#give me school for life and I wouldn't be so scared about the future!

[wanderingmind867]

Only way I'd accept money being a thing is if we stopped caring about things about debt and the deficit. Out of money? Just print more! Stop imposing consequences through debt! Debt is a social construct! Get rid of debt, and money would be at least slightly more tolerable. I'd still prefer it be abolished, but I'd take a heavy devaluation of money over what we've got now! Nothing can be worse than what we've got now!

[paperdice]

Hii! I saw you write for saiki k, so i was wondering if i could please request Kusuo x foreign reader hcs? Reader is a transfer student from somewhere outside of Japan (maybe australia because i’m australian, but anywhere is fine if you can’t do that 💕), and she (or they, up to you) ends up in saiki’s friend group and they get feelings for each other. If you end up deciding to do this, tysm!! xx

𝐊𝐮𝐬𝐮𝐨 𝐒𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐢 𝐱 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬)

"Is it sad that my heart's beating frantically? you give me that look and I'm over the edge."

small note, reader will be Australian for the hcs but it won't be heavily influencing in all the hcs

When you first joined the new school, it was naturally nerve-wracking for you. New country, new culture new everything, it was one scary ride that only made you hope for the best.

Thankfully, you wouldn't be alone much longer, not with the new friends you've made. In fact, one of them had been tugging at your heartstrings for awhile now, and the melody felt right for both of you.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Kusuo knew your intentions and how you were rightfully afraid during your first day. He knew how you truly feel, just as he does for everyone else in his life. Your thoughts and feelings were another book for him to read clearly, so why was it he was slowly growing an interest in you?

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He's got a sharp mind, he knows himself better than anyone else, or so he thought. He always knew that he wasn't interested in romance and thought he would never feel it due to his psychic abilities. His romance radar seemed to be a little 'nonfunctional' but he didn't care.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ After awhile of getting to know you, he realized he was feeling off when around you. A feeling he didn't recognize was growing within him, and he quickly realized it. In the deepest farthest back of his mind, Saiki understood it had to be a romantic feeling.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He was stung by the idea, though the more time flew the more he was okay with it being towards you. The hidden love you had for him was no secret that you could possibly hide from Kusuo, he observed the gradual blossoming of your feelings for him firsthand.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ When you first arrived, people were curious about your life in Australia and shared their thoughts and comments during your conversations. Although Saiki didn't say anything to you, internally, he was interested in the life you lived before moving.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He knew you snuck in a lie or two about encountering a snake that tried to eat you, or how you threw in scares with exaggerations about the snakes and spiders. Or how overly dramatic you made yourself when addressing the pure hatred felt towards the city of Melbourne, Saiki never knew there was a city in Australia that was heavily frowned upon. And from what he heard in your thoughts, you didn't know why either, not from personal experience that is.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Trying to evoke reactions without ill intent, you seemed friendly. Over time, quirks like these grew endearing to Kusuo. He saw right through your choices more and more, only to find more things about you he liked. So, how is he now that he knows he likes you and you like him?

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He definitely looks out for you. Naturally, he knows better than to be a stalker constantly following you around. His abilities underline that idea as useless; though it's not like he'd ever do it. That's why he checks up on what nuisance is bothering you or what future nuisance will be. People do have a habit of barging in on you. You'll never say how tiring it is, so Kusuo does you favors.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He enjoys your new-found company in the friend group, whenever you come around he subconsciously moves more in your direction. You don't like bothering him too much so he doesn't have to worry about you being a problem, he knows you don't wanna make some foolish mistake in front of your crush. Though you don't have to worry, your flaws to him are meaningless.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Sadly Kusuo doesn't get butterflies around you, but being near you disrupts his control over his powers and makes it hard for him to maintain while solving unthinkable problems. This can be frustrating, but he's never been mad at you about it, he can't control his heart after all.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Ever since he developed a crush on you, he has been smiling without even realizing it. It's just a small, soft smile that creeps onto his face when he sees you enjoying yourself with others. Luckily, he manages to catch himself before anyone else notices.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Saiki can't help but be a little jealous if guys are flirting too much with you, he knows you won't accept them however for some reason his mind can't help but feel envy.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ He finds your opinions and morals interesting, internally giving dialogue on breaking down your thoughts and why you might think that way. An unspoken way of his is that he shows he cares about how you think by breaking it down like some analysis.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ If you have any hobbies or interests, he'll take some time out of the weekend to take a look at what's got you all hooked. Music tastes, collections, shows, podcasts literally anything you're into he'll give it a try. The appeal might rub off him, you do have good taste in things, to Saiki that is.

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ His crush on you was a secret for a long time, and was almost accidentally figured out by Nendo. That mindless Nendo somehow connected the dots out of nowhere, maybe he saw how Kusuo looked at you, or maybe how close he gets naturally. Whatever the case, Kusuo freaked as Nendo was calling your name. But when you turned, it was just Saiki standing there, you felt crazy..

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ Kusuo has only ever thought of you two being in a relationship as a maybe thought, which says a lot. But he decided that if he truly does want more in the future, he will make a move, a slight one at least. Just for you.

Saiki is such a cutie pie, maybe ill write dating hcs at a later date. Thanks for the request, feel free to return to ask another!

[literallythegrabber]

Could you rank the TBP boys about how who is the fastest to slowest to confess? Thanks for reading and writing : )

thanks for requesting! I'm aware that this post came in months ago, but I was swamped with school and sports, so sorry. enjoy!

Bruce

I think Bruce would be the quickest to confess due to his confidence.

His personality plus his general popularity with girls would definitely fuel his ego, so he wouldn't think too hard on confessing.

I think he generally just gets along with all people, no matter their personality, so if u were to be more stoic or quiet, it wouldn't stir him up when it comes to reading u.

He's good with social cues, so if u wanted a big, flashy confession with a lot of attention, he'd cook up something big. If ur more like me and would prefer something more private and intimate, then he'd take u to a secluded area and pronounce he feelings for u without being too cheesy.

Billy

I think Billy would confess next because I dont think he cares about rejection.

Like he would want you to say yes, and would obviously be disappointed if you said no, but he would get over it fairly quickly.

He'd probably write something sweet in a newspaper or something and deliver it to ur house, praying that ur parent/parents don't notice it.

Sorry if his seems lacking in a way. He just doesn't get enough screen time for me to get a good judge of his character, other than him being hilariously sassy.

Vance

I think Vance would kinda be in the middle.

I was gonna put him in second to last place, but then I thought about a bit more.

I feel like he'd confess to u so his life could return to normal.

Like, him realizing his feelings for u literally destroyed his world, and he thinks the only way his dangerously nice thoughts about u will cease if he either confesses or tries to scares u and his feelings away.

I think he'd try the latter first, and literally become a big evil monster towards u.

He'd snap at u for basically nothing, yell at u, be 10 times as mean, and genuinely go out of his way to be a total ass towards u.

If his crude behavior distances u from him after being verbally abused way tok much, he'd be happy at first, thinking that without u in his life, his thoughts would return to normal and he could finally focus on pinball.

But after a few weeks, he actually finds himself missing ur presence. So instead of apologizing like a normal person, he decides to confess his feelings right out of the blue! very clever vance😐

So if spots u alone at school, he'll just pull u over and confess in the most confusing, unromantic way possible.

He won't expect a romantic relationship right and away (and u shouldn't either), but this could be the beginning to a healthy friendship and perhaps something more in the future.

Robin

Robin would be second to last, probably because he doesn't want u getting involved with his never-ending beef with the majority of the kids at school (the bullies).

He thinks that if he starts a relationship, his opps will go after u to hurt him (he's probably right).

So, although he steers away from a romantic relationship, he tries to become close friends with u to intimidate other potential suitors.

He'd use bf like behavior with u while also trying to be ur friend, and it was honestly very confusing.

I just think the mixed signals he'd be sending would be too annoying and confusing, to the point where you'd just have to confront him.

So he'll stumble over his words, and just give off awkward teen vibes before he actually gets to his point.

If u reciprocate, then you'd have to agree to not being too flashy with ur new relationship and take things slow.

You'd also need to know how to throw a punch or sm cause those ugly school vultures are unpredictable.

Finney

suprise suprise Finney's last!

Given his shy personality, low self-esteem, and his experience with bullies, it's obvious it would take him a while to confess.

He'd watch u from afar for a while, so you'd def have to start up a conversation.

Yalls' relationship would very much be a slow burn, filled with awkward moments, hidden meanings behind simple words, subtle affectionate gestures, and a lot of teasing from Gwen.

He'd accidentally blurt it out one day, taking u completely by suprise.

He'll instantly try to dismiss it, rapidly trying to change the subject.

But if u press him, then you'll get a proper confession, and the rest is up to u!

thank u for reading!!

[justwinginglife]

One Day

I am so so sorry in advance, I have no idea what came over me, the depression be kicking in hard or something. I cried writing this.

Soshiro sat on a park bench and wondered if he stayed still enough if he'd just cease to be. Part of him hoped that would happen. He'd experienced enough in his lifetime to know he didn't want to experience it anymore. Maybe the bench would claim him and he'd just become part of it. Maybe the ground would open up and swallow him. Maybe the sky would rain down divine retribution on him for not being able to protect you. For not being able to save you. For not being enough.

He hoped it would. But the sky was clear today. In fact the sky had been clear since you'd passed and he hated it. It was blindingly blue. He thought he might start hating the color blue but he knew he couldn't, it was your favorite color after all.

He bit his lip as he thought about you yet again. He was always thinking of you. Even in his dreams, there you were. A constant reminder of what an immense treasure he'd lost.

You'd cried out for him before you died. You were scared. He couldn't even reassure you before you left, he couldn't even do that one small thing. Send you off to the unknown with no fear. Because he was scared. He didn't want you to go. But before he knew it, you were gone.

He didn't even remember when he started crying, he just remembered that afterward his eyes were achingly, blisteringly dry.

He felt that ache in him everyday.

He wanted to let go.

But then she started crying in his arms and he sat up straight, remembering where he was. He rocked her back and forth in his arms, whispering "Shh, shh, it's okay."

She was all that was left of you. You'd died giving birth to her. Part of him wanted to never stop looking at her, looking for you in her eyes and her dimples. And some part of him wanted to stop looking at her altogether, stop being reminded of what he'd lost, terrible as that sounded.

But he went on anyway, caring for her, loving her, like you would've wanted him to. He poured all the overflowing abundance of love he'd had for you into her.

She cried and he thought he might cry with her. His heart was tormented by the thought that she'd never know what a bright, beautiful presence you'd been in his life.

She'd never know what your laugh sounded like, what your singing sounded like, what your love sounded like.

But he vowed he'd try to tell her everyday. He'd show her the meadows, saying "Mommy used to love showing up everyday with random wildflowers she'd picked and she'd populate our whole house with them." He imagined he'd take her to school where you went to school and tell her, "Mommy was the smartest person who ever graced these halls. She'd always tease daddy for not being able to keep up with her brains." And when she grew up and got married and he walked her down the aisle, he'd say "You look just as beautiful as your mother did when she married me."

But that was all in the future, in some faraway "one day." For now, he just had today. And today was too long for his liking. Too far away from a future where she would be old enough to not need him. Too far away from a day when he could finally join you.

One day, he'd join you and maybe the blue skies wouldn't hurt so much.

One day.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA If I send my friend posts about quitting smoking?

All people in this scenario are between 17 and 18.

My friend, let's call him L, has started smoking / vaping a while back and while I think people can do whatever they want with their body, including consuming whatever drug they want, it still makes me uncomfortable.

L is prone to self destructive behavior due to mental health issues and transphobia he regularly experiences in school (including from someone who used to be a close friend of his) and from his grandparents. This manifests mostly in things like him making risky decisions without necessarily thinking about the consequences, not really caring about his health and other things I won't mention because they're irrelevant. I believe his smoking is either another way his self destructive behavior manifests or his attempt to make his mental health issues better. It doesn’t help that another friend of L either does not seem to mind L's self destructive behavior or maybe even actively encourage it with her questionable choices.

I recently read studies about the fact that trans people appear to have an increased risk for cardiovascular disease after seeing a tumblr post about it and wanting to fact check. This risk is further increased by smoking (among other things).

L is supposed to start hormones later this year / early in the next year, and while I am obviously very excited for him, I am also worried.

He already has a history of health issues - a cancer scare that, thankfully, turned out to be a harmless tumor; poor blood circulation that has caused him to faint multiple times in the past- and while I know that an increased risk for cardiovascular disease means that the disease would most likely not appear until years, if not decades into the future, I still want L to fully know about the risk and evaluate whether it is a risk he really wants to take.

Obviously I can't force him into giving up smoking, but I also want my friend to be as healthy as possible, so I thought I could send him a post about the health risks for trans people who smoke and ways to give it up except for stopping immediately.

On one hand, I think I wouldn't be in the wrong because I don't want to force L into anything and I would do this out of worry for his health instead of doing it for selfish reasons.

On the other hand I worry I could be overbearing and comment on something it isn't my place to comment on, L is, after all, only a year younger than me. And I think it might come across as me thinking I know what's best for him and trying to force him into something he does not want.

Also, I regularly make bad life / health decisions as well so I don't know if I can really comment on other people's decisions.

(Apologies for any mistakes, English is my second language; 🦤 to find this again)

[wntrs0ldier]

An Offer · part 03

pairing: mob!bucky x reader words: 3,3k warnings: typical mafia (dark themes, language, violence, etc.)

<previous part | next part> | series masterlist

series summary: When your father dies, the only thing you can do for your family and the empire he built, is to marry a powerful man.

Since the question of marriage came into your life, everything else has receded into the background. Even if you tried to distract yourself, you couldn't focus on anything other than agreements, mergers, potential offers and, most importantly, fears about the future. You wondered whether the Rumlow Family would agree to talk again. If not, what was left for you? You didn't have enough time to learn how to manage your father's business; to master all the functions of the Head of the Family. Besides, you didn't even have the right qualities to become one. 

Unable to concentrate on your work, you closed your laptop. Your gallery was scheduled to host an exhibition soon, and you had been doing your best to give it enough attention, but you gave up after the fifth mindless reading of an email. Having stood by a huge window that overlooked a patch of the city, you let your thoughts wander somewhere to the beginning of your life, or at least to the moment when you began to be aware of it. You reflected on which decision – yours or someone around you – had brought you to this point.

You weren't sure about your father, but your mother didn't want that life for you. When she thought you were old and sensible enough, she would say: Never marry a gangster.

But this life never bothered you. You weren't afraid of guns or blood, and the usual dangers that came with what your father did didn't particularly scare you.

For the first few years of your life you were no different from any other kid. But as soon as you finished elementary school, your parents sent you to a private girls' school in London, where you spent the next six years. At first you thought the prestigious academy abroad was a real opportunity. Only later did you realise what it was really all about. Your mother panicked; she didn't want to let you soak up the darkness and ruthlessness of the world that was your father's everyday life. She believed that there was something inside you already, and that it needed to be nipped in the bud.

But her plan failed. You noticed and understood more than was thought. Sending you to another country didn't get the job done, because when you came home for holidays and long weekends, you seeked ways to absorb as much as possible of what your mother was protecting you from. Your father, on the other hand, seeing your enthusiasm and fascination, secretly allowed you to explore this world, but dispensed it safely. You may not have become an expert because of this, but you were not completely clueless either. You learned a few things.

Your mind swiftly connected your past with the relationship you had with Bucky. You both came from the same background, your father having a good relationship with both George and Timothy Barnes. Despite this, Bucky's and your paths never really crossed. He was six years older than you, so when you finally finished school and returned home permanently, you didn’t see him often.

You wouldn't say that you knew him. You were only aware of his existence, you had heard things about him. You witnessed the assassination of his father and then Bucky just disappeared. He left New York for two years.

And now? You considered an analogy – he was becoming to you what George and Timothy were to your father. You supposed you both had it in your blood; a mutual affection for each other.

Your thoughts were disturbed by a knock at the door. A girl named Tracy, who worked in the gallery, entered your office with a big bouquet of hyacinths and white tulips. This sight caught you off guard. 

“Who are these from?” Tracy asked, grinning with excitement. She put the flowers on the desk. 

You raised your eyebrows. “I thought you'd tell me.”

“Courier delivered them.” She looked at the flowers with persistent admiration. You would have given a lot to be able to share her enthusiasm, but you were aware that this bouquet could have meant anything. Like another offer, you thought uneasily. 

Noticing a small piece of paper, you reached carefully between the stems. You didn't expect to know the handwriting; nevertheless, you felt even more anxious.

These flowers are supposed to symbolize an apology. Really. Check that out. 

Sorry.

Your first suspicion fell on Brock. Could it be that he regretted the way he behaved in the pub that day? No one else had offended you enough to send flowers. And even though you still didn't want to have anything to do with Brock, you couldn't get rid of them. The bouquet didn't make you forgive Brock, but it didn't deserve to be thrown away either.

Another sleepless night was no particular surprise, but you felt too exhausted to accept it. Besides, you couldn’t let tiredness affect your next day – you had to be able to think properly, especially now. So having taken something to help you sleep, you lay in the darkness, waiting for the effects.

Until something caught your attention. 

A quiet tap, but you couldn't tell where it was coming from. Immediately afterwards you heard it again. You sat up on the bed, switched on the bedside lamp – which blinded you at first – and looked around. With another tap you realised that it was the sound of something hitting the window. 

You got out of bed and walked there. Because of the moonlight outside, it was bright enough for you to recognise the man standing below. Without a second thought, you opened the window.

“Hi,” Bucky spoke. 

You stuck your head out and smiled; you tried to do it with disapproval, but you had to admit that his presence instantly lightened your mood. And the fact that the scene looked like a forbidden romance of teenagers allowed you to forget about your current problems. “Did you just throw rocks at my window?”

“Would you rather I scream? I can scream.” He lifted his eyebrows with conviction.

You raised your eyebrows expectantly.

“Actually, I can’t,” Bucky said, and you let out a brief laugh. “I’m too scared of Michael,” he lowered his voice. 

“And that's why you are standing there instead of using the door,” you guessed, causing him to nod. “Do you want me to come down to you..?”

“I can go up to you.” He shrugged casually. 

“Oh, really?” 

Hearing the skepticism in your voice, Bucky shook his head resignedly, theatrically offended by your lack of confidence in his abilities, then moved closer to the wall. You watched him with a kind of awe, certain that he would give up at the last moment. At least, that seemed the most sensible option to you. However, Bucky grabbed onto the drainpipe, and placing his feet on its fixings, began to climb upwards. Your eyes widened. 

On the one hand, you wanted to stop him; to ask him to come back down. On the other, the sight gave you too much joy that you didn't want to take away from yourself.

You moved back to a safe distance so Bucky could slip inside without trouble, and when he was on the final straight, you grabbed his arm with both hands and pulled him into the room. Not that he needed it, but your conscience did.

“Thanks,” he breathed, dusting off his T-shirt and jeans.

The typical coolness of a spring night was coming in, so you closed the window, then reached for your robe and threw it over your shoulders. When you turned your gaze towards Bucky again, you found him by your dresser. 

“So, this is your room,” he concluded, inspecting the scented candle he had grabbed from the top of the dresser. He unscrewed the lid of a small jar and hesitantly sniffed the wax inside. Only then did he glance at the label, frowning. “It's… not how I'd imagined.”

Your forehead creased. “What? My room?”

“Lounge At Night.” Bucky lifted the candle so you could see what he was talking about. You rolled your eyes, snorting a quiet laugh. “You like them? Scented candles?” 

“Mhm,” you answered, watching him with patience. You wondered what he was up to. And why did he come here. 

“I've never thought about your room. I'm not that perverted like-” he cut off suddenly, unsure whether he should mention that.

“Like Brock?” 

Bucky smiled at first, then let out a quiet sigh. Staring at you with something you couldn’t exactly figure out, he chewed on his bottom lip. “I’m sorry if I took away your chance to get married.”

“Wasn't that the plan? To cool Michael’s enthusiasm?” You squinted, the corners of your mouth turned up in an amused smile. “Anyway…” you added more seriously. “I wouldn’t call Brock a chance.”

“Good. Because I’m not really sorry.” He raised his eyebrows, and you cackled again. Talking to Bucky turned out to be a pleasant escape from all the important conversations you've been having lately. 

But you felt uneasy, having recalled the situation in the gallery. “I don't know if he's not up to something. I… got some flowers today,” you said nervously. 

There was some slight change in Bucky's face, which you could barely see in the faint light of the bedside lamp. Sparks of boyish sneakiness flickered in his eyes, but otherwise he remained unmoved. “White tulips and blue hyacinths?” 

You didn't immediately realise what he was actually telling you. But when you did, your brows drew together and your lips parted slightly, but no sound came out except for a single short breath. “Those were from you?” 

Bucky nodded. “What I did was wrong. I left you in that pub without saying anything. I was a bit harsh, too, and you did nothing to deserve it.”

You pursed your lips helplessly. It wasn't that you felt relieved when it turned out that Brock hadn't given you an outstretched hand. You were somehow touched by Bucky's gesture. Not only had he sent you flowers, but – as the little note in the bouquet told – he had made sure they were not accidental.

“Hey…” Bucky began softly, walking up to you. He seemed concerned. “I’m sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t,” you protested right away. “I didn't expect to get flowers from you, that's all.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed as he studied your face in silence. Just by that expression you could feel the teasing coming. “Is it that shocking? You think I'm that thick skinned?”

“You said yourself you’re not a guy to marry,” you pointed out. “So, yes, such romantic gestures from you can be pretty shocking.”

A corner of his mouth lifted. “Romantic gestures?” 

“Leave it,” you warned. “I don't often get flowers. That's why I was so moved.”

“I thought men throw themselves at your feet.” Bucky seemed genuinely surprised. 

“Sometimes they do. But they don’t buy me flowers,” you clarified, smirking. “So far you are the only one who has done both,” you reminded him, referring to the situation at the funeral. And although you felt embarrassed at the time, now this event slightly sweetened your memories. “The bouquet was really beautiful. Thank you.” Your mouth curved into a delicate smile. “And for what you did for me in the car that day. And for Brock.”

Bucky's face softened again. At first he gazed at you with mild surprise, astonished by your gratitude. It seemed he wasn't waiting for a thank you, which you didn't suspect him of anyway. “I get you out of trouble, right?” 

“And I don’t understand why you do it every time.”

“I told you, I want to do some good. For a change.” Bucky shrugged. 

“Mhm,” you murmured unconvinced. 

“You're saying I should sit around and do nothing?”

“Well, I’m not your problem, aren’t I?” 

You secretly hoped that you would manage to frustrate him with your tenacity enough that he might finally tell you the real reason. But Bucky appeared completely controlled; without even blinking, he patiently put up with your innocent push. 

“You can become my problem,” he said. If it wasn't for the fact that his calmness impressed you most of the time, you would probably find it annoying. “If Brock gets carried away by his pride, and I think that is what will happen, he won't want an alliance with us.”

“If I marry Brock, our Families won't have a good relationship anymore?” you made sure, putting it into as simple words as possible. Your brain was working at a lower and lower speed - the sleeping pills you had taken a few minutes ago were slowly starting to kick in.

Bucky nodded.

“Why won't your uncle talk to Michael?” You frowned.

“Because that's just a guess. My guess. And all Michael cares about is putting your father's business in good hands. It's the only right way to go, but he believes too much in agreements. He thinks he’ll have Rumlows’ loyalty with their signatures. But he won’t.”

You were again stepping into the sensitive area – topics you would have preferred to avoid, to get away from. But when Bucky shared with you what he thought about it all, you knew you could listen to him for hours.

You had a real intellectual in front of you; a far-sighted strategist with a nose for people. If you hadn't had several conversations with him, witnessed him speak, you wouldn't have suspected him of the brilliant way his mind worked. After all, just a moment ago he had climbed up the drainpipe into your room. He was wearing that leather jacket of his, a bruise from his clash with Brock and healing wounds on his knuckles. There was still a stubble on his face that many might call untidy; you wondered when he'd get rid of it and if he'd do it at all. You remembered that he looked a bit different in the past – much shorter hair that curled shyly into soft waves, always clean shaven. Now he seemed to wear the remains of what he had become in his absence. You didn't know him well enough, you'd never had the chance to get a good look at him, but you were amazed at how much a person can change in two years. 

Bucky watched you, but he wasn't impatient with the fact that you didn't say anything, didn't refer to his last words. He probably understood that you were tired of it all.

You didn't think you could get so comfortable in his company even when you were both silent. And it seemed that Bucky felt the same way – he didn't look for an opportunity to say anything, he appeared completely relaxed, as if you had known each other for centuries.

“Would you like some tea?” You spoke. 

The corners of his mouth turned up. “What about Michael? He told me to stay away.”

“And yet, here you are. Looks like you don’t mind the consequences.” You raised your eyebrows. Immediately, however, the expression on your face returned to the same gentleness of a moment ago. “Like any decent person at three in the morning, Michael is at his place,” you added, sneaking a hint, at which Bucky squinted slightly. 

“In that case…” He sighed. “Tea is fine. If you don't mind the company of degenerates like me.”

“I can handle it.” You pursed your lips to hide an amused grin. 

Keeping as quiet as possible, you led the way out of your bedroom, then up the stairs and eventually to the kitchen. You put the kettle on, then reached into the cupboard for a tin container of tea.

“Where do you keep your cups?” Bucky asked. 

You gazed at him with confusion – you probably expected him, as a man from your environment, to sit back and idly watch what you were doing. And you wouldn't be angry about it, after all, men were in charge of much more important things; they were the providers, bringing home the money they worked hard for all day. 

You blinked. “They’re just above me, but I’ll-”

Bucky stretched out towards the cupboards you mentioned, thus pushing his body involuntarily against yours. He froze for a moment, and the warmth of his torso, which you felt on your back thanks to the thin material of your robe as well as your nightgown, was enough to make a swarm of butterflies go mad in your stomach and a pleasant shiver spread through your body with a hot wave. And even though Bucky moved away, the goosebumps lingered on your skin for the next few minutes.

You turned hastily, pressing yourself to the edge of the countertop at which you were standing, and gave Bucky an almost terrified look – like an animal backed into a corner. He, too, stared at you anxiously; with fear at how such a small, insignificant gesture had caused so much. That was all it took – the glances you gave each other – for both of you to know that there had just been a slight discharge of the electricity that had hung over you from the moment Bucky appeared in your house for the first time.

Bucky glanced at your lips, but quickly looked away, ashamed and even a little concerned about what was going through his mind. You could feel your cheeks burning.

You both flinched when the kettle started to whistle. You hurriedly moved to turn it off – you didn't want to wake up the whole house. Besides, you had to get out of that situation somehow. With a trembling hand, you poured the tea into two cups and filled them with water, doing these things for longer than they required. You were unable to predict what would happen if you looked at Bucky again.

“Why exactly are you here?” you finally asked. You sounded surprisingly calm, considering what happened just a moment before.

“My mom…” he began, and you looked over your shoulder at him. “She wants you and your sister to come to our house for dinner. Claims you two could use some family time.”

Your brows drew together as you were taking in what he had just said. Perhaps it was actually about you and Suzie, or perhaps Mrs. Barnes felt it was your mother who could use some space – after all, she had lost her husband herself, and knew like no one else what it was like. 

You didn't have the heart to say no. “When..?”

“This Saturday.” 

You nodded carefully, still staring at him. You forgot the tea; you both did.

“You could have called. Or texted,” you said, again pushing to find out the truth. This time you were a little more determined about it; mainly because of what happened. “Why are you here?” you repeated.

Bucky clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. His face took on a particularly helpless expression. “I don’t know. I guess I wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

There was silence, and this time it turned out to be much less comfortable. It seemed that you both stopped trusting each other – stopped trusting your instincts. 

The phone in Bucky's pocket buzzed; even you were able to hear it through the silence that surrounded you. He reached for it and, reluctantly taking his eyes off you, focused on the screen. “I gotta go,” he murmured. “Thanks for the tea,” Bucky added, and you glanced at the cups. “I'll see myself out. You go back to bed.”

For a brief moment you thought he wanted to take a step towards you. Eventually you decided it was just a wrong impression, so you didn't react, just folded your arms. Bucky gave you a crooked smile, then he left.

You listened to his footsteps, and when you heard the front door click, you closed your eyes and  let out a heavy, shaky breath.

taglist: @goldensunflowe-r @nefri-black @vickie5446 @learisa @sjsmith56 @aya-fay @hhiggs @wishingwell-2 @cybereggpastahoagie @buckysgirl01

[reveluving]

see you on thursday ; jeff sadecki x reader

summary: the future starts to seem brighter when Jeff reunites with a familiar face in front of the therapy clinic. 

warnings: bits of angst ; infidelity (teen!Jeff, not on reader), Shauna slander (sorry but it’s a habit at this point kdlsjsdl), your issue is unspecified in therapy (besides the plane crash), self-deprecating humour, Jeff's a little ashamed about therapy but you talk him through it. all in all, loads of fluff! 🩷

a/n: based on this ask because who am I to say no to this handsome? can't thank you enough for sharing with me this lil' idea and I hope to see more!! 💋 don’t forget to leave some sugar! ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ

» fancy reading another Jeff fic? check out the m.list!

'But it was over. It was like a total reset, as if life was finally giving him the chance to be good.' ;

Jeff was the first to see you, and the second he recognized who you are, he immediately turned around, standing awkwardly in hopes that the girl he truly had a good relationship with back in high school didn't see him like this; from a well-off charmer to nothing more than a newly divorced man who has been seeking therapy for a few months or so.

Surely, that wasn’t her, right?

“Jeff?” His stomach flipped, cursing his luck. 

“(Y/N), hey,” He mentally facepalmed, embarrassed for eagerly greeting her even before his eyes landed on her, “Surprised to see you here.” 

“You're telling me,” You grinned, “You just finished your session today?”

“Yeah… You?” 

“Just got here,” You cocked your head in the direction of the entrance, “Running a little late, though. But it’s really nice seeing you. See you around!”

“Yeah, yeah, see you around.” His voice fell to a whisper by the time you entered the building. It all happened so fast, not a second was offered for him to just… digest whatever just happened.

You saw each other again a week later, greeting each other in a rush once again as it was Jeff who was running late to his session. By the time you bumped into each other again the third time, you realized your sessions aligned. 

Every Thursday, with Jeff's usually an hour before yours.

You had different therapists, though, with Jeff's specializing in his past mistakes and yours highlighting the uncertainties for your future. 

The first month of your reunion was nothing more than a quick chat in the waiting room or by the smoking area outside the clinic, with none of you dared to ask about the other's issue—the immediate sign of trust and comfort. 

Mustering the sheer courage to ask you out for coffee at a nearby café was hard, asking a particular question was harder, largely because he wanted to word it right. 

“You weren't like, scared?” He approached the topic ever so slowly upon questioning your decision to try therapy.

“I'd be lying if I said I wasn't,” You shrugged, swirling your cup, “Trust me, it took me a while. But I wasn't really getting somewhere, just thinking about it. I mean, having nightmares about being in a plane crash is one thing, who's to say there won't be a crazier, more traumatising thing than that in the future?”

He chuckled—he learned you had a knack for lightening up the mood for a topic you were still recovering from. 

But he also wanted to know one more thing. An embarrassing thought, but like you said; he wouldn't be going anywhere if he didn't at least voice it out.

“And you don't think it's a little weird to see me going to one? And me looking like this?” He motioned to himself from head to toe with a quirk of his brow. He didn't mean it in an egotistical way, not by any means. But he'd be lying to both you and himself to say he wanted to flee when he saw you after over a decade. 

“To be honest, I was kinda surprised you even recognized me at the centre.” He continued, the corner of his lips quirking half-heartedly.

“Jeff,” You said his name with a chuckle, and boy, was it the sweetest sound he had ever heard, “It’s the 21st century. If anything, I think you’re real brave for…” You motioned your hands around, hoping to find the right words, “Y’know, breaking the norm. Putting your fear and ego aside for potentially positive life-changing advice. And besides, I can’t forget a cute face.” 

Oh.

Ever since the bashful look growing on his face as he stared into his drink, you made it a point to compliment him often. Each is as genuine as the last. 

“Hey, we're scared of things we might not be aware of. Scared of making mistakes, whether we've done it before or not. But at least we know we're going through some shit. If anything, I'm a little more confident going to therapy, knowing that a familiar face is going there, too,” It was impossible not to mirror the smile on your face, albeit, yours more comforting than his, “We'll get through it. Together.” 

You meant it platonically. 

He knew that you meant it platonically. 

And yet, none of you could help it. 

It took a while to make your feelings explicitly known to each other, largely because both of you wanted to be better before taking the big leap. 

Your first true date, funnily enough, wasn't at your usual café. Much less of the milky coffee he'd get or the watered-down iced drink you'd opt for. Rather, he brought you to a quaint diner he had frequented during the last few months of his crumbling marriage with Shauna.

“Sorry about your divorce.” Somehow, Shauna became the subject in hand, but not in an awkward way.

“You didn’t even like her.” His tone wasn't accusatory but more so a lighthearted fact, paired with a knowing smile. 

“You’re right, I didn’t,” You responded with little to zero regrets, and so was the look on your face, “But you did. Love ain't easy to brush off.”

You were truthful yet considerate, if that made sense.

He knew that someday, the diner would play a big part in his life, even after he became a bachelor. It was one of the places he sought after if the house felt too stuffy, too awkward to be even in the same building as his ex-wife. Too many thoughts about her disloyalty, and soon enough, his own when he was a teen. 

He wants to be better. He always has since he and Shauna became a thing, when he became a husband, and he held onto that hope for too long, even when he saw that the relationship was hanging onto a thread. 

It was bound to happen. It was karma. It was the universe coming back to bite him in the ass, and he accepted it.

But it was over. It was like a total reset, as if life was finally giving him the chance to be good.

And he will, as he always has for years.

With the weekend rolling around, he didn't have to worry about closing his store in a rush to head over to your place. Not once has he ever come over empty-handed, especially with takeouts that would leave you with leftovers for the morning after. 

This time, he found you just about to carry a big box. 

“Whoop, whoop, hey. Hang on,” He tried to get your attention, picking up the pace without the risk of dropping the sets of lunch he had bought, “Let me get that for you.” 

“I can handle it.” You reassured, hands still holding the box but not lifted just yet.

“Nope. I'm not moving until you put it down.” He was dead set on helping you, standing in the middle of the walkway with a supposedly serious look. Still, you giggled—if he had dog ears, they would've definitely drooped. 

You fondly rolled your eyes, “Okay, okay. At least let me hold the food?” 

He relented, knowing he couldn't say no with the way you fluttered your lashes at him. He passed the bag of food to you so he could easily carry the box, but not before making a show by puffing his chest to hear your irresistible laugh.

As if that wasn't enough to make his heart flutter, you pressed your lips against his cheek, pulling back with a little ‘smooch’. A flush of embarrassment rose to his cheeks, and before he even realized it, a goofy smile made its way to his face.

“Thank you. One of these days, I'll make it up for your chivalry.” 

“I mean,” He was almost too shy to meet your gaze. Almost, “I won't say no to your kisses. They're kinda nice” 

He wanted to sound as nonchalant as possible, but he wasn't fooling anybody, and it showed when you playfully pouted. 

“Just ‘kinda nice’?” 

He huffed in amusement, and he didn't let himself mull over his own doubts when he quickly pecked your cheek, breaking away just as quickly before you could even enjoy his soft lips. 

“They're very nice.” He corrected, more confident and relaxed than before.

You weren't certain how long you'd been staring into each other’s eyes before you responded.

“Good, because I enjoy your pretty little kisses, too,” The stiffness in his shoulders had visibly eased. There was no way you could stop yourself from planting another one, this time, tiptoeing to kiss the tip of his nose. 

“Plus,” You turned around, heading to the door while speaking over your shoulders, “I have plenty.”

That seemed to have snapped him out of his moment of enjoyment, though the grin that you loved remained. He immediately jogged up to you when you held the door for him. 

Only to catch you by surprise by stealing another kiss before casually walking off to your living room with the box.

“I'm putting this on the table!” 

You were elated to hear the excitement in his voice. An indication that whatever you and Jeff were having from this moment on…

Was just the beginning.

˚ · . f i n . · ˚

Bonus:

If you're like me who's obsessed with aquariums, then I come bearing an extra!

Though your home was a lot smaller than Jeff’s, be it a one-storey house or a high-rise, it was also full of life. Thoughts and time were made into your decision-making in your decorations, not only to make your sanctuary pleasing to the eye but also, well, a sanctuary. A place where you sought comfort and safety. There has never been a day where he’s greeted with an environment of eerie silence; a funky jazz song played at low volume, random news playing on the TV, or just you humming a tune—an indication of a good day—there’s always a sign in your home that practically said; ‘this house breathes life’.

But after a rare busy day at the furniture store, he comes over at night. 

With the extra key you gave him, he opens the door. No TV, no radio, not even a hum. But you did call him over from the living room.

“In here!” Blue light illuminates from said room, and Jeff’s come over long enough to know it wasn’t any of your usual lamps, and paired with the sounds of water continuously running, he had a hunch of what it was. 

Still, nothing could’ve prepared for the sight before him.

He has seen your reef tank plenty of times, shallow and at a length that was almost half the size of the room, placed against the wall and away from the window. Granted, he’s only seen during the daytime, so he had never gotten the chance to enjoy the beauty of it at night. Plus, you had talked about how the tank, minus the fish, could survive with light and plankton alone, but you just liked to put some effort into something you loved.

Like today.

The corals and reefs were almost neon under the singular blue light—the only source of light at that moment. The gobies and harlequin shrimps seemed more active than what he was used to, especially with you feeding the ecosystem coral food with a turkey baster. Poised and calculated, no doubt this wasn’t your first rodeo.

“Hey,” You glanced up at him, eyes brighter and lit up under the unnatural light, “I’m almost done. We can eat in a bit if you don’t mind. Turn the TV on, if you want.”

He didn’t. He didn’t even glance at the remote, too focused on the lively set of life, all in the good hands of the person he couldn’t keep his eyes off of, such as now.

“Wanna help me out?” He blinked, too entranced that he didn’t even notice your head tilting up at him, and with a look like that, how could he say no?

He was extra careful, dipping the end of the baster close to a coral, the palythoas, only to express his amazement as the mouths began to close, capturing its food the way Venus flytraps would. The gobies, too, approached little by little, eager to be fed by the gentle stranger. You were glad that you weren’t even halfway into the feeding before he arrived, enjoying how happy he was to do honours.

The small space between the two of you grew little by little before there was none. Shoulder to shoulder before the two of you practically stayed glued to one another, watching over the ecosystem and pointing at almost anything and everything that was remotely happening in the tank. None of you were even sure when Jeff had his arms wrapped around you after they were all well-fed, but what both of you did know was that you stayed in each other’s arms for a long time.

a/n: they are so fucking cute together that I hate them.

a/n ii: don't let this puppy dog-eyed man fool you. you know damn well he's a freak in bed. we've seen it ;; gorgeous rose divider by @firefly-graphics ♡

[summercreolefanfictioner]

the scent wafts in, her name making him beg on his knees BONUS CHAP 1

pairing: dabi / todoroki touya x fem!oc / reader (MODERN AU)

summary: she was on a date, yet another man captivated her heart with his beautiful blue gaze (fem!oc-centric)

(in which Sonohara airs her side of story.)

themes: mentions of cheating, sex, alcohol, cigarettes etc YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

notes: forgive me for errors; I just had to post due to my excitement lol sonohara's pov gives so much insights on how the two of them started and I like romance bcos I am just a girl 💅

------

She didn't know what she did to be stared upon by the most beautiful pair of blue eyes—cold, intense, piercing her like blades halted in time and she was too slow to get away from them. She was sitting alone in the middle of the bar, her boyfriend doing the same shitty lame of an excuse about his stomachache and going to the toilet when she knew he was doing someone out there, probably screwing with a random woman until her senses go wild and hazy and she knows this woman wouldn't be able to walk back to the bar and he'd be feeling refreshed with that smug face like an accomplishment; like another earned medal in his collection of awards.

It was one thing to accuse one's boyfriend of cheating; it was another thing to know it was true.

High school was her supposed spring of bloom, a newfound romance with her boyfriend bore fruit and it had been bliss. Had... had it been for him to change his mind afterwards. It was like the songs. Young love doesn't last forever, everyone's always out to chase the thrill—just like him. They exchanged a lot of promises before, about being each other's "only" and "forever," but he quickly forgot about those the moment they went separate ways during college. They met new people in their perspective universities, and while she still had her heart in his hands, it only took him a while before he started becoming so secretive, so easily annoyed when she voices out her opinions, and so distracted and uninterested when she tells him about her day. She tried confronting him, but he would immediately shot down her accusations, that it was all in her head; that she was making up things to fight about.

She wanted to lie, to stay because he comes around and makes her hope that he had changed and he finally realized she was the one he truly needed. Life was not a story of boy changes himself because of a girl. Life was boy decides to break the girl's heart because he knew he can. This was her painful reality.

"I want to break up with him... He... I saw him cheating on me... many times already."

"What are you talking about? Think about your future for once! He's from a well-off family, and he earns so much as an architect. Be grateful he's still coming back to you. Those women are just flings. Sex and love are two different things!"

Those were the things her mom said, all because she doesn't see anything redeeming about her (not that she cared, honestly; she never had the thought of earning anyone's approval anyway). Realizing this twisted routine became her new normal, she feared breaking up. She feared bringing the topic to light because she got used to him being around despite not caring anymore if he went out on a few dates with someone else while he's at work elsewhere or having sex with a random stranger he met. She lost it in her to care, to savor the true love she wanted.

It wasn't love. The love has already faded. It was just her scared of a life without this normal chaos.

Until this one man with the pair of beautiful blue eyes, unruly dark hair, mysterious boyish charm, and dangerous vibes sat in front of her; on the same seat her boyfriend should've been if he wasn't so busy doing something (rather someone) else. He was quite rugged, punk rock style encasing his charm, and with the heavy scent of whiskey and mint lingering around him. She wanted to squint her nose so bad at the smell, but that would be a bit rude, though. Nonetheless, he was boyishly handsome in her book, an enigma of a man whose features did not coincide with the traditional "handsome Japanese guy."

I bet he looks more handsome with a lighter hair color.

"You don't fit in here," he said coldly, his nonchalant tone evident as how he stared at her like he was staring straight through her soul; like he was judging her entirety with every fiber of his being.

Honestly, she couldn't argue wtih him, especially when it was true. She didn't fit in here; she didn't want to be here in the first place, if not for her boyfriend who insisted she should try going to a bar to celebrate her promotion at work. And much to her surprise, this man in front of her was a lot nicer than he looks—even gave her his leather jacket, making all the burnt scars across his body visible. Some girls around her even gawk at the sight of his perfectly toned muscles because my oh my, he was ripped. RIPPED TO THE CORE. She was sure she had only seen men like these in the movies, but for this man to talk to someone like her, it was like a dream.

This is just a silly crush, okay? No big deal. Stop acting like a schoolgirl.

Afterwards, he told her to come with him and his friends outside where they could watch a romance movie and have a smoke. Well, a weaker part of her wanted to, like she was so willing for this man to just take her somewhere far away from here and never return to her morbid reality; the rational part of her warned her not to be rude, that she still has her date out there. So, she declines, a lump in her chest with the way she lied about her boyfriend's whereabouts. That he was having a stomachache or something. How foolish a girl can be.

"Are you sure you want to go by that answer?"

Of course, she was not. So when he grabbed his keys and held her hand, she already that this guy, whatever his name was, already had her heart in his hands. This was cruel; this was thrilling; this was making her happy and guilty for it. Attraction and temptation were two devils conniving to begin her downfall as she took in the way his warm and rough hand was so gentle as he guided her to his car. Even the stares he gave her when she and Himiko were watching the movie was too much for her heart, scolding herself mentally for not being able to control her emotions. At the same time, she would reason out, It's all his and his beautiful, mysterious eyes' fault that I am this way. He should stop being beautiful, at least.

When he left them to take a hit of his cigarette, they watched the movie quietly. It was a comfortable silence until Himiko affirmed the emotions burning in her.

"You like Dabi," the blonde stated with a sneaky smile, the same Cheshire cat thingy that she quite loathed at the moment.

"Da—who?"

Himiko rolled her eyes. "Dabi! The guy with the dark hair. You like him. You keep on ogling him, Sahara-chan!"

It was out in the open, and all she could do was blush in embarrassment. Well, there's no harm telling about Himiko everything, right? She's never had a friend aside from her older sister, so might as well have someone who'll listen to her pour out her real feelings.

"About earlier, I also like romance, Toga-chan," she started, seeing how Himiko was invested in whatever she wanted to say. "I just think romance does not suit me. I have a crush on..." she momentarily forgot the man's name, "him... but, you see, my boyfriend... even if I don't love him anymore, I don't know how to leave him."

"Shouldn't it be easy, though? You just tell him you're done with him and his bullshit," Himiko argued, shocking her with her vulgar words. "I don't know about the real details, but I heard him and Jin talk earlier and they said that jackass was having sex with one of the cocktail servers."

Right. Of course, he would. He had always done that before; have sex with someone while on a date with her.

"I am scared of the future. I am scared of the next step. He had been a constant even if I don't want him around. My life has stability as long as he is around."

Because once I break off things, my mom would never hear the end of it. People will talk. His parents will beg me to take him back no matter what. My father will do nothing about it like he always does. And that guy... he would take control of things to make himself look good. He does that everytime. I never win. I will always be in the wrong, after all.

"But... don't you want to be happy?" Himiko suggested. "I bet Dabi will make you happy."

"Huh?"

And before they could talk about it more, the guys have returned inside the car, and they all proceeded to watch the movie again. The more she watched the movie, the more she could relate to both the female characters. The feeling of wanting freedom was so liberating, and the feeling of wanting to be right was not in her favor. She sighed, and when she accidentally looked at the rear mirror, the man was staring at her.

She quickly looked away. Why is he staring? Has he been watching me?

And when he insisted to drive her home, she knew she had to mention that damn guy forcibly even though he was already out of the picture. She just had to, because this was all wrong. She should be catching feelings once she's single, and yet she still has no idea when that will happen. But nonetheless, being alone with this man who calls himself Dabi was so, so, so, soooo wrong. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG!

They had an argument at first, with him suddenly pulling her out of his car and sneering at her as he trapped her against a nearby wall. She was supposed to be scared, to be frightened at the proximity of him leaning close to her ear as the smell of cigarettes kept suffocating her. But she held herself, maintained her composure, and did not cry or blush.

"I can walk from here. Thank you again, Dabi-kun. Please send my regards to Twice-san and Toga-chan."

But "Dabi" did not let her go, still drove her home and even walked her to her door. That guy has never done that to her, but this man did. It was new. It was a fresh breath of air. It was a miracle to know yhat there were still men like him out there. And as she went inside, she held his jacket close to her body, imagining herself being trapped against that wall. She should've returned the jacket and go back to her sad reality without this Dabi or whoever he said he was (because she couldn't believe he was born with a name that means cremation.) But no; she wanted a piece of her own delusion.

She will take a dip, hoping she won't get burned later on.

next chapter

masterlist

[jujutsustraycats]

Hey ish! Your school would be starting in a few days and here a few things I wish someone told me when I was about to start my journey for 11th! Some of these might apply to you too even though the paths I have and you will be taking are completely different.

Next 2 years are gonna teach you a lot. They'll put you through the highest of high and lowest of lows. They'll change you as a person. They'll teach you so much about life (and also how people can be). Things would get overwhelming at times. You wouldn't understand what the fuck is going on at times. A lot of times you'd be left confused and hurt and alone for both, academic and non academic reasons. Also, you'd get a lot of career advice so you need to know how to filter out the useless ones! The best way to check authenticity can be reflect on the achievements of the one giving advice.

Even though your classmates might be in the same stream, you'll realise that everyone has a different story and that, in the worst ways possible too. There'd be times when it'd feel like none of your peers understand your visions and aim for future, there'd be times you wouldn't have a buddy to chat about your life philosophies with who also has the same opinions as yours (but remember to not give up on people as a whole okay? You'd find people you vibe with at the end of the day, you just have to be bold enough to put yourself out there!)

There'd be also times you might end up severely over worked and sleep deprived (but make sure not to drink so much coffee that your hands and shaking and your heart is beating so fast that your body goes into fight and flight mode thinking you're having panic attack lol). You know ish, these 2 years might completely make you or break you, but remember to not give up despite whatever situations you might end up in.

I personally was a several-Olympiad-gold-medalist kinda overachiever till 10th (even in 11th lol, i didn't sit for it in 12th because my priorities changed. And I overlooked it, don't do that. Celebrate your smallest wins and remember to appreciate yourself for the smallest milestones or you'll end up severely burnt out. It has happened to me twice over the span of last 4 years till now.) But even I ended up seeing the greatest academic downfall i ever had in front of my eyes at many times during these 2 years. And you should know that it's okay. A lot of people are going to be tough on you but try your hardest not to be one of them. Being kind to oneself can be difficult but try your best okay? And you said you are a perfectionist aren't you? Take care little dove.

I've seen a lot in these two years too. A lot of your academic experience also depends on what kind of teachers you get and me, personally, oh my teachers were pos and sadists. They'd bully me for the most stupid reasons (haha losers. You said i wouldn't be able to do it? Well. fuck y'all ✨ [you'd have to learn to be indifferent at times and not let their or anyone else's words get through you. Learn to develop a strong self belief.]) and I seriously hope you get better teachers.

But oh ish not every elder is bad, you'll get some amazing teachers whom you'd never want to break ties with. Hold on to them! okay? You'd also get really amazing friends who you'd know are going to last a lifetime and would be there for you in your toughest times. Hold on to them as well! Some bastards are too good to let go. Ha!

And also, in return, remember to be kind to your peers because you don't know what they might be going through (not to scare you but I had 2 of my friends who'd almost commit suicide, so yeah it can get scary for both, you and them at times but remember to heal them with your love and support. It's an age you all need each other!)

It's gonna be fun, full of lessons, scary, exciting and adventurous at the same time. You'd hate it sometimes and you'd love it sometimes, but despite all MASTI NAHI RUKNI CHAHIE!!! You won't ever get these 2 years back so make sure you don't walk out without making some amazing memories!! Vandalise stuff, copy the sign of principal to escape the school, bunk the classes (to study or not, your choice) have deepest conversations and most light hearted jokes and banters the exact other day, sleep in the class, eat from under the bench, give impromptu speeches on seminars and farewells, break rules....whatever ish. Whatever gets your heart pumping and adrenaline rushing. Because while it's the starting of peak years of your career, you should remember to be a human and have fun at times too. It's okay. It's normal. It's needed. One shouldn't be guilty about it.

Getting less than perfect marks on a few tests isn't gonna harm you as much as you think it will. The ones who love you will continue to love you. The ones who admire you will continue to admire you. The ones who support you will continue to support you.

Baki, main hun idhar hi ❤️ kabhi bhi kuch problem ho toh AA Jana apni badi behen se advice lene, I'll try my best to help you out. As I said the other day, the pain and trauma these 2 years have put me through has only served to make me more empathetic and protective of my juniors so if you come to me with loads of rants i won't say cliché things like "Stay strong". I'd first and foremost listen to you and simply that. I'd listen to you for as long as you want me to. Because sometimes you'd simply just wanna be heard ❤️

I'll try my best to be there for you! If nobody got you, I do! Remember that, okay? ✨

... Dear gods, I don't even know what to say. You made me cry. Like, tears actually sprung up in my eyes. Happy ones, though. Don't worry too much.

I'm not one for physical affection but I would've hugged you so hard if I were there. Thank you. This genuinely made my day.

[murkystarlight]

Jentry Chau vs the underworld....

Okay. So I saw the whole thing in a day. And I have... mixed feelings about it. But long story short, oh god I loved it. So, just my personal opinions and rambles. And a whole bunch of spoilers down here 👍

Okay so- first off. Jentry. Amazing character. I liked her. Until like... the last few remaining episodes. She became kinda.... eh. So pretty thoughhh

Michael, he was okay. He's quite nice. But my personal choice. Is Kit. He is so sweet. Makes human skin? Craftmanship is amazing. His emotions and struggles were so well portrayed. I would at least appreciate the things he did if I was in Jentrys' place.

Stella, okay. So... I just really hoped that she wouldn't end up with Jentry. It just feels so forced and weird to me.

The music is SO SICK has got to be my favorite part of this show. I need to know more KATSEYE songs. I kind of do but. I need more. They put in so many good music.

The visual is quite nice. The effects are gorgeous. The animation.. overall very good. The characters! Gi looks so pretty

My main question is, how is Jentry in Korea? Exchange student? Are her parents born in China but just lived in Texas(or somewhere else)? Is Jentry born in China or in Texas(somewhere else)? Also, if she's in Korea... how tf does all her friends have dyed hair??? Korean school of arts let's you dye hair? It's not restricted? How many other high school don't restrict that?

I feel like they could've just... killed off both of Jentrys' parents and not go through the extra three(? I think) episodes. And instead made the finale of the main plot more longer. Cause the finale didn't- couldn't give me that strong feeling the show gave me at the beginning of it. And it felt kind of unnecessary.

There's also a lot of things that are left unsolved(that may or may not be because I missed information from the show by not paying enough attention to detail)(plus, looking at how it is... it doesn't really look like the story could have a season two to me). Like the fortune telling powers. How his parents knew about the fortune telling powers. Kits' parents, are they also just human skin or possessed(?) humans? The reason for how Stella was able to make all those paper talismans, how Xiao Lan was able to use the powers of the golden emperor as soon as she wore it even though she probably didn't know what it could do(which means she wouldn't be able to use it) and even if she did know what it could do, she's just a little girl who only used the powers right now- how is she so good at using them and how is she in perfect control of them?? How does gugu and Cheng know each other so well, there must have been a starting point. We still don't know why gugu's sister is in the jail. And I need confirmation if the yin yang guy really is gugu's ex.

And just some additional background stories for the other characters would've been nice in my opinion. Like the ghosts in Gugu's house. We get to see them during the scene where Jentry's mom(Moonie) is looking for her old self. In the newspapers, but that's all cut off(one of the ghosts sound like Gummigoo??) I want to know more about Kit. And oh my god! Kit!! That's really the end of him?? Just like that? Also, when did the little switch happen? It happened without nobody else noticing. How did he find the timing to go in Jentrys' place? Did they plan it before hand? No, it doesn't seem like it. Oh my god- Kit! I love you Kit I'm sorry

And the more Jentry tried to make lessons, the more I don't like her. It gets stranger and stranger. It doesn't fit in. Herr motives kind of change... like she said she wants her life to be normal, so she can't be with Kit. Okay. Okay... a bit sad. But understandable. But when Michael has the powers to see glimpses of the future it's okay? That amount of weirdness is okay? Uh.. alright.

One last thing before I go(I have a lot more to say but uh... memory issues). Jentry 100% was scared when she first met Ed.

Overall, very nice show. I enjoyed it a lot. Though, it was very predictable tbh- haha. I could tell what was going to happen. A lot of this stuff just sprouted so.... yeah. Don't take it seriously

[joesalw]

I both agree and disagree with the last anon. Unlike what the majority of people think, to me it seems nonsense to think Taylor was putting all the I want to marry you songs, while being with someone who didn't want it. It makes much more sense to me that she put those songs because they had talked about it, it's not like he was pretending not to listen. There were plans and they were secure enough about each other for her to put out those songs. I know Taylor likes to play the victim and all that, but she is also not dumb. Like bfr she wasn't putting those songs hoping he would listen and give her a ring lmao so what do I think happened?

While I agree Taylor grew up around the idea of marriage and all that, I don't think she's that into the committement and settling down part of the equation. I think she loves the idea of marriage as in like a fantasy yk. But I think she is kind of scared or not really sure of the realistic part of what that entails, the compromises she might not be keen on making. I think in her head she wanted to marry Joe and having children and all that. But it was more like I can see that happening with him, but let's not put a timeline of when it will happen because I'm not ready yet and my career is the top priority of my life. Now if you are planning on having a family BOTH parties involved have to be aware that includes prioritizing that and planning your life around and with your children in mind.

So what I think happened is that Joe wanted the marriage, but eventually changed his mind. Not because he didn't want it anymore, but both because he felt like she wasn't ready for it to happen in the near future and also because he wasn't as sure anymore if he wanted it with her. If her as a person and the lifestyle she lives are the kind of thing he wants forever.

And you might ask well but why only think like this now? Because the Taylor of a few years ago was making an actual effort to have a life as normal as possible. The Taylor after the pandemic and specially since Midnights is back to courting attention. Be honest, seeing how she's acting now doesn't it make you wonder how their wedding was going to be invaded, how much more public she wanted them to be if they were still together, how she keeps adding tour dates after tour dates so who knows when her schedule is actually going to stabilize. I'm going to be honest you looking at all of this I wouldn't feel like she was planning a future for us and having me in consideration. I would feel unsure if I wanted to keep putting on effort and waiting around until she decided to come home.

To me, it's quite simple actually. They were having issues already because of the different opinions and in personality/what the other wanted. And Joe started to wonder well I'm not happy in this situation, like is this really the kind of thing i wanted to deal for life? Why should I agree to marry when I don't see her in that mindset and I'm not sure myself if she's the right person for me anymore? Why should I go for it and marry her when she's back to her old ways, being addicted to the spotlight, disregarding my need for peace and to keep our relationship as away from attention as possible? Why should I stay in this relationship if the things she said she wanted a few years seemingly changed and she changed to the point where it feels like she was just going along with what I wanted?

And if he knows a fraction of what she has been up to since late March, I think it only confirmed to him that her personal growth had an expiration date and she's back to high school aka he's more than glad he trusted on his instinct and didn't press on the marriage thing. Because I think he wanted it to happen sooner than later, she wasn't there yet and he realized maybe she never would be. Atleast not in the way he hoped for. Tbh just looking from the outside, her life seems exhausting. I can't imagine what must have been like not to be into this kind of life and go with it because you love the person and want to be with her. Years of this sound exhausting and I'm sure for a long while the good parts must have outweighted the bad, until last year that is.

I love to read your takes on their breakup, keep it coming

[thomotomo]

Hi! Hope you're having a good day! I'm the same anon who requested the love triangle of Faker x reader x Keria, my fixation for League and T1 came stronger than ever this time, my mind only thinks about faker, I just can't help it. TT

Maybe I'm projecting myself in this one, but like...Faker with a reader who is studying arts and like, although the reader loves what he does, he can't help but feel anxiety and sadness cuz, you know, it's very difficult to live from being an artist. I just know Faker would hug and comfort us and tell us that everything will be fine. :(

This is probably too long lmao, but I just needed to get it off my chest! Have a good day/night. <3

A/N: Heya anon! Thanks for trusting me with your request again hehe 🫶 I sooo feel you on only having Faker on your mind, I totally relate lmao- I was fast to write this one hehe (it hit veeeery close from home for me too lmao) I hope you'll enjoy it~

You didn't knew why you started feeling this way. You had always been so sure about the path you wanted to take but now the only thing you could do was worry. Maybe it was the fact that this was your last year in school and after that you'd be thrown into the wild west of adulthood and job hunting and you were scared of that?

You were deeply in love with what you were studying, even if it was hard at times with all the deadlines and such but you were really interested in your domain, it had been hard to push for your parents to allow you to study in this field. After all it wasn't the most lucrative nor recognized path, even though it had became widely accepted lately it was still hard to make a proper living out of it and talking about it during meals with your family was a risk to have a ton of judgement from them. So you couldn't vent your frustration and sadness to them whenever you met up and it was weighing heavily on your mind.

You stepped inside your apartment putting down your bag at the entrance and took off your shoes. You headed into your room and laid face down on your bed, you felt very empty and very stressed. The anxiety was slowly creeping up on you. You stood up suddenly and decided to take a look at all the drawings you had made throughout your college years, your favourite photographies looming over you and an immense dread was filling you as you looked at each of these - your- art pieces. You had always loved looking back on your growth but right now, they all looked so ugly.

And so, your mind could only criticise all of the mistakes you were seeing. You couldn't help but get the urge to destroy it, after all was it really worth it? You wouldn't be guaranteed a living right out of college, you probably wouldn't make enough to live a comfortable life unlike office workers and yet it was the path that you were headed in, you were really into it but your mind was filled with doubts, what if you couldn't find anything? You still had to pay your bills somehow so most likely you'll have to find a full time job in a shitty supermarket and then you'll just be too focused on making money to try to pursue your dream and you

You were so engrossed in your downward spiral and panic that you hadn't heard Sanghyeok coming back. He stepped into your bedroom and as he saw how much you were engrossed into your panic, he sat down next to you and gently took your hand in his.

"(Y/N)-ah? Are you okay?"

You looked at him with wide eyes, his face softened as he watched your eyes filling with tears, you sniffled and put down your sketchbook. Sanghyeok picked up and put it back on your table, and seated again next to you, the two of you had already spoken about this and your feelings towards your future work area but he had never seen you in this state before.

"I'm sorry.", you chuckled between two sniffles.

"Don't be it's okay. Do you want to speak about it?"

You didn't say anything and just shook your head negatively. Your boyfriend wrapped an arm around your shoulder, trying to give you with the best of his abilities, a hug. He gently pressed kisses on the temple of you head. He knew what you felt, the uncertainty of the future and of your career, he had felt the same multiple times throughout the years and he knew that reassurances didn't always help but he was here, and support was probably the best thing he could give to you.

"Don't worry too much right now. I'll be with you every step of the way okay?"

You nodded quietly, wrapping your arms around his waist, nuzzling into his neck, trying to calm yourself down. Sanghyeok's warmth was already making you feel better, you were already quite clingy usually but when you were in this kind of mood it was even worse. The older male was gently patting your hair as your hiccuping slowed down and you got your head out of his neck, using one of your hands to swipe away the tears. Sanghyeok looked at you with a small smile on his lips, you still looked very adorable even after crying, and well, he had brought back some of your favourite meat to cook.

"I have everything to make you donkatsu, would you feel better if I do that?"

Your eyes shined in excitement as soon as you heard the word "donkatsu". Sanghyeok chuckled and stood up, bringing you with him, the two of you headed to the kitchen and you watch as your boyfriend started to work on your food. The two of you were discussing, some quiet music playing in the background, calming your nerves, you helped him into making the sauce and the rice so the two of you could eat quicker, despite Sanghyeok's protests.

When the meal was ready you took a seat on your couch and you couldn't help but admire the food and observe your favourite man bringing back chopsticks and your preferred soda. Sanghyeok looked at you curiously, his lips being turned up in a cat-like gentle smile.

"Thank you for being here for me Hyeok..."

"Of course jagi. Here eat and ease your mind."

He took a piece of the meat and fed it to you making your cheeks flush slightly, making him grin. The two of you ate in a very comfortable silence and once you finished the meal you both cleaned up the plates and Sanghyeok laid down on couch opening his arms to you. You chuckled and laid down on him, breathing in his scent.

"I know you're worried about the future but as I said I will always be here for you. I know what you feel and just as you're supporting me, I'll support you."

Your heart swelled as you listened to him talk, and your arms tightened around him. Sanghyeok gently kissed the top of your head, soothing a bit of your anxiety away. You laid there, listening to his heartbeat, which definitely helped you calming down and made you drift away into a nice sleep.

[mayisgoingnuts]

Enjoy a free pass to infodump about Roy and his parents 🎫

I am v curious about your thoughts :]

You heard them guys I got a free pass :D

ALSO I'M SORRY I TOOK SO LONG I FORGOT I PUT THIS IN DRAFTSS

Roy's parents

Uhh tw for family issues and a brief mention of S/A

Imma be honest, I feel like people see their relationship as either black or white when it's definitely NOT the case.

Black = Carmen and Richard are awful beings, they hate Roy, they won't let him do anything and would easily abandon him for money, I EVEN SAW SOME SAYING THAT THEY WOULDN'T CARE ABOUT ROY'S UNCLE. I'M SORRY I KNOW IT'S AU AND STUFF BUT,,, it makes me so so uncomfortable AAAAA

White = They're just quite arrogant and that's it, normal life and communication, nothing changes from a basic family besides the fact that Carmen and Richard are "ughh poor people". Also makes me uncomfy ngl, even tho it can be cute sometimes.

Both are ENTIRELY WRONG in my view.

First of all, (most of the cases, not all of them) no matter how much your parents suck, how much they treat you awfully or just are JERKS to you, if they did "the bare minimum", you'll stay attached to them no matter how much you don't want to. In Roy's case, I can see that they already spent a LOT of money on him and pretty sure that it already gave him good time and moments (plus gave him a nice childhood since when he was born his parents are pretty happy), so they're not 100% evil or bad. Plus, as much as he's scared, I can see that he also respects them in a way, otherwise he wouldn't even go through the "Can I say bye? You know, ehh?" scene, if he actually felt FEAR he wouldn't even open his mouth and much less sound that dry to them (personal experience cough cough)

Not to mention that Roy gets angry with people calling his mom a lady of the night, he wouldn't give 2 shits if he truly hated her 🫠

But they're definitely not oh so good either. They wouldn't communicate that easily if not at all, y'know those scenes where you have dinner with your parents and gets nothing but silence or, idk, the most boring conversations ever? Something like that, not to mention the obvious problem with accepting Roy's personality

AND TOWARDS ROY'S UNCLE. MY GOOOODDDDDDD AAAAAAAAAAAA IT MAKES ME GO CRAZY,, /NEG

I explained it before but saying it again, ROY'S PARENTS WOULDN'T JUST??? IGNORE???? OR VICTIM BLAME HIM EITHER?? PLEASE. The most realistic option here is having their support, and even there it wouldn't be all rainbows and such since they're not close. It would get a bit better between them? Definitely. 100%? Nuh-uh.

Carmen and Richard want the best for their son, a good future, a good life, a good job, good school, but they have an issue of not thinking about his emotional state and own personal tastes. Roy obviously get mad at them, get upset, but not now not today that he would say something like "I hope they die", and if he does he wouldn't mean it or would regret. Basically "I don't hate them, but I don't love love them either"

I feel like this sounds more like a rant than anything?? Sorry if it does, but I'm a bit tired to see people trying to explain their relationship in a black or white view when it's clearly not

[meowcats734]

The midnight revelation was the first major lead we had on Jiaola's location, but it was still just that: midnight. Meloai didn't need to sleep, but Lucet had been practicing cold spells relentlessly, and Sansen was an old man who'd hiked through a supernatural blizzard while maintaining a permanent spell of futuresight. As much as I wanted to burst into the storm and save Jiaola myself, we were in no shape to go haring off into the wilderness just yet.

But I sure as hell couldn't sleep, so I decided to try and bleed off my nervous energy by honing my magic. I wasn't going to be able to mess with my friends' emotions for the sake of getting more attunements while they were sleeping, and besides, I'd run through pretty much every attunement that I thought I could get myself without being a massive dick to the people I cared about most. Giving Lucet a friendly prank-scare or sparking a little joy in Meloai's eyes was one thing—intentionally betraying Sansen's trust or snuffing out someone's sense of wonder was a step beyond what I felt I was willing to do in order to touch one more school of magic. And those were the tamer of the attunements I could try to grab for myself. I'd already picked all the low-hanging fruits when it came to attunement.

That being said, although my obsession with piling up attunements had paid off already with saving Mertri's soul, it was far from the only way that I could improve myself. Every spell I practiced, every memory I summoned into my soulspace, every demon I created and trained was another tool in my arsenal for the next time Iola or Mr. Ganrey or Odin showed up to ruin everyone's day. 

And besides... there was a very real possibility that I could do some good for the fallen while I trained my magic. So I told Meloai to keep an eye out and quietly slipped into the storm.

The blizzard had buried the once-fertile plains, swallowing everything from the tiniest of gnats to the light of day itself. Somehow, it almost felt fitting that even the sun would fade before the apocalyptic hailstorm. After all, what went better together than the cold and the dark?

Well. Necromancers and the dead, for one. Idly, I wondered if in some other life I would've answered something cutesy and trite like "peanut butter and jelly," or "puppies and cuddles," or "governments and corruption." Perhaps that other version of me wouldn't be shivering in sub-zero weather, a repulsion spell keeping the hail from caving in my skull, scouring the fields of the dead for souls that I could still knit back together.

Or perhaps that other version of me would have died long ago. Who knew. Not me, for sure; I wasn't an oracle. Maybe I'd ask Sansen to look into some alternate futures for the fun of it, when we were safely away from the center of a battlefield and everyone we loved was safe.

The blizzard may have been blinding to the mundane eye, but my soulsight had grown by leaps and bounds in the past few weeks, and I could see the constant puffs of death drifting up from the ground. There was where a family of mice starved to death, their sparkling souls shattering like raindrops on earth. Then was when a soldier had frozen, succumbing to the supernatural frost, a few glittering motes of fading souldust marking where he'd passed.

I stepped up to the body, closing their eyes with one hand. I wasn't here for the bodies, although I guessed that if there was anyone left to claim the fallen soldier as kin, I would happily reunite the two. As in, I'd bring the claimant to their slain family, not send them to the afterlife together. Man, people had held weird prejudices against necromancers for so long that even my subconscious felt the need to clarify. But the point was, the bodies of the dead weren't why I'd come out here.

I'd come here for the souls.

It was a feat of concentration maintaining the spell keeping the hail away while I worked another piece of magic: I had to simultaneously manage the bile of disgust pouring into the repulsion spell while digging out a shard of sorrow from my soul, slicing open a tiny rift between planes. The emotions I used to fuel my magic were rarely pleasant, and this was no exception.

But it would be worth it.

A sliver of the dead soldier's soul slipped from thoughtspace to realspace, and I concentrated, drawing it closer to me with the memory of a pair of tweezers. The sliver was barely enough to contain more than a moment of the soldier's life, but as the soul shard melded with my mind, a flash of memory shot through me—

"Leave me behind," I gasped, falling to the ground. "Get to the camp. It'll be faster without a wounded soldier weighing you down."

—and I swallowed heavily, taking in a deep, quavering breath.

Other necromancers might have tried to raise an army with the raw corpses left behind. But I was the greatest necromancer still alive beneath this unceasing storm.

I wasn't here to enslave the bodies of the dead.

I was here to remember their stories.

The greatest necromancers always were historians, after all. Any two-bit thug could raise a freshly-fallen corpse, but if you wanted to summon an army of souls bound to skeletons, there was no better way than unearthing a hidden mass grave from a war two centuries ago. I was a historian, too. Trying to catch the sparks of souls before they faded into thoughtspace.

I stood, narrowing my eyes, and plucked the memory back out from my soul. It was an art that I was still getting used to—anyone who would have taught me further soul manipulation was either as in the dark as I was, a mortal enemy, or dead—but with the help of a tweezer of soulstuff, I held the memory so that it barely skimmed the surface of my soul, still as fresh and perfect as the moment I'd absorbed it. The tracks the soldier's companions had left shone bright in my memory, even if they'd long since been swallowed by the snow, and I followed them like a dog on a hunt. Not that there were any living dogs within a hundred miles.

"Getting warmer," I muttered to myself. "Warmer... warmer... hot."

The memory ended abruptly, but it was enough of a lead that I could pick up the finer details. I was no tracker, but one of the soldier's companions must have been a fairly competent mage of freedom—now that I knew what to look for, I could see the telltale signs from here on out of where the path had been blown free of snow. I reached the end of the trail, hope rising. Maybe... maybe, for once in this fucking endless torment of chronicling the dead, I could actually save someone for once. I would dearly love nothing more than my power over death being utterly, completely useless.

"Warmer," I said, pacing towards what I dimly recognized as a snow cave—

And stopped dead.

Because my soulsight pierced all barriers as mundane as physical objects, and I could see very, very clearly that there were no living souls in the shelter.

Just the leftover fragments of shattered souls.

Despite my layers of thick mountain clothing, I suddenly felt very, very cold.

I trudged forwards, blowing aside the front wall of the shelter with a swipe of my hand and a pulse of disgust, to confirm with my eyes what my soul already knew. Two more soldiers laid dead, embracing each other beneath the snow.

Once more, I pressed against the skin of reality and made a single, incisive cut. The soul fragment that came through was disjointed, a mangled whisper, but still I made sense of the broken memory, disentangling it into a single sentence:

We died warm.

I fell still, standing beside the two frozen bodies, and some cold, calculating part of me wondered if a distant observer would be able to tell which of us were the dead and which of us were the living.

Then, mutely, I turned around to return to my shelter. It was time to put today's expedition to an end.

I was getting colder, after all.

A.N.

Soulmage is a serial written in response to writing prompts. Stick around for more episodes, or join my Discord to chat about it!

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[broodsys]

yelling into the void

my biggest issue lately is a deep fear about my future being uncertain. i'm very disabled, i'm easily fatigued, and i know i wouldn't be able to do any kind of "typical" job, although i might be able to do a full-time office job, but it'd wear on me a lot at the same time, esp re: getting there and back

but i don't think that, realistically, i can just... avoid having a job. i need to work

and part of my big spiral lately is that i recently found one job that actually seemed feasible, and, bonus, like something i'd actually enjoy doing and had some experience with. i knew it was unlikely that i would get it, but i still hoped, y'know? i just really wanted this one thing to go my way. but, no. got rejected for it. and i've been really bad about applying around, but it feels so pointless, y'know? like there was a time i was submitting 40+ apps and getting nothing. so now i'm being choosier and trying to do better at them but it's still getting me nowhere

and i'm just. really scared and exhausted and demoralized

i've thought a lot about applying for disability, but there are a lot of limitations if i go that route. plus it would be a Process and i'll probably get denied multiple times and may have to fight to retain my coverage and all these other things

and yknow. unmedicated adhd sucks. it sucks! i have so much trouble doing shit but i'm wary of getting medicated rn because of the shortages and all, and i honestly think it'd be worse for me to find something that works and have it be taken away than to continue on with all my weird structures and routines that sorta-kinda work

add to that a lot of continuing tensions in my household, a lot of... i won't get into it, but health risk factors also in my household... and a serious inability to prepare food and eat well regularly that isn't even so much linked to my disabilities as it is to my family situation, it just sucks. it's hard af and there doesn't seem to be a way out except a job... which i can't get

and what's extra frustrating is that i actually want to work. i think having a job, so long as it's something i can do wrt my disabilities, would help me a lot, even aside from relieving the fear. i do much better with external structure. i try to build my own strict routines and that does help, but external stuff has always worked better for me. i've thought about returning to school but finaid is already a little :/ about giving me more money bc i've gone through the dental assisting program only to immediately return to school to get my BA, plus honestly i wouldn't even know what to do besides use school as an intermediary external structure

but i want to work. i want to do things. and in an ideal world, i want a job that lets me help - people, the environment, whatever, just to do some good. i want money that i can donate to causes. i want to have a sense of even relative security in my life and future. and i can't get that by doing nothing but holy shit doing anything feels so pointless rn

so yeah, that's the biggest, most immediate hurdle i gotta get over now. have to pick up my hope or at least my stubbornness and try again and fail again and try again anyway and it sucks so much and i'm so tired but there's no alternative

[idletype]

get to know me tag! :0

was tagged by my beloved b @weizhiyuan <3 many moons ago and i just remembered this is in my drafts. but thanku!!

do you make your bed? i wait until i absolutely HAVE to be out of bed to get up so i don't usually have the time or see the point

what's your favourite number? 7 or 9 (my bday)

what is your job? i work at a tutoring academy :D

if you could go back to school, would you? i am currently in school and Suffering but i still plan to (hopefully) go to grad school in the near (hopefully) future!

can you parallel park? in theory yes in practice yes but with a lot of adjustment and anxiety mumbling

a job you had that would surprise people? i've only had 2 other jobs besides my current one so i don't think so

do you think aliens are real? yes and if they're reading this rn pls call me pls give me ONE chance

can you drive a manual car? no and everytime i see it in movies or videos i am very confused

what's your guilty pleasure? i was raised catholic so all of my pleasures are guilty 👍 but fr i wouldn't say i have any, cringe is dead, life is too short, we should all enjoy the things we enjoy without shame (as long as it isn't hurting anyone ofcourse), etc etc

tattoos? none but i've many ideas about ones i really want, both silly and serious

favorite color? green (and yellow and blue and brown but mostly green)

favorite type of music? soft indie sad girl music, 2000s emo/pop punk, musical theatre, noisy kpop ... mostly those 4 wildly different genres

do you like puzzles? yes but i don't do them often, i should really do more puzzles. love the nyt games tho

any phobias? bugs especially cockroaches, this is specific but not being able to wake up from a dream/not being able to tell if i'm dreaming - i'm a very floaty spacey person so i'm scared of suddenly losing my sense of what's real

favorite childhood sport? i do not sport and have never sported. swimming and gymnastics but i'm not very good at both. swimming is still p enjoyable now

do you talk to yourself? constantly

what movies do you adore? dead poets society is my all time fav, wolf children, greta gerwig's little women, stephen spielberg's west side story.... i recently watched bottoms and it was SO good

coffee or tea? both, i probably drink coffee more nowadays bc i'm a caffeine fiend but tea is very comforting to me

first thing you wanted to be growing up? a princess/singer/actress probably. i have childhood photos of me wrapped in a curtain putting on a concert in the living room

tagging @qt-qtoey @petrichoraline @distant-screaming @serene-skies @benzatthanin unless u have already done it hehe