#god i hate being sick what did i do
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This is twice now
#sourdoughs doughs#god i hate being sick what did i do#at least it waited until after my very important adult things (interviews for a job id kill for)
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A–Aventio TGCF idea?? Wherein Civil God Veritas Ratio meets the infamous Ghost King Aventurine during his first mission cuz cuz like— The "live for me" paralels?!? The one who has all the luck partner as well?!? The villain who was actually not the Villain this whole time!?!? The loving humanity a little too much it causes their downfall !?!?!?
Rant AU in the tags proceed with caution
#Okay to put it into better words:#Veritas having once being a prince wanted to give everyone the prosperity of knowledge and became a civil god in the pursuit of it.#Sadly this backfires in people using that knowledge for their own greed and creating civil wars within it as well as unleashing far more#Destruction upon the land. And the other gods didn't help Veritas in stopping that bc see that's what happens when people overshare info!!#So the aftermath is just pure chaos plus banishment from being a civil god and thrown as this god of war and plague.#800 years passes and he is seen to just still be doing the same things but I a simple term. Teaching people to read and count.#Often times taking up mission and doing research on new pathogens to help cure the sick that can't afford and somehow during a reading#Lecture he gets ascended back to godhood and everyone is like ??? And even he is like ???#Well he doesn't care much about it and just continues to do what he's always done. Except that once in a while he has to take a detour#Mission to deal with ghosts and other malignant spirits. And upon one of those recurrences he finds himself aquaintanced with#The infamous Ghost King Aventurine. Who is mostly feared in heaven due to having beaten the strongest and wisest at their own games. Even#When the odds where fully against him.#As for Aventurine.#His life was harsh but as the prince had given a lot to the people#Not just education but also free them of diseases and sickness. One of which had struck his sister. He liked the prince and wanted to#Follow in giving and protecting the prosperity of the former kingdom. But the good things did not last and his family was struck in between#The many wars that took place. No matter how much refuge Kakavasha and his sister sought no place was ever#Safe enough for them.#He watched the entire world go up in flames yet somehow he could hate the prince-god for it. But rather the people who had started to#Create weapons in his name. The rest of his years he spent it as a warrior slave and then when death reached him he couldn't even go to#The afterlife since he still held so much vigor and wanted revenge to all the people who had turned his land into ashes and his family#Into bones. That is why he became a mourning ghost.#(I didn't want the kakavasha story to be so centered on ratio like it is in tgcf. Because I think it will be fun for the two of them to#Not recognize each other at first after 800 years and then when they do. Rather when aven does he's full on: oh shit it's the cute prince—#As for who was the cause of the upheaval in the kingdom and the maker of the weapons. Idk I was debating there being more than just one#Antagonist to have pulled their strings in verita's kingdom as well as be the reason Aven's sister died. So he's more revenge seeking for t#And the genius society as civil gods just spoke to me it for so perfectly. Ling wen as Ruan mei? Yeah exactly.#ratiorine#Aventio#Dr ratio
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I would love to understand why my brain and body are desperate to not shower in the safety of my own home but perked up at the offer to go shower at the gym that’s full of people I don’t know and men who could pin me and locker rooms with open doorways and less control over cleanliness than I can get in my own apartment. Something something the years of swim practice and swim meet locker room showers being safe I guess?
#I’ll allow it#I’ll even encourage it if it can help me get over 6 miles walked per day again#but can I please fucking shower? I feel so gross#I have never in my life had as hard a time showering or bathing as I have this year and it’s been killing my self esteem#I feel like everyone knows I’m gross and I KNOW I need to shower#it’s important#and I don’t want my hair greasy or anything#but I go out of my way to avoid it except for an occasional hair wash or body shower when I need to go to an event#and it’s driving me CRAZY#cleanliness is really really next to godliness in my family and also I know everyone in the world views hygiene as a moral issue#and I CAN SHOWER I did it for YEARS I even did it daily for years I used to be SO good at always always doing at least the minimum#even if sleep deprived or sick#but now it’s like I’m stuck SCREAMING and slamming my palms bloody in a containment cell somewhere in the center of my concept of a body#BEGGING to just stop being so gross and to do a daily face routine and use lotion and keep my teeth healthy and keep my hair clean#and it doesn’t even matter#I’m so ashamed all the time#but my brain doesn’t give a shit about it anymore#it views the endless shame as a lesser evil and god I hope I figure out how to get that stopped#I don’t even get triggered in the shower!!! I don’t know what’s wrong! my brain just does everything it can#to keep me from undressing and showering#no matter how much I hate it#and this is so tmi sorry oh god#I’ll probably delete this later#but#shh katie#add to journal#is it the dissociation? is it the adhd? is it the ptsd?#FINALLY my POTS symptoms chill out for the winter and now THIS?
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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Since we're both as unwell about him as we are I consider you to be someone who knows a fair amount and what do you genuinely think the real James Fitzjames would feel if he saw the Terror's depiction of him? (As in watching the whole show)
HUH good question. first of all i think he'd be a little discombobulated by the very experience of watching a tv show but personally i choose to believe he'd at least be happy he was made into one of the main characters?? and that so many cool and sexy insane people are obsessed with him now <3
having said that. as much as i love show!fitzjames they did nerf him down A LOT. they robbed him of the joyous whimsy that was such a characteristic trait of the real jokester supreme fitzjames (show!fitzjames also has little to no relationship with his irl lieutenant buddies which. sad.)
we also know now that. most probably. he was actually fully english so i can only imagine he'd be Not Pleased about the cairn scene to say it lightly lmao imagine you and your adoptive family making significant efforts throughout your whole life to disguise the fact of your illegitimate birth and then 150 years later some people make a high rating show where they babygirlify you not only spill your secret to the millions of people watching (or secrets, plural, and make you call yourself a fake as a cherry on top lol) but they also get it wrong and make it Even Worse (from a victorian englishman's perspective) like stop guys he's already dead lmfao
having said that. he would have loved the britannia costume and the your nails are a terror line. i know he would.
#look. i personally think it'd be SO funny#like. look. listen. we reblog pictures and memes of him and say how hot and funny he was and it is all true.#dude was incredible and funny as shit and he did do drag and kick ceilings and id give anything to fuck him woah who said that#but he was ALSO an early 19th century white englishboy colonialist lol#(so is show!fitzjames like please my beautiful racist wife is so much more than just her gender issues and stigmata guys....)#and we dont really know much of his actual feelings on crozier (sick owl... i think of that one a lot) so who knows#maybe they did end up in a fucked up yet heartfelt and deeply intimate homoerotic relationship in the end#but it'd be much funnier if they didn't and actually ended up really fucking hating each other lol#id love to lock them both in a room with nothing but a tv screen playing a compilation of their scenes together on a loop#(the 'are we brothers' scene itself is looped three times for maximum awkwardness damage)#ANYWAY#obv we know francis crozier said rpf is fine but we dont know what's fitzjames's stance on that one....#it doesnt matter anyway. get gendered yaoid and portuguesed idiot#the terror#james fitzjames#og jfj#i wish they'd given tobias the signature forehead curl that makes me lose my mind on the real fiztjimbles#but i want to believe he'd enjoy being portrayed as god's most beautiful specialest little princess in a james ross wig
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...the "nothing happened" scene has caused my brain to latch on to zoro with a vice grip. send help.
#this pathetic commited hard shell hiding inner softness little cunt! i hate him i hate him so much im so mad im so fucking just. just.#he does not believe in anything above his goals. until he believes in his crew that is. and people are fragile things and they mean#SO much to him it makes me sick he makes me sick fucking moss-head little bitch.#& like the way it recontextualizes zoro's priorities makes his behaviour in the previous saga hit so much harder... losing my mind.#absolutley losing my mind.#... fuck i think i'm a little in love with him.#AND HE DIDN'T LET SANJI DO IT! HE COULD HAVE! you could bring up honour but zoro only cares about that as a SWORDSMAN.#& like tbh thematically speaking it's reductive to say it pertains to whether sanji would be “strong enough” especially when considering ho#much op decries needlessly given sacrifice wholesale. it wasn't about that. these are people zoro cares about & he doesn't want to lose#them. he won't sellout luffy for the crew & he won't let anyone else make that choice & he won't let luffy know he did it. he's#committed to being the world's greatest swordsman but first & foremost he is committed to his CREW. to the group of strays he loves!#& just the throughlines of fear & commitment w zoro... & the forced question of what is strength when faced with the loss of those you love#hands are fucking shaking absolutley fucking losing my mind.#this stupid fucking lug of meat.#HE MADE ME FUCKING CRY.#oh god the way it reframes him swearing to luffy to never lose again after the duel w mihawk... the subtle character development. cryin..#roronoa zoro#grey's one piece tag
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ENIES LOBBY TIME!!!
Sanji's face here.... he Knows he is going to fuck him up
THAT IS SANJI??? 😨
Holding them in my hands again....
Sanji struck a nerve there akdjaoajkq
Increible trio btw.... look at the evidence
............ me next please 🙏🏻
That is love right there I can see it
What if we all killed ourselves (except usopp is telling her the opposite ajahkdhsakjd)
I need sanji to go insane like this more often.... after the timeskip it doesn't happen as much and I love to see him suffering
This is so funny.... there is no denying to her face card
"It's not like she actually wants to die" well yes she does, but no because you know she doesn't really. It is in a quantum state right now
Luffy is such a menace akdhaksjkaak
TELL EM!!!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!!
Look at franky worrying about robin.... do not fret luffy is coming and he will NOT lose!!!!!
This is zoro remarking how usopps fear of being left behind makes no sense.... this is so good.....
This is so endearing but it also breaks my heart....
Who is that sultry binch... (I don't recall this attack AT ALL and i'm sure we never see it again)
They botched his bbl.... 😔😔😔
Luffy's face here... he was convinced she wanted to go with them but was compelled to do otherwise but no.... he thought wrong and he can't fight to her.... I've just been staring at this page for minutes like damn.
Nevermind.... this is something your mother would say "you want to die??? Just wash the dishes and you can do whatever you want later"
"If you wanna die, or whatever...." this is so good like he knows what he is doing.... he Knows.... look at her face. After knowing how luffy and ace were as kids this just makes more sense (oda didn't think about this i'm sure but damn does it fit) also the slight manipulation.... look at all of us we're already here and look how we all miss you already... you know that post about luffy being selfish but his selfishness is jusg kindness to others... yesh
Thinking about robin's cinderella lifestyle.... why did her mother leave her with that aunt and why didn't some archeologist take her in?? Because she doesn't complain about anything just like she doesn't respond when that mother accused her of hitting her child without reason... that's so fucked
Alright this is funny (and also true)... I'm sorry fellow women....
*Justin Bieber voice* I like your laugh... dereishi shishishi
SHE'S GONNA ASK HER MOM TO TAKE HER TO THE SEA WITH HER??? LIKE SHE DOES AFTER WITH LUFFY??? MY GOD!!! I just bursted into tears like I got punched in the nose I can't keep going ajdhakajk
I lied i can keep going... but head in my hands over this....
Find out how my emotional stability survives this arc in ennies lobby part 2. coming soon
#franky calling sanji brother eyebrows is too good akdbsksnsk also ily franky#captain t bone.... he got killed tecently.... i forgot who he was until now but he actually cared thats so fucked up.... cross guild come o#sanji going against cp9 by himself.... i shant say it... SLAY!!!! also the cook being mad about being pretty cause he has no individuality.#lucci talking about a little girl being born wrong and needing to die for it TO SANJI!!! OOF!!!#the frog stopped rocketman bc he thought they kidnapped kokoro just like they took tom 😭😭😭 this fucking frog always gets me#chapter 377 and franky is in the headline with the strawhats ❤️❤️ they recruit TWO thirty year olds in enies lobby ajdhaksjks#franky biting spandex head.... yeah... and he should do it more why did he stop biting heads... he got domesticated#luffy is such a menace here like damn.... he is charging thru EVERYTHING!! GET THEM BOY!!!!#also franky is so important in giving robin hope here... like she sees him fighting back no matter what and i KNOW that inspires her...#i am going to say it hina fullbody and jango have a challengers thing going on but without hina being involved physically iykwim#when in action panels the ink just becomes lines... OOF!!! CHEFS KISS!!! MWAH MWAH#completely forgot gear 2 used the shave technique.... thats so cool..... also iron body must be haki then... and finger pistol#i dont think i can do this... after this ends we got thriller bark and then marineford starts building up...#i can endure water 7 sad moments bc everything ends up well in the end but what am i gonna do with marineford.... my god#also dr clover and dr hyruluk and crocus all have smilar plant based hair designs is that bc they are doctors or just coincidence#also robins father is dead and for sure another archeologist or similar.... thats inch resting....#which also like damn olvia and dragon had to make the same choices with their children i am sure. thats so fucked. dragon backstory when#clover knew the name of the fallen kingdom (robonosuke lore??) and also olvia knew some important information the gov didnt know... ✍️✍️✍️#SAKAZUKI SHOT THE EVACUATION SHIP???? HELLO??? I DIDNT REMEMBER IT WAS HIM!! (also olvia knew where saul was)#kuzan is sick in the head... he can't bring himsef to kill child robin but he will kill her as an adult... also his beef with akainu is OLD#like no wonder she was terrified when she saw him again. he said live like a recluse or i will end you and she fucking did. THE bogeyman#there are comments saying they hate akainu and he has just appeared 😭😭 JUST FUCKING WAIT#you guys think when luffy realised robin's enemy was the world gov he also realised it was sabo's enemy too.... bc as a child he didn't kno#also pluton was made as a countermeasure for the weapon robin could reactivate... could that be the one that was used in lulusia??#bc i thought that weapon was pluton but if pluton is just blueprints.... this makes more sense... which could also mean the ancient weapons#are a countermeasure for weapons the government already has. and thats why they're hunting them down. to have no opposition#so there must be two sides of the ancient weapons bc they call pluton that but also the unnamed one that robin could activate#so is pluton a countermeasure to uranus (the one used in lulusia i think) but neptune? trios dont make sene but a trio and their opposite d#reading one piece#enies lobby
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Telling people you're Christian: Blasè, dated, wrong. Instant dislike.
Telling people you're a true follower of Christ: Idk... What I'm saying but I'm trying to make a point about Christians not actually following the teachings of Christ and if they were True followers then they wouldn't be so far up everyone's ass with controlling and hateful policies like...
Homophobes think more about gay sex than actual gay people! And they're way too concerned about genitals.... and they're really creepy about children... ACTUAL children.
The projection is REAL. The call is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE! You're the problem! You're the person you're scared of!
They freak out over people "forcing trans on kids" as if they themselves aren't forcing unnecessary surgeries onto Intersex babies!!! Transphobes are the ones forcing kids to transition!!
If they truly believed in their "God" then they would not mutilate intersex babies! Because they would believe God made them that way and that they were special or whatever idfk.
IT ISN'T ABOUT THE BIBLE! THEY JUST WANT CONTROL!!! How the FUCK are you gonna say something was "God's plan" and then mutilate a baby?!?!? They deny their children life-saving medical treatment bc it's "God's plan" but then in the same breath mutilate intersex babies... put them on hormones that make them sick... just so they can be "normal".
#I've actually read the bible... studied it at one point#I was reeeallly good at bible verse trivia#and let me tell you#Jesus was not hateful#he literally allowed people to torture him to death and he didn't once fight back like?#what bible did the conservatives read? cause Im gettinf really sick of this shit#they're using New Testament verses to justify their hate#when in the SAME FUCKING PASSAGE just a few lines down there's a verse about plucking your eyes out for being a perv#Jesus's best friend was a WHORE! A prostitute!!! like?!?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN!?#it isn't about the Bible.... It's about control and hate#some of the most devout Catholics I knew were not homophobic#so it isn't about your religion#it was never about religion#religion#christianity#jesus#tagging like this for filters#they mutilate babies#even the cisnormie babies... they chop off fingers and toes to make them look 'normal'#im so mad#stop using Christ as your shield... you and I will be standing side by side when the rapture comes#and I will laugh at you as you beg God to take you because you 'followed hia teachings'. only for you to be denied the light of heaven#but not before you look at me and sneer. bc you assume I'm getting left behind for having a tattoo and being queer#and we'll just look at each other. and I'll laugh as you sob. Trying to figure out why you were left behind with me#Hevean is sparsely populated and Hell is full to the brim. amd it's full of 'Christians' who embodied Hate#screaming into the void
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day 4 of 30 min sketch monday with @revalito! this time we decided to use a character generator ^^! on the left is my oc (i made him an immortal that hates it) and on the right is the 30 minute sketch i did of ginko's character! check out ginko's post for his art! ^^
#character design#original character#oc#i am so incredibly sick rn LOL#i did the character design when i Wasnt sick#but the 30 minute sketch#dear lord i was fighting for my mf life#i know the proportions arent the best OTL forgive me#idk what the ocs name is... i keep calling him barracuda in my head#and instinctively i went to do something like. cado or something. like a play on the last part#idk#but in the minimal thinking ive done on him#he was just a regular ass barracuda and some Being gave him a vision or something#or he saw a bright light and couldnt help but go after it#and a that being was like 'would you like to see what is beyond this?'#and he was like well. would be chill i guess#then all of a sudden he could turn forms at will and he hates it#and the other being (god?) isnt answering!!#also its like an h20 situation#if he touches water that part of his body turns into his fish form#alright now im done bye!!#if u read all this i hope u have/had a good day! ^^
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is it okay to tell someone you don't want to be around their stupid boyfriend.
like, when you're hanging out and about to go somewhere and she says "oh my god, i could invite my rancid boyfriend!" because she's obsessed with him, he's like her jungkook, etc is it inappropriate to say "i don't want you to and if you do i will go home"? he's done nothing to you btw, he just doesn't like being around you and is always vying for dominance when you're together because he's a meathead moron and this is why you don't like to be around him. but when you bring this up she says "i think he's like that because he thinks you don't like him :(" and then what can you say but "i don't" lmao...
like. it's two things, right. you both clearly dislike each other. for whatever reasons. so why should you hang out. then secondly. what even are you to each other. why would you have a relationship. whose bright idea was it to mandate there be anything above civility in this type of relationship. but how do you explain all this in a way that doesn't make you sound like a dickhead.
#i've been in this situation uhhh let's see 20 times probably#i've never had a friend's boyfriend like me. they've always been straight white guys who despise me from what i can tell#i did have one who ''jokingly'' asked my friend to invite me back to their bedroom with them#which she told me about. for some insane reason.#and one who tried to start having sex with that same girl in front of me either as a show of dominance or an invitation? 🤔 i'll never know#usually they just tell my friend to stop hanging out with me#like that particular detail has gotten back to me with.... 7 different guys whose names i remember#very common thread here#i don't know why these girls tell me this shit 😩#they act like i'm crazy for being standoffish then after the breakup talking ab '& he was always telling me how much he hated your ass 😂 '#hello 😭 tell me while it's happening or never don't save it for when you've been gaslighting me for months or years#😭😭😭 god i'm so sick of being in this position#people always put my opinions on a pedestal then when they don't like them it's a psychological catastrophe for them like who caaares#ofc i don't like your boyfriend do you think i'm chronically single as a bit?? in my personal opinion the dating pool here is a sewerrrr 😭#don't take it personallyyyy i'm not that invested in yoouuu or your fucken. romantic relationships with strangers like hello???#😭😭😭#adam YAPS#big time YAPS
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i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh#💭
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if i disappear after saying that ive been assassinated no jokes aside if i take that down its not bc i disagree with it, you can still pin it on me as a belief that i think that shit should be said and ill put my whole ass behind it, but saying shit like that has consequences lmfao. also theres a time and a place to bring that up
#ive already. dealt. with enough fucking propagandising royal family members on my fucking ASS this lifetime to last. the rest of#this universe's incarnation. sometimes its better to not get involved which i KNOW is a big part of why the propaganda is rampant#among people who work with ''demons'' but like. no. no race is more superior than other races. hot take i know sorry#~abyssal murmurs#honestly tho. im so sick of dealing with the topics of ascending and (''demon'') racial supremacy and fighting jxdaism under the guise#of ''we hate chrxstians tho and thats good!'' bc ''(JEWISH NAME FOR GOD????) is a horrible person he wiped out half his angels!!!!''#listen i do not care how uncomfortable you are w your species' and peoples' histories you are. leave innocent fucking people and their#concept of the Creator that you dont even understand alone. whats the point in pride in your people if youre only proud of how#your people are Better than another set of people. like. bruh. are you proud of being a (demon) or are you so insecure your only source of#literally describing said propagandising family members lord almighty im gonna stop myself there.#WOW. I DSFJKHDFH. IVE NEVERRRRR SUDDENLY GOTTEN THE URGE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT WAR /AND/ SPILL THINGS PEOPLE#WANT SECRET /AND/ TALK SHIT ABOUT TWISTING KNOWLEDGE TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK GOOD /AND/ HAD IT DEVOLVE INTO#''even tho im (practically) hindu jxdaism is too fucking important to my family for me to not have OPINIONS about shit'' BEFORE HMM#WEIRD WEIRD unincarnated selves just fucking going AT it. i mean. spilling opinions. cant say they havent gone at it in other#ways too wow no wonder Ardhanarishvara (God as half man half woman) and Shiva and Shakti are super important to me -#NO WONDER THIS CAME AFTER TALKING ABOUT CONSCIOUSNESS AND MIND WHO I SEE AS SHIVA AND SHAKTI#anyway the first post had nothing to do w jxdaism and this topic itself has nothing to do w it i just finally had it click why Certain Peop#calling the things the kings they worship did atrocities of (name) was bothering me SO much. i mean i knew why the rest of it was bothering#me - i mean the NAME bit clicked
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dearly beloved you are in the presence of a man who has seen all of dw*
*not counting the original series or the audio or any of the prose or any of the spinoffs and probably other things im forgetting about
#YAYYY. it was fun#im very intrigued i did like the newest season i sorrrrt of. hrmm. i had fun and i do understand that like. a lot of the stuff was From the#old series lol so i suppose i cant complain but i personally wish there was less likee. god stuff/fantasy stuff just bc i prefer it more#sci-fi at least for dw. this is just my opinion... but i had fun regardless i rly liked ncutis doctor i thought he was so fun#and i also like that even tho hes like. clearly Better at dealing with his stuff he isnt fully pver it and isnt perfect i like that it felt#nice ^_^ i kind of regret being high for like 2 entire episodes but in my defense i didnt realize there were so few in the season... mixed#feelings on this im kinda sad that we only got like. however many eps with ruby BUT i like rhat her story was like. it felt satisfying and#stuff and it had a defined ending and im glad she isnt going to like. overstay. Like someone else i know#flood hss me very eyes bc my mom told me abt how her outfits match rpev companions which i didnt notice#AND. she was wearing fucking claracwntric outfit in the scene where she went clever boy. ill kms before this continues . get her out of h#<- joking. i dont actually hate clara that bad she judt kind of annoyed me a lot and she just like. Stayed around. for so long#and i am sick of her 😭😭 i dont find her interesting at allll i liked her better when she was a dalek and or a victorian lady but tis what#tis. YAY! yay. idk who my favorite doctor was.... difficult to decide#missy easily favorite incsrnation of the master Obviously like thats genuinely my precious princess#and donna my favorite companion That is literally my precious princess.
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one of the most evil parts about me being told that i needed to lose weight before i could get my diseased gallbladder removed was that without telling me at all whatsoever, the physician's assistant who was responsible for my surgery consult silently gave me a referral for bariatric weight loss surgery. she told me that i'd have to get my gallbladder removal surgery with that department as well because they're used to working on bigger bodies.
she told me this, but that's not what she meant. she wanted me to get bariatric weight loss surgery all because i told her that i have poly cystic ovarian syndrome and that it's hard for me to willingly lose weight. when i called the bariatric surgeons about scheduling my consult for my gallbladder removal, they were extremely confused and were like "well is this for the bariatric surgery referral or the gallbladder removal referral?"
without my permission, without me asking, the physician's assistant silently signed me up for weight loss surgery that i never consented to. i never once mentioned wanting this surgery. i never once mentioned that my weight is affecting my health or bothering me. this person saw this as a mandatory step in order to get the surgery to remove my diseased organ. as if there were no other options. i never want to get bariatric weight loss surgery because i know it will completely devastate my health. this PA was so stuck on my weight. she could not get over it, she was literally obsessed. she did not care about my health, safety or well being, she was just obsessed with her hatred of fat people
she saw my weight as a higher priority than my diseased gallbladder. she was so stuck up her own ass that she was convinced that my weight was doing more damage to me than my gallbladder was. she wanted to keep blaming me for eating a high fat diet (i'm a vegetarian- i don't eat a high fat diet) and mocking me for being fat. she literally saw me being fat as a bigger issue than the fact that i had a literal rock stuck in the neck of one of my organs. if you ask me, if the surgeons and anesthesiologists have problems working on fat patients, that's a skill issue on them. that means you're a bad surgeon or anesthesiologist and you need to try to improve your skills. this is a literal skill issue, it's not the patient's fault that the medical professional fucking sucks at their job!
i can't describe to you how evil and insidious that is. the fact that she looked at me and went "oh my fucking god it's your weight that's the problem just go lose weight you fat asshole" just showed how much disregard she has for her fat patients. it's like she relishes torturing us or leaving us to be sick or die. there's no reason to behave this way. there's no reason to FORCE someone into weight loss surgery. my health is NOT being negatively impacted by my weight- gallstones are not caused by being overweight, and you can't give yourself gallstones. no matter how much fat you eat you can't give yourself gallstones- this is something that happens outside of your control
i hate medical professionals who are proudly fatphobic. they wear the fact that they let people remain sick and die as a badge of honor. like they're doing the world a favor. like staying sick or dying is better off for the patient. like the patient somehow doesn't "DESERVE" to be in good health. fat people DO deserve to be in good health. we DON'T have to "EARN" surgeries or life saving procedures. we are alive and human just like everyone else. this qualifies us for being cared for medically, no matter what. leave your prejudices at home. you can't just kill fat people because you don't like that we exist.
#cripple punk#crip punk#cpunk#chronically ill#chronic illness#chronically chill#our writing#fatphobia#fat liberation#fat lib#about us
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can't believe i'm getting sick. and i also cracked the back of my phone by accident because nothing was going my way today. wow, great christmas
#and by can't believe i'm getting sick i mean this was predictable the moment my mother started getting sick with covid/flu symptoms but#she has zero to no respect for other people and did nothing to avoid spreading it even if i already wasn't doing well and was in the#emergency unit this week :))#she only did the covid test because i basically forced her and the only time she was 'careful' about being sick was when we had to go to#the supermarket and i (again) had to basically force her to wear a stupid mask#and then she makes everything about her and has no decency or common courtesy towards anyone but whatever won't get into that#i'm glad christmas is over#i was also the only person working inside this stupid house#at one point i had a meltdown mid cooking lunch but it's fine i guess#even though i was already sleeping i'm gonna take my meds and try to sleep again because what a fucking headache i have r#sorry for using tumbles as a diary i guess i just fucking had zero luck today#couldn't even drink tea because someone broke my tea infuser or whatever that thing is called#that actually made me cry agsjshs it's stupid but idk i was already hanging on by a thread at that point#god i hate family holidays#i should feel grateful but also i have feelings so not today i guess even if i'm acting like a big baby#ignore my vent post please i'll delete it later when i wake up and realise i regret opening up during my fever delirium for people to see#i feel like a bitch for complaining
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I'm gonna be so open and honest with you guys right now i fucking rly dont want to go to work tomorrow .
#im violently nauseous rn and ik its judt bc ive been in a straining position and also i ate like 20 slimjins but like km only gonna get 5#hours of sleep maximum im gonna have a headache im so tired of everything i wanna have a day off but i cant. Its only tuesday and im#already liek Please can we be done please no more this week all done all done#im so fucking sick of working i dont want to have to work for the next 40 years Minimum. i hate everythingbon earth#i dont understand how ppl work fulltime and have a life i only get 2 live At all on weekends#and even then its only 1 day saturday bc sunday is my Doing all my chores and stuff day#so i do all my laundry i tidy up the room Et cetera. i dont udnerstand how people can just do this forever#it genuinely feels like. bc i leave 4 work at 6am. i get home around 5pm. im supposed to go to bed. well technically i should go 2 bed at#9 to get a full 9 hours but look man . that would give me 4 hours a day to be a person#so my bedtime is officially 10 but usually i go to bed at 12 which means i dont get enough sleep which means as soon as i getnoff work the#next day im even less willing to do anything#+ doing anything fun fucking costs money if not the thing itself the travel expenses. and if i spend money i just have to work to make that#money back i fucking hate it. and im doing this for what. so that in 40 years i can retire and then 10 years after that oh no unforeseen#expenses or something suddenly my retirement isnt cutting it i have to go work at fucking walmart or something as a 70 year old judt to#make ends meet. god. And when the fuck am i supposed to have kids i want kids very badly one day but how the fuck am i supposed to have#kids if id only be able to spend Maximum 6 hours a day with them. thats if my work is like Doectly next door.#how. how. how. less than 6 hours even bc theyd go to bed before i did so rly like 3 hours a day with my theoretical kids Im an awful#theoretical parent and maybe my theoretical spouse works less hours so they can be home with the kids but they resent me for always being#at fucking work 9 hours a fucking day and they resent me for not being there for our theoretical kids Im sorry theoretical partner i want#to fucking be there but SOMEBODY has to put money into our theoretical savings account. UGH!!!#i hate work i hate it i hate it#i dont even hate my job i just hate that its my entire fucking life#i hate that i essentially get half a day every week thats truly mine that i get to do whatever i want. and in my current situation i barely#even fucking get that idk.
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