#incorrect disney villain

[whimsi-clown]

Hi strangers! I 'm currently going on a Disney movie marathon for the 3rd part of my RIDV AU fic, so here are some incorrect quotes while you wait.

Tags: @demodemo909, @imtryingandtired, @missmannequin.

(Thank you guys so much for showing appreciation for the dumb Disney Villains AU I made on a whim, and I hope these even dumber incorrect quotes can entertain you while waiting on the next part!)

Warning: The usual, cursing, OOC, and itty bitty inappropriate jokes. Also, it's long, like, really long. I had too much fun with these quotes, and it shows.

Hey hey! Life in the Villain house! Oh yeah! Life in the Villain house! Reader! Life in the Villain house!~

(If you understood this reference, I am both sorry and not sorry at the same time)

——————————————————————————————

*Disney Villains suddenly appearing before you*

You : I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Our dear host is playing hard to get.

Gaston: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

——————————————————————————————

You : *Venting endlessly to Hades about your week*

Hades, every once in a while: *In a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.

——————————————————————————————

You: Wake up! The sun is shining!

Cruela: What do you want me to do, photosynthesis?

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: I love you.

You: How many people have you said that to?

Gaston: Everyone.

You: What?

Gaston: I told everyone that I love you.

——————————————————————————————

You: Look guys, I need help.

Ursula: Love help?

Hades: Financial help?

Captain Hook: Emotional help?

Oogie Boogie: Help moving a body?

*Everybody looks at Oogie Boogie*

Oogie Boogie: What?

——————————————————————————————

You, to Jafar: How do you tell someone politely you want to hit them with a brick?

——————————————————————————————

You: Why do you keep a diary?!

Captain Hook: To keep secrets from your computer.

——————————————————————————————

You, filling out legal paperwork: Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Maleficent: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Oogie Boogie: Personally, I think I was made in a lab.

Hades: I just straight up spawned, lol.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: The ‘how the fucks’ and 'why are you so dumbs’ don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook: *Slowly pushes a 17th-century cannon into a modern bank* Okay, everyone, be calm. This is a robbery.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

——————————————————————————————

You: All of your existences are confusing.

The villains: How so?

You: Your presence is annoying, but the thought of anything bad happening to any of you guys upsets me.

——————————————————————————————

You: As a responsible adult-

The villains: *snickers*

You: ... As a responsible adult—

——————————————————————————————

You: I don't like bugs. Oogie Boogie, are you even listening to me?

Oogie Boogie: I seem to have misplaced some of my bugs.

You, at Hades (aka your personal flame thrower): HAADDDEEEESSSSS!!!

——————————————————————————————

*Talking on the phone*

Hades: Remember how I said that the gang and I were gonna have a calm night out for once?

You: ... Yeah?

Hades: Well, we’re in jail.

You: *Hangs up*

——————————————————————————————

Hades: *Gets set on fire and screams in agony*

Hades: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me. Literally.

——————————————————————————————

You: Something tells me Oogie Boogie's going to be a bit more unhinged today...

*Meanwhile, in the villain house*

Oogie Boogie, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, the host isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

——————————————————————————————

You: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE!

You: GASTON IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW!

You: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

——————————————————————————————

A complete stranger, looking at the disney villains who are experiencing and interacting with the outside world for the first time: Those guys look like a problem...

You: Yes, but they’re my problem.

——————————————————————————————

You, looking at the villains: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook, drowning in crocodile infested waters: Help me host!

You: Don't worry, I heard cowards float.

——————————————————————————————

Grimhilde: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?

You: It was autocorrect.

Grimhilde: Autocorrect wrote, "You're so hot. Please step on me."?

You: Yes.

——————————————————————————————

You, talking to the villains: As you know, I keep a list of all of you in order of how likely they are to betray me.

Oogie Boogie: Where am I on the list?

You: Well, I can’t tell you that because then you’ll quickly move up or down depending on your reaction.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Grimhilde is walking in this room.

You: *Wheezes*

——————————————————————————————

You: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!

You: *Aggressively throws water bottles*

Hades: Uh... What's up with them?

Jafar: They're trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.

You, aggressively shouting: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Captain Hook, crying: It's working.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.

You: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps us poor, and it ain't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Dr. Facilier, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win, you should have tried not being poor.

——————————————————————————————

Scar: I prevented a murder today.

You: Really? That’s amazing! How did you do that?

Scar: Self-control.

——————————————————————————————

You: Holy shit, Hades, do you know what this means?!

Hades: Babes, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston, throwing their head into you lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

You, unphased and stroking his hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Why don’t they find me sexy when I bite my lip?

Hades: What do you look like when you bite your lip?

Gaston: *Bites lip*

Hades: ... Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

——————————————————————————————

You: *Fills up bottle and drinks from that*

Jafar: *Brought 4 bottles of water so this wouldn’t happen*

Shan Yu: *Drinks straight from the tap*

Hades: *Dehydrates*

Scar: *Drinks from the puddle of water on the floor*

Oogie Boogie: *Licks the tap, doesn’t even need a drink*

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: *Looks over your shoulder and at your laptop* What the fuck?

You: *Slams screen shut* It’s just research! For something I’m writing about! I swear that’s it!

Dr. Facilier: Why the hell would that involve the breeding habits of frogs?

You: It’s not just “frogs”, it’s the Surinam Toad. And it’s not “breeding habits”, it’s how they raise their young. This is important information my audience needs to know!

Dr. Facilier: That doesn’t change the fact this is for one line in a fanfiction.

You, offendedly: You don’t know that!

Dr. Facilier: I don't hear no denial.

——————————————————————————————

You: I love cooking breakfast. It makes the whole house smell like bacon.

Grimhilde: That’s true, but it also smells like fire and panic.

You: Hades and the smoke detector need to get off my case.

——————————————————————————————

Hades, grinning: Before you were what?

Maleficent: Before I was-

Hades: What?

Maleficent: Before I was inter-

Hades: Before you were interrupted?

Maleficent: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll-

Hades: What?

Maleficent: *Makes a frustrated sound*

You, nervously laughing: Ahahaha, please stop that before she turns into a dragon and burns my house down.

——————————————————————————————

*The normal looking villains walking at the mall*

Dr. Facilier: Hey, have any of y'all seen our host? They’ve been gone for a while..

Grimhilde, not the least bit concerned: No, we have not.

Shan Yu : I haven’t...

Cruela: They probably just ran off to the McDonald’s or something.

You: Hey.

Captain Hook: Oh, there they are-

Gaston: What the-

Jafar: I- where were you?!

You: ... Walking right behind you guys.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: Well, remember when our host made a romantic dinner for me?

Hades: Gaston, they microwaved you a pizza.

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu: Someone will die...

You: Of fun!

——————————————————————————————

You: Could you be anymore annoying?

Oogie Boogie: Yes.

——————————————————————————————

You: Oogie Boogie, you can do anything!

Oogie Boogie: Anything?

You: Anything!

Oogie Boogie, holding a torch: ANYTHING?!?!

You: Wait, not that!

——————————————————————————————

Gaston, playing a video game for the first: This thing is so frustrating! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

You: Ok, I think it’s time to turn off the game for a little while.

Gaston: But I’m having fun!

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: *Gasp*

You: wHAT??

Gaston: What if soy milk is just milk introducing itself in Spanish?

You: *Inhales*

Cruela, in another room with Ursula: Why can I hear screeching?

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life.

You: Please never become a surgeon.

——————————————————————————————

You: I was arrested for being too cool.

Jafar: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: Damn, the power went out.

You: Don’t worry, I got this.

You: *Stomps foot*

Dr. Facilier: What-?

You: *Sketchers light up*

——————————————————————————————

You: What do you have?

Oogie Boogie: A KNIFE!

You: NO!

——————————————————————————————

Kidnapper: I have one of your friends.

You: Which one? I have twelve.

Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up.

You: Which one? I have twelve.

Gaston, distantly: HEY!!!

——————————————————————————————

Scar: Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds.

You: Forty five seconds?!?

Scar: No! I said four TO five seconds.

You, hugging Scar: Too late.

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu: I have an army.

You: We have Oogie Boogie.

——————————————————————————————

*The villains playing Among Us*

Jafar: I believe Shan Yu is innocent, I was with him the whole time. Oogie Boogie, what were you doing?

Oogie Boogie: Oh, I was just murdering-… I mean, nothing!

——————————————————————————————

Grimhilde: When we get back, I'm going to step on you!

You: Okay, as much as I might enjoy that, Your highness–

——————————————————————————————

Jafar: Who would you kill out of the four of us, Hades?

Hades: Gaston, easily.

Gaston, confused: What, why??

Hades: Well, cuz I hate you, and the host would be too easy. They’d probably be into it.

You, standing in the doorway with the most bewildered expression: What the fuck man!?

——————————————————————————————

You: I think it’s time I get my life in order.

Dr. Facilier, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

——————————————————————————————

*Scar hears about you bringing home a stray cat.*

Scar, sarcastically: I can't believe there's another cat somewhere in this house. Amazing feeling. Love that. And it's here, in this house! Somewhere! And I may encounter it! What a treat...

——————————————————————————————

*The female villains after watching The Wizard of Oz*

Grimhilde: Where the devil is Maleficent?

Ursula: Well, it's raining outside... Maybe they melted?

Cruela: Shall I look outside for a pointy set of horns?

——————————————————————————————

Hades: Any idiot would know that.

Gaston: I knew that!

Hades: See?

——————————————————————————————

Scar: I'm not lazy, I just find it hard to put effort into things I'm not passionate about.

You: What are you passionate about?

Scar: Sleeping.

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Gaston: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world.

Grimhilde: Thank you for your sacrifice, Gaston.

——————————————————————————————

You: If I see a bug, I'll simply leave the room elegantly and have Hades to do something about it.

You: And if he doesn't fulfill my wish, I simply never go back in there.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

——————————————————————————————

You: I haven't seen Gaston and Hades for fifteen minutes now.

*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Gaston and Hades running after it in a panic. You don't look outside at all.*

You: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

——————————————————————————————

You: Go to hell!

Hades: Where do you think I come from?

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up a room.

You: It’s called arson, and those people are called witnesses.

——————————————————————————————

Dr. Facilier: What are y’all’s favorite things to wake up to?

Grimhilde: Breakfast in bed.

You: Emails from AO3!

Shan Yu: My favorite thing to wake up to is not waking up at all.

Shan Yu: The screams of my enemies are a close second, though.

——————————————————————————————

You: Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment... At all?

Gaston: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: Treat bugs the way you want to be treated!

You: Killed without hesitation.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook, recently learned modern swears: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD ASS SLUT!

You: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.

Captain Hook: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good bitch?

You: Somehow, that's worse.

——————————————————————————————

Maleficent: We all have our demons...

You, grabbing Oogie Boogie: This one’s mine!

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

You: Those are wanted posters!

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook: So, what's for dinner?

You, staring at the food you burnt: Regret.

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: So, I've been thinking-

You: Again?? That's dangerous.

——————————————————————————————

Hades: Why would you do that?

You: Because I feel guilty.

Maleficent: Guilt is a trick emotion. It’s put there by your parents to stop you from doing things that feel good.

——————————————————————————————

You: *Eating a cinnamon roll*

Oogie Boogie: Cannibalism.

You: *Confused chewing noises*

——————————————————————————————

*At the supermarket*

Captain Hook: All right, the last item on the list is "virgin oil."

Captain Hook:

Captain Hook: Wow. Imagine being an item and still being called a virgin.

——————————————————————————————

You: What’s your body count?

Captain Hook: Do you mean sex or murder?

——————————————————————————————

You: *Is wearing silk pants* How does this look?

Cruela: Like its slips on and off really easily.

You:

Cruela: No, I didn't mean it like that-

Ursula: We know what you meant.

——————————————————————————————

You: Bonjour, Dr. Facilier. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?

Dr. Facilier: No, I don't want to sleep with you.

You: ... Is that what that means??

——————————————————————————————

You: I'm gonna eat the chicken breasts!

Gaston, snickering: Yeah, eat what you lack,

You, deadpanning at Gaston: Then maybe I should order brains on delivery for you.

——————————————————————————————

Jafar: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.

Hades: Wow, I've gotta hear this.

Jafar: I was angry and envious of my neighbor, so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.

Hades: You forgot pride.

Jafar: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

——————————————————————————————

Maleficent: Our dear host annoyed me today, so I told them that I can’t wait for them to see what I had planned for our special day tomorrow.

Scar: There is nothing special about tomorrow.

Maleficent: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over.

——————————————————————���———————

You: You’re all insane!

The villains: Sure we are, what’s your point?

——————————————————————————————

Gaston: I want you to be with me for the rest of your life.

You: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal... A really one-sided one.

Gaston, getting down on one knee: That's because it is.

——————————————————————————————

You, admiring and petting a sleeping Scar: You’re so cute.

Scar, sleepily: I could tear you limb from limb with my bare fangs.

You, lovingly: I know.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: *Writing a letter*

Oogie Boogie: Dear Sandy Claws,

I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty...

And it was worth it, you fat, judgemental bastard.

——————————————————————————————

You, dealing with the villains: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

——————————————————————————————

*You are cleaning the house, and you find an empty bottle of orange juice*

You: Clear orange juice?

You: Oh, it's empty.

Most of the villains, who had been watching the entire time: We live with an idiot. We live with an idiot. We live with an idiot.

——————————————————————————————

Scar: Our relationship is strictly professional.

You, brushing Scar's mane as he lays his head on your lap: Absolutely. Only business.

——————————————————————————————

All the female villains: We're not like other girls. We're way, way worse.

——————————————————————————————

Captain Hook: There. How do I look?

Dr. Facilier: Like a cheap French harlot.

Captain Hook: French?!

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu, towering over you and glaring down at you: I could kill you if I wanted to little host.

You absolutely done with his bs: Oh yeah? Well, guess what. So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

——————————————————————————————

Hades: Some people say that I have a god complex. I’d like to think that I’m a complex god.

——————————————————————————————

You: Captain, you're drunk.

Captain Hook: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, my dear host.

——————————————————————————————

Jafar: There’s always that one weak individual within the group who isn’t down with murder.

Jafar: *Glares at you*

You: ... Well sorry I have morals!

——————————————————————————————

Shan Yu, singing to the tune of I Kissed a Girl: I killed a guy, and I liked it-

Dr. Facilier, whispering: Should we call someone?

You, also singing: The taste of his cherry chapstick.

Captain Hook, appalled: Call Maleficent.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: Get in the Halloween spirit and make a ghost!

You: That’s called murder and I heard somewhere that it's illegal.

——————————————————————————————

You: You remind me of the ocean.

Ursula: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

You: No, because you're full of salt, and you scare people.

——————————————————————————————

Oogie Boogie: Something’s off.

You: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people.

Oogie Boogie: No, but that’s funny.

——————————————————————————————

You: What do you call disobeying the law?

The villains: A hobby.

You: *Crosses their arms*

The villains: ... That we do not engage in.

——————————————————————————————

You: Stop thinking whatever you're thinking.

Gaston: Huh?

You: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid. So cut it out-

Gaston: I love you.

You:

Gaston:

Gaston: Also, cereal qualifies as a soup.

You: I KNEW IT!!!

——————————————————————————————

You, extremely touched: Aw, you guys really put aside everything and came all this way for me?

You:

You, confused: How did you even get here so fast??

Cruela: Several traffic violations.

Jafar: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Gaston: Roughly thirteen cans of those energy drinks you like so much.

Dr. Facilier: Also, this aint our car.

——————————————————————————————

If you made it to this part, then congratulations! You made it through all 101 incorrect quotes! (I know, I counted them myself)

I hope you enjoyed them!

And for those of you who read through all of this and have no idea what you just read, here's Part 1 of the Reverse Isekai Disney Villains AU for context.

Thanks for reading!

[zenzerodomina]

Scar *watching Shere Khan*: i could take him

Zazu: no you couldn't. You can't take down anything. Look at you!

Scar: never said in a fight

Zazu:...

[underqualified-human]

Y/N: That's not a hawk, it's obviously a peregrine falcon. Facilier: How can you be so sure? Y/N: One attacked me as a small child. Facilier: Oh... that's- Y/N: It did not win.

[rookieoneil]

Lucy: who’s the scariest Disney villain in a princess film?

Celina: probably Mother Gothel

Tamara: Gaston cause he’s a man, and that’s all you need to know

Celina: oh dang she’s right

[slashingdisneypasta]

Incorrect Quote

Y/N, climbing out a tower window where they were imprisoned by the Evil Queen: Wh- Hades??

Hades, down below about to burn his way in: Y/N??

Hades: The hell are you doing?? You're- you're depriving me of my dashing rescue, babe.

[not-wholly-unheroic]

Smee: Okay, Cap’n, I got you a hot water bottle… and some tea… and a nice, soft blanket. Is there anything else that would help you feel better?

Hook: …Can you gently pat me while I make pathetic sounds of distress?

Smee: Of course.

Hook: *incoherent whimpering noises*

Smee: *pats him on the back* Shhhhh… There, there, Cap’n.

Based on this comic.

[luxthestrange]

TWST Incorrect quotes#331 LUCKY INDEED-

Inside the Draconia Castle

Lilia: My lord?*Voices echos thru the halls looking for Malleus*

Malleus Gasps as he sits up from the couch, Swollen red lips, messy hair a bit out of breath, Looks around the room in panic*

Lilia: Helloooo?~ Mal: My guardian!*accidentally smacking you with his tail* Yuu: Ow!-*Sitting up, Is the same as Malleus..only with 1...or 2 cuts on your lips, Grinning happily* Mal*Gasping as he tries to smoothen his hair and clothes fast*What's he gonna think if he finds you like this with me? Yuu: Uh, lucky human?~*Cleans the edge of his lips...still having a bit of drool* Mal: J-Just-Just-Just...*Frowns as he contains his flustered state as he picks you up and throws you into his closet to hide*

...Im here for the people who want to be the villains who set the world ablaze for their s/o!

Part 3 of:

[jecsssck]

His legs are crossed under his robe 😌

[sweettjrose]

*Pete sitting in a car*

*The Phantom Blot bursts into the passenger seat*

The Phantom Blot: GO! GO! GO!

*Pete speeds off*

Pete: Didya get everythin'?

The Phantom Blot: Yes, I have everything.

Pete: Ya got da diamonds.

The Phantom Blot: Yes, I got the diamonds.

Pete: How 'bout da gold bars?

The Phantom Blot: Yes, I got the gold bars.

Pete: Whattabout-

The Phantom Blot: PETE! Can you focus on driving? I told you that I have everything. I do not forget things.

Pete: Jeez. Sorry. Just wanna make sure.

The Phantom Blot, rubbing his temple: Just hurry so you and Scuttle can unload the cargo as soon as possible, all right?

Pete: Right.

...

The Phantom Blot:

Pete:

The Phantom Blot:

Pete:

The Phantom Blot:

Pete:

The Phantom Blot: !!!

Pete: !!!

*The car swerves into a giant U-turn*

The Phantom Blot: Drat!

Pete: We forgot Scuttle!

[hannahhook7744]

"YOU FOUGHT HIM WITH A WHAT?!"

-An Auradon Kid to A Villain Kid at some point.

(They sorely underestimate the villain kids' ability to be able to turn anything into a weapon).

[hotwings-incorrect-quotes]

hawks: sooo what are we watching today?

dabi: the lion king

hawks: disney?

dabi: yeah, i wanna watch how simba’s old man dies and he’s better off without him

hawks: okay, sure. so you wanna tell me that you don’t cry on disney movies?

dabi: me? never. birdie please, you know me.

*somewhere in the middle of the lion king movie*

dabi: *mufasa dies and he is curled up in a blanket on hawks’ lap and sobs loudly*

hawks: *stroking dabi’s hair gently* are you ok babe? still not crying?

dabi: *sobbing* yes, why? i told you he’s better of without mufasa, and i’m not crying at all

hawks: *smiling a little bit* of course, softie

dabi: i’m not a softie

hawks: sure you’re not

[newkatzkafe2023]

It's my 1 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[zenzerodomina]

Shere khan *staring lovingly at Scar*: You are the most delusional person i've ever met

Scar: I'm the most delusional person that I'VE ever met

Scar: And it has never disappointed me

[feel-the-fire]

Gaston: Are you seriously judging me right now?

Frollo: I’m just impressed you want to suck your own dick this badly.

[somethingstrangeisherehehe]

[slashingdisneypasta]

Incorrect Quote: Ladies Night

Evil Queen: I like my whiskey like I like my men.

Sarah Sanderson: Twice my age and from Scotland!~

Ursula: Smokey, full bodied, and leaves you gasping a little 😏

Lady Tremaine: Left in an oak barrel for at least 3 years, with very little oxygen.

Evil Queen: *Nods correct to Tremaine*