#fuck it the venting tag too why not
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so uhh discord's layout just changed. and...
look ik i'm the kinda guy that's like "you'll get used to it, it just takes time" but i'll admit. i kinda. actually GENUINELY hate it.
i'll save any other complaints about the dark mode palette change and other ui changes for later, but i think the worst thing they changed is how swiping right works.
it makes you reply to whatever message you're swiping right on. instead of taking you to the channel/chat info and members list
so now you have to tap the channel name in the chat to view all that. and it's so cluttered 馃槶
i had no heads-up from ANYONE (especially cus i 90% left twitter), it applied instantly and without my consent, and there's no way to change it back. what the fuck are they smoking, cus it needs to be hidden from the public or destroyed outright.
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realized a drawing i'm doing rn is almost identically posed to one i did 8.5 years ago of a different oc, except the old drawing was instantly tainted by one of the players featured messaging me asking if i could take it down because their abusive, possessive rp partner saw it and got jealous of them "roleplaying behind their back" and i said "nah" and it became a whole Thing that i should have walked away from at that exact moment but didn't and the 6 months that followed contained some of the most truly condensed batshit i have ever witnessed in an rp community already well-known for its batshittery.
... anyway i love my friends. so happy to accidentally redeem the pose.
#idk if ill ever open up completely about that shitshow but#i think 8 years is past the statute of limitations to vaguepost about it#late tag addition but man now i'm thinking about it all at 4am#how did in the good goddamn did i witness that and still not only let them make me an officer#but also let them put me functionally in charge of their guild IC#while those two fucked off and erped in instanced zones or played overwatch#and i and my then-rp-partner took the heat for the meandering plotline#until my partner vented to the wrong person about the abuse#and it got back to them#and we got to experience the surreality of an honest to god guild coup#all to salvage the image of some egomaniac abuser#certified fucking wra moment#its been 8 years and thinking about how i was treated in the end makes me feel sick lol#they made a new guild discord and invited everyone but us#and when i noticed the channel had gone quiet i asked what was up#and was met with gaslighting about how i'm 'thinking too much' about the channel being a 'little slow'#and it took pushing to get an early admission of what was about to happen#so we logged on and quit ourselves#which fucked up the narrative they had constructed#and they lied in the new channel that WE were the ones doing a 'coup' and that we stole the members who left with us#i guess i am opening up after all#i had to play the fucking villain of that scenario for the past 8 years#all to protect the mental health of people who hurt me#why#if you were there and know what i'm referencing with all of this... there's the fucking story#the person in question is a massively popular artist#i just dont have it in me to fight that fight
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i think that if we dig all the way down to the roots of t酶p's musical theme, it all comes down to that constant internal conflict between desperately wanting to be seen and desperately wanting to stay hidden. we can see how they've been making gradual progress in "managing the tension" but it's still there on Clancy. dare i say it's the central theme of the lore as well.. the reason the character & the era Clancy feels so rebellious is because he's actively fighting to Be Seen. the oscillation continues, but a subversive variable has emerged.
#also i dont wanna make assumptions or be an intrusive creep but#i think its safe to assume that#tyler has been fighting this battle since he was a kid and he still is#based on the stuff he's said so far and the lyrics of course#and that fucking aches my heart because i get it im going thru it as well#i dont mean to say i get him 100% because that impossible but#i resonate with the lyrics he wrote sooo much it sometimes scare me even#like snap back......... it i s so s ad#and i know what that oddly specific melancholic euphoria they were tryna go for is#when i fully absorb that song#but at the same time the progress he and josh have made is so conspicuous too#it makes me cry from joy and relief#because while the steps may have seemed too small to make a difference#theyve come a long way to achieve this betterment#and it gives me/us/them hope that things will get even better in the future#why am i ranting and venting?? idk#i got sentimental while thinking too hard about their lyrics lol#anyways. thanks for coming if you read the tags this far#t酶p#twenty one pilots#clancy#tyler joseph#josh dun#sorry for the typos i dodnt proofread
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can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )
#tw vent#yes ik i have a vent blog#but idk why i dont wanna go there#ill prolly delete this in a while + if i vent here (which ill try not to) ill always tag it#but if any of yall aren't fine with it pls do lmk!!! ill stop <3#Anyways.#fucking hell i hate this.#dude#i very specifically told them to hurry the fuck up THEY were the ones making us late#i have told them a hundred times the minimum time i jeed to get ready#i told them this morning too that you guys make us late then put it all on me#nad she went like oh no dear dont worry that wont happen#WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH#and like the lecture and huge ass scolding and then cold shouldet ive been getting from BOTH of them before i left for coachinh#im just tired atp#idk its not even that big a deal this happens everyday#i dont know how to feel#idk if im even rly feeling anything atp#its just that i really fucking hate being here#I wanna get the fuck out#but thing is this makes me feel kinda guilty occasionally#for eg a few days ago i was rly sick and she took care of me kinda#and then that made me feel bad for hating her#but then things like this happen and i cant help it and i feel so conflicted#i dont want to stay here i know that for sure but i feel guilty for it#if i speak im being rude and backtalking#if i dont speak im being rude and ignoring#the fuck am i supposed to do????#she always tells me to 'stay silent and just hear it'#and when i do that she keeps shouting again and again and finally i say smth bc although its extremely fucking dumb of me to open my mouth
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no馃槱 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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sometimes i'm like "i dunno i can't be sure if i have ocd 馃ズ i've been told i have compulsive tendencies but that's it 馃ズ" then i find myself repeating the same illogical action for. some reason. who knows. i feel all itchy and tense if i don't. which could mean anything. and i obsessively rephrase every opinion i post to make sure i got all my bases covered and no one would be able to misread them (it doesn't always work. also sometimes i'm too tired to notice everything). which could mean anything. and then i get mad and/or uncomfortable if i use the wrong silverware or type of plate or if i put on my shoes in the wrong order. which could, of course, mean anything. and then the skin on my hands is cracked and bleeding bc i wash them or use sanitizer spray to clean them too often. which, you guessed it, can absolutely mean anything. it is truly a mystery
#my grandpa likely had ocd and my dad absolutely has at least obsessive tendencies so. apple doesn't fall far from the tree or w/e#i noticed the illogical action thing today. idk why i kept doing it. but i felt like i had to. Damn..#it's not even the washing hands thing where i do genuinely worry abt germs and hate touching things in public#this is just. man idk how to describe it. pressing the same button on my phone to make sure i closed all apps? ig? sorta???#you the one. probably. i assume. i started doing it years ago but recently got worse#as in. if i don't do it 3 or more times then it bothers me too much. esp when i'm in public or generally not calm#which could mean anything#ah fuck. you know***** the one. 2 tags back. i'm on mobile i'm not gonna delete and retype everything#anyway. i am extremely normal and well adjusted as you can tell#(i think my brain has to be SOME form of dysfunctional at all times lmao 馃槶 if my depression's getting better smth else has to get worse)#vent#sorta. not really
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#wow. i did NOT shut up about johan.#sometimes i just look in the x reader tag and just... slightly cringe at how much i filled it up....god.#should i contineu making content for him....i feel like i've made enough or too much.... should i shut up.... i feel like i've done enough.#(don't worry! still gonna write for him because being annoying doesn't stop me <33 and i will continue yap yap yapping because i want to <3#but... man.... it feels like looking at highschool photos of yourself#(ignore the fact that this blog is also a baby blog that literally just started three months ago HADFHSHAFDHSAHFHFHHFHFHAAHAAHA)#yeah.... god genuinely how did people stand me yapping endlesssly these past months.#why were you guys in the kitchen. I was NOT cooking beloveds <333 what the fuck was I even cooking? undercooked. raw. inedible shlop <333#oky yeah that's it. watch me vent all this and get back to yapping anyways AHAHSHFSHHSHAHAHAHHA#suusoh speaks
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Estefany frustration compilation
#my art#doodles#vent art#oc estefany#i still feel weird about the tag oc she's my whol ass alter and childhood friend idk what to tell you#i love when her face looks round btw. es has always been on the skinnier side but it's cute. put some meat on those bones#I've been making more vent pieces than i have proper art#not proper. finished peaces i mean#this is bc. we live in a society#but i desperately needed to see es on paper again.#it's just soothing what can i tell you. tje fany.#always makes me nostalgic. its been so long#so so long man#give us a fucking break it's been too long#<- just got a flashback that's why im man
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some people will be all about mental health awareness and leftist ideals of at least tolerating the mentally ill who show ''ugly'' symptoms until it's someone they know and ''care'' about having a bad day and acting like it in a way they don't find appealing
#[temporary text post tag]#vagueing about irls#everybodys your friend until one time youre too tired to act right after getting yelled at first thing in the morning#worst thing is i trusted her enough to tell her shit none of my other friends know about#liek i genuinely believed we were friends and i wasnt just an accessory so she wouldnt feel lonely and could vent to someone about whatever#now im really wondering if all the shit she told me about other people was real or if she just ditched them as well after they-#- acted emotionally in a way she didnt like#like im sorry people have bad days and sometimes act in none cutesy ways#at this point idk if the few times i did tell her im feelin like shit she took it seriously or just thought i was joking#im kinda assuming the second one#like she did feel and act fairly progressive - she'd often talk about acceptance and understanding#i don't even think she sees this situation as dropping a 'freind'#she's prolly gonna find a way to justify it somehow idk#point is im hurt and need a drink#she even vaguely texted me like 'if someone you knew hurt someone you care about would you try to fix it with them or just block them?'#like not even confront me and say 'you hurt someone i care about so now im ending things'#or just tell me to fuck off or call me a piece of shit#i feel after a year and all of the 'youre a good friend' shit that maybe i was at least entitled to a 'fuck off kys' text and then a block#i shouldve dropped her first - save us both some time#honestly i dont even think she thinks about this at all#im probably just sulking like a kicked dog while she does whatever the fuck it is she does#she probably didnt even care about my side of the story#why would she#honestly she always did most of the talking#i was just there to listen and sometimes make a joke for her to laugh at i guess#like i didnt know i was signing up for a '1 strike and youre out' type deal lmao
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Oh, how much i want to really hug him right now
His scent would be comforting for me.
No matter how many times i cry, hell is always here. When will it end?
Wips are delayed for days. School is terribly rushing us, especially with numerous group activites. And im stressing out cuz its either my parents would or wouldnt allow me to go to a classmate's house for the purpose of practice and mv shooting.
Im sorry I'll be delaying a bit, tho i will try to post or do any of my wips as much as i can.
Current wips:
Smiling critters bigger bodies logo
Smiling critters' bags
Full body of BBI KC
And an ask for KC
Ive been pretty sure that i wont be happy to my bday this year and it seems i was correct, or possibly not too cuz its still not the day yet. Still, i wont be able to enjoy the food much due to our fucking school, school and school. I hate this hell and the government's pretty much rushing us all students as well as the teachers.
#i cried earlier in the bathroom#i hella dont wanna seek my parents for comfort theyll just shout at me#neither to my friends cuz i feel like i would be just a burden to them#so cheers to me being a delulu to fictional characters#sirensea#poppy playtime chapter 3#smiling critters#kickinchicken#comfort character#i consider the food for my bday as a gift itself cuz no one comes to my bday and no one is invited#why?#its bcuz of P O V E R T Y#cant afford gifts cant afford food for guests#hell im not even sure if therell be food for my bittersweet 16th#its just too much#and so is school#fuck im gonna go back to writing notes#thank u for reading my vent this far#even in the tags#vent art
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what if i faked my own death
#i bet life would get so much easier... no more debts.......#i wonder if grandma would be sorry for saying all this mean shit to me#i know it's a very childish and petty thought but i just can't help it#'oh grandma am i too fat for your liking? well guess what now i'm DEAD under mysterious circumstances and they never found my body!!'#'do i look good enough for you now?? am i finally beautiful in your eyes grandma??'#god i don't even know why do i care so much!! i shouldn't give a fuck abt her opinion#but it's so painful#she used to be my best friend#my second mom if you will#she taught me so much she shaped me as a person i used to adore her and want to be like her#but now it's only constant judgement#we don't even have much to talk about#i'm grieving the person she used to be before grandpa died and everything suddenly changed#...why does it feel so good to vent in these tags. what kind of magic is this. i like it#anyway thanks for coming to my very sad ted talk#i'll be alright i'm just on my period and i'm very sad and angry rn
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me and my boyfriend are sooo javid (he invited me over for a family dinner)
#jokes aside i am so fucking NERVOUS ABOUT THAT LIKE ???#it's not like i don't know his parents/family. i do. i saw them plenty. still. oh my god#it's his father's birthday dinner too#i think im going to die actually#which is irrational because like#he went to a family party with me and it wasn't a big deal. i mean i was delighted that he was there. but nobody made it a big deal#so i'll probably be fine#still. you get why im nervous about this#while i adore him more than life itself we're still at a point where like. im not fully comfortable around his parents#because like. obviously. i have no idea if they even like me#i mean they probably asked him to invite me so they must like me at least a little#still......#fuck. why am i even going off about this in my tumblr tags. whatever man#delete later#vent but like don't take this too seriously!!! just going bonkers#also can you tell i love talking about him
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this is the thing i hate to see the most on this damn webbed site
#i understand when its a vent post#or when it becomes too annoying in notes#but aaaaaaa i have shit to say!!!#but i dont want to reblog the post to put what i have to say in tags#why does it even happen why can some people write a comment and i cant#sometimes even the original posters are like 'idk why it did that for you'#im a yapper with some opinions on a yappers with opinions website fucking sue me!!!#mine
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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yknow i really really try to see where people are coming from, usually. as in i try to understand why they do the things they do. but. when it comes to my country's politicians. i just can't seem to figure out how a person can disregard human life so much. like man it's one thing when you look at monarchs centuries ago who literally did not understand that other people are just like them bc they were born to think so, but these politicians supposedly all started as normal people, yet it feels like they don't see anyone but themselves, and that's just insane to me. like i have met selfish or self centered people in my life but never at this level. i can't comprehend this. they are literally like evil cartoon villains it's actually insane
#not even talking abt the racism or homophobia here#genuinely how they disregard like. all citizens. including people like them including their own voters. they see all of us as disposable#it's insane to me that ppl still vote for them too actually but eh racists will vote for racists#and some ppl think we need a ~strong leader~ and unfortunately they are stupid so they think this guy who can give good speeches is enough#but see even stupidity i can sort of get. but our politicians are both stupid (well. most of them) AND inhumanly selfish#which is why this is so despair inducing. literally nothing anyone would say or so could get to them. bc they don't see us as people#even the fucking. un can't threaten them (bc lbr the ones getting punished are the citizens. again)#genuinely the only solution is murder. for legal reasons this is a joke. good evening shabak agents i am a satire account etc#this is so upsetting i can't think abt the situation in this country without feeling doomed#and this is only one layer of it too. everything here sucks so much. i wish i was born somewhere else ugh#politics //#vent#kinda?????#ask to tag
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Learning how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable is important. I'm genuinely not okay when I hear, see, and research more about the genocide happening in Gaza, the history of Israel's founding, and its terroristic actions. It is important for me to know.
Taking short breaks (usually a couple of hours or so) does help when things get too much. Then, I return and continue engaging with reblogs on Palestine.
I really don't know what else to say, but this genocide must end. All genocides must end and must never happen again. Keep talking about Palestine, Armenia, Congo, and Sudan! Keep protesting! Keep fighting!
What is important now is to be as loud as you can be! Raise ruckus! Make your voice unavoidable! Be as annoying as possible! Do not let your representatives ignore this!
#// vent#// vent in tags#also eat butt biden you piece of shit I hope you don't get elected#no possibility of a ceasefire my ass WHAT THE HELL IS FUCKING STOPPING YOU FROM CALLING A CEASEFIRE#HOSPITALS SCHOOLS AND PLACES OF WORSHIP WERE BOMBED#YOU HAVE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE PROTESTING AROUND THE WORLD AND FROM THIS COUNTRY DO YOU NOT FUCKING HEAR THEM#Jewish protesters were arrested too; how does their protesting against Israel warrant arrest??#Some of them were also doxxed and harassed but they protesting is bad somehow okay I have serious questions about this#they do not want this at all; why are we arresting them??#what are we fucking doing? Denying someone's right to freedom of protest. Freedom of speech. For saying stop killing people.#god forbid the marginalized rise up and raise our voices once we understand what happened to us and what will happen to others#we all stand together we will see a better world; a world we finally be free#but that means the US needs to really take a bit of time to really realize it's own history and learn from it for once#how the hell I got here? What happened to my people? I read the stories of slaves who barely survived the boats on the way here#....annnd I remember that some history books in the South omit that part. What's up with that?#And the Native Genocide here too? The broken promises the US made to steal more land and kill more people#Why this keeps repeating???#palestine#tw colonialism#genocide
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