#frustrating sometimes but it works
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#ive decided as a straight man that if people thinking I'm “gay” or effeminate or whatever makes them think of me as less threatening#then thats ok#this is when i enter my networking for jobs era and i i figure if women/nb ppl/queer folks aren't afraid of me then good for me#its a weird realization to make and a#controversial post#i also just put on my cutesy customer service voice when im talking to ppl in professional settings#i just come off as innocuous as possible and its#frustrating sometimes but it works
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So does anybody else ever think about how Loop felt the need to demonstrate that the party's deaths wouldn't have any effect on the loops. I know I do but that's besides the point. Anyway I don't think Loop actually needs to bathe, they just like to feel included.
#'but lucabyte didnt you already do a comic with this exact same message? that loop has potentially killed their party intentionally before?'#yes i did absolutely do that thank you for noticing. that is what the cannibalism comic is about. no that was not a metaphor. lol#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#sifloop#isat siffrin#isat loop#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#lucabyteart#ill ramble elsewhere some other time. maybe in a text post. but. long and short of it: even if you assume the answer to 'how do they know'#is that in sasasap isa got frozen once. theres still the fact that the loops are from sif being too distressed. how far gone does a siffrin#have to be before they can witness a party member die and notice it has no effect. how does loop feel to have planned to kill the party#during act 3. why did they NEED to show sif that. are they trying to preemtively stop them from getting the idea in their head#that maybe that might work? when they're out of all other options? when they just get so frustrated and at wits end?#loop helps in subtle ways through the whole game. and in less subtle ways like begging sif not to use the dagger. and while yes the#overarching reason you need to learn that the loops are tied to sif is because you need to figure out wish craft.... loop doesn't know the#actual mechanics of the loops themselves. just what didn't work. the power of friendship. getting the final hit in. being perfect. etc...#and besides all that.. how did loop feel during that hangout. being so deceitful. especially since before the other shoe drops#sif is enjoying themselves. but they know what's coming the whole time.#as for: why bathing? its the obvious imagery for blood on their hands/washing/never being clean. and is a bit of an inversion of the other#piece i just drew with the other casual closeness and nudity being kind. this one is cruel instead.#anyway tag ramble over ill do a masterpost of all my fanwork with some directors commentary sometime i promise. since i know im often vague
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can’t stop thinking about soap being the kind of boyfriend that takes you on arcade or carnival dates. he definitely takes all of the games WAY too seriously. absolutely smokes everyone at skeeball. probably does those stupid punching bag/hammer strength tests just to show off in front of you. he doesn’t even let you win he’s that competitive. but it’s kinda funny and endearing. he wins a TON of tickets and then gets you the biggest fucking stuffed animal they have even as you protest and tell him that you have no place to put it.
his little mohawk popping around the head of the giant puppy stuffed animal he won you boyish smile plastered on his face while he ignores your protests. you’re stuck with the thing forever now.
#sometimes i yearn for cute corny romance#it can’t be helped#he makes me so unwell#also just the thought of him being a try yard on all the games cracks me up#geniunely gets all frustrated and worked up if he loses at something#he still wins a ton of tickets and always gets you a ridiculous gift them#i just know he’d pout if he comes over and see you’ve got the stuffed animal tucked away in a storage closet#cod#soap#soap drabble#john soap mactavish
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Not a big fan of capitalism
#i do not want to charge people to see my art#i have a job on top of doing this little art blog#every time i show this little project of mine people tell me i better find a way to monetize it to make money off of this#its just very frustrating to constantly have to explain that i want people to just see and cherish my drawings#i dont want to be reliant on making art to make my money i think that'd not work with what im going for#and it would turn art into a deeply frustrating experience i try to constantly optimize to get the most amount of money from#rendering experiments and trying out new artstyles something that could legit put me out of eating food 👍#but really#the job is not good for me i am always do exhausted#it really takes so much effort to draw sometimes
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F I S S I O N - Why the hell do you hurt yourself for this?
#wake up babe new tenvishund art just dropped#very very rusty but inspired by a recent album and general life experiences/interraction#im coming to the end of my degree and trying to find A Real Proper Grown Up Job#and the industry I am in can be really sneaky - you think you've found something good but if you speak to the right people#then the truth comes out#which is frustrating#but here i am alive and well and probably doing better than i ever have been before#even if sometimes i do want to tear my guts out and die like a dog#such is life i guess all about balance#i also wanted to colour the guts red but i cant work this new fancy gimp system so i gave up#enjoy!! thank you for viewing!
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I hate hate HATE when people say I'm "having an attitude" with them, bc I'm literally not until AFTER they say that. And thats not even "an attitude", it's me being annoyed and frustrated bc youre saying im having an attitude when im NOT.
Like what does that even mean. I'm just autistic.
#blah blah blah#vent#like i was just responding to my name being called???? i literally just went “huh?” which i do all the time?????#and when you walk off mumbling shit that i cant hear bc we're dozens of feet away from each other in a loud ass store#and i come over and ask what you wanted#and youre like “i said we'll talk when you drop the attitude” or whatever and have the audacity to smirk at me like its a joke and i have#any idea wtf youre talking about#like i got so frustrated and upset about it that i legit cried for like an hour after that. while still doing my work bc i just wanna get#done and go home.#this is about one of my managers btw. if it wasn't obvious#like shes cool most of the time. but she says shit sometimes that make me wanna quit on the fucking spot
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Lately I've seen a lot of complaining in the dungeon meshi tag about how now there is a lot more m/m works on ao3 than f/f but like farcille is still the most written pairing and by a lot :
And the reason why m/m is more popular is because there are more possible pairings like labru, kabumisu, chilshi, laishuro and others, while f/f ships with the main characters the only available options are farcille and marcille/izutsumi. And Kabru being the most shipped character with the male characters it's kinda cool because it is still rare to see characters with dark skin being shipped with the main character in anime fandoms (I literally can't think of any another example of a character with dark skin being part of the most popular slash ship in a anime fandom).
#also people if you want more farcille content go and write it#it's what the labru shippers are doing#and I get it that sometimes being a femslash writer can be a little frustrating I've published 432 femslash works on ao3#and in general they are way less popular than my m/m and f/m works because it seems that the only people interested in reading f/f are wlw#but it can be really rewarding even with a smaller audience#thoughts#fandom#dungeon meshi
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the more "intellectual" terfs have tried to claim for a while that they toootally support intersex people. that it's only ever trans people who "use" intersex people... but now my whole feed is them immediately transvestigating an intersex woman for participating in sports, calling her a "man." would be funny if it wasn't so horrifying.
#intersex#interphobia /#btw i don't think trans and intersex is like. a completely vertical thing in terms of privilege or how people treat you?#some intersex hate is rooted in transphobia AND some transphobia is rooted in perisex privilege & perceptions of 'how biology works'#but i Understand why it can sometimes be frustrating when one group seems to ''use'' another in an argument. anyway#i'm not dismissing intersex concerns about that#i think we can have goodfaith discussions about that and how/when its appropriate to mutually challenge cis & perisex assumptions#my point is just that terfs are enemies across the board. i hope we can 🤝 on that and their bioessentialist bs
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you complete my fate
#Ardbert#warrior of light#fanart#speedpaint#i draw sometimes#Final Fantasy XIV#augh ipad got so weirdly non-responsive while i was working on this :/#nearly took a bite out of it yesterday out of sheer frustration
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I become 300% more of both a lover and a hater when I'm on my period. just a time of the month when I have strong opinions I would say
#i want to kiss a butch for 3 hours. also i'm the only one in the world with correct opinions about everything#me the main character of life#anyway i saw this post complaining about sanitized mass marketable queer art#where the person described themselves based on the interests i guess they thought were most stereotypical and then were like#isn't there something rawer or more real than this#to which i would say there is! but you went to the queer market day#idk it is a frustration of mine too i do get it#but i think some people could stand to just get weirder and like the things they like#idk i buy cute little queer stickers all the time but i regularly stand out as a strange person in both queer and straight communities#get a friend who worked the same shit job who will sell you abstract alien art they made while they were high it's not hard#go to goodwill more. you'll find some raw expressions of humanity.#if you just want your interests to be more genuine to you it's simple#you just have to accept that maybe 2 other people will be able to rec you music or foods you enjoy#being more specific isn't everything it's cracked up to be sometimes#i think the problem here is mainly capitalism
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Quick and rough Plumeria redesign, mostly just cause...... I gotta do what comes naturally to me, man. Give me some Shapes. Simplify that design or so help me.
I don't have a lot of complex thoughts about it, actually! Just the idea of having a "sexy" outfit that draws the eyes to certain parts of the body -- while simultaneously being modest and Sharp. Having an edge to it. Also!!!! The luna moth inspired wings!!! I wanted to stay within her og color palette, but I've also always thought luna moth wings would suit her... the top wing is vaguely heart shaped, too!
#fire emblem#feh#i don't feel like taking a better pic sorry 😭#also. the most fucked up thing i'm learning doing this. is that (at least for the main four base forms)#yoshiku's color palettes Actually Work. fucked up. insane. i ALMOST added my own colors#just a hint of purple. and it fucked everything up?????? ALSO THE WINGS. THE WINGS#ARE ESP FUCKED UP. BC. IT WORKS. the red yellow orange blue. it fucking works. what the fuck.#LIKE one of my biggest frustrations w the fairy designs is they feel Samey color pallette wise.#that if it were up to Me. i would pick four distinct palettes to work with and try not to overlap too much.#literally just the fucking. tinkerbell pixie hallow treatment. everyone gets a signature color and we go from there.#but like... I GUESS TECHNICALLY EVERYONE DOES???? IT'S JUST. the Overlap.#like mira's pink/greens feel samey w plum's reds/greens. and esp from memory plum and tri pallets just blend together for me.#and peony and mira have the same purple eyes. a lot of green overlap in general. and i love green#BUT... SOMEHOW....... the color pallets. Work. fucked up and evil#also i'm not immune to the toothed pussy motif. that's what that little detail on the dress slit is supposed to invoke LMFAOO#AGAIN. IT'S ABOUT THE SHARPNESS. of drawing the eye and refusing to reward you for it if that makes sense#idk idk. i also just feel like plum should have an elegant look.#design not final though i'm just parsing it out. ALSO THE. THE SHARP ALMOST CLAWED NAILS. HUGE FAN#i was def worn out from my current project though. sometimes. you just gotta design a fairy about it.#fe plumeria#my art
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#genuinely i didnt do this on purpose i was just very tired when i went to draw yesterday and did pose practice instead of new comic#but then i see franz kafka trending this morning and i remembered this hellsite has the most arbitrary holidays i love it#dr draws#danganronpa#dr#ndrv3#drv3#kokichi ouma#ouma kokichi#kokichi oma#oma kokichi#glittersart#TAPP AU#if you want it doesnt have to be#but i am working on an ask about how everyone is holding up post-sim#mostly in writing if thats alright bc im not positive yet how to draw out the story i want to tell#and therein is a small headcanon that kokichi kinda. for several reasons has a bit more intense a time than most of his classmates#and sometimes he Needs to sleep at arbitrary times during the school day. if he wont do it voluntarily he'll just kinda faint-#- which is especially frustrating for him because the lack of control and his inherent distrust of most people fuel his paranoia-#- and over time he designates a couple of Probably Secure places around campus that he can sleep if his dorm is too far.#ive started setting it up (itll take a lot of drawing to explain it all) but one of them is the animal shed#i do want to try actively to write about Students Who Aren't Kokichi but this all did start bc im kinda fixated atm#actually i think kokichi has been in all of the comics so far. like at least appeared#which will probably continue to be true as kokichis brand of pranking#('i put a kick-me sign on kaitos back and when saihara sees it theyll have an excuse to talk. all according to plan.')-caliber#is a nice device to crash characters into eachother like bumper cars
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the doctor is emotionally manipulative. he’s very good at it, and even better at justifying it both to himself and the people he’s doing it to. he can see when his approval, his affection, is valuable enough to someone that withholding it will be an effective way of getting them to do what he wants. this is one of his best flaws, that he’ll do this to people and do it to them for his own definition of what’s good for them.
(gestures vaguely) twissy.
#I LIKE THIS ABOUT HIM. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO KEEP SAYING THAT. I like this. its a very good flaw. its very consistent.#its there in all iterations of him (that i’ve seen)#in early episodes with rose he’ll get angry and emotionally withdrawn when she pokes at his trauma. and he knows that it’ll work because in#her own words: don’t argue with the designated driver.#he does it to jack like. a lot in utopia. his judgment only has so much sway over jack because jack is Obsessed with him and he knows that.#jack unsettles him. he uses that control to feel less unsettled. especially when he can’t do it to the actual threat of that finale: the#master. (though. he tries. that’s what the whole ‘i forgive you’ thing is about.)#eleven is practically Made of this impulse. he does it to amy. he does it to river. he does it to rory to a much lesser extent but that’s#because rory has. a vague idea? of how to have healthy boundaries. if not with amy then at least with the doctor.#that’s why his speech about people wanting to impress the doctor making him dangerous is so important. rory can See what he’s doing.#and twelve. obviously. does this to clara. clara also does it right back. this is why they are made for each other alsjjfgjakdj.#and. he does it to missy. because. and i cannot emphasize this enough. he keeps her. in a box.#I ENJOY THIS ABOUT HIM. HE’S A FUCKED UP LITTLE GUY!!!! WITH ISSUES ABOUT HOW HE REALLY REALLY WANTS TO IMPOSE HIS OWN MORALITY ONTO PEOPLE#HE KNOWS HE SHOULDNT BUT HE ALSO GETS FRUSTRATED AND HE DOES IT ANYWAY!!!!#and sometimes it’s unintentional. sure. sometimes it *really really* isn’t though. like.#and sometimes it’s both. sometimes it’s the result of him lashing out and reaching for a familiar coping mechanism in the moment.#but the point is the doctor does this.#doctor who
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Every time I try to write lately, I just can't get anywhere with it :/ I can string words together but they feel empty. Events happen, but what story are they even telling? There's no emotion, no depth, so substance at all. I just can't make anything that's about or says anything at all and idk why :/
#it's starting to get really frustrating#I've got 3 wips that are all different stuff that I keep coming back to and none of them are going anywhere#it's like there's no substance to any of it#the events feel soulless and empty#what am I even saying with anything that happens#'oh this story is about intimacy' where's the intimacy then bitch#like yeah they're touching but like what's intimate about it where's the emotions#goddamnit I just want to make something and I just can't#like maybe I could make something that's shit and soulless but I don't want that I want it to be good#and I keep trying and trying every week and I get nowhere with it and then I'm like :/ well fuck now I don't know what to do with myself#and then the bad feels get worse cause the thing that's supposed to make me feel better isn't working and I can't manage to actually do it#ffs#idk what to do but sometimes complaining helps so I'm trying that lmao#who knows maybe it'll help#shut up nerd#text#misc
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i love having chronic pain and problems of some kind while also not having any idea what is or isnt normal on top of having horrible interoception. dude i dont know how my body is meant to operate. its just been like this. how am i supposed to actually know whats wrong. how am i supposed to tell!!!
#txtpst#wish i could just exist in someone elses body so that i could come back to mine and Realize or something.#my pain tolerance is like fucking ridiculous now because i kind of just have to cope#like i have to work full time. i have a very physically demanding job.#and i barely ever went to a doctor when i was a kid. my parents just like never fucking took me#I DONT KNOW ITS JUST LIKE SO FRUSTRATING SOMETIMES
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#ruffled feathers#sometimes work is so fucking frustrating#like i had this one kid hit another kid and then when i told him off he just mocked me and then the entire class laughed#and like. there's nothing i can do. i can't send him out of the classroom bc i'm not allowed (there's nowhere to send him)#i can't call his parents bc i'm not allowed (and my japanese wouldn't be good enough to speak to them anyway)#i told him he couldn't join in the game and he just didn't care. spent the game throwing stuff at other kids + ruined it for everyone#then he shoved some crayons up his nose/in his ears and started running around#which is. y'know. REALLY FUCKING DANGEROUS so i can't just ignore it#when i spoke to the japanese teacher she was like 'ohh he has adhd' and i'm like ??? he assaults others. that's NOT bc of adhd#i don't work at a school i work at an eikaiwa. i'm the only staff member on location (no assistant no receptionist etc)#i have 11 kids in that class. most of them are 6-7 years old#and the japanese teacher just lets them do what they want most of the time so it's basically impossible to control them#i just. i fucking hate this classroom honestly. the kids are so disrespectful#i know it's not just me like everyone i've spoken to says it's a Problem Classroom#but also. it makes me feel like i'm a bad teacher bc i can't control the kids#it makes me feel like i should just quit my job bc obviously i'm bad at it#anyway i'm really not looking for advice here i'm just venting so please spare me the 'have you tried' messages#i've already asked my supervisor and senpais for advice and the general consensus is we need more staff#and also for the jt to not actually tolerate 7-year-olds behaving like 2-year-olds#delete later
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