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peter parker is the kinda guy to walk up to tony stark and start absolutely every question with 'so hypothetically' which means it can range to forgetting his lunch or possibly getting stabbed, which ends up freaking the fuck out of tony by the time he gets to the point of actually explaining what happened
#spiderman#peter parker#iron man#tony stark#i have had a vision#and this has happened in it#the vision was tonys anxiety skyrocketing#but that would probably happen each time peter comes back#from absolutely anywhere actually#irondad and spiderson
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they had to pause their morning workout to drive wash to the ER at 7 am bc he somehow got hit by a car while getting mail. there's traffic. maine fiddles with the radio and carolina is imagining herself parkouring over the other cars
#rvb#red vs blue#maine#wash#carolina#agent washington#agent maine#agent carolina#mine#*24#i just saw that image again and wanted to redraw it and this concept just manifested itself#i lost the og ref photo but its the one w/ the big beefy guy and the blonde woman + they both got tits. if u don't know it dw lol#also in a modern au carolina has like a subaru or a honda civic and it's teal. she's the only one of the blues who even has a car#tex had a motorbike. no one else in blue team even has a license except wash but he doesn't actually have a car he just needed a license#but the blues are like 'we never even fucking go anywhere why would we pay all the car insurance shit + parking'#if they rly need to they can just bum a ride from someone or wash can rent a car or whatever#carolina will only drive them (she doesn't trust wash not to crash) in an absolute emergency bc they made fun of her car saying#it's a PTA mom car and she's petty. if youre not gonna die she doesn't care
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anyone interested in talking about the iconic 2000's middle-grade-bordering-on-ya book series gallagher girls??
#okay incoming rant about this series#i read the first book when i was 10 or 11 and i was absolutely obssessed with it. i read it so many times i had the entire story memorized#the issue was that i could not find the rest of the series anywhere. it was either sold out or out of stock#and then i found out that only the first 3 books had been translated into my first language so at that point i kinda gave up on them#anyway#flashforward to a couple of weeks ago#i was re organizing my bookshelf and on the back i found LYKY (is this how y'all are abreviating it??)#and remembred how much i loved it#and since i'm now fluent in english and was stuck at home recovering from a surgery i decided to download the entire series and read it#to find out what the fuck happened afterwards#long story short i read all six books in 4 or 5 days#and i haven't stopped thinking about them since#it's actually so funny how little information we have in the first book#i went all of these years thinking it was mostly a silly series about a boarding school for spies when actually SO MUCH happens afterwards#i can't believe i went all of these years unaware of zach goode's existence#truly character of all time#but also i can't stop thinking about how interesting it would have been if zach had come to hate the circle and his mom during the series#rather than before#make it a true enemies to lovers#and have us witness that portion of his character developement in real time instead of being told about it#like him slowly realizing through cammie and his time at gallagher that maybe what they were doing is wrong#i think it would have been very interesting to read#although let's be real it took me until halfway through book four to trust him and he was fully one of the good guys so..#but yeah i have a lot more to say but these tags are long enough#gallagher girls#okay i just want to add another funny anecdote about my experience with this series#my copy of LYKY has an age warning in the back recomending that readers should be above 13 yo to read it#and i distinctly remember finishing it and thinking the warning was kind of dumb bcs besides a few mentions of death and other heavier topi#nothing really happened#and now i realize it was a warning for the rest of the series not just the first book because jesus fucking chirst everything after
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Saying that non-conforming female characters don't face as much misogyny as their "feminine" counterparts is so funny cause literally the misogyny in their treatment is more overt because they aren't staying "in their place" like men think they should. The disdain for women + misogynistic societal ideals are so much more blatant in male characters interacting with these women. Countless times they are, in essence, told they need to sit down, shut up, and know their place but somehow that translates into them having "masculine privilege". I can only assume that people with this take haven't actually read the books and only get their information from second-hand sources.
#Men actually love it when the group they're oppressing doesn't conform with their restrictive measures that's exactly how things work 🙄#George saying that his non-conforming female characters were outcasts was really just overkill cause this is explicitly stated in the books#It's such a stupid take to have or try to argue cause there's literally no basis for it anywhere in the books#the inherit misogyny in othering women for not conforming to a misogynistic and patriarchal society though...I have to laugh#Coming from the so-called feminists in fandom make a career of throwing female characters under the bus to prop up their faves#Brienne literally gets told not to go crying if she gets raped because she's asking for it by /acting like a man/#and her mistreatment by both genders for her looks and behavior is well documented in her POV and those who interact with her#Asha gets denied her claim for being a women and repeatedly treated like an idiot for pushing for it anyways#Arya is an outcast in her own family and her behavior is lamented by her father mother and sister lol#I would just really like to know where this supposed privilege comes in??? where is it actually at??#cause it doesn't get them better treatment...better access to their claims...security from being assaulted...so where exactly is it?#just another fandom idea that can never be backed up but people treat like an absolute fact anways#obligatory this isn't me that feminine female characters don't face misogyny cause people love misinterpreting my points#asoiaf#brienne of tarth#asha greyjoy#arya stark#daenerys targaryen#fandom nonsense
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I think the main thing that pisses me off about like 90% of mephiles ships is that people will be like "how old is he??" Look that fanwiki says that he's ten and they RUN with it. Like they don't read further. I'm so convinced that most people don't even know the plot of 06 bc the shit I've seen people draw and write with the characters is just mind boggling.
#trash rambles#like yeah i understand thwt nearly all of the named sonic characters are either minors or unspecified#but like#even if he was actually ten#shipping him with other minor characters would be so weird 😭#plus i dont think it would even matter if he has actually a minor because that uncomfortable power dynamic would still be there with most#other characters#and like#god idk#the amount of dog shit mephiles ships i have to have blocked in my tags is extremely upsetting#LIKE. WDYM?#MARIA??????#STOP IT 😭#tikal makes more sense but that one still makes me uncomfortable#idk i dont even remember all the ones i blocked i just remember that find the maria posts was like#devistating#that and the one person who liked all my 06 posts and was a mephiles and elise shipper (theyre siblings to me so someone like that liking m#art of them is understanbly upsetting)#that being said how old do i think infinite is??? because he doesnt have an official age (that i could find)#personally i think hes anywhere from 19 (at the absolute youngest) to like. early 30s idk 💀#somewhere between thoes idk#the only version of him that has a 100% solid age in my head is for the ghost au and hes 22 in that (bc hes a junior in collage)#n e way#i just woke up so ignore if this is illegible#ugh idk i really try not to be gate-keepy about stuff i like because its annoying but like#i love 06 so much it kinda hurts tl see people just kinda not knowing even the basic plot or like. only going off the fandubs (which i#really enjoy but at a certain point you can only say mephiles is ur favorite and have people quote it at you or in the comments of your 06#posts so many times before you just like. idk. (also ive had people irl tell me 06 sucks after i told them directly it was my favorite sonic#game??? like??? bro you asked ME.))
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why am i so interested in south american cultures and history. and why do i keep stopping myself from learning about them
#no cuz i have a fucking interest in it and its unexplainable idk where it came form#i literally live on a whole other continent way away from south america#i never been to anywhere in south america#i do not have a drop of latinx blood on me i have absolutely no connections to the damn place#but yet i am so interested in whatever the fuck incas aztecs and mayans were doin#about past history and current history#and current countries NOT TO MENTION THEYRE SOOOOO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL GOD#i saw a vlog about brazil and never wanted to visit a country more in my life like holy shit#also i was obsessed with sottr mainly cuz of the focus on the latino civilizations#but from little research ive done it was quite stereotypical and blending the civilisation even tho theyre very different#but okay anyway#i HAVE the interest and yet i dont go let myself research ???? like i literally tell myself no????? no ill do that later ?????????#i have very poor memory retention okay so ig that makes me demotivated but STILLWOUWHABFJ#i remember watching some vids on the topics and trying to learn the damn differences BUT I REMEMBER FUCKING NOTHINGGGGGG#i can barely remember what i have learned in math last (4 weeks ago) like jesus cmon...................#i want to learn but i can barely remember anything FFLOR FUCKS SAKEEEKSGXVAJ#but still I dint think that's a reason for me denying myself and self sabotaging myself here ?????#i guess cuz im not taking it as much of a priority compared to the subjects im doing it + art + art history#which i also fucking suck at btw i am constantly trying to learn sm for art history and i remember. barely anything !!!#i remember i had to relearn the events and everything of ww2 like around 6-7 times and im not joking here#cuz i would not remember anything and now i remmeber it vaguely enough to be able to know some basic facts but no dates or smaller events#ok god my memory retention is shit i think i actually gotta be concerned about that shit#anyway i just wanted to rant except i have absolutely no information or facts to offer whatsoever#rumaiq rambles#writing this whislt listening to a Argentina 70s top playlist and there is absolutely no bad song. i love them all. and that is very rare#especially for me i am picky as fuck with my playlists and music#idk what the conclusion of this is i dont think there is one
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wallpaper is insane like u find a product w an ugly print ? wallpaper it. just multiple uncoordinated things put together ? wallpaper it. ugly door ? wallpaper it. ugly wall ? landlord won’t let me wallpaper it
#stream#tumblrs aging demographic etc but this was actually abt diys#the years of getting very stoned & watching the sorry girls & not even remembering what the original video was have prepared me to diy#everything#like ALSKALSKALSKLAKSLAKAA i love pullin shit out the trash like u don’t want it ? i do ‼️#i can REPURPOSE IT#i think it’s so funny#like the way i was raised was to recycle or whatever but my father also raised us to save everything bc what if u need the parts u know dads#so i just do. one of my core memories from ‘a child’ i was probably in like 8th grade at this point was when the hubcap of my fathers car#fell off his old as dirt hunk of junk older than me automobile & he was too cheap to pay like 25$ for a new 1 so he took my brother & i to#this like drainage ditch expecting US to go poke around in there & get it & i said absolutely fuckin not#bc this same man would tell us - bc we had to buy our own toys so like we u know saved whenever we got money from bday or christmas or u#know manual labour in exchange for money bc ok yea at least he taught us to demand what ur worth w that but it was like 5c ea pinecone 1c ea#stick or like ‘help me repair the roof’ ‘pressure wash the fence’ i was like 9 ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAAKS - he’d take us to the toy store &#we’d bring our money but instead we’d go to the hardware store & do all the errands & force us to do everything w him then he’d just say#‘yea it’s too late for that sorry’ like it was just. captive audience. this man is the reason i don’t go anywhere unless i know i can leave#on my own or when i want somehow bc girl …. I DONT TRUST ANYBODY HES A LIAR & A SCAMMER LIKE#but that’s just family heritage it’s genetic we’re a long line of liars & scammers but the buck ends here bc i’m not having bio children#or any children#lord knows i’ll be dead long before the chance could arise#i shouldn’t say things like that but ALSKALKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLA WE KNEW WE’D DIE YOUNG#this started w wallpaper#i’m so high#also very very bored#i’ve to do dishes & i absolutely 100% do not want to i hate dishes so fucking much i hate doing them i hate being around them i hate seeing
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the really cool thing about a lot of my records being from my family in israel is that every once in a while i just see that on the back it has some stuff in hebrew
#generally just saying like 'manufactured in israel' in hebrew or whatever but still#pretty cool#there was this one beatles record which i sold because of the absolutely terrifying cover and it turned out to have only been sold in israel#look up beatles greatest israel it is terrifying i am telling you#i don't know how i actually managed to get 10$ from it i was expecting the guy to say he doesn't want to have it anywhere near him and his#store its so scary.#the packaging was in bad condition too (thanks step grandpa for taking terrible care of your record cases! (the vinyls the#themself are generally in good condition though dw))#but yeah 10$! good money for it honestly#glad to finally be rid of it#ישראבלר#<- i guess
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Gotta admit, I didn't expect this to come up while I was listening to Willie Nelson, but I probably should have
Anyway. #gendershit
#where the fuck is that picture of me from when i was like 5#mom was running a drag show in the city and they couldn't get a practice space anywhere cuz. well. you know.#but the kings and queens all decided to rotate between houses for practice nights amongst those who had a space to offer#and i was SO FUCKING MAD that i wasn't allowed to go to the drag show [venue served alcohol and i was 5] that i refused to be consoled#one of the queens suggested i could come along to all the practices and make my own performance for rehearsal night to go up with them#so the kings and queens all helped me go thru my closet and pick out my outfit#naturally this resulted in a glittery Lavender tutu#my actual horse riding boots and ranching sun hat#and the absolute cutest bandaeu bra made out of sarees#i was rockin around on my stick pony singing about cowboys and cowgirls and generally being the lil hick i always will be#and everyone was so nice to me about it lol#but mom was laughing so hard the pictures are all REAL blurry lol#SoundCloud
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you don;t get to learn about this one either (you will). if i tell you this thing is about death and murder you would have to trust me
#luwel#mike#my art#the only reason i never posted abt this one before is bc theres like.#a lot to work out.#its a murder mystery thing but the murder and mystery literally doesnt matter at all#and they both leave before the case even gets explored :sob:#its literally just abt mikes reaction to being in a dangerous enclosed space with somebody who he#cares very dearly about and doesnt know how to deal with it#bc he's been near death so many times and killed someone himself so he's like.#in an absolute nightmare realm. but he has to just liek .#unfortunately forces himself to put his own worries and stuff to the side#(luwel has not been anywhere as close to actual violence like mike has and detaches himself from reality to the point where he just .#thinks that everything is fake and a play and wants to get involved with solving it bc he wants to believe it's fake#and mike's like hey uh. no. this is real i Cannot let you out of my sight)#the last image is outdated btw its when his outfit was based on primarina instead of flapple#luwels was always based on serperior
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THE BEST OF EARTH: VANCOUVER
Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Maj. Kaidan Alenko, and Lt. James Vega With: Adm. David Anderson, Adm. Steven Hackett, & Flight Lt. Jeff "Joker" Moreau I don't like Anderson's orders either, but we don't have a choice. Without help, this war is already over. Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#shenko#james vega#kaidan alenko#sophie shepard#steven hackett#jeff joker moreau#david anderson#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#i’m back on my me3 bullshit and i’m so excited ✨#no one question why soph looks different from the car lot set#her tattoos are different bc i finally managed to fix them somewhat lmao and i figured out how i wanted the scars on her face to look too#(AKA i finally managed to nail down her me3 look until i sculpt her head morph in blender)#these were lowkey a little bit of a bitch to color correct bc of that blue filter on me3 that makes everyone look super washed out#i’m gonna have to re-gif car lot in the future when i get back there too now that i think about it#was this just an excuse to gif kaidan now that i’m playing ME3 again? yes. will there be more gifs when i get him and ash back? absolutely.#james and EDI are gonna be my babes until i him and ash back tho#it’s a good opportunity for james and EDI content bc my god they deserve more love#also this shit isn't anywhere CLOSE to canon for soph when it comes to how things actually went down in vancouver with kaidan#but the VS’s treatment is poo in bioware canon so i say i do not see it and write my own :)#anywhoooo if you read all my rambling in the tags of my gif sets i hope you have a good day ✨🥹
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Wait, they're making another one? Oh-kaaayyyy... Not holding my breath, but hopefully it's at least better than the $h!tshow that was the second movie. (Even if that "version" of Silver is still there.) If it's any consolation, I don't know how much Sega is involved with the Sonic movies, but if it's a good bit, then maybe they can help out! At the very least, there's this amazing comment under the reveal teaser. (GOLDEN ISLAND MENTIONED)
#angry birds#angry birds movie#the angry birds movie#angry birds movie 3#the angry birds movie 3#am i the first one to tag that?#just hoping it's anywhere near as solid as the first and not the dumb unfocused slop that is the second#but seriously please don't drag silver back into this you massacred my favorite adopted piggy-turned-bird enough last time#maybe they could finally do something cool with jo like they've deserved for the past year?#then again it's likely an average-tier animated kids movie so they may not dare include a non-binary character#(then again spa's involved and spider-gwen is at least 80% likely to be trans...#...so maybe there's still hope for jo to finally get to be more than a pfp for a month)#(then again sony wants to play with ai soon so yikes)#yeah i'm still bitter that they're continuing a movie series that got killed five years ago instead of continuing better stuff#like c'mon we get an angry birds movie 3 before angry birds stella season 3 or even toons season 4?#hopefully they actually use the darn slingshots (the absence of which was one of many things that sunk the 2nd movie)#i don't know what to make of angry birds anymore considering how they murdered their renaissance before it could ever begin#(shortening and delisting the remake. making reloaded apple-exclusive. whatever on earth bad piggies 2 was.)#but i'm just hoping they can get at least one thing right this decade. just one please.#being an angry birds since 2012 and witnessing everything go to hell from 2015 onward...#...really was the perfect preparation for being a bengals fan wasn't it#welp forget everything i said about studios earlier#sega is absolutely producing it and the animation will be done by dneg who animated freaking nimona#okay NOW this just got very interesting. now i'm keeping an eye out on this.#(seriously i know dneg didn't do the most on nimona but still.#a studio involved in nimona an angry birds movie.#that combo of words alone might make my day! 2012 sorta and modern sorta would be hugging jumping up and down at that!)
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when I was in high school there was a tendency whenever there was an attractive boy to simply fan over him. in a way that talked over everything he might say for himself and created a narrative that completely ignored, the fact in some cases, that he was really struggling—or if he was struggling, to pin all the blame on the girl he’s dating and completely ignore the thousands of other factors (no it can’t be mental illness or unaccommodated disability or systemic abuse or exploitation and if he is in an abusive relationship we won’t ever consider the factors that put him at risk for that)
and I’m not saying this fandom is like that. I get the need for privacy around some things and how in public conversations sometimes it’s a lot more respectful to stick to the positives (everyone who does that, I admire you) or even the struggles that are talked about publicly, show respect by not reading too far into them. there’s a time and place for that. but sometimes I feel like our only options are shitty and ableist gossip or totally ignoring the systemic and structural issues we know exist in something like the music industry until someone dies and then we’re looking for someone to blame. friends, there is a point where the respectful thing is to listen to what someone says and come together to make things better. and you can learn how to have that conversation respectfully. please do
#forever haunted by ‘I wasn’t always a cynic it’s just I’ve been bought and sold’#and actually this highlights my whole frustration with the conversation around mental health just about anywhere#like you tell people something sucks and they’re completely unwilling to even try to challenge the status quo in order to help#and idk. I tell myself they’re going to be fine. they’re so resilient. I’m doing all I can; I’m not on the ground there I’m at a distance#but at the same time is it not bittersweet sometimes to enjoy music born from trauma? to be at a live show knowing they shouldn’t be?#to me these stories have to be told for the reason that yes so people relate but also so we can do better for the next generation#anyway I’ve gotten deep into inxs lore lately and I can say. yes it is better for 5sos simply for the fact men can talk about emotions#but that didn’t come without a MASSIVE fight don’t you ever forget that. it’s gonna still carry shame. they’re choosing to fight that#but the sad songs we got as a result?? idk they’re the thing that turned me parasocial because there’s rarely absolutely nothing you can do#like if we’re ever gonna give them a gold star for talking about this stuff as early as sgfg til today we gotta ask ourselves to look at#larger systemic issues and stuff that we ARE a part of and while we can’t be there for them when they have a bad day. we can work on#anyway the high school example still haunts me. still drives some of what I do now. we were just kids. but most of us here aren’t anymore#and the newbrokenscene is grown up now and tbh the status quo should be TERRIFIED#so idk. at the very least sign the petition for liams law. advocate for better. address local issues of injustice and addiction etc#which in some ways I’m lucky that I get to do that in sydney so it feels connected but this is just as valuable anywhere#tbh the 2010s era of bubblegum pop and ignoring all our problems is over. you’re punk now. even katy released chained to the rhythm#thinking about the nfp I’m trying to start and how to start small. for disadvantaged kids maybe? intervening via urban design?#(don’t you ever forget 5sos WERE disadvantaged kids not even 20 years ago. that shit sticks to you no matter how much you achieve)#albums and activism#anyway it fascinates me to see how differently people do this kind of thing to each band member. like the vibe is different but still track#for this whole phenomenon like whether they’re seen as pretty or strong or cute or smth else that becomes the main thing not their words#and I say that but tumblr is pretty good overall. I just wish sometimes we could have a more active conversation before any tragedy#so gosh I’m ranting so much but PLEASE talk about this with me. I notice far too much and I can’t say any of it publicly#so occasionally I come out with a rant like this
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as a general rule, on average, if americans consistently complain about a food being conceptually weird, gross, and scary, then it probably tastes amazing. or at least inoffensive.
this is because in my experience americans for the most part (give or take a few exceptions by region) think eating literally anything other than beef, chicken, bread, eggs, peanut butter jelly sandwitches, ketchup, and disgusting cloyingly artificial brown sludge soda is insurmountably weird, gross, and scary.
#a lot of people literally refuse to even eat ham or pork#not even for like religious or health reasons#just because they think eating anything but beef and chicken is 'weird and scary and gross'#every time i hear people going on en masse about how 'weird and an acquired taste' something foreign is i go and try it and i'm just like#what the fuck were all of you smoking. where is the unbearable weirdness i am supposed to be experiencing#shoutout to that time i kept hearing about how bizarre a flavor milkis soda is and how intimidating and acquired of a taste#then when i actually try the stuff. it's just fucking peach soda. it's peach soda with a faint tangy yogurtish taste. it makes good floats.#how in the absolute fuck is anything even remotely weird much less gross about this?#unless your concept of what a 'soda' should be is poisoned by a lifetime of the entire soda aisle being filled with nothing but brown sludg#from the same 3 brands that all taste like what would happen if they could distill the concept of diabetes and artificial flavoring syrup#i don't know if other countries have this but there's this weird cultural like mandatory rejection of any 'unusual' food here#way more intense than i've seen from anyone from any other country (though that might just be inexperience with other cultures talking)#people react to the mere suggestion of any food outside a very narrow range with outright disgust and genuine fear and horror#and there's a huge amount of unspoken peer pressure on everyone to also do the same#like you're expected to agree with them and you've breeched some sort of silent social contract if you don't#it's seen as *immoral* almost it feels like#it's difficult to describe unless you've noticed it yourself#americans react to the mere suggestion of eating anything outside of the same 2 meats and handful of fillers the same way#that pearl-clutching aristocrat grandmas react to hearing that people in foreign countries do.. basically anything#it doesnt matter if you're suggesting eating ube cake or suggesting eating live bugs because people will react the same way#everything that's not chicken/beef/ect is as good as bugs to people here#hate this stupid blandass country and how impossible it is to afford any food other than burgers if you're not rich#or blessed with relatives that have any idea how to cook and are at all willing to teach you#cause nother weird thing i've noticed about food culture-or at least wasp food culture-that i haven't seen anywhere else quite the same way#is that if you DO have any relatives that know how to cook then nine times out of ten they will jealously guard their recipes like a dragon#and refuse to share them with anyone#thus taking whatever little cooking knowledge was in the family to their grave#so the opportunity other people usually have for family bonding via passing on recipes? pffft no.#for some reason we seem to actively go out of our way to prevent these things from being passed on#i don't know what the fuck is up with that but i suspect it has something to do with 50's dinner party oneupmanship
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i have 2 interviews on monday so im gonna try to just eat so much tomorrow that i literally die
#one is the one from today that i did in fact reschedule bc tbh i don’t want that job and i was so not ready for the interview#bc from the phone interview last week the recruiter was like yeah you’re gonna want to know like the history of the company for the next#interview and reallllly have good star answers and i was like lol ok just kill me#so i wasnt ready and that’s fine now it’s on monday BUT today i got an email for another phone interview from a job that i reeeeeeally want#actually it’s like exactly what i do now but actual hourly pay and benefits which is all i’m looking for#AND it’s 100% remote anywhere whereas the first one which is the finance job that i know nothing about#finance but they have an office in the city i used to live in which is like idk 45 minutes away and is also the city i’m planning to#move back to anyway once i can get the fuck out from under my familys roof#but training is 7 months in office so if i get tht i absolutely have to move bc i will not be driving that for 7 months but if i move it’s#whatever but anyways the second job which is for copy editing which my ultimate goal anyway is to be an editor so this would be sooo good#and such good experience for me and my resume!!! and it’s 100% remote like i said and NO PHONES#the other job is a complete customer service job but i need all these finra licenses and shit and i’m like ok. how am i even supposed to#pass those anyway#but anyways. it’s obvious which job i want but i’m going to go to both interviews just to keep my options open bc i can’t be stupid about#this bc now that student debt forgiveness is completely off the table. lol forever. i’m going to have to start paying that#so anyways. my life is so stressful rn but at least things are starting to come together at least in the job department#well hopefully anyway like watch me get rejected for both 💀
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I'm ngl going through my old art yesterday kinda shook me a little
Like to me. It's so so painfully obvious that I was just. Checked tf out mentally in one way or another. Idk how to describe it beyond just severely being inside of my own head and to me that is so so evident in the art I was making.
I don't have the words right now to describe exactly how I'm feeling on the matter (actually, I do have some words, but they're far too vulnerable for Tumblr)
Idk I look at the quality of the art I was making and it's like. (Don't ask me to clarify on this, just go with it) it is so so so obvious to me how autistic I am, but at the time I wasn't even aware that autism was a label that applied to me.
I really don't know how to articulate how I'm feeling beyond "my art from that time is glaringly obvious evidence of me feeling extremely othered and separated from every other human being and wanting acceptance so so so badly that it's painful to look at"
#ive been aware for ages that to some degree a lot of what has driven my art is a desire to be validated by others#like trust me ive been aware of this for a looong time#but it just kinda. feels like a knife in the ribs to look bafk at older art and be hit with how absolutely#blatantly and painfully obvious it was#conceptually its easy to say the words 'make art for yourself' but actually doing that is such a struggle for me#bc for so long my art has been tied to seeking external validation that i dont feel like im getting anywhere else#bc i intrinsically feel so separated from other people in general due to neurodivergence#whoo! its not even 8am here yet!
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