#a little more than they were supposed to
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i hope i die, you broke my heart
#personal#so fucking tired oh my god#just yelled at my sister so loud that my throat is sore over a piece of fuciing plastic#sometimes ecerytbinf feels so bad and its like. what do i even do#like ok i relapse and i need a break from someone and they loose their fucking shit on me#taljing about how you always deal with my shit and youre tired of how i see you as the worst in the group#as if i didnt literally repeat to you over and over again that i love you and that i always will even when you kept denying it#all of the times youve left all the servers and the gc and all that and i was there to comfort you#theres a reason im always the person you go to#byt yeah . im neverrrr there for you#like is it just that im not there for you in the Same Way that youre there forme ??#does it need to be completely equal to be fair#and idk. i know hes struggling too but its so fucking stupid because ive been struggling for months and i dont treat u like tjat#im tired of feeling like i have to do two times more than everyone else ro be worthy of their love#like sorry man but im fucking sick and tired#i know ill be fine without you but like youre so sick right now that i dont know what youll do without all of us#idk im just like. you used to be so kind but now youre writing your name in mu blood#and sometimes i feel bad because i didnt mean evedytbinf i said to you but lets be honest#you didnt mean everyrbinf you said either#and i dont know if you were ever the right person because a lot of the time i think we are just two chemicals that werent meant to mix#but ill always remember you when i hear that one song and im making it sound like this is some kind if goodbye but it Really isnt#but like there was a time when i would tear myself apart for you. mot even because i liked you that much#i guess i just wanted someone that liked me as much as you did???#and when j say that it isnt even about one soecific oerson. its an amalgamation of ecery person tgat has ever loved me#a little more than they were supposed to#i think i hate ahen people love me Too Much because i dont want to be adored like that it scares me#iknow what thats like and i dont want to be someone fp Its so scary#okay if im being honest i dont know whbat the fuck im saying right mow#byt like. idk. im tired and i think im done. tbh#đ
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
more clothing (featuring Mafuyu and Haruka)
#two things that bug me:#One: the match up. Previous duos were reasonable and in unit. But...I think Mafuyu and Haruka never interacted in a meaningful manner#I can reason it with them being both seawings..which makes sens but it's such a stupid compromise ong#Second: I initally wanted to go with my usual two designs but this time I noticed that they actually matched quite well so ig it's 1.5#nitpicks aside: more trying things out. I was a bit unsure how to tackle seawing clothes since cloth wouldn't be handy underwater...#but then I thought âBut what about making cloth that resemble radiolaria?â and threw all reason away I suppose#It's fancy but not fully it...the armor was fun though. i don't fully think the shoulderplates are that well executed but still it's good i#I do think I'll do art like those without the clothing though#It helps portray bodyshapes better like how Mafuyu's bulkier than Haruka. Or how Shizuku is more roundet than Shiho#...but admittedly I think that's just me subconciously convincing myself to make updated refsheets...#but they are not only refsheets but also my silly little dress-up-game for when I'm bored (always)#art#my art#doodle#project sekai#prsk#hatsune miku colorful stage#wof#wings of fire#haruka kiritani#mafuyu asahina#prsk wof au
160 notes
·
View notes
Text
Danny raises Superman au
So we all know that Superman touched down in Kansas and was adopted by the Kents and bla bla bla. But you know what state also has farms and is only like 600 miles away? Illinois.
So Danny is chilling in the countryside, enjoying his sweet, peaceful early retirement when an alien pod, that's a little a lot off course, suddenly crashes near his house. When he checks it out, there's a baby inside. Welp looks like he's a father now. No way is he risking the government getting their greedy little mits on this precious ray of sunshine.
Clark grows up with a father who teaches him early on how to control his powers and use them for good (They may or may not stop a robbery or two occasionally). He also gets two cool aunts. One is free spirited and always bringing him souvenirs from her travels. The other is very grounded and teaches him many techniques to deal with his conflicting emotions (his father is not happy when he uses said techniques on him).
Danny for his part is happy we his son develops a support system like he did. They can even actively help him beat up the villains! He's overjoyed at the man Clark becomes and even happier when he brings home an ace reporter who knows how shifty the government can be. He might be already saving up for their wedding but who can say?
#dp x dc#dc x dp#dpxdc#dcxdp#a ghost raising an alien?#what could go wrong?#clark might have a slightly warped perception of what humans are capable of#that's what could go wrong#he's in for quite the shock once he gets to metropolis#what do you mean ordinary humans can't lift tractors?#at least danny taught him how to control his strength early on#danny also taught him and there was to know about kryptonian culture#probably even cooked some kryptonian dishes from time to time#the perks of being the king of the infinite realms i suppose#clark probably knows more about krypton than kara herself#rip to her i guess#also because he has a clone for an aunt he takes to kon instantly#this is my last little side ramble and then i'm done but for all the people hating on clark no one seems to hate on kara#despite the fact that she tried to kill kon twice#purely because she thought clones were abominations#i personally feel like an interal rift in the family would be much juicer but oh well#i might be the chance i want to see about that soon#anyways i'll keep my promise and stop rambling in the tags now#hyper prompts
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
they would get divorced in one universe just to find eachother in another one
alternatively titled: sometimes you're the level-headed token flesh-head impulse-control-and-polycule-member of a stubborn, eccentric, and hearty telephone-headed drug addict, and there's cruelty in the world you deem fit to suicidally fight, and that either goes about as well as you'd expect it to, or you learn about love and the value of your life and junk along the way
#scribbles#milton r wallace#callum crown#phonegingi#sgt norm allen#norm allen#dialtown#dialtown a phone dating sim#..uh idk if callum and milt have a ship name orz#normgingi#milton norm parallels save me. Save me milton norm parallels#very specific but its why i prefer to look at the callum-milt-marla situation as like tragic polyamory#as opposed to a cheating one#it adds to the callum-gingi parallels. theyv both got polycule situations C:#though i suppose you could call a cheating situation a dark parallel to gingi's polycule the same way you could call#milton's entire deal a dark parallel to their relationship with norm/the narrator#However i just like tragic polyamory. my visions of milton and marla ALSO being in love yet having the mutual#realization that they hate callum more than they love eachother (esp milton) is highly specific yet also everything to me#misery loves company and all that jazz. a THIRD combination of people having divorce shit going on#this guys ruining my life IM GONNA FUCK HIS WIFE! (They are already in a consensual polyamorous relationship milton is just making it weird#Sorry these tags were going to be like meaningful discussion about this art and then i was enabled to talk about THIS AGAIN#OH YEAH this art in particular i discovered halftones and also started actually using blending brushes#milts face isnt drawn. obviously. but im imagining a kind of 'oh you!' exasperated fondness#as opposed to norm who's just a cranky little tsundere. jokes on milt though HIS relationship is HEALTHIER#also i will never pass up the chance to draw gingi and callum together#theyr both characters i adore drawing gingi's round shapes and different textures and callums cute little bolts#but also they do look soooo similar and yet so different its always really fun to do#and theyr just. my favs lol. my top 3 favs go gingi-mingus-callum hehe#Ok thats all. thank you for coming to my rambles#fig said i should post my art at better times and so i am and that means when i post my art im AWAKE ENOUGH TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT LOL
219 notes
·
View notes
Text
Luzu: A child of mine died to your hands on the QSMP Quackity: [Literally told Luzu Tilin was his child a month ago] Who was your child? Luzu: Tilin!
This is a compilation of several different clips confirming that Tilin's parents are Quackity and Luzu. QsmpEN also made a post about it!
(Every time I remember Luzu never got to meet Tilin because THE ONE DAY he planned to meet her, the server was closed, I get so sad...)
#QSMP#LuzuVlogs#Quackity#Tilin#Thank you again to @autistic-britta-perry for their help translating plurilove which I have never frickin heard before lmao#anyways#Tilin mi niña.... :(((#You deserved so much more than you got#I'll post a clip of Luzu reacting to her death in a little bit I just wanted to post this first#Edited#Subtitles#Translated#A few people were asking for clips / clarifications after the last post so here it is!#Dapper#Badboyhalo#man I don't post much about Dapper do I?#sorry kiddo#Luckity#I suppose#beanie duo#Portfolio
301 notes
·
View notes
Note
your blog is amazing, which is why you're getting attacked with paws
#boop#boops#gifs always were the best responses#I crunched some numbers and apparently I have received approximately 0.002% of all boops given so far#which is way way more than I expected#one in every 50000 boops??#for little old me#thanks nerds#you are appreciated#even if I don't boop you back because#(1) I'm supposed to be working on a grant right now#(2) I'm actually supposed to be sleeping right now#(3) I'm really happy with the three boops I have given#threefogsinatrenchcoat#answers by Mark
222 notes
·
View notes
Text
Playdate in peril, the homosexual thoughts be upon ye.
[First] Prev <â-> Next
#MDZS#poorly drawn mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#lan xichen#I subscribe more to the belief that LXC saw an opportunity for his brother to make a friend his age than him wanting to play matchmaker#in his perspective wwx is clearly going out of his way to *try* and interact with his little brother#and he reads the signs that lwj isn't objecting to it#sometimes you gotta facilitate a friendship between people by setting them up to hang out on a lake together!#how was he supposed to know the levels of tension between the two?#If it were not for the several feet of cursed water between them they would be fighting with fists not words#wwx has incepted a thought into lwj and its not going away!#dear god i hope the boy you like doesn't fall into the water and you have to pull his sopping wet body into your arms#It took every ounce of restraint in me to not pull a quote from the linked song#so now its just a bonus for people who like to click links#I have to continue the pre flashback joke somehow#lets make it soft canon in this comic that wwx has been humming and singing boat drinks the entire time they've been out on the water
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Why are ppl scared to call it what it is and say weâre still going thru covid on top of seasonal illness. Like. Thatâs pretty important right. I was watching the news and they were like oh yeah we have an unprecedented number of flu cases âas well as other sicknessesâ without actually saying Covid. No announcement abt vaccinations or masking or anything. Also if I hear someone joking abt âwar flashbacksâ for mentioning covid I fucking hate u
#source: most of my family members are nurses and it was so bad for one of them they had to be put on a ventilator. in the hospital they#worked at. looking back I think I had a reason to feel a little offput by the shows of support early pandemic#with people tying blue ribbons around trees and lighting signs blue to support healthcare workers#I get that it was supposed to be moral support when we couldnât do anything but follow health advisories#and it did matter to make them feel uplifted and do something than nothing. im not gonna deny that#but. you can still help now. u know that right. you still have a responsibility here#u can still mask up. u can still get vaxxed and call in sick to avoid infecting others#donât leave it on healthcare workers to pick up the pieces just because they were doing it before. do u think they had a choice?#nobody likes picking up the slack for someone else and now that we have more tools to do smth couldnât we just. do it????#im not a virologist but i also feel like continuing to let it get worse by letting more mutations develop#could continue to set us back since this virus is pretty good at fucking us up long term and finding new ways to do that#while there are ppl still researching covid which is STILL A RELATIVELY NEW VIRUS. and studying possible treatment and cures#yapping#vent
393 notes
·
View notes
Note
Tbh i am not surprised that a person who openly talked about having drinking problems since 1d days, because of how crazy 1d worked has been agressive. What surprises me is people being surprised (they never seriously saw drunk person?). But i am also confused about this whole book. Apparently Maya said that that book is not fully bout Liam but compilation about her exes and some of the worst parts are not about him. But recently she said that the book is âofc about himâ so what is true then? Or did she meant it that ofc some parts are about him or that whole book is about him?
Sorry, just confused
I also am not surprised- we've learned so much more about the real stories of things and about the guys' actual lives over the last years, and the story that has unfolded around Liam has been totally consistent throughout if you've been following it, and so the information Maya is telling us is shocking and upsetting but not difficult to believe. I got an anon yesterday saying they were worried about getting similar revelations about the other boys, like "if Liam could be doing this we just don't know, any of them could", and while in a way that's always true I guess, anyone could be doing anything in private like... that doesn't really concern me. Because none of these Liam revelations are coming out of nowhere, there have been many MANY steps along the way leading us here if you've been watching, and he has talked openly about both his mental health struggles and his addiction issues. So to answer that anon... to find out something similar about Louis would in contrast contradict everything we know about him and no I'm not worried about it. Is he probably very irritating, absolutely, but an abuser or a loose cannon, well that news would shock me. But anyway as for the book I don't find it strange that she was nervous when it came out and treading lightly and later decided, fuck it. In the absolutely on point tiktok she dropped today (YESđGIRLđFUCKING TELL THEMđ) she even mentions attempts to keep her from publishing the book, presumably by Liam's team, that I am riveted by and cannot WAIT to hear more details about actually- like I said I don't find it at all strange that she was nervous and downplayed it a bit then. But if she says now that it's just about Liam, well, I would say it's been clear from the beginning that the book is their story. Maya herself brought up the parallel of songs being written about stuff and I think it's the same thing; it's true (she was in an abusive relationship that involved certain kinds of events) but maybe not 100% literal (I'm sure details were changed to make the story work, it's not like a word for word timeline of their interactions or whatever).
#maya henry#blah blah blah#re the tiktok also lmaoooo are people really saying she wants money her family IS RICH like RICH RICH#but hot damn the part about enabling UH HUH !!!!!#yep yep yep#in terms of the other guys and what would shock me... well obviously we know Zayn has also had a history of agression#and we know WAY too much about him being pushy about sex lol#I would not be shocked to hear he crossed a line... but think he's probably just a bit of a fuckboy#I absolutely do not trust Niall behind closed doors but the songs we have about him seem to tell a pretty consistent story;#self absorbed but basically harmless#harry... who tf knows what he is like outside of being with Louis but I would be shocked to hear of him being aggressive yeah#I have a lot of issues with him but taking advantage of people or being pushy are not even on the radar#and as for Louis... like I said yeah it WOULD shock me. I don't just love him because he has a nice face!#it's BECAUSE of the ways we do know him and know what he's like. because of his tenderness and care#and his consistent kindness and love#and his openness about his private side#so yeah- it would shock the hell out of me it really would#but then I think that anon also was worried about eleanor spiling smth about their relationship so we are not coming from the same place#my kneejerk response was I'm sure he paid her on time what else are you worried about lol#although out of everyone if someone was going to say he lashed out at them I suppose it would be her#it was probably one of the most difficult and frought relationships in his life#and one that he did not want#so! but still no it doesn't worry me#tbh there was one thing in mayas video today that did surprise me which was the premeditation#Liam actually planning using the fans against people and sneaking around doing stuff#I guess even believing everythign I had chosen to paint a picture in my mind of someone who was still#basically unaware of the wrong they were doing and more flailing than plotting#and that shakes me a little. and makes me very unhappy to hear#liam discourse
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
I like to imagine Dante's able to use some basic magic beyond just typical demonic stuff. In the opening of DMC1, a magic circle appears below Trish when Dante shoots the motorcycle back at her, so I like to think Dante knows some basic spells, wards, and the like. For the most part he uses it for little things like making a special lock for his Devil Arm vault, maybe heating up soup or a drink that's gone cold, and so on, rather than any combat things. Dante's spells are not at all refined and he doesn't have a natural talent for it, per se, but he has a lot of power he can put into things so he often ends up brute forcing whatever it is. It's not necessarily efficient, but it works, and that's all he cares about. He's not really interested in most precise or specific things.
Vergil on the other hand has a lot more control and a much greater interest in magic in general. A post DMC5 Vergil (and pre DMC3) would use magic a lot more often, and without as much prep. He spent a lot of time learning different charms etc. to use in daily life, and he's a lot more elegant about it. Some he learned when on the run and trying to hide from demons, while others he learned when trying to track down Sparda, and others still he learned for purely convenience reasons. Post DMC5 he gets a lot more into it than he did pre DMC3 when it was more a thing of survival, even if it had the convenience aspect back then too. He's the kind of person who would learn spells for the sake of knowing them, and while he prefers using demonic abilities in combat, he might try to learn a magical combat spell or two just to see what it's like. He mostly sticks to practical things though (which sit on the border of practicality, but he considers them practical, uses them often, and makes Dante's magic look like child's play).
On the magical third (regrown!) hand, Nero's absolutely horrible at magic, to the point of not being able to do basically anything. He's got the magical reserves, but unlike Vergil who can cast precise spells with relatively little effort, or Dante who gets through spells by basically overloading them until they work, Nero just can't get magic to work for him at all. Lessons with Vergil end with him stomping out when he gets fed up with Vergil commenting on how easy it should be, while attempts to get Dante to explain how he casts magic end in frustration when Dante's explanations basically start and end at "I dunno, it, it just works." Sure Nero can memorize and draw a warding sigil perfectly, but any and all attempts to get it to actually do anything end in failure.
Kyrie, in a reveal that surprises everyone, most of all herself, is apparently extremely talented at magic, which she does not know until she sees Nero trying and failing to activate a warding sigil Vergil taught him, puts a finger on it so she can trace over it as she reviews Nero's work in case he messed something up, and inadvertently activates it. After that they end up doing some testing and discover Kyrie is a natural when it comes to magic. The only problem is that while casting spells, activating sigils, and the like come easily to her, her magical reserves are rather small, limiting what she's able to do. When she first activates the sigil Nero had drawn, she ends up unable to get up and Nero has to carry her to bed (which she insists he doesn't have to do, because she just needs a minute to catch her breath, but he insists on)
Nico is stoked to hear about this and ends up figuring out a way to essentially fit Kyrie and Nero with a magic converter that allows Kyrie to draw on the magical reserves Nero can't utilize so that she can use them for whatever she wants to. While Kyrie isn't someone who really cares to use magic for things in her daily life like Dante and Vergil, she does use it to make little charms for the kids, and to establish wards around the house to protect them from demon attacks and other small misfortunes. She and Vergil end up bonding a little bit as he teaches her the spells and other bits of magic Nero was never able to pick up on.
(Vergil himself feels a mixture of pride at how quickly she picks up on things with his instruction, and jealousy when he sees how good she is at things first or second try when he knows it took him a good five or ten attempts to get it down when he was first learning. Kyrie notices and tells him that he's still much better than her in the long run since he's able to use magic without needing a separate "battery" to power him, but Nero absolutely digs into Vergil about it when Kyrie isn't there. Dante meanwhile finds it all hilarious. But he and Nero are pretty proud of Kyrie too.)
#erurandomness#dmc#eru hcs#i love mundane magic#i do like hc'ing eva as having known some magic#i don't usually hc her as an umbra witch herself but i will flop between hc'ing her with umbra witch ancestors-#-or eva just being a witch herself. she also knew some basic spells and did try to fight the demons when they came#i think in this hc verse eva would've used little bits of magic around the boys#and that's part of what motivates vergil to try to learn magic beyond just what his demonic power allows him to do#while they can channel their demonic power into using magic as a fuel source magical aptitude is separate from demonic heritage#the magical aptitude they got from eva. unfortunately nero did not inherit it#some of the people of fortuna were witches way back when though. and kyrie DID inherit the gene for magical aptitude!#a few of them. she's got more natural talent than dante and vergil combined. she's just not interested in fighting#and like i said above she doesn't really have the fuel source for it. hence nico making the converter for Nero#mages also have their own magic fuel source that dante vergil and nero can draw from#it's essentially the primary tank. with demonic power being a backup that can be converted to fill that tank when it empties#so what kyrie is drawing on is nero's magic tank most of the time. nero has it but he's unable to use it.#this way nero and kyrie can fight together if she does decide to fight. or she can do little magic w/o using his demonic power#i will maybe expand on this later i was supposed to go to bed forty minutes ago whoops#eruwrites#devil may cry
76 notes
·
View notes
Text
also also also. i dont know if this is ever gonna get really explicitly explored in the show. but.
like. theyve talked pretty minimally i think? about jovyres motivations as an antagonist. and while the main explanation they have gg on right now is the general "power corrupts universally" i also think. with how prominent this theme of sibling conflict has been ....
jovyre is cirillas younger sister. because of this, while cirilla gets to be the queen of the summer court, jovyre is relegated to being the princess of the "lesser" autumn court. an arbitrarily lower status. she had to use magic & trickery in lieu of cirillas' power and armies. her sister got to be a fairytale princess while she was the pragmatic ruler, with a chip on her shoulder. she has to get her hands dirty, "not all of us can be perfect can we". in spite of this, she was the one who stayed in command while her sister had fallen into her own despair. she negotiated her way into the unseelie crown. why should she have to be the one bending the knee to her sister. "i dont believe any of us should be limited by how we were born.... i only want to be her equal".
so its like. even though we havent met her yet. jovyres rise to power was explicitly via the death of the previous unseelie queen. of course she would be paranoid and defensive of her title. and while jovyre is plotting and planning and carefully amassing the army that she had to build herself to defend the crown she had to earn herself. her sister is in the columns of milfred murmurs and partying, all with the crown that she would have lost if not for her. "well some of us value beauty more than others". jovyres second offer to the band of boobs, "the more pragmatic approach", was to kill queen cirilla and bind her followers to someone else (someone more worthy, someone more fit to rule). at the time, jovyre admits that she would rather not take that option, "i dont wish for any harm to come to her". in the intervening 200 years. how many times did she wonder if she had made the right decision then. shes certainly changed her mind now
(and a minor thing ... because i admittedly might have misremembered. while talking to the band of boobs, she tells them that she wants to unite the seelie & unseelie courts. wouldnt it be nice for unseelie to get to experience spring and summer too? if im not wrong ...... the unseelie courts still only experience dusk and night? i might have totally misremembred this BUT if its true . then queen cirilla was also not as easy to negotiate with as jovyre expected)
anyway! all that to say is. given how this campaign has explored sibling relationships that are based around feelings of inadequacy & insecurity against a perfect older sibling. the way that leads to competition and jealousy, the desperate urge to prove that actually i AM better than my sister and im soo going to rub this into her face! well! maybe the story of jovyre and cirilla is not just entirely "power corrupts" and more also about the. "200 years of growing resentment and jealousy that has clouded all my love and protectiveness towards you into hatred, and envy, and havoc". on parallel planes, callie and cyra forgive each other, while jovyre plots her own sisters assassination.
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#ramble tag#this was supposed to be shorter than it was . LOL !#this is in part like. i read somewhere (probably redddit ......) someone talking about like#'its weird jovyres a villain now she was so cool before :( this is kind of out of nowehere'#and like. well actually. really jovyre has always been like this#but whats really. interesting . is what exactly turned jovyre from. protecting her sister to assassinating her to steal her crown#i hope we get more into it#i am really just. running on like. little threads and suggestions here#less character analysis more. character speculation and possibility#but i think its interesting !!! with the diff explorations of sibling relationships#and ultimately cirilla and jovyre were just another pair of doomed eladrin sisters#you know so ...... it fascinates me !!! just a little
56 notes
·
View notes
Text
Misunderstandings
Fanart for the fic Desideratum (posted on AO3) by @fianightshade ! Specifically for the chapter 11 'Turning point'. I periodically reread it just to feel the emotional turmoil of the scene again
#toh#the owl house#flapjack#hunter toh#desideratum#dragons#fanart#hunter BITES in this chapter the fic is way too fun#i couldn't resist making a little comic#fun fact: originally both pages stylistically were supposed to look like the 2nd one#but i got distracted while i was drawing the first page so it gained way more details than i planned haha#i think that's alright though#Also!#I am new to Tumblr and I have zero idea how tagging works#I presume the tagged person will see a notification about the post with a tag#if not... well i can send an ask with the pictures in it right?#let's just post for now and see how it goes
109 notes
·
View notes
Text
#pic#story#Checking Courage#The Royal Piblingâs Plight#the queen has arrived#Urbosa is a little harder to write than the other champions#I talked a little about it with friends#She's supposed to be the 'mom friend' of the champions#but we're not just dealing with the champions here#and with this story Twilight is the more established mom friend#I also personally feel like Urbosa's character in botw was... eh.#Like I have no problem with a mom friend in a group but Urbosa could've been done better yk?#All of the supporting characters in botw/totk were kinda one-note but#there was something interesting about revali mipha and daruk that complimented the original personality#Like with Revali he's a haughty pretentious asshole but he also gets a lot of that ego from wanting others to see his feats#Mipha's shy and sweet but she doesn't just love Link she loves everyone and wants to protect everyone#DARUK IS DARUK!#But with Urbosa her entire personality... surrounded Zelda in some way#I think I feel this way because every time we saw Urbosa in the past she was with Zelda#her conversation with Link was centered around Zelda#So I want to get into her relationship with Link#and maybe see what I can work with because Fujibayashi and his writers like to annoy ME specifically GA 21 year old tumblr user
218 notes
·
View notes
Text
New Age AU (Obtaining Killer)
Hey guys! Through with a bot of stuff for the day and I have a sneaking suspicion that this stress headache will not leave me until I finish some projects for work, so I *may* be m.i.a. for a hot second until they stop.
In the meantime, I want to drop this! (Unedited, unrefined, raw off the slab style)
Andddd @ancha-aus and @papiliovolens ! Hello! (Mutzelputz if u see this, the tags weren't working for some reason, I apologize.)
Hope y'all enjoy!
Ccino had convinced him to leave the castle. After nearly a year had passed since his last true public appearance. Since he'd stolen the apple from his brother. Nine months had passed since he'd sent Dream away. He tried not to think about it.
Nightmare had been finding out a lot about his magic. How it made him jittery, and how he felt like he understood so much more. How it made him deeply paranoid, quick to react.
How it made people listen to him.
He figured it was because he was scary now. The negative magic condensed over every inch of his bone wasn't exactly appealing, and the extra limbs which had sprouted from his spine now acted like his own personal weapons. If someone didn't listen, didn't give him an answer he liked, the limbs moved without him even thinking.
It had taken time to learn to better control them. Even now, they writhed in his wake. His nerves expressed through their lashing and twitching as they hovered just above the ground.
The streets weren't exactly crowded.
Upon word of the King's arrival to this small providence, Nightmare had found that many people fled from his path. His travel party of several soldiers, and himself on horseback. He'd always wanted to ride horses. The traitor twin was someone that every citizen wished to avoid.
Ccino had coaxed him outside with promises of fresh air. Apparently there were promising young members of the city guard that Ccino swore would be wonderful future knights. Young warriors for him to bring up loyally under his name, no fear of betrayal.
It had made sense, at the time, but Nightmare hadn't chosen to recruit any of them.
It wasn't to say he didn't want to. Several of the humans and monsters were very talented, and he did his best to give them praise, but he could tell. None of them wanted to work under him. They didn't like him. Rejection and hatred that had pierced him immediately, he could practically taste it.
Ultimately, they would do better here in their hometown. A place they were passionate about protecting, and with people they cared for. Night would not try to mold promising soldiers into his perfect guard. No matter how smart of an idea it may have been.
And so he'd moved on.
Night had visited several smaller shops, onces which couldn't afford to refuse him, and he bought some fabrics, a trinket, some small thing from each place he stopped by. He payed exactly the price he needed for each thing. He wouldn't bribe his people, either. The best he could do would be to remain neutral.
He did discover, against all odds, that he was enjoying this day out. Ccino was, in fact, usually correct about this sort of thing.
The travel had been enriching. Almost exciting. He'd never gotten out of the castle much at all, this was all new and excitingly mundane.
Good things do not last forever.
It was almost sunset when he noticed it. Torches being set up, a platform prepared. A crowd gathering.
An execution, came the mutter from one of his soldiers. Though he recognized the set-up, Night had never been in attendance to an execution. He was morbidly curious. The crowd held such a contempt. A broiling hunger for blood.
He wished he'd wheeled his horse away when a few people were ushered out of a nearby building.
The prison, maybe?
There weren't many of them. Nightmare dismounted his steed, and much to the dismay of the soldiers at his side, he found himself sinking. Into the growing shadows cast by the dying sun.
He re-emerged beside the stage, where the few people were lined up. Ready for death by hanging.
That trick wasn't one that Nightmare quite understood yet, but he was always drawn to feelings of intense negativity. He knew that, now. Something about these prisoners were bothering him, even at a distance, and he found himself more curious as he stood before them.
His guards, at the back of the crowd, hadn't seemed to figure out where he had gone. He had the time, now, to loom over the small group of prisoners.
The city guards, the trained ones, had likely seen him earlier at their headquarters. They did not speak even a word against him as he stared.
Nightmare stared at these faces.
A dog monster, scrappy and scarred, black fur clashing against a few patches of white. One of her ears was missing.
A pair of humans, both men, one with long, curly red hair and another with short-cropped red hair and the beginnings of a beard. Maybe they were brothers?
A skeleton. His sockets dripped with black magic, and his soul was a piercing crimson, just infront of his chest.
A flame monster, small and stout. Their flames a flickering green and purple. One of their eyes had a patch over it.
Nightmare was not great at determining emotions yet. He was hardly versed in his own feelings, but there had been improvement recently. Understanding new emotions had been coming more naturally to him.
Sometimes it hurt, but he was learning.
Now, past the blossoms of a headache, he felt a bit baffled as he subconsciously picked through the negativity these monsters exuded. Their fear. Their pain. Their loss, and their anger.
Oh.
"Only one of you is guilty."
He'd said it without thinking, practically announcing it with a voice that still felt unnaturally deep. A voice which rattled his ribcage and seemed to force past the barrier of darkness around him.
The group before him seemed startled. Confused.
Well, all but the skeleton, who seemed to only raise his skull slightly. As though just noticing Nightmare was there.
"How could you have possibly been jailed in the first place?" He muttered a bit quieter to himself.
He knew, deep down, that there were many, many rules in place for situations like this. Laws which he could challenge. People he could speak to. He could appoint members of his court to each of these people and try to earn their innocence through the rites of the law.
Then again, he remembered the rage of the crowd. The frustration of the people waiting to see these killings take place.
He didn't know what to do.
Now the prisoners, especially the two humans, were staring at him hopefully. He'd managed to shatter the negativity a bit. He believed them. He knew this was wrong.
"I don't know..."
The mutter came again unprompted.
These people would not have the means to repay him for his help. He couldn't just waive fees, or risk his court turning against him. He couldn't afford enemies being made so close to his inner circle.
He couldn't just leave them, though. Not after he'd seen the injustice of it all.
Stuck in his own thoughts, he was drawn out of it by a snickering laugh.
"Just set them free." A voice followed, "You are our King, aren't you?"
Nightmare then found his eyes drawn to the skeleton.
The others had eased themselves away from him. He stood, now, almost alone. He seemed unbothered by speaking up, his sockets held in an almost lazy posture. Tension going completely un-held.
He grinned up as the King, and seemed to watch contentedly as the thought settled in Nightmare's skull.
He could do that. Simply waive their charges. Pardon them. He could do that, surely. Many royals had done it before him for less certain terms. His mother had plenty of times.
"And you are guilty. You'll still be hanged. You know this, don't you?" Nightmare asked.
That was when the Skeleton's lazy sockets seemed to tighten with a sort of glee. Some hidden joke Nightmare wasn't privy to.
"Hmm." This was a poor choice. This was a bad decision. "Tell me, quickly, how you came to be here. Before I proceed?"
Nightmare didn't know why he was asking. He was... curious. Just like he had always been.
Very few people would ever speak straight to his face. Ccino, that was the only one who'd done it since his change. Since the prophecy. This skeleton had done it. He'd spoken when no one else could muster even a plea.
The silence he seemed to bring to every room. Broken, just briefly.
The skeleton stared at him a moment.
"Name's Killer, your majesty." The tone was mocking. "A while back a buddy of mine got into hot water, and I decided to help them out. Now, plenty of bodies later, I'm the one stuck on death row."
Simple. An admission of guilt.
Nightmare stared at him some more.
Finally, it seemed his frantic guards had noticed him. Found him. They rushed to his side, though not as fast as he would've liked. He could feel the frustration seeping from each armored body around him.
"You don't have an aversion to it," Nightmare voiced, "Killing, I mean."
Killer nodded. Unashamed.
It felt strangely calm, still. Perhaps it was because the crowd was still chattering. They likely hadn't noticed Nightmare at all.
The king turned to the city guard, still stood on the steps. "Free these four people. My judgement decrees them as not-guilty."
And, before any time could pass in the slightest. "Killer, I would like you to accompany me, before you abscond."
He'd noticed it. Killer had undone his cuffs before their conversation. Completely freeing himself from his weak imprisonment.
Killer seemed amused at the concept of sticking around to chat.
"If you would, I would like to recruit your services at my castle. I need a man who is willing to kill. And kill swiftly." Ccino said to establish an image. It was obvious now that his reputation would remain in the gutter, no matter what choices he made. He was not Dream.
Killer's sockets narrowed.
"And what would I get for being your little hunting dog?" Again, it was bold. It was new.
Nightmare was sure his expression hadn't changed since he'd come before the group. That same angry glare that sat permanently along his skull. The magic had an image to project.
His tendrils flicked, slightly.
"Payment, room, Fresh meals, and any other amenities you may like, so long as it does not break our treasury." He replied, "All I ask is that you simply obey me. And Me alone."
Not true. He'd probably ask for him to listen to Ccino as well. Once he knew for certain he'd stay.
Killer seemed to be thinking. He eyed they king, up and down. He looked to each of the guard around the king. The ones who were back in position now, though Nightmare could feel their annoyance. Their confusion.
Then Killer turned.
Then he turned back.
"Mm. Can't be worse than the ol' noose." Killer replied. "Funny way to run a country, my king. Hiring the first murderer you spot?"
Nightmare didn't humor that with a response. He was honestly shocked the skeleton had even agreed.
Though, all of that negativity had been swapped out for a glee. Something deep in Killer had changed during their brief interaction. A hope. Night could barely grasp the edges of its existence with his subconscious. But it was there.
.
He ignored the crowds as they grew confused. He ignored the worry pouring from the criminals as he had them released and informed them of their pardon.
He did not ignore when his guards told someone to keep their distance. He glanced up. Killer was standing beyond the guards, looking bored.
Nightmare, trusting fool he was, didn't even ask a guard to watch him to ensure he stayed put.
"Stand down." He ordered the guard, who begrudgingly allowed the skeleton to smugly slip past.
His tendrils kept the monster at a distance Night preferred all on their own. He seemed to take the hint.
"They're all gonna be dead by morning, you know." Killer voiced easily.
Nightmare turned to him, confused. What did he mean by that? He'd pardoned them?
"Are you deaf? The crowd wanted us dead, especially me." He chuckled, "Leaving them here is definitely going to get them killed. If the crowd doesn't rip them apart the second you leave, then it'll happen at night. There will be no witnesses."
Oh... Night hadn't fathomed that these people could turn on the innocent once declared. It hadn't even crossed his mind. Did they have a home to return to? A family they put at risk?
The noose was a fast death, but being murdered? That would've been so much worse.
He could tell, by the way they evaded looking at Killer, that he was right. Nightmare would be sentencing them to a new sort of death if he did it like this.
But he didn't have time for a trial. Or several. The sun was going down, abd Ccino expected him back. The castle needed him present, or they might revolt.
Someone might hurt Ccino.
Oh, he was such a poor ruler. He did not know his people well enough. How he lamented the lessons Dream had taken about crowds and current issues abd how to be likeable.
Night didn't know how to handle this. He was still learning!
A trembled in his hand. He tucked the limb quickly away from where it had been lightly clutching his tunics thick fabric, now hiding it beneath his cloak.
"Killer is right. It won't be safe here, for any of you." He spoke. Thank the gods it didn't sound as shaken as he felt. "I extend an offer to you all. You may stay here, or you may come take up positions among my staff back at the castle. Unlike Killer, I do not expect any crime from you, but you will be paid and housed."
The offer was met with a roar of frustration from the crowd, Nightmare chose to allow his guards to handle it. He watched, carefully, as the four looked between eachother.
The brothers agreed first. (They introduced themselves as brothers as they knelt in thanks.) Then the Dog. She said she had no family left to watch over, starting a new life would be for the best.
The flame refused, saying they would leave town by morning, and try to stay safe.
And so, Nightmare left the town with four new party members. Each had been provided a horse, each tied to one of the guards. Aside from Killer, whose steed was held personally by Nightmare.
He figured Ccino would chew him out for this, for bringing criminals into the castle when he was sent to collect soldiers, but Nightmare had a good feeling about these ones.
They did not hate him. Or fear him. He was helping them. And it felt good.
#hoping this posts. i put it into drafts first...#new age au#Night is a little poorly written here. but I promise it's intentional.#i love making the narration feel just as displaced as the character it's followinh#also. might write smth for Killer's pov of this because I can promise you#90% of it is âthis loser has no clue what the fuck heâ#'s doingâ#in a mix of awe and amusement#and he 100% started with ulterior motives and ended up having a change of heart because of the whole#him sensing vaguely that Night was a weird paranoid kid still#OH#and that odd bit in the middle where Night is doing stuff isn't fleshed out very well#but it's meant to be a show of Night making sure his presence is known + gauging how people react to him being perfectly normal#and more importantly#he lost track of his plans. he's actually not supposed to be doing that. he's still a kid and he wanted to explore!#mm#okay#one more note#Nightmare takes those people back with him right? his castle staff is like 20% people from before and 80% people he freed from#unlawful situations or took in when they had nothing#the public sees it as him taking in shifty#evil criminals. but really? these people look up to nightmare because they were at their lowest and now have stable lives + homes and even#families sometimes#it's just cool#inside the castle is a lot safer than outside#even tho Ccino is still the only one who prepares Night's meals I think a good hunk of the staff would maul anyone they found w/ poison in a#mile radius of the kitchen.#raughhhh#okay fr last thing#I love Killer :] Him being the first is so important to me and I think he deserves the happiness ever
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
Someone totaled my car today and I do not like being in insurance limbo
#i did all the stuff i was supposed to but im gonna call my insurance again tonorrow just to double check#i had a green light and someone left turned into me like super late#like idk how they thought they could make that turn#but my airbags all went off and my hood was a mess so i think my car is fully toast#siiiigh#:(#i dont want to have to buy a new car......#i just moved out too so dealing with this + rent + living expenses is not ideal#i wish ppl knew how to fucking drive and i still had my car.#im trying to be zen and cool about this and just go well getting mad wont solve the problem but like#if people paid attention while they were driving then i wouldnt be out a car having to use a sick day tomorrow#and i wouldnt have to probably spend more than what i get from insurance on whatever my new car will cost#and i wouldnt be having to deal with insurance and getting rides places and hopefully getting a rental car#so maybe i can be a little mad for a while and get upset for myself for once#i just roll over and accept everything all the time and while intentional apathy has gotten me this far#maybe i shouldnt cling to it forever
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
what's wrong with data analyst bernard?
summary: tim's a workaholic ceo. bernard is, to put it simply, a down-on-his-luck loser with a kid to take care of. somewhere along the line, they meet. (very loosely based on the 2018 hit kdrama, "what's wrong with secretary kim?")
A/N: for @chamiryokuroi bc this fanart has given me brainrot since the moment i saw it. but also bc, i missed writing and your art helped. i hope you like it. (more notes at the end.) (AO3 LINK)
Today is a good day, Bernard thinks happily, brand new ID badge bouncing on his tie. It's his first day at Wayne Ent. and Mori had sent him off with a hug and muttered, "have a good day, Tou-san." It's been bouncing around in his head all day. Tou-san, Tou-san, Tou-san, he's really a dad now. He's got to make sure Mori has everything he needs and this new job is going to make sure he can do that.
Shaking his head once to clear it, he takes a sip of the complimentary coffee a team member bought him for his first day. His team leader, Young-joon Lee, is taking him on a tour of the building. Young-joon is a wonderful man in his late 30s but it's very clear that he's been consumed by the office lifestyle.
"...and here is our magnificent lobby!" Young-joon is saying as he tunes back in. His team leader spreads his arms wide out as he speaks, "Everyone knows the lobby but it's my personal philosophy that making friends or at least being on amicable terms with the ground floor staff will make your life easier."
Bernard laughs politely, "I know what you mean. I can't tell you how many times being nice to the host at the restaurant I used to work at saved my butt during rush hour."
"A man after my own heart!" Young-joon says, smiling widely as he leads him to the help desk.
Bernard tilts his head up to look at the skylight. It's a gorgeous thing with little animal motifs running alongside it. It lights up the lobby bringing a welcoming feeling into it. With the sunlight pouring into the room, along with the din of busy workers in slacks running to and fro, it really feels like stepping into a movie.
Are you seeing me Darls?, he thinks with a childlike glee, hand coming up to thumb at his badge again, I made it!
"This, my friend," Young-joon says, pulling up to the help-desk, "is our wonder-duo. Tamara and Abhishek. They practically run this building. Lord knows we'd be tripping all over ourselves without them."
Tamara and Abhishek smile as they get introduced.
"They run this building?" he asks confusedly.
"You see, young padawan," Abhishek says, "not only do we help the people that come in here asking questions or for instructions, we also answer any questions the staff has for us."
"Things like, 'What's HRâs number?' or 'Can you page Data for me?' or 'No seriously, I'm calling HR on this man right now. What is their number?'" Tamara says grinning.
Bernard laughs. It feels like that's all he's been doing since he got here. "You have to tell me the story on that one day."
"Sorry," Tamara says, faux-apologetic, "the minimum clearance on that story is half-a-year. Gotta level up."
His cheeks hurt from smiling. This is his and Mori's new beginning. This is where they level up. Nothing's gonna stop him now.
"Do you know the story behind that one?" he asks, turning to Young-joon.
"Of course! But where would be the fun in telling you? You have to stay the six months and if luck comes my way, longer."
"You want me for longer?"
"Of course, I saw the way you worked during those practice problems in the interview. I had to fight the other team leaders for you. It was brutal."
"Get back I say!" Young-joon says, miming a sword fight. A pleased warmth builds in his chest; they wanted him, they wanted him!
Darls you better be fucking watching this. I'm movin' up in the world.
"Ooh, send me that footage. I wanna see our newest recruits skills," Abhishek says.
"You got the data team fighting over you?" Tamara asks, eyebrows raised, "I wanna see itâ"
Whatever she was going to say is cut off by the sound of both of their pagers pinging. Immediately going stock still, they start typing on their computers.
Bernard turns to Young-joon confused but his team leader looks like nothing is out of the ordinary.
"The boss is coming." Young-joon says, like that's a reasonable explanation for two people shutting down in the middle of the conversation, "It's always quite a spectacle and they always have to notify the other execs. Just watch."
Still, the boss? Maybe Bruce Wayne will say 'hi' to him and he'll charm the CEO and Mr. Wayne can figure out a way toâ
No, no. He's done making those kinds of fantasies. Nobody is coming to help. Bernard is going to figure out his life on his own, he is going to take such good care of his kid, and he is not going to wait for some rich billionaire to swoop in and take care of him. He got this far didn't he? He'll get even farther.
He and his team leader lean against the help desk sipping coffee as they wait for the CEO to come in and sure enough, a black Rolls Royce pulls up to the driveway in the front. The minute the door opens, flashes from the paparazzi's cameras start going off. Out steps a bodyguard in a black suit with an umbrella opened. From below the umbrella he sees a nice pair of brown loafers step out. The CEO seems to be wearing a navy blue suit today. The paparazzi roars and the flashes increase.
"Oh wow," a man remarks a few feet away from him, "the circus is strong today, huh?" His friend laughs.
A woman wearing red heels steps out after the CEO, the paparazzi flashes decrease dramatically. More bodyguards exit after the woman and form a square around the CEO and his assistant/secretary. They shuffle towards the entrance where he sees the elderly doormen greet the executives with a smile. Whatever they say is lost to the sound of the city but the doormen laugh and push the doors open.
Young-joon's been making small talk throughout the entrance and Bernard tries to keep up but whatever the hell is going on at the entrance is way more interesting than anything his team leader is talking about. As they enter the guards spread out and dissolve the square. The woman comes into view first, red heels with a black slacks and a white button down. She's holding a long coat in one hand and a laptop bag slung over her shoulder. She's gorgeous and clearly the one in charge, going by the way she barks orders at the guards.
Young-joon says something and he turns around to respond, grabbing his coffee cup off the desk counter. His CEO's loafers tap across the lobby's marble floor, something about it is comforting. A lull in the room's conversations causes the CEO's voice to carry over.
"...Tam, make sure the quarterly reports are on my desk by at least 4 today and make sure to push back the sales meeting by 30 minutes to an hour, the board wants to talk â Oh Mr. Bardakcı! Thank you for stayâ..."
Bernard's heart jackrabbits in his chest. He knows that voice but- it can't be. It's not possible; he chose Wayne Enterprises for a reason. He's not supposed to be here. He's supposed to be at his father's company. Unless... there was a merger? No, that seems like the kind of thing the news wouldn't've shut up about. He would've known.
When was the last time you had time to sit down and read the news, Bear? Darls says inside his head
She's right. With filing for custody of Mori and graduating from college and the job search, he hasn't had time for much else. It's entirely possible that he could've missed one of the biggest mergers of the decade.
Fuck, Fuck.
He wasn't supposed to be here. Bernard was supposed to be moving on. He was supposed to be building a life for himself away from the shadows of his childhood. He was supposed to be forgetting that Tim Drake ever existed.
He has to make sure though. Turning his body around, he prays that it's not the man he thinks it is. But sure enough, there stands Tim Drake, resplendent in a navy blue suit and a golden tie.
Golden ties for golden boys, he thinks absentmindedly.
The suit fits him perfectly, stretching across his shoulders and wrapping around his waist. Even the tie looks knotted perfectly. How long did it take him to learn, Bernard wonders. He could never get it right back in high school. Does his assistant Tam do it- no, no! This is why he didn't apply to Drake Industries. Bernard can't do anything around Tim and Tim is never going to care enough about him to stay.
Tim's head seems to be turning in his direction and Bernard whips his head back to make sure Tim doesnât even catch a glimpse of him. His hand twitches violently enough that the coffee cup falls out of his hand and spills all over the floor. The cup rattles deafeningly on the floor. Bernard can't fucking breathe.
"-ernard? Bernard!" his team leader's voice cuts through the haze in his head. Young-joon looks concerned, "Are you okay?"
He blinks slowly, "...What?"
"I said, 'Are you okay?â You look like you've seen a ghost?"
No, Bernard thinks, seeing Darls would be preferable to whatever level of hell I've found myself in.
"I'mâ, I'm fine." he says rather unconvincingly. His eyes dart back to the spill, "What am I saying? There's a large puddle of coffee on the floor. Iâ, I should get some paper towels for that."
"Do you have any paper towels, Wonder-Duo?" he asks, trying desperately to ignore Tamara and Abhishek's concerned looks.
"I already called the custodial staff," Tamara says slowly, like sheâs trying not to spook him, "but if it makes you feel any better," she pulls out a huge stack of paper towels, "go crazy, I guess."
Bernard takes a handful of paper towels and gets to work. The cleaning is meditative and with each swipe of the paper towel, the puddle gets smaller. Bernard pretends the puddle is his feelings for Tim. Swipe, forget about the 4pm milkshakes and his laughter when Darls snorted milk out of her nose. Swipe, don't think about the way he used to smell. Swipe, he left and never looked back; you don't look back either.
The tap, tap, tap of loafer on marble is getting closer to them for some reason. Why is it getting closer? Does it not have staff meetings, market research, and people to leave behind?
"What is going on here?" Tim asks.
"Nothing much, sir." Abhishek responds, "Newbie just spilled some coffee."
Abhishek, no!
"Oh is that all? And he took the initiative to start cleaning instead of waiting for the custodial staff. You made a good choice, Young-joon."
"Thank you, sir!" Young-joon says, "I was taking him on the tour when you came in. Most newbies love the show so I thought we'd stop here for a little bit."
Tim laughs. Bernard hates that his heart still skips a beat at the sound.
A pair of brown loafers and a wool-covered knee slowly appear in his vision. Why is Tim crouching in front of him? Why won't this man leave him alone?
"This looks like quite a lot of work, let me help."
You can help by leaving me the hell alone, he thinks uncharitably.
"I hope you found the facilities to your liking," Tim continues, like he hadn't heard Bernard's thoughts, "My name is Tim Drake-Wayne, CEO."
I know, he wants to say. I know you're Tim Drake. I know you like to skateboard and that you stared at Tony Hawk's photo for an hour every day in high school âcause didn't want to be one of those people who didn't recognize him. I know you struggled with your dad not really being there. I know you loved Mrs. Winters as much as you loved your mom. I know that you like history more than any other subject even though your best was always math.
Bernard says nothing instead.
Tim laughs awkwardly and Bernard knows he isn't helping the conversation along but whatever, he's allowed to be petty, right?
"I assure you, whatever you heard in the tabloids and the news, isn't true. I promise I won't biteâŠ," Timâs voice trails off as Bernard lifts his head.
"...Bernard?" Tim whispers, he looks like he's seen a ghost.
Bernard tries for a smile, he's pretty sure it comes out looking like a grimace.
"Sir," he says nodding curtly, hands still moving to sweep up the coffee puddle.
Tim's hand reaches out to touch his face, as if to make sure Bernard is really there. Bernard recoils as Tim's hand grazes his cheek. Tim's hand hangs in the air uselessly.
"Bernard?" Tim says again, as if to make sure his eyes aren't playing tricks on him.
"That's my name, Sir," he says through clenched teeth, "don't wear it out."
He can feel Young-joon and the Wonder-Duo's confused stare but he says nothing. What would he even say, really?
Hey, this is my old friend Tim Drake? Hey, I used to know him like the back of my hand? Hey, our best friend died and it feels like I'm the only one still grieving? Hey, in my junior year, five different gangs shot up my school and my best friend died in my arms and he left and I had to pick up the pieces by myself? Hey, I'm the idiot that's still in love with Tim Drake?
The clack of Tam's heels comes as a welcome distraction.
"Tim!" she says, grabbing his arm and pulling him away, "What the hell do you think you're doing? We have to go talk to the board. Build rapport with your employees later."
Tim stumbles to his feet, "Yes, butâ, Iâ, This isâ"
He sounds like he's glitching. Bastard. Is it really such a surprise to see Bernard in a well paying job? Even Tam is starting to look a little concerned now.
"Explain later," she commands, dragging Tim behind her. Bernard keeps his head down and continues wiping up the coffee puddle. Sneaking a glance upward shows him that Tim keeps turning back around to stare at him.
For a moment their eyes meet, brown against blue. 'Bernard?' he sees Tim mouth. Bastard, saying his name so many times. Doesn't he know what that does to Bernard? Why does Tim insist on breaking his heart again and again and again? Was once not enough?
He's tired of putting these walls up and just for a second, he lets them come down. Let Tim see the entirety of his brokenness. Tim already has his heart, he can have this too.
'Tim' he mouths back, smiling sadly. Tim looks stunned and the rage that had been simmering in his gut begins to boil over.
Do you see what I've become? Do you see how thoroughly Grieves ruined me? Is this not your doing too? Why did you leave? Have you ever visited Darla? Why was it so easy for you to not look back? Was I not your friend? Or was it just a time pass? Why wasn't I enough for you to stay?
He watches until the elevator doors close, separating him from Tim once again. His body sags like a marionette cut from its strings and his fingers clench uselessly around the coffee soaked paper towels. A hand lands on his shoulder and he flinches.
"Hey, hey," Young-joon soothes from where he's crouched right next to him. When did Young-joon crouch down? How much time has he missed? "It's just me, Bernard. Are you okay? What was that? Does our CEO know you?"
He exhales shakily. He needs to get out of here. He needs to sob hard enough he throws up. He needs the steady press of a knife on his back. He needs things he's not allowed to have anymore.
Bernard shoots up so fast the world spins around him. holding onto the desk for support, he tries to smile at his team leader. It stretches across his face misshapenly.
"I'mâ, I'm sorry," he says stumbling over his words in a rush to get them out, "I have toâ"
He has to what? Pretend to not see Darls out of the corner of his eye? Pretend like his hands don't have blood on them? Pretend like he isn't seeing bullet wounds every time he closes his eyes?
"âgo to the bathroom," he finishes lamely. Gathering up all of the paper towels, he walks away dazedly, ignoring Young-joon's calls behind him. He shoves the towels in the nearest trashcan, letting his feet lead him to the nearest bathroom.
The bathroom is thankfully empty when he enters and he locks the door behind him. Sliding down the door, he exhales shakily. There's not enough air in this room; he can't breathe. The fluorescent lights hum above their coverings. The one on the left flickers. Who's bright idea was it to install school lights in a business office's bathroom?
The world outside the bathroom rushes on too loudly. Somebody is talking about their vacation. Someone is bemoaning their presentation today. His chest is getting tighter. His hands come up to tug on his hair. Why can't he breathe?
The exhales are coming quicker and quicker. Something comes tapping down the hallway. It's the gunmen, it has to be. A quick glance down tells him all he needs to know: he's covered in blood.
It's Lila's, he thinks dazedly, I had to carry her into the office. Or no, it's Olu's. I held him when he died. He said, he said, what did he say?
Why can't he remember? He hits his head with the heel of his palm.
Think he tells himself, we have to tell Olu's parents what he said. He saidâ, he saidâ.
His body sags.
Oh now he remembers. He said, "I don't wanna die Bernard."
A whimper tears itself out of his throat and he slaps a palm over his mouth. There's blood smeared across his face now, he must look like he walked out of a slasher film. He has to be quiet. if he's too loud, the gunmen will find them and then they'll all be dead.
Cry quietly, he tells himself, Darls doesn't needâ
Darla! How could he forget about Darla with a hole in her gut? He needs to get to her. Lurching forward, he scrabbles across Mrs. Castillo's linoleum floor. He's smearing Olu's blood everywhere. Why won't Nikhil stop fucking crying so loudly? Goddamn freshmen and their hysterics. Where is Tim? Is he safe? He can't lose both friends today, please Lord, please.
BANG!
A violent flinch tears through his body. He sobs audibly this time, gagging on his spit. It's the gunmen, it has to be. He hasn't even held Darls' hand or counted Tim's moles for the last time. Where are the Darls? She shouldn't be alone. She doesn't like violence like this.
"Why didn't you save me, Bear?" a voice asks from behind him.
He freezes. Slowly he turns around and nearly yells in shock. Falling back on his butt, he stares up at his friend.
(He has to be quiet, he has to be quiet, he has to be quiet-)
Darls is standing behind him still in her crop top and cargo pants. Her once smooth midsection, bloodied and warped. The bullet wound still drips blood.
Plink, plink, plink.
Bernard hates the scent of iron.
"Why didn't you save me, Bear?" she asks, her voice echoing, "I thought we were friends."
Thereâs blood dripping down the side of her mouth. Now he remembers, the blood on him isnât Oluâs or Lilaâs â although there is that too â itâs almost overwhelmingly Darlaâs. Heâs covered in it. Elbows deep in it. It streaks up his arms like a macabre tattoo. He wore a white shirt to school today. The stains will never come out. He is Carrie at the end of prom, mortified and humiliated.
He crawls backwards until his back hits the wall, the impact knocking him out of the worst of that night. He's back in the bathroom. The lights hum loudly overhead. Darla hasnât left yet.
She tilts her head, âWhy didnât you help me, Bear? I thought we were friends.â
âWe are,â he rasps out, âwe are friends.â
âAre we?â her eyes have no pupils. His Darls had eyes that shone in the sunlight. His Darls is dead. âThen why am I still bleeding? Why am I still hurting? Why is there a bullet in my stomach, Bear?!â
Sheâs shouting by the end and he flinches. His hands canât seem to stop tugging at his hair. The blood mustâve smeared all over it. Talk about taking strawberry blond literally.
âI swear I did everything I could Darls,â he sobs out quietly, voice cracking, âI followed all of Mrs. Castilloâs instructions as best I could. I put pressure and tied the dressing as tight as I could.â
âYou thought that was enough?â she snarls, hands coming down to grip the wound. It twists grotesquely; he gags, âYou think any of that matters when Iâm dead and youâre still alive?â
âPlease, please. You know I wouldnât leave you to die, Darls. Please, please, please believe me.â
âLiar, liar!â she screams, blood dripping out of her mouth onto her pink LOVE shirt. It darkens as each drop hits it. Soon itâll be completely drenched and sheâll be drowning in it. Where did his smiling friend go? âIâm dead, Bear! Iâm dead, dead, dead and itâs all your fault! Why didnât you save me?! Why didnât you save me?!â
He keens, body curling in on itself. One hand goes down to press on his throat; heâs making too much noise. Nikhilâs just a freshman. He shouldnât have to die just because Bernard couldnât shut up for once in his life.
âPlease,â he whispers raggedly, âI tried, I tried. I swear I tried, Darls.â
âIt hurts, Bear,â she sobs. Darlaâs too young to be sounding so wrecked, âIt hurts so much. Please help me.â
All of sudden, itâs too much. The taste of iron sits heavy on his tongue and Darla wonât stop sobbing. His fingers fumble for his phone and he presses one. It rings once, twice and finally on the third ring does a voice answer.
âBear?â the other side says groggily.
âTy please, I can't do this anymore,â he sobs.
Tyrone suddenly sounds a lot more alert, âBear whatâs going on?â
âDarla wonât stop crying and she keeps on screaming that itâs my fault she died.â he wails, âI know I shouldâve done more but please, can you tell her I tried? That I stayed with her until the end? She wonât listen to me, Ty. She wonât listen to me.â
Thereâs a muffled yell of âBabe!â on the other end. âYeah,â Ty breathes out, âIâll tell her.â
âYou put me on speaker, okay?â Ty instructs, âAnd you gotta tell me if sheâs nodding or if sheâs gone or if she said anything, alright? I canât see her.â
âOkay,â he whispers, pulling the phone away from his ear to press the speaker button.
âYou tell me when to start, Bear,â he says, voice filling the bathroom. Darla looks up from where sheâs sobbing.
âYou can start now Ty,â he rasps out, holding the phone out.
âHey Darla,â Ty says, âBear told me you said a lotta mean things about him. Stuff like, âheâs the reason you diedâ and that âhe never caredâ. Darla, you gotta believe me when I say Bear never stopped caring. He held your hand the whole way through. Told you stories about all the things you two were gonna do once you got out of that nurseâs office. He tried, Darla, honest. Iâve never seen him as focused as when you stopped breathing and Mrs. Castillo had him give you CPR. He couldnât stop sobbing the whole time.â
âBut Iâm still dead,â she says.
âBut Iâm still dead,â he repeats.
Ty inhales sharply, âYeah,â he says thickly, âyou are. And Iâll never stop being sorry about that. But you canât take that out on Bear. Heâs just trying to live his life.â
Darlsâ face twists up like a childs, âBut it hurts,â she cries.
âButâ, but it hurts,â he repeats, voice hitching.
Ty curses, âOh, fuck. I canât do this. Babe, can youâ?â
âYeah, of course.âÂ
âHey, Darla. Itâs me, Jimmy from the football team. I donât know if you remember me but I remember you. After high school, me and Tyrone ended up getting married. Somewhere between shitty weed brownies and bad college parties, we fell in love. Isnât that nice?â
Darls nods; he tells them as such.
âWe visited you after the ceremony. I hope you felt that wherever you are these days. But the point Iâm trying to make is that from all Iâve told you just now, you can probably figure out that Ty and I didnât go pro like we planned. The shooting fucked up Tyâs knee and and my arm. After the hospital stays, playing football for a whole bunch of people just didnât sound appealing anymore. Weâre high school teachers now. Ty teaches math and I teach gym. When it rains or gets cold, my arm and Tyâs knee hurts like hell. But Darla, it doesn't hurt forever. It gets better, I promise.â
âDarla,â Jimmy says, voice unusually serious, âyouâre right, you are dead and it does hurt. Iâm sorry, Iâll never stop being sorry. I donât know if itâll ever go away for you; Iâm not too much of an expert on the supernatural. Tyâs the smart one, after all. But I love you, Ty loves you, Bear loves you. I hope that when it hurts the most you can use that as a balm.â
âAuntie Bea loves you too!â Tyâs mom hollers from the background, âAunt Betty, too!â
Ty laughs wetly and Jimmy snorts, âDoes that sound okay?â they ask.
Darls smiles, her teeth stained red from all the blood that built up in her mouth. Bernard misses her with an ache he feels in his bones. Darls nods.
âShe nodded,â he says quietly. He blinks once and sheâs gone. Where did she go? Doesnât she know that the gunmen are still at large? She needs to be somewhere safe. He canât lose a friend today.
âBear, Bear, you gotta breathe. Take a deep breath for me, câmon,â Jimmy says.
âSheâs gone, Jim. Sheâs gone again. Why does she keep leaving?â he says, crying. His body canât stop trembling. How long has he been here? How much time has he missed?
âI miss the cult,â he whispers, âI never had things like this happen when I was with them.â
âYeah,â Ty snaps, ââCause you were high off of like 50 different pain meds âcause you let them whip you.â
âTy, not helping.â
âMove over, let me talk to him."
"Hey, sweetheart," Auntie Bea's voice crackles through his tiny speaker, "I know you're tired and I know you're hurting. I know you miss the cult but you gotta breathe for me, okay? You're gonna pass out otherwise."
"I can't, I can't," he gasps out.Â
"Sure you can, you just gotta tell me five things you can see. Can you list those five things for me?"
Bernard desperately tries to get his breathing under control, "The sink is dirty."
"Good, good. Anything else?"Â
"The tiles need to be re-grouted."
Aunt Betty barks out a laugh. Bernard's lips twitch upward.
"Keep going."
"My pants, my white shirt, my ID badge," he rattles off.
They talk him through the rest of the grounding techniques and by the time he feels like he's in control again, he's exhausted. His eyes hurt and his throat is dry.Â
"Can you tell us why you spiraled so hard, Bear? This hasn't happened in a long time," Jimmy asks.
"I spoke to Tim again," he says simply. He pushes himself up onto his feet and walks over to the sink. Setting the phone down on the counter, he grips the sink with both hands and just breathes. The Bernard in the mirror looks like he just came out of a warzone, eyes haunted, hair messed up.Â
"Oh fuck," Ty says, "Where did you even meet him?"
"At my new job at Wayne Ent."
"Why would you apply there?" Jimmy asks, stressed.
"I didn't know! It's not like I've had a lotta time in the past few years to check the news!"
"Well, whatever, whatâs done is done." Ty says, ever practical, "Are you going to quit?"
"No!â he says vehemently.
âNo,â he repeats quieter, âWayne has the best benefits and Mori needs that. Iâll just suck it up and try to avoid him.â
âDonât be fucking stupid,â Aunt Betty says.
âMa!â
âOh be quiet Jimmy. Iâve never heard of a more stupider thing. Heâs your CEO, Bear, and he knows you work there. Heâs obviously going to want âto catch upâ or whatever. There is no avoiding him. Can you handle that?â
What can he say? Aunt Betty is right. He canât handle talking to Tim. Even seeing Tim felt like touching a live wire. He canât deal with another episode. Mori doesnât need him to be fucked up, Mori needs him to be the stable adult he promised the courts he was.Â
âYou canât, sweetheart,â she says softly, âyou canât handle it.â
Thereâs some shuffling on the other end of the phone.Â
âBear,â Ty says gently, âI love you, man. Youâre my brother. Jimmy loves you, Mama loves you, Aunt Betty loves you. But you gotta start thinking about therapy.â
âI know, I know,â he sighs, âI shouldnâtâve dragged you into this. Iâmââ
Ty cuts him off with an exasperated huff, âItâs not about that Bear. Iâll keep talking to your hallucinations for as long as you need me too. Even when weâre seventy, Iâll do it for you. I donât care about that. I care about you and I want you to be happy and healthy. I donât want you to keep seeing Darla. I donât want you to keep trying to scrub the blood off your hands.Â
âAnd I know youâve been avoiding therapy âcause you donât got the money and âcause talking about your problems is scary but itâs not just you anymore. You got Mori now. That custody claim is going through. You canât just avoid things âcause theyâre hard now. You work at Wayne now; that paycheck is more than enough to set a few dollars aside each month to save up for therapy. Hell, mental health probably comes with your medical benefits. Please, Bear. If you canât get help for you, then do it for us, for Mori. Please stop making us watch you hurt.â
Bernard exhales shakily.
âI never wanna find you the way we did after the cult, Bear. I never wanna see you in the hospital bed like that again. Please donât do that to us, please,â Ty whispers.
Unconsciously, his hand comes up to rub at the scar left behind from the sacrifice. It stretches along the length of his sternum, jagged and rough. On good days, he can pretend that itâs a scar from a heart surgery. He doesnât have that many good days.
Bernard presses the heel of his palms into his eyes before using his hands to scrub at his face. Heâs always so tired these days.
âOkay,â he says simply, âokay.â
âOkay?â Ty asks hopefully.
âOkay, youâre right. Itâs not just me anymore. Mori deserves the best and Iâm gonna give it to him. And I love Tim, I think Iâll always love Tim but he clearly doesnât give a shit about me. So I gotta make my peace with it or Iâll go crazy.â
Ty whoops, âThank you, thank you, thank you!â he chants.
âBear, itâs still the middle of the workday,â Jimmy says, although he too, sounds happy. Auntie Bea and Betty are muttering about a feast, he thinks. âDonât you have to get back to work?â
âYeah, thatâs if Iâm not fired already,â he mutters.
âHey!â Jimmy admonishes, âOptimism only, no pessimism.â
âAlright, alright. I gotta get back to work now. Thanks guys.â
âOf course, weâll let you go now. Ma wants me to tell you that weâre having dinner at your place today.â
âAunt Betty,â he whines, âI havenât cleaned and you and Auntie Bea are just looking for a reason to spoil Mori.â
âAbsolutely,â they say, unashamed, âheâs our only grandson. We have to spoil him.â
âFine,â he sighs but heâs smiling. Fuck, he loves these people. God knows he wouldnât have survived the past six years without them.
âBye Bear,â they say before he hangs up, âGood luck on your first day!â
He cuts the phone and slides it back into his pocket. Turning on the tap, he splashes some cold water onto his face. Using his wet hands, he tries to rearrange his mussed up hair into something acceptable for an office job.
Time to face the music Darls, he tells her smiling face in the mirror. She gives him a thumbs up in return.
The walk back to his office feels like a death sentence. Heâs fucked this up, he knows it. Freaking out over a small interaction with his CEO and then running away only to come back two hours later? Itâs over, done for. Bernard takes comfort in the fact that at least the severance package will be nice.
Stepping into the office, immediately draws the eyes of his team members. Every step towards his team leaderâs office feels nerve-wracking. Just before he enters, Esperanza, the teamâs second in command, stops him.
âWhatever happened,â she says, âjust explain it to him. Young-joonâs a reasonable man, heâs not gonna yell at you.â
Some of the tension leaves him and he nods. Knocking on the door, he enters. His team leader looks up and smiles.
âAh, Bernard! Why donât you take a seat for me?â
He crosses his wrists behind his back, âIâd rather stand, sir.â
His team leader looks confused, ââSirâ? Just call me Young-joon like I told you.â
âAnyway, after you left, I took the liberty of going through your file to see if there was anything I missed. I hope that wasnât overstepping my boundaries.â
âNo s-, Young-joon. Youâre fine.â
Young-joon sighs and pushes the file he was reading before Bernard came in forward. Itâs his file.Â
âIâm going to say some statements,â he says, âand I want you to confirm whether itâs true or not. If any of these questions make you uncomfortable, just tell me okay? Iâll drop it immediately.â
Bernard nods.
âYou went to Louis E. Grieves Memorial High School.â
âYes.â
âBased on the dates you put in your file, you were there for the shooting.â
â...Yes. Junior year.â
âYou know our CEO.â
âYes,â he breathes out.
âHow?â
He used to fall asleep on my shoulder during lunch and I would listen to him breathe. Heâs got moles all over his face. Darls once connected them with a sharpie. His step-mom was so hot, I thought Iâd spontaneously combust every time she smiled. HIs dad didnât really like me and flirting with his wife didnât help my case. The Drake condo had a crocheted flower blanket on the sofa that his mom had made during her pregnancy. He liked to skateboard but couldnât roller-blade to save his life. I have all this love and nowhere to put it.
âItâs a little private,â he says instead.
âIâm only asking because we work quite closely with him. We see him often and if that makes you uncomfortable, then I can have you transferred to another team.â
His shoulders sag, âWe went to Grieves together for one year. Our mutual friend died. Itâs a little hard to look at him.â
âJesus Christ.â Young-joon says, âOkay well the offer is still on the table, Bernard. Do you want to be transferred?â
âNo, I like your team. Iâd like to stay,â he says, firmly.
âAre you sure?â Youn-joon asks, eyebrows raised.
âYes.â
âOkay then,â and itâs like a switch had flipped. Gone is his serious team leader and in its place is the man he met this morning.
âIf you plan on staying,â he says smiling, âthen my primary recommendation is that you use the medical benefits the company gives you to find a therapist. If you need help, the infirmary here will walk you through it.âÂ
Oh thank god it comes included with his medical, Ty will be overjoyed to hear that. But first, he has to ask Young-joon why heâs doing all this. Bernard knows his experience with authority figures is a little skewed towards the shitty side of the spectrum but even so, people usually arenât so kind in his experience.
âWhy are you doing this? Why didnât you fire me? Why are you helping me?â
Young-joon chuckles, âDo you want to be fired?â
âNo! But still, why are you helping me?â
Young-joon sighs and stands up. Walking around his desk, he stops right in front of Bernard. Young-joon puts a hand on his shoulder.
âThis city takes a lot out of its people, believe me I know. And you were so young, when Gotham took her piece of you. It wasnât fair of you to go through that. Just like it wasnât fair to me and my wife when we got kidnapped as children. These kinds of things donât go away. I still get worked up over zip-ties. My wife still has nightmares. All you can do is learn to live with it.
âYou seem like a good kid with a good head on your shoulders. Iâd hate to see all that potential go to waste âcause you kept getting trapped in your mind. I had a lot of help to get to where and who I am today. Consider this, me paying it forward. One day, I hope you can pay it forward too.â
His eyes feel suspiciously wet. âThank you,â he chokes out, âthank you.â
Young-joon laughs, âThereâs no need for the waterworks, Bernard. Now, pack up your things and go home. Youâre in no state to analyze data today but I expect you here at 9AM sharp tomorrow, alright?â
Bernard mock salutes, âYes, sir.â
âGoodbye, Bernard.â
Right before he exits, he turns around and calls out his team leaderâs name.
âYoung-joon,â Young-joon looks up confused, âyou can call me Bear, by the way.â
A wide grin stretches across his team leaderâs face, âOkay then. Goodbye Bear, see you tomorrow.â
Walking out of the office, it feels like a burden has been lifted off his shoulders. Esperanza takes one look at him and snorts.
âYou just got Young-joon-ed, huh?â
His jaw drops, âHe does that often enough you guys have a name for it?â
The other team members laugh, âWelcome to Data Analysis Team 1, kiddo. We look forward to working with you from now on.â
Smiling, he gathers his things and leaves after a few goodbyes. Once outside the building, the smile drops. Itâs an hour-and-a-half bus ride from Wayne Tower to his house. The bus stop sits right in front of the tower too. Some new initiative by the mayor to promote the city moving towards green energy. Hey look, even rich people take the bus! What a fucking joke.
The tower warps the sunlight around it and he stares up at the top floor. Is Tim watching? Can Tim see him from up there? Does he care or was it just the shock of seeing someone he once knew this morning? Has Tim ever thought about him, about them? Or were they just moments in his life? Perpendicular lines, intersecting once and then never again.
I miss you, he thinks staring at the top floor, I miss you more than anything but Iâll walk into oncoming traffic before I ever reach for you again.
The bus pulls up next to him and he snags a seat in the back. Dropping his head onto the seat in front of him, he stares out the window. Darls smiles back at him in the window reflection, perpetually sixteen. Heâs twenty-two now.
Fuckinâ hell Darls, he thinks wearily, weâre really in it now.
Darls places her hand against the glass, he leans his shoulder onto it. If he closes his eyes, he can almost feel her warmth.
Weâll make it through, she says.
The bus rumbles forward and he lets the cracked streets of Gotham lull him to sleep. Heâll make it through.
A/N: chami! i hope you like it!!! i've never gifted a fic before, i don't really know how this works. and to everyone who read it, i hope you liked it too! please leave your thoughts in the reblogs or replies!!! i miss the days when td:r was coming out and we were all collectively freaking out. anyway when i said loosely based, i really did mean loosely. props to you guys if you can figure out the direct references to the drama. but this is a one-shot. i'm not gonna be writing anything else for this 'verse? au? (god i'm always so worried im using em dashes wrong)
if you have questions or you're confused by something i wrote, feel free to ask questions or send an ask or message. oh, and i know some people like know the exact wordcount. so, it's exactly 6,785 words long. nice number right?
also, please note that if you want to make art or a podfic or hell, even fanfiction of this, feel free to do so! i hope that's not too presumptuous or anything. idk i see fanfic writers make this disclaimer all the time, so i thought i'd do it to.
thank you for reading!
#god i'm exhausted#writing the latter end of a fic always feels like finishing a marathon#no more fics for like the next 6 months (<- me when i lie)#anyway big fan of the bear hallucinates darla club!#currently there's only one member (me) but you can change that#also favorite trope ever is when you see a regular dude and you're like 'what a nice normal dude' and then you talk to him for like#5 minutes and you're like '/oh./ this dude has something wrong with him'#also the tyrone/jimmy pairing? do you see my vision?#also big fan of the the shooting was worse than what you see in rr club!#it's just there was a city-wide gang war and all the gangs came to grieves to kill darla and you're telling me only she died???#i think way more people died. i think too many people died actually. i think the school had to do remote learning for all of tyrone's sr yr#cause the renovations were too much.#also just to clarify#the is hallucination!darla and there is the darls he sees all the time. no they are not the same to him. yes he is mentally ill.#also yes!! superheroes do exist in this world!!! i just didn't mention them.#also if we're being a little self-critical for a moment#(don't look at this part) i feel like i could've ended this at a way earlier point in the story but i had such a strong vision of what the#fic was supposed to be like that i just wrote everything#anyway lets start tagging#bernard dowd#tim drake#timbern#timber#dc#red robin tyrone#red robin jimmy
102 notes
·
View notes