#get ready for just like a week of incorrect quotes

[nomsfaultau]

Fault!Tubbo: We're a law-abiding citizen!

Tommy, thinking about every time they've cheated in Monopoly: Oh yeah?? Name one law!

Tubbo, going into Laywer Mode tm: 18 U.S. Code § 1111 - Murder. (a) Murder is the unlawful killing of a human being with malice aforethought. Every murder perpetrated by poison, lying in wait, or any other kind of willful, deliberate, malicious, and premeditated killing; or committed in the perpetration of, or attempt to perpetrate, any arson, escape, murder, kidnapping, treason—

Tommy: Name less law!

Philza, Wilbur, and The Blade: wait that's illegal??

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

For You, I'd Bleed Myself Dry

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Setting: Early-ish Alexandria

Warnings: Suggestive (extremely mild); hangover

Summary: You're hung over and don't really remember how you got to Rosita's house the night before. Or what you had said on the way there.

A/N: Just a fun little drabble born of this incorrect quote. Suggested by @marvelcasey05

*gif is not mine

You didn’t expect to find Daryl still home when you wandered in the next morning. He was always an early riser, and though everyone else still slept, he would usually be long gone and outside the gates. So, when you tip-toed through the door and into the kitchen, your heels in your hand, he nearly scared the life out of you. You flipped the lightswitch and:

“Mornin’.”

“Jesus Christ, Daryl!”

The archer chuckled behind his coffee mug before tilting it the least bit more to take a sip. “Rollin’ in awful late.”

You shrugged “Or early, depending on how you look at it. Any left?” You nodded toward the cup. He gave a quiet mhm and got up to make you a mug. Your head was throbbing. You knew your makeup was a mess and your hair a disaster. You had slept in your dress at Rosita’s, so it was wrinkled and you were almost certain that it was only partially zipped in the back.The party hadn’t been that fun but the liquor had been flowing. That was why you went. Things in Alexandria had been stressful. Your group had been there a while. Long enough for so many problems to come along and be handled. The past week had been particularly eventful. Still, it had been handled and there had been some time to cut loose. 

So, you did.

You sat your heels on the counter and muttered a thank you when he slid the mug across the surface, narrowing your eyes across the rim as you readied for a drink. “Do you know how I take my coffee?”

“Guess you’ll need to take a drink an’ find out, won’tcha?” He was perching himself back on the island stool when you realized that Daryl Dixon was barefoot, wearing flannel pajama pants, and a faded Led Zepplin t-shirt. 

“You’re wearing people clothes.” You blinked, still holding the mug close to your mouth. 

Daryl smirked from behind his own cup. “M’a person, contrary to popular belief.” He took another sip, prompting you to take one of your own. He did know how you liked your coffee. Interesting. 

An ache in your left foot reminded you that you wanted nothing more than to go to your room and fall into a coma for a few hours. “I should probably take some—”

“S’behind ya. Got ‘em out earlier. Water too.”

There were two tablets on the countertop by the fridge, along with a glass of water. You warily picked them up, almost as if they would come alive and bite you. “Thank you?”

“Mhm.” 

Quickly swallowing them, you downed the water because coffee wasn’t the best tool for rehydrating, but you’d be damned if you’d give up that mug for anything. Collecting your heels and your coffee, you started walking backwards out of the kitchen. “Listen, I’m gonna head upstairs and get off my—”

“Perfectly good chair right here.” 

“What?” Now you were looking at him as if he’d grown a second head. There were no other chairs in the kitchen. Carol had the only other stool piled full of kitchen junk she had yet to put away. “Are you sure you’re awake?”

“M’wide awake. How’d ya get to Rosita’s last night?” 

Wait. Was Daryl blushing? “She helped—” No, that wasn’t right. Rosita and Tara came back long after you did. You distinctly remembered grumbling at them to turn off the lights. “How did I get there?” You said aloud, though softly.

“I took ya.”

Your shoes hitting the floor echoed through the quiet house, causing both you and Daryl to flinch. After a moment, no baby cried and no adults yelled. You walked forward and placed your mug back on the counter. “What do you mean you took me? You weren’t at the party.”

Cause Daryl’s home. He doesn’t like parties.

He shrugged but the pink tint to his cheeks was now traveling a route up to his ears. “Was workin’ on the bike. Saw ya stumblin’ ‘round in the dark. Didn’t wantcha to get hurt.”

“Did I—did I say anything stupid?”

And if I see him right now, I'm gonna ask to use his face as a chair.

“Nope.” The archer was staring at his coffee cup, rolling the smooth sides between his hands. He absolutely knew what you had said but he was giving you an out. Goddamn that man. He had to be beautiful, rough edged, and chivalrous at the same time? 

“Good.” You nodded. “Good. Thanks for the coffee.” You turned to walk out, leaving the coffee mug behind. “And for—you know, getting me there safely last night.” 

He nodded with a small, tight smile but didn’t say anything else. Maybe he was just teasing you. No, Daryl wasn’t the type. Well, he was but not with things that were at his expense. He was definitely going out of his comfort zone if the red tint on his face was any indication. Did he want to do that with you? You certainly wouldn’t mind. You’d wanted Daryl for as long as you could remember. Even before he started treating the group more like friends than survival buddies. There was always just something about him that called to you, pulled you in like a magnet, but there was this invisible line that didn’t feel safe to cross. Was he toeing that line with you now?

You might never get the chance again if you were to shut him down.

“Hey, Daryl.” You called from the stairs, barely looking over your shoulder. Your heart was racing.

“Yeah?”

“There’s—there’s no chair in my—what’re you—hey!” You were over his shoulder and being hauled down toward his room in the basement before you could do much more than laugh.

“Weren’t no way ya could make any line ‘bout a chair work.”

“Got a bed, right?”

“Got a mattress.”

“That’ll do, Dixon. That’ll do.”

[imdonewiththisblogsblog]

Hello! Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! Now get ready for some Valentine’s Day incorrect quotes!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Dogday: *kisses Catnap*

Catnap: !

Dogday: ...Did you steal my chapstick?

Catnap: Did- did I what?

Dogday: My chapstick, Catnap. Did you steal it?

Bobby BearHug : Dogday, for the love of God, not this again.

Catnap: I- No, I didn't steal your chapstick. We use the same chapstick.

Dogday: No, there is absolutely no way we use the same chapstick, because it was only sold on one Etsy shop two years ago and they discontinued it, and I loved it so much that I bought the last of their stock, and I keep it in my freezer so it doesn't go bad. It's been discontinued for three years. No one uses the same chapstick for three years. So unless you've been eating a whole f--- ton of something that's flavored like chocolate and popcorn, you absolutely stole my f---ing chapstick.

Catnap: Chocolate and popcorn?

Bobby BearHug : Why do you think it got discontinued?

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Kickinchicken : *sees Catnap and Dogday together*

Kickinchicken : They're cute. I would put them on a boat.

Bobby BearHug : You mean... you ship them?

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

*at 3am*

Kickinchicken : *runs into Dogday’s room and turns on the light* Wake up sleepyhead!

Dogday: *wakes up* Dude!

Kickinchicken : *cackles*

Catnap: *sits up from where they were sleeping behind Dogday* What the f---, Kickinchicken ?

Kickinchicken : *jaw drops* Wait WHAT-

(Don’t worry they had a sleepover, they did not do “it”, ya nasty.)

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Catnap: Goodnight to the love of my life, Dogday, and f--- the rest of y'all.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

(Congratulations! You've stumbled upon a secret message from me (the programmer of this generator): <img src="https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/mobile/000/039/484/cover7.jpg" width="100%" height="auto">

I look at you with my autistic eyes.) this is amazing. How did this happen?

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Hoppy hopscotch : Hi.

Bobby BearHug : Hey, did you do what I said? Did you tell them?

Hoppy hopscotch : I did.

Bobby BearHug : And what did they say?

Hoppy hopscotch : “Thank you.”

Bobby BearHug : You’re totally welcome. What’d they say?

Hoppy hopscotch : They said, “Thank you.” I said “I love you” and Kickinchicken said, “Thank you.”

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Catnap: Come on, Kickinchicken . Nobody actually believes that Dogday is in love with me.

Kickinchicken , to The Squad: Raise your hand if you think that Dogday is helplessly in love with Catnap.

*Everyone raises their hand*

Catnap: Dogday, put your hand down.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Dogday: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me?

Catnap: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to?

Bobby BearHug : And you just ran away?!

Dogday: I didn't expect them to flirt back!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Catnap, holding a rock: Dogday just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".

Hoppy hopscotch : If you don't marry them, I will.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Kickinchicken: Is there anyone here who’s actually straight?

Dogday: *raises hand*

Catnap: *puts their hand down*

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Dogday: Hey, babe, remember how I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up my ADHD meds?

Catnap: Yes?

Dogday: Well, it turns out they're all out for the next five days.

Catnap: F---.

Dogday: It's gonna be a fun week!

Catnap: I'm going to Bobby BearHug 's house.

Dogday: Nuh-uh. Through sickness and health, motherf---er.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

(Thank you for reading! Bye!<3)

[whimsi-clown]

Hi strangers! I 'm currently going on a Disney movie marathon for the 3rd part of my RIDV AU fic, so here are some incorrect quotes while you wait.

Tags: @demodemo909, @imtryingandtired, @missmannequin.

(Thank you guys so much for showing appreciation for the dumb Disney Villains AU I made on a whim, and I hope these even dumber incorrect quotes can entertain you while waiting on the next part!)

Warning: The usual, cursing, OOC, and itty bitty inappropriate jokes. Also, it's long, like, really long. I had too much fun with these quotes, and it shows.

Hey hey! Life in the Villain house! Oh yeah! Life in the Villain house! Reader! Life in the Villain house!~

(If you understood this reference, I am both sorry and not sorry at the same time)

——————————————————————————————

*Disney Villains suddenly appearing before you*

You : I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Our dear host is playing hard to get.

Gaston: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

——————————————————————————————

You : *Venting endlessly to Hades about your week*

Hades, every once in a while: *In a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.

——————————————————————————————

You: Wake up! The sun is shining!

Cruela: What do you want me to do, photosynthesis?

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: I love you.

You: How many people have you said that to?

Gaston: Everyone.

You: What?

Gaston: I told everyone that I love you.

——————————————————————————————

You: Look guys, I need help.

Ursula: Love help?

Hades: Financial help?

Captain Hook: Emotional help?

Oogie Boogie: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at Oogie Boogie*

Oogie Boogie: What?

——————————————————————————————

You, to Jafar: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?

——————————————————————————————

You: Why do you keep a diary?!

Captain Hook: To keep secrets from your computer.

——————————————————————————————

You, filling out legal paperwork: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Maleficent: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Oogie Boogie: Personally, I think I was made in a lab.

Hades: I just straight up spawned, lol.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: The ‘how the fucks’ and 'why are you so dumbs’ don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook: *Slowly pushes a 17th-century cannon into a modern bank* Okay, everyone, be calm. This is a robbery.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

——————————————————————————————

You: All of your existences are confusing.

The villains: How so?

You: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you guys upsets me.

——————————————————————————————

You: As a responsible adult-

The villains: *snickers*

You: ... As a responsible adult—

——————————————————————————————

You: I don't like bugs. Oogie Boogie, are you even listening to me?

Oogie Boogie: I seem to have misplaced some of my bugs.

You, at Hades (aka your personal flame thrower): HAADDDEEEESSSSS!!!

——————————————————————————————

*Talking on the phone*

Hades: Remember how I said that the gang and I were gonna have a calm night out for once?

You: ... Yeah?

Hades: Well, we’re in jail.

You: *Hangs up*

——————————————————————————————

Hades: *Gets set on fire and screams in agony*

Hades: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me. Literally.

——————————————————————————————

You: Something tells me Oogie Boogie's going to be a bit more unhinged today...

*Meanwhile, in the villain house*

Oogie Boogie, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, the host isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

——————————————————————————————

You: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE!

You: GASTON IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW!

You: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

——————————————————————————————

A complete stranger, looking at the disney villains who are experiencing and interacting with the outside world for the first time: Those guys look like a problem...

You: Yes, but they’re my problem.

——————————————————————————————

You, looking at the villains: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook, drowning in crocodile infested waters: Help me host!

You: Don't worry, I heard cowards float.

——————————————————————————————

Grimhilde: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

You: It was autocorrect.

Grimhilde: Autocorrect wrote, "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

You: Yes.

——————————————————————————————

You, talking to the villains: As you know, I keep a list of all of you in order of how likely they are to betray me.

Oogie Boogie: Where am I on the list?

You: Well, I can’t tell you that because then you’ll quickly move up or down depending on your reaction.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Grimhilde is walking in this room.

You: *Wheezes*

——————————————————————————————

You: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

You: *Aggressively throws water bottles*

Hades: Uh... What's up with them?

Jafar: They're trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.

You, aggressively shouting: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Captain Hook, crying: It's working.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.

You: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor, and it ain't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Dr. Facilier, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win, you should have tried not being poor.

——————————————————————————————

Scar: I prevented a murder today.

You: Really? That’s amazing! How did you do that?

Scar: Self-control.

——————————————————————————————

You: Holy shit, Hades, do you know what this means?!

Hades: Babes, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston, throwing their head into you lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

You, unphased and stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Why don’t they find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Hades: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Gaston: *Bites lip*

Hades: ... Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

——————————————————————————————

You: *Fills up bottle and drinks from that*

Jafar: *Brought 4 bottles of water so this wouldn’t happen*

Shan Yu: *Drinks straight from the tap*

Hades: *Dehydrates*

Scar: *Drinks from the puddle of water on the floor*

Oogie Boogie: *Licks the tap, doesn’t even need a drink*

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: *Looks over your shoulder and at your laptop* What the fuck?

You: *Slams screen shut* It’s just research! For something I’m writing about! I swear that’s it!

Dr. Facilier: Why the hell would that involve the breeding habits of frogs?

You: It’s not just “frogs”, it’s the Surinam Toad. And it’s not “breeding habits”, it’s how they raise their young. This is important information my audience needs to know!

Dr. Facilier: That doesn’t change the fact this is for one line in a fanfiction.

You, offendedly: You don’t know that!

Dr. Facilier: I don't hear no denial.

——————————————————————————————

You: I love cooking breakfast. It makes the whole house smell like bacon.

Grimhilde: That’s true, but it also smells like fire and panic.

You: Hades and the smoke detector need to get off my case.

——————————————————————————————

Hades, grinning: Before you were what?

Maleficent: Before I was-

Hades: What?

Maleficent: Before I was inter-

Hades: Before you were interrupted?

Maleficent: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll-

Hades: What?

Maleficent: *Makes a frustrated sound*

You, nervously laughing: Ahahaha, please stop that before she turns into a dragon and burns my house down.

——————————————————————————————

*The normal looking villains walking at the mall*

Dr. Facilier: Hey, have any of y'all seen our host? They’ve been gone for a while..

Grimhilde, not the least bit concerned: No, we have not.

Shan Yu : I haven’t...

Cruela: They probably just ran off to the McDonald’s or something.

You: Hey.

Captain Hook: Oh, there they are-

Gaston: What the-

Jafar: I- where were you?!

You: ... Walking right behind you guys.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Well, remember when our host made a romantic dinner for me?

Hades: Gaston, they microwaved you a pizza.

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu: Someone will die...

You: Of fun!

——————————————————————————————

You: Could you be anymore annoying?

Oogie Boogie: Yes.

——————————————————————————————

You: Oogie Boogie, you can do anything!

Oogie Boogie: Anything?

You: Anything!

Oogie Boogie, holding a torch: ANYTHING?!?!

You: Wait, not that!

——————————————————————————————

Gaston, playing a video game for the first: This thing is so frustrating! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

You: Ok, I think it’s time to turn off the game for a little while.

Gaston: But I’m having fun!

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: *Gasp*

You: wHAT??

Gaston: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?

You: *Inhales*

Cruela, in another room with Ursula: Why can I hear screeching?

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life.

You: Please never become a surgeon.

——————————————————————————————

You: I was arrested for being too cool.

Jafar: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: Damn, the power went out.

You: Don’t worry, I got this.

You: *Stomps foot*

Dr. Facilier: What-?

You: *Sketchers light up*

——————————————————————————————

You: What do you have?

Oogie Boogie: A KNIFE!

You: NO!

——————————————————————————————

Kidnapper: I have one of your friends.

You: Which one? I have twelve.

Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up.

You: Which one? I have twelve.

Gaston, distantly: HEY!!!

——————————————————————————————

Scar: Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds.

You: Forty five seconds?!?

Scar: No! I said four TO five seconds.

You, hugging Scar: Too late.

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu: I have an army.

You: We have Oogie Boogie.

——————————————————————————————

*The villains playing Among Us*

Jafar: I believe Shan Yu is innocent, I was with him the whole time. Oogie Boogie, what were you doing?

Oogie Boogie: Oh, I was just murdering-… I mean, nothing!

——————————————————————————————

Grimhilde: When we get back, I'm going to step on you!

You: Okay, as much as I might enjoy that, Your highness–

——————————————————————————————

Jafar: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Hades?

Hades: Gaston, easily.

Gaston, confused: What, why??

Hades: Well, cuz I hate you, and the host would be too easy. They’d probably be into it.

You, standing in the doorway with the most bewildered expression: What the fuck man!?

——————————————————————————————

You: I think it’s time I get my life in order.

Dr. Facilier, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

——————————————————————————————

*Scar hears about you bringing home a stray cat.*

Scar, sarcastically: I can't believe there's another cat somewhere in this house. Amazing feeling. Love that. And it's here, in this house! Somewhere! And I may encounter it! What a treat...

——————————————————————————————

*The female villains after watching The Wizard of Oz*

Grimhilde: Where the devil is Maleficent?

Ursula: Well, it's raining outside... Maybe they melted?

Cruela: Shall I look outside for a pointy set of horns?

——————————————————————————————

Hades: Any idiot would know that.

Gaston: I knew that!

Hades: See?

——————————————————————————————

Scar: I'm not lazy, I just find it hard to put effort into things I'm not passionate about.

You: What are you passionate about?

Scar: Sleeping.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world.

Grimhilde: Thank you for your sacrifice, Gaston.

——————————————————————————————

You: If I see a bug, I'll simply leave the room elegantly and have Hades to do something about it.

You: And if he doesn't fulfill my wish, I simply never go back in there.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

——————————————————————————————

You: I haven't seen Gaston and Hades for fifteen minutes now.

*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Gaston and Hades running after it in a panic. You don't look outside at all.*

You: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

——————————————————————————————

You: Go to hell!

Hades: Where do you think I come from?

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.

You: It’s called arson, and those people are called witnesses.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: What are y’all’s favorite things to wake up to?

Grimhilde: Breakfast in bed.

You: Emails from AO3!

Shan Yu: My favorite thing to wake up to is not waking up at all.

Shan Yu: The screams of my enemies are a close second, though.

——————————————————————————————

You: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment... At all?

Gaston: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: Treat bugs the way you want to be treated!

You: Killed without hesitation.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook, recently learned modern swears: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

You: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Captain Hook: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

You: Somehow, that's worse.

——————————————————————————————

Maleficent: We all have our demons...

You, grabbing Oogie Boogie: This one’s mine!

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

You: Those are wanted posters!

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook: So, what's for dinner?

You, staring at the food you burnt: Regret.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: So, I've been thinking-

You: Again?? That's dangerous.

——————————————————————————————

Hades: Why would you do that?

You: Because I feel guilty.

Maleficent: Guilt is a trick emotion. It’s put there by your parents to stop you from doing things that feel good.

——————————————————————————————

You: *Eating a cinnamon roll*

Oogie Boogie: Cannibalism.

You: *Confused chewing noises*

——————————————————————————————

*At the supermarket*

Captain Hook: All right, the last item on the list is "virgin oil."

Captain Hook:

Captain Hook: Wow. Imagine being an item and still being called a virgin.

——————————————————————————————

You: What’s your body count?

Captain Hook: Do you mean sex or murder?

——————————————————————————————

You: *Is wearing silk pants* How does this look?

Cruela: Like its slips on and off really easily.

You:

Cruela: No, I didn't mean it like that-

Ursula: We know what you meant.

——————————————————————————————

You: Bonjour, Dr. Facilier. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?

Dr. Facilier: No, I don't want to sleep with you.

You: ... Is that what that means??

——————————————————————————————

You: I'm gonna eat the chicken breasts!

Gaston, snickering: Yeah, eat what you lack,

You, deadpanning at Gaston: Then maybe I should order brains on delivery for you.

——————————————————————————————

Jafar: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.

Hades: Wow, I've gotta hear this.

Jafar: I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.

Hades: You forgot pride.

Jafar: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

——————————————————————————————

Maleficent: Our dear host annoyed me today, so I told them that I can’t wait for them to see what I had planned for our special day tomorrow.

Scar: There is nothing special about tomorrow.

Maleficent: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over.

——————————————————————————————

You: You’re all insane!

The villains: Sure we are, what’s your point?

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: I want you to be with me for the rest of your life.

You: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal... A really one-sided one.

Gaston, getting down on one knee: That's because it is.

——————————————————————————————

You, admiring and petting a sleeping Scar: You’re so cute.

Scar, sleepily: I could tear you limb from limb with my bare fangs.

You, lovingly: I know.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: *Writing a letter*

Oogie Boogie: Dear Sandy Claws,

I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...

And it was worth it, you fat, judgemental bastard.

——————————————————————————————

You, dealing with the villains: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

——————————————————————————————

*You are cleaning the house, and you find an empty bottle of orange juice*

You: Clear orange juice?

You: Oh, it's empty.

Most of the villains, who had been watching the entire time: We live with an idiot. We live with an idiot. We live with an idiot.

——————————————————————————————

Scar: Our relationship is strictly professional.

You, brushing Scar's mane as he lays his head on your lap: Absolutely. Only business.

——————————————————————————————

All the female villains: We're not like other girls. We're way, way worse.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook: There. How do I look?

Dr. Facilier: Like a cheap French harlot.

Captain Hook: French?!

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu, towering over you and glaring down at you: I could kill you if I wanted to little host.

You absolutely done with his bs: Oh yeah? Well, guess what. So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

——————————————————————————————

Hades: Some people say that I have a god complex. I’d like to think that I’m a complex god.

——————————————————————————————

You: Captain, you're drunk.

Captain Hook: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, my dear host.

——————————————————————————————

Jafar: There’s always that one weak individual within the group who isn’t down with murder.

Jafar: *Glares at you*

You: ... Well sorry I have morals!

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-

Dr. Facilier, whispering: Should we call someone?

You, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.

Captain Hook, appalled: Call Maleficent.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: Get in the Halloween spirit and make a ghost!

You: That’s called murder and I heard somewhere that it's illegal.

——————————————————————————————

You: You remind me of the ocean.

Ursula: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

You: No, because you're full of salt, and you scare people.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: Something’s off.

You: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.

Oogie Boogie: No, but that’s funny.

——————————————————���———————————

You: What do you call disobeying the law?

The villains: A hobby.

You: *Crosses their arms*

The villains: ... That we do not engage in.

——————————————————————————————

You: Stop thinking whatever you're thinking.

Gaston: Huh?

You: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid. So cut it out-

Gaston: I love you.

You:

Gaston:

Gaston: Also, cereal qualifies as a soup.

You: I KNEW IT!!!

——————————————————————————————

You, extremely touched: Aw, you guys really put aside everything and came all this way for me?

You:

You, confused: How did you even get here so fast??

Cruela: Several traffic violations.

Jafar: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Gaston: Roughly thirteen cans of those energy drinks you like so much.

Dr. Facilier: Also, this aint our car.

——————————————————————————————

If you made it to this part, then congratulations! You made it through all 101 incorrect quotes! (I know, I counted them myself)

I hope you enjoyed them!

And for those of you who read through all of this and have no idea what you just read, here's Part 1 of the Reverse Isekai Disney Villains AU for context.

Thanks for reading!

[sleepdeprivationheadaches]

And now, i gladly present my incorrect quotes for SVSSS

LB: *walking into SQQ’s room* “shizun please see to it that-“

*room is empty except for a shriveled up mushroom on the bed*

LB: “…shizun?” *turns to maid* “where’s my husband?”

•meanwhile, in the Holy Mausoleum•

SQQ: *wakes up in his original body* “…IM BACK IN THIS FUCKING BODY AGAINNN?!?!? OH MY GOD.”

SQQ: *thinking* i may not be the straightest guy but i am straight…

system: *INSANELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER*

SQQ: WTF??? SYSTEM I AM NOT GAY??

system: *ANOTHER EVEN LOUDER INCORRECT BUZZER*

SQQ: SYSTEM STOP IM NOT GAY??!!

System: *ANOTHER LOUDER INCORRECT BUZZER*

SQQ: SYSTEM IM NOT GAY

system: “OOC!! OOC!!! -500 B-POINTS” *INCORRECT BUZZER NOISE*

SQQ: *tears streaming down face*

basically svsss:

SQQ: i didn't want to eat with him, but i didn't have a choice…i would’ve lost 5k b-points if i declined.

LB: “you look nice shizun…”

SQQ: “fuck you.” but it’s true…i do look nice. the system forced me to wear a beautiful gown that was just my size…skinny..but i missed my old rags. they smelled like bald donkey shit, but they were mine… *he looks down at his food* “you’ve probably poisoned it” *he says sassily*

LB: *takes a bite to prove he hasn’t*

SQQ: *tries it* damn! the food tastes just as good as it looks…which makes me angry..i don’t need his homemade food!

LB: *smirks at SQQ*

SQQ: he smirks at me, an evil, sexy, evil, sexy, smirk that shows off his pecs..UGH!! i CANT keep thinking like this!! he LITERALLY kidnapped me!!! i don't need him, or his fancy evil castle, or his homemade food, or OP-ness, or plot-armor, or the fact that they brushed my hair for the first time in five years!

and now some cumplane antics

*cumplane doing karaoke*

SQH: “OH FUCK ITS IN KOREAN!!”

SQQ: “oh my god do you know-“

SQH: “SHIT-“ *disney knees stance* “외로운 날들이여 모두 다 안녕 내 마음속의 눈물들도 이제는 안녕 !! (^_-)-☆”

SQQ: “WHAT THE FUCK?!”

SQQ: *telling SQH what happened at the water prison*

SQH: “yk what it’s giving?”

SQQ: “hm?”

SQH: “it’s giving wattpad”

*both start dying of laughter*

SQH: “so i’ve been talking to mobei-jun for a couple of weeks and i think i’m ready to ask him out”

SQQ: “i mean that’s cool that you wanna go out with him but…i heard that he only likes guys with blonde hair like-”

SQH: *hair is now blonde*

SQQ: “…bro.”

SQH: “i-i’m just chillin (·ิω·ิ)”

SQQ: “nah like how are you gonna change your entire self for a man bro like-“

SQH: “bro..he has..a hot…brother”

SQQ: *hair is also blonde now*

SQH: ( ·ิ-·ิ) …

SQQ: “see that’s a different story..”

SQH: “that’s what i’m sayin (๑·̀ㅂ·́)و✧”

airplane bro: *creates origami swan*

Shen qingqiu: “oh what’s that? can i see it?”

AB: *hands it to him* “it’s a paper swan ^_^” *clearly very proud of it*

SQQ: *smashes it and tears it up and sets it on fire* “a dead paper swan.”

AB: *tears stream down face*

*the sun gets blocked out for SQQ… it’s Mobei-Jun*

*the sun gets blocked out for MJ… it’s Luo Binghe*

Thank you for your time.

[tbsangstersgf]

Dumb plan part two!!

Warnings:spice (no smut), cursing, drinking

(Requests are open and I would love any critiques!)

(Loosely based off @gladerscake incorrect tmr quote, go follow her she writes very well! Also I’ve been meaning to get this done for days now but I just keep getting distracted so here you go I finally pushed through)

It had been two weeks since you and Gally started “dating”.

Two weeks since you two kissed. 

Neither one of you had talked about it since, and neither of you had made the move to kiss again. Like the plan, you had both stopped showing a bunch PDA once other Gladers noticed. 

It was getting to be too much for you. At night you lay awake, not being able to get it out of your head.

During the day you were constantly distracted at your job as a track-hoe.

It’s just a kiss, pull yourself together y/n.

“Y/n? Hello? Earth to y/n!” Newts voice pulled you out of your thoughts. 

“Sorry, I’m just not feeling all that great today Newt.”

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll give you the rest of the day to rest, so you can be ready for the bonfire tonight. You’ve been kind of off lately.” His tone grows to one of concern, and he looked at you with his brow furrowed. 

“Oh it’s nothing, I’m just tired.” 

“Okay… just rest up so we can let loose and have fun tonight.” He looks at you with a warm smile, Newt has always been like a brother to you, and you can count on him to take care of you.

For a second you think about telling him everything going on in your mind, but you didn’t want to sound ungrateful. It was partly his plan after all. 

“Thanks Newt” with a hug, you head to your hut. You had your own hut because Gally didn’t think it would be safe for the only girl to be sleeping around a bunch of boys with nothing to protect her but a hammock.

Gally. He’s been one of the few people that you’ve trusted ever since you’d come to the Glade, about two months after he did. You didn’t get really close for about 3 months, but even from the beginning you had a little crush on him. Over time it grew and grew, along with your friendship. 

I mean how could you not like Gally?

He’s strong, handsome, and damn those arms, but he’s also a very caring and respectful guy. He’s passionate when it comes to the things he cares about, and puts effort into the things that he loves. 

Not looking where you were going and being lost in your thoughts, you all of the sudden run into someone. Feeling yourself start to fall backwards, and wi the a yelp,  you desperately try to grab something to stop your fall. You accidentally grab their shirt and you pull them down with you, and unfortunately, on top of you. 

Great, just great.

“Woah, you good there?” An unfamiliar voice asks you. You look up to see a Glader that you don’t recognize.

“Oh yeah I’m sorry, it’s been a long day and I wasn’t really paying attention.” You sigh, it really had been a long day.

“Wanna get off of my girlfriend now?”

“Oh uh Gally! I didn’t see you there how was- i mean how- how are you?” The glader looked anywhere but at you as Gally shot daggers at him with his eyes. 

“Oh me? I’m great it’s just a little maddening to see a guy sitting on top of my girlfriend you know. Kind of puts a damper on my mood.” Gally gets closer and closer to Glader, now staring down at him. 

“Gally it’s not what you think—“ Gally shoots you a glare and you shut up real quick. 

“Anyways I’m gonna… go now?” 

As the glader disappeared into the distance,  Gally turned to you with a look on his face that could kill.

“Y/n,” he started to walk towards you.

“There’s no point in this-us- if you’re in the Deadheads messing around with some random Glader.” He continues to move closer to you, and you slowly start to back up. 

“I know that, believe me, I just ran into him and fell and-really it’s not what you think it was, it was nothing.”

“Really? You seemed in no hurry to get him off of you.” You feel your back hits something solid, a tree maybe? 

Gally puts his hands on either side of your head, and leans in, maintaining eye contact. 

Red flushes to your face and you quickly look down. 

“Y/n- look at me.” You look up at Gally meets your gaze. For a moment you two just stare, and he searches your face for something thing. Slowly he moves forward, barely an inch-but then he pulls away and walks off. You stare at him as he just walks away, a puzzled expression on your face.

What the hell? What was that about? He seemed so…jealous? But we’re not actually dating?

Whatever- you were just gonna go back to your hut so you could let loose at the bonfire and not have to deal with any of your problems. 

An hour or so later, Newt come to get you for the bonfire. For an hour or so you’re up and dancing around, drinking, and having the time of your life. You played truth or dare with a group of Gladers and had drunk at least two and half jars of Gally’s drink. 

Once you’re sufficiently drunk to where nothing could get you down, you plop down close to the fire, in between the Minho and Gally.

“You know Minho” you turn to Gally, and he and Minho look at each other. “You’re a shank”

Gally laughs “Ya hear that Minho? You’re a shank!”

“I have a secret to tell you Minho.”

Gally just smiles and says “Oh really, you have a secret for Minho?” 

“Yep- it’s a-it’s a big one- about Gally” you slur your words.

“Oh really?” Minho laughs as you turn back to face the fire.

“Yep” you say quietly. For about five minutes, you just sit silently staring into the fire, Minho and Gally share a look behind your back, confused by your sudden silence. You chug the rest of your jar full of Gally’s special drink, and turn to Gally out of nowhere. 

“You know Gally has no idea I’m in love with him”

Gally’s face of amusement turned to one of shock. His whole demeanor changed from confident and assertive to flustered and unsure. 

“You’re in love with me?” 

“Oh sorry” turning to Minho, you look at him seriously. “Gally has no idea I’m in love with him.”

Minho bursts into laughter, stands up, pats Gally on the back and walks over to Newt, laughing the whole time. 

“What’s so funny?” you turn Gally and he looks at you with the biggest smile on his face. Slowly, veryyyyy slowly, you realize what just happened. 

Oh shit.

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah y/n, oh shit”

“Listen- I’m fuck- I’m really sorry Gally I’m just gonna go to bed now I’m obviously not thinking straight.”

You stand, turning to leave when a strong hand grabs your wrist just as you’re about to walk away. 

“Y/n-“

“No Gally, seriously I’m sorry, I really can’t believe i slipped up like that, but I can’t deal with this right now.” You pull your hand out of his grip and start to walk away, tears starting to form in your eyes. 

Two strong hands grab your waist and spin you around to face Gally, so that his hands are on your waist, and your hands are on his chest. Heat immediately flushes to your face and you look up at him in surprise. 

“Gally?” He stares at you for a moment, eyes roaming over your face. You start to try and pull away, when one of his hands reaches up and cups your cheek, surprisingly gentle. “Y/n-“ his nose brushes yours, and then his lips are on yours. 

The kiss isn’t very long, but it’s perfect. When he pulls away you smile, and he laughs a bit. 

Feeling bold and empowered by his kiss, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him in for another kiss. 

This one lasts a lot longer, yours and Gally’s lips moving in sync. He pulls you tightly against him, and one of his hands moves to your hair.  

“GET A ROOM!” Newt yells at you from across the clearing.

“Gally-maybe we should take this somewhere more private?” You break the kiss, breathing just as heavily as he is and give him a big smile. 

Without a word, he picks you up bridal style, in the background Newt and Minho start clapping.

“FINALLY!” One of them calls out. 

Along the way to Gally’s hut, you get impatient and start to kiss his neck. He groans softly and looks down at you. 

As you keep kissing his neck getting lower and lower he stops somewhere in the Dead heads. He gently sets you down and kisses you sweetly.

“Couldn’t wait till the hut?” You laugh a bit then run your hands along his arms and up to his shoulders.

All of the sudden he grabs both of you hands in one of his, and roughly pushes you up against a tree, pinning your hands above your head. He doesn’t say anything for a while, just stares directly into your eyes with an intensity that you had never seen before.

“Gally? Are you gonna say something?” You’re both breathing heavily, and confusion at his actions is setting in. 

“Y/n, you’re beautiful.” Never in Gally’s life had he been so honest with someone. 

Then he leaned in and kissed her like it was the last thing he’d ever do, you groan into the kiss, and his other hand moves to your hip and gently squeezes it. His lips move down to your neck and you lay your head back against the tree. 

Gally releases your hands and picks you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. Now free, your hands move to his hair, and his hands start to roam your body. The one on your waist moves to your thigh and squeezes it, the one previously pinning you hands against the tree moves to rest just under your chest. Gally moves back up to your mouth and kisses you again, then he throws you over your shoulder. 

“Gally! A warning would be great!” You yelped in surprise, now hanging over his shoulder.

“Deal with it.” He walks to his hut and throws you on the bed, and lays down next to you. He moves so that you’re laying completely on top of him. He kisses your head and starts to slowly run his hands through your hair. 

“Gally? Why’d you stop so suddenly?” You shift and look up at him.

“You’re drunk- i didn’t want to do something that you might regret.” His voice is level and soothing. With a nod, you lay back down on his chest. 

“I love you too by the way y/n” it’s soft, but it’s there. You smile and kiss him gently, lying down again. 

As you two are falling asleep, you whisper

“I wouldn’t have regretted it-not with you.”

He gently wraps his strong arms around you in response, and you both fall asleep with smiles on your faces.

[miitarashi]

☆Tintin special compilations☆

Incorrect quotes (For my boy's Bday!)

Vampire!Tintin: can you please stop and hear me at once?!

*End up using hipnoses on Haddock without noticing*

Haddock,answering in trance:...yes...lad...

Vampire!Tintin,quietly smiling a bit smug.

[Name]: don't- stop with that smile you little menance thing.

——————

[Name]: Tintin? Tintin where are-

*Look at the dark hallway and seen two pairs of glowing red eyes staring at you*

[Name]:.... *run for your life*

Vampire!Tintin: *get worried and run towards you making things worst*

——————

Tintin: if you two...can not manage to not kill each other while i'm gone..

Sakharine: Oh please,we are not childrens.

*Tintin walk off*

Haddock: eat shit and die!

Sakharine: yes,fuck you.

————————

Tintin: Oh...oh please captain,don't cry..

Haddock,crying his ass out: i'm such an idiot..!

Tintin: no no...there there..

Haddock,still crying: i miss my mother....

Tintin: oh..that's deeper than i wanna go-

————————

Tintin:...wife? Why i would be the wife..?

Chang: because you're attentive,sweet and look good in white.

Tintin:

Tintin,lightly blushing:...Chang you can't just say stuff like that..

————————

*[Name] walking to their kitchen to drink water in the middle of the night*

*Two pair of red eyes looking at them because Tintin break in*

Vampire!Tintin: Oh...

[Name]:.....why??

Vampire!Tintin:....hungry-

————————

Tintin,looking at haddock shooted on the floor: WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Villain[Name],holding the gun: HE SHOWED OUT OF NOWHERE! I PANICKED-

————————

*Haddock,drunk and crying while Tintin is comforting him*

Alan,ready to make things worse: looks like someone has daddy issues.

Haddock,full of alcohol on his blood: I do NOT have daddy issues!! I'M PAPA'S SPECIAL FUCKING BOY!

————————

[Name]: Isn't it weird that people kill mosquitoes just because they're annoying?

Haddock: Damn, if people did that to each other, Tintin would've killed me years ago.

————————

[Name], learning how to drive: What happens if i press the gas and the brake at the same time?

Haddock: The car takes a screenshot.

Tintin: Please pull over. I’m driving now.

——————————————————————

A/N: HI THERE TINTIN FANDOM!! I'm profusily sorry for the late even more because of my beautiful boy's birthday,Hazbin hotel really got me but! Tintin's still my number 1 so i'm here. And! Just to prove,i have some other storys and request ready that i'll post probably one by one or two weeks while i write something quite...tragic. Another fic that i'll post on AO3 so y'all know it's big. Anyways! I'm still here so please fandom come back i miss y'all 😭

[takashi-tuesday]

takashi tuesday #4

(check the end for notes)

MerMay x Incorrect Quotes If you were wondering about species: Pidge is a greeneye fish, Lance is blue shark, Keith is an electric eel, Hunk is a pufferfish, and Shiro is a silvertip Shark. －

Shiro: That's the one place I told you not to go Keith (Scoffing): Just last week you told me not to go out into the cove Shiro (Unamused): You know what I meant, Keith Keith: Clearly I didn't －

Lance: Shiro, I need your help! Come quick! Shiro: What? What happened!? Lance: Pidge is stuck in a fisherman's net! Shiro (Worried): How'd that happen? Lance: Well I told her I'd let her experiment on me if she could manage to snag me that interesting shell that was caught in it. Shiro (In Shock): I don't know how you guys are still alive. Lance (Shrugging): Dumb luck. －

Keith (Worried): I just don't know what to get him. Shiro (Thoughtful): I found the prettiest shell I could and turned it into a necklace for Adam when I courted him. Keith (Embarrassed): ..I was talking about for his birthday. Shiro (Shrugs): It could still work. －

Pidge: Hey, Shiro! Can you help me out with this project? Shiro: Oh Hey, Pidge! I don't see why not. Pidge (Grins): Cool, thanks! Just go sit on that rock over there. Shiro (Notices something behind the rock): Hey, what is.. (Squints at it) Lance (Tied up behind the rock, squirming): (Muffled) Save yourself, Shiro! Shiro (Sweating): What did I just sign up for. － Shiro (Sighing): I just feel like he's a good kid and no one takes the time to see it.. Adam: Takashi, he let loose 20 electrically-charged crabs into the communal reef in the middle of the night. Shiro (Frowning): But all that effort takes dedication! Adam (Thinking): I'm pretty sure spite was the only dedication he had and the only motivation he needed. － Shiro (Basking on a rock, eyes closed): It's so warm out today. Shiro: Really quiet too.. Shiro (Eyes snap open): Really quiet. －

(If anyone was wondering, Pidge was experimenting with Shark cartilage.) I know you guys were looking forward to a part 3 to the little Curtashi thing I've been writing but I didn't have the time nor idea to get a decent chunk of it done and ready to be posted today, sorry! I hope this MerMay content can suffice, but trust I will have another part for you guys out next week, I'll even try to have a double upload for it. Hopefully I have more time next week, but as always thank you for tuning in, until next time. Happy Takashi Tuesday!

[eev583]

[A series of PLA Incorrect Quotes because why not]

Akari: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me? Volo: I don’t know. When are you going to ask me to? Rei: And you just ran away?! Akari: I didn’t expect him to flirt back!

Adaman: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We’ll hang the mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to fight whoever else is under it. Irida: We are not doing that. Akari: Mistlefoe. Irida: Don’t encourage him!

Akari: We did it. It’s over, we won. [Adaman, Irida, Rei, Volo, Kamado, Beni, Professor Laventon and Cyllene point behind her, obviously distressed] Akari: No, we won. I’m not turning around. We won.

Melli: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late. Adaman: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone’s hopes up like that and then showing up again.

Cyllene: Yesterday, I overheard Rei saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Akari replying “Trust me,” and I never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

Irida: Every time I’m around Adaman, my pulse races, my breath shortens, and my temperature skyrockets. Irida: I think I’m allergic to him.

Professor Laventon: One time I went to hand Captain Cyllene a bowl of soup. I wanted to say ‘Careful, it’s hot’, and ‘Here’s your soup!’, so instead I blurted out ‘Careful it’s soup.’

*When Akari and Rei are in charge of getting the groceries* Rei: You ready to do this, Akari? Akari: Yes I am. Rei and Akari: *pushing the shopping cart running through the grocery store with Akari in the cart* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Cyllene: I think I’m getting sick, I’m losing my voice. Rei: That means you can’t yell at us anymore. *later* Rei: Turns out Cyllene is a lot scarier when she’s quiet.

Melli: Um, excuse me? I lost my companion Lian. Can I make an announcement? Store clerk: Yes, of course! Melli: *leans into the mic* Goodbye you loser.

I might make more of these in the future. Incorrect quotes are so funny XD

[enterssandmans]

motley crüe x reader incorrect quotes!

Mick: Who the fuck broke the toaster?

Vince: It was Y/N.

Nikki: It was Y/N.

Tommy: Y/N broke it.

Y/N:

Y/N: ...YOU PROMISED-

Mick: Anyone d-

Vince: Depressed?

Nikki: Drained?

Y/N: Dumb?

Tommy: Disliked?

Mick:-done with their work...what is wrong with you people...

Mick: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Y/N: Have everyone stand.

Vince: Bring three more chairs!

Nikki: The most important ones can sit down.

Tommy: Kill three.

Y/N: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Tommy : 'Prettiest Smile'

Nikki: 'Nicest Personality'

Mick: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Vince: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Y/N: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Vince: Several traffic violations.

Tommy : Three counts of resisting arrest.

Nikki: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks.

Mick: Also, that’s not our car.

Y/N: Are you ready to commit?

Vince: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Y/N: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!

Mick: Mind your language!

Y/N: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Mick:

Y/N: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

Y/N, pointing a camera at Nikki: There he is, our sweet baby.

Nikki, holding a cigarette and a beer: What-?

Y/N: They don't make them like me no more. I'm the last of my kind.

Tommy: Thank god.

Y/N: Where's Vince, Nikki, and Tommy?

Mick: They're playing hide and seek.

Y/N: Where?

Mick: I don't think you get how this game works.

Y/N: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Tommy: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Y/N: Yes!

Nikki: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

Y/N: Fuck.

Tommy: We've got to work on your cursing.

Y/N: Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already.

(hey guys!!! it’s been a longg time but i’ve just been going through a lot and with Christmas coming up, all the stress has come down on me like a tsunami so i’ve been taking some time off my phone to myself. but i’ve got my head back in the game! don’t worry, a very special imagine is coming your way just in time for the big day next week! 😉)

[mercury-crux]

Limited Life Incorrect Quotes

Pearl: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Martyn! Martyn: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

Cleo: Why aren’t you sleeping? Scar: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Cleo. Cleo: Scar: …The nightmares. Cleo: wrapping their arms around Scar Awwww, sweetie-

Grian: Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Martyn meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.

Martyn: Life could be worse, BigB. BigB: Life could be a lot better too!

Bdubs: Hey, Cleo! Did you know your my BFFLWYLION? Cleo: What the hell is that supposed to mean? Bdubs: Best Friend For Life Whether You Like It Or Not. Cleo: Cleo: That’s one way to say it, I guess…

Impulse: Hey, Scott? Can I get some dating advice? Scott: Just because I'm with Martyn doesn't mean I know how I did it.

Scott: Hey, can you do me a favor? Martyn: Sorry, I have to go do literally anything other than this. Scott: You don’t even have a legitimate reason? Martyn: Oh, no, I do. Scott: Well, what is it? Martyn: You see, I simply don’t give a fuck.

Martyn: Question, how difficult would it be to bowl in a bee suit? BigB: Not that hard, I don't think, as long as you can move. Scar: I'd assume as hard as it is to bowl in a maid outfit. Scar: Wouldn't be any harder, but you'd get some WEIRD looks. Grian: Are. Are you speaking from experience. Scar: No! Scar: Scar: ….Maybe.

BigB: Did you ever have like a pet run away and find it or anything? Jimmy: I had a lizard that I burnt.

BigB, digging their grave: Long story short, this is my grave…….Want me to make you one too?

Skizz: I’d like to live through a week that’s not a whole new verse of “We Didn’t Start the Fire.”

Grian: Did you take out Martyn as I requested? Joel: Martyn has been taken out, yes. Grian: You have my grat- Joel: It was a great restaurant. Joel: We had a romantic candlelit dinner. Joel: Martyn proposed afterwards- we’re filing the wedding papers.

Joel: I’m quick at math. Jimmy: Ok, what’s 38 times 76? Joel: 24. Jimmy: That wasn’t even close. Joel: But it was quick.

Bdubs: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’ Grian: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

Cleo: Are you laughing at that video of Pearl and Jimmy fighting? Etho: No. Etho: I'm laughing at the comments.

Scar: I have a bad feeling about this… Grian: What do you mean? Scar: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble? Grian: No? Jimmy: That actually explains so much.

Joel: Hey, are you okay? Pearl: Yeah. Joel: You don't look okay… Pearl: Then stop looking.

Martyn: Ah shit, I forgot. Joel: Forgot what? Martyn: How do you expect me to answer that?

Pearl: I can be your partner for the next race. Cleo: Sorry, Pearl. It's a sibling race. Bdubs: Maybe there's a contest for lonely children after this. Cleo: It's only children, Bdubs. A lonely child is what you're gonna be when I sell you!

Cleo: I hate to tell you this, but one of you was adopted. Bdubs & Scar: Bdubs: Only one…?

BigB, at Cleo’s funeral: I need a moment with them. Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. leaves BigB, leaning over Cleo’s coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead. Cleo, sitting up in the coffin: Yeah, no shit.

Bdubs: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants more advanced than us. Etho: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this: Etho: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."

Joel and Grian's house is on fire, but they don't know it Joel: Damn, it's hot in here. Grian: I know, it's so hot there's smoke coming out of the vent! Joel: Joel: First of all, I'm assuming you have no idea what the problem with that statement is. Grian: What? Joel: Second of all, we need to get the fuck out of here, NOW.

Cleo: You can’t have a gun on stage! Tango: WRONG AGAIN! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that’s the rule of Chekhov’s Gun: have a gun. And now that it’s been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play.

BigB: Hey, do you know the password to Cleo’s computer? Pearl: Fuck you, BigB. BigB: Hey!! Pearl: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouBigB". BigB: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

Bdubs: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am. Impulse: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

Cleo: I’m not being weird. Am I being weird? Scar: Yes, and that’s coming from me.

Bdubs: You’re giving me a sticker? Cleo: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!” Bdubs: I’m not a preschooler. Cleo: Fine, I’ll take it back- Bdubs: I earned this, back off!

Scott: Do you want to play 20 Questions? Etho: Sure! Etho: Whats your favorite color? Scott, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

Tango: Would you rather kill Pearl, or— Scott: Yes, kill them. Tango: I didn’t say the other thing— Scott: I don’t need to hear it. Pearl: …I’m feeling a little unsafe.

Cleo: I came out here to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now.

Etho: Did you buy eggs like I asked? Skizz: Even better! Etho: What the fuck did you- Skizz: holding up a chicken Her name is Fluffy.

Pearl: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset? Jimmy: No, I said "Pearl, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

Impulse: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait. Skizz: You and me! Impulse: tearing up Ok.

Cleo: Please could you go to the shop and get a carton of milk, if they have avacodos get six. Scar, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avacados!

BigB: I’m telling you, my team is competent. Jimmy, rushing in: BigB! Pearl tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

Scott: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case? Martyn: wHat? Scott: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved. Martyn: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

Tango: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable… …and also assault with a deadly weapon.

Tango: I'm so happy, I could kiss you! Scar: Um…Neat. later Scar, lying face down on their bed: I said "Neat," BigB. Who the fuck says neat these days? It's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm fucking stupid. BigB, reading a book: Don't beat yourself up too much, Scar. Everyone gets nervous sometimes. Remember what I did when Grian confessed their love for me? Scar: Didn't you thank them? BigB: closes the book and looks at the ceiling I fucking thanked them.

Grian: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. BigB: This knife is actually a magic wand. Bdubs: Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel. Cleo: cocks gun Magic missile. Skizz: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

Pearl: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell. Tango, Scott, Grian, and Etho: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

Joel: Cleo doesn’t look very happy. Grian: That's their happy. They're just a bitch.

BigB: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them? Pearl: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them. BigB: Okay yeah thanks Pearl, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT?

Joel: I’m here for the cult stuff. BigB: How did you find us? Joel: I saw your ad on craigslist.

Tango: All right, y'all! Let's take a vote! Grian: A secret vote. Everyone close your eyes. the Squad closes their eyes Skizz: We don't see the result! Grian: Well, just say your vote out loud. Jimmy: Won't we recognize each other's voices? Joel: Tango has a point.

Pearl: Did you miss me while I was gone? Scott: You were gone?

Skizz: That was so hot, Tango. Tango: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets. Skizz: I'm so in love with you.

Joel: Do you guys want to see a butterfly? Etho: Ooh, yes please! Pearl, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug! Joel: It's not a bug though… Pearl: … Etho: … Pearl: Well I still don't want to see. Etho, realizing: Please don't throw- Joel: Whee! throws a stick of butter

Joel: chokes on something Jimmy: Jeez, Joel, don't die on us. Joel: Don't tell me what to do, I'll die whenever the hell I want!

Grian: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died. Grian: I will not yield.

Pearl: We’re about to do the taser challenge. You want in? Tango: What's the taser challenge? BigB: We tase eachother, then drink. Tango: How do you win? Pearl: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?

Tango: Is this mistletoe? Etho: Uh, no, no, that is basil. Tango: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you. Etho: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

Tango: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? BigB: If you say "addict-ionary" I swear I will cut you. Tango: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better. BigB: …

Bdubs and Cleo are planning to break in somewhere Bdubs: We need to distract the guards. Cleo: Right. Bdubs: What are we gonna do? Cleo: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes. Bdubs: Cleo: Bdubs: Deal.

BigB: Scar has no survival skills, their need to win has replaced them. Etho: That can't be true! BigB: Watch this. BigB: Hey Scar, race you to the bottom of the stairs! Scar: Throws themself out a window

Pearl: Jimmy is off at an appointment, so while they’re gone, I’m going to cut the sleeves off all of my shirts. BigB: Why? Pearl: They’re like 90 of my impulse control.

[burningrosesbythesea]

More incorrect quotes

But this time it's with Damian & Milo and Cindy's other dad :D

~~~

Akira: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it. Damian: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

~~~

Akira: We both look very handsome tonight. Damian: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you." Akira: I couldn't take that chance.

~~~

Robin: Are you trying to seduce me? Green Reaper (aka Akira): Why, are you seducible?

~~~

Akira: We have a problem. Damian: No, you have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

~~~

Akira: I think I'm falling for you. Damian: Then get up.

~~~

Akira: Truth or dare? Damian: Truth. Akira: How many hours have you slept this week? Damian: Damian: Dare. Akira: Go to sleep. Damian: I don't like this game.

~~~

Robin: Are you ready to commit? Green Reaper: Like, a crime or a relationship?

[wordsbymae]

mae I swear we're so desperate for non-violent yandere content that we ate it all so plz let's talk more about alwyn

Yay! I'm not too fond of violent yandere stuff (at least directed at the darling) either. I can handle some stuff but heavy (constant) violence directed at the darling is just not for me (others may like it and that's fine!). I'm so happy you guys liked him!

I have like 6 out of my 12 drafts dedicated to Alwyn now. I do want to dive more into his yandere side (I find myself only really skimming the surface of it all with my OCs, but I think that's just a confidence thing, as I write more it should get better). I want to really show the lengths he will go and also how obsessive and delusional he can be.

I also plan to have the reader just not flinch at all to that side (maybe the violent side), like she might walk into the back room he told her never to go into for some reason and just sees him in front of the college of things relating to her. A statue of her in marble he forced a poor artist to make. It's decorated in expensive necklaces and bracelets (he gives you the priceless stuff), he's laid down flowers (they look a lot like the ones you had in your hair when he first saw you) around the feet of the statue, there are neat piles of dresses that you thought you gave away cause they either ripped, you just didn't like them or ones you thought you lost. They all have questionable stains on them (particularly around the bust area). And he here is just looking at you in fear cause he's thinking you gonna freak out and try and leave (he would never let you) instead you just ask him if he's seen a ring of yours and he silently takes it from the altar in front of him and gives it to you. You give a cheer of thanks and just leave.

Hey! Have you se- stop screaming it's just me. Have you seen my ruby ring?

You know that quote that always goes around for incorrect quote things were it's like:

I know you love them

Why would you say that?

I saw you drawing up your wedding invitations

Those are plans for our joint tombstone

That is him! He is so obsessed he just is constantly thinking of you. You know how he said he couldn't rob people at the party when he was thinking of you? I mean it literally, like he's just following you around with his eyes from his hiding spot in the bushes and he has literal heart eyes, and his men are like ok so do we attack now? and he just gives a sigh and puts his head in his palm and just has this dopey smile on his face. He then shoots up and is like an ok new plan! Steal her, and point directly at you as you just stand completely oblivious to it all. and his men are like ah yes for ransom. and he's like ahhhh yes for ransom, it has nothing to do with the fact I think she is pretty and I overheard her talking and she sounds really smart and she also told a really funny joke about dogs, It has nothing to do with that at all. and just as he's about to put operation steal the pretty girl into action, you're running off into your room in tears. He gets so sad too until he comes up with a better plan to kidnap you during the week. They all fail and he's just in the pub crying into his arms on the table but if anyone asks he's not and he's just planning a heist and needs to cover his face with his arms as a way to think. And then the shouty man who does noble decrees is in the pub telling everyone that if they've got the money they can marry you. His head is shooting up and he's like yes! Now I can put my real talents to good use, killing and robbing!

I also like to think he would be really sad he wasn't allowed to see you before the wedding. In the reader's mind, she's protecting herself against a cruel rebuttal if her future husband decides she's not desirable enough, in his mind he's going feral because he just wants to see your face and make you laugh. He sneaks around and finds you though. Whether that be through your window as you're getting ready for bed and he's just hanging onto your balcony for one look at you. Or (and he will never admit this to you) but he's hiding under your bed as you get changed, and he bites his knuckles to stop himself from combusting in joy at the sight of your naked thighs and heavy breasts. And then there are the nights here's listening to you touch yourself, he's either under your bed again or hiding in your closet and he's just listening to your bed slightly creak and your whines and moans and heavy sighs and even the sound of your fingers gliding inside your heat. It's almost enough for him to pass out. Instead, he releases some pressure using his hand wishing it was your cunt he was rutting against instead of his rough palm. Also, he dreams of shoving his head in between your thighs and feasting on your sweet taste. All in all he just wishes he could talk to you so he can charm his way under your skirts.

I think it all got to his head as well. Like in your mind you are worried you are not good enough, but he's feeling the same thing. I mean you are the daughter of a noble. He's just the bastard son of some lowly knight (not the prince like everyone says) and his mum tried everything to raise him well and he still becomes a criminal! He's a murderer and crook and yet he's marrying you. So he feels like he has to show off. But he is a stupid man and he thinks that includes threatening a priest and making vulgar comments about you to his men (look how strong he is! listen to how much he thinks you're hot!). he felt really bad when you sobbed when he said the stuff about making you suck his cock, and he also felt really really bad at the way you cried getting called a heifer. He meant it as a really good complaint! Heifers and cows are pretty and cute like you.

Ok, I have to go get food with my mum (I'm starving) but hope this is good!

lots of love mae xx

[oceangirl24]

AiP Updates and Incorrect Quotes.

Updates

The next chapter of Saudade is finally finished as far as writing is concerned and now needs to be edited. I'm hoping it will be ready to post by Monday.

Because the story is at a critical point, I'm taking more time to write. Surprisingly, it's much harder to get these scenes that I've been planning for years written down. For that reason, updates will be closer to 6-7 weeks rather than 4.

More art is on the way, too.

I much appreciate everyone who is reading and following the story. Thank you!

Yet another installment of the AiP AU where Jon and Audrey are terrible role models and Shawn is Shawn. Cory and Topanga are now trapped joining in as well.

Topanga: Guys, I’ve been meaning to tell you… Cory and I are dating. Cory, Jon, Audrey, and Shawn: *gasp* Topanga: Cory, why are you surprised?!

*The Squad's cooking skills* Audrey: *master chef* Jon: *knows a few recipes* Topanga: *can follow instructions on a box* Shawn: *made toast once* Cory: *banned from the kitchen*

Shawn: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple... Jon: I really care about your feelings! Audrey: I really care about YOUR feelings! Shawn, turning his head: ...and then there's the disaster couple... Cory: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL! Topanga: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE-FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

Shawn: Time for plan G. Topanga: Don’t you mean plan B? Shawn: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Audrey: What about plan D? Shawn: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Jon: What about plan E? Shawn: I’m hoping not to use it. Cory dies in plan E. Cory: I like plan E.

Jon: That's it, you're grounded! Audrey, no adventures for you! Topanga, no fighting for you! Cory, no stealing for you! And Shawn ... , is there anything that you love? Shawn : Revenge. Jon: No vengeance for you. Shawn : I was going to say "I'll get you for this," but I guess that's off the table.

Audrey: All right, y'all! Let's take a vote! Shawn : A secret vote. Everyone close your eyes. *the Squad closes their eyes* Cory: We don't see the result! Shawn : Well, just say your vote out loud. Topanga: Won't we recognize each other's voices? Jon: Audrey has a point.

Audrey: Cory's refusing to wear their glasses! Cory: Audrey, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch. Cory: *points to Shawn * Shawn . Cory: *points to Jon* Jon. Cory: *points to Topanga* Sasquatch.

Shawn : I truly hate it here <3 Jon: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is it? Topanga: Now replace “it” with “women”. Not so funny now, is women? Cory: Now replace “funny” with “women”. Not so women now, is funny? Audrey: I’m having a stroke. Topanga: Now replace “stroke” with “baby”. Congratulations!

Jon: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? Cory: Several traffic violations. Shawn: Three counts of resisting arrest. Topanga: Roughly thirteen cans of energy drinks. Audrey: Also, that’s not our car.

[y0url0verb0y]

It was the last quidditch match of the season, the only real way to describe it would be intense [and even that was an understatement]. The stands were ecstatic as Gryffindor and Slytherin were pinned up against each other, what one would consider an ultimate ending to the season. The match was taking gruelingly long seemingly never ending. Well until it did, the youngest black was drifting around the court keeping a keen eye out for the shiny golden snitch, ready to end the game with its capture. Out of the corner of his stoney grey eyes, he caught a glimpse of gold. In a moment of haste, wasting no time, he soared across the field capturing the small object in his slender hands. The crowd erupted in cheers for the Slytherin team with some protests from the Gryffindors. The players flew down to the ground with the game coming to a close getting ready to celebrate. The youngest Black was quickly crowded by his team as they shouted in victory. Whereas the eldest Black was anything but pleased. "Can you believe this" he huffed out turning towards what was once James Potter only to realize the taller man had gone. James pushed through the crowd without thinking making his way toward the middle of the Slytherin team pile. As he reached the middle he grasped the delicate pale wrists of none other than Regulus Black without thinking pulling said boy to his chest. The shorter boy looked up at him grey meeting brown as the noise buffered out. "Hi," breathed the dark-skinned boy a large grin overtaking his face. "Hi," the younger of the two replied. In that moment the rest of the world didn't matter it was just the two of them and James, being the weak man he was when it came to Regulus Black, just couldn't help himself. He leaned in closing the gap between them shocking Regulus at first but not for long as he melted into the kiss. However, their beautiful moment was cut short by an ear-shattering scream. Oh yeah, Sirius. . .James remembered tensing on the spot. "Good job love, with the game I mean, it was brilliant but um I'm going to-" he started frantically before being cut off by a giggling Regulus. "Get out of here Potter," he said rolling his beautiful grey eyes. "Yeah uh will do!" "JAMES WHAT THE FUCK" yelped Sirius as James darted off, Sirius quickly following after them. Meanwhile, a nervous Peter stood next to a tired Remus both speechless. "It's gonna be a long day" squeaked the shorter of the two. "A long week Peter, a long week" replied the taller producing a long drawled-out sigh.

So this is a little writing of the moment from my last incorrect quote since so many people liked it. I hope it's good I've nvr written like this on tumblr and I'm not the best writer 😭.

[sunriseovergotham]

wbg incorrect quotes bc :3

Mike: I am going to need you to swear- Mikey: Fuck. Mike: Mike: ...swear as in promise.

Michael: I’m not a doctor, I’m a medic. MW: What’s the difference then? Michael: Well doctors actually save lives, medics just make you feel more comfortable as you die. Mikey: Note to self; never get shot.

Ty: I feel awful about killing you. Michael: Ty: Even though technically you never even died, so I don’t know what you’re upset about.

Hunter: What the hell is wrong with you? Mikey: I have this weird self-esteem issue where I hate myself but still think I’m better than everyone else.

Hunter: How the hell are you still alive? Mikey: Honestly, I’m just as confused as you are.

Mikey: Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.

Chance: Why are you doing this? Mikey: Same reason I do everything, Chance. To get somebody to like me.

Mike: Mikey learned how to fold origami penguins from Jam the other day. I told them, “I feel a little bad for the penguins, it’s hot here,” and the next day they put them in the fridge.

Ty: Look, Mikey, it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and its Monday.

Michael: Mike, gather the others. We need to have another Base-is-doing-something-stupid-again-and-we-have-to-stop-them-before-they-hurt-someone convention.

Edgar: What did you do? Mikey: Edgar: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

Mike: You’ve got to learn to love yourself. Mikey: But don't you hate yourself. Mike: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

Someone: You’re so funny! Mikey: Thanks; I’m desperate for people to like me.

Ty: If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "thank you" is all I need. Ty: Not all this "how did you get into my house" business.

Michael: I thought I told you to stop reading my emails. Mike: Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!

Mikey: Are you ready to commit? Edgar: Like, a crime or a relationship?