spontaneousglitterbees

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i’m only on reddit for r/Kevin

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my theory is dragons kidnap princesses for the same reason they hoard gold and other treasure, which is the perceived value and the bragging rights thereof. however, unlike precious metals and gems, human attractiveness is way more subjective, so you end up with dragons calculating the most valuable princess to nab and getting frustrated when their math doesn't check out...

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Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?

Genie: um

Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you’re willing, it’d be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that’s not cool, I’m perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.

Genie, now staring at me like I’m insane: ……okaaayyy?….

Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they’d really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.

Genie, just staring at me

Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.

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Most-used word in each US state.

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it’s monday i’m in the labyrinth

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why is your cat green?

She’s built different 😌

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self referential timing chart anim. i need to touch grass lol

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girlie that's not a random headache u are dehydrated malnourished over caffeinated over stressed and sleep deprived

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adhd paralysis sucks bcuz im just sitting there and my brain is like

YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME YOU ARE WASTING TIME

no work done no rest gained. literally no point of this at all

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genuinely, i think watching live theatre can improve your media literacy so much

like people who look at doctor who and are like 'lol the effects are so rubbish'

maybe watch a stage play where there's no backdrops and half the characters are played by the same three guys in different hats and maybe you will calm down

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if you’re craving chocolate muffins after the olympic muffin man videos, jordan the stallion on tiktok has the recipe for you

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Settle a bet.

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im aware this is an insane thing to say but i fucking. love characters that are just cockroaches. and i dont mean like. gross i mean they just do not fucking die. they can survive anything. they will outlive EVERYONE because they just will not die no matter what be it because they have a reason or because they literally cannot stop surviving the odds i love it i love it

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Me entering any museum: man I’m so excited to learn all the things

Also me: GIFT SHOP GIFT SHOP GIFT SHOP