#isnt that fuckin wild?? im so tired

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

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[olderthannetfic]

Saw the other anon; tossing in my own on the ‘former anti, what changed’ question — I was big on shipping, i had a otp of a twincest ship from a particular anime with a vase being broken. And very big on shipping the youtuber minecrafters together ( which is now a major fucking issue on twitter i hear?? Idk i have been a fan of MC since 2013 but i never rlly engaged with online fandom )

BUT!! But!! I was shippin’ twins when i was 12-14 ish, Aged; went ‘huh that was wild and now im uncomfortable’ - And then i fell into ‘this makes me uncomfortable, i am against it’ type thinking. I have not actively harassed or w/e im too hot for that, but I definitely shared posts an the likes of ‘proship is gross’ type bullshit; was actively reading and spreading posts about how artworks depicting bad things was a problem actually; and fiction does affect reality because Jaws the movie made shark hunting rise—

Which is a seperate rant in itself, Jaws was a massive movie with international reach, a wincest fanfic on ao3 does not have the same fucking reacH AA—

Cut forward a few more years, anti-shippers have now seemingly gone more extreme; you cant ship teenagers they are minors and thats gross, you cant age up a character because thats pedophilia, you cant ship a character who is 32 with a 20 year old thats imbalance of power an life experience an an an—

I just got really fuckin tired. Because if anti-shipping was just about the ‘bad’ stuff then why is suddenly everything that isnt a perfectly stale cookie-cutter romance not allowed now? And i had no idea who was an ‘i am against 12 year olds being drawn sexually’ over ‘if you ship the two characters who i headcannon as family thats incest’ so.

Gave up. Claimed the pro-shipper label, and just filtered out ships and content i Do Not want to see an called it a day. So far its worked pretty well, i still know nothing about Boku No Pico after 10 years of hearing its name & i feel much safer knowing that if i do ‘’’mistep’’’ or follow someone who makes x y z it wont be a big deal. Who cares.

Its freein’ like that.

--

[moonlightseranade]

announcement/rant:

im tired of having to fade away from fandoms (one direction, harry styles, mcu, star wars and now stranger things?!)

nope its already bad enough that some of the st actors are wilding online but now eddie fans are fighting within ourselves and for what??? a book??? as if ya'll havent read/written better or more interesting.

you dont have like it or even respect it as canon, whatever. but to tear down someone else for liking it is bullshit. i hate to say it but some of ya'll need to be reminded. THIS IS ALL FICTION. guess what eddie isnt real, hawkins isnt real. it not real folks.

but the message is. eddie was an outcast, he looked out for the people left out or rejected. yet somehow you guys are doing to people what he is against. he isnt a self appointed "freak" thats the label he was given by people who bullied him. the same bullying you guys inflict on writers and other people in this fandom. its bullshit.

we all enjoy different aspects, au's and tropes thats fanfiction. but to diss a writer who writes for your fav, who loves them just as much is so fuckin dumb and wrong. if you dont like their style, then find another author. its not that hard. idk when in the internet timeline people became boomers who complain whenever they dont get what they want immediately. like dude no one will take you seriously when you act like an entitled brat.

also if you dont write then you dont know how long the process really is. even when theres hella inspo and drive it still takes a while. respect writers. we just had a full on writers strike about this shit. i dont wanna see anons anymore either. you wanna spew out your lame ass take, do it off anon since you think you're entitled to that shit.

thats one more thing. you got the nerve to shit talk, have the same amount of balls to do it off anon. you wanna shit talk a writer say it with your whole chest, aint no reason you wanna hide if you really feel that way about it.

imma get real disrespectful rn. if you say shit on anon because you dont wanna be bullied or have "anxiety" imma personally call you a punk ass bitch. because nah i've seen too many anons get comfortable saying dumb shit but not having the nerve to say that shit with their blog name showing. and tbh i will reblog laughing at you for not have the gall to talk your shit without hiding.

i had thought i wouldnt have to become a dickhead in a fandom space again, but here we are. if i see you disrespect my mutuals, or mutuals of my mutuals i will come for your ass anon or not. because respectfully eddie would have too. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤍

[am-i-sans]

goof off dnd 3

were not tired so more dnd!

spingledorf nana and shades keep going!

dorf wants to use dimension door to get out of the underdark. but he cant cause hes the smallest. shades convinces him to leave ahead and find an exit for everyone. her and nana were gonna fuckin book it but it wont work xD teleportation circle instead?

we also decided dans and dorf are cousins xD

teleportation circle go! wild grotto tower in the middle of a forest! full of wizards and such. no more underdark! dorf has a compass so lets go! going south to find water and then follow that.

we find a giant crystal shard! shades stops nana from hitting it and has dorf try to discover what kind of magic it is. its from another plane of existence and most likely magical.

nana hits it anyway. shades said to break off a piece and take it with us and mark the place on the map so we can discover what it is. CONSTUTION SAVING THROW?! thunder damage and dorf gets pushed away! i put the shard in my pack for now and mark the spot on my map.

we keep walking! (moss had to eat and put me in charge of dming help me) we find a river! time to follow it downstream. they find some wild potatoes! and i had an encounter in the water! nana and shades notice. dorf throws a potato in the water and dodges it being thrown back. he sticks his head down there and nearly gets dragged down but rips himself away.

We make it to....BridgePoint?! Where dans killed karen! (moss is back thank god) shades isnt interested in drinking with nana and dorf. shades is mad that dorf doesnt know how to get info lol.

dorf goes check the news bulletin board. they see a poster about great deals on herbs! and a ghost in the library. dorf almost spotted me but im sneaky. nana wanders off.

shades hears about some bandits down the road. they also look for the seedy underbelly of the town. i find a shady bar! i thieves cant with the bartender for info on the shard. he points to a sus guy, astramar. no useful info tho (moss was avoiding this darn)

some people talk about undyne killing karen! :O shades is like "cool undyne is awesome!" and they go. dorf is just screaming for them lol. we exchange information and go find nana. shes buying books :3

time to buy the good kush! or as dorf says, cannabis! nana: i would like to purchase a weed. i stole so much herbs and weed lol. magic mushrooms but actual magic! i also stole the magical mushrooms lol.

im gaslighting dorf into not having seen me steal. now hes rubbing dirt in my face. help. shades just walked away. nana also 'cant see the dirt.' he keeps throwing dirt at nana and shes gonna kick his ass lol.

henry my mastiff tries to block the fight, but steps back and lets nana kick his ass cause shes a sweet old lady. he tries to use charm person and she had an advantage on that. nice try dorf. he gets smacked hard with the frying pan. she got paralyzed so henry keeps an eye on her.

dorf went to tattle to me but im hidden lol. dorf teleports back to the wizard tower and leaves us! nana and henry go off doing stuff.

party is now ruined!

[tigerdrop]

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

[jangofctts]

pls tell us all about your ocs im beGGIN

aHH ok a couple people asked so!!!!! also ive included some of my drawings!! (tIS BELOW THE CUT)

oK SO STARTING OFF WE HAVE commander blanche!

hE’s a bit Cold and Stern but he’s a softy!!! his squadron (sunburst squadron) is a nIGHTMARE to run. it’s like herding cats dhsksn. his eye and his hair are from like a genetic mutation and nO HE DIDNT DYE IT OK?? tbh i still need to flesh him out more but he just wants to bring all his men home safe, will throw himself into battle wiTHOUT hesitation and just rad guy dhdkdn

next we have sgt. blue!

he’s.,.,.sO Tired. boy’s been through it. the scar across his face is from jumping between his general and a dark side force user, HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD AND SOMETIMES DOESNT THINK THINGS THROUGH WHEN IT COMES TO DANGER BUT he baby. again i nEED TO FLESH HIM OUT MORE BUT DHSKSN

ok nEXT we have our lovely sharpshooter, sweets!

he’s Very Shy. he’s the youngest in the squadron but was bumped up into sunburst squadron bc of his skill. he doesn’t like talking much so he’ll pat your arm or grab his brother’s shoulders to get their attention. when he does speak, it’s very soft spoken and gentle. he got in trouble a lot when he was a cadet for trying to befriend the service droids or little animals he would find. if you mention something you like, like a certain type of flower or necklace, WHATEVER he does kinda have....sticky fingers...so he’ll just Snatch the thing you like unprompted and then later he’ll just shove it into your hands and walk away. 1000/10 deserves a kith

oKiE next we have kamikaze (kaze or kami for short) and jaws.

so kamikaze or kami OR kaze for short—he’s the pilot! earned is name for a reason bc this boy is fuckin WILD with piloting. he likes to brag that he’s the best pilot in the GAR which—idk you’re gonna have to judge that yourself. bc yeah he always makes it out alive whethet or not his ship is all but bLOWN UP but—he’s cocky and you might end up loosing your lunch since he tends to do a lot of barrel rolls or made up stunts. he’s a sweetheart tho, after you push aside the cocky and happy go lucky attitude. he’s super hyper most of the time so the squad likes to joke that he has designated nap time dhdjdbd

jaws!!! JAWS MY BOY—he got his name because one time he almost got eaten by a nexu the day after being promoted from cadet. he’s a Flirt, but gets awkward when you flirt with him back. he loVES holodramas or holonovels and therefore a hOpeLESS romantic rvdkdb unfortunately he some how believes that bad pick up lines work,?,,,?! he has some wild scars on his back and will have nO HESITATION to show you the nexu teeth marks. he has a tendancy to “adopt” little creatures or encourage sweets to steal one so That is an Issue

then fuse!

can you....guess..,.what he enjoye? if you guess setting shit on fire/blowing things up then yUh. the reason he has different colored tattoos is because he was originally from another squadron but was reminded too many times and he was sort of Forced out. FORTUNATELY the general transfered him in sunburst squadron and let’s him be the explosives guy. he’s also very hyper and gets ALONG GREAT with kamikaze—a little too well fhdkd the chaos bros for sure. he’s super rambunctious/loud, isnt shy to tell you what he thinks—even those in higher command. he gets in trouble for it but he has a heart of gold and means well!

and then the medic!! void

vOid is Tired....sO TIRED OF DEALING WITH fuse and kamikaze’s cOUNTLESS stupid injuries. he’s the Mom friend and will literally run and tackle you if you aren’t drinking water or taking the meds he’s perscibed. arguably the Smartest one in the bunch—at least with common sense fhdkdb he’s bffs with blue and theyre the Mean Girls of the squad, silently judging you always dhsksn. he definitely overworks himself a LOT just because he cant stand to be alone with his thoughts for long or else he starts to fixate on all the lives he couldnt save. he needs a pHat nap and a cup of caf sO PLEASE give him this, he also always has a massive headache due to the bafoonery he must deal with 25/8 dhsksn

ALSO HERES SOME REALLY ROUGH SKETCHES OF MY 90s plASTIC CUP BABIES RHDKDN

also bonus half sketch/comic of ahsoka that im too lazy to finish rhdkdn

[rat-king-art]

please tell us literally anything about the wild west au i am so invested i am looking Respectfully this shit is so fuckin cool dude!!!!!!!!!

god im so glad you asked, ive been holding back the floodgates till somebody was interested

some minor spoilers if you haven't played project nexus 1 & 2

this is a big info dump so consider this a warning.

Im gonna separate the story into bullet points connected to each character.

Hank: Bandit/outlaw/bounty hunter. Standard stuff, killin, robbing and going after folks in auditors/phobos' gang. Its not hard to assume what hanks up to.

2bdamned: Doctor/gambler. Nobody knows if hes ever actually been to medical school but hes real good at his job so it doesn't matter to the crew. in the 1800's it was crazy common to die from infection so if your patients survived a lot the town would assume that it was 'the devils work' and that the doctor worshiped dark forces. so even though 2b had the common sense to disinfect his tools people stood clear of him. he used this fear to his advantage and likes to gamble in town, using the cash for medical supplies. hes real worried audi has gotten his hands on something dangerous.

Deimos: cowboy/outlaw. Hes an irish immigrant, he hated the city-life so he left to explore the developing west as a cowhand. He meets sanford as they're both working on herding cattle, the two of them quit to become outlaws/bounty hunters with hank. probably met in some sort of stick-up hank tried to pull on them.

Sanford: Cowboy/outlaw. (people usually estimate that 1/4 cowboys were black, but that isnt true. The men who owned the ranches would send their workers out to hide in the forest while the census was being taken to avoid taxes, so they were probably the majority. i really recommend looking it up so i dont make this post a mile long) Anyways, ford mainly worked as a cowhand/horse wrangler most of his life till he met deimos. both of them knew that they'd be unstoppable together as bounty hunters, leading them to join up with hank and 2b. (I can do some deimos/sanford hcs in another post if anyone wants it)

Auditor: business man/gambler. being made up of fire (or whatever hes made up with) isn't going to go unnoticed in the god-fearing west. so Audi stays up in his riverboat holding gambling events with people he can show himself around. He uses his wealth to buy property and expand his control, using Hoffnar as a sort of puppet to carry out his in-person transactions. People dont really even know audi exists. But he isn't just interested in gathering land, hes been collecting doctors and experimenting on people to figure out how to bring the dead back to life. (this part of the story is a bit loose, i haven't figured everything out yet)

Hoffnar/tricky: Doctor/business man. Sweet,tired Hoffnar, stuck under Auditor's thumb and forced to manage several towns of his growing estate. Townsfolk don't like him much, as most working class people tend to hate those who own everyone's property. Hes good friends with Jeb and sheriff, tending to stick around them and treat their injuries. Hes also very close to audi's resurrection project, giving a version of it to jeb before he defects(unknowingly infecting himself with it). He is blamed for Jeb's defection and is taken out to the middle of the desert where phobos kills him. but he lives on , succumbing into a feral zombie state, digging up graves and killing anyone who go out into the hills; spreading the infection.

Sheriff: Lawman. ive talked before a bit about how sheriff came down from the city with dreams of conquering the west. obviously this didn't pan out, but his charisma and likability showed to be an asset to auditor, who hired him to be the sheriff of his developing towns and keep the townsfolk compliant and quiet. in an attack to get a hold of auditor's recipe for resurrection, hank shoots sheriff in the head, killing him. but auditor decides to resurrect him, wanting to avoid losing control of the town in the aftermath of hoffnar's death. Sheriff can't remember dying but he has dreams of his brief time in purgatory. Auditor tells sheriff that jeb and hoffnar died in the shootout.

Jeb: Lawman/bodyguard. I Imagine jeb is from the south-west, working as a Vaquero and holding a good amount of medical knowledge. but the times called for different skills, leading him to work for the auditor. Jeb was hired to keep sheriff safe, (he may be the sheriff but hes not very good at it) posing as the deputy and acting as a last resort if hank and the crew managed to get past phobos' gang. you may assume whatever you like in regards to their relationship but i am a big sheriff x jeb liker, so when sheriff gets taken down at the shoot-out, jeb defects and vows to hunt hank down. Before he leaves, hoffnar gives him a primitive version of the resurrection recipe. but as he distances himself from auditor (and taking notice to tricky's antics) he decides to pick the lesser of the two evils and join up with the crew. absolutely taken aback when he sees sheriff alive (and not a zombie) he works with 2b to figure out how to use the resurrection recipe/use it to fix the impending zombie virus

Phobos: Outlaw/bandit. leader of the gang that inhabits auditors territory( this is where you'll find the mag agents and nexus g03lms), keeping out rival outlaws and anybody too nosy for their own good. the town believes sheriff is protecting them from this gang. phobos only has one eye that he protects behind custom goggles (glasses were not very advanced yet, so this is just unfeasible. but if i can have a fire-demon, i can stretch this) He carries out auditors orders to kill hoffnar, shooting him in the face and slicing his stomach open so the animals would take care of the body. He hates working under Audi, forced to do all the real dirty work while sheriff and jeb sit pretty in town.

i think thats all the main stuff...id be happy to answer any questions or listen to ideas as im still developing things

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

[whatthefuuuuuuccckkkk]

okay this is my last post I know I'm being very annoying and I hate to clog the tag but I just have to scream into the void for a while if you disagree or you're annoyed with me please just scroll past this rant thank you

- the hitman plot. god. we all hate that shit. what I realllllly hate is how long and drawn out it is. should've been one episode tops, like when dean tried it. I want to say, that obviously it's not gonna work bcz it would be stupid to kill off the character carrying the entire show, but at this point maybe they are gonna kill him off??? idfk. maybe it's a punishment for all the people (everyone) who like him. truthfully the whole "murder is our only way out of this" attitude is disappointing and seemingly out of character for all of the girls. Boomer attacked annie and they let him fuckin live. They knew he was a fuckin rapist piece of shit, and a regular piece of shit too, but couldn't kill someone. But apparently killing someone beth, at one point, felt some typa way about...smh..apparently that is A ok and they don't even explore other options or feel the least bit guilty?? even when they "mourned" boomer it was more about marion than him. But rio and his whole ass innocent child are not a thought at all??? Wild. Truly. Also....what do they think will happen?? If I were a gang leader's right hand the first person I would check upon seeing my boss get murdered would probably be the person who tried to murder him last time lmao. Do they really think they would get away with it? Even if they didnt get caught, they wouldnt be off the hook. Surely mick would just keep things going, with even less leeway. And what happens when their illegal activities bite them in the ass when Rio is gone? Who are they gonna blame everything on? Who is gonna clean up their mess? No one. And this whole "I'm not doing it, wait yes I am, wait no I'm not, wait I'm gonna do it" thing the hitman is doing is...not it. I'm assuming were gonna get an explanation about how he knew that this was a crime of passion (lol)

-beth beth beth......you know there is a theory floating around that she has serious ptsd and I actually would love to see that explored but that shit ain't happening lol. I'm tired of feeling like I'm analyzing her character. At what point is it too much. She's hard to read but I think it has crossed the line over complex and ventured into poor characterization. She's gotten chances and chances and I'm tired. And dean. God I'm tired. I feel like all season I've been watching beth do the same thing, play good wifey, risk her (and Annie's and Ruby's) life by doing stupid shit..and that's basically it. Face some fckn consequences for your actions please. Take some responsibility. I feel like the show is showing us inklings of...something...bubbling underneath the surface but it's not our job to fill in the blanks or interpret shit. I do not work for nbc. I'm not getting paid for this. What is this girl thinking trying to get rio to invest in hot tubs (bless her calling dean an idiot. fuck this show for making him suddenly a good salesman) while trying to kill him. Does she think he dies and suddenly she owns it?? Makes zero sense. Also unpopular opinion i dont like that she caused a scene with the pool ball. Like....of course he isnt listening to you....you shot him...3 times....then stole from him....and have been screwing him over repeatedly.

-dean just....no. I understand that beth has so much going on in her life right now that divorce isn't exactly on her mind and dean is the last trace she has left of a normal life so shes holding onto it for dear life.....actually no. I do not know if any of that is actually true or if I'm just interpreting wrong. Because the subtext and editing and parallels and all that would be fine and dandy but not when that's all the show is at this point. If dean cheating yet again is not gonna make beth leave him, nothing will. I want his screentime to be 30 seconds and nothing more.

-im just not invested in the boland children. Annie and ruby have both struggled real bad, but beth, the one in the deepest, has 4 children who are somehow unaffected by this?? Not to mention the whole divorce, wait never mind, oh look a gang leader hanging out with mommy again, oh look our house is empty, type stuff happening. Beth's kids should be going through it but for some reason they arent? Maybe it's because child labor laws or something lol.

- rio. At this point I'm rooting for him for than anything. But I genuinely do not know why he hasnt killed beth. She's proven herself to be more of a liability than an asset and I just cannot understand why he hasnt killed her. Unless it's the whole "feelings" route, which wouldve made him look dumb, but made sense based on what we were given. This is actually the direction I thought the season was going but now it just seems like he is a bad businessman lol. Obviously she cant die for the sake of the show, but its like they didnt even try to make it make sense. He definitely knows about the hitman btw. I dont really blame him for anything he's done with beth so far. He robbed her in retaliation. He had to cut her off when she started acting shady. 🤷‍♀️ he let's her get away with too much tbh. It's a shame that this character isnt being utilized. Its like they are banking on this mysterious aura to keep working, but we are 3 seasons in and it's a little old now. I personally think that they just don't know what to do with him now. Also can I point out how dumb he looks showing beth that he is doing business at the carwash, why would he give her more information than she needs when he is suspicious of her? I cant tell if I was happy with how unphased he looked about her outburst or if I wish he checked her.

-mick. Did his side plot with beth die? How does it seem like this show simultaneously moves through plots every episode but is also stuck in the same one for the entire season? I also think mick is not being utilized. As funny as it is for him to be a built in 3rd wheel all the time, they could do so much more. Like can you imagine if beth mouthed off or fucked up and mick checked her? The possible ways a plot like that could go...untapped potential.

-ruby. Ah...I remember when I thought her and stan's fight was dragging for too long. Miss those days. See even tho ruby and stan seem to have the same issue over and over it's not the same story. Pen cap, new job, sarah stealing, all the same fight, but with different stories. And it really seems like Ruby's always going through it but I appreciate the variety. Stan's storyline has been interesting but I dont know how much it relates to the central plot. Sarah....great. that actress is so talented and even tho shes an attitude machine (what preteen is not) i just love her scenes. Harry seems to be missing a lot. The hills are the only part I seem to enjoy anymore. Really wish the show would explore why ruby seems to be the one who keeps getting caught up with the law...I wonder what it could be....what is different about her..hm...

- annie. Backtracked so much. Wish she had a single plot that didnt revolve around men. Now shes trying to cheat on her GED. Where's the snark? Where's the wit? It seems like all she is now is a codependent insecure mess. And I'm tired of this fuckass therapist. I thought her study montage was gonna end in a "she didnt need anyone but family (:" lesson but it did not for whatever reason. I thought by bringing a therapist into the show it was gonna give us more of a look at Annie's and Beth's upbringing and relationship. Or help annie work through her issues, the boomer thing too. Or maybe lead to Beth's ptsd diagnosis. Therapy could've helped move the plot forward or help the characters grow, but it's doing the opposite of that. If its not contributing to the main plot, what is its purpose? To give annie yet another terrible love interest?

To summarize....I hate it here.

[autumn-foxfire]

So like i think its important to acknowledge the context here for some of this. The context being that between chuuya being introduced and us getting chuuyas backstory its been A WHILE. Like for a good while i used to joke that they were really wasting chuuya cuz they had a fan favorite character who we had like no information and backstory on. Like i wanna say its been at least two years between chuuya introduction n backstory but honestly im terible with memory n even worse with time progression so all im gonna say for a very very long time the fandom didnt know shit about chuuyas backstory. The most we got in guild arc was the hint that kouyou was his mentor n of course that he n dazai formed the ace in mafias sleeve n for a long while that was pretty much it. Fans ran wild with that n everybody had their own headcanon n there were a lot of fics exploring his possible backstory. From him being a french (flashbacks to french chuuya era) immigrant/ child trafficked for his ability to him training to work in kouyous borthel (that was a popular headcanon for kouyou but i dont think it has any base in canon) until they discovered his ability and were like oooo this baby dangerous. My favorite was anything that included kouyou just picking up a half feral kid chuuya n being like ahhh im keeping this, mine now. Feral Chuuya gives me life n i still like to read about it. The point being when chuuyas backstory came out it was going to have to contend with A Lot of fan content some of which was really really good.

Anyway i dislike the whole oh there was a god shoved in him when he was a kid bit. I wont stick to this a lot cuz im honestly past the point 'ugh this is So stupid' n to the point 'i dislike it but i also dont really care' but ye, im not super big fan of throwing gods around so randomly cuz i feel bsd isnt really built with that in mind, n i considered that whole part a really boring explenation to corruption and eh, im not gonna pretend that the fanwork didnt influence me n that i might have liked it better if i didnt read so much speculative fanfiction cuz it really comes down to 'its not like in my headcanons so i hate it :/'n thats p much all there is to it n thats no fun to talk about.

I did like sheep parts tho loved dat.

No what im here to talk about is how KOUYOU GOT FUCKIN ROBBED. Like we barely get any chuuya kouyou interactions anyway despite her being shown as his mentor like how mori was to dazai n kouyou herself really only had time to shine with kyouka n like this was the perfect oportunity to explore her more. She was shown as chuuyas mentor from the start, she was included in every fanwork that included chuuyas backstory, if ur gonna do chuuyas backstory you need to have kouyou there she is his mentor after all

Nope nope what do we get instead

FUCKING RANDO SAN

LITERAL GUY NAMED RANDO

Like ok fine u needed a villain for the novel thats fine, make it the person who tried to grab chuuya out good good great BUT WHAT WAS ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT FUCKING RANDO SAN BEING THE ONE TO RECRUIT CHUUYA INTO MAFIA. WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT CHUUYAS FUCKING HAT BEING RANDOS, WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK WAS THAT SCENE OF CHUUYA SITTING ON HIS GRAVE LIKE FUCKIN DAZAI WITH ODA

WHAT THE FUCK

I will not stop yelling

Like honestly it made me so upset. I dont mind fucking rando san as a villain or whatever but i do mind him kinda being pushed into the spot of chuuyas mentor (whos kouyou) or recuiter (whos dazai) n him being tied into his character so significantly like the tradition of a mentor giving their student something is obvs a big thing in mafia what with dazais coat n all n it just made me so upset that chuuyas hat was given to him by some fuckass named rando n not kouyou. Or that rando seemed to impact him so much to be considered some sort of great influence when he p much just busted him out n then dazai did all the work. Like it just made me so upset that this random one but villain named literally rando was shoved as an important figure in a story of a character whos backstory we've been clamoring for so long when kouyou was literally right there like 'hi im here ready to be relevant forever.'

Like we already got a nice view of her with kyouka what with her wanting to protect kyouka but being willing to let her go wgen she sees thats the best for kyouka n that she will be happy n protected with the agency. Like i doubt she would be as protective with chuuya since their age difference is a lot smaller (4-5 years i think) so shed probs view him more as a friend or a younger brother than a literal child she has to protect but like i wanna see that i want them to have a bond, why hint at her being his mentor n then do nothing with it when mori is of such significance for dazai.

Like i think all this comes down to is obe of primary problems i had with bsd n one of the reasons i ended up growing tired with it: bsd really likes introducing new characters n new groups while at the same time doing very little with ones it already introduced if they arent like atsushi akutagawa dazai n sometimes kunikida n chuuya. N like that just gets boring after a bit i dont care about new evil group no 65 i care about the characters i already know so BLS DO THINGS WITH THEM BLS

...I’ll be honest, I didn’t notice that Kouyou was supposed to be Chuuya’s mentor. Did I just miss that in the anime or something? I didn’t know they had a bond at all.

As for Chuuya’s backstory, I also... didn’t really mind it either. I know the god part was a bit random but I also thought it was kind of fitting that Chuuya’s ability, or a part of it?, was born from something out of this world. It really does fit the “corruption” theme too, in my opinion, in the sense that his body has been corrupted by a god and it would also explain why his body isn’t able to handle the body too.

I also thought that the point of Rando being the one who “gave” Chuuya his hat was symbolism of Chuuya finding a piece of his past because of him and that’s why he visited his grave (almost as a silent thanks in a way). Plus I think it was another one of Dazai’s manipulation to get Chuuya into the Port Mafia, he knew he would never accept a belonging given to him by Dazai (he even pulled a face when he heard that Dazai, as his recruiter should be the one to give it) but when he learned it was Rando, a person who while had attacked him but had also helped him learn a tiny bit more about the god inside him, made accepting the hat more easier for him.

At least, that was my take on it.

I am a little disappointed myself about the lack of attention some characters have recieved compared to others (cough Kenji cough) and I wished they were given a little more, but I also understand why new criminal groups are introduced as bsd wants to draw a stalemate between the Agency and the Port Mafia.

I guess this a matter of different opinions XD

[moonprincess92]

so social distancing has naturally given me a lot more time to read and i’ve just recently finished “In at the deep end” by Penelope Janu. i apparently needed a few days to stew in my eMOtions because bOY DO I HAVE SOME FUCKIN OPINIONS(TM)  

- the tl:dr version is this book is absolute Trashfire and i hated it 

- for more opinions, please do continue 

- i originally picked up this book (long before being confined to my house, for the record, i was just far too optimistic about having the time to read it back then) bc the cover claimed it was a ‘quick-witted romantic comedy about losing your cool’ (spoiler alert: it is not) 

- the back was also an interesting premise: she is a feisty explorer/geography teacher, he is a badass norwegian navel officer, her boat sinks and she nearly drowns bc she can’t swim. he rescues her and will help fund a new ship if he teaches her how to swim 

- so u got the perfect ‘let me teach u this skill and while we’re at it lets fall in love’ trope and hOW DOES THIS BOOK MANAGE TO MESS THAT UP 

- LETS START WITH WHERE IT GETS PROBLEMATIC 

- girl wants to go to palau island on the new ship they fund. dudebro will ONLY let her go if she learns how to swim. he is the one who will determine her ‘readiness’ to swim. he is the one who will be teaching her. 

- DUDEBRO ISN”T EVEN IN CHARGE OF THE SHIP???? WHY DOES HE GET TO DECIDE???? 

- book also tries to pull the ‘enemies to lovers’ trope by having the two main characters literally hate each other but forgets the all important FRIENDS step thats supposed to happen in btwn so basically u hate the very ship ur supposed to be shipping 

- reason girl cannot swim is bc of a trauma in which the car she was in crashed into water. her mother drowned and her father was seriously injured and later died in this event 

- girl suffers from SEVERE phobic symptoms of water. she cannot touch water, or even think of putting her head under without suffering panic attacks, migraines, and vomiting. it is clear that this girl needs psychological help to get over her phobia 

- DOES THE BOOK EVER TOUCH ON THIS???? NO IT FUCKING DOES NOT WHAT IS THERAPY ONLY THE POWER OF BONERS CAN CURE HER APPARENTLY 

- dudebro even says at one point “i don’t think you have post-traumatic stress, yadda yadda why can’t u do this??????” LIKE ARE U A FUCKIN PSYCHOLOGIST??? NO UR FUCKING NAVY GO BACK TO THE NORWEGIAN SEA U IMBECILE 

- while we’re at it are u even qualified to teach someone how to swim?????? I know ur navy and shit which i guess includes knowledge of swimming but just bc i cook a mean pasta for dinner doesn’t mean i’m fuckin gordon ramsey???? 

- as he teaches her how to ‘swim’ book tries to make it that they have this undeniable cHeMIStrY but bc these characters also Hate(TM) each other you end up hating both of them 

- like she even has to tell him ‘i do not want to be touched inappropriately by u’ which is supposed to come off as Sexy and ‘ooooh the tension is so WILD they can’t keep their hands off each other!!!’ but instead comes off as creepy and like he’s a predator 

- dudebro also has the personality of a potato 

- the first time they have a sexual encounter, there is NO consent???? literally they are arguing and he reminds her of the rule she made about not touching her. he doesn’t want to have sex and suggests they meet the next day. she says no, purposefully angering him into breaking the rule and saying (AND I QUOTE) “You wanted this, so you can’t accuse me of acting inappropriately. Is that understood?” 

- I”M SORRY THATS NOT HOW CONSENT WORKS????????????????? 

- they also don’t label their sexual encounter as “””sex””” bc it wasn’t P-in-V like mmmmmkay 

- by this point i hate the book and am slowly descending into Madness but am determined to see it to the end, so carry on reading i go 

- eventually, we get to the point where it’s nearly the deadline where she has to know how to swim and so far, she can only sit in water that is waist deep. girl is SUFFERING and yet somehow she still never goes to a therapist????? 

- even tho she’s been struggling to even SIT in water, she suddenly decides one day fuck it, i’m gonna just dive in the deep end and put my head under??? (it reads like its supposed to be a clever tie in to the title, but reality is its really inconsistent with her progress!) 

- SOMEHOW THE MAGIC OF FUCKING BONERS HELPS HER PUT HER HEAD UNDER????? 

- DUDEBRO LITERALLY SAYS “Breathe. Through. Me,” (direct quote) AND THEY ROMANTICALLY KISS UNDER THE WATER????? LIKE THIS GIRL WAS VOMITTING AT THE THOUGHT MERE DAYS AGO 

- like i am in no way an expert in phobias and PTSD but like i’m like FAIRLY certain this this isnt supposed to be how they work?????????? 

- idk what this says about our author Ms Penelope here, but i literally lost count the amount of times she writes about the girl’s “erect nipples” 

- she is also obsessed with calling dudebro an ‘action hero’ like wE GET IT HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE A DREAMY BUFF DUDEBRO WHO CAN BENCH-LIFT CARS AND SHIT 

- the first time they have sex(TM) they get real weird with the idea of contraception. they’ve only known each other a few months at this point, they are not even officially together yet and THIS is the interaction they have: 

“I don’t have a condom.”  “You’re a commander. You should be better prepared.”  “I bet you’re not on the pill.”  “No.”  “So you want to have a baby straight away?” 

- WHAT THE FLYING FUCK????? WHO SAYS THAT TO SOMEONE THEY’RE HAVING SEX WITH FOR THE FIRST TIME???? the conversation is awkward and about as sexy as donald trump in a bikini 

- at this point i want to hurl myself into the Abyss 

- anyway, book plays up the trip to palau as her big goal she’s working towards. somehow, she magically manages to learn to swim with like a week to go or something (AGAIN HOW???) dudebro says she’s not “””””ready””””” tho and bans her from going anyway ? ? ?  

- this shows how throughout the whole book, these characters have NOT had a healthy relationship. their every interaction clearly shows that dudebro has a LOT more power over the girl and this power imbalance makes u hate the ship ur supposed to be rooting for 

- anyway blah blah PLot ShiT girl gets to go on the trip, but when we do get to the trip, literally none of it is covered????? it’s like one(1) sentence saying she gets to go and then pages about how she misses dudebro 

- U WERE PLAYING THIS UP TO BE THE BIG CLIMAX TO THE STORY, THE BIG TRIP WE DESERVE TO SEE I AM RAGING BY THIS POINT  

- im fuckin tired, story ends with the girl “surprising” dudebro on his mission in Antarctica and them saying they’ve fallen in love and other bullshit, neither of them has grown as a character, i hate them both and all in all this book is utter tRASH 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND 

- like, Penelope........................GIRL................look I just wANT TO HAVE SOME WORDS(TM) thAT”S ALL 

- THANK U 4 READING, I HOPE YALL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY IN ISOLATIONx

- PS. IF I EVER SEE THE WORDS ‘ERECT NIPPLES’ AGAIN I WILL FUCKIN FLIP A TABLE 

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

Challenge- create your desired madman Deku scenario. Rules- at least one(1) bone has to be broken.

HM

ok this isnt v coherent bc im tired nd sick BUT i would love it if he were protecting his friends bc im such a fucking sucker for those kinds of scenes

bro’s already injured himself but he’s the one still able to move so hes like standing in front of his friends who are trying to recoup, glaring at their enemy

nd then he just goes fuckin feral when the enemy continues forward

bro just goes buck-fucking-wild he’s just offensive after offensive after offensive bc he needs to protect his friends. nd he does but the cost is his health (ofc)

bro probably punches both himself and the villain unconscious but hey,,he protected his friends,,

[magical-agatha]

god my fuckin temperament is too weak to handle thinking about inguinal hernias anymore today. this: http://transhealth.ucsf.edu/trans?page=guidelines-testicular-pain is still the only link i can find that has any confirmation of it as a danger to trans women who tuck. but it doesn't go into detail about how the actual hernia is occurring and what the relationship is with tucking. but at least it confirms a correlation so i know that it is in fact a danger and not just wild speculation or something based solely on one person’s experience, which may or may not reflect the rest of the community. from what i can guess its probably like? pushing the testicles into the inguinal cavity is distending it and weakening the muscles, which is allowing the intestines to slip through into the cavity. i wonder if theres like, something in this to do with like, physical exertion, bc it could also be that tucking is creating a weakness that is getting exacerbated by a moment of physical exertion? or maybe by moving in a way that like, affects the muscles in there? idk. there really isnt a lot of info about this and im not a doctor so the best i can do is speculation. but i dont think the idea that tucking is distending the inguinal cavity which is weakening the associated abdominal muscles is too extreme of a jump. this is one of those times where i really really wish there was more medical information and research about trans bodies, bc most of what there is is sporadic and incomplete and the rest is sourceless uhh, whats the word, when its just based off a persons experience being recounted without any like, reliable research or info. starts with A. im very tired lol. point is i wish there was more info out there cuz there really isnt a lot and im scared ppl are going to get hurt bc of that. this is also like, opening my eyes a lot about how uncertain the information i have in general about like, my body and the bodies of other trans women. bc im finding inconsistent info about things i thought were facts, like for example tucking has always been held up to be perfectly safe, but ive never been able to do it without it hurting, and apparently like?? the whole ‘hrt will turn you infertile’ thing might be inconsistent too? apparently it happens to some but not others. and the thing about like, ‘you WILL lose the function of your dick’ (with the implied ‘but thats a good thing’ that has always pissed me off) and my dick still works, it works differently and i cum and orgasm differently than i did before hrt but it still very much works, it just seems to follow different rules? and i still cum and i can still get hard, both of those things were supposed to stop happening but they didnt. it just like.. went through a process of being reprogrammed so it behaves differently now. cuz there was a period where i couldnt orgasm and i couldnt cum, but then i could again, and now my orgasms are totally different than they were when i was pre hrt. instead of it being like, sudden and intense and overwhelming, it builds up slowly to a peak, then gradually declines from there and leaves you feeling warm throughout and very very soft. and my hen leaks precum constantly when im aroused, and then when i cum it shoots a little bit out then like, leaks goo for the next half hour, not a little bit either. its a mess.

there was something else i wanted to say here but i forgot it. all in all im just. mad that the only ppl who care about the health of trans ppl are some doctors and trans ppl themselves. and that information about our bodies is inconsistent even between professionals. i cant be sure that my doctor actually knows how my body works and whats best for me. it makes it so much harder to trust doctors and feel safe when i see them. what a nightmare. i want to help ppl. i want to find and compile info about our bodies to keep us all safe but i can barely look after myself and i cant commit to doing that. i have to focus on myself. so all i can rly do is like, give advice and try to warn ppl of potential dangers and do what research i can. which is what we’re all doing. the danger is when personal biases conflict with caring for the safety of other ppl, which is the root of all the problems with trans medical stuff i think. whether its doctors enforcing their biases on trans ppl thru medical advice/medicine, or trans ppl themselves giving advice that is warped by their personal beliefs. it leads to misinformation and inconsistency and thats dangerous. that means people getting hurt. so i have to be careful when i give advice to be aware of my own personal biases. such as like, i hate tucking, but i cant tell ppl to just not tuck bc its not my body, i dont know if theres a way to tuck safely or not, so instead i have to tell ppl to be careful and to be aware of potential risks, and to listen to their body bc pain and discomfort are important indicators of harm being done. but im scared that will be lost in the tide of ‘tuck or you arent a real trans woman, you need tucking to pass, it cant hurt you’ that has been spread among us for a really long time.

i feel like this is like, tied to another big problem which is the like, necessity and obsession with passing. which are two very different things. necessity is like, passing to be safe, which i feel like has room to accept that tucking might not be totally safe and comes with certain risks, because it isnt about affirming self worth or identity, only about staying safe. then obsession, which might not be the best word but it will do for now, by that i mean ppl who feel they Have to pass at all costs, bc they think that if they dont they arent a real woman or something like that. they tie passing to self worth and identity, if they dont pass they are worthless or incomplete or like, inferior to cis women, and they will do anything to pass, with little to no regard for personal safety. they will do risky things like skipping meals or tucking unsafely bc they want to pass at any cost. but they spread their perspective on this through advice to other trans women, telling them they need to tuck and they need to wear makeup and they need to do voice training and get implants and srs and all manner of things or they are a trender. a faker. they put insecurities into other trans women and bully each other to propagate their personal biases and force other trans women to conform. most trans women pre hrt are extremely vulnerable and lost, which is when these obsessive trans women give them bad advice and twist them to their world view. that happened to me. i got sucked into that when i was trying to figure out my identity and needed validation. luckily i got out of that and i know better now. its really fucked. ive talked about like, versions of this idea before. that there are two kinds of trans ppl, those who love being trans and those who hate is and want to be cis. and i think as im getting a bit older and learning more and getting further thru my transition im starting to put together a bigger picture of the interplay between all of this stuff. like, the interactions between cis society and its expectations of trans ppl, how trans ppl deal with those expectations and how they deal with living and moving in a cis society thats hostile to trans ppl. this is all one big mess. and thats not even touching on the interactions between terfs, transmeds, and the various levels of trans communities both online and irl. its an absolute nightmare. and then as well there’s like, further interactions with like, nb and gender diverse ppl, gay vs straight trans ppl, intersex ppl, exclusionists, and the mess that the current lgbt+ community online is. i could write a book about this. im living in a nightmare. a massive roiling chaotic community thats fighting itself and the world around it and trying to survive and destroy the parts of itself that it thinks arent ‘valid’. which sounds like a metaphor for my experiences as a trans woman. god and theres more i keep forgetting. im so scatterbrained tonight. i havent had enough sleep to be trying to talk about something so complex as this. and im destroying my hands by typing this much. time to stop. i can sort all this out later. what a mess.

[tumblunni]

Okay!! One good point!! Even though i still generally hate the nate/katie ship im glad theyre at least finally showing some progress on it? Like the whole reason i hate it (at least the anime version) is that they never actually show these characters being nice to each other or expressing actual love at all. Its always just nate being all 'i like her for appearances aalone' or 'i like her just beacuse im a boy and she's a girl and boys and girls cant just be friends'. And the repetitive plot of every episode with katie is always either 'katie is a prize i have to win' or 'a yokai made katie do something unattractive and i need to beat up this yokai cos i cant continue liking katie if she isnt pretty'. Like seriously an actual line nate has is "i didnt know girls fart too, i cant stand knowing that". And then there's 'oh no what if katie eats too much aand becomes fat' 'what if katie acts too masculine' 'what if katie talks too much about her interests because wow i hate actuallly talking with this woman i supposedly like'

So yeah. Them doing the most basic of school anime crush plotlines is actually a huge amount of progress from what its usually like. And it sucks that the bar is that low!

Aaaaaand then this pretty much sums up the entire problem

Nate is so excited about going on a date with this girl he likes purely for his looks that he flies off into a daydream and ignores everything she's actually saying. Like she's not even saying anything that youd expect to be written off as 'eww boring girl talk amirite', shes just ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT THE DAMN DATE. Here's where we're gonna go and why i thought you would have fun going there, because i actually care abput you and bother to pay attention to what you like. And he's just all NAHHHH and the scene acts as if she IS saying something stupid boring useless and girly

:(

Nate she took u to see the space exhibit thats really thoughtful

:(

And then for no reason Roughraff appears and inspirits a dude who looks for no reason like a gijinka of him

Ok so as well as Ben Tover doing nothing bad at all, becoming his friend with no fight and generally being adorable, apparantly also he's a HUGE FUCKIN BADASS

As usual nate makes the most awful choice of a yokai to summon to help him out, but surprisingly it actually works! The vagueness of 'slippery' continues, as for some reason Ben Tover isnt cowardly at all in this situation and instead does some wild awesome kung fu dodge moves to defeat a literal goddamn fully adult mugger!

Yet at the same time he doesnt get to appear onscreen at all for the rest of the episode, so he doesnt really get to own this badassness and nobody aknowledges that hey he was just actually useful and maybe we were all wrong to judge him

Seriously this scene was such a huge surprise!! I was expecting the predictable plot where Ben would appear and make Nate weasel his way out of going to the date, so katie would get mad at him and he'd receive karma for being an asshole. But instead SUDDEN SLENDERMAN MARTIAL ARTS TIME

Also it was hilarious that they won by tiring this guy out with dodging until he slipped and crushed roughraff under his ass. Well thats one way to break an inspiriting!

[thisisasupergoodidea]

man reading my posts from seven years ago is embarrassing, especially because im pretty much incapable of letting anything about myself stay in the past. i HAVE to check what my thoughts were back then, over and over again, year after year. barely changing because for some reason its hard to believe that i HAVE been changing. as if im still 17 years old and just developed depression 3 months ago

isnt that wild? that i actually feel like i could still be that same person from 8-9 years ago even though i barely remember who that was? what about me is the same, or different? why do i feel the need to think back and figure it out? why cant i leave myself alone, leave the past me IN the past? why am i so overly concerned with my own thoughts and experience and dreams and all the other shit in my head that i forget to actually live? why do i NEED to keep understanding and re-understanding and remembering and analyzing when doing so has only ever trapped me inside of myself, rather than freeing me through personal understanding, like i thought it might?

this post took the complete opposite direction that i thought i was gonna go with it but to be honest i need to tell myself this stuff more often. i am never going to move forward if i keep turning back to check on the many, many chains that i carry in trying to tether myself to my past. does my past even matter to the person i want to become if the only parts i can remember are about how awful or cringy i am? what does that accomplish? it does NOT spark joy. fuckin dropkick that nightmarish, bastardized amalgamation of all the worst attributes i ever developed into the abyss where it can truly thrive among nothingness. it took such a long time to arrive here but im so sick and tired of being ashamed of a self who shouldnt and doesnt exist anymore because they genuinely did grow up and learn a few lessons (even if it doesnt always feel that way)

i forgive myself. but those things im holding onto arent me anymore and they arent pieces that i even want to carry into my ideal self

[wlwtsubomi]

do u have bnha ocs? 0:

YES I DO THANK YOU FOR ASKING

akfjafkahglad throwing them all under read more bc i have,,, A Lot(TM)

i actually have a fuckin uhhhhh nextgen au?? and thats where A Majority Of Them come from??????? and i love them all id die for them

ok so like

ok so two of my Main Ones are era and takuma!!!!!!!! ft. some changed designs bc im considering revamping laylaylb bc it Kinda Sucks. 

so era is the shark one!!!!! her quirk is minor shark and its a mutant quirk that gives her vague mutations from a whitetip reef shark!!! that includes (but is not limited to) double rows of teeth, gils, some fins, enhanced smell and like, you know that thing that sharks do where they can find things from like,, those feely things from their chins?? yeah era can do that. she also tends to be more wild at night?? but it can be passed off as loopiness. since shes from a nextgen au shes the adopted daughter of kiri and baku???? her full name is bakushima era and she is like,,, just Rowdy and Easily Excited.

takuma is a more obvious nextgen kid and hes a tododeku fankid?? THOUGH in the revamp im gonna make him a todoiideku fankid with siblings bc ive always had concept for siblings for him but i was a Coward and never went through with them. his quirk is temperature control and its an emitter quirk that, when he touches something, he can adjust the temperature of an object. whenever he raises the temperature in something, the temperature of his body lowers, and vise versa. that often leads him to being cold constantly and having to bundle up his body in like a thousand jackets. its Very Relatable to me tbh. anxiety is hereditary so hes very anxious and withdrawn. he tends to be very scatterbrained and more often then not he forgets words mid-sentence and needs eras help to remember them. that leads him to repeat things a lot and quit a lot of things midway because he cant describe them. thats Also Very Relatable. his full name is midoriya takuma although in the revamp, its most likely that his name will be changed to iida-midoriya takuma

another important character to the nextgen who isnt actually a nextgen kid is siryoku karashiro (despite me often using first names as a way to refer to characters, i called him by his family name (siryoku) so frequently in laylaylb that thats just how i refer to him at this point) and hes really fun to draw. so hes kinda hard to explain without giving a lot about his backstory and eventual character arc away?? but hes from a rich family of lawyers who all have quirks that allow them to intimidate people by meeting their eyes. however, due to a recessive quirk from his moms side, he ended up having an variant of the black hole quirk. unlike thirteen, who (presumably) can channel theirs through their fingers, his is through his eyes. without a lot of practice with his quirk, he cant really control it and it often ends up being an all or nothing sort of trump card. siryokus very socially awkward and often has a hard time keeping up with extroverted people like ame and era. he also tends to miss expressions and figures of speech. but other than that, hes very earnest and despite his fumbles, wants to help others

while takuma era and siryoku are the Main Trio, takuma and era are also in another trio alongside ame, full name uraraka ame. shes a tsuchako fankid who really likes wearing christmas sweaters in the middle of summer. a part of this generations “big 3″ ame is a third year and an intern under thirteen. her quirk is zero gravity, inherited directly from ochako. shes very caring, and the “big sister” of the group if you will. she tries to help people as much as she can, and is the role model of both era and takuma. she is very energetic though, but she misses a lot of social cues and can as such be seen as pushy or overbearing. 

while she hasnt appeared a lot yet in either my comics or in laylaylb, another character who will end up being important is kyousou hansha!!!! she will be (eventually) the vice president of their class and has been shown to be very driven, determined, and almost judgemental. she hasnt come with the intention of befriending people who dont come up to her standards, though what exactly those standards are is currently unknown. (i know it though) all thats currently known is that she often knows how to take charge of a situation with a very analytical point of view, and that perhaps thats what helped her land a recommended spot into ua. (who recommended her and what her quirk is hasnt been officially shown, though if you look through my blog, im p sure i mentioned it at one point)

this is a very bad drawing, because kazankawa (full name kazankawa atsui) is one of my favorite characters to draw (without coloring because her details is hard for me to color) and has one of my favorite character designs out of my bnha ocs. her quirk is volcano, and its a mutant quirk that almost makes herself like a living volcano. however, she cant ‘erupt’. her skin literally has cracks around where it folds the most, so think at the joints of her fingers and in her elbow. it also has cracks below her eyes. the cracks are filled with lava, though it is purely stationary. she gives off heat and can produce smoke from her mouth (though she doesnt know it yet). she is also able to throw up lava, but thats just kinda gross. she comes across as level-headed, chill, and sleepy almost all the time. however, once she gets riled up or in the battle field, she becomes more wild and reckless.

some other characters and wow isnt this a great drawing, is the houkai squad. i dont have an official name for their group, but they have a really fun dynamic to write. houkai genki (the middle one in the screenshot) is the one that this entire group revolves around, because they are the one who taigun and kuroiya are around for. they have an emitter quirk called emp, which is. an emp. yeah. its,, self explanatory. some people think theyre slick, but really, theyre kinda just really stupid and has no self restraint. 

taigun kisaki (the leftmost) is literally the groups voice of reason and impulse control. her quirk is literally the most terrifying quirk ive ever come up with and its an emitter quirk that lets her control the bees. fuck you vigilantes i made it up before i knew you made a character with a similar quirk. shes by all means an extrovert, but has very thin patience and is constantly done by the shenanigans of this god forsaken group.

kuroiya fumukoi was actually the third bnha oc i designed, and was originally supposed to be a very withdrawn softspoken character. but as i wrote laylaylb, she was changed to an enabler of houkais, with just vaguely more intelligence than houkai, but instead of doing things out of sheer stupidity, more out of just ballsy-ness. her quirk is called shadow step and allows her to travel through shadows. it often leaves her hungry, so a lot of times she can be caught munching on something.

some other characters are the rest of the big 3!!! i love them a lot. like,, listen i would die for them. besides ame, theres suiro takara, the one on the right, and her quirk is crystal channel?? shes an intern under aoyama and can channel her own energy into crystals on her body (which is why she wears so many necklaces) in the form of lasers. shes constantly tired and stressed and honestly really offput by ame. ames excited and loud personality is a bit too much for her, so she tends to lash out or act cold. then theres yasuyou natsuki, the middle, whos quirk is flame body. her bodys literally a fire. as a result, all of the the third years had to be made extra fire durable outfits and gym uniforms to withstand being worn or coming into contact with her. ame has a crush on her, though yasuyou isnt aware of it. yasuyou is dense but upbeat, not interacting with ame a lot because theyre in different classes. (ame is in 3-a while yasuyou is in 3-b). also, ame, idk about u, but idk how ur gonna smooch fire.

of course there is A Lot of other characters from laylaylb that i wont write bc i dont have the screenshots or drawings on hand or bc they havent been revealed or i dont have the energy to explain all about the background characters

BUT

i DO have a non-laylaylb bnha oc and i dont have a name or set design for her yet but ive been stewing over the idea of her quirk for the LONGEST time

so basically shes a support student whos quirk is balance. its an emitter/mutant kinda quirk that gives her impeccable balance and things that she touches the same balance as well. it comes in handy when walking/maneuvering with things in her hands, and allows her to stack things without the fear of them fall over. think about that one sasuke figurine that could balance anything on its head and think ‘what if that was a quirk’

she isnt keen on sharing her ideas with others, though when she does, its often for critique. she has an odd sense for knowing when people lie to her about their opinions, and prefers brutal truth. perhaps its because thats how she is-- overly blunt and bad at determining which things are and arent right to tell to someones face. 

i could see her getting along with hatsume