#getting so close to the end! more than 90% of the way done!!

[haru-dipthong]

Ep 12 of my Utena fansub is out!

私たちも今までいろいろやってきた、疲れたわね

We've been so busy the last few episodes. I'm pooped.

A juicy little indulgence on my part here - the fourth wall break here by the shadow girls does not actually exist in the Japanese (explicitly). I’ll explain why I added it.

Here’s a very literal translation of the individual words above with no thought given to context or adjusting for grammar.

We (also) | until now | various different things | have done up to this point

I believe いろいろやってきた (lit. we’ve done various different things up to this point) is referring to their various performances in a sort of meta way. If we take each appearance of the shadow girls as a semi-in-universe mini stage play, this line is referencing the presence of previous plays within the current play. They’ve played pirates, plate spinners, cowboys, an educational program, and more! Acknowledging these things is tantamount to a performer acknowledging the fact that they’re an actor rather than a character while on stage, so the fourth wall break felt appropriate.

Anya was also happy with the fourth wall break and added that it emphasises the episode as a turning point and helps close out the arc, which I really agree with!

-----

また黙秘するわけね。今のウテナってかっこ悪いよ。何か取られた腑抜けみたい。なんだかわからないけど、取られたら取り返しなさいよ！

Are you clamming up again? You look pathetic right now. Like you let someone steal from you! I don’t know what it was, but if someone took something from you, take it back!

Couple of little things to discuss about this line:

かっこ悪い is often translated as “uncool” or “lame”. This can sometimes be accurate, since it’s the opposite of かっこいい (lit. cool), but in this circumstance those words don’t hit hard enough. This かっこ悪い is more barbed than usual, so I kept the barbs by choosing a different word: pathetic.

“Clamming up” was an off the cuff choice because I felt I’d used “be quiet”, “not talk”, etc too many times in the previous scene to reuse them here. I think it fits with Wakaba’s personality and the current situation pretty well! 黙秘 is defined by jisho.org as “remaining silent; keeping secret”.

腑抜け means “coward” or something similar. I tried phrasing this line a few times to get that word in somehow, but in the end the whole rant just read so much better without forcing it in. Also cps (characters per second) was a concern here.

-----

元気な友達がいるね。

Your friend has quite the personality.

元気 (genki). What a word! Often translated as “energetic”. So often in fact, that even before I checked, I knew that the ohtori.nu translation would have used it, and sure enough!

Your friend is very energetic. (from ohtori.nu)

Along with “eyesore” and “confession (of love)”, this might take the bronze medal for common Japanese words that consistently get translated into very uncommon English words.

Of course, 元気 can literally mean “having a lot of energy”, or simply “well” (as in the opposite of “unwell”). But “energetic” is just such a bad translation for it 90% of the time. I wish I could convey why in words, but in most contexts, the word 元気 and the word “energetic” just feel so different.

Anyway, 元気 has quite a positive nuance, which emphasises the passive aggressiveness of Touga’s comment. The intent with this line is that he’s giving a vague compliment to Wakaba, indirectly (talking about her as if she’s not there), and making it clear that he wishes she wasn’t around. Everything else about the line should be secondary, including the specific meanings of each word.

I think this is emblematic of my general approach to translation — to identify the author’s original intent of a line/scene/work and then write it in a different language with the same intent in mind. Every line, every scene, is trying to do something — I believe it’s the translator’s job to identify what each line and scene is supposed to be doing and preserve that, so media literacy is very important. Sometimes that line is doing exposition, in which case a literal translation of each word is often ideal. Sometimes that line is trying to evoke a feeling, establish a character, or make the audience remember similar experiences, in which case the individual words used matter much less. In this case, the line is attempting to invoke memories of similar experiences of passive aggressive, dismissive comments. And frankly, “Your friend is very energetic” does not do that, so I consider it a poor translation.

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Thanks as always to my ride or die @dontbe-lasanya for their awesome editing this episode (and every episode!)

Make sure to follow the blog for episodes as they're released. Go here for all previous episodes:

[wigglewigglewigglenot]

Moving right along with the gen 1 Pokémon cross stitch! New Pokémon are Flareon, Porygon, Omanyte, Omastar, and Kabuto!

Only 11 Pokémon left! 140/151 complete! :D

[saharalajrami]

Don't skip just read this please

Hi world , it’s Sahar

Please read this as if I'm a member of your family . maybe your sister, daughter or a friend and as if my family who's under death now is yours.

My name is Sahar. A marketer shopping from Gaza, athe dreams she worked for but found herself losing the city she’s living in and losing any hope of a better future with it . And after a whole 4 years of studying and internship, the war had another idea.

I have 4 children: Hala the oldest, Rital, Odi, and Talin. We had a house full of love, dreams, and hopes that we strive to achieve one by one, but the war came and destroyed everything. We strive to travel outside Gaza to preserve our lives and obtain safety.

. In 15th of January 2024 my son Odai has An injury in his leg byShooting from a quadcopter aircraft in a shelter belonging to the UN Relief Agency

This loss circle didn’t end here, cause after more than 5 times of being displaced and having to leave our house escaping from rockets and death, we returned to our house and found it almost wiped off, more than half if it was destroyed and became an unlivable place leaving us not only with tired hearts but also without a place to stay in

Our Home

We are suffering in the UNRWA shelter center from overcrowding, the spread of diseases, pollution, and the difficulty of obtaining water and entering the bathroom due to the large number present in the place. It has been a year since this suffering.

Look what this horrible war has done to us. It has turned our lives upside down. It is hard for your mind to imagine. You were living in a villa with all your necessities and luxury items available until the war transferred you to live in a school for more than 13 months. We saw death 100 times a minute. I have attached pictures of the suffering of living in the school.

The situation after almost 13 months of this genocide is that the borders of Gaza are still unfortunately closed and no one can get out of it, of course unless you pay the most money to save your life and cross the Rafah crossing to reach Egypt, as crossing the Rafah crossing costs about $25,00 to $5,000 per person, and as a family of 9, the amount we have to pay just to get to Egypt seems impossible to bear.

So, this is how the money will be spent:

* Paying about $5,000 for each member of my family of 9 to cross the Rafah crossing and safely reach Egypt

* About $5,000 covers the GoFundMe transaction fees (2.9% + $0.30 per transaction)

* The rest of the money will be for housing, food, etc. for a period of time in Egypt

Asking for your help is the only way to save my family’s life and future, and your help may become our hope when hope is far from us under these circumstances, every dollar you can help with may save a life, bring hope to a tired heart and save a young future.

Please don't read this as a tragedy, I am here to ask you to prevent further tragedy and help us start our lives over. I am here to ask for your help not your sympathy, to ask you to take action either by donating or by sharing this with everyone you know who can help, please read this with your heart and take action as if it were your family, your mother and your siblings who are living in these circumstances.

Here is the donation link. Don't be stingy with me, even if it is a little. You will have contributed to preserving the lives of my family. With best wishes.

Vetted by :@bilal-salah0

Vetted by :@90-ghost

Vetted by :

@gaza-evacuation-funds

Vetted by :

@gazavetters , my number verified on the list is ( #264 )

☑️☑️

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hello!

I wanted to ask a question, if that's okay. So, I'm genderfluid afab and feel like a man sometimes (probably more often than I allow myself to realise). I don't have access to a Binder or anything of that sort (transphobic parents).

Is there any way for me to look/be more masculine? I'm a bit scared of goggling because I don't want to accidentally take advice from Tate people or the like.

(PS. I really like your Siegfried Farnon cosplay!)

Heya!

This is a tough one to answer. Because "masculine" means different things to different people. And "passing", as well.

Like. When I wear my fleece jacket and baseball cap, I'm deliberately passing as a certain type of man. But I felt more masculine the other day wearing an ascot.

So, I think we need to break down this question:

1) If you're looking to pass, there are going to be trans masc guides out there that will direct you to a very particular gender presentation. They tend to assume you are white and skinny. They present themselves as a list of Dos and Do-Nots, and at the end of the day, do more harm than good, imo. Because passing guides are almost always about hiding parts of yourself physically, often to the expense of hiding parts of your psyche.

Seek them out if you must, but when it comes to passing for safety, all I can suggest is ambiguous layers, a hat, keeping your head down and your mouth shut. The best way to pass is to not draw attention to yourself, alas.

2) If you're looking to dress more masculine to alleviate gender dysphoria, then you need to drill down to what makes you dysphoric and start there. My smaller feet is one area of contention for me, so I look for semi-dressy shoes that look long and elegant (like Taft boots). Since you can't get a binder, consider layers, if your chest bothers you.

3) If you're looking to dress more masculine to seek gender euphoria, then figure out your aesthetic masculine ideal. Make a pinboard of Looks you enjoy and see if there are trends. Some folks are drawn to athletic wear. Work wear. Perhaps a vintage aesthetic -- Rockabilly. 90s grunge. 1940s British country vet (meeeee, lol).

Ask yourself: What are the hallmarks of this style? Are there casual and formal versions? How does it change seasonally? How much of it is clothing and how much of it is the body (haircut, being muscular, etc)? And above all - what is this style trying to communicate to others?

Once done, see what sort of fashion tips are out there for your style. Who are the fashion experts and how much do you care about their advice? (Menswear guy has great tips about how a modern suit "should" fit, but a lot of his advice is also personal preference with a big dollop of classism.)

Pay close attention to how men wear their clothes -- where they sit on the body, how they style the outfit. Compare how a man is styled in your preferred look to how a woman is styled and see what that sparks in you. How much of it is the clothing or body? How much is posture? You might discern some visual shorthand you can harness to be read as more masculine. You might also come up with ways to have plausible deniability around your parents by being able to pivot a masculine look to be more feminine, when needed.

After all this research, get yourself to a thrift shop or other second hand option and start experimenting. Buying actual men's clothing is probably going to be your best bet, but depending on your Look Book, that may not always be the case.

No one can tell you how to feel more masculine -- that really needs to come from within. Once you figure that out, then it's a matter of reconciling your ideal look with the peculiarities of your body. (And all men have their own challenges wrt the fit of clothes.)

Afford yourself as much grace as possible when it comes to your body. And again, remember that feeling more masculine and passing more masculine may not always overlap and could even be at odds. And only you can determine if and when that is a problem.

[phyrestartr]

Love Is Alright | Sukuna x M!Reader

w/c: 1.9k #SFW, reader is early thirties, sukuna is mid twenties, reader is a uni prof, sukuna is a uni student, DON'T SLEEP WITH YOUR PROFS IRL PLS THANK YOU, questionable relationship, fluff, angst, self-deprecating reader, soft sukuna?, sukuna has daddy and mommy issues, TRIED TO EDIT BUT IM LAZYYY, uncle sukuna has entered the chat, ITTY BITTY YUUJI HAS ENTERED THE CHAT

tags: @kamote-kuneho @better-imagination-9 @flowersatwork

You distanced yourself after the semester ended. 

It felt like your duty, honestly; your responsibility to Sukuna and his well-being hinged on what you could do to remedy the situation. He was a young man, scrambling to figure life out in his mid-twenties while you were failing at life and happiness in your early-thirties. You weren't a good role model. A worse partner. Terrible teacher. 

He'd get over that stupid fling in no time, anyway. Most of your exes did. You'd leave them, mourn them and the relationship, and then feel your heart break a hundred times harder when you found out they'd already moved on. Gotten married. Had kids. All while you hoped they'd come chasing after you. 

But this time would be different. You were protecting someone, someone you cared about. You didn't want to leave, to walk away for the summer, to let him move on peacefully and realize you were nothing but a kink, a fetishized visage of a man, but you had to–you didn't know what it was you'd done to fool Itadori Sukuna, but you had to save him from whatever it was. Because it was your fault. It had to be. 

So why was he knocking on your door? 

“Fucking finally,” Sukuna sighed. He leaned on the doorframe like he was from some 90s greaser film, but you had a feeling he was trying to stop you from slamming the door on his face. “Took you long enough.”

You cleared your throat and tried to ignore the way your heart did backflips in your chest. “I–uh. What're you–?” 

“I need a hand,” the man admitted. “I got midterms comin’ up and I can't fucking focus.” 

You noticed the rings around his eyes, then. You frowned and instinctively reached up, holding the side of his face to get a better look at him. It was hard to tell if he'd gotten in another fight or if he was just tired, but the way he sighed and leaned into your kind touch gave you your answer. 

“Can't focus?” You repeated as you stepped aside and gestured for him to come in. Apparently, you were still too weak to stand your ground and abide by your morals. “Why not–oh.” 

“Hewwo!” The little munchkin on Sukuna's back screeched (rather, he was sitting in Sukuna's unzipped backpack like it was some sort of baby carrier). He had bubblegum pink hair like the older, and his skin was just as tan, but his eyes were more hazel than the reddish brown of Sukuna's. Was he–could this kid be–?

“His name's Yuuji. Little shit's my nephew,” Sukuna lamented. “I have to play daddy for a while, ‘n not in a fun, sexy way.” 

Oh. Not his kid. Okay.

“Huh. Okay.” You closed the door and locked it, sealing away the chill of the rain from the warm, cozy atmosphere of your home. “For a second I thought your playboy antics had caught up with you.” 

“Tch.” Sukuna rolled his eyes and pulled his pack off, being careful not to send his nephew plummeting. He did, however, dump the boy onto the couch like he was an invincible sack of potatoes. 

“Sukuna, be careful--he's just a kid!” You scolded as you went to the teary-eyed little boy. 

“He cries ‘n shit for attention, trust me,” Sukuna scoffed before sitting down as well. “Besides, kids are made of rubber. He'll be fine.” 

“Mean!” Yuuji hollered, battering Sukuna's shoulder with little fists. “Meanie!” 

“Piss off or I'll punt you into the fucking fireplace.” 

“MEANIE.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” you sighed, breaking up the spat. You looked to the little one and smiled when his big, honeyed eyes turned your way. You kind of related to his hopefulness, to his eagerness to find attention and be loved. 

“Yuuji, right?” You hummed as you went to him. “You hungry?” 

The boy lit up. “Ya!”

“Sukuna's hungry, too,” the older chipped in as he plopped his beat up, sticker-clad laptop onto the coffee table and popped it open.

You rolled your eyes and picked up Yuuji as soon as his grabby hands reached out for you. “Fine, fine. I’ll make enough food for three. You just make sure you do your schoolwork, Sukuna. You're not getting free babysitting just so you can slack.”

“Whatever, Mama,” Sukuna dismissed. 

But, he did what he was told. That was the whole point of bringing Yuuji here anyway; it wasn't just to weasel his way back into your life. He seriously needed a break from catering to the tiny, hyperactive tyrant while he was trying to finish his midterm paper. Yuuji was too much for a worn-out student like Sukuna. 

Still, being here, even though you took on the babysitter role without an ounce of resistance, made it hard to focus, too; you handled the little tot with so much ease and care it made Sukuna's head spin. The way you held him on your hip while you puttered around the kitchen, cooking and cleaning, was way too domestic and natural for a bachelor. Sukuna had to wonder if you'd taken care of kids before, or if you'd only dreamed of having your own.

“Focus, Sukuna,” you called from the adjacent room, sounding so pleased. It'd been a while since he heard you sound like that.

“Just making sure you're not cookin’ the runt,” Sukuna huffed. “‘N quit distracting me, asshole.” 

You laughed. Yuuji giggled. Sukuna tried to focus. 

–

Morning turned into afternoon. Afternoon turned into evening. And Sukuna was still somehow welcomed in your presence.

But the cold press of a beer can against his neck almost made him regret his decision to stay as long as he did.

“You're pretty good at taking care of runts,” Sukuna grumbled as he took the drink from you. You sat beside him, much to his delight, and popped open your own can as you settled on the couch. 

“Yeah, well. I, uh, used to take care of an ex's kid, so–well, I guess it just became second nature.” You smiled a little before sipping at your drink. “Don't really like random kids, though. Boyfriends’ are an exception.” 

“Yeah?” Sukuna asked with a wolfish grin. “‘N so if you like Yuuji, then–”

“Hey, hey, let's not get ahead of ourselves here,” you sighed. “I'm not saying–this isn't–”

“You let me back into your life so fuckin’ easily,” Sukuna said, bulldozing over your words and confidence. His vibrant eyes danced over you like a flame caught in a storm until they eased onto your own, and settled down. “Now you're tryna back out again?” 

You gaped. Your mind scrambled for an excuse, for any sort of reason you could use to push him away again, yet found nothing. Nothing but a spark of warmth left by firelit eyes in the hollows of your chest. 

“When I was your age,” you found yourself saying, dreading the story you suddenly decided to relive, “I dated someone older. A lot older. He was–I thought I was in love, I guess. I don't know. I really needed someone to lean on. He seemed like a good person.

“But, in hindsight, he was too old to be messing around with me. Told myself it'd be alright since we were both legally adults. But it wasn't.

“He was, uh, kinda obsessive and possessive. Made life harder than it needed to be. Made me more miserable than I needed to be.”

You sighed and took a long drink of your beer. “‘N then you came along, and I had to wonder if I was gonna do the same thing to you, y’know? So, I…guess I've been kinda afraid of that.”

Sukuna quirked a brow and frowned “You're talkin’ like you're some kinda fucking villain.”

You laughed bleakly. “I feel like I am.” 

“Fucking hell, just shut up,” Sukuna groaned and ran a hand through his hair, exhausted and frustrated. “You think I'd let you fuck with me, huh? I’m the one who came onto you.” 

“I–well, sure, but I shouldn't be–”

“Shut up.” 

“Sukuna–”

“I'm not listenin’ to you yap. Can it.” 

You pursed your lips and hid as best as you could behind your can. “Uh. Sorry. Maybe?” 

“You're a real dumbass for such a glorified prof, y'know that? Projecting all that shit onto this.” Sukuna shook his head like a disappointed parent and finished off his can before setting it on the coffee table. “I want you ‘cause you thrill me, that's it.”

A fierce heat slapped you in the face. “Oh. Thrill you. That's–wow. Okay. How do I…?”

Sukuna grinned and scooted closer to you on the couch. “You got a nice ass.”

“Wow.” 

“Shut up, not finished,” Sukuna scoffed. “Nice ass, nice face, nice voice. You know way too much random shit for your own good. You have a trashy tramp stamp–”

“Please forget about that!” 

“--you can cook. Fuck, can you fucking cook. Bake, too. You know how to decorate a damn house, how to make me not wanna go.” He paused for a second and slipped his hand to your thigh, just to feel your warmth under his fingertips. “You make settling down sound like less of a chore.”

“N'awe, that was kind of sweet,” you said like he was a toddler confessing his love for you. 

Sukuna leaned in. “Think I might need a lil’ more sugar from ya.”

You hummed and smiled, leaning in as well. “Don't wanna give you a toothache.”

The man smirked and held the side of your face as his lips brushed against yours teasingly. “Think I'll live–” 

“NUH UH!” 

You both jumped and leaned away from each other before blinking owlishly at the tiny tot standing before you both in A-pose. 

Sukuna's eye twitched. “What the fuck, you little–”

“Yuuji, it's too late for you to be awake,” you scolded lightly. “How come you're awake?” 

“Yuuji pwotect,” he bravely declared as he scurried up onto the couch and onto your lap with a throw blanket in hand–the same one you'd used to tuck him in earlier. 

“Oh, protect me?” You asked, pulling the soft blanket up around him. “From your uncle?” 

“Uncle eevil,” Yuuji whispered. 

“I'm gonna eat you alive, runt,” Sukuna hissed. Luckily for the boy, there was no real fire behind the words–not that he had the brain peanuts to realize that as he started snuffling and tearing up.

“E-ead me..” Yuuji whimpered, hiding under his blanket. “Noh…”

“I'll protect you, Yuuji, you're alright.” You gave Sukuna a look as you patted the little one. “Did you have to threaten to eat him this late at night?” 

Sukuna waved his hand in dismissal. “Little shit cock blocked me. It's what he deserves.” 

“Yeah, yeah, you keep telling yourself that.” You looked down at the little nugget of a boy curled up your lap, kept safe under the shelter of a blanket. Damn, the little thing really was cute. You almost got ideas. 

“We should clock out, too,” you suggested with a yawn before prepping to pick up the sleepy potato in your lap. “It's late. You won't be able to do much more like this.”

“Ha? You think I'm an old fuckin’ geezer like you?” Sukuna scoffed. “I'm not even–I ain't–” he cut off with a yawn and threw you a middle finger. “Fuck you.” 

You got up with the freshly K.O-ed bundled baby tucked in your arms. “Come on, bed time.” 

Finally, Sukuna sighed, and nodded.

“Alright. Fine.”

[sc0tters]

Faking It | Jack Hughes

summary: when Jack learns that his girlfriend faked her response in bed the previous night, it can only ever land up with them back in bed as he gives her a time she couldn’t possibly fake.

request: yes/no

warnings: sexual themes, p in v (unprotected), oral (fem receiving), use of vibrator, bondage, ice play, swearing.

word count: 2.49k

authors note: surprised I got this one out today if I’m being honest. @hischierhaze said I can blame her for my lack of a filter for this and @sweetestdesire just told me to tag her. This is what happens when I am left unattended to do things… with that being said I hope you enjoy what came from this prompt!

The sound of your headboard hitting the wall rang through your ears.

Jack held your legs around his waist “right there baby.” Jack grunted dropping his head so that his lips could kiss at your collar bone.

Even with his lips sucking at the sweet spot of your skin you couldn’t seem to get his cock to hit the spot that you needed him in “fuck Jack.” Your cry was more so out of discomfort as a cramp formed in your thigh officially meaning that you had lost any chance of having a good night with your boyfriend.

The hockey player had come home after a long road trip and he wanted nothing more than you and your bed. But all you wanted to do was sleep after a long day at work “you want to be a good girl and come for me?” Jack asked as you clenched your pussy around his cock.

You knew that he was close by how his cock throbbed from inside of you and you knew that he wouldn’t be able to handle it if you didn’t come tonight “shit yeah.” You forced your breath to go airy as your hands reached up to tease your nipples in the hopes that it would help build some pressure in your stomach.

As Jacks grunts began to grow stuttered you decided that then was your chance to act like you came “oh my god Jack,” you huffed your chest making it sound like you had just ran a marathon.

Jack rode out his orgasm before he flopped onto the bed next to you “you were so good baby.” You couldn’t even remain upset for long as the hockey player hooked his fingers under your jaw so he could pull you into a kiss.

After last nights disappointments you invited some friends over to full up your time before Jack was meant to come up from practice “you okay girl?” Mia asked as she sat next to you sensing your silence “can I tell you girls something?” You sighed watching them all nod.

Jack walked back into the apartment deciding that he wanted to be quiet so that he could hear whatever gossip it was that you were talking about “we had sex last night.” Your voice made him stop dead in your tracks “and he thinks I came but I didn’t.” That confession made his eyes go wide.

It wasn’t that he was sad you told your friends, he was sad that you felt the need to fake it and not address it. Because if Jack knew that you had done that you wouldn’t be sat there today “hey baby!” Jack pretended to shut the door once more again but louder this time before he made his way into the living room.

Your eyes were wide as you looked at your boyfriend “how was practice?” You asked trying to ignore the embarrass looks your friends were sending the Hughes boy “it was good, gonna go have a shower now.” He smiled pressing a kiss on your forehead.

Instead Jack actually walked into your bedroom and began deciding his plot of how to make you pay for faking your orgasm whilst he also tried to give you a night of pleasure to make up for what you missed.

Jack was given plenty of time as you ended up back in your room 90 minutes later once your friends had left “how are they all?” Jack asked sending you a smile as you crawled into his lap “don’t care about them right now.” You mumbled running your fingers along his jaw.

The hockey player smirked “want to be a good girl for me?” He cocked his head pecking your lips.

You nodded “always,” and just like that you had fallen into his plan.

Before you knew it your clothes were all off as you were laying on your bed fully naked whilst Jack was only in some sweatpants “you trust me?” The hockey player grabbed his belt as he held your hands together before he tied them to the headboard making sure that the belt was done tight enough you looked at him with a smile.

That wasn’t going to work for him causing the boy to grab his tie “relax baby,” he encouraged you as Jack held it up to your eyes “I’ll be back in a sec,” was the last thing he said after tying it behind your head.

It all felt foreign to you as Jacks tie blocked out the light from your eyes leaving you in darkness “J-jack?” You called out hearing his footsteps retreat “I’m here baby don’t worry.” He cooed coming back to your bed letting the mattress dip as his knees pressed into it.

You grew wet with anticipation as you waited for him to touch you “remember the safe word is red.” Jack mumbled pressing a kiss to your lips before a buzzing noise between your thighs pulled your attention away from his lips.

That feeling was familiar from anywhere, the vibrating was shared between your clit and your pussy making you realise that it was your red rabbit vibrator. It was a purchase you got when Jack was on a roadtrip and when he came home he caught you laying on your bed in some pretty robe for him but when you got impatient you leaned on your new friend to help you out. Rather than get upset Jack spent that evening learning how to further improve your experience in bed with the help of the red device “shit Jack!” You gasped realising that your boyfriend had gone for the highest speed setting straight off the bat.

Your hips jerked against the device as you felt your high quickly approaching “don’t stop,” you begged desperately tugging at the belt that had your hands up by your headboard “not yet baby.” Jack clicked his tongue turning the speed of the vibrator all the way down to its lowest setting.

It caused you to whimper “don’t be a brat about it.” He warned using his free hand to softly hit your clit “you want to embarrass me like that in front of all your friends?” Jack’s harsh words made your jaw go slack “and think that you won’t get punished for it?” He let out a laugh as he shook his head.

Jack let the speed slowly increase again as it looked like you had fallen enough away from your high “let’s see if you take this one like a good girl this time?” The hockey player increased the speed up one button more as he grabbed an ice cube from the cup next to him.

Your body ached as your toes curled “y-you know?” Your voice trembled, quickly you felt bad at the thought out your boyfriend knowing what you had done “had to hear you telling all of those fucking friends of yours too.” You didn’t have time to think about how his voice sounded mumbled as the boys lips dropped down to your breast “shit!” You groaned almost jumping out of this constraints you jumped so hard.

The cold ice cube served as the perfect contrast to your hot skin “fuck Jackie!” You cried at the sensory overload that you were feeling “breathe baby.” Jack ordered watching in awe as the water dripped from your stiff and sensitive peak.

You huffed trying to hold back a moan desperate for Jack to let you come “‘m so sorr-” you cut yourself off as he moved his attention to your other breast repeating his actions with what was left of the ice cube “think you should beg to come.” Jack had to admit that his cock pulsated in his sweatpants as it felt forgotten and unloved waiting for you to turn your focus to it “please Jack!” You cried trying to form a coherent sentence.

Your thighs shook as you couldn’t keep them planted on the mattress anymore “I’ll never fake an orgasm ever again.” You offered with your voice oozing in pleads “going to need more from you than that.” Jack shook his head again dropped the ice cube onto your stomach causing him to grunt out in pleasure as he watched it glide down your torso finally stopping just above your belly button.

It seemed like as the ice cube stopped so did your vibration causing your high that had built up to quick drop again “think you can go again?” Jack asked massaging the little 86 tattoo that you had on your hip “uh huh,” you whimpered feeling your vibrator slide out of your core.

Jacks weight shifted to the side of your bed before he went back to the centre, his arms wrapped around your thighs as if you could have tried to go anywhere else “shush baby.” Jack cooed as he pursed his lips around the cube of ice bringing his mouth down to your slit.

You cried out in pleasure feeling the cold cube pressed up against your clit as Jack ran the cube down your slit “p-p-please Jack.” You whined tensing up your whole body as he pushed the cube into your soaked cunt.

It made you moan as the ice began to melt in your warm core leaving Jack to suck at your clit “want to touch you,” you complained as tugged as the belt once more now fully aware that it was going to cause a bruise on your wrist’s tomorrow “not yet.” Jacks words could barely be heard as he didn’t pick his head up from your clit as his tongue swirled around the sensitive nub.

It didn’t help that you were still feeling those two previous attempts at orgasm that failed so now all you wanted as for this one to suck you into the bliss that would have been coming around his cock as you saw the stars “Jesus baby you’re soaked.” The hockey player smirked to himself knowing that this was all his work.

He went back to letting his tongue work on your clit as your body began to shiver, thighs driving towards him “all for you.” You stumbled over your words “all real too.” You added desperate to clench around something that wasn’t the quickly melting ice as that was how you liked to come.

Jacks cock stuffing you to the brim as his thumb played on your clit or with your nipples “you know the rules tonight.” He pulled away once more making you huff in annoyance.

The hockey player stared at your body sat there all innocently as he smiled seeing how frustrated you were “you had enough?” Jack asked leaning forward as he pushed the tie off of your head.

It took you a few seconds to adjust before you looked at him “just want you now.” You complained sending him a needy look that he couldn’t say no to.

Jack nodded undoing his belt before he rubbed your wrists “next time, I’m tying you up.” You mumbled cupping his face with your hands so that you could pull him into a kiss.

The boy almost fell onto your bed as you pulled him down “I wanna fuck you.” Jack confessed deciding that the pain in his cock was no longer worth it.

The hockey player smiled as you hooked your fingers in his waistband “no baby, I’m gonna work for you tonight.” Now this was the apology part of the plan.

He let his sweatpants drop to the floor as he kicked the ends off “been so good for me baby.” Jack cooed leaning down to kiss your lips.

Your eyes fluttered feeling his cock run against your clit “please don’t tease me.” You begged not believing that you could handle more of it “just making sure you were ready.” Jack joked not giving you enough time to snap back at him before he thrusted his throbbing cock in your wet cunt.

Jack didn’t even need the time to let you adjust before he hooked your legs over his shoulder “my flexible good girl.” He mumbled hovering his lips over yours as he established a good rhythm that would be aided by your sensitive core “god Jack.” You moaned feeling your breasts bounce with each thrust of his cock.

The sight was hot, no distance between the love drunk couple as the sound of your moans harmonised together “just me baby.” The hockey player grunted feeling your pussy clench around his cock “you want to come already?” His tone was teasing.

Your face grew red as you nodded “making me feel so full your toes curled as pleasure pulsated through your body.

Jack needed just a bit more from you “hold it,” he warned not wanting to ruin a hot night because you couldn’t listen.

His order made tears form in your eyes as he stared down at you, letting his hair down to tickle your face “Jack please,” you begged as the pressure between your thighs threatened to burst at any minute.

His grunts quickly joined a competition with your moans in an effort to drown the other out “keep squeezing my cock like that baby.” Jacks thoughts began to grown foggy as his orgasm approach too.

Your fingers slid between your two bodies “I can’t hold it anymore Jack.” You confessed letting those fingers attach your clit as they rubbed in a circular motion.

Jack let his head drop to your neck in a similar way that he did it the night before “come for me baby.” He ordered replacing your hand in your clit “come so the neighbours can hear who makes you feel like this.” The hockey player let his lips nip at the skin of your neck in order to control himself.

His hips snapped so fast if was like they might have snapped out of place “fucking shit Jack!” You cried out grinding your hips into his as you eyes screwed shut.

His orgasm came shortly after yours with how you came around his naked cock -something you two hadn’t done before- “holy shit baby.” Jack gasped final a final thrust into your cunt before he pulled his cock out “you squirted.” He pointed out looking at the wet patch on his lower torso.

Before you had the chance to grow embarrassed he smiled “that was the hottest thing I think I’ve ever seen.” Jack confessed kissing your cheeks, a habit he had picked up whenever you blushed.

You smiled looking at him “think I should fake some more orgasms if we are gonna have sex like that afterwards.” You joked running your fingers through his hair “next time I’m not going to let you come.” Jack warned making you laugh.

The hockey player had to admit that these small moments after sex with you were some of his favourites “bath or shower?” He proposed knowing that you both desperately needed a clean “bath.”

[apocalypseornaw]

Us Again

Sam Winchester x Reader

Needing help on a case you're forced to call in the Winchesters. You never thought it'd end with you and Sam finding your way back together.

It's like 90% smut

The solid wall connecting with your back knocked every ounce of breath from your lungs. You groaned and rolled onto your hands and knees, struggling to get air. You heard Sam and Dean both shout your name and saw the creature moving towards you. You grabbed your discarded machete and pushed yourself to your feet, eyes on the monster you yelled “GET THE KIDS. I GOT THIS”

This thing was something new, none of you had run across it which was why you'd called the Winchesters in to begin with. It was taking kids, feeding off their youth. You were hoping decapitation would do the trick. You flipped the long blade in your hand and waved a hand at it “C'mon then ugly. I don't got all night”

 

You winced a bit as you followed Dean into the door of their hotel room. Yours was adjoining and you'd left the door unlocked between your rooms. Dean eyed you as he dug a first aid kit out considering he'd gotten a slice across the arm and Sam had gotten caught across his left shoulder.

“How ya feeling?” He asked and you nodded “Right as rain Winchester. Now sit down and let me see about that arm” you glanced back at Sam “and I need to check your shoulder too” Sam gave a sharp nod, lowering himself into a chair at the table opposite Dean. 

—-----------------

You hadn't wanted to call them in, years had passed since you hunted with them. The last time had been about a year after you and Sam broke up. You could feel his gaze on your back as you began cleaning the wound on Dean's arm. It wasn't too awfully deep but it might do for a stitch or two just to make sure it stayed closed. 

You busied yourself with the task at hand in an attempt to ignore the memories flashing through your mind. You still loved Sam just as much as the day you'd left but you couldn't tell him that. Too much time and too much pain had passed. The two of you had only recently gotten back to the point of talking as friends. You couldn't risk losing him again or Dean for that matter because regardless of how close you were with the eldest Winchester he'd choose his brother every time.

You finished Dean's stitches and taped over it so he could shower then stepped back from him “All done” he nodded, his eyes flickering between you and Sam. The question was clear in his eyes so you gave him a small nod before turning to face Sam “Ok, um you're gonna have to take your shirt off for me to check that shoulder” 

He met your eyes for a second then cleared his throat and looked away before standing to take off his flannel then slipped his shirt over his head. It had been a while since you saw Sam shirtless and christ he'd put on more muscle than before not that he was lacking then. You had to mentally kick yourself to not stare at his chest. 

He sat back down, turning the chair so you could get to his shoulder. You cut your eyes at Dean and he was watching the two of you with something near amusement written across his face. Damn him shouldn't he be playing the protective brother at least? You and Sam had broken each other's hearts at one time. 

—---------

You gingerly touched the area of Sam's shoulder that was sliced. It was deeper than Dean's but should only take a couple stitches. “Just sit still, I need to clean it” you nearly whispered before grabbing the wound cleaner. 

Sam sat silently as you cleaned his cut. The feeling of your hands on his skin was nearly overwhelming. He was glad Dean had stayed in the room because this entire hunt had been hell on his psyche, from the moment you called for help he knew it would be. The kids you all hadn't been able to save, the new creature that needed to be added to the lore, the way he felt seeing you get tossed to how he now felt with you bandaging him up like old times except now you wouldn't kiss the area after bandaging it.

“You ok?” You asked once you started stitching him. He nodded “Yeah, I'm good” he felt when you snipped off the thread and taped over it like you had Dean's. The fingers of your right hand lightly teased through the hair at the nape of his neck and he sucked in a harsh breath at the familiarity that wracked through him. Fuck he missed you.

—----------

You weren't sure what had driven you to run your fingers through Sam's hair but it was almost as if your body had run on muscle memory alone. You'd heard the way his breath caught and your knees had weakened. You needed to get a shower and go to bed so you could hit the road bright and early.

“You can um put your shirt back on if you want” you spoke then began packing up the first aid kit. Before you could finish Dean's hands covered yours “Uh uh sweetheart. You took a hard hit one of us needs to check you over” you met his eyes and saw the unspoken challenge there. 

Either you put you and Dean both in an awkward position by having to take your shirt off in front of him or you ask Sam to check you. “I'm fine Dean” he raised an eyebrow then leaned up to speak around you “Sammy why don't you go in her room with her and check her back out. If something seems broke holler for me but I think it's better you do it since you have seen her naked after all” 

“You're as subtle as a heart attack” you mumbled then looked back at Sam who seemed determined to look anywhere but at you “I'm fine Sam really” he finally raised his eyes to you “Are you afraid your boyfriend may find out?” 

You felt your face warm at his words. You and Marcel had broken up nearly a year ago. You hadn't loved him, hell you hadn't loved anyone since Sam. Marcel and you were still friends even if when the two of you broke up his reasoning had been “Baby you never got your heart back from Sam. I can't compete”

“I haven't had a boyfriend in a very long time, Sam. You want to check me out and confirm what I already know, come on then” you grabbed the first aid kit and turned on your heel. Before you made it into your room Sam was catching the door.

—---------

“Go!” Dean urged Sam, who nearly jumped out of the chair, to follow you. You were single? Why had you broken up with Marcel? You'd seemed happy with him.

He followed you into your room and watched you slam the first aid kit down on the table then start to strip your jacket off. He shut the door behind himself then was acutely aware of your actions when you slipped your shirt over your head and stood facing him clothed in just your jeans and a dark green sports bra. It took everything he had to not let his eyes graze over your body. 

“Sam? Are you gonna touch me or stare?” You asked after a moment and he knew he had blushed lightly. He hadn't touched your skin in a very very long time and wanted nothing more than to but the thought of touching you only to see if you were hurt then the two of you going separate ways come morning hurt. 

“Yeah, sorry” he said and you turned with your back to him, moving your hair out the way. Purple bruises had formed across your back already so he started at the nape of your neck with intentions to work down, checking everything.

—-----------------

Sam's rough fingertips started at the nape of your neck. His thumbs worked the base of your neck, feeling for any cracks and effectively massaging the sore muscles there. Your eyes fluttered shut and you bit down on the inside of your cheek to not moan.

Damn him he knew your body so well even after this long. He worked down further, kneading the flesh and checking across your ribs and spine to ensure nothing was broken, asking every now and then if anything hurt.

When he reached the top of your jeans he tapped your hip “Everything looks good” you swallowed hard twice before turning to face him “Told ya” 

His eyes went from your face down to your chest and the realization you were still in just your bra hit you “Guess on that note I'm gonna shower” he nodded “Ok” neither of you moved, frozen to the spot.

—----------------

“Sam” you spoke his name in nearly a whisper and the next moment your lips were crashing against his. You were sure who initiated it but his hands went to your hips pulling you flush against him as your hands slipped around his neck pulling him down closer to you. 

When you broke away to catch your breath the two of you stared at each other, chests heaving “Tell me you don't want this. Tell me to walk away” his voice was deep with lust and made your stomach do a flip “No” you replied pulling him back to you.

He groaned into the kiss before picking you up in one fluid motion. His hands hooked under your thighs so you wrapped your legs around his waist grinding down against him. He carried you over to the bed and laid you down gently before slipping his shirt back over his head and tossing it.

You worked to kick your boots off as he did the same. Once you were both down to jeans he climbed onto the bed hovering over you as he claimed your lips in a bruising kiss. You barely remembered his injured shoulder as you clung to him, wanting him as close as possible.  You loved this man with everything you had, you'd left because he couldn't say he loved you and it hurt too much but being away from him for so long had hurt too so you decided to give yourself this.

He moved from your lips, kissing down your jaw then to your neck when he sucked on your pulse point hard enough to mark you your back arched off the bed pressing your breasts into his toned chest. His hand touched your bra and he glanced up at you for permission. You smiled and pulled it up and over your head, baring your chest to him. 

He lowered his mouth to your left breast, rolling the nipple between his teeth and you moaned loudly. His right hand came up to knead the other breast, the action pulling another moan from you.  He knew you too well. His mouth, the size of his hands, the tickle of his hair against your skin. Everything had your nerves in overdrive. 

He released your breast then kissed down your stomach, stopping at the top of your jeans. “Tell me you want me” He spoke against your skin, eyes holding yours. “I want you” you whispered and his eyes shut for a moment and you saw him swallow hard before he nodded to himself. When his eyes opened there was that same hunger there but mixed with a need you felt in your soul. 

He made quick work of your jeans and panties before continuing his path. When his tongue barely grazed your clit your fingers flew to his hair tangling themselves in it. 

—---------------

Sam wasn't sure what was sweeter, your taste or the sounds falling from your lips. He knew what it took to push you over that edge and enjoyed feeling your body shake and you came on his tongue. He worked you through it until you pushed his head away. He leaned back from you, slipping a finger into you to replace his tongue. You clenched hard around his fingers, cursing lightly when he added a second and curled them up to hit that spot inside of you that he knew would have you seeing stars.

Your hands gripped the sheets tightly, the sound of his name being moaned from you was everything. He could feel when you were close right before you came, soaking his fingers and the bed under you. When he pulled his fingers out he held your gaze and he slipped them into his mouth, licking them clean.

“Sam, take your fucking jeans off please” you begged and he could feel his cock twitch at your words. He stood up and slipped his jeans and boxers off. Your eyes trailed down his body and he saw you lick your lips “I want to return the favor but fuck I need you inside me”

—---------- 

He groaned at your words “I need to be inside you” he replied climbing back up your body. When he reached your lips you pulled him into a kiss, rolling your tongue against his, tasting yourself on him. When you felt the head of his cock teasing at your entrance you clenched. He eased into you, both of you moaning at the sensation “Fuck you're so damn big Sam”

He buried his face in the bend of your neck, laughing lightly against your skin “I'd say sorry but I'm not” after a moment the pain of the stretch gave way to pleasure. You rolled your hips up to meet his and he groaned “Fuck baby” you smiled when he looked up at your face “I've missed hearing you call me that” he grinned before leaving a rough kiss on your lips “Hold onto me baby. I want to feel that pretty little pussy come around me” 

—-------------

The only sounds in the room were skin meeting skin and both of your needy moans. Your nails dug into his forearms as he drove into you from behind. You were on your stomach, pillows under your hips to give him just the right angle as he drove into you. He'd already made you come too many times to count. You were breathless and could feel your body shaking but you were taking everything he had to give. 

His thrusts were starting to falter and you knew he was close. Sam had always had a remarkable stamina and the ability to hold his own release in favor of pleasuring his partner but you needed to feel him come, to have him fill you completely. “fuck Sam. Please tell me you're close” you sounded wrecked, completely fucked out. 

He moved the hair from your neck, kissing your pulse point “getting tired baby?” You nodded “I need to feel you please” he groaned at your words his thrusts getting harder and harder “Fuck I've missed you…I love you baby fuck I love you”

Before you had time to realize what he said he buried himself deep inside of you, coating your walls as he came. The feeling pushed you over that edge one last time. You knew every muscle in your lower body would be jello. When he pulled out you gasped from the sudden feeling of emptiness. 

He kissed your shoulder “Gonna clean you up” you felt the bed dip as he stood up. A moment later he was back and you felt a warm washcloth between your legs. Once he was sure you were cleaned he discarded the rag and helped you turn onto your side. 

He laid down next to you, pulling you over on his chest “Need anything?” He asked and you shook your head sleepily. “Just sleep” he chuckled and kissed your forehead “Get some sleep darling. I'm right here” 

The first thing you felt when you woke was the delicious soreness throughout your body. Christ, you'd forgotten Sam's stamina. You moved around but felt a strong arm tighten around you. Memories of the previous night flooded your mind. Had Sam meant it when he told you he loved you? 

As if your thoughts got too loud he stirred behind you so you turned in his arms to face him. The uncertainty on his face seemed out of place after how he'd fucked you the night before “Why'd you leave me?” He asked and you sighed “I thought you didn't love me. You would never tell me you did and after a while that wears on you”

He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them the sadness hurt your heart “I've always loved you just after Jess I was just so afraid to lose someone again” “I never wanted to force you into anything” he nodded then smiled “I meant it last night. I love you, I've always loved you and always will. If you give this a second chance I promise you'll never doubt my feelings again. You're it for me. My heart is solely yours” 

You were silent for a moment then smiled “on one condition” he nodded “anything” “You always talk to me about what's going on in your head, you trust that I can take care of myself and if I get hurt you try not to blame yourself”  “Deal” you nodded “In that case kiss me” “Yes ma'am” he laughed before pulling you into a kiss.

[h0efor2ho]

Quantum Shift : From Friction To Fusion

Yunho X Reader

WC : 3.1k

TW : Enemies to ???, Brothers best friend Yuhno, Teasing, nickname (Sunshine) masterbation, fingering, mind games,

You could pin point the exact moment, you decided you hated Jeong Yunho. It wasn't when you were 4 and he stole your butterfly net, or when you were 7 and and he used all the slides for your microscope without asking. It wasn't when he copied your science fair project or when he removed all the labels from the bottles in your micro-chem kit. No the moment you felt pure, unbridled hatred for Jeong Yunho was when you were 13 years old and he announced that he would be going to MIT for physics when he graduated high school. That wouldn't have been a problem if that wasn't your exact plan as well. And how did Yunho know your plans, well you could thank your big mouth twin brother, and Yunho's best friend, Mingi, for telling him every aspect of your life. 

You learned from an early age you would be stuck with Yunho in some compacity of life with how close him and Mingi were. But you thought it would end after high school. You thought college was going to be a fresh start for you. No longer competing with him, no longer trying to be one step ahead of him. All through high school you pushed yourself. You didn't party, you studied like it was your life force. In the end it was all for not. Sure you graduate with a 4.0 but Yunho beat you by 1 point for valedictorian. When acceptance letters go out, Yunho gets his first and of course he got into MIT. Your's comes three days later, along with Mingi's. All three of you getting accepted. 

Sure MIT wasn't huge but you thought you could at least avoid Yunho durning the day. It didn't help that you knew he would be at the apartment you shared with your brother 90% of the time. So your anger was justified when Yunho's dumb face showed up in more than half your classes that first day. His face breaking into a smug smile as he sat behind you, leaning forward as he did to say "Its just like old times" knowing it would get to you.

That was two months ago, and you haven't said one word to him since. Not a single word spoken in class, not one hello muttered when you leave your bedroom and find his lengthy frame on your couch with Mingi. Not even a look back at him now as you'r sitting in a stuffy lecture hall in a Modern Astrophysics class with Yunho's foot tapping the back of your chair. You refuse to acknowledge that the action is getting under your skin, doing so would give him the satisfaction he is looking for and you will not give that to him. He has been doing these little things over the last two months to try and get you to break, to talk to him.  

When your professor is done explaining a new paper you have to write and ends class you quickly make your way to the library, checking out the books you need and finding yourself a table to spread out on with your laptop. It's a Friday evening after 6pm, it's practically empty so it's noticeable when Yunho's 6 foot frame makes its way across the rows of book shelves and to a table two rows across from you. You try your best to ignore him, even thought you can feel his eyes on you. Finally looking up and meeting his gaze you watch as he holds your stare, eye brow hitching up and a small smirk playing on his lips. The site of him infuriating you to your core. 

You throw yourself into your paper, determined to finish it tonight. You had but in your headphones, allowing Franz Gordon's piano melodies to take over your subconscious and focus. Before long you have finished typing the last sentence of your paper. Looking at your watch you realize it's past 1am. You groan as you start to gather the books you were using to put them back. You allow your eyes to shift up for half a second to notice Yunho is no longer there. The table he was occupying now sits empty. You don't spend to much time thinking about when he left or where he went. If he finished his paper or not. 

After putting all the books back you quickly gather your things and make your way to the apartment you share with your brother. Quietly making your way inside as it's almost 2am now and you know how cranky Mingi gets if he's woken up. You quickly wash up and get yourself ready for bed. You can feel the exhaustion deep in your bones as you crawl into bed. Setting your alarm for 7am and turning on your white noise machine to help drown out any snoring that is garunteed to come from Mingi's room at some point in the night, your sound asleep before a minute even passes. 

You'r first thought when you jerk awake in the morning is that someone in your apartment is working with machinery. The loud whine-grinding noice coming from down the hall is obnoxiously loud. The second think you notice is the sun isn't even all the way in the sky yet. You reach for your phone to check the time and notice 1) it's only 5:15am on a Saturday morning. 2) You have about 5 missed calls from Mingi and 2 from a number you dont have saved in your phone around 2-2:30am. You think how that's odd since Mingi was home in bed with you. The whining grinding noise cuts through your thoughts again. You'r going to kill your brother for waking you up this early on a weekend.

You kick off your covers and stomp your way out of your room. It was too early for your brother to be making all this kind of noise. Rounding the corner, rubbing the sleep from your eyes you start your beratement of him "Mingi, its Saturday at 5am, its way t-" the words die in on your tongue when you take in the site before you. It in fact is not your twin brother, but his best friend, all 6'1" of him. Your mouth gape's open like a fish out of water before you snap it shut. He's shirtless, grey sweatpants hung low on his hips, his hair tussled from sleep. 'Why are his arms so big' you silently question as your eyes take him in. You would never admit it out loud, but Yunho had your ideal body type. You knew Mingi dragged him to the gym with him every so often and it showed. His biceps corded in muscle as he leans on the counter, his chest defined and leading down to his stomach that you know if you rested your head on would not be to hard or to soft. 

"Oh hey" he says to you as he opens the coffee grinder, your realize that is the source of the noise that woke you. "What are you doing here?" you blurt out "And where is my brother?" you tear your eyes from his long delicate fingers and the veins that run along his hands and back up to his eyes. Those big chocolate brown eyes that are now studying you carefully. "Oh she speaks" he says with a lazy half smile. "I was starting to worry you may have gone mute there sunshine" You hate the way your eyes track his stupid mouth and the way it quirks up. "I can speak just fine. I just chose to not speak to you. Now where is Mingi?" You watch as Yunho fills the french press with the fresh coffee grinds before adding the hot water from the kettle next to him before turning back to you. 

You suddenly are very aware that you are only in an oversized t-shirt and underwear. You had rushed out to the kitchen to yell at who you thought was your brother, you didn't bother with pants. Now you wish you kinda did with the way his gaze falls to the hem of your shirt that hits mid thigh. "Your brother sunshine, decided it would be a great idea for him and his math buddies to go to one of those uni parties" he lets the words hang between you as he pushed the pump down on the press. "Okay so that means he's where?" you question back. 

"He is currently passed out in his bed, and will be nursing a hang over today since they all got shit faced last night and he called me at 2am to come pick him up after he couldn't get a hold of you" You watch as his large hand reaches up and loops his finger through the handle of two mugs, pulling them from the cabinet. "Thanks for answering my call too by the way" He glances over at you "It was fun trying to figure out where his keys were while he was drunk at 2:30 in the morning" he turns and opens the fridge looking before his brows furrow. He looks over at you "Where is the 'sugar free sweet and creamy' creamer" he asks. "In the back, in the black glass bottle. Mingi will use it all if I don't switch the container" he bends down again and looks harder. "Ugh Y/N there are like 5 of those bottles back here." 

You roll your eyes, and stomp over to the fridge, lightly pushing his shoulder out of the way so you can look. "Yunho those are grey bottles, there is only one black frosted bottle back here" you say as you reach in and grab the bottle. "Seriously, for someone who is sooooo smart you sure ar-" the words die in your throat and your breath hitches as you feel a hand land on your hip. The back's of your thighs brush against the warm fabric that you realize is Yunhos sweat pants. You quickly turn and your face is inline with Yunhos bare chest. Only about 3 inches separate the two of you. You try and take a step back, but your back meets the cold surface of the refrigerator. He has you pinned, hand still on your waist.

You tilt your head back to look up at him, finding him already looking down at you. You hold your breath as he leans down, his breath fanning across your face as his hand wraps around the bottle of creamer in your's "Thanks sunshine" leaning in closer, he drops his voice. "By the way, the blue suites you" Your face must morph into the horrific embarrassment you felt on the inside because when he pulls back to look at you he lets out a small laugh while tracking your face. You can feel the blush sweeping across your face as he takes you in. Gaze sweeping from your eyes to your mouth, your neck. He watches the rapid rise and fall of your chest as your heart speeds up. 

"Ughhh my head" you nearly jump out of your skin when you hear your brothers voice come from behind Yunho. You automatically shrink back against the refrigerator as Yunho studies you. "Yea you're gonna feel like shit all day buddy" he says to your brother without taking his eyes, or his hand, off of you. "Why don't you go shower and I'll make you a cup of coffee" Your brother lets out a groan as he enters the kitchen, stopping in his tracks when you see's Yunho looming over you. "Ugh am I interrupting something?" his eyes shift from Yunho to you and back. Thankfully the way you are angled he cant see Yunhos hand gripping your hip like his life depends on it.

"Nope" Yunho says still without looking at you "Y/N here was just showing me where the coffee creamer was as she was telling me how blind and stupid I am. Isn't that right sunshine?" Neither of you look away as you shake your head yes. Mingi just looks at you for another minute "Well I'm happy you two can be in close proximity without trying to kill each other now" he smiles at you as you look at him "I'm going to take that shower. Maybe we can have breakfast after" you watch as he turns and walks out of the kitchen. You and Yunho stay where you are. Eyes locked, his large hand still gripping your hip, your shirt bunching up higher on your thigh from it. 

Neither of you move, not as Mingi pads down the hall way. Not when you hear the door to the bathroom click close. Not when you hear the shower turn on. Neither of you move until you hear Mingi let out a loud sigh and the sound of water splashing on the shower floor. Signaling he is indeed in the shower now. Two things happen, they happen so fast it takes a moment for your mind to wrap around them. Yunho pries the bottle of creamer out of your hand, placing it on the counter next to you. His hand then comes back to you, gripping your other hip. He steps into you, pushing you back up against the refrigerator more. His large, thick thigh sloping between yours. 

"Why do you insist on doing this to me?" he whispers. "Why do you keep putting me though this?" His eyes searching yours. You don't know what he is referring to. Your breath hitches as his thigh connects with your body. "I...I don't..." your mind cant form words. You can't think. You hate Yunho.. but you can't deny the feeling growing low in your stomach. You have to get away from him you think. 'He's trying to get me to embarrass myself' your mind is racing now. You slowly bring your hands to his chest. Your palms burn as they connect with his bare skin. "Let me go" you say, voice not as strong as you want it to be. His grip on you falters for a second. "I..  I dont know what game you're playing at Yunho, but leave me alone." You push slightly, he allows you to remove himself from you as you make your way around him. "Y/n im not-"

"Enough Yunho. I know we hate each other and are always trying to out do each other but please don't try and lie and tell me your not trying to get in my head and mess me up" You quickly flee back to your room, your blood rushing in your ears you barley hear him calling your name as he follows you. You quickly shut your door behind you, blocking him out his voice dies in the hallway. Your heart is racing, breathing coming in small pants. 'What the fuck was that' you think to yourself. You never thought in a million years Yunho would use those kind of tactics on you to try and mess with your head. 

He must have heard how flustered you get when it comes to anything intimate. You weren't a prude but your list of experiences were quite small. You had, had sex before with a ex boyfriend but it was nothing extravagant. In fact it was a little disappointing, and then when he broke up with you after stating that it wasn't exciting enough for him well you just went back to focusing on your education. You knew he told people you weren't that great in bed, mean while it was him that didn't seem to know what he was doing. You knew Yunho had been friends with him before that, he must have told him how flustered you got and decided to use that against you. You should be mad, furious even.. But you cant deny the feeling pooling low in your stomach. 

A feeling you haven't felt in a long time. You shake your head. It's Yunho, Jeong Yunho for god sakes. Your academic rival. You hate each other! So why are you so turned on by the memory of him pinning you to the refrigerator? You quickly strip out of your underwear and crawl into bed. You know you have to take care of this or it will consume you. Slowly you allow your hand to travel down your body till you reach your core. You were wet.. 'god I hope he didn't notice' you think. It wasn't because of him per-say you tell yourself, it was just the action its self. Your fingers quickly glide through your wet folds, finding your entrance with ease. You quickly insert two of your fingers in and work yourself up.It doesn't take long. Thoughts of Yunhos long fingers replacing yours. You think of the veins that run along the back of his hand and up his forearm. You're punching your fingers in and out of you at a fast pace, the heel of your hand coming down to put pressure against your clit.

 You quickly slap your other hand over your mouth as you approach the edge. Your pants turning into uncontrollable moans, the squashing sound of how wet you are filling the room. All while thinking about your brothers best friend and the man who is the cause of 90% of your troubles. It doesn't take long  before your back is arching off the bed and your core is clenching around your fingers. You come down in a hazy realization your just fingered yourself to Yunho. If he knew he would make fun of you to no end. Getting off to someone who hate you and you hate.You quickly clean yourself up before opening your text book and dive into studying, determined to never thing about what you just did ever again. Shame burns you from the inside out... How are you ever going to look at him again...

You successfully avoided Yunho over the next three week. You don't leave your room when he's over, you get to class right before it starts and run out as soon as it's over. You haven't gone to the library in three weeks for fear of seeing him. It was all going great till your advanced physics teacher announced you would be doing a partnered research paper. You hated group or partnered work but you saw how working with others is crucial in the science world so you always sucked it up. You were mentally preparing yourself to have to work with a stranger when you opened the roster he had e-mailed out along with the topic you had to cover. You found your name, next to it the subject "The Law Of Attraction and how it can be applied to science" but your stomach dropped when you saw who you were partnered with. Because next to your name was none other then...

...Jeong Yuhno...

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Tag list ; @tunaasan

If you'd like to be tagged in pt 2 please let me know :)

[heartlilith]

Solar Return Observations🦋

Having Venus in the 12th squaring the MC can mean that your relationship drama is the topic of conversation in the workplace that year

Any planet that resides/aspects your MC, could very well become public knowledge that year. For example; Venus - love life, Mars - sex life, Pluto - secrets

In your Solar and Lunar Return Chart, make sure to look at degrees. 29 degrees in Venus could mean a relationship comes to an end or a love-related chapter closes in a big way. Moon in 29 degrees could mean emotionally maturing and getting past hurt you held onto in the past; finally getting over something

For 0 degrees, expect a fresh start. Say the planet Mercury, you may say things that offend people or maybe you're insensitive (with or without meaning it) and people are correcting you a lot that year, "don't say that". Or you start studying something new and you make a lot of mistakes on exams because it's a fresh start! All this depends on houses and aspects, either way there's a lot of learning that has to be done with 0 degree placements.

If your natal Sun, Moon, or Rising falls into your SR 12th house, you won't feel like yourself that year. The good part is that you'll come out of the year wiser and more mature.

Neptune in the 8th house in the Solar or Lunar Return should be very very very careful of substance use or anything potentially addictive. Neptune= addictions, illusion, smoky mirrors, 8th house= obsession, transformation, death and rebirth, finances

Having Sun in the 12th house this Solar Return Year is fucking wild. You realize so much shit. I have Venus there too. The rose colored glasses have come off and I see things way different than I did before. BIG realizations that are painful and uncomfortable but they're growing pains, necessary.

Your Moon sign in your Solar Return Chart can show how you emotionally react to things this year. Cancer Moon = you're going to be more sensitive, take things personally, be more empathetic in situations, have more emotional depth this year and be more caring and compassionate with yourself and others. Sagittarius Moon = you'll be able to see things in a broader way when faced with problems, it'll be easier for the problems to roll of your shoulders, you'll learn a lot emotionally and take things as lessons.

Your rising sign in the Solar Return Chart is going to be how you approach and see things in the world and how the world sees and approaches you. Having Scorpio/Pluto in the 1st house- learning, growing, and transformation that year will be huge and more or less drastic, you may transform others/situations that you come into contact with as well. Aries/Mars in the 1st house- you may approach things with more energy and vitality, this could rub off on the people around you and they could become energized too by feeding off that energy.

Uranus in the 10th house means you're 90% likely to change your job in some way; whether losing your job, being promoted and having completely different tasks OR working remotely or online more

Sun aspects are at the forefront in SR Charts (unless Sun is in the 12th house). If the orb is below 3 degrees, you'll exhibit the traits of the aspecting planet... a lot. Square/Opposition - more of the negative traits, Conjunction/Trine/Sextile - more positive traits.

Sometimes you have to think past the general meanings of the houses and instead, learn how the houses specifically relate to you. For me, I had Moon in the 6th house and I'm thinking my health will fluctuate more and I'll be working around women more for the year. Instead, I adopted 2 kittens and they became my world, along with my 1 year old dog I adopted last year. They are my children and I am their mother! My days consisted of taking care of them and also working and they became a source of therapy for me.

Alternative Meanings of the Houses:

1st house - What energy we rub off on the people around us, the lense we're using to see the world (pessimistic, realistic, optimistic, delusional, naive), the vibe of the situations we'll be faced with (Moon/Cancer - emotional situations, Sun/Leo - public/in the spotlight situations, Saturn/Capricorn - mature/karmic situations)

2nd house - How what we buy affects our self worth, for example, Neptune/Pisces - buying a lot of charts and readings that year, maybe feeling unsure or lost. Moon/Cancer - Buying a lot of blankets, pillows, food, maybe you're striving to feel more comfortable and stable. Jupiter/Sagittarius - Buying a house or paying for school, maybe you're trying to expand and learn. Trying to take the next step.

5th house - Your free time, what helps you relax/channel energy. Taurus - eating a good meal, laying on the couch. Gemini - driving around town, hanging out with friends. Aquarius - yoga, reading a book, or scrolling social media

10th house - When people gossip about you, the topics give off _____ vibes. Pluto/Scorpio - dark, secretive, mysterious ("what happened to her?" "Who is he?" "where are they from?"). Venus/Libra/Taurus: jealous, shallow, materialistic vibes (office romances, about your beauty or clothes). Mercury/Gemini//Virgo - harsh, calculated, competitive (how smart you are/how you're a know it all, where you went to school, your job tasks)

Book a Reading

Masterlist

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

why are people so against oliver and ryan talking about buddie, don't we want this, don't we want buddie to be canon? i'm sorry are we rooting for buck to end up with tommy or something, like I don't understand why so many people are saying stop asking them about buddie?

If we want Buddie then shouldn't we be asking buddie questions? I mean I'm so sorry but I'm just very confused, shouldn't we be happy that buddie is getting this much press and love? Why are we against it?

Okay, this is going to be a long one.

There are a few reasons why people are concerned about publications teasing Buddie happening and using the ship name and asking Oliver and Ryan about the ship. I'll try to be as concise as possible.

I would like to note, I'm not going to answer a bunch of questions about this. Other people have answered similar questions plenty of times, if you take a bit to look around 911blr. I'm sure @catdadeddie has gone into this a few times.

However, I understand that we are getting a lot of new fans this season, and so I want to try and explain comprehensively for those who haven't been around. I hope this covers everything.

Whenever a ship is between two people of the same gender as opposed to two people of the opposite gender (I know, I know, but we can't get into the gender spectrum right now just play along with me), everyone involved has to be very, very careful when it comes to talking about that ship ahead of said ship going canon.

It is very easy to slip into something called "queerbaiting." I'm assuming that you and most people online and in fandom by now have heard of this term but just in case: queerbaiting is when a show acts like a queer ship might happen in marketing and promotion in order to draw in a queer audience.

Historically, this was done by having a main character played by a woman have a romantic thing with another woman (flirting, even kissing!) who was a guest star, hinting at the main character's bisexuality/queerness, only for that guest star to never come back and for the show to act like it had never happened. This was done during something called, IIRC, "sweeps week" which was basically an important week for TV viewer ratings in the 90s. It was a way to boost your numbers by drawing in queer viewers with the promise of actual queer rep that then wasn't realized. It's a marketing tactic.

Nowadays the nature of queerbaiting has changed a bit. It's an overused term that frankly people love to (mis)use whenever a ship of theirs doesn't go canon and a show dares to do things like having two people (like say Ryan and Oliver) who play the two halves of the ship do an interview together (whether you ship Buddie or not, they are close friends, and it makes sense that they'd do a few interviews together - that is not queerbaiting). A good example of real queerbaiting is Rizzoli & Isles which, among other things, took out billboards and magazine spreads showing the characters (two women) in suggestively sexual and romantic positions and with slogans hinting that the two had more than just friendship together, then never, ever delivered on it and in fact laughed at the idea of the characters being gay for each other.

(I WAS THERE, GANDALF!!!)

Because of this unfortunate treatment of queer audiences and the (historic) dearth of actual queer characters and queer ships going canon (it's getting better but still), networks, showrunners, and so on have to be very careful when, say, they want to make a queer ship canon.

Look at how ABC handled Chenford, a popular ship in their show The Rookie. Chenford was not a planned ship - the fans adored the chemistry between the two characters (Lucy Chen and Tim Bradford), the writers liked the idea and decided to lean into it, ABC gave the go-ahead, and the ship officially got together and went canon last season. ABC heavily promoted Chenford and the ship and made a lot of jokes about it in the last couple of seasons leading into the ship going canon, using the ship heavily in their marketing.

ABC cannot necessarily do that with Buddie, because even if Buddie is going canon, until that happens, they could get accused of queerbaiting. There's a much bigger minefield to navigate because of this historic misuse of queer audiences and queer characters.

So whenever journalists and publications use a popular non-canonical queer ship name for clicks and fandom interest, if that ship doesn't immediately go canon or if the network/showrunner/etc doesn't say "yeah they're totally gonna kiss! with tongue!" people accuse the show of queerbaiting. This is unfair to the show for two reasons: one, the network is not going to bother sending "shut the fuck up" letters to every single damn publication out there for using a ship name in their headline and talking about a ship - they'll be accused of homophobia and it draws even MORE attention to the issue re: the Barbra Streisand effect (look it up); and two, the people involved in the show are NOT going to spoil the anticipation and surprise by admitting ANY ship is going to go canon before it does.

This is simple marketing - the movie trailer doesn't (or shouldn't, anyway) show you the ending of the movie or everything that happens in it. TV shows want you to tune in every week and speculate and guess. They're not gonna spoil a ship ahead of time.

This means that when journalists and articles pull this shit, they're putting the showrunner, the writers, the actors doing interviews, and the network in a bad situation that they can't really do anything about. Not without causing more mess.

So that's reason number one why a lot of us are annoyed: by yelling about Buddie, these articles and journalists are setting the cast and crew we love up to get yelled at for queerbaiting if Buddie doesn't immediately happen, and there's nothing the cast and crew can do about it, and it's all so the journalists and articles can use us, the fandom, for clicks. So we're also kinda getting used here, and it doesn't feel great.

The second reason we're annoyed about Buddie questions is that it's being asked of the actors who, nine times out of ten, have ZERO CONTROL OVER THE STORYLINES.

Now, there are exceptions. Jennifer Love Hewitt, who plays Maddie, has pushed back on a couple storylines that were given to her and has therefore had a strong hand in shaping Maddie's character. One infamous (in a positive way) example is that Maddie and Eddie were supposed to be an endgame couple. JLH, however, immediately loved the character of Chimney and clicked with Chim's actor Kenneth Choi, so she asked if Maddie could get with Chim instead, feeling he'd be a better fit for her character. And lo, both the beautiful ship Madney and the insanity that is Buddie shipping was born because Buck ended up stepping into that co-parenting-Chris role that Maddie obviously would've originally filled.

However, it should be noted that JLH was an established star before coming onto 9-1-1, and her husband is friends with Tim the showrunner. I would argue that the only other two actors who have any power on their storylines are Peter and Angela, the latter because she can do whatever she wants forever, and the former because (like Angela) he is an executive producer on the show.

It's not that actors never ever get to have a say ever, but the writers, showrunner, and network have much more power. They create the storylines, they make the decisions. Not actors. So when the actors are repeatedly asked about a ship, they're put in an awkward position where they might not even know the full storyline for their character that season and now they need to answer in a way that doesn't reveal any information they do know, but also doesn't insult shippers or dash their hopes. This is a double minefield for queer ships because, again: historic insults to queer fans and characters, nobody wants to be offensive.

The third reason is that this fandom has, historically, treated Tim, Oliver, and others like absolute dogshit over Buddie not going canon. Oliver's left Twitter and taken big social media breaks because of how he was yelled at online. It's not cool, guys. Vent all you want but directing it at the cast and crew isn't okay and maybe if it was just you talking sternly that would be fine (maybe) but when it's dozens of people? It's bullying. Full stop.

Every single time Buddie has not gone canon instantly, the actors and others have gotten verbally abused on social media. Every time the actors have been asked about Buddie and not said "ohmygod yes I want it to happen so bad" (they are not allowed to say this because it might create false hope because again: historical queerbaiting) they've gotten yelled at. We are tired of the actors getting yelled at over something over which they have no control.

The fourth reason is that Oliver, especially, has gotten asked about Buddie a LOT. A lot. The poor man is very tired. He's been cornered about Buddie and asked about it aggressively by certain journalists (one journalist, Max Gao, actually tried to corner Gavin who plays Chris over Buddie - this was a few years ago so Gavin was even younger than he is now and I personally think that is an incredibly unfairly loaded question to give to a child).

If I may dive into speculation for a moment, given how the actors have been SO gleeful about the move to ABC, the fact that they've admitted ABC is letting them do storylines and little moments that FOX wouldn't, and a few other things I won't get into here because this damn thing is long enough already... I suspect FOX would not let Buddie happen. If this is the case, then actors being asked about Buddie is even more loaded because they are being asked questions about it and they can't say "yeah we want to but the network won't let us." THEY WILL GET FIRED FOR THIS.

But, whether or not my speculation is true, the fact remains that when you are repeatedly, over and over, aggressively asked if this fan ship is going to happen or not, you get tired. There's only so many times that someone can give a diplomatic answer before you just want to snap "stop fucking asking me!" Journalists love to take advantage of fandom and social media chatter to get attention for their articles so asking over and over again about Buddie isn't because they genuinely care or think it'll happen, it's to get shippers reading their article, and so bombarding the actors and writers with this question when they've already kinda said their peace a lot about it is frustrating. Just! Leave them alone!

And AGAIN: if this was a M/F ship there could maybe be room for teasing the will-they-won't-they but because of historically bad treatment of queer characters and fans, THEY CANNOT DO THAT. So the only option open to them is to KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT. And keeping one's mouth shut and threading that diplomatic needle for years is EXHAUSTING.

We do want Buddie to be canon, nonny, and in my opinion we are going to get it. All this recent PR supports that, (again: in my opinion).

However, we have seen Oliver get bombarded with what he thinks about Buddie until the cows come home, and he deserves a break. There's nothing new he can say, there's nothing new he's allowed to say. We have seen other parts of the fandom scream that we're being queerbaited because Buddie didn't instantly go canon, without any consideration for the fact that a) queerbaiting is a marketing tactic and b) there might be other factors at play preventing it going canon. We have seen journalists take advantage of us, the shippers, in order to get attention, and we have seen them create an awkward and embarrassing atmosphere in interviews by repeatedly asking about the ship. We have seen shippers make us look bad by hounding the cast and crew on social media about Buddie, treating every woman actress who plays a Buck/Eddie love interest like shit (yes, I know about Edy, but she could be a saint and parts of the fandom would still go onto Instagram to call her names), and generally being absolute pills that would tempt any showrunner, actor, or writer to say "y'know what fuck 'em let's not make Buddie canon I'm not rewarding this shitty behavior."

"If we want Buddie then shouldn't we be asking Buddie questions?" No. Not like journalists and fans have been. It's something to bring up - in my opinion - sparingly and with an awareness of how queer storylines and ships and fandom have been mocked, ignored, baited, and so on over the years. They don't ask about Buddie because they give a shit. They ask because they want our clicks for their ad revenue and they want our retweets and likes and comments. And it's certainly not something to bombard the actors with on social media and bitch at them if it doesn't happen. It just makes the rest of fandom look bad and makes us look like children.

Additionally: These are not new questions! They're not only asking these questions now that it looks like Buddie will go canon, with serious hope and consideration based on the marketing and storylines. They've been asking this since season fucking two, when Buddie was clearly not planned, just to get fangirl (gn) clicks. They wanted to get attention and teehee over how Oliver/Ryan/whoever reacted to people thinking Buck and Eddie should touch dicks. 'Kay?

We know the pattern. So when every piece of media is screaming BUDDIE!!! we are not seeing it as "OMG could we go canon?" We see it as another round of being taken advantage of for article attention, another round of parts of the fandom being bullies and yelling about being baited, and another round of the actors being backed into uncomfortable corners.

That's why we're concerned, worried, and annoyed.

*collapses* I hope this covered everything and explained it all.

[theblackknightofworcestershire]

How to Put Your Shit Away When You Have ADHD

This is my two-step method. It has been saving my ass and my space for many years

STEP 1: Pick a corner of the room to be The Corner. Pick up an item in the room that is in the wrong place and place it in The Corner. Repeat until all items are in a heap in The Corner. Then move onto Step 2.

STEP 2: Pick up an item from The Corner. Can you put it where it goes without too much thought? If yes, do that. If no, put it back down and pick up a different item. Repeat until The Corner is defeated.

WHY I THINK IT WORKS IF YOU CARE:

The biggest things that keep my executives from functioning are 1) overwhelmtion and 2)feeling of no progress. This method addresses them both handily, and that is why it works good for me.

1)COMBATING OVERWHELMTION: When I'm cleaning a messy space it requires so many little choices.

(I am surrounded by mess. This stresses me out. I have to pick a thing from the mess, but then I have to also pick wtf to do with it. Oh this item requires extra steps (i.e., dirty sock requires turn right way out, get out hamper, find sock bag, put in sock bag) maybe I should pick up a different, easier object. Or maybe not. Maybe I should just do all the steps. Maybe I should gather all the laundry together first. Or maybe I should leave it all til last because it's hardest. Or maybe--

This is too much thinking and it wears out my executives. Instead just add it to the heap, no thoughts, done.

2) FEELING OF NO PROGRESS: I can clean a messy room for a whole hour and it still looks basically as messy as it was when I started because my shit was spread out everywhere, it's super demotivating. And it's unlikely I'm gonna be able to focus on cleaning for more than fortyish minutes without needing a little break.

These two combined means I used to do a lot of: clean for forty minutes->take a needed break->look at a room that appears just as messy as it was when i started->fail to start cleaning again because it feels pointless->room is never clean.

BUT when I'm just moving everything into a pile, it's way better. I can probably get everything into The Corner in forty minutes, or at least get close. This means that the room suddenly has a 90% clear floor when I'm starting up again, which is visible progress.

It's also a lot more friendly to needing to stop and start. Maybe I can only get myself to clean long enough to fill The Corner and defeat a third of The Corner, but that's still better. My space is more useable than it was, plus it is easier to restart cleaning tomorrow or whenever because I know exactly where to start: with whatever item is on top of The Corner heap.

(ALSO you will usually have a few items left over in The Corner at the end that you don't know what to do with. Shove em in your junk drawer, it's fine. Junk Drawer is its own beast.)

[etherealxwitch]

Illict Affairs

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

Summary: Something changed within Eddie and now he only has time to fuck you and dump you like you mean nothing.

Warnings: SMUT (MDNI), angst, hurt/no comfort, eddie using reader (being bit of a fuckboy), dirty talk, praise kink, teasing, begging, a little degradation, spanking, hair pulling, pet names, unprotected sex, creampie, breeding kink if you squint

WC: 3.7K

(after months it’s finally done! i hope you enjoy)

Remember to reblog and support the author!

Things were so simple before Eddie made new friends. The two of you would go out in public, hand in hand, lips pressed to your temples. One would never be seen without the other. 

It was common knowledge to know what the two of you had going on; the stolen kisses and even more behind closed doors. It was never an official thing between the two of you, but you always hoped it could be. 

That all quickly changed once he got more friends. It was now late-night calls, meeting in dimly lit parking lots so he could fuck in the back of his van and then drop you off back home before going to wherever it was that kept him from you.

Eddie used to be so gentle with you. Letting his friends know you were his girl, taking you on small dates. He was still like that, but you only saw that in private now. 

And as much as your heart broke being his fling, you couldn’t say no to him. Not when he treated you so well, doted on you, loved on you. Not when he made you smile so big your cheeks hurt. Not when the sex was so good that you could barely walk the next morning. 

Eddie said it was this way because he wasn’t good at love, that he could never give you what you truly wanted in life. But you knew that was all a lie. You saw how he loved and cared for you. His eyes were so full of it. You just wish he saw what you saw. 

That’s how you ended up where you are now, hurrying to get out the door after he had called you from a pay phone, telling you to meet you at the car shop parking lot for a quickie. You wanted this time to be the last. You even told yourself that as you passed on the perfume, knowing he would complain about the lingering smell once he was finished with you. 

Deep down in your mind, though, you know you’ll crave him the second he drives off your street. Your heart will ache, and you’ll repeat the same circle of getting hurt all over. 

Did he know how much you hurt being the second choice now? Did he know how much you yearned to go back to the way it was before everything had happened? Did he know your feelings for him?

You were so caught up in your feelings that you didn’t realize that you had made it to the parking lot. Eddie was sitting in the back of the van, his legs dangling as he held a lit cigarette between his lips when you spotted him.

“Finally! I was starting to think you blew me off.” He stepped down from the vehicle, quickly making his way to engulf you in his arms. 

That scent, his scent. It’s another thing you crave from him; lingering smoke, musk, a bit of sandalwood. It was the same old cologne that he borrowed from his uncle Wayne and you never got tired of it. You wish you could smell it forever, let it seep through your pores, and stay there. 

“No, you know I couldn’t blow you off.” God, how you wish you could. You want nothing more than to say no to him, but you can’t. He’ll always find another way to rope you in. 

“Well,” his hands dropped lower, gliding across the plump of your ass. “Now that you’re here…”

Eddie never wasted time.

The heat in your body felt like it had turned up 90 degrees just from having his hands on you. You wanted them everywhere and nowhere all at once. 

Slowly, you got out of his hold, crawling into the back of the van. You made sure to shake your ass, enticing him more. 

“Oh, so we’re playing that game.” Eddie spanks you, his ringed fingers making you gasp in pain and pleasure. “Remember you started this.”

“Who? Me?” You smiled at him as you laid on your back, watching as he shut the doors once he was inside. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

You felt hot and gross all at once. Why were you letting this go on? You could easily walk out those doors and never turn back, but you stayed put. You’re giving yourself whiplash with these thoughts. 

Eddie laid on you, his whole body now pressed against yours. You could feel his cock against your thigh, throbbing. “Mmm, I think you know exactly what you’re doing.” 

His hands ran up the back of your dress, exploring you and the soft fabric.

“I-I,” you felt so stupid. How did he have this much of a hold on you?

“W-what’s that?” Eddie mocked you. He dipped his head low, his lips pressed against your ear. “Cat got your tongue?”

You tried to find the right words to say, but it was so hard when you could feel his hot breath against your skin. “I know nothing.” 

He chuckled against your skin before pulling away, a smirk plastered on his face. “You do know.” Eddie sat back on his calves and started to work on his belt, fingers moving fast to get to the point. “But we can continue to act like you don’t.”

Your mouth suddenly watered with need as he pulled down his pants, his cock throbbed in his boxers. You could even see the wet patch of the precum starting to form. 

Seeing that gave you hope, an ounce of it. Maybe he did feel something from you. Maybe that’s why he had this reaction to your body and kept you around for so long. 

“Close your mouth, pretty girl.” Eddie reached forward and ran his thumb around your plump bottom lip before sliding it into your mouth. You sucked on it, swirling your tongue around the bad of your finger. His eyes darkened even more than before. “Look at you, always needing something in that pretty mouth.”

“I prefer something other than your thumb.”

With one hand, he pulled his cock from his boxers. The tip was leaking with precum, almost dripping with it. “Come get it.” He moved beside you, leaning against the side of the van, “what are you waiting for?” 

The way his words echoed in your head made your legs clench, and your heart ache. Why were you doing this to yourself? Why was he doing this to you?

You turned yourself over and rested your upper body on his jean-clad thighs. Your fingers gently ran across his cock, making him quietly whine. “I gotta have my fun too, right?”

Your tongue darted out, catching a bead of precum that dribbled over your finger. The second the salty taste hit your tongue, you moaned. “You always taste so good.” 

“Fuuuck,” Eddie grabbed your hair, pulling your head to the side. “C’mon, don’t tease me like this, sweetheart. Let me feel that warm mouth, yeah?”

“Like this?” You wrapped your lips around the red, angry tip. 

“That’s fucking it, that’s my girl.” Eddie guided your head up and down his cock, thrusting his hips to make you gag around his cock. “Awe, is it too big for you?”

You moaned around his cock, him saying my girl shooting through your body and right to your cunt.

His cock felt so good in your mouth, sliding down your throat, and making your eyes water each time you gagged. This is how he likes (you wished it was love) you; his cock in your mouth and your eyes trained on him. 

Eddie looked down at you and thrust his hips, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat over and over again. “Such a good fucking girl with a pretty mouth. You love being used, don’t you?” 

No, you didn’t, but you’d never tell him that. It would ruin everything that this, whatever this was, the two of you had built. 

His cock was fully in your throat, your nose buried into the thick patch of curly hair at the base of it. Eddie's cum filled heavy balls pressed to your chin, your drool dribbling down his balls and between your cleavage. 

“Jesus- look at you.” Eddie held your head still as he kept thrusting in your mouth, making you gag until your lungs burned, and his eyes were rolling back. 

You were a sight, a sight that Eddie mewled over each time you swallowed around his thick cock.

You pulled your mouth from his cock slowly. Salvia strung from your swollen lips to his spit-soaked cock. Your lips trailed kisses on the underside of it, your tongue darting to lick here and there before you got to his balls. 

“O-oh shit.” The hand Eddie has in your hair pulled harder as you sucked his balls into your mouth, letting your tongue roll over the velvety skin. “You’re such a dirty girl, aren’t you?”

You hummed around the heavy sack. He had a certain way with words, always knowing what to say to turn you into putty for him. It never took much, though. 

“Fuck, fuck- shit.” He gasped as you brought a hand around the base of his cock to pump it slowly, swiping your thumb over the tip, as your mouth still played with his balls. The wet schlick sound echoed in the small van. 

You let your teeth barely graze his balls before sucking them both in your mouth, pulling on them. “Gonna make me cum already, sweetheart.”

All of your movements halted. He couldn’t cum yet, not when you had just met with him for the night. You wanted to prolong this meeting. 

“I wasn’t done.” Eddie sat up on his elbows and looked at you, in shock and cock achingly hard. “Just a bit more, sweetheart.” 

You wanted to roll your eyes and leave him with blue balls, but you couldn’t. Instead, you looked over at him with your big doe eyes and spread your legs. You had purposefully not worn any panties, your cunt already soaked and glistening in the van's light. “Is it my turn yet?” 

Eddie gawked at you, his eyes glued to where you dripped for him. He pushed you back with a hand, slotting his body between your thighs. His jeans rubbed roughly against your clit, and it was enough to have you keen for more. 

“God, I fucking love you like this.” 

There it is. There’s those stupid words that he always said, that made your stomach fill with butterflies and your heart pound in your chest. If only he truly meant it, if only he could see the love swim in your eyes each time he said it. 

“Do you?” You took his hand at your side and guided it up your legs between your thighs. “You feel what you do to me?” 

You watched as his Adam's apple bobbed when his fingers ghosted over your slit. He could feel how wet you were, the pad of his finger now covered in your slick.

“Who got you this wet?” Eddie kissed up your neck, stopping to nibble here and there. You were sure to see some scattered hickies tomorrow. 

He was pulling the most perfect whines from you. “Don’t go all shy on me now. Answer the question.”

You dropped your head down, not meeting his eyes. “Y-you did.” Your voice was barely a whisper. Not one part of you wanted to admit he did anything for you. You didn’t want to boost his ego. 

With a rough hand, Eddie grabbed at your cheeks. He gently pushed them together, causing you to pout. 

You now were looking directly into his eyes. The eyes that were so big and beautiful, filled with so much lust that he would probably burst at the seams if possible. 

“Speak up.” He licked at his bottom lip before smirking at you. “Who got you this wet?”

Your head rolled to the side, as closed as he kept his skilled fingers on your cunt, barely rubbing. “You, you got me this wet.” 

Eddie wanted it to always be this way. You were so quick to tell him that he got you this wet, but he wanted more. He wanted to call you his and hold your hand in public again, but things had changed within him. He didn’t deserve to be loved by you like that. 

Sex was the only way that he could let you in anymore, it was the only time that he let a part of him show his all to you. But in his eyes, it was better to hurt you this way than to let you have his heart fully and then rip it away from you. 

Everything in your body was betraying you; your cunt, your heart, your head. They all needed and wanted him. 

Eddie smirked proudly at you, his fingers circling your clit before dipping into your soaked cunt. “That’s a good girl. Keep it up, and I might let you cum.”

You couldn’t say anything, only whined as his fingers curled right into your g-spot immediately. Your fingers gripped at his arms, your face buried in his neck. “I-oh!” 

Your thighs shook around his arm, wanting to close around it so bad, but you knew he wouldn’t let you. He loved to see how much you shook and writhe because of him. Seeing it, seeing you like this boosted his ego beyond words. He felt like he could do everything and anything. 

You could hear how soaked you were, the sounds flooding your ears. “Fucking hell! Feels so good!”

“Yeah? You hear that? That’s all you, sweetheart.” The heel of Eddie’s head rubbed perfectly at your swollen clit each time he pumped his fingers. “You’re making such a mess, baby. You gonna clean my fingers when I’m done?” 

“Uhuh!” Your heart sped up, and you gasped loudly when he added a third finger, getting you nice and stretched open for his cock. “Oh my god, oh my god.” 

Eddie gently kissed your forehead as his fingers slid in and out of your faster, the soft squelch sounds echoing off the van walls. “I can be your god, sweetheart.”

If only he knew just how much you truly worshiped him.

“I- I’m so close,” you were clenching around his fingers, craving that orgasm you needed so badly. “Please, Eddie!” You looked up at him, your eyes full of tears from being so close to cumming.

But just before you could cum, before you could feel the euphoria, he slid his fingers out of you. “W-what the fuck?” 

When you opened your eyes to look at him, his dripping fingers were in front of your face. “Go on, clean up the mess.” 

Obediently, you slowly wrapped your lips around them. You tasted yourself and moaned, tongue sliding between his fingers to get every bit of the mess you made. 

“You follow orders so well. I might just keep you around.” 

Oh, how you wished he actually would, and not just for the nights when he was lonely. 

You got on your knees, making sure your ass was in there air. Eddie never wanted to see your face when the two of you fucked. Why? You don’t know, but maybe it made sense. Maybe it was better for you too. 

“Look at you,” he rubbed a rough hand over the globe of his ass before pulling your hips toward his. You could feel his throbbing cock rut between your bodies. “You already know just how I want you.” 

“I’ve had a lot of practice.” You wiggled your hips against him, silently begging.

You gripped at anything you could find when he nudged your cunt open with just the leaking tip of his cock, your eyes already rolling in the back of your head. 

“Better squeeze my cock the way you squeezed my fingers, pretty girl.” Within seconds, Eddie bottomed out. His balls were pressed against your clit, hips flushed with yours. “God damn- I won’t ever get used to how tight you are for me.”

You felt so full, his cock stretching you open with the most pleasurable sting. “Please… move.” 

“You sound so pretty when you beg for me.” Eddie pulled out, leaving only the tip inside your soaked cunt. “Do it again.”

“Eddie,” you turned your head to the side, looking into his brown eyes as much as possible. “I need you to fuck me, I-I need to feel you as deep as possible. Just-“ 

Before you could finish your sentence, Eddie had pulled all the way out and slammed back in. Your back arched and your head slumped forward against the floor of the van. “I love it when you say my name. Sounds so pretty falling from your lips.” 

With each hard snap of Eddie's hips against your own, you could feel yourself draw closer to an orgasm. Your toes curled and your back arched, the praises spewing out of Eddie’s mouth. 

“Such a tight pussy.” His rough hands pawed at your ass, spreading your cheeks so he could watch his cock get swallowed by your cunt. “Best pussy I’ve ever-jesus christ- had.” 

Eddie reached forward and grabbed you by the shoulders, pulling your back against his chest. “Say it. Say that this is my pussy.”

“I-It’s…” Your mind was foggy, not only from his cock pounding into the sweet spot that had you seeing stars, but from the fact that he was being so possessive over your body. 

“Fucking say it!” A rough hand came down in a harsh spank!, making your thighs shake and your eyes roll into the back of your head. 

“It’s yours!” You bit your lip hard enough for the familiar taste of blood to hit your tongue. “It’s all yours, Eddie!” 

And it was. Every single part of you belongs to him, or yearned to. He just didn’t see it. 

“That’s fucking right.” Eddie shoved you back down to the floor and fucked you with fervor. “Gonna pump you so full of cum that on your way home, it’ll be dripping down your legs.”

You were sure there would be handprint shaped bruises for you to see and feel in the morning, but it wouldn’t be the first time.

“Please,” you arched your back, feeling the coil in your stomach tighten even more. “Please come inside me.”

He bunched the bottom of your dress around your hips and used it as leverage to drive his cock deeper into you. You squeezed your eyes shut as his cock pressed into your g-spot, making you see stars behind your eyelids.

All it took was one more hard, deep thrust and your body shook as your orgasm took over. Eddie’s name was a repeated prayer on your lips, your hands searching for anything to hold onto as every nerve ending in your body was set off. “Oh my- fuck, yes!” 

Your thighs shook and your nails scraped along the floor off the van as your orgasm took full control of you. All you could mutter was incoherent babbles as you soaked Eddie’s cock. 

The tightening of your pussy and the way his name sounded on your lips as you came was enough for Eddie to spill into you. “That’s it, take it fucking all!” His cock twitched inside you, emptying all he had to give. “My pretty girl, all full of my fucking cum.”

You felt the warmth of it flood your body as he held your hips against his, his cock twitching and giving you everything he had with labored breaths. 

“God damn- always cum so damn hard when it’s inside of you, sweetheart.” 

After pulling out and watching the mixture of cum leak from your used cunt, he laid his body over yours for a brief moment of actual intimacy. It barely took a second for you to feel that emptiness inside and out. That craving for him to come back and touch you taking over so quickly. 

And just as quickly as you answered his call and met him here, it was over. The time you spent together never lasted long anymore. It was long enough for him and you to come undone and then you were out the car door, left with the sulking feelings of hurt and emptiness.

It was quiet as the two of you got dressed, almost too quiet. You took this moment as an opportunity to talk to him, no matter how dumb you may sound after. 

“Eddie, can we talk?” Your voice was quiet, a bit hoarse from all the moaning you did just minutes prior.

He saw the glint in your eye when he turned around after adjusting himself back in his pants, he knew exactly what was on your mind. Even though it broke his heart to do this to you, he couldn’t let you in. It would never be like it used to be. 

“We’ve been over this before.” He gave you a soft smile before looking down at the time on his watch, “Plus, I have somewhere to be.” 

Of course, he does. Sex was the only time he had for you.

“I-I know, it’s just- it’s been a while since we have.” You reached for his hand, any ounce of intimacy to change his mind. 

Eddie let you hold his hand for barely a second before he pulled it away to open the back doors and let you out. You’d be walking home alone again.

He slowly shook his head before he helped you out of the van. “Look, you knew what was going to happen before we even started it.” The sound of the doors shutting made you jump. “You gonna go back on your word now, baby?” 

The guilt ate at Eddie as he put on this act that he didn’t care. 

And you were hurt. Hurt, annoyed, and mad, all at once. Yeah, you knew what this was, but you would think after months of doing the same thing over and over again, he would give you a smidge of something. You just wanted that small amount of hope that the two of you could be something different.

“Don’t,” you stepped away from him and the van. “Don’t call me baby.”

“What?” Eddie chuckled from behind you. “Is this how you’re going to be right now? Didn’t we just have a good time together?”

“A good time? We do the same thing every fucking time you call me up. Why don’t we go out and actually do something fun? We never do that anymore.” You started to look down at your feet, avoiding all eye contact with any part of him. 

You heard the jingle of Eddie’s keys as he pulled them out and walked in front of you, his body pressed into your side. “I’ll call you again tomorrow.” You could hear the slight smirk in his voice as he spoke against your ear. “You always answer the phone for me, baby.”

Before you could even speak up, the van had already started and moved out of the parking lot. You stood there, a mess all because of him. 

And he was right. You would go against yourself and do this all over again, no matter how many times you got hurt. You could never say no to him.

[babyleostuff]

hi! how are you doing? i hope you’re having a great day :> can i please request boyfriend joshua? ty🤍🤍

hope you have a great day as well! here is your joshua request <3

JOSHUA AS YOUR BOYFRIEND

genre | a lot of fluff

author's note | if you want me to write this with any other member that I haven't done yet, let me know <3

𓆩♡𓆪 certified husband material (shocker)

𓆩♡𓆪 you doesn’t even have to ask him, he’ll help you with your chores either way 

𓆩♡𓆪 and if you’re sick or unwell, he doesn’t let you leave the bed and does all the chores by himself, not letting you lift a single finger 

𓆩♡𓆪 he loves cooking for you, but most importantly he loves cooking WITH you 

𓆩♡𓆪 it’s one of his favourite ways of spending time with you - being domestic together 

𓆩♡𓆪 because despite all of the hustle and bustle due to his job, he has you by his side to keep him sane 

𓆩♡𓆪 is the softest with you, he always has this little smile on his face when looking at you 

𓆩♡𓆪 never raises his voice at you, not matter how angry or annoyed he his (he can’t even imagine raising his voice at you)

𓆩♡𓆪 he just doesn’t see the point in screaming at each other and having big fights, when you can simply talk things out like normal human beings  

𓆩♡𓆪 he would rather spend his time loving you and spending quality time, than having screaming matches 

𓆩♡𓆪 always has his arm around your shoulders or around your waist, when you’re in big crowds of people 

𓆩♡𓆪 Joshua wants you to feel safe with him and he won’t risk losing you

𓆩♡𓆪 usually his go to type of affection is hand holding 

𓆩♡𓆪 it’s low-key and not that noticeable, but you are still next to each other, holding each other close 

𓆩♡𓆪 and he can gently run his thumb across your knuckles 

𓆩♡𓆪 he also loves to give and receive cheek kisses 

𓆩♡𓆪 you just woke up? Cheek kiss. You have to leave for work? Cheek kiss. You visit him at the company? Cheek kiss

𓆩♡𓆪 gets quite shy when you kiss him though, but it only makes him even more adorable 

𓆩♡𓆪 even though he is not the most affectionate person out there, he never declines your affection

𓆩♡𓆪 if you come up to him and hug him, he always hugs you back. If you kiss him on the cheek, he always kisses you back. If you sit next to him on the sofa and put your hand on his thigh, he covers your hand with his

𓆩♡𓆪 he wouldn’t allow you to think that you’re clingy or “too much”

𓆩♡𓆪 always gives you his jackets, when he notices that you’re cold 

𓆩♡𓆪 even if you decline, he will find a way to give it to you 

𓆩♡𓆪 one of the few people (except for the boys) whom he feels like he can be his true, dorky self 

𓆩♡𓆪 does the most random and questionable things out of the blue 

𓆩♡𓆪 and even though most of the people would be like ???, you always join him in his silly actions 

𓆩♡𓆪 that’s one of the reasons why he fell so hard for you 

𓆩♡𓆪 you never judge him for his behaviour and character, you accept every part of him

𓆩♡𓆪 you’re the couple that people turn to when they need advice or guidance 

𓆩♡𓆪 because despite you’re goofy nature, you’re also very mature and you are the best with balancing those traits 

𓆩♡𓆪 so you are like the therapist couple, even though 90% of the time you’re not really sure what you are doing 

𓆩♡𓆪 Joshua always adds “but I don’t really know, though” at the end, just in case 

𓆩♡𓆪 you become his passenger princess, period

𓆩♡𓆪 drives you anywhere you want, no matter how much you convince him that you can drive alone (except for when you REALLY want to drive somewhere, he will let you do that of course)

𓆩♡𓆪 being part of the vocal unit obliges him to sing to you before bedtime (not that you mind)

𓆩♡𓆪 sings you “Sunday Morning” if you’re in a bad mood, because he knows it always makes you laugh when he sings it 

𓆩♡𓆪 will make a goof of himself to see you laugh or even smile 

𓆩♡𓆪 because there is nothing more precious to him than your smile and happiness 

𓆩♡𓆪 a bit cliche, but I feel like he’s the type to pull you by your waist and start dancing in your kitchen at 2 am

𓆩♡𓆪 you rest your head on his chest or shoulder, while he has one of his hands stroking your head and the other on your waist 

𓆩♡𓆪 while soft tunes of your favourite tracks play in the background 

𓆩♡𓆪 and it’s all illuminated by the moonlight 

𓆩♡𓆪 (a girl can wish)

𓆩♡𓆪 will always make you feel like you’re the most special person on the planet

your messages <3

[reigningqueenofwords]

I Choose You

Pairing: Dean x Reader Word count: 1,008 Request: Anonymous. Can you write a fluffy!Dean/reader fic, where she is upset bc her friend is a dick (you can decide why), and Dean comforts her and it’s just like 90% fluff? Please? Thank you, even if you don’t do it, because your fics are great :)

Dean was lounging on his couch watching tv in his sweats when his phone went off. Glancing over, he saw your picture and smiled. He reached over and grabbed it, muting the tv, not caring what was happening.

Clenching his jaw, he got up, jogging up the stairs to his room to grab his wallet. He’d order some pizza to be delivered for dinner, knowing that would help cheer you up a bit. As he grabbed it off his nightstand, he smiled at the picture of the two of you at senior prom the year before. You did school online, not wanting to leave Dean. He didn’t want to go to college, so he went right to work.

Hearing your car pull up, he got up and moved to the door to meet you. “Plan on staying over?” He grinned, motioning to your bag.

You blushed. “Unless you have plans, of course.” Kissing him softly, you made your way in the house that had become so familiar to you.

Dean took the bag from you before his fingers laced with yours. “Come on, let’s go relax, babe.” He gave your hand a small squeeze as he led you up the stairs to his room. He didn’t care that he still lived at home. He paid rent, his car insurance, and bought his own food. The rest went towards other things he may need, in a savings, or to go out with you. People who made comments about him living at home didn’t see his savings account, or see the logic of living at home for a year or two after high school.

Silently, you followed, looking forward to him holding you close. He’d always made you feel safe, and comforted. You watched as he put your back on the top of his dresser and flopped on his queen sized bed. Toeing off your shoes, you crawled up next to him and put laid down, your head on his chest.

The pair of you relaxed in silence for a bit before he said anything. “What did that asshole do?” He asked, his fingertips running up and down your arm.

You closed your eyes and side, leaving your arm over his stomach. “Making stupid comments about us again.” Dylan had been your friend since he’d moved there the end of eighth grade, and you began dating Dean the start of 10th. Your friend had not been happy, and would made comments now and then. You’d even stopped speaking to him a couple times you’d been so upset. Then, he would apologize, and the two of you would work back towards being friends.

Dean groaned. “What was it this time?”

“Bad enough that I don’t think he can make it up to me this time.” You said quietly, trying not to tear up.

He didn’t like that, making him shift to his side, so he could see your face. Cupping your cheek, he kissed your forehead. “Please, tell me.” He had hated Dylan when he’d first met him, but wasn’t a dick. He wouldn’t tell you who to hang out with.

Burying your face in his chest, you held him tight. Dean rubbed your back when his chest felt damp. He’d let you tell when you wanted to, but he really did want to know. Without speaking, you pulled out your phone and handed it to him. Dean kept you in his arms, pulling up your texts with Dylan.

Dean could tell in your messages how you were getting more and more upset. Hell, he wanted to beat the guy more than usual. Sighing, he glanced down at you. “Babe?”

“Yeah?” When you looked up at him, he tucked a strand of hair between your ear.

“Is it alright if I text him?” Dean would have just done it, but the two of you had always been open with each other, and him wanting to text Dylan was something that concerned you.

You nodded. “I never want to talk to him again. I’m tired of it, Dean.” You told him.

Hitting send, he leaned over, putting it on his nightstand. “Problem solved.” He chuckled.

“Oh, boy. I can only imagine what you said.” You teased him.

Dean licked his lips, debating. “Fuck, wait here.” He kissed you, smiling, before crawling over you, falling off the side. You laughed, rolling to your back, propping yourself up on your elbows. You had no idea what this was about, but were curious. He came back in not long after and straddled you, a light blush over his cheeks, which was rare. “So, not what I had planned, but dickwad kinda forced my hand. He’ll likely blurt shit out to someone, word will get around, I’ll get piss–”

You reached up, covering his lips with your finger. “Dean, you’re rambling.” You pointed out.

As you moved your finger, he nodded. “Sorry. Anyways.” He took a deep breath. “Marry me?” He asked, holding out the ring between two fingers.

That wasn’t something you had expected for Dean to ask for a long time- if ever. He’d never even mentioned wanting a family. “Yes!” You grinned, loving the way his face lit up as he put the ring on your finger. Pulling him down to you, you kissed him lovingly.

“There was one more thing.” He said between kisses. “My savings? Is for an apartment. For us.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you closed your eyes. “Oh, Dean.” He started that savings account in 11th grade. You assumed for parts for his car. Seems you were way off. “How long have you been planning this? You’ve had that savings account a while.”

He chuckled. “Uh, I told my dad I wanted mom’s ring the first night I kissed you.” He bit his lip. “He didn’t give it to me until we graduated, though.”

“I love you, Dean.” You pecked his lips. Hearing your phone, you ignored it. “He can go to hell. I choose you, and I always will.” You ran your fingers through his hair.

[darlingdekarios]

bending to the honeysuckles.

rating: explicit. 18+ only. length: 17,216 content: William "Ironhead" Miller x f!reader, reader has a prior drug addiction, drug addiction recovery, drug rehab, mentions of past abuse in a relationship, pining, fluff, Will is a simp, smut [oral, unprotected p in v]

while you insist you don't want a relationship, Will Miller falls for you like it's his destiny to do so. he's willing to meet you where you are while he waits for you to let him love you.

Life had been hell for Frankie Morales since he’d returned from Colombia. While he was able to keep decent control of himself for the first couple of weeks, the things he’d done caught up to him – they always did. He’d retreated into himself, away from his friends and into the confines of his house, numbing his feelings with whatever he could. At first, it was several beers every day, and when that wasn’t enough it was liquor. When the liquor wasn’t enough, he’d remembered what could truly help him – cocaine – and it had all just sort of spiraled from there. 

Three months after his return home Frankie staggered into his birthday dinner with dilated pupils, a running nose and an air of confidence only to be met with an intervention from Pope, Benny, and Ironhead. The reminder of how pathetically few people cared about him stung initially, but he quickly remembered he deserved even less than that. He found himself in a rehabilitation program then, spending the next 90-days of his life with far-too-nice people trying to help him get his shit together. 

As he expected, Santiago had taken up residence in his spare bedroom in Frankie’s absence, deciding to stick around in the states to ensure his best friend actually recovered this time, found a career for himself, and didn’t lose his house. He’d started attending a group session for recovering cocaine addicts the same week, and that was where he’d met you. 

You were at least a decade younger, quiet until you were directly spoken to, and sarcastic and quick when it was your turn to talk. The message deciphered from your introduction of yourself was that you had just moved to take over your grandfather’s company, you were coming up on six years of sobriety, and you did not like to be around people. His second meeting, a week later and your six months of sobriety, you’d approached him at the end of the meeting to propose being his sponsor. 

The two of you had been friends since. Wednesday nights you met for dinner before you made your way to group together, and Sunday nights you had a quick phone call to check-in with one another. As much as it helped Frankie to have someone outside of the Delta Force to understand his situation – that he trusted to understand him – it helped you just the same. You had moved to the area a month ago and finding people tolerable was difficult. He quickly became your closest friend, and he was more than happy to introduce you to the other people in his life. 

When Will had first suggested coming along to group with Frankie to offer some support, it was a surprise when the older man agreed and mentioned you immediately, almost proud to have someone to introduce to the man he looked up to so much. You’d agreed it was fine to skip dinner that week so Frankie could come along with Will, almost relieved for the extra time alone between work and group. It gave you a chance to shower and change into something a little better than your pink work overalls, ready to meet the first additional person in Frankie’s life. 

Frankie walked in much later than he normally would, and while you would normally jokingly call to him from across the room for cutting it close, you lost whatever wit you’d planned on using when your eyes landed on the gorgeous blonde following behind your friend. When Frankie spotted you he raised a hand to wave, which you returned feebly, eyes a little too focused on the newcomer. 

“We’re cutting it close, I know,” Frankie breathed when he approached you, your senses suddenly returning and forcing you to your feet in politeness. “This is Will. Will, this is my friend I’ve been telling you about.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you were late for your own birth, Frankie,” you greeted him with a quick hug, fixing your eyes on Will with a smile as you mentally swooned under the gaze of his blue eyes. “Nice to meet you, Will.”

William Miller did not get distracted.

When he had a responsibility – a job to complete – Will was laser-focused, in-control, and driven. Whether he was in an active combat zone or giving a speech to a group of veterans trying to rejoin society, he was always able to stay on the task at hand until he’d completed it – until he’d excelled at it. Tonight, his task was to support his friend, his brother, Frankie – and tonight was the first time in months he felt he’d truly failed at his task. 

He couldn’t pull his attention away from you for the next two hours. No matter who was talking, even Frankie, Will found his eyes glancing to you, eager to see your reactions and expressions and your body language. On one particularly long-winded monologue from a woman about how she had just tried cocaine for fun, and it ended up ruining her marriage (she cheated on her husband, that’s what really ruined the marriage), you rolled your eyes in Will’s direction while mouthing:

“Are you having fun yet?” Will nearly laughed at the question but opted to respond with a much more situationally appropriate light smile and subtle thumbs up. Your eyes flashed with mischief as you mouthed again. “Liar.”

He couldn’t get you out of his head after that meeting and found himself asking Frankie if he could go with him again the next week, and again, and soon enough he was a regular supporter of the meeting, showing up early to set up snacks and coffee and keeping track of the sign-in sheet. Each time he found himself falling more and more into whatever trap you’d seemingly laid out just for him, and even though he really didn’t get the chance to talk with you much, his interest was sparked enough to want to get to know you more. It was after the fourth meeting he’d joined that he lingered in the parking lot with you even after Frankie had left. 

That was the night he’d begun to understand the depth of his fascination with you. Sitting in his trunk bed drinking bottles of water Will permanently kept in his backseat he marveled in you as you opened up to him and showed him who you were…at least as much as you were willing to share. As much as he hung on your every word, you did the same for him, unable to look away from his face as he spoke and enamored by the things he told you about himself. 

“I like hanging out in parking lots with you, Will Miller,” you’d complimented, eyes sparkling under the full moon’s light. “You’re good company.”

“Yeah, we should do it again sometime,” came his reply before he could stop it. Reaching to scratch the back of his neck, he opted to continue – there was no going back now. “Maybe the parking lot of a restaurant…after dinner?”

You felt your cheeks burn immediately and, even more embarrassing, the smile that spread across your face like the sun breaking through clouds on a stormy day. All too soon, though, the clouds returned, the melancholy filling your voice. “I’d love to say yes but I…can’t. I’m not looking for anything serious right now with…well, everything. And I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

While it wasn’t the reason you’d given, on your drive home you had to think about the fact that Will Miller deserved far more than a recovering addict who was just figuring out how to really take care of herself. If you had only seen his thoughts on his own drive, about how long he’d wait until you were ready, you may have turned around and given into him. 

Things settled a bit over the coming weeks. You offered Frankie a job helping you out with jarring the honey and making local deliveries for you, which he’d been happy to accept in the meantime until he could get his license back. It was nice to have him around – he was often the one to remind you to take a moment to hydrate, but he never bothered you while you worked. He even took it upon himself to make some minor repairs to your barn in some of his spare time. Another month had passed faster than you could believe, the time filled with settling into your business and spending time with Frankie and his best friend, Santiago. 

Frankie had offered many times – at least once per week – for you to join them for drinks, or dinner, or at the beach. You’d refused every offer, unwilling to face Will again for fear of your wavering resolve. But this week, a Friday, it was different when Frankie asked you to join them before he headed out in the morning to spend his day making deliveries. The loneliness was finally catching up to you, and you figured some time out with other people would serve you well. Plus, despite the bickering you and Santi often found yourselves in, you knew Frankie surrounded himself with good people, and you could trust spending time with them. You agreed to let him pick you up at 7:30, and he agreed with a nod and a smile. Even if you had a miserable time, at least going would ensure Frankie’s happiness for the night.

By the time Frankie’s shitty truck had pulled into the driveway of the old farmhouse you now found yourself living in, you were moments away from sending a text that said you’d changed your mind, the nerves of your horrible day making you dread an unfamiliar place. As you pulled a jacket on and locked the door behind you a sigh released from your lips before you began to make your way to him. While you were finalizing your mental argument about whether it was too late to cancel you saw Frankie’s face peering out of the driver’s side window, an earnest smile on his lips. He was unrelentingly kind and made the decision you faced easy – there was no way you could cancel on Frankie Morales and sleep at night.

“Hiya, Crankie,” you greeted as you climbed into the front seat, rolling the window down before you’d buckled yourself in. Your use of the nickname you’d bestowed upon Frankie made the man shake his head, a quiet laugh sounding as he began the drive.

“Hi, abejita,” came his usual reply, glancing out of the corner of his eye to take in more of your expression. You’d obviously tried to get in the mood to go out, but the tired expression was one Frankie recognized – you probably just wanted to be alone tonight, and yet you were still seated next to him. “Didn’t sleep well last night?”

Of course he knew – he always did. The two of you had spent the last few months bonding over a similar addiction background, and it was nice to have someone that truly understood you. There were no niceties with you and Frankie, and it was the reason the two of you had become such close friends.

“Oh, you know me, Francisco…’I’ll sleep when I’m dead,’ yada yada yad,” you turned your head toward him, offering a falsely reassuring smile. “What’s your excuse? I swear there’s at least five more greys in your hair.”

“I only counted three this morning,” he matched your taunting, chuckling softly at your joking. 

“Yeah, well, I’ve told you that you need glasses, and this just proves my point,” you joked, rolling your head back the other way to rest it on the cool glass of the window. “I probably shouldn’t even let you drive me around…talk about self-destructive behaviors.” 

He laughed again and the comfortable silence set in, the rest of the drive to he and his friends’ chosen bar passing with light conversation about your days, and both of you agreeing to keep one another to the one drink maximum you’d set. Frankie thanked you for deciding to come with him, and it was a sincere show of appreciation – having someone unbiased and understanding of his situation there to support his recovery was important. And, truthfully – he was helping yours just as much. 

Plus, there was the promise of seeing Will again. While it was annoying, it was also impossible to admit that the mere thought of seeing his pale blue eyes again in the flesh caused your stomach to fill with butterflies. It was ridiculous – you’d meant what you said when he’d asked you out a month ago, you didn’t want to pursue anyone or be pursued right now. That didn’t stop you from thinking about his sparkling blue eyes, or the lines of his smile, or how he’d looked at you like you were the only thing he wanted to look at. You wanted to see him, and could only hope, maybe cruelly, that he wanted to see you as well. 

“What are you over there thinking about, abejita?” Frankie pulled you back to reality with a quiet voice as you pulled into the bar parking lot, glancing over at you briefly. “You didn’t complain about my driving at all.”

You smiled and shook your head, unwilling to admit to Frankie you’d been thinking about one of his best friends – one of his brothers. The question of whether Will had told them about asking you out flashed through your mind, and fortunately Frankie shifting his truck into park gave you a feasible reason to not answer his questioning. “Let’s go do this. And remember, if someone offers you cocaine in the bathroom…just say no.”

Frankie laughed in bewilderment nearly the entire way into the bar, a bright smile still spread across his face when the two of you made your way through the door. The sounds of Metallica from the jukebox confirmed Santiago was there before your eyes even landed on the mess of grey and black atop his head, drifting over to the golden locks of Benny Miller with his girlfriend sat beside him. As you walked toward their table you released a sigh of relief, though at the same time your stomach knotted in disappointment – no Will. 

After your hellos and introduction to Benny’s girlfriend, Frankie excused himself to grab both of you a soda from the bar to start with – it was refreshing to see that this group didn’t even bat an eye at the two of you not ordering alcohol, and you had to mentally commend Frankie for his taste in company. Leaning on the counter height table with an elbow you met Santiago’s lingering gaze. 

“You better not be standing to do what I think you’re going to do,” he warned, his words met with a mischievous smile from you. His arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowing at your body language. 

“Oh, I’m definitely standing to do what you think I’m going to do,” you taunted, sticking out your leg slightly to block him into the booth. “And you are just going to have to deal with it, Santiago.”

His hand twitched toward the glass of dark liquid in front of him, taking a sip as his eyes stayed on yours. You offered another smile, lazily drumming your fingernails on the table beneath you. Benny’s voice interrupted the stare down, both of you turning to look at him. “I’m sorry, what is happening here?”

“I refuse to subject the people of this bar to Santiago’s Greatest Hits playlist all night. I’m picking the next song,” you replied, offering another smile to the man you were blocking in the booth. Benny was the first laugh you heard, but from behind you another laugh rumbled – and Frankie still hadn’t returned from the bar. 

“Nice to see someone keeping Pope in his place,” the older Miller brother commented from behind you, immediately sending a chill up your spine and a rush of heat to your cheeks. Forgetting to leave your leg planted you turned to greet him with a smile, eyes brighter than they should be for someone who’d turned him down a month earlier. He didn’t care to hide the smile he offered you back. “Sorry I’m late. Got a little hung up at work, hope I didn’t miss anything.”

Your willingness to spar faltered, and all you could manage under his gaze was a nod, your bottom lip pulling between your teeth. He turned to greet Benny, who had stood, with a hug before saying a quick hello to Danielle and offering her a gentle hug. Even Santiago got a quick version of a hug. You tried to ignore the jealousy that twisted your stomach. 

“You were just about to miss the musical showdown of the century,” Benny remarked, planting himself back into the booth with an arm around Dani’s shoulders. “Someone is finally standing up to Santiago’s musical monopoly.”

“Just because you people don’t know how to appreciate the American classics,” Santiago began, ready to fling himself into a grandiose monologue before Benny beat you to the punch, entering an argument with the older man about the definition of “classics”. You took that as your sign to exit to the juke box, unnoticed by Santi, but not unnoticed altogether – William had followed closely behind you. 

“Are you my escort for the evening, Mr. Miller?” you questioned, attempting a playful tone to cover the nerves you felt around him. “I don’t think I’d get lost on the way to show up Santiago. There’s too much at stake.”

Another laugh rumbled in his chest – it was nice to make someone laugh as much as you made him. “The buttons on that old thing stick sometimes, and I wanna make sure you can use it.”

You couldn’t help but smile a little slowing down your steps to join at his side and glancing up at him as you walked. He had to mentally remind himself not to wrap an arm around you, no matter how badly he wanted to. “You know, helping me figure out the machine makes you an accomplice. I wonder how Santiago will feel about your mutiny.”

“Probably about the same way he feels about most things.”

“Forlorn and personally affronted?”

He laughed again in response, siding up to the juke box with you. He allowed you a moment to get your bearings on the machine, and though you likely quickly realized his white lie about the buttons sticking, you didn’t call him on it. “I was happy when Fish said you were coming out,” he admitted, leaning on the machine on his side next to you. When you broke concentration to meet his gaze briefly, he had to remind himself to breathe. 

“I almost cancelled. Had a bad day at work and didn’t want to look miserable and stupid,” you replied with a shrug, returning your focus to the juke box and flipping through albums. What Will wanted to do was sit down somewhere quiet with you and talk to you about your day, to listen to whatever complaints you wanted to hurl to a listening ear – but it wasn’t the time or place. He lowered his voice as Santiago’s previous choice finished up. 

“Miserable may be one of the last words I’d use to describe how you look,” he drawled, removing his appreciative glance from you to focus on what album you’d sought out. He felt you glance upward at him and could swear he heard the quick catch of your breath. 

“You’re very distracting,” you joked, eager to break this tension. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth slightly in an attempt to stifle the smile that was threatening to break under his attention, but it was to no avail – your burning cheeks gave away the fluttering in your stomach enough. “It’s impossible to put Santiago to shame when I can’t focus on this very important song decision.”

He hummed in understanding, nodding his head as he fixed his eyes on you again. Gazing up into the blue pools that waited expectantly you were met with a slightly raised eyebrow. It was infuriating how he managed to look effortlessly flawless. “Should I go back to the table and leave you to it, then?”

“No,” came an embarrassingly immediate reply. “No, just…shut up. Stand there and…keep…looking like a fucking magazine cover, but shut up.”

Will smiled first, a rumbling laughter sounding in his chest. It was impossible not to smile at the laugh you’d pulled from him, eyes taking in the lines of his smile at the corners of his mouth and own eyes. You felt the pull at your heart and had to swallow down the feelings building in your chest, forcing yourself to look back at the juke box – though the smile he’d earned lingered as well. He wanted to reach out to touch you in the short summer dress you’d worn, to hold you closer to him with a hand on your hip – but it wasn’t his place to do so.

Once you’d queued up your song choice you made your way back to the table with Will, glad to see Frankie had returned with a lemonade for you. When you slid into the booth you were delighted to have Will slide up next to you, the warmth continuing to pool from him. As he moved in a little closer, perhaps, than he needed to your song choice began to play over the speakers.

“No way she’s embarrassing you with Donovan right now, Pope!” Benny called, his laughter loud over the music. You smiled a victorious smile across the table at him, eyes bright now that you had confirmation at least one other person at the table agreed with you. 

“She thought really hard about her decision,” Will added, taking a drink of the bottled beer sat in front of him. You nudged him with your elbow lightly adding in a playful eye roll. 

“I took my duty serious,” you explained before turning your attention back to Benny. “At least someone in this group has good taste. Sometimes Frankie’s music is shit, too.”

“Hey now,” the named man intervened, offering a raspy laugh at your call-out. 

“You could try to tell me I’m wrong, but you haven’t reached six months of sobriety yet and your opinions are, understandably, questionable,” you joked, giving him a playful nudge to communicate you were joking if it wasn’t clear. 

“So, you have Frankie working down at the…is it called a bee farm?” Benny questioned, pulling Dani in closer to plant a kiss to the top of her head. In the far end of the booth Santiago rolled his eyes, scoffing out a laugh as Frankie nodded.

“Yeah, I took over the business…about five months ago now. It was my grandfather’s, and he passed away,” you explained, taking a drink of your lemonade and wishing you’d had Frankie get you something stronger to get you through the questioning. “I was looking to move, anyway so it…kind of worked out, though I’m not sure my grandpa would appreciate that phrasing.”

Will loved how easy it was for you to find your place in the group. 

“Where’d you move from?” Dani questioned, sipping on her hard seltzer to savor it. “I don’t hear an accent, really.”

“Middle of nowhere Montana,” you answered, anticipating the next question. Might as well answer it before someone asked. “I’d been in a relationship but…well, it wasn’t a good one. I left him earlier this year and ended up in a rehab program for cocaine addiction. When I got out…I had a couple of months in sanctioned housing, but I needed a change of scenery. It wasn’t long after that the family lawyer called to say the farm and business were passed to me in the will.”

Will caught the way you chose your words carefully as you spoke about your relationship, noticing how your voice had a slight shake to them. The possibilities of your cryptic words tore into him, festering in quiet anger as he ran through what that could mean. It was possible you’d simply been incompatible, perhaps fighting frequently. It was possible he’d broken your heart by being unfaithful. Or, and Will seriously hoped this wasn’t the case, it was possible your ex had been abusive toward you. The thought made him dig his fingers into the table’s edge.

As he allowed the thoughts to consume him for longer than he’d intended the conversation carried on, Benny beginning to understand why his friends had spent the last few weeks talking up this woman. His thoughts were broken by Santiago slapping his fist to the table quickly. 

“Let’s play a round of darts. Winner picks the next five songs. Loser deals with it,” he offered, reaching upward to run his fingers through his hair. With a shrug you finished your lemonade, offering a mischievous smile once again.

“Let me drag up a chair for you to sit in while we play so your knees don’t give out with all that standing, peepaw,” you joked, pulling a round of laughter from everyone at the table except for Santiago, of course, and none louder than Will. The latter took his cue to stand and let you make your way across the bar with Santiago, bickering back and forth as you went. His gaze lingered far too long to go unnoticed. 

“I know our mom taught us that it’s rude to stare, Will,” Benny chimed in first, throwing back the remainder of the whiskey in his glass. Will returned his attention to the men and woman still at the table, reaching to scratch the back of his head as he searched for an answer. 

“Just trying to hear her give Santiago a piece of her mind,” he attempted a cover, reaching again for his beer and swallowing a large drink. He immediately felt the familiar twist of guilt knot his stomach for his white lie. 

“Bullshit,” came Frankie’s retort, a scoffed laugh pulled from his chest. Admirably, only a water sat in front of him still. Benny nodded his head in agreement, and even Danielle raised her eyebrow at the blonde man’s lie. 

“You’re into her,” Benny concluded, setting his empty glass on the table. There was no point in trying to cover himself, and even if there was…it wasn’t in his nature to lie to his family.

“I’ve been into her since I met her,” Will conceded, directing another longing gaze in your direction. You stood with your arms crossed, the smirk on your lips evident even from the side as you watched Santiago struggle to take the perfect aim – his eyes weren’t what they used to be. He saw your mouth move and the glare Pope shot your way, and he wished he could hear what you’d chosen to taunt him with. “I asked her to dinner. A month ago,” he began, taking another drink. “Said she’d love to say yes, but turned me down anyway. Said she didn’t want anything serious right now.”

The genuine disappointment in his eyes had Frankie and Benny sharing a look – it had been a long time since Will Miller had acted so bent out of shape over a woman. 

“It’s a recovery thing,” Frankie offered some comfort, reaching to pat his back carefully. “She’s afraid if she doesn’t get far enough and the two of you don’t make it, the disappointment will make her relapse. At least…that’s what I’d think.”

“You should have seen her face when she realized you were behind her,” Benny added. “That’s not a woman who wants to turn you down.”

“I’m going to wait for her until she’s ready,” Will sighed, pulling his eyes away from you to look at his brother. “I don’t care if that sounds stupid, or desperate. I’m gonna wait.”

On the other side of the bar, you’d tied with Santiago and split the next five song choices – two from you, one decided together, and two from him. While he made his individual choices after you, you made your way to the bar to order yourself another lemonade to take back to the table. It was while you stood there waiting that a man decided to bother you, standing far too close and making incredibly lewd offers that no one wanted to hear from a stranger. 

“Why don’t you come on back to my table with me and my friends? We’ll show ya a nice time, darlin’,” he drawled, moving closer to run a hand down your arm. “Pretty thing like you needs something stronger than a lemonade, and a strong man to show you a good time.”

“Thanks, but no thanks,” you replied, taking a step back which he chased with a step forward. 

“’fraid I don’t take no for an answer, little lady,” he retorted, reaching to grab your arm and pull you closer to him. “You won’t regret it when I have you in my bed later, I can promise you that.”

A large, flattened hand on the back of the man’s neck cut his sentence off before more vulgarities could come through his lips. From behind the man, William Miller kept his icy gaze on your face, searching for any sign of true distress. When he saw the slight quiver to your lip his grasp on the man noticeably tightened, fingers digging into the sides of his neck. 

“Let go of her arm,” he ordered, his tone free of any room for argument. It was a tone you’d not heard yet from him, and one you felt bad for anyone that was on the receiving end. The man’s sweaty hand released your arm, the red mark from his tight hold prompting Will’s jaw to tick briefly, a deep breath releasing from flared nostrils. “I should kick your ass for that, but that would ruin our night. Instead, I’m going to give you the opportunity to apologize.”

His eyes were burning into yours, yet he still didn’t miss the man’s attempt to turn and land a punch on his jaw. Catching the incoming fist with his free hand he pushed the man’s head downward, forcing it to the bar top as he twisted his arm behind him. Shifting his intense eyes to look at the back of the man’s head he shook his head, taking hold of the man’s hair to twist his face to look at you. If he was angry before, he was irate now – but he was controlling himself for your benefit. The man’s nose was unbroken but bleeding, and he spit blood onto the bar as he began to beg. “Look, man, we were just having fun…just let me go and she’s all yours.”

“It doesn’t look like she was having fun,” Will corrected, his grasp unfaltering. “I’ll give you one more chance to apologize to her.”

“I’m…I’m sorry, okay? I’ll leave, just let me go, man,” the man begged, breathing shaky and anxious as he feared the wrath of the man behind him. Will used his remaining grasp to lift the man straight upward again, pushing him toward the door with disdain. 

“You should walk off this mood you’ve got yourself in,” Will began, moving to stand closer to you but keeping his eyes on the staggering man now. As the man made his way toward the door, Will left him with another parting threat. “If I see you back in this bar it won’t be good for you.”

Subconsciously William slipped an arm around your waist, turning you to face him as his other hand reached to lift your arm gently. The handprint around your wrist was now bruising lightly – barely there – but it was too visible for Will. His eyebrows pulled together in frustration, trying to steady his breathing and heart rate so he could ask you if you were okay. You beat him to the punch. 

“Shhh,” you soothed, removing your arm from his hold and placing your hand on his bicep gently. Your eyes met his again, releasing a shaky breath once you realized how close he held you to him. Chests pressed firmly together you could feel the rapid beat to his heart and his fight for a normal breath – he needed to calm down, and Will being calm was far more important to you than a bruise. It’s not like this was the first one in your life. “I’m okay, Will. I’ve had worse from bumping into the coffee table, it’s alright. Breathe with me.”

Storms darkened his eyes, his hands grasping at your sides now as his chest gave a solid heave. Brushing your thumb against his arm you reached your other hand to rest against his cheek. You pulled him backward with you toward the quiet hallway by the bathrooms, offering a gentle smile once you were alone. Drawing in a deep breath as your eyes remained locked on his you gave his arm a light squeeze, encouraging him to pay attention to you – only you, not on following the guy outside and knocking his teeth out. 

He could follow orders, though – that was something that no situation could turn off in him – and he soon began to mirror your deep breaths, hands still clutching you to him. By the time he’d released his fifth deep breath his mind was less clouded with anger, but that didn’t mean it was clear. If anything, it was even more clouded, but now it was clouded with you. You’d never been this close to him. He’d never felt the way his fingers could dig delicately into your skin. He’d never felt your chest pressed to his. 

He’d never been only inches away from claiming your lips with his – and that’s exactly what he did as the adrenaline rushed through him. Grasping your hips tighter he anchored you against him, his lips soft and rough as you stood frozen, a quiet gasp slipping through your lips in shock. The quiet sound brought Will back to his senses, immediately pulling away from the kiss with a shock-laced look of horror on his face. 

“I’m…so sorry,” he began, though he still hadn’t released his hold on your hips, his eyes transfixed on yours. The concern behind his eyes was unmistakable – he was terrified of how badly he’d just messed things up with you – and yet that didn’t stop his cheeks from darkening slightly, or his tongue from running over his bottom lip briefly for another desperate taste of you. “I shouldn’t have – mmph.”

Your hungry lips cut off his words quickly as you grasped at his bicep, the hand you held against his cheek sliding to the back of his head to hold him closer. He returned your kiss like it was something he’d been waiting to do for years, his hands sliding to rest on your lower back and pull you into him completely. A pleasant sigh slipped through your lips as he ran his tongue across the seam, granting him access to explore your mouth. When he’d kissed you breathless, he withdrew from your lips, his own curving into a smile as he bumped his nose against yours lightly. Leaning his forehead to rest against yours he took in a deep breath, savoring the moment he'd fantasized over for weeks.

“I still don’t want anything serious,” you whispered, eyebrows pulling together in frustration at so many things, none of which were Will’s fault, all of which fell on you and your past. ‘Live in the moment!’ a voice screamed in the back of your head, begging you to see that the man in front of you was a direct pathway to happiness. You’d silenced that optimistic part of you long ago. “I’m sorry I just…don’t. I can’t.”

“Sh,” he cooed, sliding one of his hands to rest on the top of your back to hold you closer. He bumped his nose against yours again lightly, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth before looking deep into your eyes. “I know. I don’t care.”

Your teeth bit into your bottom lip lightly, a sign you were nervous and uncertain. “It’s not fair to you.”

“I don’t care.”

“I can’t even promise…what this would look like, Will.”

He shushed you again, shaking his head before he rested his forehead against yours again. “I will take whatever you want to give me for as many days as you want to give it.”

He’d followed through on his word throughout the weeks that followed, thankful that he had turned out to be a very patient man. Even with the generally negative outlook on life you maintained, always finding a fault in every situation – you couldn’t find one with Will. Yes, it was adorable that he’d show up at the farm during lunch to see you, wanting nothing more than to simply see you in “work mode” and to kiss you as he ran a thumb across your cheek to wipe the dirt away.

Frankie didn’t mind at all that you’d started up this…whatever it was with Will. He enjoyed the fact that both of you were happy, and he wouldn’t complain about the lunches Will dropped off when he visited. Frankie wasn’t the only one in the group to know about the time you spent with Will, of course – Will didn’t believe in keeping secrets between the four of them. 

You’d joined them for nights out a couple of times since but remained purely friendly with Will while in the view of others. The car rides home were when he would kiss you breathless in your driveway, holding you close, greedy for every moment you offered him. Things had never escalated past heavy kissing and touching, and that was comfortable – you still felt you could quit him any time you needed to, and it was safer that way. 

It was Frankie that had asked you to take a Saturday off with him to spend time with them at the beach before the weather started cooling off a bit for the winter. You weren’t really one for the beach, not having lived anywhere near the ocean or going into the ocean much for most of your life, but Frankie’s pleading brown eyes won you over. It would be cruel to leave Dani alone with the men, anyway. When you’d walked onto the beach with Frankie that Saturday afternoon, Will thought his heart was going to burst from his chest. You and Frankie had elected to keep your presence a surprise, which worked in your favor as he smiled the brightest smile he’d offered you yet as you made your way over to their umbrellas, chairs and towels. 

“You didn’t tell me you were coming,” he greeted, unable to help himself from hugging you. His voice was teasing as he continued. “You know I don’t like secrets.”

“Oh, well I’m full of ‘em,” you smiled, wrapping your arms around him and tilting your head to look into his face. “Like…I actually assassinated JFK, and I helped fake the moon landing. I admit it. All me.”

He smiled at your joke and allowed a soft laugh to leave his chest, shaking his head slightly as he released you before the hug lingered too long for your comfort. “I wish I’d known you were coming; I could’ve grabbed some lemonade for you. I’ve got water in the cooler, though, and I’ve always got a pack of those cashews that you like in in my truck.”

You nudged his arm lightly with your shoulder, cheeks turning red under his thoughtfulness and sweet intentions with you. Before you could thank him, Benny had joined up with you, picking you up in a crushing hug as Danielle said hello from behind. Will had never really envied his brother until he got to witness your effortless acceptance of him, and the way Benny could hug you however he wanted. 

“Benny, Jesus, you’re going to crack one of my ribs, you behemoth,” you laughed, gasping for air through his hug as you attempted to wiggle free. Benny placed you gently back on the ground and offered a wide grin, immediately draping his shoulder back around Dani who rested her head on him gently. “Hope you guys don’t mind Frankie bringing me along. I couldn’t leave Dani alone around all you men all day.”

“And that is so appreciated,” the named woman replied, here signature sincere smile on her face. “I am going to work on catching up with Benny’s annoying natural tanning abilities, if you want to sit with me. You don’t seem much of a ‘get in the ocean’ kinda gal.”

You did sit on the beach for most of the day with the woman, getting to know one another more deeply, your conversations free of the hindrance of men being present as the group of four gallivanted about the shore and in the waves. Every so often, Benny would yell a quick “hi, baby!” from the water, causing Dani to smile, roll her eyes and wave, a small laugh falling from her lips. It was well past 4 p.m. and the seventh time he’d done it when she gave a different reply.

“He’s an idiot!” she yelled back, her voice full of laughter and love for the man she’d spent just less than a year with now. She quieted her voice back before she added to you. “I knew that when I agreed to date him, though. I can’t complain.”

“You’re perfect for one another,” you asserted, watching as Benny smiled and blew her a kiss before returning to the group. Your eyes wandered, briefly, only to confirm Will had stopped in his tracks to gaze at you, too. Danielle wasn’t the only one with attention focused on her today. Several times now Will had reminded you – gently but firmly – to reapply sunscreen and drink water. As the men set to work on building a fire, he had called to you again to remind you about the water, pulling a quiet giggle from Danielle.

“That’s five times for that one, then,” she counted aloud, watching as you grabbed the water from beside you to take a large drink. “Benny and I aren’t the only ones perfect for one another. That man loves you, you know.”

You felt the heat in your cheeks and knew they must be several shades darker. You finished the bottle of water and released a deep breath before you chose your words, not wanting to be taken off-guard and say something stupid. “He doesn’t…love me. We just…we get along well.”

“He loves you, and no amount of self-deprecating denial from you is going to change that,” she remarked, taking another drink of one of several hard seltzers she’d had that day. You knew those things barely contained alcohol, but you also had to wonder if it was contributing to her willingness to be so open. “You should let him.”

“I should let him what?” you questioned, feeling the answer in your stomach before she spoke it. 

“Love you. You should let him love you,” she replied, rolling her eyes with a soft laugh. “He seems pretty good at it.”

As you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth you turned your face away from her, noticing that the other half of this conversation’s topic had found his way back into the water alone. Finally cracking under the pressure you felt to be alone with him for even a minute you decided the ocean couldn’t be that bad, really, and made your way to the chilling water. You really didn’t want to find your way into the ocean, but if it meant time with Will, so be it.

You’d almost made your way to him when something touched your leg, sending you into an immediate panic as you made your way to him, essentially launching yourself into his arms as you screamed his name. William immediately cradled you against him, smiling down at you with an all-too amused smile.

“I’ve got you; I’ve got you,” he cooed, raising a thumbs up to the shore so no one worried after your scream before he brought that arm to hold you as well. “What’s the matter?”

“Something touched my foot,” you whined, unused to being in the ocean like this. The chuckle that rumbled through him shook his chest, his reminders to reapply sunscreen not influencing him – he’d gotten some color on his cheeks and nose. Even in your distraught state, it was impossible to not recognize how handsome he was. 

“Well, there are fish in the ocean, honeybee,” he drawled, his voice full of amusement. His nickname for you caused your stomach to flip in the most annoying way, and you felt yourself curl into him more despite yourself. “What do you want me to do, hmm? How can I fix it?” 

“I want to get out. Carry me out,” you stated, clinging to him. Whether it was him holding you that felt so good or genuine fear keeping you to him, he really couldn’t say. He nodded, but instead of going toward the shore he moved away from it, swimming out with you further. “William! I said OUT!”

“I thought you said you wanted me to take you further out!” he replied, his tone too full of amusement. You moved to wrap your legs around his waist instead, narrowing your eyes at him and setting your face to be serious, eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to lean in to kiss the lines. “Hey, hey, hey…” he cooed, turning his back to the shore and leaning his forehead against yours with a light smile. You could see the light freckles on his cheeks that the sun had brought out throughout the day, his eyes light in the fading sunlight as he gazed longingly at you. No one had ever talked to you as soft as he did. “’m not gonna let anything happen to you. You don’t need to worry about a thing as long as I am right here with you.”

His lips pressed to yours in a gentle, reassuring kiss briefly before he returned to simply leaning his head against yours. You lightly bumped your nose against his, resting your hands on his chest gently. It was impossible not to believe him. “Still not nice, William Miller.”

“I know, I just wanted you alone for a minute,” he conceded, angling his head to press a kiss to the corner of your lips. You couldn’t help but smile under his affections, maintaining that hard exterior proving difficult as his kisses chipped away at it. “I’m sorry, honey. Let me make it up to you?”

You tilted your head and raised an eyebrow in curiosity, slipping one of your hands to his bicep. “How do you plan on doing that? I was pretty distraught.”

“Let me take you home,” he offered, his eyes so sincere it hurt. He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips before he continued further. When you didn’t give him a response, he continued. “I have feelings for you.”

“Well…stop it,” slipped from your lips before you could stop it, your cheeks immediately burning at your own callousness. It was second nature to push people away now…especially Will, who was getting closer than anyone was allowed right now. Instead of being hurt, Will could only smile at your attempt. 

“Yeah?” he questioned, pressing a gentle, lingering kiss to your lips. His words came between kisses as he spoke. “You want me to stop?”

As the kisses grew deeper and you felt the warmth of arousal spreading through your body you had to shake your head, knowing he’d recognize the longing in your eyes and call your bluff if you insisted. He smiled as his hands slipped down from your sides to grasp your ass under the water, pressing you into him firmly as you shook your head and released a defeated sigh. 

“You can take me to your house,” you conceded, running your fingers through his hair as you looked at him through your lashes, devouring him with an unashamedly lascivious look. His eyes lit up even further, finally listening and carrying you closer to the shore so both of you could leave the ocean and get to his truck as soon as possible. As you wrapped yourself in a towel and gathered the items you’d brought with you in a bag you ignored her quiet giggles, unwilling to even consider the conversation Will was having with the men behind you. You supposed you owed Frankie a conversation as well on Monday. Dani called to you to have fun as you walked to Will’s truck. 

When he had you secured in his truck, he leaned to press a kiss against your lips as he buckled you in. He was a safe driver and had incredible reflexes, you reminded yourself of this frequently as he drove back with one hand rested on your thigh, kneading his fingers into the soft flesh occasionally. He pulled into his driveway sooner than he should have – he’d never speed with you in the car again – and immediately had you cradled in his arms again as he carried you into his house.

When he began to make his way up the stairs he finally spoke, trying to cover the happiness in his voice with seriousness. “You’re sure this is what you want?” You responded by reaching your head to plant kisses on his shoulder, trailing them to his neck as best you could as you nodded. As he opened his bedroom door, he gazed down at you finally, not taking another step forward just yet. “Have to hear you say it.”

“Yes, Will,” you confirmed, and those two words melted his resolve. He placed you on his bed carefully before he crawled between your legs, keeping one hand on your hip and cupping your cheek in his hand as he kissed you deeply. You returned his kiss immediately, just as desperate for him as he was for you at this point. His fingers began to work at the ties of your bottoms as he traced the seam of your mouth with his tongue, groaning appreciatively as he slipped his tongue into your mouth. When he was satisfied with the taste he’d received he released your lips, trailing his kisses to your jaw and neck as he removed the bottoms. 

His kisses trailed lower on your neck, Will fighting the urge to suck purple marks into your skin in such an obvious place. Your hands ran up his back to the back of his neck and head, holding him closer as he trailed his kisses to your chest just as he’d worked that tie free as well, removing the fabric from your body and leaving you finally bare for him. He leaned back to run his eyes down you appreciatively, one of his thumbs rubbing gently over one of your nipples slowly. 

“You look so fucking pretty in my bed,” he complimented before leaning forward again, claiming one of your nipples in his mouth with a flick of his tongue. He happily familiarized himself with each of your breasts, earning the most beautiful moans that had ever graced his ears from you as your hips pressed up into his in desperation for friction. When your hot core was met with his obvious erection in his swim trunks you moaned in unison, Will pressing his waist into you further. He released your nipple from his mouth to trail his kisses downward again as he whispered. “Bet you’re gonna taste fucking delicious mixed with salt water…”

His hand that had been holding your hip moved to spread your legs as his lips reached your hip, smiling against the skin before kissing it gently. Experimentally he spread your already soaking folds with a swipe of his fingers, groaning appreciatively as you gasped. “Will…”

“All this for me, baby?” he cooed, lowering his head to swirl his tongue around your clit before sucking the sensitive bundle of nerves lightly. “You always get this wet for me? Is this pretty pussy this wet every time I kiss you?”

You whined your confirmation as he ran his tongue through your folds, an appreciative groan rumbling in his chest as he finally tasted you. His name fell from your lips again and he nodded in encouragement before setting in on his first task of the night, devouring every inch that your hot core had to offer him. For as many times as you’d imagined Will’s head between your thighs, nothing compared to the way he tended to every inch of you, groans and grunts vibrating through his mouth as he fucked his tongue into your velvet entrance. 

He had your legs shaking on either side of his head in no time, his lips curving into a smile as he connected his thumb with your clit, continuing to swirl his tongue inside of you as best he could. When your breathing became erratic and your hands reached to grasp his hair, he knew he had you on the edge, nodding in affirmation when you warned him you were going to come. When euphoria rocked through you with a loud moan your hips arched off the bed, giving him a much better angle to appreciate the nectar he’d earned.

The ceiling above you turned to a white light as pleasure rushed through you, your moan turning to a scream when he didn’t relent at your entrance or clit, continuing to stimulate you through your orgasm. By the time he’d crawled his way back up your body and removed his trunks you had come down somewhat, only enough to be somewhat aware as he rubbed the head of his cock through your folds with a low groan. 

“I can get a condom…” he offered, whatever his full sentence was intended to be cut off as you pressed a lazy, half-aware kiss to his lips as you shook your head, quiet please leaving your lips. Briefly arguing with the responsibility of the decision he was about to make. When you quietly begged him to fuck you again all reason escaped his mind, lining his already throbbing cock at your entrance before thrusting in carefully. Your wet heat welcomed him in like you were meant to do so, the heat of your velvet channel caressing him inch by inch until he was buried in you. He groaned low in appreciation as he pressed his lips to yours in a loving kiss, stilling his movements to give you both a moment to savor the feeling of him filling you. “Better than I could have fucking imagined…”

One of his hands slid carefully up your body to rest on your cheek, pulling you closer as gently as he could to claim your lips in a kiss as he withdrew from you almost completely before thrusting back in, grunting as your walls fluttered around him. As your lips and tongues entered a dance they had done so many times now your bodies came together fully for the first, his cock massaging your walls with each of his well-purposed thrusts. You wrapped your legs around his waist to draw him in closer, holding him against you as close as his thrusts would allow you. He pulled away from the kiss to bump his nose against yours gently before running it along your cheek affectionately, placing a kiss just below his ear when he’d reached the sensitive spot. 

“Like you were made for me,” he whispered in your ear, his thrusts increasing in pace as he neared his finish much sooner than he wanted to. He reached to grasp one of your legs, sliding it so your ankle hooked over his shoulder so he could angle into you deeper. The new depths he reached pulled you closer to the edge, his thumb connecting with your clit again, causing your walls to flutter around him. 

“I’m on the pill,” you offered, feeling a second orgasm approaching you as he rubbed steady circles around your clit and the velvet head of his cock brushed against the coveted spot inside of you, sensing the end approached for him as well as his thrusts became more erratic and desperate. Your quiet suggestion pulled a groan from his chest, his head turning to claim your lips again in a messy kiss. 

“You want me to fill you up, princess? That what you’re asking me for?” he questioned between deep thrusts accompanied by deep breaths, his hand sliding from your cheek to your neck as he pressed soft kisses to your lips. “You tell me that’s what you want and I’ll give it to you. I’ll give you anything you ask for.”

You could only bring yourself to nod as you kissed him deeply, your own orgasm rushing through you as you moaned against his lips. Feeling your walls tighten around him he couldn’t hold his own release back, spilling his seed into you with a groan as he pulled away from your kiss to lean his forehead against yours. He could have told you that he was falling in love with you right then. 

As you both came down from shared euphoria he rolled to his side next to you, wrapping his arms around his waist as he went to hold you against him gently. You listened to your instincts by tucking your face into his neck, breathing in deeply to steady your breaths as Will pressed gentle kisses to the top of your head and whispered quiet praises and thank yous to you. One of your legs slid up between his to cuddle closer, your arms wrapping around his middle as your eyes slid closed. 

You probably could’ve fallen asleep right then, if his words hadn’t woken you from your peaceful lull. “I’ve got extra clothes and…we can shower before you change if you want.”

The sweet suggestion snapped you back to reality, and you forced yourself to let him know you'd have to go home now. In all honesty, it was the last thing that you wanted to do, but you were unwilling to relent just yet on your insistence to not pursue something serious. Will, of course, didn't want to tell you no because he wanted you to feel comfortable with him - he wanted you to know that he would listen to you, and support whatever you felt was best for yourself. That included you leaving him for the night, even when he wanted you more than he had any night before.

Not hearing anything about accepting a ride home from him, insistent on being independent for the night, you sent Frankie a text to grab you on his way back from the beach if he hadn't made it home already. 15 minutes later Frankie was in Will's driveway, a sympathetic look on his face as he waved to the younger man through the windshield as you climbed into the truck.

Will watched silently as the truck backed out of the driveway and you disappeared down the street, mentally vowing to himself that he would willingly spend as long as you needed waiting.

When November’s curtain call came and the evening chill of December rolled in, you’d found your match with William Miller, who was acting by his promise and providing you with consistency, with reverent tenderness. No matter what distance you tried to maintain from him he was just as unrelenting, finding ways through your obstacles day after day. He never pushed, never overstepped, but he was always there, ever willing to cherish you in entirety whenever given the chance. Lately those opportunities had grown, proliferating into prolonged post-coital kisses and embraces that could hardly be passed off as anything less than adoration any longer.

Falling wasn’t enough to describe the feeling – falling was too subtle. A plummeting nosedive, a cascade…an avalanche, a crashing meteor – so consuming it swallowed you until all that was left was Will, his affections blanketing you with unwavering warmth.

“Honeybee!” Will called as he entered through the front door, the sound of him removing his boots and setting them by the door causing you to smile as you crushed candy canes in the kitchen. All your meetings had been reserved for his home but today you’d offered to host him and his friends at your farmhouse for dinner – Christmas Eve dinner.

“In here, Will,” you replied from your place at the counter, taking a deep breath as you started sprinkling the candy canes atop the cupcakes you made for dessert. An immediate advantage to having Will in your home was the sound of the creaking floor beneath his large frame – even without shoes – meant you could hear him coming behind you. “Don’t mess me up, Will. This is serious business.”

A laugh rumbled through him as he delicately wrapped his arms around your waist anyway, resting his chin on your shoulder for a moment before turning inward, burrowing his face in your neck with a deep breath. He pressed a gentle kiss behind your ear, assessed your response, and then repeated the motion when he realized you remained focused on your task, smiling into your skin lightly. When you finished you slid the cupcake stand back further on the counter for safety before turning in his arms, a playful smile lighting your features. It was only now Will noticed what remained of a candy cane in your mouth, his mind spinning already at the thought of what your lips must taste like now.

“Did I mess you up?” he questioned, leaning forward to press his lips to your forehead with a quiet hum of appreciation as your arms found their way around his neck, not before your hands slid over his chest. He opted to forego the ugly sweater party – you knew that was coming – but he did at least wear a red sweater, the color bringing out the coolness of his eyes. Even in the winter he was managing to keep up plenty of color, but not enough to hide the redness to his cheeks as you held his gaze.

Sometimes he couldn’t decide if it was better you could hold his eye contact now or not – he still hadn’t grown used to feeling somewhat embarrassed just under a woman’s gaze. The way you removed the candy from your mouth          with a pop and placed it in the trash behind you certainly didn’t help.

“Nearly, but I’ll let it slide seeing as it’s Christmas and all,” your fingers found their way into his hair, pulling him closer so you could press your lips to his in a gentle kiss. One thing he would never grow accustomed to was the clench in his heart whenever you initiated affection – some of his favorite kisses sparked by you.

“Christmas Eve, honeybee,” he replied when you released him, pressing a kiss to his cheek as best you could from standing on your toes. He tightened his hold on your waist to hold you against him tighter, relishing in your attention and uncaring about the inevitable mess that would transfer from your apron to him.

“Mm, you look handsome in this little red number, Will,” you teased, bringing more color to his cheeks. It was too easy for you now – you loved it.

“I wore it just for you,” he drawled, seeking out another taste of peppermint on your lips with a gentle kiss. The fact that you knew that was true only made your chest swell more.

“Well, you’ll have to wear something else for me, too, since technically…you are out of dress code,” you remarked, eyebrow raised slightly in a manner he knew to be playful. Whatever you had in store he would play along with, as long as it meant this mood you were in would continue, particularly with how the two of you had left things last time – an argument that had been eating at both of you for days.

"You’ll have to make a decision sooner or later,” he’d stated as he leaned against his truck in the parking lot after one of Benny’s fights, trying to appear much cooler on the outside than he was on the inside where frustration bubbled under his skin. He’d slipped – called you his girlfriend, and it had been too much of a reality check for you to handle. Despite his harshness he reached a hand toward you, beckoning you closer – you did not follow.   A wild animal backed into a corner – hissing and feral and scared. So many questions remained in his mind about why it was so hard for you to accept love, but he’d never push for those answers. You’d give them freely in your own time. The topic at hand remained to be that Will had spent weeks earning your affection, and while he was patient, it had been worn somewhat thin. “We don’t spend the night together…months now and I’ve never woken up next to you,” he continued, eyebrows pulling together as he crossed his arms again. “And if that’s not frustrating enough, I can’t even slip and call you my girlfriend – to my brother – without you getting upset. I’m doing everything I can here, I just need you to give a little back. Anything.”   Your lip had quivered, tears pricking at your eyes. Will hated to see you that way, hated to have caused it – it would gnaw at him in the days that followed, as would all the words that followed, so unimportant now. As much as the argument shredded his heart day after day the same was true for you – perhaps if he knew how guilty you felt because you were still resisting what was right in front of you, he could have gone easier on you.

Even now the guilt festered.

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied, unwilling to spark any sort of disagreement today. You reached behind you to the counter to grab a Santa hat before lifting it onto his head, smiling a sweet smile before flattening his hands against your lower back to pull you closer. He offered you a smile in return, withholding any fussing about the hat as his eyes met yours again. One of his hands left its position to lift to your cheek, callused fingers lightly dusting across your cheekbones. “I’m sorry about Friday night, honey. I shouldn’t be pushing you like that…I knew what I asked for when I asked for it.”

It was in your nature to lean your head toward his hand, your eyes drifting shut briefly to enjoy the moment. You only met his gaze again when you’d chosen your response, words leaving your lips quiet and sincere. “I’m the one who should be sorry, Will,” you sighed, leaning forward to lay your head on his chest, calmed by the familiar rhythm of his heart. “I do need to make a decision, you were right.”

“Yeah, but I…lost my temper. I raised my voice,” he rested his hand that had been on your cheek on the back of your head, stroking your hair and internally smiling at the streaks of flour leftover from your day in the kitchen. “I should never do that to you, there’s no excuse.”

“Apology accepted,” you whispered, burying your face into his chest to inhale the smell of him – saltwater and oak, subtle and resolute. He leaned to press a kiss to the top of your head, holding you for a moment before the day needed to continue. “Can you help me get the star on the tree and put presents underneath while I set the table? Dinner should be done by the time everyone else shows.”

He nodded, pressing a final kiss to your forehead before releasing you so you could get back to work. “You know at least one of ‘em will be late.”

“I included an extra twenty minutes on the cooking time to accommodate,” you quipped back cheerfully, removing your apron and hanging it on its rightful hook, giving the kitchen one final look over to ensure nothing was forgotten before setting off into the living room, remarking how Will needed to hurry because you had everything planned to the minute.

He’d never been more certain he loved you.

“Why’d you get a tree you couldn’t reach the top of, shortcake?”

You turned to throw him a look, cheeks burning with heat despite the amused smile that broke out across your face. He returned it with one of his own, straightening the Santa hat on his head before walking over to where you stood by the tree. He adored the mood you were in today, and wondered briefly if you were this way every Christmas. Your playful tone had returned. “Size does matter with some things, love. No one wants a wants a tiny tree with no needles.”

It wasn’t the first time that nickname had slipped, yet his chest still tightened. He wrapped his arms around you again, unable to resist pressing a kiss to your forehead as he pulled you in close before lifting you up so you could situate the star atop the tree. Satisfied with the state of the living room you tasked Will with starting the fireplace, putting music on via the record player in the living room, and lighting some candles while you finished cooking.

It was easy being domestic with you.

Everyone’s arrivals staggered from there forward. Benny arrived next, early and eager to spend time with his brother, with an arm slung around Dani, smiling and remarking how fantastic your house was before giving himself a tour. By the way his eyes kept raking over her you could only assume they found a hallway to defile. Dani joined you soon after with a smile and offered to help in the kitchen, which you accepted with some relief.

As Will and Ben broke into a bottle of bourbon and eggnog (Benny had threatened not to come if there was no eggnog available), Santiago showed up – surprisingly not in an ugly sweater after weeks of talking trash about how his was going to put yours to shame. You opted not to even bring it up given the expression on his face – today was clearly not the day to pick at Pope – and instead greeted him with a sweet smile instead. Frankie was last – really to no one’s surprise – and everyone had found a seat at the table as you loaded it up with food.

Santiago had jokingly requested an entire turkey – the largest one you could find – perhaps as a challenge, and you’d agreed to make it without second thought. Frankie was simple and asked for macaroni and cheese, Benny sheepishly requested sweet potatoes and dinner rolls, while Dani was sensible and requested “any kind of vegetable.” Will had shown his sweet tooth by requesting something sweet for dinner, hence the cupcakes you’d finished earlier.

“This looks incredible,” Benny complimented, pulling his eyes away from the food in front of him to look toward where you sat at the head of the table. Frankie and Dani both voiced quick words of agreement while Santi nodded, checking his phone quickly. “You have to give a toast.”

“Oh, no,” you laughed, waving your hand dismissively as you shook your head. Your face burned so badly you felt like all your head had become was a flaming ball. “No one wants to hear me do a toast, seriously. Dig in before it gets cold.”

Ben crossed his arms and Frankie’s face set into concrete resolution. It was the younger Miller who spoke, tone unwavering and serious. You weren’t entirely sure you’d heard him be so serious before…even before his fights. “We’re not eating until a toast is given.”

“Will can give a toast,” slipped from your mouth, nervousness causing the words to spill freely – maybe a little too freely. With a nervous laugh you continued. “He’s basically the man of the house.”

Will’s eyes noticeably widened up at you to your right, his mouth falling open slightly in surprise as his cheeks mirrored the fire in your own. Ben’s head snapped toward Will, giving a light smirk as his brother stood, never pulling his eyes from your face as he lifted his glass from the table.

The toast he gave was short, and yet he still struggled to make it through its entirety. Several times he cleared his throat, feeling the tingle in his tear ducts that threatened to pour with each passing moment, each beat of his heart causing a tightness in his chest.

“And…” he began the final sentence, releasing a shaking breath as he looked around the table. His eyes settled back to you like it was the most natural place in the world for them to be. You reached out to where one of his hands grasped the edge of the table, sliding your hand atop his and giving a gentle squeeze. The simple act spurred him through the rest of his speech. “And here’s to hopefully many more Christmases with all of us together.”

Dinner went smoothly from there, the table’s mood lighthearted and happy as everyone ate, light conversations being passed around – which included stories from both Will and Ben about their Christmases growing up and the trouble they used to get themselves into. Once the table was clear the group relocated into the living room to sit around the tree to complete the Secret Santa gift exchange you’d all planned.

Santi gave Frankie the gift he’d gotten him first – a new fishing pole, a hat (it was the same one he’d always worn, just a new version – you had to wonder how many times he’d been gifted the exact hat), and a pack of new socks. Frankie was enthralled by each of them, saying they’d have to plan a trip soon. As a result Frankie went next, handing Danielle her gift in a bag (he’d tried to wrap it, truly…he gave up when half the roll had been used). Danielle’s face lit up at the various candles and candy inside the bag and waved the spa trip for two pass in your direction with a smile.

Dani gifted Santi with tickets to a concert he’d been complaining for weeks he didn’t secure tickets to, which brought his trademark soft smile to his face as he thanked her profusely. Not before multiple comments were made about how the group hoped there was seating in the venue, so he didn’t have to stand on his shitty knees the entire time, you announced you’d go next since Santi had already handed out his gift. Passing a sizeable box to Ben with a wink and a smile you leaned back against the fireplace, watching as the younger Miller tore into it with excitement.

“You did not get me an original Nintendo 64,” he exclaimed, eyes wide as he pulled the old console out of the box. As Will watched on his chest tightened as you smiled at Ben, the word family seeming to repeat itself in his mind.

“You’ve been complaining about how the new model isn’t the same,” you explained with a shrug, taking a drink of the cider you held in your hand. “I can’t wait to kick your ass in Mario Party.”

“Next weekend, you’re on. Hope you’re not a sore loser,” he smirked, digging through the games that littered the bottom of the box as well. Wrapped up in admiring his gift he almost forgot to pass the envelope he was holding to his own brother with a playful smile. Will laughed – your heart swelled – and as he opened the envelope, he shot his brother a smile. “I know we usually say no gift cards…but you’re impossible to buy for. Figured you could use it on dinner or…somethin’.”

The brothers shared another knowing look and smile before Will reached out to pat his back, mentally noting to give him a proper hug when they weren’t sitting later. Which left Will to give the gift he’d purchased for the only person that remained without…you.

He moved closer to you on the couch, draping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you in close as he slipped his phone from his pocket, glancing down at you first to offer you a smile. “So, you’ve been saying that you miss the snow…”

As his sentence trailed, he turned his phone screen so you could see it, the sight of a small, warm-looking cabin surrounded by snow and pine trees filling your eyes. You turned your head to look up at him, eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion and questioning as your mouth opened briefly. Will beat you to talking.

“Now, obviously…I didn’t buy it, but I did rent it for a weekend…next month when there still should be plenty of snow,” he offered, crystalline eyes transfixed on yours as he spoke. “I thought we could take a nice trip…together, especially since that weekend will be your anniversary of going to rehab. It’s big enough for people to join –“

“Not a single one of us wants to be in that cabin with you two that weekend,” Santiago interrupted, quickly dismissing the thought with a shake of his head.

“…no offense, of course.” Frankie chimed in, elbowing his best friend.

“Oh, full offense intended,” Ben joined in, his words chased by a laugh. “You two in a cold ass log cabin somewhere in the fuckin’ Rockies? Count all of us out.”

Your cheeks burned at their teasing and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to look away from Will, your bottom lip pulling between your teeth briefly as you grasped his hand gently. There were a lot of words that ran through your mind in appreciation – three not-so-little ones squeaking quietly in the back of your mind. You tried to silence them – something you had to do often now. It was getting more and more difficult to do.

Everyone else was ignored, even their taunting. As was so often the case, it was only you and Will.

“Thank you,” you whispered quietly, melting at the gentle curve of his lips. Without thinking you leaned upward to kiss him once quickly and gently, a small action that quickly silenced the group. They knew it happened, but seeing it was far different than hearing about it.

It was thanks enough for Will.

Now the gifts had all been received you excused yourself to gather plates and cupcakes from the kitchen. Once everyone had plates with multiple cupcakes each, it was time to watch a movie – the choice of which was yours.

The movie you chose really didn’t matter – your focus was almost entirely on Will. Taking the loveseat close to the fire, Will had his arms wrapped around you tightly seemingly from the moment you’d sat down, pulling you back against his strong chest to support you while he balanced a plate of cupcakes on his knee. He left no room for you to protest such an obvious display of affection, keeping one arm slung around your shoulder and seemingly pulling you closer and closer by the second.

After everyone had eaten their cupcakes and really settled in, you had to wonder if the other men and woman in the room minded the state you found yourself in with Will. His arm remained around your shoulders, your hand reaching up to lace your fingers with his…which allowed you the ability to press kisses to his fingers with ease. Several times Will turned your head, to press a gentle kiss to your lips, your nose, your forehead…smiling earnestly each time and pulling at your heart.

Halfway through the movie Will leaned to whisper in your ear, his breath hot against the shell. The mint lingering on his to his breath and huskiness in his voice send a chill up your spine – you knew he felt it when a quiet chuckle rumbled through his chest. “Let’s split the other cupcake on the plate.”

You turned your head to flash him an amused look, raising an eyebrow. “That’ll be your third one.”

“We’re splitting it,” he defended with a shrug of his shoulders, his other hand reaching for the aforementioned plate on the table beside the couch. “It doesn’t count.”

“Mm,” you smiled, taking the cupcake to unwrap it before taking a slow bite. When you offered it to him his eyes flashed with a look entirely indecent for company, his voice lower as he held your gaze. A subtle shake to his head confirmed what your mind had already begun to infer. “Gimme a bite.”

You fed him a bite slowly, eyes locked with his as you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth slightly, watching his pink tongue dart out to run along his bottom lip to collect the peppermint icing there. He offered another smile with an appreciative hum

“Would you two get a room?” Benny questioned over the movie, shooting his older brother a playful look. He wasn’t serious, he truly didn’t mind seeing his older brother finally loosen up a bit and be happy – but that didn’t mean he couldn’t give him hell. It was, after all, the responsibility of being a younger sibling.

“They’re all my rooms, Benjamin,” you taunted, shooting the man a bright smile that Will took the moment to cherish. Taking another bite of the cupcake with a smirk on his lips he opted to settle back in then, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on the top of your head.

The two of you remained that way for the rest of the movie, his arms clutching you against his chest and rubbing gentle circles on your stomach occasionally. There was nothing stopping him from pressing kisses to the top of your head, either – which he considered fair, given that you were irresistible this close to him.

Santiago cleared out first in a haste, jaw clenching through his goodbyes which he seemed less-than-focused on as he checked his phone’s screen several more times. It was then that you offered a room to anyone who wanted to stay, which was quickly shot down by both Ben and Frankie who shared a knowing look.

“We do not want to be in this house when your…canoodling escalates,” Ben asserted, glancing between his older brother and you, who were now standing a few steps further from Will in an attempt to be less obvious. It was far too late for that.

With a hug and kiss on the cheek from Frankie and a promise to call you tomorrow, Dani gave you a gentle hug which was quickly contrasted by a crushing hug from Ben, who then only had to hug his brother goodbye before the two of you were alone. Will immediately wrapped his arms around you when the front door was shut, pulling you into his chest while releasing a deep breath.

He loved his brothers – but solitude with you was bliss.

“Let’s go clean up that kitchen,” he began, pausing his sentence mid-way through to press a kiss to your forehead. “Get it over with so we don’t have to worry about it, darlin’.”

You’d do almost anything he asked so long as he asked in that molasses thick tone.

You pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, teasing him by pulling away slowly with a light smile on your face before you removed yourself from his arms, making your way to the kitchen with him following. When you began to run the sink to fill it you glanced to watch him lean against the counter to wait, his arms crossed like he was trying to control himself. Following his gaze your eyes landed on the cupcakes that remained (you’d made extra knowing he would be this way), and a smile passed over your features.

“I see you eyeballing those cupcakes, Mister Miller,” you teased, smiling further when he turned to you with red cheeks and a bashful gaze. You leaned across the counter to grab one, taking a slow bite as your eyes stayed on his. He wasn’t quite sure the cupcake was so important anymore. “C’mere and share this one with me before we do the dishes.”

He was good at following orders.

He didn’t need to tell you to feed him bites this time, you gladly taking up the task with adoration pooling in your eyes as you fed him almost the entire cupcake. He offered you a gentle smile as you reached upward to remove icing from the corner of his lips, popping the digit into your mouth with an appreciative hum before handing him the kitchen towel.

“I’ll clean, you dry.”

The rhythm the two of you entered was the same as every other way the two of you seemed to effortlessly fit together these days. Will could reach cabinets you couldn’t which made the task go much faster, and while he found himself quietly humming seasonal songs you soaked in the relaxation the sound brought.

“Today was good, yeah?” Will questioned from beside you, drying off another dish before placing it in its rightful place in the cabinet. “I think that’s the best Christmas this group has managed in years.”

“Benny said he’s going to pay me to make him those cupcakes every week. That Miller sweet tooth is something fierce,” you joked, rinsing out another glass. His cheeks reddened at your teasing. “Did you talk to Santiago? Something was up with him, he looked at his phone at least twenty times an hour, and he was bragging for weeks that his ugly sweater would put me to shame and then he just…didn’t wear one.”

“Mm,” he mused, taking another glass from you to dry it. “Pope is doing a poor job at keeping a secret he thinks he’s doing a great job at. He’s on edge.”

“Doesn’t he know better than to try to keep secrets from you?” you questioned, handing the last dish and turning to fix your attention on him as he dried it. At some point, damn him, he’d rolled the sleeves of his sweater up, and he looked so natural in your home it was starting to make you feel sentimental. Whole. “But today was great. We did a good job.”

“We, like I had hardly anything to do with it,” he hummed, smiling lightly as he put the dish away before leaning on the counter with his hip to face you. “It was practically all you. But…I’ve been telling you we make a good team.”

He reached out his hand gently toward you, pulling you closer to him to press a kiss to your forehead, not expecting a response. Wrapping your arms around his waist you stepped in as close as you could, resting your head on his chest and closing your eyes. He held onto you tightly, shifting to lean his back against the counter to hold you closer. Flashes of the day spent together ran through both of your minds –you’d sat in his lap on the couch in front of everyone – because the living room didn’t have enough seats (lie) – but the feeding him bites of your cupcake was entirely optional.

Will loved you. It was a fact that was growing harder and harder to ignore by the day, the ache in his chest growing every time he heard your name or saw your face.  He didn’t want to say his next words, but he had grown so used to them – so used to this routine now that he accepted when they needed to be said.

“It’s getting late. I should probably head out, before the idiots get out on the road.”

It was a long pause, putting William on edge for a moment as he waited for your words. Even hesitation like this wasn’t normal for you. Your voice was soft, slightly wavering as you tilted your head back to look up at him.

“I don’t remember asking you to leave.”

Will paused, brief confusion flashing on his face before he smiled lightly, clearing his throat as he gave a slight nod. He was truly doing his best not to look overjoyed, though that’s exactly what he felt. “Are you asking me to stay, honeybee?”

“I thought it’d be a good Christmas present.”

“Maybe the best one I’ve ever gotten,” he smiled, leaning closer to brush his lips over yours again. His hands slid lower, pulling you closer to press a kiss to your lips gently. You couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, at his desperation to be close to you now that the two of you were alone, and his poor attempt at hiding how happy he was. His hands slipping lower still he ran his fingers over your thighs, eyes searching your face for a response. You were getting far too good at the poker face you’d developed against him.

“Are you trying to take me up to bed this quickly, Ironhead?” you cooed, looking up at him with a hooded gaze through your lashes. You hoped your face remained straight despite the burn that surged toward your core – feeling a bit proud of yourself again as you noticed him swallow hard. “You’ll miss out on the matching pajamas I picked up for us…”

“I’ve waited all day,” he pointed out, dragging one of his hands upward to push your skirt up, trailing kisses down your neck and chest. You grasped the edge of the counter to steady yourself, his eyes glancing up into yours again as he began to sink to his knees, using one of his hands to lift your leg over his shoulder. “I’m still starving.”

An embarrassingly wanton moan fell from your lips, one of your hands reaching to slide your fingers through his hair as his hand slid up your thigh to push your underwear to the side. “Is this what you thought about all day, Will?”

“You know it is. That little stunt you pulled earlier wasn’t very nice,” he drawled, eyes hungrily running over your already soaked cunt. “Look how wet you are for me, honeybee. You’ve been thinking about me today too, haven’t you? You sweet thing.”

You whimpered as he ran his fingers through your folds, his lips curving upward into a light smile as he taunted you slightly – waiting for you to answer. “Thought about me all day and now you can’t stop talking.”

He chuckled as he leaned forward, running his flattened tongue through your folds with a low groan as you rocked your core against his face, his nose bumping your clit and causing you to moan. He set in on his task then, satiating the hunger he still felt by licking and sucking and kissing every inch of your sex he could, relishing in your fingers tangling into his hair as you threw your head back with a moan. “God, this is a Christmas present…” The muffled laugh he released vibrated through you, the sensation causing you to buck your core into his face with a gasp as you pulled his hair slightly. “Fuck, William, you’re so fucking…so good at that.”

He removed his mouth from fucking his tongue into your entrance to smile up at you crookedly, his lips and facial hair glistening with your arousal. Slipping a finger into your tight channel he turned his head to press a gentle kiss to your inner thigh. “Love when you tell me how good I make you feel.”

He began to thrust his finger into you as he connected his mouth with your clit, giving the sensitive nub a flick with his tongue before sucking it gently. You whined his name quietly, keeping a hold on his hair as you moved your aching core against his face and hand, already desperate for more. He groaned against your skin with a particularly slow swipe of his tongue, adding a second finger to begin to stretch you.

The tips of his fingers massaged against your walls perfectly each time he pushed them back into you, particularly against the perfectly blinding spot behind your clit. You cried out, hands grasping his hair to steady yourself as you rutted against his mouth desperately. His tongue circled around your clit again, one hand slipping behind you to cup your ass and hold you against him closer, his blue eyes still burning up at you.

“Fuck, Will, I…” you began, words trailing off with an uptick in pitch as your thigh began to shake behind his head. Ensuring he tightened his hold on you he nodded, flicking his tongue against your clit with more fervor. Not long after you moaned his name again loudly, your eyes rolling back as heat rushed through you.

He removed his fingers but continued to lap at your folds, groaning appreciatively at the taste of your release coating his tongue. When he’d drank enough of you down he began to kiss up your body again, holding you close by the hips with one hand and undoing his belt and pants with the other as his lips connected with yours again. You tasted yourself on his tongue and – damn it – all of the cupcakes he’d eaten that lingered as well. After pushing his pants and briefs to the floor and kicking them aside.

Before he could lift you to the counter you broke the kiss, trailing your kisses down his neck before sucking a light mark above his collarbone with a smile. His chest rumbled with a groan, his hands slipping to your lower back to hold you closer. Your hands moved to hold his shoulders, applying pressure to encourage him to swap positions with you, smiling as you looked up at him through heavy lashes.

“Where you goin’, honeybee?” he asked, voice heavy as he reached his hands toward you again. Widening your smile you reached to wrap your fingers around his hardened length, eyes flashing with adoration when his hips jolted forward to meet your touch, a low groan sounding in his chest again. As you continued to rub along his length you sank to your knees, not breaking eye contact as you ran your tongue along the slit of his velvet head to taste the precum leaking from him already. His hands immediately grasped behind your head, fingers lacing into your hair. “Fuck.”

You removed your hand, running your nails down his thigh lightly as your tongue traced the thick vein on his cock, a light smile tugging at your lips when he moaned out another profanity. You continued to lick up and down his length and suck only on the head briefly, enjoying the frustrated huff to his breath that grew as you teased him slightly.

His usual sense of self control was obliterated by his need to feel the warmth of your mouth around his length. Before you could pull your lips free of him again he grasped your hair tighter, holding you in place as he slipped more of his length into your mouth. “Do you like teasing me, sweet thing?” You moaned in affirmation around his length, managing to run your tongue around as much of his length as you could manage. He pushed more of his length into your mouth, head falling back briefly before he corrected himself, eyes meeting yours again. “This is what you want? For me to fuck your mouth?”

You moaned again and he took his command, thrusting his length into your mouth greedily and with almost embarrassing speed. He seldom got to enjoy the feeling of your mouth around his length as he’d always opt to bury himself in your tight cunt before he got the chance, but on these occasions when you insisted – when you wanted him to bruise your throat – he was never one to resist. When his velvet head hit the back of your throat and you gagged slightly he huffed out a deep, sustained groan as his cheeks flushed, one of his hands moving from your hair to cup your cheek and stroke it gently.

It only encouraged you further.

You reached your own hand to cup his balls, fondling them gently as he began to thrust repeatedly into your mouth – gentle as he could manage in his clouded mind. “Fuck, baby…” he began, hitting the back of your throat again and holding your hair slightly tighter to keep you in place for a moment. “God, you’re doing so good. You look so pretty. Going to make you feel so fucking good soon.”

You moaned around his length which spurred him to brush your cheek again before he returned to fucking your mouth, some part of his brain keening at the sight of you drooling around his length. He may have been a clean freak, but there were some messy sights when it came to you that he loved.

He continued to praise you while he enjoyed your mouth, lasting for several more thrusts before he removed his cock from your mouth, gently tugging you upward to your feet again. “Let me fuck you right here. I can’t wait for the bedroom.”

There was something so intrinsically commanding – and sexy – about his tone that had you scrambling to allow him to lift you onto the counter, removing your skirt and underwear and tossing them to the pile with his pants as you went. “You’re fucking me in every room in this house, William Miller. This is just the start.”

He used his hand gently to raise one of your legs and hook it over his shoulder, his other hand fisting his cock to smear your remaining spit around his length as he groaned at your words. Leaning forward he lined his cock up with your tight entrance, releasing his length to grab the hand towel on the counter beside you, holding the fabric behind your head gently as he pressed a kiss to your lips gently.

“Don’t want you hitting your head,” he explained before beginning to push his throbbing cock into your velvet walls, groaning deeply as he leaned his forehead against yours with his eyes screwed shut in concentration. You leaned your head back, grateful for the cushion of the towel and his hand rather than the cabinet as you gasped, keening at the feeling of his cock splitting you open again.

When he’d bottomed out in you he stilled for a moment, kissing you again deeply and hungrily as he enjoyed the feeling of being fully wrapped up in you again. When he released you from the kiss he lowered his head to burrow into your neck, breathing in the smell of you deeply as he began to thrust into you carefully, perfectly. Even with you on a counter he knew the perfect angles to enter you, each thrust knocking the head of his cock against either the spongey spot that made you moan or your cervix, which always made you cry out his name.

It was impossible for him to say which he preferred.

After thrusting slowly and carefully for a while, enjoying the steady beat of your heart against his chest and your pulse beneath his lips. He raised his head to kiss you again, picking up the pace as his tongue danced across your bottom lip again, a deep groan sounding in his chest when your walls fluttered around him. He was unwilling to release you from the kiss fully so he muttered against your lips – how beautiful you were, how good you felt, how wonderful you sounded moaning for him, how fucking perfect you were…

He was burrowing into your mind and heart now. You were letting him.

You intentionally clenched your walls around him slightly, wrapping your other leg around his waist to force him deeper into you, pulling what was practically a growl from his chest. His hand on your hip grasped tighter as he gave several deep, pointed, slow thrusts, his forehead falling to lean against yours as he released a shaky breath.

“Wanna fill you up again,” he breathed out desperately, fingertips digging into you roughly as his pace became sloppy. “Can’t stop thinking about seeing my cum leak out of your pretty pussy.”

“Will, fuck…” you moaned again, hands grasping his shoulders to help ground yourself somewhat, feeling the building pressure again and knowing euphoria approached. His hand left your hip to slide lower, his thumb rubbing quick circles around your sensitive bundle of nerves to coax you over the edge.

“You like that? You like hearing me talk about filling you up, my love?”

“Yes, Will, fuck, f-f-fu-fucking love it,” you moaned out, your eager-to-please tone scratching an itch in his brain and causing his pace to increase – he now pounded into you relentlessly, knowing full well you wouldn’t walk well tomorrow. He’d be here to care for you anyway.

“I know ya do,” he groaned, nipping at your bottom lip lightly. “Means you’re mine.

”You could only nod up at him as your lips stayed open, eyelids heavy. He managed a light smile at the sight, losing himself in the fantasy of filling you so often that one day it would really take and that the two of you would fill this big farmhouse with a family – one day, he thought. For now, he could at least enjoy claiming your womb in practice.

Your orgasm washed over you quickly and powerfully, walls tightening down around his cock causing him to stay buried to the hilt as you cried out his name loudly, eyes rolling back. He ground his waist against you best he could with your tight, hot walls spasming around him until his own release came, ropes of his hot seed spilling into you. He kissed you throughout your orgasms, pulling you in closer to his chest to have you as flush against him as possible.

He continued to kiss you repeatedly, gently, reverently, worshipful as both of you came down from your shared high.

“You still want me to stay?” he questioned quietly against your lips when both of you seemed to have your breath returned to normal. You offered a gentle smile, pressing a kiss against his bottom lip – it was lazy, tired. Some of his favorite kisses from you were such – when you had no energy left and you still tried to give it to him.

“Only if you carry me to bed, soldier.”

He smiled – one of his pure and genuine smiles – as he scooped you up into his arms bridal style, holding you closer to his chest as he nodded. Flipping the lights off, Will began to exit the kitchen to make his way to share your bed for the first time, before a final thought ran through his mind. For a moment he questioned if he should voice the thoughts – but he knew you wouldn’t judge him.

“…You want me to grab more of those cupcakes before we go up?”

masterlist.

[waterlilyvioletfog]

Notes on Criston Cole in 2x02

I was fascinated by Criston Cole in this episode. We don’t really see much of him in ep. 1 so I really wasn’t sure what to do with him and his current choices. This episode we see him a TON and everything in it had me sitting up, eyes sparkling, stupid grin on my face like OH HO HO!! We’re doing good tv!!

More below cut.

1- Fabien Frankel’s Acting

So, last episode, many people noted how Criston generally seems completely blank, no expression, dead eyed. I think this episode confirmed for me that this is a conscious choice by Fabien Frankel, not a reflection of a bad actor or director— Jared Padalecki half-acting in 90% of his scenes for the last several seasons of Supernatural THIS IS NOT!! (Sorry, spn is one of my other natural habitats. The comparison is right there for me.)

There are two smaller moments where we see these really interesting bits of physical acting letting us in on Criston’s internal thoughts even while he’s got the dead face on— I think we should be thinking of this as his Kingsguard Face, roughly equivalent to the customer service smile, but for bodyguards— Criston doesn’t want anyone EVER to know what he’s thinking and feeling unless what those things are can be summed up as “bloodthirsty shark dog with knives pointed at you” (more on this later).

These two moments are first, when we see the servants clearing out the bedroom and Criston flinches away from the sight of Jaehaerys’s bloody mattress. It doesn’t look like a flinch in the way that, say, Emma D’Arcy’s flinch when the door slams closed behind Daemon after the fight does, but it’s an uncalculated movement away from something distressing nonetheless. The scene is basically just this— we see the room coming down, we see Criston, we see the mattress, we see the flinch, there’s like one line of dialogue, the scene ends. The scene has very little function except, one, to show us background minutiae and detail that bring the world and the moment to life, and two, to let us see Criston away from Alicent, Otto, Aegon, and Aemond. It’s a moment that lets us into Cole’s interiority, his guilt.

This guilt is articulated clearly later, when he says to Alicent that nothing can absolve him of what he has done. After Alicent closes the door on him, the camera pans back to Criston where we get the second piece of physical acting that fascinated me— Criston is shaking his head ever so slightly, as if trying to push away thoughts creeping in. This is the moment that really sealed for me the idea of Criston’s Kingsguard Face versus the actual interiority of the character as articulated by Frankel. Essentially, just because Criston’s busy not projecting anything doesn’t mean that Frankel isn’t trying to convey something to the audience in that moment. Criston’s dead eyes and stupid face are a front. There are three scenes where we see something other than this front, and I’d like to look at them more closely.

2- Promotion

We’ve all memed hard on this moment— the scene where Aegon fires Otto and says, “oh?? I need a strong hand??? Well!! Guess what!! I’m promoting— him!”

[camera focus shifts to show Criston Cole standing there like🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️]

(I cackled.)

As usual in any scene where Cole isn’t actively radiating malice, he’s mostly expressionless, serving in his capacity as bodyguard. However, if you look at his face, you can see that his expression isn’t actually “blank” so much as it is “poleaxed”— another thing which has been deservedly memed on. It’s still a minute expression, but it’s visibly different from his standard 🫥 face.

Here the significance of the expression serves a different purpose than in other scenes. Here, Criston’s obvious surprise and mild befuddlement function as a way to hammer home Aegon’s impulsivity and irresponsibility. Criston’s been thinking for the last 36 hours that he got a toddler killed by fucking the king’s mom, and now, after ZERO PRIOR DISCUSSION, has gotten his second insane promotion in like three months maximum.

He’s gone from Kingsguard No. 2 to Lord Commander to the fucking Hand of the King. Criston was fully prepared to be LC of the KG— at most, Criston is expecting to be a crucial lieutenant and battle commander in non-aerial combat for the Greens. Now, as Hand, he would get to decide which battles get fought where by who. Oh, and he has zero administrative skills, so jot that one down.

3- Punching Bag

I talked before about how the turn in Alicent and Criston’s relationship left me with mixed emotions. This scene— the ending scene, notably, which I respect as a denouement and to avoid breaking the flow of the Rryk Fight Plot— helped things fall into place for me.

Criston is waiting inside Alicent’s bedchamber, armor off. If I had the time and energy (or if anyone else has the time and energy…? 👀) I would love to do a post looking at Criston with him armored versus unarmored, because I think the pattern will show that, generally, when he is literally vulnerable he is usually also personally vulnerable.

But I digress— the bigger point I’m trying to make is that Criston, who just kind of got a toddler killed by fucking the king’s mom and also just got promoted over said queen’s dad for a position he’s not qualified for, has shown up wearing pajamas in her room. This man is expecting intimacy. He has prepared himself for it by removing his armor before she even enters the room. There can be no pretense for this. This is about as close to reclining naked, oiled up, on a bed of rose petals, as Criston Cole’s gonna get. Alicent initiates the scene by storming over and getting physical, but I think in his own way, he’s asking for it. Criston plays at passivity, but the point of the scene is to show that he’s very much in it with her.

The scene itself is without dialogue, no recriminations. I think Criston and Alicent have said all that can be said earlier— “What do you take me for?” “One who seeks absolution.” “There can be none for what I have done.”— and this is what’s left: guilt and pain, tangled with a desperation for human connection and someone who understands. Last episode, the commentary talked about how Criston functions as Alicent’s punching bag, and in this episode we see that both with her actually hitting him and I think also with the fact that they keep having sex, re-enacting the thing that they’re feeling guilty about. It’s a way to keep self-flagellating, keeping the wound open so they can atone for their sins by constantly feeling the guilt.

If it works for them, hey. Fair enough.

4- That Bitch

This is the scene that had me GIGGLING, eyes sparkling, stupid grin on my face, kicking my feet, THRILLED. Criston Cole, my dear friend, my evil bitch.

What many people who find themselves bewildered by the genuine Team Green fandom fail to recognize is that, apart from Team Black suffering a lot of iffy writing in s1 that made them uninteresting, most people who like Team Green like them BECAUSE they are not nice people (Helaena excepted 🙂‍↕️😌🙏💜). They are not uniform in this un-niceness, either— Alicent pontificates and pines and looks guilty, Otto calculates and schemes in a very Lawful Evil manner, Larys manipulates and schemes creepily, Aegon is taking notes from Theon Greyjoy, Aemond is an anime villain who just wants his mommy to love him and his brother to say sorry and also to bite people in half with his dragon and maybe get his uncle to fuck him idk we’ll get back to that, and Tyland is an Econ Major. There’s a looooot in there!

Criston is a violent person who for about 95% of his time currently cannot express any of the sheer hatred, rage, malignance, resentment, or pettiness that he is feeling, because he is Too Busy Doing His Fucking Job, where such emotions are a hindrance. Set Criston Cole in a battlefield melee, and he’s fucking set. Set Criston Cole in front of a door for six hours and he’s about ready to die.

In season 1, we saw how Criston found outlets for this— beating men to death, antagonizing the Strong boys in the yard, and getting into fights with Harwin. But now, he’s older, and now, he’s the Lord Commander (though soon!! Soon!!!!) and he can’t do any of that because everyone in King’s Landing is, for better or worse, functionally on Team Green and therefore un-fuck-with-able.

So what’s a man to do when he wants to lash out? The old classic— take it out on the underlings.

People have already said this, but the way the light comes into Criston Cole’s eyes when he’s guilt-tripping his brother-in-arms into either killing Criston’s ex or committing suicide by cop is genuinely incredible. Criston doesn’t even really think Arryk harbors any traitorous inclinations— he just has the excuse of it theoretically being a concern and theoretically having a built-in plan if he needs some justification. Aegon swallows the plan easily enough before Otto forces him to think about it.

Criston gets his co-worker killed and he looks ALIVE while he’s doing it.

It’s clear, too, that Criston lashing out like this at the other Kingsguard isn’t unusual. First, there’s how Arryk reacts to Criston initially entering the room like “oookay. Here we go. While I’m eating breakfast. This fucking guy.” which is telling in and of itself, but could have been a personal acting choice from Arryk’s actor. The bigger clue to this being a regular occurrence comes when Criston hits the table and IMMEDIATELY all the Kingsguard FLEE. THE. SCENE. They don’t exchange looks, they don’t say anything, they know that the best they can do is clear out before they get caught in the crossfire. They know, each and every one of them, exactly who Criston is and how he acts, and they are NOT about to get in the way of their evil boss when he’s on a rampage.

Criston, my guy, you are so awful and I love you. Congrats on getting your co-worker killed. It looked like fun.

Looking forward to the next few weeks when we start to see the Criston-Aegon Hand-King duo in action! I’m sure that everything will go SUPER smoothly and no one will get killed and everything will be fiiiiiinnneeee.