#fucked UP tonight
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Fire and flames and torment
#I better not see a damn hastag ppeterick tag istg;#/hj#melatonin kickin in#fucked UP tonight#but yeah hugging :(#I love hugs and cuddles and warmth and comfort#a beautiful embrace..#they were two shooting stars that collided#and they burst into something beautiful#fababoi….#fall out boy#fob#art#my art#fall out boy fan art#patrick stump#pete wentz#fobcn#fob cn#also I think the filter made Pete’s skin tone too dark maybe#oh well#it balances out all the whitewashing#fob cn 2008
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shoutout to the guy who after unsuccessfully hitting on my sister and being politely declined asked her "is it okay if i ask your brother instead" and when she said yes gave me a long and searching look before sighing and going "no. i am not drunk enough to go for a dude. but you look like an angel" happy bisexual pride to this man and this man only. hope you figure it out soon king
#interestingly not the most harrowing thing that happened tonight no that was#getting recognized from a podcast. i hope that never happens to me again thats so fucking scary#fuck me and my wretched life why do i always end up exisiting in the public eye while detesting the consequences
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#bitts posts#my pics#nsft#ns/fw#fauxcest#putting the fauxcest tag on it because i filmed this thinking about older siblings#also as a side note. does anyone want to do a sort of fucked up version of the “one only wears pastels and one only wears black” thing?#because im so so primed for it#having a LOT of very specific fantasies tonight gang
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you KNOW they fucked after this. like, you wouldnt want to be their quarters neighbor that day. i know it was NASTY. i just know it.
#the way jims smile grows even more after looking away from spock#what sweet nothings are you projecting into that mans mind mister spock#also the eyebrow raise head tilt slight smirk#shut the fuck UP#GOD#eating drywall tonight#star trek#st tos#star trek tos#spock#star trek spock#spirk#jim kirk
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hi can i blink stupidly up at you while you press treats to my lips? can i look at you with pure thoughtless adoration while you coax drinks down my throat? can i let my eyes shut and lean into your touch as you press your fingers into my fat, bloated belly? will you laugh if i try to say i love you but it just comes out as a pathetic little whimper?
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Pathetic, isn't it? To be spending my night crying after you as if you care. Lmfaoo!!
#actually bpd#borderline personality disorder#bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#actually borderline#bpd brain#bpd triggers#bpd safe#born to die#fucked up#actually adhd#adhd things#adhd brain#adhd problems#adhd#i can really use dying tonight#i cant do this#i cant do it anymore#3am things#3 am ramblings#3am thoughts#tw 3d vent#vent post#why the fuck am i alive?
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they were sleeping together at this point
#fr i think Cas was in Dean's room many of those nights + just hanging out even if they only talked/sat in silence + watching him sleep#like that is my goggles-off version#goggles on i think they were fucking on the nights cas was in the bunker both when things were looking up + when antsy and frustrated..#like when Dean comes back from purgatory pissed they lost Gabriel…#Castiel like… ok not getting laid tonight but is so glad he’s back…. + Dean is glad to be back even though he feels so guilty…#nice to be in his own bed in his own room + not the dirt with fucking ketch of all people!!#misses his bed… misses his pillow… even though he can’t sleep#but Cas is there to talk to him… or just sit in silence until he finally crashes..#whatever man#supernatural#dean winchester#castiel
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I have what you're looking for. High quality. Befitting a man of my tastes. I have a room over on Divisadero, not too far a walk.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#danlou#iwtvedit#tvedit#dailyflicks#*#dont know if i can articulate my thoughts well#but something about how daniel at first is so closed off from louis when he sits down near him#doesnt really want to talk at first but starts opening up pretty quickly#then louis is buying him a drink and it's easier to talk. mostly what he wants to talk about is his journalism work#because its so important to him. but when louis starts getting too personal (i know what you're here for danny) he starts backing off again#maybe some combo of shame for how quickly he felt attracted to louis and the flirting and the diminutive louis uses#the bartender uses it when asking if hes got money tonight. hes used to exchanging sex for things he needs but cant afford#above all it's like a sharp reminder of what louis wants & what daniel wants too even before the offer of drugs#and he's trying to hold onto the denial and excuses. it was a good place to score he did what he had to#sex with men has to be in exchange for something he can't just want it on its own#the lie he tells himself about himself#also these tags are getting long but i think you can see the moment louis decides he might not just fuck and kill this guy right away lmao
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CAN WE STOP LETTING RICH MOTHERFUCKERS LARP AS THINGS THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY GOOD AT AND WORK FOR
LIKE HOW JAKE PAUL LARPS AS A PROFESSIONAL BOXER
AND ELON MUSK LARPS AS A CEO OF A TECH COMPANY
#we used to have some fucking decorum#got actually mad tonight#my blood pressures up#mike tyson#jake paul#elon musk
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I can excuse Dazai not trying to nullify Shibusawa's fog because Fyodor was there, and they really could have just incapacitated Dazai and gone right back to their nefarious plan
but the facts are that Shibusawa was unknowingly keeping himself alive as a singularity and Dazai can nullify singularities, so there was a much less convoluted way to stop him.
#edit: now with bonus in the notes#dazai had no way of knowing shibusawa died because of atsushi years ago AND he was already out when fyodor made the big twist reveal#so he can only learn the facts from atsushi after it already ended#this is filed under my 'dazai fucks up big time' category#i wrote a post about it on my main some months ago and i watched dead apple again recently so i decided to illustrate this ksjfdhkjgh#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd fanart#bsd dead apple#dead apple#bsd atsushi#bsd dazai#bsd nakajima atsushi#bsd dazai osamu#nawy's comics#i decided i'm impatient tonight i'm posting it now
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The Dan in the Shrek shirt and hat is giving “we were being silly and soft still in our pjs in the hotel room” vibes like he looks like he just woke up 😭🥺
lightly tousled for sure. a lil squinty a little flirty a little ruffled. definitely part of how they recovered from jet lag
#picture it. theyre staying up late to make sure they fall asleep at the 'right' time so it doesnt fuck them up#so theyre playing silly nonsense games with each other in the hotel room#so tired theyre almost drunk on it#and its cowboy hats and getting married and the future isn't so scary anymore#but its just them and no one knows theyre on this side of the planet yet#its like their little secret#one on top of so many that they share#and theyre both laughing and snorting and neither of them can breathe#that feeling when youre so tired your legs stop working. but they cant sleep! not allowed. & dan also isnt supposed to crush the cowboy hat#and dans in colour so phils happy. and phils wearing his glasses so dans happy. and they get to just. be.#- damn i am *sappy* tonight huh#dnp#c.text#dan and phil#phan#answered#dnptit
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fuck dick pics send me pictures of your hands
#jk there are a few people i want dick pics from#but like… show me your hands#give me both i’m greedy#the hand kink is acting up tonight what the fuck
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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic#even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space#so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now#like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry)#but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her#or a blind bag with a character keychain#and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad#starts to diminish#my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it#or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces#i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables#my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons#like i dont get it but i get it#maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort#sara shush#ramble
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thank fuck we have fanfiction. like truly where would we even be
#*mine#mona rambles#been sorting my tbr tonight (i have a system hush) and like. YES so much to read so little time but also just#an absolute banquet in front of me at all times. i love you ao3 i love you writers i love you fandom. mwah#also between this and catching up on my bookmarks/read fic system (HUSH)#did make me realise just how fucking deep i'm in the curufinrod brainrot and like. man. it's#bad#absolute disaster elves my beloveds but also good fucking lord
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rough day...
#i might come back and color this. Eventually....#scribbled this after a busy day of lots of moving things into storage and hauling boxes around#i felt a bit like a workhorse!#at some point i sat down on the uhaul w/ my water and thought. Wow. How Does Eddie Manage#poor guy deserves a break...#he needs a day off smh#i mean the neighborhood would fall apart w/o him probably but still. he needs a vacation!#he works too hard! someone tell him to prioritize himself for once!#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home fanart#eddie dear#alrighty well its 12 am i need to get up in less than 6 hours and i still have Several Things To Do before i can sleep!#so! queuing this and getting those last chores done#wait fuck. what where they#well! i'll remember when i get up to do them! probably!#yknow 7 hours into tomorrow's drive im gonna be like OH FUCK I FORGOT THE [insert task here]#oh. shit did i eat dinner? hm... im not gonna be ready for breakfast when i wake up#so i might as well add 'quick cup of noodles' onto tonight's Before-Sleep list....#im rambling! sorry!#anyway i have Much affection for eddie! somebody get him a spa day and some shiny new stamps!!!
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So that last post by Alesis Newman, the one that was locked by "BetterTheNew", was dated January 3 2018. Eight months before her previous post.
The police files on Dr Samuel Webber were dated April 3 2009. Eight months before the date in his journal.
Dr Samuel Webber murdered his ex and then was turned into a tree. We don't know what happened to Alesis Newman's ex before she turned herself into some kind of coral creature, but she was taking bereavement leave at the end. Out of death, something is trying to be born. Or reborn...
...Oh yeah, and let's not even go near this other (lonely, eye-encrusted) rabbithole, let alone down it:
Norris read Dr. Webber's case, about a man who murdered his lover rather than lose her and then was trapped alone in a walled garden, in denial about what he had done and eternally haunted by her voice, with only a small piece of himself remaining aware and perpetually terrified but unable to voice its fear. Cool! Yeah. That's definitely... that's definitely not significant or deeply upsetting in any way.
But Chester... Chester read Alesis Newman's case, about a woman who intentionally destroyed herself in the wake of a lover whom she saw as trying to change her into the person he wanted her to be--and replaced herself with something new and inhuman. Something that has her eyes.
And by post 13, using her paralysis computer, Alesis is writing with her eyes. So is that actually her writing? If it's not, when in that sequence of posts did it stop being her? What does "no longer her" actually mean in this context? Certainly, she's becoming something that the Alesis of eight months earlier, the Alesis of the immediately-deleted fourteenth post, would no longer identify with--if some part of her still existed.
Cool. Yeah. That's definitely not significant... or deeply upsetting... in any way.
OK but I said let's not go down that rabbithole, so let's forget I just said any of that and go back to talking about the post dates, yeah?
Yeah.
So, sometimes some of these cases have some interesting correspondences with TMA statements, so there might be something there. Alesis started that thread, opening up to everyone about her journey to creating a better her, on June 20, 2018. I wonder if there were any TMA statements dated June of 2018?
Case #0181206 (June 12, 2018)
Statement of unknown bystander regarding an encounter with The Archivist.
...Oh.
Okay, well, that's... interesting, but not necessarily meaningful. Let's try this: the last date in her transformation/replacement, the last point where maybe there was still something left of the original "her," was September 3, 2018. Anything interesting happen in TMA in September of 2018?
Case #0182509-A (September 25, 2018)
Original recording of events leading to the disappearances of Jonathan Sims, Martin Blackwood, Alice Tonner and Peter Lukas.
...Ah. Ha. Um. Well, that could also be an interesting coincidence. What about that deleted 14th post that was somehow eight months earlier, back in January? The one with an Alesis who still tried to cry out against the thing she was becoming?
There's nothing in January, but... oh... right.
Case #0170908 (August 7, 2017 )
Statement of Elias Bouchard, regarding the dreams of Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, currently unresponsive.
...
Case #0181502 (February 15, 2018)
Statement of Oliver Banks, regarding his dreams and trying to run away. Statement given directly to Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, currently unresponsive.
...January of 2018, Jonathan Sims was in a coma. September of 2018, the Archivist received the final mark that would enable Jonah's ritual.
January through September of 2018 in the world of Protocol, something was trying to be born into a physical form, replacing Alesis Newman.
Cool, I say through gritted teeth. Yeah. That's definitely not significant, or deeply upsetting, in. any. way.
#red string boarding it up in the house tonight#chester I *fucking* see you#🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃#i'm FINE it's FINE everything is FINE#tmagp speculation#tmagp 23#tmagp#the magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers#the magnus protocol spoilers#tma spoilers#the magnus archives spoilers#pondering magpods
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