#genuinely just feel bad after drawing
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preshtagonist · 6 months ago
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Actively hate this but whatever. Its me
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b4kuch1n · 1 year ago
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siren
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velvetjune · 9 months ago
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incredible to think that Alan Wake 2’s existence itself implies that maybe it’ll be about Alan finally leaving the dark place, directly solving the cliffhanger of Alan Wake 1, but instead now Saga, Casey, Rose, Tim, Alice, and (still) Alan are in the Dark Place. Genius subversion of expectations
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plulp · 1 year ago
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guys i'm so sorry i write so much i promise i'm trying to get better at it 😣 i just have so much to say all the time but i promise i'll try to tone it down since i don't want to clutter your dashes
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akkivee · 2 years ago
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i feel very seen as someone who draws buff kuukou lmao
#this is vee speaking#the arb chronicles#i also feel very insane looking at this but that’s just the usual vee perogative at play lol#kuukou seems to get put into loose fit clothing but one day the official artists will wake up and draw the snatched waist i know he has LOL#it’s actually funny i’ve been wanting to compare waistlines between bat because it genuinely looks like kuukou’s bigger than hitoya lmao#whereas what i visualise while drawing them is that hitoya is bigger on principle of being both a bigger man and a stocky body type#and kuukou has an hourglass figure lmao#jyushi’s upside down triangle to me lol and once his body starts developing muscle it’ll be more apparent and less twig lol#but anyway lol the chuuoku women have rightfully claimed my brain but i really like the event!!!!!!!! kuukou’s outfit notwithstanding lol#like kuukou invited himself to stay at the dohifu abode for a month lmao!!!!!! hifumi taught kuukou how to pose and walk the catwalk!!!!!!!#in an odd tabled the turns hifumi was the one apologising for someone else’s behaviour lmao!!!!!!!#i finally got the saburo kuukou interaction of my dreams!!!!! saburo the prickly kid and kuukou the one who ignores that shit lol!!!!#the way kuukou could tell saburo has performance anxiety issues and talked him thru it#while also addressing saburo hiding himself behind ichiro’s name and telling him to be proud of who saburo is I AM— I CANNOT— HELP ME—#saburo: i literally don’t want to hear something like that from you!!!!!! 🤢#kuukou: lol a prickly bastard til the end huh? well i don’t hate that kinda stubbornness 😈#saburo is now bad ass temple’s baby brother i’m sorry i don’t make the rules#AND LOL after some terrorists crashed the show and ran off before anyone could fight anybody since they got scared seeing bat bb mtr#kuukou invited everyone to a meal at a temple on hitoya’s dime LMAO#hitoya: WHAT??? jakurai: thank you for treating us hitoya 🤗 hitoya: NO YOURE HELPING ME PAY 💢#c: kuukou👑
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dutybcrne · 8 months ago
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Sometimes Diluc does wonder if the Delusion left a lasting impact on him, outside the never-fading scars on his arm. That if every time his temper flares or he deals a particularly cruel blow upon his opponent, it’s due to the Delusion’s lingering influence, that it may have altered him to be a crueler person as a result of his near half a decade-long dependence on it.
#hc; diluc#//Sometimes; he even goes as far as to wonder if the Delusion in fact only ENHANCED what was already there#//He’d damn near slain Kae out of anger as it was; anger he’d NEVER once thrown at Anyone before; much less HIM#//Who’s to say he didn’t already have that darkness within him; even considering the circumstances of that moment#//And him continuously—deliberately CHOOSING—using the Delusion only CEMENTED it deep into his self and soul#//He’s had plenty of his share of nightmares where he longs for the Delusion; regretting having Shattered it after its final use#//It was for the best; yes; but now he’ll forever be Haunted by the lack of it; like an addict in withdrawal#//There were times he DID try and cast it away during his years in Snezhnaya; but inevitably put it back on after harrowing nightmares#//He wishes he’d tried harder to get rid of it then; before it left such a lasting impression on him#//Even now; his body is still SO used to & wanting of it; he gets so RESTLESS#//Wanting to reach for and mess with it; only to find it gone and Remember why#//Or the marks it had branded him with start aching and acting up so bad; as though he were Burning from its fire#//Feeling utterly Exhilarated in the face of destruction his flames bring; in dreams or in reality then be Horrified at how much he’d done#//bc he SHOULDNT be proud of that; SHOULDNT delight in such cruel feelings and sights#//Especially when it comes to dealing w Fatui in Mond—the sick delight he feels in fighting/destroying them genuinely scares him at times#//He’s less inclined to feel it when dealing with the Abyss creatures—they aren’t HUMAN after all; but it still sets him at unease at times#//Sometimes particularly scathing remarks toward Kae during their bouts have even him balking#//Not quite rushing to take it back; esp not when Kae hits back harder or brushes it off w his irritating little posturing#//But still enough to make him mull it over afterwards & wonder just how much more resentment he holds for him#//And if he should watch out and make sure it doesn’t get so bad he tries to hurt him again#//He would NEVER willingly want to draw his sword on him ever again; not if he could help it#//no matter what’s become of their bond and how irreparable it must surely be; after all’s said and done#//But if the Delusion had truly sunk its cruel influence so deep into himself…who’s to say how well he can keep up this oath?#//Or smth idk lol
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torchickentacos · 2 years ago
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ursa wip. drawing during powerpoints hour. feeling atla-y lately. annoyed at proportions but fuck it we ball, if I try to make it perfect I won't end up making it
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#anyways. time for taylor's tags after midnight. always a long ride the size of a oneshot.#guys studying is like. killing me a bit. i'm getting my relaxing time while listening to powerpoints and drawing#or playing sdv on switch#and. hm. it's so annoying. vent incoming#because i'm genuinely working myself into the ground here#but if i don't i simply will not get it done.#i'm so. so incapable of doing things right now focus wise. if i do not spend hours chipping away. it won't get done.#i cannot focus and do it in one sitting or i won't like. eat and sleep#i'm just unable to DO anything. clean. work. read. relax.#i don't feel anything but tired and worried and a weight on my shoulders right now#and any time i step away from my work i just feel guilty because i should be working#also i just have not earned it.#i have not gotten enough work done to warrant relaxing time BECAUSE I CANNOT GET WORK DONE#god. costco needs to get these new meds in#and if they don't work... idk. i cannot keep doing school like this. i might seriously talk about getting a job for a bit.#not dropping out but just... taking a break. i can't do this for much longer. idk.#but hey. the meds may help.#my therapist is. talking to his colleagues about it which is mildly worrying#got adhd so bad he's gathering his coworkers to talk about it ksjdksjdksfhjd#he said it may be memory issues too. idk.#i mean i don't remember a vast majority of my childhood but like. that's kind of a different thing kksdskdskdjskdjskdjs#anyways. good place to stop methinks
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todayisafridaynight · 1 year ago
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your wrist was hurting sorry man I know how drawing and presumably college work does that get well soon ❤️‍🩹
LMAO NAW ITS FINE for one thing my hurt wrist is my non-writing/drawing hand so i can still draw/write/use utensils, drawing's just a lot slower without my hotkeys so i figure this is a sign i should take a proper break and rest up. plus i hurt my wrist rollerskating so dont worry i didnt sprain anything from drawing too much
#snap chats#genuinely surprising ive not seriously hurt my left wrist from drawing#i mean- some years back my wrist did really hurt for a few days but i dont think it was as bad of a strain as this#i take real good care of my left wrist since then anyhow so im not worried about getting another drawing-induced injury#like i said last ask tho my wrist feels a lil better compared to yesterday so hopefully i can get back to it soon#got plenty of things i wanna doodle and write and while i can write with one hand... this is a nightmare LMAO#'snap i thought you were sleeping' uhhhhh Oops <3 i started playing y7 again but before i did i was watching a vid#and now im watching it agan so.. lol#so funny while i was playing tho my sis walked in and started watchin and crackin jokes#shes so funny... SO FUNNY she saw sawashiro and was like 'wow he looks like a real guy'#to which Of Course i was like 'oh yeah its cause hes modeled after a real guy :)' an she was like OOOOHHHH ok#and then she saw arakawa and was like 'see he doesnt look real' and then i had to be like 'bro hes Also based off a real guy' LMAO#yeah... super silly.... i always love playin games when shes around even if shes never SUPER invested#i appreciate that she still watches an can still be funny. goofy as hell she was like 'these cutscenes are so long--#didnt uou play this game last summer ??? how many times have you played this' and i was just Uuuuhhh Seven :)#LMAO HER FACE but she was all 'awww :)' when i tol her i was letting the cutscenes play out so she could watch#ok im done rambling i just said typing like this is a nightmare and it is so im stopping now BYE
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phagodyke · 1 month ago
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venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls 👍
haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(
#going to try and stay awake until lunch at least and yhen maybe ill take a nap. but i need to be able to sleep rpoperly tonight#at least i know im only feeling depressed bc my period is due which means my meds dont work how they should#like its kind of weird n psychologically interesting to feel so depressed again suddenly bc i havent been at all lately#well theres not much i can do abt feeling sick and in pain but ill take it easy. wasnt planning on leaving the house today anyway#and i do need to find a way to talk to ppl abt shit im struggling to communicate bc it really does bother me. and i dont want to do this#im tired of keeping everything in and wound so tightly i just want to feel seen and safe around someone please. please 🥹#its all well n good getting along with people better than i rver havebut if they still wont support me when im going through it#then it fades into shallowness like our friendship still has value. but im unable to feel close to them or safe around them#and right now im glad im doing so well im glad of so manynthings but its so scary to know that if i start doing bad again there is#noone and nothing there to catch me i dont have anything in the way of a safety net just myself. so better not fall 👍#and irs been makinf me feel so horrible lately bc my mum has been trying to emotionally drpend on me again and its making me feel like#when i was a teenager again and i was fighting for my fucking life against what i didnt know was mental illness and i had no outlet and#nowhere to go and i wanted to die so badly and meanwhile everyone around me was completely unaware and making me handle all of their#emotional issues and i was trapped there absorbing everyone elses damage and not being able to express mine and thankfully i didnt kill#myself and i got out and ive gotten so much bettee and worse and better sinxe and how i feel now is nothing like that really but im just#being reminded of it a lot and how hard expressing myself is and sometimes it feels like ive made so little progress#in thetorture labyrinth out here. but i dont want to do this forever i need to get better at expressing i just need people to support me#but i feel unsupported its like thin ice. but its alsonmy fault for not trusting. i dontnknowwwww.#maybe when i dont have to pay for private meds anymore and when i get this raise at the end of the year ill try therapy again#i dont think itll solve the issue bc its the ppl i care abt in my life that i need to be able to talk to. but maybe i can get some#better tools to help me be able to do that. i dontnknow i dont want to think about it anymore actually im going to go do smth else#sorry for venting its been a really nice weekend genuinely feeljng so good in general atm. and yeah i still struggle with the same things#but generally ive been handling their effect on my mental health so much better!!!! like im still feeling okay regardless of them#but they are still there and i will need to go from tolerating them to dissolvjng them at some point if i want to feel okay long term#it doesnt have to be like this. and i do actually truly believe that for once which rly is a sign of how much prpgress ive made!!!!#working on my shit is a fucking lifelong project....as im sure it is for everyone else too. all of our first time on planet earth#we will get through yhis. and anyway how i feel now is super temporary jsut triggered by a few thingsand ill keep reacting to them this#way until i managr to properly resolve them properly instead of folding them nicely and tucking them out of view#bleugh. okay yeah thats enough for now. meds softening the edges too ive stopped crying which is smth#chilling for a bit n then im going to watch some tv or a movie and iron and polish my boots and after lunch i might draw. or not we'll see
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kamileonik · 2 months ago
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slowly realising that i think i won’t make it
#this got a bit venty i fear so#vent#ha. ha.#its just. this is about school mostly i guess but in general just. i dont think i can do it#my roommate is trying to write an essay to train for finals and wow i am a dummy. i dont know shit#and i know theres time and i can study and i should study if i care but it also all feels so impossible you know#its so. stupid. but im kind of mad. because somewhere along the way i was made to believe that i am good at This#at school at writing at most things#and now i keep feeling like that is just. not true. and im goung to get fact checked by life and its going to hurt#im sorry this is like terribly dumb#i wish i could write well i wish i could draw i wish i could sing i wish i could do so many things well#and a part of me constantly believes i could do them well. and paradoxically that feeling contributed to me not even trying#because what if its wrong. what if i suck. what if even if i give it my best its bad. it feels better to not try doesnt it#im also very lazy. if no one noticed. i like doing nothing. big factor in all this#but well i cant really ‘not try’ with school. have to get through it somehow#and i know that obviously. if i feel unprepared i should study. to prepare. logical#but once again feels so so impossible#how to get more confident and better at essays? write them. easy solution. but im not doing it and i dont want to do it#and yknow. i think its mainly the laziness at the end of the day#its the worst when i panic and tell someone how scared i am of a test for example. only to do well after that#because it means im just being dramatic. its not that bad im not that unprepared im just panic-y#except at some point i stopped being able to tell the difference between feeling genuinely unprepared and being dramatic#i dont know. i shouldnt be posting all this really my stream of conciousness should stick to my brain#ive spent the past few days ignoring everything around me and getting a bad grade at person. you know how it is#this yap has no conclusion im cutting myself off here. enough is enough#camel speaks
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munch-mumbles · 2 months ago
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had to donate blood earlier today because my blood cell count was too high at my last pp appt to get my t renewed and god. why didnt anyone warn me about your arm going all hot but also cold and not hurting but definitely feeling insanely weird and uncomfortable and Bad. LITERALLY NO ONE TOLD ME SO I WASNT READY AT ALL AND I STARTED MONKEY BRAIN FREAKING OUT
#like yes i anticipated it feeling funny and uncomfy but THAT. SUUUUCCKEEEEDD.#i was only able to go like halfway before i started squirming around too much and when the guy said i could stop whenever i IMMEDIATELY#went I WANNA STOP even though i shouldnt have urrghhhhhh i was just in genuine panic mode which is a little embarassing.#my roommate was there with me to help calm me down and after the fact told me that the guy taking my blood apparently said that#having an instinctive panic response was normal because well. your brain feels all your blood sucking out and thinks FUUUCK IM BLEEDING OUT#(roommate had to tell me because i was like. writhing and whining and trying not to black out so i wasnt hearing anything LOL)#i have the lab followup appt at pp ooonnnn friday where theyll do another finger poke and i swear to god. if my blood cell count isnt low#enough for them to be able to refill my T. im gonna freeeaaaaakkkkkk#cause im already getting reeaaalll low on T so this is already cutting it close but if they have to turn me away again im fuuugggeeedddddd#and the worst part is that im probably gonna have to start regularly donating no matter what anyway =_=#on one hand yes its bound to get easier the more i do it...... thats the case with the little tiny vial blood draws ive been having to do..#but hooooly freak guys. i really wasnt prepared at all for how intense it started feeling WHICH IS DRAMATIC I KNOOOOWWWW#it wasnt helped by them apparently using a much bigger needle so i FELT it POP in and the guy went “wow i really had to force it in there”#or something so i was immediately off to a bad start LOL#AAAAAANYWAYS. SIGH. being on T is awesome but of course im one of the unlucky ones who starts getting way too much blood about it#so now im doomed to be stuck with needles all the time forever#mumbling
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humanmorph · 3 months ago
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not doing so hot today but those dilandau screencaps keep making me laugh now
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thereprisesystem · 6 months ago
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two recent pick rews and two pick tures
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luna-azzurra · 1 year ago
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Good Traits Gone Bad
Empathy turning into manipulation
Imagine a character who is deeply empathetic, someone who genuinely feels and understands the emotions of others. At first, this makes them incredibly compassionate and kind, always there to lend an ear or offer comfort. But over time, this empathy begins to shift. Instead of just understanding how others feel, they start to use that understanding to manipulate those around them. They know exactly what to say to get people to do what they want, twisting their caring nature into a tool for control. What once was a beautiful gift becomes a weapon, used to bend others to their will without them even realizing it.
Confidence becoming arrogance
Think of someone who exudes confidence—someone who knows their worth and isn’t afraid to go after what they want. This kind of self-assuredness is magnetic and inspiring, drawing people in. But sometimes, this confidence can grow into something darker. The character starts to believe they’re always right, that their way is the best and only way. They dismiss others’ ideas and opinions, thinking they know better than everyone else. What was once a healthy self-esteem turns into arrogance, pushing people away as they start to feel belittled and unappreciated.
Ambition turning into obsession
Picture a character who is ambitious and driven, always striving for the next big achievement. Their dedication is admirable, pushing them to work hard and aim high. But ambition can have a dark side, too. Slowly, their drive becomes an obsession. They start to focus solely on their goals, willing to sacrifice anything or anyone who stands in their way. Friends, family, and even their own health fall by the wayside as they chase success at any cost. What was once an admirable quality turns destructive, consuming them completely.
Loyalty becoming blind devotion
Loyalty is such a beautiful trait. A loyal character is dependable, someone who stands by the people they care about no matter what. But loyalty can also become dangerous if it goes too far. This character might start to overlook red flags or harmful behaviors, sticking by someone or something even when it’s clearly detrimental. They become so blindly devoted that they lose sight of their own well-being and moral compass. What starts as a positive trait turns into a kind of self-destructive stubbornness, harming them more than helping.
Courage turning into recklessness
Imagine someone who’s incredibly brave, always ready to face challenges head-on and stand up for what they believe in. At first, this courage is inspiring, giving them the strength to overcome obstacles and help others. But sometimes, courage can cross a line. It turns into recklessness, making them take unnecessary risks without considering the consequences. They start to believe they’re invincible, putting themselves and others in danger because they’re too focused on proving their bravery. What was once a powerful strength becomes a dangerous flaw.
Determination becoming stubbornness
There’s something admirable about a character who never gives up, no matter how tough things get. Their determination helps them push through difficulties and keep going when others might quit. But when that determination turns into stubbornness, it’s a different story. They refuse to change their minds, even when all the signs point to a different path. They ignore advice, dismiss alternative viewpoints, and stick to their course out of sheer willpower, even when it’s clearly not working. Their once-praiseworthy persistence becomes a source of frustration for those around them.
Optimism becoming naivety
Someone who always looks on the bright side, no matter what. Their optimism is contagious, lifting the spirits of those around them and helping them see the silver lining in every situation. But if they aren’t careful, this optimism can morph into naivety. They might start ignoring real dangers or fail to recognize when they’re being taken advantage of. Their rosy outlook makes them blind to harsh realities, and they become easily deceived or led astray, all because they’re so focused on seeing the good in everything and everyone.
Protectiveness turning into possessiveness
A character who is naturally protective of their loved ones, always looking out for them and ensuring they’re safe and happy. This protectiveness is heartwarming and makes those around them feel cherished. But when protectiveness goes too far, it can become possessiveness. The character starts to feel like they own the people they care about, becoming overly controlling and jealous. They start dictating others' actions, justifying it as care, but it’s really about their need to keep everything under their control. What started as a caring instinct turns into something suffocating and unhealthy.
Altruism becoming self-neglect
Think about a character who is incredibly selfless, always putting others' needs before their own. They’re the kind of person who would give you the shirt off their back, always ready to help, always there for everyone. But this selflessness can go too far. It turns into self-neglect, where they completely disregard their own needs and well-being. They keep giving and giving until they have nothing left, leading to burnout and exhaustion. Their altruism, while beautiful, ends up harming them because they don’t know how to set boundaries or take care of themselves.
Honesty becoming brutal bluntness
There’s a lot to be said for a character who is straightforward and honest, someone who tells it like it is and doesn’t sugarcoat the truth. People appreciate their transparency and trustworthiness. But when honesty turns into brutal bluntness, it’s no longer a positive trait. This character starts to disregard others' feelings, using their honesty as an excuse to be harsh and tactless. Their words cut deep, hurting those around them, all in the name of being truthful. What was once refreshing candor becomes a source of pain, as they lose sight of the importance of kindness in communication.
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arolesbianism · 10 months ago
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I am pausing my comical neglect of Kii for a second to flesh out their backstory more and I finally have a decent image for their general character arc, besties who are in a constant state of "I can fix him" when the ppl they're trying to help unionize against their attempts to help (it's because Kii is like 90% using helping ppl to avoid confronting their own issues and the gang are desperately trying to get them to see that)
#rat rambles#oc posting#kii generally considers themself a kind and patient person and they are for the most part but they also have some pretty bad anger issues#its smth that theyre extremely self conscious abt but they kind of just tell themself that their anger is justified to try to ignore it#and like. some of the things they get angry abt are justified. but like being angry abt specific things and not being able to stop yourself#from lashing out are different things#they were actually pretty shitty to miko when they first met especially since they felt justified doing it#it wasnt until miko cracked under the pressure being put on him to solve everything that kii started to feel guilty enough to stop actively#snapping at her#after they started traveling together kii began to warm up to miko especially when they found out miko has mad mommy issues#they actually did help miko quite a bit but the character development that they helped miko have put them in a stable enough place to#realize that kii wasnt in a much better place mentally and this was amplified after mar and mip became friends#kii took it Really badly since mip had been working with midas and lashed out hard#which made miko and kickz finally draw the line since they were yknow screaming at a child#kii had no idea how to handle the ppl closest to them being genuinely mad at them and as such they initially lashed out more#but after their outburst they quickly fell into an anxious guilty yet still angry spiral as they desperately tried to feel justified still#but then mar ran away and they freaked out since while they were angry they still care abt mar deeply and they didnt want her gone#and the others were all like you sure dont show that conpassion very well when you fucking scream at them for being friends with the first#person their age theyve ever met#and we get fun kii character arc stuff as they slowly start to grapple with these issues theyve been actively trying to avoid for years
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skitskatdacat63 · 11 months ago
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I randomly looked thru all my random sketches/unfinished wip files and I'm just mentally shaking past Catie like "WHY DIDNT YOU FINISH THESE!?"
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