesn’t it? Do you care? Do you care that we’re all so fucked up and we don’t care at all?” Mari laughs again. It’s all she can do when she hurts this much, and wants a cigarette this much, but can’t stop smiling despite the fact that her body seems to hate her so much. “Well he means the world to me. That’s why I have you.”

Living in the Maybe by @adrianners [T, 6K]

It wasn’t hard to spot a 180cm platinum blond in Fukuoka International Airport. Especially when he was the only person wearing sunglasses. Indoors. At night.

Mari picks Viktor up at the airport when he returns from Moscow. Without Yuuri there to play his usual role of interpreter, they learn to communicate around their linguistic, cultural, and personal barriers.

post tenebras lux by @alykapediaaa [T, 1K]

“Which skater would you say has inspired your skating the most?”

The question catches him unaware, so much so that he’s rendered speechless. It’s only when he sees Yakov lean towards the microphone to answer in his stead that Yuri blurts out the first name that comes to mind.

“Yuuri Katsuki.”

The Best Men by @kiaronna [Not Rated, 5K]

Just as Viktor lives to surprise, Christophe Giacometti lives to scandalize, to sensationalize. But innocent little Phichit Chulanont is proving to be an impossible victim.

OR: where Christophe tries very hard to get under one Thai skater’s skin, and instead finds himself all over the younger skater’s Instagram feed and wrapped around his finger.

the city of bridges by @stammiviktor [T, 5K]

After three flights, a train ride, and dinner at the Katsukis' table, Yakov finally sees Hasetsu through Viktor's eyes.

The First Cut by BoxWineConfessions [E, 27K]

People made divorce seem like this long drawn out and ugly process, but it really wasn’t. He bought the town home for Isabella as a gift, and so it was hers. The flat down town would go to him, as it was closer to the rink. They paid off her medical school loans last fall, so that was done too. He had a few cars, which she unanimously agreed were his to keep, so long as she could keep her Corvette. She changed her vanity plate from Dr. Leroy to Dr. Yang. He saw it parked out front of the courthouse.

trials of Coach Yakov series by @naraht [T and M, 40K]

Summaries of fics in the series:

1. Forced to share a bed with Victor at the Sochi Grand Prix Final, Yakov learns more than he wants to know.

2. Yakov attempts to prepare Yuri for his transition to Seniors. Yuri doesn't care to listen.

3. No sex while you're competing – this is Yakov's rule. His athletes often have other ideas.

4. In 1980, Yakov Feltsman is the USSR's skating hero. At a dull official reception, he defends his loyalty to the motherland – and makes the acquaintance of a beautiful young dancer from the Bolshoi.

5. In which both Victor and Yakov have to remake themselves – Victor after his first Olympic gold and Yakov after his divorce.

Tz'ror by athoroughlybakedpotato [T, 3K]

Yakov changes much slower than the times do, but steadiness is not always a bad thing.

---

ETA - Other people's rec:

curtain of lies by @mandolinearts

JJ's Bizarre Adventure by Falahime

Landscapes of Spring and Summer by @myyoitrashblog

The Melancholy of Georgi Popovich by Falahime

+ a lot more recs on this reblog!!

Thanks for the rec, @vilchen, @genuine-firefly, @adrianners, and @kaleidodreams! ❤

#yuri on ice #yoi #yoi fic rec #yoi fanfic #side characters

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dukeofonions · 5 years ago

Text

Reaction Redux (I know it doesn’t make sense but it sounds cool)

Alright, here is my initial reaction to Putting Others First: Selfishness vs Selflessness Redux.

It’s finally here, I’ve watched it a total of two times and currently have it on in the background as I type this, and I have a lot of feelings. All of which would be too much for one post, so after I do this I’ll be making a few separate posts addressing certain points I’d like to expand on further.

So what I’m going to do is have the video playing as I write this out, that way I don’t miss out anything I wanted to discuss. Basically it’s not gonna be a full on analysis, just a lot of random ramblings with what I hope are some insightful gems sprinkled throughout. Consider these my notes for all my future serious analysis posts.

Good? Great. Let’s go. (Also spoilers under the cut)

So, how did I feel as I watched the video for the first time? Well considering I got the notification for the video while I was still at work, I couldn’t get as excited as I wanted to be about it because I didn’t get off until 8pm and had to deal with one too many dunderheads so I was pretty grumpy once I got off.

However, as soon as I got home and retreated to the safety of my isolation fortress (aka my bedroom) I was finally able to get excited as I got on my laptop and pulled up the video and let me just say I was a mess the entire time. I missed my boys!!! I knew they wouldn’t all be present, but I still missed my boys!!! And I loved seeing them again!!!

First things first, that song at the beginning! I think it’s called Review Redux (correct me if I’m wrong) it’s such a freaking bop and I wish it was longer because I could listen to it all day. I loved the artwork and little details that went into their characters, and how each of the circles represented who was singing/talking by their colors. Fun stuff and a great way to recap everything! As well as foreshadow things to come within the episode… “If our goals aligned with his what would that say?” Roman you’re in for a rude awakening bud…

Also, the little moment near the beginning where Patton is about to shut Thomas’ negative thinking down, but stops himself and allows Thomas to explain why he feels that way. Showing that he’s learned to ease up just a little since he learned to do so in Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts. Good for you Patton.

Speaking of Patton, oh he is so confused. I understand where he’s coming from, and honestly everything he said are things I have been taught growing up, and this is something I’ll address in another post because I have a lot of things to say about it. But just know that I adore the development Patton has been going through and watching him grow and mature.

Oh yes, I must mention I was pleasantly surprised to see Logan. I didn’t think he’d show up in this episode, or at the very least have a brief appearance, but I love how he took part and by far the funniest part in this episode (to me) is when he had so much to say in one little post that it popped up and hit Patton in the nose. It was one of the few moments where I laughed out loud and I rewound it a few times on my first viewing.

Plus Thomas being more concerned about the blinds than Patton. My type of humor. And Roman actually gets to use his sword for once, good for him!

(Funny enough as I typed this the video got to that part at the exact same time so I got a nice little laugh again)

Which brings up my next point: Logan getting yoinked after Patton skips his dialogue. No one talks about how he does his little impression of that philosopher, am I the only one who found that utterly adorable?

Let Logan geek out over philosophers please. He clearly loves it so much.

Then we get to Roman believing he’s the one responsible for everything, wanting to give up the driver’s seat to Patton. And just… This exchange of dialogue:

Thomas: “Roman, I only mean well when I say…” Thomas: “That that is the stupidest thing you have ever said.” Roman: “Oh Thomas, you’re just blowing smoke.”

I don’t know why I enjoy this so much but I do. Give me more of this. I crave it now.

And I just need to make a whole post about Patton in this video, there is so much to unpack with him alone.

Looking back and noticing that Thomas only starts listening to Logan after he’s been replaced by Deceit kinda hurts.

Speaking of which, can we appreciate how much better Deceit has gotten at impersonating Logan? Looks like he took Roman’s advice and focused on the little things. Good for him.

Alright, one of my absolute favorite parts from this episode and where things really start to shine: Patton freaks out and turns into a giant frog because he’s so desperate to have an answer for them he flips and honestly, sounds a little crazy. Which, I don’t know why but I find it both menacing and hilarious at the same time?

Also the fact he turns into a frog because he was talking about Frogger earlier, nice touch! (And Lilypadton that’s so cute)

Then we get probably the single greatest character entrance in the history of character entrances. We find out that Deceit finally reveals himself and steps in to stand up to Patton and get him to see how his actions have been having a negative effect on Thomas.

The way his voice changes from Logan’s to his own, his music kicking in, “The Lord of the Lies” oh my gosh it’s all just perfect! Also Roman’s “Reptilian Rapscallion! Reptilian Rapscallion! We’ve got a code yellow!”

And if I may: Roman: “What have you done with Logan?!” Deceit: “Nothing at all and I resent the question.”

WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM YOU SNEK?!

(in all honest probably nothing but what if)

Important to note here that Roman instantly begins defending Patton from Deceit as soon as he accuses him of misleading Thomas. This goes to show just how much Roman views him as a villain. Or in other words: Patton, good. Deceit, bad. A viewpoint he continues to hold onto until the end of the episode, which also deserves it’s entire post because we all know how much turbulence that caused within the fandom.

And to the observant eye, you’ll notice that the cane (or staff) Deceit uses is the same one that dragged Logan off screen.

Frog puns. That is all.

I just, I love Deceit’s dialogue throughout this scene. It’s stuff I need to hear and tell myself on a regular basis. And I’d honestly rewatch this part (along with the rest of what Deceit and Logan say later on in the video) because it’s all something I need to also teach myself. But this ain’t meant to be a personal post so I’ll just move on.

Deceit’s walk towards the camera. I don’t know why. It’s so smooth. He’s amazing. I love him. Snek…

I have problems don’t @ me.

Also no one is mentioning the reference to that one “Turn based rpg” short that Thomas made with his friends and I find that sad because it’s a neat and fitting reference given the theme of this video. Also earlier on when the trolley problem is first brought up all the people on the bottom track are Thomas’ friends. Another neat little detail, though sadly, their digital selves perished.

PETER SINGER

Logan doesn’t seem to like Deceit much, not outright hate him or anything, but it’s more like he just tolerates him but doesn’t seek to get on good terms with him. Which is a shame because as both parts of SVS have proven, these two have the capacity to work together. Which is why I hope Logan gets a debate episode with him as well because out of all the Sides, these two have interacted the least and that needs to be remedied (especially when they’re my two favorites)

Deceit is trying to make Roman understand, but he’s so caught up in this black and white thinking that he disregards everything Deceit says! Why? Because the last time he tried to hear Deceit out he was reprimanded. (In other words, I relate to Roman so much in this that it hits a little too close to home and I’m definitely making a separate post about this.

Deceit: *confused* Trees? And I’m so glad I found out I’m not the only dunce who thought Deceit’s name was going to be written on his hand…

But seriously this whole moment, with the buildup, Deceit’s reluctance to share his name, the music, I’d put it up there with Virgil’s “I was one of them” for best Sanders Sides scenes.

Also, Deceit’s name is Janus! I was a little iffy about it at first, but since I didn’t ever really have a prediction for his name, I wasn’t disappointed and the name is growing on me.

And then, the moment of trust is immediately ruined by Roman laughing. Dude, come on. (again though, post for another time because I understand where Roman is coming from here)

In all seriousness though I just love the last bits of this episode. The emotion, the angst, it doesn’t hold back and I appreciate the team taking things a step further than normal. Usually, moments like this are followed up by a joke to play it off, but they don’t do that after Roman sinks out. They stay in the moment until it’s had time to sink in. I wish the episode had ended a little more somberly, but I think this is a good step in the right direction. Showing that there won’t always be a 100% happy conclusion to things. Sometimes you need to take time in between to figure things out.

This line: “Do you think there’s a limit to how many times someone can say sorry before you have to admit that they’re just bad for you?” This line is so important to me within the context of the episode and outside of it. I won’t get too personal but I will say that I was raised to believe that if a person wronged me in any way, that if they said sorry, I had to forgive them. Even if they did the same thing over and over and over again. As long as they apologize, you have to forgive them and move on. And that has messed me up in so many different ways, especially when those people are family.

Janus sums it up best with “It depends” because yes, some people make the same mistakes again and again. But there’s a difference between someone trying to change and accidentally falling back on old habits, and someone taking advantage of your “forgiveness” that they continue to do those hurtful things because they know they can get away with it and not have to change.

Also, while it’s totally fine for people to dislike Patton, I can’t understand how anyone could watch this episode and claim that he’s still the same as he was at the beginning of SVS Part One because he has changed. He has finally realized just how much he’s been hurting Thomas, and even Roman. He sinks out at the end to apologize to him, he recognizes his faults, and he’s seeking to make amends. He wants to do the right thing here, and keep in mind that recently a lot of his views (which are also Thomas’ views) have been flipped on their heads and they both need to rethink some things. It’s part of growing up and becoming your own person.

I need to make a whole post about the more personal things that I got from the last three episodes (excluding Asides) because there’s just so many important things these episodes teach and I feel the need to address them.

Also everyone sleeping on the fact that Leslie Odom Jr. just casually makes an appearance and attempts to start a pilot episode for his own series “Odom Sides” which I wish him luck on. He just wants to be in the room where it happens.

Everything Patton did was for Thomas, so he wouldn’t be left in the dark again. He promised to keep fighting but ultimately, ended up fighting himself. Am I deep yet?

“Those imperfections don’t make you any less worthy of love” can you tell how much this episode means to me yet?

Janus’ “I’ll take care of him.” Ack, he just cares so much… My gosh… Where did this character come from and what did he do with the slimy boi? (I mean that in two different ways)

Oh, there he is. That’s my boi.

“There are smarter ways to get people to do what you want anyway.” “There are much less barbaric, much more fun, forms of sabotage.”

Parallels? Maybe? What the heck I love Janus whether he’s encouraging Thomas to look after his mental health or plot his schemes in the shadows. Do I trust Janus? Oh heck no, of course not. There is something suspicious going on here and I both love it and hate it. More on that in a different post though.

“You’re not stuck with an evil snake boi. You’re just stuck with a snek boi.”

Yes Thomas, continue to overthink every little issue until it results in a mental breakdown. Hm, sounds like what someone with anxiety does… I suppose that’s why this series exists.

Okay call me a bad person but I almost always space out during Thomas’ messages to the viewers at the end of the videos. I don’t know why but I cannot focus on them to save my life and usually end up skipping past them to get to the end card. I dunno, maybe because it takes me out of the moment? Especially during episodes where they don't’ address the audience at all and then suddenly “Oh yeah! This is a Youtube series lol” it just feels out of place in more story driven episodes like this one.

Okay am I the only one that’s kinda creeped out by Lee and Mary Lee? I dunno they just seem, off. Like if they were characters in a horror movie they’d be that overly nice couple that turn out to be the killers. Those are the vibes they give me. Maybe it’s because I have zero people skills due to being homeschooled all my life and the only social interaction I get is with coworkers so I dunno. They still creep me out. They creep me out more than Remus. And he legit freaked me out for a bit before he stole my heart. (I suppose this means I need to make a separate post about these two because I do have some opinions about whether or not it was a good idea to actually include them at the end. When I said I had too many thoughts about this episode I meant it)

And if the end card is any indication, I’m going to assume that the Sides are invisible to everyone except Thomas. Unless they’re just “observing” and not even Thomas can see them at this point, given he shows no indication of seeing or hearing them there. Maybe they get to choose when they’re visible? Or Thomas does? I dunno, the rules of this universe have never been clearly stated and are inconsistent.

I didn’t expect Patton to be the first to accept Janus, and I’m kinda glad I was proven wrong. It does seem fitting with Patton’s growth and I liked their little moment at the end.

And that wraps up my commentary. I hope you found something in this mess of, things. I plan to go more in depth with my separate posts which I’m going to have fun writing, so be on the lookout for those!

Also at the time of writing this I now have 63 followers?! Thank y’all so much! I never thought this blog would get this far and I’m so glad it did because I’m having a lot of fun with it and hope to bring out more content regularly! Again, thank you!!

#sanders sides #ts spoilers #sanders sides spoilers

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welllpthisishappening · 5 years ago

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singersdd

replied to your video

“washingtonburakovsky: i love how tylers shamelessly watching the caps...”

It's Killian and Peggy while she's home with a cold & happy at the moment.

Listen, I am only human. Albeit a human who really is very concerned about how much hummus I’m going to consume while social-distancing. But the point remains. And when I see solid ideas, I feel compelled to write about them. We’re going to go the teething route, though. So, sorry other anon, that Blue Line masterlist has another thing on it now. Here’s like 1.5 K of total fluff.

-----

They had tried everything.

Anything. All of it. And then some.

They were bordering on desperate now, a growing frustration over the last few days that had not happened when Matt was this age. Nothing helped.

Peggy twisted and turned and tossed and whined, which didn’t follow the alliterative rule that Killian had apparently come up wth, but he was more than willing to blame that on his absolute and complete exhaustion.

Sleeping, it seemed, was a luxury neither he nor Emma could afford anymore.

Not when they were so busy reading lists and searching for some kind of an answer, typing word combinations that Killian wasn’t even aware existed in the English language until some time in the realm of four that morning. That was after the pacing. But before the bobbing — moving through a variety of rooms in their apartment because some website on the third page of the Google results promised it would work.

It didn’t.

He hadn’t expected it to.

Nothing good ever came from the third page of Google.

“Ah, no, no, nah—c’mon,” Killian mumbled, reaching out a hand that he didn’t think should feel quite that heavy in an attempt to tug Peggy’s fingers away from her mouth.

Every inch of him ached, and that might have also been a byproduct of the only-recent end to the season, an admittedly not great end either, a second-round loss that would probably grate on his nerves even more than Peggy’s tooth-related screeching, but none of those words were particularly positive to begin with.

So.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever had so many opinions on words.

Matt was going to stay with the Vankalds for the rest of the weekend.

“We’re not doing that,” Killian continued. Peggy made a noise. Not words. Figured. She was a baby. “I know it hurts, but you can’t start sticking your fingers in your mouth. Did the medicine wear off?”

Still no response.

It really had not been this bad for Matt.

That seemed unfair.

For all parties involved.

“Alright, we’ll get the ring thing and that’ll probably help and you won’t mention how that rhymed, right?”

That got him a gurgle and a wobbling lower lip.

Killian’s head dropped — whether from exhaustion or the overwhelming obstacle of a teething six-month-old, he wasn’t entirely sure. “We’ve just got to make sure the ring thing isn’t frozen, ok, Pegs? And then you can have that and maybe some more medicine. Where do you think Mom put the medicine box?” Killian swayed on the spot, trying to look in the kitchen without walking, rocking his head to a rhythm that didn’t exist when the TV was playing a game in the background.

The Capitals and Penguins.

In the Eastern Conference Finals.

So, maybe Killian was just a masochist.

It was the first time he’d watched a game since his ended.

Peggy squirmed again, tears welling in the corner of her eyes while her unoccupied fingers curled forward to reach for something. There wasn’t a shirt there anymore — a product of lunch and mashed bananas were disgusting anyway, and Emma had postseason stuff to do at the Garden.

Killian needed to pick his shirt off their bedroom floor at some point.

“I know, I know, I know,” he chanted, leaning back like meeting his daughter’s gaze would help the situation. It did not. Version, four-hundred and sixty-two.

He was admittedly less worried about numbers than words.

The tears spilled over, and he honestly wasn’t sure where all the moisture on her face was coming from — her eyes or her mouth or a mixture of both and someone on the myriad of websites he and Emma had spent all night clicking on should have made it more obvious that parenting was like this.

Difficult. Exhausting.

Possibly impossible.

Killian huffed, teeth digging into his lower lip. He kept moving, ignoring the state of his calves and the force Peggy got into her kicks when she flailed her legs into his ribs.

“Ok, ok, ok,” he said. Apparently he could only repeat things in triplicate now. That was at least on brand for hockey and—

Killian let out another breath, ruffling the ends of Peggy’s barely-there hair. “Alright, we’re going to try something new.”

The medicine was on top of the refrigerator, which wasn’t the first place Killian thought to look, but it hadn't been at the bottom of his metaphorical list and he was going to take his victories where he could get them.

Plus, the ring-thing, plastic monstrosity, whatever, was not frozen.

“Only one more away from a parenting hat trick, huh?” he muttered, mostly into the top of Peggy’s head. She’d stopped crying eventually, more than a few hiccups and noises that ebbed as soon as Killian started drawing circles on her back.

“That was actually really funny,” Killian added. “You’ll appreciate that eventually, I know it.” He dropped back into the corner of the couch, careful not to jostle the kid in his arms and it wasn’t the most comfortable he’d ever been, but it was certainly a step in the right direction.

Where stepping wasn’t involved at all.

More like, staring. Directly at the hockey game in front of them.

Killian was fairly certain Peggy’s eyes didn’t actually widen, but he was willing to blame the exhaustion again and they definitely should have thought of this before. He’d admittedly been avoiding most things hockey-related though, and that was also a little childish.

They only had room for so many children in that apartment.

He let Peggy turn, her back to his chest and tiny legs stretched out in front of her. Her head rested just under his collarbone, those same few tufts of hair tickling his skin.

Killian smiled.

Even if it was the Capitals and the Penguins.

And, so it went — for the next two periods, part medicine, part ring-thing, part analyzing the game, a running stream of commentary from Killian and baby-type sounds from Peggy and neither one of them tried to sleep, which might not have been the best decision, but he did get her to giggle several times and he assumed that was a wash.

Maybe some kind of zamboni joke. Fresh start or clear ice or something.

“See, that right winger on the Pens can’t get the puck in the zone,” Killian mumbled, almost halfway through the third period, and he’d stretched out at some point.

His feet hung over the side of the couch, toes threatening to rest on the arm of the closest chair, with one arm twisted behind his head. He still hadn’t put his shirt back on, Peggy resting on his chest on hands and knees, making it only too easy to press absent-minded kisses to her chin and her cheek and the bridge of her nose when she started to babble again.

“I know,” Killian nodded. “I don’t think he’s good either. You’re a genius, you know that?”

More babbling. A few da’s sprinkled in for good measure.

Killian’s heart felt like it was going to burst.

It was a much better feeling than that lingering ache in his calves.

Someone on the TV smacked the puck into the boards, earning another noise from Peggy and a grin from Killian and he was almost genuinely disappointed that they missed the final few minutes of the game.

Exhaustion appeared to be the winner anyway.

His eyelids fluttered when he heard the lock in the door, soft footsteps and the telltale sounds of shoes kicked off, and Peggy didn’t move when Emma did.

She scrunched her nose as soon as she stopped in front of the couch.

“I probably should feel bad waking you up, huh?” she asked softly, a quick hiss when one her knees cracked. She’d crouched down.

Killian clicked his tongue. “I’m sure it’s painfully adorable.” “Something like that, for sure. What worked?” “Who won the game?”

“Oh my God, did hockey do this?” “You could probably argue that hockey did all of this,” Killian said, doing his best not to laugh for fear of shifting Peggy too much. Emma rolled her eyes. “Go on, admit you’re into that.” “I’m delirious from sleep deprivation.” “I can’t believe we didn’t think of this before. Sounds of the rink as a lullaby.” “God,” Emma groaned, but it didn’t sound particularly frustrated. “If I go sleep in bed like a normal person, you going to be annoyed?” “Not at all.” “Do you also want to go sleep in bed?”

Emma lifted her eyebrows when she pressed her lips together and Killian got the very real impression she already knew the answer. “Nah,” he whispered. “I’m good here.” She nodded once, a kiss to the side of his mouth and the top of Peggy’s head and Killian fell asleep to the sounds of post-game press conferences and in-studio analysis.

#singersdd #cs ff #captain swan #blue line one shots #i'm sorry anon!#can't stop won't stop #killian watching hockey with his kids is one of my favorite things

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grcyhcart · 6 years ago

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hello there! i’m guppy, and i am an absolute fanatic when it comes to spies and all of that undercover, secret mission, action-movie plot type stuff. it’s way to late where i am to have any concept of words, but i’m still going to try and type up somewhat of a cohesive post. i am in the mst timezone, and i am underage (16), so i cannot and will not plot anything that makes me uncomfortable. thanks for reading, and now onto the actual interesting stuff... please like this post if you want me to hit up your ims.

now... INTRODUCING THE ONE, THE ONLY... FLYNN GRAY...

— FLYNN GRAY IS A TWENTY ONE YEAR-OLD CADET FROM THE UNITED STATES AND THE NORTH AMERICAN UNIT, ALSO KNOWN AS AGENT HYPNO. INTEL TELLS ME THAT HE IS CHARMING & EAGER, IF NOT A LITTLE CONCEITED & PUERILE. HE SHOWS PROMISING PROGRESS IN INTELLIGENCE ANALYSIS, ACROBATICS, AND DISTRACTION TACTICS. BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK. [ GUPPY | 16 | MST | SHE/HER ]

right off the bat, you should know that calling him FLYNN is a death wish. he will only respond to gray, and maybe his middle name, asher, but never will he respond to flynn. it was his father’s name, too, and he hates his father just like he hates his name.

both of his parents were spies, that’s how they met. flynn didn’t know about their true careers until he was about ten and they wanted to bring him into the field. he’s bad at keeping secrets, so it’s incredible that he’s kept the entire operation and field of spies a secret.

speaking of his parents, he resents them both for rarely being a part of his life. they missed every speech, every recital, every graduation, they were never there for him. and so he was raised by himself. he never brought up his unhappiness to either of his parents, so they kind of thought he was okay with living independently.

not being with his parents at a young age, though, forced him to act childish out of a need for some kind of attention from adults... yikes he can be really childish, petty, and really has no regard for anyone but himself.

he grew up getting a lot of attention since he was considered the “cute” one. so, he probably didn’t need to act out anyways. this became a huge problem when he got to high school and made it his mission to consistently have a flow of girls who he would pull a “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” with. he left behind a trail of broken hearts because he was never looking for anything serious.

once high school ended, he really had nothing going for him. in his freetime he did parkour, but literally had no aspirations outside of getting as far away from his parents as possible.

fortunately for him, his parents already had an in with the north american training academy, and were able to get him a spot.

once he was there, he rarely had to see his parents unless it was on visiting weekends. he pretty much had free reign to wreck havoc on the academy. this meant pulling pranks, hooking up with fellow agents, barely doing his work unless it meant he was getting by enough in his classes to pass. this boy threw the best parties out in the woods.

infamous not for his training abilities but for his pure idiocy and reckless behavior. he rarely got caught for how much he lacked in his stealth abilities.

once the attack happened, he was lucky enough to get out of the terrorist attack unharmed, but he was not excited to get sent to romania of all places. he liked canada, but romania just sounds like hell. he still plans on trying to cheer everyone out of their funk by hosting some wild parties and pulling off some legendary pranks.

he’s not dumb, even though he would have you believing otherwise... he just doesn’t like to show off and get noticed, but he doesn’t want to look so dumb that he’s noticed. he just tries to give off that “slacker,” “flying under the radar” vibe.

his parents are off saving the world, or something, so he’s kind of mad his parents haven’t even bothered to check in with him because he could be dead or something, y’know.

he’s a full time asshole, part time charmer. literally winks at everything and everybody...

parkour skills = nice acrobatics. probably sneaks into other dorm rooms for the hook up because we love a classical fuckboy.

literally gets close to no one, and would never try to out of his own will if he can help it. even though he’s super charismatic, he’s always telling lies behind those smug grins.

loves churros, video games, and climbing tall buildings. like a fuckboy peter parker.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS...?

someone who hates how childish he is? literally could be an instructor who sees his potential but just wishes he would put in some more effort...

someone who gives into his childish whims, they’re bad influences for each other and probably are the two people you’d never want to put together in a class. they’d absolutely be the class clowns together.

past hook ups??? he has a lot of those, probably. even just people he made out with in the past. he’s definitely the type of person to send “u up?” texts. this can be angsty, especially if the other person felt something that he didn’t.

a good influence... maybe someone he’s on his way to opening up to? literally, has never told the truth to any one of his “friends,” so this is the closest he’s getting.

someone who gives into his need for attention. he probably teases them/continually pranks them because he knows he’ll get a good reaction out of them?

uhhh... how ‘bout a rivalry? i always love those. even though my boy doesn’t put much effort into anything, i feel like if someone really got his gears grinding he would try to best them whenever he could.

honestly, i’m down for whatever!

#█ █ █ accessing... ▶ out of character

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optimisticcritique · 7 years ago

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Gotham 4x14 - Review

Is this technically a review? Sometimes I wonder if I should call this “highlights” or “reactions” instead but I do share opinions and recap the ending so...kind of a review? I’ll stick with review I suppose.

Wait, why are you burning the mask? Did the hallucination mean nothing to you?!

I know it is supposed to be a bit revolting but the way that guy is eating that pickle makes me want one.

You know, if you had chewed quietly with your mouth closed, she might have let you live. #tablemannerscansavelives

"It's all about family" says the person that hired people to murder her father...

"Never said it was a happy family" relatable, unfortunately.

I don't blame Alfred for refusing. Bruce, you suck at apologies. Try actually saying the word “sorry” next time.

At least Alfred is giving him the chance to show him that he changed.

I was wondering why Ed hasn’t tried any pills by now. Dude, that cannot be safe. I hope you know what you are taking.

"cuckoo pills" lol just the way he says it.

"Who's it from?" That smug expression as he pretends to be oblivious.

Whoa whoa whoa *pauses to look at the letter and holds up giant magnifying glass* If there is a clue in here... I have no idea what it is. That being said, this letter of apology is amazing. I hope Oswald actually means it and doesn’t say “haha just kidding. I only sent it so you would find the clue and break me out” later.

"I think that's a nice letter" Okay, this made me laugh too much. I love you, you conniving piece of-wow, now I can’t get the riddler playing match maker out of my head.

The Riddler: "It's a nice letter...you should hear him out...possibly rescue him since you will already be there...cause some murder together while you are at it....maybe grab some dinner afterward...."

I just picture him pushing even further, “Remember the good times you shared? Nursing him back to health, murdering mister Leonard, being his chief of staff, hallucinating him singing to you seductively...” “I was not-those were-UGH”

"I'm never going to forgive him" never say never Ed. You are destined villain soul mates apparently.

"What has eyes but can't see?" I think you are having way too much fun. Also, I don't know the exact answer but I am betting it has to do with not seeing the bigger picture with the letter or the origami penguin message.

Jim, you totally interrupted Lucius. He was on a role! I know you are worried about your boyfriend Harvey being dead with plants bursting from his body but let's look at priorities here. Harvey has decent sized plot armor and Foxy probably won't get much screen time in this episode, let him finish a sentence.

"Too late" "No, we're not" He knows him so well. He just looks dead. It's how he sleeps.

Speaking of which, look at how sprawled he is on that couch....when there is a bed inches away from him. Like, honestly, I know he is probably hung over/drunk but that's not a bad way to sleep.

Harvey: *sees a squad of police that burst into the apartment* *thinks about what is most important* "Hey, someone's paying for that door!"

"You can't put this on me!" "I'm not putting it on you!" Oh, grade A bickering right there...

I guess you aren't a real villain until you end up on TV. How do the villains end up with this kind of connection?

"...once I find my pants" At least you noticed before you started walking down the street. That's progress.

The Narrows stealth squad is on the case!

"A complete set of encyclopedias...minus the T" *silence* "plus twenty bucks" *cheers and runs out*

Lol Ed. Yeah, don't blame them. Let's face it though, the main reason they weren't excited was because the T was gone. If it isn't complete, what is the point?

I have so many thoughts from this short scene.

First...what happened to the T? Was it stolen? Who stole it? Why did they want it?

Second... Pretty certain the reason he chose encyclopedias was because that is what HE loved and wanted as a kid. That was little Eddie's dream right there. Ugh give us more on Ed’s childhood already!

Third... Ed does well with kids! I want an Ed/Martin scene. I want him to give him encyclopedias, teach him riddles, play video games together, etc. as Oswald wears matching outfits with Martin and teaches Martin how to murder. Give it to me, Gotham!

"You couldn't even stop her from hypnotizing your own cops" fair point. Selina would have better luck.

Yes! I am so happy to see Selina say she is her friend. I love when the show focuses on these relationships and does not forget them.

Should have noticed something was fishy when Harvey actually did call, saying he got a lead. You know he would try to do this on his own.

Hit him Jim! Hit him like you did Lucius! ...Does Harvey have any hidden fighting/defense skills that we know nothing about too?

"Cognitive impairment. Definite check. Though, to be fair, how would you know?" The super extra hand gestures are always a delight.

Scenes like these make me laugh more than it should. It's like Ed doesn't need anyone else to make fun of him or insult his intelligence. He already has this covered....actually... this is also quite sad. As it is basically him belittling and making fun of himself...wow, I just totally ruined the moment for myself.

"The only way to get rid of me is to kill yourself" Oh no...no...I thought this might come up as a possibility but I just assumed the show wouldn't go down this way. Such angst...I mean, I like the angst and it makes sense but...it is so real.

I am kind of surprised that the "you shot my father" revenge decided to come into play now and not sooner. I guess she is more powerful and ruthless now but she had somewhat perfume power last season.

"I'm sure whatever happened was your fault" Well, she isn't wrong.

"So technically, your ex has been sleeping with your dead husband's mafia sister" lol well, when you put it like that, Ed... And this is what people who are not watching the show are missing.

Imagine if Ed actually did tell Lee what has been happening, his issues and all. Would it make things better? Worse? He should really talk to someone about his problems before going suicidal.

I never noticed how great Harvey's hair was...he wears the hat so much that I forget he has hair under there, let alone how long it is.

"I've only got myself to blame" ...okay, Jim. This is the part where you say, "No, don't blame yourself. I screwed up too." Harvey did make some bad choices but you shouldn't let him take ALL the blame, even if you think it is true.

"He's been everything to me...a teacher, a protector, he's been a father to me" That’s pretty ambiguous. Who are you talking about? Alfred? Jim? Your pet bird? I mean, he said he hoped he would give him another chance but didn't actually name names...

Crowd: "Yeah...but what about the foundation? What does this man taking care of you have to do with money? Where did the money go?"

Come on, Bruce! Don't give up so easily. You are supposed to be more stubborn than this.

This got dark fast. I know he won't kill himself but man...

He's going to try to get him to go to arkham so he can meet Ozzie, isn't he?

Those flowers are rather lovely...although, I would prefer ones that didn't cause mass murder as they grow within the bodies of those that breath them, thanks.

Yeah, you get them, Bruce! "This is who you are." Yes, thank you Alfred. Embrace it, Bruce. Embrace it! Honestly, it wasn’t that long ago when Alfred told him not to do stuff like this. Time really flies.

Geez Jim, why can’t you be more careful when you shoot guns.

If only he knew who he was chasing. Maybe he would use his time so much better if he was looking for Ivy instead.

Get used to the disappearing, Jim.

It seems Bruce isn't the only one that will wait and creep in the darkness to get a drop on you.

"Well, Selina Kyle turns out to be the hero" "I'm no hero" Maybe not but you are not as bad when compared to most criminals in the city.

"I wasn't running. I was getting this. " Thinking with her smarts there.

Selina, you are doing great. This is the stuff I love to see.

Well, at least she got through to her enough to not murder her or turn her into a human plant incubator. Progress.

Imagine if Ed was there with Lee. Wonder if they would have tried to shoot him dead too...

What is with Gotham and their hand fetish?

You know, I have seen hands get cut off and stabbed every which way in this show but the hammer...the hammer is the one that gave me sympathy pains and had me cringing. Poor Lee, it sounded painful.

Oh, Sofia, you are going to wish you didn't do that. You would have been better off if you had Lee as an ally.

"Arkham doesn't get many volunteers" Can't imagine why.

"You do know who I am, right?" It's like a famous person trying to get into a party. Except, I don't think this is a party Ed would want to get into.

Wow, Oswald with his tears of happiness. He looks so proud and excited that his love letter was answered.

Why does Oswald look totally insane in this scene? How long ago did he send the letter? I mean, he was miserable but he wasn’t quite like this.

Oswald: *is all excited, proud, and emotional* “He read my letter!” This seems like the same reaction someone would have if a famous person liked or responded to their tweet/email/fanart.

“I’m not talking to you Ed” Dang, first Ed was the third wheel in 4x12 with Lee/Jim and now here he is again with Oswald/Riddler.

"I'm talking to him..." wait...so he knew about the riddler being...okay, I admit, I did not see this coming. At all.

Ed looking back like, "You can see him too?" Honestly, he seems like he assumed Oswald knew nothing about what was going on so I can see why he might think that. Imagine how weird would it be if Oswald could see him. Like, it is not plausible but it would blow fans minds.

"I see the other you" Hmm...just last episode you said I know you and now this. I feel like this needs to be added to an analysis somewhere.

The way Oswald lets go... he's trying not to be too rough. He has made similar movements with Ed before.

Earned it? Through what? Solving your clues and willing to break you out? Even when Oswald has to say the name he still has to be this way, giving an excuse like that.

I really want to know how much Oswald actually understands. I don’t think he realizes how serious this is for Ed but it is all very unclear on what he does know. Great...this is going to bother me for at least a week now.

"Please....don't...." Well, this makes me sad. I don't know how to feel about this. I hate seeing ed like this.

"I need you....” *whispers* "riddler" Wow, okay. Thanks for this. That was more tender and sexual than intended.

The Riddler needed to be Oswald-approved with his kink before he could show up.

Then caressing his hand against his cheek...totally a normal thing to do with an ex-best friend and co-conspirator. This scene is confusing my emotions.

Ooh those laughs. They look so happy. The Riddler is coming! ...and with the Penguin! Nygmobbleplot begins.

This Alfred and Bruce scene is so touching.

"I'm home" yes, you are <3 Let's face it, the mansion is better than any place you were living any way. Cheaper, better food, more space, less getting framed for murder...

You better specify when you knew that she hired the Pyg, Jim. Don't want him to think you knew too early.

You decided to take her down now? It really should have been when you found out that she murdered her father but better late than never I guess.

I am curious how long Sofia will last. Granted, she has quite a few people on her side...but she also has many enemies. I can't see it ending well. Better book a vacation and get out while you still can, girl.

Over all: I enjoyed the episode a lot. It did bring some confusion on the Ed situation but I enjoyed it nonetheless. It is just kind of sad that it seems Ed/Riddler still is not “whole” yet. That being said, I need to see more before I make too many assumptions. I am interested in where it goes and excited to see what happen next. I am also happy to see Bruce changing his ways once again and seeing reunions all around. This should be fun now that everyone is back together again. Bruce and Alfred make up, Bruce accepts that he ready to save people again. Ivy and Selina have a confrontation where Selina tries to appeal to her friend, Ivy still flees. Harvey and Jim make up, plan to take down Sofia as Jim shares the truth with Harvey. Sofia crushes Lee’s hand that sends her to the hospital, essentially takes the Narrows more under her control. Ed deals with his riddler issues and ends up visiting arkham. The riddler has returned, teams up with Penguin, and is going to break him out of arkham.

Previous review: 4x13 Next: 4x15

#optimisticcritque gotham review #Gotham 4x14 #gotham tag #gotham #gotham reunion #this was an interesting episode #lots happened including lots of emotions #and lots of awesome reunions

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agentelmo · 7 years ago

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The X-Files MSR Analysis Series: Season 1 Episode 9

“Space”

Previous episode analysis - 1x08 Ice.

What can I say about Space. Other than “oh dear”, quite frankly.

But let’s not focus on the quality of the episode - we’re here for the MSR!

Eh...

Ok, so in terms of the MSR, this episode isn’t much to write home about either, but it has a moment or two. The most significant aspect of it overall is how it shines a bit of light on how Scully can respond sensitively to Mulder, even when he might not deserve it. In this instance, it’s regarding his childhood hero-worship of Colonel Belt. She teases him about it at first, but when the shit starts hitting the fan, her tone changes and you can see she’s much softer with him by the end.

There are other elements of their relationship on display here, such as their working dynamic - again - each holding their own half of the truth that when put together solves the case. But that doesn’t happen until the very end. Throughout the majority of the episode, Mulder and Scully are on the same page - there’s no obvious paranormal involvement from their perspective until the final act. It’s a very strange episode...

So we start with Mulder and Scully just chilling on a set of stairs as their contact arrives.

That’s not an awkward pose at all, Mulder. I feel like he could be seconds away from letting one rip. Sit down again - quick man!

As in most season 1 episodes, there is always a little scene of mundane ordinariness that fascinates me. I like seeing Mulder and Scully really rooted in the real world, and just chilling on some steps in Washington D.C. on a sunny day feels plausible. This is what an FBI agent might well do.

Also, hello there oral fixation.

Was it David Duchovny that first pointed this out about Mulder? That the guy must have an oral fixation because he’s always tonguing a sunflower seed?

Ya. Tonguing.

It is also established (much later in season 2′s Aubrey) that it’s something his dad did when he was a child, so it seems this is a habit Mulder has adopted - in a way it’s quite interesting that the episode starts with a link to Mulder’s father, as another father figure to Mulder pops up later.

Anyway, this munching on the sunflower seeds is one of his many idiosyncrasies that we learn of over the years.

Still, if it is an oral fixation no one is gonna complain about the fact Mulder is substituting titty for sunflower seeds... I’m sure many a fanfic has been written based on the premise that Mulder is quite adept with his tongue as a result of all that “practice”.

Or it could just be that he really likes sunflower seeds, but hey ho.

So next Mulder and Scully head over to Houston and the NASA Space Centre to investigate the apparent sabotage of the shuttle Orbiter.

Pfft... Orbiter. Atlantis was always my favourite. You ever see the movie Space Camp? Would totally recommend.

They are driven around on a little golf buggy thingy-mah-jig and there’s some straight up inappropriate staring going on.

Right at the beginning Scully is staring at Mulder’s mouth as he talks. I think all that sunflower seed tonging did a number on her. She’s been reading those titty-lickin’-good fanfics, guys.

I won’t subtitle the gif, because Mulder is just waffling - think of it as what Scully is hearing when she stares at his mouth. Seriously, just look at her eyes.

“Hoo boy, he is pretty cute...God damn it. Wait, what has he been saying?”

Also, look at all the space Mulder has beside him, and yet they’re sitting squashed up like this - very much in each other’s space. I think what happened there is that Scully got in first, and Mulder just scooched up as close as possible, because Scully, amirite?

Don’t worry, Mulder gets in on this inappropriate eyeballing too. The eye line suggests to me he’s checking her out. See it?

EYES UP HERE, MULDER.

I like that he immediately looks away too. Smooth move, Mulder. Don’t want to get caught checking out your partner’s “assets”.

Don’t give me that withering look, I haven’t got much to work with in this episode, so let’s make the most of every last second we can find!

The scene itself is quite nice in terms of their dynamic, because this is typical Mulder-Scully fare. She asks a question and Mulder goes off on a spiel answering her in the form of Mulder Story Time.

Bless you, naive 1993!Scully. Forget the X-Files, oh what geopolitical horrors lie in store for you.

Then of course we get to the meat and potatoes of it - why might Mulder be interested in a case like this? The clear NASA involvement in a cover up of the existence of certain “evidence”.

I love how Mulder pauses with a knowing smile. He anticipates her snarky response, but there’s no malice. I’ve pointed this out in a few of the episodes thus far, and I love it every time. Just the ease that they have with each other, they’ve already become each others best friend at this point - especially Scully to Mulder.

The next scene is all Mulder regressing into a 14 year-old boy again as he walks the halls of the Space Centre. This makes me kinda sad now, because this child-like enthusiasm and glee for space exploration is everything he wanted to share with his son - William.

Which we see in season 10′s Founder’s Mutation.

I’m just never gonna be okay with the fact Mulder and Scully missed out on being parents to their own child.

Never.

The fact Mulder dreams that he passes on this passion to him, and that William himself dreams of going “up there some day.”

Really, it does kinda make this next scene in Space a tiny bit heartbreaking with hindsight. Look at how excited he is.

He’s such a puppy. So excited. If he had a tail he’d be wagging it right now. Why is it heartbreaking? Because we’re getting to see a little bit of how he would have been as a dad.

It’s okay, take a moment. I know I am.

Scully is being a bit of a stick in the mud here, but it’s fine I guess. She doesn’t share his interest. Her little smiling eye-roll seems to suggest she finds this behaviour from him to be a mix between endearing and pathetically cliché. But it is actually kinda strange that Scully wasn’t interested in the space program growing up herself since, you know, she did her undergraduate degree in physics!!

So they meet this Colonel Belt and oh my word, Mulder acts like an utterly embarrassing fanboy.

Like, seriously... he can’t stop himself.

Mulder, you do remember you have a job to do here, right? I find this little bit quite amusing since Scully is utterly no-nonsense with Colonel Belt and Mulder is one step away from clapping his hands over Scully’s mouth and then dragging her out of the room all the while profusely apologising.

“I have no idea who this person is; she is nothing to me. I love you.”

Poor Scully is not enjoying being backed into a corner by the Colonel’s belligerent attitude...

...and is even less impressed with Mulder’s lack of support as he stares doe-eyed at Belt complete silence.

He knows he’s effed up; look at his face as he closes the door.

If I was to look a little deeper into why Mulder might idolise Belt to the point of making a fool of himself, I’d say it might have something to do with the fact that he came to idolise Belt at roughly the age of 14 - two years after Samantha was taken. We come to know later in the series, that Mulder’s father was never around much after Samantha’s abduction, and I suspect not much before that either considering what his job was.

His relationship with his father is strained now, as it was then, and I believe in season 1 they are totally estranged. So after two years of having an absentee father, Mulder would have understandably needed another father figure; a hero to look up to. Perhaps that’s what Belt is for him? A heroic figure he looked up to in place of his father.

It would explain why he is so dismissive of the idea that Belt could be involved in sabotage when, so far, all evidence points to him. He can’t conceive of his hero not being who he thought he was - the betrayal wouldn’t be to his adult self, but the 14 year old boy he was.

They head over to Mission Control to watch the launch of the shuttle Orbiter, and I have to mention this, it’s totally not relevant to the MSR but the music during this sequence is very strange - go back and listen to it. It sounds very similar to the X-Files opening theme played slower and off-key. Weird!

The launch is a success and Mulder is still being a huge nerdy fanboy. Look at how happy he is, geezus, I don’t think we’ve seen him this happy about anything, ever. Scully is completely unmoved - c’mon, lighten up, Scully. Still feels a bit silly that she would be this disinterested.

He’s so happy to have had one of his boyhood fantasies fulfilled, but he’s getting nothing out of her - she’s just so full of snark.

Why, Scully?! Chill out, woman! I guess it’s because I would totally find this as exciting as Mulder does. When I was a kid I definitely did have that dream of being an astronaut. Went to college and studied physics myself (and psychology - I was trying to choose which direction I wanted to head in, and ended up being more Mulder than Scully) I didn’t have posters of boys on my bedroom walls, I had star maps; the shuttle Atlantis; one of my favourite movies of all time is Contact. I totally get Mulder’s enthusiasm.

Her attitude here kinda reminds me of the season 7 episode First Person Shooter too, where Scully starts ragging on video games as being pointless, violence-inducing, clap-trap while Mulder tries to get her onboard with his childlike enthusiasm. I also love video games, so I was always on Mulder’s side in that episode too. So yeah... sorry Scullz, but I’m with Mulder on this one!

What’s so endearing about it though, is that this stuff is important to him and he keeps trying to get her to be excited about it along with him - he wants to share that joy with her.

But before they leave and drop the case, something has gone wrong with the Orbiter and they’re called back to Mission Control.

On the way, there is a car accident where the contact from the beginning of the episode - Michelle Generoo - flips her car after seeing a ghostly grotesque face come at her in the fog.

It’s the first hint of the paranormal about this case to Mulder and Scully, but they seemingly pay it no mind at all. Not even Mulder, which is surprising. I guess he just thinks she lost control of her car. But he doesn’t say so... it’s just treated like she didn’t say it at all. Odd.

Then back at Mission Control, Mulder starts to do something that grates on me just a tiny bit. He starts explaining everything to Scully after it’s already been explained by the other characters. I mean, it’s not like you need to be a NASA nerd to understand what they are saying, so it comes off as a teenie tiny bit like mansplaining - sorry Mulder!

And again, Scully has a physics degree! I think she would pick it up just as well as Mulder does.

I get that in the context of this being a TV episode he’s explaining it as much to us, the viewers, as he is to Scully. But still... perhaps it should have been a conversation between them, giving Scully the opportunity to show she does understand what is going on rather than him just talking at her like a complete ignorant. I could write it off if it just happened once, but it does happen several times in the episode.

Wait, I’ve worked it out. Coming over to explain everything to Scully gives Mulder an excuse to be a space invader - whispering in Scully’s ear. Cracked it!

Ok that’s fine, I’m totally fine with that. Mansplain away, Mulder.

Whilst trying to work out who is sabotaging the shuttle, Mulder and Scully start running around the Space Centre waving their guns about.

Mah badass baby Agents. Pew pew!

But when they return to mission control they look like they’ve just been caught having a fumble in the NASA stationary cupoboard.

Now that things are going seriously wrong with the Orbiter and peoples lives are in danger, Scully seems to soften. When Mission Control successfully reestablishes communication with the astronauts everyone in the room goes wild, and Scully finally allows herself to feel it... a little bit, at least.

She’s still holding back compared to other people in the room, though. Perhaps after all the ribbing she’s been giving Mulder, she feels embarrassed about just letting go and enjoying the moment with the same joy he does?

Don’t wanna give him the chance to lay down an “I told you so!”

Which would fit a pattern of behaviour we see from Scully as the show continues. A reservedness that she can’t fully let go of; she can’t always fully let Mulder see her and how she’s truly feeling - she’s not good at being vulnerable with him. But I don’t think this is anything specific to Mulder. She does it with everyone - her family too. As we come to know Scully, we come to realise she doesn’t like letting things in... or letting people in, either.

Admittedly, this is a very minor example of it, as we see her totally embrace the joy of the mission’s success later. Wait for that gif... it’s literally the best moment of the episode because Scully is just so painfully beautiful.

Mulder is just insane to not be going after this woman. ANYWAY...

Before we move on... since we focused so much on Scully’s reaction, lets check out Mulder’s too.

♫ I’m a little teapot short and stout ♫ Come on, sing along everyone! ♫ Here’s my handle and here’s my spout! ♫

♫ Tip me over and pour me out! ♫ Please, Mulder... never change.

Colonel Belt then gives a press conference to update the media on the mission’s progress, and he lies. He tells the reporters that everything has been plain sailing and there were no issues at all. Upon hearing this, Mulder is clearly feeling let down and naively disappointed. But this is 14 year old Mulder, not 32 year old Mulder’s feelings here. He’s still looking at Belt the way he did when he was a kid.

“When all my childhood dreams are being crushed to dust, I make this face.”

Alright, Scully... no need to rub it in.

Look at her face, I think she’s probably disappointed for Mulder, as much as anything, but that comment did feel a bit brutal. I think it might have clicked for her by now why thinking this guy isn’t who Mulder believes he is, is so painful for him. It’s not just about a childhood hero being a disappointment. It can’t just be that, because Mulder really is pushing back against the idea Colonel Belt is a bad guy for no other reason than “he’s an astronaut too” - the evidence just keeps pointing to him.

Mulder chases down Colonel Belt and questions him about why he lied to the press. The answer is already pretty obvious really, as Michelle has already told them - the government is looking for any reason to shut down the space program.

Belt explains that the astronauts do what they do for no other reason than the progress of mankind. Mulder’s response to this got me thinking.

True American heroes.

Mulder worships these people, and sees them as not just heroes, but American heroes. I think Mulder is actually quite a patriotic person. There are odd comments here and there throughout the series which points to this. His defending the American position during WW2 in Triangle; baulking at Scully’s preference for no butter on her popcorn calling it “un-American” in Je Souhaite.

I’m sure there’s many more I am just not recalling right now, but I think Mulder resists acknowledging Belt isn’t the hero he thought he was, because doing so not only kills the heroic figure of Belt from his childhood, but also erodes his view of America. The positive patriotic view of America that NASA and the space program helped to instil, particularly in the 1960′s and 70′s when NASA was at it’s height, which is when Mulder grew up.

I suspect this is something you can only truly understand if you are American yourself, which I am not. Patriotism is a funny old thing in Britain, mostly frowned upon. So I have a certain view that I can’t deny when watching this episode - Mulder being patriotic is kind of jarring.

I know this is not MSR related exactly, it’s more to do with Mulder as a character, but it does come back up again later towards the end of the episode in a conversation with Scully, so... that kinda counts??

As another crisis on Orbiter unfolds, Mulder and Scully run around looking for Colonel Belt like a pair of errand monkeys. They really do have nothing to do this whole episode. Belt arrives at Mission Control and chooses to risk the astronauts lives to continue the mission to deliver their payload.

Mulder looks like Belt just kicked a puppy, while Scully silently judges you.

I always thought this face was something she perfected over the years, but you know what? She’s actually got it down pat already.

Michelle rushes out of Mission Control believing her fiancee aboard Orbiter has just been sent to his death and Scully agrees; Belt is acting very strangely and taking unnecessary risks.

This is where we have the classic stalemate between Mulder and Scully, where she is right, but so is he. Belt is compromised and “losing it” as she says. He does know what is going on, and has known about it from the beginning, she believes he’s covering it up so that the mission can continue despite the obvious risks to avoid the space program being shut down.

She’s pretty much correct on all accounts, funnily enough. But so is Mulder, who says Belt isn’t sabotaging the mission, he’s desperately trying to save the astronauts. He wants to believe that Belt is a hero, and that what he’s doing he’s doing because he wants to save the men.

Amazingly, the paranormal aspect of this episode has still not been fully revealed to Mulder and Scully and we’re 30 minutes in at this point. They both now need to prove whether or not Belt knew about the sabotage of Orbiter and so they start to go through all the documentation they can find.

I have no idea why this picture of them sitting cross-legged on the floor makes me happy, but it does. I love it when they look like baby Agents!

Now Scully points out that finding any documented proof of Belt’s involvement is going to be like looking for a needle in a haystack, but apparently looking for a needle in a haystack isn’t as difficult as one might imagine, because they find the proof of his involvement pretty much immediately.

Within seemingly a few hours, Scully not only finds proof that Belt knew about the faulty components on Orbiter, but Mulder also finds that he was aware of the fault that led to the Challenger explosion. Yikes.

But before they can do anything with this information, Michelle informs them that Belt has collapsed in his office. They rush off to find him.

Why hello, hello, hello, there. If it isn’t our good friend Back Touch with a side order of Helping Hands. Please, no, touch me more, Mulder, I insist.

They arrive to discover Belt babbling like a loon. Then Mulder says...

Ummmmmm... Mulder? You do know that your partner is a medical doctor, right? I wonder if this is the reason why she feels the need to state this fact quite so much as the series goes on.

Why he needs a doctor I don’t even know, because it turns out, Mulder is secretly a doctor too??

He must be since he disregards the opinions of both Scully and the paramedics to do this focus your pain on my finger mumbo jumbo. Why those paramedics didn’t just tell Mulder to get the fuck out of the way, I have no idea. Scully, the actual doctor, says that what Mulder is doing is killing him. But he just ignores her.

I suppose this is a sign of the trust that she has in Mulder that she allows him to continue this, because if she didn’t think the information Mulder was trying to get was worth the risk, I don’t think she would have let this happen. Belt does, in fact, almost die and they have to break out the defib to get him back.

Scully took a huge risk there, if he had died, she and Mulder would be on the chopping block. Even when they have diverging viewpoints on things, when the shit really hits the fan they tend to have each others back. So this is another example of the faith Scully has in him, even when it seems like he might not deserve the benefit of the doubt - something we learnt she is prepared to do in Ice.

The weirdest part of this whole scene though, is that Scully is finally allowed to see something paranormal - she witnesses the ghostly image appear over Belt’s face, but doesn’t seem to react to it at all! Even Mulder doesn’t focus on that aspect of it, he single-mindedly keeps trying to get the information needed to save the astronauts from Belt.

Although, maybe Mulder saw the cruddy Pac-Man ghost SFX used for the space possession sequence and decided that shit is bananas.

B.A.N.A.N.A.S.

Mulder somehow gets what he needs from Belt, so he and Scully rush to Mission Control. Fortunately, they get there just in time, and the shuttle comes down to Earth safely.

Then, as promised, the best 1.5 seconds of the episode. Which I have slowed down for your viewing pleasure.

Honestly, she is so beautiful. How does Mulder resist that smile?

After all the drama is over, we see Belt in his hospital room, still being terrorised by the ghostly entity. Seemingly not being able to take it anymore, he throws himself out of his hospital room window, and to his death.

The last conversation between Mulder and Scully is quite a tender one, it’s the most they interact in a meaningful way throughout the whole episode. There’s no more reproachful teasing, Scully understands that Belt meant something to Mulder and so she is very gentle with him - even her tone of voice changes.

I’d like to think that at some point during this episode, Scully recalls that Mulder’s childhood wasn’t especially great past the age of 12. Mulder had specifically pointed out earlier that his hero-worship of Belt started at around the age of 14.

Even though Mulder is basically suggesting that Belt was possessed and whatever possessed him forced him into sabotaging the shuttle, Scully doesn’t really challenge him on it. There’s no point anymore since the case is closed, but also I think she is being kind to Mulder.

Mulder suggests that Belt gave his own life to kill whatever it was that possessed him.

With that reverent look on his face, Scully can no doubt see that Mulder wants to keep looking at Belt as a true American hero, and as a result Mulder is somewhat twisting Belt’s actions into some kind of heroic self-sacrifice, when actually, from what we see of his suicide, he was simply so tormented by this entity that he just wanted it to end.

Mulder seems incredibly reluctant to see Belt as anything other than the true American hero he grew up believing him to be. Perhaps it’s too painful for him to do otherwise.

Immediately after this scene, we’re at Belt’s funeral with the American flag draping his coffin shown prominently on screen.

The episode even ends with a close up of the flag.

There is something intrinsically linked between NASA, the space program and American patriotism. It’s not something I ever really thought too much about with regards to Mulder’s character before, but he too, is an American hero. Being the product of the 60′s and 70′s, Mulder grew up with the national pride and euphoria of NASA’s heyday. As a result, Mulder too, carries the American pride that was symbolised by Belt and the space program - these were people who do what they do for nothing more than the betterment of mankind. Isn’t that, in some ways, a little bit like Mulder himself? Sacrificing so much to his pursuit of the truth to - in the end - save humanity from an alien invasion.

Belt would be proud.

In the end, though. It’s not really explored. Just left as another thread that makes up the tapestry that is Fox Mulder.

Next up... 1x10 - Fallen Angel.

#thexfiles #x files #txf gifs #txf meta #txf analysis #x files msr analysis series #msr #fox mulder #dana scully #david duchovny #gillian anderson #chris carter #txf 1x09 #space

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aquacai · 7 years ago

Text

compilation of bts/army tweets i retweeted but doesn’t actually appear on my profile (TWITTER WHY)

TEXT POSTS:

Namgi are actual prodigies, how did bang pd just casually pick em up like that

ARMYs give BTS amazing promo but it only works cause...

And just in case anyone doesn't know, we call K-army "diamonds" because...

namjoon: i made espresso!! jungkook: i wanna try it namjoon: u hate bitter coffee

seokjin couldnt give less of a shit!!!!

Hoseok is Rock Lee

We have faves that are so willing to educate themselves...

I actually adore the final verses of The Last so much.

Hobi’s pseudo-triple entendres

why is this something i feel like rap line does in the studio

the funniest part of this run ep was when taehyung said...

BTS teletubbies @ MBC Gayo 2017

every update this year

top three betrayals are bighit not releasing tony montana feat jimin...

When I first began to fully get into BTS, I had a pretty jaded view...

Dear BTS 2013, its ARMY 2018.

MY DNA

*Yoongi's dating rumour*

this episode (run ep. 46) was so full of innuendos

fake trans on jin’s supposed feelings about the SIN separation

whoever is directing run should be reigned as the nation's hero...

What do you call a company that surpassed and outsold the big3?

bts are the definition of hyping ppl up for doing the bare minimum

an actual conversation that happened (run bts ep 46)

suran suga again and army

So I suddenly remember when Namjoon said these during Wings Tour The Final...

She was pushed by another members of staff while doing namjoon’s makeup

I WAS IN THE SHOWER BLASTING BTS AND ONCE I GOT OUT...

to the female staff who consoled jimin and keeps saying “you didn't mess up”...

they went from pardon to what was that

What happened at the first two episodes just made me respect Namjoon more.

on a serious note, it would be nice if when bts gets a special someone...

Next time during BTS concert, instead of screaming “encore encore”...

yall ever wanna think about how namjoon said that jimin needs lots of love and attention and thats probably why he shared a room with hoseok bc thats what exactly hoseok gives him

if I have any feeling towards BTS thats stronger than Love then it's RESPECT

the reason Jin was going on and on with his (R)evolution (E)volution (D)rop in the ocean thing might be because he was "hinting" at Youtube Red

one day, there will be a last...

namjoon came to post a selfie and left with a dating scandal

remember when hobi said “i wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for bangtan”...

Namjoon admitting that he’s also “just a kid” ...

"The reason I make music is because, after all, I am also afraid of the world."

Yoongi's scalp is braver than any US marine

Sometimes we forget that Namjoon is also just trying to figure out the world.

PUMA fansign: thank you for making music that changes the world

Everyone has a musical preference & enjoy when their artists reflect that.

let me talk about taehyung and how amazing he is as a friend

i like when seokjin shares stuff about his childhood, we get to know his orijin

BTS is also for redefining masculinity (hiphop is their way of life)

from humble beginnings to legends

burn the stage makes me realize that whenever rm post photos of nature ...

what exactly makes namjoon the sexiest for me ...

the reason seokjin’s chest and shoulders are so wide

Bighit: O! R YU DEAD, 2?

"What's your favourite song currently?"

the mask guy: u didnt bring anything to exchange so i cant help u

namjoons exchange [in the Fake Love Teaser 1] is so funny to me...

here are some of my favourite joon interviews

"How did you join BTS?"

jin: i’ve been doing it for 4 years

I hate it when people say armys have two brain cells like bold of you to think we even have a brain (sarcasm lol)

i’m a new generation anpanman

When the Billboard news was released this morning... (wisha)

interviewer: so what are your goals?

sometimes i still think about how the fanchant of cypher pt4...

"Hoe calm down, my shoe lace is untied"

“itʼs ok, we all found bts when we needed them in our lives the most”

i’m so sorry but it’s fake love

i want to see the world from taehyung’s view

just for youuuu

i love that taehyung is never anything but proud when talking abt the fact that he’s gained weight

i bet taehyung gives the best hugs

Our bomb is like a permanent reminder...

remember when we were like omg hixtape‘s mv gonna have bomb ass choreography lmaooo

no but it's so cute bts call it family pictures and not group pictures??

there's an undeniable sexual energy between yoongi nd every trophy...

bh staff: describe yourself in one word

jin: man, blowjobs sure are a mouthful (incorrect bts quotes)

THREADS:

I came across the Deloitte 2018 Media and Entertainment Industry Outlook

hoseok is one of the best dancers in the industry...

meaning behind whalien 52

KPOP101 LESSON 8: THE MINIMALIST ART OF THE KOREAN BALLAD

getting people flustered is hoseok culture - a thread

MY TOP 10 BTS SONGS (by KommonSense)

an explanation of rap lingo BTS use in their lyrics: a thread

I have some free time so like for an unpopular opinion. (hobybIo)

My Favorite Soft BTS Moments - A Thread! (odie)

Burn The Stage made me feel extremely vulnerable. (Aileen)

as Kings of Korean History [A thread] (KommonSense)

a thread of my favorite bts-related tumblr posts

Why and how the BTS rapline's experience with rap mirrors that of OG rappers

Everytime a BTS member was supportive of the LGBT community in any way

Namjoon (RM) Owning Up to His Mistakes

odie

Bangtan dancing styles thread

hoseok is one of the best dancers in the industry

Sky’s experience as a veteran ARMY

Jimin’s gliding technique (more threads on his dance technique)

analysis of how well DNA is structured as an EDM-pop song

I took a closer look into BTS’ intro Serendipity

Park Jimin is one of the most graceful and beautiful dancers in the industry

ok newbie kpop stans, welcome to history class (fandom shit)

An Introduction for the New, the Confused, and the Curious

BTS introduction thread

Science & literature are intrinsic to understanding how BTS and ARMY

how Singularity choreography coincides with lyrics

WHAT BTS ACTUALLY SAID - A MEGA THREAD

BTS song recommendations based on genres: a thread

rap line’s verses analysis

Mnet Comebackshow (LY:Tear) pre-recording review - THREAD -

"remember when" (BTS edition)

I'm watching a BTS music video and I don't know what the hell is going on, a thread:

LY: TEAR - MUSICAL ANALYSIS.

You know why I never will trust or listen to people who say "I left because of the fandom"

Type out what the bighit intro sounds like

Tyra Banks and her biological sons; a thread:

a thread about how BTS uses their music in their storytelling

for hot100, bts did what fans suggested

"Silly Little Trivia: Literal Choreography" thread for Fake Love

UNDERSTANDING BUniverse

BTS showing LGBT+ representation and support, a thread (this, too)

BTS meets Western standards of “cool” established by 1960s music, particularly rock ethics

BTS’ success: human brand x fan relationship

to celebrate bts festa, here is a thread of army stan twt’s best moments

MEME PICS/VIDS:

Jimin in the Danger mv

save Cook-Jin

Hope as mom : can you even get in any college with these grades?

Namgi & their annoyingly jumpy kids

IM WHEEZING JIN DID IT AGAIN

Everything makes sense noW (spider bite, cooky bite)

when they let you love them

When you need to wake em up

coming soon: Kim Seokjin only wanted a boyfriend

salt baes

EXPECTATION: "We aren't talking about BTS enough!

summary of run bts ep 46

i-armys and k-armys (suga’s ghost patting the clay)

Heaviest objects in the entire universe

"You will witness taehyung and jin fighting"

The battle of the year.

Hangsang with my thug

"Tangina mo," - J-Hope, 2018

choose your mineral water.

We all know... K-ARMYS & I-ARMYS

so who is giving them the candy?

I AM FUCKING DYING LAUGHING AT THEM IGNORING ALL THE KNOCKING IN THIS SCENARIO

I got bored and made ART

remember when namjoon asked for armys to edit him in because he missed the group picture with halsey

me listening to bts album skits

hoseok: hangsang with my thugs || his thugs:

we're finally getting the country comeback we deserve

fixed Jimin’s shots in LY:Tear

jungkook: made before i was born

this is what your food looks like inside the microwave

is this a theory?

is this an invitation?

He returned from the war

avatar Jimin

Yoongi and JK’s muffled convo

im just trying to take a nice screenshot....

ah yes, the four elements: fire, earth, water and snickers

Tyra Banks: The BTS ARMY is devoted and crazy (in a good way!) xD

BTS [MV] - You Will Never Do a Live Alone

the nation's #1 producer & bts' hype man

namjoon: you. me?

jungkook when he first met joon

fierce lil meow meow

RM spinebreaker???

this looks like rap line were a group of friends who stuck together...

V was written all along in Jimin’s tweet lol

jwimin-ssi

Hangs out with Tyra Banks ONCE...

learn the alphabet with BTS

TRANS:

When Bighit said they’ll donate 3% of LY album sales, u guys mocked us...

Kim Seokjin strange points

k-netz’ reaction on the Suga-Suran dating scandal

"Can bangtan fans please not get swayed by rumors?”

BTS trainer instagram re:B.T.S.

Music critic Kim, Youngdae nim’s MINI REVIEW on “Face Yourself”

Music critic Kim, Youngdae nim’s MINI REVIEW on “Euphoria”

bang pd and namjoon about his post supporting macklemore's song 'same love'

Konkuk uni student who became Seokjin's fan after speaking with him

I'm a multi-fan, I watch and listen to many idols, but I'm truly scared of BTS

an older woman(non-celebrity) admitted how much she loved BTS

So many warm teas in this article wrote by producer/musician Seiji Kameda

#LOVE_YOURSELF_轉_Tear Album HYYH Notes Translation Thread

180518 Love Yourself 轉 Tear - Thanks To Translations

“The lyrics in BTS’ album are so great Huge congrats to receiving at BBMA ”

response to #1 Billboard 200

BTS 2018 Festa Member’s profiles

VIDS:

KBS Happy Together 3 - Spring Day sung in karaoke room

imagine being this close to sunshine

Ashes - Lim Jeong Hee ft. BTS (2011)

kook's carelessness brought out his sunshine laugh just like that

Remember when bts proved to armys that they are all really spiderman

that time the cameraman was filming bts and jungkook started telling him...

i still get so soft over this the way jin hugged taehyung...

Seokjin killed it in this part in boy in luv

the sound of their footsteps is so satisfying omg

Remember when Jin and Ken met on a year end event rehearsal and they just...

Jungkook’s ‘yes’ and smile when Miri jumped through his arms...

seokjin and his interactions with camera men

Remember when Yoongi & Namjoon sang the high notes in Young Forever...

look at the difference between taekook and jinkook’s handshake lmao

this dance break has a special place in my heart :')

remember when Taehyung accidentally cut his real hair...

Nver forget that iris stevenson was the first one to believe in taehyung...

did yall notice that fdjghgd i’m shaking (run ep 46)

To remember the great SiN/YoonJin moment...

the wings era might be over but this snippet of each member’s solo songs...

Yes, Mom. This man right here. I love him. No more questions?

this is the best video of jin to ever exist

here’s jungkook having fun dancing to mama and lie

slush ft. jin

tell me why is it so funny that yoongi only opened 1/10 of his door n went back so fast

nothing but respect for my choreography leader

when jungkook opened the window well aware that it was raining

what makes you laugh? seokjin’s face

Bringing this back when taehyung was dancing nae nae...

SOMEBODY GIVE THIS BABY BLANKET AND BED...

i love this performance so fucking much!!!!

your ultimate mood booster (hobiiii)

HOLY SHIT MIN FUCKING YOONGI DID THAT

susko sobra ung bucket hats

THE WAY YOONGI AND HOSEOK SAY "RM" TOGETHER

remember when seokjin and hoseok were recognized by fans in america

jungkook imitated namjoon's finger heart and wink in a cute way

A compilation loop of Hoseok sneezing because it’s cute. Bless you!!

remember when jimin was hyping about their concert but hoseok

Hoseok left the group during Trainee days

heres 12 seconds of yoongi doing That Scream™ ...

this is what happens when you openly listen to bts without prejudice

when i say i want a rock song, i want THIS.

When Jungkook couldn’t pronounce Army bomb because of his Busan accent

U kno the thing joon does when he finds something?

reminding all of you that the special talent yoongi prepared is... imitating a doorbell

Here's a compilation of musicians getting shook by the sudden change to major in Jimin's 'Lie'

He actually blew a kiss how adorable

The fanboying level on this video is just

Hoseok doing background vocals/harmonising in Let Go (??)

...namjoon literally gets amused at the toy which blows a ball in the air...

NAMJOON DROPPED THE MIC HE WAS HOLDING AND JIN...

Lie rough instrumental

rough draft of Autumn Leaves, Young Forever, Wings (RM), Wings (JK)

Joon’s voice in the BBMA nomination teaser

Jin's reaction when I (sky) told him I brought him a present...

why BTS was nominated for BB TSA 2018

taehyung was fighting back his tears when they won TSA at 2017 BBMAs

Yoongi forgot his lines in Ma City and he just...

mannequin Tae

Bangtan ended ALL fashion weeks tonight !! (4th muster japan)

members cheering jimin up, wings tour macao

RM’s ending ment, Wings Tour the finale (Day 2?)

never forget bts' iconic reaction when they won their first daesang

When Jin was bowing, Jimin held him down and Jungkook immediately ran to sit in front of him.

jimin and seokjin debating whether dolphins could breathe underwater

look at tae's reaction when bang pd's voice broke

interviewer: what?

“DonT FiGht, Dont Fight!” :(((

RM: “we want to focus on our career”

Q: what's your favorite thing about yourself? yoongi: ᶤ ˡᶤᵏᵉ ᵖᵘᵖᵖʸ

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HOW JOON TRIED TO DO THE LIL DISNEY WAND THING WITH HIS FINGER IM HURTING

jungkook’s closeups

BTS with Ciara at the BBMAs 2018

don’t ever forget that seokjin is one hell of a snowboarder

“the reason why bts, who was not supported by big agencies, succeeded, is that they tried to read the world and to breathe [with the world] together”

this is what happens when u leave namjoon and jimin alone together

this video of seokjin being hype then instantly stops when his manager look at him will never be not funny

LMFAOOO WAIT TAEHYUNG AND NEYO WERE JAMMING TOGETHER

An exclusive interview with #BTS ! (MBC News)

i love this version of airplane pt. 2 so much (jk+jm part) (jimin mode~) yt link full

john cena getting asked whats his favorite song off love yourself tear

The female staff who video tapes BTS bangtan bombs is amazing

WHAT THE FUCK JUNGKOOK LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE SEOKJIN...

Q: Please say something to international ARMYs

awake (short harp cover)

airplane pt. 2 dance cover

compilation of yoongi stuff in raps

wHY IS JUNGKOOK LIKE THIS

the way he said "what's your name?" and shouted "michelle!"

full vid of the two links above

#ISeoulU bts vid 2015

Tyra Bank’s music vid for Fake Love

vmin in sync is scary

fake love original choreo

jungkook said ‘mic drop!’ after he stepped on the wire and made the mic fall

tae acting in euphoria

puppy jungkook is still the most ᵘʷᵘ :(

hobi jk mirror dance with finger heart (mcountdown)

ONEW WAS THROWING CONFETTI AT TAE PLEASE THATS SO CUTE

Look how Jiminie gave the trophy to Yoongi cuz baby boy knows

tae: so show me army: i’ll show you~ {music core)

minho and tae hugging (music core)

tae’s aegyo in board game run ep

look at taehyung acting all cute in the back

when seokjin goes like (•3•) its the cutest thing ever

wow jimin was that an accident

YOONGI REALLY IMITATED HIM IM SKFJDJ

What 시 (si; hour) is it?

SUGA: honestly, I rlly liked pro-wrestling

a fancam of taehyung spilling his water on his face

ARMY giving hobi a flower with his face on it (fansign) (180603)

BTS: *on their way to a very serious interview on one of Korea's biggest news channels*

yoonkok instant hug BV S1

sunud-sunod na aegyo in anpanman outfits

jungkook pulled off straps and threw down two straps then taejin picked them up

legends say this is the closest rep of how hoseok looks in real life

Kihyun really had the courage to throw confetti in yoongi's face tho

52 year-old man is a director of a company in Japan dancing DNA

I stan a king of fan service he's so adorable!

when taehyung was fake crying and jimin came & softly hugged him from behind

this or that game

jk imitating his hyungs (180607 fansign)

HOW UNSEE THIS IM LAUGHINF SO HARD shkhhh (awake)

biggest mystery in kpop - who's collecting who in the background??? (taejin?)

SEOKJIN ENDED THE PERFORMANCE DOING A FINGER HEART... 180607

hopekook's modified mirror dance 180607 mcountdown

jk reacting to ariana grande bbmas 2018

Look a joonie :( look at him go :(

REMEMBER WHEN HOSEOK SAID HE WAS CLINGY WITH YOONGI (BV2)...

noona fan giving hobi and jimin “allowance”

namjoon drunk-tweeting?

carbonara

LOOK AT LIL MEOW MEOW GO (basketball)

look at jimin’s reaction when a noona gave him a finger heart

they had to throw the yellow cloth at the finish of the performance...

OTHER PICS:

tae being so accepting in star king ;w;

i may be not here since 2013, but im still lucky to witnessed yeontan's lil growth

remember when bangtan was running late for their show...

NAMJOON’S REPLY TO THE SELCA JIN POSTED OF HIM...

hobi and his hearts

ep 1& 2 of B.T.S. has at least cleared up 2 main issues in this fandom

RM has a little #WednesdayWisdom from Burn The Stage.

This photo is a complete mess.

yoongi’s kind of humor is my favorite

Their biggest dream isn’t to break records, its to stay together for a long time.

They recorded their interviews for the documentary when they did Gayo track 15

what jimin said here was really interesting and great

the most powerful twins

They decided not to blur these faces of people who's behind BTS’ success.

BTS calls their staff with nicknames, noona or hyung...

it really went from edits to jungkook actually saying it

IM CRYING BIGHIT PAID FOR YOONGIS TUITON :((

LMFAO at none of them even touching the salad

tae’s uneven eyelids

when jin got allowance from his dad to buy steak...

LOOK AT YOONGI RUN SJDNDNDNDN

give me a better photo transition I'll wait #euphoria

love yourself 起 wonder (2018)

jin being peymous even pre-debut

THIS STILL GOTTA BE THE FUNNIEST THING JOON HAS EVER SAID

the most remarkable twins in history

a turkish tv show asked for ppl to send in pics w their siblings and someone sent in jin and jimin

taehyung’s a legend that listens to music on his laptop on the go

onigiri yoongi

MY MOTHER CAME INTO MY ROOM AND ASKED IF JIMIN IS MY BOYFRIEND

jung hoseok aka the king of mirror selcas

Tiny bestfriends vmin who have been inseparable since kindergarten AU

old bts pics I still can't believe exist: a thread

yoongi at namjoon's graduation (w/ hoseok)

I COMBINED TAEGI'S PICS TOGETHER AND OH MY GOD SJSB

"i put sticker on my carrier" yeah ryt

oh nothing just seokjin casually putting his LG G7 ThinQ at his jacket pocket

He show his flower uwu

taehyung accidentally becoming a meme on diplo's snapchat

Never forget Jungkook's Hongdae adventures

THANKS JIN for not killing jungkook

liam’s post of namjoon :D

that one time namjoon tweeted a picture of them with the caption of “we are all fools”

A 59-year-old friend of mine talking about Love Yourself:Tear

I was worried because I thought yoongi kept doing some kind of gang sign but--

This has to be the best reaction to a non-fan of BTS...

when you are sitting beside BTS but mcflurry ice cream is life

why is this exactly what all of their mixtapes sound like

dispatch - yoongi, fake love

taehyung’s chubby cheeks when he smiles

taehyung and his tea

OMFGGMFM LOOK AT Tyra Banks when boys went up for their award she’s a whole Mood I love her

BTS FESTA 2018 prediction

carry him again, jin

I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA CLOWN HIM

top10 mistranslations betrayal

Yoongi doing ᵗʰᵃᵗ smile

wide open yoongi

brigada eskwela stairs album art

jin flower petals (fansign)

namjoon vs svt jihoon

yoongi continuing his lil meow meow agenda

These two cuties just melted my whole heart (tae and tanie)

So... are we gonna talk about how they drew one stickman thicker than the rest

Low key promoted BTS the past 3 weeks in our hospital...

The exact same cat, same plant & same island taken 1 year apart. (ARMYSelca)

yoongi bunched up(?)

#bts #twitter #my post

2 notes · View notes

concretelygay · 4 years ago

Text

A reaction to a youtube video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54k8lK9POGY As a white person dealing with white guilt I think I try to protect not others or a race, like Dr. Davis was saying, but my own image and it definitely does stifle my growth. So many things have gone unsaid that I should have said so that I get to have that dialogue.

Then when you all talk about how things get flattened as we project things onto it and I just thought: I do that. I take in tones and try to make sense of what is happening in hopes of protecting my own image down the line. But I'm missing out on the mistakes and the process and the dialogue. Defund 413 has been helping me get better at saying things around white people but I still need to push myself to keep pushing. I can see how I take one little sentence that a Black person (and some people of color but mostly Black people right now) says and I'm like this my new BIble. I will live out that off the hand thought to the best of my ability and never falter. It never occured to me how that would affect the Black person I could be sharing space with. I think that's one thing I am understanding more and more is that people know when you are dancing around them on eggshells and it makes them uncomfortable. I didn't know that. I thought that's just what being polite was. But if you go into my church growing up or my family I think you would find that "being polite" was walking on eggshells. But now it has an even darker more nefarious reason. I am walking on eggshells around Black people because I don't want to be told I need to change something. And probably that’s why I was walking on eggshells in my family or at church because I didn’t want to engage in a dialogue, I didn’t want to change something that was working for me. And I do it now in other spaces.

I think my proudest moment this past month was that I asked what Redlining was and answered incorrectly to why Redlining happened (I answered crime). I am so horribly embarrassed to think about what that said about me to the people in that Zoom room but those things felt true to me. I was so wrong. So dumb and so ignorant. But that’s what I was. In that moment in that time and space I was all of those things. I guess I should have said above my thought process was so wrong. I am not wrong as person or bad. I have bad thought processes and harmful beliefs. But that says nothing about my worth as a person. I can have those thoughts and still be worthy and lovable. But I can also be unsafe to Black folks. That is the hardest thing for me to understand. I can still be worthy and unsafe to Black folks. I can be harmful to Black people and still have value as human. These things are not on a binary. In fact it is possible that most white people are harmful to Black people and have worthy-ness.

Now before you misunderstand...my harmfulness does not make me worthy. It is apart of me that I am actively trying to move through and work through and remove from my being. It does not make me worthy. But it also doesn’t take away my worthy-ness? I guess this is where I’m going to falter. Truly, I feel less worthy because of my mistake. How could I have been so stupid to say crime is why Black people were banned from buying houses in certain areas? Like what a turd thing to say. Everyone in that zoom room must think I’m a turd. But look at my shame statements look at what I’m getting from this. My image is tarnished. People must think I’m bigoted and dumb. It’s not focusing on the people I’ve hurt. It’s not even including them in the statement. It’s not even asking them how they felt. It’s not even inviting them and their personhood and the intelligence into my brain. And now this is where I’m completely and totally at a loss.

Let’s say I believe that my mistake and my display of racism was a mistake and not some demerit on my “Good Place” point system what do I do. Well I’ve listened to some of the Ta-Nehisi Coates article on redlining. I’ve agreed to help make a redlining map of my town. I’ve set up a meeting to do some of the analysis that could be useful to my town. But I have not apologized to the people. And I don’t know if I should have. I want to. But apologizing right now in 2020 seems to have this weird overtone of expecting forgiveness. But I more want acknowledge that I fucked up. And not just that I fucked up but that I believed the wrong thing. Like that’s real. I really believed when I said it that crime was going to be the reason redlining became a thing not the outcome. But I’m afraid to admit to the people of color in the room that that is exactly what I thought and that I know that that was wrong. I have no idea how to physically do that. Like is that something you put in a facebook message? An email? Do you wait until it comes up again and just be like I’m a moron? How do you communicate all the feelings without making them feel like they owe you anything? What is the magic formula?

And see how fast it comes back? I’m writing this stream of consciousness style. You can see how I go from pointing out that I’m protecting my image by trying to find the magic way to exist in the world to doing that same thing I’m pointing out. Like how? How can the brain really not focus for however long it takes me to write a paragraph??

Back to the problem of me being racist and saying racist things on a Zoom call with Black people who I respect and like. And who I want desperately to like me and okay me as a good ally. That’s it that the sentence. That’s the tweet. I want them to like me. I want to be safe for them. I want to be in community with them. So I need to do better. I don’t need to bring it up again if it doesn’t come up. I need to with my actions do better. I need to think and slow down and be in the moment and try to be with people even on Zoom. And I need to remember in the moment to apologize when I get that feeling. At least that is what my gut is telling me today. And my gut could be wrong so we will see.

But I guess I need to be prepared to own up to this mistake. If I ever get called out or called in I need to own it and say “yep that was me. I said that and I believed it. And looking back I feel silly and ignorant. And I was those things. I don’t believe that now and understand that that comment may have hurt you. I’m sorry I said it and believed it and I’m going to keep reading and educating myself to try to limit the number of time I do things like this.” And then I need to listen to whatever feelings come up and try to be as open to receiving those comments and feelings as I can be.

So I don’t know how I got from the video to my own stuff but that’s probably some more white supremacy right there.

0 notes

survivor-tierradelfuego · 4 years ago

Text

Ep. 11: “Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one?” - Aimee

Amy A

Ben ☹️. I didn’t play too well with him and it was such a good blindside I couldn’t resist. I wish him well and I just have a feeling I’m next to go

Olivia A

Okay umm we got Ben out but it turns out Kalle gave me a real idol? So I feel weird. The reason we began suspecting her of lying was because Hanuha people knew about Maddison’s safety without power advantage and Kalle was literally the only person who could’ve told them. IDK!!

Aimee

I’m just so tired of crying! Sarah tried to video chat and I just couldn’t. No one knew I don’t think that Ben and I were so close. Gaaaaah I’m gonna miss him so much! He just helped me so much to stay sane in this game. The last thing I need is anyone seeing me as a big hot mess. I can’t catch a break.

Sarah

From two nights ago.... https://youtu.be/uebz8rVKNbg https://youtu.be/xQyiuiGeEpo

Pedro A

when i actually thought i was at the bottom........THERES EVEN A LOWER BOTTOM...THAT IM IN RIGHT NOW......chille ben screwed us BIG TIME....we were in a great spot..i dont even know what to say at this point

Sarah

Wow. Okay. I didn’t want to be a villain but here we are. I will post a video confessional soon but for now, the plan to vote out Ben actually worked. I called Maddison last minute and explained that Ben and Kalle were tight and were all over the place, playing both sides. Maddison found out that Kalle was a rat and was not being completely truthful and we both agreed on voting Kalle or Ben. We agreed on Ben because we thought Kalle was going to play her idol on herself.... turns out Ben was telling the truth in voting out Kalle to old Hanuha and Kalle actually gave Olivia a real idol. More to come... but for now I feel like a villain ahhh.

Kalle N.

Well I said that my only goal was to make jury and not go to the FTC so it looks like Ben really helped me achieve that. THAT FOOL REALLY FUCKED ME OVER ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR. This is fine. I will never let him forget that I've beaten him twice now and that's all that matters. Did not see this tribal coming at all. Can't wait to get voted out next

Najwah

If I learned anything today is that we tend to read in and over think and make up scenarios in our head. Ben was actually on our side all along? Who would have thought. All the bits and pieces he told us today just didn't add up and Cody said he was different and everyone was just quiet and Ben didn't talk in the group, he spoke to people individually. I don't really understand what just happened but we wasted so much energy speculating lmao. And now where the hell do we go from here? Cody has become so paranoid also. The minute Ben told him that those people will be writing his name he became soooo paranoid wtf. Then he WASTED an advantage and idol at tribal? Just bc he still didn't trust the plan. I'm starting to think that Cody just can't trust anyone or any process. I really think he needs to chill more. Be more low key. Just try to be calm. If you get voted out, it's not like you're going to die or something. It's just a game after all.

Aimee

Apparently tribe was getting too suspicious of how Ben and Kalle were so close. I still don’t get why I had to be left out of the vote though? Why can’t I get the respect to be told what is happening before the vote, so I have time to process my emotions and have my stuff together a little. https://immunityilol.tumblr.com/post/617448854807298048 Instead I get nothing. I get a call from Sarah right after Ben is voted out. Obviously I can’t answer it because I’m crying and no one knew I was super close to Ben. I’m just so angry right now first Grae now Ben! IS MADDISON NEXT!? FUCK! Like Gah I’m afraid to get close to anyone. But I just love getting to know people. I finally got to video chat with Maddison. Fucking loved it! She is great to talk to and great to have on this crazy skype isolation island. I need some interaction and realness right now. Ok I’m totally drinking. It’s hard enough to process all this nonsense sober. We will see what the next day brings.

Aimee

Sarah I really don’t want us to end up like this Casanova music video. 😢💔 I guess everyone wants to blindside Aimee as a treat. I hope people got their jollies out of it. 🌟 Allie X - Casanova feat VÉRITÉ https://youtu.be/YpVunjboAWg

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Sarah

Day 21 https://youtu.be/aYiGStuSKDA

Pedro A

Im afraid Kalle will throw me under the bus...just to stay this week cause shes on the bottom....and im also afraid that maddison and olivia will try to convince kalle to vote me out...instead ....since they are coming for me ...GOSHHH..i hate my life...i need immunity...CAN I LIKE HAVE IT?

Pedro A

okay so im excited to see everyone's answers to this challenge...THIS WILL BE INTERESTING...it will reveal a lot of people real thoughts ..IM READY FOR TEAAAA YALL

Najwah

I enjoyed my day today. I think it's the first time I was fully in the real world in 22 days. I'm playing a reckless game right now. There are so many layers in this game but after last night's tribal and learning that Ben was being legit, I just feel bad. I love Cody but he's definitely a loose cannon and can't play low key. Which is definitely bad for my game. He and Sarah are trying to push me into getting Amy on our side, but our relationship just isn't like that. I don't want to make her feel used. I like her. I really like her a lot. I like Sarah too. And Cody. I want to be friends with all these people IRL lol so I don't want to play against them or lie to them. This game just gets harder every time someone gets voted off tbh but I'm at the point where I feel like "if my plan works, then great", "if it doesn't, then whatever. I get to chill on panderosa and get to sleep more and actually spend time with my family and friends who I've been avoiding since this started lmao" Also, I'd be able to work again. I haven't got much work done urgh. I don't know whether my super idol is real. I'm curious to see what tonight's challenge will reveal. I am not going in with any syrategy

Cody wants to go for Kalle and Pedro coz they voted for him? I don't know, I think that's kinda silly and I'm not about revenge. You have to think rationally. And we have made a few irrational choices of late because people read into things. I still wish Ben hadn't told Cody that everyone was voting for him. That's how so much of yesterday's shit started. I have been so tired since yesterday. Tired of the scheming and overthinking and being paranoid over nothing urgh. Aimee also wants to call me after the challenge. I'm kinda scared tbh. I had a dream last night that Aimee killed me lmao this game is haunting me and giving me nightmares. Honestly, I'd be okay if anyone left wins this game. Okay except Kalle. She's the only one I've not interacted with and she just seems dodge idk. Maybe I'm still thinking about Zack's stupid analysis on people. Anyways.

Najwah

I'm happy for Maddison tbh. She deserved that. I just want to scream about Cody though? Why did Cody chop Aimee? Wtf. And that made Aimee chop Sarah before she chopped Amy or Maddison. I'm so confused. Ugh.

Maddison

Apparently I don’t know much about this tribe. Yeet!

Pedro A

Villan of the season?....im honored...but bitter jury?...i didnt like that one..lol

Aimee

I chopped Pedro for Grae.

I chopped Olivia and haha sorry I got so nervous on here that I just chopped the final chop, even though that was savage as hell... I called her a goat and then chopped her right out of the game. Oops hahahahaha. When I watch this challenge back I look like the C word with a capital C.... And that word isn’t “cartwheel.” I chopped Sarah for the Ben blindside. I chopped Amy for my mental health. I can’t lose Maddison! I’m so sick of being tortured that I truly am running out of fucks tbh. Just chop anyone, whatever. Why do I care...

Aimee

Ohhhh Najwah!!!! Don’t worry about not telling me about the vote or accidentally calling me a goat because you didn’t know the meaning. I think I would make a cute goat. https://nunyabizni.tumblr.com/post/615593098008035328 Love that you think I’m actually “the Greatest of All Time.” I adore you and our friendship 💖❤️💞 luv you girl!!! I know you’re truly being genuine unlike others. I’m waiting for this game to tip in our favor so we can run with it. https://youtu.be/TGwZ7MNtBFU This MV is dedicated towards Najwah after Cody swooped in and stole my final 2 with her. No hard feelings; I have my own stuff to sort out after my man Ben was voted out. I’m pretty confident you have a final 2 with Cody and I love that for you. 🧡💛💚 I’m happy y’all got together and are strong with Sarah. But here I am. Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one? Just not playing the game and grazing my grass over here like a “goat?” They really don’t know how close I was with Ben and they got stupid lucky on that one. I’m not as clueless as you all think... it’s in your best interest to reconsider. Also let’s not skip over the fact that Sarah and I both didn’t get an answer on touchy subjects for “who do you trust the most.” Yeah don’t think I didn’t peep that. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 Sarah didn’t put me and I didn’t put her. I put Maddison. Cody had 2 votes. Najwah and Sarah put him. I’m not dense. I guess Sarah is cool with being that 3rd wheel. Loving the fact that apparently no one has been seeing me reaching across the aisle for damn DAYS trying to play with Maddison.... oh honey, oh girl...oh no no ... that was just Ben right? Yeah. My final 2 with Ben is gone so I’m rogue and hoping I can get Maddison as far as possible with me. Also! Just letting you all know I’m not a damn chump. It’s SO OBVIOUS that Cody Najwah and Sarah have a fucking secret chat that they’ve been in since the beginning of all time, which included Zack. You’ve heard it here first folks. Oh and I’ve known this for at least a week or two. The tells are so blatant, but catch me pretending to have no idea. I’m not the goat that you think I am, but I would LOVE you to continue to think of me of a goat and forgettable. If you knew what I was doing I wouldn’t be allowed to get to the end. If I’m on any players radars then that means I am doing a bad job. So, I absolutely loved what this challenge revealed. I know way more than people think I know, but I am playing up the ditzy card hardcore. I would much rather prefer to be a stealthy sniper that people think is not playing. Give me a chance to explain my game in the final tribal and you might regret that. I have been doing all the same moves as Ben and same exact strategy.... he gets called a big threat and blindsided and yet here I am with identical strategy and totally left alone and tbh a little disrespected but that works to my advantage. Perception is not reality! This could be everyone’s biggest mistake and I honestly love it. I just want Kalle and Pedro out tbh. I got my big boobs and my positivity. I’m mind strong and I’m ready to get this. Your lady is never giving up. If you blindside me again it better be me that gets voted out. Otherwise you’re all in a world of fucking trouble... https://64.media.tumblr.com/0389c791f095d54973543b32d4414577/984582d2a107588c-89/s540x810/c10ec7b961de2fd3b693a886ea7385b04ed3d653.gifv

Najwah

I am still tired. LOL. Amy L still hasn't replied to me. I think she hates me right now and I burned the bridge with her, which I'm obviously sad about because it's the only bridge I really cared about? Like she's the only person who I was 100% sure about and we've always respected each others allegiance to their alliances. Anyway. What does it matter now? I'm going to let Cody and Sarah make a plan with this tribal scrambling. Oh Cody said the reason he chopped Aimees rope is because he didn't want her to win immunity again lmao so he rather chops someone in his own alliance wtf I can't get over that fatal mistake. That and playing the extra vote and idol😭😭 ugh and I think people assume I am his goat or something lmaooooo I absolutely adore Cody but I really hope he doesn't mess things up for himself. Sarah wants me to get coins for them to buy an immunity idol. Do I really want to waste 5 coins again on someone whose just going to get paranoid and play it? I don't know. I need to think on it.

Aimee

Welp I finally told my first lie in this game and hopefully it’s not my demise. I guess it’s my turn to be messy. I’m still coping with Ben being gone. 💔😢😫 Why the nut, did I tell Pedro I want him here. It was definitely too much alcohol and worried if he had another idol I would be the throw vote. Welp we will see if he throws that info all over the island. https://64.media.tumblr.com/d9f98e355c7e9229777fa982551cfd7e/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do7_250.gifv https://64.media.tumblr.com/d37a2b6f76f83c1beaca2ca2bac6bb72/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do3_250.gifv I’ve made peace with it though. This lady ain’t stopping, but if this puts me in jury. I’m honestly excited! I’ll finally get to talk to James, Grae and Ben again! And that makes my heart warm. ♥️

Pedro A

I'm probably going home tonight....kinda done with this.....I'm exhausted and emotionally drained from this experience.. I just wanna chill...at the end of the day its either me or kalle....so may the odds be in my favor!!

Najwah

I'm nervous about this vote. Apparently Maddison and co are willing to work with us to get Kalle out. I don't know how legit it is but I'm tired tonight and I just think I should do an early vote before people change their minds.

Amy A.

So we had the game yesterday and there was a question about ‘closest Ally’ and no one chose me. I’m not really bothered about everyone else except NAJWAH. She didn’t choose me! I was the only one who chose her cos her name came just ONCE. Whoever she ended up choosing as her closest ally didn’t even choose her. It’s made me real life sad because I trusted her so much. Honestly, I didn’t even think twice about putting her name down for closest ally. I haven’t even spoken to anyone about tonight’s vote. Idk who I’m voting for but I know it’s not her cos I promised her that. That’s the only reason. Maybe I’m the one going home. I don’t know.

Maddison

Let’s hope for a straightforward vote tonight with no unforeseen twists!

Aimee

https://youtu.be/m4Z0RN_KhK0 A flow mobz - thrill over fear (feat. luna blake) Omg I couldn’t sleep last night and I just woke up being bitchy about Pedro. I don’t think he actually has anyone besides maybe Kalle. My walls are up and I just want this vote to work in my favor and be Kalle. I hope there are no hard feelings after this game. I just want to get to know everyone during all this covid madness and have some fun. 🌈

#episodes

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