#fortunately i think it's highly unlikely for me to be wrong BUT THE CHANCE SHE ISNT A MAIN LEAD ISNT 0%

[mikodrawnnarratives]

I should make a tier list with all my hcs and theories for Maggie and rank em based on how devastated I would be if they were debunked/not canon in the sequel series

1) Maggie being one of the main protagonists in the sequel series

[bleachhaven]

Soutaicho’s Secret Admirer (Shunsui x Reader) — Part 4/6

Author’s Note:

As planned, here is the 4th installment of how the reader romances the Soutaicho...which I have to admit I have so much fun writing and feel so grateful that you guys showed this fic so much love! Thank you!

–

Read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3 first!

She was quite hungover and tired from Yadomaru Taicho’s Valentine’s Day party. It didn’t seem fair that everyone had to go to work the day after, but it was what it was. She should have known better than to go to a party that was renowned to go on late into the night. 

But then again, there was no way she would have let herself miss it for any reason.

Of all the years Yadomaru Taicho has held the infamous Valentine’s Day party at the 8th Division, Shunsui had never failed to show up. Before he became the Soutaicho, every occasion was an occasion to hold some elaborate event despite Ise-san’s adamant objections. It was a chance for every shinigami to mingle regardless of rank or division. Yadomaru Taicho carried on with most of those traditions holding celebrations and what not, but as the Soutaicho, Shunsui didn’t attend them all. She supposed he couldn’t attend them all. Not with all the responsibilities he got going on. Besides he had a reputation to maintain. The Shunsui she used to know -- from afar of course, but observation combined with longing can reveal much -- didn’t care about inconsequential things like reputation but as the Soutaicho, it was all so different.

Still the Valentine’s Day party at the 8th was an exception. Even Ise-san attended without fail. 

And it was that one opportunity, she would get to see Shunsui outside of his role in the Gotei 13. All she usually gets would be sneak peeks into his office whenever she went to the 1st to pick up and deliver paperwork, or seeing him in passing in the seireitei. It was a treat to see him lighthearted, smiling easier, and simply just enjoying himself. She never would have missed it. Not for anything in the world

Of course, one cup of sake had turned into two, which turned into much more. The 6th Division’s Kuchki Taicho had provided the sake from his manor and it was simply just too good to resist. She had thought she was watching over Kiyone and Sentaro, making sure they didn’t fight over something creating a drunken mess, but she had ended up getting drunk with them instead. And now she was regretting it. The persistent headache was making an appearance this morning.

Still...she remembered the moment he had walked into the room, looking as handsome as ever in his pink haori. She had sighed involuntarily, making Kiyone giggle.

“You’ve got it bad,” she had teased. Pretending not to know what that meant was the easiest way to deal with Kiyone’s teasing remarks. 

Except it was not a secret amongst the higher ranks of the 13th. Apparently everyone knew about her little -- more like massive -- crush on the Soutaicho. She suspected even her Taicho knew, though nothing was explicitly mentioned.

After the customary greetings with the other Taichos present, Shunsui had gone to tease Yadomaru Taicho and Ise fuktaicho who seemed to be in an argument over how the latter was failing to experiment in her dating life. 

The way his throat bobbed with every sip of sake had her mouth going a bit dry. The way he bit into the handmade chocolate made by her for the party made her think of those lips on her...and the chocolate she had snuck into his office to leave behind as a special gift. She hoped he liked them. She longed to feel him smile at her the way he smiled at everyone else, but it also terrified her that if he actually did, she might swoon. 

Saying she got it bad might actually be an understatement, honestly!

All the pining and sighing had her parched, so she sidled up to the refreshment table for some lemonade which had also been provided by the 13th, made carefully under her own watchful eyes. She was just reaching for a glass when a familiar voice called out her name over the din of the music.

“_____-san.”

It was Shunsui himself, and she was shocked to realize he actually remembered her name! Startled, the glass almost slipped from her hands. He probably thought she was the clumsiest shinigami in existence and she bit back a groan.

“Sh...Soutaicho!”

“I’m always startling you aren’t I?” he said chuckling. “Bad habit of being too quiet. I end up unintentionally sneaking up on people.” Then as if they were friends or something, he reached out to take the glass from her shaking hands. “I was going to ask you to pour me a glass as well, but considering how I have frightened you, maybe I should do the pouring for the both of us.”

He was smiling at her, and pouring lemonade for her. She wasn’t going to read too much into it but her heart was beating so fast, she feared she might faint.

“Thank you,” she whispered with a soft smile when he handed her a glass. She couldn’t drink it without fearing she might choke on it so she watched him sip his own lemonade instead.

“Ah…” he said. “As delicious as I remember it. You all at the 13th sure know how to make lemonade!”

“Thank you,” you repeated. He might think those were the only words she knew at the rate this was going. If she continued to be tongue-tied in his presence, however would anything become of this silly infatuation in her head?!

Fortunately, Ise fuktaicho took pity on her. “Taicho! Are you harassing poor _____-san?” she demanded.

The statement had her sputtering. Shunsui had such a wounded look on his face. She hastened to deny. “No! Absolutely not!” she declared, and he offered her a sweet smile of appreciation. “Soutaicho was just telling me how much he liked the lemonade from the 13th, Ise-san.”

“Ah,” Ise-san said, a bit of a twinkle in her eye. “Did you know, Taicho? _____-san makes the lemonade herself. That’s probably why you smell like lemonade all the time too when you deliver paperwork in the evening,” she teased. “She also made these delicious chocolates!” she continued. “Did you try one, Taicho?”

Before Shunsui could reply to any of it, Yadomaru Taicho came to drag them both for a dance, and Ise-san went protesting the entire way. 

She didn’t know whether to be relieved or feel sad that their time together was cut short. It was the most time she had gotten to spend with Shunsui like that. And she couldn’t believe he remembered her name!

It just might have been the best night she’s ever had. Even if walking into the office in the 13th Division this morning with a pounding headache was not ideal, she walked with a spring in her step and a smile on her face that she just couldn’t seem to get rid of.

She collected the approved paperwork sent in from the 1st Division that needed to be filed in the appropriate places, as well as the pile that she had to fill out and send out soon. With the mindset she was in today, doing any serious form filling would be ill-advised, so she left it for the end of the day. She imagined she would feel much better after lunch if she continued to hydrate and take it slow.

 So she started sorting through the paperwork that needed to be filed. She’d done it so often she could do it effortlessly and mindlessly. Which was why she held the lavender paper in her hands for five full minutes trying to decide where it should go in the filing system before she actually thought to read it.

Dear Secret Admirer,

Had I been anyone but who I was, perhaps you might have flirted with me in person, though I do love your letters showing up at the most random places. With your pretty words and ardent gifts you’ve dared to try and seduce me. If I say that maybe you have indeed succeeded, would you stop hiding from me?

Writing this letter feels futile. Who would I even send it to when I have no idea who you are?

But it feels wrong somehow to be romanced so thoroughly and not be given even the opportunity to return the same.

I wonder, sometimes in my darkest moments, if this is nothing but an elaborate prank but I wish

...and the letter ended there abruptly. It remained unfinished. What did he wish for?

She held the piece of lavender paper to her chest, trying to fathom what had just happened. Unless someone else in seireitei was sending secret love letters to  someone in the 1st Division, which seemed highly unlikely, this was clearly written by Shunsui...to her! And somehow it had been “accidentally” left in the pile of paperwork that someone somehow knew would end up in her hands.

Her heart was beating so fast, she feared it might beat right out of her chest.

This could be from Shunsui himself...but the more likely scenario was that someone had found out about what she had done. Someone actually knew she was sending all these salacious and inappropriate love letters to the goddamn Soutaicho of the Gotei 13 himself and...and…

Oh she didn’t know what to do!

She was on the verge of a terrible panic attack, her breathing coming faster and faster. She felt like she couldn’t take enough air in.

But what if it was actually from Shunsui? Could she ignore the words in this scrap of lavender paper?

If I say that maybe you have indeed succeeded, would you stop hiding from me? The words reverberated in her head. What if he actually meant that?

No, no. That couldn’t be true. Shunsui couldn’t know. She had been so freaking careful. And even if he did, he couldn’t know it was her specifically. His letter itself said so. He probably loved the idea of it...the romance of it. It couldn’t be anything more. 

All her internalized insecurities raised their ugly heads. If he knew who exactly she was, he wouldn’t spare two glances her way.

So maybe this was just an accident. Or maybe it was a warning. 

Whatever it was...all she knew was that she had to stop sending these love letters to him. She had to stop before it all exploded in her face causing trouble for everyone involved.

__

Read Part 5 next!

__

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[haphazardlyparked]

the war AU

@gingerly-writing originally i started this as a response to your captured solider/person-enemy general thing  but then it just turned into a whole bunch of self-indulgence sooooo 

(i'm a softie at heart??)

---------------------

"Masara," a voice hissed in her ear, and Masara came back to her senses, only to swallow back a groan. Her whole body was an ache that burned at the edges, part magical exhaustion and part old-fashioned beating.

"Arlis," Masara murmured back, trying not to move. Trying to catalogue her hurts before she tested them, trying to remember what had happened. She did not say, You young fool.

Masara's heart––already burning her chest with grief and war––had leapt into her throat and turned to fear when she'd seen Arlis emerge from the tunnel pass, adept enough with the spells that she could open the hidden routes on her own. Masara's young, foolish squire, who had followed her because she thought her knight-mistress had gone off to do something brave, when all Masara was was reckless, desperate––and desperately hopeful.

Panam as heir was safe, the king was on his way to the Yina stronghold, and Fathmir, who had been at the holy mountain's summit since the new moon, could be made High Priest soon. The heart of Amir would be preserved, even though Amirasa had fallen. Even though things might had been different, before the assassination and the war.

Masara knew her part now. She was the most experienced knight traveling with her uncle––fleeing, navigating the twisting paths and hidden tunnels that wound through the foothills of the Endless Ridge. The king had to make it to the safety of Mount Yina, and that was worth Masara's life.

In some small measure, Amir would survive, watchful and isolated while her southern lands became a battlefield between two imperial powers. Ancient Lapur to the southwest, hemmed in by the Blasted Plains, and Kas to the northeast, a young and eager threat.

Masara had dreamed of her kingdom’s waning. She had felt the shadow of death hanging over her head since Panam had brought news of the High Priest's assassination.

When she had volunteered to lead the pursuers away from the king's trail as he and a fragment of his court ran for holy Yina, the king had faced her as her father wold have––grieved, yet proud. But he had faced her as her king, too, grimly resigned to her sacrifice.

"You might have been one of our greatest queens, if my sister and I chose differently," he had whispered.

Masara could scarcely meet her uncle's eyes.

"I dreamed a fire would burn away my future, during my rites,” she confessed. One did not usually speak of the visions, if there were any, but Masara thought she could ease her uncle’s conscience. “When Panam came with word of my father's death... I already knew how this could end. This is my decision, Uncle."

"May the Lady Sascrin guard your path, Masara," the king said.

The knight knelt, and kissed her uncle's hand, and when she rose––when the king drew her to her feet to hug her one last time, the farewell embrace she never had from her father––she smiled.

"It will be your job to look after Arlis now,” she said when they pulled away from each other. She stepped back.

Arlis was a jealous squire, and would likely be furious when she realized Masara had ridden to battle without her. Later, she would come to understand that she was too young for this.

And then the little fool had burst from one of the rocky passages, into the pitched skirmish while Masara charged a company with a twilit illusion, riding alongside moonbeams, and dropped the bridge to cut off pursuit of the king’s path.

She thought the destroyed bridge would been a good place to die, right up until she saw Arlis and realized with a ringing clarity, Not now. Her squire needed her.

Masara's vision filled with molten silver, magic in her hands and spitting down the length of her blade, and Arlis flickered across the field in her mind's eye, a star to be guarded. When they reached each other—the knight a blur of spell and steel, her squire a smaller whirlwind no less fierce for her youth, and Kassan footmen with their blue-rimmed shields and clumsy swords—Arlis screamed, and Masara's world exploded.

In the tent, when she opened her eyes, the physical ache seemed to coalesce in her chest as she put everything back together again.

There was her beloved, fool squire whom Masara would protect with her last breath; and beyond that, all the things that threatened her.

Masara and Arlis were tied side by side to foldable campaign chairs, which was quite civilized, all things considered. She could see spells crawling on the walls of the tent, and smelled the distinctive sting of burning a sharp, distinctive incense. Natural inhibitors of magic.

"Do you know where we are?" Masara spoke. Her voice was cracked and barely audible; her throat dry as dust. Unlike Arlis, she was tied to her chair by only one arm, because the other was broken. She woke with it cradled against her chest in a sling.

"I'm sorry, sir, I––” Arlis began urgently, quick and breathless, all the words she'd been thinking while Masara was unconscious now tumbling out. Masara let her relieve herself. "I shouldn't have followed, and then I ruined your plan and you went down––and I panicked. I surrendered. I thought they were going to kill you!”

“You did as you should have done, Arlis," Masara assured her squire when she fell silent. “I am grateful to be alive."

It was true. Masara had made her peace with her sacrifice, but she hadn't wanted to die. If she could live––and she had somehow, for Arlis or thanks to her––she would. (She wondered if this meant her vision was wrong; or if there was another fire threatening her horizons.)

"But Masara," Arlis mumbled. “You weren’t about to surrender.”

“That only means you have proven yourself wiser than me.”

“But... I told them who you are.”

Masara considered her broken arm––splinted and bandaged, carefully tended to like the rest of her battered body, and found Arlis's confession did not surprise her.

"And yourself, too?" Masara asked.

"Yes."

"Good," Masara said firmly. "We are alive now, and I will not see you die, Arlis."

Her squire knew enough to hear the grim promise.

"Sir," she acknowledged. "I don't think they'll hurt me. They think I'm a child––a poor, misguided girl-child who accidentally maimed some soldiers..." Arlis indulged in a little complaining, and when Masara recalled her visit to the Kassan court years ago, she decided Arlis was probably justified. And yet, they still burned the incense; they still spelled the tent. They were cautious.

"They were horrified when they realized you were a woman, and that was before I explained you are a high lady," Arlis continued. "After that, they bundled us up and had a surgeon come; you were stabbed through the shoulder, by the way. I tried to do what I could, on the road yesterday. They put us in a wagon and set a guard. They don't think very highly of me, and didn’t notice I what I was doing."

Masara considered that, and realized that was why that whole upper side of her hurt, not just the broken arm.

"Thank you, Arlis," she sighed. "It's called battlefield healing for a reason, and you've always been one of the best. I am fortunate." It really wasn't much more than cleansing wounds and dulling pain, but it was more than nothing.

Arlis grinned. "Am I better than Guira?"

Masara ignored the question, as she always did. She smiled, and then her lip split. Grimacing––carefully––she asked, “How long was I out?”

“The rest of the evening and all of yesterday. We stopped last night, and I slept, so it may be morning again,” Arlis reported. “You destroyed the footbridge we used, and that was the only easy path for a large party, so they've had to retreat back out of the foothills. They didn't stop until they were out, which was late last night."

Masara was shocked to hear she had been unconscious for so long--but something in the back of her head disagreed, remembered a dream, perhaps. Later. She said instead, "These are Sascrin's foothills; outlanders think they are cursed. Even I only turned back to make very, very certain they would too."

Some things were too important to leave to should and probably; the king had understood that when Masara proposed remaining behind to guard their rear.

Arlis didn't ask her what the plan was now. She didn't ask what it had been, either.

Trust, or insight? Masara thought it was the former, and she tried to turn her worry into resolve. Her uncle had depended on her before; now Arlis did.

"Has anyone spoken to you?"

"Only a captain," Arlis reported. “He said their general could decide what to do with nobility."

"And have you seen a mage?"

"No. But I do think there's one around. The tent could've been prepared, but the incense smells... intent."

Masara tilted her head––carefully, to avoid tugging at any other injuries she wasn't fully aware of––and smiled lopsided at Arlis, trying to avoid the split. "Very good," she said, winced, and licked at the cut. "I thought you might notice that; that's the scent of the mage's spell. Now, what other kinds of magic inhibitors are they using?”

"Sir," Arlis protested, half-indignant, but she was looking at the canvas around them. She knew better than to try and fuss more over Masara's wounds; she'd already done what she could. It was nothing she would not recover from, she decided––given a chance to recover, of course.

"We're currently bound to chairs in a spelled tent, Arlis," Masara said. "We might as well have a brief lesson."

Masara heard rather than saw Arlis's roll of the eyes. She could never keep from that airy, "As you say, sir."

But Masara saw how she relaxed a little, easing back into her seat and straining  less at her bonds.

"Let's begin with the standard suppression spells," Masara went on. "One of the nice thing about them is that they're always visible, as it's active magic, and look––these weavers didn't even try for subtlety. Tell me which ones you know already."

Arlis and Masara discussing the fire protection spell woven into the seams of the tent, where the different cuts of fabric had been sewn together, and how they served to isolate each separate piece of fabric, when they were interrupted.

"It looks newly done," Masara murmured. "And it looks northern too, not like a spell that's been fully assimilated." That was the thing about magic. There were always spells and brews you could learn, but they worked best when you had truly made it yours, or if it was yours.

Masara often wished the fireless explosions Arlis was so fond of hadn't been her obvious calling.

"How can you––" Arlis began, but then the tent flap opened and a man stuck his head in.

He came all the way in when he saw Masara was awake, daylight flashing through the opening, and stood before them.

"Good," he observed after an assessing gaze. "Surgeon said if you were out the whole two days, we might have problems."

He wasn't a very tall man, but he was broad-shouldered and confident, a soldier in a blue cloak. He had the olive skin and dark hair of some of the Kassan, though with clearer, lighter eyes that spoke of some northern heritage. Or magic and vanity.

The soldier crossed his arms and frowned when Masara said nothing. It took Masara a moment to realize he had been expecting her to speak––he had asked no question. She instead had been looking to Arlis, to see if her squire recognized the soldier, but a twitch of Arlis's fingers said, he's new, and Masara wondered again where they were. The tent also kept them from hearing just what kind of camp lay outside. Masara would bet it was far larger than the one company that braved the foothills and her attack, if the general was said to be coming.

"Are you injured?" the soldier demanded, eyes narrowing.

Masara smiled––carefully, lopsided.

"I believe so," she answered.

The soldier's frown didn't change. "Well enough to speak the general now, I see."

"Lead on!" Arlis challenged boldly, unwilling to be overlooked and left behind. Masara didn't bother to check her.

"Oh no," the soldier corrected with a grim smile. "Do you think we're letting you out of this nice tent? The general's on his way here. You should be honored. Him coming to you." The soldier sounded disgruntled enough by the necessary breach of etiquette that not even Arlis commented.

They didn't have to wait long. The soldier left the tent after another moment of silence––did he think either Masara or Aris would say something, unprompted?––and then the flap opened again, and he returned. This time, he was followed by a younger man, another soldier, alert and brisk. He'd become very tan under the Amirran sun, his hair burnished to a golden blond currently bare of a crown, but Masara was surprised to recognize the general.

Arlis shifted by her side, suspicious. The general regarded the both of them in silence, his pale brown eyes almost dark in the tent's dim light.

"Leave it open, Kinlo," the general––if that was how he chose to style himself––said, and Kinlo, the first soldier, went to pull back the opening. Clear morning light spilled inside, silhouetting the general, and from his slight smirk, he knew its effect. "They won't run."

Masara quite honestly didn't feel up to a break for freedom, so he was right, which was mildly irritating. The smoke of the incense kept her weak, as though she hadn't slept or rested in days.

"We're in the middle of my camp. Surrounded by thousands of men," the general explained reasonably. One couldn't hope to escape or be rescued against such odds. Amir's people really would be penned into the foothills, with Yina as her only stronghold. "Of course," the general said, "we will treat a high lady of the land and..." he trailed off, and frowned at Arlis.  What stories had his men had told of Masara and Arlis's capture?

Arlis's fingers twitched. Treat us with honor, I bet, she signed. Masara affected not to notice, and did not smile.

"Well?" the general prompted.

Masara lifted her gaze and fixed on the shadows by the door. "I didn't realize you wanted an answer," she excused herself. "The young Lady Arlis is my squire, if that is what you were looking for."

The general nodded, as if all was now confirmed for him, and he stepped to the side, away from the tent opening. It was strange to think of such a man––young, open-faced, eager for action and the field itself––ordering the High Priest's death. This general had plenty of battlefields to choose from, without provoking a new series of them. But he had advisers, and they were apparently in the capital, directing the empire while the general was here.

"And it was the two of you who blocked the advance company?"

Masara inclined her head as far as she could.

"You wouldn't have gotten far anyway." Arlis raised her voice in a taunt. "The foothills can be quite haunted, you know."'

The general snorted. "I don't doubt it. I don't think 'foothills' is fair name for them, either. It's like calling the Henori river a little creek. I'm ready to forget the whole campaign." He sounded matter-of-fact.

"By all means, do," Masara suggested.

"But there's Lapur to worry about. And your mages."

"Our mages," Masara repeated, turning it into a question with an arched brow. The movement pulled at a scrape on her cheek by her hairline.

The general looked at her, slow and considering.

"Yes. Mine are worried. My advisers tell me it's unnatural that you don't use spells. Materials, incantations - the common instruments." He paused, then added: "Is it?"

Masara spoke before Arlis could. "Your imperial majesty," she said blandly, deciding now was as good a moment as any to dispense with all pretense, "why should any Amirran spill our secrets to you?"

Arlis frowned, backing down. She hadn't known who the general was, and Masara could tell she was swiftly reconsidering their situation.  

"I have found some who were very talkative, actually," the emperor-general retorted. Arlis hissed at the implication of torture––but Masara frowned at the general’s honest, untroubled irritation, and heard her quiet oft-ignored fear confirmed.

There was a traitor.

How else could Amirasa have fallen? And their escape to the foothills had been too close, too harried. Masara signed another hold to Arlis, one that called for caution, and said nothing.

"Unfortunately, they do not know much about your magics."

"You have captured Amirasa," Masara replied mildly, though the admission was ash on her tongue. She didn't dare ask for the general's chatty Amirran, not yet. "If your mages cannot see the spells of our city, that does not mean anything."

"They see those spells," the emperor-general clarified. "The battle magic, on the other hand..."

He trailed off expectantly, but neither Arlis nor Masara rose to fill the silence. When it stretched on, the emperor straightened, chin lifting as though he suddenly felt the weight of his crown, and said, "Even if you don't talk, you will be useful bargaining tools. Perhaps now your king will be tempted to meet me at a crossroads. What do you think, High Lady Masara?"

Masara offered the lopsided smile she could, but without warmth. "If negotiation is what you wish, I will write to my king myself."

"You doubt me?" the general demanded.

"Your army holds our ancient capital. You have done nothing but kill our people and claim our land."

"I sent an ambassador, and your king gave him back and declared war."

"Ambassador?" Arlis snapped. "Is that a new word for assassin?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The High Priest," Masara answered succinctly. It came out flat, an accusation torn free of the sudden hollow chasm that threatened her. It appeared suddenly, as usual, and nearly all-encompassing. She breathed through it slowly, counting in her head to ten.

"He was the head of a militant religious order," the general replied carefully, sensing the delicacy of the topic. "The greatest obstacle to diplomacy. He would never accept surrender."

Arlis scowled, but Masara called for her silence again––she was never very obedient for long, but she held her tongue for the moment.

"And did your sources also believe Amir would be amenable to surrender after an assassination?" Masara asked, with pointed equanimity.

The emperor-general frowned, and crossed his arms, and then changed the subject.

"I think the most important thing to remember is Lapur. They cannot be allowed to grow past the Blighted lands."

"How gratifying, that our kingdom can be a foothold in your imperial wars."

It wasn't exactly a fair assessment; Lapur worried Amir, too, with its constant, probing incursions north of the desert, into the no man's land usually left to Amir.

But it was Kas, young and full of its own power who had invaded, not Lapur.

The emperor-general's eyes narrowed, glinting nearly like gold as he coolly declared, "Say what you will, High Lady. But we cannot afford an Amirran succession crisis, not with Lapur so close and so restless."

Masara gestured minutely, freeing Arlis while she considered the general's words.

"That was your reasoning for your conquest of Seriona," Arlis burst out, after holding her tongue for what surely felt like ages to her. "We are not Seriona. In Amir, we know our king and our prince!"

The general frowned at Arlis, but replied to her as seriously as he had to Masara. "And if your king should prefer his niece over his son?" he challenged.

Arlis strained briefly, forgetting she was tied up as she tried to point at Masara. "We are here," she settled for instead, spitting the words out furiously. "A lone knight sacrificed to hold off your whole company, the high lady, the king's supposed favorite––doesn't that tell you anything?"

A new uneasiness settled in Masara's chest as she realized how badly she had underestimated her young squire. Arlis understood Masara's decision... and she was still a fool for endangering herself. In the past half year of border skirmishes, the outbreak of war, and their flight from Amirasa, Arlis had grown up a great deal.

Masara felt she herself had aged decades.

The general's expression didn't change, yet Masara still felt a shift in his attitude.

"It tells me more than you know," he said, and then waved his hand, dismissing the matter. "My ladies, I've been distracted from my purpose. I simply wished to inform you that you will be hostages until a suitable agreement can be come to with your king, which I hope will come swiftly. Until then, you will be kept with the camp quite safely, and we will do our best to see you treated with honor. If you need anything within reason, you need only shout to the guards." He glanced at Arlis, and added, "I don't think you'll have an issue with that."

Arlis regarded the general balefully. He ignored the young squire's glares, and asked Masara directly, "Should I send the surgeon to you again, my lady?"

Arlis fumed under her breath about it being his fault anyway; Masara's mind spun.

"That would be appreciated, your imperial majesty," she said quietly, focused more on the realizations that were slowly coming together for her, overcoming her unwillingness to see them.

"In the field, I prefer the title Imperial General. Hokiraj," said the emperor, magnanimous in his role as captor, familiarity offered as a flattering courtesy.

"Well then, Imperial General. It appears we are in your hands," Masara returned in kind, though distracted.

The imperial general coughed, made a vague noise of agreement, and then made his departure with, "I will send that surgeon along. Later, we will discuss that letter and what terms your king may agree to.”

As soon as he was gone, Kinlo followed him out and shut the tent. The haste of his exit went on unremarked, and it was Arlis who finally broke the silence.

“I think there’s a traitor, sir,” she whispered, reluctant to speak her fear too loudly.

Her squire was so old at fourteen, yet Masara wanted to protect her still. "I think I know who it is,” she prevaricated.

The king had broached the idea of changing the succession only once that Masara knew of, and only idly. Masara knew he would never act without his son’s complete agreement; it was how rule had been decided between himself and his older sister, Masara’s mother. He had thought he might have Panam’s approval.

Only Panam and Masara were not siblings, and it had been a while since they had been close as such.

Oh, cousin, she thought, unease dripping through her memories of Panam like oil. Could you really?

But Masara could not let despair overcome her. She had Arlis to protect... and Amir, too. However she could. 

[cudan2]

We’re Only Human

Spring Break Shadowing Part 4

Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Word Count: 2,040

Summary: It’s the last day of shadowing with Dr. Cullen, but you’ve come to realize a little more about how you feel towards him. Cue crushes and a little bit of chaos along the way.

A/N: I finished the semester and can actually dedicate time to writing this again because instead of being on spring break, I’m now on winter break. I also chopped this part in half because it was probably going to be over 6,000 words otherwise and that’s just a lot compared to the previous ones. Bear with me, guys. Another note - I’m thinking about posting this on Ao3 but will rewrite it because I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote this in present tense lol. 

Anyways, this is #8 on my headcanon list.

Masterlist

XXX

You don’t know how it happened, but time is on your side and you’re running early this morning. The sun has just risen and casts a warm glow across the hospital as you make you way to the Starbucks, determined to be the one to buy Doctor Cullen his drink for once.

Meeting him here every morning has become a tradition, a tradition that involves him getting you breakfast every day you’ve shadowed him this week. The two of you would chat about various topics while walking to where ever he had to be next. Sometimes you would prod his brain with more medical-related questions, occasionally he would tell stories from his past, but regardless, his every word had you captivated.

Alright, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to finally admit that you may or may not have developed a tiny crush on Doctor Cullen. To be fair though, this is your last day shadowing him and it’s not like you’re ever going to see him again anyways. You feel a pang of disappointment at the thought, but it soon disappears when Emily greets you at the counter.  

“Hi, Y/N! Where’s the doctor today?”

“I was running early today, so I figured I’d grab both of our drinks.” You place your order and ask the barista what Doctor Cullen’s “usual” was.

“Oh that?” she laughs. “He gets boiling water. It’s a little weird, but I just assumed he makes tea with it.”

Boiling... water? You think back to the last several days and try to remember what Doctor Cullen even did with his drink. He definitely never made tea with it. In fact, you don’t think he’s ever taken a sip out of the cup before throwing it away.

“Then I’ll be adding a grande boiled water to my order,” you tell Emily and thank her before she moves on to the next person in line.

You wait to the side for your food and see Jaime standing there too. He’s wearing a backpack and a faded college sweatshirt thrown over his scrubs, and you’re reminded of how many years left of school you have before you can even call yourself a doctor. You wave to him, and he pulls an earbud out from his ear with a sleepy smile.

“Hey, what’s up?” he greets you.

“Nothing much, just grabbing something to eat before the day starts. I’m surprised to see you here though. What happened to morning rounds?”

Jaime lets out what you can only discern as a mix between a hollowed laugh and a groan and tells you about forgetting his coffee at home. “Don’t even get me started on this morning. My car died on me, so I had to get an Uber. Lo and behold, there weren’t any Ubers around either, so ya boy eventually took not just a taxi, but a taxi and the train. By the time I got here, I realized my coffee was still on the counter at home, and so now I’m here.”

Damn, and you thought mornings were rough for you.

“Sorry to hear that! Did you get in trouble for being late?”

“I called Doctor Cullen myself and told him what was happening. He was so understanding, god bless, so I’m in the clear for now.

At the mention of the doctor, your thoughts instantly go back to blond tresses and a brilliant smile you already know you’ll miss when you leave the hospital for the last time today.

“Yeah, he’s pretty great, isn’t he?” you say a little too dreamily. Jaime gives you a knowing look and you rein it back in, hoping you haven’t exposed yourself already.

“You know, I think he’s going to miss you the most when you leave.” You don’t even get the chance to react when Jaime continues on, “Don’t get me wrong, Lily and I will definitely miss having you around, but the man really took a liking to you a lot faster than he did with us.”

“What do you mean?”

“He always kept us at an arm’s length before you came around. All of that personal stuff you get out of him would have taken him weeks to tell us before, and that’s if we’re lucky. He just seems more comfortable around you,” Jaime shrugs. His coffee is then called out, cutting off anything he wanted to say next. “That’s my cue. I’ll see you later!”

You take a moment to mull over what Jaime said. From your perspective, Doctor Cullen has treated you exactly the same way he does with everyone else. You don’t dare to over think what Jaime could be saying – over thinking never leads to anything good. And yet, the damage is done. The seed has been planted and now you can’t help but wonder about what made you stand out to the doctor.

Your own order is called, and you’re pulled from your thoughts with the smell of warm food.

Now armed with two beverages and a pastry bag sandwiched between your fingers, you make your way to a nearby table to wait for Doctor Cullen. Your wait is soon cut short though, as you see him walking towards you out of your peripheral vision. The clouds shift and the sun shines through the windows again. Its golden rays pass over the doctor, and for a second, you swear you could see him shimmering in the sunlight.

You squint strangely and blink a few times. Get it together, you tell yourself. Over thinking is clearly playing some weird psychological tricks on your eyes, and you still needed to be on your A-game.

“Hey you,” he flashes that familiar smile once more when reaching the table you are settled at. “You’re early today.”

“I am. It even gave me the chance to get you your water.” You hand him the cup with a smirk, having made sure to put a sleeve on it earlier because unlike Doctor Cullen, you actually have hands that hold the risk of being burnt.

“Ah, I see Emily has divulged one of my secrets with you. Thank you, Y/N, you really didn’t have to.”

“It’s nothing,” you insist. Seriously, water is free at Starbucks. “Think of it as a small thank you present. It’s the least I could do for the amazing surgeon that let me follow him around for the week.”

“Hmm, I think you may have meant the amazing, extremely kind, highly skilled, and not to mention, quite dashing–”

“Okay! No need to flatter yourself,” you laugh, trying your best to refrain from rolling your eyes. In all honesty, you can’t describe him any better. Add in attractive, intelligent, compassionate, way too humble sometimes, and it would be the perfect recipe to recreate another Doctor Cullen.

From there on, your daily routine at the hospital continues without a hitch. It’s a morning filled with back to back surgeries and question after question thrown at you from the doctor. There is no doubt that he is keeping you on your toes – literally and figuratively. You have to admit though, you are pretty proud of yourself for being able to answer the majority of his questions.

Your feet swing aimlessly while you spin around in a padded chair in Doctor Cullen’s office. Your laptop is open on his desk, displaying a blank document that’s meant to be your personal statement. It has been a little over an hour since he left you here to attend a mandatory meeting and you are starting to get antsy.

Aside from several stacks of files and other various papers, the desk lacks the small trinkets you would expect to see. As a matter of fact, the office itself is surprisingly void of anything personal. There aren’t any pictures of family, friends, pets, not even of a possible wife. There are no decorations on the wall either, and if it weren’t for the leather briefcase leaning against the side of the desk, you’d never believe this office belonged to him. No wonder he spends as much time as possible outside of this dismal room.

As you continue spinning in the chair, you bring up a paper fortune teller made earlier from a sticky note. You choose a color, two subsequent numbers, and flip open the flap to reveal the fortune.

Brunch date with Dr. Cullen.

The things you do to kill time. Your friends would never let you live this down if they could see you now.

Just as you’re about to go another round with the fortune teller, the door opens and Doctor Cullen walks in. The fortune teller goes flying out of your hands and onto the floor next to you as you jump in surprise and halt the spinning.

“Sorry about the wait, Y/N. I’m afraid the meeting took longer than expected,” he says, his words laced with a hint of bitterness. Luckily, he didn’t seem to notice you nearly jumping out of your skin. Not wanting to draw attention to the fortune teller on the floor, you leave it there for now and start packing up your stuff.

“I presume you found a way to entertain yourself?”

“Kind of? I tried starting my personal statement again. It’s really not coming together,” you laugh dryly. Too preoccupied with turning off your laptop and putting it away, you don’t notice that Doctor Cullen walking around to the head of the desk where you are until it’s too late.

Oh crap, the fortune teller. Of course, he just has to notice it too and picks it up with a curious expression. You look up, and he’s standing there with it in his hand.

“Did you make this?”

You leap up from the chair and snatch it out of his hand before he can examine it any closer. There is no way in hell you’re letting him open it.

“Uh, yeah... It’s just something we used to make in elementary school – nothing special!” You try to play it off as cool as possible and slip the fortune teller into the small trash can underneath his desk. “So what’s next on the schedule?”

He takes a moment before answering you. You see his eyes study the way your fingers nervously fidgets with a loose thread on your shirt. He seemingly brushes off the interaction that occurred and responds, “Pre-op. I believe this one will be much different than the others you’ve observed this week.”

“What’s different about it?” you ask. Doctor Cullen starts to leave and holds the door open for you.

“You’ll see.” You don’t have to look at him to know he’s smirking.

He shuts the door and you start walking towards to the surgical department when a hand abruptly pulls you back just a little too hard. You trip over your own feet in the process and in some miraculous, but also really unlucky, sadistic, cruel-of-the-universe sort of way, land in Doctor Cullen’s arms. Goosebumps form up your arms where he’s holding you, and you can’t tell whether it’s from the temperature difference or the fact that your face is only an inch away from his chest.

You are absolutely mortified to say the least. Heat begins crawling up your cheeks and if there was a witness, they would have seen you quite literally jump out of the doctor’s arms.  

“I’m so sorry, Doctor Cullen! I didn’t mean to trip and fall and–”

“No, no, please, Y/N. It was of no fault of yours. I admit, I wholly underestimated the extent of my strength in that moment.” You stare at him, still dismayed at what happened, but it seems you aren’t the only one feeling like a deer in the headlights. “Can you find it in yourself to forgive me?” he asks, smiling meekly.

“It’s fine, these things happen. We’re only human after all, right?”

“...Right.” There’s a moment of silence that goes on for longer than you prefer, and you can’t help but feel like you’re the punchline of some inside joke. You don’t dwell on it though. There’s really only so much social embarrassment you can handle in one day. “Now, if there aren’t any more near-accidents,” he points in the opposite direction and says, “we’re headed to the children’s hospital.”

Oh.

[lady-griffin]

Hello! I was just wondering if I could ask your opinion on something :DD I was just thinking about how differently Maria's life would have been if the events of the game still followed. Would her heart be satisfied with not gaining any friends but instead a lover? Can the four boys mend the relationship between Maria and her mother like Katarina did? Would being engaged with a noble/prince give her emotional freedom or would she be ostracized by society even more? Thoughts?

I have so many thoughts on how Katarina’s impact on everyone is so much more significant than Maria’s impact/change on the guys and their impact on Maria in the game.

No shade towards Maria or the guys, but…I mean its Katarina. She’s a goddamn force of nature. None of them can compare to the positive wreckage of Hurricane Katarina.

I would say that Maria’s heart would be “satisfied” with a lover, but more because all Maria wanted was someone to look at her and see her for who she was and it’s clear that each of the guys did that for Maria, in the game’s timeline. 

However, just because she’s satisfied with her situation with a romantic partner (because it’s better) doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the best situation for her or even that healthy for her.

While sure her relationships in Fortune Lover with the guys puts her in a better place than she started, we still have to ask how much better?

Potential Spoilers Below

It was hard for me to organize my thoughts for this question...so I’m sorry if it’s nonsensical Anon (and sorry for any grammar mistakes). 

Thank you for asking me this!!

--

We know from Katarina, that Fortune Lover never went into Maria’s backstory. Katarina knows nothing about Maria’s backstory and even got the wrong impression from what the game chose to show her about Maria. 

When Katarina played the game, she thought Maria was simply an unstoppable genius; but in the real world of Fortune Lover it’s clear that Maria worked so goddamn hard. 

Maria got where she is, not because she’s another Geordo, but because she put so much time and effort into getting herself at that level. 

Maria is very similar to Mary in that regard.

In Hamefura (and Fortune Lover), so many characters only see “Perfect Mary” and not all the work, time and pain she put herself through to get to that point.  

That’s basically Maria’s situation with those who play Fortune Lover. They only see the end result, not her countless years of effort and struggle.

But Katarina does see it and recognize Maria for her hard work, after she meets Maria. 

Each time Katarina talks about the plot or a certain event, it’s largely about how Maria emotionally saves the guys or heals them.

While the guys do physically save her form the bullies (at least Geordo and Keith), the focus is clearly more on how Maria saves their broken and lonely hearts rather than how they save her own lonely and broken heart.

Her being saved (like how the guys were) by the guys isn’t really a factor in Fortune Lover. Because she’s the vehicle for the player. 

Because it’s an Otome game, the game developers clearly didn’t care enough to develop Maria further than what they needed, unlike the guys, who are the main draw of the game. 

And however, this world came into existence - The game being unknowing based off the world or the world existing because of the game. The actual world of Fortune Lover, what we see in Hamefura, greatly expands and fills in the gaps that Fortune Lover left behind. 

--

It’s safe to say that the guys didn’t impact Maria’s relationship with her mother.

While it is possible Nicol and Sophia did visit Maria’s home on Nicol’s route, I highly doubt it.

Katarina doesn’t compare her own visit to anything that happens in the game – so the guys more than likely did nothing to help mend Maria and her mother’s relationship.

On the other hand, Katarina is the catalyst for Maria and her mother.

In the Light Novel, Maria’s mother sees how happy her daughter is (with Katarina and Keith) and realizes that she needs to be better. She’s known that for a while now; but it’s finally just hitting her in that moment that if she doesn’t act soon, she’ll be left behind by her daughter and be unable to mend their relationship.

Maria’s mother can’t stay frozen in her own despair and depression if she wants to be with her daughter.

Which gives me the impression that in the game, while never brought up, Maria does leave her mother behind. 

I mean she probably doesn’t abandon her mother and if she marries one of the guys, she can easily improve her mother’s situation with money. 

But that’s rather hollow in comparison to Maria and her mom working on their relationship together and getting to a better place together.

Katarina doesn’t do the work for Maria and her mother, but because of Katarina, Maria is in a better place to mend her relationship with her mother and vice versa. 

Katarina is the catalyst for Maria’s Mother’s self-improvement. Which is very true of Katarina with the majority of the characters she impacts in the story.

--

Fortune Lover - Bad Endings 

I am definitely looking into this way more deeply than I should.

But given how Maria can either receive a good or bad ending with each of the guys, indicates that an actual relationship (in ‘reality’) with each guy is a dangerous thing for Maria to embark on. We can look at it like this –

If Maria’s relationship doesn’t go well with each guy, she’s so screwed…so very screwed.

Geordo’s Bad Route

Katarina Dies – that probably weighed on Maria’s conscious.

Enemy of House Claes – With Katarina dead and no Geordo to protect her, it doesn’t seem crazy that the Claes family (not Keith) might or would try to retaliate against Maria.

Geordo self-exiles himself, leaving her behind – Basically the one person she bonded with and put all of her energy into leaves her. She’s alone once more. There’s also a good chance the kingdom will blame her (since Katarina’s dead) for their beloved Prince leaving them – so she’s going to be ostracized by nobles and commoners alike

Not great all-around. 

Also given how twisted Geordo is in the game’s timeline, a part of me wonders if Geordo actually did love Maria in his bad route. 

Or if he was simply using Maria as a reason to get rid of Katarina and escape his noble life. 

Dark? Yes. Possible? I think so.

Keith’s Bad Route

Katarina Dies – again, probably weighed on Maria conscious.

Enemy of House Claes – This time Maria is a key part in not only Katarina’s death, but to the Claes family losing their heir…so not great for Maria.

Injury – Maria gets injured by Katarina...or Keith is the one who gets injured, it’s unclear to me. But basically, there’s a chance she gets physically injured.

Keith disappears (goes into hiding, leaving her behind) – Once more the person she put her time and attention into leaves her. She’s all alone. Again. Nobles still probably don’t like her and neither do the commoners and there’s probably so many more vicious rumors about her at this point, because of Keith killing his sister.

Now in Alan and Nicol’s Bad Routes the consequences are less dire, significantly so, but it’s not a stretch to say Maria would still end up alone and maybe even more isolated than she started when she got their bad endings. 

And of course, there is the one Bad Route where the whole Student Council (including Maria) gets murdered…

Basically, going pass the point where the game ends, Maria’s life is made so much worse by the bad routes.

Now if Katarina and Maria stopped being friends, it’s not exactly going to be rainbows and butterflies for Maria either.

But I just don’t see things being that dire for Maria IF Katarina’s bad route was to come to pass (so to speak).

I think one benefit befriending Katarina, is that if she were to leave someone (death/non-death reasons), she leaves the person in a better place.

In all honestly though, if Maria fails at romancing Katarina than basically Katarina’s bad route is that you just remain friends with her…so you know, still fucking great.

Also the Katarina route is essentially the friendship route for Maria. 

Largely because the Student Council are a large group of close, childhood friends (who are all in love with Katarina) and they all befriend Maria. Which is different than how the student council was in Fortune Lover. 

While Katarina is definitely the point of focus for Maria, Maria’s social group has far exceeded her expectations, not just with the student council, but even beyond them.

Fortune Lover - Good Endings (?)

Geordo and Maria’s Happy Ending in Fortune Lover…

Personally, I find it  difficult to imagine that these the game versions of these two would live happily ever after. 

It just seems like such a stretch that Maria undoes the 16 years of Geordo’s fucked up life and disposition in one year and everything is great and dandy afterwards. 

But we are told that they do end up happily ever after, so we’re going to take the story’s word on the matter. 

Maria would still end up so goddamn isolated. I mean she would be ostracized by noble society to such a scary and threatening degree if she ended up with Geordo.

Katarina is a Duke’s Daughter; she is at the top of the social hierarchy and we’ve seen how certain nobles treat her. So, imagine what Maria’s treatment would be like. 

After years of being socially isolated in her town, to being bullied and socially isolated at school, to gaining all that hatred and jealousy of all those noble girls who love Geordo.

I don’t think anyone could handle that.

Geordo would probably try to get back at those people and take care of them (to possibly a dangerous degree), which I don’t think would help Maria and might even cause her to further retreat into herself.

Given how Hamefura pulls the curtains behind Fortune Lover, I just find it so difficult to truly see Maria being happy with Geordo (and vice versa).

But it’s not exactly peaches and roses with the other guys.

Alan and Maria’s Happy Ending in Fortune Lover…

She’s definitely would be socially isolated and bullied by noble society. Probably not to the degree she would be with Geordo…but still pretty badly.  

I can easily see so many noble girls being upset that even though Alan leaves the perfect Mary, he chooses the commoner Maria over them.

I guess it’s possibly for Geordo and Alan to leave their princely lives for Maria, but again, I see Maria taking the brunt of that decision from the nobles.

Nicol and Maria’s Happy Ending in Fortune Lover…

While Nicol is described as the most normal, he and Sophia are clearly co-dependent on one another in the game, to such an unhealthy degree.

I’m sure if we knew more about Nicol’s route, Fortune Lover would have said that Maria saved the two siblings from the isolated world they only shared with one another.

But would she have? Or would she simply end up joining their isolated world?

Again, Nicol has so fans (men and women), I just see Maria being socially isolated and ostracized by noble society. 

And unlike the other guys, there’s no way Nicol would abandon his duties to his family or to his noble life – he feels a great deal of responsibility towards his family and as his father’s heir.

So while her good ending with Nicol could still be a legit good ending for her, I still see some snags for the two of them.

Keith and Maria’s Happy Ending in Fortune Lover…

Probably the happiest one, in all honesty.

In the Light Novels, it’s stated that Keith and Maria elope together and Keith abandons his position as the Claes heir. Which yeah, that makes absolute sense.

There’s no way Luigi Claes would be happy with his heir marrying the girl who he would absolutely blame for his beloved daughter’s exilement? No way.

So those two would escape Noble Society together…so they would probably be okay and be able to live normal lives.

Though I will admit, it does seem like they would probably become co-dependent on one another.

Seeing as both of them have been neglected, emotionally abused, isolated and bullied by others and neither of them have probably learned the proper tools in handling all of that. 

Also, I doubt there’s therapy in this world…so yeah.

I’m not saying they wouldn’t be able to save one another from their loneliness and build a foundation off of their shared experiences…but given how Fortune Lover focuses on Maria saving Keith from his loneliness and not so much the other way around –

Maria would probably be doing the brunt of the emotional work in their relationship.

--

…Okay, I may have been way too dark on Maria’s happy endings with the guys. 

It’s more than likely her situation if she had ended up with one one of them she would’ve been fine and a lot better than what I’ve portrayed above.

But I still think she would;ve been socially isolated and ostracized (to varying degrees), while still being emotional repressed herself.

One of the reasons why Katarina saving everyone feels severely more balanced than Maria saving everyone one… is that Katarina is well-adjusted. 

I mean emotionally speaking she was doing so much better than everyone else when she first met them. 

Don’t get me wrong, Katarina has plenty of her own problems and issues – from her self-esteem to legit thinking her friends would abandon her or even kill her.

But Katarina was able to save everyone by just being herself. 

And while Fortune Lover and Katarina basically presume that’s true for Maria… it’s not.

Because we see and get to know the real Maria and see how emotionally repressed, she was before she met Katarina. 

Her saving each of the guys or all of them together, probably cost her, her own emotional freedom and salvation.

--

There’s the saying, the saddest people smile the brightest.

Which is not a bad saying, but it can imply a somewhat dark idea if you think about it. 

The saddest people have to smile bright to save others, because they know what it’s like to be sad and don’t want that from others. 

That gives the impression that those sad people don’t allow themselves to be sad or at least not in front of other people, because they always have to happy and smile brightly for others.

I think that’s Maria’s in a nutshell in Fortune Lover.

One of the beauties of Hamefura is that we see Maria needed to be saved as much as everyone else did. 

She was pain and crying out as well, but since she was just the vehicle for the game and player, she wasn’t truly saved.

--

Maria says her big finale line to Katarina, the one that she always says to the guy she ends up with at the end of the game.  

But I think the weight of it, is so much more real with Katarina than it was in Fortune Lover with the guys. 

Maybe I’m completely off base, but it just feels more like it comes from a genuine desire when directed towards Katarina rather than a deeply rooted fear of being alone again.

Again, that could just be me. 

I think Maria being with Katarina, platonic or romantic, is immensely healthier for Maria as an individual.

For me, I would always choose having multiple good to epic friendships over one epic romance that I’m completely dependent on.

Thaks for the ask anon. And I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense, it was just hard for me to organize and write down my thoughts for some odd reason.

[treatian]

The Chronicles of the Dark One: Magical Loopholes

Chapter 15: Getting Nowhere

He woke the next morning just the same as he had the morning before. Belle folded into his side with that same pained look on her face, their arms folded around one another, just as naked as the day they'd been born. It was a remarkable feat to him when he considered that he had his magic back and he was the Dark One again. Dark Ones didn't need sleep, just like they didn't need food. As the Dark One, he'd gone years, decades even, without a single night sleep, without a meal. And yet, here they were, sharing meals and sleeping. Two nights in a row. He'd never slept two nights in a row, not in all his time as the Dark One. The voices had never allowed it. But they were quiet around her. It was like a magic that belonged to her and her alone. And he was grateful for the possibilities it offered.

He'd slept so deeply last night that he'd had a nightmare, just as he had before the Curse broke. She woke with him when he startled. She'd argued when he'd gotten up and gone downstairs to pace, to try and get the image of Bae falling away from him out of his head. He hadn't been successful, not until he returned to their bedroom to find her waiting up for him. One look from her, and he was comforted. One touch on his back, and he was content to fall back into her arms and go to sleep once more, risking the nightmares. The second he stepped into her presence, the moment she was in his arms, all whispers and hissings ceased. His head was quiet. He had magic, but he felt damn near human around her. And he liked it. He liked the effect that she had on him. She was good for him.

But he was ever aware that he couldn't stay with her forever. They couldn't haul themselves up into a house on a hill forever. His son was still out there. And he had work to do. So, after spending what he deemed to be an appropriate amount of time rubbing her back until her own nightmares vanished, he kissed her head, asked her to roll over, and in a sleepy haze, she eventually released him. He showered and made breakfast as he always did, he considered leaving another note for her to read, but when he looked at the dishwasher, she was determined to empty on her own he remembered that she wanted practice. He'd have to trust her at some point to figure out what to do on her own. She'd be fine. And if she wasn't, she'd call, and he was just a thought away.

Upstairs, he woke her with a kiss one more time to tell her he was leaving and would return for lunch. She nodded, but he could still see sleep pulling her under. Was that her? Was she simply not an early riser, or were there still drugs in her system?

"Rest, but try not to sleep too much," he encouraged, just as he had the day before. She nodded again before he kissed her goodbye and, when he looked back to close the door, realized she was asleep again.

He'd had a plan when he got into the shop. He had a "to-do" list that consisted of figuring out more of what was going on in the world. He wanted to find Booth, have a conversation with David, figure out what he knew regarding Emma and Mary Margaret, he wanted to look into a few cities, and try to figure out how he was going to make his way out into the world with Emma and potentially with Booth to find his son. But a lot of his plan took a wrong turn when he got into the shop and used his magic to take him to Booth.

He ended up right back in the middle of a forest, just like the day before. However, unlike the day before, it was a different place, a different area. He could taste magic in the air.

He didn't like it. He especially didn't like it when he realized that he could all too easily summon himself back to the shop and get where he needed to be. It suggested that Booth had magic of some kind, that he had figured out how to cloak himself from him out in those woods. A Cloaking Spell wasn't a half-bad idea. How he'd gotten one or known to use it was uncertain, but it bothered him. It suggested that Booth had no intention of helping him find Baelfire, and given the deal they'd made, the deal he'd made good on, that was aggravating. And a Cloaking Spell…yes, the damn thing could be broken, all magic could be broken, but that particular spell could be a tricky little devil, especially if he didn't know who's magic the boy had used to hide himself. Fairy Magic would have been his first guess, but he had no proof of it. And if it was a fairy, well, that too was disappointing. It would be all the harder to break unless the fairy voluntarily lifted the magic, and given their relationship, he found that highly unlikely.

When he returned after lunch, he determined to put Booth out of mind. Emma was friends with him. When she returned, he'd tell her that he was making good on his deal and needed her to find his son. Then he'd be sure to let her know that Booth would be the first person she should check with to get that location. And then…

And then what?

His plans had seemed so much easier a week ago before the Curse broke. Get Emma to take him to his son, find Baelfire, go from there. But now…what was he supposed to do about Belle?

When he'd gone home for lunch, she'd emptied the dishwasher, managed to make herself breakfast as well as their lunch, and was moving about the kitchen a bit more confidently. But she wasn't ready to go out into the wide world yet. He didn't even think he was ready for that! What was he going to tell her when he left? What was he going to tell Baelfire about her? Who could he rely on to keep her safe from Regina? Perhaps he had no choice but to take her! But of course, that plan offered problems of its own.

The bell ringing in his shop as the door crashed open brought him out of his stupor. He had a long list of things he wanted to do but hadn't even realized that he'd been standing in front of his shop just staring into nothing as he thought. He expected to see Regina, hoped to see David, but instead, the face that greeted him was one he didn't even have on his radar. He snickered.

"Well, well…if it isn't Little Bo Peep herself."

"Gold…or do you prefer Rumpelstiltskin these days."

"That depends entirely on the conversation we're about to have."

The former warlord put her fisted hands on her hips and sauntered across the shop, swaying her hips in a way that would have made one of her dresses back home swish impressively but just looked ridiculous in the pants she wore now.

"I've been told you are the person to come to when looking for missing things."

He smiled. Was he? Odd how that was getting around despite that no one had come to him yet. Perhaps they all knew and just didn't want to bother him. He could live with that.

"Has Little Bo Peep lost her sheep? Don't quite know where to find them?" he teased. The girl let out a huff as she looked away as if she'd just been scandalized or insulted. "Or is it that you don't know how to find them?"

Finally, her eyes fell on him. She glared for a moment the cocked her head to one side. "I take it I'm talking to the infamous Dark One now?" she questioned. "So hard to tell these days."

"Indeed, you are, but fortunately for you, it's Mr. Gold who has just the thing you are looking for." He walked to the wall around the corner. Leaning against the little niche was a long stick of wood, one imbued with magic, not by him, but enough that it had apparently found this place in the Curse.

"My staff!" Sheri Lewis shrieked excitedly.

"My staff, actually," he corrected, looking it over with a pawnbroker's eye. "It was pawned off to Mr. Gold years ago. I didn't give the individual much for it. There wasn't much value in its materials though it was a quaint little antique."

"Someone sold it to you…" she woman scoffed. "Poppycock. You stole it!"

"No. It may have been stolen from you, dearie, but I was Cursed just as much as you were. Just because it ended up here with me doesn't mean I was the one who stole it."

The woman stomped over to him, the heels of her heavy shoes thudding against the floor. "Give it to me, now!"

"Oh, well, certainly…but you know, you can't get something for nothing."

"It belongs to me."

"It belongs to me…I have the paperwork to prove that. Paperwork that will stand up in a court of law in this land. What do you have?"

"If I don't get that staff back-"

"You'll what?" he snapped. "Send you muscle men after me? I'm the Dark One, dearie, threats like that may have scared Mr. Gold, but do you really think they'll stand a chance against the Dark One? And where are those men now? Retrieving a staff from the shop across the street certainly seems like a lesser task one of them could have done. Unless, of course, they are the sheep you've lost."

Again she averted her eyes. She bent her knee and stuck her hip out so that she bounced, looking antsy as she crossed her arms over her chest. She was irritated. With him, probably, but he suspected that it went deeper. More than likely, she was irritated by loyal servants who were suddenly not so loyal.

"No…I suspect that your brutes have all gone away," he pressed. "That's the reason you need the staff. To find them. To make them pay for their abandonment. To remind them who they belong to. That makes this one expensive staff indeed."

"Now it's about cost then, is it, Mr. Gold?"

"Can't get something for nothing," he repeated. "And this seems to be a very unique piece suddenly. Perhaps my previous appraisal was incorrect."

Lewis gave a wild snort then put her hands down on the counter between them. "You own my shop, my home…you own the dealership that I make my car payments to, so tell me then, Mr. Gold…what more do you want from me?"

The slope of her shoulders, the way she arched her back and pushed her breasts up and out between her arms…he recognized those motions, those seductive and suggestive poses that were meant to draw him in and might have worked on a lesser man, but on him? An offer of sex for a staff? He nearly laughed. Even when he'd been Mr. Gold, he wouldn't have taken her up on that offer. He had standards. And now that he had his memories back, now that he had Belle at home and they shared a bed, those sorts of poses only seemed silly, girlish, and utterly disgusting when he got right down to it. Belle's timid blush, the awkward way she'd asked if they could go to bed but not to sleep…that was far more attractive to him than any amount of cleavage that Little Miss Bo Peep could ever flaunt in front of him. He'd been celibate for years, centuries really before Belle had come along, and now he couldn't imagine being with anyone else except for her. She'd ruined him for all other women, and he was just fine with that.

But then what did he want for the staff, if not sex?

Thinking about Belle, about what he'd been worrying about when she came in…he knew what he wanted, he knew what he'd be happy to trade the woman for.

"I'll give you the staff," he explained, looking the pathetic stick over. "In return, you'll stay far away from me and mine."

The woman laughed and took a step away from him, taking her breasts off the table in a way that was a little too literal for his taste. "'You and yours'? What…you and your pawnshop?"

She continued to chuckle as if it were a joke. He kept his face straight and unyielding. "You'll stay far away from me, from my family, from those who associate with me."

"And how will I know who that is? Will you give me a list? Do they wear a brand telling me not to come near them"?

"I suppose you'll just have to use an abundance of caution," he smirked, leaning the staff in her direction. He watched as she stopped laughing and realized that they were approaching a deal. She weighed her options, all the while looking between him and the staff as if worried it was a trick. Then, obviously deciding that even if it was the risk was worth it, she took the staff in her hand. And left without a word.

On the surface, it might not have been the best deal he'd ever made, but it was certainly worth something to him. While Bo Peep was harmless, her visit had stirred something in him, something he hadn't thought to worry about. This town, Storybrooke, it was a town of heroes and villains. And just as one was not dead, neither was the other. When he left town for Baelfire, he didn't know what he was going to do with Belle yet, if she'd be ready for the wide world so that he could take her with him or if she'd have to stay here. That left him no choice but to plan for both possibilities. He didn't intend for Belle to ever come into contact with Sheri Lewis, but his deal at least ensured retribution would be his if the woman did come across her and brand her. Fortunately, with Lewis, that was the worst she could do. But there were still dozens of other villains in this town. He couldn't scheme his way into a deal with all of them for her safety, and the spell he'd placed on her to make her harder to trace with magic wasn't foolproof. Maybe it would be safer to just take her with him. She could wait in a hotel room when he left to talk to Baelfire. He could travel separately from Emma. He could…his options felt like they were becoming fewer with every thought he had.

The sound of the door closing behind him alerted him to the fact that he'd come home. He'd hardly been aware of locking the Pawn Shop up and getting in the car to drive, and now here he was.

And there she was. Bolting down the stairs at such a speed that he had to ask what was wrong before she bounded into his arms and buried her face in his neck. It wasn't until she pulled away that he could see she was smiling wide. She was happy. Something had made her very happy indeed. But the look in her eyes was smart and secretive as she grabbed his hand and led him into the living room.

She'd been cleaning. He knew it the moment he looked around that she'd been organizing and cleaning just like she would have at his castle. It made his stomach turn over in his gut, but when he looked at her, at her pride even though she obviously hadn't "finished," he knew there was something more at play. She led him to the sofa, where a small pile of familiar objects from around the house greeted him.

"Did you know these were here? My things?"

Her things? Her things indeed. A book, a pair of shoes, one of the blankets he'd given her in the castle for a cold night. His fingers automatically reached out for a shawl that he recalled her sitting by the fireplace in so long ago. They were familiar objects. They'd been in his house these twenty-eight years; he just didn't realize what they were until now.

"In a way. My cursed self knew they were here but didn't necessarily know what they were. I haven't thought of them since I got my memories back, so I couldn't understand their significance until now."

Suddenly she took the shawl from his hands and set it back into the small pile that she'd made before placing her hands at his shoulders, forcing him to turn and confront her happy smile.

"I belong here!" she beamed and then threw her arms around his neck before he could respond. He held her tight, felt tears move into his eyes as he realized that such a thought would make her smile like that. She belonged with him. He was starting to believe that. Truly he was. What was she supposed to do when he was gone?

[secret-engima]

nammuellyll

@secret-engima congrats, you woke the monster. ardyn in my hero academia. there. go wild.

Me: MWAHAHAHAHA. You say that like I regret it >:DDD

-Ardyn in this wakes up post The Great Stabbing and is ... more than a little annoyed. Hello. He wanted the afterlife experience. HELLO WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS DESTINY OF FADING TO COSMIC DUST.

-But no. Apparently he gets to have a “second chance” to “be a hero”.

-Just let one of the Astrals show themselves, he’ll show where to put that “second chance”-.

-Anyway. Ardyn is Ardyn, he looks like he did in canon but he’s sane again. Oddly enough he’s still got both his armiger magic, his super healing, and some of his scourge-like abilities (scary face included). He’s not corrupted tho. Ardyn isn’t sure what to make of that.

-Goes and hobos around for a while, getting used to this world and the fact that everyone looks like a storybook encounter with cursed items gone wrong. Picks up a Smol Traumatized Child that can disintegrate things with his fingers off the streets because Why Not, Let’s Both Be Homeless Together Kiddo, then in short order gets himself known as a Major Villain when he finds a trafficking ring and, since Ardyn is Not Exactly Moral Even If Arguably Sane, he slaughters them to the last man.

-Ardyn is known on the news via grainy footage that only catches glimpses of his scourge face and a lot of rumor, he laughs his head off when the ONE soundbite they manage to get from the scene leads to his being named Adagium. AGAIN. Okay he walked into that one.

-Uses the resources of the no-longer-operational trafficking ring to set up a nice restaurant bar with a secret (illegal) clinic in the back. He makes dishes exclusively from his original time period and so the food is known as very eccentric but good. Ardyn rapidly gets the wackiest duel rep in history. To the mainstream/police/pro heroes he’s a shadowy super-murderer named Adagium. To the underworld and the homeless, the quirkless and the children, Adagium is a name that means hope and shelter, healing and comfort and a monster that protects its own rather than giving meaningless promises, all in exchange for simple favors like clothes and information and school books for his child.

-Ardyn makes special one-finger gloves for Tenko so that he can touch touch stuff without worrying about destroying it. He also, at some point, picks up the rest of the not-LoV by pure happenstance. Toga comes into his clinic hunting a patient, he scolds her, puts her in time-out, then gives her a lolli with heavy iron supplement because clearly if the girl has a blood craving she needs more iron in her system. Don’t you heathens know anything about the meaning behind cravings. Spinner gets into a fight in Ardyn’s territory, Ardyn patches him up and gently informs him that if he’s going to pick fights, at least fight dirty enough to win them. Twice comes there often for a meal and company that won’t look at him funny for talking to himself, Mr. Compress is bound and determined to get Ardyn to be surprised by one of his magic tricks (never works, because unlike Compress Ardyn can do LITERAL MAGIC). Magne is not a regular, but still shows up once in a blue moon because Ardyn’s illegal clinic is probably better stocked than most legal ones at this point (people tend to trade his treatment for actual medicine and equipment, Ardyn never asks where they get it).

-Dabi is the last to be picked up. He is also how Ardyn’s increasing collection of strays first learn about Ardyn’s superhealing factor when he TAKES Dabi’s fresh, weeping burns onto himself and they heal over in minutes, leaving both of them unscarred (or mostly so, Ardyn’s skin will always have faint ripple marks where the burns were). It is also around this time that, coincidentally, people start gunning for Endeavor and trying to make his life miserable. Because Adagium hates him and is plotting to end him, so clearly that’s their cue, right?

-The rest of Endeavor’s kids vanish in the middle of the night. No one in the police or pro heroes can find them.

-Far away in a little, unnoticed restaurant bar, Dabi holds his siblings tight and promises they are never going to have to suffer That Man again. Ardyn rests gentle hands on Shōto’s face and whispers that everything will be okay even as his skin bubbles and boils into an ugly burn before healing over with the faintest scars.

-Moving on from Ardyn’s growing collection of strays (that will keep growing so keep an eye on that):

-Ardyn doesn’t get the whole quirk thing. Or the whole superhero society thing. If something needs doing and it suits him then he shall do it, none of this Symbol of Peace nonsense.

-Yes, he said nonsense. The Symbol of Peace is nonsense and only setting society up to fall apart when this All Might fellow either gets too powerful and is made to take a fall or when he finally picks a fight he can’t win.

-Ardyn says as much to Toshinori Yagi, the nice civilian man who wandered into Ardyn’s bar without knowing who is running it. The man sputters a bit and asks why he thinks so, Ardyn just laughs and laughs and laughs until there is something unnerving about the sound and Ardyn has to stop and catch his breath. Blue eyes flicker gold as Ardyn murmurs that he’s seen it happen before.

-Somehow, Toshinori thinks this strange, eccentric barkeep doesn’t mean as a bystander.

-Ardyn meets Aizawa while Aizawa is on the hunt for Adagium, they eyeball each other like wary cats before Ardyn decides that this angry hobo hero is His Now and invites the man over for food. Aizawa declines. Ardyn casually slings Aizawa over his shoulder and carts him in anyway before Aizawa can think to retaliate.

-Ardyn is highly amused to learn that Hobo Man is after the Adagium. Good luck with that, truly, best of fortune.

-So, for those of you paying attention, Ardyn’s count of Heroes He Has Adopted is officially up to 2, even if he pretends not to notice the first one (pretends. Because he knows exactly who Toshi is, come ON it’s not that hard, they have the same voice and smile and everything).

-Ardyn’s kids grow up with his scathing political commentary and one foot in both legal and illegal worlds. Some of them (Tenko, Dabi, Toga, Spinner) decide that they’re gonna make a League to show the world how dumb its being. A League of Villains! (”League of Vigilante’s sounds more appropriate for your chosen activities, Tenko Mine-” “VILLAINS. WE ARE VILLAINS NOW.” “Alright then, will all villains in the room please wash up for supper?”)

-Ardyn finds Hitoshi and decides he’s not quite qualified for this one.

-Aizawa wakes up from another rare session of being black-out to find Ardyn cheerfully tearing up his apartment to make it more “child suitable”. Child WHAT. Child suitable. For your child.

-MY WHAT.

-Ardyn calmly holds out the adoption papers that have Aizawa’s signature on all of them, perfectly legible because the man is a little too good at pretending he isn’t stone drunk, and then gestures to the sad-eyed, skeptical boy with purple hair in the corner. Ardyn smiles (reads: threatens with killing intent) and says that he’s sure Aizawa will take his new responsibilities seriously (read: you’d better or you’re next on my hitlist).

-Aizawa, never one to go back on his word, has a kid now I guess.

-Shōto comes home one day with a bby Izuku in tow and Ardyn is charmed beyond all words over the boy. He’s so Smol! And Smart! Lookit his little brain firing away! Upon hearing the boy is developing All The Esteem Issues because of his bullying and quirklessness, Ardyn stares off into space for a long time, acknowledges that he’s a sap, and then soothingly tells Izuku that some quirks just come in late, why, Ardyn’s came in late too! Just give it a few days. Then he pats Izuku on the head and uses the motion to disguise the teeny tiny fragment of magic he splits off from his own and gives to this boy who deserves better.

-Izuku comes back two days later, crying for joy and with sparkling green magic dripping from his fingertips. Ardyn exclaims in “surprise” over the similarity of their quirks and offers to teach him. Izuku accepts and after some sweet-talking to Inko, Ardyn gets to mold this tiny genius boi as he pleases to both be proud of himself and his “quirk” AND to fight quirkless as much as possible because “tactics, my boy, take them by surprise!”

-Also then he figures out that he didn’t just lend Izuku magic because this world is funky like that, he genuinely gave it away which counts as LC adoption rituals so OOPS GUESS WHO HAS A BLOOD SON NOW.

-Oh well.

-Toshi and Izuku get along like a house on fire whenever Toshi comes over for a hot meal and Ardyn is pretty content with his brood and his handiwork against Endeavor (who by this point has been exposed as an abuser and put in jail for a long time HAH). Toshi ... pointedly doesn’t ask why several of his kids look like Endeavor. Nope. Not asking. They get their red hair from Ardyn, clearly.

-Of course, all of this casual wrecking of canon attracts the attention of AfO, who is not happy about the competition. He shows up at one point, all suave and intimidating because he is immortal and older than anyone alive and smarter too and-

-Ardyn laughs in his face.

-Baby.

-Bby playing at immortal.

-You think two centuries or so makes you hot stuff? You think stolen quirks makes you special? You think you can come into Ardyn’s territory and threaten his kids and get away with it because you’re ... a little older than the average human being? Ardyn leans close and smiles as AfO tries and fails to steal a quirk that doesn’t exist to be stolen, his Scourge face leaking into existence as he purrs that AfO should’ve minded his own business a little more than he minded others.

-AfO came prepared for a quirk. He did not come prepared for the combined might of 2k year old LC magic and abilities of a Scourge the world has never, and will never, see.

-It’s not even a fight.

-Adagium makes the news again when a body is found hanging from a high tower, torn apart as if by dozens upon dozens of blades, the corpse pinned in place by a spear that dissolves into red sparks upon the police touching it, leaving behind only a note that gets leaked to the media and goes viral.

-Dear World, refrain from touching my stuff, and you won’t end up like this man. Sincerely, Adagium.

-Not the most menacing letter until you considering the delivery method.

-Toshinori has to sit there and have a Moment upon the news that the man who murdered Nana is already dead by someone else’s hand and they have no idea when the fight went down. Because surely there was a fight, right? AfO had been centuries old and with dozens upon dozens of quirks. Who could possibly have brought him down when Nana, the then-wielder of OfA could not???

-Ardyn gently pats Toshi’s shoulder through the breakdown. There there. I’m sure you’ll figure out the culprit eventually, you’re a smart man Toshi. There there.

-Also Kurogiri shows up not long after that entire debacle looking for a new job because his old one got murdered and Adagium seems like an efficient dude. Ardyn is always happy for more hands on deck in wrangling the kids, and this one has warping powers. Welcome aboard Kurogiri.

[southsidestory]

you have bipolar disorder? how did you get to that conclusion? did you go to a doctor? i don’t want to self diagnose but i’ve read up on it a lot and it seems like my grandfather, father, and i have it. its made life super difficult. I even stopped writing ff bc when i posted, people wouldn’t understand how depressive episode make you not want to do anything for literal months at a time and would berate me for not updating 1/2

2/2 and my family is Mexican so they believe that mental illness is an American Thing, so i cant really go to them for help, and i wouldn’t even know where to begin with a doctor. what was your experience with it?

I did go to a psychiatrist, yes, but I had been experiencing symptoms since I was 12. I was 26 when I was finally correctly diagnosed. Before that I’d been misdiagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder) and put on a cocktail of meds that mostly made me worse. Being correctly diagnosed is hugely important, and I highly recommend that someone see a psychiatrist rather than self diagnosing. 

But. Not everyone has the privilege of easy access to a psychiatrist, and it sounds like you’re in that category. And I can say from personal experience that I knew I was bipolar before I was diagnosed, because it runs in my family and my symptoms were astoundingly obvious by that point. Since you asked, I’ll tell you about my experience.

As I said, I started experiencing bipolar symptoms when I was a kid. I also have PTSD and GAD, and my anxiety has been with me all my life, but my depression started when I was 12. A nurse practitioner put me on the antidepressant Lexapro, which made me worse--because antidepressants don’t work for bipolar people. Our brains aren’t wired for it. So I quit taking Lexapro and didn’t attempt to treat my mental illness with medicine for the next ten years. 

I also started having hypomanic episodes as a young teenager, but I didn’t recognize them for what they were. I wouldn’t sleep for days and I’d be highly productive and feel great, so why would I complain about that or think it’s a problem? But the longer I went untreated the more severe my episodes became and the longer they lasted, and by the time I hit my 20s I was in a really bad place. Depressed 85% of the time, hypomanic 10% (although I didn’t know that’s what it was), and “normal” about 5%. My depressive episodes often lasted for months at a time, briefly broken by a week or two of hypomania, after which I’d plummet right back into depression.

I went to a psychiatric nurse practitioner when I was 22. He assumed I was depressed and put me on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. That mostly made me worse. The only thing that ever really worked was Abilify, which is an atypical antipsychotic shockingly used to treat bipolar disorder. That really should have been a fucking clue, but I went improperly diagnosed for another four years.

Being on a cocktail of the wrong meds made me worse, which led me to stop taking my meds cold turkey, which is always a bad idea. In April 2016 I had a horrible mixed episode, although I didn’t understand what it was then. For those who don’t know, a mixed episode is when someone is manic and depressed at the same time, and it’s pure hell. During my episode, I broke up with my partner right before our first wedding anniversary, quit my job, and almost committed suicide. (Then I moved back home and my mom promptly died, but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms.)

Fortunately my partner and I got back together, and they helped me figure out what was going on. They’re also bipolar, but unlike me they were diagnosed as a kid, and our symptoms presented differently so that’s probably why neither of us saw it for a long time.

I finally saw a psychiatrist at the beginning of 2017, and I went in already knowing what I was going to hear. My mom had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder a couple of years before she died, so I knew it ran in my family. My symptoms had worsened significantly and my hypomania had finally become so distinct and unhealthy that it couldn’t be overlooked anymore.

None of my previous health care providers had ever asked me, “What do you feel like when you’re at your happiest?” If they had, it would have probably been obvious that I suffer from bipolar disorder, not unipolar depression. Because my “happiest” looks like extreme periods of creative productivity, days or weeks of insomnia, and some very bad decision making lol. Usually followed by a crash landing back into depression.

So I guess that’s my question for you. What do you feel like when you’re at your happiest? If your “up” periods sound like hypomania or mania, which I’m sure you’ve read about, then yeah there’s a good chance you’re bipolar. :/

And if you are bipolar, I cannot stress enough how important it is to get proper medication. I don’t want to scare you, but something like 20% of bipolar people die from committing suicide. And those are just the successful ones; the number who attempt, sometimes multiple times, is much higher. This is an extremely dangerous, disabling, potentially deadly illness. Although you can learn helpful coping strategies in therapy, and a good support system is also very important, the #1 thing you need to treat bipolar disorder is medication. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that, for 99% of us, cannot be effectively managed without mood stabilizers and/or antipsychotics. Every bipolar person I know (my mom, my aunt, my partner, and one of my friends) didn’t get better until they were on meds, and it was the same for me.

All this to say, if you suspect you’re bipolar, I encourage you to do every single thing in your power to get to a psychiatrist. I’d like to say your family might come around, but if you say they believe mental illness is an “American Thing” then I believe you. In which case, you need to advocate for yourself now and worry about their opinions later. Assuming you’re an adult, which I’m *really* hoping you are. If you’re a minor, that makes this much harder.

When you say you’re Mexican, I don’t know if you mean you’re living in Mexico or living in the US. If Mexico, I can’t point you toward resources, but if you happen to live in the US, most major cities have FQHCs (federally qualified health centers), which are aimed at serving poor people, and many of which provide mental health care services.

If you do have access to a psychiatrist, I can give you some pointers on what to do before your first appointment. I went into mine with a list of symptoms and how long I’d been experiencing them, family history of mental illness, previous medication regimens, and a summary of my trauma. When I handed it over to my psychiatrist she was like “Well it’s quite clear that you’re bipolar. I’m sorry you’ve been misdiagnosed for so long.”

If you’re comfortable DMing me, please feel free. Regardless, I hate to hear that you’re struggling, but I do want you to know that things can get better. I honestly feel like I lost the years between age 12 and 26, because I spent them so miserable, but since getting properly medicated my life has turned around completely. I want to see that happen for you too, nonny.

[tiefighters]

Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #1 - Alyssa Wong Interview

In Star Wars, there are heroes like Jedi and rebel princesses. There are villains like Sith and slimy crimelords.

And then there’s Doctor Aphra. She’s found herself on the side of freedom one moment and saving the Emperor’s life the next. The rogue archaeologist has a tendency to walk — and sometimes trip over — a moral line between right and wrong, all depending on how she benefits. And that’s how Alyssa Wong, writer of Marvel’s new Doctor Aphra ongoing series coming April 2020, likes it.

“I think Aphra is a delight. She’s out for herself, for fun and profit, and that drives her actions more than any internal moral compass,” Wong tells StarWars.com. “It makes her really fun to write! Aphra acts according to her whims and desires, which gives her an edge of unpredictability. But the second you think you’ve got her number, she chooses to do something that leaves her vulnerable — whether that’s an unexpected moment of nobility or bitter betrayal. No matter which side Aphra’s currently on, you can count on her to be deeply selfish. And that’s what I love the most about her.”

Last we saw her, Doctor Aphra was heading for the stars with what was left of her fan-favorite murder-droid friends. She outsmarted Darth Vader once again, doing something uncharacteristically generous and hacking into the Empire’s database to erase files pertaining to the Rebellion’s new base on Hoth. The usually-not-so-good doctor also arranged it so that those closest to her — her father, her ward, and her on again/off again girlfriend — were safe and together on the ice planet, where they could take care of each other. But this being Doctor Aphra, she can’t stay that quiet, or that good, for long. That’s where Wong’s new series, set after the events of Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, begins.

“After a streak of bad luck, Doctor Chelli Aphra is back, hunting for a score big enough to change her fortunes for good,” the writer says. “So when she hears rumors of an incredibly valuable ancient artifact, she can practically hear the credits pouring into her lap. Crafted by an ancient group of artisans called The Architects of Vaale, the Rings of Vaale are the last relic of a long-forgotten secret society. They’re a priceless piece of history. They’ll make Aphra rich.” She assembles a team of unlikely treasure hunters — including an old flame or two — to help track down the artifacts. “There are only two problems,” Wong says. “First, legend has it that the Rings are cursed. Located on a planet covered in ash, it’s said that they hold an entire ancient city in their thrall. Few explorers have returned alive, and none of them sane. Second, there’s another party interested in the artifacts: Ronen Tagge, a spoiled scion of the powerful, illustrious Tagge family. He collects rare, beautiful objects for the sole purpose of destroying them. And now he has his eye on the Rings of Vaale.” This sets Aphra and her motley crew on a collision course with Ronen’s goons, and off on a race to recover the artifact first. The series is illustrated by Marika Cresta, colored by Rachelle Rosenberg, and sports covers by Valentina Remenar.

Remenar’s cover for issue #1, revealed above, offers a glimpse of the new faces in Aphra’s crew: clockwise from the lower right, that’s Doctor Eustacia Okka (beneath Wookiee bounty hunter Black Krrsantan), following a look at Ronen himself is Detta Yao, and finally, Just Lucky. “Doctor Eustacia Okka is a disgraced professor, and unfortunate events cast doubt on the veracity of her research,” explains Wong. “Curt, cold, and obsessed, she believes that finding the Rings of Vaale will vindicate her. Eustacia and Aphra were classmates, but their relationship has long since soured.” Sounds about right.

“Detta Yao is a graduate student studying archaeology at the Shadow University,” says Wong. “Cheerful, sweet, and bubbly, she hires Aphra to help her find the Rings of Vaale so she can write her thesis. Detta reminds Aphra of her younger self.” But Wong teases that there may be a dark side to this ray of sunshine. Still, she may be the only member of the crew who doesn’t have a past with Aphra, which is probably a good thing.

“Just Lucky is a handsome smuggler and assassin,” Wong says. “Laid-back and dangerous, he’s in it for the money, not the glory. Lucky and Aphra have worked together, as well as against each other, on different jobs before, but neither of them ever takes it personally.” Altogether, it sounds like a team that will have some severe and highly entertaining growing pains. But there is a very important question: are the murder droids along for the ride?

“I can’t give you all of my secrets!” Wong teases. “But rest assured, they’re out there. Somewhere close. Waiting.”

This relaunch comes on the heels of very successful runs by Kieron Gillen, who co-created the character, and Si Spurrier, who took the reins from Gillen on the first Doctor Aphra ongoing series. “I admire their work on Doctor Aphra a lot,” Wong says. “Kieron Gillen built the groundwork for the series, and his Aphra is sly, dangerous, and emotionally complex. And I dig the thrilling, unsettling, and heartbreaking direction that Si Spurrier took us, with an Aphra who has to face the messy consequences of her actions. They’ve left some pretty big shoes to fill. Luckily, the team I’ve been working with at Lucasfilm and Marvel has been a fantastic help, and I’m excited to share what we’ve come up with.” While Aphra has been a breakout star in Marvel’s Star Wars comics — even making the jump to action-figure form — a #1 represents a chance to expand her audience even further. For her part, Wong hopes that her take on the shady archaeologist has a wide appeal. “Aphra’s setting off on a new adventure with a new crew, so if you’re new to the series, this would be a great time to jump in,” Wong says. “Of course, there’s a lot for folks who are already fans, too. But it’s important to me that this arc is accessible to everyone, whether you’ve never picked up a Doctor Aphra comic book before or it’s a favorite on your pull list.”

From the sounds of it, there’s a good chance that Wong’s Doctor Aphra will become a favorite of many. And the writer is having a great time telling this new (mis)adventure. “Aphra is just so much fun,” she says. “She’s got a ton of personality and brings chaos to every situation she steps into. You want to follow her, because you never know what’s going to happen. Sometimes, she’s a hero. Sometimes, she’s a villain. She’s clever and hyper-competent, impulsive and arrogant, and her personal life is a flaming wreck. What’s not to love?”

Check out a gallery of artist Marika Cresta’s character studies below!

Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #1 arrives in April of 2020.

[mysaldate]

!!! Similar to what you did with Kamanue (the babiest baby of all babies) could you please write a mini analysis/general hcs for Susamaru? I love her so much

@kimetsuno-yaiba-imagines This probably isn’t you but I’m writing about your girl so I thought I’d tag you. Sorry if I don’t do her justice!

So this is then the third in the General + Past headcanon series! I’ll link the other two at the end of this post just in case anyone is interested in my takes on the others.

General Susamaru headcanons

I’ll open it up with the obvious this time. You would hardly find a more playful demon than Maru-chan. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like playing with her, if she says you will, you don’t have the right to refuse. If you try that, she will make sure you know why it’s a bad idea. You will be lucky if you live to get another chance.

It doesn’t even matter all that much whether it would be playing with the temari or with something else, though if you choose the former, she will be much more pleased. But she will also enjoy other outdoor activities. Sports, of course, are her strongest suit.

She is quite good at most calmer activities as well. Most board games are a-ok with her. She doesn’t appreciate long strategy-based games though so don’t bother asking her for a game of chess. The most you would get out of her is playing for a few minutes before she would start flinging the pawns at you.

Karaoke. Take her to a karaoke night and you’re about to witness a real monster. You thought you took a cute girl out for a date? Hah! This cute girl will utterly destroy you no matter what song you pick. She can do anything, and I mean absolutely anything, from opera to metal, her vocal range is just as impressive as her football skills.

Despite all of this, she will still enjoy it when you call her cute – even if she won’t tell you. She might scoff and deny it, saying she’s powerful and scary and cool but there’s really a little part deep inside her that still enjoys that for reasons I will more expand on later.

She tends to get carried away really easily. It’s not unlikely for her to receive a mission that’s supposed to be stealthy but end up entirely blowing up the place. But well, if nobody is alive to tell the tale, she did technically go unnoticed, right? It’s not like anyone can pin the blame on her if she’s quick enough to disappear before anyone can come and doesn’t leave a trace.

She has a lower pain tolerance than most other demons. Why? Not sure. But when you compare her reaction to Muzan’s curse activating to other demons’ reactions to having their heads off (Rui, Enmu, Wakuraba) or getting their whole body sliced to pieces (spider sister), she still does feel like someone who feels more than she probably should. Or it might just be because Muzan’s curse is simply THAT painful, I’ll leave this one up to you (if it is the pain tolerance, it could hint at something I will mention later on so stay tuned!). Also she actually shrieked when Yushiro punched her and that didn’t even draw blood.

Another one to really idolize and adore Muzan, as seen from her confrontation of Tamayo. While it’s true we never saw any other demon being confronted with anything like that, it’s not unlikely that few of them would react anywhere near the extent of her anger. Much like Tanjiro points out, she is very childish so it’s not completely impossible she sees Muzan as a sort of father figure as well.

I imagine she also hasn’t been a demon for a long time, and neither has Yahaba. Since they don’t seem to know about the eyeball engraving for the Demon Moons and simply believe they’re part of them because Muzan told them so, they probably haven’t met anyone higher in the hierarchy other than Muzan himself.

It’s true that they have only been put together with Yahaba for that one mission but that doesn’t rule out the possibility of them seeing each other before. Naturally, they didn’t talk or anything since demons can’t really group up together for the most part. But it is possible they have at least a little idea about each other’s abilities as well. After all, Tokyo is only so big, it’s highly unlikely they would never run into each other.

She is a surprisingly humble girl for someone of her flashiness. After all, she doesn’t mind Yahaba giving her instructions and even though she clearly finds his worries about dust to be ridiculous, she never puts him down for it. They don’t really bicker either, nor do we ever see him complaining he didn’t support her enough. Oh and let’s not forget she didn’t really think there was a house being hidden and just acted on Yahaba’s orders during the first attack. And she did admit he was right. She also has no issues recognizing Nezuko’s strength. She’s really not a proud girl, just very very dedicated and certain they could win since Muzan trusts in them enough to give such an important mission to them.

Susamaru backstory headcanons

I’ll start, again, by the type of background I see her growing up in. This time, I am quite sure it was a rich family. Not insanely rich but the colour of her kimono as well as the colourful sash were usually a sign of power, influence, money. Not to mention the stripped inner yukata she wears, they’re usually made in plain colours unless you want to show you can afford better. She also has what appears to be pearl earrings, those would without a doubt be expensive. And even if they’re not pearls, the fact she’s the only demon in the series to wear earrings (and the only character aside from Tanjiro’s family) seems to hint on something because as we’ve already estabilished, the past has a lot to do with a demon’s clothes.

But don’t get the wrong idea, they weren’t rich by inheritance or family fortune, both her parents worked very hard to make that kind of money. It’s probable they owned a large company, possibly with an overseas branch (remember the story of KNY is set in early 1910′s so she would become a demon some time before that) that kept them busy most of the time.

Another option is that they might even be a samurai family, just a lesser known one than Kokushibo’s, a smaller clan if you will. And possibly did some business too because by then, it was no longer very benefitial to just be a samurai since the industrialization and all.

Either way, they had little to no time for her. And she didn’t have any siblings. She saw her mother more than her father who was practically absent from her life. This lead to her often being very lonely. And that’s not even mentioning her tomboyish tendencies that caused the girls from her neighbourhood not to want to play with her. Girls playing with boys was being frowned upon, especially since she came from an influential family.

Basically, she needed to be a “proper lady” regardless of whether she wanted to or not simply not to bring shame to her family. She hated it, naturally, but there was little she could do about it. It didn’t get better when she got older.

She might have had a cat. Since temaris are often used to play with them, maybe the cat was the only companion she had. I feel like she’s the type who’d pick up a stray kitten and then refuse to give it up even when her parents (or mother since her dad was never home) were against it. She might have even pulled the “You don’t have time for me so let me have this” card.

She wasn’t even the age to get married yet and people around were already saying she would never find anyone. A lot of them mentioned she’s just not cute, not suited to be a wife, not womanly enough, too wild, too loud, not gentle enough. Her mom often cried over that and it made Maru-chan feel kinda bad. Still, it was a part of herself and she didn’t want to give it up.

She has first met Muzan when she was still quite a little kid. She was hanging out around the house after the sun has gone down, playing with her cat when he walked by. Being the mischievous and fearless kid she was, she threw the temari at him, then straight-up went to ask him if he wanted to play with her.

He was quite tempted to just kill her then and there but she showed a good amount of courage by approaching him in the first place and she didn’t shrink back after seeing his red eyes. I have a feeling she might even call him cool which fluttered his ego just enough to let the little cupcake live. No, he didn’t play with her.

It wasn’t too long before the troubles of owning a large corporation caught up to them. Her mother ran away with a lover who paid her more attention than her husband and Maru-chan was left alone with their few house servants and her always busy father. In hopes to make it up to her, her father started giving her many presents, such as the afforementioned earrings but, naturally, none of that could really replace the human contact she needed (I imagine she could be some 10-12).

Now for the theory regarding pain tolerance. My theory is that a demon’s ability to tolerate pain grows based on how old they were when they were turned and how much blood have they received over time as well as the number of humans they have devoured. For example, Rui was turned at a very young age but he is a Lower Moon, he received a large amount of blood and he devoured a lot of people, thus, he was able to cut his own head off without much any issue. Rui’s spider mother, however, didn’t receive that much blood and most likely didn’t devour nearly as many people as he did. As a result, both Rui and the spider father could easily cause her a lot of pain. The spider sister was turned into a demon when she was older than her and she ate a fair share of humans so even when Rui cut her body to pieces, she was able to pick herself up rather quickly and run off with just a few hisses. As for where does Maru-chan come in, we know she received a fair amount of Muzan’s blood because she says so to Yahaba. In spite of this, Yushiro’s punch is enough to make her scream out and Muzan’s curse hurts her to the point of tears even before ripping through her. So my explanation for this is, she was turned into a demon at a young age and she didn’t eat that many humans.

Basically, I believe that after her mom left, she no longer had anyone to spend time with in her house, nobody who would care for her. So after her kitty inevitably left this world, she was all alone. This is around the second time she ran into Muzan. And it was she who recognized him before he could recognize her. Once more, she ran up to him, this time not asking to play but rather asking why was he there.

She was very contact starved, alright? Chatting with him was the closest she got to a proper talk since her mom left. And he didn’t really have anything more important to do back then so he suffered through her complaining about her life. She certainly had a lot of bitterness inside of her at that point and she still had that childish courage from when they first met. And she was also just desperate enough that when he asked if she wanted to go with him, she nodded to it without a second thought.

One of the main reasons she admires Muzan so much is that he was the first person to fully accept her. He took her in when her own mother ran away and her father couldn’t care less as long as she didn’t bother him.

The reason she doesn’t look that young is simply because, as mentioned, some demons can shapeshift. Her powers are far from as impressive as Muzan’s but she can at least alter her physical age slightly. Seeing as Muzan can shapeshift to the point where he changes even his own aura and even his fellow demons have troubles recognizing him makes her strive to be like him. The fact that she can do just a speck of what he can is what draws her closer to him. And also why that final betrayal when she gets killed by his curse hurts so much more than just physically.

Previous demons in this series: Kamanue | Enmu

Wow, these things are getting longer and longer the more of them I do xD

[razorblade180]

Sunshower 4

Our unlikely trio find themselves sitting on a patio with umbrellas blocking the afternoon sunset. A table seperates Neptune from Sun and Ilia who sit on the other side with menus in their hand. It isn’t long before a teenaged boy in a casual waiter uniform approaches them. He waves with one hand as his rat tail grabs the notepad and paper out of apron pocket.

Neptune:*whispers* I’m not the only one who thinks a rat faunus working in a restaurant is in poor taste?

Ilia*kicks him* Are you assuming he’s dirty? What’s next, a faunus with mosquitos features can’t grow up and be a veterinary?

Sun:Shut up, he’s getting closer... What’s up dude!!

Dan:Nothing much, my name is Dan and I’ll be your server. Anything you need just ask me and I’ll let our head chef Remi know; you guys ready to order?

Neptune:Uhhh I think we all need a few more minutes.

Dan:That’s fine, I can get your drinks now.

Sun:Iced Peach Tea

Neptune:Blueberry lemonade

Ilia:Is it happy hour yet?

Sun and Neptune:*stare at her*...........

Ilia:Ugh fine, iced mango tea.

Dan:Done and done! *walks off*

Ilia:Can you scoot over? I’m practically falling out the seat and I want to rest my arm.

Sun:We could switch spots!

Ilia:I’m using you to block the sunlight so there’s no glare on the menu.

Neptune:*snorts* Are you to short for the umbrella to-

Ilia:I’ll kick you again....

Sun:*slides over*be nice you two.

Neptune:I can’t believe you asked if it was happy hour. What even is the drinking age here?

Ilia:Honestly as long as you’re not a kid and you’ve seen some stuff, people don’t mind letting you get a drink or two.

Neptune:No offense but you look like you’d get carded for the rest of your life. I can imagine people think you’re pretty young.

Ilia:That looks bad on you since you’ve flirted with me. “Super tall dude flirts unapologetically to any girl in his sight knows no limits.” I can see the headline now.

Neptune:.......*gets a chill* Yeah I don’t need that kind of attention in my life.

Sun:You flirted with Weiss, another short girl that makes her look younger than she is. Maybe you have a type.

Neptune:Everyone knows my type is beautiful women. Tall, short, big, small, if I’m into you then I’m into you. *chuckles* which means I probably also want to get into you.

Ilia:Please don’t ruin my appetite. *reading* food is the only thing I’m looking forward to today now.

Neptune:Uhhh this entire Island is gonna be a giant party the moment that sunlight is gone and those dust infused flags you put up start shining.

Ilia:My part mood is ruined.......

Neptune:*looks at Sun* Can you help me out here?

Sun:Actually, I’m not really feeling-

Neptune:Wrong answer! Blake is expecting to have a grand time with the two people who helped her topple an organization filled with blood thirsty terroist.

Ilia:Ahem......

Neptune:What? You stabbed Sun with no hesitation right?

Ilia:I have half a mind to-

Dan:Here are the drinks! *hands them out* Ready to order?

Neptune:Fish and Chips Platter with steak fries.

Sun:Shrimp basket, also replace the fries with more shrimp, but then give me an extra order of fries.

Everyone:.........

Sun:*red* I like shrimp.....

Ilia:Double Cheeseburger, seasoned fries, and double the fries.

Dan:Got it! *walks away*

Neptune:You know eating because your sad is-

Sun and Ilia:*Glare......*

Neptune:.........

Neptune:*sips drink* Gee all that decorating made you both really hungry. Hehehehe this lemonade is great. In all seriousness however, This party should have nothing but happy faces from everyone; especially the guest of honor.

Ilia:I’m sure her new girlfriend won’t have a problem managing that. *folds her arms*

No one spoke for a minute after that. Neptune didn’t look like it but he was in fact treading lightly with this conversation in his own way. Sun wasn’t hard to read when it came to his feelings over this thanks to their friendship; watching Ilia’s not so subtle body reactions was pretty was almost too easy. It didn’t help her that these reactions were being caused by Blake as well. Finding the write words to break the silence was tricky, but fortunately he didn’t have to. The moment Ilia took a sip of tea her face scrunched up slid it away.

Neptune:Uhhhh are you okay?

Ilia:Blegh!!! That isn’t mango....

Sun:*sips his* This one definitely is. Honest mistake getting them crisscrossed. *switches drinks around*

Neptune:Who has that type of reaction over peach tea?

Ilia:Someone who was ready for the taste of mango. They put way too much syrup in there.

Sun:*about to sip* That’s why you stir your drink before-

Ilia:Wait.....

Sun:Hmmm?

Ilia:*swaps their straws* that’s better....

Sun:Really? Was it gonna bother you that much.

Ilia:I’m not using the same straw as you. Who knows where your mouth has bee-

Sun:.............

Ilia:Okay that’s a weak response at the moment. It’s still gross; I don’t need your germs.

Neptune:💡!!!! But Ilia aren’t you planning on cutting loose tonight?

Dan:Food is done! Enjoy....*passes it out*

Ilia:What is rattling in that head of yours? *eating fries*

Neptune:Oh nothing, I just thought a single and awesome women such as yourself would love a giant event like this. Music, tons of prettt girls, good drinks that everyone will probably be passing around for free, dancing, and you know... a chance to show Blake- no....to show Yang and Blake that you’re the shit.

Ilia:Are you telling me to make them jealous or something? *grabbing burger*

Neptune:Not specifically; just show them how much fun and happy you are without having to constantly be around them. Walk up and be all friendly of course but let Blake see you’re not here for her. It’s a party and you both just happen to be there.

Sun:The party is for Blake.......

Neptune:Shut up! You know what I mean. Don’t let her be the center of your attention you two. Walk up to her with other friends and stuff. That shouldn’t be hard right Ili- what the what?

Ilia:What?

Neptune:What happened to all your food?

Ilia:*looking at an empty plate* I ate all the food on it obviously. Should’ve gotten more fries....

Sun:.......*dumps half his fries on her plate*

Ilia:*happily eating*

Neptune and Sun:(Geez where does all that go?)

Sun:Anyways..... I don’t think that’s a good idea. Alcohol and romantic rivalry plans sound like a poor combination. Especially when one of us still isn’t seen in the best light.

He had a pretty good point. Even with all the help Ilia is doing for Menagerie, some citizens are still put off by her. Especially the captain of the police she regularly still has to touch base with just for the sake of keeping up appearances. Yet, the idea of cutting loss was something that was really interesting to say the least.

Ilia:I’ll just do all the meet and greet stuff before I actually start drinking. Also it’s not like I’ll have an empty stomach by tonight; actually that might be bad....

Dan:Would any of you like dessert?

Neptune:I think we’re-

Sun:A vanilla milkshake please.

Dan:*thumps up*

Neptune:I’m starting to think we should split the bill by who how much we actually ate.

Ilia:Nice try but no.

Sun:Just worry about the tip and I’ll handle the rest Neptune.

Ilia:*snickers* Wow I didn’t know you two were that close.

Neptune:I always have Sun’s tip covered.

Sun:Yeah it’s how this relationship works.

Ilia:.......You two are no fun to tease.

Neptune:You are not the first and won’t be the last to make those jokes. Scarlet would love meeting you.

Sun:Sage would probably love meeting her too if she eats this much. So is all your weight going to your hair or....?

Ilia:You’re just jealous I can eat what I want when I want.

Neptune:Except for Blake *sips lemonade*

Ilia:..........

Neptune:Too soon? That was too soon. *stands up. Well I gotta go get ready for tonight. I don’t have the luxury of still having a guest room in Blake’s house or jumping from roof to roof to reach the inn I barely remember the shape of. *tosses money down* seriously you two, make the most of tonight and don’t stress this whole thing too much. From what Kali told me, this celebration already looks like it could last a month. People really party here like uhhhh.... ummm

Ilia:Stop being scared, no one is gonna best you up for saying party animals.

Sun:Ghira might, please do not say that too loud or at all just to be safe.

Neptune:Noted......*leaves*

Ilia:Stop ruining my fun. Watching him trying not to offend anyone is great.

Sun:Be nice, he’s my best friend. He could be yours too.

Ilia:Gross...

Sun:Oh come on, he’s actually a great guy. Don’t let all the dumb things he says fool you. *smiles* his heart is in the right place.

There was something about that smile that was a little familiar to Ilia. The way he spoke so highly of his friend felt like there was a genuine since of admiration or bond between the two. Neptune was actually a big help to her finding Sun and the boy did seem to try to help both of them in earnest. There wasn’t even a single time he actually attempted to flirt with her just now. Maybe she should ease up on him if only just a little.

Ilia:If you say so, I’ll keep that in mind.

Dan:Here’s the milkshake and receipt. Do you both need one straw or two?

Ilia???........Oh! No we’re not a.....this is all him right here. I’m just here on business.

Dan:My mistake you two just sort of seemed.... yeah. *walks away*

Ilia:Sort of seemed what?

Sun:This is what happens when you want more room on the bench. People make assumptions.

Ilia:Oh whatever, you just hate being my personal sun blocker. You gonna follow Neptune’s advice.

Sun:*shrugs* I’m sure when the time comes I’ll find a way to not be awkward; definitely don’t want to ruin her night and I know you don’t either.

Ilia:*groans* Maybe, maybe not. We don’t have an obligation to keep her happy.

Sun:No but it’s the right thing to do as her friend.

Ilia:A friend wouldn’t have strung you along or mislead you when it comes to emotions. Aren’t you upset at her even in the slightest? It’s like she.........*holds her tongue*

For a moment her skin turns red before her whole body turns gray. Her lip is slightly quivering and she starts slouching.

Sun:What does gray mean? This like the third time I’ve seen it.

Ilia:It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.

Sun:You know you can open up to me right? We’re in the same-

Ilia:Don’t say we’re in the same boat because we’re not okay!?

Sun:......

Ilia:*changes back* I’m sorry I yelled. I’m sorry I keep yelling at you. This is just something that I’m not too comfortable talking with.

Sun:No need to explain yourself to me. Just trying to be friend is all. *puts money the table* Honestly I need walk around a bit and get into a good mindset too. I’ll see you at the party maybe?

Ilia:Yeah......probably.....

Sun:Cool, there’s still milkshake left if you want any.

She gets up so he has an easier time getting out. As she sits back he waves goodbye and his tail mimics the sway of his hand. It got real quiet with her now just sitting there alone, staring at half a milkshake. Now would’ve been a good time to call Dan over and get that second straw but he was busy with other customers. Honestly germs and little things like that were the least of her worries right now. Still it bothered just the tiniest piece of her and the tea straw wasn’t big enough to deal with the dense dessert. Drinking right out the cup was bound to end in with whipped cream and frozen milk all over her face.

Ilia:.........Oh to hell with it. *sips milkshake* Huh, this is pretty good.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

[whetstonefires]

Same anon as Seph anon, thanks for answering my ask! Ahahaha I really did go a little wild with the chance to ask one of my favorite authors about one of my favorite characters... so, here's a more restrained version of that for another one of my faves I guess cause it's just a pleasure reading your responses. Tifa Lockhart. 4 (because i see her as kind of a person who'd be into the idea of romance?), 5, 14, 18, and 20.

Oh well hey again! Glad you liked the last one. Aww, thank you. 💗 Enthusiasm is always nice. More opinions by me, then! ^^

4. Best places to kiss on their body

Haha I agree Tifa’s a romantic in both the general and narrow senses but ooh, spicy. 😆 Hm.

I think Tifa would like kissed...just below the corner of her mouth, and on the insides of her forearms, and in her palms and knuckles because her hands are so much of her, and would be so easy to see as things that don’t need or deserve tenderness because of their power. And on her hip, at the outside hinge, just below where her belt rests in her main outfit.

5. Guilty pleasures

Unlike Sephiroth, Tifa does guilt a lot. She’s also a lot better than he ever was at pleasure. Both are highly contextual. They change.

More than once, it’s been Cloud. When she was fifteen and sick with feeling trapped in this dead-end town, her promise with that awkward boy next door who’d acquired a certain mystique through his standoffishness and big dream was a vehicle for fantasy that she’d have been mortified if anyone suspected.

When they were traveling the world and she knew something was wrong with him, with what he remembered, and she wasn’t saying anything because she was too afraid to find out what was wrong with who--she was still happy to have him there. Her person. Hers. Leaned into enjoying it more than she would have, if she hadn’t felt like it was going to be snatched away, somehow.

When she first lived in Midgar, it was pain, and blood on her knuckles. She went looking for fights, in those first months after she healed up from Masamune, and the slums had plenty on offer. She knew it was a waste of herself and her training, a stupid risk and a cruel choice, but it was the only thing that felt real.

That was how she first came to the Heaven--not as terrorist, or potential owner, or interviewing for a position as a barmaid. She was looking for a brawl.

In the days after Meteor, it was sweets. She’s always been active enough that indulging her sweet tooth only twinged her a little on an internalized-weight-bullshit scale, but when the main engine of industry had just been crushed and there were refugees on every side and she was spending most of her waking hours trying to mitigate the suffering in the aftermath...spending outsized chunks of her share of the enormous heap of gil the team had accrued traveling the world on getting A Whole Ice Cream all to herself felt more like a crime than half the people she’d beaten to death in her time, but it was one she went ahead and committed.

14. Ingrained habits/forces of habit 

Tifa has many good and responsible habits. She does dishes promptly, without thinking twice. She does her kata every morning. She’s good at forming habits, and keeping them up.

She’s also good, of course, at habits she doesn’t want. Patterns of rumination that aren’t good for her. Habits of avoiding a subject or a problem that bothers her, until it’s a bigger problem than it started as simply for her habituated inability to confront it.

And if she doesn’t change contexts after she loses someone, it takes a long time for the habit of expecting them there to go away. She never quite stopped expecting to see Cloud when she was leading the team after the Northern Crater, and it took until after she’d spent a few days with him in Mideel to stop looking for Aerith.

18. Things they’ll never admit 

They’re mostly silly or obvious, or both. She thought Sephiroth was cool and Zack was hot, when she was sixteen. She really did believe Cloud wasn’t real, for long enough to matter, even though it was Sephiroth who said it.

There’s one that isn’t. She tries to be sorry, for everyone and everything that was lost and broken in the road to ending the old world, and she can’t. It’s sad, and she wishes it hadn’t had to happen, and she’d never have done it, but she wouldn’t wish any of it undone, if it put Shinra back in power.

Even the people she loved. Her town, her Midgar friends, Aerith. She’s given her heart to the future, and she’ll let go of everything from the past if that’s what it takes to build something new. Nibelheim was a cage for her anyway, dear as it was and dearly as it loved her. It’s easier to leave behind than she thinks it should be, now that she isn’t alone in the emptiness of its destruction, or strangled with a hopeless need for vengeance.

She has Cloud left, from those days, and that’s enough to live on.

But she thinks even Barret would give it all up, everything they have now, just to have the massacre of Corel unmade. And maybe Cid or Reeve would agree with her, but she doesn’t want them to. So she’d never tell anybody.

20. What-ifs/Alternate Timelines 

There’s a lot you could do with alternate-timeline Tifa but only three things that I’m persistently interested in.

First, she realizes she can leave town, too. Like...she clearly more than a little wanted to, and felt that she had to stay. Leaving town to seek your fortune and become a hero or whatever is only for boys. So she was living vicariously through Cloud, in canon.

The natural thing as a fic writer is for her to also try for SOLDIER, which I’ve seen done, though in character terms it’s a little less likely, assuming it’s even an option. I tend to assume Shinra only recruits men for active combat roles (which Turks technically are not even tho they actually are) because that’s what we’re shown, and while you can headcanon around that because of helmets and so on, I’ve never felt that ‘pretending the fascists aren’t as sexist as they seem’ was really a strike for women’s lib in transformative fandom? Shinra is not a positive environment. That’s a fact I’m happy to let stand.

They might make an exception if you were good enough, tho, and Tifa is very good.

Second scenario, Zangan doesn’t turn up at just the right moment to get her out of the reactor before Hojo swoops in, and she gets picked up with the rest of the survivors for the Sephiroth Copy Reunion Project. I started writing this one. It’s uh. Dark.

Third, she doesn’t wind up in Midgar. There’s suggestion in the game that Zangan brought her there to get treatment for her stab wound but it’s literally the other side of the Planet so I mostly ignore that on the basis that it’s absurd and adds nothing of value to the story, and assume she made it there on her own.

But in this AU he left her with one of his 127 other students and they bonded while she was healing up, and got into contact with some of the others who knew how to contact some of the others, and all these people knew people of their own, and Zangan-Ryu became a Mass Movement without actual Zangan’s direct involvement or support, at least not until later on.

Because I think it’s wild that this man wanders the world dropping in on his scattered collection of disciples one at a time, meaning Tifa is part of a fairly large community with whom she is not at all acquainted, and there’s potential there that I’ve never seen built into.

Tifa fomenting provincial insurrection potential. :D

[corvidry]

Tell us about your gemsona

First of all, thank you for indulging me, this was unexpected.

Secondly, a cool fun fact about me is that I struggle to create anything that could be called any kind of -sona. I’m pretty indecisive when it comes to designs that are supposed to represent me. The closest I have is probably that little bird friend I draw on everything.  I did have a moonstone design that I called my gemsona for like 5 minutes but I ended up not liking it very much. The design was kinda neat but that’s about it.

But I did have some pearl OCs back in the day when I was writing this big old au. Jokes on me half that shit is canon now lol.  I’m actually in hell bc I I wrote down a ton of lore and worldbuilding stuff for that verse that I remember really well, but I wrote hardly anything about the OCs I put in that story. I don’t remember them super well which maybe means I ought to scrap and rewrite everything for the modern era.  Here is some things I remember. Sorry if it’s uninteresting as hell. 

Pearl OCs under the cut.

One (1) Big old tired looking reddish pearl

Unusually tall for a pearl. Very long. Highly desaturated color palette. Less “conventionally beautiful” than most other pearls by Homeworld standards purely because she wasn’t made against the existing standard. She is the only known pearl in existence who was made naturally and not born of artificial means, found by gems colonizing a planet that had a lot of water on the surface. White Diamond was so enamored by this strange and beautiful type of gem that she put resources toward discovering how to cultivate pearls artificially on Homeworld. Modern pearls look a little bit different from her, but the resemblance is undeniable.  This pearl goes by “Red” most of the time in my head, primarily bc she is my only reddish pearl and because I was writing with friends who were using “Nacre” as a name already. She is held in slightly higher regard than your average pearl. She has the tiniest bit more freedom than other pearls. She is also one of the few gems every single pearl ever made knows of, as her primary job is overseeing the creation and culturing of of new pearls. She takes great pride in her work and she is generally loved and revered by the pearls who were made in her image.

One edgelord troublemaker pearl who is basically a Tahetian Pearl but if you bought it from Hot Topic

jk jk she’s a pretty sincere gem but she understands the system she lives in and really only acts out in subtle ways where she is unlikely to be caught. She’s around average height for a pearl if not slightly taller and dons a monochromatic color palette. She’s fairly high contrast, mostly in that black to white spectrum. I can’t for the life of me recall what this pearl goes by, but she’s known by other pearls for being dangerous and for engaging in risky behaviors.  Well, risky by pearl standards.

I had originally written this pearl as having a relationship with our canon Crystal Gem Pearl early in their lives when they were brand new. They lived in the nursery where pearls are made waiting to be sold into service. She considered CG Pearl to be naive but found her eccentricities entertaining. One of the ways this pearl went about getting her kicks was in trying to goad CG pearl into breaking small rules with her. Rules about talking, about being too close to another, about being too social, and about being in the wrong place for a little too long, etc. Easier to do in a crowded understaffed pearl nursery than when the two of them would eventually graduate to actual service.  They got up to a decent amount of trouble even if one party was always straying toward reluctant.

Ultimately they would have a very sweet relationship and part into service to not see each other again for thousands of years. For this pearl it becomes really jarring to learn that the extremely timid, mild mannered, well behaved pearl that she knew would be the one who went on to start the rebellion against homeworld. All this while she--the notorious rule breaker--slipped easily into a life of total submission to the system.  They cross paths again by chance and she has a sort of crisis of identity when she realizes that she doesn’t know her friend anymore and neither of them turned out how she would have expected years ago. After years of falling complacent to the system, she begins seeking subtle methods of rebellion like she did years ago.

A little tiny peach/orangey pearl who is Illegal As Hell

This is a pearl who is both fortunate and unfortunate enough to live entirely outside the system that most pearls are subject to. She doesn’t have societal freedom for all the reasons every other pearl doesn’t, but she isn’t really beholden to her owner in the same way most pearls are. She and her “owner” have a strange arrangement, all things considered. This is because she is stolen and the gem she lives with isn’t exactly making her living above board. They have a sort of unspoken agreement that as long as she doesn’t turn her owner in and does what is needed to support their lifestyle, said owner does what she can to keep the pearl comfortable and largely invisible to the powers that be. This pearl may as well not exist on paper.

This pearl is extremely emotionally distant and largely doesn’t discuss her feelings, her past, or her thought process with anybody up to and including her owner. She’s extremely hard to know, even with gems she is close to.  Because of her position as an illegal pearl she has a lot of access to other gems on the edges of society who are deviant or otherwise live counter to the system.  I recall writing a bubbly love interest for her, well-groomed pearl who is extremely loved as a companion by her owner and how has a lot of freedom. It’s not that this particular pearl was any better than most people at getting the peach pearl to open up, rather, she is the kind of person who will stay interested in you even if you’re slow to open up. Because she has such a good relationship with her owner, she has a lot of insight into the unspoken aspects of peach pearl’s relationship with her totally-not-official illegal owner.

That’s mostly what I can think of right now. Pretty sure that story also had some interesting quartzes but I remember next to nothing about them. Again, I remember mostly lore and world building stuff so AU fans hit me up for gem lore I guess.  Not sure if this is even a little bit interesting but thanks for the ask :)

[softbuckismykink]

Like a Stranger (Finally Found)

X-posted on AO3

Summary:

Evan Buckley never wanted to be a guide. Opening up empathically fucks you up. It happened to his Dad, it happened to Maddie’s ex. That’s why he chose to be numb. And he’s doing well up until for some reason their Captain decided they need another member of the team. Something is wrong with that Diaz guy. Buck is not sure what but the moment he laid eyes on the guy, there a strange feeling blooming in his chest. It must be loathing he decided. Because anything else would mean his empathic suppressants are failing and he can’t have that.

Eddie Diaz figured if throwing himself in a literal war didn’t activate his sentinel genes then there’s a high chance that it will never happen and he made peace with that fact. That’s why he moved to LA with his kid, less people knowing he’s that Diaz. The one who did not live up to the family legacy. Everything is going so well until he joined 118 and met Buck, the cute young firefighter who without a doubt hates his guts, which is really annoying Eddie because he can’t seem to find it in him to hate the guy back because every time Eddie looks at him he can’t shake this feeling that he finally found home.

Notes: Okay before you start reading please be warned that I'm a slow writer with so read at your own risk. I might update this tomorrow or it might take me a while to do it. Also this is not the fic that I'm supposed to post today but I'm not done with my firstson!Buck AU yet so here's another fic instead.

Chapter 1: What is this Feeling?

“I looked at him like a stranger, someone I’d never seen before, and he looked at me like I’d been lost to him for a thousand years and finally found.”

― Emme Rollins

*****

Evan Buckley never wanted to be a guide. Because in his experience nothing ever good happens to guides. Opening up empathically fucks you up. It happened to his Dad, it happened to Maddie’s ex, Doug. Guides equals crazy as far as Buck was concerned.

His dad was a good father up until Buck was ten and his father came online after meeting his Sentinel. After that the guide center had his father sequestered in the facility for months. And when he finally was allowed to get out six months later it was to serve his high school sweetheart and wife of eighteen years divorce papers to sign.

Doug Kendall on the hand seemed like a nice guy, at first. Doctor, rich but unassuming. Then he’ll start to open his mouth and you’d know something’s not right with the guy. Buck met Doug well Doug was already an online guide so he’s pretty much already a douchebag when he met him, and maybe that’s just Doug being Doug but Buck can’t help but think Doug is the way he is because guide instincts fucked him up.

Buck was thirteen when he started feeling emotions that he knew are not his own. He’s feeling so much anger at being betrayed, emotions that he suspected came from his mother, because that was after his dad served her the divorced papers.  Buck was afraid of being taken away from his family, from his mother and sister Maddie; like what happened to his dad. That’s why he hid. He pretended not to feel other people’s emotions even if it’s suffocating him.  

Buck decided he won’t end up like Doug or his Dad. So Buck played dumb for the sentinel and guide pair that evaluated him in senior year in high school.  It was a standard screening interview that all seniors went through to determine whether they have either a sentinel or guide traits. Fortunately, he was able to fool them. The Sentinel and Guide Center were looking for potential sentinels/guides not completely online ones. Buck had developed a fool proof idiot façade to hide the fact that he’s an online guide. Back then there’s no DNA testing for it, since scientists have yet to isolate the SgA series gene, so it’s easier to skate by.  

By the time they had a more sophisticated way of screening for sentinel and guide genes, Buck managed to escape to South America to avoid detection. There he was introduced to a more effective way of hiding his guide nature: suppressant drugs, specifically, Emphazepam, or as the locals call it “Amansalocos” literally means “to tame the craziness” because that’s what guide instincts are, a bunch of crazy fucked up compulsions.

When Buck tried amansalocos, he felt absolute relief. Like he got so used to the noise that when it suddenly stop he felt overwhelmingly light. Gone were the suffocating feelings that bombarded him constantly. So Buck chose to drug himself up. Amansalocos are highly illegal in the US but Buck managed to find a discreet supplier by the time he moved back home. With the steady supply of guide suppressants, he’s able to go undetected by even the sharpest and skilled sentinel.

The only downside (because of course there’s a downside there’s always price to pay) of the drug was it while it shut down his psi receptors so he wouldn’t feel other people’s emotions, it also affects is own psi channels enough that he could barely recognize his own emotions. But Buck didn’t care about that, doesn’t need emotions. He is not like the typical guide who chose a job that needs them to use their abilities like a teaching or nursing. He chose to be a firefighter because it's easily the most unlikely job an omega would have. No need to use guide instincts, see the fire, put out the fire the rest is blah, blah. Or so he thought.

Sometimes he could feel an itch that needs to be scratched but pretty soon he figured a cure for that too. Sex. Lots of fucking sex. Buck doesn’t even care who with, he barely feels attraction anymore, so he’d have sex with anyone willing to do it with him. Sex allows him to feel pleasure despite his dull sensibilities. When ever someone touch him, kiss him, fuck him, Buck swears he could feel someone else's emotions echo in him. It's euphoric, that kind of feeling. So it really isn't surprising that Buck got addicted to it. He craves sex so much that it almost cost him his job as a firefighter. If it wasn't for Athena, a cop he used clash with on scenes, vouching for him and his abilities as a firefighter, he would have. So he vowed to himself that he'd keep his addiction separate from his work. And he managed to trudge on long shifts despite the cravings.

Then he met Abby and for the first time he wanted to feel something more than the dull fleeting intimacy his one night stands provide. Because he can see she’s special lady and she makes him feel safe and curious about life. For the very first time in his life he felt inadequate. For the first time felt that his inability to feel emotions a burden rather than a relief.

Buck thought about going off his guide suppressants for her.  She’s not a sentinel and she won’t be able to shield him from the suffocating feeling that would descend upon him the moment the suppressants wash out of his system but Buck thinks she deserves that kind of sacrifice, she deserves Buck being truthful to her.  It’s a  big risk though and he needs to think long and hard if he’s really ready for it. He tried skipping some doses, not long enough for the drugs to wash out his system, but long enough to have some of the effects wear off. Just long enough to test the waters so to speak.

Going off suppressants felt weird at first. Then it got worse. He soon realized that while he can manage being off suppressants while at home with Abby, working without suppressants is a freaking torture. He didn’t even manage to last one call. There car accident involving multiple vehicles, no one was seriously injured but still people’s emotions during an emergency situation like that can ran high and for an untrained guide empath it can be a torture. The moment Buck step into the scene he got knocked by wave of emotions it took him a while get his bearing. Thank god he managed to bring with him an emergency dose of empazepam. He dry swallowed the pill and luckily for him it takes only a few minutes for it to take effect. So he decided to keep taking the suppressants but maybe he could skip when he’s with Abby.

His new found system worked fine. He’s having an even more meaningful relationship with Abby. Then Abby’s mom died and by god Buck could feel the grief like it was his own. He tried to comfort her even though being around her and her grief is suffocating him. Buck thinks he owes her at least that much. Slowly they both heal. Though soon enough Buck felt Abby slowly pulling away. He might have only a bit of empathy left in him but he thinks even a mundane can sense when someone is on the verge of letting go.

Buck wanted to ignore it, wanted to just cling on to Abby tight. Because she’s the one thing, the one proof he could show the world, his friends, that he is not just Buck anymore, that he has a life beyond the confines of station 118. But reality is that Abby is an independent woman who is ready and eager to go out and discover the world. She won’t let anything or anyone stop her from going after what she wants. And Buck just wants her to be happy, so he said he’ll support her in whatever she wanted to do.

So the next thing Buck knew she already has her foot out the door, she said she’s leaving to find herself. But the end result is still the same though, he’s being left behind. Intellectually he knew Abby needs this, and that’s why he put up a brave front. He escorted her to the airport himself, when even letting her out of his sight hurts him. He just hopes she finds herself soon and comes back to him. Cause she'll come back, Buck will just have to wait.

He’s doing well up until for some reason their Captain decided they need another member of the team.

It was one of those days that he's looking for the slightest positive thing in his life to keep him going cause it feels like crumbling around him but he still needs to keep his head up because the team needs him to be functional. He knows that as much as he needs the team to be okay and happy, that they need him to be okay and happy too. He can't show up to work despondent and sluggish, because while the drugs suppresses his ability to feel other people's emotion it only marginally suppress his ability to project his own unto others. He knew from experience that him showing up with less than his usual cheery self would basically trigger foul moods amongst his colleagues.

Luckily for Buck, he has one thing that is going good today that he could focus on. He finally reached his weight goal and just in time for the submissions for the Hot Days, Smoldering Nights: Men of the LAFD wall calendar. So he came in to start his shift with a grin on his face like always, and goes on to brag about his achievements to his team, which he kind of knew they would just laugh at but exactly why Buck is acting like the way he is to keep the team's spirits up. Buck is reveling at his success in spreading joy to the team when Chim started to look past him to the locker room behind him.

"Okay, That is a beautiful man."

"Where's the lie? And I like girls."

“Who the hell is that?” Buck asked frown beginning to form.

“It's Eddie Diaz. New recruit. Graduated top of his class just this week. Guys over at Station Six were dying to have him, but I convinced him to join us.”

“What do we need him for?”

“He served multiple tours in Afghanistan as an Army medic. Guy's got a Silver Star.” So the guy’s a super star then, Buck’s not liking where this is going already. “Plus he’s a latent sentinel. It's not like he's wet behind the ears.”

Fuck really a sentinel, just what Buck needs.   Not.   This is bad. Sure Diaz is latent but Buck avoids sentinels for a reason. The fact that they are all (yes even his sister Maddie) sanctimonious know-it-alls. The only sentinel Buck was able to tolerate was his sister and that’s because he loves her and she took care of him when their parents practically bailed out on them. All sentinels are pretty much smug bastards, in Buck’s opinion. They get away with pretty much everything because of their so called talents. Even as a latent they get privileges of an active Sentinel just because of a quirk in their DNA.

“Come on, I'll introduce you to him.” His captain smiled as he said, “He likes to be called Eight Pack.”

“Wow. Silver Star.” Hen whistles clearly impressed, unlike Buck who just adds to Buck's ire.

“Better drop some more body fat there, butch.” Chim teased quite rudely, which on a normal day Buck would just roll his eyes at since he kind of treats the older man like a mix of a weird uncle/annoying big brother but today it's just throwing him off for some reason and he felt hurt by Chim's harmless comments.

Buck looked towards where the rest of his team is greeting the new guy, and his frown deepened.  Something is wrong with that Diaz guy. Buck is not sure what but the moment he laid eyes on the guy, there a strange feeling blooming in his chest. It must be loathing he decided. Because anything else would mean his guide suppressants are failing and he can’t have that.

[littlemisssquiggles]

I just read a post about Qrow being more angry that Oz kept secrets specifically from him thank anything else, and I agree completely. And I think that James and the rest of their allies in Atlas are going to be a lot more pissed that they were lied to than the information that was withheld- and I can see James as justifying it as they are in war and as a military man, of course he understands that sometimes things that to be kept under wraps. What do you think?

Hello again Miki-chan. Regarding Qrow, in some ways I agree with that point about him being more angry that Oz kept secrets from him specifically.

It would make sense for Qrow to be upset that Oz didn’t tell him everything especially considering that the Branwen man was supposed to be one of his most trusted. 

I mean, I’d like to think that there were probably secrets that Qrow entrustedOzpin with about himself that he never told anyone, not even his family orclosest allies because he gave him that level of trust and respect. So fromthat perspective, I can agree. 

However on the other hand, I more believe the brunt of Qrow’s resentment towards Oz stems from exactly what he said back in V6CH4:

“No one wanted me. I was cursed. I gave my life to you because you gave me a place in this world. I thought I was finally doing some good…”

Qrow’s whole thing is that he considered himself a ‘bad luck charm’ to everyone due to his  semblance and this has been a social stunt for Qrow since, according to him, his semblance has been what has kept him from forming any true meaningful bonds. In the beginning, Qrow probably believed that he would’ve never mounted to anything in his life and that no one would accept him—not even his own tribe—the Branwen Tribe and family..

As Qrow said, Oz was the first person to make him feel worthy. He gave him purpose outside of what he originally believed was going to be his fate. Instead of being a burden to anyone, Qrow finally had someone who actually believed in him and he owed that feeling to Oz.

Learning of Oz’s past must’ve made Qrow realize all the things he turned away in his pursuit of choosing to remain loyal to Oz. Seemingly Qrow is the onlymember of STQR who chose to continue working with Oz all the way intoadulthood. Raven abandoned everyone after she somehow learnt the truth about everything. Tai seemed to have walked away too once Yang came into the picture and Summer appeared to have followed suit after she stepped in to help Tai raise Yang, ultimately resulting in the two falling in love and having a familytogether with Ruby being born as a symbol of their union. As far as Irecall, we’re not really clear on how much Tai or Summer continued to work onOz’s behalf after becoming adults. If anything, it looked like Tai retired tofatherhood while Summer settled for more traditional huntsmen work.

Like I said, Qrow appeared to be the only one who chose to continue working to stop Salem while his teammates walked away for different reasons that Oz wascomplacent with allowing them do that.

Heck I even seen Qrow’s inclusion in Oz Inner Circle as a sort of promotionin a sense. Qrow has known Oz since he was a teenager starting with Team STQR and eventually he rose through the ranks to become one of Oz’s lieutenants next to Ironwood, Glynda and Leo (I’m not sure how much Theodore—the Headmaster of Shade Academy is involved with Oz. I haven’t read After the Fall).

You can almost say that Qrow’s experience with Oz is kind of similar to Pearl from Steven Universe. While Qrow didn’t harbour any romantic interest in Oz, he did seem to be someone that Qrow admired since Oz saw Qrow’s potential. Oz gave Qrow a chance for him to do good with his life especially when he believed he couldn’t. He gave Qrow a place or at least a chance to make a place for himself. So for Qrow to suddenly learn that all the good he had been doing was for naught, I understand his frustration in the sense of it making Qrowquestion everything of his entire relationship with Oz.

If Oz kept secrets and lied to him then what else did Oz lie to Qrow about besides Salem? Did Oz lie to Qrow all those times he encouraged when he was a teenager? Was he lying when he told him there was actual good he could do?Was he lying when he made him feel like he wasn’t the lost cause he expectedhimself to become? Y'know stuff like that. 

It is for this reason why I sometimes joke that the Fortune Cookies (Qrow x Clover) friendship seems to feel like a rebound of the Clockworks (Oz and Qrow) friendship? Right now, Clover feels like a stand in for Oz—another charismatic fellow with an encouraging persona to be a beacon of motivation for Qrow by helping him to feel good about himself again. I’m still waiting for Clover to help Qrow open up regarding his history with Oz.

That being said, that’s where I think Qrow’s anger at Oz was mostly directed. Unlike the rest of the heroes, Qrow’s beef with Oz is more personal. It’s not just about him keeping secrets from him, it’s more akin to the feeling one might get if they discovered that their idol or beloved mentor—someone they highly looked up to because that person made them believe in themselves— was secretly nefarious person that did bad things.It’s almost a feeling of betrayal because it forces you to question how genuineness of your entire relationship with that person. I think that’s what’s going on with Qrow right now. His anger towards Oz is wrapped up in his feelings about their history together and how he feels about himself and until he comes to terms with at least one of those things, it might be a while before he and Oz can truly reconcile.

As a matter of fact, I think before Qrow can even think about making peace with Oz, he has to face whatever insecurities he has about himself firstly. This is where I think Clover could potentially help Qrow.

I actually pray this will be the purpose of Clover’s character in Qrow’s story(granted that he isn’t secretly a traitor or any surprising twist like that).While I wouldn’t mind the prospect of a Fair Game relationship, if I may be so bold in saying this, I honestly don’t believe Qrow needs romance right now.

Qrow seems to be in the process of self-healing. This was symbolized in himfinally giving up his alcoholism after four whole seasons since his introduction.This is the first time we’ve actually seen Qrow focus on taking steps to betterhimself first. It’s a welcomed change of pace for him, especially coming off the huge slump he was in last volume which was admittedly the worst the audience has seen Qrow’s character to date.

Don’t get me wrong. Me implying that Fair Game shouldn’t happen now is not me trying to say no-no to ship at all or the idea of everyone’s favourite Birb Dad being involved in an LGBT relationship. I have nothing against Fair Game. On the contrary, I’m for it. I like Qrow’s rapport with Clover and if the showrunners ever decide to take them in that direction, it would be nice since Qrow would have a partner that compliments him the way Clover does. That being said, this this squiggle meister more believes that now (meaning this volume and right now in the PLOT) isn’t the appropriate time for romance to be a thing for Qrow since he still has his own hurdles about himself to jump through first. I more think that Qrow needs to overcome his insecurities about himself and have a fresh start with more self-confidence.

In the past, as implied back in V6CH4, it seems as if Qrow depended a lot on Oz and/or his work with Oz to provide him some semblance of self-worth. So when that was mirror was shattered for him, all he was left with were the same self-defecating issues that he hadn’t worked through.

This is a chance for Qrow to truly grow as a person and I believe it could even end up helping him in time to repair his relationship with Oz. It felt like Qrow needed Oz to help him feel better about himself. But if Qrow learns to conquer some of his self-doubts then he would no longer need to have Oz give him a place in this world. 

This time, he could make his own place for himself so that the next time Qrow decides to follow Oz, his motivation would be to rekindling his friendship with Oz since he genuinely saw him as a dear friend rather than the man he depended on to make him feel worthy about himself…y’know what I mean?

That’s how I see things going for Qrow. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As for Ironwood and company....

“....And I think that James and the rest of their allies in Atlas are going to be a lot more pissed that they were lied to than the information that was withheld- and I can see James as justifying it as they are in war and as a military man, of course he understands that sometimes things that to be kept under wraps. What do you think?”

Nah son! Sorry Miki-chan but this squiggle meister is more inclined to believe that our heroes won’t get off the hook this time, period. 

Let’s not forget that the main reason why Ironwood is in such hot water with Mantle and now the Atlas Council is partially due to his secret work on Amity Tower?

You heard Ironwood’s reaction to Nora’s outburst of his continuous failure to cooperate with Robyn Hill and the People of Mantle.

“...I am so sick of secrets! If we just told everyone about Amity, about Salem---”“ We can’t! If we talk about Amity now, we risk Salem’s forces, who we know are here, working to sabotage it. If we tell them about Salem now, we risk falling to the Grimm before we can reunite Remnant. We have to finish the Tower!”  

All that mattered to Ironwood at the moment was finishing his plan to destroy Salem via Amity Tower.

Speaking of, remember what he said Oscar in C7? 

“...The path you’re heading down, where you’re the only one with the answers. Where you do the thing you think is right no matter the cost, it’s not going to take you anywhere good.”“We have to stop Salem. Nothing matters more.” 

Stopping Salem matters more to Ironwood than anything else currently and he seems to be banking all of his chips on Amity Tower being that ultimate solution. And let’s not forget that the sole reason Ironwood is doing any of this is because he actively believes that Salem can be destroyed.Ironwood has been making active decisions at the cost of the People of Mantle and Atlas on a plan he concocted without knowing the full truth.

A truth that our heroes know about and had a golden opportunity to tell him right after he unveiled his genius plan to stop Salem but they didn’t tell him....because PLOT? 

Do you realize how much drama and issues could’ve potentially been avoided if the heroes had just been upfront with Ironwood from the get-go?

I mean, they may not have been able to thwart Watts’ schemes but at least Ironwood would’ve gotten himself in less trouble with Mantle (and eventually Atlas_ if he didn’t take some of the supplies necessary for the kingdom’s survival to fund the Amity Tower project. I have a feeling Amity Tower could’ve been avoided entirely with the truth since it’s whole purpose, according to Ironwood, was to stop Salem by alerting the world of her existence.

I’m sorry Miki but to me, I don’t see our heroes walking away easily from this. I don’t even expect Ironwood to be understanding of their motives. That to me would be him taking it lightly. I expect him to be downright furious that our heroes chose to keep such an important piece of information from him during such a dire time especially after he gave them his full trust.

Worst yet, if the truth ends up coming out after Ironwood already got the bad news that he was removed from Council then it  would be even worse.

It wouldn’t surprise me if Ironwood does get booted from Council after word that Mantle was decimated during the Mega Goliath stampede as a result of the people’s distress over the heating going out in the kingdom gets back to Atlas, Ironwood is going to be in more trouble with the Council than he ever was before.

Unless Weiss ends up outing Jacques on working with Watts first. Then again, who’s to say that Watts hadn’t already prepared for that? While the whole bit with Mama Schnee secretly installing cameras around the Manor was ‘clever’ on her part,Watts is a genius hacker capable of perfectly forging evidence.

Imagine if…Watts low-key has some kind of invention in his briefcase that is able to pick up on things such as security cameras. I mean, we saw how easily he took out the cameras in Mantle.While I understood that Watts was only able to do this due to Atlas never upgrading Mantle’s security, I still can’t help but shake this weird feeling that Watts probably knew of the cameras in Schnee Manor and might’ve prepared for that too.

Either way, I’m expecting the worse Miki-chan. The heroes aren’t getting away this time. Ironwood is going to be pissed.

And judging by the thumbnail of tomorrow’s episode that was just released, it may seem like my fear is going to come to fruition. Oscar might use the Relic.

My only question is who will train the question on. I still think it would be interesting if Oscar used the Relic to out everyone including Jacques but...that might be too much.

We’re more likely to see Oscar use the Relic on Ruby and...I don’t see things going well after that. I have been waiting for the pin to drop and for the moment where Ironwood loses his humanity and...I think the next episode might be the spark.

I think it might end up being the case where Oscar reveals the truth but at the cost of setting Ironwood off. I can even see a case where Ironwood gives Oscar a bly---he gives him a pass and commends him for ‘his honesty’. However the others get arrested and Oscar is the only one spared of going into custody since Ironwood deemed them as traitors.

While Ironwood might lose his seat on the Council, I feel like he’ll still keep his position as General of the Military and thus, have the authority to send JNR_RWBY and Qrow to jail for ‘treason’.

I feel like that could happen but who knows? I could be wrong. But in the event that I’m right about that, maybe this could play out like what you hoped for Clover and the Aces?

Like he and the Ace Ops end up being forced to arrest Qrow and JNR_RWBY. But in the end, the Aces also end up helping them escape later with Oscar’s help?

Or perhaps, Clover stays in line and it’s Marrow who comes to the heroes’ aid thanks to Oscar? Or maybe it’s both Clover and Marrow since they are the Aces who we’ve gotten to know the most?

Either way, I really think Ironwood is going to go off and next episode will be the spark to it. There’s been too many foreshadows to that for this season.  Either way, it’s  going to be interesting ninth episode. But what do you think about my points about Qrow and the others?

~LittleMissSquiggles (2020)

[xwaywardhuntress]

Rock & Roll Mystery (Part Three)

Summary: Round 2 of Scooby-doo featuring Y/N.

Pairings: Dean x reader, Fred x reader

Warnings: Based on the Scooby-Doo & KISS movie. This part is kind of short.

Word Count: 1700+

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or Scooby-Doo or KISS. This is fanfiction only. Please do not redistribute my writings on other sites, horrible or not. Thanks!

Part One, Two

“Alright gang, let’s look for clues again and split up.” Fred suggested.

Immediately, Velma volunteered herself to be paired with Sam. Shaggy and Scooby were assumed as their own pair.

Fred made his way over to you, “Would you give me the honor of pairing up with me?” Such a gentleman.

You glanced over at Dean who was talking to Daphne. Of course, Dean probably wanted to be paired up with her. It looked like you were going to have to take blondie up on his offer with the two Winchesters paired up with the Scooby gang females. As you were about to answer, Daphne appeared out of nowhere pulling Fred away, “Fred, you’re with me.” Her voice was quite stern.

You blinked in confusion. Daphne had literally appeared from her spot with Dean to where Fred was in a blink of an eye.

Dean made his way over to you with a smile. “I guess that leaves you and me, sweetheart.”

The way the pairs were split up, you and Dean were given the task to check out the areas near the bigger attraction rides. It felt a bit odd to be walking around without some kind of weapon, but this was a cartoon, what could go wrong?

“Velma is really into Sam. I think they are cute together.” You joked.

Dean laughed, agreeing.

You continued, as you avoided looking at Dean this time, “Sorry you got stuck with me. You probably wanted to be paired up with Daphne. I know she’s on your weird fantasy to-do list.”

“Nah, I’d rather be with someone I know has my back if things go bad. I’m sure I’ll have other chances. Or maybe, I’m meant to be with someone else.” The older Winchester shrugged.

You couldn’t help but wonder about what Dean meant in the last part of his sentence.

Before you had the chance to ask, Dean spoke first. “Man, I still can’t believe we got to see KISS. Even though they’re technically the c-word, this is awesome.”

You chuckled, “Yeah, it would be cool if we got to see more of them. It would be way more awesome if we got to stick around for the concert too! I mean, they haven’t toured since 2016 and…” You continued rambling on that you’d been hoping they’d go back on another tour, since the last time they did you all were too preoccupied dealing with Lucifer.

Dean listened with admiration as he began to imagine the two of you singing aloud to ‘Rock and Rock All nite’.

You were both interrupted from your thoughts when two very recognizable screams were heard nearby.

“That sounded like Shaggy and Scooby.” You pointed out.

Dean and Y/N ran towards where they heard the screams, only to find the scarlet witch chasing after the pair of best friends.

“What the hell? She’s flying?” Dean questioned.

“She looks transparent too. A ghost witch?”

“Damn witches.” He shook his head.

“Dean! We need to get her attention away from Scooby and Shaggy!” You called out. Your thoughts went to wishing you had some kind of iron bar, especially if your speculations about the witch of actually being a ghost were to be true. Feeling as if something just appeared in your back pocket, you reached behind, pulling out the iron bar that you had just wished for.

Dean looked at you surprised. “Where did you get that?”

“I don’t know, but get the witch’s attention over here!” You yelled as you prepared to defend yourself, holding the iron bar like a bat. 

Scooby and Shaggy had jumped into the water portion of the water ride to try to escape the witch.

Meanwhile, Dean had yelled insults at the witch, which did catch her attention, but also may have made her more irritated looking than before. “Do you have another one, by chance?” He asked.

You thought about having another one, which you ended up magically pulling from your other back pocket and handing it to Dean.  “Here.”

“You’re going to have to tell me later how you do that.” The older Winchester commented as he too held the iron bar like a bat, ready to take on the witch as well.

As the witch flew towards you and Dean, the blast of rock music caught the both of you off guard. The sound vibration seemed to have passed you two but amplified as it reached the witch who halted in flight as she covered her ears.

From beside you and Dean, the rock music continued as four figures appeared. One by one, the KISS members made a grand entrance, identical to Sailor Moon and her sailor scouts. How did you know that? Dean wasn’t the only one with a nerdy side.

Dean looked very confused.

You did as well.

What really confused the both of you more was watching as each KISS member that announced their presence ended their time in the spotlight with a move that sent a magical attack,  with or without a musical instrument, at the witch. The witch withdrew as the fourth member of the KISS band finished their magical entrance and attack.

You and Dean looked at each other bewildered by the sudden chain of events. You both would have to ask questions later as you spotted Shaggy and Scooby floating on top of the water of the water ride. They weren’t dead, but they were beat from the chase and had passed out from extreme fear.

- - -

After the KISS members led Y/N and Dean, who each carried Scooby and Shaggy, to the park infirmary, the whole gang was reunited. Fred, Daphne, Velma and Sam had all received the news of the attack, as well as had witnessed some of the chasings that occurred throughout the park.

Sam pulled Y/N and Dean off to the side. “You both saw the witch?” Both of you nodded. “So is it our kind of supernatural mystery? Or just the typical person in a mask?”

You looked at Dean as you both answered, “Definitely our kind of supernatural mystery.”

The younger Winchester frowned.

You continued to speak, “It was weird. She was almost ghost-like and floated above the ground…”

“Yeah, it was a good thing Y/N was able to get iron bars out of thin air.” Dean added. “By the way, how did that even happen? You did the same thing with the Scooby snacks from before.”

You shrugged. It just happened and honestly, you weren’t going to question it as it could come in handy in this mystery.

As curious as Sam was about your sudden ability to have items appear out of the blue, his main concern was the witch who may also have been a ghost. “So we’re dealing with a ghost witch?” Sam asked confused.

“Not entirely sure?” You questioned your own knowledge. “We didn’t get a chance to use the iron bars because then they…” You looked over at the KISS members who just entered. “…appeared and did some Sailor Moon moves that sent some crazy magical attacks towards the witch, causing her to leave.”

“Sailor moon moves?” Sam questioned.

“It’s another car-“ Dean cleared his throat. “c-word, where it’s five under aged chicks with really short skirts that fight evil and save the world.”

Both you and Sam looked at Dean surprised.

“And you’ve watched it?” Sam asked concerned for his brother’s hobbies now.

“What?! No!” Dean rebuffed as he started coughing. “Cross my heart and hope to –” He paused for a moment, realizing he probably shouldn’t say die aloud. “Look, I just saw videos about it and then caught this one…” He pointed to you. “…watching it one time in her room.”

Sam rose an eyebrow, still questioning his brother’s words.

Fred came up to the trio, interrupting the private discussion. “Hey guys, KISS wants to tell us all something. I think you three should hear it too.”

With everyone gathered together again around Scooby and Shaggy, who were on the infirmary beds, KISS introduced a woman who was covered everywhere besides her eyes.

“Meet Chikara. She’s a fortune teller in the park.” Starchild shared.

The fortune-teller introduced herself again, this time adding that she came from an alternate universe along with the KISS members. Unfortunately, due to certain circumstances, the KISS members don’t remember this other dimension as they were sent to Earth to protect it from the prophesied return of the Crimson Witch, the witch’s true title.  Along with the band members and herself, the Crimson Witch hails from the alternate universe known as KISSteria. The Crimson Witch plans to use the Black Diamond that KISS uses in their song “Detroit Rock City” to summon the Destroyer to conquer the Earth.

Everyone had a hard time wrapping their heads around this new development, specifically Velma.

“The probability of an alternate universe called KISSteria is highly unlikely.” Velma commented, pushing her glasses up her nose. “You’re likely confusing this alternate universe with the theme park.”

As Velma continued to reason out how impossible it was for an alternate universe, Sam pulled Dean and Y/N off to the side again. “What do you guys think? Do you guys believe the story?”

“We’ve dealt with alternate versions of ourselves before. I don’t see why not.” Dean shrugged in thought. “To think there’s a world that is all KISS themed, that’d be awesome to check out.”

“Hm.” You began sharing your thoughts. “It could be true. Lately, Scooby-Doo and the gang have dealt with actual magic from what I’ve watched. This mystery could be another one of those actual magical mysteries.”

Sam agreed, adding on, “The last time we were here too, there was a real ghost haunting and people actually died, so I think the story could hold true. Who knows, us being here could’ve made it real like last time.”

“Alright then. We stick with the gang and make sure nothing happens to them.” Dean suggested.

Y/N and Sam agreed as all three of them turned their attentions back to the bigger conversation with KISS and the fortune-teller.

“Sam, do you agree with this plan?” Velma asked looking at him as if hoping he wouldn’t.

The taller Winchester was surprised by the sudden question as he looked at Dean and Y/N who both shrugged, “Sorry, what plan?”

Fred spoke up, “KISS got their memories of KISSteria back and are going to take us to defeat the witch before she has a chance to take the Black Diamond.”

“Hold your horses. We’re going to KISSteria?” Dean questioned almost too excitedly.

“How?” You asked the question that seemed to have been avoided.

Fred turned to KISS, “That’s a good question, Y/N. How are we going to get there?”

“Easy. We have a ship and a portal.” The Demon stated with a grin.

Next: Part Four (Final Part)

Here’s some fun gifs from the actual scooby doo movie:

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