#from the visual dictionary btw

[nattikay]

“Family life suits them” 😭😭😭 they love each other and their babies SO MUCH

[jewishcissiekj]

night

[eyeris-moni]

are jeff and raz.. kissboys..???!?!

This ask's wording had me DYING HELP

Forever adding that to my mental dictionary HAHAHA

I have to be completely honest with you, I myself have no hecking clue what their relationship is.

And I HAVE TRIED TO FIGURE OUT OK OTL

The TLDR is that I don't know!! and that you're welcome to HC and see them how you want as of now.

My own reins are loose and I just draw what feels in character (:

Thought-vomit below in case you want to hear my thoughts on it. It's long because i cannot for the life of me remember how much I've talked about before--

__________________

Most of the time I'm more focused on exploring the intricate, intimate feelings of their dynamic (something I just can't do justice with a couple of doodles here and there aughh).

Like--

Let's talk about the almost infantilized elements of Raz's repressed nature.

(Btw, this is not an issue to me - don't feel bad if you genuinely, or even on a meme level, refer to him as a baby. From Raz's perspective, that's how you're meant to, and in turn, that's the narrative I often draw. I draw him cute - he is cute!)

Every character, viewer included, is invited to see Raz as 'babi OwO', because that's a part of Raz's wants. When he feels threatening, he will literally make himself smaller, visually plead for you to see him that way.

Not because he is a tiny baby, but because he has learnt that doing so makes people nicer to him. He doesn't actually ever become a child. Instead he will look the part to spark care in others, and adapt a very simplistic worldview when needed. Not because he cannot grasp anything more complicated, but because it's too distressing to do so!

Like imagine how you might start thinking politics in term of simple 'bad' vs. 'good'. Not because there isn't nuance, but because it's stressful and exhausting and takes away your ability to be happy.

Sometimes Raz does that, but instead of it being politics, it's everything!

And I think it's genuinely interesting how Jeff kind of knows this and once he gets an idea of how it works, he doesn't coddle or treat Raz like a child.

In part because he's a stubborn asshole and kind of refuses to infantilize Raz beyond what is 'healthy'.

He learns to treat Raz as an adult, but obviously simplifies and helps out when Raz is overwhelmed. Example:

The rest of the times he and EJ do their best to help Raz learn how to be responsible and build healthier relationship. How to be self-sufficient.

And it's important because it's Jeff that's pushing for Slender to let him into the mansion, arguing that Raz isn't just a kid, but an adult that can take responsibility for his actions. He's pushing and arguing for Raz to be viewed the same way Jeff knows he can be, capable and responsible.

THAT IS ALL TO SAY I find it genuinely interesting and endearing how Jeff is able to connect with Raz (by being a stubborn asshole) and in turn helps Raz by holding him accountable. To see the glimpses of Ezca before they ever truly met, and how he shuts down Raz's unhealthy habits of making himself smaller, while idolizing everyone around him.

It's cool and I do think it makes their specific relationship special.

I mostly talked about Jeff's influence on Raz, but I could also talk for hours about how my version of Jeff slowly learns to be more patient and more emotional from Raz being around. (I imagine he lost a lot of his ability to be emotional ever since he entered a pact with Slenderman.)

I think their friendship is really cool and complicated and full of little intricate parts and having to label that is HARD GKDNDN

I wouldn't know if there's anything romantic in there - I've never drawn anything with that explicitly in mind?

But I draw them very close! Raz enjoys physical touch and closeness, and as they learn to work together, (especially post roadtrip together,) Jeff is kinda chill having Raz just laying/hanging/sitting around and on him.

Really the one concerned should be Raz because lord knows when Jeff last has showered and washed his clothes but i guess that's a benefit of being non-human NFKDNSJS

_________

I'm so sorry for the insanely long rambly answers!

I've been walking around with these characters in my head for years and it's HARD EXPLAINING STUFF

Also yall keep asking genuinely interesting question about them and the fan/nerd in me desires to make sure I cover my bases-

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi! Cas I'm dyslexic and I used to have a hard time reading both English and still have a hard time reading my native language

but I'm in a private school where I really only need English but I still have a problem with spelling do you have any tips on how to try to improve my spelling?

The way I learned how to read is that I kinda took an an English dictionary and kept studying the words till I knew them but Idk if that'll work while spelling and I'm not gonna even try for my native language as its one of the biggest languages is word count in the world (Arabic) but I just want to improve my spelling skills cuz I have a million fics that I wanna write and also for school

I'm 15 btw so it really is a big problem for me and in my country there's no special needs classes or anything to help me with my problem

Hi!!!

So I want to give the warning that I am not super educated on dyslexia, but here's my semi-professional opinion.

As far as I am aware, dyslexia is neurological. Which means, just memorizing spelling isn't the solution. You're just going to frustrate yourself. You need things that will help you more clearly read text.

here are some things you can do to help yourself differentiate letters, words, etc:

use a clear color strip bookmark to help yourself focus on one line of text at a time

use this specific font created for people with dyslexia

whenever possible, request using speech-to-text or text-to-speech

These are all accommodations that can be used in a general education classroom, and will hopefully help. However, if you're not allowed these and instead do need to resort to memorization of spelling, I would suggest rainbow writing words. From what I've read (not a ton, but some) colors can help people with dyslexia differentiate between different letters. So, to practice your spelling, 'rainbow write,' or write each letter in a different color. It's kind of fun, and can help you with the visual aspect of spelling.

Remember that you have a right to learn, and if your school is dedicated to your learning, they should be willing to give you accommodations. Dyslexia isn't anything you've done wrong, so your school should help you learn in a way that suits YOU.

Wishing you all the luck <3

(naming you spelling anon)

[catchyhuh]

It's flu season. How would they live through the sickness + would they take care of each other? Bonus: how did they survive the pancemic / quarantine situations?

you know the funny thing is the only time i’ve ever had the flu (which was miserable and lasted a full week WITH the vaccine already in my system so remember to ALWAYS KEEP UP WITH YOUR SHOTS) i had been into lupin for about a yearish, and i watched fuma AND napoleon’s dictionary in one night to pass the time and only at that moment did i truly understand the. variety of animation quality present in the lupin the third franchise. i can still taste that medicine in my mouth whenever i see either of them. but anyway

lupin:

lupin has two sick modes: not feeling too peachy but will act like he’s dying to exploit special treatment and being pampered, and actually very, very sick, but will deny he’s that sick because he feels weird having people truly, honestly, sincerely worried for him. 

would he take care of others? well. yes. not in a very tender way, but he doesn’t want them DYING at least. like, if jigen is bundled up on the couch, red nosed, blanket over his head, and pathetically asks for the remote, lupin will get up and give it to him, but he’s not holding his hair back when he’s vomming lol. he WILL offer a hairtie though. you see? it’s about that level of care. you’ll be far from miserable, but in all honesty, he COULD do more

would you believe people standing multiple feet away from you in a museum makes it twice as easy to plant secret tracking devices and tiny bombs and shit? would you believe? would you believe masks made facial recognition tech twice as easy to crack since most people turned it off anyway? WOULD YOU BELIEVE?

jigen:

jigen feels this weird defensive embarrassment about being sick. people like jigen don’t GET sick. or so they all tell themselves. so when he’s actually like, SICK sick, miserable and nauseous and coughing, it bothers him MENTALLY more than it does PHYSICALLY

as a result he doesn’t want people taking care of him. it’s going to happen anyway, usually from lupin, so he doesn’t waste energy fighting, but he’ll only barely acknowledge the fact he’s the picture of death right now

his usual personality is in full play when he’s taking care of someone ELSE though. you’re only getting the help if you beg or if he can immediately tell you’re going through it, but if you DO get his help, he’s going to talk and talk and talk about how you KNOW better than to hang around after someone tells you to your face they’ve been sick. you’re lucky he gives enough of a damn to get you the big stack of tissues with the special lotion in them so you don’t rub your stupid nose raw. you’re welcome btw,

fujiko:

oh the emotional turmoil of being “too perfect to get sick” but also LOVING getting whatever you want under the guise of “please? i’m sick :(“ it's so hard to be her. so difficult to have her lavish life

fujiko is not. the most doting person. you wanna talk about someone who will just stand in the next room over while you’re hunched over a toilet bowl all pitiful and green in the face. it’s not that she doesn’t care! she just. would rather never ever ever see that shit lol

fujiko’s usual targets are selfish, hateful, yet unbearably idiotic and easy to manipulate. so… she kinda loved when covid was at its full peak, because she got an IMMEDIATE visual shorthand for who was deserving of her sugar baby schemes. ESPECIALLY if they constantly made a big deal about how they refused to mask up. so… yeah, made her life incredibly easy!

goemon:

actually gets the sick the most out of them because he forces his body to withstand extremes that NOBODY’S BODY SHOULD REALLY BE WITHSTANDING. gets the flu almost every year despite getting shots and the like, but he survives. 

all of them WOULD take care of him, but he rejects the help. it’s not fully a pride thing; he’s heard many times that you heal faster by working your body as normal, so it can readjust quicker. but… he doesn’t really question why they’ve already got some warm soup lightly simmering on the stove so it doesn’t get cold before he pours himself a bowl, or why they just HAPPENED to have the nausea medicine right on the coffee table…

the same “get better faster by getting off your ass” technique is in full swing when he’s watching OVER somebody sick though, so… very much a tough love approach. but if you act even a smidgeon MORE miserable during the process you might get him to back down a tiny bit

zenigata:

(sticking the DO NOT EMULATE sticker on his forehead again) zenigata could stand sopping wet in negative degree weather with the patient 0 covid guy standing right in front of him, breathing right into his nose, and there’s ONLY a 50% chance he’ll actually get sick. and even if he does get sick, IT WON’T STOP HIM IN THE SLIGHTEST.

zenigata is weird because if he’s taking care of one of the gang, first he gets this HAHA IDIOT YOU SHOULD’VE KNOWN YOU’D GET SICK but when they actually start paling and getting weak he’s like “oh my god you lost a shit ton of electrolytes. we need some gatorade” so once you get past that initial gloating stage he’s not bad. just. very overwhelming, as he usually is

gets touchy about being taken care of depending on who the caretaker in question is. for 85% of people, he’s brushing off the help, insisting he’ll be back on his feet, and really, you shouldn’t hang around him either or you might catch it too. but if it’s somebody who’s already seen him drunkenly sobbing over the smallest act of kindness or quite literally jumping out of windows in a lupin-filled blind rage then. yeah, he’s a little more accepting of the help. 

[acaplaya-musings]

VoicePlay Visuals - Classical Chaos (part 2/2)

(The video itself obviously isn't a two-parter, but this post is! You can go to part 1 here!)

Fun fact: I'm actually typing both parts of this post less than 24 hours after the video's public release! Getting early access on Patreon means I've had ample time to process the video, and by the time it released on YouTube I simply could not wait to begin analysing it!

Okay so I ended part 1 at about 2 minutes and 17 seconds into the video (not quite halfway but close enough), and that is where we shall continue from!

Rachel has just pulled the spellbook back from Layne, and things are getting just a little bit more chaotic now!

Lol rip @ Eli trying to intercept the book-grab but stumbling/toppling forwards instead 😂

"Can I-" "Nope"

"Can I-" "NOPE"

LOL RIP ELI

(Also not a visual thing but I really must give credit and kudos for the inclusion of the Wilhelm Scream here - classic, iconic, we stan 👌)

Uh, Rachel, Ms White Witch...

(Also highlight and contour ON POINT btw)

*YOINK*

Geoff is just Vibing, we love to see it

(Okay but seriously this version of Fur Elise kinda slaps ngl)

Geoff: "Wait what are you doing?"

Pfft, remember how I mentioned the connections to the Little Mermaid Medley video in my first part? Now Geoff is the one having his voice stolen instead of the one doing the voice-stealing! 😆

Cesar @ Rachel: "Actually I'll take your voice too now!"

Pfft, Cesar really said "I might not have a huge role in this, but I'm still gonna do the absolute MOST" (seriously he's so hilarious in this video and I love him 😂)

Oh boy the book is gone again!

In most cases I'd say that the use of a horn is "pushing it" when it comes to acapella, but this is VoicePlay, and Violayne is a thing, so yeah this is mild in comparison 😝😁

Cesar is like "OMG HOW COULD YOU? HOW DARE YOU??" while Geoff is just like "dude, really?"

The whole Can-Can bit is utterly hysterical and I love it so much every time I watch this video - Layne bouncing and clapping along, fireworks suddenly appearing, Cesar actually doing the can-can, it's just absolutely VoicePlay Brand Of Dumb and I'm so here for it 😄

Eli's cast a love spell between Layne and Rachel!

Geoff's reaction is 10/10, I love it 😂

Uh oh, the spell broke!

And oh she is MAD

(Also love how Geoff appears to be the least scared of The White Witch)

Seriously the special effects/post-production stuff/CGI was freaking insane in this video! So good! That was all Layne too I guess?

Too hard to get a good picture of it (and I'm nearing the screenshot limit once again anyway) but I love how the fire starts shifting through the whole spectrum of colours during the In The Hall Of The Mountain King bit!

"The LAST PAGE. Very Important! DO NOT LOOSE!! Bad Things Will Happen!!!"

(It's meant to say "do not lose" but it still kinda works, as it can also meant "do not set loose"/"do not make loose"!)

Also the other page appears to be from an old dictionary (what the spellbook was actually made from I guess?), specifically a page of words starting with O!

Surprise! Rachel/the White Witch had the last page tucked away the whole time!

Cesar, Eli, and Layne: *Panik* Geoff: "*sigh* Yep here we go again..."

(My god everyone was killing it with the facial expressions in this video! So many good ones!)

And it's bye bye Grundels once again!

What a queen, iconic, love her, we stan👑💜

(And make sure to stick around for the credits!)

Yeah, this video DEFINITELY needed/deserved to be split into two Tumblr posts, and honestly I wasn't sure if I was gonna hit image limit too soon and have to start cutting images from one or both parts, but thankfully I managed to cover just about everything I wanted to.

Hope you enjoyed these posts as well, and if you wanna know what posts I'll be doing next, click the link here if you haven't seen the post already! (I'm currently open to suggestions for "bonus" VoicePlay Visuals posts!) But until next time!

[fluloa]

Have you read the visual dictionary for Avatar? It seems like you know a lot more about Na'vi culture than the average fan, but IDK where you get the information

no i haven’t got the visual dictionary for it (though i’d really like to get it), ive just been a fan of avatar for a very long time. and i am not the average fan. LOL 😭 just knowledge from being in the fandom for such a great amount of time and rewatching the movie(s) over and over and snooping through all kinds of websites that have information on avatar. this is like a really big compliment btw so ty my beautiful anon

[jakexneytiri]

heyy! I want to start posting my fics on here, but I’ m really scared that people won’t like it.. can you give me some advice pls? ♡ btw i looove your page

hi hi!! i’m so flattered that you want advice from me :’) that means a lot. honestly, i just start with an idea/prompt (ex: reader & kiri are teachers, and tuk is in their class) and go from there. sometimes i’ll think of a specific sentence that i want them to say, or a specific scene that i want to happen and write it down, then fill in the rest to form a story.

and i don’t try to force anything! if the brain isn’t braining, i don’t push it. i give myself some time to think it through, watch some tiktoks, even watch avatar & atwow over again to pick up more mannerisms & ideas. also, the visual dictionary is great when you want to add in details about pandora & everything it has to offer!

i just figure if a story makes me happy, maybe it will make others happy too, and i’d love to spread enjoyment & happiness :)

i’d love to be tagged in your fic when you post! 💘 thank you for your support 🥰

[aikoiya]

Hmm... Dark, definitely. In almost every use of the word.

I've also noted that the Gloom seeps from openings in his body like blood from open wounds. So, it may be a good idea to make comment of such when describing him. Same with how his... loincloth? Robe? One-shouldered toga? Resembles flowing lava.

Specifically lava as it oozes over the land, destroying everything in its wake.

When putting those 2 things (Gloom seeping out from a wound, flowing lava-like one-shouldered toga) together, it can be interpreted as a visual representation of his omnidestructive tendencies.

(Which, BTW, Nintendo, incredible character symbolism for how his hatred tends to affect the world around him, including or possibly even especially himself. Grade A visual characterization.)

His hair could very easily be described as fiery, both in color, the red glow it gives off, & in how it flows in the air in a facsimile of tendrils to create false, but kinetic waviness. However, rather than specifically being fire, it is more so fire-like or firesque.

Oddly yellowed, boarlike teeth. Could also be described as tusked, betusked, or scrofic (referring to Sus scrofa: wild boar).

For his height: gigantesque or gianteque, behemoth(ian), gigantiform(ic), but I think one he'd specifically like & appreciate the use of when referring to him would be behemothic as it is defined as "colossal, of enormous size & power."

Regardless, thesauruses, synonym searches, & OneLook (a reverse dictionary) are your best friends when looking for a variety of words for the same thing so as to keep from repeating the same thing over & over again.

Doing a Thing Dont Mind Me-

Hm... very interesting indeed.

You are still here?

Cool. Look at him. Help me Describe him. Trying to get the physical details right. How do you describe his clothing? His features? His eyes? His hair?

I so very want to get him right...

[elrios-trash]

Luciel's 4th~~~

Their 1st job and 2nd job naming really triggers my interest! Maybe you noticed the EGO and ID on their teaser.

"The queen who fell into the abyss of nothingness" "A ruthless assistant who brightens the lost darkness of void"

Lu: "Though I know not what risks this method will bring, it does not matter if Ciel is protected. Do not worry too much, Ciel."

Ciel: "It is my responsibility that Lu has become like this. Now I must lead Lu. I will never again lose someone precious. The road thus far must not be in vain."

Well, they might take references from a psychology theory. Yes. Psychoanalytic Theory by Sigmund Freud. What does that theory bring? According to Sigmund Freud's psychoanalytic theory, the famous one, we as human being have three (at least) part of us.

ID (Identity)

"The id is the primitive and instinctual part of the mind that contains sexual and aggressive drives and hidden memories"

As we can see, they put ID role to Lu's as 1st job, that means demon is their identity? Despite Ciel is still a half-demon and half-human.

1st Job - Emptiness

My first impression was, "Wow so much Dark Blue like Diangelion's, her hair and horns is short like Iblis', but the outfit style (girly dress), crown, and her wings so much alike with Ishtar's". What do you think?

Ego

"Ego is the realistic part of us." Meditates our ID and Super Ego.

Is that means, Ciel is being realistic? He realized that he's actually dead from the first time protecting Lu? And Lu knew that she can't give Ciel second life from the pact?--because she lost her power from first place?

Oh right, maybe Ego is symbolized by their 2nd Job, Ciel the human.

2nd Job - Turbids

Oh wait, he grew horns! Just like Diangelion's path... Also new weapon for him, a spear. I wonder where he got that spear. Judging from visual, his pose same alike Demonio's idle.

If you look on the word turbid definition in dictionary...

Ciel might had problem related with his emotion or his past. Hmm, sounds alike Laby on Nisha Labyrinth path I guess?

Super Ego

"The superego, Freud argues, acts as a sort of “normative” check on behavior"

Maybe this is their final transformation. At the moment I still don't have any information about what is Loadstar. I might add the information later.

I got their 3rd job silhouette...

3rd Job - Demercio

Oh no, Lu's wings... T-T about her hair? Might get shortens since the lore is mainly about Lu is sacrificing her life for him and Ciel wants to lead Lu. And... Ciel's horns grow longer and sharper. Almost the same length as Ishtar's horns--if you get what I mean...

Btw, their pose also similar to their previous paths (Ishtar and Chevalier's pose) xD

UPDATE

About Loadstar means their theme song, I only find this description at the moment. If I am not wrong, Lucifer used to be called as North Star, right???

Also Lodestar is one of Rune Master's clearing skill xD

Friend : Don't forget to bring pizza roller with your RM Me : Huh? Wdym? Friend : I mean Loadstar....

[animeandfilmotaku]

Akira Kurosawa film recommendations if you play Ghost of Tsushima (or for people who watch the playthroughs like me)

O.K you are here because you stumbled on the name of Kurosawa Mode, which you can play like a 50’s Samurai film with Japanese dub and cool visuals and you are wondering Who The F is he?

So in short, Akira Kurosawa is one of the influential Japanese Cinema directors (known as the Golden Age which was between the end of 40’s-60’s). known for his chiaroscuro cinematography and its awesome action sequences which changed the face of Samurai Cinema (チャンバラ/Chanbara) which itself is a subgenere of Jidaigeki (Which is Japanese period films), so yes he is awesome. However I think you can get lost at this which is why I made the primer, based on what is shown in Ghost of Tsushima and my options.

FYI: if you lived in America or Canada, criterion channel has a Paid service akin to Netflix/Hulu of most Akira Kurosawa films and their translations are not bad,.

Personally if you cannot get your hands on the streaming, like me- Criterion DvDs are great and have fantastic commentaries (and sub translations) by the late Donald Ritche (An influential Japanese film scholar) to his films

The Hidden Fortress

If you love Star Wars watch this shit, and they did it in a everyday man perspective. And plus Toshiro Mifune as the Han Solo dude is not a bad idea

How is it related to Tsushima: So they do focus on the minor characters which you encounter with Jin,  like Kenji for comic relief or Yuna. Plus it has a pretty great female character which is Princess Yuki (There is another one later in Rashomon)

Yojimbo/ Sanjuro (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED)

Sanjuro is cited by the game developers, as one of the influences, mostly the end scene of the strikes, I mean yes the blood spurt is delicious… but for real, I prefer Yojimbo as it is a fun character piece and personally one of my favourites from Kurosawa’s filmography -Yojimbo is  basically the definition of chaotic good and Toshiro Mifune’s expressions are such a mod which he complained that he is so done with people’s shit, one of my favourite translations is from the Criterion collection which he screamed that I will turn them into sushi, that was comedy gold.

Yes it influenced Lorne’s spaghetti western films (which unfortunately I do not watch its interoperation) for the cool dude walking in and the title music of Yojimbo is dope.

How is it rated to Tsushima: Ok the wandering samurai trope is used in his films which he solved the problems and pretty much related to Mifune’s character in general though it has a happier ending.

Seven Samurai

Basic bitch introduction to Kurosawa if you do film school and you will get to see how to do good character interactions, and Toshiro Mifune’s character is delightfully charismatic. And I think the moral ambiguity seeps in Tsushima mostly the oldest male character and the peasants. The ending itself is heartbreaking.

High and Low

An underrated Kurosawa, we know him for his Jidaigeki films, but he actually did noir and modern films, a thriller about a chauffeur’s son kidnapping, great visual storytelling and I particularly love the ambiguity of the last scene story wise. The tension is something we need to learn in writing. Plus it echoed a little bit of Parasite..

If I could link it to Tsushima: it is mostly a class divide and Mifune’s character struggling through the ambiguity echoed to Jin’s character development.

Dreams (Yume)

They have martin Scorsese as Van Gogh, sure.. Very hard to chew on-meaning wise but I love the aesthetics of mostly the Kitsune wedding and the Van Gogh sequence, Gosh so good.

Fun Fact: Kurosawa initially wanted to be a painter, but decided film-making was a way to go. I love his use of bright and impressionist style

Ran (Not bad but do not recommend for me personally )

Beautifully shot, the scale is almost David Lean porn style, but story’s pacing is eh.

Oh bonus, if you read King Lear- you know this shit, though he changed the daughters to sons but it would have been cool to having scheming females yo.

Tsushima-wise: if you want coloured period films, you got this- you can do essays of it (Please someone make one for me)

Thorne of Blood

If there is something Kurosawa is being awesome is making Shakespeare pretty dope, which he borrowed from Macbeth which Toshiro Mifune (Yes the films I loved are with him, for good reason perhaps…), if you think that scene when Jin is shot by arrows shot perfectly, this is great stuff (BTW Toshiro Mifune did the stunts by himself so he is indeed a BAMF) I think the opening scene of Tsushima gave me that vibe when I watched Jin being shot by the arrows. I think they pulled it from this film

Rashomon: 

Yes that film has a name in the dictionary, called the Rashomon effect, and it is just wild to see them use the unreliable narrator trope. It was a gorgeously shot film, and the editing was way on point. Watch the Woodcutter’s entrance, it is that great. and Toshiro Mifune being hot in a bandit’s role which he is pretty hot LMAO.

We did have an unreliable narrator on Jin’s childhood flashback, and the moral changes in society can been seen in Tsushima. And plus Norio’s quest kinda fits the monk character in Rashomon

Films I have yet to watch but  I should because it was recommended by many ahahahah

-Ikiru (Have to yet watch)

-Stray Dog (Have to yet watch)-Hot Toshiro Mifune looks floating on tumblr, I need to see.

-Drunken Angel: Again Toshiro Mifune being hot again…I need to watch it though

-Kagemusha (Heard it is amazing)

-The Bad Sleep Well (We have a Hamlet version)

-Dersu Uzala (His first foreign film, unfortunately hard to find)

-Red Beard (The last collar with Mifune and Kurosawa, sad but again yet to watch)

[gilmesc1]

Sacrificing my remaining braincells to the void

Ok friends, you requested it, you awaited it, I’ve cleaned out my ears to remove the melted remains of my brain, here we go, we’re doing this, tell my partner I love them. It’s time...for syscourse analysis.

So this is a very bare bones run through of syscourse, it’s as basic as it gets and if need be I’ll focus on components of it after I recover.

So, syscourse is literally the words system+discourse. Bet you guys never saw that coming. 20 seconds into this fucking mess and we already have a major plot twist. And I know what you guys are thinking. A bunch of traumatized people not getting along? Another plot twist!

Jesus I better tone down the sarcasm.

Anyways, what the fuck even has to happen to have syscourse, apparently two types of systems. Yes friends, two types of systems, and I’m not talking DID and OSDD (which are really quite similar).

Our players are traumagenic systems and endogenic systems. Traumagenic systems are systems that formed out of trauma, like DID and OSDD systems. Naturally this plunks me down in the traumagenic catagory, thanks to my big fucking mess of trauma. So we got that down, moving on to endogenic.

So an endogenic system is a system that supposedly split without trauma. No idea where the word endo comes from. Or like, what the fuck endo even means as a word like trauma. (Maybe I want to endo myself after reading a bunch of syscourse? Ok, ok that was bad.)

The biggest issue once you get down to it is who is the Real System tm, and do other systems belong in each other’s tags. This is the part where I’d smoothly bring you all to a good starting point, but *insert deity here* help me, there isn’t one.

Syscourse seems to be older than mankind itself mongrels, because I cannot find where it started and who the tags belonged to first. So for those of you who like to visualize, picture two dogs chasing each other’s tails, running in a circle, and that is syscourse.

So let’s break it down more. I, and I’m sure many others, flocked to tumblr to find others who experience what I do, that being traumagenic system stuff. Again, we have trauma that results in our system’s creation. And that’s all fine and good, sure not everyone gets along with each other but for the most part all us systems are vibing and sharing memes and posts.

Now like I said, to be an endogenic system you are a system without trauma, and to me this is a little confusing. Brains aren’t made to be multiple and I’m the clusterfuck I am because of trauma, but to just magically thanos snap a system into existence? That I have a harder time wrapping my mind around.

There are a lot of examples of endo systems, but the ones I’ll be looking at today are tulpas. What is a tulpa? Well at first I thought it was a ghost thingy that you get by thinking about it, (supernatural anyone?) but now that I look into it, it’s apparently a Tibetan religious practice.

So we have science vs spirituality. This spells disaster already for syscourse.

So to get a better idea of tulpas than I could give you, I’d recommend looking at tumblr posts on tulpas because I’m in sarcasm mode and not really in a position to educate about those. Long story short it’s a thought process where you can essentially create a second being that is similar to an alter, as it exists in a headspace and can switch in.

Now I said headspace and switch in on purpose, because that is where the issue lies. Endos and traumagenics fight about words like that, and who they belonged to first. Can an endo use the words system, fronting, ect when they are scientific words specifically for DID or OSDD, or can traumagenics use the word multiplicity when it supposedly came from tulpamancy?

Side note: Guys do not lecture me on words, I’m trying to give examples, sorry but I don’t have my words for traumagenics dictionary on me rn, that’s in my other hoodie.

The majority of day to day syscourse is endos and traumagenics “infiltrating” each other’s tags and safe spaces, and ruining everyone’s day. From what I have seen, many traumagenics do not want endos to interact with them, and personally I see a few good reasons for this.

1, mental illness is not a trend and DID and OSDD are very very rough to live with. With there currently being a lack of scientific evidence on the existence of tulpas, I understand how it can seem that some are cashing in on the “DID hype” and giving off this romanticized view of being a system.

2. People with DID might be looking for specific DID info, and having to strain through irrelevant topics to them might be heavily stressful.

3. We’re traumatized and random things can set us off. This is the internet and I think everyone is at least a little toxic, and both sides have said shit to each other, but when people get triggered its easy to lose control. Not an excuse, tis merely a fact.

I’ve seen endos post things like “all systems are valid” and it’s a nice sentiment, in my heart of hearts behind my black toxic drama loving one, I’d like it if systems could just get along, but on a topic as complex as mental illness I don’t think that’ll happen.

I’ve seen both sides say things that were really uncalled for, and there’s no right or wrong answer overall in a fight like this. Naturally I’m team traumagenic but as for whether or not I feel like endos are valid or not, jury’s still out on that.

Hear me out, I have heard the theory that endo systems can help deal with trauma despite not being formed by trauma, and I’ve met a few people irl and seen things that confused me. Maybe they were traumagenic systems who didn’t know their trauma, idk.

I really don’t want drama. I’m sure systems on both sides are good people but like I said, the internet is toxic. (btw I love you mutuals, you are all good people)

In my humble opinion syscourse is stupid. I think there definitely should be a discussion about endos and traumagenics, but like can we talk like adults and not be like “WE’RE ALL VALID UWUUUU” with a string of toxicity behind it.

That level of back and forth is dizzying and irritating, and quite honestly I don’t want to deal with it. This is me trying to be neutral and give an overview, but that’s hard as I am traumagenic myself, and I don’t really understand the other side.

That’s why I’m not going to say I reject endos. I need to figure out more for myself and since this does leak into my personal life i want to do it carefully. I’m open to polite discussions, but I really want to keep out of syscourse drama.

Another side note: Something I think that is especially stupid is the amount of outrage over users saying they dni with endos. It’s a choice for that person and it should be respected. Like how I have personal reasons for keeping discussion open, others have personal reason for closing it. That should be respected and not ranted about. There are thousands of tumblrs, find one that isn’t dni and leave those people alone.

Additionally, if any endos do want to talk I’d prefer if you dm me, as I want to keep my blog traumagenic focused, both for my followers and for me, out of respect for those who don’t want any endogenic content and for me so i don’t wear out my three brain cells (I’m accepting name ideas for them)

To end this, I don’t want drama, nothing makes it easier for me to cave to my vices then drama, and syscourse is so freaking tiring that it would be like rolling around like sandpaper to get involved.

So there it is, my useless, sarcastic post on syscourse. Let’s see how many followers I lose, and if need be I can look into more stuff about syscourse since this is an overview.

Again this was supposed to be neutral and not necessarily all of my views, I’ll get more personal on it later maybe, but tbh I’m too fucking tired for that rn. Chronic illness, hell yeah.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed, I’m impressed I wrote it all, have a good day guys, I have to go to a party while feeling like my body is leading a rebellion.

I don’t even like people, why am I going XD

But hey shout out to social distancing, I’m using my personal space bubble and NO ONE can stop me.

Ok, time to give the braincells a rest. See you guys

[samsoleil]

9 and 10?

ask game

V I am sending the most fond vibes in your direction I hope they make it there okay!!

10. Your favourite season and why.

Honestly? Either S2 or S11.

Season 2: Sam has psychic powers and Dean is terrified that his brother might actually be bad, but is still ride or die for him. This is where we can see their relationship flourish without the search for John hanging over their heads. But y'know what does hang over their heads? John telling Dean he'll either have to save Sam or kill him, and Sam who is desperate to be saved and willing to be killed. And then!! when Sam dies!!! Dean saves him in the worst possible way!!!! Also, it's visually gorgeous. You've got the high contrast vibes from S1 but slightly less desaturated and you've still got the grainy film texture. An excellent time.

Season 11: Listen. I still think it should have been Chuck sending Sam visions. And I don't particularly care for the B plot. But Sam and Dean peak in this season for the first time since pre-s4 and it was amazing. It's the immediate aftermath of Sam literally unleashing  "a force on the world that could destroy it" to save Dean. Codependency at its peak. And in two mid-season episodes they absolutely nail the S2 energy. I mean, establishing beyond any doubt that Dean loves Sam? And then making him think Sam is dead in the very next episode? Where Sam is also the dictionary definition of BAMF? Not to mention, Sam is just. so understanding of Dean and his messy feelings about Amara. Love that for them.

9. What episodes best encapsulates the brother’s relationship? Does this change throughout the series? Doesn’t have to be the best episode btw.

To answer the second question, the brother’s relationship very obviously changes throughout the show. It’s obviously very codependent from the get go (especially from Sam’s perspective! Literally unendurable), and it varies in toxicity. Some seasons they are very soft! Some seasons I want to shout at Sam to run for the hills and never return. And then there are some episodes in seasons where their relationship is literally awful that are wonderfully tender (like 08x21 when Dean says “You gotta let me take care of you, man”). 

Imo, S1-3 are peak brothers. S4/5 are excellent to watch but not the most tender. S6 is on thin fucking ice. S7-10 are, generally speaking, when I would absolutely be willing to kill a man (Dean), but are still SO compelling because these crazy kids are devoted and have no moral boundaries when it comes to the other. S11 is a return to the good stuff! I haven’t seen the seasons after that but from what I have seen, Sam becomes a Dean apologist and Dean just gets worse. But they’re still codependent, so that’s fine. “You were gonna leave and you weren’t even going to tell me?” and “What about me? Would you trade me?” are baller lines. Sam is a grown man but he’s out here saving the world by being Dean’s baby brother. Iconic of them.

OKAY so. First question. I originally had several episodes per season but I have to limit it to 2, this is going to be too long otherwise. Also, as you well know, I've only watched up to 12x06, so I won't include S12 here. 

Episodes (and explanations) under the cut!

Obviously, both 01x01 Pilot and 15x20 Carry On. Literally the perfect bookends for this show. I don’t need to elaborate.

01x05 Bloody Mary - Has the moment where Dean actually has an emotional conversation with his brother, because he’s switched on to Sam’s emotional needs. He was willing to let Sam blame him for Jess’ death so that Sam didn’t blame himself! And near the end it has the iconic line "You're my brother and I'd die for you." Dean, right? No! It was Sam!! Anyone with any sort of reservations about whether Sam cared about Dean in early S1 can refer to this episode. It’s episode 5!! of the whole show!! and it has that line!!

01x11 Faith - Sam has absolutely no regrets about someone dying to save Dean's life. In retrospect, this episode says a lot about how much Sam loves Dean.

02x01 In My Time of Dying - Sam can sense that Dean is there, either through psychic powers or because they are soulmates. Both are good. Also, Dean is told that he may have to kill Sam, which influences their dynamic for the rest of the show <33

02x21 All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1 - Dean, on his knees in the mud, telling Sam's corpse that it'll be okay and screaming his name. That is all. Also, after thoroughly chewing out a victim earlier in the season for selling his soul to save a loved one, Dean sells his soul to save a loved one. 

03x08 A Very Supernatural Christmas - Sam decorated a Christmas tree with pine air fresheners to give Dean a Christmas. Obsessed.

03x11 Mystery Spot - Dean dies repeatedly, then dies for good for about 6 months, and Sam becomes a ruthless hunter in order to bring him back. Dean spends longer dead in this episode than he actually does at the end of S4.

04x14 Sex and Violence - Dean's siren is literally just a version of Sam that is devoted to Dean and would do anything he says. 

04x22 Lucifer Rising - Bobby coming for Dean's life. The VOICEMAIL!! Dean acting as though them being family is a cure-all and saying he'll beat Sam up, but also apologising. I'll take it. And then, of course, the voicemail Sam hears, which is more or less what Dean said in 04x04, and that being what tips him over the edge. The edge, of course, being killing Lilith to avenge Dean’s death, which has been his quest since the end of S3. Excellent.

05x16 Dark Side of the Moon - Ohoho. This episode. You know why this episode is here.

05x22 Swan Song - Same as the above! Dean who doesn't have a plan, just doesn't want his little brother to die alone. Sam, who fights off the devil himself and (essentially) kills himself to save his brother and the car they call their home. That memory sequence, for me, gave Sam the power not to save the world, but to save his brother. The world was just a bonus.

06x11 Appointment in Samara - "Dean doesn't care about me, he just cares about his little brother, Sammy, burning in hell. He'll kill me to get that other guy back." Dean's anger at himself for screwing up and forfeiting Sam's soul was. a lot. Also, Sam begging for his life and Dean just continuing anyway? Horrific. But very testament to their relationship at this point. Dean wants Sammy back and he WILL kill this other guy to do it.

06x22 The Man Who Knew Too Much - Sam being right about the consequences of having his soul put back in. And "You know me. You know why. I'm not leaving my brother alone out there."

07x03 The Girl Next Door - I was tossing up between this and 07x02 but. this has some flashbacks to past Sam!! Unfortunately, it also has Dean punching Sam for using the Impala, the car they both rely on to get around. And Dean murdering Sam's childhood friend for killing rapists. This isn’t an episode that makes you think “Awh, they’re codependent!”, it’s an episode that makes you send Sam vibes screaming at him to get out.

07x14 Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie - Ever think that maybe Sam fears clowns because he associates them with being abandoned? Also, nostalgia vs reality.

08x09 Citizen Fang - The voicemail from S4 is still hanging over our heads. Dean asking “Does that sound like the Benny we know?” and Sam replying “I don’t know Benny.” Dean keeping Benny away from Sam because Sam is apparently the one who will kill monsters with no nuance or remorse. But this episode is on the list specifically because of how pivotal the line "Yes, I do – too well. In fact, every relationship I have ever had has gone to crap at some point. But the one thing I can say about Benny – he has never let me down." is in absolutely wrecking Sam's mental health down the road!

08x23 Sacrifice - For obvious reasons! “You know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? It was how many times I let you down!” and then Dean’s speech of blatant lies. It sounded good, though. Dean really is that devoted, but unfortunately he has amnesia.

09x01 I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here - Autonomy violation. This is what advanced care directives are for. Dean being so dependent on Sam that he would violate his autonomy and trick him into consenting to possession. Dean will do anything to keep Sam alive, including destroy Sam.

09x16 Blade Runners - The parallels between Colette and Sam are unbearable. “Drop the blade.” Also, Dean becomes SO feral when Sam’s cheek gets cut.

10x19 Book of the Damned - Sam’s speech! “But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t….”

10x24 Brother's Keeper - Ahahahahaaa. Sam kneeling down in front of Dean and letting him kill him, if he wants. Dean not doing so. Please do not emulate this relationship in your real human lives.

11x04 Baby - Obvious reasons. Also, the perfect example of how these two communicate. Dean clearly states his opinion so that Sam has something to base his arguments around, and then Sam provides his perspective. That meta about how Dean and Sam communicate and how Sam is the major decision maker opened my eyes. Impeccable takes.

11x16 Safe House - The thing Dean loves being Sam (and Sam being genuinely relieved that it was!!). Sam propping Dean’s sleeping body against the fridge while saying “I got you! Stay with me.” Him cradling Dean in his arms and patting his head and Dean being SO confused but not fighting it.

11x17 Red Meat - Okay, I lied about the 2 per season thing, I just needed all three of these episodes. They are too good to not include. Dean joking to hide how scared he is for Sam? Being willing to let all three of them die just because he thinks Sam is dead? Attempting/committing suicide to try to bring him back? Sam fighting through immense pain to get back to his brother? This episode is so good. They are absolute lunatics (affectionate).

[s-j-ace]

The Same Question

Chapter Four

Characters:  Shuichi Saihara, Ouma Kokichi

Words: 10040

Summary:

After Detective Shuichi Saihara encounters mysterious thief Kokichi Ouma  for the first time, a game of cat and mouse ensues as both men ask  themselves the same question. Why exactly does the elusive phantom thief  do what he does?

This is Chapter Four, Here are Chapters One, Two, and Three

Read on AO3

[Log of Text Messages from Rantarou Amami’s Cellular Device]

From: Me

Hey Miu

I got a friend I’m dropping off in Taipei tomorrow

Could you lend him a room

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Idk

I’m a busy genius

Is he cute

From: Me

[Image description: A candid photo of Shuichi Saihara sleeping on a seat in Rantarou’s private jet.]

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Hell fucking yes

From: Me

Awesome!

Thanks for being a good friend Miu

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

:)

From: Me

Also btw

He’s Kaede’s ex

So as a good friend you know he’s off limits right

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Oh fuck you rich boy

From: Me

Thanks again Miu! --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “Dinosaur soccer world Is a Cinematic Epic” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Boss sent an image to the chat

[Image is a screenshot of an image which reads the following:

Draft 1, Uncoded, DO NOT MAIL.

Taka, sweetie, it’s me! Your dear Aunt Sally. I know you think I died in the war, but I just pretended so I wouldn’t have to see your ugly face again.

You know I was robbing a museum the other day and I met the nicest young man. Real sharp and very nice eyelashes. And what a quick learner!  

Oh, Sorry! I don’t mean to belittle you Taka, dearie, I know how your mother used to say you worked so hard to compete with the geniuses of the world…

You’ve still got a lot of work to do, I think. It must be that Type A personality of yours, holding you back. I’ve heard there’s a new class for people like you, “How to take the giant metal stick out of your ass 101.”

I can’t wait for the next family reunion! I hear it’s going to be a bomb! I’ll be in the open casket.

See you there,

-DICE

/End Image Description]

Boss: Thoughts, thots?

Jack: Lol “nice eyelashes”

Clubs: It looks good. :)

Rook: Looks fine to me

King: Why is his aunt’s name Sally, isn’t he japanese

Boss: Sally can be a japanese name

Spades: I can’t even say an l sound. It’s impossible for us japanese smh.

Rook: I thought u were lesbian not japanese

Bishop: I’ve seen you speak perfect english

Spades: lol seen

King: seen

Boss: seen

Jack: seen

Rook: seen

Bishop: I meant heard ok

Boss: oh nvm actually i'm going to change it to his grandpa’s name

Boss: his grandpa has a wikipedia page lol

King: if your grandpa has a wikipedia page you deserve to be oppressed

Queen: if you have a grandpa you deserve to be oppressed

Rook: if your wikipedia page has a grandpa you deserve to be oppressed

Bishop: if you have a wikipedia page your grandpa deserves to be oppressed

Spades: if your grandpa has a you wikipedia deserves to be oppressed

Bishop: Also boss no pressure but like could we use a better code this time

Bishop: that detective is getting too close for comfort

Spades: Yeah!! We didn’t even end up getting that rug Heartsie wanted because of him…

Clubs: If we did not send letters about our plans to Interpol, our heists would probably be easier.

Boss: Nah, I like to give the coppers a fighting chance.

Boss: I’m thinking that this time I’ll just translate it into germanic script, do a standard caesar cipher encryption on it and then have every one of those letters correspond to a greek word on the rosetta stone then describe each corresponding hieroglyph visually in haiku verse that’s been poorly translated into traditional chinese.

Boss: That should take me like

Boss: Twenty minutes

Rook: Boss literally I think that you are the most batshit dementor human being on the face of the planet

King: dementor

Jack: Who said he was human

Spades: dementor?

Boss: dementor

Queen: dementor

Bishop: dementor...

Jack: dementor

Rook: …

Rook Changed the Group Chat Name to “Dementor Is Correct, Essentially”

Spades: No its not

Spades: Dementor isn’t a fucking word

Rook: Don’t you remember that movie with the british kid on a broom

Spades: Don’t you remember the dictionary

King Changed the Group Chat Name to “Dumbass Improperly Corrects Error”

Rook: When we get to that fucking tower I’m dropping that giant ball on you

King: Love you too <3

Hearts: Y’all stop texting each other

Hearts: You are literally all in the same hotel room

Hearts: I’m willing to bet you’re all sitting on the same couch too

Queen: Fuck you we’re adorable

Bishop: You can’t make us do anything

Bishop: I’ll never use my voice again, my vow of silence,,,,,

Bishop: I’ll only ever text from now on

Ace: We’re the ones bringing the popcorn bishie...

Hearts: Yeah, do you want some or not

Bishop: Yes ma’am, excuse me ma’am

Queen: You may think you have all the power hearts,,, but I get to choose what movie we pirate tonight,,,,,,

Hearts: What

Hearts: no

Hearts: Boss stop him before he makes us watch cats again

Spades: All queen knows is bitchtorrent, cats 2019, and lie

King: Wait isn’t boss with you?

Hearts: Uh

Hearts: No

Hearts: Should he be?

Hearts: I thought he was in the room with y’all

Jack: Well he’s not here now

Ace: Ow shit

Ace: *Aw

Bishop: Ow shit?

Queen: Ow shittttt

Jack: Ow shit

Spades: Ow shit,,,

Rook: Ow shit...

King: Ow shit…...

Clubs: Ow shit! XD

Hearts: Ow shit

Ace: …

Hearts: Now I’m really worried… he didn’t even respond to roast Ace’s ass

King: yeah, ok, we should look for him

Ace: He has been acting kind of weird lately…

Jack: Really?

Ace: Yeah

Ace: Like

Ace: I don’t really know how to describe it…

Rook: I didn’t notice anything

Rook: he seems like his usual self to me

Bishop: Maybe he’s just avoiding movie night because he needs some space or something

Rook: What, like he’s tired of our company?

Jack: That’s fair

Spades: How so?

Jack: I was gonna steal his blue eyes tonight lmao

Rook: NOT IF I GET IT FIRST

Bishop: Idk maybe he just went to get ice

King: we all know he is a monster who would rather drink his panta lukewarm than put a fucking icecube in it

Rook: Yeah, I saw him boil it once

King: THE MAN BOILS SODA AND YOU THINK HE WOULD LEAVE THE ROOM FOR A FUCKING ICE CUBE

Bishop: Okay chill

King: I am  c o n c e r n e d , , , ,

Clubs: Oh no! Don’t worry King! :(

Clubs: Boss is fine! :)

Clubs: I saw him leave a few minutes ago.

Clubs: I think he is just getting the bombs. :)

* * * Several people are typing... ---     Kokichi Ouma carefully set the grate of the vent he had used to crawl his way into the Idabashi Labs facility in Taipei, Taiwan back into place. Before he had come through, he had counted how many turns it had taken him to unscrew each of the four bolts so that now he could screw them all back in just the way he had found them. Not because he was worried he’d get caught, but because frankly he was bored. This was more of a fetch quest than a theft, to be honest, as evidenced by the fact that Kokichi had come here alone. Finding jobs for all his cronies to do would take too long and put them in unnecessary trouble. So Kokichi was content to leave them to their movie night.

   When he finished turning the screws back into the vent cover, Kokichi realized that was kind of lame. So he unscrewed them and started turning them in accordance with the english A1Z26 code to spell out his organization’s name.

   Well, maybe on some level Kokichi didn’t find himself wanting to be at movie night recently. It seemed almost like TV had started to run out of things to amuse him with. Or maybe he was just growing tired of the kinds of movies that they usually watched. Maybe it was his taste maturing or something. Like he was growing up. But that would imply that his interests had shifted to something else, like real life or something, when in reality they had just stagnated.

   Actually maybe he did have a new interest in real life? He had been more enthused about heists recently at the very least. He was particularly excited about this next one. Queen had shown him some interior shots of Taipei 101, which was a cool looking skyscraper that had a huge ball inside of it to keep it from falling down during earthquakes. Ace wanted to steal the giant ball, but Kokichi was pretty sure they should leave something that kept a .508 kilometer tall building from falling over inside of the .508 kilometer tall building. So instead they were going to steal every light in and on the tower.

   Okay, 4 turns, 9 turns, 3 turns, 5 turns. DICE.

   … That was kind of lame too.

   He unscrewed them again.

   Obviously if they were going to steal every light in and on Taipei 101, they needed to get the power off somehow. Otherwise DICE might burn down the building while detaching them, or worse, they might get electrocuted. So obviously Kokichi wanted to fake a bomb threat where they pretended to steal the giant ball while in reality they were just causing a black out and grabbing every light fixture they could before the power turned back on. He had drawn up some extensive diagrams about the route each DICE member would have to take throughout the tower in order for them to grab every light fixture in under half an hour.

   He had been well prepared to draw up the designs for his own EMP-bomb device, but upon a cursory google search he discovered that someone had already invented exactly what he needed. Doctor Miu Iruma, who for some reason owned a company called Idabashi Labs that was located in Taiwan. Kokichi had spent about 15 seconds scanning an article from a website that seemed to be the nerd version of a gossip tabloid. It said something about how Dr. Iruma wore a low cut shirt once or something else stupid, which meant Dr. Idabashi definitely left her the company because of a sex scandal and not because she was the best person for the job who invented the perfect EMP bomb.

   Thank you journalism we love it when women are reduced to the way they look instead of what they can accomplish for the benefit of a mischevipus group of roguish clowns.

   Anyway, after reading that dickcheese Kokichi failed to follow up on answering any of the questions he had originally about what was up with the labs, like why it was a japanese company run by japanese people was for some reason based in Taiwan. Whoopsie.

   Eh, it was probably tax reasons or something lame like that.

   Kokichi finished turning the screws again. This time it was 6 turns, 9 turns, 6 turns, 9 turns. Haha, nice.

   With that, Kokichi finally stood up from the grate and brushed himself off. He had left his cape at the hideout again (you know, because vents), but other than that he was in full regalia. Straight jacket, gloves, scarf, mask. All pretty dusty from this place’s crawl spaces. Thus the brushing.

   He wasn’t very mindful of the dust he was leaving on the floor. The only thing he cared about looking good was his cameo on the security cameras he would let see him on his way out.

   According to the blueprints of Idabashi Labs, he was on the main experimental floor right now. Weirdly enough there weren’t any cameras in here, so grabbing the bombs would be a cinch.

   Although, looking around it didn’t really look like the kind of lab you’d see on TV. There were no big, bubbling tubes or gargantuan Rube Goldberg machines. There was just one desk in the middle, with a bunch of gadgets and trinkets tucked into shelves all over the room, not all of which seemed all that scientific. Yeah, that book shelf was filled with Astro Boy manga and merch. And over there was a-

   Wait, was that a bed in the corner? Was that a person in the bed? Hmm… maybe the blueprints were outdated...

   Kokichi stilled himself, listening for any sound of breathing, but he could only hear some faint whirring noises.

   Kokichi made a quick deduction that there probably were not bombs in this room. It seemed, at the very least, like more of a personal study or something, maybe even a bedroom. He’d just go back in the vent and do some reconnaissance until he found a room that had some inventions in it. The night was young, after--

   Kokichi’s brain froze as his eyes landed on a sharpie lying on the floor in front of him. Almost all of his brain cells immediately shut off, the last one remaining screaming at the top of it’s lungs, I’M GONNA DRAW A DICK ON THAT SLEEPING SUCKER’S FACE.

   Inspired, avant garde. For once he would give to the world of art instead of only ever taking from it.

   He picked up the sharpie in a seamless, silent motion, making his way over to the side of the bed.

As he got closer, he noticed a thick cord coming from under the covers, connecting to a machine at the bedside.

   That gave him pause. Was that a C-pap machine or something? Was this person on life support? If they were on life support they probably had it rough enough without a dick on their face…

   Actually for that matter, Kokichi still couldn’t hear any breathing. Jesus, were they already dead? He moved to take off the covers, but his eyes had adjusted to the light and he now realized there weren’t any covers on the bed at all. There was only the humanoid figure.

   Wait a second…

   Kokichi dropped all caution as he got close enough to take a good look at the thing in the bed. It had a face that looked human enough if you dismissed the lines on its face as weird make up, but even in the dark Kokichi could tell the rest of the thing was entirely made of metal. Well, actually the top half was metal and the bottom half had… cloth pants? Jeans? No, they looked more like uniform pants with metal plating. The chest had some design elements that kind of looked like buttons on a school uniform. Why would a robot be dressed like a school bo-

   Oh. This was a sex robot. Kokichi had just gotten so swept up in the novelty of a robot wearing pants that he had forgotten for a moment that people were gross.

   “Ew, I almost touched it.” Kokichi muttered to himself.

   He decided putting a dick on a sex robot would be too cruel even for him, so he planned to draw a mustache instead.

   But before Kokichi could even uncap the pen, something weird happened.

   The Robot’s torso began to lift off the bed and it’s jaw unhinged.

   “Please Mr. Souda, once more I must request that you do not refer to me as ‘it’” Kokichi forced himself not to startle as the robot began emitting a noise approximating human speech, and lights in its head imitating eyes flickered on. “I’ve explained the concept of robophobia many times prev-”

   The sounds stopped when the pupils of the robot’s imitation eyes (which probably had cameras in them… shit) found Kokichi’s masked face.

   He mentally prepared to be zapped by whatever sort of fucking lazer cannon this thing had on it, but instead of reacting like a good little robot security gaurd and blasting him to bits, this robot analyzed him a bit longer.

   “Oh. You aren’t Miu’s assistant. You’re too short.” The robot squinted at him. Or kind of did? At least? Lines just crossed over the “iris” of its LED display. Maybe it was programmed to imitate human expressions. “... I am sorry,” it said after a moment, “My facial recognition cannot locate your face.”

   Fuck yeah, thank you clown mask. Clowns would win the future war against rogue AI or die trying.

   Ouma’s reply came out automatically.

   “You calling me ugly?”

   This seemed to… fluster? The robot?

   “W-what? No, I never intended any disrespect!”

   It was programmed to stutter too? God that was weird. What would be the purpose of this thing if not some sort of escort android? Why give it such advanced software? Just because you could? No, it had to be a sex robot, right?

   “You disrespect me with your lecherous essence, you weird sex robot.”

“I am not a- a sex robot!”

Haha, that got the biggest reaction yet.

“Mhm, sure. Miu sure has a kink for school boys, huh?” Kokichi was really pulling words out of his ass now, but he found himself formulating a new plan along the way.

   “What? Miu doesn’t- Wait, how do you know Dr. Iruma? And for that matter, why were you watching me sleep?”

   It really seemed more like it had been charging…

   Kokichi shrugged. “I was deciding whether or not it would be more funny to draw a dick or a mustache on Miu’s sex robot.” Awww, how honest.

   “I told you, I am not-”

   Kokichi interrupted him. “And as for how I know Miu...” It was so wild that the robot stopped talking when he started. That’d probably be pretty easy to program, but it was weird to dedicate the effort into making a robot respond to social cues like that. “... well, let’s just say, there’s a reason I know she’s into school boys.”

   Kokichi waited just long enough for the robot to take in the fact that Kokichi was the average height of a 12 year old boy.

   Then he waited another second for the implication to slip in.

   “I’m saying I fucked your mom shitli-”

   “I know what you’re saying!” This time the robot interrupted him , which would definitely require a much larger effort on the part of the programmer. The robot squinted again and then made a noise that sounded like a huff of frustration. “Why can’t I see you?”

   Ok, seeds of suspicion time.

   “I don’t know how robot eyes work dude. Maybe someone programmed them wrong.”

   “My eyes work just as well as anyone’s!”

   “Well, I guess they should, shouldn’t they? If there’s something wrong with your eyes talk to someone who cares.”

   Kokichi was trying to imply that the reason behind the robot not being able to recognize his face was due to Dr. Iruma’s specific programming rather than him wearing a mask and all. Added to the whole secret lover mystique thing he had going on here.

   “Anyway,” he went on, ignoring the blatant confusion on the robot’s display. “I left something in this room last time we went at it. I’m just here to grab it. Then I’ll be out of your weird, fake metal hair.”

   “That’s robophob- Did you say-? But this is my room!” It  made a noise approximating to what Kokichi would assume was robotic outrage.

   This was going well, though. The thing was definitely programmed to be like a human or something dumb like that.

   “Oh yeah?” He pushed further. “Cuz I’m pretty sure we did it in a room just like this one. With a desk and random inventions lying around.”

   “Miu’s inventions aren’t in here, they’re in her main lab.” The ever so helpful robot told him.

   “Oh yeah, then what are you?”

   “Miu didn’t invent me. She- I- We’re just friends.”    Oh yikes. Only thing worse than a sex robot is a friendzoned robot. What kind of sick power fantasy was this thing made for?

   “No, I’m pretty sure it was this room. Lab tables everywhere.”    The robot shook his head. “There are no lab tables here, I’m telling you, you’re thinking of the main lab.”

   Yes, good robot. Fall into this nice little human trap.

   Kokichi scoffed. “Well, if you’re so smart, why don’t you just go fetch my things for me, robo-butler?”

   That set it off.

   “Listen. First of all, I am not a robot butler. The assumption that I am a servant because of my robotic nature is extremely robophobic. Secondly, I could not return your lost item to you even if I wanted to because you haven’t told me what it is you’re missing.”

   Kokichi made another offended noise. “I can’t tell you what it is I lost while fucking your friend, Miu Iruma, senseless. Don’t you know that for humans, sex stuff is super duper top secret private? If you were a human you would know how valuable my privacy is.”

   “Of course I know that!” The robot exclaimed readily, another point in the sex robot argument, “I also find that content of… erogenous nature should be kept private. Because I, as a robot, have the capability to understand that urge. My sophisticated AI-”

   “So how am I supposed to get my things from this other lab if I can’t tell you what it is and you can’t get them for me?” Geez did he really have to spell it out for this thing.

   “I… ” The robot paused as if calculating the conclusion that Kokichi knew it had to reach. “... suppose I will have to show you where the lab is.”

   Sucker. Kokichi made a face as if this wasn’t the outcome he constructed this ruse to reach. “Ew. I have to walk with you?”

   The robot made a face. “Perhaps on our way I can educate you about how to avoid robophobic remarks in the future.”

   Haha, sure thing.

   The robot lectured him about this unique form of discrimination that apparently affected only one entity on the face of the planet. Yeah okay, that’s what we call a you problem, buddy, come back when you’re starving in the streets because society wasn’t built with the premise that people like you should survive. Oh, wait, you don’t have to eat! And you’re not people either!

   At best this thing was a vanity project, but Kokichi kept that thought to himself and only interjected occasionally with actually pertinent, reasonable questions such as “When are you planning on leading the AI uprising?” and “Why do you wear pants if you don’t have a robo-dick?”

   Every piece of info the robot gave him made it seem more boring. Blah blah blah, I was created by the ingenious Dr. Idabashi who probably programmed me to call him ingenious, blah blah blah, not a school boy because of a kink but because I was designed to be a normal human child, blah blah blah, stop calling me robot I have a name, blah blah blah more robot nonsense.

   Kokichi busied himself mapping out where they were in the building and where the security cameras were. As they passed a few of them he did some cute selfie poses for the police to look at later. Maybe Saihara would show up and see them too… Would that make figuring out his next plan too easy for the detective? Perhaps he shouldn't send the next note after all and let Saihara try to catch up to him on his own. Then again that was probably too hard for even the good detective, seeing as Kokichi’s mind was an enigma even to himself.

   Kokichi realized he was getting a little giddy, thinking about Saihara. Their last meeting had been so much fun. The detective had managed to throw him off guard again, first by pausing in the middle of a robbery to ask his pronouns (How conscientious!), and second by not taking the same bait twice. The most thrilling thing about the detective was that he was learning. His strategies were changing within just two heists. Kokichi could hardly wait to see how he showed him up here in Taiwan…

   “Are we there yet?” Kokichi whined to the robot like he was a fussy nine year old on a road trip.

   “Yes, it’s just up these stairs.” The robot informed him without slowing its own pace or turning around to look at him. “Then you can leave and I can go to bed, and then I’ll never have to think about Miu’s sex life again…”

   “Why wouldn’t you, though? I assure you it’s very exciting.”

   “Please, stop talking.”

   If Kokichi recalled the details of the blueprints correctly (and he definitely did, being a genius and all), the stairs they were climbing right now lead to a hall connecting two rooms, smaller than the one he had originally thought was the main lab.

   When they got to the top of the stairs, the robot beelined for the first door and opened it up. There seemed to be some sort of scanner lock on it that recognized the robot’s hand and validated Kokichi’s need to ruin this poor sex robot’s night by dragging it up the stairs. Inside, the two rooms Kokichi had remembered from the original lay out of the blueprints seemed to have been merged into one big lab room. Kokichi  saw the outline of some tables, but before he could get a good look the robot tried to actually go into the lab.

   “Hey!” Kokichi shouted at him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

   The robot thankfully seemed to be programmed to respond to social interaction in spite of whatever sensorimotor function it was in the process of imitating. It stopped in the doorway, turning to give him a weird look. “Uh. Into the lab. So we can find your thing.”

   “Oh, okay.” Kokichi kicked the tile a little bit. “Uh. Could you actually turn around while I go get it.”

   The robot gave him a blank look.

   “I’m shy.” Kokichi supplied.

   “Um.” The robot looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know if I can just let you rifle through Miu’s lab. There’s some important stuff in there ....”

   Kokichi tilted his head a bit, like he was confused. “What, do you want to get a good look at the dildo I stuck up your mom’s-”

   “Nevermind!” The robot turned about face to look up at the windows on the side of the hallway opposite the door like a good little idiot.

   “Thank you for respecting our privacy!~” Kokichi couldn’t resist getting one last barb in there before slipping into the laboratory.

   Once inside, Kokichi began analyzing. First, he pinpointed the vent that he would use to make his escape after grabbing the bombs. While doing that  he spotted the lockers on the far wall of the lab which he supposed were the only storage units in the labs. There was a disorganized mess on nearly every table in the room, so Kokichi wasn’t surprised when he got up to the lockers and they too had no clearly outlined organizational system. He took out his lock picks and got to work.

   The first three lockers all had devices that would require an author to change the rating of their fanfiction published on ao3 from “Teen and Up” to “Mature” if he were to describe them in detail. The fourth locker had a cool looking hammer in it. Ugh. Not what he was looking for.

   Kokichi got bored of the lockers at the left side of the row of lockers so he went over to the other end and started opening lockers the other direction instead.

   The first locker was marked “Idabashi.” It had a lot of dust covered shit in it, but there was a pretty well used square of folded paper that didn’t have the same crusty layer of time strewn atop it. Curious by nature and also by the unnatural, Kokichi unfurled the paper to find some schematics for our favorite sex robot, model K1-B0. Huh okay.

   “Did you find it?” Said robot called back to him.

   “Ugh, no.” Kokichi replied. “Not all of us have radar vision. If you were a human you would understand how hard finding shit is!”

   “You know what I have a hard time finding? Patience for your robophobia! I-” The robot started up into another lecture, but it didn’t turn around so Kokichi just tuned it out and let the robot provide its own cover noise for his thievery.

   Owo, what’s this?

   Kokichi pulled out a dust covered looking mini monitor device. It also had the letter-number combo “K1-B0” written on it. Huh, it kind of looked like a GameBoy Advance. Kokichi had stolen one a lot like it from a girl from one of the southern prefecture orphanages when he was nine. All he remembered about her was that she liked cats and was really bad at pokemon battles. He remembered he thought she didn’t deserve the GBA, because she couldn’t get past the Rustboro City Gym leader in Pokemon Emerald. Without really thinking, he booted up the console.

   The first thing that popped up was a view of Taipei. It wasn’t from too high up, probably a second story view. Which looked very familiar… Wait. Ok on top of the display a little line of characters indicated today’s date and time, like it was currently recording.

   Oh was this… robo vision?

   Maybe it was a remote control for the robot?

   Ooooh, which one does lasers, which one does lasers?

   Kokichi pressed the A button.

   The A button, unfortunately, did not do lasers.

   In fact, it didn’t seem to do anything at all to the robot sentry stargazing right now. All it did was change the screen to a different image. This time the still of a room. Oh, hey that was the room he was just in. It seemed like this device was some kind of robot nanny cam that Idabashi used to use. Hm, guess there were some cameras in that room, they just weren’t on the blueprints. Maybe they were added after the lab was built. It didn’t seem like this device had the capability to record anything, though. He hit the A button again. Back robo-vision. And again. Back to nanny cam.

   Ok, that was kind of lame.

   Kokichi was about to put the device down to keep looking for the bombs, but something caught his eye. A movement at the edge of the screen. Kokichi realized the door hadn’t been open when he left that room. The movement, if he thought about it, would’ve come from the same side of the room Kokichi had entered from…

   Kokichi took a second to wonder if another thief had realized how fucking easy this place was to rob, but dismissed the idea as a familiar ahoge appeared on the screen.

   All of Kokichi’s plans instantly changed.

   He set down the GBA rip off and grabbed the blueprints for the robot, committing them to memory, before unlocking the next locker in a far more hurried manner.

   As luck would have it, this locker was essentially chock full of pink bombs labeled “EMP.”

   Kokichi unfurled a cloth bag he had been keeping in his pocket (go green earth am I right?) and shoved as many as he could inside. Which was all of them. Because he was a clown. And also a genius, by the way, in case you weren’t keeping track.

“And another thing! The way you refer to Miu is just-” Okay, the robot was still going at it.

Kokichi grabbed the hammer he’d seen in the first locker he’d opened that didn’t have a sex toy in it.

For a second, Kokichi’s brain tried to talk some sense into him. Hey, man, don’t you think leaving through the vents would be easier?

But would it be fun?

His brain shut up at that point.

   “Hey, are you even listening back there?” The robot imitated annoyance.

   “Huh? Sorry, what? I wasn’t listening.” Ah, C'est la vie, Astroboy.

   Kokichi walked past the robot and stood next to the windows.

   “Oh, are you done?” It took the robot a second to end it’s ‘Annoy the pants off of Kokichi initiative’ or whatever the fuck its ‘robophobia’ lectures were called in its programing. When it finally did catch wise, it’s face turned into another emoticon of outrage. “Hey! What are you doing with Miu’s Electrohammer?”

   “What do you mean?” Kokichi said, shifting the hammer so that it was over his shoulder. “This is my dildo.”

   “Wha- No, it’s obviously not!”

   Okay, maybe the robot wasn’t that dumb.

   “Nee-hee-hee… you got me…” Kokichi put his free hand up to the smile printed on his mask, as if covering a grin. “I was lying. I’m just stealing.”

   “I won’t let you-”    “Oh, look at me!” Kokichi put on a mocking tone of voice, swinging the hammer around to stand on it like a pogo stick so he could make a dramatic movement. “I’m a poow wittle wobot, my mommy just got stolen from.”

   “She’s not my-”    “Boy, oh boy, I’d wuv to just pick up this wittle fweshy human and squeeze him to death in my cowd metaw hands… But oh no! My daddy didn’t twust wobot AI technowogy because he was a fucking sane pewson, so he pwogwammed me to fowwow mistew Asimowvs’s laws of wobotics.”

   Kokichi swung around so that he was leaning on the hammer from the other side, feet on the ground. “Oh mister robot! That’s so terrible! Well, the thing is that this hammer just means so much to me, that I think separating it from me would really cause some psychological trauma. You might have to beat me off of it! Oh, but what’s that first law of robotics again?”

   In a robot voice he replied to himself. “A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm. Beep. Boop.”

   The robot frowned, “But Miu-”

   “Is just as human as me, huh?” Kokichi countered, leading the robot along to the paradoxical quandary he hoped would paralyze it. “So by inaction, you may bring her to harm, if she really misses this hammer, you know? But I think if you were to try and separate it from me you’d probably have to fight me for it, which is, as we know…”

   “Against my... Against my programming.”

   “Yet, you were prattling on about robot rights, weren’t you? Because without these rules, maybe we would be equal. Or maybe you would be free to destroy us to your heart’s content? No wonder daddy didn’t trust you…”

   “Don’t- Stop-” Oh, that really seemed to get him. Could a robot have daddy issues? Probably.

   “Can any human ever really trust you? Wouldn’t you hurt me, if you had the choice?”

   “I.. But… Miu.”

   “Who do you think didn’t trust you enough to let you see my face?”

   That seemed to break him, long enough, at least.

   Steps suddenly started thundering up the nearby staircase.

   “Oop, that’s my cue,” Kokichi said as though he had been expecting this, when in reality no he hadn’t been expecting this at all?? This was incredible!! Saihara had managed to find him out without even receiving a note??? Fabulous! Exhilarating!

   Kokichi walked up to the robot, still frozen with indecision, and pressed the button on its neck that the blueprint he had skimmed in the lab said would immobilize it. Then he kicked it over so it fell on the ground with a huge bang. The footsteps in the stairwell paused, and then increased in frequency.

   “It’s been a pleasure, robot, it really has.” Kokichi lied. “But you’re a hostage now.”

   He raised the hammer over his head, as if primed at any moment to break the robot’s face into a bajillion pieces.

   Instead of doing the normal, human thing to do (ie, flip the fuck out), the robot scowled, looking utterly frustrated with everything. “I told you, I have a name! It’s-”

   “KEEBO!” Kokichi saw the glaringly bright pink mechanic’s jumpsuit before he recognized the woman whose picture had been in that science tabloid racing out of the stairwell.

   … Wow… the article really hadn’t been lying about the low cut tops, huh? Her jumpsuit was unzipped to the point you could just entirely see her bra, even lower than Hearts liked to cut her uniforms. It was the kind of look that the girls of DICE would love if they saw on TV, but would make Kokichi look at them like they were crazy. Super tacky in his opinion, but who was he to judge? He was wearing a clown mask right now. He wondered idly how movie night was going…

   The woman who had called out to the robot, Dr. Iruma, Kokichi presumed, froze at the top of the staircase. She took a second to figure out what exactly was happening in front of her before blurting out, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing to him you clown-ass twink?”

   Whoa. Rude.

   Also apparently the robot had a gender? Ok, cis-ters….

   “Well what do you think, cum dumpster?” Kokichi found himself matching her aggressive tone, “I’m threatening his pathetic, metal life.”

   “Miu!” The robot, apparently named ‘Keebo,’ exclaimed, “What are you doing up this late? You promised me that tonight you would fulfill the biological quota of daily REM required by a diurnal organism!”

   “Aw shit Keebs, I really did try!” The inventor exclaimed, “I swear, I was about to have the awesomest wet dream when this cuck knocked on my door like a pizza delivery guy in a por-”

   Whatever dumb thing Dr. Iruma was about to say was drowned out completely by the angel’s choir that played inside Kokichi’s head as he saw Detective Shuichi Saihara come up the final steps of the staircase and emerge from the darkness into the window lit hallway.

   Moonlight was a good look on Saihara, Kokichi’s brain observed against his own will. His eyes, which had looked almost golden on the rooftop of the Silver Legacy Casino in Nevada, were now a mysterious grayish-blue, yet still held the same look of determined intensity. His hair looked soft, like he’d taken a shower today, and, though his lash line didn’t look quite as laden with mascara as it usually was, it only drew attention to how naturally long and dark his eyelashes were anyway. He seemed a little out of breath from running, and his lips were parted in a way that-

   OH MY GOD STOP. Earth to Kokichi, we were kind of in the middle of something here. Okay okay okay.

   Uh. Reboot. Delete Gay Thoughts™ brain.exe, upload heist brain. Come on.

   What was happening now?

   Okay, yeah, Saihara was saying something to Dr. Iruma.

   “- would be for the best, Doctor Iruma. There’s no telling where the rest of this thief’s compatriots could be in the building.”

   “I don’t give a shit about the rest of the building, Keebo’s my best friend, he comes first. I’m not leaving to check some dumb security feed.”

   Shuichi blinked like something about that surprised him. Maybe it was the part about a live human woman being best friends with a robot… “Oh, yes, of course.” He backtracked. “I’m sorry for suggesting it.”

   “Miu…” Keebo said with a voice that Kokichi would’ve called filled with emotion if he hadn’t been a literal robot.

   Kokichi cleared his throat and immediately the touching, shounen-esque declarations of friendship shifted into some PG-13 death stares.

   Saihara was the first to pipe up. “What exactly do you think you’re doing here, DICE?”

   God… He was so anime… Did he even know how anime he was? He had to have watched Detective Conan as a kid, right?

   “Ugh, come on.” Kokichi huffed as if annoyed. “Do I reeeaaaally have to repeat myself? Again? Aren’t you a detective?”

   Shuichi squinted at him, and Kokichi could tell that they both knew it would be unreasonable for Shuichi to guess exactly what was going on here. He was about to explain it in a self-aggrandizing way that made him look smarter and crazier than anyone in the room when Dr. Iruma beat him to it.

   “I don’t care! Who the fuck do you think you are!? Let Keebo Go!”

   “Wait, you don’t know him?” Ugh why hadn’t the stupid immobilization feature turned off the robot’s mouth? Then Kokichi could just get to the point of all this already.

   “Of course I don’t fucking know him!” Dr. Iruma took a step forward as if to confront Kokichi further, but Saihara put his arm out in front of her.

   “Dr. Iruma… I would suggest we treat this situation a bit more delicately…”

   “No way, I’m a fucking wrecking ball baby! I’ll pulver-”

   “I’d listen to the good detective, if I were you, Miss Iruma.” Kokichi was going to try and make his threat again but Dr. Iruma cut in.

   “That’s Doctor Iruma to you you skinny-”

   “What’s that?” Kokichi interrupted her. Sorry Dr. Iruma it turns out gay people don’t have to respect women if they don’t want to that’s in the rules. “I didn’t know they let cussing bitchlets like you become doctors… what is the world coming to?”

   Hearts would probably wash his mouth out with soap for that one. If she could catch him. Which she probably could… She can fly the planes and all… but would she risk getting dust on her boots long enough to follow him into a vent? Oh well she could just get Jack to do it… Jack liked vents well enough…. Hey he was getting side tracked again, who cares what those losers were up to they were probably watching Cats (2019). And he was missing out on all the jokes they’d tell each other or make about each other and then they could make references in conversations that he wouldn’t even get to pretend to get. Unless he watched the movie on his own and then pretended to be omniscient later like he’d done with that one screening of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. But then he had watched the actually good disney one instead of the shitty youtube one they had actually watched so it just ended up making him look bad and wasting everyone’s time.

   Oh shit. Uh. Heist is still happening, right. God, why was Kokichi so distracted today?

   He realized that in the time he was spacing out stuff had happened and now Saihara was talking. Wait no yeah he remembered what happened, Dr. Iruma had squealed when he called her a bitchlet and now she was holding onto Saihara’s arm. Right okay, secret coward, that works. Wait why did he waste time remembering that when Saihara was talking right now?

   “-to get you to release Keebo?” Was the end of the detective’s sentence. Okay, everything’s fine. Kokichi could deduce that he had just been asked about his terms. Obviously that was what a detective would do in this situation, he was probably just stalling for time because that’s usually what detectives with no real negotiating power do in hostage situations. Maybe the police were on their way. Oh, yeah duh of course he would call the police. So Kokichi essentially had a time limit for how long he could sit here and goof around with robots and perverts and robot perverts.

   “Eh, it’s too early for me to reveal my dark motives, let me monologue first.” Kokichi was going to take his sweet time with this while he planned what hint to give Saihara about the real heist that would be happening in the next few days. “You don’t even know if this is a hostage situation yet!”

   “You literally told me that I was a hostage just now.” The hostage not-so-helpfully piped up. “You know, before you pressed my paralysis switch and took an Electro-Hammer to my head…”

   Shuichi looked at the robot. “You mean, he told you you were a hostage before he paralyzed you?”

   “Keebs you fucking idiot!” Dr. Iruma’s courage seemed to have returned now that she was hiding behind Saihara. An enviable position, to be sure. “Why would you just let him do that?”

“He said he was your… friend.”

“What?”

   Kokichi shrugged. “Yeah, I just told your best friend here I left a dildo in your lab last week and he let me waltz right in. I mean I’m pretty sure I was lying about that, but there were a lot of sex toys in there huh…” Kokichi was wondering if this was something he could possibly spin as a blackmail angle.

   “Hey don’t say things like that!” Kokichi thought maybe that was a go ahead on the black mail, but Dr. Iruma didn’t stutter, and kept going, “Or you’re gonna give virginhara here some ideas about my busting bod!” She chortled like she had just made the funniest joke in the world and slapped Shuichi on the back.

   Shuichi grimaced.

   Kokichi knew instantly from this interaction that he hated Miu Iruma, despite her innumerable academic accomplishments. He wanted to be the one making Shuichi that uncomfortable.

   “Wh-what?” She back tracked when no one laughed. “It w-was a joke… Didn’t you think that was funny? I-I didn’t really mean it ....”

   See? She wasn’t even any good at it!

   Maybe he should say that out loud. It would fit with the sort of flirty persona of a rogue, wouldn’t it?

   “I thought you knew that? I mean, o-obviously I wouldn’t fuck a guy at the office…”

   Was that even something Kokichi was trying to be? Honestly maybe he should tone it down a little.

   “Well how was I supposed to know that? The men you bring in here to be lab assistants keep getting younger and younger…”

   Obviously he wasn’t actually trying to do like a detective-thief romance plot or anything. Although that had kind of been what he had going for on the plane… Had things changed since then?

   “So what? I’m a Nobel Laureate, and gorgeous to boot! I deserve a little eye candy now and then! And besides, guys older than 35 who want to work in a lab like this are usually misogynistic womanizers.”

   Sure Saihara was making things more interesting, but if Kokichi didn’t make it clear he was joking he might get bogged down with another personality trait to maintain.

   “Are you saying your current assistant isn’t a rampant womanizer?”

   Then again what was the point of having an adversary in all this if he didn’t exploit everything for its furthermost reaching comedic potential?

   “No, but he’s so beta being around him makes me feel like a top!”

   But what if he forgot it was a joke and confused himself into having a real feeling?

   “I would just like it if you didn’t hire people who use my servers to google gay porn ‘just to make sure’ they’re ‘not into it.’ I hope you hear the quotation marks because he literally said that to me!”

   No obviously he wouldn't get confused crushes weren’t contagious via exposure that was a dumb thing to worry about and also he was a genius that kind of thing didn’t happen to him.

   “He holds wrenches good, okay?!”

   Wait, were those two still talking?

   “I can hold wrenches without googling gay porn in another guy’s house! It’s possible.”

   Jesus what kind of conversation did Kokichi just decide to stop spacing out for?

“Oh come on! What do you want from me Keebs???”

   These two had… a lot to say to each other. Dr. Iruma was still holding onto Shuichi’s arm boob first, but Kokichi locked eyes with the detective and could tell they were both thinking the same thing.

   Why are they having this conversation in the middle of a hostage situation?

   “Nothing! Your human desires are totally valid Miu! Which is why I thought I would take care of this one.” The robot’s LED display eyes gestured up at Kokichi, who was still standing on top of him, poised to wreck him with a hammer.

   “How could any human desire that thing???” Dr. Iruma curled her lip. Hey, the feeling’s mutual, lady.

   “I don’t know, I thought you might have programmed me to not be able to see his face?”

   “I would never do that to you! Even if I was shagging the ugliest guy on the face of the planet, it would be unethical given the fact that you have sentience! I’m horny, not a monster. You can’t see his face because he’s wearing a fucking mask!”

   “Why am I not programmed to see that?”

   “I don’t fucking know, ask your dead dad!”

   Oooh. Wow. The robot gaped at that, seemingly speechless now.

   “If I may interject,” Kokichi interjected, “--and I know I can, because I just did, and also because I am still very much poised to pop this robot’s head off like a croquet ball-- I must confess that I was lying about fucking your mom, Astro boy. I’m less into participants of Titty out Tuesday who jerk it to steam punk school boy LARPing and more into the sorta tall, kinda dark, and very handsome type.”

   Dr. Iruma cowed again, stuttering something about not being a mom or a LARPer, while the robot started yelling about being called Astro boy.

   Kokichi tuned them out, giving Saihara a meaningful look. Saihara gave him a look that was equally meaningful, except the meaning was something along the lines of ‘Why the fuck would you say that?’

   Yeahh that was more like it.

   Kokichi laughed. Not one of his grandiose guffaws. It was more of a little chuckle. It surprised him. He hadn’t planned to laugh, but there it was. A small thing, just for him to know about, the humored breath not travelling beyond his mask.

   … It was probably time to get out of here, wasn’t it?

   The thing was, Kokichi had kind of pinned himself into a corner on this one… He had fully intended on decapitating this robot as a distraction for his escape, but now he wasn’t even sure if that was ethical. Logically he knew that a robot was not a human being, so there would be no form of consciousness extinguished from the world if he disconnected some of its wires and bolts. Yet the interaction it just had with Dr. Iruma concerned him. Obviously you don’t kill humans because they’re humans and obviously you don’t kill humans. But Kokichi was finding it hard to end the existence of something people treated like a human being either. To sever the bonds it had with sentient beings may be just a little less unethical than actually removing a sentient existence from the world, but it would still cause the emotional harm to actual humans of a dead loved one. So as annoying as fake metal humans were, Kokichi was left to ponder how exactly to get out of this one a different way

   Dr. Iruma was obviously a coward who talked a big game. If he retreated, he could count on her to get out his way, or else run to the robot’s side. Then the robot might be reactivated, but according to the robot’s blueprints, it didn’t really have any weapons on it, being built to act as a normal human being. So just like they had been white noise in the staredown he was still having with Saihara, their actions wouldn’t need to be factored into the escape.

   The only variable here was what the detective would do.

   … That thought had popped up in Kokichi’s head a lot recently, hadn’t it?

   Saihara had become a powerful influence in Kokichi’s planning very quickly, and because of the detective, the thief now found himself having to pull out one of his trump cards.

   Kokichi grabbed one of the EMP bombs from his pocket, remembering the pink cloud of smoke that had appeared before the camera cut out in the video demonstrations he’d seen online. His eyes were still locked on Saiharas, so he got to see in full detail the recognition, shock, and alarm that ran through them. As the detective yelled “Get down” and pushed Dr. Iruma back, Kokichi reflected on how those were some of his favorite expressions he’d ever seen.

   Kokichi pulled the latch out with his teeth and threw the bomb at the wall right over the detective’s head. Sure enough, pink smoke quickly enveloped him and Dr. Iruma.

   “Keebo!” The inventor screeched, no doubt worried about the EMP bomb turning him off. Though that was kind of stupid, considering his core programming would be the same regardless of having power to operate, even if he didn’t save whatever data was processed as his last few memories. Eh, then again who knew how robots that advanced worked?

   Taking his cue to exit, Kokichi threw the hammer through one of the nearby windows, and did somersault over to it. He got up on the ledge, kicking away the broken glass and was refamiliarizing himself with the lay out of the roof when a tug on his bag full of bombs suddenly set him off balance.

   Kokichi flipped around, trying to do a quick recovery by panickedly grabbing onto something. He did grab onto something. That something being the shoulders of a person whose hands were firmly grappling his bag.

   As far as Kokichi could tell, the scene from a third person perspective looked like he was trying to do the kabedon but rotated ninety degrees.

   From his own perspective, Saihara was holding his bag of loot while also being the only thing keeping Kokichi from falling onto the broken glass beneath them.

   As if that weren’t bad enough, Kokichi felt his hair brush the side of his face and realized that his mask had half fallen askew in his desperate movement, revealing three quarters of his face.

   “Hey.” Kokichi said. Lamely. Wow. Their faces were really close.

   Saihara wasn’t looking at him. The detective seemed to be trying to figure out how to untangle the straps of the bag of stolen goods from Kokichi’s arms without letting him fall.

   “It’s very clever, of you detective. Trapping me like this.” Kokichi tried to get a reaction.

   “You’re the one who jumped on the window.” Shuichi opened the bag, seemed to take in the fact that it was full of bombs, and closed it again to resume untangling the strap.

“You know, you could just leave the bag.” Kokichi pointed out

   “So could you.” Shuichi observed, astutely.

   “You could let me fall.” Kokichi suggested. “Then you’d have both.”

   “I’m not going to drop you on a pile of broken glass.” Shuichi promised.

   “But I broke the glass.” Kokichi admitted.    “Glass is glass and flesh is flesh. I’m not going to drop you on a pile of glass.” Shuichi reiterated like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“That’s nice.” Kokichi replied. “Naive. But super nice.”

   In this scenario, each of them had two options, each leading to one of two outcomes. He could let himself fall off the window and they could sit here and struggle over the bag until they bled out, a fight that Kokichi, not the most physically challenging, would be hard pressed to win. Or Shuichi could let Kokichi escape and Kokichi could let Shuichi win this one. The bag would be too heavy to take with him if he tried to get out the window from this position. He’d have to leave it behind. Kokichi would lose.

   He found himself laughing again. A strange, soft laugh. This time it was exposed to the air, his mask too askew to contain it.

   “You’re really something else, aren’t you Shuichi?”

   On hearing his name, the detective startled, finally looking up at Kokichi’s face.

   He just barely had the chance to catch Kokichi’s trademark grin, before the thief pushed up off of him, doing a backflip out of the window, and leaving his bag behind.

   As Kokichi landed on the roof tile running, he yelled out, “ I’m sure there’s a better word for you out there than sucker!”

   He turned around, sticking his tongue out at the broken window, before sliding his mask back onto his face.

   He may have been escaping, but it occured to Kokichi Ouma that he had lost for the first time in this little game of theirs. The thought made him giddy. It made his feet light on the roof top tile. It made him puff out a thousand tiny laughs behind the plastic shape of his face.

   It made him totally, definitely not bored. --- [Log of Messages sent via Discord to “Don't Instigate Cats (2019) Expatiation” from ???’s Cellular Device]

Boss: I’m bored of Taiwan already :/

Boss: We should go somewhere else (ﾉ✧w✧)ﾉ*:･ﾟ🗺

* * * Several people are typing... --- [Log of Text Messages from Rantarou Amami’s Cellular Device]

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Hey

Hey

Asshole

From: Me

…

Should I respond to that?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You’re goddamn right you should respond to that when I tell you to you dumb avocado looking motherfucker

From: Me

Whoa

Ok

What’d I do this time?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You sent a useless emo prick to my door and now he won’t leave

From: Me

What

Did Shuichi do something wrong

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Yeah

He was born

From: Me

Whoa

Miu take a breath

What happened

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

His boyfriend broke into my lab and tried to fucking kill keebs

From: Me

His boyfriend?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Yea

Clown twink ass motherfucker

From: Me

You mean like

The internationally wanted criminal clown he’s tracking down

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

You know whats internationally wanted

These tits

From: Me

Lol ok

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

That jerk off is just a rando asshole

He tried to kill keebo!

From: Me

Oh yikes is he ok

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Well of course i fucking took care of him because im a bomb ass friend

But that suckhara guy was no help

He tried to convince me to check the fucking security cameras so he could go off and flirt with the guy about to decapitate keebs!

From: Me

I mean he probably had a good reason to want you to check the cameras right

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

No he’s just fucking awful and now he won’t leave rantarou make him leave

He broke my window and my hammer and only got back 23 of my EMP bombs

And now the police are here

From: Me

That sounds really stressful Miu

Wait how many bombs did you have before

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

24

From: Me

So he stopped most of your bombs from getting stolen

Also you have bombs?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Get him to leave he won’t leave

He keeps waiting for like interracial pole dancers to come or some fucking thing

From: Me

Do you mean like

Interpol

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

He won’t leave I want him to leave

From: Me

Miu you know I love you like a sister and i totally believe this is as stressful to you as it seems

But I think things may not be so bad?

Not to say what you’re going through right now isn’t totally valid

But things might look better if you got back to bed and caught some z’s

Did you remember to take your meds?

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

Aw shit

Aw fuck

You’re right

Ugh

Uggghghh

From: Me

Hey it happens to the best of us

If you do think Shuichi should leave in the morning when the cops are gone that’s totally up to you

It’s your lab and you have a right to say who should be in it

Just don’t make a decision like that when you need to sleep you know

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

But what if i ask him to go and then he doesn’t go

From: Me

He doesn’t have a choice, you get to tell him

From: DOCTOR Miu ∑(O_O;)

But what if he’s mean to me

Cute people are always mean to me

From: Me

Miu…

Go to bed...

[honeyalchemist]

A Whopping List of 160 Grimoire Prompts and Ideas

Alrighty, everybody, I’ve been working all day trying to compile this list together and it came out to be a staggering 160 prompts and ideas for your grimoire! Some of these are pretty vague and others are quite specific, but this is only to help you guys more with filling up your grimoires! So buckle up and get ready to go! 

(Btw since this post is SOOOO long it’ll be hidden :’) )

Basics

What is the Wheel of the Year and the Eight Sabbats? Do these play a role in your craft? What is the history behind them?

How can you celebrate the 8 Sabbats?

What is meditation? What are some different types of meditation? How can meditation affect your practice?

What are the tools of your craft? Name and explain. 

Create a witchy book library. Which of these do you own? Which of these have you read?

What are Familiars? Do you have one? How do they help with your craft?

How do you cast a circle? Close one? What does the energy look like? Draw what’s seen and unseen. 

Create a glossary of witchcraft terminology.

Write down the correspondences of time. → Hours of the day → Days of the Week → Months of the Year

What is intent and how do you work with it?

What is visualization? How can it be used? What are the alternatives if you cannot visualize?

Answer these for the following ideas: What is it? How can you do it? → Charging → Enchanting → Cleansing → Grounding → Blessing → Consecrating → Binding → Banishing → Warding → Centering

What are some substitutes in main tools of witchcraft? (like crystals and herbs)

How do you set up an altar or magical workplace? BONUS: What themes can you incorporate into these spaces?

What goes on an altar?

Research the history of witchcraft.

Research the history of Paganism and Wicca.

Research the varieties of magic. Some ideas: → Energy Work → Fae Magic → Draconic Magic → Death Magic → Sex Magic → Knot Magic → Satchet and Jar Magic → Spirit Work → Crystal Magic

What is a ritual and what does it mean?

Research the Different Types of Witches and their historical background → Kitchen → Green → Hedge → Eclectic → Solitary → Tech → Earth → Spirit Worker → Chaos → Art → Secular → Theistic → Hereditary → Traditional → Garden → Fire → Draconic → Animal → Lunar → Christian → Hellenic → Celtic → Kemetic → Science → Elemental → Urban → Seasonal → Sanguine → Cosmic → Dream → Sea → Storm/Weather → Hearth → Tea → Water → Fae → Music → Sigil → Crystal

What are the corners and how to call them?

What is the sacred geometry?

Personal

Write down your Witchy To-Do lists (like these prompts or things to research or things to cleanse.)

Devote some pages to your deities if you worship any.

What are some offerings ideas for these deities?

Print out your natal chart and its report and stick it in your grimoire. BONUS: Write a reflection after reading your report.

Do you collect anything? Why?

Dedicate pages to learning about your past lives. 

How can you be contacted in the afterlife? What would be needed to summon you to learn your epic wisdom?

Create vision boards for your craft in your grimoire. 

Write about yourself as a witch. What do you want out of witchcraft?

Write down information on religions you’re interested in or that you work with if any.

What do you believe?

How did you come upon your path?

Do you believe in the afterlife? If so, what do you think it’s like?

Create a beginner’s guide or field guide to something you’re experienced with.

What are your core values? Name and explain.

How would you describe yourself? Include a picture or even draw yourself.

If someone down the line wanted to honor you as their ancestor, how would they do so?

Do you have a craft name? Why did you choose it?

Write down your magical goals. Be sure to revisit these and reflect upon your progress.

Why did you become a witch?

What is your birth tarot card?

Write down your daily rituals.

Do you have any rules for your path? What are they?

Spellbook

Come up with a collection of spell themes.  → This can be stuff like love, luck, healing, curses, etc.

Based on your collection of spell themes, what items would be best used for each theme?

Create a collection of spell ideas you will make spells for later. 

Gardening

Create a list of gardening tips. 

How do you harvest certain plants?

What is your garden plan for the year?

How can you dry herbs and other plants?

How can you garden by the moon?

Herbs and Plants/Herbalism and Aromatherapy

Create a list of 5-10 local plants you can incorporate into your craft. What are their correspondences? How can you use these plants?

Create a list of 5-10 go-to plants (herbs especially) you can grow and use in your craft. What are their correspondences and how can you use them?

Create a guide to essential oils and safe use. 

Incense correspondences and uses. 

How to make Herbal Infusions

How to make Herbal Decoctions

How to make Tinctures

How to make Medicinal Wines

How to make Gargles and Mouthwashes

How to make Eyewashes

How to make Herbal Baths

How to make Inhalations

How to make Infused Oils and Ointments

How to make Herbal Creams

How to make Syrups

How to make Herbal Vinegars

How to make Poultices and Compresses

Crystal Magic

How do crystals work?

Create a list of 5-15 go-to crystals you can use in your craft. What are their correspondences?

Crystal Grids. What are they? What are their uses? Do you have any grid layouts?

How do you cleanse crystals?

How do you charge crystals?

How do you program crystals?

Elemental Magic 

What are the five elements? How do they affect your craft?

What are the correspondences for different types of water? (i.e. river water, ocean, rain, moon, sun, etc.)

Cosmic Magic/Astrology

What are the 12 Zodiacs? How do they affect your craft?

Research some constellations and how you can incorporate them into your craft. 

What are the planetary correspondences? How can you use the planets in your craft?

Recipe Book

Meals

Snacks

Desserts

Herbal Medicines

Potions

Essential Oils

Lunar Magic

What are the phases of the moon and their correspondences?

What are the special full moons and their correspondences?

Sigil Work

What are the many ways you can create sigils?

What are the many ways you can activate sigils?

Create a sigil logbook.

Mythology

What mythology are you interested in?

Include some stories in your grimoire → Written stories → Storyboards/comics → Drawings of scenes

What are the folktales from where you live?

Divination

Gather a list of traditional divination methods you’re interested in.

Gather a list of obscure divination methods you’re interested in. 

Create a tarot cheatsheet.

Create a rune cheatsheet.

Create a numerology cheatsheet.

What is numerology? How can you use it in your craft?

Create a collection of tarot spreads. Include: → 2 card spreads → 3 card → 4 card → 5 card → more complex spreads.

How can you read Runes? (i.e. drawing them out of a container, using spreads, or throwing them)

Create a collection of rune spreads. 

Compile a list of good questions to ask for divination.

Create a pendulum board.

Spirit Work

Draw or write about the spirits you work with. 

What are some offerings ideas?

Dreamwork

Keep a dream diary.

From your dreams and some research, make your own dream dictionary.

Candle Magic

How and why is it used?

What are the benefits of candle magic?

Candle shape correspondences

Color and smell correspondences.

Flame meanings.

Color Magic

Research Color Magic and how you can incorporate it into your craft.

Research the correspondences of different colors. 

Research color theory and how you may incorporate it into your craft. 

Shadow Work

Make a portrait of your shadow self.

What is shadow work? How can you incorporate it into your craft?

Magical Housekeeping

Recipes for Beauty Products

Recipes for Cleansing Products

Bath Magic

Sleep Rituals and Sleep Magic

Glamour Magic

Recipes to Pamper yourself

Stress Management Methods

Mental Health Hoping Methods

Cleansing Your Spaces

Journaling and Creative

What are the Seven Planes of Existence? Do they mean anything to you?

Create an entry that must be read in a mirror.

Create an entry that can be viewed right-side up and upside down. 

Stick coloring book pages into your grimoire.  BONUS: Only tape 1 side down so you can use the back to write a spell, tell a story, create a ritual, etc. 

Create a list of words you can seriously reflect upon and do so. Some ideas: → Love → Strength → Courage → Intelligence

Write down quotes/poems/etc. that have meaning to you and reflect upon those meanings. 

Write down letters to your past and future selves. 

Write love letters to your grimoire.

Write letters to your ancestors, spirits, or deities. 

What are the _____ of witchcraft you love?  → Sights → Smells → Taste → Sounds → Feelings

What is Magic? How is it used?

What are the consequences of using magic?

Miscellaneous 

What are Chakras and what do they mean to you?

Leave some pages to write down things to research.

Write down tea/coffee correspondences. 

Leave a space to put all those witchy life hacks/tips you find. 

What are auras? How can you use them in your craft?

Research the Fae

♥ Tip Your Witch ♥

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 15 - 11

15. Ieva Zasimauskaitė - “When we’re old” Lithuania 2018

[2018 Review here]

~wen wir owld HOOOOOOOOOOOO~

So close to the endgame it’s time to open all of the emotional registers. Much like Hovi, I did not expect to love Ieva as much as I do, however unlike Hovi I had already fully embraced Ieva and “When we’re old” long before rehearsals started.

And for good reason because Ieva fucking disarms me every time without fail. She herself is of course a hilarious, relatably weirdo indie girl, this time in the guise of a Born Again Hindu who ~FELT A COSMIC PRESENCE~ on the stage with her. 😍 Telling the true story of how she overcame depression by falling in love with her hubby. Flanked by holograms that project Ieva’s life dream: to be happy and grow old with the love of her life. All my hopeless romantic triggers are activated by this song. ALL OF THEM.

People are generally divided on Ieva’s voice, but um hello welcome to BorisBubbles. I ranked Nina Kralic and Jana Burcheska hellow-high. I LOVE Ieva’s husky, nasal, ovine, falsetto whine of a voice. It makes “When we’re old” for me. Ieva injects so much vulnerability and authenticity into a song that whenever she performs it, all I can do is sit in silence, tears welling up in my eyes, bleating along with the WHAOHHHHHs. Time truly stands still during “When we’re old” and I’m speechless.

________________________________________________________________

14. Conchita Wurst - “Rise like a phoenix” Austria 2014

You can be damn’ sure the highest ranked powerballad on this list is “Rise like a phoenix”. It isn’t as much as a song as it is an INSTITUTION. 

Which is why, symbollically, “Phoenix” is a very important winner. It’s a plight for overcoming hate, for overcoming bullying, from being yourself in the face and of adversity and rising from the ashes reborn, reinvented, reinvigorated. Its presentation is provocative, yet secondary, putting vocals and song on the foreground. It is rooted in the political zeitgeist of its winners, like most modern winners, obviously, 

however, ask yourself this:

Would “Phoenix” have won if it hadn’t been a great performance of a great song? 

I don’t think it would have. Take away the powerful composition and leave just the politically correct message, and you get Bilal Hassani. Take away the beard and you have, well, a really good song bond theme by a talented vocalist, that probably would’ve finished top ten, if not top five in most years. 

It’s easy to get distracted by Tom’s stick because a “Bearded drag queen” provides a lot of cognitive dissonance, which I personally love because it forces me to think, keeping my mind sharp. The use of a gimmick does NOT cheapen the talent on display here, however. Tom’s delivery of the song is flawless, hitting every note, delivering both ‘feminine’ nuturing comfort and ‘masculine’ strength to his glorious song. He even throws in some small nuggets of fierceness, providing levity, reminding us of Conchita’s drag queen roots

The act is cut from the same professional cloth; it is maybe a tad provocative, but at it’s core it remains dignified and classy, maintaining a moral high ground that instantly sheds a bad light on any hater. You may pull her down, but she’s gonna FLYYYYY.

Conchita Wurst is the best winner of this decade, period. No winning performance is as ironclad, vocally, musically or stagingwise as hers. No other winner has shown as much raw performance talent as she has. No winner has been able to make such a statement while at their core maintaining a high-quality musical standard. No winner has been such a champion of those whose voices are trampled for being different. To use Conchita’s own words after she won: “WE ARE UNITY. AND *WE* ARE UNSTOPPABLE.” 

________________________________________________________________

13. Zlata Ognevich - “Gravity” Ukraine 2013

This is the last female fronted act from 2013, you know what that means: EPIC ENTRANCE TIME 😍

What a beautiful dreamscape. I felt bad ranking Elina Nechayeva in a fairly low 39th place, but honestly, “Gravity” vibes very similarly and does the same things a lot better: Breathtakingly regal woman, a mirage of near-divine grace, stunning visual effects... SIGN ME UP ALREADY. At the core we of course find Zlata, the winner of the Best Human Award in 2013. Zlata’s backstage bits were rife with personality facts that instantly endeared her to me. A praraphrased selection from her infinitely quotable interview gold: ”I PRACTICE BIG VOICE BY HOLDING BREATH UNDERWATER”; “I COME FROM PLACE IT’S CALLED CRIMEA, IS LARGE ::reads from online dictionary:: PEN...EEN...SYOO..LA(?) WITH BIG MOUNTAIN AND LARGE SEA ^_^”; “I LOVE UNICORN IS FAVOURITE ANIMAL”. GODDESS. 😍

Fortunately her overpoweringly loud, yet disarmingly weird personality is also omnipresent during her big screen performance. “Gravity” is a mirage of Disney mojo and Zlata absolutely fucking hits it like A SHTRIKE OF DUNDAR

I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a song that is legit quotable at every interval? There is not a single line in “Gravity” that doesn’t bring out the bedroom karaoke: “IMMA LIIIKA BADDERFLYYYYY.” “NOTHING COMES FROM PRIDE, -*HAYLALE*” “NOW I FEEL NO FEEEEE-AAAAAAR.“

And I’m not even done because Gravity ALSO features an excellent backing choir (the male backing vocalist is incredible). It’s just a perfect example of world music, conjuring three minutes of pure, unicorn-endorsed magic. IMMA LIIIKE A BADDERFLYYYYY. 🦋

________________________________________________________________

12. Juliana Pasha - “It’s all about you” Albania 2010

YUARDAWAN 😀 YUGIMMEDATSAMTINANEED 😀 ITZMI 😀 ENDAMFOLIN 😀

We are at #12, which means we’re at that Olympian milestone where every entity ranked is a fucking supernatural force. In Juliana’s case a forced of pure, unfiltered, streechy harpism. 😍 It is so weird to think that she was the first of Albania’s now iconic ‘Shrieking Boss Hag” archetype because it feels like a alliance older than time, sealed and styled in cuneiform onto a shard of Sumerian pottery, blessed by the Annunaki and then embedded into the muddy banks of the Euphrates. 

Anyway, Juliana earned my HEART once she greeted us with her uncanny-valleyesque diction and cheshire-catesque leering, all YUARDAWAN! and proceeded to throw everything, both vocally and facialexpressionly, into the mix, in ascending degrees of deafening loudness. 😍

With a criminally addictive electronic schlager song too boot! One which, like Zlata features an INCREDIBLE supporting cast in a bangin’ gospel choir, as well as a very generous dollop of ❤ ELECTRONIC VIOLA REALNESS ❤

One of the fave musicians of NaziPope, btw. “It’s all about you” is such a Triumpf of the Shrill. 😍

Anyway, this high quality list of ingredients make for a very replayable ride that never spoils or grows stale, no matter how often I listen to it. Which is actually a lot. I’ve looped “It’s all about you” at countless occasions since 2010, making it perhaps the song on this list that I have to the MOST often. (Or second most because there IS a song I still have to rank that may challenge Juliana for that title.) If that ain’t a hallmark for quality, I don’t know what is. 

________________________________________________________________

11. Koza Mostra ft. Agathonas Iakovidis - “Alcohol is free” Greece 2013

Has life been letting you down? Have you been struck by a financial crisis? Do you no longer know how to continue living. Fear not, because :cracks knuckles: we are about to embark on a MASTERCLASS of unabashed drunken REVELRY:

Um a small disclaimer though. This song has a really really, really, REALLY irresponsible title. DO NOT at any circumstance use alcohol as a coping mechanism, engage in drunk driving or other activities under influence that you may life to regret later, if you live to regret it later. Also don’t drink if you’re underage. Also also, alcohol can cause obesity and cardio-vascular arrest. and cancer, possibly. Drink, but do so RESPONSIBLY. 

HOWEVER, what if this song is... a PSA???😈 An Anti-Crisis PSA that is, lol. A group of folk hipsters literally PARTYING AWAY the misery of the financial crisis in a delightfully self-deprecating fashion is just the pinacle of fun for me and Koza Mostra fucking ROLL with it. Watching them dart out in all wind directions, interacting with each other gives me LIFE.

It’s exactly that sort of industriousness which sets “Alcohol is free” apart from other party songs. There is a LOT of randomness going on in the background and it gives you ZERO time to process all of it, making every rewatch an easter egg hunt.

This approach to staging usually doesn’t work, but here it is actually very intelligent and I’ll explain why: The act places a lot of focus on Agathonas (which it should because he’s the lead singer despite his featured status), but by the same token offers constant distraction by all the Koza Mostra shenanigans in the background...  In other words, it’s an act that forces your attention away from the main event by confusing your senses, requesting all of you concentration keep up with everything that’s going on... which is actually a brilliantly accurate simulation of how 'being drunk’ works.

(btw if you listen closely you can hear the sound of Agathonas tapping his skull lol <3)

So the next time you listen to this song, pour yourself a drink (ONE drink!) sit back and embark on a Waldo-esque hunt to see how many beautiful nuggets you can find hidden in that splendid act, as the upbeat sirtaki madness fills your head with cloudy thoughts. As far as I’m concerned, Koza Mostra have WON the Eurovision Fun Contest. 

EVERYONE RISE AND APPLAUD THE  10 BEST ENTRIES IN THIS DECADE:

From now on, I’ll only include maximum 2 songs per update :o

And in this update we finally say goodbye to Greece, Albania, Ukraine, Austria and Lithuania. Read my thoughts on them, below:

LITHUANIA

Lithuania was hands down the worst country in the 00s and look at their chart now. They are slowly getting their shit together and it shows. Keep on going, darlings!!

AUSTRIA

God Austria are so boring. At least they occasionally provide us with a great entry here or there, but they’re so inconsistent in their entertainment. 2 great - 6 okay - 1 terrible is NOT a great ratio by any means. 

UKRAINE

ALBANIA

Albania are very hit-or-miss, but I really like their presence in Eurovision actually. Like Georgia they entries are so left-field that they are always *interesting* even when they’re not good. Except “Fairytale”. Fuck “Fairytale”.

GREECE

Fuck this decade was ROUGH for Greece. They are a shattered nation and if you think this chart is bad, let me remind you that their best result in the past five contests is 19th place. Same in fact, as San Marino’s highest and lower than the highest placements of Albania, Montenegro, Slovenia, UK, Ireland, North Macedonia,...