#.because Bashir is a man of completely polar opposites conflicting personality traits and I want to be faithful. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dreamerdrop · 12 days ago

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Julian Bashir walks a very fine, maddening line between “self-loathing imposter syndrome who knows almost everyone who speaks to him for more than a minute finds him insufferable” and “incredibly self assured and annoyingly arrogant to the point of a minor god complex”.

He knows he’s attractive, he thinks he’s charming as all hell, he knows he’s the smartest person in the room (while also being acutely aware he’s going to put his foot in his mouth any second now), and he just swings wildly between “I don’t deserve anything I have, none of this is mine, my life is not my own, I am a monster” and “HELL YEAH LOOK HOW COOL AND SMART I AM GUYS ARE YOU LOOKING ARE YOU LOOKING”.

And then there’s episodes that reveal that underneath that annoying arrogance, at the very core of who he is, he really, really just wants to help people, and if he fucks that up he WILL take it personally and hold himself responsible even if there’s no way he could have known and like. Can you imagine what his first patient death was like for him. Can you imagine what a fucking nightmare his brain must be 24/7.

He is somehow as inherently self assured as he is in need of constant validation for his ego because you can SEE him break a little when that ego fails him, even a little, and it’s just.

He’s very fun to write. I hate him. (I love him so much, but oh my god.)

#stella talks #star trek #star trek ds9 #julian Bashir #.he knows how attractive he is. literally cannot conceive that Jadzia might NOT want to fuck him.#.he knows how smart he is and is an absolute idiot about it.#.and like it’s so hard to work out is he super self assured because he knows he’s engineered and even though he hates it he still KNOWS.#.like he KNOWS he is objectively going to be smarter and more athletic and etc bc he was MADE to be that way.#.which then plays into how he has that fun dichotomy of self loathing tied up in his arrogance.#.manages to see himself as both gods gift to the world and a pathetic monster at the same time.#.anyway this is why in my fic I am giving him the fun combination of sex repulsed and hypersexual due to trauma.#.because Bashir is a man of completely polar opposites conflicting personality traits and I want to be faithful.#trek meta

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