#give me kurtz back

[fyreheart13]

WELL, I DID THIS. It fought me every step of the way, the simplicity of it is deceptive. BUT, I did it! I don't know where I got the idea of The Doctor giving Ruby a piggy back ride, but wherever it came from it stuck and I painted it. (Also let's all praise Devin Elle Kurtz and her amazing brushes and tutorials.)

[alwaysmoncheri]

𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧

summary: in which best friends, y/n henderson and steve harrington get caught up in their feelings while paranormal activities occur in the small town of hawkins, indiana

cw: fem!reader, I wrote this a long time ago(I apologize for everything cringe), shit writing, first person pov, implications of sex, 1k

<3

The day seems to drag on incessantly as I drown in my own pool of sorrow.

As I'm sitting at lunch, Tommy and Carol crack their typical 'humorous' remarks, triggering an unsettling feeling within me.

"I still think that creep killed him." Tommy says referring to Jonathan while spooning food into his mouth.

"He's such a freak." Carol comments, laughing.

Steve shoots his friends a look before he glances at me with a concerned expression. To my surprise, he rests his hand on my thigh and gives it a gentle squeeze, leaving it there, before returning to his food.

Steve doesn't bring up what happened last night.

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

"The brown current ran swiftly out of the heart of darkness, bearing us down towards the sea with twice the speed of our upward progress. And Kurtz's life was running swiftly, too—"

I slump in my seat, absorbing this incredibly boring lecture as the day reaches its conclusion. Suddenly the office lady walk in and halts the teacher's speech.

Thank god.

"(Y/n) Henderson and Nancy Wheeler? If you would come with me, please," She says motioning for us to walk with her.

With exhaustion dragging me down, I rise from my chair and shuffle after the lady through the classroom door to the empty cafeteria - a tense scene awaiting. There, Mrs. Wheeler sits, across from two officers, who look at Nancy and I with stern expressions, which causes my heart to quicken with anticipation.

Nancy sits down next to her mom and I sit myself down next to Nancy.

"We're here to discuss the whereabouts of your friend, Barbra Holland." One of the deputies says, with a notepad in hand.

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

"So, this argument you and Barbra had... What exactly was it about?" The officer, Powell asks.

"It wasn't really an argument..." Nancy says hesitantly, "Barb just wanted to leave. I didn't, so, I... I told her to just go home."

"Then what?" Powell asks.

"Then I went upstairs to put on some dry clothes." Nancy continues.

"And the next day," Powell says, "You guys went back and saw, a bear, you're thinking?"

"We don't know what it was... but we think..." I pipe in, "We think maybe it took, Barb."

"You need to check behind Steve's house—" Nancy starts.

"We did. There's nothing there." The other officer, Callahan, says shaking his head, "There's no sign of a bear."

"And there's no car." Powell finishes.

"What?" I say, as Nancy and I glance at each other.

"Look, we figure that Barbra came back last night and then she took off, went somewhere else." Callahan says.

"Has she ever talked to either of you about running off?" Powell asks, "Leaving town, maybe?"

"No," Nancy says shaking her head, "No, Barb wouldn't do that, ever."

"She wasn't maybe upset about the fact that you were spending time with this boy?" Powell asks, "Uh, Steve Harrington?"

"What? No." Nancy says uncomfortably.

"Maybe she was jealous because she saw you go up to Steve's room?" Callahan presses and Mrs. Wheeler looks at Nancy pointedly.

"It wasn't like that." Nancy argues.

"Like what?" Callahan asks.

"Steve and me... We're..." Nancy's starts, "We're just friends. We just talked."

Callahan looks down at his notes and I avert my gaze to the window, hiding my jealousy.

"Now was this before or after you changed out of your clothes?"

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

After riding my bike home, I grab a snack from the fridge as the phone begins to ring. I walk over to the phone holding it between my shoulder and ear. Opening the wrapper for my snack, I take a bite while answering the call.

"Henderson residence." I say into the phone.

"(Y/n)?" I hear Jonathan's voice through the speaker.

"This is she," I reply.

"Uh, could you help me with something?" He says hesitantly.

"Of course, what is it?" I ask, leaning against the wall.

"I need to organize Will's funeral and I just can't do it alone." He responds solemnly.

"Oh..."

"You don't have to, I just—"

"No, no, it's okay Jonathan," I say, reassuring the boy, "Pick me up in ten minutes?"

"Okay."

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

Jonathan arrives at my house approximately ten minutes later. As he drives us to the funeral home, my thoughts wander to the difference between riding with him and sitting in Steve's car. Jonathan's car is cold and bleak while Steve's car is warm and causes my emotions to buzz with excitement.

Jonathan pulls up outside the funeral home and we both head inside. An old man greets us with a sad smile and guides us over to view the available caskets.

"It's made of soft wood with a crepe interior," The old man says gently, "Uh, now, I don't know what your budget is but over there, we have copper and bronze." He says leading us over to more caskets.

Nancy walks in through the entrance, her steps slow and hesitant. Jonathan and I notice her arrival, prompting her to offer us a wave that mirrors her anxious demeanor.

"Can you just give us a second?" Jonathan stammers before we walk over to Nancy.

"Of course." The man says kindly.

"Hey." Jonathan greets.

"Hey, Nance." I say.

"Hey..." She says, "Your mom, um... she said you'd be here."

"I just... can we talk for a second?"  Nancy continues nervously.

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

"It looks like it could be some kind of perspective distortion, but I wasn't using the wide angle." Jonathan says looking at the taped picture Nancy hands him after we sit down on a bench.

"I don't know. It's weird" He continues handing the picture back to Nancy.

"And you're sure you didn't see anyone else out there?" Nancy asks.

"No." Jonathan replies, "She was there one second and then, um... gone. I figured she bolted."

"The cops think that she ran away." Nancy says sadly, "But they don't know Barb."

"And we went back to Steve's... and we thought we saw something..." I say.

Some weird man or...I don't know what it was." Nancy finishes with a sigh before looking at Jonathan.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here today." She stands, "I'm so sorry."

"What did he look like?" Jonathan says abruptly.

"What?" Nancy asks turning back around.

"This man you guys saw in the woods." Jonathan says, "What'd he look like?" He repeats.

"I don't know," Nancy stammers, "It was almost like he... he didn't have—"

"Didn't have a face?"

<3

next chapter . masterlist . steve harrington masterlist . taglist

thank you for reading, my darling! remember to like! reblog! and comment! i’ll give you a smooch if you do, ily! send requests to my inbox!

alwaysmoncheri �� ─ all rights reserved. please do not repost/translate/copy any of my work.

[marytunno]

-read below-

THE WOODS HER ONLY HOME

Hot Pie was practising the bird calls Kurtz had taught him before, before he had left them too, the wound on his shoulder taking him in a fever.

- Shut it!- grunted Gendry, he had been helping Lommy walk since a lance had broken and pierced his leg.

- I’m a blackbird…- explained the boy trying to keep up 

- Well, you just sound stupid!- said Arry, the little crying girl following him like a shadow.

Hot Pie bit his tongue and kept going, he didn’t want to fight with Gendry or Arry, they were the only ones that hadn’t left him or Lommy behind.

 In those brief moments when they forgot about their quite tragic situation it was almost nice being together. If they had met before leaving Kingslanding they could have been friends, he would even have given some of his mother’s pies to them… he didn’t even remember how those tasted like… the only taste in his mouth the foul one of acorn paste… 

A sound through the woods. 

- That was a good one, Pie! Were you trying to be a thunder?- spoke Lommy, his dirty hair sticking to his pale forehead

Hot Pie blushed.

- It was his stomach, stupid…- explained Arry

- Well, I’m hungry! If only you listened to me… we will die if we keep walking circles in the woods, if we go on the road maybe…- 

-No!- said together Gendry and Arry, sometimes it seemed they thought with the same one brain.

- But why? We did nothing wrong…- started Lommy - If only Yoren had yielded to the guards nothing bad would have happened! If we ask for help they will give us food or maybe…- 

Gendry stopped for a moment and looked at his blonde deadweight

- Maybe they kill us - he said more tired than actually annoyed 

- But my leg hurts and we are starving, there are wolves everywhere and we are probably lost!- continued the blonde boy

- We are not lost!- Arry turned around and looked straight at the others

- And if you are so hungry you could eat some bugs or worms, I could dig them up for you!-

Lommy made a disgusted noise, there was no way he would have eaten one of those disgusting little things.

- You can keep those for yourself wormbreath… we should look for an inn where they can make us real food! Ouch…- 

Lommy now sat with his ass on the ground.

- Why did you do that, Bull?- cried the boy 

-I’m tired and you are getting heavy…- spat Gendry 

- Maybe we can stop for a while to rest…- tried Hot Pie ready to let his body fall to the ground, he saw Arry and Gendry look at each other, one of their silent conversations.

- Fine…- said Arry - But we’ll have to walk some more before nightfall…- 

The sun was still high in the sky, its light piercing through the leaves turning the ground into a constellation of lights and shadows. Lommy had closed his eyes but kept complaining in his sleep, Hot Pie had placed a hand on his friend’s forehead, it was burning like an oven, that wasn’t good. 

- Where are you going?- asked Gendry, his eyes on Arry

- I’ll be back in a second…- he explained with an annoyed tone

- What about the little girl…- 

- Well she is not crying now… and she is distracted playing with that rock… she’ll survive a second without me!- said Arry hurrying away

- Where do you think he is going?- sked Hot Pie

Gendy had a weird expression on his face, he probably was thinking about something, he always made that face when he was thinking. 

- Probably needs some quiet and peace before having to deal with you all again…- he said flatly 

- But he is going to be back, right?- 

Gendry scowled and rolled his blue eyes.

- Of course… Arry doesn’t leave anyone behind… but if you keep talking I will and you’ll have to help Lommy walk yourself!- 

Hot Pied swallowed his next question and stretched himself on the ground for a moment, waiting for Arry to return.

Arya went back to the other as quickly as she could, a smile on her lips. 

- Fucking finally!- grunted Gendry, he seemed a little distressed holding the little girl from the ground, Arya almost laughed, it was clear he had never been around babies much during his life.

- She was eating dirt again…- he explained holding the girl toward her direction as if to say that now that was Arya’s problem.

Arya smiled as softly as she could at the little one, she must have felt so confused and scared, so young without her mother… 

Arya made the little girl spit on the ground what had been in her mouth, some dirt, a leaf, the rock she had been playing with before.

- Like that, little one…- she said, using her hand to clean the small face… The girl complained a little bit but in the end she left Arya clean her up. 

- You are good at this…- Gendry was now looking at them 

- I mean with babies and…- he continued his trail of thoughts out loud 

- I’m good at a lot of things…- answered Arya meeting his gaze, the sounds of the woods the only thing around them for a moment. 

- And you!- Arya went back to focus on the young girl - You can eat only what I give to you! No more dirt!- the baby just made a little shriek and hugged Arya as she often did. 

- You are being so loud! I need to rest!- complained Lommy, his face so pale he hardly looked alive. Arya felt too sorry for the boy to talk back at him… she had no idea what she would have done if she had got hurt… wounded wolves rarely survived for long.

- I have good news if you care to hear it…- she said catching everyone’s attention 

- Not much from here I found some trees… they had crabapples on them… if we go there we can have some…-  

Hot Pie jumped on his feet, the weariness from the long walk forgotten.

- You sure it’s not dangerous? Could be part of a farm or something…- started Gendry 

- I say we go!- stated Lommy 

- I saw no one there and there wasn’t a wall around the trees… sometimes the seeds just travel in the wind… I think it’s safe. - 

Gendry nodded, some food would have been good for them, it was worth the risk.

Arry had climbed barefoot on the tree making the green fruits fall to them, they were sour and in some they found some worms but for a moment they had felt like kings before a banquet. 

Gendry had helped Arry down from the tree, not because the small boy needed his help but like, he did it just to do something nice. Arry finding some food had been the first good thing happening to them in a long time.

- What?- Arry’s voice woke Gendry from his thoughts, he had been looking at the small boy cutting a crabapple in smaller pieces to help the little girl eat.

Gendry looked at him confused.

- You were looking at me…- he said, his grey eyes waiting for an answer, not many people had grey eyes in KingsLanding

- And? Is it forbidden?- he joked taking a bite from his crabapple, sour but still good. 

Arry just blinked and then shrugged.

- I just thought you wanted to ask me something, I don’t know…- the conversation died there.

Lommy knew a cool trick where he could catch a piece of fruit after he had thrown it into the air, Arya had tried to do the same but her crabapple had fallen on the ground instead… she had eaten it anyway and the little girl had laughed at it… it was nice… the sound of laughter… 

- You think she had a name?- asked Arya after a while looking at her little friend jump around the roots of the tree

- Maybe…- said Hot Pie 

- Her mum died without telling us tough…- continued the boy, some sadness in his small eyes 

Arya sighed, she knew that look, she missed her mum too… 

- We should give her a name…- proposed Arya thinking about the way Sansa had been so good at naming her dolls… Arya knew good names too… she had learned most of them from old Nan’s stories… 

- Why?- asked Gendry

- Well, she is not crying anymore… we can’t keep calling her crying girl…- explained Arya as if it had been obvious 

- To me, she looks like a little weasel, we should call her that…- said Lommy, his leg was now resting slightly raised on a stone

Arya frowned 

- That’s unkind! She looks nothing like a weasel!- 

- I can see it...- 

- Shut up Hot Pie!- continued Arya, she wondered if the little girl understood what they were talking about, it had hurt being called Lumpyhead or Wormbreath by Lommy…

- Hey Weasel, come here! I can give you an apple!- continued Lommy catching the girls attention 

- I think she likes it…- he said 

-Am I right Weasel?- smiled Lommy giving her the crabapple, she started sucking on the peel all happy

Gendry noticed Arya’s pout, she had been biting her lip too 

- Can you think of a better name?- he asked

Arya’s mind for a moment filled of names, names she had loved, names she missed, names she wanted to call again… 

-Err…- she started

-Then Weasel it is…- Gendry ended the discussion and then moved a bit on his right to leave some place for Arya to sit with her back to the tree trunk.

- Fine…- she said sitting close to him, Weasel was better than “crying girl” anyway.

After a while Arya felt Gendry’s eyes on her again, she gave him a questioning look.

He sighed and then whispered under his breath 

- I can’t keep carrying Lommy…- he seemed almost sorry about it.

- But, you are strong… you can! You are saying this just because he is annoying you!- whispered back Arya keeping an eye on Weasel walking toward them with some grass between her small fingers

-I’m not… at first he could at least walk a bit… carry his own weight… but now it’s getting worse…- 

Arya looked at him for a long moment 

- What are you saying? That we should leave him behind?- she scolded him 

- If he keeps complaining maybe we should…- answered Gendry, he wasn’t serious, Arya was sure he was just tired. 

- There has to be a way! We are not leaving him!- 

Gendry sighed, of course Arry was being stubborn about it, whoever had called Gendry bullheaded had never met Arry. 

- Why do you care? He called you mean names and he is never useful…- he said looking at Arry 

- Please! It’s just the right thing to do… Yoren would have wanted us to stick together… It wouldn’t be right to leave someone behind, he needs our help… don’t you think I know I would reach my… I’d be faster on my own? But we have to stitch together!- 

Gendry nodded at those words and looked at the trees around them 

- We could make a stretcher with what we find around… carry him like that… - he finally said, it would have been easier with someone helping him

Arry smiled so nicely and for a second a weird thought crossed Gendry’s mind.

The idea of the stretcher had been a good one and the next day they carried Lommy in turns, always walking north, under the sun during the day listening to the wolves howl at night. Sometimes they fought and felt hopeless but sometimes things could be good and in those moments they could let themselves hope that there was a good ending to their journey: that Lommy wasn’t going to die as Yoren and Kurts and too many had died before, that Hot Pie was going to taste his mum’s pies again, that little Weasel was going to grow up safe and with people that cared for her…

But it didn’t last for long, and now Lommy lied dead, his blood staining the grass, Arya, Hot Pie, Gendry walked toward death, a hopeless march under banners painted with dogs… and little Weasel ran, ran and kept running, the woods her only home.

Some missing moments with the gang... I love so much the way Arya protects little Weasel in the books and I really hope she is still alive somewhere being the little feral dirt eater we all love so much<3<3

[terrence-silver]

Okay, but what do you think kk3/ck Terry's reaction would be if he walked in on beloved watching a movie like platoon or rambo?

-

Can...I tell you what I think him and John would think of every major iconic Vietnam war movie respectively? At least the ones I've seen?

― Because I think Kreese watches Platoon religiously and has for decades; some people might put on a Christmas or Holiday seasonal classic, he puts on Platoon. It's the man's comfort movie, if anything, crazy as that may sound. If you asked someone like Johnny Lawrence or any of the surviving OG Cobras if they remember what Sensei's Kreese favorite flick was by chance back in the days they'd all possibly have vaguely fading memories how he liked that one war movie with the big guy who had the scarred face. Probably owned the VHS tape as soon as it came out back in 1986. and utilized that video track to goddamn near deterioration in his player, relating most to Berenger's character (of course) meanwhile, Terry indulged watching it with him, possibly on a glossy home theatre in his mansion purely to 'give Johnny the pleasure of watching his favorite flick in real style, just as he deserves' and he never confessed to the fact the film was slightly uncomfortable for him because Lt. Wolfe eerily reminded him of himself and his own clumsy nature back in the days. It's like someone took his own life story and translated it into film.

― Terry Silver actually (sadistically) loved Casualties of War until John told him the portrayal of US soldiers in it is so offensive and downright distasteful to him the movie in his opinion comes off like a virtual smear campaign 'against our heroes who served', which immediately had Terry changing his tune to appease John. Yeah, you heard that correctly; it's not offensive towards the storyline of the Vietnamese village girl getting kidnapped and repeatedly abused but it's offensive towards the soldiers portrayed in a bad light. Wrap your head around that. What can I say, these two are unhinged in their own right. Anyway, in an effort to endear himself to Kreese and basically avenge him Terry went as far as attempting to run a smearing campaign of his own against Brian De Palma; a guy who lived a few blocks away from Terry's own mansion back in the 80's. The whole media effort was so ridiculous and such a fever dream of a 'fact is stranger than fiction' type event that if anyone today knew about it, they'd call it an outright lie because it sounds made up --- but, it's one of many things Terry did for John and because of John. The whole 'let me retaliate against a movie director for John' went on long after him and John fell out, which led Terry to come to his senses and realize just how much he's doing for a friend who's no longer there.

― Terry might've watched Apocalypse Now as it released, post-war. It's 1976, the whole Vietnam thing is still fresh in everyone's memory, Terry might've started experimenting with cocaine and drugs of various kinds and here's this very bizarre, psychedelic topical movie everyone's talking about to top it all off. Not impossible to think he might've gotten seriously high while re-runs of the movie ran, again, in some colossal, extravagant home theatre within the compound of his Hills mansion. I imagine Terry could've had a phase where he was seriously tweaking out and trying to cope with PTSD any way he could, experimenting just what worked and for all intents and purposes this was one of the milder ways. Might've had an orgy in his said home theatre too while the movie ran, just to top the gross, unhinged decadence off --- and it wouldn't even classify as the top craziest things Terry did back in the days as he was trying to re-socialize himself into society. Meanwhile, John? John thinks Apocalypse Now is pretentious; style over substance. Much like with Berenger in Platoon, he's convinced Kurtz is a phenomenal soldier who's own government and peers turned their back on and this is a hill Kreese will die on.

― Deer Hunter seems like a movie both John and Terry would've mutually liked, enjoyed and one that left a profound (bittersweet?) impact on both of them (at least the second half of it, anyway), harrowing them back to their own time spent in POW captivity, making it indeed a difficult watch; not that either of them would ever admit to this and one would almost get the impression they watch it precisely for the same reason Christopher Walken's character started playing Russian Roulette professionally once he was no longer even being forced into it in his own captivity --- because there's something weirdly and complexly cathartic about being in control of one's own pain, facing one's fears and returning to the scene of the crime is sometimes a given reaction for a victim of trauma; such is the case with John and Terry --- while they watch the movie wholly poker faced and might even on occasion laugh, smile or comment like any normal person would, with nothing seemingly wrong going on on the surface, true fact is that this movie in particular really messes with something nameless inside of them that's been there ever present since they returned from the war.

― Contrary to popular belief I don't think Terry Silver would relate to Rambo or Born on the Fourth of July whatsoever because he was neither homeless, nor disabled, nor impoverished, nor a drifter encountering police mistreatment due to a lack of a place to stay or a safety network. His affluent background luckily saved for from most things disenfranchised returning veterans suffered so the genuine impact of First Blood and the subsequent sequels might've been a tiny bit lost on him and the only reason he might've liked it is because of John who legitimately found himself in that movie as it came out, seeing as how was indeed everything from homeless to something of a willful drifter. But while Terry doesn't see himself in the social message of the movie (not really, perhaps only when he's playing a character within a character and pretending to be poor, working class and hard done by, lifting ideas from the movie itself on how to garner empathy even further) the only part that genuinely titillates him in a profound sense is the scene where Rambo hunts the police officers and the Sheriff in the forest. Now, that scene re-wired his brain the minute he saw it and that's about all you need to know about that. Since the question was originally about how Terry would react if he found beloved ever watching any of these, this is the one scene he'd want to re-enact with them. Actually, scratch that, he'd want to re-enact every movie in it's full duration with beloved, but that scene in particular. Someone ends up being hunted through the woods, that's for sure.

― Terry Silver thinks Heaven and Earth by Oliver Stone is saccharine, overdramatic nonsense and John Kreese thinks the same and they think this in the early 90's when, for all intents and purposes, they wouldn't even be on speaking terms anymore and yet they somehow come to the same conclusion like they're thinking with one brain.

― Good Morning Vietnam? Terry doesn't find it tremendously funny. Neither does John. They both know for a fact that if Ponytail was still alive and if he lived long enough that he could see it, he'd fall out of his chair laughing with how funny he'd think it is and maybe that's precisely why they can't be amused by the film.

― Green Berets with John Wayne from 1968? A movie about Vietnam made while Vietnam was still actively going on bigtime? I feel this is one of the war movies Terry and John might've watched while they were in the war themselves as something, say, mandatory Captain Turner made their squad collectively see to raise their patriotism and morale and so they wouldn't forget what homegrown stars and ideals look and sound like or simply something they all willingly saw during R&R (rest and recouperation) on leave --- by extension, this could've been, harrowingly enough the only movie John and Terry ever watched with Ponytail. The first and the last one.

[neonblessing]

9.

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT! ⚠️ Click here to read Neon Blessing from the beginning!

“Look, you don’t have to give me a map. Just point me in the right direction.”

“Shiv, kid, I get it. You want revenge. But-”

“I don’t want revenge,” she said. She wasn’t certain if it was a lie.

“Then what do you want?”

“Answers.” Hell, she didn’t even know the finer points of what the two of them had stolen. The house had been full of valuable art, they’d passed a poorly-hidden wall safe on the way to the owner’s office, and they ignored it all in favor of the data drive that had sat atop a messy stack of papers. Ornarch hadn’t told them what was on there, just that it would go for a hundred thousand credits at a minimum, or a million from the right buyer. Most drives its size were just something convenient to hold, with the data itself stored on a chip a few nanometers thick. Whatever was on that drive had been complex enough that the whole damn drive was dedicated to memory. A sphinx glinted darkly on its surface, mirror finish set into matte black. There was something captivating about its sheer scale and the precision of its construction. Something a little sinister, too. Then he had shown up, and the rest of the night was a blurry nightmare of burning, screaming, and blood.

Kooler pursed his lips. “And once you have those answers, what are you going to do?”

“My job. Ornarch wants me to-”

Kooler’s eyes narrowed, and he tilted his head. “Isn’t your job breaking and entering? At least, I think that’s what you told me the first time we met. Forgive an old man’s memory for its failings, but I think I would have remembered hearing a teenager call themself an executioner.” He suddenly sounded very old, and very tired.

“Maybe I’ve changed. Why do you care?” It came out a little colder than she’d intended it to.

“Sorry, sorry. You’re right. None of my business.”

“So you won’t help me?”

“Staying neutral is how I stay alive. Everyone knows old Kooler keeps his mouth shut.”

“That’s a no?” Her heart sank. She’d known it was a long shot, but even still, Kooler was the closest thing she had to a lead.

Whatever he saw in her face gave him pause. “I… offered them ten thousand for the drive. I don’t even have half the hardware it would take to decrypt that… monster. I told them I wasn’t paying a credit more than that for a piece of software I couldn’t validate, no matter what rumors I’d heard. They took their business elsewhere. I don’t know where.”

“Rumors?”

“Have you been online since you stole it?” She hadn’t. “Half of the criminals in the Diluvian District are hunting after that sphinx drive. It’s anyone’s guess what’s on there, but Ebrelurge put a bounty out on it and then a few gang bosses joined the bidding war. As of this morning, the best offer is 1.6 million.”

Lord of birds. One point six fucking million?

He went on. “I don’t know where they went, but I know someone who might. Don’t go telling everyone I lent you a hand, but you’re- you’re a good kid. Just- hear them out when you see them. Don’t rush headlong into being a killer.”

“Yeah.”

Kooler pushed off the counter, sending his chair on a practiced arc towards a shelf of folders in one corner of the shop. He returned bearing a business card, a thin sheet of crisp white plastic stock with “Club RED – 1191-3962” embossed on it in brilliant crimson. The back side of the card was decorated with a staring eye in the same shade. “Kurtz–the owner of Club RED–knows me, and she’s got a panopt. Ask to see Odie. If it can’t help you, no one can.”

Shiv grinned. “Thanks, Kooler.”

“I’d say ‘any time,’ but really I’d rather not stick my neck out again.”

“With any luck, you won’t have to!”

The door squealed as she left.

First Page – Previous Page – Next Page

[trainsinanime]

I don't get loss.

I don’t get loss. The meme, I mean. The four panels with the lines in them. I’ve seen it plenty of times, but it confuses and befuddles me.

See, I know loss (the meme) from way back. I saw the original CAD comic in my RSS reader the day it first came out. I also saw the (now deleted) associated blog post, as well as the reactions e.g. by Cyanide and Happiness (which references said blog post) or Yahtzee Croshaw. It was a really big deal at the time, everybody who was into online comics had an opinion. 

And at most a month later I stopped thinking about it, and assumed everyone else had as well. Then many years later I was reintroduced to the meme, in its modern form, and I feel like knowing the context has ruined it for me. Posting the hieroglyphics version does not engage with the original controversy at all. It says nothing about Tim Buckley’s creepiness, about how out of left field it was, the reactions to it, anything. It’s just a thing people reproduce to signify group membership, just like… okay, all memes if we’re perfectly honest. I breadstick out here to have a good time and I’m feeling so color theory now. 

I guess there is no explanation, not really, the internet moves in mysterious ways and memes have always largely developed regardless of their context, just pure form giving meaning on its own. I just find this one so weird because I was there, and I know the context. 

Speaking of the context, here’s a highly controversial take: I don’t think the original comic was that bad. 

There’s definitely a valid critique that it centers the story of the man instead of the one who actually has the miscarriage (I can’t find that post again but it was a thing in the discussion back then). But the idea that it’s inherently wrong and bad to talk about heavy topics in video game webcomics? I don’t buy that. 

Now, a lot of that is because of context, again. Of all the video game webcomics, CAD was always the worst, not very funny, overly violent, kind of stupid. And its creator Tim Buckley has a horrid reputation. Sure, some of that is the usual “he banned me from his forum just because I said he sucks, how dare he!” whining that is so common on the internet even to this day (aside: If you ever complain about getting banned or blocked by someone, I will always assume you deserve it. Act like a grown-up and accept that some people just don’t want to talk to you). But it’s clear that he also did some really sketchy and inappropriate things, and to that extent his bad reputation seems well earned.

Putting a heavy topic in the middle of that mess was jarring, no doubt, but given the context that did feel a bit like the point. I think it could have worked if it had been a long term pivot to a generally more serious tone. It’s not like “more serious than CAD” was a high bar to clear. And a slow pivot to being slightly more serious is hardly unheard of, consider e.g. Scott Kurtz’s PvP.

However, Tim Buckley saw the reaction and decided to never do anything serious ever again, which helped cement this as the single worst comic ever, even though the vast majority of CAD’s archives are objectively worse in every single metric. And based on that reputation we get the loss meme of today.

And it just keeps weirding me out.

[muchalucha-art]

UPDATE*

*more a note to myself to get things clearer in my head!

While my producer works his connections to establish a production path for Socorro, I started work on some key frames from the storyboard in an effort to define the character design some more. Above is an animation sequence of Rayo X and his mentor Kato Kung Lee as they try to get the upper hand using the martial art called CHIN NA.

But as I've been pretty much obsessing over Socorro for almost a year, I found my mind wandering, and started exploring an idea that popped into my head when I was drawing Tales From The Coliseo...

(a wider screen grab of my workspace reveals a little of my thought process through doodles...)

The idea centered on Coco Demento embarking on a journey to find Kurtz who is living a hermit-type existence on an island. Coco wants to put the Class 407 group back together. But as most of you know, anything overtly Mucha Lucha! I do has its restrictions, and unfortunately I am restricted in terms of copyright as to where this idea could possibly go.

But as the ML! style is not under any copyright restrictions, I decided to go with a new set of characters in keeping with the ML! spirit. Working title is 'Rudopolis' (it may change) and it follows the same idea of a former faction getting back together and trying to reestablish itself.

So, a little diversion to give me a little break from Socorro and have some fun. I have my main group now, so time to get the storyline into shape.

Again, thanks to everyone for the support and likes. This is pretty much the only social media I do now, so it's nice to have it all in the one place. ONWARDS..!

[kiwiana-writes]

Fic stats meme

Thanks to @stereopticons @rmd-writes and @welcometololaland for the tags!

rules: give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

I am an absolute slut for statistics, I have a whole-ass spreadsheet that calculates all sorts of fun things about my work catalogue, so this game is custom made for me lmaoooo

Most hits / second most kudos

These are both the same answer: Meet me out at the end of my rope (Schitt's Creek, David/Patrick, rated E, 53,690 words)

Usually, David will take any excuse to put himself in Patrick’s space. This time, though, he stays where he is, though he does stop whatever he’s doing with the crab cakes. “So, your mom said something interesting to me earlier.” His voice is painfully neutral and with his back still turned, Patrick doesn’t have an expression to read. Or, what if more than one bombshell was dropped the day of Patrick's birthday — one they couldn't come back from?

(Because these were both the same answer, the bonus/flipped stats: most kudos is this Happiest Season fic, and second most hits is the RWRB Actor AU that just finished posting yesterday.)

Third most comments

Time until the end of time cowritten with @ships-to-sail (Schitt's Creek, David/Patrick, rated M, 65,398 words.)

“David,” Patrick says softly. Something in his voice pulls David’s eyes to his; they’re full of sympathy and David is awash with foreboding. He hasn’t felt terror like this since before they moved to Schitt’s Creek, when Alexis’ name appearing on his phone meant another round of consulate calls and the occasional hostage negotiation. “I’m very sorry to tell you this, but you’re dead.”

Fourth most bookmarks

Say my name cowritten with eggplantsalad, @januarium, @samwhambam, @ships-to-sail, @this-is-not-nothing (Schitt's Creek, David/Patrick, rated E, 22,311 words)

Five times Patrick made David forget his own name, and one time he forgot Patrick’s.

Fifth most words

The Blouse Barn Divorce Ranch cowritten with... so many people I'll probably get spamblocked if I tag them all (Schitt's Creek, too many pairings to list, rated M, 26,226 words)

Hello, I am Wendy Kurtz, proprietor of the Blouse Barn Divorce Ranch, the world’s premier spot for couples looking to get a speedy divorce and connect with other soon-to-be divorcees. I’d like to highlight the stories of five couples, who rearranged into five other couples, from some past summer. These ten people came to the Blouse Barn Divorce Ranch with the intention of ending a marriage, and got that and so much more. I could recount their journeys with 100% accuracy, but where’s the fun in that? Let’s let them tell us themselves. OR: One crazy summer in Las Vegas brings the heat and then some. Featuring art and podfic with every chapter!

Least words

Excluding podfic it is, of course, In Excelsis (Schitt's Creek, David/Patrick, rated M, 259 words)

Patrick embarks on his solo anal training journey. There's a spreadsheet.

TAGGING @cha-melodius @cricketnationrise @januarium @nontoxic-writes @lilythesilly @maxbegone and anyone else who wants to talk stats with me, I cannot express enough how much of a slut for data I am.

[someonechaotic]

Ze conner chaos onc agin its aa uhh part 3?????? whyayayayytryeysyayyeeee

Okay, what happened last blog? Well.....

I raised both Zaidan's and Julien's child except I found out that Julien is a very shit father, Haylee grows up happy and Jase grows up unhappy. Sky fishes for some Angelfish whilst Zaidan reaches Level 10 in Gourmet Cooking and whilst Sky gets a new job as an Astronaut and goes into the Interstellar Smuggler branch, we get some Ambrosia, revive Lucas who was previously fucking died. Julien keeps pissing on my fucking living room floor, Haylee got aged up into a teen, Jase is now a child (I aged him up after last chaos blog). Haylee almost died, Lucas almost died again.

Okay, caught up? Good. Now, in this blog is going to be TWICE the chaos, because the previous chaos blog I couldn't post for a week, but I had already done it and couldn't be bothered to update it, so instead, all of its gonna go here!!!!!!

Now be prepared, because I don't know if next week's chaos blog will top this one off....

First week...

After one too many times of Vito possessing Dumbass's gay hearts, I move him back into the household and whip him up a plate of Ambrosia, half as punishment, half because it felt a bit lonely.

Vito lasted.... Surprisingly well, but, well. this sentence is in past tence for a reason....

I also now age up Jase unto a teenager somewhere in this time, I think? i uh idontreemmber

Sky gets to the top of his career and is now constantly on the run from the Space Police

And, on the Saturday after I posted last blog, I had acquired MC Command Center, meaning LARGER HOUSEHOLD WOOOOOOO!!!!-

Well, I had made it larger as a joke, but someone saw it as a grand opportunity to... well.....

:Anne Maria starts playing:

So zaidan, in record time. Gets abducted, impregnated and gives birth. All in the matter of one real-life hour after raising the household cap.

(Also, the way I found out zaidan ws pregnant was so fucking hilarious, I was recording him and possessed Sky having the most fucking terrifying dinner date(?) I've never seen a possessed sim eating a bowl of chili whilst looking totally in love with someone, meanwhile the other sim is so completely fucking confused. And then he did the pregnant animation and i freaked the fuck out)

Possesssed sky says hi ✨️

Meanwhile Sky had his own child, well, Creation. Sky finally build a motherfucking servoooooo woooooo- whom upon entering my household, was assigned traits that practically made Sky the creator of a sociopathic robot I am not joking its the traits I have in my mods pls do-

but don't get too attached because,

One quick change later and Zaidan giving birth, I found out the hard way that I cannot edit my sims normally in a 9 sim household and have to go into the MC Menu and go into CAS from there, because Sky's servo swiftly evaporates from the gace of the earth, never to be seen again.

Zaidan's 5th chikd, Kurtz, grows up to be happy a conspiracy theorist and a pain in the fucking ass, just like his step-father, Dumbass

(Furute me here realising I forgot to mention the 4th, Luz, she's got a mohawk, she's an overachiver, she's a badass lesbian, okay moving on)

Speaking of pain in the asses, Vito gets stuck in a wall, in which case I use this comment to capture some of the most unflattering picture of a sim out there

And speaking of pain in the asses aga- yeah zaidan got pregnant again.... This is his 6th..... This one I named Rez, now this time Dumbass and Zaidan was raising Rez (Which Luz was not happy about as a child)

Thats all of week 1.... Now its on to the real chaos.... the we

Week 2

Week 2, I panic, realising I can't age up my werewolves, Haylee and Lucas up. Why? Because some stupid fucking idiot made them both immortal (me)

So after swiftly resetting and redoing all my werewolves perks (Thank MCCC that MC Command Center has that otherwise I'd of been fucked), I finally age up Haylee and Lucas, who both do not have a job still as I'm writing this.

Meanwhile, Sky has finally finished the Nerd Brain aspiration, meaning he can now Insta-Repair which honestly does fuck all AND INSTA-UPGRADE WOOOOO!!!!- So Sky's been upgrading everything, the stove, the fridge that keeps breaking, the toilets...

And that's when it all went wrong.

As per usual, Zaidan getting abducted, dumbass getting abducted,

Lucas are you sat in your sister's bedroom naked..?

Julien stop pissing on my living room flo-

Al the sudden, one of the toilets in the basement set fire to one of Zaidan's daughters, Luz. I'm panicking, thinking it was that bastard ghost who, idfk fucking planted a grenade in the fucking toilet bowl. I quickly get that sorted out, but I didn't know the true reason.

By now I've finally aged Kurtz into a child, yes it took this long....

But then, Zaidan bursts into flames, where? In the bathroom, it's now the first floor toilet, I'm panicking again, dumbass is there fucking celebrating meanwhile I'm screaming watching the firefighters tumble down through

Meanwhile, Zaidan:

A, Dosnt give 2 flying fucks.

B, stands there and does absolutely nothing

And C, Goes so feral that his eyes go red because he's tense and makes me giggle tf out.

oh and also D, grants me one of the best pictures I've had in ages

I also now have a video of dumbass casually wafting the air like it smells like shit as Lucas is screaming bloody murder beside him pointing at the fire right in front of them.

Ten seconds after that

NOW the UPSTAIRS toilet is on fire, and then another... and then another... and anothe- and zaidans getting fucking abducted again... and another

And then, the first death in a long while. Jase Conner, whom died not only by the toilet's murderous flames, but also by Lucas, who proceeded to only extinguish the fire after he had collapsed on the floor and died.

Considering Jase and Lucas were enemies before, I think Lucas had some intentions...

After which Dumbass and DEATH HIMSELF become BEST FRIENDS FOREVER????

anyway, these pictures later

Possessed sky looking at a burnt toilet

And... this...

Cough

And then, we have our second death, which came a little while after Jase's. Rez, who was still only a child, also died to toilet fire, because when I got him to extinguish himself in the shower, he glitched and stayed on fire, yet everyone else couldn't extinguish him because the game registered him as not on fire. And so, Rez dies to a glitch in the system....

AND THEN, FUCKING JULIEN AND LUCAS GET FUCKING ABDUCTED?

can you, can you guess what happened? I bet you can't, you will never guess, literally never guess, it is impossible to guess, can you guess it? Can you? Can you? Can you guess?

They both come back Fucking PRENGANT

I got some silly pictures of them, this one's just like: - "Julien, I don't fuckin' understand what's going on"

and he's just like - "I've seen this shit before"

I decided to keep only Lucas', who's named Kamila, because I don't trust julien anymore and I do not have the strength to take care of 2 toddlers.

I also, most recently, moved Rez's ghost back into the household.

And I leave off here. The household being Sky, Zaidan, Julien, Haylee, Lucas, Luz, Jurtz, Jase, Rez's Ghost and Kamila, a 10 sim household on it really ever dying, unless there's a really bad toilet fire that happens

Or Jase sets my Fucking STOVE ON FIRE

Some final images that didn't make the cut yk how it be

These two deserve their own segment

– " Zaidan how the fuq you end up like this!?"

– " Maybe the fact you made all the toilets... Flammable..??"

– " ...That was me??"

ok sorry sorry bye bye

Future Future me realising I didn't mention the fact that Vito evaporated mid-way through week 1 (he died from laughter)

[brightbeautifulthings]

Dreamcatcher by Stephen King

"SSDD: Sometimes it's just what you say. And sometimes you believe in nothing but the darkness. And then how do you go along?"

Year Read: 2005, 2023

Rating: 4/5

Thoughts: Against all logic, I still love this book. I read it for the first time in high school after instantly falling in love with the movie, and it was one of those books I practically memorized and internalized so hard that I don't even realize some of my thinking comes from here (until I'm rereading and going omg that's where that idea came from). It isn't just nostalgia that makes me love it though. As you probably know from my reviews, I went through a breakup, a summer depression, and a hideous book slump (the latter two from which I'm still clawing my way free). I was a little afraid to reread this, fearing it wouldn't hold up and that would only make the slump worse, but I flew through this like I was still a teenager, devouring books at a time when all of them are still new and wonderful. It might be the easiest reading I've done all year, and I was happy to sink back into King's world with my old Derry friends.

Objectively, I know this is not King's best. It's brutally gory, scatological, and full of some downright repulsive body horror. Had I not already internalized King's aliens at a young age and accepted them as perfectly fine, I might have been way more put off by his unnecessarily gross biology. (Although one need only look at the chest-bursting Xenomorphs to know this is practically standard for the genre. I don't think there's anything in here worse than that, and they're about on par for truly awful ways to die.) I'm not even typically a fan of alien novels, so this already beats the odds.

Assuming you can get past the gore, or that you're as desensitized to it as I am, it's also extremely ableist in its characterization of Douglas Cavell ("Duddits", affectionately), a character with Down's Syndrome who is also the magical key to defeating a race of aliens. King frequently falls into this unfortunate trope of giving his minority characters super special (and often stereotypical) magical powers, and Duddits has the added advantage of Incorruptible Pureness even in the face of bullying, cancer, and gut-eating aliens. There are also frequent slurs, "retard" being the most frequent, and it's used even by the main characters. It forces readers into the awkward position of being grateful to even see a disabled character portrayed positively, while recognizing that the characterization comes with its own issues.

Yet, I find myself returning to my original thesis: Despite its very real and present problems, I adore this book, and it's really the characters that make or break it. I fell in love with Duddits, Jonesy, Henry, Beaver, and Pete at first sight, and their friendship is at the heart of the novel. King does characters and childhood friendships so well, and Dreamcatcher's live and breathe off the page every bit as much as the Loser's Club from IT. I love them in the flashbacks and the present timeline, and their love and loyalty to each other effortlessly carry the story.

Despite its hefty page-count (nearly 700), the pace never lagged for me either, and I never found myself getting bogged down in the minutiae of the history or world-building the way I sometimes do with King. It's fairly well-focused on character development and moving the plot forward, and the only times my interest waned were in Kurtz's chapters. He's a fairly banal villain alongside Mr. Gray, and I would always rather spend my time with the boys and their odd, Shining-like power. I'd forgotten a lot of the differences between the book and movie lore, aside from the very obvious differences in the endings, so that was a fun comparison as well. I think it works without getting too in-depth about why the aliens work the way they do (but I've also been hugely spoiled by Mira Grant's deep dives into supernatural biology). All in all, this is still one of my favorite King novels, and I won't be hesitant to read it again when I want to visit my friends.

[planet-apathy]

Loyalty.

So much can be said about the importance of loyalty. How empires have been erected with it. How wars have been decided by it. How our species survival has at times depended on it. 楚 or Chǔ is one of the seven virtues of bushido, the ethical code these warriors lived and died by. Yes, Human beings throughout history have used this quality as a tool to carve out their place in this plane of existence. But rarely is the other side of this double edged sword brought up. What about when loyalty, and more specifically, the loyalty you show to others is to your own detriment?

“The central theme of Hagakure is the righteous death of the samurai. The proper death is the point around which commentary of other matters revolves; the willingness of the warrior to commit unwaveringly to death when it is demanded of him is the ultimate expression of his devotion to his lord.”

-from In search of a glorious death - by Johann Kurtz

Perspective is important.

Ï was conjured in the slums of a city where such Ä perspective is laughable. Morals and idealism is nice but it’s the Wild West out here. “Honor?!😂😂 you burnt the fuck out dickhead!” Is not too far off from the reply you’d receive trying to live righteously in this environment. Here, your child’s mother might fuck your mortal enemy because you looked to happy dropping them off to her. Here, your right hand man, whom you’ve know since childhood, might blow your brains out of your skull and onto the pavement like a banksy street art piece, and Äll because of a girl he wanted that didn’t give him play because she had her eyes on you. The real tragedy to me is that neither of these situations were about any money🤦🏽‍♂️ Unfortunately, I’ve witnessed both happen to some really good men that didn’t deserve it. 🕊️. What is one trying to live better to do under these circumstances of reality?

Pragmatic thought processes may lead you to think “well, maybe you have to be more discerning of who you give your loyalty too.” But Ï feel this notion is quixotic at best and contrarian at worst. Life is messy and you can never know a human beyond the mask they choose to show you. To be loyal is to allow yourself to be vulnerable to the capricious nature of the land mammals you happen to exist around🤷🏽‍♂️. Well, that leads us back to the mentality of the samurai. They laid there life down for their daimyo(Feudal Lord) regardless of how they felt about their lord’s decisions.

We praise them for upholding this virtue but looking at it realistically. Without this grandiose lens. What did you give your only (as far as you know and not just have faith in) finite life for? From all walks of life I ask, on a long enough timeline, because let’s be honest it’s been long enough. Did the empire you KILLED for conquer this planet and bring worldwide peace? Did that gang you DIED for fix the poverty stricken streets you, your mother , and siblings barely escaped from? Did the political party you LIED and GASLIGHTED for install the policies and laws to bring your country and it’s citizens to the upper echelons of life without stepping on a particular group or at least install the ones that would keep those particular groups from being stepped on? Did the religion you BLEW UP-... 😂😂😂 you get the point. Or do you? What is the point of it all? I suppose it’s up to each and every individual to decide their own head canon to justify this quality. And well... at least you have that.

*hits blunt*

✌🏽 young bul.

🚶🏽

[glassedplanets]

template source!

jan | feb | mar | apr | may | jun | july | aug | sep | oct | nov | dec

this year i read a ton of art books, so i'll drop a big list + reflections under the cut:

i'll split these up into art books and instructional books, though there are a few that did a bit of both.

art books:

the art of heikala

the art of loish

beautiful scenes from a fantasy world

mysterious scenes from a parallel world

a sky longing for memories: the art of makoto shinkai

expedition sketchbook

windows to worlds: the art of devin elle kurtz

reverie: the art of sybilline meynet

the man who leapt through film

instructional books:

framed perspective vol. 1 & 2 by marcos mateu-mestre

master the art of speed painting

sketching from the imagination

sketching from the imagination: characters

sketching from the imagination: storytelling

beyond art fundamentals

figure drawing for artists

that's actually more than i thought, lmao. standouts for me were a sky longing for memories, windows to worlds, master the art of speed painting, and figure drawing for artists -- each of these offered some really valuable insight for me and helped me think about something in a different way. i got all these via library and at this point i'm worried that i've exhausted the catalogs of every library i have access to :/

i've only ever taken one art class in my life and it wasn't a really great experience, plus i'm not great at teaching myself things, so finally reaching for instructional books about art this year felt like a big leap and i'm glad that i took it. i also watched some of the drawclass VODs that are up on youtube and started looking for resources like studies and sketches from artists i like. idk, i guess it's kind of been about demystifying the process for me. there's a lot of stuff i've been doing the long way round for years and years or not doing at all because i didn't know that you were "allowed" to take a shortcut, or that it was even possible (eg. foliage brushes).

this year was pretty wobbly in terms of how happy i was with the art i made and how much of it i made, particularly bc Life Happened in august and just has not stopped, and i know that i felt really bad and unhappy with art for a big chunk of the year -- but now that i'm past that, i can see that i've improved a lot in a lot of the ways in which i've been wanting to improve. you know what's nuts? i only started actively drawing backgrounds for every piece last year. now i can't imagine not doing something for a background.

i think i also gnawed through a lot of... idk, shame? inadequacy? some yucky feeling i had about tagging my art for tumblr search. i think it's partially that we're all back on this hell site and i just don't care about showing my ass anymore. whatever. y'all either get to see my fucking anime Poasting or unfollow/mute/block/whatever, i don't really give a shit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

the art goals i set for myself at the start of the year were to try making a short comic more than once, which i did! twice, actually, though i didn't post one of them. that's ok. i don't remember if this was a goal, but i submitted art to a digital zine this year too! i need to check if i can post it yet actually... lmao. and i joined a fandom event as an artist, which i'm really excited for. i haven't done a fandom event since 2013 and i've never done one as an artist.

my art goals for 2023 are to do thumbnails for most of the big pieces that i draw, and to draw people interacting physically with each other when i draw 2+ in one piece. that'll be tough since i honestly enjoy the subtlety of Two Guys Standing Next To Each Other but it's an area i want to improve in.

[alwaysmoncheri]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐒

pairings ❧ steve harrington x reader

summary ❧ nancy, jonthan, and (y/n) investigate the strange events that keep occurring in their small town

warnings ❧ female!reader, shit writing, implications of sex

word count ❧ 1k

additional notes ❧ none ´･ᴗ･`

The day seems to drag on incessantly as I drown in my own pool of sorrow.

As I'm sitting at lunch, Tommy and Carol crack their typical 'humorous' remarks, triggering an unsettling feeling within me.

"I still think that creep killed him." Tommy says referring to Jonathan while spooning food into his mouth.

"He's such a freak." Carol comments, laughing.

Steve shoots his friends a look before he glances at me with a concerned expression. To my surprise, he rests his hand on my thigh and gives it a gentle squeeze, leaving it there, before returning to his food.

Steve doesn't bring up what happened last night.

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

"The brown current ran swiftly out of the heart of darkness, bearing us down towards the sea with twice the speed of our upward progress. And Kurtz's life was running swiftly, too—"

I slump in my seat, absorbing this incredibly boring lecture as the day reaches its conclusion. Suddenly the office lady walk in and halts the teacher's speech.

Thank god.

"(Y/n) Henderson and Nancy Wheeler? If you would come with me, please," She says motioning for us to walk with her.

With exhaustion dragging me down, I rise from my chair and shuffle after the lady through the classroom door to the empty cafeteria - a tense scene awaiting. There, Mrs. Wheeler sits, across from two officers, who look at Nancy and I with stern expressions, which causes my heart to quicken with anticipation.

Nancy sits down next to her mom and I sit myself down next to Nancy.

"We're here to discuss the whereabouts of your friend, Barbra Holland." One of the deputies says, with a notepad in hand.

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

"So, this argument you and Barbra had... What exactly was it about?" The officer, Powell asks.

"It wasn't really an argument..." Nancy says hesitantly, "Barb just wanted to leave. I didn't, so, I... I told her to just go home."

"Then what?" Powell asks.

"Then I went upstairs to put on some dry clothes." Nancy continues.

"And the next day," Powell says, "You guys went back and saw, a bear, you're thinking?"

"We don't know what it was... but we think..." I pipe in, "We think maybe it took, Barb."

"You need to check behind Steve's house—" Nancy starts.

"We did. There's nothing there." The other officer, Callahan, says shaking his head, "There's no sign of a bear."

"And there's no car." Powell finishes.

"What?" I say, as Nancy and I glance at each other.

"Look, we figure that Barbra came back last night and then she took off, went somewhere else." Callahan says.

"Has she ever talked to either of you about running off?" Powell asks, "Leaving town, maybe?"

"No," Nancy says shaking her head, "No, Barb wouldn't do that, ever."

"She wasn't maybe upset about the fact that you were spending time with this boy?" Powell asks, "Uh, Steve Harrington?"

"What? No." Nancy says uncomfortably.

"Maybe she was jealous because she saw you go up to Steve's room?" Callahan presses and Mrs. Wheeler looks at Nancy pointedly.

"It wasn't like that." Nancy argues.

"Like what?" Callahan asks.

"Steve and me... We're..." Nancy's starts, "We're just friends. We just talked."

Callahan looks down at his notes and I avert my gaze to the window, hiding my jealousy.

"Now was this before or after you changed out of your clothes?"

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

After riding my bike home, I grab a snack from the fridge as the phone begins to ring. I walk over to the phone holding it between my shoulder and ear. Opening the wrapper for my snack, I take a bite while answering the call.

"Henderson residence." I say into the phone.

"(Y/n)?" I hear Jonathan's voice through the speaker.

"This is she," I reply.

"Uh, could you help me with something?" He says hesitantly.

"Of course, what is it?" I ask, leaning against the wall.

"I need to organize Will's funeral and I just can't do it alone." He responds solemnly.

"Oh..."

"You don't have to, I just—"

"No, no, it's okay Jonathan," I say, reassuring the boy, "Pick me up in ten minutes?"

"Okay."

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

Jonathan arrives at my house approximately ten minutes later. As he drives us to the funeral home, my thoughts wander to the difference between riding with him and sitting in Steve's car. Jonathan's car is cold and bleak while Steve's car is warm and causes my emotions to buzz with excitement.

Jonathan pulls up outside the funeral home and we both head inside. An old man greets us with a sad smile and guides us over to view the available caskets.

"It's made of soft wood with a crepe interior," The old man says gently, "Uh, now, I don't know what your budget is but over there, we have copper and bronze." He says leading us over to more caskets.

Nancy walks in through the entrance, her steps slow and hesitant. Jonathan and I notice her arrival, prompting her to offer us a wave that mirrors her anxious demeanor.

"Can you just give us a second?" Jonathan stammers before we walk over to Nancy.

"Of course." The man says kindly.

"Hey." Jonathan greets.

"Hey, Nance." I say.

"Hey..." She says, "Your mom, um... she said you'd be here."

"I just... can we talk for a second?"  Nancy continues nervously.

|☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆|

"It looks like it could be some kind of perspective distortion, but I wasn't using the wide angle." Jonathan says looking at the taped picture Nancy hands him after we sit down on a bench.

"I don't know. It's weird" He continues handing the picture back to Nancy.

"And you're sure you didn't see anyone else out there?" Nancy asks.

"No." Jonathan replies, "She was there one second and then, um... gone. I figured she bolted."

"The cops think that she ran away." Nancy says sadly, "But they don't know Barb."

"And we went back to Steve's... and we thought we saw something..." I say.

Some weird man or...I don't know what it was." Nancy finishes with a sigh before looking at Jonathan.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here today." She stands, "I'm so sorry."

"What did he look like?" Jonathan says abruptly.

"What?" Nancy asks turning back around.

"This man you guys saw in the woods." Jonathan says, "What'd he look like?" He repeats.

"I don't know," Nancy stammers, "It was almost like he... he didn't have—"

"Didn't have a face?"

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[cwarscars]

@ubcs asked ; [ continuation of this ask ]

DEAR READER. what is a piece of advice your character would give to a loved one. is this advice they follow themselves?

be proud, be strong, be brave.

heidegger would advocate for someone to be proud of who they are and fierce with it. this is a man who admires strength and enjoys a challenge. he likes the bold & the brave. whether they're an enemy or not - he enjoys people who are willing to stand up for themselves.

it's one of the reasons why he's such a prick to his soldiers - they're all weak. none of them challenge him, none dare get fierce or firm or brave and to heidegger - that sickens him. take his interaction with barret as an example - barret snaps back, takes the piss and heidegger smiles. he loves it. he's obviously entertained by somebody willing to fight back & appreciates power. so, i think if he were to give advice - it would be advice that tells people to be strong. no matter their adversaries.

HITS DIFFERENT. what is something that deeply resonates with your character? it could be a song, a quote, a piece of art, or any other form of inspiration.

oh no, not this question. *whips out my war movies* slngslkdngsd. honestly, the quotes i use in my pinned / blog / promo are big inspirations for me. respectively, from platoon & apocalypse now.

the platoon quote is by sgt barnes - a guy who is /just/ like heidegger. fierce, in charge. kind of an underhanded prick who aims to get the job done and is straight-up brutal. he says -

Now, I got no fight with any man who does what he’s told, but when he don’t, the machine breaks down. And when the machine breaks down, we break down. And I ain’t gonna allow that in any of you. Not one.

this quote - to me - sums up what heidegger is all about. it's that genuine idea of doing right by oneself and morals / company. like, it's that idea that suggests anyone not 'for' the actions in question - are 'against' them. it's the suggestion that heidegger isn't a man who sees himself as a villain. he sees himself as genuinely in the right.

the other quote is from apocalypse now & is from col kurtz, who really, is quite an opposite character to someone like heid -

I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream. That's my nightmare: crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor and surviving.

horrifying imagery aside - i love this quote. i love everything about it. to me - it symbolises the mundanity / willingness of going towards ones death. blindly moving through inevitability - the snail is moving along the thing that's killing it; no emotion, no reaction. it just keeps going. it's his dream, because the snail doesn't give a single solitary fuck. it's his nightmare because it's horrifying. it's upsetting. the thought of willingly dying for nothing - of accepting ones death so easily? is that brave or stupid? sadness or truly being content? to have no fear of death - is that admirable? to be so brave as to blindly march toward it? is that stupid?

i relate it to heidegger because although i see him as this pigheaded, arrogant man. i also see him as somebody who has been through hell. he has seen more bloodshed than a normal human could process - he's made both a friend and enemy of death. i feel so passionatly about his inner thoughts and feelings regarding death. he is, as the meme says, both sickened and curious by death.

YOU’RE LOSING ME. has your character ever felt disconnected from their emotions or struggled to maintain relationships? how do they handle these challenges?

yes. 1000%. aside from the previously mentioned things regarding his trauma as a young man / losing his wife & kids ( when they decided to leave him ). i essentially write his before crisis self as a man in just one big alienating spiral.

in truth - i never played before crisis. i read all about it and i watched heidegger's segments but they're very brief. he is terrible and screws around with the turks & almost gets president shinra killed. so, i started headcanoning that - with this being so soon since he came back from the front line of wutai - that he'd become an alcoholic and that drinking on the job, wasn't uncommon.

the way i write him during this time is someone who is just entirely out of touch. he's drunk 90% of the time and has alienated a lot of people who may have once even liked him. his relationship with everybody sours during this time & once again, shinra has to save him from himself. ( shinra constantly saves him because heidegger is useful to him ). i think the disconnect during this time was huge because -

he'd lost everything.

he could no longer fight. a bloodknight - deprived of battle! he no longer had his daughters to dote on, or his wife to cheat on ( ouch ). he was just rendered another public figure. a man with medals and pride, sure but - what else? he'd go home to a lonely house. he'd drink to stave off nightmares.

during this time, he was at his possibly most disconnected as an older man. and, in truth, he only got lonelier.

but heidegger being heidegger, he turned that loneliness into pure hatred & anger.

[causewhywouldnti]

My thoughts as I’m watching 24 seasons of law & order svu:

Season 5

Loved how Elliot was portrayed in 5x06. Yes, he made a mistake. But he recognized it and then tried to fix it. Prefer that to characters who are either just perfect or never learn.

Mariska getting to act with her dad in 5x09 was pretty cool. The partnership of Benson and Stabler was great that whole episode. Especially showed how well he knew her. For example, when she couldn‘t arrest Hilary, so he took over. Miniscule moment, but you can see it in their body language.

The interrogation in 5x13 shows a lot of dynamics. Especially, Benson and Stablers silent understanding of each other. You can see the exact moment that they change tactics. They do it at the same time, and he just gives her a small nod and she steps back. And then Fin comes in for the kill. Beautifully executed by the actors.

Andy Abbot reading himself his Miranda rights in 5x20 is exactly what I do in my head, when someone tells me something, I tell other people on a daily basis.

Could be my lack of sleep talking, but the fake argument between Stabler and Benson in 5x23 is just really funny to me.

Familiar faces: Mare Winningham (Susan, Grey‘s), Susanna Thompson (Hollis, NCIS), Marisol Nichols (24), Josh Hopkins (Cougar Town/Whiskey Cavalier!), Andre Royo (Fringe), Daphne Zuniga (OTH), Milo Ventimiglia (Jess, Gilmore Girls), Serena Williams, Gary Cole (NCIS), Barry Bostwick (Spin City), Michael Emerson (Person of Interest), Jane Seymour, Arielle Kebbel (9-1-1), Blair Brown (Fringe), Cress Williams (Tucker, Grey‘s), Marcia Jean Kurtz (In Her Shoes), Michael Beach (The100), Marlee Matlin (Switched at Birth) and Chris Potter (The Good Witch)

Favorite Episodes: 5x04, 5x06, 5x09, 5x17 and 5x24

Favorite lines: “I was just trying to help her up.” “With your penis?”- Benson 5x03

“Lady, I’ve got four kids, if I ever talked to one of them like that, I’d arrest myself.” - Stabler 5x03

About whether he thinks Benson killed a man: „I know you didn‘t. You’d have shot the bastard.“ - Stabler 5x09

"Well, the outfit's a crime, but it's not a match." - Cragen 5x25

[rubywolf0201]

[SPOILERS FOR INTERVIEWS WITH MONSTER GIRLS]

*WARNING*: If you haven’t read Volume 6, 7 and/or 8, it’s best if you don’t read this review.

All good?

With that out of the way, I would like to spell out my thoughts regarding the chapters within Volume 6, 7 and 8:

- I didn’t expect Takahashi to be the younger bro. Quite surprising really. Need to learn more about Takahashi tho 😞

- His niece is apparently a uni student yet Takahashi is in his early 30s, flashback even go as far to reveal that it’s implied that Yoko was born when Takahashi was around middle school-high school meaning that his older bro could’ve been twice of Takahashi's age or something like that.

- We got complicated science stuff regarding dimensions and whatnot but honestly I just want to learn a little more about Takahashi.

- Which we did for what tidbits we learn such as that back during his middle school-high school days, he was moderately build and that along the lines, he started working out because of wanting to be seen as approachable to the students.

- Oh and he is in his early 30’s.

- For the demis, we see Sakie having quite a bit of bonding with Kurtz and it gives me fuzzies cause I want to see those two interact more (yes don’t judge me I’m weak for the intergenerational friendship trope)

- For Hikari, we get to see that she is affected by the succubus power and moments with Hikari in the manga/anime can never go wrong.

- Yuki's resolve of wanting to be a teacher because of the many people she has met and Sakie giving Yuki a speech on how it should be the latter’s destiny is just SO GODDAMN POWERFUL & HEARTWARMING! I literally almost cry in the inside because of this scene.

- Machi. Holy moly. It was one emotional moment for her because of how bittersweet it is. We get to see her confess her crush to Takahashi due to Kaoru (I’ll get to her later) persuading that she should be upfront has a tense kind of feeling. Takahashi didn’t know how to respond to it and after a talk from Sakie about it (despite viewing her one sided subtle rivalry with Machi), he decided to tell Machi about how he feels. We don’t see a full convo on who it went but just a bunch of panels of Machi moving her head (meaning it’s private) and after Takahashi confesses that he likes Sakie, we then cut to the scene where Machi tearfully told Hikari and Yuki about what happened and we see all three girls hugging out and crying together. Kaoru feels a little guilty about this and apologize to Machi about what happened but instead of being angry, the dullahan told Kaoru it’s fine and the latter joined the hug out.

- This got long but I’ll keep this short. The way Machi's school crush was handled was excellent as it didn’t resulted in a badly-handled drama where it made characters OOC nor did it result in a pointless love triangle between two teachers and a student (thank the goddess it never happened).

- That being said, it didn’t mean it’s the end of the world for Machi as she had other things going on for her like studying to be a researcher and her friendship with Hikari and Yuki. In a way I’m thankful for Petos on handling Machi's character as a whole and that for her, romance isn’t an end all be all since if you focus on other things, it can lead to a happy ending such as how other characters noted that Machi has steeled her resolve.

- Onto Kaoru, a demi from Okinawa, who is based on a tree spirit that reads mind. I think she is an awesome addition and while we may not see much of her in later chapters, I think it’s nice that she is the catalyst for making Machi realize her feelings for Takahashi and trying her best to not let the dullahan down. Also her friendship with the main Demi girls rock as well. Oh and don’t forget the dimension moment she has it’s quite funny even if it lasted for a few panels or so.

- We also get to see Machi’s family as well. We learn from both parents that ever since they found out their daughter is a dullahan, they tried that very best to support her in any way they can and are grateful for both Hikari and Yuki's friendship with Machi.

All in all, even though I skipped the later volumes, I get a feeling that Vol 9, 10 and 11 (if I can get my hands on them) would be great and I want to see how the final chapter goes as well.