#isnt that fuckin wild?? im so tired

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

[olderthannetfic]

Saw the other anon; tossing in my own on the ‘former anti, what changed’ question — I was big on shipping, i had a otp of a twincest ship from a particular anime with a vase being broken. And very big on shipping the youtuber minecrafters together ( which is now a major fucking issue on twitter i hear?? Idk i have been a fan of MC since 2013 but i never rlly engaged with online fandom )

BUT!! But!! I was shippin’ twins when i was 12-14 ish, Aged; went ‘huh that was wild and now im uncomfortable’ - And then i fell into ‘this makes me uncomfortable, i am against it’ type thinking. I have not actively harassed or w/e im too hot for that, but I definitely shared posts an the likes of ‘proship is gross’ type bullshit; was actively reading and spreading posts about how artworks depicting bad things was a problem actually; and fiction does affect reality because Jaws the movie made shark hunting rise—

Which is a seperate rant in itself, Jaws was a massive movie with international reach, a wincest fanfic on ao3 does not have the same fucking reacH AA—

Cut forward a few more years, anti-shippers have now seemingly gone more extreme; you cant ship teenagers they are minors and thats gross, you cant age up a character because thats pedophilia, you cant ship a character who is 32 with a 20 year old thats imbalance of power an life experience an an an—

I just got really fuckin tired. Because if anti-shipping was just about the ‘bad’ stuff then why is suddenly everything that isnt a perfectly stale cookie-cutter romance not allowed now? And i had no idea who was an ‘i am against 12 year olds being drawn sexually’ over ‘if you ship the two characters who i headcannon as family thats incest’ so.

Gave up. Claimed the pro-shipper label, and just filtered out ships and content i Do Not want to see an called it a day. So far its worked pretty well, i still know nothing about Boku No Pico after 10 years of hearing its name & i feel much safer knowing that if i do ‘’’mistep’’’ or follow someone who makes x y z it wont be a big deal. Who cares.

Its freein’ like that.

--

[moonlightseranade]

announcement/rant:

im tired of having to fade away from fandoms (one direction, harry styles, mcu, star wars and now stranger things?!)

nope its already bad enough that some of the st actors are wilding online but now eddie fans are fighting within ourselves and for what??? a book??? as if ya'll havent read/written better or more interesting.

you dont have like it or even respect it as canon, whatever. but to tear down someone else for liking it is bullshit. i hate to say it but some of ya'll need to be reminded. THIS IS ALL FICTION. guess what eddie isnt real, hawkins isnt real. it not real folks.

but the message is. eddie was an outcast, he looked out for the people left out or rejected. yet somehow you guys are doing to people what he is against. he isnt a self appointed "freak" thats the label he was given by people who bullied him. the same bullying you guys inflict on writers and other people in this fandom. its bullshit.

we all enjoy different aspects, au's and tropes thats fanfiction. but to diss a writer who writes for your fav, who loves them just as much is so fuckin dumb and wrong. if you dont like their style, then find another author. its not that hard. idk when in the internet timeline people became boomers who complain whenever they dont get what they want immediately. like dude no one will take you seriously when you act like an entitled brat.

also if you dont write then you dont know how long the process really is. even when theres hella inspo and drive it still takes a while. respect writers. we just had a full on writers strike about this shit. i dont wanna see anons anymore either. you wanna spew out your lame ass take, do it off anon since you think you're entitled to that shit.

thats one more thing. you got the nerve to shit talk, have the same amount of balls to do it off anon. you wanna shit talk a writer say it with your whole chest, aint no reason you wanna hide if you really feel that way about it.

imma get real disrespectful rn. if you say shit on anon because you dont wanna be bullied or have "anxiety" imma personally call you a punk ass bitch. because nah i've seen too many anons get comfortable saying dumb shit but not having the nerve to say that shit with their blog name showing. and tbh i will reblog laughing at you for not have the gall to talk your shit without hiding.

i had thought i wouldnt have to become a dickhead in a fandom space again, but here we are. if i see you disrespect my mutuals, or mutuals of my mutuals i will come for your ass anon or not. because respectfully eddie would have too. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤍

[xxsjdoodlesxx]

stupid introductions from a twat lets go

do I know what im doing? no, im shit at intros--

Ash, Jay or Ghost (Ghost is a recent nickname bc I've been going by escarghost on disc for a while)

Trans graysexual homoromantic ~~

He/void pronouns!! literally only 2 ppl use void pronouns on me which makes me kinda sad but w/e

im 23!! I'm closer to my mid 20s than being a teenager- isnt that scary

british but i hate tea

Likes n stuff!!

Sims, glow in the dark stuff, stars, SPACE!!, snails, tarantulas, lava lamps, neon, kandi, the cold, collecting CDs, monster and plushies!!

i have a weird fixation on space and ive been super into it since i was 8 and i would ramble abt it for hours if i could

my fav colours are green, blue and purple!! :D I love cold colours sm

my fav games are Shadow the Hedgehog (PS2), Sims (obvs), Red Dead Redemption II, Minecraft, What Remains of Edith Finch, Plague Inc., Pokémon Platinum, Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood

I don't know my general aesthetic but I'd like to think (and hope) its scene adjacent? i don't know ive gone down way too many rabbit holes with my aesthetic. in 2020 i looked like a mix of e-boy with punk and that was a wild time and when i can be assed i look like a scene raver so who fucking knows what my aesthetic is-

i hate watching movies but uh, i do like handsome devil and the mitchells vs machines, that was rly enjoyable for me, i watch shows v rarely-- 911 lone-star, deadliest catch, desperate housewives, the owl house, dexter (the whole thing) and due south (BEGGING FOR SOMEONE TO TALK ABT DUE SOUTH WITH)

like pls i loved this show u dont understand i constantly rewatch it bc its one of the things ive clung onto (other than the cars franchise)

Dislikes!!

i just dont talk about these bc i either dont care or i genuinely hate them

FNAF, Undertale (Deltarune by extension), Horror, being touched, loud noises, the dark, crowds, deadlines

also graphics tablets only catering to the right hand like bro im left handed, i have to put my stylus down to click a button on the tablet but i might as well use keyboard shortcuts its so bs

Music

I'd love to say every single thing I like listening to, but ive been rambling for way too long :')

3OH!3 𖤐 6arelyhuman 𖤐 Adam Lambert 𖤐 All-American Rejects 𖤐 asteria 𖤐 Avenged Sevenfold 𖤐 Avril Lavigne 𖤐 Basshunter 𖤐 brokeNCYDE 𖤐 Bowling for Soup 𖤐 Cash Cash 𖤐 Creature Feature 𖤐 Deadmau5 𖤐 Dot Dot Curve 𖤐 Evanescence 𖤐 Falling in Reverse 𖤐 Ghost Town 𖤐 Good Charlotte 𖤐 Halsey 𖤐 Insane Clown Posse 𖤐 Ke$ha 𖤐 kets4eki 𖤐 Metro Station 𖤐 Mother Mother 𖤐 My Chemical Romance 𖤐 Nickelback 𖤐 OhEmGee 𖤐 Paramore 𖤐 Pierce the Veil 𖤐 S3RL 𖤐 Scissor Sisters 𖤐 Set it Off 𖤐 Simon Curtis 𖤐 Simple Plan 𖤐 Sleeping With Sirens 𖤐 The Medic Droid 𖤐 Thousand Foot Krutch 𖤐 Tom Cardy

Like 200 other things but I cant remember them from the top of my head but whatever

I'm done now im fuckin tired

[am-i-sans]

goof off dnd 3

were not tired so more dnd!

spingledorf nana and shades keep going!

dorf wants to use dimension door to get out of the underdark. but he cant cause hes the smallest. shades convinces him to leave ahead and find an exit for everyone. her and nana were gonna fuckin book it but it wont work xD teleportation circle instead?

we also decided dans and dorf are cousins xD

teleportation circle go! wild grotto tower in the middle of a forest! full of wizards and such. no more underdark! dorf has a compass so lets go! going south to find water and then follow that.

we find a giant crystal shard! shades stops nana from hitting it and has dorf try to discover what kind of magic it is. its from another plane of existence and most likely magical.

nana hits it anyway. shades said to break off a piece and take it with us and mark the place on the map so we can discover what it is. CONSTUTION SAVING THROW?! thunder damage and dorf gets pushed away! i put the shard in my pack for now and mark the spot on my map.

we keep walking! (moss had to eat and put me in charge of dming help me) we find a river! time to follow it downstream. they find some wild potatoes! and i had an encounter in the water! nana and shades notice. dorf throws a potato in the water and dodges it being thrown back. he sticks his head down there and nearly gets dragged down but rips himself away.

We make it to....BridgePoint?! Where dans killed karen! (moss is back thank god) shades isnt interested in drinking with nana and dorf. shades is mad that dorf doesnt know how to get info lol.

dorf goes check the news bulletin board. they see a poster about great deals on herbs! and a ghost in the library. dorf almost spotted me but im sneaky. nana wanders off.

shades hears about some bandits down the road. they also look for the seedy underbelly of the town. i find a shady bar! i thieves cant with the bartender for info on the shard. he points to a sus guy, astramar. no useful info tho (moss was avoiding this darn)

some people talk about undyne killing karen! :O shades is like "cool undyne is awesome!" and they go. dorf is just screaming for them lol. we exchange information and go find nana. shes buying books :3

time to buy the good kush! or as dorf says, cannabis! nana: i would like to purchase a weed. i stole so much herbs and weed lol. magic mushrooms but actual magic! i also stole the magical mushrooms lol.

im gaslighting dorf into not having seen me steal. now hes rubbing dirt in my face. help. shades just walked away. nana also 'cant see the dirt.' he keeps throwing dirt at nana and shes gonna kick his ass lol.

henry my mastiff tries to block the fight, but steps back and lets nana kick his ass cause shes a sweet old lady. he tries to use charm person and she had an advantage on that. nice try dorf. he gets smacked hard with the frying pan. she got paralyzed so henry keeps an eye on her.

dorf went to tattle to me but im hidden lol. dorf teleports back to the wizard tower and leaves us! nana and henry go off doing stuff.

party is now ruined!

[jangofctts]

pls tell us all about your ocs im beGGIN

aHH ok a couple people asked so!!!!! also ive included some of my drawings!! (tIS BELOW THE CUT)

oK SO STARTING OFF WE HAVE commander blanche!

hE’s a bit Cold and Stern but he’s a softy!!! his squadron (sunburst squadron) is a nIGHTMARE to run. it’s like herding cats dhsksn. his eye and his hair are from like a genetic mutation and nO HE DIDNT DYE IT OK?? tbh i still need to flesh him out more but he just wants to bring all his men home safe, will throw himself into battle wiTHOUT hesitation and just rad guy dhdkdn

next we have sgt. blue!

he’s.,.,.sO Tired. boy’s been through it. the scar across his face is from jumping between his general and a dark side force user, HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD AND SOMETIMES DOESNT THINK THINGS THROUGH WHEN IT COMES TO DANGER BUT he baby. again i nEED TO FLESH HIM OUT MORE BUT DHSKSN

ok nEXT we have our lovely sharpshooter, sweets!

he’s Very Shy. he’s the youngest in the squadron but was bumped up into sunburst squadron bc of his skill. he doesn’t like talking much so he’ll pat your arm or grab his brother’s shoulders to get their attention. when he does speak, it’s very soft spoken and gentle. he got in trouble a lot when he was a cadet for trying to befriend the service droids or little animals he would find. if you mention something you like, like a certain type of flower or necklace, WHATEVER he does kinda have....sticky fingers...so he’ll just Snatch the thing you like unprompted and then later he’ll just shove it into your hands and walk away. 1000/10 deserves a kith

oKiE next we have kamikaze (kaze or kami for short) and jaws.

so kamikaze or kami OR kaze for short—he’s the pilot! earned is name for a reason bc this boy is fuckin WILD with piloting. he likes to brag that he’s the best pilot in the GAR which—idk you’re gonna have to judge that yourself. bc yeah he always makes it out alive whethet or not his ship is all but bLOWN UP but—he’s cocky and you might end up loosing your lunch since he tends to do a lot of barrel rolls or made up stunts. he’s a sweetheart tho, after you push aside the cocky and happy go lucky attitude. he’s super hyper most of the time so the squad likes to joke that he has designated nap time dhdjdbd

jaws!!! JAWS MY BOY—he got his name because one time he almost got eaten by a nexu the day after being promoted from cadet. he’s a Flirt, but gets awkward when you flirt with him back. he loVES holodramas or holonovels and therefore a hOpeLESS romantic rvdkdb unfortunately he some how believes that bad pick up lines work,?,,,?! he has some wild scars on his back and will have nO HESITATION to show you the nexu teeth marks. he has a tendancy to “adopt” little creatures or encourage sweets to steal one so That is an Issue

then fuse!

can you....guess..,.what he enjoye? if you guess setting shit on fire/blowing things up then yUh. the reason he has different colored tattoos is because he was originally from another squadron but was reminded too many times and he was sort of Forced out. FORTUNATELY the general transfered him in sunburst squadron and let’s him be the explosives guy. he’s also very hyper and gets ALONG GREAT with kamikaze—a little too well fhdkd the chaos bros for sure. he’s super rambunctious/loud, isnt shy to tell you what he thinks—even those in higher command. he gets in trouble for it but he has a heart of gold and means well!

and then the medic!! void

vOid is Tired....sO TIRED OF DEALING WITH fuse and kamikaze’s cOUNTLESS stupid injuries. he’s the Mom friend and will literally run and tackle you if you aren’t drinking water or taking the meds he’s perscibed. arguably the Smartest one in the bunch—at least with common sense fhdkdb he’s bffs with blue and theyre the Mean Girls of the squad, silently judging you always dhsksn. he definitely overworks himself a LOT just because he cant stand to be alone with his thoughts for long or else he starts to fixate on all the lives he couldnt save. he needs a pHat nap and a cup of caf sO PLEASE give him this, he also always has a massive headache due to the bafoonery he must deal with 25/8 dhsksn

ALSO HERES SOME REALLY ROUGH SKETCHES OF MY 90s plASTIC CUP BABIES RHDKDN

also bonus half sketch/comic of ahsoka that im too lazy to finish rhdkdn

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

[whatthefuuuuuuccckkkk]

okay this is my last post I know I'm being very annoying and I hate to clog the tag but I just have to scream into the void for a while if you disagree or you're annoyed with me please just scroll past this rant thank you

- the hitman plot. god. we all hate that shit. what I realllllly hate is how long and drawn out it is. should've been one episode tops, like when dean tried it. I want to say, that obviously it's not gonna work bcz it would be stupid to kill off the character carrying the entire show, but at this point maybe they are gonna kill him off??? idfk. maybe it's a punishment for all the people (everyone) who like him. truthfully the whole "murder is our only way out of this" attitude is disappointing and seemingly out of character for all of the girls. Boomer attacked annie and they let him fuckin live. They knew he was a fuckin rapist piece of shit, and a regular piece of shit too, but couldn't kill someone. But apparently killing someone beth, at one point, felt some typa way about...smh..apparently that is A ok and they don't even explore other options or feel the least bit guilty?? even when they "mourned" boomer it was more about marion than him. But rio and his whole ass innocent child are not a thought at all??? Wild. Truly. Also....what do they think will happen?? If I were a gang leader's right hand the first person I would check upon seeing my boss get murdered would probably be the person who tried to murder him last time lmao. Do they really think they would get away with it? Even if they didnt get caught, they wouldnt be off the hook. Surely mick would just keep things going, with even less leeway. And what happens when their illegal activities bite them in the ass when Rio is gone? Who are they gonna blame everything on? Who is gonna clean up their mess? No one. And this whole "I'm not doing it, wait yes I am, wait no I'm not, wait I'm gonna do it" thing the hitman is doing is...not it. I'm assuming were gonna get an explanation about how he knew that this was a crime of passion (lol)

-beth beth beth......you know there is a theory floating around that she has serious ptsd and I actually would love to see that explored but that shit ain't happening lol. I'm tired of feeling like I'm analyzing her character. At what point is it too much. She's hard to read but I think it has crossed the line over complex and ventured into poor characterization. She's gotten chances and chances and I'm tired. And dean. God I'm tired. I feel like all season I've been watching beth do the same thing, play good wifey, risk her (and Annie's and Ruby's) life by doing stupid shit..and that's basically it. Face some fckn consequences for your actions please. Take some responsibility. I feel like the show is showing us inklings of...something...bubbling underneath the surface but it's not our job to fill in the blanks or interpret shit. I do not work for nbc. I'm not getting paid for this. What is this girl thinking trying to get rio to invest in hot tubs (bless her calling dean an idiot. fuck this show for making him suddenly a good salesman) while trying to kill him. Does she think he dies and suddenly she owns it?? Makes zero sense. Also unpopular opinion i dont like that she caused a scene with the pool ball. Like....of course he isnt listening to you....you shot him...3 times....then stole from him....and have been screwing him over repeatedly.

-dean just....no. I understand that beth has so much going on in her life right now that divorce isn't exactly on her mind and dean is the last trace she has left of a normal life so shes holding onto it for dear life.....actually no. I do not know if any of that is actually true or if I'm just interpreting wrong. Because the subtext and editing and parallels and all that would be fine and dandy but not when that's all the show is at this point. If dean cheating yet again is not gonna make beth leave him, nothing will. I want his screentime to be 30 seconds and nothing more.

-im just not invested in the boland children. Annie and ruby have both struggled real bad, but beth, the one in the deepest, has 4 children who are somehow unaffected by this?? Not to mention the whole divorce, wait never mind, oh look a gang leader hanging out with mommy again, oh look our house is empty, type stuff happening. Beth's kids should be going through it but for some reason they arent? Maybe it's because child labor laws or something lol.

- rio. At this point I'm rooting for him for than anything. But I genuinely do not know why he hasnt killed beth. She's proven herself to be more of a liability than an asset and I just cannot understand why he hasnt killed her. Unless it's the whole "feelings" route, which wouldve made him look dumb, but made sense based on what we were given. This is actually the direction I thought the season was going but now it just seems like he is a bad businessman lol. Obviously she cant die for the sake of the show, but its like they didnt even try to make it make sense. He definitely knows about the hitman btw. I dont really blame him for anything he's done with beth so far. He robbed her in retaliation. He had to cut her off when she started acting shady. 🤷‍♀️ he let's her get away with too much tbh. It's a shame that this character isnt being utilized. Its like they are banking on this mysterious aura to keep working, but we are 3 seasons in and it's a little old now. I personally think that they just don't know what to do with him now. Also can I point out how dumb he looks showing beth that he is doing business at the carwash, why would he give her more information than she needs when he is suspicious of her? I cant tell if I was happy with how unphased he looked about her outburst or if I wish he checked her.

-mick. Did his side plot with beth die? How does it seem like this show simultaneously moves through plots every episode but is also stuck in the same one for the entire season? I also think mick is not being utilized. As funny as it is for him to be a built in 3rd wheel all the time, they could do so much more. Like can you imagine if beth mouthed off or fucked up and mick checked her? The possible ways a plot like that could go...untapped potential.

-ruby. Ah...I remember when I thought her and stan's fight was dragging for too long. Miss those days. See even tho ruby and stan seem to have the same issue over and over it's not the same story. Pen cap, new job, sarah stealing, all the same fight, but with different stories. And it really seems like Ruby's always going through it but I appreciate the variety. Stan's storyline has been interesting but I dont know how much it relates to the central plot. Sarah....great. that actress is so talented and even tho shes an attitude machine (what preteen is not) i just love her scenes. Harry seems to be missing a lot. The hills are the only part I seem to enjoy anymore. Really wish the show would explore why ruby seems to be the one who keeps getting caught up with the law...I wonder what it could be....what is different about her..hm...

- annie. Backtracked so much. Wish she had a single plot that didnt revolve around men. Now shes trying to cheat on her GED. Where's the snark? Where's the wit? It seems like all she is now is a codependent insecure mess. And I'm tired of this fuckass therapist. I thought her study montage was gonna end in a "she didnt need anyone but family (:" lesson but it did not for whatever reason. I thought by bringing a therapist into the show it was gonna give us more of a look at Annie's and Beth's upbringing and relationship. Or help annie work through her issues, the boomer thing too. Or maybe lead to Beth's ptsd diagnosis. Therapy could've helped move the plot forward or help the characters grow, but it's doing the opposite of that. If its not contributing to the main plot, what is its purpose? To give annie yet another terrible love interest?

To summarize....I hate it here.

[autumn-foxfire]

So like i think its important to acknowledge the context here for some of this. The context being that between chuuya being introduced and us getting chuuyas backstory its been A WHILE. Like for a good while i used to joke that they were really wasting chuuya cuz they had a fan favorite character who we had like no information and backstory on. Like i wanna say its been at least two years between chuuya introduction n backstory but honestly im terible with memory n even worse with time progression so all im gonna say for a very very long time the fandom didnt know shit about chuuyas backstory. The most we got in guild arc was the hint that kouyou was his mentor n of course that he n dazai formed the ace in mafias sleeve n for a long while that was pretty much it. Fans ran wild with that n everybody had their own headcanon n there were a lot of fics exploring his possible backstory. From him being a french (flashbacks to french chuuya era) immigrant/ child trafficked for his ability to him training to work in kouyous borthel (that was a popular headcanon for kouyou but i dont think it has any base in canon) until they discovered his ability and were like oooo this baby dangerous. My favorite was anything that included kouyou just picking up a half feral kid chuuya n being like ahhh im keeping this, mine now. Feral Chuuya gives me life n i still like to read about it. The point being when chuuyas backstory came out it was going to have to contend with A Lot of fan content some of which was really really good.

Anyway i dislike the whole oh there was a god shoved in him when he was a kid bit. I wont stick to this a lot cuz im honestly past the point 'ugh this is So stupid' n to the point 'i dislike it but i also dont really care' but ye, im not super big fan of throwing gods around so randomly cuz i feel bsd isnt really built with that in mind, n i considered that whole part a really boring explenation to corruption and eh, im not gonna pretend that the fanwork didnt influence me n that i might have liked it better if i didnt read so much speculative fanfiction cuz it really comes down to 'its not like in my headcanons so i hate it :/'n thats p much all there is to it n thats no fun to talk about.

I did like sheep parts tho loved dat.

No what im here to talk about is how KOUYOU GOT FUCKIN ROBBED. Like we barely get any chuuya kouyou interactions anyway despite her being shown as his mentor like how mori was to dazai n kouyou herself really only had time to shine with kyouka n like this was the perfect oportunity to explore her more. She was shown as chuuyas mentor from the start, she was included in every fanwork that included chuuyas backstory, if ur gonna do chuuyas backstory you need to have kouyou there she is his mentor after all

Nope nope what do we get instead

FUCKING RANDO SAN

LITERAL GUY NAMED RANDO

Like ok fine u needed a villain for the novel thats fine, make it the person who tried to grab chuuya out good good great BUT WHAT WAS ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT FUCKING RANDO SAN BEING THE ONE TO RECRUIT CHUUYA INTO MAFIA. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT CHUUYAS FUCKING HAT BEING RANDOS, WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK WAS THAT SCENE OF CHUUYA SITTING ON HIS GRAVE LIKE FUCKIN DAZAI WITH ODA

WHAT THE FUCK

I will not stop yelling

Like honestly it made me so upset. I dont mind fucking rando san as a villain or whatever but i do mind him kinda being pushed into the spot of chuuyas mentor (whos kouyou) or recuiter (whos dazai) n him being tied into his character so significantly like the tradition of a mentor giving their student something is obvs a big thing in mafia what with dazais coat n all n it just made me so upset that chuuyas hat was given to him by some fuckass named rando n not kouyou. Or that rando seemed to impact him so much to be considered some sort of great influence when he p much just busted him out n then dazai did all the work. Like it just made me so upset that this random one but villain named literally rando was shoved as an important figure in a story of a character whos backstory we've been clamoring for so long when kouyou was literally right there like 'hi im here ready to be relevant forever.'

Like we already got a nice view of her with kyouka what with her wanting to protect kyouka but being willing to let her go wgen she sees thats the best for kyouka n that she will be happy n protected with the agency. Like i doubt she would be as protective with chuuya since their age difference is a lot smaller (4-5 years i think) so shed probs view him more as a friend or a younger brother than a literal child she has to protect but like i wanna see that i want them to have a bond, why hint at her being his mentor n then do nothing with it when mori is of such significance for dazai.

Like i think all this comes down to is obe of primary problems i had with bsd n one of the reasons i ended up growing tired with it: bsd really likes introducing new characters n new groups while at the same time doing very little with ones it already introduced if they arent like atsushi akutagawa dazai n sometimes kunikida n chuuya. N like that just gets boring after a bit i dont care about new evil group no 65 i care about the characters i already know so BLS DO THINGS WITH THEM BLS

...I’ll be honest, I didn’t notice that Kouyou was supposed to be Chuuya’s mentor. Did I just miss that in the anime or something? I didn’t know they had a bond at all.

As for Chuuya’s backstory, I also... didn’t really mind it either. I know the god part was a bit random but I also thought it was kind of fitting that Chuuya’s ability, or a part of it?, was born from something out of this world. It really does fit the “corruption” theme too, in my opinion, in the sense that his body has been corrupted by a god and it would also explain why his body isn’t able to handle the body too.

I also thought that the point of Rando being the one who “gave” Chuuya his hat was symbolism of Chuuya finding a piece of his past because of him and that’s why he visited his grave (almost as a silent thanks in a way). Plus I think it was another one of Dazai’s manipulation to get Chuuya into the Port Mafia, he knew he would never accept a belonging given to him by Dazai (he even pulled a face when he heard that Dazai, as his recruiter should be the one to give it) but when he learned it was Rando, a person who while had attacked him but had also helped him learn a tiny bit more about the god inside him, made accepting the hat more easier for him.

At least, that was my take on it.

I am a little disappointed myself about the lack of attention some characters have recieved compared to others (cough Kenji cough) and I wished they were given a little more, but I also understand why new criminal groups are introduced as bsd wants to draw a stalemate between the Agency and the Port Mafia.

I guess this a matter of different opinions XD

[moonprincess92]

so social distancing has naturally given me a lot more time to read and i’ve just recently finished “In at the deep end” by Penelope Janu. i apparently needed a few days to stew in my eMOtions because bOY DO I HAVE SOME FUCKIN OPINIONS(TM)  

- the tl:dr version is this book is absolute Trashfire and i hated it 

- for more opinions, please do continue 

- i originally picked up this book (long before being confined to my house, for the record, i was just far too optimistic about having the time to read it back then) bc the cover claimed it was a ‘quick-witted romantic comedy about losing your cool’ (spoiler alert: it is not) 

- the back was also an interesting premise: she is a feisty explorer/geography teacher, he is a badass norwegian navel officer, her boat sinks and she nearly drowns bc she can’t swim. he rescues her and will help fund a new ship if he teaches her how to swim 

- so u got the perfect ‘let me teach u this skill and while we’re at it lets fall in love’ trope and hOW DOES THIS BOOK MANAGE TO MESS THAT UP 

- LETS START WITH WHERE IT GETS PROBLEMATIC 

- girl wants to go to palau island on the new ship they fund. dudebro will ONLY let her go if she learns how to swim. he is the one who will determine her ‘readiness’ to swim. he is the one who will be teaching her. 

- DUDEBRO ISN”T EVEN IN CHARGE OF THE SHIP???? WHY DOES HE GET TO DECIDE???? 

- book also tries to pull the ‘enemies to lovers’ trope by having the two main characters literally hate each other but forgets the all important FRIENDS step thats supposed to happen in btwn so basically u hate the very ship ur supposed to be shipping 

- reason girl cannot swim is bc of a trauma in which the car she was in crashed into water. her mother drowned and her father was seriously injured and later died in this event 

- girl suffers from SEVERE phobic symptoms of water. she cannot touch water, or even think of putting her head under without suffering panic attacks, migraines, and vomiting. it is clear that this girl needs psychological help to get over her phobia 

- DOES THE BOOK EVER TOUCH ON THIS???? NO IT FUCKING DOES NOT WHAT IS THERAPY ONLY THE POWER OF BONERS CAN CURE HER APPARENTLY 

- dudebro even says at one point “i don’t think you have post-traumatic stress, yadda yadda why can’t u do this??????” LIKE ARE U A FUCKIN PSYCHOLOGIST??? NO UR FUCKING NAVY GO BACK TO THE NORWEGIAN SEA U IMBECILE 

- while we’re at it are u even qualified to teach someone how to swim?????? I know ur navy and shit which i guess includes knowledge of swimming but just bc i cook a mean pasta for dinner doesn’t mean i’m fuckin gordon ramsey???? 

- as he teaches her how to ‘swim’ book tries to make it that they have this undeniable cHeMIStrY but bc these characters also Hate(TM) each other you end up hating both of them 

- like she even has to tell him ‘i do not want to be touched inappropriately by u’ which is supposed to come off as Sexy and ‘ooooh the tension is so WILD they can’t keep their hands off each other!!!’ but instead comes off as creepy and like he’s a predator 

- dudebro also has the personality of a potato 

- the first time they have a sexual encounter, there is NO consent???? literally they are arguing and he reminds her of the rule she made about not touching her. he doesn’t want to have sex and suggests they meet the next day. she says no, purposefully angering him into breaking the rule and saying (AND I QUOTE) “You wanted this, so you can’t accuse me of acting inappropriately. Is that understood?” 

- I”M SORRY THATS NOT HOW CONSENT WORKS????????????????? 

- they also don’t label their sexual encounter as “””sex””” bc it wasn’t P-in-V like mmmmmkay 

- by this point i hate the book and am slowly descending into Madness but am determined to see it to the end, so carry on reading i go 

- eventually, we get to the point where it’s nearly the deadline where she has to know how to swim and so far, she can only sit in water that is waist deep. girl is SUFFERING and yet somehow she still never goes to a therapist????? 

- even tho she’s been struggling to even SIT in water, she suddenly decides one day fuck it, i’m gonna just dive in the deep end and put my head under??? (it reads like its supposed to be a clever tie in to the title, but reality is its really inconsistent with her progress!) 

- SOMEHOW THE MAGIC OF FUCKING BONERS HELPS HER PUT HER HEAD UNDER????? 

- DUDEBRO LITERALLY SAYS “Breathe. Through. Me,” (direct quote) AND THEY ROMANTICALLY KISS UNDER THE WATER????? LIKE THIS GIRL WAS VOMITTING AT THE THOUGHT MERE DAYS AGO 

- like i am in no way an expert in phobias and PTSD but like i’m like FAIRLY certain this this isnt supposed to be how they work?????????? 

- idk what this says about our author Ms Penelope here, but i literally lost count the amount of times she writes about the girl’s “erect nipples” 

- she is also obsessed with calling dudebro an ‘action hero’ like wE GET IT HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE A DREAMY BUFF DUDEBRO WHO CAN BENCH-LIFT CARS AND SHIT 

- the first time they have sex(TM) they get real weird with the idea of contraception. they’ve only known each other a few months at this point, they are not even officially together yet and THIS is the interaction they have: 

“I don’t have a condom.”  “You’re a commander. You should be better prepared.”  “I bet you’re not on the pill.”  “No.”  “So you want to have a baby straight away?” 

- WHAT THE FLYING FUCK????? WHO SAYS THAT TO SOMEONE THEY’RE HAVING SEX WITH FOR THE FIRST TIME???? the conversation is awkward and about as sexy as donald trump in a bikini 

- at this point i want to hurl myself into the Abyss 

- anyway, book plays up the trip to palau as her big goal she’s working towards. somehow, she magically manages to learn to swim with like a week to go or something (AGAIN HOW???) dudebro says she’s not “””””ready””””” tho and bans her from going anyway ? ? ?  

- this shows how throughout the whole book, these characters have NOT had a healthy relationship. their every interaction clearly shows that dudebro has a LOT more power over the girl and this power imbalance makes u hate the ship ur supposed to be rooting for 

- anyway blah blah PLot ShiT girl gets to go on the trip, but when we do get to the trip, literally none of it is covered????? it’s like one(1) sentence saying she gets to go and then pages about how she misses dudebro 

- U WERE PLAYING THIS UP TO BE THE BIG CLIMAX TO THE STORY, THE BIG TRIP WE DESERVE TO SEE I AM RAGING BY THIS POINT  

- im fuckin tired, story ends with the girl “surprising” dudebro on his mission in Antarctica and them saying they’ve fallen in love and other bullshit, neither of them has grown as a character, i hate them both and all in all this book is utter tRASH 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND 

- like, Penelope........................GIRL................look I just wANT TO HAVE SOME WORDS(TM) thAT”S ALL 

- THANK U 4 READING, I HOPE YALL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY IN ISOLATIONx

- PS. IF I EVER SEE THE WORDS ‘ERECT NIPPLES’ AGAIN I WILL FUCKIN FLIP A TABLE 

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

Challenge- create your desired madman Deku scenario. Rules- at least one(1) bone has to be broken.

HM

ok this isnt v coherent bc im tired nd sick BUT i would love it if he were protecting his friends bc im such a fucking sucker for those kinds of scenes

bro’s already injured himself but he’s the one still able to move so hes like standing in front of his friends who are trying to recoup, glaring at their enemy

nd then he just goes fuckin feral when the enemy continues forward

bro just goes buck-fucking-wild he’s just offensive after offensive after offensive bc he needs to protect his friends. nd he does but the cost is his health (ofc)

bro probably punches both himself and the villain unconscious but hey,,he protected his friends,,

[magical-agatha]

god my fuckin temperament is too weak to handle thinking about inguinal hernias anymore today. this: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/trans?page=guidelines-testicular-pain is still the only link i can find that has any confirmation of it as a danger to trans women who tuck. but it doesn't go into detail about how the actual hernia is occurring and what the relationship is with tucking. but at least it confirms a correlation so i know that it is in fact a danger and not just wild speculation or something based solely on one person’s experience, which may or may not reflect the rest of the community. from what i can guess its probably like? pushing the testicles into the inguinal cavity is distending it and weakening the muscles, which is allowing the intestines to slip through into the cavity. i wonder if theres like, something in this to do with like, physical exertion, bc it could also be that tucking is creating a weakness that is getting exacerbated by a moment of physical exertion? or maybe by moving in a way that like, affects the muscles in there? idk. there really isnt a lot of info about this and im not a doctor so the best i can do is speculation. but i dont think the idea that tucking is distending the inguinal cavity which is weakening the associated abdominal muscles is too extreme of a jump. this is one of those times where i really really wish there was more medical information and research about trans bodies, bc most of what there is is sporadic and incomplete and the rest is sourceless uhh, whats the word, when its just based off a persons experience being recounted without any like, reliable research or info. starts with A. im very tired lol. point is i wish there was more info out there cuz there really isnt a lot and im scared ppl are going to get hurt bc of that. this is also like, opening my eyes a lot about how uncertain the information i have in general about like, my body and the bodies of other trans women. bc im finding inconsistent info about things i thought were facts, like for example tucking has always been held up to be perfectly safe, but ive never been able to do it without it hurting, and apparently like?? the whole ‘hrt will turn you infertile’ thing might be inconsistent too? apparently it happens to some but not others. and the thing about like, ‘you WILL lose the function of your dick’ (with the implied ‘but thats a good thing’ that has always pissed me off) and my dick still works, it works differently and i cum and orgasm differently than i did before hrt but it still very much works, it just seems to follow different rules? and i still cum and i can still get hard, both of those things were supposed to stop happening but they didnt. it just like.. went through a process of being reprogrammed so it behaves differently now. cuz there was a period where i couldnt orgasm and i couldnt cum, but then i could again, and now my orgasms are totally different than they were when i was pre hrt. instead of it being like, sudden and intense and overwhelming, it builds up slowly to a peak, then gradually declines from there and leaves you feeling warm throughout and very very soft. and my hen leaks precum constantly when im aroused, and then when i cum it shoots a little bit out then like, leaks goo for the next half hour, not a little bit either. its a mess.

there was something else i wanted to say here but i forgot it. all in all im just. mad that the only ppl who care about the health of trans ppl are some doctors and trans ppl themselves. and that information about our bodies is inconsistent even between professionals. i cant be sure that my doctor actually knows how my body works and whats best for me. it makes it so much harder to trust doctors and feel safe when i see them. what a nightmare. i want to help ppl. i want to find and compile info about our bodies to keep us all safe but i can barely look after myself and i cant commit to doing that. i have to focus on myself. so all i can rly do is like, give advice and try to warn ppl of potential dangers and do what research i can. which is what we’re all doing. the danger is when personal biases conflict with caring for the safety of other ppl, which is the root of all the problems with trans medical stuff i think. whether its doctors enforcing their biases on trans ppl thru medical advice/medicine, or trans ppl themselves giving advice that is warped by their personal beliefs. it leads to misinformation and inconsistency and thats dangerous. that means people getting hurt. so i have to be careful when i give advice to be aware of my own personal biases. such as like, i hate tucking, but i cant tell ppl to just not tuck bc its not my body, i dont know if theres a way to tuck safely or not, so instead i have to tell ppl to be careful and to be aware of potential risks, and to listen to their body bc pain and discomfort are important indicators of harm being done. but im scared that will be lost in the tide of ‘tuck or you arent a real trans woman, you need tucking to pass, it cant hurt you’ that has been spread among us for a really long time.

i feel like this is like, tied to another big problem which is the like, necessity and obsession with passing. which are two very different things. necessity is like, passing to be safe, which i feel like has room to accept that tucking might not be totally safe and comes with certain risks, because it isnt about affirming self worth or identity, only about staying safe. then obsession, which might not be the best word but it will do for now, by that i mean ppl who feel they Have to pass at all costs, bc they think that if they dont they arent a real woman or something like that. they tie passing to self worth and identity, if they dont pass they are worthless or incomplete or like, inferior to cis women, and they will do anything to pass, with little to no regard for personal safety. they will do risky things like skipping meals or tucking unsafely bc they want to pass at any cost. but they spread their perspective on this through advice to other trans women, telling them they need to tuck and they need to wear makeup and they need to do voice training and get implants and srs and all manner of things or they are a trender. a faker. they put insecurities into other trans women and bully each other to propagate their personal biases and force other trans women to conform. most trans women pre hrt are extremely vulnerable and lost, which is when these obsessive trans women give them bad advice and twist them to their world view. that happened to me. i got sucked into that when i was trying to figure out my identity and needed validation. luckily i got out of that and i know better now. its really fucked. ive talked about like, versions of this idea before. that there are two kinds of trans ppl, those who love being trans and those who hate is and want to be cis. and i think as im getting a bit older and learning more and getting further thru my transition im starting to put together a bigger picture of the interplay between all of this stuff. like, the interactions between cis society and its expectations of trans ppl, how trans ppl deal with those expectations and how they deal with living and moving in a cis society thats hostile to trans ppl. this is all one big mess. and thats not even touching on the interactions between terfs, transmeds, and the various levels of trans communities both online and irl. its an absolute nightmare. and then as well there’s like, further interactions with like, nb and gender diverse ppl, gay vs straight trans ppl, intersex ppl, exclusionists, and the mess that the current lgbt+ community online is. i could write a book about this. im living in a nightmare. a massive roiling chaotic community thats fighting itself and the world around it and trying to survive and destroy the parts of itself that it thinks arent ‘valid’. which sounds like a metaphor for my experiences as a trans woman. god and theres more i keep forgetting. im so scatterbrained tonight. i havent had enough sleep to be trying to talk about something so complex as this. and im destroying my hands by typing this much. time to stop. i can sort all this out later. what a mess.

[tumblunni]

Okay!! One good point!! Even though i still generally hate the nate/katie ship im glad theyre at least finally showing some progress on it? Like the whole reason i hate it (at least the anime version) is that they never actually show these characters being nice to each other or expressing actual love at all. Its always just nate being all 'i like her for appearances aalone' or 'i like her just beacuse im a boy and she's a girl and boys and girls cant just be friends'. And the repetitive plot of every episode with katie is always either 'katie is a prize i have to win' or 'a yokai made katie do something unattractive and i need to beat up this yokai cos i cant continue liking katie if she isnt pretty'. Like seriously an actual line nate has is "i didnt know girls fart too, i cant stand knowing that". And then there's 'oh no what if katie eats too much aand becomes fat' 'what if katie acts too masculine' 'what if katie talks too much about her interests because wow i hate actuallly talking with this woman i supposedly like'

So yeah. Them doing the most basic of school anime crush plotlines is actually a huge amount of progress from what its usually like. And it sucks that the bar is that low!

Aaaaaand then this pretty much sums up the entire problem

Nate is so excited about going on a date with this girl he likes purely for his looks that he flies off into a daydream and ignores everything she's actually saying. Like she's not even saying anything that youd expect to be written off as 'eww boring girl talk amirite', shes just ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT THE DAMN DATE. Here's where we're gonna go and why i thought you would have fun going there, because i actually care abput you and bother to pay attention to what you like. And he's just all NAHHHH and the scene acts as if she IS saying something stupid boring useless and girly

:(

Nate she took u to see the space exhibit thats really thoughtful

:(

And then for no reason Roughraff appears and inspirits a dude who looks for no reason like a gijinka of him

Ok so as well as Ben Tover doing nothing bad at all, becoming his friend with no fight and generally being adorable, apparantly also he's a HUGE FUCKIN BADASS

As usual nate makes the most awful choice of a yokai to summon to help him out, but surprisingly it actually works! The vagueness of 'slippery' continues, as for some reason Ben Tover isnt cowardly at all in this situation and instead does some wild awesome kung fu dodge moves to defeat a literal goddamn fully adult mugger!

Yet at the same time he doesnt get to appear onscreen at all for the rest of the episode, so he doesnt really get to own this badassness and nobody aknowledges that hey he was just actually useful and maybe we were all wrong to judge him

Seriously this scene was such a huge surprise!! I was expecting the predictable plot where Ben would appear and make Nate weasel his way out of going to the date, so katie would get mad at him and he'd receive karma for being an asshole. But instead SUDDEN SLENDERMAN MARTIAL ARTS TIME

Also it was hilarious that they won by tiring this guy out with dodging until he slipped and crushed roughraff under his ass. Well thats one way to break an inspiriting!

[thisisasupergoodidea]

man reading my posts from seven years ago is embarrassing, especially because im pretty much incapable of letting anything about myself stay in the past. i HAVE to check what my thoughts were back then, over and over again, year after year. barely changing because for some reason its hard to believe that i HAVE been changing. as if im still 17 years old and just developed depression 3 months ago

isnt that wild? that i actually feel like i could still be that same person from 8-9 years ago even though i barely remember who that was? what about me is the same, or different? why do i feel the need to think back and figure it out? why cant i leave myself alone, leave the past me IN the past? why am i so overly concerned with my own thoughts and experience and dreams and all the other shit in my head that i forget to actually live? why do i NEED to keep understanding and re-understanding and remembering and analyzing when doing so has only ever trapped me inside of myself, rather than freeing me through personal understanding, like i thought it might?

this post took the complete opposite direction that i thought i was gonna go with it but to be honest i need to tell myself this stuff more often. i am never going to move forward if i keep turning back to check on the many, many chains that i carry in trying to tether myself to my past. does my past even matter to the person i want to become if the only parts i can remember are about how awful or cringy i am? what does that accomplish? it does NOT spark joy. fuckin dropkick that nightmarish, bastardized amalgamation of all the worst attributes i ever developed into the abyss where it can truly thrive among nothingness. it took such a long time to arrive here but im so sick and tired of being ashamed of a self who shouldnt and doesnt exist anymore because they genuinely did grow up and learn a few lessons (even if it doesnt always feel that way)

i forgive myself. but those things im holding onto arent me anymore and they arent pieces that i even want to carry into my ideal self

[bastiodonz]

do u have bnha ocs? 0:

YES I DO THANK YOU FOR ASKING

akfjafkahglad throwing them all under read more bc i have,,, A Lot(TM)

i actually have a fuckin uhhhhh nextgen au?? and thats where A Majority Of Them come from??????? and i love them all id die for them

ok so like

ok so two of my Main Ones are era and takuma!!!!!!!! ft. some changed designs bc im considering revamping laylaylb bc it Kinda Sucks. 

so era is the shark one!!!!! her quirk is minor shark and its a mutant quirk that gives her vague mutations from a whitetip reef shark!!! that includes (but is not limited to) double rows of teeth, gils, some fins, enhanced smell and like, you know that thing that sharks do where they can find things from like,, those feely things from their chins?? yeah era can do that. she also tends to be more wild at night?? but it can be passed off as loopiness. since shes from a nextgen au shes the adopted daughter of kiri and baku???? her full name is bakushima era and she is like,,, just Rowdy and Easily Excited.

takuma is a more obvious nextgen kid and hes a tododeku fankid?? THOUGH in the revamp im gonna make him a todoiideku fankid with siblings bc ive always had concept for siblings for him but i was a Coward and never went through with them. his quirk is temperature control and its an emitter quirk that, when he touches something, he can adjust the temperature of an object. whenever he raises the temperature in something, the temperature of his body lowers, and vise versa. that often leads him to being cold constantly and having to bundle up his body in like a thousand jackets. its Very Relatable to me tbh. anxiety is hereditary so hes very anxious and withdrawn. he tends to be very scatterbrained and more often then not he forgets words mid-sentence and needs eras help to remember them. that leads him to repeat things a lot and quit a lot of things midway because he cant describe them. thats Also Very Relatable. his full name is midoriya takuma although in the revamp, its most likely that his name will be changed to iida-midoriya takuma

another important character to the nextgen who isnt actually a nextgen kid is siryoku karashiro (despite me often using first names as a way to refer to characters, i called him by his family name (siryoku) so frequently in laylaylb that thats just how i refer to him at this point) and hes really fun to draw. so hes kinda hard to explain without giving a lot about his backstory and eventual character arc away?? but hes from a rich family of lawyers who all have quirks that allow them to intimidate people by meeting their eyes. however, due to a recessive quirk from his moms side, he ended up having an variant of the black hole quirk. unlike thirteen, who (presumably) can channel theirs through their fingers, his is through his eyes. without a lot of practice with his quirk, he cant really control it and it often ends up being an all or nothing sort of trump card. siryokus very socially awkward and often has a hard time keeping up with extroverted people like ame and era. he also tends to miss expressions and figures of speech. but other than that, hes very earnest and despite his fumbles, wants to help others

while takuma era and siryoku are the Main Trio, takuma and era are also in another trio alongside ame, full name uraraka ame. shes a tsuchako fankid who really likes wearing christmas sweaters in the middle of summer. a part of this generations “big 3″ ame is a third year and an intern under thirteen. her quirk is zero gravity, inherited directly from ochako. shes very caring, and the “big sister” of the group if you will. she tries to help people as much as she can, and is the role model of both era and takuma. she is very energetic though, but she misses a lot of social cues and can as such be seen as pushy or overbearing. 

while she hasnt appeared a lot yet in either my comics or in laylaylb, another character who will end up being important is kyousou hansha!!!! she will be (eventually) the vice president of their class and has been shown to be very driven, determined, and almost judgemental. she hasnt come with the intention of befriending people who dont come up to her standards, though what exactly those standards are is currently unknown. (i know it though) all thats currently known is that she often knows how to take charge of a situation with a very analytical point of view, and that perhaps thats what helped her land a recommended spot into ua. (who recommended her and what her quirk is hasnt been officially shown, though if you look through my blog, im p sure i mentioned it at one point)

this is a very bad drawing, because kazankawa (full name kazankawa atsui) is one of my favorite characters to draw (without coloring because her details is hard for me to color) and has one of my favorite character designs out of my bnha ocs. her quirk is volcano, and its a mutant quirk that almost makes herself like a living volcano. however, she cant ‘erupt’. her skin literally has cracks around where it folds the most, so think at the joints of her fingers and in her elbow. it also has cracks below her eyes. the cracks are filled with lava, though it is purely stationary. she gives off heat and can produce smoke from her mouth (though she doesnt know it yet). she is also able to throw up lava, but thats just kinda gross. she comes across as level-headed, chill, and sleepy almost all the time. however, once she gets riled up or in the battle field, she becomes more wild and reckless.

some other characters and wow isnt this a great drawing, is the houkai squad. i dont have an official name for their group, but they have a really fun dynamic to write. houkai genki (the middle one in the screenshot) is the one that this entire group revolves around, because they are the one who taigun and kuroiya are around for. they have an emitter quirk called emp, which is. an emp. yeah. its,, self explanatory. some people think theyre slick, but really, theyre kinda just really stupid and has no self restraint. 

taigun kisaki (the leftmost) is literally the groups voice of reason and impulse control. her quirk is literally the most terrifying quirk ive ever come up with and its an emitter quirk that lets her control the bees. fuck you vigilantes i made it up before i knew you made a character with a similar quirk. shes by all means an extrovert, but has very thin patience and is constantly done by the shenanigans of this god forsaken group.

kuroiya fumukoi was actually the third bnha oc i designed, and was originally supposed to be a very withdrawn softspoken character. but as i wrote laylaylb, she was changed to an enabler of houkais, with just vaguely more intelligence than houkai, but instead of doing things out of sheer stupidity, more out of just ballsy-ness. her quirk is called shadow step and allows her to travel through shadows. it often leaves her hungry, so a lot of times she can be caught munching on something.

some other characters are the rest of the big 3!!! i love them a lot. like,, listen i would die for them. besides ame, theres suiro takara, the one on the right, and her quirk is crystal channel?? shes an intern under aoyama and can channel her own energy into crystals on her body (which is why she wears so many necklaces) in the form of lasers. shes constantly tired and stressed and honestly really offput by ame. ames excited and loud personality is a bit too much for her, so she tends to lash out or act cold. then theres yasuyou natsuki, the middle, whos quirk is flame body. her bodys literally a fire. as a result, all of the the third years had to be made extra fire durable outfits and gym uniforms to withstand being worn or coming into contact with her. ame has a crush on her, though yasuyou isnt aware of it. yasuyou is dense but upbeat, not interacting with ame a lot because theyre in different classes. (ame is in 3-a while yasuyou is in 3-b). also, ame, idk about u, but idk how ur gonna smooch fire.

of course there is A Lot of other characters from laylaylb that i wont write bc i dont have the screenshots or drawings on hand or bc they havent been revealed or i dont have the energy to explain all about the background characters

BUT

i DO have a non-laylaylb bnha oc and i dont have a name or set design for her yet but ive been stewing over the idea of her quirk for the LONGEST time

so basically shes a support student whos quirk is balance. its an emitter/mutant kinda quirk that gives her impeccable balance and things that she touches the same balance as well. it comes in handy when walking/maneuvering with things in her hands, and allows her to stack things without the fear of them fall over. think about that one sasuke figurine that could balance anything on its head and think ‘what if that was a quirk’

she isnt keen on sharing her ideas with others, though when she does, its often for critique. she has an odd sense for knowing when people lie to her about their opinions, and prefers brutal truth. perhaps its because thats how she is-- overly blunt and bad at determining which things are and arent right to tell to someones face. 

i could see her getting along with hatsume

[kattimariias]

some unnamed au in a nutshell pt.1

sonic parlouzer

17

scruffy

adhd

sounds like fuckin lelouch

pan but isnt that interested in romance

he was gay for mighty when he was like 11 though. realizing this while running literally almost made him slip

has an intense amount of repressed emotions like damn bud you need help

scarf that flies in the wiiind

wears sneakers a lot for some reason

gotta SPEED

a good friend. always there for you

alright chums times up, LEERROOOYYY JENKIIINNSSS

pretty smiles and smirks

just wants to travel the world but still visits the fam

winter aesthetic bc home nostalgia

doesnt give a fuck about gender roles

purrs when relaxed

is basically friends with nature

does not like most clothing bc it fucks with his senses

subtle freckles on muzzle and arms

snort laughs

“im tired but i can still run” he fuckin slams into a wall 1 min later

miles/tails prower

8

smol!!!

tiny freckles!!!

his hat and goggles 2 big

significantly sounds younger for his age

seems sweet and absolutely is but will not hesitate to snark

honey theres more food than candy and sandwiches

Smart Boi.

has the Greatest Mix of trust issues and abandonment issues

floof,,,

also a VERY good friend

other kids keep getting crushes on him and he Doesnt Get Why

loves!!! machines!!! and building them

somewhat integrated into sonic’s big fam

lovs his big bro (PLATONICALLY YALL) but sometimes is just done with his shit

separated from his family at birth and had to live with some shitty ppl before running away

has a shitty mom, but thankfully has other good moms hes known for a longer amount of time

has pbd

stims with his twin tails!!!

distantly descended from kitsunes, but most of his fam doesnt know abt this

potentially could outlive everyone. doesnt like to think abt that much

also doesnt give fuck about gender roles

pan but like sonic, obviously aint interested in relationships

knuckles

17

STRONK

rlly muscular with a smooth voice

has a shitload of swirls and jagged stripes markings

kinda seems like a dickbag but is actually p chill and nice

Do Not Touch His Emerald.

joggles between looking over a giant gemstone and looking for treasure

wants to look cool but is partially a dork like everyone else

has spikes on his hand and no one knows why

his fam just fuckin. disappears when hes like 3

wants to meet other members of his race despite them being a rare sight

connected to chaos energy, his eyes glow green whenever he uses it

rough friend. but still good

genuinely likes rap music

in his tribe, being a guardian of the master emerald is something usually chosen by the stars (which they believe is their ancestors). knux was the last to be chosen by them before disaster stroke

rlly the only thing he vaguely remembers is being constantly told to guard the emerald, but he doesnt remember why or who told him

actually has a shitload of memory issues in general

sometimes flubs up grammar due to living by himself in the wild for years

occasionally accompanied by tikal (tho shes in spirit, more on that another time)

cant grab things easily due to mitten gloves

burrows and forages!!!

sometimes wears a ponytail

bi bi bi (and easily flustered as fuck too)

amelia/amy rose

15

so. fucking energetic and hyped

shoujo fan

wears a lot of magical girl esque outfits

changes her quill style, sometimes its down, sometimes its up

fashion icon in general tbh

can get a lil upset easily

will fucking destroy anyone who harms her friends and family

sounds like a younger jenny slate

sometimes is a mentor figure towards those younger than her

has magical powers, mainly centers on prediction and sense (she uses her tarot cards to channel this)

is actually strong as fuck, it came to the point where she needed inhibitor rings

hammer is a family heirloom, but she started using it a lot earlier (8) due to her extreme amount of strength

although she has a massive crush on sonic, she also wishes he would see her as an equal (alongside others, this is esp the case in sa2′s events)

goes into random musical numbers

VERY good friend

pan as fuck

while she still has a huge crush on sonic, she also really likes blaze. what is with these speedy folk and being attractive smh

also purrs when relaxed