#four shows have double episodes a week

[respectthepetty]

I'm traveling and tried to play the long con to get out of group activities, so I could watch my little gay shows in peace, but it didn't work. Now I've only watched two shows out of today's six, and the way this is going, I won't be able to watch anything until next Wednesday.

I remember when I thought February 2023 was rough. If only I knew what was coming.

As the queer Jack Twist screamed on a mountain in Wyoming "This is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation"

[autistic-ben-tennyson]

Ben and Gwen: lonely kid and gifted child

I’ve thought a lot about these two and their family dynamic. Both are relatable to me but in different ways. Like Gwen, I’ve always been the “mature” one who was good at school and loved by the adults in my life, but I also don’t have any friends and have a desire for fame and attention like Ben. At first glance, they seem to have little to complain about, being white kids with stable homes and two parents, compared to someone like Kevin, but there’s more to a character than just the surface and I think both have a lot of emotional issues relating to their self worth.

With Gwen, we get glimpses into her life and how everyone views her as perfect. Sunny envied how she was adored by her parents and Verdona and Gwen wished her mother would stop thinking of her as the “good influence”. All the adults in her family loved her and expected her to be the role model for the other kids which is a double edged sword. Yes you get praise and love but also pressure and high expectations. You’re expected to babysit the other kids and often have to bury your true feelings to please everyone and people will envy the love you get. And that love is often conditional and based around living up to their standards, remember how Natalie told her “normal people don’t glow” and how she doesn’t like her daughter or nephew using their powers around her.

As a kid, she was constantly doing extracurriculars like cotillion and judo before earning a scholarship to go to college early in Omniverse. We got a glimpse into her daily life in “It’s not Easy Being Gwen” where everyone expects her to fulfill certain obligations. Gwen seems like a child prodigy who feels she has to be the best and is always filling her schedule with activities and is always trying to get into the top schools. I think that’s why she fell for Kevin. He was the only one who loved her without putting her on a pedestal or because she’s family. The only person she could be herself around and doesn’t force her to act like a perfectionist. People complain about her outfit change in OV and I agree with some of the criticisms, but with all the pressure in her life, I get why she would want a change from the expectations in her life.

Ben strikes me as someone with a deep inferiority complex. It’s implied that he’s a bit of a loner who doesn���t have many friends with JT ditching him for Cash. He did get along better with Sunny which makes me wonder if he can relate to being in Gwen’s shadow. Fans talk about how great Carl and Sandra are as parents and while they are nice people, their free range approach can seem negligent. They only seemed concerned about Ben’s heroics once they witnessed it. By that time, Ben had been on late night road trips with Kevin, who punched holes in their doors, for weeks and didn’t even come home one night in “Save the Last Dance”. Ben may have acted the way he did in the OS as a cry for help as he feels neglected and the favoritism everyone has towards Gwen may rub off on him. It reminds me a bit of how Steven from SU acted the way he did in the early episodes because he was constantly being left alone without the gems or Greg while being compared to Rose. Kids who don’t have friends nor get much attention while living in a family member’s shadow can and do develop inferiority complexes.

Ben’s desire for fame seems to stem from wanting to be loved and wanting to feel special. He becomes so full of himself because people finally love him as opposed to viewing him as some average kid. Fans have dismissed the bullying he faced as cliche or unnecessary but it adds to his character. A lonely, bullied kid who’s in the shadow of his overachieving cousin will want something that makes him feel special, like the Omnitrix. Ben has to learn throughout the 4 shows that he is the hero, not the watch. I think that’s why he loved using transformations like Four-arms, Humungousaur and Feedback so much even if they were inadequate for the situation as they made him feel confident. The way he fights is reminiscent of standing up to a bully too, picking an intimidating form, offering a chance to back off and then doing what he can to stop the threat. It’s easy to write him off as just a spoiled brat or narcissistic but I think 1, that’s ableist and 2, is a rather shallow way of looking at his character. While he can be insufferable at times, is it wrong to want acknowledgement or praise when there’s people like Will Harangue or the Rooters who hate you just for existing? I think he deserves a break from fans who hate him and he acts a lot better than most kids would in his situation. Compare him to Shinji Ikari from Evangelion, who I also love as a character, who would break down after seeing what Ben has to deal with every day.

I think both may envy each other at times. Gwen has been shown to be jealous of Ben getting all the glory as well as how Ben was given a car by her boyfriend despite her parents being wealthier. Like Sunny, Ben may have viewed Gwen as a stuck-up overachiever who got all the respect from their parents. That was until they bonded and became friends in the OS but it occasionally came back like when Ben lashed out at her for telling him he couldn’t use Feedback, believing she was trying to take the only thing he had. Because they have it easier than Kevin, it’s easy to expect them to just get over it but I think both Tennyson cousins need a lot of therapy and need to talk about their issues with each other. Both characters mean a lot to me and remind me of my own struggles.

[good-chimes]

In honor of Life series four, Life Series Bake Off AU

NEW SERIES LAUNCHES:

Nation charmed by fresh crop of 12 amateur bakers including intensely competitive student GRIAN, ambitious cake artists BDUBS and SCAR, scientific bread experts TANGO and IMPULSE, and ETHO who has no discernible social media presence and, rumor has it, doesn’t officially exist. Married couple JOEL and LIZZIE raise eyebrows—will they be able to compete against each other?—but this is settled when Lizzie immediately announces she would murder Joel in real life to win and has bought the kitchen knife set for it, and Joel lovingly declares he keeps an axe under his pillow in case this happens.

The judges as usual are renowned cake chef PEARL, bread expert MUMBO, and our two inimitable presenters: BIGB, beloved by the nation for his gentle reassurances of weeping contestants, and MARTYN whose main contribution is his trademark eyebrow waggles as we find out from the judges who’s in trouble this week.

TART WEEK (1)

Tart week gets off to a strong start, with contestant REN charming both the judges and Martyn with his exquisite tarte au citron and his total inability to let a double-entendre go to waste (‘I’m just a tart triumph all over’ he proclaims, to Martyn’s immediate delighted riposte ‘Mm, but what do you do on the weekends?’). Law student JIMMY is not so lucky when a misreading of the recipe leads to ten times the correct amount of butter and a catastrophic oven meltdown. Star baker goes to early favorite BDUBS for an exquisite three-tier tart showstopper.

Week one elimination is, of course, the hapless Jimmy, and the recaps are united on two fronts: it's always nice to see someone on the show who reminds you of your own midnight experiments, but holy shit Jimmy, did it not give you a clue when the melted butter started pouring out of the oven like you’d stabbed the spirit of margarine to death in there. Jimmy's butter meltdown becomes a meme and he sells T-shirts; Joel immediately posts a picture wearing one.

CAKE WEEK (2)

Week two brings cake week and an impressive performance from SCAR, who embarks on a showstopper Baked Alaska in the shape of a snow-covered mountain. Tranquil in the face of GRIAN’S constant disparaging comments about his whisking technique and browned meringue, Scar perseveres and is crowned star baker for the week, while Twitter immediately declares Grian the villain of the season. A contingent of viewers theorising ‘could this be flirting’ are swiftly shouted down on social media and retreat to a dedicated subthread on a cookery forum.

Last week’s star baker BDUBS seems distracted by his new-found friendships with the quiet ETHO, who spends hours on the surprisingly unambitious Victoria Sponge. A conspiracy theory emerges that Etho invented the Victoria Sponge, refuted by weak counterarguments like “cannot possibly be true” and “he would have to be several hundred years old.” Meanwhile the nation is won over by JOEL and LIZZIE’S chemistry as they trade quips and spatulas, unfortunately Joel is eliminated after a jam mishap, at which he declares “at least I went out after Jimmy.”

TEA-TIME WEEK (3)

Tea-time week brings florentines and shortbread, but it’s a sad week for love as REN is out after his overambitious scones fail to impress. “I’m heartbroken,” Martyn announces, and cannot be consoled even by Scott’s superb showstopper petite-fours. Ren was a good sport to the end, everyone agrees. Ren spotted at a Covent Garden coffee shop with Martyn three weeks later.

HALLOWEEN WEEK (4)

The mood is jovial for Halloween week, with judge MUMBO in fake vampire fangs while ETHO bakes cookies in the form of anatomically correct skulls. LIZZIE starts off with adorable witch-hat cupcakes in little witch hats, then spends the rest of the episode precisely and effortlessly crafting a blood red mirror glazed sachertorte which the presenters refuse to look at because it “makes them uncomfortable”, and is subsequently awarded star baker for the most genuine aura of threat ever achieved by a cake.

Meanwhile GRIAN and SCAR continue to genially snipe at each other throughout. TANGO asks BDUBS to turn his oven off at a crucial moment; unfortunately Bdubs forgets and then blames Tango for relying on him, leading to the charred mess of Tango’s showstopper and a social media uproar dubbed “OvenGate”. Bdubs alternately sorrowful and dramatically dismissive. This cruel betrayal knocks Tango out of the tent; a public petition is started for his reinstatement.

WEDDING WEEK (5)

Puppet theater designer CLEO has her star turn in wedding week with ranks of beautiful marzipan figurines on all her bakes. An intense rivalry develops between her and wedding-enthusiast BDUBS, who declares his magnificent fondant confection a dry run for his impending marriage to ETHO, a stranger he met ten days ago. When asked by presenters how much of this is a joke, Etho laughs and says “I guess?”, which leaves the nation none the wiser. Unfortunately IMPULSE’S canapes are considered uninspired and he is uninvited from both the wedding reception and the series.

BREAD WEEK (6)

The feared bread week comes around and all the artistic cake-makers wobble badly. SCAR and GRIAN just scrape through, but CLEO’S triumph last week turns to tragedy despite the trouble she has gone to to model a realistic centaur out of sourdough. Bdubs makes an impromptu speech to camera about how she was robbed but he intends to triumph in her honor.

MEDIEVAL WEEK (7)

The experimental medieval week takes the bakers on an outdoor camping trip where they will attempt to build their own stoves and use them to replicate historical bread techniques. BDUBS’S enthusiasm for this and his drive to impress ETHO turn out to be his downfall as, distracted, he builds a stove that bleeds heat and fails to brown his bread. Etho meanwhile excels at both the survival and breadmaking aspects, leading to a divide on Twitter on whether this level of competence is hot or just very concerning, potentially the cake equivalent of a serial killer. The Victoria Sponge theory is raised again. Etho alleviates some concerns by getting lost three times in an open field over the course of the episode, which loses him enough baking time that dark horse SCOTT pips him to the post of star baker.

WINTER WARMTH WEEK (8)

Week eight arrives and five bakers remain: LIZZIE and SCOTT are known to be good all-rounders, ETHO is the reigning technical expert, SCAR remains the favorite on the cakes side, and GRIAN is mainly known for his habit of constantly sneaking spoonfuls of Scar’s cake mix so he can mock the taste. Social media opinion is divided into “Grian is a good baker actually”, “Grian is only still in because of executive meddling”, and the small but determined contingent of “no guys we really think they’re flirting??” who have emerged from their cookery subthread unbowed and with compilations of video evidence.

The set gets cozy with winter warmth week. Brandy-based showstoppers are the order of the day, and LIZZIE wins the episode by crafting a biscuit unicorn with a mane you can set on fire. ETHO invents an intricate brandy plumbing system to shoot flaming alcohol above his plum pudding—this attempt is in fact a good deal too successful and instead sets MARTYN’S hair on fire. GRIAN comes to his aid but ends up adding more brandy. Judge PEARL extinguishes the flames with a bowl of cinnamon milk. The judges are clearly not feeling merciful when it comes to the scores and Etho’s run comes to a premature end.

DOUBLES WEEK (9)

Some old favorites return for doubles week, where each of the remaining four bakers is helped out by an eliminated contestant on the other end of the phone. GRIAN for once assesses the limits of his own talents and asks to pair up with ETHO, a plan that immediately pays off when the contestants are challenged with a tricky technical that sees them baking the perfect pumpernickel bread. SCAR, having asked to pair up with BDUBS, is quickly underwater as neither of them understand yeast.

Scar’s floundering proves too much for Grian, who belligerently passes along his pumpernickel tips from Etho, saving Scar’s technical enough for him to scrape through. When challenged by Martyn, Grian grudgingly admits, “I just want Scar to stay in, okay?” Some recaps clear him of his villain status; others are still convinced it’s a fluke.

Meanwhile SCOTT turns in an efficient technical with help from CLEO and also JIMMY, who is apparently sitting in Cleo’s living room just to heckle Scott. LIZZIE calls on husband JOEL, but a combination of overconfidence and flirting distracts them both, leading to a burnt crust and Lizzie’s elimination from the final four.

MERINGUE WEEK (Final Episode)

In the finale, SCOTT, SCAR, and GRIAN face off over a series of escalating meringue-based challenges. Whatever alliance sprung up between Grian and Scar in the last episode is clearly water under the bridge as the two of them obsessively steal each other’s ingredients and annoy each other into trivial mistakes. This escalates into a noisy quarrel over the main challenge of the week: an edible diorama of a cactus ring. Scar’s attempts to ‘aesthetically correct’ Grian’s mountain diorama leads to Grian melting his sugar-spun cacti with a crème brulée torch.

The two are no longer speaking by the showstopper, where Grian embarks on a desperate attempt to make up points with an ambitious trifle in a castle-shaped wall of macarons while Scar builds his own grand macaron diorama. The clock ticks down. Scott is creating an impeccable strawberry pavlova. The trifle is going badly. Grian is covered in sugar and regret. BigB pats him reassuringly on the shoulder.

At the last moment, Scar sacrifices half his perfect macarons to donate to Grian’s diorama. Grian, for once lost for words, grabs his apron and kisses him right in front of Martyn’s swiftly-derailed countdown. “Grian had a beautiful artistic vision,” Scar says sentimentally afterwards. “You have to respect the craft!” They snog behind the tasting table. Mumbo gamely attempts to award points. Pearl in a laughing fit behind the cameras. Martyn and BigB solemnly wrap up the shot with Martyn’s best cake-based innuendoes. Grian and Scar do not notice.

Scott wins the series. He got so many more points on the cactus ring technical.

[cattimeswithjellie]

There seems to be a pervasive opinion that Scar is winning the MCYT Tumblr Sexyman contest due to a misunderstanding of what Tumblr Sexymen are, and that in fact Scar's fans believe he's just a regular sexyman. This is in fact not true at all. Scar's pathetic squishy wet-cat-standing-in-a-puddle-even-though-the-door-is-open credentials have long since been established in the fandom. (This contains spoilers for most things Scar has been in lately.)

In Hermitcraft Season 9, Scar won Statistics Roulette last week on "number of deaths" despite the fact that his statistics were reset only three or four months ago. Pathetic squish of a big-hatted man died more times in four months than Impulse or Grian did in ten. And because of the reset, it doesn't even count the twenty or so times Grian and Mumbo murdered him for fun on the very first day of the server!

In Double Life, Grian literally snagged him with a fishing pole and dragged him home with him in an ultimately futile effort to keep him from dying. Scar learned that Grian was cheating on him and passive-aggressively snarked about it to other people for two episodes, then baked cookies for Grian's secret soulmate.

In 100 Hours Hardcore, Grian and Joel basically formed a protection squad to keep Scar alive, to the point of coating the land under his base with beds to fall on and raiding a mansion for totems of undying. They still failed because Scar put apples in his off-hand instead of a totem and didn't notice his elytra was ready to break.

In Season 8, Scar was killed when a llama spat on him. His hat was unimaginably tiny, so tiny that he was forced to commission a huge model hat to wear on top of the tiny hat.

In Last Life, Scar got scammed out of one life, blackmailed out of two more lives, then lost another one by falling into a trap he'd been warned of two minutes earlier, even while people were yelling at him not to fall in the trap. He had no diamond armor so he wore a diamond-colored skin but painted abs on it as well so he would look more buff.

In Third Life, Scar attempted to get a monopoly on dark oak without checking to make sure there wasn't an entire dark oak forest on the other side of the server. He tried to get a monopoly on sand by putting his home in the middle of a large desert and yelling at people who came to get sand. He was the first player to die, blown up in a prank gone wrong.

In Season 7, Scar wouldn't even shave or put on pants until he wanted to be elected mayor. It may actually have been a fake beard. He had to terraform the entire shopping district twice when he lost the Turf War because the other side didn't actually like mycelium, they just liked causing problems for Scar.

In conclusion, yes Scar runs around without a shirt and has abs so ferocious that they show through his "diamond" armor, but he is not a Sexy Man. He is a sexyman, a real Onceler through and through, and he deserves his sweep. Vote Scar!

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Going Out

Whether you loved, liked, were neutral, or outright hated today’s Step by Step episode, I want to talk about one of my most favorite (and poignant) moments of today’s episode.

This hand holding scene. 

But, wka, there are so many other scenes for you to focus on! You say. But, wka, there were multiple spicy scenes you need to do body language break down on. But, wka, last week you wrote a 20 page deep dive in to Pat’s psyche. Why are you hyperfixating on this four minute sequence???

BECAUSE THE SOCIAL COMMENTARY TEE AND THE REST OF THE PRODUCTION TEAM IS GIVING HERE IS BEAUTIFUL, BRILLIANT, AND LOWKEY MAKING ME EMOTIONAL GODDAMMIT. 

As someone with strong, deeply rooted beliefs in empathy, in connection, in harm reduction, I can firmly and sincerely say there are people who I consider a part of my community, who I care for deeply, who are my friends who are homeless, who are drug users, or who are homeless drug users. And having worked in harm reduction before let me tell you how truly wonderful and enraging it is to provide people basic services and treat them with basic goddamn dignity and respect and how genuinely surprised, uncertain, or overjoyed my unhoused and/or drug using loved ones are to have someone who actually cares about them. 

SO, I present those pre-emptive thoughts and personal background as proof of concept for what I am about to glean from this whole scene. 

The scene transitions from flirting to community service when Jeng asks Pat if he wants to come with him to give food to the homeless, and I don’t remember this but @bengiyo did but this is something Jeng has been doing since Episode 1, and it shows in the reception Jeng receives when he arrives to this spot under the bridge.

The people who live here know Jeng, the people who live here like Jeng, he comes here often enough that he has established a rapport with their community and it is so so wonderful for me to see this nepo baby raised on rich bitch juice feeling comfortable and at ease with a group of people that society (at least Western society) almost always ignores, belittles, or downright dehumanizes. 

And if I wasn’t already impressed with how Jeng and Step by Step as a whole was handling its portrayal of cultivated relationships with unhoused people, Jeng takes this even further, when he hands the woman the rest of the food bags: 

Now, this is a brief scene and we don’t get a lot of information at all about the people who are living here, but in my mind, or rather the indication I have for this interaction is that Jeng has identified a community pillar, trusts that community member, and is recognizing and valuing the autonomy of the community to distribute the rest of the resources they have been given. 

Most everyone Jeng handed food to wandered off and went about their night, leaving Jeng and Pat alone to sit and talk. Under a bridge. With homeless people nearby. Rather than leave. This is SO IMPORTANT TO ME. It is SO SO SO important to me that Jeng and Pat don’t just show up, hand out food, and immediately return to Jeng’s fancy car to drive back to Jeng’s fancy condo but that they stay and they talk here under the bridge, maintaining a respectful distance since Jeng and the rest of the people in this scene do not appear to have built a strong enough relationship to join them directly, but sharing space nevertheless.

(I will not talk about barriers, I will not talk about barriers, I absolutely, positively will not talk about how Jeng has spent most of the show with a vertical line between him and Pat, and Put spent most of Episode 7 with vertical lines keeping him out of Pat’s world, and now that Pat and Jeng are an item, they are sitting together inside double barriers, boxing themselves in having a discussion on cruelty because they are still in the phase of their relationship where the two of them are in their own little world and hiding from the world at lar... FUCK I talked about the barriers) 

ANYWAY, I absolutely will not talk any more about the barriers and will instead begin my descent into madness in the form of The Proffering of the Hand. 

The build up to this moment starts when Jeng and Pat settle down to talk. They are sitting as close together as they can be without physically touching, they are openly flirting, they are making prolonged eye contact. Basically, they are being very obviously gooey, and the community member who appears to be the closest to Jeng (this is the person who hugged Jeng when he arrived) comes up to him and Pat, and points out the drawing that he made and the similarities he sees between that drawing and the two of them. 

The drawing is two stick figures of an undetermined gender (or if you want to read it this way, of a visually similar build [ie both people have triangle chests and short hair, no obvious breast tissue, no differentiation in color, they their faces are a little different but they are nearly identical] so you could call this a drawing of a same sex couple and it wouldn’t be wildly off-base, especially not with the original artist here telling Jeng and Pat they look like the drawing). For the sake of making me feel even stronger about my love for this scene, lets say this is a drawing of a same sex couple. 

Now the two lines this person says to Jeng and Pat are particularly striking to me: 

“This picture was drawn by me, you look the same” 

“It looks like us.”

Both of these lines are said by the artist. You can interpret that “it looks like us” line however you want to, but baby that’s queer to me. 

The artist walks away, leaving Jeng smiling softly to himself, thinking about it for approximately three seconds and then proffering his hand. 

Now, Jeng and Pat have not…how you say….been particularly careful about maintaining appropriate distances from each other anywhere since they started jumping each other for sport, but the touches they give to each other in the workplace are secret, are hidden. Hands held between them on the computer in a cubicle where no one can see, arms pressed up against each other so they can be mistaken for just being cramped, footsie under the table away from prying eyes. 

Here, now, is the first time since they got together that Jeng overtly, publicly extends a hand to Pat in a move that cannot be mistaken as anything but romantic. Pat is, rightfully all things considered, a little apprehensive. 

“What is it?” he asks “It’s like the picture that he drew,” with a smile and a soft nod to his hand.

Pat’s brow furrows, he looks to his right, where the people they visited are sitting, he looks to the left his eyes scanning for any other potential witnesses. Pat, who has been the person consistently approaching this relationship with the most caution, is initially hesitant to take Jeng’s hand; Is initially hesitant to confirm their relationship to one another with other people around. 

“No, people will see”

“No one will see” Jeng says, and I want to make it clear here that this is not a situation where Jeng is saying that the unhoused folks sitting nearby aren’t people. 

I interpret it more as there is no one around who would be unsafe for us to be visible to. 

Pat takes Jeng’s hand. Right here, out in the open, with people around him, he takes Pat’s hand in his outside of their houses, outside of Jeng’s car, outside. Outside. OUTSIDE. 

So why is this such a monumental occasion for me? 

I feel like I always say this, so eventually I have to make it happen, that I need to familiarize myself more with Thai social issues, because  I don’t know much about Thai homelessness, and which populations of people are disproportionately represented there. So when I saw this scene, the only way I could approach it was with a Western lens. And  I am comfortable running with my thoughts here using that Western lens because Pat references American homelessness in his conversion with Jeng. 

Which means, dear readers…

The first thing that came to mind for me when Jeng and Pat were visibly queer here was the disproportionate rates of homelessness in the queer community in the United States. 

Let me give you some quick (and very unfun) stats about homelessness and queerness in the United States:

40% of homeless youth are queer

Queer youth are 120% more likely to experience homelessness than non-queer youth 

In one survey, researchers found: 

8% of transgender adults surveyed had experienced homelessness in the past 12 months

3% of cisgender queer adults surveyed had experienced homelessness in the past 12 months 

1% of cisgender heterosexual adults surveyed had experienced homelessness in the past 12 months. 

All this to say, that there are close ties between queer people and homelessness. 

And there is something extremely, extremely powerful in Tee and co. recognizing and affirming that queer people can be safer sharing space with homeless people than they might be sharing space with salarymen at a corporate office. 

For a number of reasons, Pat and Jeng cannot come out at the office, even if that closet is glass. In huge part because a boss and subordinate relationship is a gross imbalance of power, but also because homophobia is rampant in that office. We saw it all the way in the beginning of the show, when Pat was asked if he was a top or bottom. We see it now, when Pat is overhearing his colleagues, his coworkers, that spent the beginning of his time at this office exploiting him to do their labor, saying awful, gross, disgusting shit about him and to him. 

“I didn’t think he’d be working on his knees” 

“Lick until you get your bonus”  These are things Pat is seeing, Pat is hearing in this place full of “people contributing to the betterment of society”, people who have stable housing, and cash to spare, and food to eat. People who aren’t looked down upon by society, people who reflect society’s current ideals and mindsets. The other queer people in the office clocked Jeng immediately, but Pat didn’t and neither did any of the straight employees in the office until Pat and Jeng started hanging around

each other more unable to turn off their heart eyes. Because Jeng is in a position of power, he dresses in traditionally professional clothing every day. Collared shirt of mild color, suit, tie, brown loafers. Compare him to Chot or Pat and you can see how Jeng blends in as straight to people who aren’t trained to clock that shit. Look at Jeng when he’s out of the office and hanging out around Pat, he is in denim, he is in white tank tops, he is wearing a chain. Jeng is putting armor on when he goes to the office. Pat and Chot don’t have that luxury. 

And as a result, Pat and Jeng can only be out and open at home. Until now. Until this moment.

Step by Step definitively established in this one scene, in under FOUR MINUTES that Jeng and Pat, two queer men were made to feel comfortable enough and free enough in this place in this space around people who are often villainized, who are often deprived of human rights, people who are often seen as deserving of their poverty and the treatment they get from others as a result, people who are frequently spoken about as being a negative impact on society (WHICH IS BULLSHIT BY THE WAY HOLY FU- *I am forcibly removed from my pedestal*) because queer people are often villainized, deprived of human rights, seen as deserving of the terrible treatment that they get, and are frequently spoken about as being a negative impact on society. 

And considering the statistics on how many homeless youth are queer, there is something to be said for the way the person who appears the youngest, or who at least is acting the youngest, is the person who initiates the interaction that signals to Jeng that they are safe here. That helps Jeng and Pat realize they can engage in a public display of affection here amongst people who understand. 

And that is one hell of a fucking statement to make if I do say so myself. 

Side Note 1: I was already leaning towards this show being a For, By, and About Queers show. This scene solidified that for me. 

Side Note 2: I am thinking about the BL trope of the BL Bridge, I think this was something that @absolutebl wrote about once, but please correct me if I am wrong. If you are new to BL or otherwise unfamiliar with the trope, it is essentially just a repeated theme in multiple BL shows where one of the couples kisses in front of famous bridges in Bangkok. It is notable that in a show like this that is For, By, and About Queers (and boy do I have more thoughts on when and where and how the connection between Jeng and Pat deepens over the last couple episodes in relation to the workplace and homophobia (see @bengiyo’s quick thoughts which will hopefully become bigger thoughts on queer people and corporate culture)) that Jeng and Pat’s first openly public display of affection happens not on the surface, not lit up by bridge lights, not where the whole world can see them. But underneath a bridge, hidden away with the rest of the people that society has shunned, looked down upon, dehumanized, ignored, and failed to support. 

(tagging @neuroticbookworm who is waiting patiently and @waitmyturtles because if I know one person on this website who is gonna add something incredible to a discussion of homelessness in this scene, it's gonna be my bestie.)

[waitmyturtles]

Pain, Suffering, and Narratives in Some Asian Dramas/BLs (An Utterly Un-Scholastic, Highly Personal Big Meta)

I’ve been meditating on the topic of pain and suffering in dramas over the last few weeks, as conversations across Tumblr have been taking place regarding the success (or not) of the Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars episodes. I can’t help but connect these thoughts to some of the fabulous older shows I’ve been watching in my Old GMMTV Challenge watchlist project, where I’m catching up on older Thai BLs in order to better understand the fabulous works that we’re seeing airing now. This Big Meta in part comes out of my having just watched He’s Coming To Me and Dark Blue Kiss, but I was also very deeply inspired by a Japanese BL that many of us here have fallen in love with, Our Dining Table, that features a poignant moment recognizing that feeling pain is a necessity in feeling love for another person -- that accepting pain and suffering is a part of the life we decide to live, from an Asian cultural perspective.

I’m using some big generalities here, so let me explain where I’m coming from. During certain large portions of my life, I’ve explored either becoming a Buddhist, or at least practiced Buddhism, particularly Zen Buddhism. While the world of Western capitalism has unfortunately taken up the majority of my current time/life, I do still have a desire to learn more about the history of Buddhism and try to incorporate some kind of practice in my daily life.

The reason why I offer that caveat is that a core of teaching in at least the spaces of Buddhism that I’ve been privy to, is the recognition of pain and suffering in one’s life. Suffering is a core tenet of Buddhism, one of the Four Noble Truths, and one that a human being does good deeds or makes merit in light of (as we see quite often in our beloved BLs) in order to receive “good” karma for a happy existence in this life or the next. (Again, mad generalizations here, but you get the point.)

I’ve been thinking about this because I often wonder if us Western viewers (I count myself as one, as an Asian-American) are too demanding for linear, clean, direct, and/or happy communication, narratives, and endings, particularly in the realm of Asian BLs, in regards to either romantic love and/or love from one’s nuclear parents/family. I think about this very much in the context of the Asian BL genre, where queerness -- as accepted, OR NOT, in Asian societies, friend groups, and families -- may indicate an existence that is not necessarily a happy one. 

There are other issues by way of demands from fans that often determine the outcome of a BL script, such as shipper demands for overtly sexual content. What I’m proposing here is that, in my opinion, some of the best dramas/BLs from Asia are rooted in a reflection and acceptance of the tenets of suffering as a natural part of Asian life and, subsequently, Asian art. I further propose that because of that acceptance of suffering, that we — Western viewers — are often left potentially feeling unsatisfied or unfulfilled by a particular ending of a drama. I posit that the linear/binary/clear outcomes that Western audiences so often demand are limiting in comparison to the non-binary, non-linear journeys and conclusions of art that Asian filmmakers can reach in their work, vis à vis à general cultural understanding that pain and suffering are a part of daily life.

Before I give a drama example, let me use one from real life, that is so very often reflected in art: filial piety. I wrote about filial piety quite a bit in my reviews of Double Savage, a non-BL from Thailand that focused on the plight of a discarded son who was judged by his father as a jinx.

When I try to explain to Western friends that Asian parental love is very often conditional (I myself have experienced it, and my experiences mirror those of my friends), I experience a lot of denial.

“There is NO WAY your parents don’t love you.”  “There is NO WAY your parents will ever give up on you. Even if they treat you badly, they love you.”  “In the West, we ALWAYS end up loving our children. That’s what society demands of PARENTS. We’re CONDITIONED to be like that.”

A major cultural competency issue that Western therapists face with Asian clients is when Western therapists say to Asian clients who are having family issues, “why don’t you just talk to your parents about what you’re feeling?” Talking to Asian parents about a child’s feelings, in MANY instances, is not realistic. The language of that kind of emotion may not even exist. AND, there are unspoken social boundaries AGAINST children having those conversations with their parents in the first place. To have those conversations would very well ROCK the foundation on which Asian families are structured.

My parents may love me — the dad in Double Savage mayyyy have loved his son? — but an Asian parent like that, so rooted in their JUDGEMENT AGAINST an offspring, will often not budge. Time and time again, my Asian friends and family will talk about how they felt unloved as a child -- especially if their skin was darker, if their siblings were more successful in school, if they were a middle child, etc. VERY often, our Asian parents don’t know what us children do by way of work -- my parents don’t know anything about my work, for instance.

The Western perspective and social demands for a STYLE of loving one’s children in a very particular, involved, and empathic way -- those cultural expectations don’t necessarily exist in Asia. So we see parents like, say, Non’s father in Dark Blue Kiss; or Korn’s father in Double Savage; or ESPECIALLY Uea’s mom in Bed Friend, a fantastic example of an Asian parent who takes PERSONALLY every aspect of her son’s social and sexual “differences,” blames him for those differences, and accuses him of ruining HER life vis à vis how he was born to be the way that he is.

And yet, at least for Korn and Uea -- we see those children, for the majority of their dramas, continuing to devote themselves to their parents. Because filial piety -- the Asian cultural and social demand for RESPECTING one’s parents above all else -- is existent and EXPECTED of almost EVERY living Asian, no matter where you live on the continent or your various diasporas. 

The equation is: even if you suffer at the hands of your parents, even if you don’t receive unconditional love and empathy from your parents, you must sacrifice in order to respect and serve your parents. You can imagine how much therapy even one individual would need to process that -- if that individual even ALLOWED themselves to think about what was happening, which oftentimes doesn’t even happen. 

I’m not saying that filial piety EQUALS suffering. What I’m saying is that the practice of filial piety will almost always ASSUME a level of suffering that one must undertake to participate in the practice of honoring one’s parents.

Where I felt this *assumption* most strongly and recently was in my viewings of three Aof Noppharnach shows: He’s Coming To Me, Dark Blue Kiss, and Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of Thousand Stars, but I think Double Savage and Bed Friend also fall into this category as well. Very quickly:

1) HCTM was rooted in storytelling around the practice of Thai-Chinese Buddhism. Thun’s suffering was apparent: he was fatherless, he was gay, and could see ghosts. AS WELL, Med’s suffering was that he didn’t know how he had died, and why he was being held in purgatory before moving on to his next life. 

2) Dark Blue Kiss was rooted in internalized homophobia. My big review of DBK is coming next week, but quickly, between the two main couples (PeteKao and SunMork), you had internalized homophobia playing various roles of emotional INTERPLAY, that AFFECTED the external emotional demonstrations of the character -- particularly in Pete, who was viscerally working on becoming a calmer person, but was triggered by Kao’s internalized homophobia to not be open about their relationship, and Pete’s jealousy subsumed him. DBK is the only show I’m mentioning here that has a clean happy ending for all couples involved, but more on that in a second.

3) OS2 x BBS x ATOTS, on the Pat and Pran side, was rooted in a clear but indirect conflict between Pat and Pran about openness and independence. If Pat and Pran had been open about their relationship (à la Pete and Kao) -- would Pat have needed to sound tough to his engineering friends that Pran *depended* on Pat to close loops? And on the Tian and Phupha side -- there is plenty we don’t know about Phupha’s past to make judgements, but I think it’s safe to say that he grew up in such a rural environment in Thailand as to make him assume that coming out and meeting his partner’s parents was an non-reality for the majority of their relationship, until the end of the OS2 series. The journey to get to the point of the ring was a tough one, particularly for Tian, who wanted more openness.

4) Both Double Savage and Bed Friend seem to end happily, especially for Uea and King in Bed Friend. But: Uea loses his parent. Yes -- he NEEDED to lose his mom, because of how toxic she was. But from an Asian family structure perspective -- he only has his sister by the end of that traumatic journey, which is not necessarily an IDEAL or complete ending. The bonds among Korn, Win, and Rung are permanently affected by the behavior of Korn and Win’s dad in Double Savage. The ending is a copacetic one -- they have survived, and will learn to survive together, after all the trauma they have lived through. But it’s not necessarily a HAPPY one. Both of these endings do not necessarily reflect the holistic ideal of the Asian family structure.

I emphasize all of this because, as I said earlier: I think a Western demand to CLOSE LOOPS in Asian dramas is unrealistic.

In Asian life (big generalization, but let me roll with it): you are angry at your parents, and you process it internally, very often without any help, and after a couple days, things go back to the way they were. The children do not demand change from their parents.

In OS2 x BBS, what I DIDN’T SEE -- and, from this framework, what I argue that I DIDN’T *NEED* TO SEE -- were any clarifying conversations between Pat and Pran about how either of them would CHANGE for their relationship. The biggest confession we got was Pat telling Pran, “without you, there is no me,” and Pran quietly agreeing (thank you to @lurkingteapot and @dimplesandfierceeyes for the incredible post on the improved translation of “I can’t live without you”).

But throughout the episodes, we saw their existence together, and arguably, their conditions -- how each of them has organized himself to comport to the other’s immediate needs. How Pran’s larger burden of keeping in the closet to keep his nuclear family structure stable kept them from being totally out, and how Pran designed fibs to be able to have at least one public demonstration of love between him and Pat on stage. They know they cannot solve intergenerational trauma in the span of a series. They’re still closeted two years later. And throughout all of this: how Pat digests Pran’s needs, and keeps his (Pat’s) own needs for openness at bay. We know he feels pain, too, when he makes his confession to Pran in Pha Pun Dao. We know he’s watching Pran as Pran hesitates to put on the bruise cream.

I feel that Pat’s acceptance of this existence is both heart-rending and utterly beautiful from the perspective of seeing Aof’s work as *Asian* art. I feel like, as an Asian, that I KNOW, that PAT KNOWS, what Pran has to lose. Pran has A LOT to lose. And so, Pat -- instead of demanding for outing and openness -- will hold what Pran needs him to hold. He knows when Pran is grumpy, and needs to be grumpy. And Pran’s got a lot to deal with. He’s got so much that he’ll need to go to Singapore, likely to get separation from his mother -- and that will result in him and Pat being separated (and I’m intentionally not analyzing Pran’s need for space from Pat here, but I think we can safely argue that, too, as Pat’s helpful attitude may smother Pran at times) (and there’s also the issue of the nuclear pain that Pat himself may feel at losing trust in his father for his father’s past foibles). 

After the OS2 episodes, I didn’t need to know THE REASONS, the stark REASONING for why Pran needed to go to Singapore -- because, indirectly, it was already very clear to me that these young men were already holding tremendous burdens. Singapore, for Pran AND for Pat, could have ultimately been a motivator for growth. But I don’t need to know this. All I know is that they continue to have various levels of pain that they will be dealing with in their nascent adult lives.

While Dark Blue Kiss ULTIMATELY had happy endings -- how it got there was PAINFUL. Kao was ROOTED in fear that he would upend his family’s stability, while being the breadwinner. He was held back by extremely traditional role expectations of an older son. And he had no communication with his mother about straying from those roles. Pete’s dad served as the first -- and, I’d argue, maybe BL’s first -- paradigm-breaker as a parent, being SO open about his son’s queerness as to encourage healthy sex practices. But what I argue in this thesis is that up until the very last, bitter end, Kao was relegated to ASSUME that he would live in pain. His expectation was that Pete would ride with him. Pete couldn’t take it anymore and bubbled over. And Kao was forced to make a decision, for Pete’s sake, literally, to BE open, and to save the relationship. That shit ain’t easy.

Lots of folks who have read my posts on this site know that I appreciate a good Asian drama rooted in family and/or community trauma, like 10 Years Ticket. It’s the way in which Asian filmmakers depict this trauma that speaks very much to my life, my culture, and my viewpoint on what’s realistic in this world, and how that reality can be depicted in art. What I’ve found in watching Asian dramas is... I don’t always want clean endings. I don’t always want loops closed.

Sometimes, Asian kids can’t talk to their parents (Pran, Kao). If you grow up like that, you don’t immediately learn the language of intimacy for your family members, your friends, your lovers (Pran’s struggles after BBS/ep5, Thun’s coming out and not knowing the words for it). It might be EASY, or culturally UNQUESTIONABLE, to not argue with your parents about the ways in which they engage with their children (Korn, Win, Pran). Sometimes, to make a break in order to survive, you need to leave a toxic family member behind, which is NOT an ideal scenario (Uea). 

Sometimes, you lose the love of your life (Ueda-san in Our Dining Table). Sometimes, you fall in love with someone — and you find that you can’t *exist* without them (Pat to Pran). And you have to live with the pain. I might even posit that the risk of that pain makes the love you have, either for the person living or the person passed, that much more meaningful to you.

I watch Asian dramas because I don’t feel like Asian filmmakers are subject to the Western demand to clean up all emotionally questionable loose ends. This is not When Harry Met Sally. Harry and Sally should have only remained friends, and not gotten married -- even Nora Ephron and Rob Reiner knew that -- but they also realized that Western audiences would not accept such an ending.

“The script initially ended with Harry and Sally remaining friends and not pursuing a romantic relationship because she felt that was "the true ending", as did Reiner. Eventually, Ephron and Reiner realized that it would be a more appropriate ending for them to marry, though they admit that this was generally not a realistic outcome.”

If I don’t get clean clarity in Asian dramas, I’m okay with it. My mind switches to the pain POV, that relativity mindset. Everyday life in Asian cultures can handle the weight of the painful and sufferable unknown. And that’s why I love these shows. 

And, OF COURSE, not ALL Asian dramas are like this! Cherry Magic ended wonderfully. Old Fashion Cupcake ended beautifully. KinnPorsche ended sexily, if not a little confusedly (are they related? kinda? or not? whatever?). Minato’s Laundromat ended happily -- although we’ll see their relationship pain points in the upcoming second season. And we see relationship pain points in the ongoing drama of Shiro and Kenji’s relationship in What Did You Eat Yesterday -- all while they share their happy nightly meals together at their kitchen table.

Life is complicated. I posit that Asian dramas, for my taste, satisfaction, and cultural relativity, do a much better job at depicting that complicatedness than the West can ever do, and that’s why I stand so often on my soapbox to encourage Western viewers to understand these Asian cultural touchpoints more -- to learn about how we’ve accepted pain and suffering as an automatic given in our Asian lives, from our cultures, our spiritual practices, and from living amongst each other.

[chemicallywrit]

Happy Audio Drama Sunday!! A shortie but a goodie this week, let’s GO. Spoilers incoming~

🎺 @hellofromthehallowoods I am upset by the implications here. Very upset. See like, on the one hand, if the body discovery in the third part hadn’t happened, I’d still be worried that Vincent was the new Instrumentalist. But now I’m worried about Vincent for SEPARATE ADDITIONAL REASONS. You have doubled my worries, Mx Wellman. Even so, the missing body doesn’t prove anything except a body was missing, and if I know this show, this will not be a simple answer. FEAR.

🔪 My main thoughts on Malevolent are in this post, but I just have to emphasize how good the writing is in this episode. I love how the witch seems to care, how her appearance of rationality affects John, and how the thing that snaps him out of it is his genuine love for his friend. Now that's human. I love the ending too.

⛪️ This week I started listening to Dead Space: Deep Cover after being asked to play a tiny little baby part in episode four (see if you can spot me). This show is wonderful. I'm not a Dead Space fan, just because I don't really play video games much, but I've been told by several fans that it's not only an excellent example of lore-building, it's just a darn good show. I certainly like it a lot--it's always good to hear Jordan Cobb absolutely eat a role, and I am fascinated by the mystery.

🏠 In Hannah news, this week I did a bunch of work for @shelterwoodpod! Are y'all following them yet? They're doing a fantastic haunted house bracket right now as part of the lead-up to the series premier. You're gonna want to get into this early.

Hey, I'm trying to move! If you like what I make or this post, consider leaving me a tip so we can move sooner rather than later!

See y'all next week!

[ratherembarrassing]

“They’re Haunting Each Other”: Emma D’Arcy And Olivia Cooke On Going Head To Head In House Of The Dragon Season 2

Emma D’Arcy and Olivia Cooke have been through a lot together. The 31-year-old Gloucestershire-raised actor, whose turn as the older iteration of House of the Dragon’s fiery heir apparent Rhaenyra Targaryen earned them a Golden Globe nod, and the 30-year-old from Oldham who came to prominence simultaneously as the HBO hit’s strategic Alicent Hightower formed a close bond over the course of filming – one which became even closer after an eight-word exchange in their “get to know me” promotional video (“Negroni. Sbagliato. With prosecco in it/Oh Stunnin’!”) promptly went viral.

Countless OpEds have been penned dissecting the internet’s obsession with this moment, but key to its deliciousness was the easy, electric chemistry between the two actors. It’s apparent from the moment they first share the screen in the second half of the fantasy epic’s first season, inheriting their parts from Milly Alcock and Emily Carey, and immediately going toe to toe in their battle for power over the realm.

As the former friends’ relationship continues to sour and an all-out civil war inches closer – precipitated by the passing of Rhaenyra’s father and Alicent’s husband, King Viserys (Paddy Considine); a swift plot which sees his son Aegon (Tom Glynn-Carney) crowned over Rhaenyra, and shocks her into having a premature stillbirth; and the sudden death of Rhaenyra’s son Lucerys (Elliot Grihault) at the hands of the new king’s brother Aemond (Ewan Mitchell) – the pair are separated. But, even then, each remains at the forefront of the other’s mind, with two decades’ worth of regrets, resentment, love, betrayals and misunderstandings binding them together forever.

That indelible, indefinable connection is evident when I meet D’Arcy and Cooke on the eve of their show’s season two premiere in London. Subtly coordinated – D’Arcy in a dark double-breasted suit and Cooke in a black strapless jumpsuit – they’re prone to fits of laughter, constantly finishing each other’s sentences and clearly delighted by their reunion.

It’s a dynamic that you wish you got to see more of in Ryan Condal’s sophomore season – one which finds Rhaenyra consumed by grief and licking her wounds in Dragonstone, searching for a resolution that won’t see Westeros reduced to ash, while in King’s Landing, Alicent, having put her son on the throne, also tries to find a way to avoid more bloodshed. Meanwhile, their children, councillors and allies all seem hungry for war – and ensure there’s no turning back.

Ahead of the first episode’s release on 17 June, D’Arcy and Cooke talk to us about missing each other on set, letting loose at the pub and the clues woven into their costumes.

Season one was such a hit. Did that mean more pressure going into season two – also because you’re in the whole thing as opposed to half of it?

Emma D’Arcy: I think stamina was a big worry going in.

Olivia Cooke: And remained a worry.

ED: The great lesson was… four episodes out of 10? [Chef’s kiss] Fantastic.

OC: Stunnin’!

ED: We’d rock up, colour in our cheeks and love in our heart, shoot for a few days, go away for a couple of weeks, go back to our lives. I was on top of my laundry. It was an amazing time. But it was very different this time [laughs]. That’s galvanising in other ways, but certainly you have no choice but to have…

OC: Burnout. [Both laugh].

Well, Rhaenyra and Alicent are both dealing with a lot this season, as all these chess pieces begin to move. What were you most interested in exploring this time around?

OC: In terms of motivations and broad themes, for Alicent, it’s sort of about diminishing power. And what does she do when she doesn’t have agency or any semblance of autonomy within the castle? And who is she if she can’t shape the realm in the background? That was really interesting.

ED: And for Rhaenyra, I think grief is a major engine in the narrative this season. That was a key area of investigation for me, because grief manifests so differently in different people. I think there’s something beautiful in the way that [writers] Ryan [Condal], Sara [Hess] and the team constructed this series, in that so many of the key characters are in quite pronounced stages of grief when we meet them at the start of the first series, and not only does grief dislocate a person from their community, but it can also make people strangers to one another – like multiple grieving people can be quite profoundly changed. So, you end up with this family of strangers who are trying to navigate one another, and navigate the extreme emotional states that are happening within them, too. So, that as the image of the fallout of losing the patriarchal head of the family and the head of state is really astute and quite thrilling.

I read that Sara was also really interested in the fact that, in George R R Martin’s Fire & Blood, on which the show is based, the focus is less on Rhaenyra and Alicent in this portion of the story – she considered how women are written out of history, and wanted to write these two women back in. Was it fun to consider what they were doing in those gaps in the narrative?

OC: It’s quite a treat for them really, to do whatever they want with the characters. And also the book is, in its own way, sort of Targaryen propaganda – it’s taken from the accounts of men who want to blame it all on the women, to say that it’s their fault that there’s this huge chasm. So, trying to find the humanity within these characters and thinking about what they were actually doing and how they actually felt towards one another was really beautiful.

ED: You’re so right as well in that maybe that’s what creates such a rich relationship between the text and the screen adaptation – the idea that there is space for historical inaccuracy, and the question it raises about what doesn’t get recorded and who’s doing the recording. It’s very exciting stuff.

I also love that, despite being separated this season, there’s still this powerful, electric connection between Rhaenyra and Alicent. Did you get to talk to each other about that relationship at this stage in the story?

OC: I feel like Rhaenyra sneezes and Alicent catches a cold, you know? [Laughs] There’s this ripple effect constantly back and forth. Rhaenyra is this phantom to Alicent at this point. She gets bigger and bigger and bigger in Alicent’s mind and she’s desperate to reconnect and have some sort of face time with Rhaenyra to commune and say sorry but also try and put a plaster over this huge chasm.

ED: They’re sort of haunting one another. There’s a lot of death in the show, but these characters are also being haunted by the living, by the missing people in their lives.

How did you two deal with that separation as actors?

OC: We barely saw each other.

ED: Just in the car park, like, “How’re you doing?” [Laughs.]

OC: It is hard – the hours are so long on set, but I think, with the subject matter that we were embroiled in for all eight episodes, you have to try and keep it light and try to find the fun within the day. I’m lucky to be surrounded by incredibly funny people and so it’s a joy to come to work, even though, from action to cut, you’re trying not to cry.

ED: I… I missed ya.

OC: [Laughs] I missed you too!

ED: Like with Game of Thrones, one of the joys of a show like this, which has such an amazing, complicated constellation of characters, is seeing what happens when different people collide. I felt very lucky to get to investigate some different relationships this season, not least because it brings out different aspects of a character. Particularly with Rhaenyra, I think she has very complicated friendships with other women – they’re never straightforward, and it was interesting to think more about that and what that brings up in her.

After season one, I remember reading that you were looking for a pub near the set in Watford where you could go after filming to debrief. Did you find one? Did you find moments to decompress?

OC: We did our best. We’d meet at the pub – we’d allocate days, because we were on such different schedules. Also, we have drivers so you don’t want them to wait around while we’re at a pub in Watford and they want to get home. So, we’d either meet in town or decide, okay, this Saturday, we’re all going out. We had a mid-season cast mixer.

ED: And those things are important because you tend to be working six day weeks and 14-, 15-hour days, and it’s really lovely to put it all back into perspective a little bit and see everyone, including the people you don’t see while working. It’s great to witness people’s joy and excitement, especially people who’ve come into the show for the first time. Getting to have some evenings – that’s important.

You both have some incredible scenes. What were your favourite moments to film this season?

ED: Well, a way of dodging that question and any spoilers [laughs], would be to say that we were very lucky to have shot in north Wales for about five weeks this season. I love it there. I want to live there.

OC: You should!

ED: I think about it a lot. In fact, recently, I had a dream that there was like an underground train to north Wales. [Laughs] It was just amazing – the weather, the people, the locations. I would have happily shot the rest of the job in north Wales.

OC: And for me, I got to leave the castle and go to Spain.

ED: Which you did ask for, in fairness.

OC: If you don’t ask, you don’t get. They wrote it in and I hope it works for the plot [laughs]. I was in Spain for two weeks and that was nice.

ED: Alicent’s holiday journal.

OC: My vlog! [Mimics speaking into a phone camera] Here we are in Cáceres… That medieval town is stunning. For that to be your set every day – I felt incredibly grateful.

I’d love to ask you about your costumes, too, because I feel like there are subtle differences in them this season – especially as Rhaenyra grieves and gears up for war, and as Alicent experiences a different kind of freedom following her husband’s death.

OC: We might move away from green [laughs]. Maybe she goes to different shades of it? There’s an evolution in the way Alicent looks. We find out in episode nine of season one that one of her handmaidens has been spying on her, so that sort of devolves into her shunning her household staff and wanting to be alone more, because she’s paranoid. So, the hair is really pared back this season, as if she does it herself. I mean, I don’t do it myself – it’s too hard. The cut of her dresses too – it feels younger, in a way, like she’s shedding this role of an authority figure.

ED: Because she was aged up, in a way, by marrying Viserys. [The costume designer] Caroline [McCall] has done an extraordinary job. For Rhaenyra, there’s something quite beautiful about the way her costuming this season feels more traditional, in some ways. It’s as though it’s looking to historic shapes, almost like she’s wearing the clothes of the previous generation. In the context of having just lost her father, I find that very moving. It’s like she’s aligning herself with him, but also it’s a sort of coupling with the past. She spends a lot of time looking at the history of her family this season, as though she’s looking for a clue to her own future. She’s aligned with the old Targaryen gods. There’s almost a desire for small “c” conservatism in this conjuring of the dead.

And she’s discovering what kind of leader she is. I was really struck by the scenes where both of your characters are undermined at council tables by the men around them. While these two women are urging caution, everyone else seems ready for war.

OC: Yeah, it was being surrounded by these men who are so eager to have their names in the annals of history, regardless of the cost to the kingdom. It’s actually really hard on the day shooting those scenes where you feel so undermined and you’re being spoken over and you feel like… I also feel meek and bound and small. You feel this rush of emotion despite yourself, trying in vain to speak to this group of very hormonal, jacked up men.

ED: And for Rhaenyra this season, not only is her leadership, battle strategy and political campaign being judged harshly from without, it’s also being ripped to shreds by her supposed allies and councilmen. I agree with you that those scenes are hard to shoot – I find them so tiring. The text is great and, often, we are not given the words to meet that criticism in the way that one would like to. So, you are literally de-voiced in a room of men. And it’s interesting, right? Those male characters are comfortable with power in a way that certainly Rhaenyra and also possibly Alicent are not. There’s a rub in terms of being a character who has to actively put on the cloak of power and try to wear it and try to wield it in some way. Those men wear it without noticing.

I wanted to end by asking you about Bluets, Emma, which you’re currently performing on stage at The Royal Court. What’s that been like? And Olivia, have you been to see it yet?

ED: It’s been great. It’s a very technical show – we were basically in tech for five, six weeks. But, it’s been lovely. We’ve been open for about a month now. [Bluets’s director] Katie Mitchell, who is a big hero of mine, came back to see the show recently and it feels like… you know when leather wears in nicely? It feels nicely worn in. It’s a really extraordinary collision of artists, so I could never have said no to it. Plus, it’s my favourite colour.

OC: And I haven’t seen it yet, but I need to go soon!

[heavyhitterheaux]

First Lady Please

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: I didn't forget about this request lol

Synopsis: First Lady and her husband Jack Harlow are the latest celebrities to be interviewed by Yung Miami

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Requested by: a lot of you lol

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

It was the middle of the CHTKMY tour and of course your husband begged for you to come along with him for at least a few weeks before yours started.

As expected, you said yes and he has barely let you out of his sight since. However, one night you got to sneak away and spend time with Caresha and JT when Caresha brought up wanting to have you on her new show to interview you. Because the two of you were close, it wouldn’t seem like an interview, but two friends catching up on what had been going on in each other’s lives.

Jack didn’t have a show tonight, so Caresha thought it would be the perfect day to film it. You were currently getting ready and finishing up your hair when you heard Jack behind you.

“Mamasssss!”

“Yes?”

“How long are you going to be? This is my off day and I can’t even spend it with my wife.” You didn’t have to even look at him to know that he was pouting something serious. 

“It is not going to take that long so stop being dramatic. Besides, you can come too if that will make you feel better.”

“What will make me feel better is giving you my undivided attention in this bed, but I digress.��

“Jackman, get it together. We have plenty of time for that later.”

“No we don’t because I have to go to sleep early by wifey’s orders or I’m going to get yelled at.”

“Let’s see. Sex or sleep? We know which one you’re choosing so don’t even lie. I do recall you saying the other day that you would be able to get up on time when in fact you didn’t. I had to set four alarms for you and you still got up late. I woke you up and you proceeded to say that you were going to start getting ready. I come back to see that you fell back asleep.”

“I wanted to drown in my wife’s pussy instead, but you just left me to fend for myself to go with Dani.”

“Bye, smush. I was only gone for thirty minutes.”

“What? What I say?”

“If you’re coming with me, you need to get dressed now. We’re meeting in like thirty minutes.”

“I’m already dressed! I just have to put on my shoes.”

You turned around and were eyeing your husband who was shirtless, had one sock on, along with his boxers. And you were thoroughly confused. 

“Jack, baby….”

“Huh?”

“First off you cannot be serious and second, where the hell is your other sock?!”

Jack simply shrugged before getting up and going to his suitcase to pull out something to wear.

“Actually, babe, you just go take a shower and I’ll pick out your outfit.” You said while going over to him and wrapping your arms around his waist. He leaned down to give you several kisses which immediately had you smiling up at him. 

“Don’t put me in anything that’s going to make me look like a man whore.” You did a double take to look at him and you simply shook your head as you slipped on your shoes.

“Imma kick your ass. Shut up and get in the shower!”

You were now sitting across from Caresha and the two of you were about to start while Jack, Dani, Brandi, and Urban were of course standing off to the side. 

“Y/N, why do you look nervous? It’s me and we talk all the time!”

“I know! And I don’t know why!”

“It’ll be fine, let’s do this.”

“Welcome to another episode of Caresha Please and this one is very special because I got the one and only first lady of Private Garden, Y/N Harlow with me today!”

“Thank you for having me and I am extremely nervous.”

“Don’t be! I mean my questions are a little bit out there sometimes, but all I have to do is slide in some questions about your husband and you’ll be fine.”

“Stop it before I turn red!” You exclaimed while laughing and trying to hide your face.

“You know what? Jack, come over here and join us.”

The producers were about to bring another chair to place next to you, but Jack quickly waved them off. Instead he picked you up and you were now sitting in his lap and he kissed your cheek.

“Okay! Matching outfits! I see yall! This is one of my favorite couples in the entire universe, not even going to lie. Okay, so I want to start off by saying that I love the fact that you two are so transparent and honest with your relationship because you obviously don’t have to be. But what makes you two want to share it with the world?”

You looked over at Jack for him to answer.

“I think it’s because we want to show that you can be young, in love, and have a successful marriage. When people found out that we were married and what age we did it, they couldn’t understand why. My thing is that, you don’t need to understand. The only thing that anyone needs to know is that I knew when we first met that she was my wife so why am I going to sit around and wait? Best decision I ever made.”

“And how did you know she was the one?”

“I know this is about to sound like some fairytale shit, but when people say love at first sight is a thing, believe them. I was fourteen and haven’t looked another girl’s way since. Being attracted to her not just physically, but I fell in love with every part of her. And all of the parts that make her unique. I first told her I loved her when I was seventeen and I remember that I would always come to get her after third period. One day, she goes missing, I can’t find her. So of course I’m losing my shit, come to find out she went home early. Long story short, I immediately left to go and check on her and when I saw that she was okay, something in me realized that the feeling of panic that I had over the thought of losing her, I never wanted to feel again. At that moment, I couldn’t imagine what I would do if I didn’t have her in my life. That moment solidified it.”

“Aww, your wife is turning red again and her eyes are watering.” Caresha said and you laughed before she went into her next question.

“Can’t even put into words how much I love him and how special he is to me. When I saw those freckles, blue eyes, and curly hair, your girl was sold.”

“She turns red when we talk about something else too.”

“JACKMAN, DO NOT START!”

“No, let’s start, let’s get into it. We know that you two do not shy away from showing how much the two of you love each other so these questions are about to get a little raunchy, but then we’ll discuss music careers and all that too.”

“Let’s go for it.”

“Are the two of you a part of the mile high club?”

You immediately looked down as Jack was trying to stifle a laugh.

“I take that as a yes. And I will add that I’m not surprised.” Caresha said before laughing at the scene in front of her.

“Okay, so it was on our way to Australia, everyone was asleep or we assumed that everyone was asleep.”

“I WAS AWAKE!”

“SHUT UP URBY!”

“Anyway, because Jack is so tall, it was a little difficult, but hey I’d do it again.”

“Okay Y/N, does Jack really hold up to his nickname, Missionary Jack?”

“Yes, most definitely.”

“But, that’s not your favorite position is it?”

“No, riding him like a rodeo all day is my go to.”

“Okay, well damn, Mrs. Harlow.”

“Completely at my mercy and I’m in control, what I say goes.”

“I just let her think that, but she already knows who’s really in control.” All you did was roll your eyes. 

“Okay, so, has he really fucked the earrings off of you?” Both you and Jack busted out laughing and you went to hide in Jack’s chest but not before nodding your head yes.

“Oh, so the lyrics are true?!”

“I wear a lot of hoop earrings, so I have lost a few in our um extracurricular activities.”

“Because I’m nosey and I stalked both of your instagram pages for this one, but I wanted to hear it from the two of you. First lady, spit or swallow?”

“A lady finishes her food is all I’m going to say.”

“DAMN MAMA, OKAY! I AGREE! Oh and something else, how do you feel in terms of spitting? Do you like to give or receive?”

“All down my throat, baby. I’m ready.”

“Damn, Jack you be putting it down LIKE THAT?”

“I have to satisfy my wife and I’m getting more selfless by the day, she gets taken care of first and then the rest can come after.”

“I see what you did there.” You said while winking at him and he gave you a small smirk. 

“I’ve heard that you and Jack’s best friend, who I also learned was yours too, are very close. Anything happening over there?”

“Happening like what?”

“Don’t even try it, you two.”

“Me and my friend, just like twins, same nutsack, and the same dick head.” You said reciting Jack’s lyrics while Urban was in the corner smirking. 

“I KNEW IT! Now, is Urban allowed to be with her when you aren’t around?”

“NO, I’M NOT TRYING TO DIE!” Urban exclaimed and the three of you looked over at him.

“He knows how protective I am over her, so no.”

“Okay has anyone in PG gotten jealous because of you inviting Urban into the bedroom with the two of you?”

“As far as I know, I don’t think so. They actually have never said but they get annoyed when we talk about our sex adventures so they probably want to sit this one out?”

“Okay, how many times have you gotten noise complaints at hotels?”

“We got one this morning. I told her to keep quiet, but NOPE.”

“Not my fault. I didn’t ask you to make me cum seven times this morning in the shower.”

“I didn’t hear you complaining and it would have been more if you didn’t have to leave with Brandi.”

“Seven times?!”

“I lost count after three.”

“And apparently, I have now learned that Urban or Neelam calls the front desk for the hotel staff to tell us because they know if it’s coming from them, we won’t listen.”

“Jack, have you ever dropped her during shower sex?”

“No, but I came close when we were on our festival run. She wouldn’t let me live it down for two weeks.”

“Your wife was in danger.”

“I CAUGHT YOU!”

“BARELY!”

“What is the craziest place that you two have had sex?”

“Oh shit… there’s a lot.” 

“Too many to name.”

“Just pick one.”

“Okay, on the hood of my car in Cherokee Park.”

“Oh, forgot about that one.”

“What were you going to say?”

“At my cousin’s wedding, and I am NOT going to say which cousin it was.”

“Oh shit, that was wild. Sweated out your hair and everything.”

“At least no one was looking for us and we slipped out the back.”

“Okay Y/N, the highest number of orgasms Jack has given you in one night?”

All Jack was doing behind you was smirking because he already knew the answer.

“It was after the VMA’s, and…..”

“And what girl?! SPILL IT!” Caresha exclaimed while looking at you.

“Yall are about to say this is impossible, but I lost count at sixteen.”

“SIXTEEN?! SIX FUCKING TEEN?! WAIT, YOU LOST COUNT, BUT IT WAS MORE?!”

“It was 21. And I cannot wait to do that to her again, I’m going for 25.” 

“How in the world are you not pregnant yet? And that leads into my next question, are we expanding our family with fur babies or human babies?”

“I have been banned from buying any more pets, so I guess they have to be human and have Jack’s big head.”

“First of all, outta pocket, and second baby, we have twelve pets. TWELVE.”

“You can never have enough pets.”

“Now, Y/N, does Jack like to use toys on you or just himself to pleasure you?”

“Oh, I’m answering this because she has a surprise waiting for her when we get done.”

You turned around to look at him with wide eyes and all he did was wiggle his eyebrows and smirk.

“Can’t take your horny ass anywhere. 

“Now what is going on with you two and Dua Lipa?”

“Simple, she wants to steal my wife.” You immediately rolled your eyes and Caresha laughed. 

“But don’t you have a song with her name as the title?”

“That’s actually Y/N’s song because she wrote it. She switched up a few lyrics then wanted me to put it on my album. That girl terrorizes the absolute FUCK outta me. She’s been after my wife ever since. I wish she would have kept the song for herself, but it might have been worse if she did.”

“Stop being dramatic, smush.”

“BABY! TELL ME SHE DOESN’T HAVE ME FIGHTING FOR MY LIFE ON A DAILY BASIS?!”

“I plead the fifth.”

“EXACTLY!”

“And Y/N, why didn’t you accept the wedding proposal from your favorite Harlow child which happens to be Jack’s little brother Clay?”

“Now…. I know good and got damn well…..” Jack started to say and look at Caresha in disbelief. 

“Clay will always be my little baby! He can do no wrong in my eyes. I guess because Jack saw me first.”

“YOU GUESS? WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!”

“I love you pookie.”

“Mm hmm, sure.”

“Now, Jack, would you let Dua get one night with the first lady?”

“She can kiss my ass. NO CHANCE IN HELL! She knows she has to stay six feet away from her at all times.”

“Watch her text me after this airs.”

All Jack did was glare at you and you stifled a laugh. 

“And this is a little out there, and it was one question that a fan sent in, but…. Jack, would you ever consider a threesome with Clay and your wife?”

“Caresha, do you want me to go to jail? We have an entire tour to finish.”

“Okay, that answers that. Jack, do you eat the booty like groceries? From my investigation, I know Urban does.”

“Since when am I a part of this interview?!” You heard Urban from the side of you and you simply shook your head. 

“Nothing is off limits when it comes to my wife, whatever she wants. Like I said before, getting more selfless by the day when it comes to her.”

“Now, Y/N, I know Jack is 6’3, however, he’s really just a soft baby isn’t he?”

“HEY!”

“The softest! Like my big teddy bear. He can’t function without me. Little spoon energy.

”This is throwing off my alpha male persona. BUT, I agree. Just don’t tell the rest of PG.”

“PLEASE, they already know how much of a simp you are.”

Jack simply shrugged. 

“Favorite physical feature of each other?”

“His beard, love playing in it and how it feels on my thighs while he’s in between them. Oh and his curly hair! I still remember when we discovered he had gray hair. He was in complete shambles for like a month.”

“I WAS 20! I DESERVED TO HAVE MY TIME TO GRIEVE!”

“Grieve for what smush?”

“My youth being gone.”

“Bye, Jackman.”

“I like how this is funny to you.”

“It’s not, baby, you’re just dramatic.”

“LOOK WHO’S TALKING!”

“Whewww, yall not holding back today. Okay, Jack? Favorite feature of your wife?”

“Like a blade of grass wants sunlight, I just want that ass. But I love her eyes.”

“Your dumbass would throw that in there.”

“Jack, what is your favorite non-sexual thing your wife does?”

“Her ability to take charge of a situation. Shit gets me every time. She doesn’t take any shit from anyone, including me.”

“You got damn right. You better not stick a curl out of line.”

“Okay, moving on to our careers in music. It’s no secret that Y/N has written a lot of songs for you Jack, but Y/N what is your favorite one you’ve written from each album?”

“Damn, that’s hard. Okay so for 18, I’m Good, Gazebo, Dark Knight, for Loose it’s a tie between Sundown, Cody Banks, and Sylvia, umm Ghost and Heavy Hitter from Confetti, Rendezvous, Route 66, Creme, and Tyler Herro from TWTAS, and for his newest one Churchill Downs, and Young Harleezy. My thing was that when people really started to doubt him saying things like he’s an industry plant we came up with Tyler Herro because I was like yall need to understand that my husband is talented and that he’s here to stay right along with the rest of us in PG and we don’t give a flying fuck if you don’t like it. He’s been doing this since he was in middle school and I was like I’ll be damned if he lets up now.”

“Damn, mamas, you got me hot. Love when you defend me and shit.”

“Yall two can do all you want when yall get back to the hotel, but for right now we’re not done. Now, who is one person that FL is not allowed to work with besides Giveon?”

“So, one thing I always try to do is protect my wife because I know with her especially being a woman who is a rapper, people might try to take advantage of that. And she can be a little too trusting sometimes and that’s why I worry. For the most part, everyone is respectful of her besides the person you just named so no one is off limits. But there is one now that I think about it.”

“Who?”

“Nicki Minaj. You can’t call my wife untalented because she was nominated for an award and you’re mad because your song didn’t get into the same category. It’s sad because that’s who she looked up to, but not happening and it probably never will. I protect her space and her energy and I want no negativity around her.”

“That’s my man and imma stick beside him.”

“Favorite song that you two have worked on together?”

“SEX LIES!” Both of you exclaimed at the same time before laughing.

“Jack, favorite song that you’ve written for her?”

“Easy, Obsessed off 18. She cried when I played it for her. But Luv is Dro is a close second.”

“And what was your reaction when you caught her rapping for the first time?”

“I was floored, because I was trying to figure out how she had hid it from me for so long. Still trips me out to this day.”

“And Y/N, why did you hide it?”

“I was just content with being behind the scenes. It was my goal to be in the music industry and I've come further than I ever thought possible.”

“Are we ever going to get a joint album and tour?”

“Maybe, we’ll see. Always down to make music with my wife.”

“Y/N, dream collab?”

“Andre 3000.”

“Jack?”

“Same, Outkast is legendary.”

“Any songs that either of you regret releasing or a certain lyric in a song?”

“Not really.”

“Jack, favorite song by your wife?”

“Like ever? No way in hell I can choose just one.”

“He loves me.” 

“Okay, off of her 777 album?”

“Big Energy, Wheelie, and Sunshine.”

“And where does the inspiration come from for you two to be able to sit down and write?”

“It can come from the simplest things, I just pull it from anywhere. Writing has always come naturally to me and sometimes I honestly just go in the booth and freestyle. And whatever comes out, I decide if I like it or not.”

“I look at her and I get all the inspiration I need.”

“Simp alert.” You whispered and Jack pinched your side. 

“So, what’s next for the Harlows?”

“Taking her back to the hotel so she can get this work.”

“JACKMAN THOMAS! QUIT IT!”

“I was just saying!”

“Don’t pay him any attention, what’s next for us? Our wedding most definitely and then just continuing to prove people wrong and that we deserve to be here and that’s how it’s going to stay.”

“I like that answer.”

“Yeah, because it was way better than yours.”

“I didn’t say that I liked it that much, baby girl. Don’t get ahead of yourself. My answer was good too.”

All you did was sigh and shake your head as Caresha looked at the two of you and laughed.

“This was fun and I thank you two for doing this with me. I’m proud of the both of you and how far you’ve come in your careers and this is only the beginning. Just make sure I get an invite to the wedding.”

“No worries, we got you.” You answered while adjusting on Jack’s lap and you could hear him groan.

“Don’t start.” He whispered in your ear.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about smush.”

“Oh, you don’t? When we get back, I want you on all fours since you’re trying to play games with me.”

“I’m literally not even doing anything.”

“Famous last words.”

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO WHISPERING ABOUT OVER THERE?”

“URBAN, DO YOU REALLY WANT ME TO ANSWER THAT?”

“NEVER MIND. JUST LET ME FIND MY EAR PLUGS BEFORE YALL START.”

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[choosingwhatmatters]

Music in The Loyal Pin, Episode 5

Hello dear friends of musical endeavours. Welcome back to the journey through the soundscapes of The Loyal Pin. This is going to be a short post as I spent most of my time this week away from home. Still, I hope you enjoy.

Today is about a piece of music that has been fascinating to me since the very first time I’ve heard it in the show, and more so with every reoccurrence. But from the beginning first. We are in episode 2. Anil has just dismissed Prik from what could have been a shared afternoon snack with Pin, had Pin been able to eat anything. But Pin cannot stand the thought of Anil leaving. She is standing with her back to Anil, crying, and there’s a sweet, descending melody that starts out like this:

I dubbed the melody “Helpless.” On first listen, it sounds harmless. It is a melody featuring the notes of a major scale, thus sounding relatively happy. It derives its pain mostly from the onscreen visuals. Still, when hearing it for the first time, there was something about the piece that caught my ear, and I was curious in which contexts we would get to hear it again.

In episode 4, Lady Ueang hurts herself while cooking and Anil tends to her wounds with a tenderness that is hard to endure for Pin. However, the scene that put a bow to my heartstrings comes at the end of episode 4. Pin clings to Anil because of the thunderstorm. There’s a flashback to tiny Pin, shivering in the rain, begging her parents to wake up, and there’s the music again. The sweetness of the melody stands in stark contrast to the darkness, the despair. The discrepancy is hard for me to bear. Which is why I believe it’s a brilliant choice for the scene. Pin’s pain is mirrored by the high starting note and the rapid descend of the melody, which goes down whole octave in only four notes. A tiny outcry, a wail into the night, into the noise. What is striking to me is that the melody is still in a major scale. The obvious choice would have been a minor scale which by its nature sounds more sorrowful. You just lower the third note of the scale by one half tone and suddenly the piece sounds like this:

But that’s not Pin. True to her character, her music stays sweet. Kind. That is true for Pin in all stages of life that we see her in. I’ve talked about another piece that is connected to Pin’s suffering, “Pin’s heavy heart.” This piece sounds more wistful because the beginning revolves around a minor third. But the underlying harmony that calls us towards it – our homebase, tonic, first chord, whatever you want to call it – is a major one. Like most humans, Pin has become sadder as she got older, but underneath, she’s still hopeful.

Back to “Helpless,” though. It is one of the first things we hear in episode 5. Pin has fled from Anil’s embrace and has locked herself away. Anil is then alone, wondering whether Pin is angry at her. That is when the piece sets in. My theory is that it is not Anil’s helplessness we’re hearing, but Pin’s. In the past, we’ve heard the piece whenever Pin was overcome by emotions she could not suppress, and if an emotional onslaught due to royal kissing lessons does not fall into that category, I don’t know what does.

The piece reappears in what is one of my favourite scenes of the series so far. Anil is away for the funeral, and we have parallel shots of Anil and Pin with memories of one another echoing through their minds, accompanied by “Helpless.” We see Anil first, and her part of the music is unstable. Restless. There’s no determinable time signature (that I could make out). The melody wanders, looking for a place to rest but finding none. It stumbles through the harmonies, doubles back, sidesteps. My goodness, I just watched the scene again and it is only now that I noticed that Anil has tears in her eyes! This show is killing me.

In contrast to Anil’s despair, we have Pin reliving times of her life when her feelings for Anil have made her feel helpless. When she took care of Anil despite being afraid of her emotions. When she was jealous of Lady Ueang. When Anil comforted her through a night of thunderstorm. And then she’s smiling because she realises that what she is feeling is the unstoppable force, and against the unstoppable force, we all are helpless. Her acceptance is mirrored by the music. We have a steady 4/4 metre and the melody as well as the harmony create a familiar, recognisable atmosphere. Pin is ready to face the woman she loves.

There is something incredibly nerdy to say about some of the chords used in this piece, but I am unsure whether this is exciting to anyone but me. If you, by any chance, want to read what "Helpless" has in common with a lot of songs by Radiohead, please let me know. Then I'll write a short post about minor subdominants. However, I won't be offended if nobody does.

In any case: Thank you so much for reading and listening! I hope you enjoy the music of the series as much as I do. Have a good one and see you soon!

[songbirdlopez]

Santana Lopez is lazy. At least, according to herself in New Directions (5x13) "I'm too lazy to do eight shows a week". Now I have many issues with this episode and the entire understudy plot, but that isn't what I want to expand on here. I just want to talk about this one line.

Warning, this is a very long post.

Where on Earth did the writers get that idea? I can see Santana genuinely believing that about herself since her self esteem isn't always the greatest, but Rachel never corrects her. Santana says she is lazy, and that's it. She's lazy. But wait a minute, are we talking about the same Santana here?

Let me bring up the obvious. The cheerios. I don't think it's possible to be lazy and be a cheerleader under the leadership of Sue Sylvester (unless you're Becky, I guess). Santana was a cheerio for all of season 1 and 3, half of season 2 (only because without her, Quinn, and Brittany the cheerios weren't good enough to win), and presumably all of her freshman year. That's three and a half years of gruelling training and death-defying stunts. And for her senior year she is co-captain, so taking on extra responsibilities.

Also cheerios related, in Diva 4x13 Sue offers Santana a job as the cheerios coach. Despite knowing how tough Sue is she says yes. Later when speaking to Britt she says that she'll take over fully when Sue dies and she's gonna make sure that happens within a few years (presumably a joke but who knows what would've happened).

Then there's the New Directions. Santana is in the glee club for three (almost) straight years. We don't often see much more than lessons being introduced and then singing, but it's established in season 1 that they do vocal warm ups/training. There's also booty camp which runs late season 2 and all season 3. After she gets (unfairly imo) kicked out in The Purple Piano Project (3x01), she agrees to join Booty Camp to come back to ND. In universe she is one of the better dancers, so this is just a punishment that she accepts, she wants to be in the glee club and will do extra work for it. There's also practising for their competition numbers (even if it's the day of). In season 1 she helps come up with some choreography. Santana often has solo parts and was one of only a few members to get a full solo where she doesn't just park and bark (obvi Britt and Mike were the featured dancers but Santana has her own choreo). Santana is also one of only four characters who audition for a solo for nationals in Funeral (2x21), and she's one of only two who have some sort of choreography.

Continuing on with glee clubs, the Troubletones. Santana joined TT to get more focus. We saw TT discussions and dance practise, and we know that Shelby did vocal coaching that was better than Will's (Mercedes: "Shelby's a great teacher, I'm hitting notes I didn't even know existed.") Santana also pushed through a majorly distressing event (outing) to perform and used that pain to lift the performance (RHI/SLY).

School musicals. Santana has roles in three different school musicals. The only one she doesn't participate in is Cabaret, but that is just a sham to get Rach away from the New Directions. In season two she plays two different characters in Rocky Horror, she's double cast as Magenta (a supporting character) with Quinn, and she plays the lips (this is a mistake on the show's part, the lips are Riff Raff's actor in the movie, but on stage this song is performed by a character named Trixie the Usherette who does a reprise of the song at the end). In West Side Story she plays Anita. Finally in Grease she plays Rizzo, it's worth noting that she gets the role with very little notice and still (from what little we see) nails it.

Jobs. Throughout highschool Santana doesn't seem to have any part time employment, but that's the case for most characters. While she's at Louisville she doesn't need to get a job since she got a scholarship and a bunch of money from her mom. I mentioned previously that she almost got a job as cheerios coach. Once she moves to New York in season 4 she works a shit ton of jobs, like a ridiculous amount. She's a bouncer, a cage dancer, she works at the Coyote Ugly Saloon Bar, she's a waitress, a reoccurring actor for Yeast-I-Stat, Fanny Brice understudy, Rachel's publicist, back up singer (and maybe dancer?) for Mercedes which includes touring with her, and she is an active member of Pamela Lansbury before she and Rachel are kicked out.

Even ignoring the jobs that were just word of mouth, she had five jobs, that's more than any other character in the show, and we unfortunately never find out what she ends up doing.

In season 4 after a push from her friends she takes on NYADA extension classes.

Also relevant, in season 4 she drops out of college. This isn't because she's "too lazy", it's because of the environment. She didn't gel with her fellow students, there's no mention of the work being too much, it's purely that the other cheerleaders don't respond well to her. Her "brutal honesty" or whatever, still not a reflection of her work ethic, just her lack of tact (to put it lightly). Also worth mentioning, the two times we see her at Louisville she is clearly working hard. She can't talk to Britt because she's too busy, and in the scene where that Virginia Wolfe girl eyes her up she's in the library studying. In Jagged Little Tapestry (6x03) Santana tells Brittany that she would like to go back to college, unfortunately we never see if this comes to fruition.

Volunteering. Santana is also the character who volunteers the most. In Silly Love Songs (2x12) she says that she often volunteers at the hospital which is where she got the candy striper outfit. Two episode earlier in A Very Glee Christmas (2x10) the glee girls are going to sell their hair, Santana is the one to tell the others to "stop yapping" and just do it and is just a about to cut off her hair when Will stops them, so clearly she was willing to do it. The next Christmas Santana joins Sam and Quinn at the homeless shelter with the other New Directions after the tv special (kinda goes against her prior eagerness to help out, but makes sense since fame is her mistress). In Lights Out (4x20) she joins Rachel and Kurt volunteering at the Ballet Gala. Admittedly here it's takes a push and she only goes after being offered dresses.

Mentoring. From season four the ND alumni often come back to mentor the newbies or just to help out in general. Santana comes back in Glease (4x06), Thanksgiving (4x08), Diva (4x13), All or Nothing (4x21), 100/New Directions (5x12, 5x13), Homecoming (6x02), and Jagged Little Tapestry (6x03). (I'm not including The Breakup or The Quarterback because she came back for emotional reasons.)

Knowing all of this about her shows how hardworking and passionate Santana is. She is constantly working at something. She has her down time (watching Facts of Life, scrolling Rizzoli & Isles lesbian subtext blogs), but that seems few and far between when knowing just how much she works. It can also be inferred that she is a good student at WMHS, seeing as she got the scholarship to Louisville and they probably wouldn't accept her on just cheerleading merit alone, and she is seen multiple times with her books open, studying. (Pot O' Gold and Saturday Night Glee-ver come to mind). We also know that she cares about her education because she reported Will for being a sub par teacher in The Spanish Teacher (3x12).

Along with everything I just mentioned, Santana also takes it upon herself to do side quests when she wants something. She is so determined to prove that Quinn and Finn are having an affair that she gives herself mono (she's immune apparently, but still). She also goes full spy to take down Sebastian, and to take down Brody. With everything else she does and the effort she puts into random situations to do with her friends she must be goddamn exhausted.

Something I must bring up is related to her being Rachel's understudy. But first another disclaimer: I don't want this post to become a discussion on who was in the right in the situation, both women did bad things, that is not what this post is about. I only bring it up because it is the plot where this line is said, therefore some parts a relevant.

Santana only gets the idea to audition for the understudy role as Rachel leaves to go judge the auditions. We do not know exactly how much time passes in between but it's presumably only a few hours at most. This means that Santana had to memorise the song, change the key and structure by herself, and choreograph the number in a few hours. That shows dedication. Later on in The Back-Up Plan (5x18) Santana goes on in place of Rachel to try and save her friends job. Again she has very little time to prepare to play the role as the show is that night, and hasn't been the understudy for approximately a good few months. We don't see her perform but Rach herself says she was really good. It's unfortunate that we never see Santana get any opportunities come from this, but it's Glee so I digress.

In conclusion (I feel like I'm back in highschool lol), Santana Lopez has many flaws and there are many valid reasons to criticise her, her work ethic is not one. Santana is shown to be an extremely hard working and dedicated character who aims high and will put in the work to get what she wants, she won't let other people get in her way. She can be her own worst enemy and can get into a slump when she can't see a direction to go in, but she always pushes through. I think it's cowardly that the show not only decided that she was the sole offender of the Understudy Situation, but also shunted her with a negative descriptor that is in complete opposition to what we know of her. Despite also saying cruel things during the understudy plot line Rachel gets away with not apologising, and then lets Santana insult herself. It's an unfortunate result and complete character assassination for Santana and shows how little the writers care for her. It also destroys the friendship that Pezberry developed up until that point. Santana is not the only character to be described in a negative way even when the rest of the show doesn't represent that, Mercedes Jones gets this treatment even worse and more often. I do have a discussion about her in my drafts, hopefully I'll finish it one day. It sucks that two of the most versatile and skilled characters in Glee are constantly said to not be enough.

Santana Lopez is not lazy.

[pronoun-fucker]

“I’m looking at a picture of my naked body, leaning against a hotel balcony in Thailand. My denim bikini has been replaced with exposed, pale pink nipples – and a smooth, hairless crotch. I zoom in on the image, attempting to gauge what, if anything, could reveal the truth behind it. There’s the slight pixilation around part of my waist, but that could be easily fixed with amateur Photoshopping. And that’s all.

Although the image isn’t exactly what I see staring back at me in the mirror in real life, it’s not a million miles away either. And hauntingly, it would take just two clicks of a button for someone to attach it to an email, post it on Twitter or mass distribute it to all of my contacts. Or upload it onto a porn site, leaving me spending the rest of my life fearful that every new person I meet has seen me naked. Except they wouldn’t have. Not really. Because this image, despite looking realistic, is a fake. And all it took to create was an easily discovered automated bot, a standard holiday snap and £5.

This image is a deepfake – and part of a rapidly growing market. Basically, AI technology (which is getting more accessible by the day) can take any image and morph it into something else. Remember the alternative ‘Queen’s Christmas message’ broadcast on Channel 4, that saw ‘Her Majesty’ perform a stunning TikTok dance? A deepfake. Those eerily realistic videos of ‘Tom Cruise’ that went viral last February? Deepfakes. That ‘gender swap’ app we all downloaded for a week during lockdown? You’ve guessed it: a low-fi form of deepfaking.

Yet, despite their prevalence, the term ‘deepfake’ (and its murky underworld) is still relatively unknown. Only 39% of Cosmopolitan readers said they knew the word ‘deepfake’ during our research (it’s derived from a combination of ‘deep learning’ – the type of AI programming used – and ‘fake’). Explained crudely, the tech behind deepfakes, Generative Adversarial Networks (GANs), is a two-part model: there’s a generator (which creates the content after studying similar images, audio, or videos) and the discriminator (which checks if the new content passes as legit). Think of it as a teenager forging a fake ID and trying to get it by a bouncer; if rejected, the harder the teen works on the forgery. GANs have been praised for making incredible developments in film, healthcare and technology (driverless cars rely on it) – but sadly, in reality it’s more likely to be used for bad than good.

Research conducted in 2018 by fraud detection company Sensity AI found that over 90% of all deepfakes online are non-consensual pornographic clips targeting women – and predicted that the number would double every six months. Fast forward four years and that prophecy has come true and then some. There are over 57 million hits for ‘deepfake porn’ on Google alone [at the time of writing]. Search interest has increased 31% in the past year and shows no signs of slowing. Does this mean we’ve lost control already? And, if so, what can be done to stop it?

WHO’S THE TARGET?

Five years ago, in late 2017, something insidious was brewing in the darker depths of popular chatrooms. Reddit users began violating celebrities on a mass scale, by using deepfake software to blend run-of-the-mill red-carpet images or social media posts into pornography. Users would share their methods for making the sexual material, they’d take requests (justifying abusing public figures as being ‘better than wanking off to their real leaked nudes’) and would signpost one another to new uploads. This novel stream of porn delighted that particular corner of the internet, as it marvelled at just how realistic the videos were (thanks to there being a plethora of media of their chosen celebrity available for the software to study).

That was until internet bosses, from Reddit to Twitter to Pornhub, came together and banned deepfakes in February 2018, vowing to quickly remove any that might sneak through the net and make it onto their sites – largely because (valid) concerns had been raised that politically motivated deepfake videos were also doing the rounds. Clips of politicians apparently urging violence, or ‘saying’ things that could harm their prospects, had been red flagged. Despite deepfake porn outnumbering videos of political figures by the millions, clamping down on that aspect of the tech was merely a happy by-product.

But it wasn’t enough; threads were renamed, creators migrated to different parts of the internet and influencers were increasingly targeted alongside A-listers. Quickly, the number of followers these women needed to be deemed ‘fair game’ dropped, too.

Fast forward to today, and a leading site specifically created to house deepfake celebrity porn sees over 13 million hits every month (that’s more than double the population of Scotland). It has performative rules displayed claiming to not allow requests for ‘normal’ people to be deepfaked, but the chatrooms are still full of guidance on how to DIY the tech yourself and people taking custom requests. Disturbingly, the most commonly deepfaked celebrities are ones who all found fame at a young age which begs another stomach-twisting question here: when talking about deepfakes, are we also talking about the creation of child pornography?

It was through chatrooms like this, that I discovered the £5 bot that created the scarily realistic nude of myself. You can send a photograph of anyone, ideally in a bikini or underwear, and it’ll ‘nudify’ it in minutes. The freebie version of the bot is not all that realistic. Nipples appear on arms, lines wobble. But the paid for version is often uncomfortably accurate. The bot has been so well trained to strip down the female body that when I sent across a photo of my boyfriend (with his consent), it superimposed an unnervingly realistic vulva.

But how easy is it to go a step further? And how blurred are the ethics when it comes to ‘celebrities vs normal people’ (both of which are a violation)? In a bid to find out, I went undercover online, posing as a man looking to “have a girl from work deepfaked into some porn”. In no time at all I meet BuggedBunny*, a custom deepfake porn creator who advertises his services on various chatroom threads – and who explicitly tells me he prefers making videos using ‘real’ women.

When I ask for proof of his skills, he sends me a photo of a woman in her mid-twenties. She has chocolate-brown hair, shy eyes and in the image, is clearly doing bridesmaid duties. BuggedBunny then tells me he edited this picture into two pornographic videos.

He emails me a link to the videos via Dropbox: in one The Bridesmaid is seemingly (albeit with glitches) being gang-banged, in another ‘she’ is performing oral sex. Although you can tell the videos are falsified, it’s startling to see what can be created from just one easily obtained image. When BuggedBunny requests I send images of the girl I want him to deepfake – I respond with clothed photos of myself and he immediately replies: “Damn, I’d facial her haha!” (ick) and asks for a one-off payment of $45. In exchange, he promises to make as many photos and videos as I like. He even asks what porn I’d prefer. When I reply, “Can we get her being done from behind?” he says, “I’ve got tonnes of videos we can use for that, I got you man.”

I think about The Bridesmaid, wondering if she has any idea that somebody wanted to see her edited into pornographic scenes. Is it better to be ignorant? Was it done to humiliate her, for blackmailing purposes, or for plain sexual gratification? And what about the adult performers in the original video, have they got any idea their work is being misappropriated in this way?

It appears these men (some of whom may just be teenagers: when I queried BuggedBunny about the app he wanted me to transfer money via, he said, “It’s legit! My dad uses it all the time”) – those creating and requesting deepfake porn – live in an online world where their actions have no real-world consequences. But they do. How can we get them to see that?

REAL-LIFE FAKE PORN

One quiet winter afternoon, while her son was at nursery, 36-year-old Helen Mort, a poet and writer from South Yorkshire, was surprised when the doorbell rang. It was the middle of a lockdown; she wasn’t expecting visitors or parcels. When Helen opened the door, there stood a male acquaintance – looking worried. “I thought someone had died,” she explains. But what came next was news she could never have anticipated. He asked to come in.

“I was on a porn website earlier and I saw… pictures of you on there,” the man said solemnly, as they sat down. “And it looks as though they’ve been online for years. Your name is listed, too.”

Initially, she was confused; the words ‘revenge porn’ (when naked pictures or videos are shared without consent) sprang to mind. But Helen had never taken a naked photo before, let alone sent one to another person who’d be callous enough to leak it. So, surely, there was no possible way it could be her?

“That was the day I learned what a ‘deepfake’ is,” Helen tells me. One of her misappropriated images had been taken while she was pregnant. In another, somebody had even added her tattoo to the body her face had been grafted onto.

Despite the images being fake, that didn’t lessen the profound impact their existence had on Helen’s life. “Your initial response is of shame and fear. I didn't want to leave the house. I remember walking down the street, not able to meet anyone’s eyes, convinced everyone had seen it. You feel very, very exposed. The anger hadn't kicked in yet.”

Nobody was ever caught. Helen was left to wrestle with the aftereffects alone. “I retreated into myself for months. I’m still on a higher dose of antidepressants than I was before it all happened.” After reporting what had happened to the police, who were initially supportive, Helen’s case was dropped. The anonymous person who created the deepfake porn had never messaged her directly, removing any possible grounds for harassment or intention to cause distress.

Eventually she found power in writing a poem detailing her experience and starting a petition calling for reformed laws around image-based abuse; it’s incredibly difficult to prosecute someone for deepfaking on a sexual assault basis (even though that’s what it is: a digital sexual assault). You’re more likely to see success with a claim for defamation or infringement of privacy, or image rights.

Unlike Helen, in one rare case 32-year-old Dina Mouhandes from Brighton was able to unearth the man who uploaded doctored images of her onto a porn site back in 2015. “Some were obviously fake, showing me with gigantic breasts and a stuck-on head, others could’ve been mistaken as real. Either way, it was humiliating,” she reflects. “And horrible, you wonder why someone would do something like that to you? Even if they’re not real photos, or realistic, it’s about making somebody feel uncomfortable. It’s invasive.”

Dina, like Helen, was alerted to what had happened by a friend who’d been watching porn. Initially, she says she laughed, as some images were so poorly edited. “But then I thought ‘What if somebody sees them and thinks I’ve agreed to having them made?’ My name was included on the site too.” Dina then looked at the profile of the person who’d uploaded them and realised an ex-colleague had been targeted too. “I figured out it was a guy we’d both worked with, I really didn’t want to believe it was him.”

In Dina’s case, the police took things seriously at first and visited the perpetrator in person, but later their communication dropped off – she has no idea if he was ever prosecuted, but is doubtful. The images were, at least, taken down. “Apparently he broke down and asked for help with his mental health,” Dina says. “I felt guilty about it, but knew I had to report what had happened. I still fear he could do it again and now that deepfake technology is so much more accessible, I worry it could happen to anyone.”

And that’s the crux of it. It could happen to any of us – and we likely wouldn’t even know about it, unless, like Dina and Helen, somebody stumbled across it and spoke out. Or, like 25-year-old Northern Irish politician Cara Hunter, who earlier this year was targeted in a similarly degrading sexual way. A pornographic video, in which an actor with similar hair, but whose face wasn’t shown, was distributed thousands of times – alongside real photos of Cara in a bikini – via WhatsApp. It all played out during the run-up to an election, so although Cara isn’t sure who started spreading the video and telling people it was her in it, it was presumably politically motivated.

“It’s tactics like this, and deepfake porn, that could scare the best and brightest women from coming into the field,” she says, adding that telling her dad what had happened was one of the worst moments of her life. “I was even stopped in the street by men and asked for oral sex and received comments like ‘naughty girl’ on Instagram – then you click the profiles of the people who’ve posted, and they’ve got families, kids. It’s objectification and trying to humiliate you out of your position by using sexuality as a weapon. A reputation can be ruined instantly.”

Cara adds that the worst thing is ‘everyone has a phone’ and yet laws dictate that while a person can’t harm you in public, they can legally ‘try to ruin your life online’. “A lie can get halfway around the world before the truth has even got its shoes on.”

Is it any wonder, then, that 83% of Cosmopolitan readers have said deepfake porn worries them, with 42% adding that they’re now rethinking what they post on social media? But this can’t be the solution - that, once again, women are finding themselves reworking their lives, in the hopes of stopping men from committing crimes.

Yet, we can’t just close our eyes and hope it all goes away either. The deepfake porn genie is well and truly out of the bottle (it’s also a symptom of a wider problem: Europol experts estimate that by 2026, 90% of all media we consume may be synthetically generated). Nearly one in every 20 Cosmopolitan readers said they, or someone they know, has been edited into a false sexual scenario. But what is the answer? It's hard for sites to monitor deepfakes – and even when images are promptly removed, there’s still every chance they’ve been screen grabbed and shared elsewhere.

When asked, Reddit told Cosmopolitan: "We have clear policies that prohibit sharing intimate or explicit media of a person created or posted without their permission. We will continue to remove content that violates our policies and take action against the users and communities that engage in this behaviour."

Speaking to leading deepfake expert, Henry Adjer, about how we can protect ourselves – and what needs to change – is eye-opening. “I’ve rarely seen male celebrities targeted and if they are, it’s usually by the gay community. I’d estimate tens of millions of women are deepfake porn victims at this stage.” He adds that sex, trust and technology are only set to become further intertwined, referencing the fact that virtual reality brothels now exist. “The best we can do is try to drive this type of behaviour into more obscure corners of the internet, to stop people – especially children and teenagers – from stumbling across it.”

Currently, UK law says that making deepfake porn isn’t an offence (although in Scotland distributing it may be seen as illegal, depending on intention), but companies are told to remove such material (if there’s an individual victim) when flagged, otherwise they may face a punishment from Ofcom. But the internet is a big place, and it’s virtually impossible to police. This year, the Online Safety Bill is being worked on by the Law Commission, who want deepfake porn recognised as a crime – but there’s a long way to go with a) getting that law legislated and b) ensuring it’s enforced.

Until then, we need a combination of investment and effort from tech companies to prevent and identify deepfakes, alongside those (hopefully future) tougher laws. But even that won’t wave a magic wand and fix everything. Despite spending hours online every day, as a society we still tend to think of ‘online’ and ‘offline’ as two separate worlds – but they aren’t. ‘Online’ our morals can run fast and loose, as crimes often go by unchecked, and while the ‘real world’ may have laws in place that, to some degree, do protect us, we still need a radical overhaul when it comes to how society views the female body.

Deepfake porn is a bitter nail in the coffin of equality and having control over your own image; even if you’ve never taken a nude in your life (which, by the way, you should be free to do without fear of it being leaked or hacked) you can still be targeted and have sexuality used against you. Isn’t it time we focus on truly Photoshopping out that narrative as a whole?”

Link | Archived Link

[redriotinggg]

Ivankov's Drag Race

I watch a lot of RuPaul's Drag Race 'cause I love drag and reality TV and I'm queer as fuck. So here's the most self-indulgent thing I've ever written for day 4 of @sanusoweek, presented 100% on-time :P

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Welcome to season 12 of Ivankov's Drag Race; a reality show where a group of drag artists compete to snatch the crown and win a prize of $150,000!

JUDGES: Ivankov (Host & Main Judge), Bon Clay, and Inazuma. Every week they are joined by famous drag artists, fashion icons, musicians, and queer allies, who share their opinions and provide feedback.

COMPETITORS: Sanji, Usopp, Brook, Doll, Caesar Clown, Pudding, Chuu, Helmeppo, Izo, Bartolomeo, Buggy the Clown, Catarina, and Perona.

WEEK ONE: The first episodes of the season are a double premiere where the performers show off their talents, personalities, and personal styles. No eliminations.

WEEK TWO: This week the competitors are participating in a scripted acting challenge. As the top two performers during the talent show, Brook and Izo are appointed team captains and choose their teams.

Team Brook includes Sanji, Usopp, Pudding, Bartolomeo, and Perona. Team Izo has Buggy, Caesar, Helmeppo, Doll, Catarina, and Chuu. The winner of the week is Usopp!

The audience gets their first glimpse of the Sanji-Pudding-Usopp love triangle as both Usopp and Pudding bond with Sanji during the challenge.

Chuu and Doll are in the bottom and lip sync for their lives, ultimately resulting in Chuu being eliminated.

WEEK THREE: This week, the contestants are challenged to design and create a runway outfit that represents their drag persona. Sanji is stressed because he wears pretty looks, he doesn't sew them. He sidles over to his new friend Usopp and doesn't hesitate to flirt with him in hopes of getting some help creating his look. Usopp flirts back and is more than happy to provide some assistance. In the confessionals, Pudding reveals that she isn't happy that Sanji went to Usopp for help when her style is so much better than his.

Perona wins the challenge and Bartolomeo absolutely demolishes Helmeppo in the lip sync and sends him home.

WEEK FOUR: The contestants are split into teams to pitch a television show of their creation. (Sanji & Pudding, Buggy & Usopp, Izo & Catarina, Barto & Perona, and Doll, Brook, & Caesar).

Buggy and Usopp share a win after they deliver a hilarious performance. Doll and Caesar have a massive disagreement which affects their performance in the challenge and lands them in the bottom. Their argument in Untucked goes down in Drag Race herstory. Doll is sent home after lipsyncing against Caesar.

WEEK FIVE: This week is the much-anticipated girl group challenge! Sanji, Usopp, Barto, Perona, and Izo perform a high-energy pop number while Buggy, Brook, Catarina, Caesar, and Pudding dance to sultry, seductive choreo.

Sanji is this week's winner and after battling Buggy, Caesar is sent home.

WEEK SIX: In the second of the season's design challenge, the contestants must create a runway look worthy of royalty. Once again, Sanji finds his way over to Usopp for assistance and a round of flirting. A jealous Pudding comments that Sanji should ask for help from someone who actually has a good sense of style since Usopp's taste level has come into question in the past. Cue passive-aggressive comments from both of them throughout the rest of the episode.

Izo is this week's winner and Catarina is sent home after losing to Buggy in the lip sync.

WEEK SEVEN: At the halfway point of the competition, the girls do celebrity impersonations for the infamous Snatch Game challenge.

Usopp's amazing impersonations gain him another challenge win. There is a sweet moment between him and Sanji in Untucked when he encourages a stressed-out Sanji who landed in the bottom three.

Izo is sent home after an emotional lip sync with Sanji.

WEEK EIGHT: This week, the remaining competitors perform in a musical! As last week's winner, Usopp is given the power to assign roles, which doesn't bode well for Pudding, who has been planting seeds of doubt in the mind of an anxious Usopp.

Brook wins the challenge after his spectacular performance as the lead in the musical. Pudding wins against Perona in a lipsync that many fans think should've been a double shantay.

WEEK NINE: The competitors show off three runway looks for the Grand Line Ball! The first look is Marine Madness and the second is Pirate Couture, both brought from home. The third look, Devil Fruitiness, must be created in the workroom and to no one's surprise, Sanji is over by Usopp's workstation. He seems to have learned a lot from his lessons from Usopp though, so they spend their time laughing and flirting as they create their looks.

Pudding wins the challenge and Buggy wins his lipsync over Bartolomeo.

WEEK TEN: The top five queens give makeovers to young queers, putting them in drag and creating a family resemblance between them.

After getting negative critiques, Pudding has a bit of a breakdown in Untucked this week, taking her frustrations out on Usopp and resulting in a heated argument. Brook calms down Usopp and Sanji reels in Pudding.

Sanji wins his second challenge and Buggy is sent home after an intense lipsync against Pudding.

WEEK ELEVEN: In the last challenge before the finale, the remaining four competitors are prompted to write, record, and perform a verse to Ivankov's original song, Revolution.

Brook wins the challenge with one of the best verses and performances in Drag Race herstory. Usopp and Pudding land in the bottom and perform an iconic lipsync that ultimately sends Pudding home.

WEEK TWELVE: Before the finale, all of the competitors return for a reunion episode hosted by Ivankov going over all of the season's drama. Pudding is called out by Perona and Bartolomeo for being two-faced and treating Usopp poorly. Ivankov puts the spotlight on Sanji, who is in the middle of the drama between Pudding and Usopp. The Doll vs. Caesar altercation is also re-hashed and goes unresolved.

WEEK THIRTEEN: In front of a live audience, the top three competitors Sanji, Brook, and Usopp do a performance of their choice in a final bid for the crown, which ultimately goes to............ BROOK!!!!!!

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To the delight of audiences everywhere, Sanji and Usopp enter into a romantic relationship after the show had finished filming (so by the time the season aired, they'd been dating for about a year!). The fanfiction that is written about them is insane and Sanji is begging Usopp to stop reading it, damn it! They have also resolved the issue between themselves and Pudding and are now very close friends.

Sanji and Usopp go on to star in several other reality shows, their popularity growing with each appearance they make. They become one of the most iconic couples in television history and go down as queer icons.

[raaorqtpbpdy]

Brotherhood (2)

Directly following the events of Double Helix, Danny enrolls in Bayville High school and joins the Brotherhood of Mutants. He's not sure if they actually believe he's a ghost and not a mutant, but at least they don't care enough to challenge him on it, and that's good enough for him. This is a direct sequel to Double Helix (linked above), and some parts may be confusing without the context of the original fic. I suggest you read that first.

Written for @crossoverdanuary Week 2024, Day 5: The Owl House X-Men Evolution | Shell

I have seen exactly two episodes of The Owl House, and that was like four years ago or something, so I was not confident in my ability to write a crossover for it. Also, from this chapter on, it's unedited and I'll come back to edit later. I just want to actually finish this fic tonight.

I tried to work in a theme of both Danny and Wanda "coming out of their shell" throughout the fic. You can also read it on AO3.

Chapter 2: Transition

Previous

[Warning for mental institutions]

"You guys got any plans for the long weekend?" Lance asked as he sprawled out on the shabby couch in the board house. "Kitty told me she and some of the X-dorks are going on an educational retreat to the California redwoods. They decided on it yesterday. Can you imagine being able to just up and fly to the other side of the country on a whim."

"And for educational purposes, yuck!" Toad agreed. "If I had my own jet like they do, I'd go to Vegas!"

"If you could afford a jet like they have, you wouldn't have to go to Vegas," Lance said. "You'd already be rich. If I had my own jet, I would use it to go to all the concerts I'd normally miss because they're too far away."

"I don't need a private jet to go wherever I want," Pietro bragged. "If I want to go to a concert, I'll run right in past security and no one will even know."

"And if that concert is in Europe?" Lance asked. "Or Asia? You know, across a massive ocean? Can you run there?"

"Okay, point taken, but why would I wanna go to a snooty European concert anyway?" the speedster scoffed. "What about you, Danny?"

"What do I need a jet for? I can already fly," he said. "Not that I use it for major travel much. Maybe I should. That's what my cousin does. She flies all over the world."

"Hey! We should do something fun this weekend!" Toad declared. "Maybe sneak into a concert, or go somewhere cool! Show those X losers we know how to have a good time while they use their fancy private jet to go learn things."

"Sure, I'm down," Lance agreed.

"Sorry guys, I'm gonna pass this time. I actually do have plans this weekend," Danny said. "I'm gonna fly upstate and visit a friend. I haven't seen her in a few weeks."

"Her?" Pietro repeated with a smirk. "This wouldn't happen to be a girlfriend would it?"

"It's not like that," Danny said. "She's a friend. She's a girl. That's it."

"Uh-huh... sure," Toad said, sounding unconvinced. "You dog."

"Lay off," Danny said, rolling his eyes. "Come on, we gotta get to school. Long weekend's not here yet."

Toad groaned.

"Buck up, we've only got one more day," Lance pointed out.

When the long weekend finally arrived, Danny filled his pockets with all the things he wanted to bring, said good-bye to the Brotherhood, who barely acknowledged him as they argued about what to do that weekend, and took off. He flew north, toward the mental institution. It had been almost three whole weeks since he'd last been there, but he remembered the way.

Honestly, he hadn't expected to go back so soon, and Wanda probably wouldn't be expecting him either, but it wasn't like he was gonna be an inpatient this time. He would turn invisible and pop into Wanda's room to hang out with her. It hadn't even been that long, really, but he missed her.

Thinking about her in that room all alone again, without anyone or anything to distract her, it almost made him regret leaving in the first place. He should have been more considerate. Even though she said she'd be okay, leaving just because he didn't like Xavier was selfish.

When, after almost a full day of flying, he finally caught sight of the building, resentment gripped his chest. He hated this place. If it weren't for Wanda, he wouldn't have even stayed as long as he had. And if it weren't for her, he definitely wouldn't have come back, ever. No matter what.

But he did. He came back. For Wanda.

Sneaking in went just as planned. No one saw him. No one heard him. He was a ghost, after all. The moment he saw Wanda, he realized that he'd missed her even more than he'd thought.

"Knock knock," he said as he appeared in her room.

She jumped in surprise, but when she saw him, she smiled. "You scared me."

"Should I have said 'Boo', instead?" he asked. "I totally should have. Missed opportunity."

She chuckled slightly and shook her head.

"You seem to be doing pretty well, all things considered," he noted.

She was still wearing a straight jacket, but it looked looser, like whoever had put it on her wasn't as worried about her getting out. Her small smile still seemed genuine. Three weeks on her own again hadn't sent her straight back to her darkest place, it seemed.

"Yeah," she agreed. "I've been taking your advice. Whenever I notice myself getting stuck thinking about the bad memory, I try to think of three good ones. It's hard sometimes, but I think the more effort it takes, the better it works, because it keeps me distracted for longer. Yesterday, I remembered reading that book with you. You know the one. I tried to imagine an ending for it where they were both arrested as war criminals instead of having a happy ending. Do you want to hear it?"

"Absolutely," Danny confirmed.

In truth, he hadn't even thought about that trashy romance novel in ages. It was largely forgettable for him, but if it helped Wanda better navigate her emotions then hell yeah he wanted to hear her ideas for an alternate ending.

In her version of the ending, there was a huge trial. The kings of both sides agreed that the Warlock and Sorceress were guilty of crimes against Arvenia, and sentenced them to live the rest of there lives in a deep, dark dungeon where the lovers could only communicate by having rats deliver notes between them.

Then, after years of planning their escape one note at a time, they broke out and took over the world together, killing the kings and terrorizing the people of Arvenia to keep them in line.

"Ooh, plot twist!" Danny said when she got to that part. "I like that you made them the villains in the end. They should have been the villains from the beginning."

"I agree," Wanda said. "It was stupid that the book just gave them another villain to blame for all the bad things they did and fight off, rather than acknowledging their crimes."

"Totally!" Danny emphatically agreed. "Oh, I just remembered! I brought you some stuff."

He reached into his pockets and pulled out all the stuff he'd brought. He pulled out a deck of cards, a book of MadLibs and a pen, a sheet of stickers. He wasn't sure what they would have the most fun with, so he'd just  brought a bunch of random junk. Lastly, he pulled out a necklace, a black choker with an ankh charm.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Your first goth accessory," he said. "I found it in a random box in the attic where I'm staying now."

"No, I mean what's that symbol?" she asked, repositioning herself so Danny could put the necklace on her.

"Oh, it's an ankh. The Egyptian symbol for life, I think."

"Life, huh? Doesn't sound very goth."

"Well, you would be wearing it ironically," he said. "Most of the other gothy stuff I found had crosses, and seeing as your Jewish and all...." He shrugged. "Felt like it would be disrespectful. So, do you like it?"

"Yeah, I like it a lot," Wanda said. "You know," her voice became suddenly softer than before, like she was nervous. "Professor Xavier is going to come tomorrow. I think tomorrow might finally be the day he takes me with him."

"You think?" Danny asked, excited for her despite his hatred of the professor.

"Yeah," she confirmed. "I've been doing a lot better lately, and I have a really good feeling about it."

"That's awesome, Wanda!" he told her. "In that case, let's call the necklace a good luck charm. I'm rooting for you. I know you can do it."

"Thanks."

"You know, I also found this totally sweet red leather coat when I was rooting around in the attic," he said. "Ankle-length, flared collar, and it's your favorite color. Once you're ready to give up the straight jacket, I'll bring it to you as a congratulations present. What do you think?"

"I think you're really trying to motivate me."

"What can I say? I miss my friend."

"Then we have a deal," she agreed. Tomorrow is gonna be the day. I just know it."

Danny grinned widely at her. 

For the rest of the day, they mostly played MadLibs. They tried a few card games, too, but with Wanda's hands restrained, the only thing they could really do was collaborative solitaire, and that got old fast. Danny stuck little ghost and bat stickers on all the latches on her straight jacket while he told her about the school he was going to, and the board house. How he'd picked the same city the Xavier Institute was in so he could see her again when she enrolled there.

"They're all mutants at the board house," Danny told her. "I don't know if they actually believe I'm not, but they don't push it. They don't even call me a mutant by mistake. I don't know, maybe it's 'cause they're afraid I'll do something, or maybe it's 'cause they just don't care enough to argue with me, but either way, that's better than I ever got from Xavier."

"I'm glad you found people who accept you," Wanda said. "I hope when I go to the professor's school, I will too."

"Me too," Danny agreed. "And hey, even if you don't find them there, you'll still have me."

She smiled at him. Her smile was always small, burdened, a little sad behind the eyes, but it was honest. Danny liked that about her. She never tried to hide anything.

That night, he crashed in her room. Despite being fully padded, it was not very comfortable, but it was better than trying to fly through the night and ending up sleeping in a tree somewhere. He said 'see ya later' and left early in the morning to make sure he wouldn't be seen when the orderlies came to get her for her meeting with the professor, and promised to meet up with her again soon.

Then, he spent another day flying back to Bayville.

"You're getting back a little late, aren't you?" Lance observed when Danny finally returned to the board house. "Did you get to spend some quality time with your girlfriend?"

"Again, not my girlfriend, but yes, I did," Danny responded. "How was your... whatever you guys decided to do this weekend?"

"Oh, we ended up not being able to decide, so we just ordered pizza and stayed here all weekend," Lance answered. "So that was... that."

"Oh, yeah, those X-Men are gonna be soo jealous of the weekend you had."

"Shut up!"

It wasn't until a couple days later that news reached the Brotherhood of the X-Men's newest member. It came by way of Lance's budding relationship with Kitty.

"Really!? The X-Men have a new member?" Danny repeated excitedly when he heard the news after school.

"That's what Kitty said," Lance confirmed. "Apparently she's not gonna start at Bayville High for another few of days so she can get settled, but yeah. I don't know anything about her, though."

"I'm pretty sure I do!" Danny said. "I gotta go!"

"What?"

Danny didn't bother to explain. He went ghost, made a quick pit-stop in the attic to grab something and then flew straight for the Xavier Institute. He'd never actually been there before, but Tabitha told him where it was a while back. Apparently, she used to be an X-Men trainee before she joined the Brotherhood, and she was still friends with some of them.

Turrets rose up out of the ground the moment he got past the gate. Probably motion-activated. Danny easily avoided getting hit by turning intangible and staying that way until he'd flown straight through the front door. It actually took a while. The grounds were huge.

By the time he got through, there was a group of mutants waiting for him, suited up and ready for a fight.

"Relax, I'm not here to fight," Danny said. He held up the paper bag he'd brought with him. "I'm just bringing a friend a gift."

"Who are you?" demanded a guy with a weird visor. Scott, probably. He seemed like Scott.

"What do you mean who am I?" Danny asked. "You know me!"

"Like, I've never seen you before," Kitty said, crossing her arms. 

How they expected to protect their identities when they didn't even wear masks, Danny had no idea.

"What are you talking about? I—" He stopped himself abruptly. "Oh yeah, my bad," he said, and let the rings of his transformation wash over him, revealing his human form. "Recognize me now?"

Judging by their gasps, the answer was yes, but they didn't stand down.

"What are you doing here?" Jean asked. "I thought you didn't want anything to do with the Xavier Institute."

"I don't wanna join, but it's not like I hate you guys or anything," Danny said. "This just isn't the place for me. And I already told you why I'm here. I'm brought a congratulations present for Wanda. She's your new member, right? Or trainee? Whatever."

"How do you know that?" asked a fuzzy blue mutant that Danny didn't recognize until he started talking. That German accent was unmistakably Kurt.

"Well, when I saw her the other day, she said she felt really confident that she was going to be able to join you guys soon, and then Lance said Kitty said you got a new member, so I figured it must be her."

The others all glared at Kitty.

"What?" she asked. "It's not like it was gonna be a secret for long anyway. We, like, all go to the same school!"

"I wasn't aware you and Wanda were so close," came a familiar voice.

Danny turned to see the professor wheeling in and had to school his face to avoid scowling at him.

"We're friends," he said. "Can I see her or not? And keep in mind if you say no, I'm just gonna find her anyway."

"As long as you haven't come with ill intentions, I see no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to see her," the professor said. "We're all mutants after all, and a sense of community is important."

"I'm not a mutant," Danny muttered, his scowl finally breaking through.

The professor responded with a tight smile. "Jean, why don't you show Danny to Wanda's room."

"Of course, professor," Jean agreed. "It's this way."

She headed up the stairs and Danny followed.

"So do you and Wanda know each other from the institution?" Jean asked. "I mean, sorry, that's probably personal. I hope you don't mind me asking."

"It's fine," Danny said. "Yeah. Security couldn't exactly hold a guy who walks through walls, so I would sneak into her room sometimes and we'd hang out. She always wanted to be able to come here. I could never really understand it, but I'm still proud of her, you know? I may not agree with you guys, but you're good people. For the most part. I'm not quite sold on Scott, yet."

Jean chuckled. "I guess we can't really ask for more than that." She stopped in the hallway and knocked on a door. "Wanda, you in there? You have a visitor."

The door opened seemingly on its own.

"Danny!" Wanda's voice called. "I didn't think you'd be here so soon."

"I came as soon as I heard, and I guess word travels fast," he replied. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, come in," she said.

"I'll leave you to it," Jean said, as she backed away into the hall and closed the door behind her.

"You look good," Danny said.

Her clothes were a bit mismatched, but it was the first time he was seeing her without a straight jacket, and that was a huge improvement. She was also wearing the choker he'd given her. Her hair looked recently washed, and was neatly combed and tucked behind her ears. 

Even the way she held herself was more confident, happier. Not being in that rotten mental institution was already having a positive affect on her, it seemed.

"I brought something that'll make you look even better." He held up the paper bag.

"The coat?" she asked, rushing forward excitedly to take the bag from him.

"I hope it fits," he told her. "It looked about the right size."

She let the bag drop to the floor as he pulled the coat out and smoothly slid it on. It looked like it might be a little wide in the shoulders, but other than that, it fit like a glove.

"It's perfect," she said.

"I also found some earrings that match the necklace," he said. "I slipped 'em in one of the pockets. I know you don't have pierced ears, but I figured if you ever did, you might like to have them."

She patted the pockets until she found what he was talking about and smiled when she pulled them out. Then, she laid them gently on her dresser.

He didn't think he'd ever seen her smile so much, and so unabashedly. It wasn't the tiny, hesitant smile she'd worn before. She was really coming out of her shell.

"Careful," he said. "Looking at you now, I'd almost think you weren't consumed by rage."

Her smile fell. 

That had been the wrong thing to say.

"I am still angry," she said. "I can't stop it. But... you were right. I didn't need to control my anger. I just had to stop letting my anger control me. Now I can be angry and happy at the same time. Angry and excited. I feel more than just anger now. It feels good."

"I'm happy to hear it," he told her. "So how's this place treating you so far?"

"I have a roommate!" she replied instantly. "Her name is Rahne. And tomorrow, when they're done with school, she and some of the other girls are gonna take me to the mall for new clothes so I don't have to wear stuff from the lost-and-found anymore."

"That makes sense," Danny said.

"Do you wanna come?" she invited.

"I... would... but I might ruin the mood," he said apologetically. "Some of them don't trust me since I'm technically part of the Brotherhood, and we're... enemies? Rivals? Something like that. Plus, you don't want a guy tagging along on your first girl's shopping trip. Trust me. You'll want the full experience."

"You have a point...."

"I'll enjoy the surprise of seeing your new wardrobe when you come to school in a few days," he said.

They hung out and chatted for a little while until Wanda's roommate came back and Danny figured that was his cue to go. As he left her new room, he had the distinct pleasure of telling her he'd see her at school.

He could feel eyes on him until he was all the way off the manor grounds. They may not have hated him, but these X-Men sure as hell didn't trust him either.

Whatever. He didn't care what they thought about him. As long as they took care of Wanda, and left him alone, they were alright in his book. So far, so good.

[listerbirdloml]

Double Vison in Rose Blush

Summary: Jimmy is confused. His opinions on mullets have changed, and he has a new favourite Brooklyn Nine Nine episode.

Characters: Jimmy Kaga-Ricci, Alister 'Lister' Bird, Rowan Omondi, Angel Rahimi (very briefly), A random man I made up

Warnings: strong language (surprise surprise), slight self deprecation, VERY brief mentions to past alcoholism, someone who knows NOTHING about dance trying to write about dance

Ship: Bicci

Word Count: 3.3k

just me being silly and goofy once again

Since turning fourteen, and then fifteen, then sixteen and seventeen, eighteen, and now nineteen, Jimmy Kaga-Ricci has learned a few things.

Number one. One day, Granddad was going to die. And he had to accept that.

Number two. Being famous is not as fun as he thought it would be.

Number three. Skinny jeans maybe are a bit millennial now.

And number four. Lister Bird was hot.

 

Lister Bird, who fell into the filthy Rochester river when they were fifteen. Lister Bird, who once licked a lamppost on Oxford Street because Rowan dared him. Lister Bird who watched the note book at sixteen and wept for hours. Lister Bird, who refuses to wear trousers unless absolutely crucial, and Lister Bird, who sometimes bites his toenails (The worst crime out of all of these, Jimmy thought.)

He was hot. worldly renowned for it, in fact.

It was entirely unfair. No one could be that effortlessly attractive. If given a YouTube video and twenty minutes, Lister could learn any skill known to man. Be it guitar, dance, or even knitting for a week (Jimmy still had the scarf he’d been gifted), Lister was brilliant. But he was also real. He wasn’t perfect all the time, and he didn’t even try to pretend that he was. He was a recovering alcoholic with repressed mummy issues. He just so happened to have the face of Adonis and the body to match it.

It just didn’t seem to make sense to Jimmy, but after coming across his Calvin Kelvin photoshoot the other week, and this week watching the video Lister was featured in from Centurion Dance Complex (the studio in London he often attended. The fans took months to recover from those videos, and now, it would seem, Jimmy did too), it did. It made perfect sense to him.

In the video, Lister was wearing a crop top with a stupid slogan about riding cowboys that he had kept repeating as of recent, and some joggers. Nothing that significant. His hair wasn’t particularly note-worthy; it was just slightly messier than normal due to the exertion. There was a group of people involved in this dance, but Lister and another guy around their age seemed to be the main pair. The song sounded like a Eurovision judges wet dream, and Lister and the other dancer performed it just as well as Jimmy expected from the multi-talented drummer and the professional.

There was only one thing that bothered Jimmy.

It was hot. Really hot.

The song itself was suggestive, and the lyrics were definitely not ones Jimmy would show to his Grandad. But the dance was worse in a way. The other guy (Finn? Flynn? Jimmy couldn’t quite remember), was shorter than Lister, reaching his shoulder in a way similar to Jimmy. His hair was a dark brown, and his skin tone a light olive. The way that he and Lister managed to move together made Jimmy wonder if perhaps they’d been together at some point.

But then, memories of his conversation with Lister from Week-From-Hell-We-Can-No-Longer-In-Good-Conscience-Discuss put a stop to that thought process. It was true; Rowan and Jimmy had truly misjudged their best friend. That wasn’t even to mention the heavy undertones of biphobia in their assumptions. They knew Lister Bird was bisexual, and they knew he enjoyed partying. And therefore, they had begun to assume that was all he was. Some slutty bisexual who slept with anyone who caught their eye. Jimmy had truly been a terrible friend.

Something in his gut felt fuzzy as he watched Lister so gracefully follow the rhythm of the song and coordinate with those around him. Finn (or Flynn) maintained eye contact with the drummer as they both backed up, some of the backup dancers performing their own choreography. Once they were done, Lister was front and centre once again. While Jimmy couldn’t exactly comprehend what the blonde was doing as he danced, he knew he liked it. A lot. If there were accidents or missteps, Jimmy wasn’t informed enough about the art of dance to register them.

At one point, with a hand on Flynn's (Finns?) chest, Lister stood behind him, guiding their hips to sway to the music as their chests rose and fell. Flynn/Finn wraps an arm around Listers neck, and the blonde uses it to twirl them into the next part of the dance, a hand on the small of his back that splays the entire width. Staring at them like that though, standing still for the microsecond they were, Jimmy couldn’t help but imagine it was him there. Dancing in a downright dirty way with Lister, hands never leaving one another for longer than a few moments. The other dancer did look a little bit like him, stature-wise. But Jimmy had to admit that he was definitely more attractive than himself. He was all bright skin and happy eyes, while Jimmy was eye bags and moody frowns.

In the final part of the song, Lister has the other dancer lifted in the air with arms around his thighs, the camera operator coming in closer and managing to capture the slight bulge of Lister's arms from the exertion, the slight sweat clinging to his skin, and the way his chest moved up and down in his heavy breaths. His face was serious, but as the music cuts out and the audio of the music fades into the raw studio audio, he breaks into a grin as claps erupt around him. The video ends with Lister setting the guy down carefully and accepting a bottle of water.

Oh god. If the photo shoot was bad, this was terrible. Downright evil behaviour from the drummer.

"Jim?"

With a startled shout, Jimmy slammed down his laptop, pulling his headphones down and looking up.

"I was watching porn!"

Oh. god.

There was silence from Lister, who had unknowingly interrupted an awakening caused by himself. He seemed unable to piece the right words together, licking his lips a few times. Okay, well, uh, the foods here." With that, Lister headed out of the living room and back to the hallway, likely going to his room.

"That was..." It was Rowan this time, who stood in the adjoining kitchen, face mere moments away from cracking. "Well, you definitely seem innocent now." Bastard. He was enjoying this.

Jimmy groaned, sliding further into the couch and covering his face. Rowan laughed at this, his phone in his hand as he texted someone. Likely bliss to tell her of his mortifying attempt at being caught watching Lister dance.

Lister was back now, phone in hand and a quarter zip covering his upper body. He happily dug around in the bag of food until he found his order of chicken chow mien and joined Jimmy on the couch, holding another container.

"Sweet and sour, for a sour guy." Lister grinned, setting down the takeaway container on the table in front of Jimmy and turning on Netflix. Brooklyn Nine Nine, obviously. Jimmy's face was still crimson as he picked up the food, and the cutlery Lister offered him. Sitting this close to Lister before wouldn’t have bothered him before. Maybe if he was biting his toe nails. But now, sitting next to the drummer made Jimmy want to throw up. Their legs were so close; Listers pale but thick thigh was only centimetres away from Jimmys tanned and slimmer ones, and every time the blonde laughed at the TV or Rowans commentary, Jimmy felt the heat grow closer and closer.

Okay. He was definitely fucked.

"For the love of God, cut it."

"No, it’s in style."

"Is it really, Alister? Really?"

"Don’t patronise me, Rowathon." No matter how fit Jimmy had come to understand Lister was, he was still annoying.

"Im not. Im just saying, Mullets haven’t been in style since, like, my dad had one."

"You don’t get it. Im bisexual."

"What the fuck? What the fuck does that even mean?"

"JimJam, for the love of God, help me out here."

Sighing as he was forcefully pulled into this argument between his two band members, he put his phone in his pocket. "It's like his uniform, Rowan."

"Thank you!" Lister sighed appreciatively, looking at Jimmy in the mirror. They were all in the main bathroom of the flat, Jimmy sitting on a small stool they kept in there for ‘boy time’ which Lister had dubbed Jimmy's T injections. Meanwhile, Lister stood over Rowan, applying bleach to his hair. How they got cecily to agree to that Jimmy had no idea. They were planning on dying it pink, as Rowan wanted to match his older sister's new braids. But somehow they had began to argue about the mullet Lister had begun to grow. Rowan hated it, repeatedly calling it the lowest point white boys have ever reached. Lister loved it. He constantly cited drummers like Roger Taylor from Queen because he was, quote, "trying to harness their energy through hair."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Rowan sounded about at his limit.

"It means that he has a mullet, he has patchwork tattoos, he likes flares, and he dresses like a cowboy. It’s a thing."

"At least one of you hoes get me." Lister winked at Jimmy, and the nineteen-year-old couldn’t help the feelings of butterflies not only fluttering in his stomach but also attempting to break free. If this was how their fans felt about them, then honestly, Jimmy felt like he understood their mania. Well, a little, at least.

"God, I hate gay people." Jimmy and Lister laughed at that, with Lister poking his tongue out at Rowan through the mirror.

“Okay, fine, do your own hair." Lister put down the applicator and held his hands up.

"Oh, fuck off. Finish it."

"That doesn’t sound like a please or thank you, Ro-Ro." The glare that Rowan levelled Lister with through the mirror was enough for him to pick the brush back up.

As he worked away again, Jimmy disconnected from their conversation. He opened his phone again and opened his messages with Angel. He hadn’t told the others that he still spoke to her, in fear of how Rowan would react. He wasn’t exactly her biggest fan.

JimJam

Okay so here’s a hypothetical question

Angel

oh goodie

my favourite

 

JimJam

Ikr

So if a white boy is growing a mullet and it doesn’t immediately repulse you

What does that mean??

 

Angel

it means your heart has been colonised

 

JimJam

Hilarious for that one

No but like is that the true sign of love??

I’m looking at this like dammm and not boo tomato tomato

 

Angel

tomato tomato?? stop hanging around lister istg

also yeah youre like in love with lister we get it old news

did it seriously take a mullet for you to realise this??

 

JimJam

Blocked.

 

"Who you texting, Jimothy?" It was lister, and he was once again looking at him in the mirror.

"Your mum." Jimmy replied, watching as Listers face fell into mock hurt.

"Rude."

"I bet he has a boyfriend." Rowan teased, holding the towel around his shoulders tighter.

Lister looked up at that, and Jimmy was sure he could see Lister swallow, mouth no longer a relaxed smile, and now a more tense straight line. Before, Jimmy would ignore things like this. After the bathroom incident, he would’ve seen it for the obvious signs Lister at some point liked him. Now, he thought it was hot. Really fucking hot.

"Just Grandad. He was telling me we were the answer to his crossword earlier." Jimmy lied smoothly, now scrolling through his secret Twitter. It had zero links to him or the band, and he’d even blocked all mentions of himself or Rowan on it. Lister, however, well he followed several different accounts about Lister.

@/lister-bird-as-cats

@/listerbirdhourly

@/listerbirdupdates

@/birdedits

 

Was it weird? Absolutely. Was it the very thing he critiqued their own fans for? Yes. Was he ashamed, guilty, even? of course. Did he want to stop?

 

No.

The lights in the living room were set to the lowest setting, the large-screened TV creating more lights than anything else. Lister was sitting on the couch, mindlessly nibbling the tip of his thumb as he watched the Brooklyn 99 episode play in front of him. Every so often, he would pick up his phone next to him and answer a text, like a tweet, taking a picture of the screen and posting it to his story. Just mindlessly enjoying his spare time.

Jimmy only knew this because he’d been standing in the doorway for the last twenty minutes, hemming and hawing at the idea of making his presence known. In one option, he could announce himself. Join Lister on the couch. Perhaps they could share the blanket Lister had wrapped around his shoulders. Jimmy could squeeze in close to the drummer, lie his head on his chest, and listen to the heart he loved the most in the world create beautiful patterns that sounded like hymns. They could hold each other close, skin melting together in a way that wasn’t proper for two people who only called one another friends.

 

But in some way, he felt he didn’t deserve it. It might not have been his fault that he wasn’t aware of his feelings for Lister until recently, but he didn’t feel any less guilty over it. The blonde had spent so many years harbouring this secret from the rest of the world, only to have it drunkenly spilled in a bathroom with a kiss to an unreciprocated friend. He didn’t want to even imagine the shame Lister must have felt after that. The need to open another bottle and attempt to erase it from memory to be able to sanely move on with day-to-day life. Jimmy felt it was insensitive to then go, 'haha, oops! Turns out I actually do like you!’

"JimJam."

It would seem Lister had made the decision for him. The drummer had turned his body around, his arm leaning on the back of the couch, so that he could get a better view of the singer wordlessly occupying the doorway. His hair was a mess, and if Jimmy focused on it, he could see the darkness of a five o’clock shadow ghosting the drummer's cheeks and chin. Jimmy couldn’t help but think this was Lister at his most beautiful. Unguarded and at rest.

"You sitting down or what?"

Nowadays, saying no to Lister is incredibly difficult for Jimmy.

Shuffling farther into the room, hands wringing one another, Jimmy sat down on the far end of the couch, lister staring at him with what seemed to be fond confusion over the wide gap. Jimmy tried not to turn his head to lister fully in fear of the foolish things his impulse control might let slip. If he looked at golden hair and sapphire eyes while feeling as weak as he did in that very moment, he very well may have pounced on the unsuspecting drummer.

They sat in silence for an episode, watching as another loaded on the screen.

HalloVeen. Listers favourite.

The drummer sat up in his chair slightly, resting his elbow on the armrest and his head on his fists. He sighs through his nose, and Jimmy can’t help but stare at his lips. They’re slightly cracked, the drummer not drinking enough water. The episode plays on, with Lister huffing laughs from his nose at his favourite parts.

"I need a Jake and Amy kind of love." The drummer says mindlessly. He pulls a face for a moment before turning to Jimmy. "Uhh, I mean, you know… someday... with someone... who definitely isn’t you." It was obvious the drummer was scared about the possibility of Jimmy thinking he was coming onto him. Worried that there would be more rejection and more uncomfortableness. Nethertheless it still hurt.

Jimmy glances at him, at the worry of his thumb scratching his hands and the way he pulls the blanket tighter around himself.

No one speaks for a moment or so. And then,

"Lister, I-"

"Look Jim-"

Jake's hand is handcuffed to a filing cabinet. There’s quiet for another moment, and when Jimmy finds himself breaking it, he is most surprised.

“you go."

Lister laughed a little bit, glancing around nervously and coughing into his elbow in a manner more likely attributed to nerves than anything in his throat. He turns to face Jimmy properly.

"I uh, I promise I don’t like you anymore."

Huh?

Jimmy shook his head, trying to conjure up the right words. Words that aren’t screaming. Screams of his missed chance. Of the admiration he took for granted and used as a personal ego boost. He took too long to come to terms with his feelings. his undecided heart taking longer than he had been given time for, and now he was too late. He’d missed his opening and his chance of happiness at Listers side. Lister was speaking again.

"Yeah, yeah I promise. It doesn’t have to be uncomfortable between us anymore. We can just go back to being friends."

"Lister."

"I mean, I can’t promise that feelings are, like, absolutely gone. I'm only human, and i’ve liked- I liked you since we were like thirteen, and that's a long time for feelings to-"

Jimmy didn’t even really register the fact that his body was moving. But now that he could feel the hair in his hands and lips on his own, he realised that his muscles likely had something to do with that. His eyes are tightly shut, terrified that this would become a dream should he open them.

There’s a handmaid circling the precinct on TV. Jimmy is kissing Lister, and Lister is kissing back.

The drummer is the first to pull back, looking at Jimmy in a way that makes the singer's breath stutter in time with his heart. His eyes are wide, and his pupils are slightly blown. Blue eyes are jumping between dark brown eyes and light brown lips, seemingly unsure of which he wanted to pay attention to at the moment.

"I don’t want you to be over me." Jimmy finally manages to say, closing his eyes again and resting his forehead against Listers. The drummer's large hands are still resting on Jimmy's bicep, where they have landed in his shock at being kissed. Jimmy's own were still settled amongst long, mousey waves.

Lister doesn’t seem to be able to form words, but he leans back in and kisses the singer for another time. Everything is different from their first time, and yet it’s entirely the same. They’re at home instead of a bathroom for a concert they don’t want to play. They’re in their comfortable pyjamas rather than performative stage clothes. Jimmy isn’t worried about makeup smudging on his or Listers chin. Jimmy isn’t hanging on by a thread, and Lister isn’t drunk.

This time, when the two separate, Jimmy moves his hand to instead cradle the soft skin of Lister's cheek.


Lister won’t speak just yet; maybe shock. Maybe distress. Maybe disgust. Or perhaps anger. justified anger towards Jimmy for unknowingly leading him on for five years, then brushing off the confession of love he received, and then changing his mind and deciding he too had feelings.

Jake and Amy are standing in an evidence room, and Lister and Jimmy are sitting on a couch.

"I know it’s selfish. I’m sorry. I really am, Lis. I know it took me some time, but I’m here now." Lister still looks like he can’t believe his luck, and they both extend him the curtosey of pretending not to see tears wetting his lash line. "I like you, Lister."

Lister lets out a chuckle that sounds like it was stuck in his throat. “Well, that's good. I was absolutely lying about being over you."

Jake is down on one knee, and Lister is kissing Jimmy.

[waitmyturtles]

HYPERBOLIC SPOILERS FOR THE PHENOMENAL SECOND EPISODE OF OS2 x BBS x ATOTS

Can I feel so much in just one sitting?! Besides the UTTER giddiness of yesterday’s episode, at least for today, I think I have some actual, sensible, legible analysis to offer. I’m really moved, almost to tears.

I mean, as I blogged just a few minutes ago, part 4/4 of this second episode WILL go down in history in my heart as OBVIOUSLY some of the BEST, most STUNNING content in the HISTORY of anatomical and muscular analysis filmmaking. Yes. 

I’m seeing on Twitter some grumpiness for the comedy of this all (the girlies want more woop woop?! I mean?!), but I seriously think this whole crossover set up and the way it’s been written is brilliant. And I don’t think this is just for fun. 

But first, regarding the comedy and some other one-off points -- I mean, I knew that all four of these guys would be great, but their comedic TIMING, with the writing, is spectacular. They clearly had a FANTASTIC time filming this, and you can see it -- while they didn’t have much time to actually film it, it’s so well done.

I really want to call it, I really want to see it, I wanna see more subverting of the ships, and I wanna see these guys do more with each other separately -- I’m excited to see the implications of OhmEarth and NanonMix next week, and I think that Aof might be making a huge point by separating these guys, pairing them up together with others, and mixing shit up, because that’s what he does (especially while I have He’s Coming to Me on the mind soon on my OGMMTVC watchlist). 

Another one-off point: like I wrote yesterday, we’re getting a double-dose of nostalgia, and I also wrote that I haven’t had to wait NEARLY as long as most of y’all for the return of BBS and ATOTS. But that being said, even though I only watched ATOTS last fall, I actually literally nearly cried when I saw the ATOTS flashbacks and heard the music. Because the way that show was designed in 2021 (I got so much OGMMTVC on my mind) -- those motifs WERE designed to imprint themselves in our memories as remarkable for a kind of cinematic, bildungsroman BL that we weren’t used to seeing back then. That show was nostalgic not JUST for the damn ship, but for Pha Pun Dao, for Chiang Mai, for the Thailand that Aof celebrates vis à vis EarthMix in ATOTS and Moonlight Chicken. 

It’s gorgeous, and he knows what he’s doing by putting PatPran in that mix -- another couple at a different stage of their relationship, with a background and shared struggles that are different than TianPhupha’s, but that still offer both freshness AND nostalgia to the backbone story of ATOTS.

What’s moving me about these first two episodes reflects on what I just wrote -- this is no longer a story about Bad Buddy or ATOTS. This is a story about two couples going through their shit. Pat and Pran have ALWAYS been about going through their shit. We went through a A LOT of SHIT with them, including forward flashes after they graduated and seeing how they were faring in their long-distance relationship. 

Remember: we haven’t spent ANY time with Tian and Phupha in their relationship yet, ABSOLUTELY NONE. They smooched once on the hill, we saw them cuddle, and Oishii sent us off. So we’re JUST finding out, NOW, how they’re faring, and we get thrown in a fight.

A fight that’s similar to the kinds of struggles that Pat and Pran have already shown us and are showing us now. Tian wants Phupha to see a slice of HIS life in Bangkok. Tian wants Phupha to yield a little, to stop being so stubborn. 

Pat wants Pran to open up more. Pat KNOWS why Pran keeps everything so close to the chest. Pat is SO USED to being the balancing effect of their relationship, to push forward, to pull back, but to ALWAYS HOLD PRAN DOWN AND REMAIN AS PRAN’S ROCK, because Pran has not had the same kind of large family structure as Pat could rely on in his childhood and doesn’t know how to take emotional risks. Pat knows this and works hard on balancing it out.

But Pat can go overboard, right, and that’s partly why Pran drove away to Pha Pun Dao -- to prove to himself that he could complete this project on his own, but also, flirtingly, knowing that Pat would ultimately be by his side, and to play the competitive games that these guys always play with each other, because they’re still college dudes with bones to pick. 

What we’re seeing is BOTH COUPLES FINDING THEMSELVES IN THEIR MATURING GROWTH STAGES OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. 

Hello, mic check, there’s something happening here in Our Skyy 2. WHAT HAPPENED IN THE ECLIPSE EPISODES?

Same damn thing, the same damn thing that pissed the girlies off before. WE’RE SEEING AWLLLLLL THESE GUYS IN THE GROWTH STAGES OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. Akk was frustrated by all the expressions of care that Ayan is overabundant with. Ayan WANTS Akk to RECEIVE the care, because the RECEPTION OF CARE IS the signal, the trigger, the MEANING of the relationship for Ayan -- it tells Ayan, when I care for you, Akk, I AM SHOWING YOU MY LOVE FOR YOU, and that’s how *I* DEMONSTRATE IT.

Tian: Phupha, come with me to Bangkok.

Pran: Pat, let me do this by myself.

Akk: Ayan, I don’t need as much care as you’re giving me, it’s too much.

Phupha: You’re making only about me being madly in love with you.

Pat: I want to help you, my boyfriend.

Ayan: This is how I show my love for you, Akk. 

Y’all. Aof, Golf, these filmmakers. QUEER RELATIONSHIPS ARE RELATIONSHIPS THAT DESERVE THE INVESTMENT AND RESPECT OF EMOTION AND GROWTH IN ART. Not all queer art/BLs need to be about the thrills and frills of the first kiss, of the first sex, of the first whatever. We’re expecting these guys to live together forever in fiction, right? Aof and Golf and the other homies are saying -- kk, girlies, we’ll give you the fan service, alright, but we’re going to show you HOW WE, AS THE QUEER COMMUNITY, DURING PRIDE, GET THERE IN OUR OWN RELATIONSHIPS, TOO, messy details and all. Shit.

Here’s something from reality. I’m the youngest girl of my Indian family -- I was not equal to my older siblings at all, expected to fail, treated as if I didn’t know how to function in society. Y’all can predict what happened. Your gal got a great career, a great family, a husband, the whole thing.

So when I first met my husband, I’m riding my life on my own -- paying my own rent, my own bills, everything. I had already proved I didn’t need my birth family for anything.

But what I didn’t consider during those first years of the relationship was the following: my future husband’s love language was dependence. He was certainly IMPRESSED by dating a woman who had her shit together. BUT. He WANTED me to DEPEND on him, AT LEAST emotionally, if not for other things. I wasn’t going to like, quit my job for a relationship, but -- I was ALSO having REAL trouble DEPENDING on him emotionally.

Like Pran, maybe. I didn’t trust trusting anyone emotionally, because that was a paradigm already created by my family in my upbringing. I had TRAINED myself to NOT need emotional feedback from ANYONE romantically, because I learned to survive in other ways.

Of course, with great communication AND TIME (TIME), I came around and learned to lean on him and trust him.

Aof and Golf are giving their couples the benefits of growth and time to make the relationships better, and stronger, and working, and functioning, and I can’t emphasize enough how REAL THIS IS. 

That’s what these episodes are giving me. I WANT TO SEE MORE BLs with established relationships (@bengiyo, @lurkingshan, @wen-kexing-apologist: WHAT DID YOU EAT YESTERDAY FTW). I want to see contextual heartache. I want to see fights. I want to see tears. I want to see snottiness and shittiness and passive aggression, because all of that is worth examining in human emotional art. 

That’s real, that’s worth reflecting in art, and I see Aof and Golf doing this on purpose to give RESPECT to the emotional structures that they’ve created in their work. 

I’m having so much fucking fun with these episodes, but I should have expected this, I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, that Aof would already render me an emotional mess as well. It always happens. That it’s happening to our BELOVED COUPLES, AT THE START OF PRIDE, I’m just like. We’re just so blessed to have this art to enjoy.