#fuck it i believe in god now. whatever. there's probably a guy somewhere in all this shit
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there's this thing that happens where i?? forget I'm not jewish?? technically I'm an atheist (i guess) but i was raised by and around jewish people, on jewish customs, my entire chosen family is jewish, i spent the majority of my elementary years attending after school care at a synagogue that taught jewish history, and i feel a far stronger connection to Judaism than any other religion, but the extent of my actual jewish heritage is around 0.5% Ashkenazi and again, I'm literally an athiest. ridiculous phenomenon
#random ass post but wtv#post#not tagging jumblr because not actually jewish#maybe ill fuckin convert man idk. i don't even believe in god so i feel likw thatd be disrespectful#ill be chilling looking at holiday shit an be like man. so much chrismas stuff in here. no love for us jewish folk goddamn#and then realize im Not Actually Jewish#which is kinda weird? to me? because i was pretty much raised jewish? but im not?#and on one hand i want to be able to convert for instance because i love the traditions and culture and the history and judaism is#an integral part of my identity but on the other hand i hold spite towards the concept of divine creation and i feel like being present in#the community would be appropriation-y at best and sacrilegious at worst i guess.#idk mayb I'll gaslight myself into believing in God. I'm mentally ill enough that i could probably do it#fuck it i believe in god now. whatever. there's probably a guy somewhere in all this shit
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I contemplated a lot whether to reblog that post because i think most of it was wrong, but the addition is so great and refute pretty much everything while raising some amazing points so if i could reblog only the addition without the original posts i would.
It’s just funny to me how every time i see ppl “here are Marika’s crimes” they list like 50% is what she actually did, and the other 50% are things that either was during Radagon time (when Marika couldn’t even have a proper statue that depict her as being the one in control), done by some other guys, or after she got strung up inside the Erdtree. Y’know, literally impaled and knocked out cold ?
The ritual sword and shield talisman (which depict sword and shield of Crucible Knights too btw) pointed at Radagon’s face to say by his time, all ritual combats in honour of the Erdtree had died out, but in LoS it was maintained and Messmer even had a talisman of Godfrey in his castle. A talisman depicting Godfrey accepting the duty to be his Mother’s Lord. Without wavering.
The ritual combat is just another thing that will remind people of the first Elden Lord’s devotion to his Goddess, which would do Radagon no good. so that, along with the Crucible Knights, gotta go.
All this just show how by Radagon’s time, the Golden Order’s ideal no longer reflects the Erdtree’s - another testament at how far from each other his and Marika’s will have diverged.
Also, i really like the fact that the Zamor and Ice Dragons allied with Marika to fight the Fire Giants who had chased them from their home, because to me that means at the start of her age, Marika was extending her help to people who needed it (with ulterior motives, yes).
Her age wasn’t built in a vacuum. She was a healer Godling with no offensive spells, Messmer’s health just got a bit better, Godfrey with all the implications in SoTe, was probably just a simple bear hunter? What on earth those 3 could even do in a land where the Hornsent royalty reigned supreme?
Go somewhere else, recruit as many people and make as many alliances as they could. I have no doubt the world under the Hornsent was a violent one (hell, it still is now, every time i went into a Gaol i want to go back and smack the Hornsent inquisitors a few more times). And for a new God to appear, and instead of stuffing people into jars, delivering Death, entrapping their followers into watching over some flame for eternity, running away and leaving their Lord to get backstabbed by a tyrant, this new God… healed people? Big shock!
So of course people would flock to Godfrey’s banner, believing in a Goddess that could barely fight, but soothed away all of their pain and sorrow. Sounds fucking familiar isn’t it.
Btw, why do people like to invent a bunch of authority and power for Marika then at the same breath will say whatever her kids do is to… spite her and show kindness to the oppressed?
So she is an all-powerful tyrant that could kill whoever she dislikes, and by some ppl’s standards she dislikes literally everyone in Lands Between (💀), but Godwyn could just befriend a dragon and spread a cult about them within the Capital, Messmer could have an albinauric as his Commander (to command an army that she paid wads of cash to and bless them with her hammer’s power???), Miquella and Malenia could go their merry way and build a whole ass tree castle (where is the fund. Where is the fund) and she couldn’t do anything to stop them? Even though those actions directly affect the strength of her army? What?
I swear i can’t even see other people’s Marika as Marika. Because their Marika sounds dumb as hell and a doormat too. Like what is this???? 💀 do you think i sacrificed my back and wrist to draw Elden Ring characters as beautiful as possible, so they could go be devote to someone like the Marika some of y’all envision? The bar was on the floor for you but not for me.
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I know Micah Bell is the bad guy, but hear me out, I have a few headcannons for dating him
warnings: might be toxic y'all gotta excuse me cus i've just got out of a toxic relationship myself that's how i deal with it; also smut (i really gotta write a whole smut based on these headcannons) pls guys stay away from toxic men irl read at your own risk, might be a lil messed up
The first time Micah lay his eyes on you, he knew he had to have you, and he knew how to get what he wanted. You were much younger than him, probably somewhere in your early to mid 20s, and he knew how to talk you into thinking he could be the big, scary guard dog, protect you from the evil of this cruel world.
Maybe you even had the tendency to fall for the bad men, and he quickly found that out. Let's be real, he could read you like an open book, so it didn't take long for him to realize how naive and impressionable you are. It was so easy to manipulate your emotions however he wanted to, and you thought he's the only one who truly understands you.
Other gang members would notice that, of course, and they would try to make you realize how wrong this is. But Micah would make sure you don't chat with them too long. He'd barge into the conversation, say something to the other person about not bothering his girl, and drag you away.
He wouldn't physically punish you, or that's what I want to believe, but his words would cut deep into your heart. Almost as if his words were bullets and you were his favourite target (nessa barrett referance), he'd especially try to shatter your self esteem, calling you stupid for believing even for a moment what others say.
The emotional rollercoaster, god, Micah could be so sweet to you one moment if there was something he wanted to gain from you, if he wanted you to believe in his good side. You'd often ditch your morals for him, and he'd reward you with affection, maybe a kiss if you're being really good.
Then his mood could change in a moment. Like walking on eggshells, you make one wrong move, and in the best case he's giving you the silent treatment. In other, less pleasant, cases he would again call you stupid, dumb, anything to tear your self esteem down.
GASLIGHTING!! I totally see him saying stuff like "You must be crazy if you think I [insert something he definitely did]."
He'd never make the relationship official, but at the same time he'd say he'd kill any man who tried to take you from him.
Lying, lying, lying. He'd lie to you so much you wouldn't know what to believe anymore. This and false promises to get on your good side again.
Now the NSFW part
POWER PLAY he'd love to be in charge in bedroom as much as outside of it, having you submit to him is what gets him off, he'd love pushing your boundaries, testing how far he can go with you. He has some dark fantasies and he'd try to get you to try them out.
He's never gentle. We all know he's a lil sick in the head, so he'd always be rough in bed. The louder you scream the better.
His fav position would be doggy, partially because he could push your head into the bed, the ground, or whatever there was underneath you, and partially because he could just grab your hips, digging his nails into your skin, and slam all the way in and out of you, the head of his cock bruising your cervix.
You'd always be sooo sore on the next day, not just inside from all the pounding, but also outside from the bites and scratches he had left on your body. And your ass would be definitely bruised because y'all can't tell me this man ain't into spanking the hell out of you.
During sex he'd love to tell you that you belong to him. He'd keep making you say it, asking you who you belong to. Especially if he'd seen you talking to any male gang members that day. Oh, and of course, he'd say something like "Bet he could never fuck you like this."
As much as he doesn't want to commit to you, he'd love to see the marks he left on your body, indicating you belong to him.
He would make you cum, just because he wants you to think no one else can bring such pleasure to you. But there would be absolutely no aftercare. He's cold and distant. He got what he wanted, that's all that matters for him.
I feel like he would definitely use sex as something to distract you if he makes a mistake. And if you make a mistake? He either fucks your brains out or he turns you on just to not let you even get undressed nor touch yourself.
Honestly, he wouldn't mind people overhearing. Hell, he'd be even into getting caught. At least that would show others that you belong to him and no one else can touch you.
I feel like he'd be into gunplay, using his guns on you during sex, holding a gun to your head while he's fucking into you or when you're sucking him off. You'd have no idea about it, but he wouldn't take the bullets out beforehand. He didn't plan to pull the trigger, but if the gun was to fire on its own, the danger only added to his arousal. He's a sick man, what can I say?
#micah bell#micah bell x reader#micah bell smut#micah bell imagines#micah bell headcannons#red dead redemption 2 fanfic#red dead redemption 2 x reader#red dead redemption 2 smut#rdr2 x reader#rdr2 smut#red dead redemption 2 headcannons#rdr2 headcannons
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Hey!! you mentioned you wanted to write for tbp a while back, idk if ur still down but if so could I please get some robin hcs??
♡♡
𝐚𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐬 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐧...
...I figured I'd use this as an opportunity to expand on all of the black phone boys, plus gwen, because... because I fucking can lmfao. so yeah, along with robin, I'll add finney, gwen, bruce, billy, vance, and griffin, if that's okay :)🖤.
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐥/𝐋𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬
《 ♡ 》 headcannons
───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────
𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 :
lyssa's personal rendition of the ghost boys + gwen (except the difference is that I'm 100% totally right and everyone else is wrong, so ya😙🖤✨️) ((I'm kidding, plz don't attack me)). also, prepare, because this is probably going to be sooo long lmao...
𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 :
none
𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐞 :
1978 (plus some time afterward) - "if they lived" hdcns
𝐓𝐖/𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 :
cursing - mentions of death/abuse/brutality - me getting passionate (hence why this is so long) - spoilers (if you somehow haven't seen the movie by this point💀) - autism/adhd related topics - highly encourage shifters to use whatever I've written here as black phone shift-inspo because I know the movie doesn't give us a lot to go on for the boys personality-wise (also, tag me in your drs, guys, I'm so nosy😆♡)
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────
𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞 :
I gotta get this off my chest before I forget and go insane, but oh my god, Finney is NOT the crybaby some of y'all make him out to be😹. That boy cried once in the entire one hour and forty-three minute runtime of the whole movie, okay? And it was when he was at his VERY LOWEST point during said movie/events, okay? Okay.
Y'all are fr gonna have to drop that narrative, because if it really came down to it, boy could talk mad shit and spread rumors like wildfire. All it takes is one little whisper to Bruce😆🤭...
Now that that's settled...
I feel like he's very non-confrontational as a person, though, fs. Like, if he's put in a position where his well-being/life is/may be on the line (😃...), then yeah, he'll do his best to stick up for himself. But otherwise, his main, favorite, and works-90%-of-the-time tactic is to just avoid conflict and places where it might occur altogether.
Also, I definitely think he's autistic. Like, no way he's not. Hyperfix? Space, obviously. Especially rockets, and then the science behind space/the things in space. I don't see him as a fan of loud noises, either (especially when we consider his upbringing). He also seems to not have the best handle on social cues/is awkward (but I guess that can also be perceived as a neurotypical trait, too, so idk). I also feel like he's defo a stickler for texture. Won't eat certain foods or wear certain fabrics,,, needs things to be a specific type of feeling/way for him to operate as usual, you feel me?
Having complete (emotional?) shutdowns when he's not in a positive mood and/or environment, only really having a logical way of thinking until the tasks/emotions run a bit too high and then he breaks down... I could go on, this really all seems like solid evidence to me, ngl🤷🏽♀️.
Bro just like me fr. Anyways.
I also think he's a huge fan of routine, especially simple ones that he can remember. Or, if/when a task is somehow connected to an object/person/other task? Yeah, his brain loves that.
He's a Cancer (birthday - July 10th), but I definitely think he's got Capricorn in his chart somewhere, too.
I might've brought this up before in another post, but I definitely think Finney would take/find interest in astrology. Maybe not actually believe in it or take it as seriously as the next person, but he'd definitely respects it because, while he's more of an astronomy guy, focusing on the logical aspects of space and stars and shit, astrology delves into a more spiritual and belief-based aspect, and he likes the thought of the stars that he loves having meanings and things that correspond to, not only your life, but to who you may be as a person.
Kind of like a little bit of insight, a look-see, on who someone is. So, with that, he definitely knows his own star sign and is happy to answer when asked.
"Oh, I'm a Cancer :). What are you?" And would probably find himself either asking or doing research on his own time on your/a person's answer to his rebound question.
A raging bisexual if I've ever seen one (I am one so I would know🫶🏽) (I give him the certified stamp of bi-ness, dw guys, I gave him proper clearance🫶🏽). Tell me he wasn't looking at Donna and Robin the same way. Actually, don't tell me, because if you say anything other than, "You're so right, Lyss😻‼️" I'm blocking you♡.
But in all seriousness, I feel like Finney himself didn't realize he felt the same feelings that he does for Donna for Robin until after he got with Donna (like,,, bro didn't clock it was the same feeling, nor that he even swung that way at all, until after the fact,,, does that make sense?). Sometimes, you just have those moments of clarity about yourself later on, I was kind of the same way.
Anyways, cat person to the third degree max. Only likes small dogs, and anything bigger than like,,, those little, fluffy ass dogs, he starts tweakin' real bad🥴💀. I don't blame him fr, though. Dogs are loud "BARK BARK🗣‼️" all in yo face, lick-lick, hyperactive, unpredictable... I could not deal, and neither could he.
I'm not saying cats are any more predictable or that they don't have their own cons, but hey, everyone has their preferences, and he just prefers cats🤷🏽♀️.
LOVEEESSS sugary/sweet tasting stuff. The type to always be craving a little sweet treat after dinner (genuinely, he does eat all the ice cream, he really tries to hold back for Gwen, but,,,😔✋🏽), or throughout the day, all he'll be thinking about is a crisp, cold soda.
😃💀His teeth are gonna be wrecked by the time he's thirty-five lol anyways...
He also loves a good crafting session. Could honestly spend hours in his room cutting up paper and pictures, building model rockets, making paper dolls for Gwen. He just really likes stuff he can sit, hunker down, and really focus on. Likes having his attention drawn, so things like crafting, watching TV, scrapbooking, etc. is really good/fun for him. Billy is DEFINITELY his picture plug, btw.
No way Finney isn't itching by the door for Billy to come by so he can be updated on the latest things added in the paper. Or, if his dad gets to it first, he's reminding him not to throw it out until he gets back home from school so he can still sort through it for what he wants.
Speaking of Gwen, I do fully believe that Finney was the one braiding her hair every morning before school. Not doubting their father's girl-dad skills or anything✋🏽😃✋🏽,,, but that man was barely coherent enough to not slur his words in every sentence, and you expect me to believe he was worried about making that girl's head look pretty for school? Girl, anyways💀✋🏽.
She probably asked him one day and he was like, "Gwenny, it's school, not a fashion show😐🍺."
For sure, it was her mom doing it every other day. So yeah, when she passed, Finney figured he wouldn't let tradition die along with her. He learned and would braid/style her hair for school however she wanted.
Umm, I think that's all I got, other than... like,,,
RIP Finney Blake, you would've gone feral watching The Sandlot😔🙏🏽.
───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────
𝐆𝐰𝐞𝐧 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐤𝐞 :
She reminds me so, SO much of my little sister, so a lot of this might be me projecting her (my lil sis) onto Gwen🤭💀.
A little brat, but in the best/silliest way. Like yeah, she'll tease you and talk all that shit and lowkey kinda bully you, but bro, it's all love fr🫶🏽😙. If anything, if she's being extra polite and courteous to you, it's probably because you're someone she just met, or because she really dislikes you and is hoping that you'll catch onto her fakeness so she can exit stage left of the conversation lmao.
Another raging bi-in-training lollll. I'm sorry, but she's totally one of the girlies who never got a ken/boy doll so she had to "improvise" and "pretend" one of her girl dolls was a boy💀✋🏽. Like, girl, anyways, you know seeing Cher live on TV for the first time had you rethinking your entire life, don't deny it lmfao🤭🩷💜💙.
She has a very particular sense of style, like,,, has certain statement pieces and outfits she likes to mix and match, and only she really gets it, but it fits/suits her. Plus, some of it is from her mom, so ofc she has to rep it fr✊🏽.
Once broke a girl's shin (as in, yes, Gwen kicked it that fucking hard), because another girl had said the pair of earrings she wore that day were ugly. Now, to be fair, the girl couldn't have known they were Gwen's dead mother's earrings, but bitch, didn't anybody tell you if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say shit at all🤨? Exactly. Mind your manners or get your shin kicked in😙♡.
Speaking of, contrary to the movie (yup, I go against canon, idc, sue me), I feel like she is NOT a fair/honorable fighter at all (or a trained one, for that matter). Especially if you're hurting someone she loves (so Finney, obvs). She's biting, pulling hair, grabbing anything she can use as a weapon, outnumbering you if she can somehow recruit ppl; she gives no fucks.
And you can't talk her out of it, either. She's dead set on two facts; 1. If you attack me, I assume my life is at stake, and I'm fighting you as such. If you wanna call that unfair, idk, maybe you shouldn't have thrown hands with me🤷🏻♀️. 2. I don't start shit, I finish it. I won't throw the first punch, but if you do, anything I do to you afterward is self-defense🤷🏻♀️.
Robin and Vance have tried to teach her otherwise - y'know... give her the ol' dignity and honor speech - but sheeee...
She wasn't listenin' to that shit bro bffr💀✋🏽.
And while yes, she didn't take that piece of advice from him the one time, anything else that leaves Vance's mouth might as well be damn near close to Jesus speaking directly to her😭. She's practically got a crush on Vance, and it's so obnoxious, it's not even funny.
The girl will go off with her little girl friends and basically stalk him (guys, let's not act like teenage girls aren't literally insane😻💀) and often, she enjoys his fights and is finding literally any and every way to just even have a conversation with him. Vance,,, has not caught on at all, but it's probably for the best💀✋🏽.
He sees her as another one of his sisters, at most. Annoying, yet charming in her own way, and is always sure to give her some half-assed advice; "I don't wanna see your ass outside when the street lights come on, got it?" "Yup🫡😻!!" And occasionally gives her a fight-related tip.
Same thing with Robin, but to a much lesser degree. It's more like a fond admiration, like, that's basically a second older brother. Has and will continue to scarf down any food he brings over, even if it wasn't even for her. And if he gets pressed, she'll just-
"It's me appreciating it 'cause your stuff is good😃😇...!" "😐🧍🏽" And then she's running off to avoid any scoldings.
I feel like Gwen is a very ambitious person. Doesn't take no shit, which can make her stubborn at times, but at the end of the day, she always finds what she's looking for and/or gets the answers she needs. Ambitious and persistent.
Definitely a go-getter type, which was why she even took the time to read up more on her little ability, what it means, etcetc. Miss girl wanted answers, she was going to find 'em🤷🏽♀️.
I have no clue when her birthday is (if someone knows it, TELL ME👹), but for now, I hdcn she's either a Taurus, Leo, Gemini, Cancer or Virgo (some of those also being in her chart as well, if that makes sense).
She is so totally, undeniably, and authentically 🎀🩷✨️girl✨️🩷🎀 like,,, idk how to explain. Like, yeah, she's rough around the edges, and her mouth is trash, and her attitude is up the wall, but oHMYGOD, SHE'S THE GIRLIEST GIRL through it all, somehow. It's so sweet and cute.
The type to spend time dressing up her dolls and making sure her dollhouse is in PERFECT shape after just rolling around in the mud. Has Finney braid up her hair in all these intricate, detailed ways just to get her comb stuck in them in matted knots a minute later. Only uses purple, pink, and yellow pens for her school work/notes, but she inherited her dad's shitty handwriting, so yeah, you can barely read that shit...but it looks pretty as hell, don't it😌? Does her nails allll of the time, but will immediately do other things right after, barely letting them dry, which leads to them smudging and looking a little messy.
Things like that just make her who she is. They make her ✨️Gwen✨️, y'know?
Also, her favorite color is yellow. Random, but idc, it makes perfect sense.
RIP Gwen Blake, you would've loved White Chicks😔🙏🏽.
───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────
𝐑𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐨 :
- before his death -
He's an Aquarius (birthday - February 2nd, which is literally two days before mine🤭💜🧡), but he's definitely got Libra and/or Leo somewhere in his chart, for sure.
I feel like he's the type to think/say none of that "astrology shit" matters, but then know his whole entire chart, top to bottom, and only wants to know/cares about the charts of people close to him. And I bet you he only did it because Finney brought it up once, and he wanted to know what the hell he was talking about💀.
While on the topic of Finney, tho, he probably had eyes on Finn since day one. Wanted to befriend him since the sandbox days, but didn't really have an excuse until he found out he was being bullied. Thought maybe one day Finn would fight back, but he never did, soooo😗...
Robin got to step in😈. And then all it took was landing on a common interest, and 💥BOOM💥. 4lyfers🤞🏽.
I feel like Robin also feels his feelings pretty deeply, more so than people realize, but again, he's definitely not finna let you know that. The type to cry it out/cuss people out quietly under his breath/vent to himself when he's absolutely sure he's alone, and then act like he never did it at all. And shit, he's good at hiding it. You'd probably never even know unless you were close with him or he flat out told you.
He's kind of a show-off, if anything😭. Just a little bit, nothing crazy, but he does get a kick out of "proving a point" beating the breaks off of someone "for the crowd". Or just anything he's skilled at; he might not actively seek the attention, but god, he hopes someone is watching, 'causeeeeee😗😙.
He was definitely taught to fight from his father, but continued to go to boxing classes after he went off to war and never came home. Robin would go wherever he could find them/they were offered (bonus points if they're free), spending a lot of time brushing up on technique, form, whatever. Even takes the time to actually read up on more, study it; does better with visual stuff, though, like pictures or videos or someone showing/guiding him, things like that.
That round-kick ain't just pure talent, y'know😌 (he'd definitely argue otherwise, tho).
He has a whole bandana collection that he's super proud of and kind of just started, but that green one is signature. Something his father left behind, and, like Gwen,,, my man's gotta rep it, you feel me😌✊🏽. Literally ONLY let's his mom touch it, and that's only to wash it. Off limits to every and anybody else, even his own uncle, and everyone knows it, too. The other bandanas are free game, though.
Robin was often given cooking lessons from his mom, and he found he likes to bake, too, but can't bake for shit. It always comes out completely burnt or not at all like he was expecting (it makes him so sad, too😭 like, bro just wants to make his own tres leches instead of having to wait for special occasions,,, is that too much to ask😫?).
A horror movie nut from day one. Definitely something that startled/disturbed his mother for a little while, but she got over it💀✋🏽.
He's not in it for the scares or anything, but for the production (although he loves and cherishes the semi-rare times where he actually jumps). He's actively studying the movies, what makes them good vs. bad, the actors, the lighting, the music, atmosphere, dialog, everything. Even watched the really cheesy, awful, bad ones. He's thought about hashing out some faint ideas he's had, maybe in script format, but really just didn't have the skill for that just yet. So, he stuck to just observing for the time being.
His favorite trope is "everybody dies". Doesn't mind a good "final girl/boy" or a "beat the shit out of the bad guy/murderer/ghost" ending, either.
...Robin realized/knew he couldn't fight The Grabber, but was super salty/petty about it. Would scratch and bite at him like a damn dog, kicked at him, made it really difficult for The Grabber to literally exist in that basement with him (which was why his death was quick, you alr know The Grabber was 'bout sick of his ass lmfao). Fought like hell until the end and thought about his dad the wholeee time.
Very- .... SUPER annoyed when he woke back up in the basement,,, livid when he saw The Grabber walk in with Finney...
- if he had lived -
I wouldn't put a label on Robin, and neither would he himself, to be honest. Like, even "unlabeled" is a label to him. He truly has the "If they're hot, they're hot🤷🏽" mindset and pretty much has his whole life.
Doesn't even really see the need for labels at all, but if you tried to get him going on that, he'd be more than likely to wave it off so he didn't have to go through the trouble of being misunderstood when trying to explain.
He totally would've been a movie buff/critique. Hell, probably would've made his way into the industry on some film student type shit🤭. Not the best when it comes to actually writing shit out or explaining exactly what he means, but when he has a vision, he has a VISION. Trust the process, fr🤞🏽.
Is totally the target audience for all that action-packed shit. Rocky, Karate Kid, Top Gun,,, very male, very g u y, very macho-manly lmao. Might possibly even be a weakness, like,,, he really can't resist that stuff (not as passionate as he is for the horror genre, tho).
I feel like he would get really into the rap/hip-hop scene. Would also fw r&b mad heavy, love him some Michael Jackson, even dresses diff to kind of fit with that aesthetic...
Couldn't bring himself to cut his hair, though, he's too attached😭. That's absolutely staying, or at least getting braided up or something.
Actually, he was straightening/perming his hair a lot of the time, mostly when he was coming up, but eventually stopped and let it grow its naturally wavy pattern. He would cut off the dead hair as it grew more and healthier (never fully chopped/buzzed it off, though, bc again,,, he couldn't bare to lose the length), and he eventually learned to take proper care of it.
(We love happy, healthy, natural hair over here, y'all lmfao😻‼️).
Would definitely cook for his mom, both when asked and just because he felt like it (or if he's craving something specific for dinner that evening, he'll pull the, "Ama, let me cook tonight, I love you🥰." card so he can get away with cooking what he wants lmfao). Sometimes, he'll send his uncle off with leftovers for work or just make his own lunch for school, boxing, or going to work with his uncle, shit like that.
Still hasn't quite grasped onto baking yet, though. Still burns most of his stuff and has totally given up on making cookies (he's fs the type to end up with one, giant, morphed ass cookie on the sheet and he just has to stare at it in pure disbelief like ">:0..." lmao💀) ...
MASTERED THE FUCKIN' TRES LECHES, THO, LET'S GOOOO🗣🗣🗣‼️‼️‼️💯💯💯
Robin has friendly beef with Bruce bc fym you playing against my man🤨? I think tf not, Finney better win or "...that's your ass, Yamada." Won't actually do anything, tho, Bruce is cool people fr lmao.
More on him as a person, though, I feel like he'd definitely realize he's one helluva looker one day and DEFINITELY use it to his advantage. Charmer, but in a corny way that makes you shake your head and sigh type beat. Not really a romantic, but has and will make exceptions for the right people at the right time.
Even before that, though, he was always kinda cocky and it really only got "worse" for lack of a better word💀😭. Like, he's cute/hot, and he KNOWS it, but he's still gonna play clueless as if he's not looking at you with those big brown eyes and giving you a knowing smirk. Gets away with entirely too much, fs.
Robin's also a certified yapper. Doesn't even have to know you. You give him one good reason to like you or he hears you say something even mildly relating to one of his interests, he'll just start talking to you like he knows you (it's how he's made a lot of his friends, ngl, he's just outgoing and relatively friendly).
Talks mad shit, too. Bro's no better than a woman😭. Gets all the tea from the beauty shop/salon where his mom be going. It's okay, tho, because he's got such good energy and is a charmer in his own way (like I said), so it's hard to dislike him or to want to turn him away from your ongoing convos.
Laughs at everything, but says nothing (if that makes sense). He's sooo... "Nah, nah, it's just...🤭💀*more giggling*"
Bro is just a dork, he's easy to make laugh/entertain, not as stoic as most ppl think he is (regardless of the resting bitch face he chronically suffers from). Dare I say, he's lowkey a little bit manic pixie dream boy coded. No, I won't elaborate♡.
One like on this fic equals one step closer to a cure for Robin's RBF😔🧡.
Only does edibles. He's so scared of something ever happening to his lungs (health class traumatized him, no joke. He saw that model of the charred, black lungs from smoking, and that was all it took. He won't inhale SHIT that's not oxygen bro lmfao💀😭✋🏽).
Would probably cry if his mom caught him smoking anything anyway, so it never even occured to him to try it. He can hide being high, but he knows damn well you can't hide the smell of that shit, so gummies it is🍃✨️☁️.
RIP Robin Arellano, you would've been geeked at the fact that the Halloween franchise is still going 3-5 decades later😔🙏🏽.
───────── 《 .°•♡•°. 》 ──────────
𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐫 :
- before his death -
I feel like he got moved around a lot as a kid because his dad was a military brat or whatever (a classic hardass type with The Abuser Mustache™) ((if you don't know what I mean by the mustache look, think about/look up Chloe's stepdad from Life Is Strange)).
It didn't matter where he went/was/moved, though, because it was a dysfunctional home life regardless. Mom and dad always fighting, no real stable income (one of those things where it was like,,, sometimes they came off as well-off and be spoiled, and sometimes, they were going to an off-brand thrift shop for cheap clothes and other necessities), things like that.
So when his dad left, it definitely left a mark on everyone in the house. Bittersweet type of thing because while yes, he was a dickwad, he was still their dad and he cared for them in his own, fucked up way (part of why Vance is so angy😞).
I don't give not one good fuck what anyone says, Jim Hopper (Stranger Things) is that boy's uncle, idcidc😻✨️!!
(I love connecting fandoms thru coinkydink headcannons♡).
Vance is a middle child who has all sisters (five, to be exact. One eldest who's college age, a second eldest who's about a year or two younger than the oldest, one that's basically his irish twin, a younger sister around Gwen's age, and then a baby sister who's still in diapers). And absolutely he would go to bat for all of them (especially them two youngest, he don't play about them and he spoils them to death if/when he can).
Woman dominated house fr, and probably a big part of the reason he isn't fully/entirely off the rails (AND WHY HE WOULD N O T TREAT WOMEN LIKE SHIT. Again, I'm sorry but y'all gonna have to drop the narrative of him treating girls and/or fem readers like absolute dogwater. He knows ENTIRELY better, he's not a crazy monster, bro probably wouldn't even enjoy cussing at you, let alone calling you out of your name with things like "dipshit" and "cunt" and "fuckface" in a "loving" way all of the time, like absolutely not,,, I could go more into this but that's for the next set of hdcns I'm going to pos-...oop, I've said too much🤭- MOVING ON...!).
Speaking of cussing, though... Regardless of what I just said before, I feel like it doesn't mean he still wouldn't curse. Like, no, that boy can work his mouth REAL good. He probably started talking from an early age, too. Dude's first word(s) was probably something really sweet/cute, or something just absolutely vile, no in between💀😭. Maybe both.
Over time, though, he learned when and when not to do so. Like, when/where it was appropriate for him to cuss and when not to. For example, he'll cuss with/at his friends, in front of adults he doesn't know/doesn't give a shit about. But in more professional settings like school or whatever, he'll tone it down because he's trying NOT to get in trouble more than he already has (doesn't mean it's worked, but hey, at least he tried lmao). He cusses at home, yes, he'll cuss around his mom but not AT her, huge difference. Has cussed out his father plenty of times, cops as well. Won't cuss around the younger sisters, but will with/at the older ones. Point is, he's good at gaging the situation.
He's a Leo (birthday - August 10th), but for some reason, I think there's maybe some Pisces in his chart?? I...idk, don't question my madness✋🏽🥴✋🏽. But yeah, he couldn't give two fucks less about birth charts. That stuff not only means nothing to him, but he thinks it's really stupid, too. The only reason he even knows his own sign is because of one of his sisters, and that's it. Knows nothing about what being a Leo entails, doesn't care to find out, and will probably look at you crazy if you bring it up.
He has this fixation with pinball because there was always a machine or a place that had one close by, no matter where he went; he'd used it to drown out memories/high emotions, but now is just addicted to playing it, even when he's not pissed off💀. He was real pissy one day, played it, WON,,, and since then, he hasn't really felt a joy/satisfaction like it. Angry/upset feelings immediately morphed into, "Holy shit, I fucking won...!!" And that was it, he was hooked. Bro probably has the highest score on so many machines across the midwest area and doesn't even know he has this "nobody can beat this mystery Vance guy" reputation states away or something💀✋🏽.
Another thing he uses to distract/sooth himself is music. Not a full music geek or anything, but LOVVVESSS rock/metal music (if you couldn't already tell given his style). Kiss, Metallica, all of that shit. Was dreaming for the day he either got an electric guitar as a Christmas or birthday gift or for when he could save up for his own.
And, because he wanted to further mimic all the cool rockstars he was seeing coming up, he tried a cigarette ONCE, and he ended up hating that shit💀. He fr wanted to see the appeal so bad, too, but he just can't, and side-eyes people whenever he sees them smoke, now.
"Their breath is fucking rank, I just know it..." "They're literally addicted, Vance, they cant help it." "They need to be addicted to a fucking toothbrush and some mint gum🫢🤢."
Like Robin, when Vance got snatched, he fucked with and was doing his best to beat the breaks off The Grabber until the bitter end. He had a better advantage, too, because he's much bigger, so he definitely got good licks in - which led to The Grabber starving him so that he was too weak to fight back so yes, he took his time with Vance, made his death hurt, which just kinda left Vance feeling pissed off and hopeless until he died.
- if he had lived -
He definitely would've learned to calm down a bit; some time and talks with his mother and sisters, some warning calls from Uncle Jim, the threat of actual prison and not just "juvie for a couple of days" eventually set him straight. Still quick to anger, but he doesn't practically kill people anymore😃👍🏽. Don't ... Don't fuck with his pinball machine, though, that's still a very active warning/threat on his behalf.
He also gained a sense of moral justice, so even if he did decide to go apeshit (y'know, for old times sake), it'd be for a valid reason, ngl.
That lady from the Grab'n'Go store fs gave him that pinball machine at one point (replaced it with a lamer game or something, like Pac-Man or whatever). When she straight up realized Vance wasn't going to let anyone else touch that shit, let alone beat his high score, which meant she wasn't getting any business with it, she basically just-
"Ykw, just take it😐". ... "...What :0??"
He was clueless as hell, too, genuinely had NO IDEA why she would give him the ENTIRE MACHINE TO KEEP FOR FREEEEE, but was VERY grateful. His mom even tried to get him to give it back, but that woman insisted😭. "I don't know what you think I'm supposed to do with it if you won't let anyone else touch it, Vance. Just keep it and stop wrecking my store."
He didn't at first, has no clue when or how it happened, but very suddenly and intensely grew a guilty-pleasure liking for superheroes. Really likes The Hulk and X-Men comics and has stacks of them he's both bought and stolen collecting in his room.
Sometimes, he rips them up and makes posters out of them, like,,, rips out certain characters or speech bubbles he likes or whole pages and then plasters them around his room.
Relating to superheroes, kind of... You wouldn't think it, but he's got that Spider-Man mentality where it's like,,, he's always looking out for the little guy. When his sense of moral kicked in, he wasn't just fighting for no reason anymore. Now he was fighting if he saw some fuckers talking mad shit or doing something he knew was wrong on their part, so he'd set 'em straight. Would make sure people he didn't have problems with weren't getting picked on.
Also has a high respect for Robin because he essentially does the same shit, and because while Vance has the size advantages, Robin has the skill advantages that he doesn't. The feeling is mutual, too.
Is very confused and awkward when he is told/finds out girls have crushes on him. Very much like🧍🏼♂️.
Not opposed, just... bro don't know what to do with that info, and he sure as hell aint making the first move💀✋🏽.
He's more of a close bond, has to have already been best friends first, and then develop feelings along the way, typa guy. Likes real and close connections that actually have a chance at lasting (especially considering his childhood consisted of a lot of moving around, never really getting to keep friends, etcetc).
RIP Vance Hopper, you would've loved Thunderstruck by AC/DC but slowed and reverbed😔🙏🏽.
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𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫 :
- before his death -
I'm not even gonna lie,,, think of your average, white, classic, all-american poster family from the movies,,, That was his life. Stay at home, quirky mom, breadwinner businessman father, bratty little brother, rebellious older sister, golden retriever dog, snow white cat, nice suburban house with a front lawn and a backyard with a grill and pool, all of that😭.
He's lowkey kinda spoiled, too, for the listed reasons above lmao. Not in a bad way, but sometimes he says or does things that are a little tone deaf and you're just like "😃..." But I mean, if you communicate well enough, he's more inclined to understand.
It's just cultural/environmental difference, fr, that's all lmao.
Billy was doing the paper boy gig to save up for a car. A specific one, too (defo a car guy, I feel like).
I couldn't give details, but I just feel it in my nuggets, he was saving up for a specific car and my boy was DETERMINED, too. Bro was DEDICATED to getting this fucking car. Everyone around him knew it, like he made it very clear his only goal in life at the moment was to get that car lmfao.
I feel like he's a very detail-oriented person, but in the way where it's like,,, Very adhd-coded. Won't clean his room because "It's an oragnized mess, don't touch anything, I know exactly where everything is" type beat. Or like, whenever he has multiple tasks to complete, he'll do that thing where he'll stand somewhere and just start glitching lmfao like when you give a sim too many tasks at once.
He also really likes making lists. But then all of his lists get jumbled up, so he's gotta find the right list for the right stuff LMFAO it's silly, he's silly.
I also think he's a good writer and takes interest in books and poetry. Wouldn't write poetry, but would read it a lot. But definitely has half-assed, pending ideas for his own original stories/books.
And comics, too, he really likes graphic novels, things that have both descriptions and pictures that correspond with one another.
Like Vance, he also really likes superheroes, but unlike him, he's always been into comics and stuff since he was little, so the interest didn't just pop out of nowhere. Not really a Marvel guy. He leans more towards DC, so his favorites are Aquaman and Superman.
He also loves cartoons. Like, to an unhealthy amount. There he is every morning, sat right in front of the TV, no matter how many times his parents have told him to back tf up before he ruins his eyes, with a piping hot cup of coffee, glued to the screen running all of his favorite cartoons lmao. I don't think he'd ever grow out of it, either. He'd be in his 40s-50s, totally adapted to the newer cartoons like The Amazing World Of Gumball or whatever lmao.
You can pry the original Scooby-Doo from his cold, dead hands, though💀.
Billy's a Sagittarius (birthday - December 12th), but I think he also has come Capricorn, Libra, and/or Cancer in his chart. He just seems like a very chill, curious, and understanding person, which can either make people really like him at first or misjudge him (maybe even dislike) him. But at the end of the day, he's very secure in himself and who he is. He knows what he's got going on. And like I said, he loves to learn further and understand, so it's not like he's ever going to purposefully cause problems or anything.
If at all, I think he's also a non-confrontational person, much like Finney. He stays in his own lane, does his very best to avoid conflict, and while sure, he's got a lot of scattered friends from different areas and walks of life and whatever, it's that way for a reason😭. He's just a good dude fr!
He's also more outspoken than you would think at first. Can definitely hold and even start a friendly conversation, and honestly... TAKE HIM TO YOUR PARENTS👹👏🏽‼️. Adults love him, he's very polite and courteous, and they find him funny because he can for SURE crack a well-timed joke.
I mean it, too, I think Billy definitely has a way with words and comedy. He's so on par with all different types of humor, so once he picks up on yours, oh my god, he'll have you crying-laughing lmao.
Like Vance, he's good at cussing, he will cuss you the fuck out with his sassy, petty ass💀✋🏽. Knows better than to cuss in front of adults (like I said, they love him, and he plans to keep it that way lmao), and he probabaly won't call you out your name, but boyyyyy he's got a mouth on him😭💀!
Speaking of, oUUU he's a petty mf, he don't let SHIT slide. Ever. Bro can't fight but whew...!! He be talking shit like he can😭 (he's probably gotten his ass kicked due to this once or twice, ngl, but hey, you live and you learn lmfao).
Billy was a little too calm when he got snatched up. Like yea, he fought tooth and nail when he initially got grabbed off of his bike, but once he was in that basement and after a few days, he sadly just kind of,,, accepted his fate.
What he didn't expect was to be put through the psychological tortures of like,,, being beat or thinking he had the chances to escape whenever The Grabber would give him false hope, that stuff. That really fucked with him up until he died.
- if he had lived -
Oh, you can bet your ass he got that fckn car💀.
He was feelin' himself for WEEKS after the fact, too. He was giving all his friends rides, honking whenever he arrived at places, always keeping it PRISTINE looking. Not a scratch, dent, or spec of dust on or in that mf😹.
Just overall being super obnoxious about it ngl lmfao💀😭 (but he deserves to be, he worked so hard for it and everybody understood that, so it's fine). Got a better job after the fact, too, now that he could actually take himself to and from.
I know I mentioned him drinking coffee earlier, but to expand on that a little more, he was basically always drinking coffee and energy drinks to stay awake and (barely🥴) coherent when he was doing his paper boy job and school at the same time, so he now unfortunately has a caffeine addiction that he cannot shake for the life of him. He's tried so many things, he just can't let go😭. He likes it really sweet, too (he has a sweet tooth).
He'll add a lot of creamer, flavored syrup, sugar... whatever he can find to kind of just dilute the bitter taste entirely, he's throwing it in the mug. Also part of the reason why he's more fond of soda/energy drinks, because at least he doesn't have to deal with that nasty taste coffee has (I'm a coffee hater, hop off😒✋🏽).
Also like I mentioned earlier, he'd still have this weird yet cute thing with cartoons. Like, yeah, he'd enjoy a good movie (indie, coming of age type stuff), but cartoons just really do it for him. Sitting at the kitchen table with his second bowl of fruit loops laughing at Tom and Jerry is his therapy, truly♡.
While he can be out of touch, he's very open and easy to gain understanding from, loves to learn (especially since he's a writer). Just an all-around stand-up guy fr, you can not go wrong with Billy Showalter.
Hell, he can do no wrong😭❤️.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT HIS DOG, WHAT THE FUCK >:0!!!
HE LOVES THAT HYPERACTIVE LITTLE SHIT😭❤️🐶❤️. He's had her for a long ass time, since she was a puppy (idc what anyone says, the goldie is a girl, and her name is Harper), and it truly is the case of a dog is a man's best friend between them. He begged for the dog, got the dog, takes care of the dog, spoils the dog, he loves the damn dog, okay🥲?
He could be stripped of everything he knows and loves, and Billy would STILL make sure Harper was okay first before all. She's such a good dog, too. She's very polite and sweet, and it doesn't take much to get her going. Like I said, very hyperactive, so pretty much all you have to do is say a favorite word ("outside" "ball" "play" "treat" "good girl" "go get..." etcetc) in a certain, happy tone, and now she's all riled up.
Speaking of love, though, Billy's got so much rizz, I can't even fully explain what I mean. I could better convey it with writing, tho (somebody plz request Billy fics).
Like he's just... he's one of those guys you don't pay much attention to, but he could do ONE meaningful (or tbh even meaningless) thing, and suddenly, he's a 10/10.
The type of guy you'd have zero feelings for, but have one singular dream about being with him romantically, and then you'd wake up with a crush on him. He's just got it like that, idk what to tell you🤷🏽♀️😆.
RIP Billy Showalter, you and Harper would've loved Courage The Cowardly Dog😔🙏🏽.
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𝐁𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐞 𝐘𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐚 :
- before his death -
He's definitely a popular person, like,,, easy on the eyes, charming with both his words and actions, handsome smile, LOVES to gossip, has a clean-cut, crisp style, and you wanna tell me he doesn't literally know/is on good terms with everybody from every clique? Girl, bye🤭✋🏽.
He'd look at you and say it, too💀.
"Girl, BYE😹✋🏼!!"
On that, though, I feel like his mom very much prides herself on appearance. Not in a vain, controlling way, but just in a "I love and care about my babies, so every time they step out this house, they gonna be looking RIGHT, idc" type of way.
And after a while, he definitely picked that up from her, so he takes it upon himself to always look spick and span.
He's a Gemini (birthday - June 12th), but I think he could very well have some earth placements as well. He'd find astrology interesting, kind of like Finney, but he wouldn't dive too deep into it. He'd know his Sun, Moon, and Rising sign, ask about yours, and unless you went further with it, the conversation on astrology would probably end there lol.
Also, kinda random, but his nickname is "Brucie". Like, idk, it's just fitting. It's not an all the time thing that everyone calls him, but if you know him and if you're close to him, it's kind of like a teasing thing. "Heyy, Brucie, what'cha been up to😹✨️?" You know?
I feel like overall, he's just a very calm, cool, and collected person. Not easy to irritate him or make him mad/upset (but omg, don't do it, he gets feral so fast), and also very understanding. Good listener, which is why he's good with the gossip. Very much resident secret keeper, unless he knows it's something he needs to tell, if that makes sense.
Totally the type to be like, "I won't tell anyone :D!" And then immediately think to himself, 'I can't wait to tell my mom/best friend/Amy lol'. But don't worry, that's the only person he'd tell fr😭✋🏽 (who am I kidding, he's messy as hell, and we all know it).
He do be instigating fs. Will watch somebody like Vance or Robin get pissed about something and be in his ear all like, "Wooowww, I can't believe they'd do that, what are you gonna do? You're not gonna let it slide, are you🫢😗🙃??" LMFAOOO just messy💀😹.
I honestly think of him the same way I think of Benny Rodriguez. Baseball was life to him. Like, it was his passion, it wasn't just something he did because it was a fun hobby or a distraction. Like yes, but it was more than that as well. It was everything to him, and he definitely had dreams to go the distance with it and actively searched and scouted for any and every opportunity to do so.
I also think Bruce is a very thorough music lover. Very non-discriminatory or judgemental, and will honestly vibe to anything. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have his favorites. Just has a wide range, that's all. Also an MJ fan for sure, tho.
Like Finney, he's got a close bond with his sister, Amy (who I hdcn is younger than him), but the vibe is a lot different. You probably wouldn't even know they were siblings outside of the house if it weren't for the fact they look alike. Not because they're embarrassed of each other or anything, they just have vastly different cliques/lifestyles, so the only time they really get to reconnect is back at home or on family outings.
The Grabber took Bruce and he had a wholllle mental breakdown. Like, got in that basement and was a full-on mess, literally inconsolable. Cried at everything for every reason up until he died, and if one were to have witnessed it, it'd be very heartbreaking.
The Grabber almost feels guilty for it, but only because he can't get the sobs, hiccups, and voice cracks out of his head. Ik I just said Bruce is a triple C case (calm, cool, collected type), but c'mon, guys. He's a Gemini. He be switching up😔🤷🏽♀️💔. There were maybe two or three key moments where he did something beneficial to himself/was an attempt to escape, but...yeah...
- if he had lived -
Bruce would've fulfilled those dreams on going the distance with baseball.
Or would've done a complete 180° from whatever everyone and even himself thought and would've become a fashion designer. I can't elaborate on this, I just...I feel it in my bonesssss.
Which reminds me, he definitely would've discovered his own style at some point and would've dived DEEP into exploring different things. Trendsetter type of vibe (and it would either be the case of people around would've been eating it up or they would've shunned him, no in between. But I feel like he'd have the charisma for ppl to eat it up).
Much like Robin, actually, he's so the type to be cute and KNOW he's cute, but act clueless lmao. Walking around as if he's not getting letters and gifts and whatnot from secret admirers WEEKLY, flashing a smile and/or a wink at people, all of that. But what makes him even more likable is that he's such a GIVER.
Bro is always giving somebody something, it's just in his DNA, it's all he knows. Not even his parents know where he gets it from, and while it's a very admirable thing he does,,, don't get it twisted, he's not naive, he'll take things and remove himself from your life just as fast if you fuck up. Don't test him, his patience is lowkey surpsingly thin💀.
But yeah, he's always offering his time, his money, his thoughts, his praise, his compassion. If he feels like you derseve it (doesn't even have to know you well, you'd just have to make/leave a good impression on him), next thing you know, he's trying to find out what you like and what you're interests are so he can just pop up later and be like, "Oh, here, I got/made you this :)."
Like SIRRR???🥲💚
But anyways, yeah, Bruce is the resident pretty boy. I mean, he was before, but I feel like he's the type to just get better with age. Bro would be 80 years old looking like a fine ass 45😻. And it definitely is a result of upkeep/routine; he and his mama zon't💅🏽 play when it comes to looking fresh.
RIP Bruce Yamada, you would've loved fit-checks on TikTok if you ever figured out how to use it😔🙏🏽.
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𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠 :
- before his death -
This neurodivergent little fucker OUUU he's an AuDHD menace to society, a little gremlin👹. Nothing he does or says makes any sense but YES IT DOES like,,,
He's just so inquisitive and insightful; wise beyond his years type. Just one of those kids who have an innate sense of self, society, and the world from a very young age. But it's all thinly veiled behind this glass wall of silly/aloof behavior.
Also, he is a younger kid, so that kind of adds onto the whole "People don't take him as seriously as they often really should" deal.
He's one of those people you either really love for who he is, or you find him very odd and off-putting. Or both. Not that he cares because he knows exactly what and who serves him and what and who won't for the current moment. Like I said, he's just...ahead of himself/time/what people would expect.
But also-
"You ain't gonna tell me shit. ... Suck my dick. ... Suck my dick you fuckman. ... You're gonna be here sucking my dick." That's literally him.
"You ever think the wind is trying to tell us something?" His poor tired mom, probably > "I just want you to stop saying odd shit😮💨🍷..." That is also him.
He's a Leo (birthday - July 31st) but I don't believe that for even a second, so I have the theory he's got a lot of earth and air in his chart that overshadows the fact that he's a Leo. I think he's one of those kids that dips his toe into everything, so whether or not his beliefs align with whatever he has knowledge on doesn't really matter. He just likes to know.
So, on that note, he does know some stuff on astrology, knows his birth chart, will tell you his sign if/when asked and will definitely ask for yours if he's curious enough to know more about you. If not, he probably wouldn't ask.
Griffin is everybody's little brother, tho, fr. Like even if you don't really know him or "like" him per se, you always feel some typa way if you see him being picked on or whatever. It's pretty much an unwritten rule in that small down in Denver,,, Do not fuck with Griffin Stagg. Like, even fully grown adults go to bat for him, I'm being so serious right now😭.
Lowkey kind of a teacher's pet. Not because he's a try-hard or anything, but he genuinely does everything he's supposed to. He participates when he wants to, he keeps straight As, he's quiet, all that. So, whether Griffin himself knows it or not, he's on a lot of his teacher's good sides :).
It definitely makes his mom happy, too, which he likes. A total mama's boy all the way (I feel like all of the boys are, tbh, but not in that weird, emotional incest, toxic way lmfao💀).
Speaking of...! Defo an only child of a tired but very loving single mom. A SINGLE MOM WHO WORKS TWO JOBS, WHO LOVES HER KID AND NEVER STOPS😫🗣🎶‼️. That's their case.
And it's not that he's sheltered or anything. He just doesn't have the strongest urge or whatever to go out and do stuff that doesn't - like I said - serve or benefit him at the moment. His mom really does try to encourage him, though. To go out and make friends, to go do something with any free time he has besides spending it in his room or with her. Sometimes he listens.
Sometimes not lmao. He really is a homebody, and if he had things his way all the time, he'd like a nice, quiet, and peaceful environment to be in if he HAD to go out. Like a park but with no kids there or a library. Maybe he'd enjoy an arcade,,, but only if it was on a very slow day and everything was deep cleaned and the machine's volumes were turned down lower and- 🥴💀.
Yeah...
It's not that he has memory or noise/sensory issues or anything (or maybe he does, he honestly wouldn't know for sure himself lol), but he's just got stuff constantly whirring around in his brain.
Operates with the file system (has to open up specific cabinets/drawers and sort through the files, find the exact memory/topic he's looking for, etcetc, it's a whole, intricate system) and even then, that's not always guaranteed.
So yeah, if he's says "I dunno" or "Prolly" just give him a second or two afterwards, because it's not that he's actually forgotten or doesn't know, he's just stalling while his brain lags lmao (he might even be sassing you a little🤭).
When he got snatched and put in that basement, he was calm, but not like Billy, where he just had a moment of acceptance. Calm like,,, more like when Finney was in the basement. Just very observant, scared, and confused. Almost a little painfully naive, which made it easy for The Grabber to mess with him😕.
And he (The Grabber) did for a while, "play with his food" for lack of better wording, before Griffin eventually wised up and started getting a little too smart, quick, and sneaky for his liking. Which led to his death, for sure, because I have a hdcn that Griffin fr almost got out (again, kinda like Finney's case) but unfortunately, couldn't try all the lock combos in time before he was back in the basement and then eventually,,, yk,,, for having tried it at all.
- if he had lived -
I feel like he'd be the type to have explored so many different interests, niches, and just really overall loves to learn. Wouldn't be able to stick to anything, but it definitely keeps him busy. Good at everything kinda guy; you could ask him about/to do anything, and he'd genuinely have surface level knowledge on it.
Human Google. If you wanted help with your homework, project, or just simple research, he'd be the best guide. And he'd open up a little, too, while doing it because not only does he enjoy learning, but he'd love even more for a chance to yap about what it is he knows/has learned without somebody falling asleep on him mid-sentence😃.
His mom. His mom be trying to listen but bless her heart, she be TIRREEED😫. Like Griffin, honey, you might as well be singing that woman a lullaby, she is out like a light😭💀. But it's okay, he understands, so it's not like he holds a grudge or anything.
I also think the more time he spends with a person, the more "character traits" he picks up. Spent time around Gwen? Now he's cussing up a storm more than usual. Hung with Billy for a little while? He's got that sass on lock now. Had a chat with Finney? He picked up on that little nervous thumb biting thing he has.
It's endearing once you notice it, and he's not doing it on purpose. He just mirrors you because well,,, he likes you and wants you to like him, so subconsciously, he just-
*sees you doing something* *now he's doing it too without missing a beat or noticing himself*
He met Gwen, though, and it was a wrap. They were stuck to each other like glue, besties, 4lyfers, and then met Amy and Vance's younger sis and after that?? Even if he was sheltered, he sure as fuck wouldn't be anymore😹.
I'm sure they'd be running around Denver, wreaking havoc and being little sillies together♡.
RIP Griffin Stagg, you would've loved making slime😔🙏🏽 (he'd probably make a whole collection of different types and textures, maybe even sold 'em for a side-hustle lol).
𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐈 𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐚𝐡😌?
I had so much fun writing this even though it took me so long lmao :>. but yeah, little spoiler, I've got more tbp content coming up, most being requests, and then I am slowly making my way down my MASSIVE inbox, so hopefully - in due time - y'all will see more content in general coming from me :).
but, until the time comes, I hope whoever reads this enjoyed it !!/ᐠ^˕^マ!!
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ...𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭
𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐲 :
anon
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 :
9,296
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐬 :
none :(
#theyluvlyss#fanfic#y/n#x reader#anon#anon ask#the black phone fandom#the black phone fanfic#the black phone x reader#the black phone#the black phone x y/n#tbp finney#finney blake#robin arellano#tbp fandom#tbp fanfic#tbp#tbp gwen#gwen blake#bruce yamada#tbp bruce#billy showalter#tbp billy#griffin stagg#tbp griffin#vance hopper#tbp vance#headcanon#tbp headcanons#the black phone headcannons
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ITS THE SINNER ADAM BIT. GOD HELP. this will be long fair warning
-----
Adam had woken up to another relatively normal day in hell. Weird as shit birds chirping, screaming, and explosions rattled into his ears as he blinked away sleep. It had been a while now since he'd come to the hotel, and he still didn't quite know how to feel about it, but things felt... safe, for once. Not as safe as back in heaven, mind you, but safe enough he was feeling comfortable. He still had a lot of shit to sort out (most frustratingly, emotions about this entire ordeal), but anything to get back to the comfort of heaven, he mused to himself as he futzed his hair into a good enough shape, and the minimal requirement of clothes on.
He walked down the stairs to the main area of the hotel, trying to remember if he had to hang around the hotel the entire day, or if he could go try and find that milkshake place again-
"YOU. YOU FUCKING KNEW!" Lucifers finger pointed at Adam, snapping any sleep still remaining in his body
"huh???" came out of Adam involuntarily
"YOU KNEW LILITH WAS STILL AROUND, AND DIDN'T TELL US?!" Lucifer continued, Charlie quickly closing the gap between her and her now very angry father "Dad, come on-" "NO." charlie flinched
"HE knew your mother was around somewhere, HE knew of her whereabouts, and DID NOT TELL US. Still the spiteful prick, aren't you Adam!" it came out more an accusation than a question, anger in every possible core within him. Adam brought his hands up defensively as Lucifer continued. "YOU knew and didn't think to tell us? To tell CHARLIE, to tell ME?!" it was true that Adam knew about Lilith, very much unclear as to how Lucifer, charlie, and whoever else of the hotel staff were still around, but... "I thought you guys knew!" Adam tried "BULLSHIT" Lucifer continued even further "I can't even begin to believe you! You waltz in here, pretend all this happy good stuff about how you're TOTALLY getting better, and HERE THE FUCK WE ARE!" The corner of Adam's mouth twitched. As much as he could believe that everyone in the room knew what all he'd known, and as much as he could believe that asking who even told them would be a bad idea, he was getting irritated about the method in which lucifer was bringing this up. He HAD been trying his best and the accusation he wasn't brought further ire to it all
"Hey, dude, chill out a bit-" "CHILL OUT?" ah. "How can you even THINK to say that right now, ARE you even thinking?" well ouch. if it wouldn't've made the situation worse Adam would've been hurt by such a statement, all he really did nowadays WAS to think-
"I SWEAR to.... SOMEONE, SOMETHING, ANYTHING, you probably have been lying this whole time!! About everything!!"
something snapped in Adam.
without much thought, he grabbed a hold of Lucifer tightly and harshly, flaring his wings out as he snarled right into the former angel's face, only slightly registering the sounds of the others in the room either from shock or horror. Lucifer's hat fell, the little snake letting out a small squeak in surprise.
"Listen here, you Mother Fucker. You can call me a helluva lot of things, but fucking Liar. is NOT one of them. You have no idea the shit that happened after Eden, oh boohoo, you fell out of heaven, cool, whatever, do not pretend to know me enough though that id do such a fucking bullshit act as to lie. All my life, through Eden, through Earth, through Heaven, even now, I have been doing nothing but the fucking truth."
Lucifer stared up at Adam, confusion, vague horror, as he stared into Adam's glowing eyes. Not for fear of injury or pain, but... something else. Something that felt familiar. From all the way back in...
Adam shifted his gaze, up from lucifer, up from the floor, to... Charlie. She was clearly nervous, never having had to break up a fight between others. "Hey, Adam, I..." she tried, taking a breath, as she tried a confident smile, her hands trembling and her brows furrowing giving her even more away. "I know that probably hurt, but let's not hurt anyone ok? Take a deep breath, and we can talk this out ok? I-... I needed an activity for today anyway!" she chuckled nervously.
Adam hated this. Fuck's sake, he was just undoing progress. He bit his lip as Lucifer turned to Charlie a little bit, ever the faintest confused
"Whatever" Adam snarled, shoving Lucifer to the side, which Lucifer had not anticipated, and promptly kind of fell on his ass about it. "Do whatever, I need some fucking air"
He shoved his hands into his pockets in frustration, moving to walk away past everyone fast, as Charlie rushed to Lucifer's side nervously. From the corner of his eye, Adam could even spot Vaggie being a little conflicted. Funny, who knows how long ago at this point she'd've looked smug.
"Dad are you ok?" Charlie asked a little hurried, picking up his hat softly, as the little snake curled up. "I'll talk to him, don't worry, I..." she noticed Lucifer wasn't really listening to her, staring after adam, still in his head from earlier. Fuck. Right. Of course that felt familiar from Eden. He was a little shocked it took him so long to remember it. The shade of the tree as he'd stared up at Adam. Fuck. That was going to be a mess to talk about. And he knew, that the two needed to talk. He just hoped Adam knew it too
#art#hazbin hotel#fanart#digital art#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin hotel fanart#adam hazbin hotel#hazbin adam#hazbin hotel au#sinner!adam#sinner adam#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin hotel fan art#hazbin hotel fanfiction#hazbin hotel fic#hazbin hotel vaggie#charlie hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#hazbin charlie#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin hotel niffty#moss art
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New leaks are out
Izuku loses One for All. The one thing he wanted in life was to be a hero, and we all know Horikoshi wouldn’t let him be one without a Quirk. He got One for All for a year and change and then it just gets taken away from him.
It’s so mean-spirited
*siiiiigh*
This shit. This shit is why I'm reluctant to catch up.
Worst thing is, this has been broadcasted as coming for awhile, because that MHA movie? Hero Rising, or whatever, the one where Izuku hands over OFA? If you believe (random shit I found on the internet) (which... admittedly, seems sus, I'm not sure of the validity) that was apparenlty supposed to be the original ending.
(Never mind that Bakugou only came into prominence after MHA got rolling, so unless he was forking it over to... I don't know, Shigaraki, or Uraraka, or Shoto (... my god, imagine the look on Endeavor's face if his anti-All Might child gained All Might's power and became his defacto heir, that'd be amazing) or something, that's already a different ending than the 'original' ending.)
That said, that rumor seems pretty damn validated now, doesn't it? I really don't get why Hori seems to hate his own character so damn much, because the first couple of chapters he seemed to like him well enough; the narrative respected him, he made sense, there was a steady build up of confidence and ability... and then he just... lost all interest, and just seemed to include him more and more grudgingly every time he showed up.
Considering how often the main character had to show up, it really feels like Hori built quite a grudge over the years. And between how damn hard Izuku has been side lined in every possible way, and how much Bakugou is being thrown into the spotlight, this really isn't surprising, all things considered.
A good deal of manga like to end with 'main character is brought down to normal', and honestly I've never liked it; I can only think of one where it was really done well, where I liked the ending (the main character never wanted it in the first place, he always wanted to be normal), and even in setting it only works because shonen manga in general love the 'secret world hidden from the rest of society' bit, so they can 'retire' gracefully to being a normal person without any issues (beyond probable PTSD), but in MHA they can't even do that, because there isn't a hidden world; Izuku is world famous, and without powers I'd honestly expect some random psycho to revenge kill him to get some fame, like that Ending guy.
(...I hate that that doesn't seem impossible still?)
Moreover, big part of that kind of build up is that the character has grown up, and doesn't need the super powers any more, to save the world from the world ending threat, to live the chunnibyo dream of being special instead of being part of society, but being a hero is a job, a career he can do for most of his life and make money in. The super police are still needed, because as far as I can tell, the overarching problems haven't been resolved at all. Just like how Naruto ended up, status quo is god, and the normal that was once terrible and to be fought against is good and just.
And, of course, he's just going to be happy about it, too, I know he is. That's how this kind of thing goes. He's going to be happy about losing everything he's always wanted, even though his friends (which he only got from being heroes) are still going to be heroes, even though Bakugou is almost certainly going to be number one at this point (speaking of which; whatever happened to the 'this is how I became the greatest hero' bit? Let me guess, he'll be referred to that somewhere, and that'll be it.)
He's going to be happy and content with what he was allowed to have (and even though he'll never be able to truly realize it, it is allowed, it's that Hori will allow him this much), and will never dream of wanting anything more. Just like an abused spouse in a truly fucked up marriage that has accepted that this is the 'best' they're going to ever get.
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A Step by Step tutorial on how to not die
(In SAGAU) By yours truly, your ol' pal, Narrator~
Let's see how you fare, can you, whoever "you" are... complete this most wondrous tutorial!?
--
Step One: BELIEVE
oH, you're in a game? Don't just stand idly, you're in an open world game, silly! And fantasy at that, laws in your world do not apply in this world most of the time.
So you best believe (I'm still bejeweled) that you are in a game.
--
Where the hell am I? How did I wake up in a patch of grass...?
...Wait, is that... Violetgrass? No, no, I'm just delusional, I think I pulled an all-nighter on Genshin again.
I'm probably just in a hyper-realistic dream or something. This isn't some isekai fanfiction.
☒
--
Step Two: Assess!
LEt one be different from the rest, as a certain someone had said. Every AU is different from the rest, so you must assess and collect knowledge of your situation!
Are you a revered God, or a hunted Impostor? Or are you just some ordinary guy living in a simulation?
--
If this a dream, I can just wander off and do stuff right? Whatever, I'll wake up anyways.
The first thing I need to do is figure out my current situation.
☑
--
Step Three: Avoid & Approach
Don't staLl. Once you've assessed your situation, you must certain situations that would cause conflict, and approach situations that would be in your favor.
...that's it.
--
"Have you heard? The Creator has announced an Impostor wandering around..."
"Oh my! I hope they catch them soon..."
Don't tell me I'm in a SAGAU fic...
FUCK.
So, I need to lie low and not enter any if the nations. The Rainforest in Sumeru won't be favorable because if the Forest Rangers.
Venti is the Wind God and Wind is well, everywhere so Mondstadt's wilderness is out of the question.
If I traverse somewhere far from Liyue's Harbor and the Adepti Mountain, or whatever it's called... I can hide within the terraformation, right....????
☑
--
Step Four: Survive.
Congratulations! You've done the three Previous steps! Now you just need to survive, right? Can't be that hard.
Just collect resources, seek shelter and maybe grow crop farm! Just avoid anyone and everyone, become a misanthrope or something.
--
#genshin impact#sagau#self aware genshin#sagau cult au#imposter sagau#sagau impostor au#sagau angst#genshin
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Reading "One Piece" for the first time: Part 7 This is more like it, maybe I'm just getting old, but I like that there is more character interplay, interactions and bouncing off of each other, true conflict, not quite merely a rubber idiot roudhouse kicking a nuke into the King of Ferrets or whatever the fuck the author has this week. The Idiot, The Himbo, Meme in Progress and now The Giga Chad and the Brothers Chucklefuck are in a tiny boat looking for the Cartographer with a Brain Cell, who jacked their ship and buggered off whilst they were recruiting the Giga Chad and battling a man made of guns. Now they've arrived at basically Hawaii, which appears to be Nami's village. It's pretty enough, and being ruled over by a hench fishman and his fish man army who are extorting the place, oh and his nose gives Usopp's a run for its money. Knowing this series they'll probably actually do that... Anyway, she's betrayed them all only not really only she has only nobody in the crew seems to believe her. It's endearing, yes, that they all believe that this girl they've known for about 8 minutes would never betray them, but also: guys. Come on. Giga Chad I get: he's horny. But the rest of you? Arlong is the villain here, and I dig him, he's one of the better ones so far. I am surprised at the restraint, again, in having fish people appear but it does raise questions about genetics and the like: do they reproduce with eggs? Is it asexual? Are there fish women somewhere? Oh God.
DO NOT SHOW ME BUSTY FISH WOMEN! THIS SERIES IS HORNY ENOUGH! PLEASE GOD NO! So, they see the palace run by King Scalestorm, and Zoro's first thought is: "I mean, we can take them." Naturally the brothers chucklefuck (Johnny and, the other one) tie him to the mast. Alright, that's a funny joke, series, touche. I appreciate the sense of humour this manga has, but when it swings for the fences emotionally thus far it does seem out of place. Is the cham in the series that it goes to 11 when there are emotions involved? That is the vibe I'm getting.
Meme in Progress Usopp continues to endear himself as my joint favourite guy, by simply strolling into the village and figuring everything out: apparently the houses were all just flipped over and cast aside like they'e kids with fucking Tonka Toys throwing a tantrum. Correctly, he deduces: "Nah mate, I ain't going NEAR that." See Usopp, you and me can hang. Like, you're a person, with identifiable normal feelings, you're a justifiably ordinary guy in this universe of mavericks and people who punch God in the face on their way to buy bread and splitting the Earth open with a wave of their hand. He meets a grouchy seeming lady, and a boy she's yelling at for trying to get himself killed in the path of revenge against Arlong, and he's an endearing little scamp by standing up for the kid. Good Guy Usopp. I like you, you're one of the few characters here I'd actually just hang out with like a normal person. Arlong has corrupt cops (sorry, cops) under his payroll and basically does what he pleases. A good villain here, he's what a pirate is: and I like the whole eugenicist bully angle. What's the bet that that never comes back as the author gets bored and moves onto, oh I don't know, fucking cockroach tanks piloted by cyborgs or something. Nami is attempting to get a shed load of money to buy her village out from under his thrall. Conflict! Nice! It's a cool thing where Zoro just attempts to kill himself to test if Nami is actually evil enough to let him die, and true to form she dives in to save him, though more likely was the fact that she was attempting to stop him from murdering the water. The insanity is kept relatively tame here, which is my kind of jam: I HATE people who recommend stuf with "oh it's mental, you'll love it!" Like, no, I need contrast to the insanity, it needs to build, it needs to balance, it needs to let release tension and steam. It needs plotting and pacing and character and growth. It's why I'm never playing that fucking piece of shit "Exalted", stop recommending it to me, Tobin and Sam, fuck! Anyway. The Idiot is, thankfully, out of the way for most of this, chilling on his boat and napping, but unfortunately he has Giga Chad with him, so we have less Giga Chad this chapter. But that is fine, as we get more of the nonsense of the crew and a villain I actually like. My friend who got me into this, however, also raises a good point: if there are fish men, what is sea food? Are they eating the young of the fish people? Because I am team Arlong if that is the case. It's nice to have this character development, and some stuff for Cartographer with a Brain Cell to do, even if none of them buy her "betrayal" for an instant - but that fake stabbing of Meme in Progress was pretty cool, good job guys! And it ties into this desperation and world building in the village - people left at the mercy of criminal gangs because cops won't help, as 1. They are cops. 2. There are dudes who can tear apart the skies with a yodel, or whatever fucking bullshit super power the author has pulled out of his ass this week Good job, world and character and stuff. So anyway. The Himbo takes out a palace of dudes all by himself, and the Giga Chad kicks the ocean so hard that his boat fucking flies. THERE we go. I was starting to think you'd lost your touch, old boy. So now Johnny and the other one have legged it, and the Idiot is napping rather than fighting. I for one appreciate it, it has been a tad dull with him doing stuff. Also I think Sanji wants to fuck a mermaid, and Nami. And Nami AS a mermaid. Follow your dreams, bro. They are going to square off with fish mafia man, and try to save this village. So knowing these guys that means they will befriend the fish man and destroy the place.
#One Piece#Reading One Piece for the First Time#monkey d. luffy#Nami#roronoa zoro#sanji#Himbo#Idiot#Meme in Progress#Giga Chad#Cartographer with a Brain Cell#Fish Man#Arlong#Manga
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Maybe that's a hot take, but I do think Wrathion being absent in Legion is a great writing choice.
Sure, entirely sidestepping the character who self-fulfilling prophecy-ed the expansion into being might seem silly, but for Wrathion's own ark it makes perfect sense.
Because at this point Wrathion is absolutely convinced that Azeroth is doomed. His plans to muster an army capable of dealing with The Burning Legion could not have been more of a failure. He has every reason to believe that his vision of the end is guaranteed to come true and that he is the cause of it. Just from him touching the problem, even with the best intentions it got worse in every way.
That's entirely too much to take in for a person who's entire purpose is proving to the world and more importantly to himself, that his nature and heritage is NOT that of a world ending monster.
Not going to lie, big mood checking out of trying after fucking up so bad it reinforces every single doubt you have about your worth.
This is exasperated by Wrathions self perception as a ""smart guy who sees the reality for what it is"". When you conclude with certainty by using cold facts and logic that you are a failure, are always wrong and break everything you touch, a depressed mind won't catch the contradiction between "I'm always wrong" and "my self assessment is correct".
Not only does Wrathion's pride feed his faith in his doom prophecy, the irreversibility if his mistake. It most definitely makes him completely unpreceptive to the possibility that whatever he is currently thinking bout himself may not be true.
Makes sense why Wrathion would be paralyzed in a dark corner somewhere the entire expansion.
But then the unthinkable happens: mortals beat The Burning Legion, and we beat it so hard Fell is now more or less off the multiverse politics chart for the time being. We kill a Titan for god's sake!
Which for Wrathion was probably such a relief and, barrirring actual therapy, exactly what he needed. Not only could he rejoice that his mistake literally wasn't the end of the world, it meant his prophecy was wrong. More importantly here he has the best possible proof that mortals of Azeroth can stand up for themselves. That he doesn't need to be the one hero to save the day, but that perhaps just participating in the process is enough.
My headcanon is that it was enough to let Wrathion put himself back together somewhat and after climbing out of that hole he jumped into Void research as an outlet/distraction. Hence why he is suddenly the best specialist on protection against Old God corruption in VoN.
And after all of that Wrathion gets character development that allows him to be content with playing a secondary role in defeating N'Zoth. He was invaluable yes, but he allowed us to take center stage, puts his trust in us to do our thing. And in my opinion self isolation and paranoia/need for control where the main things that left Neltarion vulnerable to old god influence.
Which makes it so neat that this is how Wrathion finally gets an oh so needed W. As well as quite literally allows black dragons to return ro Azeroth.
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Please can we go see the Barbie movie?? - Villains headcanons (+ Hawks)
Dabi:
“What the fuck- why?!” “Because I want to.”
He thinks on it for a few days, he probably doesn’t want to go but… you want to, and it’s not a luxury you often have.
“I’m not wearing fucking pink.” “Okay but I am.” “Whatever. …Make sure it at least looks hot.”
You’ve got on the 90s flames somewhere on that outfit of yours. Probably showing off a bit of skin too, a nice piece of eyecandy for him while you enjoy your snacks and movie.
…Okay this is very bright.
“Do you guys ever think about death” 100% catches him off guard but he secretly loved that line.
He’s a little invested in the plot.
Mostly in your outfit tho-
He has fun! Even if it’s mostly bugging you while you’re enthralled in the movie.
Favourite character? Sasha.
Shigaraki:
He’s a liiiittle more immediately willing to see the movie. It looks funny and he’s more than willing to use “awe man my PARTNER really wanted to go” as an excuse.
You’re not getting him to match you though.
Okay fine he’ll wear ONE (1) pink accessory. Probably a pin but it’s for you, and he’s a fan of you and making you happy.
You on the other hand went FULL out, full pink, holding the gloved hand of your emo ass partner. “✨ Two tickets to the Barbie movie please! 🥰” while the poor cashier is getting death stares from your man.
It’s very bright and happy huh. Some of the jokes are lost on this man, he’s just enjoying the calmness of being at a cinema with you!
Haha Ken’s pretty funny, what a loser-
Wait.
He glances between Ken and you. Oh god.
Is he Ken?!
Though, that’s more of a paranoid thought. While you’re simply perfect and part of his life, it’s obvious he has much more of a life than just pleasing you.
He can’t help but kiss your hand during the movie, smiling towards you fondly. It’s a rare soft moment, one you don’t understand but this stupid movie and this sticky floored cinema means everything to him right now because it’s a calm with you.
(He loves Allen.)
Twice:
“BARBIE?! FUCK YEAH” “FUCK NO!”
He would be… so into this idea. He’s 100% wearing something pink. Earlier seasons? He can’t wear much due to needing to keep his head covered but he’ll work with the accessories. Later seasons? FULL PINK. Man found the cowboy hat he refuses to not wear the cowboy hat.
Unironically he loves Barbie land. Why can’t he be a sentient doll that never needs to eat or sleep and can have girls night every night?
“Wouldn’t you be a Ken?” “Nah, definitely a Barbie.” He’s your Barbie ❤️
Actively boos at the real world in the movie. Barbie is the only redeeming quality of the real world.
At first the themes of the movie go over his head completely, he’s just here for the shenanigans/snacks.
Halfway through the movie he seems to get a bit more invested. Wait- the Barbie movie has a message?!
Oh it has a message.
He’s 100% bawling at the Barbie movie.
He’s changed his mind, he loves being human and holding your hand and feeling these intense emotions towards the stupid doll movie. He loves this stupid doll movie, he won’t stop crying.
Favourite character? The Mattel board members, especially Will Ferrel’s character.
Toga:
“REALLY?? REALLY WE CAN GO? YEAAHHH BARBIE MOVIE IM STEALING THE CUTEST CLOTHES!!”
You’re perfectly matched. It’s the most coordinated set of outfits of all time.
She’s 100% snuggled into your arm regardless of relationship. She’s always wanted to go to the movies with the people she loves!
Barbie is so pretty…
Though, Toga is particularly interested in Ken and Barbie having this odd dynamic of Ken being interested and Barbie being… not so interested.
She worries that maybe her love for others is eclipsing her personality but…
Toga had learned a lot from the LOV, she’s her own person. Always growing. Being with everyone is just a bonus, a huge one.
She LIVES for all the music. I personally believe she’s a CharlieXCX fan-
Favourite character? Gloria. She’s a good, tired mom. Toga would have loved to have a mom like her!
Hawks:
He’s surprisingly agreeable to the idea of seeing it “once it comes out.”
What the dick doesn’t tell you is that he was invited to the premier, and so are you now.
He’s such a show off. He’d paid for you both to have accurate Barbie and Ken fits. It’s a complete surprise to you as you whisper into his ear that if he ever does this again? You’re stealing his credit card and fleeing the country.
Though, for now? The very fancy popcorn (in its biggest serving size) will be enough for your forgiveness.
Past the awkward encounter of dealing with the *pink* carpet, it’s a pretty regular movie date. You get a good spot, in a mostly empty cinema with plenty of snacks.
He’s not the most into this movie, but he mostly enjoys glancing over to you to see how you’re reacting to it.
That and he bought a big hot dog. Normally he’s not supposed to indulge in lower quality foods but lord, it hits a spot.
Ken’s plight is very funny to him.
He also highly appreciates the props, they just look neat.
Admittedly he’s looking at the Mattel higher ups in the movie, he knows it’s meant to be exaggerated but they remind him of the commission.
After the movie? He’s taking you home to really… really appreciate that barbie outfit he got you.
Favourite character? Weird Barbie. I won’t elaborate.
#dabi#mha headcanons#dabi headcanons#dabi mha#bnha shigaraki#tomura shigaraki#shigaraki fluff#shigaraki headcanons#mha toga#bnha toga#toga headcanons#twice#twice fluff#mha twice#barbie#barbie movie#bnha hawks#mha hawks#hawks headcanons
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I have spent some time now trying to formulate a question but every time i arrive back at there's probably no answer. OH. So. (Please ignore if you do not want to answer or can't or whatever. I'm thinking instead of sleeping and that tends to lead to strange thoughts.)
Where does creativity come from? Like, how do people get that spark that turns into an idea an universe. How do they step outside what they have experienced (tropes, stories), and... create something of their own.
I don't know. The answer is probably somewhere between "it just comes" and "they listen and notice it" (as in they are not in something resembling chronic creative burnout).
Writing looks fun. Creating stories. Having a world take shape in your imagination. I enjoy getting glimpses into that process and seeing the end products. (I would love to try it myself but it's one of those "so far away i have zero idea where to start" things. Where on the other hand rants, thoughts, concepts *prompted* by anything and routed in something already existing seem to come freely and turn into whole essays (sometimes at least). Oh well.)
I really don't know. Please ignore if this is weird. I should maybe have some water.
Take care if where you are it's also way too hot. Have water or rest or whatever might be good in that moment, if you want. I hope your day goes as well as can be, with nice moments and strength for the hard ones. (How do people end asks i am not good at people today.)
Hi! You sent this to me a while ago and I hadn't answered it, but I've been thinking about it a lot. I think I'm finally settled enough to answer it.
I think every human being - at least every that I've come across - possesses innate creativity and the ability to make art. I never believed in the concept of god-given "talent" and actually find the concept deeply patronizing as, in my mind, it implies no real effort. Which is bullshit. I will call an artist capable, honest, skilled, passionate - I will never call them talented.
Children are creative in their natural state and in their own way. What happens is an exposure to poison over the years. Your favorite books and movies aren't good for the reasons you like them, or if they are it doesn't matter because they're not real art. People project what they think art is onto you and negate any opportunity for you to grow and form your own sense of intuition.
Or you're never given a chance to really explore art at all. No one makes an effort to show you books you can relate to, so you decide you don't like reading. You think the stuff at art museums is just stuffy Old Dead Guy paintings, and since no one suggests you explore otherwise you never explore painting or sculpting as something accessible to you. It's an unbelievable tragedy to me and I cringe inwardly every time someone tells me they just aren't creative.
There are no uncreative people. There are no boring people. There are only people who were lied to and demeaned until they felt the only real option was to deny themselves the language of communicating through art and storytelling. And that's fucking horrible.
So how can you move past that? I talk to a lot of "aspiring writers" (another term I despise), who tell me blocks in their creative process that keep them from doing the work they want to do. Oftentimes I just respond by asking who told you that? Was it a teacher who was unable to finish their novel because of some poison they consumed? A parent who only sees you through the lens of a career they've decided you're meant to pursue to have value in the world? Perhaps a stranger on the Internet who realized that you can gain a facade of illusory "respect" by making individual taste and limited artistic scope as an overall rule of thumb everyone else has to follow?
Once you find the root of what makes you feel fundamentally severed from creativity, you can start to undo the hold it has over you. You might have to start further back than what feels good for the ego. If you struggle to write a long-term project, maybe you just need to write something. Anything. Just play with fragments and develop a foundation of actually confirming you're able to take up space. Because you are and you absolutely should.
Big ramble but this is a really important topic to me. Don't know where to start? There are really no wrong movies! People watch and wonder what their lives are like! Explore a single plot point of character without worrying about an overarching narrative! As discouraging as it can feel to struggle in a way so many other people seem perfectly well-versed in, it is never too late to develop creativity in your life!
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Hudson and Rex S04E09 - Impawster Syndrome - Part B
I'd love to know how she was planning on fighting them off with a shaving razor.
Charlie is surprised because he was probably expecting a boyfriend.
What exactly are you fighting about, children? The level of Jesse's nerdiness? Nerds can have girlfriends, you know.
Joe: "Rex found a girlfriend in your apartment."
Charlie: "Am I the only one who's still single?"
"Is questioning new girlfriends standard procedure or something?" It should be in this place. It really should be.
lol I'd forgotten the video of fake!Jesse punching someone.
It's a great day for justice.
"But do we really need to make an arrest before we question him?" Um, we just did? Do you want to do it yourself, is that it?
You cannot possibly think it's a good idea for Jesse to be questioned by his own team, Charlie. Anyway, he's out of his mind with worry and I like it.
"Okay, but if the media learns that IA is investigating, they're gonna take that as an admission of Jesse's guilt!" So, the proposed solution is to not let them do their jobs?
Rex just snuck into holding.
Man, they really should have thrown your snarky ass to IA.
The funny thing is that in this season Charlie does do a few things for which he deserves to get yelled at. That's definitely not one of them.
Okay, so your job is to be the tech specialist (or whatever title). You are aware of the new technology known as deepfake, and since you know that it's not you in the CCTV footage, how do you wait for a second video to emerge to think that it might be a deepfake? It should have come up even as an outlandish theory.
Jesse: "I can explain but I need my computer." Charlie: "Sorry, but I already had a criminal fool me like that. Not again." End of episode.
I died.
"I heard there are even programs now that can fake a person's voice." Well, you guys are really good at predicting your future. I'm not talking about the Charlie/Rex mashup, although I'm sure that must be somewhere out there as well.
Aw, Rex is barking because he doesn't want Jesse to be sent down to the holding cell again.
Diesel's head is huge lol
It's one more police cover-up. And you know what? It's not, obviously, but Jesse has received preferential treatment in this case, they even more or less admit it, and what gets me is that he is whining on top of that about how his friends have treated him.
Livestreaming and uploading a live video would have showed as different in most social media platforms. Unless you had, like, put the camera in front of the video that was already playing in another screen or something, which would in most cases result in poor audio and video quality, making it obvious that it wasn't live.
You can say that the guy was abusive, people.
And an actual peeping tom. Always, ALWAYS make sure you camera is covered when you don't use it.
Well, now you can do whatever you want.
"I'm not gonna eat healthy!" lol Jesse. But that donut looks nice.
Rex, you could have nibbled on the guy a little. For Jesse.
Charlie shoved him a bit. That's fair.
"Her Majesty's Penitentiary"? Jeez.
Uh-oh.
Okay, I'm having a hard time believing that SWAT would be deployed for a domestic dispute in Canada, even if there was a distressed call from a woman.
SWAT consistently is made to look pretty bad on this show lol
"We're totally surrounded." You don't say.
"We're not gonna let anything happen to you, okay?" How will you guarantee that, Charlie?
Oh god, he was framed and you guys were doing your jobs!
I'd have told him to stay put, actually. I don't know what protocol SWAT follows, but in all these cases you try to de-escalate the situation, not escalate it. And you need a negotiator.
lmao are you for real?
"I'm not letting you shoot Jesse! I don't know what the fuck the humans are doing!"
Jesse could use a hug, you emotionally stunted people (affectionate).
I mean, financial motivation to ruin someone's life, I get. But this is pure revenge because you sucked at poker? Don't gamble.
You know, believing him or not, it shouldn't have made much of a difference on how you handled your job.
Okay, sap.
I love this.
Wait, is Charlie wearing the same jacket he will wear in S04E14 for the undercover thing? Or am I tripping?
"Rex knows all my tells." Rex knows everybody's tells. I just don't know how he's playing poker. And winning.
Generally, Jesse's attitude frustrated me in this episode. And the team's up to a degree. When I rewatched this with my sister (who couldn't care less for these characters so I consider her a more impartial viewer), she couldn't understand why his behavior during the investigation was even a tiny bit justified and reasoned with in the end. From the team's part, I think some of this has to do with the fact that Jesse is part of the team and they care for him, so of course by the end they would apologize. But the thing is that they've done nothing wrong, they're just in an impossible situation.
And I don't know why Charlie apologizes for not believing him, it was pretty clear up to a point that he was merely entertaining thoughts of how Jesse could be involved in this but purely theoretically and as the evidence against Jesse started piling up, he grew more and more concerned for Jesse, not certain of his guilt. At no point did they show any of the team believing that Jesse might have done this, which, had it happened, would have actually made me side with Jesse. Instead, he comes off as a person who expects preferential treatment because "they know him". Some of which he gets, without the team breaking any major rules, at least. Just the fact that they look for another explanation once they find the weapon of the robbery at his house, when that usually provides an airtight case to hand to the Crown, says a lot. Which is sort of the right thing to do when you know that this person can't be that dumb, but it's still based on the fact that you know them.
Jesse is redeemed for me at the end because he stands his ground. Which is a different thing altogether but I still liked it. It's not exactly a case that told me "You know what? This guy should make detective in a year" but that's just me.
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my current brain rot ever since atpoaim is a fort date with matty!! however in my head the cute date eventually gets crashed by all the band and ends up with everyone crammed into the tiny fort.
like maybe it's at mattys house, and it's well known George just lets himself in, so he does and immediately sees the large fort in the living room and goes to investigate. he sees you and matty cuddled watching a movie in a sea of blankets and pillows so very unceremoniously flops on top of you both and the myriad of pillows. he works his way into the date somehow and is half watching the movie and half just watching you and matty being sickeningly cute and wondering if that's how him and Charli look.
about 20 mins later, there's a knock on the door, and you and matty are like??? but George just pipes up with "Oh, I invited Adam and Ross to the hangout. I hope that's okay!" and matty starts being like "this actually was a date before you barged in and-" but gets cut off by you saying its totally okay and he should go let them in. Adam feels slightly bad for barging in, but you assure him it's fine, and eventually, the 5 of you are all crammed under this fort cuddled up watching some sappy rom-com you convinced them to watch. it obviously starts with lots of complaints "ugh nooo" "whyyyy," "cmon, do we have to watch this chick flick?"" but eventually divulges into gasps at how bad the guy is and comments like "oh my god she needs to leave him" but also on the other hand they're like "well no because she fucked up too" and finally when the movie ends it is just 4 grown men trying to keep their emotions at bay after watching like enchanted or Notting hill lol
anyway sorry for rambling, domestic matty and the boys kills me off everytime
i can't believe you apologised for this omg i LOVE it!! it kinda feels like slightly older flatmate!matty and his girl to me. like say the boys are on a break from work, and matty's built this fort all cute and romantic for you guys to just chill in all cutely, and you're lazily making out in it when you hear the front door open and close and a gravelly voice go "yoohoo!"; george, bored as shit because charli's off working somewhere, coming round for some entertainment. fully creased at the image of all six foot whatever of him just flopping over you all snuggled into matty - i bet you'd be like "hi darling!" to him, genuinely happy to see him, while matty's all tetchy like "george what the FUCK" (but that's his bestie, so he lets him stay and watch, idk, lady bird (it's my fav film) or whatever with you). and the whole time, george is side-eyeing you and matty in the nicest way, thinking about himself and charli AND how you and matty used to cuddle watching films together even pre-dating but it's so lovely that you're so openly lovey-dovey in the same scenario now. and i think george had probably texted ross and adam to hang out before he came over to yours, and then when they agreed he was like "oh i'm actually at matty's" so they just rock up there; like you said, adam is guilt-stricken and very much like "oh my gosh i am so sorry for intruding i'll be on my way" - matty's like "yes that sounds like a good idea considering my girl and i were having a little DATE before you fuckers showed up" - but you're like "honestly don't worry about it. if you don't mind sitting through my movie choices you can stay". matty sighs, but is appeased when you kiss him quickly and smile sweetly at him, so it becomes the five of you all chilling on pillows in this fort watching the devil wears prada (they would fucking hate andy's boyfriend they really would). and they all complain when you say "oh my god let's watch enchanted" as you go back to the disney+ homescreen, but maybe you all share some alcohol or a joint and then they get really into the movie, gasping at the change from animation to live-action and making little comments throughout the film - i bet ross is SO bitchy about giselle's outfit for the ball lmfao. but yeah, you turn your head to look at them all as the credits roll, and try not to giggle at these huge (and matty) men either sniffling or just beaming happily at the film they just watched. and as much as you've had a nice time, matty kicks the other boys out shortly after this so he can romance you as he had planned to the whole evening (but as you hug them goodbye i think you're like "same time next week? we'll watch 27 dresses and the lizzie mcguire movie") lol <3
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1, 7, 16
im gonna do this for 2077, tho if anyone else does one feel free to specify a fandom
1 - the character everyone gets wrong
hmmm a tie for me between alt and goro takemura. alt ranges from like a generic 'good woman' to the far more common evil manipulative bitch which like. id be more upset about but given we get NOTHINGGGGGGG in terms of content for her about her like i cant get TOOO mad... I GUESS. i just certainly think shas far more multifaceted or SHOULD be far more multifaceted than.... whatever the hell we got. like i think theres something interesting with her setup being like 'sharp netrunner who got hired to make something she probably very well knew was... designed to kill people and could and would be used to kill people, who had her 'curiosity take over' (some fact i heard somewhere) but then also chickened out n tried to stop it last minute, and ultimately was one of the first subjects it was used on killing her body and forever changing her entire being, being forced to survive in a cuthroat alien world of no human basis despite still 'thinking' like a human, being even more forever changed by that and like kinda playing with this idea that yeah it is unfortunate that like traumatic shit not of our choosing can like irreparably change us not for the better, and that we can have dignity/human-ness given back to us by being treated as such even if its alien to her now. course like then its... id prefer her story not being so weirdly tied to johnnys as like a girl he happened to be fucking because... she was there i guess. and thats our only like reference point for her. which is all to say she has the potential you know? and alot of people dont... get that imo. for a cyberpunk setting shes really interesting case of how/what gets treated as a human and what we do when we dont have that treatment/what we do when we're given it back smthn smthn at what point does a self end (with memories? with how we're perceived by others? etc etc) but of course we didnt get to deal with any of that cause the game refuses to even ask these questions about johnny in any real fun exploratory way. and shes only in the game cause johnny fucked her and accidentally killed her... so yeah. and then GORO god this is mostly just me beefing with all the fucking idiots horny for this guy and like he gets fics n posts made about him how he would 'abandon arasaka for youuuuuu 😚😚😚' no he wouldnt! you are literally peon trash to him! he was chosen by a god emperor and elevated in his mind! he straight up believes capitalistic order is fine cause who cares doesnt affect him anymore and its a necesarry thing! which i like! hes completely head over heels for his corporation like a true 'samurai' ie serving a lord above everything else, even 'warrior code' if that ever mattered to him. hes been deepthroating the boot for years n loves the taste! he has never once thought in his life that you were his equal, and he has never once thought of you as a friend he sees you as a true means to an end full stop! hes not some secretly good bushido samurai man! which like more people should run with! if he was given a choice between arasaka and your life he would choose arasaka 10 times over like, hes terrible and i like that, everyone else seems to not.
7 - what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?
fandom antics have really made me dislike this one complete side character like this person has like 2 lines but caused such fights in the fandom that im like i guess this is real to you. some gay guy and some woman fought over this side characters sexuality and one like made some weird kin claim to posting edits of him and like!!!! sometimes i have to remember people are unwell. it was fun for a time to watch ppl bitch about that for a while n see all the vague posting that or goro for reasons stated above
16 - you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)
lmao sex god johnny silverhand. and related to that johnnys hologram being able to physically interact with v outside their body... ppl took like some 'its there for the cinema' stuff where he shoves v and like grabs their hands and ran with it now we have hard light hologram sex everywhere... even tho ppl shouldve just gotten freaky with it and had them like possession mutually masturbating using vs body like them as a single...being, cause again vs body is the only real thing in this equation and id like abit more realism if im going into some silverv smut, but those are few and far between the hologram sex featuring hologram cum and hologram fingering it just bugs me casue like the draw for me at least is they cant interact like normal separate people, nor can they 'feel' as in feel things like normal separate people, nor ARE they normal separate people like their whole setup is weird, they are literally the same person!!!! and i hate it when people dont get weird n creative in those paramaters with what we're given. esp when johnny flat out says 'masturbation is the only way for us to have sex' too. plus i love the draw of not being able to love or live or interact like you want to... famously i love a 'love' that cant be for whatever reason, despite it being there real girl what were you doing at the devils sacrement self report but it did bug me
#the they can touch thing was the bane of my existence... had me shaking my laptop going-#HES JUST A VISUAL SIMULATION IN VS OPTICS HE CANT EVEN 'SEE' YOU FROM THAT HOLOGRAM HE IS LITERALLY YOUUUUUUU#literally GET WEIRD WITH ITTTT#but anyways#death-rebirth-senshi#this one took a bit lol#asks#ask#answered
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CW: Me but ugly
Ya know what fuck it. I don't intend to this mid week. I wanna do it now while I've got the time and honestly I'm a bit excited.
This is John. He's the guy I used to be. I don't have many other pictures of him but I saved these ones for this purpose. They're some of the few I could stand for some reason.
It's hard to think I ever used to look like that. Think or act the way I did. You could go back right now and tell him the events of the past like year or so and honestly he'd probably understand it. Would be too scared as shit nervous and doubtful to ever believe it. Hated himself too much to imagine it being this way.
This is how I started off on Hormones 1 year ago. 5/31/22. Somewhere between 11/7/21 and 4/9/22 everything went to shit. I crashed my motorcycle and broke my arm, ended up broke, didnt get into grad school, the girl I was madly in love with just let me know I was being replaced by someone with a pussy. It took about everything happy in my life turning to shit over night to finally crack the egg that I had been growing in for so long.
There were signs before. Things I always knew. Always hung out with girls. Liked sapphic content. Felt detachment from peers of my agab, enjoyed pretending at being an internet femboy. Horribly autistic. Fucking hated my body. Hated hated hated hated hated. I had a closeted sissy kink and dressed up FOR YEARS. So much more. Eventually I started hooking up with trannies the same way I hooked up with lesbians and things began to click. Something in me thought ya know what, I don't have to just admire and adore and yearn for them. Then a good friend of mine consoling me one April night more or less extended an invitation and I didn't look back.
And then she was born. I think these photos are from maybe a month post starting HRT. Would you believe I hadn't seen myself without facial hair in like 10 years before this point. I hadn't shaved it all off since I was 13. I'm hispanic. Greek and Cuban so I've had this accursed facial and body hair for fucking ever. I was so afraid the first time I picked up that razor. I didnt know if I'd like what was on the other side. I felt safe and secure in the validation I got from other people that I thought it'd be ok if I was just unhappy with myself forever. I hated whatever I was so much that I didnt have the energy to care for her.
Then I shaved.
I looked in the mirror and I thought that girl looked kinda cute. For the first time I really didnt think I looked so bad. My friends were very supportive thankfully. Not everyone was. Certainly not dear old dad who still wont call me by my name or gender me properly. The man who told me god had cursed him with 2 faggots. My little trans brother and I. The man who let me know I was a disappointment and that neither I or anyone of us were real women. I still havent forgiven him for so much. But I am trying to let it go. Even the cis people were kinda nice. I lost some who were kinda edgy friends from highschool. Nothing of value was lost.
Since then I've worked to navigate the professional world as a woman. My first boss at my first real post college job was this British woman from England who made my life kinda hell. Preyed upon and picked on me and embarrassed me professionally. One of the 2 other women at the office. She never would admit to it but I think she resented me for it. I was also the only tranny there. Well sorta. There was 1 other who worked down in facilities doing the trash and dishes for the labs. But not up there. Not on the 8th floor with us in the "war room".
And this is where and who we are now 1 year later. Same eyes. Same 5'0 looking ass. But happier. Smiles when she looks in the mirror. Can actually do things for herself. Set boundaries. Care. Maybe she can even love too. I've placed myself into countless lesbian romance fantasies and I feel like I have a shot at living them. I used to be like 200 pounds. I'm down to 128 and also built like a brick house full of muscle. I was horrified of being trapped in that body of mine forever and the fear and doubt that I'd never make it even this far scared me into doing nothing until i had little else to lose.
Let me leave you with some wise advice that friend who cracked my egg once gave to me: The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is right now.
Transitioning was the best decision I ever made for myself. Happy birthday Morrigan. I love you.
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September 5, 1973
“There’s this thing when you’re way up north, the Midnight Sun? You know?”
Daniel shrugs. He sort of knows, but wants the explanation on tape.
“Like up by the Arctic Circle, during the summer the days are so long. It only gets dark for like two hours in the middle of the night, it’s crazy. But then in the winter it’s dark all day, too. People get super depressed or whatever.”
“So it’s good that you went in the summer,” Daniel says.
“Well yeah, but the thing is, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t fucking sleep.”
Daniel holds a finger up for a pause so that he can flip the tape. When he clicks the record button, the guy continues.
“So I’m one of those people, you know, I need it completely dark or I can’t sleep. Like fallout curtains. I swear to god I should just sleep in a bomb shelter. I need it be—“ he gestures with his hands, like an orchestra conductor to his syllables “—pitch black.”
He leans back in his chair. “Huh. Yeah, that would be crazy.”
“It sucked! And then I’d finally fall asleep, and I’d wake up thinking it was morning, right? I’d be getting dressed, heading downstairs, out in the world to go grab breakfast or some shit and it’s just empty! It’s like the whole world is dead. Twilight Zone shit!”
He shrugs. Pulls the tab off his soda can and spins it on the table.
“So anyway, you know, if you don’t get any sleep you start going nuts, right? And at the hospital they told me I had, like, delusions of grandeur or whatever they called it.”
“What were the delusions?”
“I was completely convinced that there was this, like, deeper meaning beneath all things.”
“That doesn’t sound so crazy. I think I believe that, too.”
“No but like, on this whole other level. Like cosmic horrors. I was convinced I could hear all these messages coming from the ice. Like way up north. Up at the top.”
“So how did you wind up at the hospital? What lead up to it?”
“Well right, I wasn’t sleeping, yeah? And I was thinking like, all the light coming into the windows, I felt like it was something looking at me. Invading my space. And you know man, I don’t really remember all of it? Just, next thing I know I’m screaming in the middle of the street. And it’s like, bright day time. You’d think it was the middle of the afternoon. But it’s like, one in the morning and I’m waking up all these poor Icelandic people. Like moms coming outside in their bathrobes to see what the problem is.”
Daniel think he has a good burnout decoder. He’s patient when people ramble, when the story meanders. This guy isn’t even so bad, but it takes them almost four hours to get through the story of how he got institutionalized overseas. If Daniel were to edit the tapes down himself, he thinks he could fit it into a single radio hour.
It’s sincere, though. That’s all he can ask for.
He takes the long way home, even though his car has been making a weird noise for a couple weeks. He probably shouldn’t push her so hard until he figures out what it is. But even trying to wind down through the emptier neighborhoods, there are signs of life everywhere.
Sometimes he wishes it were truly quiet. Aside from the mental collapse, the interview tonight sounded so soothing. Going somewhere quiet.
Well. He has a job now, sort of. His parents have almost cut him off. Things like that don’t feel easy like they used to. He’d been naive. It would take some money, not just for the trip, but enough to miss work. He’d have to bank a dozen interviews to bridge the gap if he took off somewhere.
But it would be nice. After everything. Just be somewhere quiet. If he could swing it. If he had the time.
He laughs at himself as he parks his car, as he listens to the engine clicking. Presses his hands to his face.
“You’re fuckin losing it, man,” he says, out loud.
Too young to be thinking like this. Too soon. He’s not ready to turn into his parents.
He shakes it off. Scratches his hands through his hair. Tilts his mirror down so that he can see his face in the ugly yellow streetlight.
Young still. No matter how weird he feels. Young. Tired as fuck but he doesn’t have wrinkles yet. Could still pass for a high schooler. This is okay.
He’s got plenty of time.
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