#god i feel so empty
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Sometimes I feel like a head crab from half life. One hit from the crow bar and I’m out. I drew *once* today and was like “Yep. Ok. That’s enough of that. Do we have any ginger ale left?” It’s a horrible feeling but at least now I have ginger ale.
#I’m incredibly sad and idk how to not be#stannarrator will fix me#and a bit of ibuprofen#I’m writing this while listening to Banana Shake#its a good song#good contrast#I’m so demotivated#this is why I project onto silly little characters with silly little mental problems#(news flash I have those too)#why am I venting in the tags?#well#it’s not like anyone’s reading this#if you are#fuck you /j#I’m kidding I love you#hope y’all are doing better than I am#god I feel so EMPTY#FUCK#stanley kin alert
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vent
#god i feel miserable#and burnt out#like horribly burnt out#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#god i feel so empty#i feel sick#i can't do this anymore !!!!#uwuuwuwu
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the humiliating process to get a proper adhd diagnosis is something i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy
#personal#after all the things i've been through i advocate for self diagnosis even more#god i feel so empty
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Some Lum studies based on her expressions from the love potion movie...
#imissuy#i miss it so fucking much#my life feels empty damnn#also#multiple srbing is kind of pain now since i dont come online too often and queueing it and a bunch of others in between it is a chore#so only one srb from now and we shall see how it does#urusei yatsura#urusei yatsura 2022#うる星やつら#lum#my art#yucaillusts#god i love her sm#uy posting
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I've been seeing girl scout Khun getting redrawn because anime robbed that from us. And then I remember I have this alternate girl scout Khun that I drew exactly a year ago (08/08). I had to do it to him the moment I laid my eyes on this design by lolita-wardrobe.
When would be the best time to post it than now, amirite?
#I only added background so it'd feel less empty. but I left him as he was drawn back then. all sketchy and lazily shaded#but he do be lookin good. shame anime took that away from us 👊😔🥹#tower of god#tog#my art#khun#koon#khun a.a#khun aguero agnis
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Please, someone stop me from listening to Josh Groban, because otherwise I will end up DRAWING ANOTHER "MOTTIE AT BED" ARTWORK.
Like seriously, I cannot.
When I hear him sing "You have no idea" all I can hear is Mathias singing to Dorothea AND MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT.
IT'S EXPLODING WITH SOFT TENDERNESS.
(and I have become the joke of my own household, because my husband, loving Josh as much as I do, now DOES IT ON PURPOSE OF PUTTING HIM ON OUR SPEAKERS, especially when he sees that I am busy working on something not Mottie-related. He knows how my brain works. HE KNOWS IT. So if sometimes you see me derailing, IT'S MR. NEMO'S FAULT AS WELL).
#Nemo babbles#good gods today I need to get stuff done#and here I am#brain empty only Mathias thoughts lol#ok tbh Mottie thoughts#but gods#it's the fluff#the unconditional love#the type of love that is born from the soul#the one that is built on trust and respect#the one where you know that you are loved completly#flaws included#fml#FML#I honestly either go from obsessive toxic ships (Mephistea am look at you) to most wholesome. Like there is no in-between.#And if you wonder why I jump in between#it's partially because I am easily distracted#but also because I need to give my own brain some respite from the different kind of emotions that these things elicit in me#as I said often#I feel ALL that I write#And that is true for good and bad emotions alike#Mephistea is intense as a ship#like INTENSE LIKE FIRE#And Mottie instead is soft and gentle#so I need to balance out#otherwise I run the risk of burning out lolololl
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Nezha and Rin
#the poppy war#fang runin#yin nezha#the dragon republic#the burning god#rinezha#they’re so silly (I think about them and feel empty)
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oh me? yeah, i'm fine. just sitting here thinking about how ki-ho said that the one time he regretted changing his identity was the day he and his brother found mok-ha bc all he wanted was to greet her as her friend, as himself, and he couldn't even do that. but he still bought her a new pair of shoes – just like he'd told her that he would back when they were teenagers and they both were terrified yet tentatively hopeful that they might successfully escape their fathers and leave the island behind them. he couldn't tell her the truth then, but he could get her new shoes to replace the old ones. this small act of kindness was the one thing he could actually do without giving himself away
#such a small detail but i thought of it almost immediately#god. i feel unwell#this whole drama is toying with my emotions afkjdslfnvlsk#i have sooo many thoughts#but i'm gonna let them simmer for a day or two until i can properly turn them into something coherent#other people in the tag are so eloquent and then there's me like:#uhhh head not exactly empty and more like this emotional rollercoaster has made scrambled eggs out of my brain#(if you saw this before i edited it - no you didn't)#castaway diva#personal
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RealAgeAU Drabble - Artist Woes
Hello everyone! I am back with my BS as always and more baby nightmare shenenigans! @spotaus Hope you ready :D
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Ink is a very interesting Pov to write! It was fun! And as always. No beta or anything :D We here to have fun!
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Ink hums a happy song as he slowly sketches out the shape of a very familiar skull. He had beent rying to stay distracted after everything he learned.
He thinks he is doing an okay-ish job! Even if Error calls him an idiot for trying to escape his own new feelings.
Ink just... thinks! He should first get used to his kinda there feelings... and then on his god position! Before he... thinks about some specific feelings.
Ink groans as he grabs his phone and searches the past text messages.
Finding the right conversation quickly.
Hey Ink! Want to hang out with Dream and me? Let me know!
And then the line that Ink blocked his contact.
Ink groans as he just lays on the floor. He is a mess. Why is this so hard? It was never hard to hang out wiht Blue before. It was just nice and easy and it was fun! Now it just feels... different. it feels more important.
Not to forget his stupid feelings now actually work so he realises just how terrified he feels about being an idiot in front of Blue.
Again.
Fuck Blue has seen him do so much stupid shit. How does he deal with that?!
His phone buzzes and he picks it up with a smile before his smile falls. It is a message from Dream.
Of course it isn't a message from Blue. Blue can't send him messages because Ink blocked him!
Which... Blue knows... Ink is sure that Blue hates him or is sad or hurt because of Ink's stupid behaviour and-
HIs phone starts to ring.
Ink almost drops it before picking up "Hey Dream! I was jsut about to answer your text!"
Dream hfufs "Right." he does not sound convinced "Look. I need your help with a situation. Can you come meet us?"
Ink feels his being start to shake slighty. Us. Dream says us. Which means Blue is there!
He hadn't seen Blue since the Gyftmas party. Ink had gotten callen away for more god lessons and he hadn't even had the chance to see if Blue liked the bandana he got him.
And now Ink doens't feel sure enough to ask if Blue likes it. Waht if Blue likes it? What if he doesn't!? What if he likes the bandana but if he hears Ink got it for him he won't like it anymore!?
"Ink?" Dream sounds impatient.
Ink jumps up and rushes to grab his broom "Yeah! Sure! On my way! You send the location?" he has his broom and is already ready to cast the right magic to teleport to another location before remembering he still needs the location.
Dream is silent for a moment before answerign "You feeling okay? We can delay this a few days if you need time to rest-"
"No no no!! I am okay!" Ink rushes to stop Dream. No he needs this! He cna finally hang out wiht Blue again and because Dream is there it will be normal and not at all weird and Ink can maybe try to get an idea of how Blue feels about him and! He needs this! "You send me the location and stuff?"
Dream is quiet for a moment and Ink hears him talk with someone else before Dream answers "I send you it in a text. see you in a bit." and he hangs up.
Ink smiles as he jumps in place as he finds the location. Okay. Okay! He can do this! He can be totally normal! He will have anice hang out and then Blue will think he is cool and maybe Ink can brush off the blocking as an accident thing and everything will be fine!
He uses his broom and melts into a puddle of ink.
It feels like swimming to use his teleporting and he quickly gets to the right location. He jumps out and smiles.
Dream shoots him a grin before shooting the skeleton next to him a smug look. Blue rolls his eye lights at Dream before girnning at Ink himself "Hey Ink."
Ink is frozen. he is wearing the bandana. it looks so good on him but can he just say that? would it be weird for Ink to notice? Ink knows his memory isnt the best. would it seem obsessive if Ink noticed a difference?
Blue's grin falls as he looks worried and to the side. Oh shit he is quiet for too long isn't he?!
Ink rushes over "Hey Blue! Hey dream. It has been a while! I got busy and stuff. God stuff is weird! Hah! I mean Dream knows as well so i don't doubt you know it as well! I mena you two always hang out and stuff so of course you know. Not that that is wrong! I mean you two are best friends! It is normal!"
Oh please shut up shut up why is he still talking?!
Dream and Blue share a look. Blue frowns "Ink? Are you sure you are okay? You are acting weird..."
A snort "Seems normal to me."
Ink looks over and sees Error. Error just looks highly amused from where he is leaning agaisnt the tree. knowing look in his eye sockets.
Oh no. No no no no! Error knows about how Ink feels about Blue!! Well. Kinda feels. His whole soulless situation and feeling through paint together with ascending to godhood got weird and Ink doesn't even fully understand how it works but that is beside the point! Error was just there when Ink figured out he liked Blue a whole lot more than is normal and that is why Error knows! And Ink does not trust him with that knowledge to not make a fool out of Ink to Blue!
Well. Not that Error needs to do anything to make a fool out of Ink. Ink manages that just fine himself apparently.
Blue is frowning at Error "Error that isn't nice. He could be sick."
Error snorts nad mutters "love sick alright." and Ink prays no one heard him.
Blue doesn't react to what error said so maybe ink is lucky! And oh shit Blue is close and checking his temperature! What does he DO?!
Blue frowns "I think he is fine... You sure you feel up for this Ink?"
Ink nods "Yes! of course! Always ready to help you... two!" Ink looks between Blue and Dream before he laughs softly as he rubs his neck "What are we doing?"
Dream sighs "you seriously didn't read my texts?"
Ink slowly takes his phone out and notices that Dream send a long explanation about something to him. something about ink having to meet someone and having to help them with letting this mystery person meet the other gods.
Ink looks up and Dream sighs before nodding "okay fine. I found my brother."
Ink blinks. Something about nightmare? There hadn't been issues wiht nightmare right? Ink can't remember anything being off about him at least...
Dream looks very disapointed and hurt "Did you seriously forget my brother went missing?!"
Ink flinches. right. that. he rubs his arm "sorry..." he is a terrible friend. he had been so busy with god things... right... blue and drema ahd been working on searching for Nightmare and... and ink was too busy to help and after a while he jsut forgot aparently!
Dream sighs and Blue joins his side to support him. It stings a little.
Blue smiles "but everything is fine! We found nightmare and we are working on introducing him to many people to make sure Fate and Balance don't mess with his domain!"
Ink gives a slow nod. he knows he should know more about those two and why it is important but he can't remember at the moment. Ink hopes he will eventually remember "so... we want a truce?" maybe that is it? a truce between Ink and Nightmare?
Not the hnag out Ink wanted but he will take it at this point. He just wishes he never blocked Blue. How is he even suposed to fix that?! He doens't know!
Dream laughs and rubs his neck "I guess you can call ti a truce. Not that it matters with both Nighty and I having switched domains so we aren't even against each other in any way!" He smiles brightly.
Ink feels even worse. Fuck. He forgot. Dream switched domains! That was a whole thing. Also a thing he hadn't helped with. come on. He knows this. He knows which domain it is. something... soemthing about moving on? healing through moving on?
Dream's smile slwoly falls and Ink can hear Blue sigh. Ink holds up his hands "No! No wait! I know this!" he knwos this! come on. He knows this he knows this he knows this! "it... it... it is about... like.. moving on? healing? kinda like determination and keep going?" right? He looks at Dream desperately.
Dream blinks but laughs and nods "honestly? Very close! it is Progression but those things got to do with it."
Blue grins proudly at him "You are remembering things!"
Ink gives aslow nod "kinda..." ish. Not that much. Though he does keep remembering how pretty Blue looks with his new bandana. The neutral grey but silver and blue highlights are so pretty on him.
Error groans "Are we done yet? We got a schedule to keep here." he huffs and crosses his arms.
Dream focusses too "We are. Ink?"
Ink nods and grins "Lets make a truce!"
A voice "Finally! This was getting boring" and Killer jumps down from the tree branches.
Ink has his broom ready but Blue rushes to his side and pushes his arms down "No! No fighting! we cool!" Ink froze but not because Blue stopped him or what he said. but because Blue is holding his hand! wlel more like just pushing his hands down but it counts! Ink is totally counting it as them holding hands!
Killer grins at them "Anyway. Meet. Boss! Or well... tiny boss" and he grins. As he waves to the side and Cross jsut appears out of thin air with a child in his arms.
Ink frowns and stares before looking at Killer "I know my memory is bad.. but wasn't nightmare like... adult and gooped?" he looks at Blue to double check.
Blue smiles at him and nudges their shoulders togther "true! But Nightmare got deaged when he finished his job as god connected to balance. He went back to how he was before getting that job." and he nods over to Cross who is holding the tiny skeleton.
Ink blinks and stares at Nightmare.Nightmare just looks back at him.
Ink is hit with a dejavu and snorts "Oh yeah i can see it now. got the exact same 'you are an idiot' look as his older version." and he leans against broomie.
Blue laughs from beside him and Ink puffs his chest up a tiny bit. He got this. he got this!
Nightmare huffs and pouts as he leans clsoer to cross "Well he is an idiot."
Cross purrs as he nuzzles the skull "You are 100% right."
Ink looks ar Dream and Blue "So... what now?"
Dream smiles "We need to meet the other gods. but the more gods on our side the better." Dream sighs "Especially meeting the other gods..."
Ink frowns as he tilts his skull "Why?"
Reaper is floating nearby as he speaks and hey when did Reaper get here? "Because of Fate and Balance. We don't think they will like Nightmare not falling into either of their domains anymore."
Ink frowns and he finally remembers! "Right! They were real mad when you picked your domain right Dream?"
Dream grins "Yup! They tried to make me switch but they couldn't because everyone knew my job by then. We are trying to get Nightmare the same setup."
Ink rubs his broom as he speaks "what... euh... is the domain anyway?" they hadn't mentioned that right? he checks with blue but blue just smiles at him. So they probably didn't tell yet!
Blue looks at the gang and it is Killer who answers "Nightmare is a god of Restoration!" he nuzzles Nightmare and nightmare just looks grumpy but doens't turn away from the attention.
Ink frowns as he thinks "So... we are going to meet the other gods now?"
Blue nods as he smiles at him "That is the plan! Can you come with as extra support?"
Ink nods "sure!" He would follow Blue anywhere.
Blue smiles back.
Maybe this isn't a complete mess up just yet.
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#utmv#realageau#nightmare sans#deaged nightmare#dust sans#killer sans#cross sans#horror sans#error sans#ink sans#dream sans#blue sans#reaper sans#What is this?#Ink angst?#Look. I am jsut saying. Ink having even a tiny bit of emotions and feelings? Would make his situation a bit oa tragedy#because he would be aware that he forgets things and just. can't remember things no matter how important.#and that people woudl just keep being disappointed in him for this because being forgotten is also not nice.#Also in short. Ink still needs his paint bottles. but jsut doens't need to actively drink them. it is kinda passive absorbance of emotions#from the bottles that makes him able to feel. though the bottles still need to be refilled and stay full for him to be able to feel.#his bottles full? he can just feel like other people wihtout having to drink them. bottles empty? he cant feel.#we good? we on the same line? cool :D#I wanted this to be about soemthing else as well but it got a bit long so i decided to leave it with just Ink :D#Ink is in the known!! He knows about the baby :D#and ink is just... not that interested. How could he be? him and blue are HOLDING HANDS!#it is more like touching but don't ruin this for him.#blue: Ink probably has too many god things to do... why spend time with me? just some mortal :(#Ink: ... am i acting weird? Am i weird? are my arms moving weird? Does blue dislike me?#Ink jsut became hyper aware of hismelf and his feelings once he got access to them.#he will evnetually figure it out lmao
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God bless fanfic writers. Was feeling like absolute shite but then got a notif about an update to one of my current favourites. Things are looking up suddenly
#ofmd fanfiction#fanfic#ofmd#reverse bang#ao3#god bless writers#gonna read my gay stuff now#the blessed hours in my day when the void doesn’t feel so empty#not only am I a tummy ache sufferer#I am also experiencing doubts about my intellectual abilities
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An Apollo design I did lol
The first thing I've read that had Apollo in was the Iliad, so I know most people think about him as the sun; but personally I've always thought about him as the God of the plague. I tried to show that here
He only has one eye, he uses his sun mark to see the future. Now I have a new idea for my Cassandra design where she has a sun scar on top of her eye after rejecting Apollo
#greek mythology#tagamemnon#my art#apollo#apollo greek god#apollo greek mythology#sketch#the iliad#iliad#Tbh. I mostly had the idea because I saw another post saying that they couldn't differentiate between Achilles and Apollo#“So I was like. ”Well. you don't have to make them look the same!“#I also have a design for Hecate. But dunno if I'll ever draw her lmao#btw. His skin is grayish because I wanted to make him look sick#And btw. Love the Idea of Hades 2 where his bow is a Lyre. So his Lyre here transforms into a bow lol#also his quiver is empty because I thought that it would be cool if his arrows were made out of light and manifested when he went to grab it#I feel like A teen talking about an OC in devianart lmao
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Who’s taking who too lightly now? Playfighting my beloved
Rabbit Marcille and stoat Chilchuck, yay for rabbitstoat au, for no reason for funsies! This is here that I reveal humanoid monsters are my top favorite thing to draw actually. I really like centaur Marcille x satyr Chilchuck so this is kinda in the same vein~ I was gonna do weasel Chil at first but then friendo said a stoat’s personality fits him more and I said yes chief I trust you w my life. Speaking of, my own Chil stoat-sphinx design is partially inspired by said friend’s here!
Chilchuck playfighting and trying to "teach her a lesson" bc she's not taking him seriously so he pounces on her and pins her down but she's just giggling and smiling and beaming and suddenly she’s bigger too she’s not just a ball of fluff all stretched and it all makes him feel a little something. Chil wanting to get back at her for her teasing but he can’t go too hard on the threatening bc he’ll want to pounce on her one way or another if he gets too caught up in it whooops 💞 Timeless marchil staple, put that man in situations
Smaller predator x bigger prey animal is very fun, thank you lucky-fy’s dunmeshi beastars au for making me think of them that way… It adds to it I think, that sort of "well even if I do want you you’re out of reach" bc like even if the predator does manage to kill it it’d have a hard time eating it all right away and idk idk…. It’s that "No. No she’s offlimits" he says at himself bc ‘it wouldn’t work out’ even if it feels right… The sort of going against nature in both that they wouldn’t want to kill each other and that the dynamic shouldn’t be going this way around, and that despite everything pointing to how they shouldn’t be able to work out they can still make their relationship into what they want it to be. -gestures- Metaphors. Well sorta gdbdga in this AU I just think about them frolicking in the fields on sunny days then having tension once in a blue moon and that’s it lmao. "I can’t return your feelings because I’d only hurt you in the long run" "🧍♀️bruh be for real". Chilchuck guilt & longing meanwhile Marcille is just chilling having the time of her life, either blissfully unaware or just waiting for him to get his head out of his ass
It’s like how Chilchuck is so tall for a half-foot, within half-foot circles he has no problem being seen as very much a man and a rather well-ofd handsome one at that, but as soon as it’s with other races the dynamic is completely changed and he’s kinda stripped of that aspect of himself in social dynamics. No weasel or mouse would belittle the graveness of a stoat as a predator but wolves and foxes and hawks may laugh at them yk what I mean. Sighh sigh sigh sigh. Them. He’s her rotten soldier, her sweet cheese, her good-time boy
Making their way in the dungeon like "you see this shit Chilchuck?"
#Marchil#dunmeshi fanart#rabbitstoat au#Meant to have this done for halloween oops#This au wip is from september help time is not real#I’ll try to finish my oooold sketch of feral rabbit marcille n chil soon i like it a lot#The fandom needs to get weirder. Living the life laios would want for me#Chil here feels sidekick shaped. Cartoon familiar energy. God I’ve been thinking about witch & familiar au way too much.#Princess and the frog marchil shrek marchil go go goooo#Marcille and Chil’s journey to find chilchuck’s ex-wife so she can give him a true love’s kiss to break his curse. bless#Cw#cw organs#Idk how to tag that one tbh. Gbdgdga I just thought the background looked distractingly empty with just a gradient but now…#Animalistic tension crackling in the air tearing each other’s throats out as intimacy. True love. That will be all#Gbdgd my favorite coworker worsties duo how did i get here
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Not me desperately humping one of my stuffies and thinking about carrying a litter of pups because of his audio
#it actually sent me into heat#i need someone rutting into me#like#my poor little puppycunt feels so empty#god i wish i was being filled with his cock#fuck
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when was the last time we analysed something to this extent? it feels like years ago. dnpcrafts is truly the return of the century.
#the thing is. i can't even read all of analyses because i don't get 80% of the references#like nora said i also feel left out?? but i'm at fault myself#like god. i wish i could read it and be like yeah yeah that makes sense#but alas. it's like reading a book of physics: interesting words — no thoughts head empty#but my god. i haven't seen phandom being SO engaged within itself#none of dnpg videos could do that#sorry dnpg who? idk her#phandom#dnpcrafts
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imagine cas annoys the empty so much again it spits him back out except...it spits him out into the wrong universe (and time) and that's how *our* cas ends up in the winchesters universe. and at first he doesn't realize it's not the right time or universe and he goes looking for dean and instead finds the Lebanon bunker closed off and eventually finds john + mary and he thinks it's his universe's past john and mary and he tells them he needs help to get back to his time (bc his grace is still too low). he tells them he's from the future and needs to get back to someone and he pulls out his wallet and shows them a picture of dean and they're like "whoa whoa we know that guy!!!!" and cas is like, "that's impossible. he hasn't been born yet." and they're like "no no he was here. he helped save our universe. he's from another universe and he came here from heaven because he's dead and there was this young guy with him, jack? and an older guy, robby or bobby or something...." and cas is just slowly losing his mind, all the color draining from his face because first of all what do you mean he's dead?!!! and then all the other universe stuff and then jack? and bobby??? and yea anyways they team up to help get cas to dean and along the way hmmm what if jack pops in again....only this time he's acting even weirder than before, because chuck / the god power are gaining more control / corrupting him more. and jack becomes the big bad, thwarting their attempts to get cas to dean, and wreaking havoc on their universe, so the winchesters squad help them save jack and then dean and cas can eventually get their proper reunion (which everyone in the winchesters squad is now nvested in, especially carlos, number one deangirl and destiel stan) oh and the whole time they also do not know dean is mary and john's AU kid because cas never gives a last name just keeps calling him dean. and so john also grows invested in seeing these two people get their happy ending and BOY would it be cathartic for dean to see a version of his father who is so happy to see dean happy with a man-shaped person<3
#like yes i still think deancas should be addressed in a mini series / it's own spinoff#but. this is how i think deancas *could* work in spnwin. by making it relevant to the spnwin universe and characters#having *our* cas become an ally to the spnwin characters and having them get invested in cas's happiness and story w/ dean#plus they already feel like they owe their mystery man one after he saved them#and god i just need scenes of *our* cas with carlos#ALSO. another fun twist / addition to this scenario is. the empty spits out a few others along w/ cas#like crowley !! meg !! gabriel !!#and they *all* are trying to figure shit out and they become a little OG universe squad trying to get back to their universe#and *handwaves* gabriel's archangel powers don't work in this universe so they can't use them to travel between worlds#spnwin#vic.txt
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i spend a lot of time thinking about the empty space between jim and bones at spock's funeral
#the empty space is spock. obviously.#with hindsight it's hard to say if the distance jim and bones have put between themselves is more or less tragic#knowing that spock is there in both ways: physically in his casket and spiritually in bones himself. but human perception of death only#accounts for the physical. the idea of a soul being unequivocally present in that moment is one that neither of them really believes in#(jim and bones are both written at least vaguely christian. god and the eternal soul are certainly in their belief systems but neither#of them are deeply religious within canon especially when compared to other characters such as the bajorans in tng/ds9)#have they parted because spock should be there in the center despite how often bones and spock would make jim their fulcrum#or have they parted because passing that threshold is too painful without one of them there. a missing limb with phantom pangs.#they could both survive without spock but i always wonder to what degree; 'how do you feel' 'i feel young'#and a few years later it's spock and bones who must survive without jim#never knowing that he hadn't died but continued on in the nexus until it's too late#and we never know if bones ever learns that jim survived and later dies doing what he always does: serving the greater good#but we do know that spock outlives them both. he survives without either of them for so long. he never marries.#and then he sends himself on a suicide mission -- to serve the greater good.#ultimately to end up in another universe where he sees the two of them again: young and healthy and so full of life#and once again he dies before either of them.#tos#the wrath of khan#mcspirk#triumvirate#triposting
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