#god i hate this why am i like this
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hi ali if you dont want the spider can i have it pretty pls :3
my mommy killed it sorry
#ask ali#mat tag#this is such a stupid thing to get this caught up over#im like still physically shaking even though this was like half an hour ago#i dont think im sleeping b4 5am todah either#god i hate this why am i like this
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Julian Bashir walks a very fine, maddening line between “self-loathing imposter syndrome who knows almost everyone who speaks to him for more than a minute finds him insufferable” and “incredibly self assured and annoyingly arrogant to the point of a minor god complex”.
He knows he’s attractive, he thinks he’s charming as all hell, he knows he’s the smartest person in the room (while also being acutely aware he’s going to put his foot in his mouth any second now), and he just swings wildly between “I don’t deserve anything I have, none of this is mine, my life is not my own, I am a monster” and “HELL YEAH LOOK HOW COOL AND SMART I AM GUYS ARE YOU LOOKING ARE YOU LOOKING”.
And then there’s episodes that reveal that underneath that annoying arrogance, at the very core of who he is, he really, really just wants to help people, and if he fucks that up he WILL take it personally and hold himself responsible even if there’s no way he could have known and like. Can you imagine what his first patient death was like for him. Can you imagine what a fucking nightmare his brain must be 24/7.
He is somehow as inherently self assured as he is in need of constant validation for his ego because you can SEE him break a little when that ego fails him, even a little, and it’s just.
He’s very fun to write. I hate him. (I love him so much, but oh my god.)
#stella talks#star trek#star trek ds9#julian Bashir#.he knows how attractive he is. literally cannot conceive that Jadzia might NOT want to fuck him.#.he knows how smart he is and is an absolute idiot about it.#.and like it’s so hard to work out is he super self assured because he knows he’s engineered and even though he hates it he still KNOWS.#.like he KNOWS he is objectively going to be smarter and more athletic and etc bc he was MADE to be that way.#.which then plays into how he has that fun dichotomy of self loathing tied up in his arrogance.#.manages to see himself as both gods gift to the world and a pathetic monster at the same time.#.anyway this is why in my fic I am giving him the fun combination of sex repulsed and hypersexual due to trauma.#.because Bashir is a man of completely polar opposites conflicting personality traits and I want to be faithful.
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phinktober day 11: ur fav AU
i dont rlly do AUs so i just drew them how i wish they would dress xo
(dan’s tats r carnations and snowdrops and phil’s r roses and honeysuckle. for no reason 🤗)
ALSO bonus version w makeup bc i couldn’t pick <3
#soz copied caption from twt i have been drawing for 7 hours straight i need to drink water eat something take a piss and a shower and sleep#no braincell rn#goodbye it is wine time#hope yall like this idfk what people what these days other than ship art but im not doing that so sorry no knights fucking for you#just me making them look like me bc i’m a narcissist etc#god i am way too tired to be yapping rn i have no filter whatever ABYWAY HASHTAG DANIPHIW#art2 and craft2#dnp#phanart#dan and phil#daniel howell#amazingphil#dan howell#phil lester#phinktober#punk edits irl come back to me please#i’m missing a fkn hashtag i just know it whatever i don’t CARE im TIRED i have eaten nothing but half a jar of picked today i feel so goblin#idk why i tunnelvisioned w this piece it’s not even that good or detailed LMFAO#actually the tattoos were a BITCH and also made me sad bc of my whole failed tattooing career etc#OH MY GOD WHY AM I YAPPING SO MUCH SOMEONE EUTHANISE ME#good NIGHT !!!!!!#pickles not picked btw but i’m not retyping all of that#now i’m sad bc i’m out of pickles and it’s 10pm and everything is shut:( hate my stupid gay life
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Oh god ever since i read nyoomerr's ficlet about OctoBinghe it's been stuck in my mind and i just had to draw it!
Nyoomerr's post
#artists on tumblr#scum villian self saving system#svsss#svsss fanart#mxtx#luo binghe#ok but the blue ringed octopus is like one of my fav animals and i'm obsesd with octopus anatomy#and body horror as in merging things with humans in fun ways#so this came so natural#what didnt came natural where those stupid as fucking rings#but i think they came out ok#i origanaly wanted to make binghe more into an abomination like the mad scientist that i am#also more eyes#the rings where suposed to be eyes but i couldn't pass up the oputunety to make him venumos#like we all love ourself some monster bingbing but lke venomes bingbing?#oh god viper bing bing with retravtable fangs#no scales r shit i hate drawing scales#i'm becoming less and less coherent#binghe why r u making my brain into mush? shizun won't eat brain mush no mater how u cook it
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I saw a Troilus post and that made me have Feels™ all over again. Something that particularly upsets me is the image of Troilus being dragged by his hair to Apollo's altar:
Like even putting aside the fact that Troilus, apart from being Apollo's son, is also a suppliant to Apollo here and to harm anyone in a god's temple is already an unforgivable violation of the sacredness of the place-
Troilus was a little boy or a youth at the most. His hair was most definitely sacred to him. It would have been cut and dedicated to Apollo, the protector of boys, if he had reached his adulthood. But he got dragged by his hair to his death, as if he was an animal being sacrificed to the god. Achilles didn't simply kill Troilus, he deliberately violated everything Troilus would have held sacred to him - his hair, his body, his god's temple...
Achilles had previously killed Tenes as well, another son of Apollo, despite Thetis very clearly warning him not to do so. So all of this was him knowingly spitting in Apollo's face, if you think about it.
#Troilus#Achilles#and he had the gall to accuse Apollo of being the most hateful of the gods#the fucking audacity of this bitch#like no shit Apollo would hate you#and this is also why I always prefer Paris being the one to kill him#because being killed by a god is an honor in itself#and Achilles has earned himself an inglorious death#also to clarify this isn't an attack on Achilles' fans#I don't mind if anyone likes him#i also find him interesting#tbh I'm not as affected by Tenes' death as i am by Troilus' death#it's entriely because of the brutality that Troilus was subjected to#in a place where he was supposed to be safe#it doesn't help that we have quite a few ancient artworks showing the scene of death#ugh#mine
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listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.
yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?
maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".
get a better joke
#toy txt post#god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones#let it flop..........pls#internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop#i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having#1 million bajillion disclaimers#virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word#disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word#grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used#to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023#and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like#im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild#i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good'#like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you#but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches'#'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay#god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil#but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful#and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like#hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine#and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr#and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like#and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay#its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat#? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty?#you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right#stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny#whatever#if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll#i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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when he splash his pure shit water up ur nose during butt bath time and then acts like the victim
#he also decided he would fight me and roll around in that shit water#so full bath#he is getting a churi or whatever its cLled after but i am literally so annoyed at him rn#okay but also i did laugh very hard seeing his little rat ass bolt out of the bathroom#and trail water everywhere#god i hate him if i get a sinus infection his ass will be on the streets#not srs#churus lowkey make me give a side eye#bc its always something a cat can eat plus something a cat definitely cannot eat#and im just like i hope there arent actual green onions in this….#this is why u always have a neti pop on hand#kms
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bradley doodle collection because he captivates me. wish i could crush him under my thumb. inspired by fics
#bradley uppercrust iii#an extremely goofy movie#goofy movie#a goofy movie#goofy#max goof#maxley#doodles#also imo Brad would hate golf but his dad would make him at least know how to golf for networking reasons#also i am of the belief that he wears glasses but never out. its either contacts or blindness for him because he would never wear them out#call him nerdley#dont ask me why hes smoking inside either he just is. plus i believe that he ashes his joints into a proper ashtray#no matter that the house smells like gas#he could never ash it on top of carpet or god forbid just take a smoke break outside. he treats it like a cigar
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I'd pay so much money to hear you give a lesson on paleontolgy. Whenever you write about you seem so formal and passionate ✨️
this is sooooo sweet but i guarantee you don’t want this bc the first lesson would be on terminology and the geologic timeline, some of the most boring but fundamental shit 😭😭
or, hear me out—that but my feeder is stuffing me more and more. the lesson keeps getting interrupted by sips of weight gain shake and many belly rubs
#‘boring’ is relative btw#i hate how and why words work but i love the geologic timeline#i love how life has developed throughout all of it#and i love how a deeper understanding of that span of time truly changes your worldview#i see things as their path through time#idk if that makes sense but i see an oak tree and am just happy to know they’ve been around for like 40 million years#and i LOVE knowing what formations and areas fossils come from#one goal of mine is to have a piece of live oak fossil wood from the willis formation of southeast texas#it’d take some work to identify but god. i am willing#talk#ask
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I'm not bigender in a fluid way I'm bigender in a god way, hope that helps.
#bigender#queer#transgender#not the Christian god necessarily#whatever god you want#if god hates me why am I just like them <3
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the thing about labru vs kabumisu is that both of them have the same core appeal to me, specifically from kabru's side of things: kabru being someone who is constantly agonizing about social rules and putting on the right mask, and meeting this Weird Fucking Guy who does not (cannot) care about all those things, and so kabru slowly allows himself to be more genuine. they're both such good relationships (whether you view them romantically or platonically), why must there be so much hostility between enjoyers of these ships?
#they are ALSO both ''just when you think you've hit rock bottom you want to fuck a blonde guy''#(yes ik mithrun's hair is technically silver but it's blonde enough)#eliot posts#dunme#ships#dungeon meshi#dm spoilers#dungeon meshi spoilers#labru#kabumisu#i love both so i feel like i'm winning either way. multi track drifting!#i think i like kabumisu slightly more bc i am an acts of service enjoyer at heart#but both are good#the only ship that i'm that gung ho about is farcllle (but also i'd never get into a shipping war over it bc im not fucking 12 years old)#why is there so much shipping war in this fandom??? it's so fucking bonkers. is it fucking 2014???#what makes it more annoying is that this series is so light on romance and focuses on platonic relationships#how did this series attract so many rabid shippers???#this post has been up for 2 hours and someone was already posting bad take reductive ship hate in the replies#get blocked <3 you are a deeply obnoxious human being god bless your heart
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The character assasination of Lila being more happy to see the family than five. FIVE survived an apocalypse and a deranged bureau for 46 years so he could fight his way back to save his family FIVE. isn't happy to see them after getting lost against his will for 7 years.
Like he thinks the cleanse is over and done with he thinks he's coming back to peace and his family happy and together and Lila is more excited to see them than him? Five who has traversed space and time for his siblings, who has outrun apocalypse after apocalypse after apocalypse for them. and 7 years is enough to destroy all that make him wish for a time without them? I call bullshit.
#god lets talk about about five I would very much love to meet clair hargreeves would never betray his brother like that.#I hate the five/lila thing because I could see it coming which is why it feels even stupider to interwine her with diego#Destroy 3 seasons worth of character for a half episode love story be so fucking for real steve.#also this isnt me shitting on lila I know that she loves them and I am glad she is happy to see them#KC watches#the umbrella academy#anti five x lila#lila pitts#five hargreeves#the hargreeves#hargreeves siblings#tua season 4#tua#tua s4#tua spoilers
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”shuro is romanticizing falin’s autism while simultaneously hating laois!!!!”
hey guys what if I fucking exploded
#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝#oh my god#I am not even a toshiro fan but this annoys the shit out of me#toshiro likes falin because unlike laois he relates to her!#with laois he’s constantly having micro aggressions done to him#even the nick name laois gave him ‘shuro’ is a micro aggression!#he doesn’t exactly like laois because he feels his boundaries are always being walked over-#-with laois#falin doesn’t do that with him and he relates to her incredibly#that’s why he loves her so much!#also gonna be honest here#I love chimera falin#but if I was in toshiro’s shoes#I too would probably suggest just killing her lol#*internal screaming*#toshiro nakamoto#shuro nakamoto#laois touden#falin touden#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dungeon meshi spoilers#delicious in dungeon spoilers#also#one last thing#he doesn’t even hate laois#he dislikes how he constantly ignores and commits micro aggressions against him#and also feels envious of him#but he does not fucking hate him#and while there is the big problem that toshiro never communicates any of that with laois
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(Original art) Xaror, any pronouns, species (?), age (?)
short summary about them; they act as both an antagonist and an ally since they are only really interested in what they want or whats fun to them, they are immortal and call themselves 'death itself' since they have a special connection to souls (being the only one able to communicate with them) and the ability to seperate souls from their bodies in such a way that nothing can harm the soul afterwards their main goal is to .. bother and disturb the 'celestials'*, which they hate, as much as they can, breaking into their palace, freeing prisoners, destroying research, destroying the place, and most importantly, making as many souls unusable to them as possible-
they dont want to destroy the celestials though, they cant fight them anyway and this game of doing 'good' only with the goal of annoying them is their most treasured activity, so Xaror doesnt intend to stop them from killing or hurting anyone, only from harvesting what they are actually after (though Xaror doesnt actually care as little as they think they do about people, and has a soft spot for demons)
most of their appearance is later into the story; Zaphira (the empress) had been in coma and the medical facility she was treated in was destroyed by Shargon (orange eyed demon who acts as her bodyguard for the first part) in an attempt to save her from her estranged relatives taking over her country after they heard of her decline in health, she is believed dead but washes up on the shore of the mountain Xaror resides at years later (it has a reason, too much to write here) and they slowly nurse her back to health, the reason they give for it is that they found their first encounter very fun, thats all (is it?)
(more lore under the cut bc this is already so long .. im trying to keep it short q-q ......... this is stuff i have been working on since i was a kid so uh, some things might be cheesy but i cant change them anymore ..)
just to get some basics out of the way; theres three worlds, the celestials palace, human world and demon world, each are their own planet connected via different gateways
*celestials (possibly not final name, loosely based on angels) are the last remaining "survivors" of their planets demise, when their world died the most powerful among them cannibalized the weaker to sustain themselves until there were only less than 10 left, who each turned into different beings from it and dont resemble their own people much anymore, they built a palace from what was left on their world that protects them from space as its atmosphere collapsed shortly after- however they still needed something to live off; they discover the human world and are delighted to find rather short lived people with powerful souls, the best kind of sustenance for them (now), they aim to herd them like cattle, but a problem arose when it turned out another world has long been in contact with the human world; demons
demons are semi immortal creatures that act as protectors for their world, protection they extended, more or less secretely, to the human world ensuring them a long and secure life- the celestials need them to die at their whim though (demons are few in numbers, hard to kill and rarely have offspring, not an ideal target); as they worked out a plan on how to get rid of demons one of the celestials, Xanthriel (time) grew somewhat fond of people as they spent alot of time in the human world to observe and research them; in the end turning on their own completely, but losing the fight against Uriel (knowledge)
Xanthriel was supposed to be executed for their betrayal, but it doesnt work, instead they are splintered into many parts after a lot of struggle, most body, memory and most strength is one part (ending up as motionless forever bleeding corpse kept locked up in the palace), the rest is some time later gathered together and reforms as a seperate, weak mockery of them, they embody Xanthriels emotion- Xaror, without memory, strangely cut to pieces (hence all the missing limbs and broken halo) but driven by an unstoppable desire to disturb the celestials (they live seperate long enough to each become their own person, at some point Xaror discovers Xanthriels body after all and they merge back together, though as they are now two, Xanthriel only takes over once directly after merging, stays silent for a long time and lets Xaror be themselves, only later revealing that they are there at all .. hiding perhaps- i rarely have specific ideas for voices, but Xanthriels is like, like coarse rocks being violently rubbed against each other, less voice more noise)
(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group
(also, the celestials use Xanthriels blood from the day of their execution to create a plague that nearly wipes out all demons, only the youngest of them survived, effectively robbing them of everything, culture, history, knowledge etc- as demons rarely have children, like a complete restart of their society, they disappeared from the human world, and over time being largely forgotten as actually existing- the celestials wanted them all gone however, so they kept kidnapping them to try and find somethign that would work similarly against the young ones too (and then in general, bc the only usable blood of Xanthriel was from the day of their fall, and that has long since been used up) one of the young ones was Shargon, he was the only one still alive from his group (he wasnt the strongest or special, he was jsut the last in the row and always got the lowest dosage) when Xaror found them in yet another break in into the palace and got him back to the demon world .. where he was promptly blamed for the others that were taken and treated like a pretender/fake/spy bc what he got put through changed his eye color (something that demons cannot change in any form) to one that does not exist among 'real' demons (orange ... notice the inner color of Xarors broken halo? :) ), some even suggesting killing him, but none of them were brave enough to do it (they were all kids still) .. except Eadrya (the big blue-ish one, largely regarded as the strongest demon alive) but Shargon managed to escape, and since then lived largely in isolation- this is part of why he is so hated, and why he starts to spend so much time in the human world after rediscovering the pathway there)
#ganondoodles#art#original art#oc#oc lore#i guess??????????#jesus this got so long#even though i tried to leave out as much as i can#god it sounds so meh when writing it out like this#but i swear it all fits together ......... at least a little bit better than it seems to be here#i have had most of this lore for years and years#im only now connecting everything and writing it to makes sense all together#ngl i almost dont want to clikc post#i dont know if i ever wrote this much oc stuff publicly#its like .......... my thinking lifes project#its also 1:30 am and i need to get up early for a dentist appointment hahaaaaaaa#long post#again .........................................#pls excuse any typos i am actively falling asleep as im typing#i havent even gotten into much of the demon lore#the entire element system and lords and king and and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah#just a few days ago i had the idea to make Eadrya actually having been fond of Shargon when they were young#only for him to reappear weird and changed- like an impostor there to end them all at some point#would give it even more reason why Eadrya hates Shargon so much hmmm#i want to thank the three people who will read this rambly wall of text#idk why i even put it on this wonky doodle .... but anyway- written is written
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yeah that ship is fine it's whatever (<- hates it badly but doesn't have any reason to and doesn't want to seem like an ass over it)
#it might be bc im aro and so every character is aro until/unless proven otherwise to me#but sometimes it's not even that like itll be between two Likely allo characters that would be compatible#EXAMLE wally x julie welcom home before that interview segment#i hated it badly and could not discern why. but then that interview segment happened and now i xan confidently say i hate it bc Wel#Well I Think Wally Is Aromantic :]#i also didnt like wally x barnaby. sorry. god forbid pepole have friends /jokey#on <-that note i also hate julie x frank bc. Theyre Friends. and frank x eddie is right there and are Together in the Out Of Universe stuff#ANYWAY thats getting off topic i just wanted to use the wally julie one as example and it devolved into wh ship opinions. sorrgy#god forbid people have friends. end of post#words from the monarch#i am NOT tagging wh i am lot letting that potential Discourse into my home
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