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Okay, in Only Murders in the Building S2 E6, the video says "Bloody Mabel sighting on the 2." BUT SHE WAS ON THE J TRAIN. They're setting a show in NYC, couldn't they at least have gotten the service name right? :'(
#only murders in the building#only murders in the building season 2#mta discrepancies in media grind my gears#get your train facts right
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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What if. What if I made my sole survivor trans. House wife lawyer turned themself in the wasteland. What if. What if I did that.
Like you’re no longer burdened by your pre-war self. A miserable person, though loving of her husband, who never got to be who they wanted to be. Or maybe never thought about it to begin with. But the wasteland? well all the structures of society that held her back before aren’t there anymore. No one knows who you are, only that you’re someone looking for your lost son and maybe that you were cryogenically frozen. Your husband is dead. Your kid wouldn’t know whether or not you’re his mom or dad, he’s a baby! It’s a clean slate isn’t it? Codsworth wouldn’t give a damn, if anything he’d put on that cheery voice qnd be proud of you…
Might make you seem less frail to the people who stole your son? Maybe they don’t recognize you, or rather, maybe they see the wasteland hasn’t killed you so much as hardened you to a fine point. I mean there’s a film noir detective running around, a zombie as mayor of an entire town, huge green dudes, and giant fucking murder lizards around. You’re only going to be half the freakiest thing around. Besides! People are getting swapped out for fakes, you’re all starving and dehydrated, radiation poisoning is constant threat, and people constantly attack each other to get any resources they can. You’re hardly their biggest worry at the moment, right?
Now that I think about it, the sole survivor is a fun character to make trans. Hmmmm.
#also as an aside why the fuck does Nora have power armor training. the game didn’t think too hard about that.#MacCready needs a boyfriend#and Kieran. well Kieran would make an excellent man#fo4#fallout 4#the sole survivor#sole survivor#fuck you. makes your house wife a man#also as an extra aside#I get why people don’t like it#but I do like the theory that the sole survivor is a synth#like inevitably it is entirely your personal preference wether or not you like the idea#but I got it started in my head when I saw some of the skeletons in vault 111 are in the same place they were as you entered#and some of your neighbors are already in the vault. despite the fact that elevator is too slow for it to have made two whole trips#the entire other section of the vault is full of dead frozen people ! how the fuck did they get there#you were in a rush to get down there as soon as it started happening#like I KNOW Bethesda isn’t that thought out#and that there are just as many weird details with that line of thinking as a plain old human sole survivor#but it’s a really fun concept#don’t know if it fits Kieran but y’know#like I know there’s not many reasons for the institute to do that#but they also don’t really get a defined#reasons for sending synths out in the first place as far as I remember#all I remember is tinker Tom talking about terraforming and maybe being right???#whatever#I like it. I’m having fun. even if I don’t super buy into it#I love the idea of it#anyways#I’m done#fallout
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I believe Kamala- despite every word she has ever spoken on the matters- is actually deeply pro-Palestine, pro-trans & overall a progressive hero, because I understand that when democrats say repugnant reactionary things while campaigning they are actually lying! which is good & normal for so-called democratic elections!!!!! if you listen to the gnomes who live inside my walls you'll understand her real values, which she'll totally pinky promise act upon once you reward her lies & elect her! you dumb third party voters would understand this if u payed attention in civics class 💅💅💅
#do you votescold blue no matter whos even hear yourselves#like i say this from the glass house of mental illness i too live in but yall are fucking clinically deranged#'u see the good guys will lie to us to seem like bad guys until the season 4 finale when plot twist reveals thay r good!' LUNACY!!!#santa clause is more real than a promise out of the mouth of a democrat i am BEGGING liberals to understand (and give a shit about) this#sorry i guess unlike the 'injustice sensitivity' many american neurospicies love using as a shield for when they do racist things i just#have boring I Dont Like Being Lied To autism which uh is preventing me from (well a lot!) getting on the imperialism train that many#of you are twisting yourselves into pretzels of cognitive dissonance & ahistorical nonsense in order to cope with!#vote if you want idgaf but stop posting electoral cope!!! stop seeking absolution for the crimes youre cosigning!! you cant have it all!!!!#i'll see you in another 4 years when nothing has been done about climate catastrophe or genocide or lgbtq rights or reproductive rights#bc if- and its still a huge if- kamala wins i know for FACT the usual suspects are already cooking up excuses as to why she cant follow thr#through on any of the crumbs of progressive policy she claims to stand by. its already the senates or SC fault right 🙄#ugh anyway now im just going down the 'every easily identifiable lie of the dems that I'M somehow the bad guy for noticing' rabbit hole#and that leads to nowhere but madness and an afternoon wasted 😤
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#i'm done i'm so fucking tired#i want to burn the internet to the ground#i want to destroy my computer chuck my phone into a river and go live in the middle of nowhere#no wifi no 4g no nothing#i want to die because we cannot fucking escape this shit#meta using my art to train ai and refusing my request to stop#my computer not being able to run glaze or nightshade or any of those ai poisoning thingies#spam emails and text messages and whatsapp messages and bots in the comments#and just EVERYTHING TRYING TO SELL ME THINGS WHILE ALSO STEALING WHAT'S ALREADY MINE#i hate it i hate it i can't fucking stand it anymore#and you'll be like ''then why don't you go offline then... nobody's making you have an instagram account''#and you'd be right... if it weren't for the fact that i chose the one fucking career that DEMANDS online presence#i already struggle to find work as an illustrator WITH social media and POSTING MY ART ONLINE#how the fuck would I do it if people don't see my art?!#and sure people have illustrated books way before the internet existed... sure... BUT IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT ANYMORE#i'm so fucking angry and tired and frustrated that there's no way out of this#the internet is becoming unusable yet life demands it#my only option right now it to fuck myself and my beliefs and let companies steal my hardwork for the benefit of..?#having no notes in my posts except for the bots commenting ''see 👀my hole 🍑 daddy 💦 kitten 😻 ready 4 u 🤤 subscribe🔥 pay 💲 me''#i'm sick of this#i don't want to delete everything i ever posted online because A. at this point that's useless and B. again. how the fuck would i get work?#also even then... emailing my clients their finished illustrations goes through google drive or gmail...#do we think google is nice and doesn't steal images to train generative AI?#''talk to your representatives they need to make laws about this'' my fucking president is currently chumming it up with elon fucking musk#while people here are starving to death#we're literally going to freeze this winter because the genius goverment has fucked up our gas supply and that's used not only for heating#but for ELECTRICITY PRODUCTION#so we won't have a wat to heat our houses cook or even fucking SEE AT NIGHT#and you want me to ask them to make copyright laws?!#i want to die
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i love seeing (certain) people bitch about parasites and its like. yeah. now youre rousing the urge to infect you with them
#n a s t y thing to say out loud. I actually have 0 problems and in fact heavily endorse education on malicious spirits and even just...#general dangers that dont come from malicious acts. i know imposters exist Ive dealt with them. I know... insert five million things.#but theres a deep-rooted instinct in me when people start bitching about Lower Beings and Demons and Things That Feed Off You#not as what they are - higher than you are on the food chain - but as mindless gross parasites to be squashed Below you...#I have parasites as a function of myself. Would you like to feel the Static? This isnt about or directed loosely at the random person i saw#I dont know if they were like (what I have an issue with) or coming from that angle. its not about them this is a general thought#that i was reminded of. Have you considered there is an environment and that things like bacteria and insects and so on have#an integral place in the recycling of the universe - as well as /keeping you alive/? have you considered that just because something#will eat you and especially eat what you naturally give off... that doesnt make them an Evil Demon? Have you considered youre#just not the top dog of the universe. god's favourite. where everything else around you exists to be eaten by you or turned#into buildings and concrete to house you or trained and domesticated to protect you and so on. Have you considered#that maybe what you call parasites arent biologically evil things to be eradicated. Heres the thing - and the reason this isnt about the#person who triggered this thought train to move - I think you should bite what bites you. I think you have every right to kill a spirit#that harms you and eat them and chew them up (like I'd do to you if it was inverted). Life is like that. We eat and are eaten. We also#suffer and long to have that lifted. But when people go onnn and onnnn and onnnnnnnn about Demons and these programmed entities#that apparently just refuse to be nice and have fallen to temptation and to feeding off you because theyre abusive (and...#simultaneously. mindless.)... haha. would you like to get to know actual parasites? because the Sky is like that.#you hold its oxygen in your veins it's your choice if you want me to trigger the Choir singing inside you. and thats not even talking about#the Static I mentioned.#~abyssal murmurs#either way. Things will feed off you yes. Do warn people about it. Spirits are like everything in the animal kingdom and earth's ecosystems#- complex. Not human-serving. Not bound to your ideas of morals. Sometimes incredibly violent and abusive and traumatic and malicious.#but my godddd shut up about how youre love and light and that attracts Evil Demons like yes. Your food is beautiful to the fruit fly#but maybe nature doesnt operate off your self-centred morality complex. You are not the centre of their universe
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I wrote a long post abt how hysteria over cheating with AI is borderline irrelevant to my field and how that post implying it's a huge epidemic annoys me and then deleted it bc nobody cares. lol
#thinking of the guys who watched video games playthroughs during class all day and now he assists w cardiac and transplant surgeries#and he's great. we get training after graduation anyway and often what you learn in school is only narely applicable to your actual job#plus you're in an environment with a lot of other people who are keeping an eye on your decisions. ideally#but 'oh no teacher they're cheating at HOMEWORK' just comes off as very silly to me#ALSO if you genuinely think a nurse can glide their way through nursing school using chatgpt you clearly don't know#how our exams are structured or how we need to choose the right mc question of 5 extremely complex ones#or how if we get under 77% we fail the class and how most of the grade is in mc exams.#at least for me#I don't think using AI to cheat would even be possible#and ppl who were cheating were already doing so before AI anyway#welp that's it basically#disclaimer this is based on my experience but the national licensing exam IS myltiple choice and people DO fail#also if you're really graduating w chatgpt essays and going into a field and getting hired and NOBODY notices#that indicates maybe it doesn't actually matter?#I know for a fucking fact engineers need to be able to actually do their jobs to keep them too#cor.txt
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7 minutes of a phonecall with my mother is enough for me to start being a bitch lol
#i understand that going by train is a novelty for her but i spend half of my motherfucking life on trains and i feel sick just getting on em#but im '20 not 80' so i have no right to prefer not to spend 5.5 to 7 fucking hours on a train (which will ALWAYS be longer than it says)#when i can split that journey in 2 instead because. AGAIN. ive been getting on longer train rides at least twice a week on average#(sometimes more) for the past 3 years and i KNOW FOR A FACT that i start losing my goddamn mind and getting overstimulated after 3-4 hours#and i KNOW its gonna be a fucking NIGHTMARE for me to go on a completely avoidable 7 hour long ride WITH HER SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME#and its not that we really MUST choose the cheapest option because the difference will be like 20 zł at best#what the fuck is that woman's problem#the fact that she cant understand that 7 hours of sitting motionless in a closed space with Other People is nightmarish for me#and i cant explain it to her because we keep playing this fucked up game where i pretend that im Normal and not Mentally Fucked Up#but i can only keep it going for so long before the symptoms of Not Being As Normal As We Both Hoped Id Be start to show#and i can only mask them for so long too and why is it so hard to split that fucking train ride#and then IM the evil one and a bitch when i tell her 'okay we'll do it your way' cause she Doesnt Deserve That Tone From Me#babygirl you deserve SO much worse from me particularly fuck this this trip is gonna be a nightmare#i want siblings so bad. i just want someone on my fucking team why am i always simultaneously the Stupid the Bad and the Crazy one here
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I am staring DIRECTLY at Film Reroll Luke Skywalker watching and anticipating his next move
#film reroll#the film reroll#Tim Nolan you played him so well!!!!#I don’t think this will happen but this version of Luke is one I can kinda see turning to the dark side??#like think about it. your aunt and uncle are killed. Ben Kenobi tells you it’ll be alright though and that you have the force in you#you can come with him and train to be a Jedi just like your father was#you leave planet and on the way have to put up with this asshole smuggler and even free a serial killer just to get to the rebels#but it’s fine! because once you’re with the rebels you’ll then be able to train with Ben like he’s promised#except you get there and there are two other Jedi candidates. each seemingly better options than you#one is a child who already has pretty good control of the force without anyone telling her how to wield it.#she’s also young and thus full of so much more potential than you#and the other is a woman older than you. but she has so much more life experience. she’s proven herself worthy both to the rebels#and to the force itself. she is strong and basically everything you’re not#but that’s alright too because Ben knows you. of course he’s going to pick to train you!! but then they say your name Skywalker with horror#and you are told about who your father is and how if you are trained and given everything you want you will become just like him#you are evil and violent by nature even though you feel as if you are anything but… except maybe they’re right#because when confronted with this fact your first instinct was to attack an injured man on death’s door#and if Kenobi has his time taken up by training either kahki or Jyn/planning the destruction of the Death Star#Luke is potentially left in a very vulnerable state to stew#I just am foaming at the mouth thinking about it!!!!#(I do feel like Andy will ultimately take Luke in a more redemption/I am not my father by ‘righteous’ sacrifice’ route though#which also has a lot of potential to be delicious)
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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That's it. I'm taking the "it's easier to remain heterosexual" line away from all of you until you learn how to behave.
#not only has every joke about this already been made they are all objectively wrong#if you can't understand why PR advice in 2006 would be to not be openly gay when you want to get into the national team of your sport#your are out of touch with reality and also patently unfunny#i want you to think back how many times that comment was actually brought up after that scene even when Andrew and Neil got together#that's right. none. bc it's not establishing Kevin's homophobia it's establishing the fact that he was brainwashed by his media training#and also it's heavily implied that he knew of Jean's bisexuality and his crush on Jeremy#and that he has 0 issues with it and even playfully teases Jean about it.#tsc2 might even prove me wrong but it will not make your 'haha isn't Kevin such a homophobe' jokes good#in other news can someone please teach me how to clean my TikTok algorithm
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i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.
#uhhhhhm no you HAVE NOT SENT THIS TO ME BEFORE?!?!#I literally am speechless#I’m not super talky right now#but even if I was I feel like I’d still be fucking speechless#like I already said I love your writing 🩷#and it fucking BLOWS ME AWAY when people write about me or use me as an inspiration#like????????? what??????? me???????????!#I’m going to keep this close to my heart and look at it whenever I’m feeling down#I don’t remember if I said that already but it’s true#I need to get a journal or a cute box to put things like this in so I can just grab it and look through them when I’m feeling shitty#one thing I needed to say is the fact that you shared this with me now of all times??? is kinda crazy to me#idk if it’s a coincidence or if the universe/God/whoever/whatever is trying to tell me to go back into music and singing#not going to go into it too much but I’ve been looking at my life a lot lately#and I’m realizing I’m not getting any younger…. I know I’m still young but if I don’t do something soon -#my life is going to completely pass before my eyes and I really really don’t want that#I’m *finally* going to get mental help soon (long story but I have to wait a few weeks)#and once I’m actually mentally stable I can focus on what I want to do with my life#so I’ve been thinking a lot about my performing arts background and then randomly a get an email from a choir director I know#asking if I could please join the choir for their Easter performance cause they could really use my high notes#and she just kept complimenting me and it felt really nice ☺️#then when I went to the first rehearsal I sat next to this girl and we were singing a part and the first sopranos go up to a high A#and I can hit it easily but most of them couldn’t so it felt like I was going this mini solo lol#but she asks me what my range is and I told her that back when I trained I could sing queen of the night which I think goes up to an F6#and she was talking about how impressive that is#and it made me think about if I actually trained and got back into it how good I actually could get#I don’t mean this to be like ‘look at me look at me I’m so good’#it just feels nice to have a little bit of a direction again#who knows if I’ll actually go down the music path again but it does sound damn exciting#I miss it with all my heart - I miss singing and performing and acting… I even miss music theory#anyway rant over and i ran out of space but thank you so much I seriously can’t thank you enough 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
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I get the weirdest liberal version of thoughts and prayers over being from Indiana sometimes but there is something to be said about the devil you know vs. the devil you don't.
#erin is talking#the thing is - I've lived here my entire life and been doing queer liberation activism here since I was 13#it sucks here but it's also always been PREDICTABLE here#this is the devil I know which really does wonders in knowing how to fight it. and knowing in what ways you'll never succeed in fighting it#surrounding areas are the devil I don't know - some of them just as bad as IN AND unfamiliar which makes me less capable of fighting them#it's not even that people stay in southern states out of some ethical obligation to fight back but#no one is more knowledgeable and equipped to handle Indiana's particular brand of crap than the people who've spent lifetimes dealing w/ it#our activist movements have always had to be creative here bc outside of Indy and Bloomington public office is going to go red. it's a fact#no amount of hoping and wishing is going to make those counties less red. you can't exhaust all your energy into VOTING VOTING VOTING#because it straight-up doesn't work like that here and you'll be defeated all the time if you do that.#we know how to get way more creative about throwing sand in the gears of oppression because we have to#and we're USED to it#the people from crapsack red states are in fact uniquely qualified to handle their state's particular crapsack brand of fascism#and that's literally why I haven't exited stage right yet is because I've spent a lifetime training for THIS fight in THIS place
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Repeat after me: something being unhealthy or otherwise causing the person doing it distress does not make it morally wrong.
(This is part of healthism.)
#this brought to you be the fact that repeated severe traumatic brain injury is handwaved by most people when it's a result of football#but stuff like getting so sucked into online discussions of oppression that you end up more traumatized than from the oppression alone#despite that not standing up for yourself would also have traumatized you more than the oppression alone#makes you a terrible person who has lost all right to participate bc you misjudged your ability to handle something difficult once#like hey! maybe in fact vulnerable people doing their best to survive in a world hostile to them have every right to not be perfect about it#that's without even getting into stuff like how unhealthy choices can be a form of self harm#let alone that self harm should be considered a right of personhood#this is about addicts (including smokers and alcoholics) and people who lash out when triggered or having health crises#and mentally+physically ill people who do not make 'the right' choices to conform to abled standards (including 'choosing not to recover')#and about people with delusions and psychosis who choose to experience and interact with their symptoms#and people who struggle with disordered/unhealthy eating including subclinically#and people who refuse the 'acceptable' options like therapy/physical therapy - sometimes bc they've been harmed by those things#and people who don't have access to healthier options bc of poverty or food deserts or disability or other systemic injustice#to be clear despite one example being about lashing out at others when in crisis this is NOT saying it's okay to hurt other people#that specific example is an exception in extenuating circumstances (having a bad enough crisis that you are no longer fully in control)#you still have a responsibility to take steps to prevent further harm to others#to hold yourself accountable for the harm you did as soon as able by apologizing and working to do better and repair that harm#even if that means recognizing you may not be able to control the way you act in the future + asking for help putting safeguards into place#such as having a professional trained in mental health crises who can keep both you and others safe during those times#and even if you are not able to do so yourself#finding someone who you trust to help you do so or do so for you#people so often forget that mental illness is a massive spectrum with a huge variety of symptoms and severity of disability#and when people say 'not able' so many people hear 'didn't want to' or 'lazy'#just because bad actors use not able to avoid accountability doesn't mean you have any right to determine someone's capability#you can absolutely remove yourself from the situation#but it's still ableism to flat out deny the severity of someone's disability bc abusive ppl co-opt it#in any case I debated including that example but I refuse to throw people under the bus who make mistakes/do harm when struggling themself#there's a world of difference between unintentional harm especially done by a person in crisis without their needs being met+without support#and stuff like abuse which is a pattern of harm from someone who holds some kind of power over you (whether or not they intend to harm you)#(at least that's the definition of abuse I use. the power is what allows them to force or coerce you into enduring the abuse)
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aww its kinda cute finding me complaining abt my dads whole lisa thing from 2017. honestly so overshadowed by everything else and also i was so annoying when i was 12 aw .
#did not realize how many of my journal posts r just vents and it all looks so silly now RJRBJFBFNG aw hun. its so funny that i was#complaining abt my mom treating me like a therapist in 2017. <- his ass did notttt know. its like watching a guy standing on the train#tracks and complaining about a car driving past.#sry . i ended up on quotev just 2 look. ive never actually looked at my like activity feed very much whenever i go back but its funny bc it#rly is a more accurate glimpse into whateve was going on for miss kami (my quotev nickname).... like yasss. you hate your dads girlfriend#and her kids that is a nice problem to have#its also embarassing bc like my ex gf is just all around in here . i made a vent post like I get it im not enough and i dont matter and im#just a tool for you to use 😡😡😡 and she commented “yesss tell the world”. SO FUNNY?#and i found her being excited abt our 5 month anniversary#delightfully 12 year old activity. i do not like her very much at all and idt i ever actualy loved her#not in a bitchy way in a like. i literally questioned if i was aroace the entire time we were dating#she asked me out with a little note passed in class like circle y/n and i literally thought to myself Hm well i guess i dont have anything#going on. and circled yes. which is so funny. hun?#anyways. that all imploded bc we were 11 its whatever.#sigh. its just nice to remember the little problems i had. like obviously all this is after my dad choked me out in public and threw my dog#and etc but its still technically the beforetimes. yk. and ik the zoo isnt rly the most pressing of my things that have happened to me#anymore but its still like. Big. yk. even if i mostly just have to Be fine about it now or else everyone will think im being an awful piec#of shit asshole for still being upset. Ok sorry#also when i call my 12 yesr old self snnoying i mean it in an loving way like. its only right to be kind of annoying when youre 12 yk...#and also 12 year old kamille is Not here rn so i can be a little playfully mean to her. bc shes such a 12 year old#idk i just struggle a lot bc i am so like. far removed from everything that happened atp were on like 4th or 5th generation post that#and i struggle to put myself in That kamilles shoes and remember she was a kid yk. like obviously ik i was a kid ik i didnt deserve that#but when i try to like. put myself back in the situation and try to force myself to remember that exact day (dont do this btw . it does not#go well LOL) but i always like. i try to rebuild the events from the ground up but im not Kamille age 12 im me. witnessing everything#i wont ever be able to remember it How it acrually was i couldnt even fully remember it like a week after the fact yk. itis what itis#sorry i should prolly tag this i rambleddddd#a2t#child abuse#implied but we#animal abuse
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Sometimes just from someone's username you know they would reblog a post that's like omg Trump will do genocide and Harris will do genocide but with emojis and memes!!
And then you see that they did in fact reblog the post and you're like ohhh can we stop pretending this is any kind of leftism.
#like- part of leftism is actually talking about things#e.g. the fact is that governments have all these complicated alliances with other countries#that each administration inherits- and in global wars this affects how they act towards each country#and yeah its fucking shitty! that all our world leaders will participate in wars! personally im anti war!#but this whole bleakism both sides are the same on foreign policy so we shouldnt fuckin bother voting#its not activism or care for human rights its nihilism#you can tell its not care for human rights because so many people like this idolise countries who#also are doing war crimes and terrorism and human rights abuse#and they dont really have a justification or argument for their admiration of these countries other than#'well this country is no different to [x western country] and you think that is ok riiight?'#i mean...if by ok you mean 'the country exists and will continue to exist and i live there and also vote there'#like...damning with faint praise#anyway look i have to admit i don't understand the social media aspect of us elections#the meme-y stuff that comes directly from the campaign trail- dont get it thats not a thing in the uk#but one thing i am absolutely certain of is that both sides do it!#anyway also dont reblog weird 'genocide- yaaas queen!' memes about kamala harris when you're white/non-black it makes you look racist.#also to continue the train of thought i abandoned (sorry)- i personally believe countries need leaders and anarchy will never happen#and the 'revolution' will not happen in our lifetime- its not a real revolution they are talking about anyway its some sort of internet one#where nothing goes awry and it all works out for the goodies (us tumblr leftists)#so given that someone is going to lead the us as president and no amount of not voting will change that- i say grow up#ur genocide memes are boring- to be quite frank on a site so focused on the day to day struggles of marginalised people#who live in western countries- no matter what the government does abroad you STILL should vote for the day to day#yeah some people online say voting makes you impure and complicit in genocide but the secret is you have to ignore thrm#youre just a fucking random you cant tell the president what to do about international conflict- give yourself a break yeesh
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