#fucking floor cleaner??
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I’m eating almonds in something and first bite taste like straight fucking floor cleaner mixed with sugar. I’m a little panicked but move on and keep eating. Breakfast is important after all. Everything is fine. Last bite? FUCKING FLOOR CLEANER. I’m pissed! The last bite of my delicious but freaky breakfast?? Floor cleaner??? I fucking look up because I’m two poor choiced words away from crying. AND THIS MF IS ON MY WINDOW WATCHING ME WITH SADISTIC PLEASURE.
#me#fucking floor cleaner??#WHO DOES THAT TO SOMEONE#he has a sadistic look in his eye don’t even tell me I’m wrong because I’m not#he did it#guilty until proven innocent#i’m tired of this grandpa#ITS 8 IN THE GODDAMN MORNING
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i am not immune to launchpad sol and albin thoughts
#ramble tag#its so like. okay.#launchpad was when they 'peaked'. best years of their lives#the . i think what we canonically know happened at launchpad was like.#laquidditch (fun!) christmas special adventures (fun!)#and then . also#getting deeply bullied. sol lightly kidnapped to launchpad. lizer. claudius. 'you made us run until we threw up' 'im pretty sure he got off#on torturing kids'. literally what the fuck was their deal#getting stuck in a spiders web ???? for a semester ?????#......??? getting chased down by a vaccum cleaner ..........#'it got a lot darker near the end' ... fun pretend child endangerment#like . man.#not to sound CRAZY or anything. does anyone get the impression launchpad was like. a bad ? time ? for them ?? like. it just straight up. bad#by god does it rlly sound to me like#the feeling of when high school was so bad it made ur life a living hell to be in. and u were truly just. surviving#but then youd b goofing off w ur friends in a little dorm. and the stress and the exhaustion seems to color everything that isnt that.#in a beautiful hazy rosy golden film#it hurt but the hurt was monotonous and dull. so all u remember were those shining bright in betweens#sol and albie sneaking into the kitchen and enchanting the self moving cookingware and just seeing what happens#and watching mothership approved saturday morning cartoons in bed#and studying together late at night n sol tucks albin in after hes crashed from hiss allnighter#and passing notes in class#and all that free time over crittermas breaks to do stupid dares and long rambling conversations abt nothing#sol knits albie his first sweater#they have their first beer together#they come back after a really bad day for the both of them and lie on the floor and talk abt anything but that#albin practices spells on sol and its not a good or safe idea but its probably fine#albin pettily bitching about his assigned partner for an arcana class project and sol blindly tsking his side always#only wizards can check out library books and albie checks out all sols books for him#...... anyway
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every time my dad does anything he has to do it in the most annoying and loudest way possible. and honestly i'm not sure if he means to or he's just really goddamn stupid but it's really really grating. and i'm suffering the werewolf curse rn so i'm ready to die
#motherfucker decides he's going to vacuum and mop the kitchen and dining room.#has to make a lot of noise. has to get out the broken vacuum cleaner and fuck with it for ten minutes before deciding 'oh i will get the on#that does work' like an intelligent person#doesn't know where the cleaning supplies are. jess tells him and he gets the wrong one.#plugged in a fan to dry the floor and somehow it flipped the breaker? he asks where my flashlight is so he can see to flip it back#i tell him it's on the bookshelf. the TOP of the bookshelf. what does he do? rub his filthy bleach hands all over my books#then finally goes 'oh it's right here'. YEAH DUH. i said on top of the bookshelf and Pointed at it. please pleasepl easeeee someone killme#also! last night at 11pm (when i wanted to go to goddamn bed bc i had to get up EARLY so i could take my old dog to his 9am app)#he decided he wanted some food. asked me how long to boil macaroni#when it says so on the box. i tell him.#then he opened the box like fucking wolverine i guess! and had to pour the box into a ziploc bag.#like why are you a 50smth TODDLER?!#how have you lived this long?#is it the alcoholism or smth else? i just GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#anyway sorry for this vent post but i hate having to be alive anyway#but when my Organs are misbehaving and roger is on the loose i really want to run into traffic#lol#diaerie#delete later
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#you wanna know what i fucking did today?#cleaned inside my freezer. outaide of my fridge. did the dishes. dusted the blinds#cleaned the bathroom sink. took all stuff off the walls. cleaned the microwave. cleaned my bedroom window#cleaned the kitchen baseboards. under the fridge. under the oven#packed up my art supplies and some clothes#cleaned my bathroom door. front door. wiped my bedroom walls. cleaned the bathroom floor#cleaned my stove top. tidied my bedroom floor. and listed my dresser in two facebook sell groups#all within about 2.5 hours#isnt that fuckin wild?? im so tired#oh and i sold my table. i had to get up early for that. and i went for a walk to get a fun little drink#my apartment is starting to get pretty empty. furniture is going and stuff is getting packed into bins. its wack#i need to put my shit furniture by the dumpster. isnt it lovely how we put furniture by the dumpster so others can take it#i mean. the sign by mine says not to put furniture in it. so maybe its just some malicious compliance by putting it next to the dumpster#but ive heard that furniture goes next to the dumpster so that others can take it. thats where i got my desk and my mirror#im gonna miss my desk. its so cute and i love it. but i dont have space. i dont mind getting rid of the other furniture tho#its shit furniture from estate sales that i bought out of necessity#now someone can have my shit furniture if they want it#its kind of fun to see my apartment get emptier and cleaner tho. my moving time is coming up and im so excited#its wild to look at the list of shit i cleaned today. i made a list in my notebook so i could keep track of what i was doing#and its really satisfying to cross stuff off of a list. it takes up almost a whole page length#im exhausted now tho. that was a lot of fucking cleaning#okay bye
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🙃🔫.
#this place is very much not clean at all#it’s not like actively unhygienic but still way more cleaning than you’d expect to do when moving in somewhere#also the reason for this delayed move is bc our landlord was remodeling the kitchen#…it looks the exact fucking same?!!!!!#all thats different is the floor which is whatever. I thought he’d at least change the cabinets but they’re still the same old and gross one#ones as before!!!! fuck my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#he said he could hire professional cleaners for us but he’s still not even done with the kitchen and it’ll be another 2 weeks before he’s#done so we can’t get the cleaners until after that so either we just live like this for half a month or we just suck it up and try to deep c#clean ourselves. but no matter how many times I go over the drawers and countertops the wipes still come up beige#i hate everything#ramblings#to be fair i hated my last place and I eventually came to appreciate it#hopefully it’ll be the same here. but just that transition period is so rough. at least that last place was actually clean!!!!! plus i had m#my parents to help me then 😭#i want to go home
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God adulthood sucks like you only have so many hours in a day and younger me would have spent 4 hours of a Sunday drawing and instead I cleaned my living room floor and furniture bc of the pipe flood on the 9th and like im not gonna get tumblr clout and external validation for vacuuming and mopping my apartment the way I would for a drawing that took me 3 hours
#also like it’s so cruel that I keep having disasters in my apartment that mean I have to spend the first weeks of the semester using all my#free time washing things or wiping them down etc#bc like yes this is the part of the semester that I have the most free time to do this cleaning#but also this is the part of the semester with the most free time and instead of spending that on having fun I’m huffing floor cleaner#tbh my friend keeps accidentally being insensitive saying how she doesn’t know what to do with herself because we’re not under overwhelming#stress at the moment and it’s so hard to be delicate about being like speak for you fucking self my life is in shambles#like she did let me crash in her guest bedroom while my apartment was being dried so like she’s nice and it’s just she wants to#bond about not being stressed from school but I am not relating bc I’m being stressed from life#also I cut my foot moving my end table#through my sock even#I was wearing shoes it’s the side of my foot
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#poverty#humor#urban#folk#momma#scabies#detergent#any of y'all grow up so poor that yo momma only put just enough detergent in yo laundry so you don't get scabies?#poor#soap an water#then when you moved out you used so much soap it made you itchy?#you tried five brands before you asked and found your mom was using generic dish soap. diluted.#then after two weeks of your shitty first job- you find out about simple green from a coworker.#because smelling like floor cleaner is better than smellin like cigarettes and puke.#green clean#™#it's good to dilute simple green™ though because that shit so strong.#buy that two gallon motherfucker that you can only get at the hardware store. that'll last you your whole life!#don't forget it under the sink when you move out. no matter how bad you fucked up to get kicked out. or what you owed on rent.#grab. that. shit. nigga or cracka as the case may be. esse. what do Asians call one another? I don't have a joke. IDK honestly. what?
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last night in this house... sleeping on air mattresses... still have leftover bits of stuff to move out in the morning.... so odd
#personal#rip bc the other house we were gonna move into is uninhabitable lmao#the tenants uhh lowkey trashed it 8)#like. the walls are coated in mysterious residue#all floors are dirty some are weirdly sticky#just random weird things are broken- they fucked up several blinds one of which looks like. some animal chewed on the string or sth 8)#so yeah we were gonna like clean and lightly redo some stuff but it needs a full remodel#so we don't know where we're gonna live for a bit 8)#maybe a hotel but all of the larger extended stay suites are apparently already booked#and the former tenant is after my parents to return their full deposit. bro the place looks like a before in a fixer upper home remodel sho#they were like we lived here 7 yrs paid you xxxxxx in rent probably paid half your mortgage (as a reason to return their full deposit)-#bro that's just the agreement you made when renting not a favor you're doing... like you left the place nowhere near same or similar#condition. and the sheer amount of damage canNOT be 'regular tear and wear'#it's a fuckton of tear and wear at best#like. random shelves and bits inside the fridge are broken too#we lived in our current house like 9 yrs or sth and yeah it's worn down but there isn't trashed blinds and gross residue everywhere#they apparently paid a cleaner but there's only so much a cleaner can do lol like you gotta just knock it back and redo it#the buyers of this place were being annoying too lmao they came on Monday for what we thought slash were told was a walkthru#but like obv we hadn't finished moving out yet cuz today was the big move...#and they brought their agent and a contractor and we like let them look around and answered q#and then today. they had the gall. to insist they be let in for a 'real' walk thru tmr at 7am#7am??#also bro we're not done moving out fully yet and tbh we won't be at 7am tmr!#anyway we pushed back bc wtf they literally already came thru several times the guy even wanted a second inspection and he came here for it
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im sticking my head in the sand to ignore All Of The Infighting Discourse i’ve seen on this app the last couple days to bring you news of the Real infighting that actually matters: my personal vendetta i have now developed against the catering staff where i work. next time i see one of those guys im gonna maul them
#x#i can’t believe i used to think that one catering guy i saw around all the time was cute. he’s now my nemesis#sorry if u think ur too good for us cleaners or whatever but at least do ur JOBS!!!#i am SICK of picking up after them on event days. THATS NOT MY JOB#ITS FUCKING NOT!!!! i ALREADY have my ACTUAL REAL RESPONSIBLITIES i have to complete i don’t have TIME to play hide n seek for all the#stupid cutlery y’all weren’t bothered to collect#this stupid job ALREADY cut my hours down and it’s Already infuriating on my other floor trying to get stuff done when#the office workers r still there past 6pm (GO HOME)#i Do Not Want this added annoyance. i’ve complained abt this everyday for the past two weeks but it’s not MY fault that they’re all assholes
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i dont like taking surveys usually but if it lets me give some scathing remarks to my shitty landlords then boy give me enough space for a fucking novel i WILL tell them to get their heads out of their asses
#you get 1.4 million in rent EVERY MONTH for this shit??#i swear there is an entire ant colony under my floorboards and like fifty spiders hanging around waiting to feast on them#i had to treat the place MYSELF#also why is the laundry room so fucking disgusting like ik its college students but what the fuck#just a WALL of lint in the lint catcher cover thing#and they all have like. brown dirt covering them and sand#and the place couldnt clean that shit up BEFORE we moved in??#the last place was cleaner at least even if they decided to replace all the laundry machines RIGHT AFTER THE SCHOOL YEAR STARTED#INSTEAD OF DOING IT DURING THE SUMMER WHEN NOBODY IS THERE#also the food situation is shit because why the hell is nothing really labelled#youve got one fridge with some like. gluten free cookies i guess#you (maybe) label whats vegan and gluten or dairy free on the online menu (not the physical labels??)#you only JUST started even labelling what your fucking desserts are#im not sure i trust your stale ass cereal let alone the ice cream machine#is it a good idea to have a self serve smoothie bar? probably fucking not but hey at least you tried to be cool#the music playing is obnoxious though#also just straight up dont reinforce quiet hours. in fact why not break them yourself. shitbags#hell knows no hatred like that of a person who has to deal with college students#also i can almost guarantee im one of the youngest here#i am so tired of being the responsible one. i am so so tired#this isnt about my landlord anymore#genuine-fucking-ly why do you all wear shoes in the house and why do you put said shoes on the table we put food on and why did you leave#your nasty little crumbs all over the couch and floor last night and why dont you clean your hair off the sink after brushing and why dont#you wash your dishes or at least rinse the food off instead of leaving them by the shared sink for days#and why dont you stop coming home stinking of weed and watching tiktoks loud as hell and closing doors like you are slamming them#and why dont you fucking communicate your problems to my goddam face and why dont you tell us before you start a fucking hair business#in the living room???#and why has nobody though to clean the gotdam microwave. why have your meatball bits been in there for like. 3 weeks#'just tell them if you have a problem with it' WHO LEAVES MEAT BITS IN THE MICROWAVE AFTER SPILLING IT???#i wouldnt have a problem if you had some common fucking sense
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I told my boss I wasn't going to be in tomorrow bc of a personal emergency and that I would keep her updated and she said thank you...... what does that mean......
#ranntics#oh well not my business anymore 🥱#gonna try to sleep and be ready for maintenance to hopefully come first thing tomorrow so I can wash my towels and clothes#and hopefully my own self as well#and also clean my fucking wreck of an apartment#the whole floor is sticky in the way that floors get sticky when you've put too much cleaner in mop water yk#and it's all over my WHOLE apartment main room. like the kitchen + living room#+the bathroom bc that's where we were putting the wet towels to be wrung out in between dryer cycles
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Sometimes when life is not going well for me I think about worse days and that puts it into perspective
#there was this one day.. i wanna say it was november a couple of years ago#me and my flatmate decided to deep clean the house and i fell down the stairs carrying both vacuum cleaners#then when she tried to help me up i accidentally elbowed her in the face and gave her a split lip#i felt TERRIBLE#then like ten minutes later the cat threw up on the kitchen floor and my other flatmate stepped in it#mind you this was After we’d gotten our shit together and cleaned. so then we had to clean again#THEN there was that giant spider and i tried to vacuum it to kill it#it went in the vacuum but it didn’t fucking die. it was just crawling around in there#so i had to fish out the filter and the spider JUMPED ON THE FILTER#and i reflexively threw the filter in the bin#i had to kill the spider with a broom and then fish out the filter#but all the neighbours would’ve seen was my flatmate (massive arachnophobe) holding two halves of a vacuum and crying#and me (slight arachnophobe) slamming a broom into a bin and then practically climbing in said bin#got back in and the cat was meowing to be let out. as if to say ‘i no longer want any part of this’#that was obviously a bad day and i don’t miss living there as a whole but something about it all is weirdly nostalgic#and i do miss cali#personal
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My to do list for today
I didn't get everything done, but I got A Lot done. Several of which are things I've been putting off for Too Long (primarily cleaning my bedroom floor and cleaning my sheets & blankets). "Cat stuff" was litter box and a few floor messes. I was also overdue for a shower. I even cleaned my house slippers!!!!
One part of my kitchen is just plain inaccessible rn, which is why clearing those boxes are a priority. Can't get to my pots & pans or my silverware drawer rn (it's OK bc I've been living out of the dishwasher dishes, but that won't last forever). The floors were thoroughly cleaned pre-furniture moving, but I haven't cleaned them yet since (necessary from all the dirt tracked in). And I also want to clean all the furniture I got from my dad, since a lot of it's dusty & who knows how long ago it was cleaned. I've already cleaned the couches, one shelf lamp, and the writing desk. I need to clean two dresser things, 3 bookcases, a chair, and a few little tables. Oh, also the TV stand and the display case. Gonna need to get at those with glass cleaner.
Once I get the initial cleaning done, I'll be getting to work on going through all the boxes I got from my dad's place so that I can consolidate everything as much as possible and figure out what's gonna need given away. It's important, but it's not an immediate need, so I'm focusing first on getting my apartment up to a base level of cleanliness that it's been lacking (since I never had energy to clean while I was working).
Lots to do... but I'm working on it. I'm gonna try to get my apartment in order and then Keep it that way. I Will be organized...!! I WILL be clean...!!!!!
Or at least. I will try.
#speculation nation#talking about it here bc im proud of my progress. and also it's good to keep track of what ive done and what i need to do#the floors took so much more effort than it sounds like. it was rly bad ok i had to clean up so much trash#and then vacuuming sucked bc i think my vacuum is kinda broken and it was kicking up so much dust#but i got it done and i cleaned the carpets. also miserable bc that was me on my knees scrubbing with a machine brush#it's a good carpet cleaner but it's a handheld kinda thing so cleaning a wide area just kinda sucks#but i did it. it picked up so much fucking hair. the waste water was So Fucking Gross.#i rewarded myself with some good food. and im gonna take a nap i think.#im kinda wanting to do some meal planning. pick out a few things to cook & buy ingredients for them.#i dont usually cook much but i have a lot more time on my hands than i used to.#im trying to get myself into good habits before i start school again. im trying very hard.#im focusing on the floors stuff a lot too bc i wanna b able to walk around barefoot w/o my feet getting hopelessly dirty.#for a long time ive just used slippers everywhere i go inside. but i wanna b able to walk without them too#so i cleaned the carpets. and ill clean the hardwood tomorrow.#things are hard. but im making good progress. i just gotta hold onto that.
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spent most of the workday cleaning the drain in the kitchen. on my knees (they hurt so bad). the thing was clogged with popcorn and oil, so disgusting. stank. i poured drain cleaner in it and it took a while to actually go down the pipe...
#I just went beast mode today I also cleaned the floor in the cleaners' room (SO DIRTY) it literally made a mountain of wet dust#and I did the laundry (washcloths) and folded all the laundry from the previous person#and cleaned the exterior of the washing machine because it's fucking disgusting too#So I basically did everything except my job
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Will i ever be free from the concept of bed bugs
#my anxiety would like to know#realized ive fucked up massively by not immediately unpacking all my belongings riggt after the exterminators came#bc now any bed bugs surviving in my various bags and boxes that i havwnt unpacked#probably wouldnt be affected by what little residual is left in my apartment at this point#so i guess i just cant open those boxes again until july so everything inside starves#godddd this wouldnt be a quarter as hard if we lived in an apartment that was newer and cleaner and didnt have so many dark dusty corners#and literaply every fucking rivet in the floor and dark paint chip looks like a bed bug and im STILL stopping to inspext#every single time
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GOJO SATORU: THINK I NEED SOMEONE OLDER
✩ ‧ ˚. synopsis: what do you do when your boyfriend cheats? you go to his house and look for revenge, and you get it by fucking his dad! NSFW
contents: fem!reader. age gap, blowjob, praise, degradation, use of slut, slight dumbification, dirty talk, and possibly more. 2.6K words.
you should've known that dating a rich boy came with more than just the money—it came with a shitty boyfriend too.
as you walk to his house, rain falling in your eyes, you curse every time he had you do his homework, his bills, even his fucking laundry. that's what you get for dating the spoiled heir to the massive gojo fortune.
you step onto the gojo estate's porch, wondering what possessed you to come all the way here in the middle of the night without an umbrella. thank god you still had the key your ex had given you, since he was too stupid to remember to take it back after he dumped you.
hands shaking from the cold, you slip the key into the lock and turn, a small smile dancing across your lips when it opens as easily as your ex's legs. he was probably out fucking another girl right now, if the pictures on his instagram story were any hint of his whereabouts.
you push the door open with your shoulder and dry your feet on the doormat. his parents are never home, and it's late enough for the staff to have all gone back to their quarters. besides, even if one or two were still here, they probably didn't know you weren't their spoiled brat's girlfriend anymore.
humming the post-breakup revenge song you'd been listening to for the past hour, you tie up your hair and look around. the only reason you walked all the way here in the middle of a dark, stormy night was for revenge, and you weren't leaving without it.
on the way to your ex's room, you stop in one of the bathrooms to dry off. rainwater slides off your body as you wring out your hair in the sink, water dripping down your wrist as you do so.
you walk the familiar path to your ex's room, rolling your eyes when you see a bra on the floor that definitely isn't yours. funnily enough, you aren't surprised. there's no hurt, no sadness, just disgust. your suspicions were right—he was fucking other girls while the two of you dated.
a sigh slips through your lips as you look around his room. it's messy, even with the help from the gojo estate's numerous staff. they say bigger rooms naturally look cleaner, and yet your ex's room still manages to mirror his mind—filthy.
you're so immersed in the thousand ideas you have to ruin your ex's life that when a deep, sleep-ridden voice asks you what the fuck you're doing in his house, you nearly jump out of your skin.
you spin around, words caught in your throat when you come face-to-face with satoru gojo, your ex-boyfriend's dad and the infamous head of the gojo family.
it's more than shameful that the first thought you have is that shit, he's hot. you've met before, but it was only in passing. satoru's never around, and the extent of your relationship was a brief nod as he passed you in one of the many passageways in the gojo estate. in fact, you aren't entirely sure if he even knows who you are.
satoru gojo's well-known in japan—not only is he the reason the gojo family has its reputation, but he's made quite a name for himself by being the most affluent and handsome of them all.
you've heard stories about him back in his prime. most sound too far-fetched to be true, but the photos of him in his twenties that resurface from time-to-time make good material for your late-night fantasies.
and satoru's even more intimidating in person. he's easily over six feet tall with well-defined muscles, and he's the definition of a dilf. he's probably twice your age, but the glint in his eyes and casual arrogance in his stance makes him all the more attractive.
it's a shame his son is such a dickhead.
"are you one of my son's whores?" satoru asks dryly, eying the bra on the floor. you scowl and kick it away, a soft huff slipping through your lips.
"no, i'm— wait, he never told you?" you cut yourself off with the question, a hint of incredulous disbelief in your tone.
satoru shrugs, reaching up to ruffle his hair. his shirt slides up just enough to expose his abs, which are really fucking hot by any standards. "if you're asking about my son, he thankfully leaves me out of his sex life," he says amusedly. "so, who are you? and what the hell are you doing in my house this late?"
"i—" well, you couldn't just say you were here to ruin his son's life. "uh, i'm his... girlfriend."
satoru barks out a laugh, looking down at you through his long, white eyelashes. "really? you sure you're dating my son?"
you narrow your eyes and nod. satoru shakes his head, slipping one of his hands in his pocket and gesturing to the bra on the floor with the other. "either you aren't his girlfriend or you just found out he's cheating. which is it?"
well, you tried. "both." satoru raises his eyebrows at that and takes a seat on the chair across from his son's bed, exhaling as he does so.
"so, sweetheart, what's the story?" he asks, a bored expression on his face. he leans back and spreads his legs enough for you to wonder what it'd be like to be in between them.
not sensing that you really have a choice, you sit on the corner of his son's bed and start explaining. at first, you sugarcoat his son's actions, not wanting to sound like a whiny brat, but at one point he interjects with a sigh.
"i know my son," he says dryly, brushing his floppy white hair out of his eyes. "and i also know a liar when i see one."
"s' that so?" you mutter under your breath, ignoring the way satoru's eyes narrow at your side comment. from then on, you list every detail of just how shitty your ex was to you. you tell satoru how his son made you fold his clothes, how he dragged you to parties even when you swore you had homework, how he'd make you fu—
you stop there, not wanting to divulge every detail of your sex life. sure, your ex forced you to fuck him every night in every way he knew existed from watching porn, but that wasn't for his dad to know.
satoru, who's been listening intently for the last five minutes, studies your irritated expression thoughtfully. rather than comment on the way you suddenly stopped ranting, he asks, "so you're here for revenge?"
you nod, crossing your legs. satoru eyes you for another second before placing his hands on his knees and standing up with a soft grunt. "do whatever you want, but i want you out of my house in fifteen minutes. and whatever you do stays in this room. no fire."
satoru looks down at you and raises an eyebrow. "is that clear?"
it would be easier to agree if satoru wasn't looking down at you with an expression like that on his face. it's somewhere between mild irritation and disgust—whether it's directed at you or his son, you're not sure, but he probably has better things to do than listen to some girl's breakup story. so you nod, and satoru starts to leave.
just before he steps out the door, you think of a really fucking insane idea—one that would absolutely shatter your ex. and for some reason, you say it out loud.
"you should fuck me."
oh my god.
satoru turns around slowly, hand clenched around his phone. "the fuck?"
you swallow, eyes wide and a stupid grin plastered on your face. "shit, i—" you were ready to apologize for just about every word you've ever said, but satoru holds up his hand before you can start, cutting you off.
he scoffs, blue eyes glimmering with either amusement or annoyance. "you really are a piece of work, aren't ya?" satoru narrows his eyes, surveying you critically. his gaze settles on the way your shaky hands, and you hide them behind your back self consciously.
"you want me to fuck you on my son's bed?" he says dryly, stifling a laugh. when you force yourself to nod, he grins. "not bad, sweetheart. not bad at all."
"i-is that a yes?" you hate yourself for stuttering, but it makes satoru laugh.
"sure, why not?" he says, walking over to where you're still sitting on his son's bed and resting a hand on your shoulder. satoru rubs the side of your neck with his thumb, cerulean eyes fixed on your lips. "might be about time to teach my son a lesson anyways."
satoru's agreement surprises you enough to make your mouth fall open, and soon enough, his dick replaces the empty space between your lips.
"shit, you're takin' me so good, baby," satoru groans, hand tangled in your hair as he pushes his dick deeper into your throat. "yeah, that's it, jus' like tha— fuck," he cuts himself off with a breathy laugh as you nearly choke.
he's big, way bigger than your ex, and you wonder how his dad's big dick gene skipped him. and even better, satoru's skilled too. he knows how to fuck you good, and you can tell that it's from experience, not from watching porn—unlike his lame excuse of a son.
"tell me, sweetheart," satoru drawls, looking down at you with a cheeky smile. "was my son half as good as i am in bed?"
when you shake your head no, satoru clicks his tongue in disapproval. "shit, now y're gonna expect every guy you fuck with to be as good as me. well, sorry 'bout that, because they aren't."
at least you know where his son gets his arrogance from.
it's getting a little hard to breathe, especially since you have ten inches of dick shoved down your throat. despite all satoru's talk, you can tell that he's getting close to cumming down your throat—his eyes are twitching and his breaths are starting to become more and more shaky as you suck him off. soon enough, the coil in his stomach snaps and he cums, cursing and praising you as he does. satoru's grip on your hair tightens, and it's borderline painful as he tugs you deeper by the hair.
"shit, that was the best head i've had in a while," he groans after his breathing starts to go back to normal. satoru grins at you, shaking his head and pinning you on your back on the bed.
"you've already been fucked by a gojo here, haven't you?" satoru cooes, tracing your jawline with one of his fingers. "tch, i'll fuck you better than my shithead son ever could. show ya the reason we gojos have a reputation for our dicks."
and fuck, he does. after quickly making you cum on his fingers with the excuse of loosening you up, he roughly shoves his dick in your already-throbbing pussy with a grin. he's so fucking big that you've convinced he's gonna rip you in half.
"g-gojo, i can't—"
"sure y'can," he cuts you off, jaw tightening as you tighten around him. "fuckin' hell, you're just tight as a virgin. my son must be shit in bed, yeah?"
"mhm," you hum, tilting back your head and gasping for air as you feel your body heat up. "shit— right there—"
satoru grins, dipping his head and meeting your tear-lidded eyes. he's far from gentle—it's barely been a couple minutes and your back is already in the highest arch of your life, and it's hard to form coherent thoughts as satoru continues bullying his cock into your pussy.
you lose track of time easily—fuck, you forget there's even a world outside of whatever this is. at some point your tongue falls out of your mouth, lolling to the side as your eyes roll back—just a dumb slut for satoru; or at least that's what he calls you.
as you approach what must be the hundredth orgasm of the night, satoru asks you to say his name. it's almost embarrassing how much effort it is to say—he's fucked you dumb enough to the point where you're a babbling mess.
"shit, you can't even talk," satoru says with a grin, flicking your forehead playfully. "cute." he rests his elbow by your head and shoves his hand over your mouth, amusement dancing in his eyes. "you talk too much anyways, princess. take a break."
you whine against his hand and satoru shakes his head, a faux pout on his face. "c'mon, it's not like you can talk anyways," he tsks. his next thrust is particularly rough, and you can't seem to remember who the name of the dickhead who got you in this situation—what was your ex's name again? does it matter?
"yeah i can" you mumble, voice muffled by satoru's hand. when his pout deepens, you can't help but giggle, a sound that soon turns to a squeal when he pushes the side of your face into the mattress.
"what's so funny?" satoru grumbles, dipping his head and pressing his lips against the hand seperating your mouth from his. satoru's glimmering eyes are fixed on yours as a cheeky smile spreads across his face. "fine then."
he pulls out, cursing under his breath as he presses his back to the headboard. satoru ignores the hm? that slips out of your lips and removes his hand from your mouth, resting it on his dick instead and stroking it with a smirk. "what is it, princess?"
"wha— why'd you stop?"
satoru lifts his other wrist, studying the watch on it and turning his hand so you can see too. your vision is still so fucked up that the numbers look like swimming otters, but you can vaguely make out the time.
"it's been fifteen minutes, kid. time to go."
your mouth falls open and you sit up, still breathing heavily. one second you're having the best sex of your life, and the next your ex's dad is calling you kid and telling you it's time to go?
"not fair," you mumble, pulling your legs into your chest and resting your head on your knees. "that was a stupid time limit," you huff, chest heaving. "i couldn't have done anything to him in fifteen minutes anyways."
satoru snorts, stretching his arms and resting his hands behind his head. "i'd say we did something in those fifteen minutes," he says dryly, white hair falling into his eyes.
"hmph."
satoru raises his eyebrows, biting the inside of his lip as he continues stroking himself. you notice the way his abs flex and tense the closer he gets; something that shouldn't be as attractive as it is.
"can't believe my dumbass son fucked up so badly with a girl like you," he groans after a minute, back resting against the headboard as he continues stroking his dick. "won't be seein' you around here again, huh?"
you blink, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as satoru eyes you intently. "what d'you mean?"
before satoru can answer, the two of you hear footsteps, and before either of you can do anything, standing in the doorway to his own room is your ex, a giggling girl on his arm. the faint scent of alcohol floods through your nose as they stumble in, and it's all you can do to stop yourself from laughing when your ex sees that his bed is already occupied.
"why the hell is my dad in bed with my ex-girlfriend?!"
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