#the empty space is spock. obviously.

[triumviiirate]

i spend a lot of time thinking about the empty space between jim and bones at spock's funeral

[hummingbird-of-light]

Against All Odds

Part 787

McCoy

McCoy stared at the teacher in the front of the class without really seeing her. His mind was taken up with another item from Eleanor’s list of wedding decisions. Scotty had spoken with Francine the night before about guests from their side. McCoy had listened with half an ear as he read a book, stretched out on their bed. Scotty had sat with his PADD at his desk.

‘Wedding party members?’ Mother had written on the list.

McCoy frowned to himself. Who were they expected to have? And how big did a wedding party have to be? He assumed Scotty would want to have Robbie at his side, but did he want anyone else? Would McCoy have to have the same number of people? He let out a frustrated sigh. He would have to ask someone, starting with Scotty.

He tried to turn his thoughts back to the lesson being taught. Who did he want with him? Spock he had known since they were children of course. They were better friends now for having come to the school together, for being roommates, prince and bodyguard.

Leah?

Could the crown princess stand at her brother's side for his wedding? Who had known him longest and best?— at least until Scotty had come around. Could his sister do that or was it too strange to ask of the heir to the throne? He had told Scotty the day before that he had already broken plenty of expectations. Leah standing with him would just be another tradition, another protocol altered.

“Leonard?”

Startled, McCoy looked up to see the teacher in front of him and the classroom empty.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes ma’am,” he said, standing quickly and gathering his things. “Just…” He gestured at his head, “lost in a thought.”

He hurried from the room.

“Hey! Slow down!” someone laughed as they ducked out of his way.

“Chris! I’m sorry!” he said, gripping his books and PADD tighter to not drop them in surprise.

“You’re in a hurry,” Christine grinned, sliding an arm through his.

“I spaced out during class.” McCoy’s face warmed. “Didn’t notice when it ended.”

“Daydreaming about someone?” Christine teased.

“Hey!” He pretended to be offended. Christine laughed.

“Mother sent us a list yesterday. About the wedding,” McCoy said. “There’s some things I have no idea about.”

“Well, ask your mom obviously,” Christine shook her head at him playfully.

“I know that. That’s what I was thinking about. How to figure those things out.”

Christine stopped walking in front of a classroom and McCoy stopped as well. She still had her arm through his. McCoy looked at her with a sudden clarity.

“I’m in here,” she was saying, letting go of him.

“Chris.” McCoy’s voice decided to work against him, and came out as a cracked whisper.

“What is it?” She frowned and looked at him in concern.

“You- will you be my best man?” The question left his mouth in a rush. Christine’s eyes widened. “Woman!” he corrected quickly. “Best woman? Would it be best woman cause you are- you know- you know what I mean,” he stumbled over his words. His face heated and he could only imagine how red he had turned.

Christine’s face had flicked through surprise to happiness.

“Of course I will, Leonard!” She pulled him close for a hug. “I’d be delighted to, if that’s what you want.”

“Yes. Yes. That’s what I want please. Thank you!”

Christine was beaming when she let him go.

“You’re going to be late for class,” she grinned.

“Shit! Thanks Chris!”

“No worries,” she said, and kissed his cheek. “Go on! I’ll see you later.”

He nodded at her and hurried up the hall, just making it on time. Sitting down, his thoughts and actions all caught up with him, and he smothered a happy laugh. He couldn’t wait to tell Scotty!

Part 788

Scotty

When Scotty met Leonard after class, the prince was smiling brightly. It was great to see Leonard so happy. Scotty took his fiancé's hands in his and kissed him, before raising his eyebrows questioningly.

"Why are ye grinning like that?"

Leonard just shrugged, the grin not vanishing one bit.

"Maybe I chose my best man?"

At hearing that, Scotty looked even more surprised.

"Oh? Well, who did ye choose?"

There were a few people on Scotty's mind. Family, friends. But when he got the answer, it was quite an obvious one. Though it didn't come from Leonard's mouth.

"Yes, it's me. The one and only Christine Chapel."

Scotty turned around and saw a proud Christine walking up to them. She smiled happily.

"Well, of course it is. Who else could it be?" Scotty replied and greeted his friend with a hug.

"Did you ask Robbie yet?"

Scotty chuckled at Christine's question.

"I doubt that I have to, but no, I didn't."

Robbie was the obvious choice. He knew Scotty best. They were closer than most siblings.

"I'm so glad that Len chose ye. That way the bachelor party won't get too crazy."

Christine laughed out as she slid her arms through the boys' and got them moving. She seemed to know where Scotty was getting at.

"Don't be too sure about that. Maybe I'm just as bad as him."

Though Scotty honestly doubted that, he couldn't help but be surprised by Christine.

"Really now?"

"Him? Who are you-"

At Leonard's confused look, both, Scotty and Christine, stared at him. Their looks spoke more than a thousand words and Leonard's face cleared up. His eyes widened.

"Oh."

"Yup."

"Aye."

And as if on cue, the person they were talking about could be seen at the end of the hallway, waving at them.

"Hey guys! Ready for swim practice?"

Leonard gulped and Christine just leaned over to whisper in his ear.

"Good luck telling him that you chose me over him."

With that she let go of Leonard and Scotty and picked up her pace, waving.

"Hey Jim."

Scotty took the spot at his fiancé's side and grabbed his hand, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Ye can do it," he reassured him, squeezing his hand. Leonard just nodded, apparently not too sure.

"I'll have an eye on ye, making sure that he won't drown ye."

[bcnes-archived]

no, no, that one's got a ring to it. USS Leonard. ( if only to be contrary. ) but if any one of us was going to get our own starship, it would be him. damn overachiever. probably got straight-A's even in Vulcan daycare.

( if such a thing exists. he sorely wishes, sometimes, that Lady Amanda had any reason to return to the Enterprise. she was so good for such gossip as that. )

ha! well, maybe. but then what would i have to complain about? i'd have to find all-new material. ( he turns his head sideways to shoot him a grin, eyebrow arched pointedly, before looking back to the ceiling. the humor is still there, but he sounds almost - almost - seriously thoughtful at the same time. ) y'know, i've thought about that sometimes, too. not to say i believe in... cosmic predetermination, or anything of the sort. but i get the feeling sometimes that we would've wound up here, anyways. eventually. maybe not in space, but...

( he gestures, very vaguely, between the two of them, and then more loosely at the unspoken addition of plus spock, though obviously he would dismiss it outright as illogical. sometimes he feels a taut string there. he's not sure that, in a galaxy this big, any three individuals can necessarily be destined to meet one another, but trying to conjure up the thought of having gone through any lifetime without meeting jim kirk - the thought of any leonard mccoy who doesn't have this particular man as his best friend - just turns up a big empty space in his head, like it's such an improbability that no part of his brain can conceive of it. he isn't sure how to say that without sounding out of his head and also uncharacteristically sappy; instead he rolls over partially and tousles jim's hair aggressively just to get it out of place. )

...maybe that's just cause you're so annoying. sorry, i meant persistent. anyway, iowa boy like you wouldn't last half a minute in georgia. now spock, maybe, i'm sure he could, though i doubt they've got even an ounce of humidity on Vulcan.

USS Leonard ? ( he offers , only to quickly pull a face. ) no , no. that just doesn't sound right at all. ( at least , not when it comes out of his mouth. bones is just that to him. bones. his bones. ) now that i think of it , maybe USS Spock is a better choice. i'm sure he'd be thrilled to have his name on a starship , even if he'd never admit it.

( he watches as he lies down , and slowly kirk follows suit. he props his head on his hand to look at him. ) anything that gets you out of space , huh ? ( he chuckles softly. ) maybe i'd have to join you. only then would i finally be free from you complaining about being stuck in a starship every day. ( it's framed as a joke , but the look in his eyes screams "i'll follow you anywhere you go." but not in a pathetic way. ) well , look at it this way. if you were any good at planning your life , we wouldn't have met. ( there's a brief pause. ) i think that's a bright side , at least.

[victoriousscarf]

Spones: Truth or Dare

"So," McCoy says, drawls it all lazy and Spock doesn't look over at him. Refuses.

The panel in front of him, even though it is completely irreparable, has all his attention. Nothing good ever came from McCoy starting a conversation with a drawl like that.

"You know that isn't going to work, don't you?" McCoy asks when Spock ignores him too long.

"What other option is there?" Spock returns.

"It's not going to get fixed just with willpower," McCoy says, and he's right, but that doesn't make Spock any more at peace with it. Instead they're stuck together in this shuttle and Spock can't help but think of all the other times that weren't so different from this one.

"You're giving up?" he asks, pointed, and McCoy cranes his head back so he can give the ceiling of the shuttle his entire attention. Spock sorta minds.

"I'm being realistic," he says.

"You're giving up."

"I'm waiting for Jim to figure out we're missing," McCoy tells the ceiling.

Spock's fingers tighten. "And in the meantime?"

"Wanna play truth or dare?" McCoy asks, still mostly talking to the ceiling and not Spock.

They'd been in much worse situations, situations with no way out if they didn't figure it out themselves. This isn't like that. This really is a situation where once the Enterprise realizes they are missing, they will be easy to find.

It doesn't make the idea of sitting still and waiting any more appealing to Spock.

"Truth or dare?" he asks, putting the panel he had pulled out to examine back on the dashboard of the shuttle. "Of all the human games you chose that one?"

"Sure, why not?" McCoy shrugs, and finally looks back down at him. There are circles under his eyes, like usual, and his hair isn't quite as combed as usual. The planet had been in desperate need of their medical supplies and Dr. McCoy's expertise, but that didn't mean they'd accepted either graciously.

But at least, Spock thinks, his hands tightening, they had accepted it in the end. They hadn't even been jailed once, and no one had gone after the doctor as a soft target.

It had been one of their more successful missions together, all things considered, until their shuttle stalled out halfway back to the Enterprise, the controls fried by some phenomenon, out in the darkness of space.

Spock considers brushing McCoy off, considers going underneath the console in front of him just to have something to do with his hands that does not involve looking at the doctor. But even after all this time McCoy hates the emptiness of space, and every time he glances at the viewport, a pinch appears between his brows.

"Fine," Spock says, bland, like he doesn't care and McCoy gives him an arched brow. Better than staring fretfully into the darkness. "Truth."

"When are you going to tell Jim how you feel about him?" McCoy asks, like he'd been planning this, waiting for the chance to corner Spock and ask him.

Spock stares at him, the silent beep of life support the only sound. "I have," he says. "Many times."

"That's not," McCoy starts.

"I'm not in love with him," Spock says. "Not in the way you're implying."

McCoy sighs, like he's exhausted, but before he can say anything Spock cuts in. "Truth or dare?" he asks and McCoy squints at him, unhappy.

For a long time he doesn't respond, just watching Spock. "Truth," he settles for, obviously annoyed at being caught in his own game.

"Why," Spock leans forward. "Does it bother you?"

"What?" McCoy asks.

"If I told or didn't tell Jim?" Spock says, and he's closer to McCoy than usual, McCoy watching the distance between them almost warily. "When you thought I loved him?"

McCoy's eyes widen, suddenly alarmed, and Spock thinks of all the times he'd touched McCoy's hand and McCoy hadn't even noticed. Hadn't seemed to acknowledge what it meant, despite the fact Spock knows very well he's read every book on Vulcan culture and physiology he could find.

"Maybe because I was tired of it," McCoy grumbles.

"That's a lie," Spock says. "This is truth or dare, isn't it?"

McCoy narrows his eyes. "Maybe I'm just tired of people loving people they think they can't have," he says.

"Yes," Spock agrees, something bubbling up in his chest as he props his elbow on the dashboard, holding his hand up in front of McCoy. "I am as well."

For a second McCoy doesn't move, his eyes darting from Spock's face to his hand, as if he's finally putting something together that he should have about two years ago.

"Son of a bitch," he settles for, Spock sitting there and waiting, hand still out.

"I'm not in love with Jim," Spock repeats.

McCoy stares at him for another very long moment before his face finally cracks into a smile.

When the Enterprise finally fetches them, McCoy's fingers are hooked around his own.

[meant-forsomethingbetter]

1x25 - This Side of Paradise

6/10. The crew takes a holiday! Not really. More like 500 people get stuck on a quaint little settlement because a crop of space-faring flowers decided to drug everyone into delirium. This episode gives us Spock’s dazzling smile, McCoy’s nearly incomprehensible Southern accent, and Kirk’s monologuing. What a gift.

Omicron Ceti III should be irradiated into oblivion by Berthold rays, except it isn’t, and this piques the interest of the Enterprise crew. When Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu and a handful of ensigns beam down to the colony of miraculously living settlers, they find nothing but people in perfect health - literally perfect, apparently, without a single remnant of disease or decay. Yet there are no animals and strange attitudes from the settlers: they profess to have happiness and contentment despite the obvious danger from the radiation, and without any heed paid to their lack of livestock or wildlife. Layla, a settler and an old acquaintance of Spock’s, leads him away from the others, where she promptly infects him with spores from mysterious and ubiquitous plants. Spock becomes alarmingly upbeat, swinging from branches and sassing his captain to no end. Layla seems eager to pursue a romance with him, but the Vulcan is content to hang from trees and cloud-watch, which is adorable and amusing on several levels. Spock aids Layla in infecting the rest of the away team and even the crew of the Enterprise, spreading the spores in the ventilation systems and then luring the hundreds of officers down to the planet. The settlers miss Kirk, who avoids contact with the plants and escapes to his empty ship. Uhura sabotages his attempts to contact Starfleet Command, so he devises a method of corrupting the spores’ influence - a method that demands strong negative emotion. Cue a baiting message for Spock, many racist insults, and a brief brawl, and Kirk’s First Officer is back to normal. The pair use a subsonic alarm to incite the rest of the crew into fights (profoundly risky, yet hilarious) and end up saving their people, and the settlers as well. Spock rejects Layla’s advances, both of them now sober, and Kirk reflects on the inherent unreality of paradise.

A wacky episode, though not nearly as wacky as Star Trek can get. I thought the premise was inventive, and highlighted how dire the quarantine procedures on the Enterprise must be. It was also a fun switch-up for Spock’s characterisation, as the normally stoic Vulcan turned into a Lebowski-esque figure, laid-back and casual to the point of laziness. His relationship with Layla was unexpected, though his response to her outside of the spores’ influence was not; Spock refused her emotional advances on the basis of his own values and commitments. I thought it was interesting that he was so kind with her, either out of a genuine goodwill or because he regretted not being able to indulge his emotional human whims. He said that being on Omicron Ceti III was the first time he was ever truly happy, which speaks more to my man’s depression than his culture. He thinks being unhappy is a part of his racial identity, which.... Yikes. I did, however, like McCoy’s slurring accent and mission to make himself a mint julep, and his argument with Elias, the settlement leader, was hysterical. He embodied the “I’m a healer, but...” meme completely.

Favourite quote: “I have a responsibility. To this ship; to that man on the bridge. I am what I am, Layla, and if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them.” - Spock. This quote emphasises the point above, that Spock thinks he needs to be deprived in order to fulfill his duties as an officer. I also think there is another layer here - that Spock’s loyalty to Kirk, in his mind, must come from his duty and not his love. That transforms over the course of the series, obviously. :)

[kinetic-elaboration]

June 17: 1x23 The Omega Glory

Watched the very uneven episode “The Omega Glory” today. Upon some reflection.. I think I have seen it? But I think my last rewatch ended abruptly after “By Any Other Name” so it might have been some time ago.

Anyway, it was... something. Decent, I might even say good, until the last 10-15 minutes and then it just went off a cliff? That’s how I’d summarize it.

Sulu, my beloved. I’ve missed you.

Kirk knows where all the ships are. I mean, obviously, but I love to hear it.

Phasers on heavy stun huh?

It’s so weird to be on a different ship. That looks like the same ship. It’s so empty and haunted looking.

With creepy crystal remains of bodies everywhere.

“These white crystals... are the crew.”

Something was thirsty!! Perhaps... a water vampire? Perhaps... a former McCoy girlfriend?

(Honestly having watched the whole ep...they could have expanded this intro longer. It was creepy and mysterious. Then cut the last act.)

Oh no, they’ve been infected and now must quarantine. Sort of. I guess.

...Oh no, is this Vietnam? Again?

“Our old enemy, Vietnam.”

My mother suggested the disease might be communism and I don’t think that metaphor tracks through the whole episode but you know what.. anything’s possible.

I don’t like this whole “you can’t leave the planet or you’ll get sick and die” thing. Too familiar.

"I may never be able to leave this planet but I have a worse problem: a colleague may be breaking a rule."

Says the man who has frequently violated a directive that has never been referred to as Prime before.

Kirk is getting very mumbly. That’s his serious voice.... bu it’s also his Denny Crane voice lol.

Like bio warfare in the 90s? TOS really thought the 90s was going to be the dark ages, didn’t it?

Only 90s kids remember...

Spock bursting in with a wounded man, just bringing the drama, as he does.

He’s not even listening to McCoy. Rude.

Spock absolutely 100% would have killed Captain Tracey on instinct as soon as Kirk is threatened.

Sulu’s in command? I love Captain Sulu but where is Scotty?

Kirk is so good. Clever, strong, smart. Knows all the regulations.

Tracey’s so dumb. “They’ve eradicated disease and live for hundreds of years!” Man, have you considered that they are...aliens? And their life spans are simply.... naturally longer than human life spans? And even if you could isolate the serum, it might not work on humans?

And his master plan is to isolate their immunity and bottle it for profit. It’s our old enemy... capitalism and the exploitation of intellectual property.

A fight scene!

“The pointy-eared one stays.”

Another fight scene!

Spock is watching all of this, and you know what, I feel like he’s not upset about it. It’s just like Pre-Reform Vulcan. Perhaps some... Amok Time flashbacks? “Damn, I wish that was me.”

Peanut gallery Spock.

“I wish you could teach me that.” / “I have tried.” Omg where is my scene of Spock trying to teach Kirk the nerve pinch?

And then that look Kirk gives him.

I don’t get the point of this scene but it amuses me that as soon as McCoy sees the pretty girl, he feels better.

A post-apocalyptic alien world... a very interesting concept. Like you could do a lot with that idea imo.

“That’s our worship word [freedom too.” Umm.... questionable.

Damn bitch, that was cold. Just knocking him out like that.

Damn yankee.

...Yankee and Communist dammit.

McCoy’s not even surprised to see Kirk and Spock out of jail.

Nature created a natural counterbalance to the biological disease. Where is OUR natural counterbalance, I ask?

McCoy sounds extra Southern rn. It’s all the stress.

I really don’t think Shatner gets enough credit for his subtlety. His face when McCoy explains the whole situation...

Oh he's mad now. "You've hurt Spock for nothing! Oh yeah and also killed thousands but MOSTLY THE SPOCK THING!”

Whereas Tracey really doesn’t seem to care about anything but war for its own sake. He knows now that his master plan for immortality was nothing the whole time...but he still needs to call those Yangs.

In other words, another once-reputable figure of authority now gone mad.

Kirk’s voice is so casual when he’s talking to Uhura and Sulu, you feel like he’s gotta have something up his sleeve. He can never hide when he’s really upset about something.

...Apparently what he had up his sleeve was his crew knowing regulations and then another full body tackle. Fight scene 3!

"My need for attention is vital.” Same, Spock.

This is a very attenuated and unbelievable connection Kirk is making but he’s Kirk so I’ll assume it makes sense that he’s putting it all together so fast.

Alternate Universe: Vietnam canon-divergence lol.

For anyone keeping track, this is right about the point where the episode goes off the rails.

YOU’RE A ROMANTIC, JIM. Well he’s right about that at least and he should say it.

Oh no, an American flag.

Cloud William, chief and the son of chiefs. That’s continuity of government for you.

(Also pretty hilarious that this society is supposedly So American with our exact flag and Constitution and everything... but they’re not a democracy.)

I really don’t want to believe that “under God” is still in the pledge 200 years from now.

"You're confusing the stars with heaven." Kirk thinks he's being called an angel.

The absolute mishmash of meaningless, referent-free words here. America. Native Americans. Communists. The flag, the Constitution. God. Angels. Devils. What???

Like how can they both be flag worshippers AND...believers in God? Who is their God? Alien George Washington?

So rude to call Spock Kirk’s “servant.” That’s his space husband!

Is that a literal picture of Spock as a demon in their.. Bible?

I can’t even follow this anymore.

“You command him.” I mean...yes, that’s how the military works.

“He has no heart.” Wow, rude.

“His heart is different!” I stan one (1) Southern Doctor.

I feel like Spock is just... not having this at all. His face loos like he’s thinking what I’m thinking.

Oh no is that the CONSTITUTION??!

“Kill his servant” wow Tracey is obsessed with Spock, isn’t he? I guess everyone in the Fleet knows about them and their special relationship.

Spock is even amused by the knife at his throat. His eyes say "I am distressed--but fascinated!"

A FOURTH fight scene? And here I thought Kirk was going to recite the Constitution.

“I’m open to suggestions.” He’s just as worried about Kirk as McCoy is, bu the doesn’t show it.

...Yep, he’s being telepathic again. Not really in line with his usual telepathy but okay. Alien magic is flexible.

Okay I have a JD and I can confidently say there is nothing about good defeating evil in the Constitution.

And now this alien guy is immediately ready to make himself a “slave.” That seems problematic. What happened to the holy word “Freedom”?

Wow, Kirk's in a bad mood. "You can't pronounce your own holy words worth shit."

“This is only for the eyes of a Chief,” he says and Kirk just pushes him away.

Spock literally turns Tracey around for Kirk’s big final speech like “Listen up, bitch, my boyfriend’s talking.”

Is this the 4th of July episode?? Feels like there should be canons and fireworks going off behind him rn.

Idk, the words of the Constitution can't be so unique and unprecedented if a WHOLE OTHER ALIEN CIVILIZATION just came up with them, too, on their own, like monkeys typing Hamlet. (Given the timelines here... they probably did it first too lol.)

"Liberty and freedom need to be more than just words." Like what does that even mean in this context? Sounds nice but it’s very hard to put into the context of all the rest of this.

“And uh be nice to the Kohms,” after most of them (?) were probably just killed.

I really was into this until the last 10-15 minutes and I think there were under-explored concepts that could have taken the fever dream of whatever that bizarre-o fever dream at the end was. The abandoned ship. The leftovers of bio warfare. The whole weird and under-explained concept of immunity. The tragedy that so much was destroyed,, including but not limited to the whole Exeter crew, for no reason. What happened to Tracey to so destroy him--was it just greed? What about the “Prime” Directive? Is it important or not. They just leave at the end after (as Spock pointed out) doing quite a bit of their own meddling, even though meddling is allegedly the worst. Also, we know almost nothing about the Kohms at all. The “American” society clearly wasn’t democratic. Were the Kohms literally Communist?

I’m willing to accept a certain degree of alternate Earth scenarios--like Miri (though imo that was not a necessary component of that story) or Bread and Circuses, but this was too much. TOO unbelievable. And frankly unnecessary. You could do an allegory for alternate-Vietnam, and it would be just as clear but even more effective. There wouldn’t be any distraction in the form of “what the fuck is that flag doing here?”

There is a potentially incendiary concept here, which is the same one I thought of reading about actual COG plans--certain aspects of the Yanks’ culture survives, but with absolutely no meaning attached. They have a Constitution but they mispronounce all the words. They have this tattered flag but it has no other meaning. They’ve turned the symbols of the government into a religion, but they don’t practice any of the civil aspects of it--they have chiefs, not democratically appointed leaders, for example. Like, COG asks “what IS the country, and how do you make sure the country endures no matter what?” This was an opportunity to show the worst of that: the country continues to exist as symbology only--incredibly strong symbology, but only that--and all of the actual values that were supposed to be stored with that symbology have disappeared. Similarly, their hatred of their enemies endures. It’s lauded in the ep as their attempt to get “their land” back but what if it’s just war for its own sake, as Tracey seems to be engaging in? To tell that story, especially in the 60s, against the backdrop of Vietnam, and with the references to bio warfare and nuclear warfare, could be powerful. And I know TOS can work in metaphor and comparison. It doesn’t need to bring out a literal fucking flag.

Honestly, it was like they had one good, classic, sci fi story but it didn't fill 52 minutes so they tacked on the American Pride 4th of July Propaganda Extravaganza at the end.

It really felt like the lesson was “America good” lol.

I liked the concept of the post apocalyptic society in the aftermath of bio warfare as a cautionary tale for 1960s America, and I'd be up for crazed snake oil salesman Starfleet Captain (or...whatever his rank was) if it were a bit better explained. But the rest of it....

It also... could have been kinda incendiary with the idea that the Constitution and flag are religious symbols... I mean some people do treat them that way and I've always found that, first, blasphemous, and second, bizarre in such a hyper-Christian country. But I feel like instead of digging ito that, they just tempered it with "But also they're Christian, as you can tell by their drawing of devil!Spock, for some reason."

Idk, this story could have been complete with out the whole weird “Vietnam AU” back story or alternately it could have been a biting commentary about what defines America, and about whether or not our symbols might be more enduring--or even more important to people today??--than the laudable but more complex and difficult ideals that underpin the country’s founding. Are the words of the Constitution just gobbledy gook? They are if you don’t live by them, and America has always struggled to do that. It definitely would struggle even more in the aftermath of an apocalypse.

...I’m more annoyed now, thinking about the possible sci fi story that could have been...

Anyway next is an ep I’m fairly sure I haven’t  seen, so that should be fun.

[sarcastic-space-gal]

Dark Past (Part 2)

Summary: Black shirts are supposed to be the most trained and deadly members of the Starfleet. However, they are considered just stories or legends, because no one has ever saw one before. But after John Harrison attacks the London’s Archive, the Enterprise may acquire a new crew member.

Pairing: James Kirk x Reader

Word Count: 1600

Warning: None

A/N: Hi everyone, this is the secon part of Dark Past! Here is the Part 1 if you missed it. Part three will be the last so stay tuned! Hope you will like it and i also hope to bring you some joy in these troubled times, please stay safe 💖 As always, feedback is always appreciated. Love you all xoxo

She should be dead… How can she still be alive?

Kirk couldn’t think at anything else since he saw you taking that shot from Khan. The blood, the gash on you shoulder and then nothing, your skin closed and healed in front of him. Anyone else would have died in his track but you didn’t, and even he wouldn’t admit it, he was glad of it.

Since you took your first step into the bridge, he couldn’t take his eyes of you. There was something in your appearance, in your voice, in your gestures, the way your mouth moved while you spoke… you were intriguing, and without a doubt, really appealing.

Then he saw you fighting and, if possible, his curiosity towards you and who you really were, increased even more. With surprise drawn on his face and the adrenaline from the fight still pumping in his veins, he watched as you skillfully faced your opponent without flinching or giving any sign of fatigue. A war machine, made to fight, but elegant and solemn.

Then you were hit. His heart stopped for a second and his eyes widened in horror. Instead, you felt pure anger as you slowly turned again towards Khan and you shipmates, the wound was healing fast. Oh, you had so much to explain now.

Perfect excuse to talk to her Jim thought.

The Medbay was exactly as you remembered. The tickling of instruments and the beeping of monitors, that weird plastic smell, the beds and their colourless sheets.

You were sitting up straight on a biobed, your expression emotionless, your eyes focused on an unknown direction. After you were beamed back to the ship the Captain gently offered to accompany you to the Medbay and you knew you couldn’t avoid it. Not that you disliked being near the Captain, instead you were quite pleased. You walked down the corridors alongside Kirk and you couldn’t help but notice how he would occasionally linger his glare on you. Maybe because I took a shot in my shoulder and there is no sign of it anymore, besides the huge hole in the fabric. He is probably asking himself who the hell I am…he probably has so many questions… and I don’t know if I can answer them…

By accepting this mission you knew that this could happen, but you decided to join the Enterprise nonetheless. Khan was a powerful opponent, smart, logical, devious, he could have done anything to get what he wanted: shooting at you and exposing you for example. There were secrets no one should have ever known about you, but fighting against Khan had its drawbacks, and this was one of them.

So now you stood there ready to see Doctor McCoy and his confused look when he will receive your test results.

Bones and Kirk were talking right outside Medbay when Spock approached them.

“Captain” Spock appeared from behind them.

“Spock, how is the ship?”

“Warp speed is still unusable, Mr Chekov is working on it, but for now, we are stranded here sir.”

The Captain sighed loudly “Alright. What about Y/n, Bones?”

“I don’t know Jim, this is…” the Doctor kept looking at the pad in front of him. Your test results.

“What? Did you find something?”

“I’ve never seen something like this”

Kirk folded his arms and shook his head lightly “Neither did I”

“So she was hit by John Harrison, or Khan, on her shoulder and in just few seconds the wound healed. By itself.” Bones looked at him with a confused expression.

“That’s what we so” Jim shared a look with Spock.

“Well, that explains a lot”

Kirk’s eyebrows furrowed in perplexity “What do you mean?”

“All the blood test results are out of range, it seems like her cells regenerate and transform constantly” Bones kept looking at the pad in his hands.

“Interesting” Spock said.

“What Spock?”

“Well Captain, Khan and Y/n seem to know each other, and they are obviously opponents. So why shoot her in the shoulder? We already had a demonstration of Khan’s skills with weapons of any sort, it is hardly believable that from his position and his distance from Y/n, he would have miss a lethal spot”

Bones and Kirk listened carefully. Spock was right.

“I need to talk to her” Jim said before entering Medbay “Spock go to the bridge, inform me if anything changes”

“Yes Captain”

You heard approaching footsteps and you immediately knew it was the Captain and the Doctor. You watched them enter in silence, Kirk stood next to a medical counter and McCoy was right in front of you, holding his pad.

“You probably have some questions” you said with a small smile.

“Seeing someone healing a shot like that is no daily routine, sweetheart” said Bones.

“I understand” you looked to your right and saw the Captain glaring at you.

The Doctor took from a nearby table an empty hypo and placed the pad down.

“I’ll run some more blood tests, I have to take a sample”

You grabbed your suit’s sleeve and pulled it up. Once the hypo was full with blood Kirk moved towards you.

“Bones can you give me a minute?”

He looked at his friend and than at you “Of course” he said while exiting, living you two in silence.

“May I?” he said pointing at empty spot near you.

“Please” why is my heart beating so fast? you thought.

His handsome blue eyes peered in yours, it was almost impossible to look away.

“Normally I know almost everything about my shipmates, but I think there’s something you didn’t tell me about yourself”

Contrarily to what you’d expected, he was calm and gentle, something rather new for you. You couldn’t help but stiffen a little after his encouragement to speak.

“You see captain-”

“Jim” he said smiling “call me Jim”

Smiling back, you continued “You see… Jim, there are things I can’t say. Even to my Captain”

“If they are inherent with the mission I should know everything”

Jim could sense your uneasiness about the matter, but he needed to know what was going on.

You looked away from him, images of your past came through your mind, ghosts that haunted your nights for years, and now, they came back to haunt you again.

“How do you know him?” Kirk was almost scared to know the answer, excepting a connection between you two.

Your head slowly turned towards him, your eyes severe. “If you are asking if we work together in any way, you are wrong. Instead, it’s quite the opposite”

With a small sigh of relief the captain nodded.

“As you and all your crew, I am here to end him and complete my mission”

Kirk saw your single-minded determination, the fire in your eyes that captured him since the first time he saw you.

“I must know who is he or else I won’t be able to complete this mission.”

After a brief moment of silence you spoke again.

“John Harrison is just a mere smokescreen, a fiction, used to conceal his true identity. His name is Khan and he was a black shirt like me” You couldn’t finish what you were saying because you were cut off by the First Officer’s voice.

“Captain, Khan has been confined and the Doctor is ready to take a sample from the prisoner”

“Alright” Jim looked at you and nodded “We will continue later”

Khan looked like a lion in a cage, calm but with piercing eyes ready to attack once the cell was open, and when he saw you he couldn’t help the rage he felt rising in him. He didn’t consider your presence in this mission and he knew you were a possible thorn in his side. You or not you he would get what we wanted, with his cleverness or with the force.

Spock, Jim and you approached the cell and watched as doctor McCoy opened a small gap in the glass.

“Put your arm through the hole. I’m gonna take a blood sample” he said.

Khan drew near the glass and did as Bones ordered.

“I see your shoulder is doing fine” his vicious voice resonated in your ears.

“Not thanks to you” he laughed a little and then turned his attention on Kirk.

“Why aren’t we moving, Captain? An unexpected malfunction, perhaps in your warp core conveniently stranding you in the edge of Klingon space?”

The Doctor looked up from Khan’s arm in utter surprise “How the hell do you know that?”

“Bones.”

“I think you’d find my insight valuable, Captain. Ignore me and you will get everyone on this ship killed.”

“Bones let me know if you find something” Kirk said to his friend as he walked away.

“Captain, I would not recommend engaging the prisoner further” Spock tried to calm the Captain but you could see he was fuming.

“Why did you surrender?” you suddenly asked as Kirk turned his head towards you.

“Y/n you should know very well” he responded.

Your jaw clenched.

“I’m here to convince you Mr Kirk of the truth”

“Truth? You know what is the truth? You are a criminal. I watched you murder innocent people and shoot at one of my crew member”

Involuntarily, your head turned to him, we was boiling in rage.

“23-17-46-11, if you want to know why I did what I did go and take a look or perhaps ask to your new crew member, she probably has the answers you are seeking Captain”

Kirk darted his eyes in your direction and saw your features twist in anger and slight panic but you didn’t hesitate and addressed him.

“You still did not respond, why did you surrender? What was the reason?”

“I can give you 72, all aboard your ship. I suggest you open one up”

[jowritesthingss]

Un-Convention-al

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairing(s): Logince (Logic | Logan + Creativity | Roman)

Rating: Teen (for swearing and Remus being Remus)

Content Warning(s): some swearing, a couple of typical Remus-like comments (nothing too bad here tho), food

Length: 3,679 words

Brief Summary: Soulmate September, day one! While at a convention, Roman ponders his rather unconventional soulmark. And maybe, just maybe...he might find the person whose name is encoded onto his arm.

TS Masterlist + AO3 Links

*

“Heyy, Spock!”

Roman rolled his eyes as his brother raced over to a black-haired, pointy-eared cosplayer. This had to be the stupidest thing he had ever done, and this wasn’t the first time Remus had dragged him into weird shit, so that was really saying something.

Watching as Remus spoke excitedly with the dude, Roman couldn’t help but wonder why he had allowed his brother to drag him to one of his nerd convention thingies. The only acceptable thing about this was that this Captain James T. Kirk character was obviously exactly like him, so even if he was acting as some geeky TV show character, at least it was a valorous protagonist, he supposed.

Roman tapped his foot impatiently, looking around the hotel lobby at all of the booths advertising anime and mango and cartoons and whatnot. Yeah, yeah, he was supposed to be supportive of his brother and whatnot after everything, but couldn’t he have held off the supporting thing until tomorrow, at least? Roman could’ve—should’ve—been across town, meeting that famous soulmate linguist guy that was in town, but nooo.

Remus snagged the cosplayer by the wrist and dragged him over, grinning madly underneath his facial prosthetics. Which, of course Remus had to choose one of the weird characters to cosplay—what was his name? Wolf? Wharf? “You two match! We gotta get a picture!”

“Very well.” Sighing and rolling his eyes, Roman acquiesced, moving over to the poor kid. He slung one terra-cotta arm around the kid’s shoulder, striking up a pose. Best to let Remus have and do what he wanted without fighting too too much; then maybe he’d get tired sooner and they could leave sooner.

Remus backed up, bringing out his phone to take the picture. “All right, say tribble!” Remus called to them.”

“Say what?” Roman puzzled, while the cosplayer said, “That is highly nonsensical and—”

The flash of the camera interrupted them both.

“Fuck yeah,” Remus enthused. He looked appraisingly between Roman and the other cosplayer, and nope, Roman did not like that look one bit. Remus always got that look when he was up to no good. “Say, Spocksie,” he drawled, “if you’re not meeting up with anyone, wanna hang with us today?”

“I could’t possibly intrude in such a manner,” Spock tried to politely decline, weakly attempting to disentangle himself from Roman.

Wait but no, that was actually a good idea for once. If this guy stuck around with them, Roman wouldn’t have to deal with Remus on his own. He could share in the shame.

“Oh, but I insist!” Roman said quickly, tightening his hold ever so slightly. He winked, hoping his stunning self could win over the nerd. “As your captain, I command you,” he joked. Wait, uh. Kirk was Spock’s captain, right? Gosh, there were too many Star Trek series to keep track of. How did Remus do it?

“I...very well, if you insist,” the cosplayer said carefully. “If you truly do not mind.”

“Of course we don’t mind!” Roman let go of the guy to splay a hand across his yellow-clad chest. “I’m sure you’ll love the chance to bask in my glorious presence.”

Spock turned to look at Remus, who was practically vibrating with energy. “Tell, me, is he in character or is he always like this?” He raised an eyebrow. “I do not recall Captain Kirk being so...self-absorbed.”

Roman squawked as beside him Remus howled with laughter, and maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

---

To retaliate for the whole “self-absorbed” comment, Roman sentenced the Spock cosplayer to sitting in a panel for an hour with Remus, while Roman aimlessly played on his phone outside the auditorium, thankful that they only had two tickets and that the rest of the tickets had sold out before they got there.

Judging from the smile on the kid’s face as he and Remus walked out of the door, debating amongst each other, he realized that sitting in a stuffy, crowded fandom panel was probably paradise for a nerd, not a punishment. Ah, well. At least he’d had time to try looking up some new online translators, even if he’d had no luck actually translating what he’d been trying to translate for five years now.

As he stood to meet the two, Roman’s right hand slipped over to his left wrist, where it slipped under the sleeve of his sleeved yellow command shirt and unconsciously began rubbing at the characters tattooed across his skin.

Soulmates were something that everyone had, and without fail, the name of your soulmate appeared on your wrist at thirteen, so there was nothing to be confused about there. And there were so many different languages and writing systems out there that having a name written in a different language or in different characters wasn’t out-of-the-ordinary, either.

What was out-of-the-ordinary, however, was that nobody could decipher the characters written across Roman’s arm.

Five years since he turned thirteen, five years since those weird-looking letters appeared on his wrist—five years of family and friends and schoolmates and teachers and even linguists gaping at them, five years of not being able to figure out what they said, what name and secret they held.

And who knows? Maybe if Roman had gone to meet that linguist instead, today could’ve been the day he finally figured it out.

But no, that wasn’t Remus’ fault. Remus had planned on this con for over a year now. He couldn’t take his frustration out on Remus.

“Did you have fun, nerds?” he asked as he strode up to them.

“I got to ask about pon farr.” Remus grinned leeringly, and Roman wasn’t exactly sure what he was talking about, but he was fairly certain that he didn’t want to know. “And Spocky-wocky here totally nerded out about Klingon.”

“Oh. Uh. Excellent,” Roman said jerkily. Did he want to know what that was, either?

His grumbling stomach made the decision that no, he most decidedly did not. At least, not for the moment.

“Why don’t we find something to eat?” Roman asked the two. “I don’t know about you two, but I myself am famished.”

Remus immediately turned and flounced away from the two of them. “Sounds dee-lightful to me, broski. I saw this stand selling astronaut food!”

Roman and the cosplayer—Roman really would have to ask his name at some point, he couldn’t just keep calling them “Spock”—hurried after Remus, and soon enough, the three were eating (more like gagging on) freeze-dried ice cream, animatedly discussing Kirk and some gal Uhura who apparently had been part of the first interracial kiss on television (“Could be gayer,” Roman said. “Could be gayer,” Remus agreed, staring mournfully at the empty packet in his hand. He had been the only one to actually enjoy the space food.)

The conversation had moved to Kirk and Spock, Remus adamantly insisting that the two had been more than friends and coworkers. He and the Spock cosplayer had a rather lively debate over it—none of which Roman understood in the slightest, so he let himself get distracted. He couldn’t help but wonder what the cosplayer would look like beneath the cosplay. The guy’s bright eyes were mighty pretty while he argued with Remus.

Mid-sentence, Remus’ eyes drifted over to Roman, and he looked away, hoping his staring hadn’t been caught. He wasn’t one to look at people that weren’t his soulmate—all the same, when you didn’t know what your soulmate’s name was, it was quite hard not to. If Remus got any ideas, though, Roman was doomed.

Sure enough, That Look appeared in Remus’ mischievous brown eyes, and he abruptly interrupted the debate to announce that he was going to go buy some more food, racing off before either Roman or the Spock cosplayer could respond.

Roman and the cosplayer instinctively turned to exchange a glance with each other, then Roman quickly looked away, flushing. Now he’d realized that the dude was kinda attractive for a nerd, he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Great.

“So,” Roman said awkwardly in an attempt to break the awkward silence between the two. He fought the urge to run a hand through his hair, reminding him that Remus’ soulmate would murder him if he messed up the borrowed blond wig.

“So,” the Spock agreed. He paused before continuing, glancing between Roman and Remus. “The two of you are...friends? Boyfriends?”

“Ew. Oh, god, no.” Roman gagged. “Ew ew ew.” He looked across the floor at his brother, standing in line to buy some odd foreign candy or something. “He’s my brother.”

Spock nodded sagely, staring as Remus paid for a handful of...something. “Your brother?”

Roman watched Remus shove the entire handful of candy in his mouth, gagging. “...He’s adopted.”

Roman caught Remus’ eye from across the room, and Remus grinned at him, his deep brown cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk as chunks of something slipped out of his mouth.

“Very adopted,” Roman emphasized.

The cosplayer let out a light chuckle, and oh, that was a nice sound. “You’re clearly out of your depth here. You are a good brother for indulging him in this.”

“I...suppose,” Roman said slowly, tamping down on the sudden rush of guilt over having wanted so badly to leave the convention. “So, do you have any siblings?”

The Spock nodded. “I have a younger brother of my own. Unfortunately, he lives across the country with our mother, so he could not come today.”

“Oh.” Roman blinked. Oh, shit. Had he just brought up a sore subject? Shit. “I’m sorry.”

“It is quite all right,” the cosplayer said mildly. “When we graduate, we have plans to attend the same university, and we see each other enough on holidays.”

“That’s good! That’s good,” Roman said. Oh, by Zeus’ thunderbolt, why were his attempts at maintaining conversation so miserable today? Usually he was so good at this.

Across the floor, Remus seemed quite content eating on his own, not coming back to the two of them standing so awkwardly together. He couldn’t rely on Remus to figure out some dorky topic to talk about.

Finally, grasping at straws, Roman lowered himself to asking about nerdstuffs. “So what was that thing Remus you were talking about during the panel? Cling wrap?”

The cosplayer looked mildly affronted, and dammit, if Roman fucked up again—

“Are you referring to Klingon?” he asked, cocking his head slightly to the side.

“Yeah! That!” Roman rushed out. “What’s that?”

The Spock gazed at him in wonderment. “You truly know nothing about Star Trek, do you.”

Roman shrugged helplessly.

“Klingon is a species of alien, alongside a language,” the cosplayer said, moving his hand up to his face and jerking it away at the last second. “Apologies, I forgot that I was wearing contacts for this cosplay.” He cleared his throat. “Your brother is cosplaying as one of the few Klingon characters, Worf. The Klingons are portrayed largely as bloodthirsty antagonists throughout the series.”

“Ah.” So that was why Remus had chosen to be one of them.

“Personally, I myself am more fascinated in their language than I am anything else,” the Spock explained. “They actually hired a linguist to create an entire language and alphabet for the series. Klingon is one of the most widely-spoken fictitious languages.”

Wait. Roman frowned, confused. “People speak fictitious languages?”

“Well, yes, of course,” the cosplayer said evenly. “All language is made-up, and besides, it is logical that dedicated fans would pick up some throughout the television shows. I myself speak a bit.”

Roman snorted. “What do ya know.” Maybe that’s something he would have to add on his list of language to look up—he had almost exhausted dead languages and alphabets, might as well see if his stupid soulmark matched a fake language. It wasn’t like it could hurt anything; he wasn’t going to find them regardless.

“Aw, you’re not making out?” Remus was back, standing in front of them once more.

“I—no, of course not!” Roman blustered.

“Why ever would you think—” the cosplayer stammered at the same time.

Remus grinned widely at them, flashing a pearly white, seemingly threatening smile.

“Wow! Would you look at the time!” Roman exclaimed loudly, not looking at all at the time. “Why don’t we go and look at some of the booths and tables, Commander Spock!” He grabbed the other cosplayer’s hand and rushed the two of them away as a snickering Remus followed from a distance.

As the trio navigated the crowds of people and tables of merch, Roman ignored the fluttery feeling in his stomach and the childish glee over how the cosplayer had yet to pull his hand out of Roman’s.

---

Before Roman knew it, the end of the day had reached them, and they were ushered out alongside other convention-goers. The rest of the day had passed much more quickly than he had expected, with someone else to share his grief over Remus being Remus, and good hour or two he had completely forgotten why he’d been sulking about going in the first place.

Roman, Remus, and the cosplayer that Roman still hadn’t gotten the name of lingered on the sidewalk outside of the Marriott. There was no real reason for them to stay, but despite the Spock cosplayer’s nerdiness, Roman had discovered a shared interest in Broadway and analyzing Disney, and he almost wanted to ask for the guy’s number, awkward and embarrassing as it was.

But Remus thankfully beat him to the punch. “Say, Jabberspocky, can I get your number? My brother over there is too boring, so he never likes to talk about nerd things. I could use more cute geeks in my life!”

The Spock nodded. “That would be amenable,” he agreed. “It has been most invigorating to discuss the intricacies of the Star Trek universe with you.” The cosplayer swung around to look at Roman, looking almost...nervous? “Would you like to exchange numbers as well? You are a worthy debate opponent when it comes to Disney media.”

“Oh.” That was a compliment, right? Well, Roman was taking it as a compliment. He preened. “Of course! It would be an honor! ...For you, of course.” He grinned jokingly.

The cosplayer rolled his eyes good-naturedly, fishing his phone out of his back pocket, unlocking it, and handing it to Roman. “If you wouldn’t mind filling out your contact information, please.”

“Most certainly!” Roman pulled out his own phone and tossed it at the Spock cosplayer, who just barely caught it with his fingertips. Aw, cute, the nerd was clumsy. He focused in on the phone in his hands, typing in his name and his phone number. “There we go.”

When the cosplayer took his phone back, he glimpsed briefly at their contacts in his phone, then glanced away.

He froze.

Baffled, Roman watched as the cosplayer’s wide eyes retrained themselves down on the cell phone screen.

“Is...is everything all right?” Roman asked, feeling a spark of worry. Did they somehow know each other from elsewhere? Had he or Remus done or said something in the past?

“Oh, my,” the cosplayer said in a slightly-strangled voice. “We...I never asked what your names are, did I?”

“No, I don’t think so.” Roman mock-bowed. “Roman Sanders, at your service.” He gestured over at his brother, grinning. “And that oaf is Remus.”

“Oh, my,” the cosplayer repeated, breathless. He looked almost anxiously up at Roman. “My name is Logan Lehrer.”

Roman smiled reassuringly. “A most lovely name!”

“Is it....” The Spock cosplayer—no, Logan—hesitated. “Is it, by any chance, a familiar name?”

Furrowing his brow slightly, Roman pondered it. “...I don’t believe so,” he said at long last. “Why? Do we know each other from elementary school, or middle school, perhaps?”

“No, I just—” Logan sucked in a breath. He fiddled with the hem of his blue science shirt. “May I—” he said haltingly. “May I see your wrist?”

“My wrist?” Roman tilted his head, bewildered. He held out his right wrist. “Why?”

“No, no, I mean your—here.” Logan reached out a shaky hand, gently grasping at Roman’s left wrist. And—oh.

Oh.

Roman held his breath as Logan slowly tugged back his sleeve. There was no way—was there? Or...maybe?

Logan stared at the white symbols etched across Roman’s tannish brown skin. The five symbols, Roman now realized. Five symbols, five letters...just like Logan’s name, maybe?

Then Logan began to laugh.

Roman blinked. He had only known the guy for, like, six hours, max, but the quiet, reserved nerd he had seen so far did not seem like the type to burst into mad fits of laughter.

“Are—are you all right?” Roman asked, totally lost. What was happening here?”

“Oh my—” Logan wheezed, and Roman now was genuinely concerned. Should he call an ambulance? Should he go back inside and find the medics they had at the event?

“Whatever is going on that’s so funny?” Roman questioned.

Trying and failing to speak through the chuckles running through his body, Logan rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and practically shoved his wrist in Roman’s face, still trembling from laughter and nearly whacking him in the face.

“Oi—” Roman prepared to snap, mildly offended, but the name written across Logan’s wrist caught the words in his throat.

Roman.

Sweet Sif, Roman was Logan’s soulmate. That meant—

That meant Logan was Roman’s soulmate. That mean that, whatever language it was written in, Logan’s name was written on his arm. Logan’s. Logan.

“It’s,” Logan wiped a tear of mirth from the corner of his eye, straightening up and slowly composing himself again. “Th-that is my name on your wrist, Roman.”

“It is?” he heard himself say dumbly, as if from a distance away, still not sure that this was really happening.

“It is,” Logan confirmed. He carefully lifted Roman’s wrist to his face and traced the characters with a thin fingertip.

Roman bit back a whimper. Oh, god, he never wanted Logan to stop touching him. Hell if that sounded inappropriate.

“This is my name,” Logan said, struggling to maintain a straight face, “in Klingon.”

Roman was silent for a good minute, processing this information, until finally he realized, “Wait, Klingon? Like, that made-up alien nerd language?”

Logan’s cool facade cracked, and he grinned down at Roman’s wrist, cheeks a rosy red. “Indeed, it is ‘that made-up alien nerd language’ Klingon.”

“Why the hell...?” Roman wondered, bemused.

“I am afraid that I have no idea,” Logan informed him, still scrutinizing Roman’s wrist. “There have been records of soulmate names being written in Ancient Greek and the like before, but I don’t think anyone has recorded any in Klingon before.”

Roman could have puzzled over this for ages more, but as it finally occurred to him, this was his soulmate standing in front of him. Shouldn’t he do something about that?

Wriggling his left wrist out of Logan’s loose grasp, he cupped the other teen’s face gently in his hands. Logan’s pale whitish green makeup was coming off in his hands, and the two of them no doubt looked ridiculous from an outsider’s perspective, but he found that it didn’t matter to him in the moment.

“I must say,” Roman said quietly. “While unexpected, this is most certainly not an unwelcome development.” A suave grin danced its way across his face. “I’ve been eyeing you all day, cutie.”

Logan’s breath puffed out softly against Roman’s face. “I....” The loquacious cosplayer seemed lost for words again as he pressed closer. “I—”

“Oh, go get a room already!” a warbly voice interrupted them.

Roman and Logan sprang apart, their cheeks heating up equally in embarrassment.

“Yeah, that’s right,” Remus grumped. “I’m still here.” After a moment, though, he brightened. “Oh, wait! This means you two can go on double dates with me and Janus and we can make out and embarrass you!”

“Please, do not,” Roman groaned, He reached out for Logan once more, reveling in the tiny squeak he let out, and he buried his face in Logan’s hair. “You ruin everything, asshole.” It was a playful jab, though; without Remus there to drag him to the convention, he might not have ever even met Logan.

So it had been a good thing after all that Roman had gone with Remus to this geeky convention thing, instead of to hear that linguist’s lecture. All the linguists in the world couldn’t have helped him beyond deciphering the words on his wrist. All the linguists in the world couldn’t have quite literally grabbed his soulmate by the arm and dragged him over, like Remus did.

“Thank god!” Remus realized, gleeful. “This means you’ll finally stop complaining about being lonely forever!”

“We’re soulmates,” Logan realized, sluggish. “We—I have your name on my wrist. You have my name on your wrist.”

“Oh my god,” Roman realized, dismayed. “This means I have a nerd language stuck on my arm for the rest of my life!”

Although, if it meant being with Logan for the rest of his life...perhaps a permanent nerd tattoo was a small price to pay.

Roman untangled himself from Logan and pulled away, biting back a grin when Logan instinctively chased after him. “Wanna come get milkshakes with us?”

“That would be satisfactory.” Logan nodded his assent. “However, we might want to take off our cosplays first.”

“Nah,” Roman dismissed. As a theatre kid he’d been to plenty of Steak ’n Shakes in full stage makeup, and he was pretty sure all the local Cookouts knew his order by heart at this point. “That’s part of the fun!”

Roman reached out and grasped Logan’s hand in his own, pulling him with as Remus began honest-to-god skipping to the car. The three broke into easy banter about the best milkshake flavors, and this time Roman couldn’t hold back the grin as Logan passionately decried the practice of dipping fries in shakes.

A small price to pay, indeed.

Fin

Day 1 || Day 2

*

Day one of @tsshipmonth2020​ ’s Soulmate September! I’m almost an hour late in my time zone, but hey! It’s still September first in Alaska, so this totally counts as on time! ...Right?

Want to be added onto any of my taglists? Shoot me an ask or a message here or via my other social media!

[dreamthinkimagine]

Dinosaurs

WARNING: Predator/Prey relationship

WARNING: Mention of getting eaten

WARNING: Mention of possible death

For @the-spooky-lee because she was so patient with my last fic that took me thousands of years to write

The credits rolled on the screens of the three-sided computer in the break room. Spock stared at his screen, his mouth agape, cold, and his mind practically blank. His mind - Spock’s mind.

“I love that movie,” Jim said as he shut off the computer. “Is there a problem, Spock?” Spock had to shake his mind from it’s empty void to respond.

“No, Captain. The illogic displayed in the film is most illogical.”

“How?” Bones cut in.”If dinosaurs were still around, some of them would most certainly eat people! They were carnivores, we’re meat. It’s nature. How is that illogical?”

“I think I’ll return to my quarters.”

“Good night,” Kirk said as he watched Spock walk out the door.

“If I’d known sooner that dinosaurs freak him out, I would’ve brought them up a long time ago.”

“This is serious, Bones. I’m worried about Spock.”

“I know. And well...he gets on my nerves, but I’m worried too.”

“I shouldn’t have made him watch the movie.”

“Now don’t go blaming yourself. There’s no way you could’ve known he, of all people, would react like that.”

“There’s got to be a way to show him dinosaurs aren’t an issue.”

“Well, what do you think we should do about it?”

***

Illogical thoughts filled Spock’s head. Dinosaurs weren’t real. Just something for film...right? Heart pounding against his ribs, he stood from his bed. Holding his breath, he shuffled to the computer, keeping himself cloaked with his blanket and said, “Computer, search dinosaurs.”

Spock’s temperature dropped as he looked upon the photographs of fossils from the mighty Tyrannosaurus Rex. Those powerful jaws and massive teeth that Spock knew without a shadow of an illogical doubt would be able to take his arm off in one bite. He shivered at the sight of the remains of a Brontosaurus. The size. The sheer size. What could have a fighting chance against it?

Everything changed when he laid eyes on the bones of a Spinosaurus skeleton.The skull that was as long as he was tall with what looked like pressure sensors - to feel where prey was instead of seeing. That tail perfect for propelling itself in the water. Powerful legs for the land. Once he was able to properly process claws on the end of its arms, he slammed the power button on his computer, breaking it.

Now it wasn’t just a story anymore. Dinosaurs had been real. Not even the Vulcan nerve pinch would be able to save him against these beasts.

“An asteroid,” Kirk said. He was so engulfed in thought, that he didn’t hear his door open. “65,000,000 years ago, an asteroid crashed into Earth and wiped out all the dinosaurs. They’re gone, Spock. They’re all gone.”

“So you can calm down now.”

“Why would you think that I am acting illogical,” Spock asked. “That assumption itself is quite illogical.”

“Well, for one you have that blanket wrapped around you; you green blooded -.”

“I was cold.”

“The power button on your computer screen is destroyed. Were you looking at dinosaurs?”

“That is irrelevant.”

“What about the fact that your lights are on? Is that ‘irrelevant’?”

“I needed them on to navigate my way to the computer.”

“You left as soon as the credits played, Spock.” Spock stood there before them in silence, trying to wrack his brain for a good excuse. Alas, there was none. “It’s alright, Spock. Nothing’s going to hurt you.”

“Now I’m a Doctor and not a psychologist, but maybe some role play would help. Let him know that dinosaurs are simply nothing to be afraid of.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe we could all act like the dinosaurs in the movie? I know it’s childish, but if he sees us do it, it might take his mind off the intensity of the movie.” Spock and Kirk stared at him in silence, expressions blank.

“...Interesting theory, Doctor.”

“It worked with Joanna when she was afraid of dinosaurs.” They still stared at him. “Or we could try something else.”

“Spock,” Kirk said. “An asteroid wiped them out, remember? There’s no way one can hurt you. I hate to say this, but, your fear is...illogical.”

“I am not afraid.”

“We were just over this, you - ”

“Bones.”

“Well if he keeps insisting that he’s not, I say we leave him here. We’re clearly wasting his time.”

“Perhaps that would best.”

“Agreed. Coming, Jim?”

“...Captain.” Jim heard and understood that through the low tone in Spock’s voice that he was being asked to leave. Jim rose and followed Bones out of the room without a word, leaving Spock to himself.

“Think he’s OK, Bones?”

“I don’t know, but he obviously doesn’t want our help right now.”

“We’ll try again tomorrow,”

“I’ll be there.”

***

The next day, Spock was able to keep his composure for all to see - all except Jim. He could read that half-Vulcan like a book and was easily able to see the subtle changes. How Spock's muscles were always braced. How he spent most of his time staring at one monitor. He knew he needed to do something and fast.

Jim spent his dinner in front of his computer screen searching for a documentary he had seen years before. Spock was a scientific mind, so he had to show him something scientific...right? As the computer played the first scene, Jim jumped out of his chair. He memorized the name and jetted down the hall to Sickbay. But on the way, he ran into Spock.

"Spock! I need you to come with me!" No time to get Bones now.

"Captain?" Kirk pulled him into the break room, and began talking to the computer. As Spock wondered what was happening, he suddenly saw a Spinosaurus on the screen and stared at it. Mind blank. The screen suddenly cut to an asteroid hurling through space, with Earth nowhere in sight. Kirk watched him for the whole documentary. And it didn't help; Spock hadn't even moved until the credits rolled. If the scientifically established fact that dinosaurs were extinct didn't mean anything to him, then it had to be something else. Kirk thought for a moment.

The Gorn. That thing looked like a dinosaur and Spock had seen it attack Kirk. Now it all made sense, Spock wasn’t so much afraid for himself as he was for his own Captain.

“Spock, you know we’re probably not going to have to fight a dinosaur?”

“...You must be prepared...Jim.”

“I don’t think I was prepared with the Gorn, but I came out okay.”

“Preparation increases one’s chances of survival. But even with that, survival is never guaranteed.” The next thing Kirk did caught Spock rather by surprise; he’d never expected Jim to place his arm around him.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere. How about this, if I train a little more often, will you calm down?”

“I cannot calm down when there is no need to as I do not have your Earth emotions.”

“Of course, Mr. Spock,” he said and gave his side a squeeze, causing Spock to jump at the sensation. "You know, Spock, I'm not the only one who needs to be prepared for a fight." With that, he squeezed his side again, forcing Spock to jump. "Let's start now!" Suddenly Spock was under a vicious tickle attack with Kirk going rampant on his sides squeezing up and down, up and down. Spock jumped out of his trap and raised his arms up to his ribs, ready to defend himself. “C’mon, Spock,” he said. “I’m a James Tiberisaurus Rex. You’re a Spockosaurus, like the Spinosaurus in the documentary.”

Spock froze at the names.

“Spock, I can’t train to fight anything like a dinosaur without a dinosaur to fight.” Spock thought for a moment.

“Logical, Captain. Perhaps you could attempt to escape from this.” The “unemotional” response scared Jim, especially when Spock wrapped his arms around his ribs and pulled him closer. “Spinosaurus, unlike Tyrannosaurus Rex, used their claws to kill their prey.” With that, Spock started gently scraping his “claws” over the Captain’s ribs.

Bones was walking down the hall when he heard the screech and booming laughter. His curiosity getting the better of him, he made his way towards the break room. The door opened and he smirked victoriously. What he saw was a laughing Kirk with Spock digging into his belly and Kirk using his pointer and middle fingers on each hand, kind of like a T. Rex he noticed, to get at Spock’s underarms. He chuckled.

“Well, well, well,” Bones said, gaining their attention and putting a halt to their tickle fight. “I told you a little role play would work.” Kirk and Spock looked at each other.

“Look Spock, it’s a Boneseosaurus; like a Brontosaurus, except, this one’s ticklish.”

“Fascinating.” They each took a step forward and like the two carnivorous dinosaurs they were mimicking, worked together to take down the herbivore dino - the Spockosaurus pulled while the James Tiberisaurus Rex pushed at their prey. Once the Boneseosaurus was taken down, they relished in their feast.

“Wahahahahait,” Bones cried as Spock clawed at his stomach, and Kirk used his fingers to scratch his neck. After that, Kirk kept his promise to train more often and Spock found himself not fearing dinosaurs anymore. He even took up an interest in the prehistoric reptiles. And, while he never told anyone, he kept three small plastic ones hidden away in his Quarters only for him to see. A Brontosaurus, a Tyrannosaurus Rex, and a Spinosaurus.  

[bearsinpotatosacks]

Pride Prompts 2020 Day 3- Caught Looking Their Way

Jim was finally halfway through his shift and it was one of the few shifts that was completely uneventful. No rogue ships, no strange organisations or unknown planets. Just sparkling, never ending space.

He didn't want to seem reckless, like he enjoyed being on the verge of death or constantly in battles. Everyone was enjoying the down time. Yet no one could deny the immense boredom that was coming from travelling between galaxies. 

A few days ago, there had been a mild rendezvous at a small Class-M planet that the Federation wanted to sign a treaty with after years of disagreements. No one had been killed, a few injured when both were fatigued with the petty arguments, but no fatalities.

The first few days of no action served everyone well, it was almost like shore leave explained McCoy. Nonetheless, after three days of nothing but empty space and the same routine, Jim was running out of distractions. 

He'd done his rounds walking around the ship, checking in on every sector and how they were doing. Every now and then he contacted a part of the ship, engineering, weapons, but they had just as little to do as those on the bridge. 

This was how he found his mind completely empty and his eyes naturally resting upon the fascinating image that was his first officer- Mr. Spock. 

He, unlike the rest of the crew, had found some way of occupying himself. Chekov wanted to research something about Russia, obviously, and Spock had been strangely eager to do the work for him. His logic was that Chekov should focus on navigation rather than a non-essential project.

Spock appeared content and busy, lost in the world of history and research. This was the exact reason why Jim had taken to leaning on his right arm and gazing blankly at him. He didn't care if anyone caught him staring or possibly smiling gloofily at the half-Vulcan while his mind cleared and the boredom dissipated.

The Captain hadn't noticed that Uhura was laughing behind her hand and that Sulu had been elbowing Chekov for him to witness this blatant display of affection. 

Jim was immersed in thought about Spock. His eloquence was currently on his mind, the way he formed his words so calmly while directing orders or stating the illogical. Another aspect of him was how comedic he could be without intending it, there had been many a time when his gratitude for Bones' insults had made him chuckle. 

He sighed, shifted slightly as he was reminded of the bravery of his Science Officer. Despite other crew members' insistence, he had shown countless times his willingness to stand up to the wrong and to carry on fighting even if everything appeared bleak. 

Jim was enamoured, there was a spell cast upon him that would not go away for a while. He wouldn't argue that he was more than partial to the man, the mere sight of Spock could lighten his day and he admitted to feeling fearful for him on missions when he got into any danger. It came with the job but the irrationality that came with love didn't care if he was employed by danger. If his heart could have its way, Spock wouldn't ever be in a life or death situation ever again. 

~~

"Mr Chekov, I have found some interesting information in my research that you may want to hear," Spock said. As he turned around, he quickly realised how every crew member around him was watching him and Jim intensely.

He didn't really know why, perhaps it was the boredom that had possessed the crew without anything life threatening to do. His logic saw through their complaints however, there was rarely a moment when there was nothing to be done. And today was not an exception to that rule.

"Mr. Chekov, do you want to hear the information?" Spock repeated closer to the man in question, who stopped his laughter and agreed to hear what he had to say. "Well, did you happen to know that one of your descendants invested in a company that would discover a more efficient fuel for Earth Spacecrafts?"

"No, I didn't know that,"

"Well, you can add that to the official doings of the Russians that you inform us all about at every moment," He said, moving to sit back down before he laid eyes on why the crew had been watching so crudely at him and the Captain.

Jim was leaning on one arm in his chair, eyes glistening and partially glazed over in a daydream like haze. His ridiculous smile plastered on his face, that, if Spock ever admitted his emotions, did make him happier on certain occasions- not that he would ever acknowledge that his human side sometimes overruled his logic.

The Captain had not seemed to notice anything he had said, or anything around him at all for that matter. His cheeks were flushed faintly as he persistently looked at him. Jim's interest did spark something in him, a kind of gratitude that he was being recognised, although he couldn't say what he had done that was so interesting. 

Spock raised an eyebrow and stepped forward, towards the Captain's chair and the lovesick man occupying it. He vaguely waved in front of him, trying, and failing, to get his attention. If he was mindlessly staring at him then he should confront him about it. 

He had been told, by his mother and some other infatuated crew members that stealing glances at someone was often a symptom of love. Perhaps it was the longing and the passion for that person that made them infinitely provocative. 

Spock had felt this need. There had been many a moment, no matter how embarrassing for him to confess to himself, when he lay wondering about the Captain, if he was as lonely as he was, whether he wanted him, no, needed him as much as he did. It made him feel ashamed.

What would Sarek think, to see him acting so foolishly when it came to his feelings. Spock was a Vulcan, and Vulcans are logical, not emotional.

But he was also Human too.

"Captain," Spock said, abandoning his efforts at waving. "Captain, you are staring,"

No answer, just the same love struck look.

"Captain," He sighed. "Jim!"

Jim snapped out of his trance at the call of his name, blinking a few times before he too realised the amount of eyes that were finding him so humorous. He sat up and dropped his arm onto his lap, looking back at Spock again.

"Yes, Mr. Spock,"

"Captain, may I have a word with you," He moved closer and lowered his volume. "In private, off the bridge,"

For the first time for the entirety of their shift, their eyes met. They agreed without words, Jim putting Sulu in temporary charge until he returned and left to wander the corridors.

~~

Most of the corridors were empty, with crewmembers being at their post and little need for extra hands, the two were safe to talk.

"I thought it would be better to confront you about your staring in private, Captain," Spock began, unconsciously leading them to a deserted conference room.

Jim hummed and pulled a chair for himself and his First Officer, "Yes, I hope you aren't offended, I wasn't doing it with malicious intent," 

Spock gave him a ghost of a smile that eased his worries, "Oh, I'm sure of that, Captain," He said, placing his hands on the table, close to Jim's. "Infact, I hypothesise that you were staring out of desire or passion, rather than anger or prejudice,"

Jim grinned. If Spock was admitting that his observations were because of his developing crush, then that meant his feelings were logical, and he only acted on what was logical. 

"Well, you would be correct," Their eyes met again, and if he was not mistaken, a glimmer of something shone in the other man's eyes. "But how did you come to that conclusion, when desire and passion are two very strong emotions?"

Spock turned his head and moved his hands closer a touch. He hesitated for a moment, clearly thinking of what to do or to say that would maintain his mask. 

As much as Jim liked to tease him about his lack of emotions, he knew they were there and were more prevalent than his culture would like them to be. He also knew of how this plagued him, to have such a human flaw that was so hard to deal with.

"It would be illogical for me to pretend that I had no experience in this way of thinking," This shocked Jim, was Spock actually admitting that he occasionally thought with emotion? "Despite how much I long for me to say that I have heard that staring is a symptom for desiring someone, I too have found myself analysing you, watching you and absorbing everything about you with little resistance,"

"Are you saying that-"

"Yes, I am admitting that I am feeling things for you, Jim. Deep, raw and human things for you, that have made me feel guilt to no end over how it betrays my blood," Spock took a long shuddering breath and made another leap, his hands reached out and interlocked with Jim's. 

Jim tightened his grip on his hands, inching closer to him before whispering, "You are not betraying anyone, Spock, you're just being true to who you are. You can love a person while still upholding logic, you have emotions but they don't need to rule you just because you acknowledge they're there,"

He leant his head forwards until his forehead bumped with Spock's. This close up, he could see the multitude of colours that made up his irises, could see the green tint of his skin and lines on his face smooth out. He was letting himself relax and enjoy what he had, finally.

They sat there for a while, hands gripped tightly, as they would not be anywhere important for a while. For now, they could enjoy each other's company. Spock could let himself relish in his devotion and Jim would not be humorously shocked due to finding out how intimate hand holding is for Vulcans- something he would damn McCoy for not telling him about later. 

So for now, they would sit in the infinite stars of space and wait until the next crisis approached them. Because they had each other now, and that meant everything in the world.

[spacedancer1701]

Another Life - a Star Trek fic - (Chapters 16 - 20)

Sequel to ‘On Borrowed Time’

Fandoms: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series (TOS), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (AOS) Pairing: McCoy x Original Female Character (Dr. Jennifer Hope) Characters: The Crew of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) Rating/Warnings: None Tags: Romance, Friendship, Love, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Mild Angst/H/C, Caring/Protective/Tender/Comforting/Happy/Grumpy/Worried McCoy Word Count: This is a long one. Again. 😄 (71 chapters - 177k)

Read it on AO3: Another Life 

                                                                                                                                                                  Chapter 16  

As the meeting progressed, Jenny saw more and more Home Worlders gathering outside, curiously peering in through the glass, and sensed Calmara at her side getting a little uneasy.

“Should we be worried about the growing crowd outside?” she asked the president, who, in turn, looked at The Objector, as Jenny secretly thought of him, since pronouncing any of the Home Worlders’ names was still impossible for her.

Raising the equivalent of an eyebrow, the president silently passed the question on to her colleague.

“No, it’s only a peaceful “beware-of-space-demons’ protest,” The Objector confidently shook his head. “I told you, everything’s under control. They just want to have a closer look at the aliens, that’s all.”

“Do they have a spokesperson or something like that?” Kirk wanted to know. “Why don’t we invite them in and talk to them? Answer any questions, dispel any doubts they might have?”

“That would be wonderful!” the president enthused, and The Objector nodded in agreement. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all,” the captain smiled. “We’d like to meet them.”

The Objector swiftly swam outside, briefly talked to someone in the crowd, and then returned with two rather grim looking males. The way to tell males and females of the species apart, Jenny had discovered, was not by size or features, but by colour. Whereas Calmara and the other females had a slightly purplish hue, the males had a tint to them that ranged from grey to green.

The two males hadn’t said anything yet, but the way they looked around the table seemed rather hostile, despite The Objector’s assurances to the contrary. They were glaring at Calmara particularly, as if she’d actually brought the devil home, and Jenny smiled to see McCoy, who was seated on Calmara’s other side, protectively move closer to her. So very typical of him. Once you were in his good books, the doctor would unfailingly watch over you.

Not allowing the friendly atmosphere of the meeting to dissipate, Kirk floated over to the newcomers, approaching them with open arms, palms upturned in a deliberately non-hostile manner, and motioned for them to join the meeting at the table. After exchanging a few words, so low the translator didn’t pick up on them, the two hesitatingly took the empty seats next to Spock.

Waiting for the president to make the introductions, the captain then launched into an abridged version of the speech he’d given Calmara aboard the Enterprise. The two newcomers seemed to gradually relax, obviously finding the aliens sufficiently non-demonic, and listened attentively when Kirk, with Spock and Scotty’s help, started to explain how they intended to save Home World from the impending meteorite hit.

By the time the Starfleet officers were running low on oxygen and had to get back to the ship, Jenny felt that the captain had managed to instil a certain level of trust even into the objectors. Kirk had this special brand of charm that made people of all species like and trust him – well, except for the Klingons, maybe – and she admired him for it. More than once, she’d even seen Spock throw him an approving, almost fond glance, and she observed the captain closely, whenever she had the chance to see him in action, trying to learn as much from him as she could. Like probably every other young officer on the Enterprise, one day, she wanted to be just like him.

-x-x-x-x-x-

McCoy couldn’t help himself. He’d been a little apprehensive throughout the meeting, and highly doubted that Jim had really won the objectors over with his outgoing personality and detailed explanations. So, even though everybody’s words of farewell had been very cordial, the doctor found himself relieved to be back on the Enterprise, at a safe distance from the objectors. Especially since, out of the corner of his eye, he believed to have seen some rather threatening gestures coming from the crowd, when they’d got back in the shuttle. Clearly, still not everybody was happy to accept help from aliens.

The first thing to do after stepping out of the uncomfortable and hot space/diving suit was to take a shower. In McCoy’s case, just to save time, of course, that meant taking a shower together with Hope, and he loved it. To leave everything behind and simply enjoy the feeling of her skin against his, if only for a couple of minutes, was hugely restorative. He certainly wouldn’t have minded a little more time to themselves, but Jim needed Hope to monitor communications with Home World, while Spock and Scotty got to work, putting their plan regarding the meteorite into action. And for Hope, just like for him, duty always came first.

So the doctor contented himself with tenderly running his hands over Hope’s delightful body, routinely checking the by now barely visible scar on her back, gently tracing it with his fingers while indulging in a deep kiss. He loved how familiar they’d become with each other, and yet couldn’t imagine ever losing that feeling of excitement at being so close to her, no matter how intimately they knew each other. Being with her was this unique blend of incredibly exciting and unbelievably soothing. Amazingly, both at once.

By the time they stepped out of the shower, McCoy felt so relaxed that his earlier sense of foreboding had completely evaporated, and he was quite convinced that, for once, everything was going to be all right. Watching Hope briskly get dressed and then sweep out of his quarters with another brief kiss and a beaming smile full of promises for later, his whole body was tingling with love and happiness. And taking his time to get dressed himself, he flopped down on his bed and let a feeling of warmth engulf him, as it hit him once again how much his life had changed since Hope’s return to the Enterprise.

Even though, at times, they barely saw each other, just knowing that she was there, sneaking in a tender kiss or a few words of encouragement, was enough. Who’d have thought that being in a relationship could be so empowering, and so pleasant. Not suffocating or depressing at all. Of course, he could easily do without all the scares and worrying she put him through. But then, she had to do her job. Just like Jim and Spock did, both of whom he held personally accountable for almost every single grey hair on his head, long before Hope had appeared on the scene.

And he, too, had to do his job, which, ironically, was to worry. Besides taking care of everyone. And, more often than he cared to think about, that involved him getting into dangerous situations as well. Come to think of it, Hope seemed to have accepted that fact without complaint. Maybe it was her sweet, utter trust in his abilities as a doctor, that kept her from being concerned for him. Or maybe she did get scared, but was just better at not letting it show. Whatever, he was incredibly grateful to have her in his life. End of story.

You’re one lucky bastard, he grinned at his reflexion, as he slipped on a clean medic tunic and quickly combed his hair in front of the mirror.

And he was. He was well aware of that. In Hope, he’d probably found the one woman in the whole universe who’d happily put up with him.

‘Happily’ being the operative word here, he chuckled to himself, because that was certainly the most prominent difference, setting Hope apart from everyone he’d been with before.

He had a gazillion flaws, and that was just counting the ones he knew of, constant worrying and a proneness to being overprotective ranking way up high among them. But stifling as she might often find his tendency to overdo it, Hope certainly loved him enough to put up with it. Besides, due to her past and circumstances, he knew that deep down, despite being the strong and capable Starfleet officer she was, Hope enjoyed, even craved being protected and cared for.

Making his way towards sickbay, looking at the familiar surroundings of what had been his home for years, it struck him that, before he’d met Hope, he hadn’t even realised how lonely he was. He just hadn’t known any different, feeling content with his life, glad to have escaped the hell that his marriage had turned out to be, saddened only by being deprived of a life with Joanna, of seeing her grow up.

Now, he couldn’t imagine a life without Hope anymore. Even if they couldn’t always be together, if their careers separated them again, she’d always be with him in his heart. He’d do everything in his power to make – and keep – her happy, and, strangely enough, that didn’t feel like ‘having to work for it’ at all. He’d really have to stop worrying about things going wrong and just have faith in the strength of their love.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Meanwhile, oblivious to all the loving thoughts coming her way, Jenny was busy keeping up with communicating the procedures currently going on on the Enterprise to Home World.

Spock was calmly making calculation after calculation, while Sulu and Chekov had ample opportunity to prove their respective navigational and aiming skills, and Scotty, decidedly less calmly, was running back and forth between the bridge and engineering, more or less constantly on the brink of a heart attack. All the while Kirk was sitting in his command chair, closely watching the screen and attentively listening to his crew, trying to stay on top of things, as laser and tractor beams worked in tandem to sever the loose piece of rock from the rest of Home World’s moon and send it on its way to outer space.

A cheer went around the bridge, when the mission had been accomplished, and Jenny smiled at hearing similar sounds coming through Uhura’s open channel from Home World. The president expressed her sincere gratitude on behalf of her planet, and invited the captain and his officers back to the capital to celebrate and start on more detailed negotiations regarding their potentially joining the Federation.

Since none of the landing party had suffered any ill-effects during their first visit to the underwater world, there was no need for McCoy to join them this time, and Jenny could only imagine his relief at not having to force himself into his diving gear again. Judging from the cheerful smile on his face as he waved them off in the transporter room, he didn’t even seem uneasy with letting her go on her own anymore, which Jenny noted with a pleased smile.

Progress! she thought fondly, as the transporter room of the Enterprise faded around her.

-x-x-x-x-x-

The city looked even more beautiful this time, festively decorated with a million multi-coloured lights, the joy and relief everyone felt almost tangible. There was a big parade in honour of the Enterprise crew, and singing and dancing throughout the capital, as well as probably every other settlement on the planet.

After the festivities, the president guided them back into the grand chamber for another meeting. A whole team of engineers was already waiting there for Scotty, to share everything about their teleportation system, and Jenny could see the chief’s beaming smile even through his helmet. Scotty was most definitely in engineering heaven.

At the other end of the long table, the president had gathered some of the representatives from their first visit, and asked Kirk and Spock to explain the conditions and procedures of joining the Federation, eager to learn more about the individual members of this alliance, and readily agreeing to welcome a delegation of diplomats at the soonest possible date.

Since the translators didn’t need a lot of adjustment anymore, Jenny could finally enjoy some not disaster-related conversation with Calmara, happy to find out as much as possible about this new world and its inhabitants. By the time the meeting came to an end, she genuinely felt she’d made a new friend, and was looking forward to staying in touch with this brave and interesting alien.

This time, the president opted to come with them in the shuttle, deeming it only right to give their saviours a befitting farewell. So she, Calmara, The Objector – which he really wasn’t anymore, and one of ‘Scotty’s engineers’ accompanied the Starfleet officers to the shore, even slipping on spacesuits to see them off on dry land.  

Jenny and the others had already taken their beam-up positions, and Kirk was just saying a few final words of thanks for the Home Worlders’ hospitality, when another spacesuit-clad alien tore out of the water, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

He was screaming something that the translator interpreted as, “Demons! Go back to where you came from!” and pointing some sort of weapon at the landing party.

Through her shock at the sudden turn of events, Jenny heard Kirk give a hurried command for immediate beam-up, and the last thing she saw before the transporter beam took her away, was the horrible sight of Calmara throwing herself in the line of fire, and dark blue blood starting to spread inside her spacesuit as she crumbled to the ground.

                                                                                                                                                                  Chapter 17  

McCoy was waiting in the transporter room with a smile on his face. Whenever he could get away from sickbay, he liked to be there when a landing party returned, if for no other reason than to make sure everybody was safe. He’d made a habit of it even before Hope had come aboard the Enterprise. And, alas, more often than not, he was needed there anyway, as it seemed that there was always something or other going wrong on away missions.

When he heard Kirk suddenly demand an emergency beam-up, his happy smile gave way to a terrified frown, and he hurried to stand right in front of the transporter platform, his heart pounding like mad, not knowing what to expect and scared half to death of what he might be faced with, once they materialised.

To his relief, they all were uninjured, and Kirk, Spock and Scott stepped off the platform instantly, ripping off their helmets. But Hope stayed on her pad, eyes wide with horror, visible even through the visor, demanding to be beamed back down at once.

“We need to go back!” she screeched almost hysterically, her voice unusually high-pitched and tinny through the mic of her helmet. “You need to come, too, Doctor! You need to save her!”

“Who?” McCoy asked, reaching for her and trying not to show his alarm.

“Calmara! He shot her! Please, we need to go back! Now!” she cried, and was interrupted by Jim’s stern voice before the doctor could get hold of her arms, which she kept waving around frantically.

“Get a grip, Hope!” the captain commanded. “We’ve just been attacked. We can’t just beam back down without knowing what’s going on. Spock?”

Kirk turned towards his first officer, who was already at the wall comm, requesting Uhura to contact Home World and find the president immediately.

Hope froze at the captain’s sharp tone, and McCoy could see that she was trying hard to pull herself together. Stepping to her side, he gently removed her helmet and guided her off the platform, while trying to process what he’d just heard, looking to Kirk and Scotty for an explanation.

Uhura’s voice sounded from the comm, announcing that she’d located the president.

“Captain,” the president’s voice came on, “are you all right? I don’t know what to say, I can’t apologise enough.”

“We’re unharmed,” Jim assured her, then enquired about Calmara. “We have Dr. McCoy standing by, should we send him down to help?”

“No, thank you,” the president replied, sounding dejected even through the translator. “We’ve had her teleported to a hospital straight away, but she’s lost so much blood, they’re not expecting her to pull through.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Kirk said, his voice sorrowful, and McCoy heard Hope stifling a sob and quickly sat her down on the step of the platform. “She’s just saved our lives.”

Finally putting the pieces of what had transpired together, the doctor sat down beside Hope and pulled her into his arms. In getting herself nearly killed, Calmara had obviously saved Jenny and the others. Spock’s expression was unreadable, even more of an emotionless mask than usual, which, in itself, was an indication. But Scotty, his face pale and unbelieving, seemed to be close to tears.

“The attacker killed himself the moment he realised what he had done,” the president continued, “so we don’t know yet where he came from and if he was part of an organisation. But we assure you that finding the answers is currently our top priority.”

McCoy ran his fingers soothingly through Hope’s matted hair, as she rested her head on his chest, not caring who saw them, simply needing to be there for her and comfort her. She’d gone completely quiet, tightly huddled against him. But when the president informed Jim that she’d just received news of Calmara’s death, Hope started to shake violently, silent tears running down her face and soaking the doctor’s shirt.

After Kirk had ended his conversation with the president, he glanced questioningly at McCoy. And when the doctor nodded, silently communicating to leave them alone, the captain made for the door, ordering everyone to come with him and give them the room.

McCoy felt deeply saddened by this admirable alien’s death, too, and for a long time, they just sat in silence. There was a lot he could and would tell Hope, but right now she wasn’t receptive to any of it. So the doctor just held her, gently rocking her in his arms.

She’d become quite attached to Calmara, he’d already seen it when the alien was still aboard. Hope was like that. She had such a big heart, and he loved her for it. But as a consequence, the loss was especially hard on her. Aggravated, of course, by survivor’s guilt. They would talk later. A lot. But now she needed a little time to grieve alone.

Sitting there on the step, tenderly cradling Hope in his arms, McCoy thought he’d lost count of the times he’d held her like that.

What is it about us, that we seem to find ourselves in situations like this one all the time? he mused.

And not just him comforting her, either. Only a week or two ago, it had been him falling apart in her arms over Joanna, eternally grateful to have her to lean on. And he fondly remembered the first time she’d held him, after he’d lost a patient on a rescue mission, long before they’d become more than friends or even colleagues.

As CMO, he’d been used to taking care of everyone else, a rather lonely position with only Jim and sometimes Scotty or Spock for moral support, and to talk things through to find closure afterwards. And even then, it had mostly been him giving that moral support. So, having someone actually see what he was going through, and just hold him, without judging or uttering platitudes, had been a new and almost magical experience for him. He’d drawn immense comfort from her touch.

Now it was his turn to comfort her again, and he was glad that she let him. He knew only too well how people in pain often tended to lash out and push everyone away. Not Hope, though. She’d always allowed him to be close to her, when she was upset. And he considered it a privilege. Cheerful and positive as she liked to present herself to the world, and which she usually was, she could be inconsolable at times. Good or bad, she was a person who felt deeply. They both were.

When McCoy felt that Hope had run out of tears, he gently released her.

“Let’s get you in the shower, love,” he smiled, getting up and pulling her to her feet.

“Smell that bad?” she chuckled weakly, as she followed him to the door, and his heart melted at her attempt to cheer up for him.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny knew she was behaving painfully unprofessional, but was feeling too numb to do anything about it. Leonard understood. She was immensely grateful for his quiet, gentle support. Without any further words, he steered her to his quarters, helped her out of her suit and left her to it in the shower.

She had no idea how long she’d just stood there, the scene of Calmara throwing herself between them and their attacker on auto-replay in her mind. What had she been thinking? Why had she done that? And what, if she hadn’t?

It was only when she heard the rustling of clothes being discarded followed by the feeling of strong arms wrapping around her, that she realised how cold she’d become. With a sigh she leaned back into McCoy’s warm embrace and enjoyed the feeling of hot water streaming down her skin, as he switched from sonic to water, a rare treat.

Closing her eyes and humming with pleasure, she let him lovingly soap her up, gently wash her hair with shampoo and finally rinse her off, before wrapping her in a soft towel. He’d never done that before, but the tenderness of it soothed her mind and helped her dispel the numbness.

Taking a deep breath, she thanked him with a gentle kiss, then towelled herself off and padded back into the bedroom. Following her out of the bathroom, McCoy made a beeline for the bed, and moments later, Jenny found herself snuggled up against his warm body under the blanket.

“She gave her life for me, Leonard,” she whispered, her first words since leaving the transporter room. “How can I ever get over that?”

“By honouring her sacrifice,” McCoy replied softly. “By being grateful and happy to be alive.”

“How could I be happy, knowing that I’m alive because someone else died?” Jenny cried, propping herself up on one elbow to look at him, outraged by the suggestion, then quickly relenting, when she saw the realisation of how close he’d come to lose her register on his face.

“I’m sorry, love,” he smiled sadly. “I, for one, am eternally grateful to Calmara for saving your life. But I understand, of course, that you don’t feel the same. Not now. Not yet.”

“You don’t understand! You haven’t been there!”

She was sorry the moment the words were out. She didn’t mean to be angry with him. He was not to blame, and he’d been nothing but understanding since they’d beamed back aboard. But there was so much anger inside her that needed to vent. And Leonard, dear, kind Leonard, understood.

“I don’t need to have been there to know what you’re going through,” he said softly, tenderly brushing tendrils of her still damp hair out of her face. “But you need to accept that she made a conscious choice. You’ve saved her life, too. When she first teleported onto the observation deck.”

“But I can’t believe she chose to die,” Jenny replied stubbornly. “Maybe she didn’t think he’d shoot her. Maybe it all happened too fast for him to realise who she was.”

“There’s always a risk, and she took it willingly,” McCoy sighed, pulling her back into his arms. “What you should do is grant her the dignity of this last sacrifice.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

Holding her tight and gently running his fingers up and down her back, McCoy could feel Hope gradually relax into his embrace, as she was considering his words.

“She was special,” he added after a while.

“Do you know how old she was?” Hope asked quietly, and it sounded like an accusation. “Or anything about her family, or her favourite things?”  

“No, I don’t,” he admitted softly.

“You say she was special, yet you don’t know anything about her. Next you’ll tell me she was just a stranger,” Hope trailed off, her voice choked with new tears.

“I wasn’t going to,” he began, but fell silent when another crying fit took hold of her, and just hugged her tight and kissed her hair and forehead.

“It’s not your fault, Jenny,” he said firmly, when she’d calmed down again. “Yes, she did it for you, as well as for Jim, Spock, and Scotty. But understand that she’d accepted death long before then. When she’d got on that little spacecraft of hers, knowing she was never going to return home. She was lucky to be rescued by us. By you. And she was immensely grateful and proud to have saved her home world, too. That’s what you gave her.”

Hope lifted her head to look at him, and he could see his words sinking in. But survivor’s guilt would take longer to overcome. Especially for someone as caring and selfless as her. They’d have to work on that. And he’d have to talk to Jim, Spock and Scotty, too.

“But it’s still not fair,” she murmured after a few moments. “Calmara should have been allowed to enjoy her accomplishment longer. To be celebrated as the heroine she was.”

“She’ll always be remembered as the saviour of her planet, of Home World,” McCoy assured her.

But when Hope rested her head back on his chest, her body starting to shake with quiet sobs all over again, he made up his mind to tell her something he hadn’t actually intended to, thinking it wasn’t his place to tell.

“There’s something else you should know, love,” he said, pausing a little until he was sure to have her attention. “Something I discovered when I first tended to Calmara, and which she told me and Scotty, when we worked on her helmet and on reproducing the liquid she needed.”

“And what was that?” Hope sniffled, nestling closer into the crook of his arm.

“She wouldn’t have lived very much longer, anyway. She had a terminal illness, something akin to blood cancer in humans. One of the reasons she volunteered to go on that suicide mission in the first place. And also the reason she lost blood so quickly, when injured. We were lucky that her wound, when she first came aboard, was little more than a scratch, or I wouldn’t have been able to fix it.”

“Blood cancer,” Hope murmured, dumbfounded. “Just what I had. The universe really has a strange sense of humour. Do you still believe in coincidence, Leonard?”

“Not sure I do, love,” McCoy replied softly, soothingly rubbing her back and caressing her face, wiping away the last of her tears, as she slowly drifted off to sleep, the events of the past few days finally taking their toll.

Just like I’m not sure I believe in your ever having had blood cancer at all, was his last conscious thought before he, too, dozed off. Too tired to ponder the issue that had been bothering him ever since Hope had told him about her past, and surely would continue to do so, until he found a satisfying answer.

                                                                                                                                                                  Chapter 18  

Jenny woke up in the almost dark. Safely ensconced in McCoy’s arms, she still felt somewhat anxious. About what, she wasn’t sure. But the feeling was familiar. Maybe it was just the aftereffects of a bad dream. She seemed to have a lot of them ever since waking up in this century, never quite able to remember what they were about, but leaving a sense of anxiety nevertheless. Although, after what had happened the day before, having bad dreams was probably not out of the ordinary. And considering how many scary missions she’d been on since joining Starfleet, dealing with things in dreams was probably something most Starfleet officers experienced. Maybe she’d ask Leonard about it sometime. Or maybe not.

Knowing that she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep anytime soon, Jenny slowly and carefully disentangled herself from McCoy’s embrace, got up to get a glass of water, and then settled down on the edge of the bed, silently looking at the sleeping doctor’s features. She couldn’t think of anything more beautiful than this beloved face or their relationship. He was always there for her, always looking out for her. Had, in fact, been looking out for her since the very day they’d met. Just thinking about the way he cared filled her heart with love and a sense of security that really shouldn’t leave any room for anxiety.

She was so lucky to have him in her life, their bond growing stronger with every day. Sometimes it felt as if he’d saved her from a profound loneliness, which was weird, really, given that she’d never led a lonely life. Her parents had been lovely people, and she’d always had friends, now as well as then. And yet, McCoy’s kindness and caring, the warmth and tenderness he showed her, seemed to quench an aching need, some deep-rooted yearning inside her. As if she’d finally found water after ages of dragging herself through a desert.

Trying to shake those strange thoughts, the kind you only ever seem to have in the middle of the night, Jenny finally lay back down and slid under the blanket, careful not to wake the doctor. And relishing the comforting warmth he radiated, his soft breath caressing her hair, she went back to sleep in no time.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Feeling her shifting around, McCoy opened a sleepy eye to check on Hope, as he had several times already that night. She was usually blessed with deep and uninterrupted sleep, but after yesterday’s traumatic events, she was understandably restless, moaning and talking in her dreams, although mainly babbling in what might or might not be some ancient version of German.

Wrapping his arm around her and caressing her cheek soothingly, he wished he could just take away her pain. But grief was a process she had to go through. There was no pill or hypo to cure it, only time would help. And talking about it. At least that was something he could help her with.

As he’d expected, she tried to pretend everything was all right the next morning, and he played along, letting her believe he bought her act. She had to do her job, face her colleagues, after all. And if she found pretending to be okay the easiest way to get through the day, he’d encourage that. They could talk some more in the evening, when it was just the two of them again.

Hope was the most positive, optimistic person he’d ever met. She always tried to see the best in people and in every situation. But sometimes, even she reached her limits, and although he was confident that she’d revert to her old self with time, he saw it as his job to help her get there sooner rather than later.

At lunchtime, McCoy met Hope and two of her colleagues in the mess and thought she was really convincing in her cheerfulness. It was only when Kirk joined them with news of their attacker, that the doctor caught another glimpse of her inner pain.

Apparently, the attacker had been a member of an opposing group, and hadn’t been able to deal with the fact that all other members had made a 180° turn after the Enterprise had saved the planet. Kirk was inclined to believe that, since the president, and the Home Worlders in general, had made a very sincere impression. But of course, everything regarding their potential joining the Federation was up to the diplomats.

-x-x-x-x-x-

The next couple of weeks on the Enterprise were very quiet. No incidents, no spontaneous missions. Plenty of time for dancing, band practice and combat training after hours. Jenny should really have been enjoying it, but for some reason her heart was not quite in it. A fact that others, apparently, picked up on, too.

McCoy was being extra gentle with her, and she noticed that far fewer of her crewmates than usual had come to her for advice or an open ear since Home World. They were either being considerate, or her listening skills were a little off. And while Hikaru and Pavel contented themselves with throwing her worried glances, Nyota kept pestering her all the time, wanting to know what was ailing her. She understood, of course, that Jenny was upset about Calmara’s death – they all were, but didn’t quite see why this particular experience seemed to affect her so much more than some of the other things that Jenny had already been through.

And the truth was, neither did Jenny. McCoy was giving her massages to die for every other night, clearly hoping to cajole her into talking about what was bothering her. And she really wanted to, she just genuinely didn’t know what to tell him. Yes, she’d grown quite fond of Calmara over the few days she’d known her, but they hadn’t become that close. Yes, seeing her getting shot had been terrible, but she’d seen people die before. And yes, knowing that she’d died so that Jenny could live made her feel guilty, but Kirk, Spock and Scotty were in the same boat, and McCoy was helping them all get to terms with it.

No, there had to be more to the dull pain, the simmering anxiety than that. It was as if the episode had somehow triggered a memory. Only, she had no idea what that might be. It was more than frustrating. A bit like when you wake up and want to hold on to a dream, but it fades the moment you try to remember it.

And it wasn’t the first time, she’d experienced something like this, either. She’d had strange moments of déjà vu before. Most recently when, during Joanna’s illness, she’d truly felt a parent’s terror. Until Christine had not so gently reminded her that she wasn’t a parent, and Jenny had attributed the feeling to her love and empathy for Leonard.

She wondered, if this might be a sign of PTSD. Or maybe she was simply going mad. Her brain had been kept in stasis for three centuries, after all. But there was no way she was bothering McCoy with this, as long as it was nothing more than a vague feeling. He worried enough about her as it was. She’d just have to work a little on her positive vibrations and attitude. Take more time for yoga, find her inner balance again. That had always worked for her before. She’d talk some more about Calmara to Leonard, to help her put her death behind her, and then she’d go back to normal. Feeling low for no particular reason was just not in her make-up.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Hope was making uncharacteristically slow progress, and McCoy was getting really worried. He’d tried subterfuge to coax her into confiding in him, but it almost seemed as if she really didn’t have a clue of what was wrong with her. Seeing her trying so hard to not only seem but truly feel happy again, he’d even secretly run a tricorder over her when she was asleep, to find out if there was any physical problem he might have overlooked. But nothing. Nada. Rien. Nichts. The doctor was getting a little desperate.

Then Kirk announced some good news, and Hope really perked up after that. The Enterprise had received orders to pick up a group of ambassadors at a starbase, and the captain had managed to schedule a longer stay by putting in a request for some rare spare parts that Scotty claimed to urgently need in engineering.

The reason behind this was that Jim, bless him, had got hold of a few tickets for a recreation planet near the starbase, which was said to be one of the most beautiful places in the galaxy. Access was strictly limited, the planet booked up for months, if not years in advance, but the captain had still managed to get his hands on enough tickets for everyone who’d missed out on their last shore leave to help McCoy with the serum for Joanna. Well, almost enough. They were one ticket short, and good old Spock had kindly declined.

McCoy was immensely looking forward to the almost four days they’d get to spend there. Hope desperately needed some time off the ship, and he could certainly do with time away from sickbay, too. And when he saw her genuine delight at the prospect, her trademark enthusiasm returning to everything she did, from the dancefloor to the bedroom, the doctor was hopeful that she’d found back to her old self at last.

After one of their ‘exquisite marathons’, as McCoy reverently referred to them in his head, he and Hope lay on his bed, side by side, both on their backs, exhausted, and holding hands. He was still catching his breath, and noticed with satisfaction that Hope was a little breathless, too.

She’s really something else, he thought affectionately.

Being intimate with her was truly mind-blowing. Who’d have thought a tiger was sleeping inside this seemingly innocent young woman? And more surprising still, who’d have thought that he of all people would be the one to awaken it?

“Sometimes I think you just love me for my body, darling,” McCoy drawled and squeezed her fingers a little, feeling jocular as he lay there, eyes shut and a very content smile on his lips.

When there was no comeback from her, no quip, as he would have expected, he turned his head to look at her, and found Hope staring into the distance.

“Is it normal that I just can’t get enough of you?” she asked after a while, her voice soft and low. “I mean, I’ve never… and now...”

She fell silent.

McCoy chuckled. She was a hoot! In addition to being gorgeous, and, well, wonderful in every way.

“Is that your way of suggesting that I might not be as attractive as I’d like to think?” he smirked, but when she turned her head to look at him, and he saw genuine concern in her eyes, he knew that she actually expected an answer.

“Of course, it’s normal, love,” he quickly assured her, slightly taken aback by her sudden change of mood. “We’re in love, we can’t keep our hands off each other. That’s how it is, how it’s supposed to be.”

He reached out a hand to touch her cheek and chuckled, “I just hope I can keep up with you, girl,” then leaned over to press a gentle kiss on her nose.

That still didn’t earn him a smile from Hope, who just kept looking at him pensively.

“No, seriously, Leonard. Is it too much? Am I too needy? After all, some time ago, you told me that you’d never met anyone with such a pronounced need for touch.”

“But that’s not a bad thing at all, love!” he cried. “It’s so sweet, it’s what makes you you!”

“Am I too needy?” she repeated, fixing him with her eyes.

McCoy propped himself up on one elbow and looked at her intently.

“Is there a better compliment for a man than when his woman can’t get enough of him?” he asked in return, thinking that would make her smile at least, but she just kept gazing at him earnestly, a little frown clouding her pretty face.

“I don’t know, Leonard, is there?” she asked quietly.

Where in blazes had all that come from? They’d just spent a wonderful evening together, taking joy in their love and each other’s bodies. He’d thought everything was perfect, that she’d long left any insecurities behind. Why did she suddenly seem so unsure again? Had he said or done anything to unsettle her?

“You could never get too much for me, Jenny,” he tried to be patient. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I can’t get enough of you, either. I thought you knew. Or at least I hoped you’d notice when we’re together.”

She finally smiled a little at that.

“Of course! I’m sorry, Leonard. This is still just kind of new for me, I guess. Forget it!”

But he couldn’t simply forget it. He’d just remembered what she’d said after their first night together. About thinking that ‘it’ not hurting was as good as it got. His heart broke a little at the memory. Maybe now was the time to follow this up?

“Have you not enjoyed sex before?” he asked delicately, saddened at the thought.

Hope took a moment to think, then slowly shook her head.

“No, not like this. Nothing close.”

McCoy felt a cold hand clenching his heart. He chose his next words carefully, but he just had to know.

“Jenny, has anyone hurt you during sex? You mentioned something after our first night, but then didn’t seem to want to talk about it.”

Looking deeply into her eyes, he hoped she’d open up to him now, but judging from the way she looked back at him, his gaze must have conveyed his concern and fear rather than the endless love he’d intended.

Averting her eyes, Hope contemplated his question for unbearably long minutes – or was it only seconds? – appearing to have a hard time remembering.

Finally, she said not very convincingly, “No, I don’t think so. Not that I’d remember.”

A chill ran down McCoy’s spine, and he gently prompted, “Maybe your friend’s father? You know, the one who…”

“I know who you’re talking about,” Hope quickly cut in, “but no! No... I’m pretty sure…”

Pretty sure? What kind of answer was that? Was she blocking something out?

McCoy clenched his fists, yet tried to keep his voice gentle.

“Jenny, how can you not be sure? If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay, just say so.”

Hope looked at him, seeming surprised at his words.

“I’m not trying to hide something from you, Leonard. I honestly don’t remember anyone hurting me.”

“But?” he prompted, because she’d certainly sounded like there was one.

“No buts,” she smiled, and it was more convincing this time. “It’s just that I sometimes feel as if my memories of ‘before’ are fading. But then, that’s probably what being asleep for 300 years does to you, isn’t it?”

She leaned over to kiss him gently on his lips, then put her hand over her mouth to cover a yawn.

“Can we just go to sleep now, Leonard, and pretend this conversation never happened?” she asked, fluttering her eyelashes at him, then added with a naughty wink and a contented sigh, before comfortably spooning into him, “I’d really rather dream of all the pleasant things we did this evening. If only you could feel what you make me feel when we’re together.”

“I think I have a pretty good idea,” he grinned, feeling an intense surge of love and affection wash over him, as he wrapped his arm around her and snuggled closer.

It didn’t take Hope long to fall asleep, usually a sure sign that she was free from any tension or anxiety, but McCoy was still worried. Over the past few days, he’d genuinely thought that she’d fully recovered from her emotional stress. But after tonight, he feared that Calmara’s death had only been a trigger for something else. There had to be another, deeper reason for her unexpected insecurities and mood swings, which reminded him unpleasantly of the time shortly before she’d spilled the secret about her past. Was there another secret Starfleet made her keep? Even from him? Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t healthy for her. And if he couldn’t coax it out of her, he’d have to get her help from a specialist.

Oh boy, that wouldn’t go down well with her.

Just as he tried to push aside his worries and follow Hope into the land of dreams, his computer gave a low chime, signalling an incoming call. Knowing that, at this time of night, it was most probably Joanna calling, he quietly slipped out of bed and sat down in front of the screen. And, sure enough, moments later, his daughter’s beaming smile lifted his heavy heart.

                                                                                                                                                                  Chapter 19  

“Hi daddy!” his daughter’s happy voice greeted him from the screen, and McCoy quickly put a silencing finger to his mouth.

“Hi sweetheart!” he grinned at her. “So good to see you! But Jenny’s already asleep.”

“Oh, sorry!” Joanna dropped her voice to a whisper. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“And you didn’t, honey. It’s just that Jenny had a bit of a rough time lately. But you know you can call me anytime. Anytime at all. I’m always happy to hear from you.”

His daughter smiled.

“Love you, daddy!”

McCoy almost teared up at that. Only two years ago, he wouldn’t have thought they’d ever be this close again. Another ‘miracle’ that he had to thank Hope for. He cast a fond glance at the sleeping woman in his bed.

“Love you, too, sweetheart!” he beamed, the words tasting wonderfully sweet in his mouth. “So, what’s up? Are you feeling all right? All the symptoms of the Andorian fever completely gone?”

“Yes, daddy,” Joanna smiled indulgently, “your serum worked like a charm. And as you already know, I was completely back to normal by the end of the second day.”

“I know, baby-girl,” McCoy grinned sheepishly, “I just can’t hear it often enough. So, what are your plans until nursing school starts again? Are you staying on New Oxbridge?”

“No, dad,” Joanna said proudly, “I’m assisting with a project on preventing interracial disease transmission in hotspots. Like starbases for example.”

“That sounds interesting,” the doctor smiled at his daughter’s eager face, allowing himself a moment of fatherly pride.

“In fact, I’m already on my way to starbase 49 for some on-site research. You know, the one close to this amazing recreation planet?” she continued, oblivious to her father’s eyes suddenly growing wide. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll even get the chance to go there!”

McCoy felt the colour draining from his face. His mind was racing. Joanna would be at the very starbase the Enterprise was heading towards. He hadn’t seen her since a quick stopover at another starbase, when Hope had still been on the Lexington. And then they’d barely had a couple of hours until her connecting flight.

Here was a chance to really spend time with his daughter! And after the New Oxbridge scare, he so wanted to hold his baby-girl in his arms again. But he just couldn’t do this to Hope. Not when the prospect of this shore leave was the one thing between her and a break-down. After all, she’d already been in desperate need of shore leave even before New Oxbridge happened, and yet had unhesitatingly stayed with and been there for him all through these terrible days and nights. She really deserved a break.

And he couldn’t really let her go alone, either. She was too vulnerable at the moment. Just that evening had been proof enough that she was still a long way from all right. Whatever was troubling her, might erupt anytime. He needed to stay by her side.

But what was he going to tell Joanna? If he told her, she’d be so disappointed. And there he’d thought he was done being a crap dad. But he couldn’t just not tell her, either. She’d see the Enterprise docked at the starbase. Unfortunately, he couldn’t even ask Hope’s advice in the matter, because she’d undoubtedly make him go see his daughter.

“Daddy? Are you even listening?” Joanna’s concerned voice broke into his thoughts. “What’s the matter? You’ve gone all pale!”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” McCoy tried to pull himself together and, with a quick glance, made sure that Hope was still fast asleep. “I’m all right. It’s just that, right now, the Enterprise is headed for starbase 49, too. But there’s something I need to ...”

He was interrupted by a delighted squeal coming from the screen, followed by Joanna quickly clamping her hand over her mouth.

“Sorry, daddy,” she giggled, “but this is just such a perfect coincidence. I can’t wait to see you! And finally get to know Jenny. After all you’ve told me about her, she’s got to be pretty awesome. And from what Elizabeth said, she also played a big part in keeping you together and focused on finding my serum.”

“She sure did,” McCoy replied quietly, overcome with endless love for both Hope and his daughter.

Staring at Joanna’s face for a few moments, he tried to find the right words to tell her that their meeting was not going to happen.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart, but I won’t be there,” he began, his heart breaking when he saw Joanna’s face falling. “I can’t, baby. I wish I could. But Jim’s sending us to this recreation planet, and Jenny really needs to go. She’s had some terrible things happen to her recently. And even before she returned to the Enterprise, too. Apart from that, she’s already sacrificed one shore leave to help me with your serum.”

“And you’re going with her, I take it?” Joanna’s disappointment was more than obvious.

“She’s not in a good state, emotionally. I’d really rather not leave her alone for several days in a row right now.”

“Of course,” Joanna nodded, an understanding smile on her face. “I couldn’t just come, too, I guess?”

“Unfortunately, it’s not that easy, honey. Access is limited, and I can’t really ask anyone else to give up their ticket. We’ve only got tickets for those who stayed aboard to help me with your serum during our last shore leave in the first place.”

“I see,” Joanna nodded again. “It was very short notice anyway. We’ll meet up some other time.”

“We definitely will, sweetheart,” McCoy said. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise. We’ll make plans for a proper vacation, all right?”

“All right, daddy, I’ll hold you to that,” Joanna smiled, no trace of reproach in her eyes.

She was a wonderful girl. Always had been. Sweet-tempered and forgiving. Come to think of it, she was a lot like Hope in many ways.

“Jenny’s been there for me all through your sickness, sweetheart,” he couldn’t suppress the urge to explain some more. “And now someone died to save her life. It’s difficult for her to come to terms with that.”

“Don’t worry daddy, I understand,” Joanna looked straight at him, and he could see the compassion in her eyes. “Survivor’s guilt. That’s heavy. Incidentally, that was a big part of my finals just before I went to New Oxbridge. You’ll need to ...”

McCoy was deeply touched as she launched into a list of things he should do for Hope. Nothing he hadn’t known before, of course, but the way she’d switched from disappointed to trying to help in the blink of an eye just melted his heart. She really was his girl.

“Will Uncle Jim be at the starbase?” Joanna asked, suddenly perking up.

“Oh yes, he will,” McCoy chuckled, thinking about how Jim had, of course, managed to wiggle his way into his daughter’s heart at the very first meeting. “And I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to meet up with you.”

They chatted a little longer, and McCoy was relieved to see that his daughter genuinely wasn’t angry with him. But when, after they’d ended the call, he quietly crawled back into bed, nestling up against Hope, he started to have second thoughts. Had he done the right thing? Hope needed him, and he’d do anything for her. But he’d just had the chance to see Joanna after her illness, and he’d blown it.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny woke up to the sound of hushed voices, but chose to stay quiet in order not to interrupt the father-daughter conversation. Leonard always used this special voice for Joanna, so warm and soft, and Jenny loved to listen to him talking to her. But when she heard McCoy rejecting the chance to meet his daughter on her behalf, she was appalled.

Her first impulse was to jump up and set this straight. There was no way she’d let him miss out on a chance to see Joanna. But then she thought better of it. Knowing Leonard, once he’d made up his mind not to leave her, because, apparently, she needed constant monitoring, he’d never agree to go. She’d have to find a way to make him.

Jenny felt terrible about having worried him so badly, even though she hadn’t even been aware of it, but that couldn’t be helped now. She’d go see the captain tomorrow and ask his advice. After all, he was Leonard’s best friend and had known him and Joanna for years.

-x-x-x-x-x-

“Have you got a minute, Captain?” Jenny asked the next morning, right after breakfast. “I’d like your advice on something.”

McCoy had seemed rather down when he’d got up that morning, and although he’d tried to pass it off as his usual early morning grumpiness, Jenny knew better and couldn’t wait to put things right.

“Of course, Hope,” Kirk smiled at her, “What can I do for you?”

“It’s about Dr. McCoy,” she replied, and was glad when the captain took her by the arm and guided her to a quiet corner table in the mess.

“Shoot,” he said with an encouraging smile, but she could see the concern in his eyes.

“Joanna’s going to be at starbase 49, too. Leonard only found out yesterday evening, but he told her he couldn’t meet her, because he needs to come with me. After my stupid breakdown when Calmara got shot, he’s so worried about me, he won’t leave me alone for a minute. But I couldn’t live with myself, knowing that he missed out on a rare chance to see his daughter because of me.”

“I see,” Kirk said, nodding thoughtfully. “Did you tell him that?”

“No,” Hope replied quietly, “he doesn’t even know I know. And what would have been the point, anyway? You know him, he invented stubbornness.”

“You’re probably right,” the captain agreed. “How can I help? Have you got anything in mind?”

“Actually, yes, I have,” Jenny grinned. “But I’d like your opinion first, and I’ll definitely need your and Mr. Scott’s help to put my plan into action.”

“Right,” Kirk grinned back. “Let’s get on it, then.”

Plotting behind his friend’s back to surprise the grumpy doctor and make him happy was right up his alley.

The captain made a few calls, Jenny talked to Scotty, and by evening, everything was arranged. There was only one thing left to do: call Joanna and let her in on their plan. So, Jenny sent McCoy on a ‘men’s night out’, and settled down in front of the computer to call Leonard’s daughter, who was rather taken aback to hear from her.

Jenny quickly explained her plan, and wasn’t too surprised when Joanna, in true McCoy style, refused the offer.

“This is awfully kind of you, Jenny,” Joanna smiled, “but I couldn’t accept that. Daddy would be livid, if I did.”

“Of course, you can! Don’t worry about your dad, Joanna,” Jenny smiled. “I’ll make sure to let him know that it was all my idea. Besides, when he sees you, he’ll be so delighted, he’ll forget all about being angry with either of us.”

“You think?” Joanna asked, and Jenny could see her eyes lighting up with hope. “Daddy seemed pretty concerned about you.”

“Your dad is overreacting,” Jenny reassured her. “You know how much he worries and how protective he gets. But he really needs to see you! He was worried sick about you, when you had the fever. I’ve never seen him so distraught, so afraid before. He was in pieces, and he definitely needs to spend time with you.”

“Okay, then. Thank you, Jenny,” Joanna said with a grateful smile. “You really love him, don’t you?”

“More than you can imagine,” Jenny smiled back. “Your dad is the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. He means everything to me.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

A few days later, McCoy and Hope stepped onto the transporter platform. They were the last of the small group of lucky crew members to beam down for what was advertised to be an unforgettable shore leave, and McCoy found himself really looking forward to it.

He still felt bad about not seeing Joanna, of course, but when he looked at Hope’s beaming smile, her eyes sparkling with anticipation, he couldn’t really feel sorry. Her delight was contagious. Even Scotty at the transporter console seemed to be affected by her happiness. McCoy could have sworn he saw him grin and wink at Hope as he entered the coordinates.

At the last moment, Hope pressed a kiss on McCoy’s cheek and a card into his hand, before stepping onto her own pad.

“Please take this, Leonard,” was the last thing the surprised doctor heard before feeling the familiar tingling of the transporter beam taking him away.

                                                                                                                                                                  Chapter 20  

When McCoy materialised amid a paradise of lush colours and heavenly scents, the first thing he saw was Joanna standing there, the biggest grin on her face.

And before he even knew what was happening, she flung her arms around his neck and whispered, “Surprise!” in his ear.

For a moment, the doctor just stood there, shell-shocked, until his brain finally caught up with his senses, and he enveloped his daughter in a bear hug.

“Oh my God, sweetheart!” he cried, an enormous wave of joy and happiness washing over him, as he clutched her to him, squeezing her tight. “I can’t believe it’s really you!”

His baby-girl was here. Alive and well and right in his arms. And if it hadn’t been for her giggling and telling him that she needed to breathe, he might never have let go of her again.

“How did you pull that off?” he asked, releasing her from his embrace and holding her at arm’s length, dabbing at the tears of joy that were running down his cheeks.

“Jenny and Uncle Jim made it happen,” Joanna smiled.

“So, Jim was in on it, too, huh?” McCoy turned around to … find Hope not there.

Where had she disappeared to? He quickly scanned the area, but she was nowhere to be seen. And there was no way she could – or even would – have run off that quickly.

The transporter.

Cold fear gripped him, as he reached for his communicator, but Joanna stopped him with a placating hand on his arm.

“She’s not coming, daddy.”

“What?” McCoy asked, confused and feeling increasingly panicky.

“She gave me her ticket.”

“She did what?” he gaped at his daughter, eyes blazing as realisation dawned.

His mouth was set in a grim line, as he flipped his communicator open and barked, “McCoy to Enterprise.”

“Enterprise. Uhura here,” came the friendly reply.

“Put me through to the transporter room,” he snarled.

Uhura shot a questioning glance at the captain who just grinned and shrugged.

“Scott here!”

“Is she there? Is she all right?” McCoy bellowed, without so much as a greeting.

It was probably a good thing, he couldn’t see Hope wince and pull a face at a grinning Scotty, then drawing a letter in the air with her hands.

“Aye, she’s here and right as rain, Doctor,” Scotty answered, and McCoy could hear an annoying smile in his voice. “Enjoy your stay and don’t forget to read the letter!”

Oh, the letter.

Still mad, the doctor snapped his communicator shut without even checking out and looked down at the envelope in his hand.

He was so unbelievably angry. And yet, looking back at his daughter who was guiltily biting her lip, he wasn’t.

“Oh Jo,” he sighed, putting a hand on her shoulder, “I’m so glad to see you. Of course, I am. But I told you how badly Jenny needed this shore leave.”

“I’m sorry Daddy,” Joanna cast her eyes down, “I didn’t even want to come at first, but she told me how devastated you were when I was ill, and that you really needed to see me. She was very convincing.”

“I bet she was,” McCoy grumbled, ruffling his daughter’s hair.

His emotions were all over the place. Apart from being overjoyed at seeing his daughter, he felt furious with Jenny and deeply touched at the same time. Definitely one of those things no one but Hope could accomplish.

“Jenny said she’d explain it all in her letter.”

The letter. Of course.

Looking at Joanna’s conscience-stricken face and not wanting her to feel guilty any longer, he tried to curb his temper and slung a conciliatory arm around her shoulders, steering her in the direction of what looked like a lakeside café overlooking gorgeously turquoise water.

“Let’s go get something to drink while I read it okay?”

Joanna smiled up at him, looking relieved, and rested her head against his shoulder. How could he stay mad at Hope, when having his daughter close felt so good? She’d just wanted to make him happy. That’s all Hope ever wanted, wasn’t it? He might not always agree with her choices, but he’d certainly never been loved like this before.

Taking in the amazing view, they sat down at the café and ordered iced tea. And while Joanna started taking pictures of their beautiful surroundings, McCoy opened Hope’s letter.

Leonard,

I love you, I know what you need, and I’ll be perfectly all right on my own.

He chuckled. What a typically Hope way to start.

Please don’t be angry with Joanna. None of this is her fault. In fact, we had to resort to drastic measures to convince her of the importance of her coming here.

McCoy frowned as he pictured Jim and Hope press-ganging his daughter into accepting Hope’s ticket. They’d probably had no qualms about telling her that her father was a nervous wreck.

I know you’re mad at me right now, but please understand that I just couldn’t bear being the reason why you can’t see Joanna. Hopefully, you’ll forgive me once you realise how desperately you needed to hold her and see her health fully restored with your own eyes. Not to mention how badly Joanna needs to spend some time with her daddy, especially since she has the most wonderful dad in the world.

Shaking his head mildly, he wondered if she really thought that a little smooth-talk would get her off the hook.

Don’t worry about me. I’ll be perfectly fine without you for a couple of days, I promise. By the way, I’ll be on the very shuttle that Captain Kirk organised to pick up Joanna the day after tomorrow. And I’m seriously looking forward to spending two wonderful days of shore leave with a happy dad full of new stories about his awesome daughter.

And now, although I know how hard this is for you, please relax and enjoy!

I love you!

J x

McCoy put the card down, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand and wondering how on earth he’d managed to end up with someone who actually put his needs above their own. Just the thought of Hope loving him as much as he loved her filled him with disbelieving gratitude.

Looking up, he saw Joanna watching him, a warm smile on her face.

“She really loves you, daddy,” she said softly, touching his hand and squeezing lightly.

“Yes, she does,” McCoy replied, and he could hear the wonder in his own voice.

Then a thought struck him, and he looked his daughter straight in the eye.

“Are you all right with that, sweetheart? With me and Jenny, I mean?” he asked, a worried frown appearing on his face.

“Of course, daddy,” Joanna replied unhesitatingly. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’m glad to finally see you happy. After mom, you really deserve it.”

“What do you mean?” McCoy was taken aback by her words.

“Daddy, please!” she chuckled. “I may only have been a little girl when you two split up, but I was still aware of what was going on.”

“Oh?” was all the doctor managed to get out.

“I love mom, I really do,” Joanna went on. “And I know you loved her, too. But you were just not made for each other. You are warm, and kind, you love your job, helping people. And she… well she mostly loves Jocelyn McCoy. And credits. And someone who'll cater to her every whim.”

McCoy was listening with his mouth literally hanging open. They’d never talked about this before. He’d always assumed that Joanna thought he’d just gone off to space to pursue his career, and had been very grateful that she’d forgiven him.

“I never liked mom bringing ‘friends’ over to the house and taking them to her bedroom for ‘a quiet chat’ when you were on nightshift. Although I didn’t fully understand it until I was much older, of course. And I certainly didn’t like the way she talked to you, always angry, always demanding more or better, when I thought you were just perfect.”

McCoy was shocked by the revelation, and, his eyes filling up, he reached across the table to caress Joanna’s face.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry you got caught up in all of this,” he said, feeling the familiar anger at his ex-wife boiling up inside him. “I always thought we hid our disagreements pretty well from you. And I certainly never knew that she so blatantly paraded her lovers in front of you.”

“I know, daddy,” Joanna smiled. “But your fights at night, when you thought I was asleep, were certainly loud enough to wake the dead. And, frankly, even though I missed you every day, I was almost relieved when you moved out and the shouting stopped.”

McCoy hung his head.

“I feel terrible, baby. All I ever wanted was for you to have a carefree childhood, a loving family, a happy and safe home. That’s why I held on for so long. Now I see I probably shouldn’t have. But I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing you. And it was pretty obvious to me, even then, that Jocelyn would do everything in her power to take you away from me, to punish me. That’s what she did in the end, anyway.”

Joanna got up from her chair and stepped around the table to lean down and wrap her arms around him.

“I’ve missed you so much, daddy,” she whispered, brushing her cheek against his. “And I admit I was disappointed and angry with you for the first couple of years, until I was old enough to know better. But when you left, I had no way of knowing that mom was deliberately keeping you away from me. She kept dropping hints that you preferred strangers to us, that you’d rather care for random aliens in space than look after your own family. All I got from you were birthday and Christmas cards and presents, and mom used to get really upset at how much they always meant to me. Despite what you’d done, or rather what I thought you’d done, I’ve never stopped loving you, daddy.”

Her tears were flowing freely now, trickling down McCoy’s neck and into the collar of his shirt. Trying to keep his own tears at bay, he stood up and gathered her in his arms, just holding her tight, too upset and emotional to speak.

“I’m glad you told me all of this, sweetheart,” he finally said when Joanna’s sobs ebbed away, sending Hope silent thanks for making this meeting happen after all, “and I hope you know that I’ve always loved you, too, and thought about you every day.”

Joanna looked up at him, sniffling and smiling, and nodded.

“But despite everything, your mom is a good person,” he went on, looking earnestly at his daughter. “It wasn’t all her fault, I made my fair share of mistakes, too. She was smart, and fun, and beautiful, and I fell in love with her. But we met very young, and we grew apart.”

“I know, daddy,” Joanna nodded. “She’s my mom, and I love her dearly.”

“I did love her, too, you know. Part of me probably always will, because she’s the mother of my child. She gave me you.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, and Joanna stayed in his arms a little longer.

“I’m glad we talked,” she finally said, taking a step back and smiling up at him. “I mean, really talked. But now let’s enjoy ourselves, okay?”

“Okay,” he laughed, sitting back down and draining his iced tea. “Let’s check into our hotel and find out about everything this planet has to offer.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

Jenny hadn’t been able to concentrate on her work all day. Hearing Leonard’s gruff voice in the transporter room, she’d started to question her actions. He’d obviously panicked when she hadn’t materialised beside him, and she was sorry that she hadn’t anticipated that. It had been sweet of him to ask if she was all right, though.

Deep down she was convinced she’d done the right thing, but she still wondered if she’d overstepped a line. Maybe she shouldn’t just have sprung this on him, but she was pretty sure, he’d never have agreed, if he’d known in advance.

So, it was with some apprehension, that she answered her comm, when it beeped late that evening.

“Leonard! How is it going?” she greeted him overly brightly, her plan to sound confident and relaxed going right out the window.

“Thanks, Jenny, we’re having a good time,” he replied, and she wasn’t sure what to make of his tone.

“Are you angry with me?” she asked, hating how pathetic she sounded.

There was a long silence.

“I really wanted to be. But now that I hear your voice, I find I can’t,” he finally grumbled, and Jenny almost laughed out loud with relief.

“I love you too, Leonard.”

“I was furious at first,” he went on, “believe me, I was. I had my reasons for not wanting to leave you alone, you know? Not to mention that I nearly had a heart attack when you didn’t materialise beside me.”

“I’m so sorry about that, Leonard,” she said meekly, “I totally didn’t think about that, but I should have.”

Another sigh.

“What can I say?” McCoy finally went on. “As you wrote on your card, you obviously know what I need.”

Jenny let out a breath she hadn’t even been aware she’d still been holding.

“I have to admit that for me and Joanna, this is the greatest gift. We’ve already talked about so many things we never had the time for, or simply didn’t want to address over the screen. Giving us the opportunity to spend two whole days with each other was incredibly thoughtful of you. Thank you so much, love.”

“You’re very welcome, Leonard,” Jenny beamed. “I’m really glad that it all worked out.”

“And you?” McCoy asked quietly, and Jenny could hear the familiar worry and fear in his voice. “Are you all right?”

“I’m more than all right,” she smiled, hoping to take away all his concerns. “Knowing that you’re happy is all I need to feel good. Unlike Joanna, I can see you every day on the Enterprise. And every day with you, no matter where, feels like shore leave to me. You don’t have that with your daughter. So make the most of your time!”

“We will, love,” he replied, his voice trembling with emotion. “Thank you. You’re the best, and I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

-x-x-x-x-x-

After that conversation, Jenny slept better than she had in a long time. No nightmares, no déjà vus, only restful sleep, snuggled up in the blanket that smelled wonderfully of Leonard.

Her short meeting with Joanna two days later was delightful. They only had a few minutes on the shuttle, between Joanna beaming up and Jenny beaming down to join McCoy, but it was enough to establish a very friendly relationship. After all, they both loved the same, wonderful man and had his best interest at heart.

When Joanna materialised on the shuttle, she took one look at Jenny and immediately hugged her.

“Thanks so much again, Jenny,” she gushed. “It was awesome. I hope you’re all right?”

“Perfectly all right, Joanna,” Jenny hugged her back. “I’m so glad you two could finally meet up and spend some quality time together.”

Taking a step back, Joanna’s face grew serious.

“He really loves you, you know. At least as much as you love him. And I can see why. I’ve never seen my dad happier. Well, after his initial wrath, of course,” she chuckled. “You’re so good for him. I’m really glad he has you.”

“I’m lucky to have him,” Jenny smiled, feeling herself blush. “It was nice meeting you at last, Joanna. I hope I’ll see you again soon, and hopefully longer.”

And with a happy grin at the prospect of being back with Leonard in only a few moments, she stepped onto the transporter pad.

“Enjoy your project, Joanna, and take care!” Jenny waved at the younger woman, before the shuttle dissolved around her.

The next thing she knew, Jenny was being snatched out of the transporter beam, at least that’s how it felt, and enveloped in a bear hug that took her breath away.

“Leonard,” she laughed, trying to free herself, “you’re crushing me!”

“That’s the penalty for going behind someone’s back, didn’t you know?” came his gruff reply as he reluctantly released her.

“You’re not still angry with me, are you?” Jenny asked, making her best puppy eyes at him.

McCoy just stared at her for long moments, and she felt herself drowning in his beautiful eyes.

“What?” she laughed at last, starting to feel a little uneasy.

“You have no idea how much I love you,” he said quietly after a while. “Absolutely no idea.”

“Of course, I know, Leonard,” she smiled, his words giving her goosebumps. “I can see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice, feel it in every touch.”

“You think you know, but you don’t,” he shook his head. “It’s too big to comprehend. Even for me.”

And when he gently pulled her back in his arms, kissing her with a passion that made her go weak in the knees, Jenny knew that she was once more exactly where she was always meant to be.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Continue to:  Chapters 21-25   Chapters 26-30   Chapters 31-35     Chapters 36-40        Chapters 41-45            Chapters 46-50                 Chapters 51-55                   Chapters 56-60                             Chapters 61-65                Chapters 66-70             Chapter 71            

Go back to: Chapters 1-5 Chapters 6-10  Chapters 11-15  

Or read it on AO3: Another Life

************ Disclaimer: Nothing of or associated with Star Trek is mine – it all belongs to Paramount / ViacomCBS (or whoever else is currently holding the rights). This is a work of fanfiction, no infringement intended.

[mystery-star]

Threshold of Space - Chapter 3 Aftermath

Pairing: Spock x OC

Warnings: swearing, violence, molesting, mentions of death

Words: 6610

All Parts: 

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 |  Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16

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-Her head was throbbing when she opened her eyes. Nevertheless, she tried to get up to look around a little and find a chance to escape. However, moments later she noticed that someone - she strongly assumed it was the Romulan who knocked her out - had tied her to a pole. Cursing him in her thoughts, she tried to free herself but quickly realized that it was of no use. Then she’d have to wait until someone came to get her.

She had no idea how long she had been sitting there until she was approached by one of her captors. Her heart started beating faster, one part of her was afraid of what would happen while the other was happy about a chance to escape. However, she didn’t know what she was supposed to do if she actually managed to get rid of him. After all she had no idea how the ship was built and all she knew was that she needed to get off it. Maybe they had escape pods she could use? By now the Romulan reached her and freed her arms. Somehow she had imagined he’d pull her with him, instead she was yanked up and pressed against the pole.

“Leave me alone” she hissed as she felt his hands on her hip, having an idea what exactly he had in mind. “I bet if your master hears about this, you’re screwed”

“My only order is not to kill you and bring you to Nero so that he can beam you down to earth when it’s being destroyed. I wasn’t told what I can’t do with you” His fingers laced in her hair and pulled her head aside.

“Earth’s got a much better defense than Vulcan. This won’t be easy. At all” she growled and winced when she felt his breath on her neck. Then she decided that was enough and knocked her head against his, simultaneously kicking her knee between his legs. Hoping the pointed tips of his ears were as sensitive as the one of Vulcans, she pinched it with her finger nails. He let out a loud scream and went to his knees, trying to get away from her hand. Carissa grinned “Perks of having a Vulcan boyfriend” she chuckled as she kicked him another couple of times until she was sure that he wouldn’t be able to follow her in the next few minutes. Since the red of her uniform was eye catching, she even stole his coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. Maybe she wouldn’t be spotted from afar like that. She also took his weapon. After delivering another few kicks she ran away, looking around if she could see Pike somewhere so that she could free him as well. Without an idea where she was supposed to go, she just ran along the corridors, hoping she wouldn’t run into someone. But of course the ship wasn’t empty, so after a couple of minutes she heard footsteps. She hid behind a large machine, only focusing on the sounds. Luckily, it seemed to be only one person. Taking a deep breath, she raised her weapon and as she saw that the Romulan was almost past the machine, she lunged at him, knocking the gun against his skull. Before she knew it, her opponent threw her to the ground. A shriek of surprise left her mouth and turned into a painful moan as he kicked her stomach.

“Die, Starfleet officer” he growled. Much to her luck he must have dropped his weapon when she jumped at him, so he had to find other ways to kill her. He picked her up by her neck and squeezed it with both hands. Once again she went for the ears, making him loosen the grip enough so that she could tear his hands away from her. She went to her knees, coughing and holding her neck. She tried to crawl between his legs and hit his middle with her hand when she was in an optimal position. After she was past him, she got up and continued running. That was more difficult than she thought because her lungs never seemed to get enough air. Her hair was grabbed and she almost fell over. The Romulan from earlier shoved her against the nearest post with such a force that made her black spots in front of her eyes. A fist collided with her jaw and her head hit the metal behind her again. Her hand shot to her head and she felt his hands wrapping around her neck again. When she threw a short glance at him, she could she a small smirk on his face. This time she was too far away to hurt his ears, so she tried to get rid of his arms but to no avail. Suddenly, he let go of her and she tried to stagger forward and try to fight him again when she felt her knees sagging in. Before she went to her knees, she saw that the Romulan obviously didn’t feel any better and went to the ground as well. But in contrast to her, he lay there motionless. Before she could even figure out what she was supposed to do she heard her name being called.

“Spock” she choked out upon looking up and seeing him holding out his hand towards her. When she made no move to take it, he crouched down in front of her and pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Feeling tears of exhaustion in her eyes she leaned her cheek against his shoulder and tried to catch her breath.

“It is very pleasant to see you” he said quietly and she made a faint sound of agreement. “Have you been severely injured?”

“Mhh” she murmured “Not that much” he lifted her head and cradled her face to look at her, then placed his lips on hers. When he leaned his forehead against hers, she couldn’t help but smile a little. He rarely showed this much affection in such a short time. “No reason to rush things” she joked.

“Oh there you are. I thought you were crazy when you turned and darted away as if stung by… What the fuck?!” she glanced past the Vulcan to see Jim standing behind them, panting and supporting himself against his thighs. Much to her dismay Spock pulled away and helped Carissa up, ignoring the other cadet’s bedazzled look.

“We ought to leave” he urged, then looked back to his girlfriend “Are you in a state to run?”

“I’ll see” she replied. He gave a nod and jogged off, still holding her hand that she had no choice but to follow him. Only seconds later everything in her body was protesting but she tried not to show it. They needed to get away from here. After what seemed like an eternity, her boyfriend slowed down and Carissa saw a ship in front of them “Are we gonna steal that?” she asked “What about Captain Pike?”

“Cadet Kirk will take care of him”

“O-okay” she turned back to Kirk as they entered the ship. “Oh wow, I have the feeling that this isn’t a Romulan ship… oh hey, look at that cool bubble” she smiled and went to the middle of the ship where she had spotted the funny looking red bubble and had to refrain herself from touching it. She felt hands on her shoulder and was carefully pulled away from where she stood

“It is better if you keep a certain distance to the red matter”

“The red matter?”

“Yeah apparently that’s the thing that caused the black hole that destroyed Vulcan” Jim explained. The ship computer seemed to have switched on and welcomed Spock.

“Okayyyy?!” she glanced at Spock who stared at the ship in disbelief.

“Well that’s weird” Jim said with a shrug and went past them, while Spock asked the computer about his details. She frowned when it explained that it was commissioned by the Vulcan Science Academy in the 24th century. Was there a mistake or did the ship really come from the future? Suddenly she found Spock gone and hurried after him.

“It appears that you have been keeping important information from me” he confronted Jim.

“And what’s that about you and Clarissa?”

“Carissa” she corrected

“Your question does not relate to the mission, therefore I have no comment on the matter”

“Fine. You’ll be able to fly this thing, won’t you?” Kirk inquired.

“Something tells me I already have” this confused Carissa even more. Until now she had just believed that Spock had already flown this ship but apparently not. So what was going on?

“Good luck” Jim walked away when Spock called his name.

“I would prefer if you took Carissa with you and kept an eye on her”

“What?” she crossed her arms “I’m staying with you, of course.”

“Carissa, the overall likelihood that our plan succeeds is less than 4.3 percent. If you go with him, your chances of survival are higher than with me”

“You do know you’re sending me back to the Romulans, don’t you? Beside, screw chances, I’m not going anywhere!”

“You being with him would also increase Cadet Kirk’s chances of survival in case he is confronted by Romulans”

“God, there are days I feel like I’m talking to a wall. Besides, when I am with them I probably have a higher chance of being harmed further so no thanks” she muttered and chuckled as she heard Kirk murmur in agreement.

“Look” he said “I don’t know why but obviously she wants to stay with you, so why don’t you let her?”

“This ship was designed to be administered by one person. Therefore, her presence here is unnecessary” she sighed.

“That’s not the moment to discuss this. I can decide for myself and I’d rather die than stepping one foot onto that Romulan ship again! And you see, I might actually die with you, so guess what?” Jim made a hand movement that said as much as ‘there you go’. Finally her boyfriend agreed and Jim left after assuring Carissa that she needn’t to worry because the plan would work.

“What exactly is the plan?” she asked after he had left the ship.

“We need to destroy the drill and draw the Narada away from Earth so that the Enterprise can beam us back on board before we launch the red matter onto the ship. Since Cadet Kirk needs to find Captain Pike, it is down to me to buy him some time”

“Oh alright” she watched as he steered the ship away from the Romulan one after blasting a hole into it. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No, as I already said, this ship was designed for one person so I am able to do everything myself”

“Okay. And should I… I don’t know maybe prepare the red matter so that we can use it afterwards?”

“That will not be necessary”

“But… how are you trying to launch it at the Narada then?” he didn’t answer and she started to figure it out “No. No, don’t tell me we’re crashing this ship onto theirs. That’s madness. They won’t be able to beam us back in time”

“That is why I wanted you to go with Cadet Kirk. Because the Narada has longer than this ship does” she shook her head

“Even if I had known that, I wouldn’t have changed my mind” he looked at her “And don’t you even dare telling me how illogical this decision was or whatever”

“I did not plan to comment on this at all” he started firing onto the metal cord that held the drill in place

“Oh” she watched how the drill finally came off and fell down. She only hoped that no one would be killed when it arrived at the surface.

“However, I cannot help but admit that a part of me feels a form of contentment due to your presence” she made an approving sound.

“I appreciate you telling me this. I know it must be hard for you to admit your feelings and talk about them” she placed a hand on his arm. He was about to reply when Nero’s face appeared on a little screen in front of them

“Spock, I should have killed you when I had the chance. But know that Carissa will be joining me at any moment and then you can watch her die” Spock looked at his girlfriend and she leant closer to him so that the Romulan could see her as well

“I don’t think so. Unfortunately for you I found out that Romulan ears are quite sensitive as well so I managed to escape”

“Fire on that ship! I want them dead. Dead. Now!” Nero shouted

“Bad kitty” she scolded him like she did with her cat when he did something he wasn’t allowed. The communication broke off and Spock moved over a little

“Sit down and hold tight” he said and Carissa followed his instruction, knowing he’d soon fly evasive maneuvers. That was the case but only a couple of seconds later he went into Warp.

“Do you think he’ll follow us?”

“He will. After all you managed to make him angry enough to forget about anything else. Which is our luck because he would never make the choice to follow us if it was not based on emotions like anger” she smiled.

“See, it’s good you took me with you so I could make him angry” she pressed a kiss to his cheek what made him look at her with something like amusement. Not much later, they went out of Warp and he flew a U-turn, directly towards the Narada that had dropped out of overlightspeed as well. “Do you reckon he’ll figure out what we’re trying to do?”

“I suppose he is not that ignorant” as it seemed also the computer seemed to have realized what they were doing and warned Spock that he was out to collide with the Narada

“Guess what, that’s exactly what we want, computer” Carissa chuckled “Ah it seems like Nero knows” again he was firing at them and again they got a warning from the computer that if the ship was hit, the red matter would be ignited. She looked at him “What now? We’re too far away from the Narada so it’ll only kill us” suddenly a ship appeared and blasted away all the Romulan missiles so that their path was cleared.

“Enterprise” Spock called the ship “Here is Spock”

“Here’s Scotty, Sir”

“I have Cadet Wiley on board with me and request you beam her back onto the ship”

“Aye”

“What are you doing?”

“Sir, I cannae beam her back alone. It’s either both of you or no one. Yer too close to each other” as the hull of the Romulan ship came closer, she dug her fingers into Spock’s arm and shortly after felt that she was being beamed somewhere. She only hoped it was the Enterprise’s doing, not Nero’s. When she realized that she was in the transporter room of the Starfleet ship with her boyfriend still beside her she breathed out in relief. Luckily, also Jim and Pike had made it. As it seemed, Spock was already on his way back to the bridge, pulling Carissa along when they almost ran into people from the Med Bay. When the Vulcan let go of her hand, she felt disappointed but knew why he did it. It wasn’t good if people saw them holding hands.

“There is no reason for you to come to the bridge with me” he told her without even looking back

“Firstly, I was assigned to the bridge for all I know. Secondly, I think I made my point obvious when I said that I want to stay with you” they arrived at the bridge only seconds before Jim, who ordered to hail Nero. Why was he giving orders and not Spock? After all he was made Captain. Then she got even more things to wonder about as Jim (whose real name apparently was James as she just learned) offered Nero to evacuate his people. She obviously wasn’t the only one who was confused as her boyfriend started talking to Jim (or James). Luckily, Nero already spat that he’d rather relive Romulus’ end over and over again than accepting their help.

“Oh that’s a bummer” Carissa said, glaring at him “I was hoping we could repay you your hospitality… then I have no choice but to say goodbye. I don’t know how you Romulans do it, so I’ve got to do it the human way” she showed him her middle fingers ���Go to hell” she felt the surprised looks of most people on her and she took a step back with a sheepish smile. Where had that come from?

“I can only agree with Carissa” she smiled as he finally seemed to have realized her name was not Clarissa. “Arm phasers and fire everything we got” he walked away from the screen and sat down in the Captain’s chair as the Enterprise started firing at the Narada, which finally got swallowed by the black hole. She slightly raised her fist in triumph. But then all her enthusiasm wore off when she heard that they were too close to the singularity as well and would be swallowed by it as well. As it seemed there was nothing they could to, the ship was already on maximum Warp. Great. She was starting to get angry at Kirk for ordering to fire at the Narada instead of leaving instantly. But then Scotty from the engineering seemed to have an idea, detonation something and creating a blast that could push them away from the black hole. Only now she realized that maybe it was better if she sat down as well and quickly took a seat in the nearest empty chair, grabbing it as she had done before they left the dock on Earth. Somehow she had a feeling as if years had passed since then, but she knew that it probably was only about a day or two. She’d have to ask her boyfriend, after all he must have been able to keep track of the time. “Sulu?” Kirk said after he had made sure everyone on the bridge was alright “Let’s go home”

-oO0Oo-

For some reason, Carissa felt odd about being back. It was, as if everything had changed. At least she had heard the full story of what had happened by now: Nero was from the future, just after his home planet had been destroyed. And apparently a future version of Spock had promised them to save Romulus but came too late so Nero had sworn to get revenge. A part of her felt dumb for not realizing it, it was a plausible explanation and answered all her questions. However, shortly after she felt new questions arising. Did this mean that a new timeline was created? Was there a possibility to restore Vulcan? What would the older version of her boyfriend do, travel back to his own time or stay here? She soon realized that the easiest way to have her questions answered was talking to the time traveler. Besides, she had noticed that she still was in possession of the photograph Nero had thrown at her and she figured it was his and that he wanted it back. A doctor had given her a sick leave for the next day so she wanted to use it to talk to the older Spock. But before that she wanted to make sure her boyfriend was alright but as it seemed he could be found nowhere so she decided to do that later because she feared that his future self could leave soon. When she heard that he agreed to the meeting she nevertheless was a little surprised.

“Hi uh…” she greeted, trying her best to offer him the traditional Vulcan greeting “My name is Carissa Wiley and well… I was asking to see you.” he returned the greeting

“I know who you are, Carissa” suddenly she remembered the photograph

“Oh yeah… right” and she wasn’t even so sure if it was a good idea to come here “Sorry if I am bothering you… I actually only came because I think I got something of yours” she pulled out the photograph and saw how he raised an eyebrow as he carefully took it from her.

“I thought it gone when Nero took it from me” his index finger traced over the part of the picture that showed her. “Besides you could never bother me, I can even admit that it fills me with joy to see you again” This made her feel a twinge in her chest

“Did…did… was she... I-I mean was I, the other I with you on this mission? Did Nero… kill her?”

“No, she was not. I have lost her one hundred and two years before these incidents”

“Oh” she wasn’t sure if she felt sorry for him or if it was because it concerned herself “May-may I ask how it happened?”

“We were on a mission when another ship of the Federation appeared out of nothing. Of course we thought nothing by it, not even when our tries to contact them were not answered. By the time I discovered that the other ship had been infiltrated by the enemy, it was already too late” he looked at the photograph again “Carissa was in the engine room with a couple of cadets. They were all killed when the ship was fired at.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I mean not because it concerns me… and I know that you… I mean your younger self always said he doesn’t want compassion… but-but I can’t help it. Sorry”

“There is no need to apologize for your emotions. You are human and therefore cannot control them as we can. I am sure that my younger self is aware of this. He will need you, we both have lost so much. And I fear I am the one who owes you an apology, it was my doing you got into this perilous situation in the first place”

“If you’re trying to say that it is your fault that Romulus was destroyed or what Nero did because of that… it’s not. You wanted to help and you did everything to do so, I know that. It’s not your fault you weren’t there in time”

“That is one thing I have always loved so much about her, she always believed in the good of everyone and tried to help them. If more people were like you, the galaxy would be at peace. I am sure she would have made a splendid ambassador as well”

“Yeah, that’s something my diplomacy professor keeps telling me all the time. He believes that would have been more my thing than a member of Starfleet” Carissa shrugged.

“If I recall correctly, the reason for your visit was not just to give me back my property but to ask me some questions”

“Yes, unless you don’t want to…”

-oO0Oo-

All too soon she had to leave for dinner. She had to admit that she was glad that Spock wanted to stay in this timeline because she had grown very fond of him in the few hours she had talked to him about almost everything, from how her life had been in their timeline (though he didn’t tell her too much, it was still her own life after all). After dinner, she tried to find her boyfriend again but as it seemed he refused to see anyone and she couldn’t insist without making their relationship official. She knew that if he really needed her, he’d come to her even if he was a dickhead. But she could understand why he didn’t want to see anyone, she too felt the same way because she first needed time to cope with everything. And for him it was even worse. Spock’s future self had told her that they had lost their mother when Vulcan was destroyed. Besides, she knew that she would see him the following day in the lesson anyway.

-oO0Oo-

Her first day of school didn’t start all too well. When she arrived at the diplomacy classroom she was being pestered with questions about her ‘adventure’ in outer space and if what they heard was true. She tried to dodge the questions as good as she could.

“Look, I’ve spent about one hour aboard the bridge of Enterprise, but passed out just after we got into Warp. Then I was abducted by a criminal Romulan who came from the future and he wanted to kill me because he sought revenge. He made me watch the destruction of Vulcan, I got hit, knocked out and one of them came too close for my liking and another one tried to strangle me twice before I was saved. Then I helped saving earth from being swallowed into a black hole by being part of a suicide mission before we were saved in the last second and then were almost swallowed by the black hole we created... So I hope you can forgive me if I don’t want to talk about ‘my adventure’ right now…” that helped and her classmates left her alone. But the real shock came when the lesson started. Nine seats were empty. The seats of nine cadets who had been on the other space ships that were destroyed by Nero. Suddenly she felt more hatred towards the Romulan and felt tears in her eyes. Her thoughts drifted off quite a lot during the lesson and she got two rebukes from the professor

“Oh, hey Wiley” someone called after they left the classroom. She sighed when she recognized Oliver, one of her worst bullies. “Looks like someone was naughty and is about to get punished” he shoved her “Suddenly your lover isn’t happy with you anymore” she moved away from him

“You’re just jealous that I’m better at diplomacy. But if I see you talking to a fellow cadet like this…. I can understand why you’re failing this class. Maybe you should get some… special tutoring if you know what I mean” she grinned as she turned around

“Oh yeah? If this was about failing you should get into closer contact with Professor pointy-ear”

“That sounds like a good idea” she replied coolly. “I should ask him” then she walked away, pretty surprised that she only felt annoyance at the suggestion.

Her problems increased in exobiology. She quickly discovered that she wasn’t able to finish the essay they were given last week and got a reprimand.

“Now, I want you to write me an extra essay for next week on the biological similarities and differences between Romulans and Vulcans” she started laughing.

“I can already give you my conclusion now: To sum it all up, the situation can be seen similar to different human species. While the Romulans stayed on the primitive basis of the Neanderthals, Vulcans have developed to Homo sapiens. And for all I know you set up an essay to get a conclusion, isn’t that right? Besides, I have been captured by Romulans only two days ago, so yeah… I guess I know more about them than the rest of the class and can’t be objective towards them. That’s also the reason I couldn’t finish my essay”

“Then it should be no problem for you to write that essay and present it to your fellow cadets. And I must warn you, Cadet Wiley, next time you will watch your tone” she looked down.

“Of course, I’m sorry, Professor” luckily he left and started talking about the contents of their lesson; the Romulan anatomy. At the end of the class she was pretty pleased with herself and her contribution to the lesson; now her whole class knew of the weakness in Romulans’ ears. As it seemed not even the professor knew of this what made her even prouder. On her way to the next lesson she was asked questions again, this time her classmates seemed to be in awe and probably had realized that the mission had not really been a picnic. Much to her surprise, Spock wasn’t in the classroom when she entered. Instead there was a professor she had only seen once or twice before.

“Professor Spock is tied up with business matters from the mission at Vulcan a few days ago” they were told.

“Tied up with business my ass” Oliver muttered “I bet he’s crying in a corner because his planet’s gone. No wait, he probably doesn’t even care”

“Take that back!” Carissa growled “What would you do if Earth was destroyed, huh? Besides, it was his doing that nothing happened to you”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, I have seen it with my own eyes”

“I thought you were captured by Romulans at that time”

“No, then I was already gone and helped them destroy the drill”

“You helped? Don’t make me laugh. You can’t even finish your homework properly, let alone save a planet”

“You know what? I wish that drill had hit you. Well, maybe it has, because I doubt you can be that stupid by nature”

“Cadet Wiley” she heard the professor’s voice “Is there something you would like to share with us?”

“I uh… Oliver Moore was making mean comments and jokes about the end of Vulcan and I told him that this is no laughing matter”

“That’s not what happened, uncle. Okay, I made a comment about the end of Vulcan but it only was a fact, not a joke or what she claimed. She overreacted and was the one who was mean to me and told me she wished I was dead”

“Is that true, Cadet Wiley?”

“No, I didn’t say I wish he died”

“You said you wanted that drill to hit me”

“Yes, that it knocked you out. Not killed you, besides that was just an expression of anger when you called me a liar”

“That is enough, Cadet Wiley, I demand to speak you after the lesson” she sighed. The lesson was bad but the talk afterwards was worse and left her in tears. She had the feeling that she was treated incorrectly and that the substitute teacher was biased because Oliver was his nephew as she had to find out.

All the stress and bad things that happened during the day only faded away when she noticed a message from her boyfriend on her PADD. He wished to see her in his office after dinner. Somehow she had the feeling this didn’t mean anything good. Nevertheless, she was looking forward to it and quickly ate dinner. Before she knocked at his door, she took a deep breath.

“Come in” carefully she opened the door and saw how he got up from his desk. Quickly, she closed the door and approached him, cupping his face

“Hey” his hands took hold of her wrists. “I heard you were busy today?” although she wanted to ask him how he was doing but she knew him well enough to know that she wouldn’t get an answer she wanted to hear.

“Yes, I had much work to take care of. What about you? How are your injuries doing?”

“Better. The medicine helped but I should go to the sickbay again tomorrow so that they can make sure everything’s alright again. As for my day… well” she started telling him of all the rebukes she had gotten in the morning, more than she had in all her time at the academy before.

“What is troubling you?”

“I just started to wonder if everything that happened in the past days has changed me too much”

“I doubt that it will have a permanent negative effect on your career if that is what you are afraid of. This presumably is merely the aftermath of the incidents, it is only natural that you are feeling different now”

“Yeah. I guess if I’m getting used to this again, everything will be normal again. A-and what about you? I mean… with everything that has happened… is there anything I can do for you?”

“No, there is not. In fact, no one can do anything against it. It has happened and I have to accept that” she nodded

“If you do need me anyways… I am here, okay?” she gently stroked his cheek with her thumb.

“I doubt that I will have to accept your offer but I do appreciate your willingness to help”

“It’s self-evidently” she replied as she stood on her tiptoes to peck his lips. To her dismay he quickly pulled away but a part of her understood. He obviously needed time “You mentioned that you had something to tell me?” she said, deciding to chance the topic. He nodded and offered her a seat

“After careful consideration I have made the decision to leave the Academy and join the crew of the Enterprise instead.”

“Oh. When… when will you be leaving?”

“They have not set a date yet, but it will take at least two months to repair the ship”

“So you will continue teaching in this time?”

“Affirmative” she nodded

“Well you being gone will take the only pleasant part of the class away…” she chuckled “Just-just promise that you will come back as often as you can. I-I mean don’t feel obliged to actually see me but just… I don’t know… let me know how you’re doing”

“Carissa, there is something else I need to tell you” she absolutely did not like his tone. She knew that she wouldn’t like what he was about to say.

“What is wrong?”

“There is nothing wrong. But I believe it is better if we ended our relationship”

“What?” she shrieked. “Why? Did… did I do something wrong? What?”

“No, it has nothing to do with your behavior at all. This is about me”

“Bu-but why? If you need time, that’s okay. I mean… I can stay away from you a little until you are feeling better if that is what you want”

“This is not what I meant either”

“Then what?” she only hoped he wouldn’t tell her that he didn’t love her anymore.

“I am not good for you”

“Nonsense!” he shook his head

“I have told you many times that I cannot give you what a fellow member of your species can give you”

“And every time I told you that I don’t care. I told you that I was glad you’re that unobtrusive because my ex was too pushy. You know I don’t mind that you have your own way to show affection”

“You may not care now. But as time passes you will want more and I am not sure to what extent I can comply with your wishes”

“We’ll find a solution. And if not, we can talk about breaking up then. But what is wrong now? Do-don’t you want me anymore?”

“Of course I do, Carissa, but…”

“Then tell me why! Because I don’t see a reason which means you’re being illogical, Spock” she crossed her arms

“I am not and once I have told you the facts that made me come to the conclusion you will be able to understand”

“I doubt that but go on” she murmured.

“When I was giving Admiral Marcus my mission report, I have made the observation that I was the reason for your capture.”

“If you’re trying to say that it is your fault that Nero was angry with you I can tell you that it wasn’t. It isn’t even your future self’s fault. He did everything he could and no one could have known Nero would want revenge”

“That is a conclusion I have made as well. However, it was my doing that you were on the bridge of the Enterprise, which made it possible for Nero to recognize and entrap you”

“Yeah but let’s not forget that you initially planned to leave me behind because you didn’t want me to get hurt. You only complied because I insisted and was supported by Pike”

“Yet, assigning you to the bridge was not the most logical thing to do, as seen by Starfleet standards. It made more sense from my point of view since I was hoping to be able to have an eye on you during the mission. Now I realized that I should not have done this because I have come to the realization that my decision was not solely based on logic”

“So that’s why? Because I make you show emotions and think illogically? Do you fear anyone could notice you’re… I don’t know affected by something primitive like emotions?”

“No, after all you have made the discovery that I can act as if there is nothing between us”

“Fine, then you’re fed up with pretending to not be with me…”

“Carissa, I would appreciate it if you stopped jumping to such conclusions and would listen to me instead”

“Then tell me” she got up and glared at him.

“The chance of you getting into difficulties because of me is higher than I have thought. Of course, I have never calculated the possibility before but its result was not pleasant”

“In other words, you fear I could get hurt because of you?”

“Not only getting hurt as both of us will have to expect severe consequences if our relationship is discovered”

“Wow, you used the first conditional… you think the chances someone finds out the truth is that high?”

“Yes, after all I had to tell Admiral Marcus about our relationship when he inquired the reason for Nero’s interest in you. Besides, Cadet Kirk knows about us as well and one day, he will let something slip”

“Oh come on, the Admiral won’t do anything about it, I mean... he didn’t tell you to end things, did he?”

“He did not. However, he did remind me to not forget that you are still my cadet in class”

“See. He’s fine with it. And what concerns James Kirk, we can still claim he’s jealous and spreading rumors because of it”

“Carissa, you know of my natural aversion to lying”

“Fine, then I tell them the thing with rumors and you can say that you have not realized he could be jealous but that you could understand a human doing this out of jealousy… That isn’t a lie. And you can claim that nothing inappropriate has happened between the two of us which is the truth as well”

“You are distracting attention from the fact that there are more reasons speaking against our relationship”

“Hate to break it to you but relationships rarely got anything to do with logic. They’re purely emotional. But fine, if that’s what’s bothering you, have it your way” she turned away from him “I don’t understand your decision and I don’t like it. But in contrast to you I accept your decisions” she walked towards the door and cut him off when he tried to speak again “Save your breath. I’ve heard enough. I’m your weak point, I’m what makes you show emotion and you don’t want that” she turned back to him with tears in her eyes “I hope you’re happy now. No, wait, I hope you’re not happy, because you don’t want to feel at all. I hope you’re not feeling anything. That’s what you wanted, right?” without another word she stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut.

-

Next Chapter

[annoyedfanfiction]

Security Chief

Pike x fem!reader (3)

It was the third day when your sister dragged you out of medbay and stood watch over you showering and sleeping. According to the clock, it was 5 hours and 13 minutes since you had gone to sleep that you were woken by the door chime. Una had obviously gone back to work because the armchair was empty as you knocked it over in your bleary-eyed scramble to the door. You opened it, hand still habitually hovering behind you, ready to grab a knife at any sign of danger, but only found yourself blinking up at a young Vulcan who really has no right to be this tall.

“Spock,” you smiled, before spotting his sister behind him. “Michael.” “You’re wanted in the medbay immediately,” Spock instructed, as stoic as always despite the fear trembling in his eyes. You stepped into the hallway. “Why? What’s happened?” you demanded, turning to lead the way with Michael and Spock both close on your heels.  “I am currently unaware of the situation, only that you were required,” he answered, simply.  “I hate when they don’t tell us things,” you groaned, earning a sharp laugh from Michael as the three of you entered medbay. “What’s going on?” Hugh approached immediately and pulled you aside. “Hugh, what’s going on?” you demanded, in a whisper. “Is Chr–the captain ok?” “He started bleeding again and we had to give him another transfusion,” he answered, gently, grabbing your arm before you could bolt to Chris’ room. “But whatever they shot him with isn’t a normal phaser. They’ve used some kind of chemical that causes the wound to continually expand. We need to know what it is before we can do anything.” You glared at the door to Chris’ room, then looked back at Hugh. “How long do I have?” you queried. “As far as we can tell, two days until it reaches his heart or lungs,” he answered, shortly. “The labs are working on it but we’ve got no guarantees.” You set your jaw.  “I’ll be back in two hours. Call me if anything changes.”

“You’re in command of the ship, Yllka,” you told your sister for the millionth time. “You can’t beam down with me, and we both know it.” She glowered at you, blue eyes flashing in her glare. “Fine,” she snapped, folding her arms. “But I’m coming after you if you’re not back in an hour.” “Aye aye, Commander,” you answered, wrapping her in a hug that she returned, still scowling. “Unë të dua (I love you). See you soon.” “You better.” The transporter beam activated around you, and you smiled at your sister through the golden glow. The surface of the planet was hot and dry, sandy and shaded from an unforgiving sun only by rocked peaks. “Halt!” A multicoloured glow flowered before you, materialising into a golden-haired young boy. “You cannot be permitted to enter our system with violent intentions.” “Your system?” you queried, raising an eyebrow. “Who even are you? We’re here for the lizard people. We need to know what they use in their weapons.” “I am a Metron. You seek the Gorns,” the boy said, and you wondered how he managed to keep his skin so perfect in this desert. “You have imprisoned some of them aboard your ship.”  “They attacked our ship,” you answered, still holding your phaser, though you pointed it to the ground. “And shot our Captain. I need to know what they’re using in their guns!” A party of Gorns approached, and you could hear them snarling as you raised your phaser again, spinning to face them. With a snap, the boy appeared between the two parties, freezing you both in place. “It seems I have no choice,” he said, turning to the Gorns. “Elect a leader. You will fight for the lives of your comrades.” A Gorn with a golden stripe on its waist stepped out. “Oh for fuck’s sake, I’m not here to duel anyone!” You stepped up from behind the Metron, and faced up to the Gorn leader. “Your people attacked our ship and have wounded our Captain. I am here to ask why, and to ask your help in healing our Captain. I don’t need some pretty-boy alien interfering and making us kill each other when we don’t need to!” The boy opened his mouth to protest, offended, but the Gorn held his hand out to you.  “I am Slar of the Gorn,” he announced, gruffly. “We will negotiate.” You huffed out a sigh, and clasped his hand in a handshake. “I am Lieutenant Commander (Y/N) (L/N) of Illyria, aboard the USS Discovery,” you answered, as the Metron stared on in astonishment. “But... you are not civilised!” he exclaimed, “How can you settle this when you came with such violent intentions?” “On the contrary, pretty boy,” you answered, tilting your head, “I think giving one another the opportunity to negotiate despite our mutual anger is more civilised than jumping immediately to a duel, don’t you? Perhaps you Metrons ought to consider your own state of civilisation if interfering in others’ conflicts is your kind of sick entertainment.”

It had been several long, slow hours before you were finished negotiating with the Gorns. Thirty minutes in you had been allowed to contact the ship and inform them of the chemical, actually some form of liquid-like bacteria they’d managed to harness, and that you would return with a draft agreement for the Federation to review. Evidently, their close proximity to Qo’noS had been worrying them since the breakdown of their alliance with the Klingons, and your ship had been mistaken for a hostile one. Fair, given that you were unknown and flying towards Klingon space. They were eager to join the Federation, and you could only imagine the Federation would be eager for an ally in such a close tactical position to the Klingon homeland. “We will meet again, Commander (L/N),” Slar farewelled you, formally, pressing his hand to yours. “On better terms, Commander Slar,” you answered, as the golden transporter beam wrapped around you.

“I said AN HOUR!” Una greeted you, shouting, on the transporter deck. “I CALLED YOU!” you protested back, shoving the agreement at her. “And now, I’m going to bed. I can hear my pillows calling me.” “FINE! But I’m still mad at you!” she called, half-heartedly, as you left the transporter room, leaving her to read through the agreement. Your pillows were definitely calling you. And the freshly washed pyjamas on your bed, warm out of the dryer, undoubtedly courtesy of your sister, were also. Some would call the pink fluffy pyjama pants and raggedy top, with a newly-burned hole, undignified. You’d decided a long time ago that if they were undignified, you didn’t need dignity. And now, you’d fought Gorns in them, so they obviously were dignified. And even if they weren’t, who needs dignity if you have respect and a death glare?

[tomeandflickcorner]

Episode Review- The Real Ghostbusters: Aint NASA-sarily So

Okay.  This episode? It nearly broke me.  

The episode starts out in space, aboard Experimental Space Platform Galileo.  The crew of the Galileo consists of Captain Ivan Kirov, Lieutenant Irahqua, Lieutenant Commander McTavish, Lieutenant Dostoyevsky Sato and Yeoman Whitney. Right away, it’s painfully obvious that we’re looking at an unapologetic Star Trek parody, as the whole crew of the Galileo are unmistakable spoofs of the original crew of the Enterprise.  Captain Kirov is a combination of Kirk and Chekov (well, that’s a weird combo), Irahqua is Uhura, McTavish is Montgomery Scott, Sato is clearly Sulu and Whitney is Janice Rand.

Anyway, it’s the Galileo Crew’s second day of their current mission, and it appears everything is smooth sailing. Until alarm bells begin going off. It appears something has collided with the space platform.  Moments later, both McTavish and Whitney enter the bridge to inform Kirov that they think they’ve just seen a ghost.  Obviously, there’s only one solution to this- spend millions of dollars in government money to send the Ghostbusters up to the space platform via space shuttle.  And it’s here, dear readers, that my brain crashed.  And not just because we’re seeing the Ghostbusters piloting a space shuttle (because who needs astronaut training, amiright?)  According to this episode, the Ghostbusters coexist in the same reality as a Star Trek-esque crew.  But we saw in the episode Station Identification that there’s also a Star Trek parody TV show in The Real Ghostbuster’s universe.  So, in other words, this episode is telling us that, not only do they have a Star Trek-like television program in this show’s universe, but there’s also an actual Star Trek-like crew roaming about space at the same time. Yeah, Star Trek’s a great show.  I like it as much as the next person.  But COME ON!  It is possible to have an overkill of Star Trek parodies.

Upon arriving at Space Platform Galileo, the Ghostbusters are greeted by Kirov.  And yes, this scene is overflowing with Star Trek jokes, with Winston commenting on how the crew looks familiar and Peter saying that they’re space explorers busy with ‘exploring strange new worlds and seeking out new life and new civilizations.’ (Don’t bother keeping a count of how many Star Trek jokes they squeeze out in this episode. I guarantee your Star Trek Joke Meter will overheat and explode relatively quickly.)

Egon, upon checking his PKE Meter, determines that he does have a reading on an ectoplasmic entity, but that it consists of ‘empty ectoplasm.’ Meaning it doesn’t give off any psychokinetic energy and therefore isn’t a real ghost.  Almost instantly after he says this, the lights on the space platform go off. Sato announces that the Creature has attached itself to the solar energy converter and is draining the space platform’s energy.  So McTavish brings the Ghostbusters down to engineering, where they find the Creature, which is a large tentacle monster with multiple eyes and mouths.  For some reason, Peter makes a comment about never wanting to put marshmallows in his hot chocolate again, which seems like a strange thing to say, as the Creature looks nothing like a marshmallow.  And we also get McTavish making yet another Star Trek joke by saying that the way Egon talks reminds him of ‘an old shipmate.’  Basically comparing Egon to Mr. Spock.  

The Ghostbusters then prepare to fire their Proton Packs at the Creature, but this only results in the Creature growing even larger, as it’s able to feed off the energy of the Ion Streams.  To make it worse, the Creature then begins to feed on the energy in the ship’s anti-gravity unit, so the Ghostbusters begin to float in midair for a bit.  Until the Creature decides that it liked the taste of the Ghostbuster’s Ion Streams a bit more and ends up going after the Proton Packs instead. The Creature proceeds to chase after the Ghostbusters and soon manages to catch Winston.  And, for some reason, the others don’t seem to notice Winston’s cries, so they don’t realize they lost Winston until Peter happens to look back.  (Not very observant of the three team members with actual Ph.Ds.)  Fortunately, Winston is able to slip out of his Proton Pack, allowing him to get away unharmed.

The Ghostbusters then return to the bridge to fill in Kirov on what happened.  And Kirov is not happy that they haven’t been able to stop the Creature.  Especially when the lights once again go off, with Sato announcing the Creature has begun feeding off the ship’s life support systems. Thankfully, McTavish is able to tap into the space platform’s emergency reserves for power, but this only has bought them a bit more time, and they only have four hours to deal with the Creature before the emergency reserves run out.  But the Ghostbusters are not quite sure what to do, especially since the Creature has grown to be too big for the Ghost Traps they have on hand. Winston comes up with the idea of trying to communicate with the Creature, as it could be intelligent enough to be reasoned with.  But this doesn’t really go anywhere.

Thankfully, Ray seems to have an idea of his own.  This idea involves McTavish switching off the power for the space platform for a bit.  With the power switched off, the Ghostbusters can lure the Creature to the center of the platform with the energy of their Ion Streams.  Rather like a carrot on a stick.  Ray initially tries to rope Winston into being the bait, but Egon manages to come to Winston’s defense by pointing out that, considering this is Ray’s plan, he should be the one to act as bait, to ensure it all goes well. Ray’s plan ultimately works, and the Creature is successfully lured into the center of the space platform.  And, even though it didn’t seem to work before, their Proton Packs are now able to work on the Creature, holding it in place and allowing the Ghostbusters to capture it within four separate Ghost Traps.  Not exactly clear why the Proton Packs were effective now when they only seemed to be feeding the Creature before, but whatever. It’s the final few minutes of the episode, so they have to wrap it up somehow.

But of course, they can’t have the episode end without churning out a few more Star Trek jokes, with Kirov stating that they’re on a five year mission and Irahqua saying that Egon really does remind her of a certain pointy-eared science officer.  (Yes, okay. Egon is like Spock.  We get it.)

Oh, this episode.  It just made me cringe.  Look, I have no problem with spoofs.  I love movies like Spaceballs, Men in Tights and Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  But there’s a certain point where a joke stops being funny and it feels more like they’re bashing you over the head with it.  And that was what happened with this episode.  Even when it first began, I couldn’t believe it was actually happening within the actual episode.  I was sure the stuff with the Galileo was going to end up being revealed as just a show or movie someone was watching.  But when I realized that it was actually happening, I’m pretty sure I groaned internally.  Combine that with the fact that we’d previously established in the episode Station Identification that there already was an in-universe show that parodied Star Trek, and my brain short-circuited.  

In fact, I think the only good part of the episode was the Creture itself.  During the episode, Egon determines that it had the same basic ectoplasmic makeup of a Class 4 Free Floating Spirit, but the PKE Meter couldn’t detect any psychokinetic energy emanating from the creature.  So, does that mean we were dealing with the ghost of an Alien lifeform? For a basis of comparison, let’s look at the 2001 movie, Evolution.  Yes, I know some people might not consider Evolution to be a good movie, but I say it was an entertaining popcorn flick. (Also, it was directed by Ivan Reitman, who also directed the original two Ghostbusters movies.  So that alone makes it relevant.)  Anyway, in that movie, it was determined that the Alien monsters were nitrogen-based organisms rather than carbon-based like all organic life on Earth.  So maybe that’s what was going on here.  Maybe the reason why this particular creature didn’t seem to give off psychokinetic energy despite being an ectoplasmic entity was because the Ghostbusters’ equipment was designed around Earth-bound ghosts.  But this was the ghost of something from off-planet.  Can you imagine how awesome the episode could have gotten if they actually built on that?  Think about it.  The Ghostbusters have already essentially proven the possibility of life after death simply by proving the existence of ghosts.  They could have also proven the existence of intelligent life on other planets, too!  But alas, the writers were too busy throwing the endless Star Trek jokes at us to realize the potential.  Talk about a missed opportunity!

(Click her for more Ghostbusters reviews)

[ask-the-space-husbands]

Has anyone on the bridge ever played road trip games while nothing ‘interesting’ was happening? If so any funny stories? :)

Spock: Road trip games? May I remind you that we are in the middle of space and the nearest road is 143.662 light years away.

Jim: No, they mean games that you play on long journeys.

Spock: I suppose that a five year mission does qualify as a “long journey”. But we are a crew on a highly professional vessel, a bridge officer playing games on duty would be unacceptable, even in a seemingly empty sector of space.

Jim: It boosts moral, you can’t deny that.

Spock: May I direct you to directive 127-

Jim: No, you may not.

Spock:

Jim:

Spock:

Jim:

Spock: Nevertheless, crew are given adequate downtime. The bridge is not a place for immature distractions.

Jim: You’re just mad because of that game of truth or dare.

Spock: Anger is an illogical human reaction, I must ask why you insult me Captain.

Jim: It’s Jim, and I did not mean offence. It must be that illogical human brain of mine. Creating the simplest link when obviously there is a more complex explanation. ;)

Spock: Quite.

Jim: Anyway, to your question, we only play when Spock’s not around. :))

[trekacrosstheuniverse]

Tilly and Kirk

Disclaimer: this contains major Star Trek Discovery spoilers! (And kinda for Star Trek Online??)

Anyways, so I was playing Star Trek Online the other night and in the discovery story mode you follow around Sylvia Tilly for the tutorial for the game. Something I thought was interesting was the fact that as she is walking your character around Starfleet Academy she is talking about other students there. Specifically, one "Kirk" who had "taken the Kobayashi Maru twice already" hmmmmm wonder who that is???

So obviously these two went to the academy together, and by the way that she spoke about him, made them seem pretty close. Could you imagine the two of them being friends?? Her messaging him about how she has to share a room with Michael the mutineer? Or Kirk talking to her about his first year in a deep space assignment? The conversations that would pass between these two?? Complaining about their problems in their free time and gossiping about their ships when their bored. They don't talk everyday, but it's steady.

But then Jim hears the news of the Discovery-- he's heart broken. This is right after the USS Farragut's captain along with almost 200 crew members die, something Jim still blames himself for. And now, she's gone too. Sure, she wasn't his best friend in the world but she was an old friend, someone bright and kind. Tilly was someone who was reliable, someone who he could talk to and trust. He never really gets over losing her.

Now image Jim years later. He's the captain of the Enterprise with Spock as his first officer. Spock has no idea of the fact of Jim's past friendship with Tilly. When the anniversary passes Spock treats it just like any other year, he of course thinks of his sister often and tries to remember the fact that even though she is decades away from him, she is alive. But then he finds Kirk. He is scrolling though articles about the Discovery's destruction with this distant and far off look.

And then, surprisingly to both of them, Spock sits with him. They talk for a while and slowly start to let each other in.

Kirk mentions Tilly, about how she probably never knew how much she meant to him. About how at the academy she was there to defend him when he was being harassed by an upperclassman named Finnegan. About how they would talk about their dreams of being starship captains someday. About how he is one. And she would never get the chance.

Spock, of course, can't tell him about how the Discovery actually survived, but he can tell him about his sister. About how much she meant to him. About how she was his mentor and friend and how she had also "died" in Discovery.

Spock tells him everything he can about her and Kirk talks about Tilly until it's so late they might as well not sleep. Though, neither of them seem to really mind.

It is the first anniversary they don't feel as alone-- as empty without them.