#fucking shit mother.
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i had the worst feeling about jessica roderick for so long and seeing A finally speak about it makes me proud of her. she already privated the video, but holy fucking shit. do not send your children to wilderness camp, don’t let your children starve themself.
jess noticed and waited until A was literally fucking dying and asking for help before she did anything about it.
don’t do that shit.
#jess also privated her insta earlier today#my gods#i was looking through A’s comments and jess literally blocked all of her friends on A’s phone while A was in treatment?#fucking shit mother.#i feel bad for the two other kids in that house#tw ed#tw ed mention#tw 3d#tw 3d mention#evan’s rambles#family of nomads
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Au where obito got a crush on the new guy (sukea) and is just a guy failure abt it.
#obkk#obikaka#obito uchiha#obito x kakashi#kakashi hatake#kakashi x obito#naruto shippuden#rin nohara#team minato#minato namikaze#guy failure obito is so real#Rin just enjoying the show fr#Minato just a proud mother#Kakashi confused asf#Obito: man that Sukea guy is soo cool.. oh shit i think i like like the guy#Kakashi: fucking trips on air#Obito: Tf's up witchu? I'm the one with one eye bakashi#Rin: *in her head* y'all are BOTH blind jfc.#Minato: haha my bb's are growing up so fast
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you motherfuckers have no concept of what "land back" or "decolonize" even mean. you're too busy demonizing entire groups of people, terrified, shitting yourselves, that they'll do even half of the horrors to you that you've done to them for decades or centuries. this shit comes off as hella racist for real. you hate arabs so much. you hate first nations people so much. you hate black people so much. even if you sympathize with them, you can't fucking bear the idea of them gaining freedom, independence, autonomy, safety, because you're so, so scared they'll hurt you back and cause chaos in the streets. these same people who just want to rebuild. who just want to go home. who just want to see their families again. who just want food. who just want medical care. who just want dry, warm shelter. you're so focused on the ideas of colonization, of "us vs. them", of one people displacing the other for a state to exist, that you cannot comprehend coexistence, and your only idea of peace is if an entire group of people were just gone and dead.
grow the fuck up. for the love of GOD, grow the fuck up.
#eli talks#rant#i just watched a video shared by someone i'd been following a while denying the genocide occuring in gaza entirely#are you kidding. are you fucking kidding me.#the video was trying to run with the idea that “from the river to the sea” means jewish people will be expelled from the region#no the fuck it does not you stupid motherfucker that's NOT what decolonization is#anyway. land back. decolonize. from the river to the sea. peace and love on planet earth.#stop razing olive trees. stop scorching the earth. stop bombing hospitals and schools. stop destroying the sea.#if i have to see another palestinian child undergo anesthesia-free amputation im going to start being physically fucking violent#if i have to see another mother with blood on her hands wailing and begging for her child to come back im going to start burning shit#one day all the people of palestine will be free. muslims and jews and christians and all and none.#one day all the people of sudan will be free. all the people in the congo will be free. all the peoples in the americas will be free.#and all the other occupied places suffering genocides and ethnic cleansings that the news neglects to mention. theyll be free too.
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don’t get how you can watch iwtv and be a sincere diehard lestat hater. like the world’s biggest lestat hater is louis and that man can’t even commit to it for more than five minutes before literally hallucinating lestat wearing a wedding ring and talking pretty to him. this show is about louis and every road leads back to lestat for that man
#nobody hates lestat like the men who have brain rot about him#like that’s Claudia’s mother their whole thing is far too messy to be reduced to hate#like sorry that was her mumdadbastardparent. too complicated to get it sorted out right#madeleine didn’t even know him#daniel doesn’t know him (yet)#santiago will bend over for any vampire with more power than him unless they don’t like him#(then he’ll seethe while imagining getting fucked) so in another life he’d dickride lestat or seethe at him and louis hardcore#uhhh. who else knows this bitch. his momma dipped she got her own shit going on she don’t really think about him#maybe Louis’ family are bigger lestat haters but they’re all dead#armand hates him but that’s entirely dwarfed by the sex thing and also he’s way more obsessed with daniel. lestat is not touching that thing#so yeah it’s just louis who knows him deep enough to be a true pure hater#and louis loves him so so so much. so it’s kinda over this show is literally about these two#attacking each other and then holding hands. or punishing the other for 77 years#so. yay!!!#this is not the show for you louis gets the mic for like five minutes n he’s immediately going ‘so there’s this blond-’#like we all didn’t know. get off the stage!!!!!! silence on the blond guy. but alas. louis has the mic still so it’s blond guy central#louis de pointe du lac#ldpdl#lestat de lioncourt#loustat#iwtv#interview with the vampire
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You're all fucking wrong about Catholic Jason he wouldn't feel guilt about Jack shit, ESPECIALLY not killing. He would get the All-Blades and be convinced that this is God's go ahead and divine confirmation that he's right about everything and all of his opinions are valid and everyone who opposes his worldview is a moron blinded by idealism and naivete.
#Jason should have a little bit of a god complex#there are lots of hints towards him being religious#the angel on his headstone his mother being named fucking Catholic a lot of his fire and brimstone beliefs#that whole timeline where he was a priest#but you guys seem to think there's only one way to be Catholic and interpret religious texts#you guys keep writing him like Helena but I am positive that they would disagree vehemently on a lot of things#I know we all want to project our religious guilt on our favorite blorbo but my boy doesn't give a shit#he has never felt guilt about anything because he believes that he is moral and right as much as Bruce and Cass believe they are#dc#jason todd#catholic jason todd#his mother is named Catherine**#I'm not retyping those tags
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BIG BOTTLE ROCKET!
#earthbound#jeff andonuts#mother 2#my art#this took me not even an hour I shit you not I don’t know what happened I blacked out#I don’t know why Jeff of all people possessed my hand either#love Jeff tho he’s my friend#been replaying earthbound for the third time while I’m fucked up with bronchitis rn so
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really disappointing that bunjywunjy had to be pestered twice just to quietly remove their reblog after using their huge platform to encourage garbage like raving about the lesbian estonian soviet flag and how 'new pride flag just dropped' so people could go 'ooh pretty' about a flag that was forced onto us by ppl who wanted our culture gone and oppressed us for about a century in total if not more.
to say nothing or not show anything of the truth about that flag and quietly remove the reblog felt more like it was done out of obligation (and you didn't agree) rather than care for the subject matter that is still a fresh wound in our country's memory. it's only been 33 years since it ended.
I'd rather you make the mistake about something you didn't know (eastern european history is easy for westeners to overlook, because we're not a big country like them, we're not england or france or spain or germany) and admit/apologize for said mistake or even just outright state that you don't actually care rather than say nothing and quietly remove something so that people would stop talking about it
#regardless of your opinions on communism the ussr was a tragedy for much of eastern europe#and we still suffer under its effects today#did you know that when the ussr occupied us that estonians couldn't even be the majority of the population in our own country?#they flooded in and tried to make our country like them#they arrested anyone who wore the colors of our flag#and all while they settled into our countries (it wasnt just estonia but amywhere they occupied) they forcefully deported us out of it#into moving steel boxes of the trains in the harsh winter#people packed in like anchovies with barely any room to die from the starvation#but nobody talks about that#nobody cares about eastern europe#nobody bothers#so i get american tankies telling me garbage like how im just reciting 'CIA propaganda'#as if i give a fuck about what some yankoid organization in some unrelated country says#our families lived that shit#at the time i was born the only people who couldve gotten an estonian birth certificate were still children#what do you think our mothers and fathers and grandmothers and grandfathers lived in?#people only care that a flag looks pretty#and not what the flag actually meant
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yea
#i had posted this everywhere and it occurred to me that i hadnt on tumblr. which seems like a crime#keith kogane#vld keith#vld lance#vld fanart#lance mcclain#voltron#klance#can i rant for a bit#grabs the microphone Id like to thank this huge step on my voltron healing journey to my mom#who said 'oh its that show that made you cry in frustration! the kitties!'#and i said 'yes mother i was 15'#i dont think ive ever felt so. like. bullied? i dont wanna say ridiculed but#by a shows' producer#not since fucking BBC SHERLOCK#and i dont mean oh of course it wasnt gonna be canon. Of cours it wasnt I dont mean that#what i didnt need was getting baited left and right#the show milked the shit out of. lets be real here. young queer kids and then turned around and pointed and laughed when they gained hope on#their silly red blue ship to get canon#bc lets be real if anything queer was gonna happen. ambiguous non binary pidge was already there#two skinny attractive teen boys is like low hanging fruit. diet rep#but it wasnt even abt that. at least i truly never thought klance was srly gonna b canon. i HOPED. but like. i never shipped 4 canon anyway#i LIKED voltron. i loved lotor. i had always been a multishipper allur//ce was rkly cute i couldve dug that#if they hadnt spent the last season looking miserable AND THEN DYING#tf u mean our female lead died TF U MEAN THE LATINO MC BECAME A FARMER? w the forever marks of his dead gf on his face? Are you joking rn???#anyway. hit me up for more voltron opinions i got tons#(mic drop)
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kpop stans literally have no backbone LMAOOO when skz gets hate for collaborating with more and more zionists because as we can see they are VERY well welcomed by stays, dont come crying. what a useless fandom. literally we had one job and it’s to NOT platform a zionist and an israeli settler but nooooooo 💔💔💔 people are losing their jobs and students are being arrested for protesting against israel but 90% of stays cant even boycott ONE song.
it’s not a coincidence that zionists are infiltrating kpop i need u to PLEASE utilize ur critical thinking skills and realize that those zionist brands/artists/companies are looking for new audiences to gain since they’re being shunned away. this is only the beginning this isn’t a matter of supporting skz alone PLEASE
it could’ve been you born in palestine and it would’ve been your people and family and friends and loved ones that are genocied. and then you’d be the one asking people to not platform zionists and to shame them but oh well. good luck living life being this fucking spineless
#im literally seething this is so fucking crazy#bottom line so many stays are zionists and if not zionism apologists which is just as bad#do you guys even follow what israel is doing because i cant fathom reading just about ONE massacre that happened this past 7 months#or seeinf one mother crying for her child or a journalist weeping for his colleague or an old man crying for his wife#and supporting this collab like#please if u’ll listen to this if you’ll interact with its shit then block me gtfo#i dont like you at all and you are part of the problem#tags directed at those stays specifically#stray kids#skz
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#sadnees#tw depressing thoughts#depressing shit#tw depressing stuff#quotes#childhood truama#childhood ptsd#tw ptsd#generational truama#truamacore#tw truama#wound tw#tw selfhate#tw abuse#mother#child abuse#abandoned#complex ptsd#im hurtin#mentally tired#mentally fucked#inner child#childhood#im trying#this is me trying#toxic parents#i am in pain#self h4te#why am i like this#just why
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DID YOU FORGET THAT HELLISFOREVER!!!!
Bonus:
#IF HELL IS FOREVER THEN HEAVEN MUST BE A LIE MOTHER FUCKER#fuck man shit this show is so good fuck#Hazbin Hotel#vannahrt#I cant stop listening to the soundtrack#good job team u did it#hazbin art#charlie morningstar#vaggie#vaggie hazbin hotel#charlie x vaggie#do they have a ship name?#emily seraphim#welcome to heaven
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Meet cute
[At this point Brakul is a prisoner of war, speaks very little Wardi, and understands just enough to get that Janeys is A) asking for him to expand on his given name and B) being mad annoying. So he’s listing off his entire ancestry.]
[TEXT]
Janeys: You must have a name. Mine is Haidamane. "jay-nees hai-dah-mah-nay". You might have heard of it? My father funds the entire Yellowtail route.
Brakul: ...Ok.
Janeys: So you haven't. Well I guess that's to be expected. What's your name then? Your name?
Brakul: Brakul.
Janeys: Brakul what?
Brakul: ...Brakul?
Janeys: What's after that? Don't tell me you don't have a surname.
Brakul: I have.
Janeys: So what is it?
Brakul: Brakul virsum Kuligan, et Dirunys et Fetken et Brakul et Gornaid et Ultarnaith et Bril et Finntaigr et Kulsagh et Guimír et Magdenarch et Ailahstaigr et Fírudai et Borunil
Janeys: Ok.
Brakul: et Kulniad et Brinsaid et Ullyos et Bruníl
Janeys: Ok I get it.
Brakul: et Áibethil et Findelaithe et Bratuvhed
Janeys: Ok yeah you're-. You're fucking with me. That's hilarious.
Brakul: et Maebra
Janeys: You're so funny. You're-. Uh.
Brakul: et Damaekul et Bisheldir
Janeys: STOP.
Brakul: et Ludseig
#Listing his ancestors names is also a means of invoking their protection especially because he thinks he's about to be sacrificed#but he is mostly just fucking with him. The exact proper way would be to add another 'virsum' before his mother's name (Borunil)#to designate the switch to the female line but he doesn't want to break up the monotony#Janeys will see him pull this same shit years later on other people asking annoying questions about his name and be like#I feel like he's mad at me??????#brakul red dog#janeys haidamane#the white calf#Not really this is like 13 years prior but#Goes in the tag.
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She’s such a good mother figure it makes me cry.
Quick something because my brain has rotted to a degree.
#art#fanart#my art#original art#Steven universe#Steven universe fanart#Steven universe fan art#su#su garnet#garnet su#Steven universe garnet#garnet Steven universe#garnet#eyestrain#?#I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losing it I’m losiNG MY MARBLES#so silly#NEXT MONTH IS JULY. FINALS AND UHHH PROJECTS YEAH fuck science fairs I thought it was gonna be exciting but can’t be happy with mental illne#ss#venting aside I absolutely love garnet she’s my favorite she’s the mother I want to have. already love my mother but can’t she just be her#oh yeah her fusion with amethyst GURL ITS NICKI MINAJ#MEOOOOW slay slayslayslayslay#I have not watched steven universe though I do not know shit I just know that I want to be adopted by garnet#crying right now#I didn’t know that missing therapy one time would fuck me up this hard
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The Nurturing Queen and the Greedy Duke
Credit to @sky00asara in this post for this idea I love guys who are moms (if you get what I mean) This will follow the same rough story beats but will still have a little of my own flair.
The Nuturing Queen, Mother of the Wandering Princess and Erratic Prince, has been said to provide protection and inspire devotion to all who come across her. Praised as Balance and Duality personified, she is a large influence and very commonly mentioned in every scroll, book, art piece, and all magic artifacts that Constantine has seen. He's heard from so many beings of how great she is, her feats, and her being the largest connection between the Unknown Realms and Earth.
Here comes the problem. The Nurturing Queen has an enemy who's been around just as long as she has, who's also been seen not long after wherever she goes, chasing her trail and lurking. The Greedy Duke. He wishes to have her as his own, and take the throne to himself, subsequently plunging the Unknown Realms into chaos. Whenever he confronts the Nurturing Queen, legendary battles commence, and he is beat back.
But now, things are going wrong. The Lazurus Pits have been reported as acting, well, erratic. The Erratic Prince, some beings say, has been seen discussing things with the Greedy Duke. They fear his loyalties may not lie with his family.
A shift has been felt in the magics community. Unknown Realms Beings have ventured into Earth, either out of curiosity or to wreak havoc. Now, at the watchtower, JLD work out how to summon a being and demand to know what's going on, the rest of the Justice League desperate.
When they finally do summon one, they're launched into the Unknown Realms as an answer, told to "Find our Queen" as the being dissappears. They're on a floating island in a green void.
#dpxdc#Dcxdp#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dp x dc prompt#danny phantom#danielle phantom#dan phantom#queen mother danny phantom#good parents jack and maddie#redeemed vlad#you may notice I love making titlesTM#Literally so fun to make them up#The translator is broken.#Because the guy who worked on it infinitely ago was a bit distracted.#He thought he saw a cool ghost bird.#Gender is very much optional for ghosts.#Ones that came from a living person just have it internalized#Concepts were more concerned with woah I exist holy shit I can do things what the fuck#Clockwork has sent the 3D's on many time travel missions.#The Infinite Realms are known as the Unknown Realms to mortals for obvious reasons.#Vlad is also sent by Clockwork separately.#Lots of people have seen Danny and Vlad disagree and bicker. Certain opinions are formed.#Vlad's mannerisms make him look. Well...#Danny's fine. Vlad just needed to take over for him since he had to focus on schoolwork for a bit. Or maybe something else. It's up to you.#Continuations are accepted and loved.#btw sky if you read this I absolutely loved the painting. Loved it. 10/10 would look at again.#Misunderstanding#ghost king danny#shenanigans
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speaking of stiles stilinski, the way the entire fandom like. warped his character completely for so many years is still one of my favorite talking points because what do you MEAN pack mother. what do you mean he’s this selfless hero who would sacrifice himself for his supernatural found family…???????????? girl. 90% of the characters we’ve met he’s either distrusted and theorized as killers (most of the time being right to some length but that’s beyond the point) like a cat who hisses when their owners friends come over, and the other half he’s like. made multiple comments about wanting to kill or been. unnecessarily catty to. like . that motherfucker CRAVES violence. the entire show would’ve been completely fucking different if he was the main character. why did the fandom take these things from him when they make him SO interesting
#scott is his impulse control. like that is a canon fact#scott says actually we’re befriending all of these werewolves with morally dubious backstories :)) and he begrudgingly stops thinking about#drugging their food#stiles is just a guy. who got dragged into supernatural shit. because he really really liked his best friend. and if you want a charscters#who’s a selfless mother hen THE WHOLE SERIES REVOLVES AROUND SCOTT MCCALL.#teen wolf#scott mccall#stiles stilinski#stiles teen wolf#sciles#derek hale#long post#he doesn’t trust because scott trusts too much. scott says jump he says how high etc etc#EVERYONE CALLING LIAM HIS SON. DO YOU FORGET HOW MUCH HE VISCERALLY HATED THAT FUCKING KID 😭
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Please let Astarion meet Tav's family and have a younger sibling like 6 be like im gonna marry the prince points at Astarion.
Tav : Sorry, im married to the prince
NO IM GONNA MARRY THE PRINCE
That's so fucking cute kill me. But I just realized AFTER I finished it I read this wrong 😭😭 I read it as "marry" instead of "married" so whoops now it's an asking for your hand in marriage fic.
Also, I'm going to make this a weird little, unofficial, alternate reality, off shoot of this fic to explain away why Astarion can be in the sun without ascending because I am ~lazy~
Quick summary if you didn't read it, Tav serves Selune, gets a blessing for all the good work, and uses it to cure the anti-light issue of the vampirism (but not all of it). It's not a literal extension of that fic but I'm stealing my own plot explanations. That's it! Now here we go:
~
Astarion wasn't nervous per se. He was just... on edge. And the two-week journey it took to get here wasn't helping things, not when it gave him so much time to ruminate in his thoughts. He never expected to be in the position of "meeting the family," let alone in anticipation for asking for someone's hand in marriage.
Astarion wasn't even quite sure how his life got here. He had always fantasized that a life without Cazador would be one of selfish hedonism, not one where he would be legitimately concerned about a damn six year old sibling's first impression of him.
But then you came along, effortlessly shattering all of his grandiose plans with a batt of your eyelashes. Perhaps the entire journey of falling in love was more complicated, but it felt like it was that simple. In hindsight, he never stood a chance against you, but it was hilarious that there was a time he ever thought he did.
All of his prior dreams and fantasies felt like nothing in comparison to just being with you. It had been a year since you both saved the Sword Coast, a beautiful, fantastic year. That had ended with him somehow more in love with you now than when he first confessed. Selune's blessing had certainly helped with that he was sure. He still couldn't quite believe that you would use a god's blessing on him of all people, but gods, was he appreciative. Because being able to walk in the sun again meant that he could live the life he wanted, with no restrictions. He could be the partner you deserved, the kind that a father would happily say yes to when asking for your hand.
Which brought him back to his current dilemma. Perhaps he hadn't seen any of your family members in the time you'd been together, but he had heard plenty. You loved them all to death, especially your little sister. You wrote to them constantly, the mere sight of a letter from your parents enough to put you in a great mood for the rest of the day. He was aware that your mother was supposedly a saint, a fact that your own father had instilled in you often. He knew that they had a wonderful, loving marriage and were both higher ups in the Church of Selune. A fact that Astarion didn't particularly enjoy.
As grateful to the moon goddess as he was, he was aware that you were an expectation to the very normal belief that vampires were bad. And that marrying one was one of the stupidest things you could ever do from an average person's perspective, let alone a Selunite.
Why you hadn't done the smart thing and lied about what he was, Astarion would never know. But he did know that the thought of their rejection over his admittedly sordid history was putting him in a tailspin.
"They're going to love you," You said for the hundredth time, giving his hand a squeeze as you led him up the steps to your childhood home, "You have nothing to worry about sweetheart. I promise."
Astarion highly doubted that, but you were already knocking on the front door before he had a chance to argue. The door instantly slammed open, a beaming child already launching themselves at you before Astarion could process what was happening.
But you were more prepared them he was. You effortlessly caught them in your arms, laughing at their excited shouting, "Titi! You're late!"
So this was the famous Arabeth.
"No, I'm not!" You laughed as you settled her on your hip, "And what happened to my little girl's manners huh? You haven't even introduced yourself yet."
The child glanced over at him, like she was just realizing for the first time that someone else was standing over there. She looked a little shocked at the sight of him, staring at him with wide eyes. Wide enough for Astarion to start to wonder if something was on his face.
He gave her a little wave only for her to bury her face into your shoulder, peeking out at him with her lips pursed. Which was not the best start to the whole making his darling's family actually like him plan.
"Well, as you've probably guessed this is Arabeth. She's just a little shy," You reassured as you stepped inside, muttering a quick invitation inside under your breath. He appreciated that, he didn't need the whole house to be reminded of his... limitations.
"But she'll get over it soon enough," You continued as you called into the house, "Mom? Dad? We're here!"
And just like that they were rushing into the room, acting just as excited as your sister had been. Your mother wasted no time in smothering your face with kisses while your father swept you up into a hug. It was a rather impressive display of coordination, considering how they hadn't managed to knock you and your sister to the floor in the process. Astarion was pretty sure they were both saying something along the lines of We missed you! But it was hard to tell with all of you so tangled up in each other.
It was heartwarming to see, in all honestly. Of course such a loving person would come from an equally loving family, what else would he expect?
Though he certainly hadn't been expecting for your mother to throw her arms around him next. She brought him into a tight hug before looking him up and down, "So you're Astarion huh?"
She turned back to you, grinning ear to ear with her hands set on Astarion's shoulders, "He's so handsome! Selune help us, do you remember the last boy you brought home? He had a nose the length of my arm-"
"And that's enough of that," You said with a strained laugh, pulling your eccentric mother back a few inches, "And we've talked about the impromptu hugs. What happened to asking for permission?"
"Sorry, sorry!" She said with a wave of her hand, "Let me try again. I'm Seliras, and this is my husband-"
"Marcoul," Your father interrupted, putting his hand out for Astarion to shake, "It's been awhile since we've met a boyfriend."
"He's a little more than that," You said with a sigh as everyone exchanged pleasantries.
"We'll be the judge of that," Marcoul said with a sharp but friendly grin, the grip he had on Astarion's hand briefly tightening before he let go, "From what we've heard, you're quite the character aren't you?"
Ah, so the interrogating was starting early then. It was nothing that Astarion hadn't expected. Besides, turning up the charm was his strong suit, even when he was uncharacteristically nervous.
Astarion smiled back at him, "You've heard right. And I'm more than happy to answer any questions you might have."
"Oh gods please don't say that," You groaned, but it was too late. Your parents were already leading him to sit, rapid-fire questions coming out of their mouth.
Where are you from? How did you meet? Are you serious about our Tav? What's your religion? Where's your family? What are your plans?
But Astarion answered them all, with only mild censorship for the child's sake. The child who suddenly couldn't stop staring at him. It wasn't exactly easy to sell himself as a future husband when he was a vampiric ex-slave, but he made do.
It was an overwhelming experience to say the least, but not necessarily an unpleasant one. That was one good thing about trying to marry into a family of zealots, it was a lot easier to convince them of your virtue when you received a personal blessing from their goddess.
By the end of the night, they were all throughly appeased, enough so to get off the topic of him for a moment.
"You look a little young to have a thirty-year old child," Astarion said to your mother. He was actively trying to compliment her for obvious reasons, but he was also genuinely curious. She barely looked a day over 40.
"Oh we breed young," She said with a laugh, "We had Tav in our teenage years. Arabeth came much, much later. Our favorite little surprise. Gods, I can't think of a single person in our family who didn't have kids young. Our little Tav is the only exception to the rule."
"But maybe not for much longer, huh?" Marcoul added with a grin, yelping when you lightly smacked him over the head for the comment.
"Do not start the kid talk again!" You hissed out, cheeks red, "We've talked about this!"
Astarion couldn't help but grin at your reaction, charmed by your embarrassment. Though... the idea of the two of you having children together sure was an interesting thought.
Astarion felt a tug on his sleeve while you were distracted arguing with your parents. He turned, smiling when he saw your little sister standing there, still staring at him with wide-eyes.
She took a deep breath before blurting out, "You look like a prince. Are you?"
"Not exactly," Astarion said with a small laugh. That couldn't be further from the truth, "There's no blue blood in my veins."
She frowned, cocking her head at him like he wasn't making any sense. But then an idea obviously struck her as she excitedly asked, "But if you married a princess, then you'd become a prince too. Right?"
"I suppose?" Astarion answered with a shrug.
"So if I become a princess, and I marry you, then you'll be a prince?"
This conversation was quickly becoming out of his depth. But luckily enough for him you were swooping in to save him.
You laughed at her question, turning your attention back to the two of them, "No offense Bethy, but I'm going to be the one marrying this particular prince."
But Arabeth wasn't having it. She crossed her arms, looking at you like she was the one talking to a child, "You can't. Because if I don't marry him, he won't be a prince. So there. I have to do it."
She looked so serious, her facial expressions incredibly similar to your own. Astarion was holding back a loud laugh as you tried and failed to reason with her, "I can marry him without the royal status-"
"No! I'm marrying the prince!"
Your parents were doing a much worse job at hiding their reactions, both of them opening giggling behind their hands as you came up with a compromise.
"Okay, okay," You said with a sigh, kneeling down to look the small girl in the eye, "How about this? I marry him first. But only until you become a princess. Then he's all yours. Sound fair?"
She thought about it for a moment before nodding to herself, "Sounds fair."
Well Astarion wasn't going to get a better set-up then that. He turned to your father, his nerves coming back for a brief appearance, "I'm assuming now might be a good time to ask what I came here to ask. Though I do promise I only intending on asking for one of your children's hand in marriage."
Marcoul nodded slowly, his face unreadable as he spoke, "I mean no offense when I say this Astarion, but you aren't exactly who I imagined for my daughter."
"Dad don't-"
"Darling, let him finish," Astarion gently interrupted, his eyes still locked with your father's.
He took a deep breathe before continuing, "That said, I've never seen her so... herself with someone else before. So yes. The two of you can marry. On one condition."
"Anything," Astarion said instantly, nearly giddy at the fact that he was so close to the official yes, "Just name it."
"You have to have the wedding here," Seliras answered for him, a massive smile on her face, "No ifs, ands, or buts."
"And I get to be flower girl!" Arabeth chimed in, her past indignation completely forgotten as she climbed all over you, "And there has to be chocolate cake!"
"Oh gods, help us," You groaned, but Astarion was already nodding along. He couldn't give less than two shits where it happened or who was involved. He could scarcely believe that it was happening at all. But that was the last thing he had needed.
He already had the ring, the most amazing person he could ever fathom being with. Who actually wanted him back.
Now all he had to do was ask.
#astarion#astarion x reader#astarion x tav#baldur's gate 3#ascended astarion#astarion ancunin#im getting a little meta with these story lines y'all#this mother is half based off my own lol#i was thinking oh gosh am i making him ooc with all of this fluff?#reload my astarion romance save and remember no#the boy really does get down that bad#I literally got the thing in the game where he shits on you SO hard with that prince line so this is cathartic#i have like a fucking marriage/wedding/proposal kink or something man#I hate the reality of it honestly#all of it#but the fantasy has me in it's jaws#chomp chomp#seven more to go!#this one was a little out of my element but like i guess thats the point of the exercise of asks#right?
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