#genuinely what do i do w myself now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

getwallowed · 2 years ago

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goodbye tmtio tour. you permanently altered my brain chemistry after one of the most perfect imperfect nights of my life. we will always miss you and you will ALWAYS be famous <3

till next time, boys <3

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butchfalin · 1 year ago

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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mohntilyet · 7 days ago

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#sorry need to have this on the blog i have been fighting for my life trying to make the rook characterisation make sense #especially since tyche is an established oc for me and has a personality thats quite different from what we get w rook sometimes #but this chain shit is crazy. the chuckle is crazy. eyes flitting to the hand and back up again CRAZY #like ok ill take that. i can see this for her #people on reddit mad about how apparently his romance is a nothingburger whatever my city now i can do whatever i want #whatever bullshit yearning i wanted i can create myself. ESPECIALLY with the fact that lucanis doesn't react or flirt overtly #for like 1/2 of the game. like genuinely perfect.I CAN WORK WITH THIS #veilguard spoilers #dav spoilers #tyche laidir #lucanis dellamorte #dav #like i dont even like the dialogue in this scene but i gotta take what i can get man

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 1 month ago

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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him #I always knew he was a parental figure for me #but now I connected the dots #How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life #that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so #and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life #ofc ud become attached #i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him #he occupies most of my thoughts honestly #But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life #i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an #bloom and be free #and that's what ill try to do #but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness #its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired #somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea #how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi #g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if #lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways #sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay #yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le #go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk #how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate #my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t #me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol #so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest #y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t #ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti #ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 8 months ago

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Not sure if this theory makes any sense at all but I'm starting to believe that there's no time skip between Wally's phone calls and what we see/hear in the show's Media/Merchandise. If we see the Toyland call being made before the Homewarming episode then it would make sense that Wally's expecting Barnaby to come over soon. As well as the Homewarming sketch from the prior update. (I don't know, still kind of brainstorming this perspective)

that theory Does make sense and i've been considering it! the "timeline" is such a nebulous thing right now because we still... don't really know! there are too many variables and too many Maybes for any solid answer.

maybe the reality that the neighbors live in exists outside of time like you say, and like half of me suspects. there's so much reality fuckery already present, but I'm also... unsure of how much merit this holds given what we know / can infer about how time passes in Home. i'm putting this theory on a low shelf to look at but not prioritize

maybe it really has been 50 years, and Barnaby is either still around / Wally is still in contact with him, or Barnaby... isn't there. who knows, maybe Wally was just verbalizing some Wishful Thinking. i mean, Wally is a bit of an unreliable narrator, isn't he? we can't assume that everything he says is entirely accurate or truthful. and i mean, if it's been 50 years it makes sense that Wally would be pushing for connection / to revive WH. who knows how long he's been trying.

hm... i mean. it could be a mix of that and the Outside Of Time theory. who knows, maybe W is receiving calls from different points in the timeline - Wally may have started out just calling, and has just graduated to invading the WH website / getting pushy with the envelopes and media that's been sent to the WHRP. maybe Wally got tired of waiting for W to respond before W was even born. who's to say!

#i mean. idk the emphasis wally puts on Its So Quiet makes my brain tilt its head #it feels like wally breaking composure before he pastes the Facade back on with '-during homewarming'#that and just the way he phrased 'everyones usually so busy so its just me and home for a long while'#Usually so busy. Usually. why not Always? or Is?#usually.#and then the 'its just me and home for a long while'#the phrasing here has Connotations i think!#homebogging #welcome home speculation #wh speculation #OF COURSE. I HAVE TO DEBUNK MYSELF!#what we hear / see from Wally is - ironically - more genuine than the WHRP's or W's recovered media (save the eddie excerpts)#the WH media shows us the ideal homewarming - where everyone is getting into the spirit and spending time together and the like #but then wally could be telling us what homewarming is Really like - lonely. quiet.#WHICH MAKES SENSE THEMATICALLY! and it mirrors how christmas time is. its marketed as this joyful thing that brings people together #when in reality its lonely and stressful. i know i certainly never feel more lonely than i do at that time of year!#so there's just. layers. right now im simultaneously believing in the time discrepancy And them existing outside of time #im leaning on the first one but you know!#BUT!!! IM CONFIDENT THAT THE HOMEWARMING WALLY WAS CALLING FROM WAS NOT THE ONE WE SAW IN THE UPDATE.#wally spoke with enough familiarity about the time of year to make me think 'hes lived through many of these hasnt he'#it could be that time Has passed for the neighbors and its been many homewarmings.#it could be that it Started as what the commercials/update showed us.#but as time passed maybe it became a time where everyone just... Isolates for one reason or another. so now it's just quiet and lonely #im still rolling it all around in my head! many factors and implications to consider w/ this update!#Take All Of This With A Grain Of Salt As Usual!

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huellitaa · 3 months ago

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i giggle so hard whenever i see one of my posts on someone else's blog like omg..... i'm actually liked by people..... blushing rn

#just happened to me and every time i smile so hard #i am filled with an overwhelming gratitude today #ilysm guys </3 #my babiiiiiiies #i cannot explain the comfort this little blog brings me #i've met some of my best friends here #and i'm so grateful ☹️☹️☹️💞💞💞#thank you so much truly😭🩷🫶🏻#not to be sappy. but #i have never felt as valued and grateful for everything and by everyone i have in my life before this silly little blog #i love u sm #thank you 🫶🏻#i think at my core i am a very selfish person. i often do things for myself and myself alone #even the nice things are for my own benefit a lot of the time #i want to help people but most of all i want to help myself and it makes me feel bad sometimes #because i know a lot of people in my life online and irl see me as this kind selfless person #but only i know it doesn't always come from a place of kindness for others #i think there's some underlying problem there i need to look into genuinely. but i am so grateful for u guys genuinely #i love you all w my whole heart 🫶🏻#ok ill shut up now #thoughts ୨𖹭୧ #girlblogging #it girl #wonyoungism #girlhood #pink pilates princess #girly tumblr #this is what makes us girls #girly stuff #girlcore

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way2gosuperrstarr · 3 months ago

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watch my body disintegrate into a pile of ash like a cartoon character who just got struck by a lightning bolt (JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN JOINT PAIN) (just got off work)

#salmon jibberish #god you horribly wipe out on your bike and injure yourself ONE TIME in middle school and suddenly youre inflicted with lifelong knee/joint a #d leg pain 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄#worm lore drop 🔥🔥🔥#can you really call it lore its nothing crazy #i was riding my bike w my friend and their mom and we were on a steep hill and i got scared and braked and flew off my bike and down #the hill #i got to miss like i think a week or two of gym because the scab on my knee was so big i literally couldnt bend it #it'd melt off every time i took a shower too #<- that was probably kinda gross sorry #scabs on both my knees #one was bigger and made my knee unable to bend #and one on the palm of one of my hands that made me unable to bend my thumb #we didnt go to the doctor or anything for it i just didnt do anything for like a week lol #afterward one of my other friends said my knees look weird 💀#<- not mad abt that i just think its funny #me when i yap in the tags #sorry gang #and of course i got myself a job that requires genuinely running around all day #my legs have given out twice at work and thats what finally pushed me to get a knee brace #just one for now bcs . expensive . i just gotta guess which leg o think is gonna give me the most trouble that day #idk i just tend to deny myself help . i dont think i deserve it . i really only got pushed for this bcs i didnt want to get obliterated by a #dog at work if my knee gave out 1) while walking a dog or 2) while in the daycare in a crowd of dogs #idk i dont like making my own life easier i dont think i deserve it . i dont think im suffering enough to need help but yk #ANYWAY #good news is we have ROTISSERIE CHICKEN FIR DINNER LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO #IM GONNA DRAW NOW 💥💥🔥🔥🔥

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horsemeatluvr23 · 6 months ago

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little sketchbook spread w the last 3 + todays hermit a day doodles !! chronic illness has been kicking my ass this week so these r lower effort than i'd like but,,,,,, practice is practice !!!

#tbh i am. not proud of most of these... the only one i kinda like is the iskall one #i like the trident n pendant doodles next to gem tho #not very happy w how bdubs turned out but. how would i learn if i liked everything i did !!!!#and the tango one was a lot of fun but my energy levels were flagging as you can probably tell lol #i've been chronically ill for like. 7 years now and yet i still try to act as if i'm able bodied and then face the consequences #i'm still learning to let myself take breaks when i need to and not run myself into the ground until i physically can't do anything else #but i'm managing my energy levels wellish enough that i can still cram in time for these drawings #i rly wanna complete this challenge n i'm genuinely proud of myself for getting this far #anyways. what #geminitay fanart #bdubs fanart #tangotek fanart #iskall fanart #hermitaday #horsemeatluvr does hermitaday #horsemeat gallery

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jils-things · 20 days ago

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2024 is probably not my best year now that i think about it

#i mean - let's go over the good ones. i have my own laptop now - i'm doing okay in uni. and I haven't gotten any bad issues with irl stuff #in terms of living i'm doing okay and im pretty content #but emotionally and mentally ? horrendous. I don't think i'm really actually doing okay mentally #im struggling to find myself to be the same person i was awhile back. it just doesn't fit like a puzzle anymore even if it's supposed to fit #whats genuinely saving me from feeling miserable is my current interest which is why i'm really so quick to get excited or happy w it #it's so hard to look at past interests now and not think about the “bad” highlight - even if the good highlights are bigger than the bad #i feel like i'm keeping a facade when i'm talking to people. i feel like im being fake when im talking to people. i just cant find myself to #feel like myself when talking to others. that's why i havent been so active talking unless its close people #i'm scared of not being able to “keep up” with them. feel boring with them. not feeling like “the jil” they know #i'm tired. and upset. maybe i am bothered after all #being told that i sounded so fake when i talked really opened my eyes. maybe i am fake because i'm tired. but i wouldn't know #Losing a friend really does something to you huh.

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pendraegon · 28 days ago

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your thesis update.... i will tell you that your advisor is definitely the problem (and so is the organization of your program for not having published the theses in a way that is accessible because wtf). please take care of yourself and treat yourself well because a terrible grad school experience is no joke. you WILL escape that place with a degree and i hope everything goes a little bit more smoothly in the future🫡

i can tell that she REALLY does not like me nor wants to put up with me which is..... kind of incredible. im truly not quite sure where it all went wrong — my program is like...stupidly expensive (hello terrifying student debt!) as well as pretty damn renown and i came to this uni SPECIFICALLY for this subfield that im in and it's been a genuine mess from my first semester (not even counting the whole thesis debacle). im going to drag myself to the finish line even if it kills me but also like. this is genuinely the most degraded i've ever felt LOL

#reminiscing about all the meetings and emails she'd blow off<3 #and regarding the theses i KNOW!!#it was genuinely kind of hysterical. read the first thesis and went. huh. the second one and went. wait a minute. i see how it's supposed #to be now........#anyways. area man's advisor can't bring herself to tell me what's wrong and was gonna pawn me off to the writing center<3 #this genuinely has kind of................killed my belief in my writing though like ): there's no way i was gonna strike out bc i just #didnt know the specifics of the format of the thesis bc...guess who was never told lol.. but #i've always prided myself on my writing especially my academic writing and... ):#oh. if it makes it worse. i took a class w my advisor beforehand and she complimented me on my writing. so. LOL.#thank you for this message btw! ive been feeling so alone it's been terrible lately at least in ellian pendraegon world #hopefully youve been doing better!

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pollen · 1 month ago

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i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like