#god i need to be awake in 3 hours im so fucked

[spamlets]

“the iterator is a whole structure not just its puppet” yes but have you considered i want to take them by the hand and lead them to see the sunrise for the first time, high above the clouds where the rains can’t hurt us, and they can see the dawn of a new day illuminate the cans of their brothers and sisters in colors they’ve never seen before

i just think worm off the string is a little neat… im self aware and know this wouldnt make sense in reality but i just think that.🧍

[maple-leifarts]

.

[sanguineterrain]

could I request a fic with insomniac!reader and tim? i love your writing im excited to see how you make his character your own! <3

thanks for the request! first time writing tim... kinda nervous like I'm on a first date 🫣 hope you like! this one isn't as mushy gushy as my usual fics (jason) so yeah. also my knowledge of yj is purely through fic 🤙

tim drake x gn!reader. tw insomnia, tim being so awkward but maybe... there are feelings... who can say. tim's character is so interesting to me (probably because I identify with him the most lmao).

****

It's really, really nice of the team to let you stay over tonight. Like, really nice.

You haven't even done much. You're pretty much a nobody in the superhero world, not even a D-list hero. Certainly not anybody that should be hanging out with the likes of Wonder Girl and Superboy and, God, Tim freakin' Drake.

Kon was just overly generous in his cool, brash way, herding you into a spare room after last night's battle. After tonight, you'll politely break away from the team to give them some reprieve. It didn't escape your notice that they didn't hang out last night like they usually do.

You've been awake for an hour now, listening for sounds of life in the corridor. If you were home, you'd already be on the couch watching crappy TV. But you really don't want to run into anyone here.

Maybe you have some chamomile tea leftover from the last time you stayed over. You hadn't stayed the whole night, slipping away without interference as most of the team had gone to their own homes.

You get up, stretching and popping joints. It's always a little cold in the Tower, and it wakes you up as you walk to the kitchen first. You're as quiet as you can be in heating the water and finding the tea.

You take your mug and head to the den. As you enter, you freeze.

Tim turns his head from his place on the couch. The blue light from the TV makes him paler, and his eyes bluer. Sometimes, he looks so much like Bruce Wayne, it startles you.

"Oh," you say, unsure what else to say. Your brain is tired and fried. "I... was just looking for my watch."

That's definitely your dumbest lie. You don't have a watch. Tim sure as fuck knows that.

His eyes flick to your wrist, as if reminding you both how stupid your lie is, then to your mug. He mutes the TV.

You stay where you are. Tim stands, obviously shouldering his own bout of insomnia.

"It's... you can come in," he says, just as awkward as you.

That's comforting. Tim's usually so suave, the few times you've interacted. He's all Gotham Heights, his upbringing never quite sloughing off no matter how many times he's probably tried to blend in and not be so... private school.

"I was just going to bed," he says quickly.

"No, you weren't," you say. You don't mean for it to come out so shrewd. Tim looks a little startled.

"I mean, you don't need to go," you add. "I'll take this to my room. It's fine. Sorry."

"No, I've been here too long anyway. I should work on my case."

Here's the thing. It's not that Tim avoids you because in order to do that, you'd have to see him more than three times a year.

But there's a distance. You've tried not to take it personally, tried to chalk it up to the fact that you're introverted and Kon and Bart are Kon and Bart, and Cassie's too straightforward to beat around the bush, and you've somehow won her over, which is nice.

And Tim is just... cautious. Paranoid.

Those are understatements, and you can't imagine the psychological damage caused by being raised by Batman, but, well, you've seen the previous and current Robins, so you can hazard a guess.

Anyway, Tim kind of acts like an unsocialized cat with you. You once mentioned it to Kon, in nicer words, but he dismissed you, saying, "Whaddya mean? Rob likes you!" Which had assuaged nothing, but whatever.

"I won't be here long," you say, as a last-ditch effort to not make it feel like you're kicking Tim out of his own space. "I just, uh, couldn't sleep."

He watches you in that freaky Bat way, like he's trying to determine if you're a threat or not. Jesus.

"It's hard for me to sleep after a battle," you add, trying to show your belly. That's how it feels, being around Tim Drake. Like you always need to be vulnerable first. Like you're in a battle of wills you didn't know you entered.

He doesn't sit down, but he does say, "Me too."

You nod and drink your cooling tea. "There's more tea in the kitchen if you want. Chamomile."

"I'm... good. Thanks."

You edge over to the armchair diagonal to the couch and sit.

"You can work in here," you say. "Unless, uh, it's too distracting. I'll keep the TV muted."

His laptop is on the other side of the couch. Tim is still, only his eyes moving from you to the laptop.

"I don't wanna push you out," you say.

"It's really fine," he replies immediately.

It's so not fine. This isn't boding well for your insomnia. You're definitely going to be agonizing over this interaction all week.

"I won't bother you," you say.

"I didn't say you would."

Then what's the problem?

Slowly, Tim returns to the couch. You look away, so it doesn't seem like you're watching his every move (you are), nor is Tim clocking your every move (he is).

He settles on the couch and opens his laptop. You drink and try to figure out what's playing on TV. It looks to be a rerun of Columbo. You smile.

"You like Columbo?"

Tim looks spooked that you're still talking to him, but he answers. "Yeah."

"Me too."

You watch Columbo silently look for clues. Tim types, fingers flying over the keyboard. Then his fingers pause.

"I used to watch it with Dick," he says. "When I first became Robin."

You nod, giving him your full attention. "Yeah? He seems like the type."

"He does a pretty good impression of him. He likes detective shows."

"You don't?" you ask.

Tim shrugs. "They're fine. I guess I just hate how predictable they can be."

"Of course the boy genius would say that," you say, smirking.

Instantly, Tim's face turns to stone. He hums, looking back at his laptop. You blink. What happened?

"Sorry. That was a joke," you say.

"I know," Tim says, any trace of warmth gone.

You're startled by the shift. "I don't—I wasn't making fun of you. I mean, you are smart. Really smart."

Tim carefully looks at you. "...Thanks."

You nod clumsily. You should've just stayed in bed.

It's quiet for a long time. You're trying to muster up the confidence to escape to your room when Tim speaks again.

"People have said stuff like that to be facetious. I... reacted without reading your tone."

It's not an apology, but it's probably the closest thing you'll get.

"It's okay," you say.

Tim nods. His shoulders aren't so tense, though his posture is atrocious when he's off-duty.

He gets up and gives you the remote. You take it, smile small. Tim retreats.

"You can unmute it if you want. I don't mind."

So you do, and you and Tim spend the next hour half-watching Columbo and half-watching each other. Eventually, your tea finishes, and the episode ends, so you get up.

"I think I'll try and sleep," you say.

Tim nods. "Good luck."

You hum. "Thanks. Good luck with the case."

"Yeah. Thanks."

You wash the mug and leave it on the dish rack. Then you escape back to your room. You really do feel like you could sleep again. Maybe Columbo reruns are the magic ingredient to a good night's sleep.

[d1s1ntegrated]

hiii im back again !!!

can i request shiggy hcs for a reader who chronically bed rots (i was trying to find a better word for it instead of chronically but alas) but they basically just stay in bed watching whatever and sleeping (forgetting to eat is also a habit of mine when i do it ;-;)? thank u <33

OFC U CAN!!! i am also a chronic rotter. i know how it feels bb i got u!

bed rotting x shigaraki hcs

✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶

the first time tomura saw you bed rot, he thought you were sick.

"are you okay?? are you getting up?"

when you explained you just...couldn't...he nodded and crawled into bed next to you.

he and you both understand it's not the healthiest, but he's no stranger to a bad habit or two.

so when he learns that some days are just gonna be harder than others, he prepares like a mf

we're talking doomsday prepping.

he and a few other league members will go out and steal a bunch of shit: snacks, water bottles, etc

charges all the electronics and makes sure there are chargers nearby

gets nice clean pjs to lay in for you

regardless of whether its related to a chronic illness, mental shit, or not, he makes sure he learns what you need, if anything during that time.

because thats what he would want for himself :( thats what he needed. he understands it

helps you brush your hair out (he kinda sucks at it but hes doing his best okay)

sleeps next to you when you're sleeping, because gods know he needs it too

especially likes to watch shitty animated movies with you when you guts are awake

will send you memes/posts instead of showing them to you even though you're right. there.

you guys dont have to say anything to each other for hours on end, and you're still content just being there together.

plays dumb games on his phone

shows you him bullying villagers off his animal crossing island to get you to laugh

"i fucking hate barold hes so fucking ugly GET OFF MY FUCKING ISLAND YOU PLEB" (sorry barold lovers shiggy is NAWT a fan)

if you forget to eat, he will also forget, until you hear his stomach rumble and you both go "oh fuck"

adhd mode as fuck

gotta keep the big lights off for this

if you're the only one in that headspace, he'll do his best to just be there for you and make sure you take care of yourself

even if that means dragging you by a foot to brush your teeth or at least have a quick rinse in the shower

cause he knows if you dont, you'll feel bad for not

but he's very gentle and understanding always, because hes been there

and he will continue to be there regardless

all he cares about is that you're at least safe and healthy with him

cuddles and kisses you incessantly

just loves being next to you always, this just gives him an excuse to be clingy

✶⊶⊷⊶⊷❍⊶⊷⊶⊷✶

okay this was really cute, also helped me channel some of my own personal guilt ab bed rotting ;-;

thank u for the request <3

shit like this gives me the motivation to not only keep writing, but to be kinder to myself, because thats what shig would want. i hope this has the same effect for you guys.

love u all, take care of urself <3

[seattlesellie]

HIHIHIHIHI CAN PLS U WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cq4ZwkQJLEM/?igshid=MTIyMzRjYmRlZg==

ELLIE WOULD DEFINITELY DO THIS JUST TO ANNOY AT U FIRST THEN IT KINDA JUST STUCK AROUND

PLELALALSE anon this is so silly and so ellie coded 😭

laying in bed with ellie, just chilling and watching tv, probably family guy (i hq ellie as being a cartoons lover. i already said shed be a sucker for spongebob…. shed probably be like “im sooo squidward dude” when she’s literally spongebob in human form) laying on her chest while shes caressing your head <3 listening to her cackling at silly jokes and throwing out random “that was so funny” and “babe did you hear that? you’re literally meg” which makes you go like????? what are you talking about. you can feel yourself slowly doze off, eyelids becoming heavier and heavier, no longer focused on the screen. now, ellie usually gets pissed when you fall asleep because she wants you to stay awake with her, she has this thing where if she shows you something, whether its a show or a movie she likes she would quite literally stare at you the entire time to see your reaction, like if you dont laugh at something she finds to be the most hilarious thing in the world (watching superbad with her was an experience) she would literally roll her eyes at you and get mad 😭 (this one time she was fully side eyeing you throughout an entire one and a half hour movie and you were like “ELLIE i can see you looking at me”)

but, you look so peaceful and cute laying on her that she almost doesnt nudge you, almost lets you be and allows you to sink in to a deep sleep…. almost. but its ellie. and she cant. so she pokes you lightly till you open your eyes and shes just fixated on you. she looks so serious and goes like “babe. i have something super duper fucking important to tell you” and youre all concerned and ask her what happened. n she almost feels bad but she pulls you in to sit next to her.

“i need to do something” she says w her raspy voice and youre gone because why the hell is her voice so dreamy?

she slowly moves her face closer to yours, puts her hand on your cheek and kisses you. and its so sweet and so delicate, that its almost believeable that this is the only thing she wanted to do.

“awww…” you peck her again. “just wanted a kiss?”

shes like, swallowing in her grin now. and she looks so stupid because god knows ellie cannot hold her laugh like, ever.

“mhhm” she says, and she moves closer to kiss you again. this time, she just BLOWS HER FUCKING LUNGS OUT INTO YOUR MOUTH and bursts out laughing like a fucking idiot. youre stood there like 😨 and shes wheezing “oh my god - you should see your face dude” wiping away her dumbass ellie tears. safe to say ellie keeps doing that over and over again till one day you decide to do it back to her, which makes her go like “woah… did you just” looking like a kicked puppy 😭

[cal-flakes]

hiii could you do something with rafe and a beach day please? love ur fics sm ❤️❤️❤️

thank you lovely <3 i am living for these fluff concepts, KEEP EM COMIN xxxx

╰┈➤ beach day with soft!rafe hc’s

warnings: a tad nsfw if you squint, fluff overload

: ̗̀➛ rafe was like an excited puppy when y/n finally told him what she wanted to do for her birthday this year.

: ̗̀➛ she wanted to spend the full day at the beach.

: ̗̀➛ why? he had no idea, but if that was all she wanted to do he was going to make sure it was the best day ever.

: ̗̀➛ he’d wake her up at first light, having planned out the whole day.

: ̗̀➛ “hey birthday girl, time to get up..”

: ̗̀➛ “baby, it’s three in the morning..”

: ̗̀➛ “yeah, we’re going to see the sunrise, come on..”

: ̗̀➛ and while she got up and got dressed, he’d pack the car.

: ̗̀➛ he’d make sure to bring everything they would need to spend the day at the beach.

: ̗̀➛ a cooler for snacks and drinks, a disposable barbecue, fire wood, blankets, towels, changes of clothes, one of his hoodies because he knew she preferred his.

: ̗̀➛ and lastly, a birthday cake, made specially for her.

: ̗̀➛ when he told her he’d planned every second of the day, he really meant it.

: ̗̀➛ once he’d finished packing, he headed upstairs to collect her.

: ̗̀➛ “c’mon angel, let me carry you to the car”

: ̗̀➛ he carried his sleepy princess to his range rover, making sure she was comfortable and buckled in safely.

: ̗̀➛ the half hour drive to the beach went by quickly as she dozed off in the passenger side.

: ̗̀➛ rafe chose a small beach on the island, one where they wouldn’t be bothered too much.

: ̗̀➛ putting his car in park, he peppered kisses over her face as she stirred awake.

: ̗̀➛ “birthday celebrations start now pretty girl, c’mon”

: ̗̀➛ he chuckled as she stumbled out of the car in a sleepy daze.

: ̗̀➛ early mornings were quite chilly in kildare, so she’d opted for a pair of his sweatpants and a hoodie over the top of her bikini.

: ̗̀➛ he held her hand graciously as she followed closely behind him, careful not to fall.

: ̗̀➛ she settled on top of a towel while rafe set everything up around them, leaving a few pieces in the car that they wouldn’t need until later.

: ̗̀➛ he’d even brought pillows, and while she adored his thoughtfulness, she dreaded having to get the sound out of them once they got home.

: ̗̀➛ finally situated, they cuddled on top of the towels and blankets, watching the stars as the waves crashed further down the beach.

: ̗̀➛ instead of watching the sunrise, he chose to watch her instead, his heart fluttering as the bright gleam reflected in her eyes.

: ̗̀➛ “what are you looking at?”

: ̗̀➛ “you”

: ̗̀➛ once the sun had claimed it’s spot in the sky, the heat began to settle over the outerbanks, resulting in y/n frantically removing her comfy clothes.

: ̗̀➛ “oh my god, too hot! too hot! m’gonna die”

: ̗̀➛ rafe eyed the pink bikini she’d chosen for the day, observing how it hugged and complimented her curves.

: ̗̀➛ “do you have a boner?”

: ̗̀➛ “angel, i always have a boner when im with you..”

: ̗̀➛ around eleven, the sun had reached its peak, provoking y/n to apply the sun cream rafe had brought.

: ̗̀➛ “here, let me do it princess”

: ̗̀➛ “rafe, im a big girl, i can do it myself”

: ̗̀➛ “shh, todays your special day, you’re not lifting a finger”

: ̗̀➛ y/n moaned slightly as rafe straddled her bum, massaging her back.

: ̗̀➛ “baby, if you don’t stop that im going to fuck you right here..”

: ̗̀➛ lots of beach sex.

: ̗̀➛ after a while of sunbathing and reading, the pair decided to go for a swim.

: ̗̀➛ y/n tied her hair back as she waded through the light waves, enjoying the warmth of the water.

: ̗̀➛ rafe dove in immediately, thrashing about like a child.

: ̗̀➛ y/n looked around, frantic, when rafe disappeared beneath the surface.

: ̗̀➛ shrieking as he suddenly pulled her under by her legs.

: ̗̀➛ “you’re an asshole, you know that right?”

: ̗̀➛ “yeah…but you love it”

: ̗̀➛ making out in the ocean was a must.

: ̗̀➛ “you know, there’s nobody here yet..” she whispered suggestively.

: ̗̀➛ rafe didn’t even need to respond, immediately pulling her bikini bottoms aside.

: ̗̀➛ they spent the whole day like that, in and out of the sea, sunbathing, reading, eating.

: ̗̀➛ by nightfall, they’d watch the sunset together, y/n inbetween rafe’s legs, resting against him.

: ̗̀➛ “i’ve had the best day, thank you rafe”

: ̗̀➛ “anything for you angel”

[f1nalboys]

OMG. I love the tod headcannons. Would you ever do ian sleepover headcannons?

HELLOOOO ANON sorry this has taken so long, i do apologize and i hope its fun to read!!!!

WORD COUNT: 916

WARNINGS: not proofread, weed mention, ians a perv on occassion, mostly fluff

ok number one i need a sleepover with this guy NOWWWWWW

ian refuses to call it a sleepover. you two are hanging out, chilling, that’s all. if he spends the night then thats just what happens, it totally wasn't his end goal

i truly believe ian sleeps better in anyone elses bed than he does his own not for any particular reason he just loves the feeling of being on vacation and being in a different bed counts to him fr

he comes over with nothing. like deadass the clothes on his back and maybe some weed IF UR LUCKY 

he also tends to show up ‘just for a bit’ and makes a big show about sighing at the time and being like man…. i wish i didn’t have to leave but its almost time for bed……..

like girl just ask to sleep over who cares

anyways he really hates Planned Sleepover Activities

no pillow fights, no truth or dare, no spin the bottle (this can and has been done before with him, he just has to be in the mood,) no bloody mary, etc

now, of course, if he really really really loves you, he’ll do all those things and more. he is going to COMPLAIN though. like, to the point where it’s almost unenjoyable. 

he does love a good spa day though…. you ask him to put on a fuzzy robe so you can put a face mask and cucumbers on him and he’s jumping for joy lowkey

and he lets you paint his nails and stuff and he doesnt care if its messy or bumpy or if you don’t put a top coat on it, he just loves that youre doing it for ihm

ANDDDD its the quietest he’ll be. youll look up at his face and hes staring down at you with such a sickeningly sweet love sick grin that its almost enough to make you barf and he won't say a single word until youre done

and even then he’ll just go “its great baby, thank you.” heheh

like 3 hours later he’ll go “you got a lot of nail polish on my skin, god damn.” and you’ll look over and hes very methodically picking it off of his skin lol

anyways. when hes over he just wants to chill genuinely 

ian is interested in getting chinese food or pizza, getting super fucking high, and having movies or music in the background while you guys talk

and he really only does one on one sleepovers, siblings or family excluded. if you invited another friend to sleepover at the same time hes gonna be in the corner like ugh…..sigh……eyeroll…..ugh…..what no im fine its whatever……sigh…..

ian is super handsy as is but when he gets tired hes worse

you’ll know hes ready for you two to go to sleep when hes suddenly attached to your back, arms around your waist and head in your shoulder

ian loves sleepovers that are simply for you two to get shit done

like ian has to rework an art piece? hes coming over and youre finally gonna clean your room.

he tries to sleep in his regular clothes all the time (he does it at home i fear to say) so if youre against that you HAVE to have some spare clothes for him. or let him sleep in his underwear but then he’s gonna get that dumb stupid sexy grin on his face and ask if youre trying to get him naked 

which like yes ian i am but not like that….yet

waking up with ian is great if you get up before him because hes all cuddly and sweet and murmuring in his sleep and you can just stare and admire him

if he gets up first hes waking you up but hes also fucking with you

he shakes you awake and is like BABE YOU OVERSLEPT FOR XYZ!!!!! and you jump out of bed and hes like haha got you just kidding

or he draws on your face or arms if youre a heavy sleeper and he can get away with it

AND he takes photos of you sleeping all the time on his shitty little flip phone and he never tells you about it

until like weeks later when youre hanging with him in the car eating food and he laughs and turns his phone around to show you a picture of you slumped over, mouth open, drooling.

but hes a menace

hes like well im up so i need you up to????

like god bless erin for dealing with him 

but you dont have to worry about it much, he normally sleeps in if hes able to but depending on when he went to bed, he could get up before you

and good luck trying to go back to sleep because hes hitting you with pillows and squashing you and talking until you just roll your eyes and sit up

and then hed smile and go omgggg good morning sleepyhead LIKE SHUT UP

overall, ian is a fun guy to have a sleepover with if you just want to chill, not if you want to do activities if that makes sense

but hes never going to ASK to spend the night (unless youre in the car with him about to get dropped off and hes kissing you and get handsy and THEN he’ll be like babe…. cant i just hang out :((( like sigh…. of course you can bae

[belovedstarrs]

do you even care?!

• pairing : geto x fem!reader

• tags : angst, breakup??, just a shit ton of one-sided fighting (verbal) , language galore, drinking mentioned & used, cheating, geto never betrays jujutsu high au.

• a/n : god im half asleep writing this and i havent proof-read sooooo deal w/ it i just need to actually post and get over this writing slump.

• w/c : 602

• loosely based off of all too well & youre losing me

you were laying in your bed and pondering. suguru hasnt been home in hours and he told you he was gonna be home at 5 pm, its 10 pm. you checked his location and he turned it off a few hours ago.

you heard the keys jangle in the doorknobs and you quickly got up, you didnt even know what you wanted to say to him. you looked out your doorframe and saw him taking off his shoes at the front entrance as you angrily walked over.

"suguru what the hell! where the fuck where you at? you turned off your damn location. you know what nevermind you were probably at the bar with gojo flirting with some girls since you clearly dont give a shit about me."

it all blurted out, you felt like throwing up. why now? suguru had to take a minute to process everything from you talking to fast. "y/n i wasnt flirting with any girls nor at the bar. i just had gotten a new mission right before i got off and my phone had died." he said with no emotion in his voice. you could tell it was a lie. just by the way he looks uneasy you can tell hes been drinking.

"oh stop giving me that bullshit suguru. if you dont like me just fucking say it. i dont get how you can just cheat on me yet still have the balls to say the words i love you." you wanted to die. you used to love this man with your whole life, why is this happening? why does he lie to you so much.

the past 3 months have felt like hell. sugurus been getting more distant and staying out later than he tells you while getting drunk. you dont fucking get it. why is he doing this? what have you done to deserve this? youve put so much into this relationship and hes tearing it apart like its nothing.

he doesnt even have a response to your stinging words. "y/n i promise i still lov-" you quickly cut him off. "you dont ever keep your promises! stop spouting shit that isnt true for once! your just an asshole liar." you pause for a moment before you continue

"why have you put nothing into our relationship? did you never love me from the start? ive been trying so fucking hard to still love you and act as nothing is wrong and ive tried to tell you that but youre just a dumbass!" you brush shoulders as you go to the front door to quickly put on your shoes and a coat to leave. making sure to grab your keys and get the hell out before he says anything.

there was this burning feeling in your chest that also felt like a little freedom. were you meant to not be with suguru? you wished so hard in your head he would come back for you and apologize, make it right. you kept walking down the street and nothing happened.

you pulled out your phone to text utahime and ask if you could stay the night.

y/n : utahime you awake?

utahime : yeah. why?

y/n : just fought with suguru. wondering if i could stay the night.

utahime : totally! stay for as long as you need.

that gave you some relief. your gonna have to figure out you and sugurus situation but for now you need time to yourself to figure out what the hell youre gonna do with him since you two live together and dont have a actual apartment of your own.

part 2 is out now!!

made by @belovedstarrs do not copy or use in any way without permission

[tiffanyeatsyou]

FORGOTTEN.

husband!nanami x wife!reader wc:1.3K contains: angst w/ nanami, afab!reader (she/her prns used), bit of fluff @ the end, slight mentions of drinking a/n: this is my first fic so im sorry if its a bit... ass...... ya... LOL ermmm hope u enjoy <3

nanamii<3:

8:30. drinks, snacks, movie. You + me?

y/n:

is that even a question?? ofc baby :)

y/n:

dont be late, ill be waitinggggg

nanamii<3:

I wont be, I promise.

i set two glasses down on the coffee table, with the best wine set alongside them, a bowl of popcorn, and some candies i went and got earlier. everything looks perfect. oh- and lets not forget, our favorite movie, La La Land. he should be here any second now so i sit, waiting patiently, trying to contain my excitement.

8:45, phew, trafic must be bad. ill just shoot him a little text

y/n:

“hey sweetie, everything alright? miss u!!! got our movie ready for us!!!”

9:00, a sinking feeling settled in. maybe he's just running late, I thought, trying to hold on to hope.

the minutes dragged on, 9:30. 10:00

10:50.

i’m tired. i walk up to our room with trembling legs and my- already bad vision- is clouded teary, blurry eyes. half from the wine i’ve guzzled down, the other half from crying.

he promised. promised. he said he wouldn't be late and here i am, left with dissapointment. i crawl into my side of the bed sobbing, until sleep, finally overcomes me.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

meanwhile, nanami is rushing and rushing to get out and into his car, speeding to his wonderful wife.

"shit. shit shit shit" he mumbles looking at his watch which reads 11:30. "i got carried away with my work god she’s gonna be so disappointed. i promised i’d be home early today for our long-awaited date. drinks, extremely unhealthy snacks,but most importantly, her: the perfect time."

i race to the door and quickly unlock it. “sweetheart?” i call out. i walk in to see a wine glass spilled on our coffee table, her phone, and a black tv screen.

fuck.

shes been drinking.

i run my fingers through my hair, guilt just running through my veins. i loosen my tie and walk up to our shared bedroom, finding my beautiful wife curled up into our blankets.

“sweetheart, i am so so sorry-“

i pause as i notice the pillow stained with tears and her beautiful face, looking like she’s been crying. which makes me wanna cry. i look over at our clock. 3 hours. i hate to wake her but i need to see my baby.

“baby..?” i gently shake her awake and i hear her voice. breaking. i wrap my arms around her body.

“‘min..?” she says with sleep coating her words.

“yes sweetheart it’s me. look, i’m so sorry i just got caught up with-“

“just *hic* save it. don’t ’wanna hear it anymore nanami.”

she uses my full name.

“ baby please please i’m so so s-“

“‘said stop it. hic ‘don’t love me *hic* ‘don’t care about me. just get off me and *hic* stop.”

my heart drops. don’t care about her? how could she ever think something like that?

“ love you know i care about you okay? you’re just a bit tipsy and-“

“‘s always my fault isn’t it? *hic* how could i know you care when *hic* all you do is work work work.”

“don’t wanna be your *hic* wife anymore.”

what?

she doesn't.. what?

“stop it, don’t you dare say that” i respond with not only a breaking voice; but a breaking heart. she doesn’t mean it she’s just- tired. right? i mean, how could she?

right?

“tell me you don’t mean that doll, tell me now. baby please. please.” i say while peppering wet kisses on her damp cheeks. my voice is breaking and you could hear me on the verge of tears.

she doesn’t respond. why isn’t she talking. does she mean it? this is all my fault. i’ve been prioritizing work while my real priority has been slipping away from me?

i look over and she’s asleep. her beautiful eyes are closed and she’s breathing softly. i quickly get undressed and slide into bed with her.

there’s no way i can leave my baby alone in bed.

i wrap my arms around her, only for her to turn her back towards me and out of my touch.

she was awake.

tears threaten to fall from my eyes as i kiss her “i love you. so much baby.” and with that, i grab my stuff and walk out.

she’d probably want me on the couch anyways.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

fuck. my head is pounding and i feel like absolute shit. i sit up holding my head reaching my hand out to his side of the bed.

oh.

he isn't here.

whatever. didn't want him here anyways.

i think.

i step into our large bathroom and start a shower and as i’m rinsing the disappointment off my body, i almost miss the soft opening and shutting of a door.

was that in here? is that him?

he hasn’t said anything yet so neither will i. i turn the shower off and wrap myself with a towel and yank open the curtain shocked seeing him sitting on the toilet. waiting for me. i lock eyes with him.

mistake number 1.

he looks like shit.

eyes swollen and heavy with guilt, slight, no- very obvious red flush across his face, and tear-stained cheeks.

“baby please” is all he says when he rushes infront of me, blocking the exit.

ignoring his presence seems to be impossible.

“what do you want nanami” i say coldly, my gaze not daring to meet his.

“i am so sorry beautiful. i am so. sorry. there’s no excuse and no other way to express how sorry i am." he starts. "sorry can’t and won’t cut it. i love you and i do care about you. just so much. i’m so happy you’re in my life and i never regret marrying you, i only regret the mistakes i’ve made." he stops and takes a small breath. "you should be my number one priority. i’ve been terrible to you. i will do anything and everything for you.” he says desperately and tears streaming down his face. he’s crying. he’s sobbing actually trying to apologize. i finally look up at him with water-filled eyes.

before i can say anything, he pulls me in tight and is breaking down. “i-i’m so sorry sweetie i’m so so sorry-“ he can’t barely speak without sniffles. i’ve never seen him like this before. i wrap my arms around him and when i do he releases a sigh of relief.

“oh thank god” he says quickly before pulling me in even closer.

“did you mean it?” he asks, his voice quivering. “w-what you said las- night”

i take a second to think before answering. what’d i-

oh.

my heart drops.

“plea-please tell me you didn’t. r-right? you didn’t ’mean it?”

i look up at him, his lips are trembling and his face is red.

“no, i didn’t. i shouldn’t have said that. i’m sorry ‘min.”

“o-okay because if you did i- i wouldn’t know what to- to do. i’m sorry you can get changed n-now ill be waiting for you in the living room, okay love?”

“okay.” i whisper as i watch him turn around and shut the door.

i finally finish my post-shower duties and walk out of the bathroom.

is that.. apple pie im smelling or am i going crazy?

i must’ve taken forever because by the time i get out there, he’s knocked out. but he’s knocked out on a cute blanket laid across the floor with a box of my favorite donuts, a bottle of orange juice with 2 glasses, and-

an apple pie cinnamon candle buring away.

he set this all up as i was sleeping?

as if on cue, he slowly opens his eyes staring at me staring at him and the cutest set up ever.

i sniffle “did all this for- me?”

he stands up and softly grabs my hand to come sit with him, “of course doll. look”- he says grabbing the TV remote

“we can even watch our favorite movie.”

[kcalsforhim]

thursday 7 november 2024 - 𐙚 ˚🍰 ⋆｡˚⊹❀˖°

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

calories : 720 steps : 12 k

breakfast : little tiny bowl of leftovers, i stirred the rice and chicken into the sauce and then put it back in the bowl. 3 rice cracker things, split in halves. 2 halves jam, 2 halves honey, 1 half chocolate spread, 1 half cream cheese.

dinner : chicken filets, potato wedges out of the airfryer, and lots of cauliflower. a small bowl of greek yogurt.

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

today was so fuuucking weird. yesterday i fell asleep at 8 pm causing me to wake up again at 1 am. couldnt sleep from 1 am to about 4 am. then kind of slept half awake from 4 to 7-8 ? i halucinated my dad saying "angelo, come into the hall, i got your mom a present you need to approve". then i didnt get up to check the hall i heard a sigh and i got up so confused only to find an empty hallway.... ok..

i got breakfast and i was such a fatty for getting second breakfast but whatever. atleast i didnt eat bread sigh. after this i actually went back to sleep. for.. way too long. i got woken up at 3 pm by my mother coming home from work. my parents went to the grocory store and i walked on my treadmil for an hour.

i took a well needed shower and cleaned my room today. i put up some stuff that i got, wall tapestry, lights, put my rug in a nice spot. i set up my old windows pc to be a screensaver monitor cause thats cute right... my dinner was good very good. i havent had a portion this big in a while but the cals were amazing. recently ive been shitting literally an hour after dinner every day.. oopsy

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

im actually gonna crash out at how ugly i am. im wearing a minecraft creeper zip up hoodie with minecraft boxers and i STILL feel ugly ? im a lost cause

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

legs cause idk they looked skinny from this one angle. sobs ?

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

this song is SO HOT. i found it yesterday while i was super fucking high and i watched the animation that goes with it and oh. my. god. this shit entered my SOULLLL i need to share it. it sounds so awesome

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍮 ⋅ ˚⊹

[rexc0re]

They’ll always have each other.

A Serenity Fic

A/N: Haiiiii this is the first fic of Serenity :3 You might have already read this on twitter but I write everything on here and the format is better, I just post there cause it always flops here lol (im so sad), BUT!!! It is here now and eventually there will be a master list for this Au <3 Feel free to send asks with questions or comments Abt the au!!! ENJOY!

Warnings: Blood, Injury, Panic attacks, Angst

Fight back.

I can’t.

They need you.

I’m so tired.

Get up.

He’s alive.

Alive, and awake. On the cold hard floor of the mall. The last thing Sneeg remembered was being thrown to the ground and brutally attacked by that wire monster. Now, here he was. Alive. With a barely recognizable mangled leg but, alive.

Get up. He needed to get up. He needed to find his friends. He needed to make sure they were alright. It took forever but, he eventually got up. Shaky legs, blood pooling, but he was up. God it was so painful to stand. But he had to. He needed to go back. He said he would. He promised.

Sneeg limped through the mall. Past the empty stores. Past every exit he saw even with everything in his body telling him to leave he stayed. He had people to stay for. People he needed to fight to get back and get out with him.

He walked past yet another empty store until he heard it. The cries of agony. The sobs of pain. Charlie’s sobs.

“Fuck…oh god it hurts…This fucking sucks….”

“Charlie? Charlie holy shit it’s you you’re alive!”

“Sneeg?? Is it really you? Oh my god it’s you you’re here you’re here oh my god.”

Sneeg stumbled into the room to find Charlie on the ground, his stomach covered in blood. He was badly injured. But he was alive. Sobbing his eyes out at the sight of Sneeg. But alive. Just ike Sneeg. They were alive. And they had each other.

The hug they shared was gentle yet they held such a strong grip on each other. Charlie couldn’t stop crying, neither could Sneeg. It seemed that everything had been taken from them and they were left to rot away in a mall where no one would find them. Yet, here they are. Alive and with each other. Despite everything, they had each other.

—

The box closed.

I’m bleeding out.

I’m bleeding out.

It’s almost over.

Ranboo was in so much pain he could only think about the sweet ending he was soon to receive. It needed to be over. The ache in his hands, the pounding of his head, and the blood. It was icy cold against the skin which held his spasming muscles. They’ve never felt such discomfort.

The darkness was calling his name. Until the light started to drag them back.

—

They’d been stumbling around the mall for what seemed like hours. So many empty rooms, so many endless halls. No Ranboo. Until the red light drew them in. The unforgiving red stained the walls like blood as it shined out of the room from where it was sourced.

Sneeg and Charlie knew something was wrong. To their dismay, they were right. Upon the back wall of that room was..Ranboo. He was tied to the wall his hands secured with wires that dug into their skin. A box, around their head. Blood, pouring down their chest.

Charlie immediately panics and bursts into tears and limps his way towards Ranboo. “Fuck no nonono sneeg HELP ME SNEEG please god no we have to get it open.” Sneeg stands in shock. Charlie keeps rambling in panic before he turns to Sneeg, his face covered in tears. Through his own tears Sneeg steps forward and attempts to open the box as Charlie frees Ranboos hands.

With a few painful tugs and a slew of curses, Sneeg gets the box open.

—

The ringing won’t stop. There’s light? He’s pretty sure it’s light. Are their eyes open? He can’t tell for some reason. Oh no. He’s falling. Someone’s holding onto them. The ringing still hasn’t stopped. He’s pretty sure his eyes are open but he can’t see. Why can’t they see??

Nononono who’s holding onto them. Who’s touching their hands, their face. He needs to get away. They’re going to hurt him. Ranboo begins to fight back. Kicking, hitting, flailing as hard as he can. Every little movement burns. Everything hurts the bloods still flowing the ringing won’t stop. He. Can’t. See. But the tears and need to leave overpower.

“PLEASE NO LET ME GO PLEASE NONONO DONT TOUCH ME”

The hands hold him down. Someone has their arms around his chest and arms hugging him close to their chest. Another has their hands holding down their legs. He’s held still now but still sobbing and begging to be let go. He can’t be put back into these shows he needs to leave. They’re so weak now, their cries coming out quieter.

“Let me go…please. I promise I won’t tell anyone, please let me go.”

The one holding his arms speaks. He recognizes their voice finally as it registers over the prominent ringing in his ear.

“It’s me Ran, it’s Charlie! I got you, I’ve got you. It’s me and Sneeg I promise we’re not gonna hurt you I know ur scared but it’s us kid it’s okay it’s okay i promise.”

Ranboo hiccups, and gently moves his arms underneath Charlie’s to grab at his hand. Their other arm, trembling, reaches for Sneegs. They both let him hold their hands. Ranboo shifts to lay against Charlie listening to his heart beat and feeling Sneegs through his wrist.

“We’ve got you bud. I told you I’d come back. You’re safe. Relax”

Ranboo still felt so much pain. As he laid in Charlie’s arms. Even when they got in that car and he leaned against Sneeg. The pain was still there, along with the ringing and his lack of vision. But there was also something new. Something they hadn’t felt in a while.

Calm and Peace.

His life had been hell the past three days and the three of them had been through so much. They’d lost everything they had. That mall had stripped them down of everything that made them, them and left them with practically nothing.

But it did leave them with one thing; Eachother. They always had eachother. Throughout it all. And it was then that Ranboo realized something new in the back of that beat up old car.

He was always going to have his brothers. Charlie and Sneeg. They were always going to have each other. And with that they were always going to be safe. They brought each other safety, love, and one very important thing.

Serenity.

[stxrbpd]

me & my eating disorder.

i remember hating my body at 10.

i remember finding out about eating disorder tumblr. i remember taking cold bath after cold bath because someone on tumblr said itd burn calories.

i remember saving loads of “diet plans”, ana memes, desperately searching every day and night for more ways to lose weight and control my eating.

more ways to make myself fall sicker.

downloading app after app, fasting, restricting, counting calories, bmi, etc etc etc.

i cant look at food the same. i cant look at most things the same.

the most random stuff will trigger me and give me the strangest flashbacks.

trying to recover again, and again. only to fall back deeper into my eating disorder.

being on ed communities on tumblr, twitter & instagram.

making “friends” who help me starve and yell at me if i go over the calorie limit of the day, giving me punishments.

over exercising day and night, scrolling these ed communities every morning like a newspaper. every night like a bedtime story.

posting body checks, weight updates, finding thinspo.

binging and feeling terrible and losing my progress. then throwing it all back up and sobbing on the bathroom floor. or throwing it up into a bag in my bedroom and tossing it when nobody’s awake so they wont question why i was puking.

i have been doing this for 10 years.

its consumed my entire soul and being.

its never enough. my eating is the only thing i can control, and i might as well control that. my weight is the only thing i can control, if i try hard enough.

crying night after night after night on why im not skinny enough.

comparing myself to my friends, family, strangers. even children and cartoon characters. “god why cant i look like them?”

feeling absolutely fucking huge in a group setting and having silent anxiety attacks over it. running to the washroom to look at my body and see if i really look as huge as i feel.

being asked for a t shirt to borrow so it can be over-sized on my skinny friend.

watching the most disgusting youtube videos i could find of mukbangs so i would lose my appetite and never want to eat.

picking up smoking because i heard itd cause my appetite to suppress.

drinking green tea to boost my metabolism, chugging water bottle after water bottle, chewing gum all hours of the night, walking for over 3 hours a day for no reason, protein bars, laxatives, feeling jealous of sims, diet coke, making playlists of ed songs, hoarding food in my room, chewing and spitting, spraying perfume on food so i cant eat it, taking dinner to my room to “eat” then hiding it under my bed until people are asleep, finding out calories before consuming food, exercising in bed, hating yourself if youre even 5 calories over your daily limit, considering doing drugs to lose weight, being jealous of thinner friends, panic attacks when needing to eat in front of people, feeling like you need to self harm after eating for punishment, trying to burn off every calorie you ate that day, fainting, being dizzy, hair falling out, bruises everywhere, brain fog and constant fatigue, thinking constantly about your next meal and when the next time you’ll eat be and making the most of it.

yet it still feels, not enough.

my eating disorder will forever be apart of me. even in recovery, i think back of all of these things and it digs into me, ruining me, and scarring me.

[80pairsofcrocs]

baby scarab || 62

shimmy shimmy anon - How about this, if Marc and y/n were to get into a fight, and Marc takes away her phone, y/n has an attitude, and Marc has had enough of it and snaps, idk mean like lashing out on her, I mean like raising his hands in the air and being all extra n shit, and when he raises his hands to go off and rant, y/n flights pretty bad, and before he goes off on a rant, he looks at her, and thinks about his mom, immediately stops, walks over to her, and asks if she's okay, y/n gets mad at him with tears running down her cheeks, ranting about how hard she's been trying to be a good daughter and saying Marc is not so different than her, and that he has no reason to be so upset, and storms off to her room, and about an hour later y/n is gone, they thought she ran off, but oh no..oh no they have NO IDEA what's about to happen. (Yiu don't have to write any of this btw)

-Love shimmer anon!🤗

~~~

A/N : :/

masterlist - marvel masterlist - series masterlist

A/N : THERE IS NO MORE SCHEDULE, IM SORRY also thank you all sm for the support and requests :)))

please enjoy, and don't be shy if you want to be in the taglist, just ask <3, sorry for the long wait

pairings : steven grant x (platonic)reader, marc spector x (platonic) reader, khonshu x (platonic)reader, jake lockley x (platonic)reader, layla el faouly x (platonic)reader

TW : medicine (pills), spidey stuff, violence, language, angst, very rushed and hard to read, mention of doctors, needles, mention of child abuse, mention of scars, mention of sex, bad words used at you (by you), allusions to SA (please do not read if it triggers you), cops, yelling, let me know if i missed anything.

~~~

you heard muffled voices.

you didn't know whose, and you couldn't tell what they were saying.

your eyes were closed, and you didn't have the strength to open them.

"..because she knows my name- how did she know?" one of the voices says, and you somehow manages to peel your eyes open.

your hands were behind you, and it felt like they were bound together by webs.

you would know from experience.

the man from before who knocked your lights out looked down at you on the floor, seeing that you were awake.

he didn't have the mask on, and if you weren't loyal to casper you would definitely hit that.

what can you say? he's cute.

"oh my god what do we do? she's awake-"

"i can hear you" you interrupt his whispering.

now you notice the other person in the room, same suit and older face.

what the fuck was going on.

"okay- um hi? i'm- i'm peter. you already knew that" the younger one scolds himself, and you just blink.

"where am i?" you bluntly ask, seeing as the two weren't exactly a threat.

"uhhhh we can't tell you that..?" the younger of the two poses more of a question than a direct answer.

you simply blink up at them. "okay, so why am i here then?" you ask and the older one takes a breath.

"okay, not to freak you out- but we aren't.. from this universe" he starts and you make a face.

"this happened before, but we don't know why it happened again" he sighs.

you just close your eyes for a second and purse your lips."can i just go home?" you ask.

"i'm grounded and my dads are going to give me shit if i get back too late" you try to reason, and the older one nods, while the other shakes his head frantically.

"what? don't let her go! she could attack us!" he exclaims and you scoff.

"no. i won't" you send a fake smile to him while the older spider guy crouches down next to you to rip the webs from your wrists.

you bring them back in front of you, and stand up, the man next to you doing the same.

you just nod to yourself and look around, seeing a window so you head towards it.

"..wait-!"

you turn around, seeing the younger of the two coming towards you.

you stand your ground and just breathe in sharply.

"we are pretty far from where i-"

"from where you kidnapped me?" you ask with not a single emotion present on your face.

"yeah, sorry about that- anyways, do you need us to escort you back?" he asks and you scoff, hiding a smile.

"escort?"

"stop laughing"

"i'm not laughing"

"peter 2, tell her to stop laughing" he whines to the older man, who puts his hands up.

"and i thought my peter was annoying" you roll your eyes nodding your head to the window.

"just lead me there please" you decide, so the two go in front of you to exit first.

"hope you can keep up" the older of the two teases, climbing out the window and swinging away, leaving you and the other one to follow.

~~~

"this is it, right across the street there" old peter points to your apartment building from the roof you were all currently standing on.

it was maybe around the middle of the night now, and you were still suspended for the next three days.

"thank you. even though you kidnapped me" you chuckle, turning to the two.

"it's wierd knowing there's more peters in other universes"  you start. "it sucks that you have to go back"

"yeah, but how are you here with baby peter?" the younger asks.

"oh i'm not a peter. i'm a y/n" you clarify, and they both nod.

"good luck getting to new york then" you sigh.

"go home safe, okay?" the younger says. "we're always watching our fellow spider-peoples backs" he smiles, and naturally you do to.

"hey, can you remember something for me?" the older asks, and you nod.

"just.. with great power there must also come great responsibility" you blink a few times, remembering when you peter said the same thing.

"thank you" you smile at the two before they turn and swing off.

you sigh and look up at the bright moon. a waxing crescent as of tonight.

you then peer down at your apartment building and turn around in the opposite direction on the roof.

okay, this may seem like a terrible plan, but you are sure that it would teach your dads a lesson.

you were on your way to casper's house, and you were going to stay the night, walk him to school, and then return home in the morning.

easy as pie.

it took you almost no time to swing over to casper's, to land on his fire escape by his window.

the curtains were closed, which meant you didn't even know if he was in the room.

you weigh your options and decide to leave three light knocks on the window, and that's when you hear rushed footsteps before the curtains are pulled away.

and there was your boyfriend, rubbing sleep from his eyes and looking relieved to see that it was just you.

he opened the window quietly to let you climb in.

"what the hell are you doing here? are you okay?" he asks, leading you to sit down on his bed while he looked over your face for any injuries.

"casper, i'm not hurt" you gently push his hands away from you. "just grounded"

"then why did marc call me to ask if i've seen you? they are worried, you just went missing" he argues.

you sigh and look towards the still open window and close it with a shoot of your webs and a slight tug.

there was a breeze, which made you both shiver.

"but steven saw what happened, a peter from a different universe kidnapped me" you explain and casper scoffs.

"okay, well i'm calling marc-"

"no you're not, i'm going back in the morning"

"i promised i'd call if i heard from you-"

"i don't care they deserve it"

"nobody deserves that feeling, y/n"

you stop talking right then and there. casper was right.

"can i see your phone?"

"only if you promise to give ur back" casper hands you his phone after you nod in agreement to his terms.

you immediately dialed your dads number even though it was saved in the phone.

it only rings twice before he answered.

"hey- it's marc, we haven't found her yet but we are still looking-"

"well stop and go home because i'm fine" you cut in, making marc freeze from the other side of the phone.

"..kid?!" his voice cracks in the middle of the word. "oh my- are you okay?!" he asks in a shouting voice.

you feel a pit of guilt form in your stomach at the reaction of him just simply hearing your voice.

"yeah. i'm okay"

"what happened? steven refuses to talk to us"

now you felt really awful. steven clearly saw you get kidnapped and now he's refusing to talk to the people he shares a body with.

and it's all your fault.

"i.. there were two peters from different universes and one of them freaked out when i knew his name" you explain shortly in a solemn tone.

"y/n i'm coming to get you-"

"well good luck dragging me out of casper's house because i'm not leaving" you interrupted just to hear a scoff.

"you expect me to just let you stay? you're still grounded and he has school tomorrow" marc argues, but then jake decides to butt in.

"well i think one night wouldn't be too bad.."

marc sighs tiredly and stammers over his words before he gets it all out.

"fine. whatever. but we are having a long talk once we get you home" he says as if he was being forced to.

"yeah, we are" you agree, leaving marc to only say a few more words.

"i love you, y/n. all of us do. please stay safe or i swear i'm grounding you forever"

"promise. i love you guys too"

he hangs up after that, and you give your phone back to casper.

"so.. that was obviously an under reaction" casper purses his lips after speaking.

you sigh and look up at the ceiling. "yeah but i'm glad it was" you start. "he would have to drag me out of this house because i am not leaving"

"i have school tomorrow"

"i know. i'm sorry"

casper just moves closer to you so that you were sitting side by side, legs hanging off the bed.

"don't be sorry-"

"i don't just mean this" you look over to him, and see a look of pity in his eyes.

"y/n, we already talked about this" he begins and you just stare down at the floor. "you didn't do anything wrong. you never have"

"how do you know that?" you ask, stressful tears gathering in your eyes, though you try to blink them away.

"because i know you, and i know you've made mistakes but we've fixed them. together" he sends you a half smile when you look up.

you just sniff and lean your head on his shoulder, to which he puts and arm around you and presses a kiss to the top of your head.

"you guys will be okay" he assures you, referring to your dads.

"yeah. thanks" you pick your head up and look him in the eyes, and let a smirk raise on your lips when you see his eyes dart down to them.

you take it upon your self to lean in quickly and bring a hand to the back of his head, so that he meets you half way.

he lets out a noise of surprise when your lips first meet his but relaxes into the kiss and lays a hand on your cheek, rubbing circles into it with his thumb.

your lips moved against each other for another couple seconds before you moved one of your hands to his chest, grasping at his shirt while the other pulled him impossibly closer to you.

he quietly groaned at the switch and moved both of his hands to your face, holding you close to him.

you poke your tongue out at his lips, to which he opens his mouth so you could lick up into it, causing a shiver to go down his spine.

not a moment later you detach yourself from casper's mouth and move onto his neck, leaving a trail of light kisses until you reach a spot your most fond of.

casper moves his hands to clutch onto the back of your shirt, like how yours were on the front of his.

"-y/n.." he whispers into your hair before taking in a shaky breath through his mouth.

you bite down on the sensitive part of his neck before sucking on it.

after that, it seemed like you blacked out.

the next thing you knew was casper was pulling you off of him and moving your hands away from the waist of his sweatpants.

"wait wha-" you take in a sharp breath before your blood runs cold.

casper looked a mess, and not in a good way at the moment.

he had a dark forming bruise on his neck, where there were two small spots with a bit of blood.

his hair was messed up and sticking in every direction, clothes disheveled and sweatpants down on his hips with the strings untied.

"i'm so sorry" you whisper, thinking the worst.

you couldn't remember what had happened that past couple minutes.

"hey, it's okay, please look at me" casper requests and you do so with tears in your eyes.

"come on, let's just get some sleep. you're tired and we can talk in the morning" he reasons and you just stare at the wall with tears in your eyes as casper brought you down towards his pillows.

he lays you down next to him, and makes sure to hold your hand as he uses the other to make sure you're fully covered with his blankets.

you didn't care if he was asleep or not, you moved to cling onto him and cry yourself to sleep in a matter of minutes.

casper though, couldn't.

he was awake thinking of what had just happened in the last five minutes.

you'd both been lost in each other, lips on lips, and hands on other areas when you had bit down just a bit too hard.

and when casper winced, you slurred out a quick apology and moved your lips to a different spot, unaware of casper's unease.

but it wasn't him that didn't want it, it was you.

he sensed something wasn't right, you always made sure he was okay and vise versa, but nothing else came out of your mouth.

when he tried to pull you away, you talked as if someone was controlling you.

"i need it"

"please, hit me"

"i want to feel it"

"i need to feel the pain"

is what you said to him, and that wasn't like you at all.

he pushed you farther away, trying to set your mind straight.

"are you okay?"

"stop, you don't want this"

"i'm not letting you make this mistake"

"i'm never going to hit you, and you don't need to feel pain"

"are you feeling alright?"

the truth of the matter is that he wanted it. he wanted it so badly, but was completely turned off by the fact that is wasn't consensual both ways.

you wouldn't give him a clear answer, just slurring your words together and almost forcing yourself onto him.

he swore to himself that he wouldn't never in his life no matter what disrespect a woman's wishes, and here he was fulfilling the promise.

casper knew you didn't want it. only wanted something to take your mind off of everything that's happened.

so he had to stop you from doing something you'd regret, and he's thankful you came back to your senses when you did. before it got too far.

he did eventually fall asleep, after lovingly staring at your sleeping form, head on his chest while he gently wiped away drying tears from your cheeks.

and unlucky for you, since you were dead asleep you didn't hear him tell you that he loves you.

~~~

you woke up somewhat peacefully.

casper was still asleep, with both arms wrapped around your waist with his face buried in your hair.

you gently moved his hands off of you and guided his head back to his pillow, and moved back a bit to just admire.

you hate admitting how much you actually loved him considering everything you'd both already been through.

you believed he should be with someone better.

someone who didn't nearly get him killed.

torn away from his family, while it would be all your fault.

but yet here he is, laying in front of you. perfectly healthy.

you brought a hand up hesitantly to his face, gently brushing your knuckles against his cheek.

he took in a quick breath and his eyebrows furrowed before his eyes fluttered open, landing on you almost right away.

he just tiredly grins at you, so you take continue, moving your hand to rake your nails through his hair.

"hey" he greets, with a slight rasp in his voice.

"hi" you whisper back, letting a smile take over your features.

"do you feel okay? sleep well?" casper asks you and you nod against the pillow you were laying against.

"i'm feeling a little better, thank you" you answer, letting casper pull away to sit up against the headboard.

you shifted to stare up at him while he picked up his phone from the nightstand to check the time.

"it's already 6" he starts and you shove your face in the pillow. "i have to get ready, and you have to go home. your dads are worried about you" he says, making you pick your head up to look at him.

"i know. i just.. i want to stay" you frown, and sit up as well to be eye level with casper.

"i want you to stay too but once you aren't grounded then i'll take you out, okay?" he brings a smile to your face at his plan.

"deal" you lean forward to press a kiss to his cheek before shoving the blankets off of you to stand up and search around for your shoes.

casper got up as well, shuffling through his drawers while you tied your shoes.

"hey, it looks pretty cold out" he opens the curtain to his window, seeing light snow falling.

you groan quietly and rub your temples. "just my luck" you mumble.

casper clears his throat, making you turn to him while standing back up from tying your shoes.

"you can take this is you want.. i don't want you to get sick" he says, handing you a thick sweatshirt of his.

it was one he wore often too, making your heart feel particularly full at the moment.

you smile and slip it on, deciding to just lean forward to wrap your arms around his neck.

casper reciprocated the hug quickly, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"thank you"

"it's no problem, it's just a sweater-"

"no. for everything" you pull back to press a quick kiss to his lips, then heading for the window, opening it and cringing at the gust of cold wind that came in.

you lifted yourself on the windowsill, only to be stopped before you jumped down onto the fire escape.

"y/n- wait" casper rushes over, taking your hand in his.

"i love you" he looks into your eyes, and you smile down at him from where you sat on the window.

"i love you too" you respond, then squeeze his hand before leaving, making sure you heard the windows lock click after casper closed it.

~~~

it was a very quick trip home.

sadly.

you couldn't even knock on the door, marc just opened it and yanked you inside by your forearm.

it startled you at first, never feeling marc grab you like that before intentionally.

"go sit down" he points to the kitchen table, where you see a small bowl of fruit and a glass of water.

you assumed that seat was for you.

you slid off your shoes and followed marc's instruction, and just sat staring down at your lap while he came over and sat across from you.

"i hope you had fun probably having sex with your boyfriend, because now you're grounded for longer" marc tensely says to you while you look up to glare at him.

"i was kidnapped last night and the first thing you're going to do is yell at me?" you mutter angrily.

marc scoffs. "i'm not yelling" he raises his voice a little, just proving your point.

"why didn't you come home?" he asks, still tense and seemingly mad at you.

"because i didn't want to be around you. i still don't" you look down and pick at your fingers.

"no, you look at me. we are having a conversation" you just look back up with a tired sigh and furrowed brows.

"and for the record, we looked for you. for hours. while steven was gone- and by the way he still is" he starts, shocking you at the last part. "he refuses to talk or even show himself i-" marc takes in a sharp breath.

"well i'm sorry i'm such an idiot. sorry that i wanted to be a slut and not come home" you feel your eyes full with tears. "tell steven that i'm sorry. for being a bitch-"

"enough of that! don't you dare call yourself those things!" jake yells from wherever he was listening, and marc shushes him.

"i can call myself what i want. besides, marc just assumes everything so-"

"i don't assume-"

"then why was your first thought about me and casper having sex?!" you exclaim. "because we didn't!"

marc runs a hand down his face and grits his teeth before speaking.

"we want to protect you-"

"enough with that bullshit! i'm sick of it! you know i don't need protecting!" you stand up from your seat.

"sit back down, right now" marc says lowly, and you just tilt your head at him from where you stood.

"why? are you scared?"

"wha- what are you talking about?" marc asks, genuinely confused.

"you know, i try to hard to be a good daughter" you let a single tear fall before wiping it away. "sometimes i feel like you only adopted me to make sure i didn't destroy the world" you laugh bitterly to yourself.

"it runs in the family, does it not?" you ask rhetorically.

marc stands up so that he can walk around the table to be right in front of you.

"don't talk like that. that man is not your father" marc defends.

"yeah? he's not?" you smile up at him while a couple more tears fall. "then what's this?" you lift up your sleeve, showing marc the scarred letters.

he looks at them for a moment before looking into your eyes, bringing a hand up slowly, his intention to wipe your tears before you pushed it away.

"don't touch me" you grit out, moving quickly away from him.

you shove your sleeve down and just stare into marc's eyes, while he contemplates trying to get you to sit back down.

"y/n-"

"no" you shake your head at him. "i can tell you're holding back so just do it" you wipe at your nose, and then sniff.

"..if you think i'm going to hit you then you're wrong-"

"why? i deserve it. i was kidnapped and i didn't even come home" you breath in sharply. "because i wanted to be a stupid whore-"

"STOP! DONT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF LIKE THAT!" marc yells, making you freeze where you stood, eyes widening.

"WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DONT DESERVE TO BE HURT?!" he begins, throwing his hands in the air, coming closer to you.

"YOU THINK YOURE INVINCIBLE- YOU WERE PRACTICALLY BEGGING ME TO HIT YOU!" he lets out a bitter laugh, quieting down a bit.

"you.. you don't get it honey. you are my life.. i can't-" marc gets cut off by a knock at the door.

you were still staring up at him with blurry eyes, while he looked towards the door with furrowed brows.

"are you expecting someone..?" marc asks in a whisper and you shake your head quickly, not wanting to upset marc.

he rushes to the door and opens it, leaving the chain attached so that whoever it was couldn't get in.

you sat down on the floor, behind the counter while you listened to the voices by the door.

"oh- is there a problem officer?" marc asks politely to the police who were at the door.

your eyes widened and you peek around the counter to see three policemen gathered on the other side of the door, marc tense as ever.

"we got a call, complaints of yelling. we also have a warrant to have a look around" the man says and marc clenches his jaw.

"yeah.. there was shouting. and why do you have a warrant to search my home?" marc asks skeptically.

the policeman speaks in a hushed voice, as if you still couldn't hear him anyways.

"we heard from a girls doctor, y/n spector, that there were numerous scars all over her and we also have permission to take her into custody if we have to" he says, making you turn back around so that you were hidden.

"if you think i'm hitting my daughter, you're wrong. there's nothing to hide here so have a good day-" marc tries to close the door, which results in the cops breaking the chain and shoving marc back.

"no- you can't take her!" marc shoves back just to be held still by two of the cops.

you stayed hidden behind the counter, but your breathing quickened when you hear footsteps getting closer.

marc was still fighting against the two cops, but only a few words make him freeze.

"sir, if you don't calm down then we could have you arrested"

marc didn't want to get arrested. it would ruin everyone's lives.

you'd be heartbroken and living with layla, who would be the same.

steven would lose his online class and jake would lose his small taxi business.

"she's over here!" the man yells, looking down at you as your shuffled backwards away from him.

he put a hand out and bent down to your level. "hey, you have to come with us, okay?"

"no- you can arrest my dad he didn't do anything wrong!" you shout at him, while he sighed and came closer to you, taking your arms in his hands and pulling you up so that you were standing.

"no- let- LET ME GO!" you scream at the man as he basically dragged you to the door.

"y/n! NO, LET HER GO!" marc fights against the other officers.

you kicked and punched against the man that held your arms and guided you through the door, and the last thing you saw of your home was marc, cheeks wet with tears, standing disheveled by the door.

you were glad he didn't escalate it, you would feel terrible if he got arrested.

but you?

oh. you.

as soon as the elevator doors closed the man held you still while one of the other officers took a needle out of a pouch on their belt.

"this is just to calm you" they said.

"it'll all be okay when you wake up" they said.

they stuck that needle in your arm and before you knew it you were out again.

heading to not even khonshu knows where.

actually that's a lie. khonshu followed you. he needed to know where these people were taking you.

like any good grandpa would.

nobody knew of the confusing nightmare ahead.

you had just gotten home, just gotten into a critical argument with marc, when the police had come to take you away from them.

with an actual reason too.

you had a feeling your doctor would snitch.

but nothing really mattered. not right now. you just had to focus on getting home.

with your dads.

where you belong, and always will.

~~~

A/N : sorry this took forever, just super busy :)) hope you liked this cliffhanger, and stay tuned for baby scarab chapter 63 hopefully by february 1st. ily all

~~~

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[dreamlanddeluxe]

pro-tip from someone who has had stretches pf insomnia like this since high school: (bc your posts makes it sound like a new development and like youre scared, so i want to help. sorry this unsolicited)

but literally?? fake it

fake sleeping. youre going to lie down, close your eyes, shift when youre uncomfortable, but keep your eyes closed and stay laying down. try to keep your mind as blank as possible, thats really hard for me specifically, so i legit will listen to videos or podcasts or music or ocean-waves as i fake-sleep (bonus, i found something that works for me 60, 70% of the time are those ASMR roleplay videos where it'll be like "your boyfriend/girlfriend talks to you while you sleep" or "you get confessed to while youre asleep" or literally anything where i have to "roleplay" being asleep?? weirdly? flips a switch and ill be KOed before the video ends. what the fuck. but thats niche as hell, idk if itll work for you, but it is an "experiment! you never know" encouragement)

and youre going to want to fake-sleep as best as you can, even if youre actually awake the whole 8+ hours, because it legit tricks your brain into thinking youre asleep enough that it gives you those chemicals you need from sleeping that help regenerate your energy and whatnot. like scientists found this works really well, insomniacs who did this instead of their phone or tasks or reading, even if they rarely fell asleep while fake-sleeping, not only recorded feeling a lot better than the control group who was not given this order to sleep like this, but also had more balanced chemical stuff. i like to akin ir to a cell-phone charge. youre not going to get the 100% you would from actually sleeping, but going from a 20% to a 65% is still p huge and very helpful. before i was told this tip, i literally would meditate to recoup; and shockingly meditation releases those same chemicals so like. i was already doing it. just. sitting up instead of laying down lol

also, please do talk to a doctor about getting a sleep study done or something if you have the insurance to afford it. but this is a tip you can do in the meantime in addition to other experimentations thatll help you out. youll still feel exhausted (esp if you cant quiet your brain. my AuDHD mind shuts the fuck when other people speak, so the audio-roleplay and podcast and video-essay people have been god-sends), you won't be that 100% refresh as i already said, but it also wont be AS compounded of an exhaustion which is so helpful when your metaphorical battery is just going down and down and down— to have SOMETHING charge it even a bit or just stall it. i dont want you to think this is a "youll feel back to normal!" cure-all; it truly is the epitome of a "well, thatll help it not get WORSE at any rate, and maybe a bit better" type of rhetoric

for now, i would recommend doing a fake-nap, pick x-amount of hours that feels most comfortable to you (my pick is usually 3 or 4, but my lil sister found she prefers 2 hour long fake-naps and my other lil sister just goes "fuck it, no fake-nap, only fake-sleep; im doing 8+ hours" lmao), see if it at least takes the edge off

i have said a lot of "temper your expectations" type of stuff but i will also say this: at one point, this tip literally saved my life. because i spent 2.5 months running on a total of 4 to 6 hours of legit-sleep per week or per week-and-a-half throughout. and that kinda shit, i belatedly found out, should mean i should be dead. but i was fake-sleeping at least 5 hours a night. and my family's doctor went "uhhhhh thank god i showed your mom that study i guess, omfg". so like. i swear it helps. just. ALSO temper your expectations on how much it helps lol

if this is unsolicited and feels unwarranted, i apologize. im not good at reading tone in text, and just wanted to help. i hope this does help you out, you got this, i believe in you!!

Hey no worries, I appreciate you taking the time to type all this out. Recently (like, within the past one to two years or so) I’ve been more prone to bouts of restlessness and the fake sleeping is actually something I practice and it does help me most of the time. I think right now it’s more of a stress induced sort of thing more than anything that’s led to me having more trouble. Might just be one of those things I gotta wait out to be honest. When I do have a moment where I can’t sleep right it doesn’t last more than a few days normally so I don’t imagine this being different I hope. Maybe seeing a doctor would help but I’ll be honest there’s a probably a few things I should be seeing a doctor about and I just don’t have the money for that lol. But still like I said I appreciate you taking the time to try and help me out and offer some advice that’s very kind of you 🫶

[memberment]

Genesis

Good morning everyone. It is 5 pm and I may have mildly recovered as I've absconded from the depths of last night's insanity.

Anyways updates will be here but I have felt icky for the past hour so I probably will not get shit done today.

It's 5:38. I have written all of two sentences and have spent most of my time awake trying to figure out something in regards to part two and I feel like executing that is going to be the ultimate test to my writing abilities LMFAO

9:46 I literally just spent THREE WHOLE HOURS on thisisnotawebsitedotcom.com

THREE. WHOLE. HOURS.

I have seen things. I have cracked codes. Now I feel absolutely insane. Back to writing I go!<3

1:07 I finished reading An Answer. Wow, that was fucking wild. Also just finished up 24. It's gonna be on the shorter end, but y'know what? I stand by it. Now I'm gripped with icy terror.

No one can even begin to understand how much seeing this on my screen serves to terrify me. I have officially breached writing the worst part. We are no longer in the worse part. We are in the worst part.

May god forgive me for my sins.

3:38 am: After getting distracted many times, I Want To Live is finished, and frankly, I want to die. I can't believe I just wrote that. That was fucking brutal, dudes.

AND NOW I GET TO WRITE FALL FROM GRACE LIKE I NEED SOMETHING TO COPE AFTER THIS.

Anyways, if anyone has some cute fluff recommendations so I don't slam my head into a wall, it would be kindly appreciated because THIS. HURTS.

4:24 am: AHHH IM AT 1734 AND I NEED TO MAKE THIS AT LEAST LIKE HIGH 2K HOW THE FUCK DO I DO THAT LIKE THIS CHAPTER IS SO STRAIGHT FORWARD BUT IT NEEDS TO BE ITS OWN THING!!!!

5:04: HOLY SHIT SO I AM SITTING HERE TRULY DELVING INTO THE DEPTHS OF MADNESS THAT CRAIG'S EXPERIENCING. HOW THE FUCK AM I ONLY AT EXACTLY 2250????? OH MY GOD. SHOOT ME. LIKE THIS CHAPTER IS SO DISTURBING I FEEL LIKE IF I GO ANY FURTHER IM GONNA HAVE TO START ADDING ACTUAL TWS.

5:33: This is purely hypothetical is anyone gonna notice if the most (arguably) fucked up chapter in this is, like, the shortest one? If so, will they be happy about this just because of how much of a smack in the face that is?

We're gonna go with yes actually, because I have done just about all I can do with this chapter. It's fucked. Creek is dead. I have finally hit the scene that spawned this entire fic. I am dead.

Also forgot to mention I broke 80k. I'm at 81.6k rn.

It is 7:21 am. I have reached the point where I don't even know where I am going with this at the moment. I think someone's gonna have an off page death. I was gonna fully write it but idk. Like, it'll get shown eventually. But I feel like at this point there are certain things I am trying to desensitize the reader to OVER TIME, but this is not that. Anways. I am at 83.4k and I am tapping out. Goodnight.

[luetta]

uuuuuuuu

just had like ….. the first dream ever where people were like attracted to me. oh my goddddddd. i was working at this like, corporate place. i had gotten a job as like some corporate drone with like econ and stocks but it around. it was only like 3 hours and we often had like, wine and such. i had a couple. and i was chatting a bit with the bartender throughout, they were a cute boy with really curly hair. kinda looked like someone i knows but didn’t act like them, was a bit more fem though. we were all in like dress clothes. and then the shift ended and it was pretty much us two and we were chatting more, all of the workers were going home until it was just like, a bunch of other custodial staff hanging out in the empty worksite. i started chatting to another, this one was black silken hair, still face length but a middle part, and an olive complexion. bc i had drunk a bit i was going to go hang out in the mall across the bridge for a couple hours before i drove home, so i was in no rush. just hung out with these two boys amongst like, a group of ppl chatting during like a lull in work/gotten off shift. and then the olive one like, asked for my number and i was like sure ! was about to ask for yours hahah. and then it was us two, walking through the big corporate place together, i was in the middle, shoulder to shoulder. and the second one would always like, touch my shoulder with their hand, and then glide their hand down my back, feeling me. oh my god it drove me crazy. my loins literally ached. i felt it so well, i remember the feeling even now while awake. it was like, just a friendly touch on my shoulders, but a hang down my back, that was something more. they liked me, they thought i was hot, they wanted to get to know me, they thought i was a cute naive thing. but yeah. at the. ever end of the building in this big glass room with a taco truck, they ordered some food and sat down to eat, while i went to go keep walking, so said my goodbyes. more stuff happened as i went to the other side of the bridge but it was mostly random stuff, as my dreams tend to be. saw a couple other ppl i know. but yeah

i just had to write that out as fast as i could because oh my fucking god. like….. i haven’t experienced that in real life yet. haven’t really .. been touched bu someone like that. and i know it’ll make me woozy, im so sensitive to touch. idk … i i i definitely need to have a think about some things. maybe i should work on being a cuter girl. i think i’ve been denying how good that makes me feel out of lack of energy (from the hrt). and maybe i should chase romance harder. i haven’t really been trying nearly enough as i could. and the fact that it’s two boys, i wonder how important that is. they were a bit fem but still. uuuuu… so so so yeah. that happened