#like just fuck me up fam
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hi can i blink stupidly up at you while you press treats to my lips? can i look at you with pure thoughtless adoration while you coax drinks down my throat? can i let my eyes shut and lean into your touch as you press your fingers into my fat, bloated belly? will you laugh if i try to say i love you but it just comes out as a pathetic little whimper?
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HEAD LIKE A HOLE, BLACK AS YOUR SOUL I'D RATHER DIE THAN GIVE YOU CONTROL
#rvb#red vs blue#felix#isaac gates#felix mcscouty#rvb felix#*24#mine#art#this one's for the felix stans. throwing a few crumbs at you like im feeding pigeons at the park.#i actually did some detailed lineart for his armor. usually i just make blocks/general shapes and fuck it up with a brush lol#1 thing ill say abt felix. his playlist has some fun tunes i can listen to while drawing him#me + felix killing the dancefloor to stray bullet by kmfdm. i am your worst enemy i am your dearest friend malignantly malevolent#< as if i dont get sucked into watching the bao fam while drawing. i'd love to say i'm cool like that but alas. the pandas.
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Just one of the many great tragedies of Mishanks' relationship is that sometimes Shanks wants to feel wanted just as he is, that even beyond the strength he is worth the effort he is worth being loved and unfortunately that just isn't something Mihawk can offer him it's just not something he can do, not as he is now at least. That's a level of emotional maturity that he just does not possess to be able to disentangle the strength from the man that makes no sense to him. Strength is all there is. Shanks is a person, has a life outside of his strength, his power is just another aspect of who he is but for Mihawk strength is his whole person, if he is not strong then he is nothing. If shanks is not strong well then....he's nothing to him.
And God that's a lonely way to live.
#Man age 43 only friends 2 decade long situationship and his kids claims he's never been lonely more at 6#the ways having known Perona allow Mihawk to engage in a healthier relationship with Shansk are just gold to me#Because I mantain the fact that young mishanks was very chaotic and some would characterize unhealthy#she teaches him to care for people outside of how well they could measure up to him in a fight#I dont know their relationship seems to make his life fuller kind of#like its implied that he only started his garden after Zoro left#Like he stops seeing the Humandrills as annoying pests and actually starts letting them help out with his garden#he letler use all his good wine to make sangria and adopt errant freaky bear cubs#he even fucking secretly planted cocoa trees (cause he's a fucking weirdo) just to make her favorite drink like come on#he just lets this shrill girl barge into his life and make a home there with minimal objection.#She makes his life full in ways that his relationship just couldnt Zoro. she is so essential to his growth as a character#(you know if oda focused on him longer than once every 12 years)#I love it#one piece#throwing thoughts to the void#dracule mihawk#op#hawkeye mihawk#akagami no shanks#mishanks#shanks#red haired shanks#akataka#mihawk x shanks#perona#perona one piece#ghost princess perona#goth family#goth fam#one piece goth fam
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Noticing that TV and film will often have a character either have had an abortion in the past that isn't showcased on screen (and just used as part of the character's ~fucked up and twisted backstory~) OR contemplate getting an abortion in the present day but not to through with it. Just once I want to see someone delete that fetus within the events of the plot and not be like. Extremely majorly punished for it and/or be in the wrong
#ramblings of a lunatic#was watching a tv show w the fam recently and it's the 2nd series of a show that was clearly written with only 1 in mind#so in the 2nd season a character gets pregnant (bc ofc) and contemplates getting an abortion#only to do the whole 'omg she thinks she's lost the baby and realizes she wanted to keep it all along!'#which like. fine and valid and happens to ppl irl I'm sure#but like. this season doesn't establish if she wanted kids prior or if she has a stable job (she was struggling career wise-#-last season and the timeskip this season doesn't go into it)#AND has this fucking bizarre scene w/ her boyfriend (whos mostly been irrelevant and occasionally annoying up til now)#where he says it's 'our pregnancy' that she was going to terminate and when she (rightfully) bites back-#-saying 'you mean MY pregnancy?!' he just. storms off and deflects#which would be one thing but we have to wrap up the main plot so she just apologizes to him (for other plot stuff)#and we're never given any indication that his opinion has changed and they're just happily parenting at the end of the season#which just. left a bad taste in my mouth#like I KNOW i know not every bad thing said on screen needs a big blinking arrow that points out that it's Bad and Wrong#but idk how I'm supposed to feel in a series that has painted itself as explicitly feminist up til this point#presents the outcome of a woman dating and bearing a child for a man w seemingly zero respect for her bodily autonomy as happily ever after#w no follow up#like the whole series is centered on a group of sisters and this pregnancy story happened to the youngest one#who's always seen as needing to 'grow up' in season 1. so assuming this is meant to be building off that arc it's so WEIRD still#bc yes being a parent is an opportunity for many ppl to mature emotionally but that's not really something the character-#-reflects on all season. it's more abt her burying her past relationship w a season 1 guy (who was infinitely more interesting than new guy)#-than anything to do with that#AND EVEN IF IT WAS the notion of pregnancy as a punishment/reckoning meant to make her grow up or take responsibility-#-which is secretly a blessing in disguise i. god the show fell apart so hard here for me#and my mom and sister were just cooing over the baby at the end and i didn't speak up bc i didn't want to be a bitch#and in all fairness I'm probably being a tad uncharitable in this post but like. don't piss me OFF man#anyway. normalise abortion storylines that aren't backstory fodder and aren't fakeouts for baby plots. please
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Actively adding my Vampire Priest to Conclave ~for the drama~ but also because I know in my heart of hearts that after a while it would be 100% normal to see him and Ray arm-in-arm under Mathias' big black umbrella and you THINK they're talking about administrative business but ACTUALLY ☝🏻 they're gossiping. These Monsignors CANNOT keep their mouths shut.
#the vampirism is objectively the least interesting part#oh he's immortal? cool he can help with the archives! he drinks blood? sister agnes can have the local butcher make regular deliveries!#can't go in the sun? good thing he wears the cassock all the time now!#he can't even transmit it. like it literally just acts like a really weird fucked up autoimmune disease.#he just becomes part of the fam!! he and vincent bond over being in active war zones and having ptsd!#anyway this is 100% self indulgent nonsense mostly cooked up by me and a friend but AAAAA I LOVE HIM!#conclave#conclave oc#oc: mathias#ae: mathias
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i think i could heal if people were more crazy about spydoc. btw
#guys u dont understanddd ☹️☹️☹️#they are so tragic#spy is like a fucking psychopath right (i can say that i have psychosis 😊)#and thirteen is too but she tries to push it away#spy reminds thirteen of everything she wants to forget#they bring up all this shit right?#but its also.#the way she treats him#its this thoschei thing but ESPECIALLY THEM#‘oh u think ur good? im going to get under ur skin until you realize how horribke u really are’#thats the plan but it doesnt work#she just goes further into their toxicity#i love theta sigma. theyre such a horrible person (meeee)#spydoc symbolizes this huge thing cause like.#they had been traveling with the fam for awhile right? usually the doctor doesnt have that many companions (which is an entire other#conversation)#everything was calm. it was GOOD#‘you think u can escape me. darling i will always come back when u hate it most’#spy wants to crawl under thetas skin until their souls are merged into one#which is why she killed her#tried.#koschei will forever try but the fact of the matter is#they WANT theta to survive#it would be no fun otherwise#and theta wants koschei to survive. ofc they do#(ie: tensimm)#u love him and u hate it. u love him and u hate yourself for it. u love him and he is always going to be the reason u die#ahauahh#anyway pls talk about spydoc. pretty pls and ty#spydoc
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begging people to understand that "mike is not being abused by ted and karen" and "ted and karen are not good parents towards mike and this is something that we are supposed to take notice of throughout the show" are two statements that can and should coexist
#putting this on a fucking billboard idc#i also feel like my opinion holds some weight because my mother grew up in a family just like mike's and she did NOT turn out good okay.#she is fucked up and reminds me on the regular but thats another can of worms#like. her parents were not abusive but they were definitely emotionally neglectful#as are ted and karen and we ARE SUPPOSED TO NOTICE THAT MY GOD#i made a post abt this a looooong time ago comparing the wheeler fam and the byers fam dynamics#and like. the differences are so obvious guys.#cmon. please. begging people to understand this. PLEASE#and btw my mom is almost the same age as mike would be today . so#anyway. ok im done. byebye#stranger things#mike wheeler#st.txt
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Magneto would love lumpia meanwhile Charles would have his Bibingka and Puto Bungbong hehe
Happy Holidays!
asks that remind me my bitchass friend kayla promised to make me *puto two years ago and she still hasnt
*puto is a filipino rice cake i do know it also means 'bitch' in spanish we do not have to address that thank you
#snap chats#'snap is the disclaimer necessary' every single time i mention 'puto' i get people clutching their pearls yes it is necessary vjAVKJ#LIKE I GET IT. CAN WE TALK ABOUT RICE CAKES NOW im hungry ...#kayla always gets beef from me but esp with puto and i only mention this when it was promised two years ago#cause SHE will always bring it up like 'oh yeah i still have to make you puto' bitch just forget it ive made it three times since then 😭#PUTO ISNT EVEN HARD TO MAKE LEGITIMATELY YOU JUST MAKE THE BATTER AND PUT IT IN THE SHIT AND STEAM IT#add a slice of cheddar on top if youre feeling especially nasty .... its so good .... anyway ..... rice cake ... i love it ...#i havent had bibingka in so long tho im PISSED. you know what else is really good tho cassava cake .. thats not rice but. lol#i never get to have filipino food on account of my mom hating cooking anything that isnt tiramisu knock offs#she really doesnt make filipino food she hasnt for years. my dad always does tho ..... whatever ....#i could always cook it myself of course. yeah... im lazy ill admit it you got me 😔#oh my god no you know whats great for the winter tinola I LOVE. chicken tinola so much#funny enough i learned how to make it when i was in the hospital from a filipino girl 🥰 we did not speak anymore after that interaction.#Also funny my fam and i were just talking about getting lumpia for christmas since theres like one (1) filipino place vaguely near us#'you guys dont make it??' on account of the fact im too lazy to make wrappers and no store near us sells any no <3#i did make lumpia myself once tho when we Did have wrappers after drivign out an hour to an asian market once#not to brag but they were pretty delicious ..... anyway ..#oh my god fuck me theres this like. speaking of rice cakes again JALKJKALJ theres this one with this delicious coconut sauce#BIKO IT'S BIKO its literally glutinous rice steamed in banana leaf with latik. UGH SOOO yummy ..... i dont have banana leaves anymore tho :#OH YOU KNOW WHATS ALSO GOOD FOR THE HOLIDAY lechon. that was my fave part bout goin to my dad's christmas parties#they had this big ass pig and i loved the ear .... crunchy as hell and so good 🤤 i havent had it in at least a decade tho..#now im hungry. and homesick. 'homesick for yoru dad?' homesick for my dad <- literally just saw him#well i get to see him again thursday :) goin to the doctor... gonna get my medicine again life is gonna be SO good !!!!!!#i have rambled far too long . happy holidays my friends !!!! do try to make puto this season ... very simple and very tasty .......
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Big big fan of the two little whisps of hair in the hairline for some of the doodle 141 boys, especially with Skull Barista and his silly slick back and flustered Soap. Absolutely adorable, thank you for your service
Thank you!! I like adding them to Price, Nik and Ghost sometimes :3 slick back hair IS MY WEAKNESS <3
#salt and pepper my beloved#ok some interesting yap#im generally ok w/ a lot of things in the fandom except hair#i am very picky with Ghost’s hair#i cannot stand the fuck me up fam or fuckboy hair or the ones with a fade LMAO#or like curls + fade PLEASE GOD NO#btw im not hating artist/renderers who give him those hair this is just my preference#im either a long hair (shocking- but it exist) buzzcut (extra grumpy) or straight hair Ghost truther#or grass hair aka like the hair 2 months after buzzcut where its spiky and fuzzy and can go static#my go to to draw LOL#i still dont think ive gotten his hair right in my opinion#its a rough patch of grass thats it PFT#swoopy slicked back hair is for the special occasion#cringe at my unmasked ghost drawing lord i need to wipe that out and redo#karma is karma or hate goes both ways idfk but ive gotten people saying they dont like the fluff of Johnny’s mohawk in my style#to which i say ok i get it LMAO#ive gotten used to it to the point where if i drew a flat mohawk it felt wrong wheeze#eh /shrugs/#dont even get me started on Price’s hair#his one is more of a color issue i absolutely cannot handle his hair being light brown shade like naur#give him rich darker shade my man deserves that HAHA#funnily enough I do struggle with Gaz’s hair#sum about the tiny curls tho i think its just me not getting used to seeing him hatless more often#i do love au where people put him in braids#very yummy#ask response#thanks for the ask <3
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Hi! For the song I'd like to suggest 'Unsweetened lemonade' by Amélie Farren (I believe it was popular on tiktok a while back, but I only got into it recently, and it has become an obsession of mine since. Especially the way she says 'Sell my Sour Soul', I love that alliteration) I'm looking forward to receiving your song, cause I think you have a good taste in music! 😁 (From the playlist you made for your KimChay fic)
Oooh not what I was expecting from the song title, I like it a lot!
Unsweetened Lemonade is here for anyone who'd like to listen.
For you, please accept Ruthless by GIRLI
And I'm giving you a 2nd one because it's the song I thought of first after listening to yours, but I wanted to give you a song with lyrics which this does not have. Mystic Warrior by Kate Price
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Send me a song, and I'll send you one back 🎶
#I'm so glad you like my music taste 🥺#also sorry late reply your ask did not come up in my notifications so i only just saw it#rude Tumblr#asks#music exchange game#this game has no end i love it#lets keep exchanging music fam#ive gotten so many good song recs#“i fucked the reaper” is a lyric that will never leave me
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Omg i haven't been updating lately but guys I'm moving out of my abusive household :D it's so surreal and anxiety inducing and change is scary but i will persist!!!!!!!
#basically for a while I've been paying all my mom's bills while she refuses to get a job and psychologically abuses me#the bills thing isn't inherently abusive! sometimes ppl need help! but the way she treats me is#any time i stand up for myself or ask her to please stop manipulating me‚ she calls me a narcissistic abuser and selfish and awful stuff#she steals rent money from me to the point that i have to hide it‚ and tells me I'm being selfish and immature if i spend money on myself#like stuff that isn't really necessary but makes me happy#not even like expensive shit‚ she gaslights the hell out of me if i spend more than $20 on a frivolous item#and it's not that she can't work‚ she just doesn't want to. she's into mormon tradwife shit and is like ''i need a man to provide''#she's worked as a line cook/at call centers/delis/hotels etc etc. she just doesn't /want/ to work#this is also bc she thinks she's the bride of Christ and is like ''the day of reckoning is coming so i don't need a job''#also she regularly goes through my room and takes stuff and like‚ goes through under my bed to see what I'm hiding#which is super invasive and weird#and she got super verbally abusive 2 years ago when i was physically disabled (literally using a cane) and couldn't work#Anyway. our rent has been $1475 and i also pay electricity and wifi and every other bill under the fucking sun#and she tried to get me to sign the lease and i said no! cuz me and my cousin are actively looking for a place to rent together#so i might be out in 10 days or by the end of the month depending on what the apartment office says#I've been packing up my stuff and I'm gonna be staying with my cousin and her fam for a couple weeks#it's way closer to my work and I'm gonna take my cat and stuff so it's chill. big changes are really scary cuz autism but I'll persist#a.txt
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i might've fucked up -.-
#idk what's wrong with me#god im so tired of being stressed all the time and im tired of it#just being fully my fault ugh why do i keep fucking up this entire uni thing#im just so stressed i freeze and i don't do the things i have to do i dont send documentation#i didnt sign up for ANY class yet because i just couldnt get myself to look at them and i think i fucked everything up and its going to#be a whole thing#idk i would just rather stay at home and do nothing but i cant so i gotta go#but i feel sick at the thought ugh#i dont feel any energy to do any assignments of even go to class already and im not even there im still at home#ughhhhhhhhhhhhh#im so tiredd i cant do this#i have to pack and i cant get myself to do it either#vent#sorry sorry sorry#i need to talk about it i cant talk to anyone here cause ill just get yelled at or something my fam doesnt get it it just makes me#feel worse ughhhh#idk if i should even go#i feel like im wasting people's time and money and my own sanity just to underachieve and feel like shit all the time but the one thing#that therapist told me was that i shouldn't drop out because it's gonna solidify my views that im constantly failing at everything so this#has been one of the main reasons im still trying idk maybe itll do something one day#but heyy if i keep at it maybe next month my uni will give me money so i can go to a psych appointment or something#tho tbh the more i think about it the worse i feel about THAT like yeah i feel like shit but i feel like if just was better and stronger an#less lazy i could do it all easily
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Had a moment today that exemplifies how my family thinks but like, in a way that’s just very sad and makes me glad I don’t think that way.
Showed a relative the amazing painting that friend did for me, and her first response was “you’d be able to sell that for some good money!!!”
Like. No????
For months I’ve discussed this creative trade with this friend, we’ve talked about what the other wants, we’ve gotten excited about it and traded progress pics as we work on it for each other, gotten stoked over making plans to get to the post office and seeing the other finally get it, and it’s just been a very wholesome and very fun project. It took six weeks for us to complete these projects, and now I have something on display in my room that makes me very happy, that’s objectively beautiful, and that I know a friend put a lot of effort into making for me and was THRILLED when I adored it.
And my family’s immediate line of thinking is “make a few quid from it lol”.
I can’t imagine the headspace it must take to go through life like that.
#I mean same relative said something similar when I met Nikki Sixx#very long story short he was my idol growing up his music got me through a lot#got to meet him on MC’s ‘final tour’ in 2015#I was 18 I was so nervous but so thrilled#he was so insanely kind to my teenage self#listened intently when I explained how his music got me through a lot#and how I was setting out to become a writer even tho my fam disapproved#he encouraged me he gave me the pick he used to play that entire gig#he liked our pic together on IG and encouraged me and was INSANELY lovely on FB when I later posted a pic of my tattoo of his autograph#(and if u kno him u kno he gets prickly on social media to folk who deserve it so like)#just went completely above and beyond to encourage me and be so so SO kind#I excitedly tell this same relative about it all#I’m on cloud 9 bc my idol encouraged me to chase my dreams#this same relative got angry at me because I didn’t ask him for tickets to their final ever show in LA#like#this man just proved the saying of never meet your heroes entirely wrong#he repeatedly went out of his way to be kind to me#when all he really had to do was smile and pose for a photo and sign my shit#and she wanted me to then ask him to fly me out to a sold out gig for free#like he would have told me to fuck off and it would’ve ruined the entire thing#bc it’s just such a glaring display of ungratefulness and I’d never be weird enough to ask anyway#and she was LIVID with me insisting ‘you don’t get it you don’t ask!!!!!’#and this was ten years ago and this exchange today just showed me nothing has changed#like how can you just cheapen the value of things like this to make a few quid or to go to a free concert#I couldn’t live that way#and she consistently alienated people from her and can never work out why#it’s honestly just very sad
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Dick holds a meeting about the titans performance against the Hive. Kory argues that he’s reprimanding them like military but doesn’t want her to act like a soldier. Dick says she had no right to kill Adeline and Kory says they don’t know what it’s like to suffer like she has.
Garth mentions getting back to his wife and dick makes a dig about marriages of convenience. Kory throws a starbolt at dick for it, but he dodges.
Victor compares their behavior to Gar and Terra’s back in the day and Gar gets upset and says it’s like he doesn’t even know Vic anymore. Victor quits the titans but dick says he can’t because he made a deal with the JLA to keep Vic out of STAR labs by having the titans watch over him. Vic grabs dick by the neck until flash and Donna hold him back. Dick explains this was major reason for him starting the titans again and Vic walks away with a final dig aimed at dick starting the titans so they could stop him from becoming like Bruce.
Flash tries to leave and dick orders jesse to stop him. Dick tells him that they all have questions about him and that he doesn’t need to come back from the JLA meeting.
Dick asks the rest of the titans if they can afford to commit to the team and they all leave citing various excuses. Dick is left alone with the jr members argent, damage, and Jesse.
Titans #13
#hate this 💕#what the fuck was the point of building up the family narrative to a frankly annoying degree just to do this less than 15 issues in#absolutely terrible#leader dick#dickkory#dc#dick and Wally#not Wally west#titans#I’m going insane#this sucked ass#dick grayson#Donna Troy#koriand'r#garfield logan#victor stone#like don’t get me wrong I like the found family but it’s very much telling instead of showing#I nvr read NTT as overtly family either tbh#close friends? yeah#great team? obviously#whole team as fam? nkt rly#like dick and Donna yes#gar and Vic sure#Donna and Kory sure#anyone else? not necessarily#stressed dick
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#hello welcome ''it's midnight and angel is about to rant about something that nobody cares about nor should they!''#this time not even at midnight!!!#it's just that my fam is planing a huge huge life project sort of deal that i have no hope for becaus ei'm a pessimist by nature#i don't have hopes for the future. i barely have ambitions because of my lack of hope#and even the one ambition i do have i don't think it's gonna ever happen#as i say... no hope whatsoever#so this big project thingy that's gonna take so much time and so much money and so much hypotheticals...#it's not something i believe it's going to ACTUALLY happen#which sucks big time because i would love for it to happen#but my mom is a more hopeful person. stronger mentally and just not depressed like i am lol#so she's very much excited and planning and looking things up and telling me about it and just generally getting a bit ahead in my opinion#(but that's probably the pessimism talking)#anyways... she managed to sort of get ME going now and i got my hopes up a little bit#i could maybe potentially one day have something i really really want and been wanting since i was a child but never hoped to get#(you see. my lack of hope is not something new lol)#anyways we had a chat yesterday and i got waay too ahead of myself with my expectations and today it all went into the drain#because actually that big thing that was specifically for me? the one thing that actually made me excited? yeah that can't be actually...#and what sucks the most about this whole situation is that i like being pessimistic sometimes because i don't get disappointed#if i'm expecting everything to go wrong i'll either be right or be pleasantly surprised#so i'm so so angry at myself that i let the excitment filter through and then immediatley after got the dissapointment of a fucking lifetime#so now i not only feel sad i also feel so stupid#so anyways everything sucks and i was right in having no hope and no expectations#(also sorry to make a public rant and make it very vague#it's just that i don't even want to mention it in case it goes through my barriers again and i get more disappointments)#anyways i'm going to bed now#angel talks#personal
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I have this idea of Mama Brit's gestures of affection being things like lessons in weaponry, things like knife throwing, sword fighting, wrestling. Her teaching her children how to put on their war paint, guiding their little hands over their lips and cheeks and eyelids. Showing them the arteries and weak points in armor. She isn't necessarily violent toward them, but her gestures of affection being preparing them for violence, almost raising them into sort of specialists in violence. She is not a refuge from the realities of the violent world around them, but she is unsure how else to show them she cares. This is the tenderness she believes she can afford to give them.
#hetalia#hetalia headcanons#my thoughts#hws britannia#don't mind me inventing new ways to make the british isles fam more fucked up#i just really like the idea of this woman with so many kids#just not knowing how to handle it#not having instincts in the “right” quote way#being almost fatherly in that#it's just interesting to me
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