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[nicoleswanderings]

An entry from my journal-

BAHHHH, I want to feel free! I want to be shaken do badly that my whole perspective flips! That I have no choice but to exist outside my personality and realize it’s impermanence! What does this look like? SILLINESS!! Screaming! Dancing, but not in any way looking for recognition just exisiting outside of the peramators we give ourselves. Facing the fear of embarrassment, of losing ourselves, or of having to remold who we are. I was watching Mathew Silver and feeling SO inspired by him. Want to know what it feels like to jump on stage? Do it! Want to know what it’s like to scream at the top of your lungs? Do it! Pyschomagic is the idea that we can do things/have things done to us that removes us if even for a split second of the predicament our mind creates for us, to remind us that it truly is all made up. And by ourselves! We are an active part of creating what happens and what we feel. Have someone just shout at you , or become an animal for a while, how freeing would it be to walk in public dressed like a rainbow and not give an F what people think. And by allowing this for yourself, you allow it for others as well, you open up an accepting space where they don’t have to BE anything, other than what they are. It’s beautiful. I find sometimes spirituality can become wayy too serious and restrictive when it’s actually supposed to be freeing, don’t let it become another mold that you find comfort in. Experiment and shake it up. Sometimes I try so hard to reach a certain state of consciousness or contentment, and often the second I stop trying and just say F it- I’m going to sit in bed all day and be fucking happy about it- then I find that state.

[nicoleswanderings]

ANNAPURNA CIRCUIT- Part 1

The first 11 days of the trek were a rollercoaster. We started the journey in Pokhara, took a 6 hour public bus to Besisahar- the official starting point. We decided to skip the first 5 miles or so on a dirt road so we took one more bus to Nadi Bazaar. My first thoughts as I put on my pack and started hoofing it up the hill were “holy shit. This pack is wayyyyy too heavy. Is it going to be uphill the whole way? Why did I want to do this again?”. And that was the start of working through that voice in my head that continually wanted to be in comfort. That needed to find a way to complain to escape the moment. It became routine for me to have these thoughts the first couple days. We would wake up around 6:30 am, eat our breakfast (which for me was overnight oats soaked in water with dates, walnuts, almonds, peanut butter, and protein powder- no wonder my bag was so heavy 😂), pack up our backpacks, and head out around 7:30. To be fair, the first 3 days we really didn’t reach our destination for the night until around 6pm- so they were freaking long days. But I just couldn’t for the life of me pull myself out of this rut of resisting everything- “ugh I don’t want to wake up”

“Do we really have to climb this hill?”

“Veg curry it is...for the 4th time in a row.”

and I was choosing to be here! I had been dreaming about this place for months!

But by the end I realized truly that this had nothing to do with the trek specifically- that was just a great environment for my mind to showcase its power and for me to recognize a habit I have (not just in the mountains) that needs to be trained.

Physically, it was hard- but not that hard. After the first few days, I got in a groove and my mantra (courtesy of Ruby) became I ACCEPT. I accept this blister on the back of my heel that rubs raw every time I step. I accept that it is freezing cold right now. I accept that I am hungry. I accept that there is no hot water. I accept that there are feelings of sadness inside my body. I accept that I miss home and the people I love. I was accepting the moment, with everything it held, for no other reason than this is all there is. This is life. A string of continual moments that come into fruition as NOW. All I was doing by resisting what already existed was causing suffering to myself with no option to change it. I couldn’t make there be hot water. I couldn’t force myself out of the feelings I was having. I could merely change my attitude toward them from one of disgust to one of accepting it with open arms and shedding love on that negative feeling. Truly love is the only thing that can dissolve reactionary emotions. I let go of the “shoulds”. “I should be feeling happier.” You have 2 options in any given moment. Accept all that is in this moment and feel the gentle ease grow inside you, or resist it and live in your mind out of alignment with the world around you. And soon, I ACCEPT didn’t hold any tinge of resentment or force- I was appreciating all the unfoldings as they came. Most of the time 😉

Okay more about the trek. We met amazing people in the first week. Since there is a pretty standard route to do this circuit, if someone starts the same day as you, you’re pretty much guaranteed to be seeing them until the end. Which is awesome. Trail family saved my sanity many times. We would play cards or tell stories around the fire in the living room of guest houses. Share about our countries, really just talk about life. Ruby and I hiked with a 20 year old couple from Sweden a lot, Josh from San Diego who does sweet seasonal work (and may buy my RV!), Eric, a retired hippy from Rochester NY who now lives in Turkey with his wife, and Babette from Holland.

In terms of housing, we stayed in guest houses for free each night in return for eating dinner from their restaurant. For being out in the middle of nowhere, we actually did have some nice luxuries. Electricity, a fire to dry our clothes, WiFi (sometimes) and hot food. They did have the same government regulated menu at every place though. But no hot water or toilet paper- though I have come to love squat toilets and the Nepali way of wiping ( lol look it up. Actually is more sanitary I think.)

The food was mostly MoMos (dumplings), curry, garlic soup, chapatti or buckwheat bread (like roti or tortillas) and Dal Bhat (lentils and rice). It was all pretty good actually! They also had fresh Seabuckthorn Juice at high altitudes which was amazinggggg!! It’s know to be the highest vitamin C food in the world!

So our first 11 days were spent uphill making our way over Thorong La Pass at 5,400 meters. The last 2 days had heavy snow and we were all layers. The locals told us this year actually has been a lot more unpredictable and snowy than normal. 6 people died about a month before we went up actually. But that was because of avalanches and the pass was closed when they went. The day before the pass, we hiked up to high camp as we left our beloved Josh behind to acclimatize a bit longer because of a headache. We were hiking in a total blizzard and made it to High Camp around 5pm. There is one structure here to house those crazy enough to spend the night. Most people leave around 4 am the next morning to get up there before wind hits, but we waited because we wanted I hike in the daylight- I am glad we did that. Every inhale at that altitude feels like not enough, my body was never satisfied with how much oxygen was in it.

At one point I had a buckle over my chest to keep my backpack secure but I started getting dizzy. I later realized after Unclipping it that it was because my chest couldn’t expand enough with true clip on. It’s really the smallest things. I also took Gingko Biloba and Co-Q10 a week before to help with heart health and oxygenating the blood. And doing day hikes to high altitudes then sleeping at lower ones is very helpful (I.e. Ice Lake).

Anyways we made it over, but culturally, into another world. Stay tuned for part 2!

Here’s our route:

Day 1- Pokhara-Ghermu

8:30-6:30 6 miles

Day 2- Ghermu- Tal

7:30-6:30 11.5 miles

Day 3- Tal-Danaqyu

7:30-1:30 7 miles

Day 4- Danaqyu-Chame

8-1 6.5 miles

Day 5- Chame-Upper Pisang

8-1:30 9 miles *BEAUTIFUL DAY*

Start of the huge Mountain Views!

Day 6- Upper Pisang- Mungii

8-3:45 7.5 miles

Day 7- Mungii-Ice Lake- Manang

8-4:30 9 miles up to 4500 meters!

Day 8- Rest day in Manang ( I got to see the old version of Into Thin Air in a makeshift movie room!)

Day 9- Manang-Letdar

8-1 7 miles

Day 10- Letdar- High Camp

8-5 3.5 miles

Day 11- High Camp- Muktinath

7-4:30 8 miles

[nicoleswanderings]

Testing out my filming/cinematic skills

[nicoleswanderings]

I miss child to child connection.

I feel like it is impossible to make any genuine connection with people. It’s almost like there is this wall up between us, with no progression available. I think so much of it has to do with the really distorted view of spirituality, where the journey has been watered down, made to feel comfortable and not disturb any inflamed areas of your ego. I have personally not found any use for tools like crystals or tarot cards or astrology, it’s all just pointing to the same thing and I would rather look at the moon than get stuck on the finger pointing to it. Though I do understand how these things can be used as tools to bring us closer to the essence. I find that sometimes using these things makes the process less scary, like we can keep our ego and also get some sort of “control” over the future. With this, we are falling into the same trap as before, speaking from a place of ego, kind of like in Mario when he eats a mushroom and levels up. He becomes bigger, somehow more put together and presentable to the world. With this we leave a lot of our humanness behind, The place in us that has fast changing emotions, wants to talk about a really sad thing that happened today, wants to be incredibly eccentric, laugh all the time, asks for advice, just in general relates to another person on the most basic nonverbal communication. And for me these barriers could even be increased with the comfortable spirituality stuff. I find it hard to talk about life in general sometimes when I feel like a person isn’t showing me their raw self, just a spiritual cookie cutter version, which sounds like a oxymoron but I’ve found more and more that it isn’t. And instead of trying to form an opinion against or for me, please try to just listen to the struggles of my past few days as a friend. I have noticed a kind of lack of deep involvement with each other. And this post is not centered on any kind of opinion I have of these spiritual tools but more about the fact that I feel a deep longing to connect with people, to reflect my ideas, help me grow, be silly together, just genuinely get to know each other. In high school my best friends made me feel like the seriousness of life was gone. I could breathe again, I had a deep belly laugh every five seconds, I felt I was so light if I jumped, I might float away. Now as I’m getting older, people I meet (myself included) are censoring themselves more, losing the playful, naïve, ignorant part of themselves. And when I say ignorant, I mean of worldly things, not of true essence. The child knows the essence better than anyone- he or she is timewise, much closer to the source. You must be a child to reach the kingdom of heaven. And I miss that child to child connection with people. There is a point in my relationships now where I feel like we are both trying so hard to be SOMEBODY and act a role, that we can’t just BE. That’s the summation of my feelings today. Let me know if you have any advice for me or can relate. I’m sick of this role-playing, though I know I can be in character while also knowing it’s all a grand play. I just miss having real true best friends.

[nicoleswanderings]

If you could give one piece of advice for someone trying to find true love. What would you say?

I would say find the continuum of love from individual love to love as an energy. When you view the world as a whole bundle of love...the green trees you see are love, the animals, the clouds, your mom, then that same energy is attracted to you. Unconditional love is the same whether it is a person you are romantically involved with or the love you feel when it starts raining. So fill up your cup with that unconditional love and I think your search will turn into a way of life. And then you place less pressure on that person when you do meet them because you are already receiving love from every nook and cranny of the universe. Good luck!

[nicoleswanderings]

Portugal: so far, this is definitely one of my favorite countries! It’s one of the safest in the world (a big deal when you’re an 18 year old girl), it has amazing oranges, the number one rated best hostel in Europe (Lisbon Home Hostel), amazing coastlines and some of the oldest buildings/castles ever. You walk down the street and see people drying their clothes on lines, dogs lounging in the sun, brightly colored houses and fruit markets everywhere. Oh how I have missed Europe. The last time I was here was on a trip to Greece and Germany but neither of them held the same type of charm that small cobblestone streets and amazing Porto wine does. It is one of the only places I don’t feel claustrophobic in the city. Kind of like a older and European version of San Fran. Even with the same Golden Gate Bridge! The hostel I am in has a movie room with worn in couches everywhere and a nightly dinner, “Mamas Dinner”, where the old Portuguese lady that owns it makes you a 3 course dinner and everyone sits and chats around a long table. She even made me a vegan version. Tonight we had bean and cabbage soup, spaghetti, salad, vegetable pot pie and for desert I got a fried cinnamon and sugar banana! So cute. They do tours every day so yesterday I did the sintra tour for the whole day which was magical and then spent the night there. The man that owns that Hostel invited me to his sisters house to play with his nephew. It was pretty fun building LEGO cars with a Portuguese kindergartener. Then today I went to a vegan little cafe thing with a buffet lunch and then took the bus to ursa beach. I hiked down to probably the most beautiful beach I have ever seen (pics to come). It started raining on the beach but I didn’t even care. Everything was perfect. Then took the bus back to sintra and train back to Lisbon and I am back at Home:) The first day I was in Lisbon I took the ferry to see the Cristo Rei, like the statue in Rio. We stumbled upon a really cool abandoned wine town from like the 1700s. I missed meeting new people all the time and exploring since being back from Asia so this trip feels really good. Second time around I’ve definitely got my bearings a bit more. Tomorrow I take the train to Évora to see my Dad!!!!

[nicoleswanderings]

Last two months

Well I sucked at updating this but let me tell you why. The last two months I was rarely focused on letting everyone know what was going on and how I was and it was so nice. I talked to a total of like 3 people my first month there and only my parents the last month. The need to do things just to show people really showed itself to me and then disappeared. I was doing things for myself again. What a weird concept that YOUR life is actually for YOU to live! The pressure to go go go was gone after a couple weeks. And that's when the magic happened. The last week and a half, I rarely left the little treehouse community I was staying in. Instead I was totally content in where I was and the moment. Every second was enough and I didn't need to change anything or go anywhere to look for anything more. So I'm sorry I didn't write more but it's what needed to happen. First lesson. Nothing external will ever be enough. I was really consciously or unconsciously searching for the answer to life and its meaning or some shit like that. It won't work. Maybe these last few months have scraped away some layers of the false and conditioned but it will never bring you all the way. That's for me and only me to do. It's like antidepressants- they won't make you not depressed but they will give you enough energy to get out of bed so YOU can turn your life around. Scrape away the last couple layers to the big beam of light sitting cross legged, like a little kid listening to a picture book, alert. I am completely aware of my separateness from the story, but also connection to everything. Like an actual movie. Just the experiencer. Traveling can show you your universal connection to everyone and everyplace. It can also help you gain a LOT of perspective which is kind of a double edged sword because here you are now with all these new experiences and things you have seen, unable to shrink your mind back down to how it was before, to the time you felt like you actually fit in in your own country. It brings a lot of problems to light that are very hard to ignore. Ignorance is bliss right? I also realized humans universal search for something deeper, regardless of where you are in the world. We all have a deep common thread between us. It's one thing to be told and another to experience it as a truth in your own life. Most of the other people I met were searching just like me. And I also learned how well the inner workings of the ego can disguise themselves. Nobody has anything figured out and don't let them fool you into thinking they do. Really there is nothing to figure out! It's all here! Connection my dudes! It's the shit! In the beginning of my travels I was so excited to go so many places and be busy/have adventures everyday and that's not at all what ended up making my trip fulfilling. Sitting with people, connecting with them, finding our sameness- myself in them- is what made me so happy! The best times were when I found people to spend days with. I found home being with all of them. And really, it took traveling halfway around the world to figure it out when I could have just learned the same thing at home! Human beings are great! And the power we hold to support, comfort and love one another is a force to be reckoned with! The last thing I can think of right now is how comfortable I got relying on myself and being with just me. I know my mind inside and out now. I know all my bad mind habits I need to work through, how I can sometimes sabotage good things coming my way and especially the resistance I sometimes give to life. So unnecessary! Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment! I feel like the real me shines a bit brighter than my ego now that I understand it's patterns. That's all I've got for now. Happy to be home soon and happy I got to hug my folks!

[nicoleswanderings]

People I miss and am grateful for part 1

[nicoleswanderings]

People I miss and am grateful for in this life part 2. Missing home a bit tonight ❤️

[nicoleswanderings]

PLEASE READ THIS

Today while I was riding my motorbike in Chiang Dao (northern Thailand), I had a thought. I was looking at the dogs I was passing, thinking about what makes them so different from the other dogs I had remembered as so loving and affectionate at Elephant Nature Park. And even the gap between them and the let's we hold so dear in America. It seems I have not met one dog here that has relatively the same characteristics as at home. I am not meaning to generalize them but Asian dogs certainly have a different demeanor. So I followed that story in my head and ended at this sort of idea, something I could completely disagree with tomorrow as the fickilness of the mind and it's habits is something that must always be accounted for but for now it seems pretty true and solid. These dogs I was passing were just laying in the street, obviously showing a deep need for love and as a result barking and growling at whatever was passing by, much the same way humans do (sometimes I just bark at people, don't you?) Now before I get too far, this is not an animal post, more it just so happened watching an animal gave my this realization but it could have just as easily been a flower or tree that showed me this. It's more about a kind of "law" that governs the life force. An unwavering truth I know is that we are all the same, behind the labels, skin, personality, mind, emotions, etc we are all infinite light that has been shot into a vessel, not unlike in War of the Worlds or like a meteor bringing matter that was not originally from earth to earth. It is also important to note that just because it didn't come from here all combined and as the object we view it as, doesn't mean it is any different from all the matter that makes up the earth, fire, water, etc. It's all the same fucking thing of course. So anyways, I am watching these dogs and I know that the same thing that is in me is in them and we were just given different life situations to be apart of/roles to play out. Maybe it's part of our karma, maybe it's not, idk. Blah blah. This is the same way I felt while looking into the eyes of these beaten elephants. I just feel like I got hit with a ton of bricks. It was like the science experiments I had been taught in school. The controlled variable was our consciousness, light, awareness, god-essence, divine, whatever the heck. The manipulated variable was our life situations. So if the same thing was in both the Asian dogs and American dogs, how could they be so different? Each of us comes into this life having completely different experiences. The dogs at home are bred, adopted, most get into a loving family whose kids feed them under the table at dinner time. They get a comfy bed to sleep in, just generally are loved and cuddled to death. This love allows them to blossom, to open up, to serve others as well. We value our pets for the comfort they provide us. They are the ones who come and lick our salty tears, who sense whatever we need and then do their best to provide it. But it is only because we have provided an environment that fosters them opening up their heart. By serving others we are directly and indirectly serving ourselves. By allowing others to be completely as they are-as Ram Dass says-There is nothing in me demanding you to change. If you are in your drama (ego/darkness) "here I am". If you want to come out and play "here I am". If we can be this open and safe space for people we meet, we are allowing them to blossom. You can be with someone in their suffering with empathy and simultaneously also be on the plane that knows the divine nature is at work. The Tao. I'm going on tangents though. With the dogs in Asia, they have their protective barriers up because they have not been given that environment. They still have that light this is the divine but they just identify more with the part of them that has been kicked to the curb, that is starving, that is scared of humans because that is what keeps them safe. We have done the same thing but since we no longer have to worry about starving it being homeless (at least most of us), we bring those protective barriers to the human social world. So because we do not feel that we have been given that safe space, it is hard for us to provide it for others. Love is the gift that keeps on giving. You are always raising not just your consciousness when you live through your heart, but the collective consciousness. The consciousness of all life. So when you start to alienate yourself from others- you dislike them, you think they just have the wrong perspective, they seem cold- think of the light they have within. It has to be there if they are alive. That is the part you show love to. You nurture that part in someone because that is what is what is truly them and it grows until they can do that for others. Their opinion that Trump is a great president was not formulated by that light and neither was yours to vote for Hillary or Bernie. Events in your life have so solidly impacted your mind whether you know it or not and since your mind is where you live that is what has made those decisions. Had your light been born into that person's body, heard every single thing said to them, experienced everything they had and were identified with your mind, you probably would have made the same decision. That is just an example. Basically my realization was simple- love is the way and everything else is bullshit. You don't need to know about reincarnation, study the Buddha, go to Burning Man (though that helped a bunch), be able to show your spiritualness through deep conversation, or know all the philosophies of life to just fucking tap into that infinite love in you and live through it. While yeah, some of those things may help you, if they aren't part of your path, don't make them so. Honestly sometimes I think, with my own experience, these things can even hinder you. Sometimes I get so wrapped up with "living in the moment", always trying to be mindful, almost watching myself like a hawk, but I actually lose the essence of life itself. I meet people and my mind is immediately preoccupied, whether I'm aware of it or not, with establishing my place in this "commercial/artificial spirituality" as my friend called it. Being in that place in yourself, you have completely lost the infinite space you could be holding for that other person. You're doing the opposite- making a hostile/competitive environment. (At this point, I am writing myself notes because this is what I need to work on most now lol). So as the ocean abs and flows, so do I. There are periods I get so caught up in that shit, that while it may be true, it is not necessary and kind of creates a roundabout way to reach the same point. Sometimes you don't even reach the same point. Love is always going to be the way. And what brings me out of these times is when I get fed up with trying so hard for this "goal" (a way of being in tune every single second) that I just let what is B. I stop being so hard on myself. I can be angry at people while at the same time acting through love. One is emotion/mind one is heart. It just depends which one I am living through. As my other friend told me "there's no shame in any of it." There are no wrong emotions. Don't try to control your mind, it won't work. It's like this. There are two parallel lines. One is your heart, one is your mind. Your heart line can be on the wavelength of love the whole time while simultaneously your mind line is all over the place, sad one day, happy the next. You just focus on the heart line, the brain line will eventually even out and be steady, or maybe not, but I think at least anger and jealousy and these negative emotions will subside. When you don't give something attention it's easiest to grow. But the opposite way will not work, or will just lead to many more obstacles. You can't control your mind so much to where you finally get love in your heart because your mind is not you. The heart is the epicenter and it is a one-way line to the rest. So when you let things be how they are, when you lose sight of your spirituality, sometimes months later, you'll get a glimpse of how far it has actually come, because the thing you thought was spirituality really was a false one. Like an imposter. You had greedy intentions behind it. And you're left with this true connectedness, a not so serious, lightness to your heart. There is no goal anymore and you move with yourself through love. And the cycle repeats most likely, each time coming back stronger. It's all part of the ride. You wouldn't have a peak without the valleys. They are literally just as necessary. So let's start living through the heart more and thinking about things less. Intellect is not the greatest gift, at least not in the way most people view it. Feel, I'm not talking about emotions (though those are important to move with) but more your inner energy, the power of love, like a sixth sense. Let your heart process things first, before your mind. Let's let ourselves, dogs, all of earth flourish in our love. That is all. Please leave some feedback ❤️

[nicoleswanderings]

Here are some things I've learned at ENP about elephants and the tourism industry behind them: - Elephants protect the aged ones in their family by putting the youngest in the front, oldest in the middle and the leaders in the back. This way the old are protected from all sides. -Each elephant gets their own mahout after they have been rescued from the tourism industry and brought to ENP. The mahouts sometimes come from the industry as well if they have changed their ways. The elephant will not have the same mahout as they did when tortured however. If the mahout does not follow the policy of ENP they will be fired. No force or harm is to be done to the elephant. A mahout just guides the elephant when they get to close to humans or if they are doing something they aren't supposed to do. They basically train them. They speak in elephant language, the commands are different from Thai. -When an elephant is first rescued, their new mahout brings them to the jungle to calm down and bond with them. They become best friends essentially. -ENP helps other camps around the area to change the way they treat the elephants if they wish. They will show them how to properly run their business in an ethical way. -The only real law against elephant treatment in Thailand is that logging is illegal. You can't use an elephant to tie to the logs and pull them through the jungle. If you have the paperwork needed you can treat them however you please. -When a company acquires a new elephant they first put them through a process known as the Crush. The elephants are beaten and all parts of their bodies are tied to posts and they can only sway for about a week. Once they no longer have their spirit, they will listen to anything the bad mahouts say. You can look more up about this if you wish. It is insane. -Female elephants are then artificially inseminated. They sell babies to the circus for $80,000-100,000. -Any place that offers elephant rides, elephant tricks, painting, etc puts elephants through the Crush. -They even cut the bottom of the tails off the elephants. The hairs are used to make bracelets to sell at markets and the tail is put in alcohol and is an elixir believed to "make you strong." -Males are killed for their ivory every day. The ivory is then either carved or taken to a monk who blesses it (how backwards is that) and then placed in the home for good luck. -No women used to be able to ride the elephants because it was believed periods were "bad blood" and since the elephant was holy, nothing bad could touch it. -Male elephants ready to reproduce (basically the week where they are the most horny in their lives) have oil behind their eyes and it for a month. They become very aggressive and at the park, are separated off from the others. The guide said they lose control of their mind pretty much. -When an elephant dies at the park, they bury them and the elephant family stays around grave for a week to mourn them. -They have 4 teeth. -They drink water through their trunk then squirt it into their mouth -Medicine is the most important expensive part of project

[nicoleswanderings]

Wow lots of things have happened since the last update. I am still in pai but a little over a week ago I met a fucking wonderful human, Martina. We met when she walked into the hostel, complaining to me about how no one was being sociable. And we instantly connected. She is a replica of me in a different body....and 8 years older......and from the Czech Republic. Anyways we went to a monk monastery for 5 days to practice vipassana mediation. It was a hell of an experience. We met 2 other people there, Andrew from Texas and Andreas from Chile. After we had all left at different times, somehow fate brought us together at the night market in pai. Literally we just all stumbled together. Ruby, from our hostel (and Australia) also joined us and was talking to me about getting a tattoo. I have always wanted to get one so I talked with her for hours brainstorming ideas and finally came up with the design above. We found a tattoo parlor we liked and tried to translate our ideas to the Thai tattoo shop owner. He then translated it to the Thai tattoo artist who drew it and showed us the next day. Sketchy right. But It was everything I had hoped for and more. So I got it done in the traditional way with a bamboo stick! It honestly was not so bad after the first 5 minutes. Before that I wanted to punch the guy but that's when that meditation I had learned so well came in 😉😂. All my new friends (which honestly seemed like people I had know for a lifetime) watched and supported and I love them all so much. We then went to Valhalla, a little mini jungle village/bar/bungalow place. It was quite out in the middle of nowhere. Ruby and Andrew and I had a great trip and we just chilled, looked at the stars, sat around the fire, played jenga with the clan and watched people get schooled in pool. It was just magical. The 2 Rastafarians that ran the place made sure we were comfortable at all times, bringing us bananas, fried rice and even vegan noodles. Couldn't have asked for a better night. What selfless people honestly. Today Andreas, Andrew and Martina left back for Chiang Mai. It was a hard goodbye. The first tears. We are already talking about buying a van in New Zealand and traveling the country together for a few months next year. The connections you make traveling are invaluable. I feel like there is a whole army of people walking behind me whenever I am alone. And then here I am today, thinking about the magic of life and about to go get some dinner. I'm so excited to look back on this blog later in life. The other pictures are from a cave I rafted through and a viewpoint I saw today before we all split up.

[nicoleswanderings]

Language Barriers

After meeting so many people from around the world-Thailand, Czech Republic, Argentina, Spain, Germany, Canada, Vietnam, UK, and Poland so far- I have such a desire to learn as many languages as I can. Just seeing how much more you can connect with people when you can move past basic language differences is amazing. Even my little bit of Spanish helped me out today to make friends with a couple from Spain. I spent about 2 hours trying to teach them the pronunciation difference between SHIT and SHEET and also SHIP and SHEEP while they were high as a kite......they honestly never really got it 😂 but everyone caters to me, which is nice and all but to be able to experience and get to know Thai culture on their level is something that requires less of a language barrier. I think too I would feel much less isolated from people who I can't speak to in hostels. How great would it be to never have to worry about language barriers. Maybe an impossible feat but to make it closer to that goal would be amazing. First step, practice my Spanish a bit more! And if you are wondering, most people in Thailand speak very basic English but also many speak none at all. A simple smile is all I will exchange with them. Most people in the hostels speak some English, though many are nervous to speak it I think so they don't really talk as much.

[nicoleswanderings]

All I gotta say was today was magical. And it was the people that made it so. But also waterfalls, rice fields and the street market. Fruit galore. Vegan food for $1.50. GAH I love Pai.

[nicoleswanderings]

**CLICK ON THIS BECAUSE IT DOESN'T SHOW MY WHOLE POST!!** Well it has been a hot minute since I have updated you guys! Since my last post I took a 2 hour train to Kanchanaburi. I met a German girl there I traveled to Erawan falls via 2hour bus with. We hiked to the top of the 7 tiers and then is started pouring. Everyone went down but we started swimming and it was magical-just us and the rain. Then we went down, soaking wet and she took the bus back but I camped by the river that night in a tent that the NP rented out. I met 2 Thai girls who were on break from college and we went out for dinner and then played cards in my tent. The next morning was rough- very homesick and many tears. But I picked myself and went to see the falls again. After I caught the bus back and then took the 6pm bus from Kanchanaburi to Chiang Mai. It was a sleepless 12 hours. I went with a girl from the U.K. Who I loved and I hope to meet up with again. After getting off, I found my place for the night and met up with Alisha and her boyfriend (I had been planning to meet up with her). We saw the Grand Canyon of Thailand and swam. Then went to a great vegan place, and came back to the hotel and I slept until like 7 this morning. Today I'm not doing much, just reading and getting food and watching Netflix. Tomorrow I plan to take the bus to Pai and hang there for a while. Anyways, I'm feeling much better now, starting to get into the swing of things and listen/trust myself more. I don't have to see cool things all the time, but I do have to put my mental health first. CHILL DAYS ARE IMPORTANT. Also I rented a motorbike and it is my new favorite thing. I love it. I Also have to say I already appreciate North America so so so much more. Also my parents. They are the best. I will try to keep you updated in the next few days! Love and peace to you all ❤️

[nicoleswanderings]

I'm just gunna make a list of stuff I did today cuz I don't feel like writing. I'm pooped. -took a flight from Taipei to Bangkok -found my bag and caught the airport line, then the BTS to my hostel which is the cutest thing ever (Analog Hostel) -took and shower and then bought lunch at a market -ate said lunch (passion fruit purée, passion fruit bread rolls, papaya and bananas) at pretty park a mile and a half from my hostel -met a girl from Australia and Oahu and went to dinner with them -noticed there was fried pig intestines, rice topped with pig blood and raw pork on the menu. Hmmm -became very good friends with girls and went to another market to get persimmons, this lychee stuff and the fleshy fruit. I'll figure the names out later. -went back to the hostel and had a fruit eating party -found out rambutan means hairy balls in Indonesian (look up a picture of them) -thought of plans to take the train to Kanchanaburi and maybe camp at Erawan Falls National Park. -also at the airport noticed that they have hello kitty stores everywhere in Taiwan. -wrote this and then went to sleep NIGHT ALL

[nicoleswanderings]

GUYS! Today was the best! Despite not sleeping at all on the 12.5 hour flight, I am feeling so energized right now (it's 8:52 pm Taiwan time). So after I got off the plane I took the metro to Taipei Main Station (1.5 hours) and then took the red line to Shilin station (20min) where I walked to my hostel. Upon walking to my room, I meet a girl who has a flight the same time as me tomorrow though she is going to Shanghai. We are going to split a taxi to the airport since public transportation doesn't start until 6 and we have to leave our hostel at 5:30 am 😳. But what are the chances! And then I went out to eat with a girl, Soo, who has been to pretty much all the countries I am going to but in 8 months. We ate rice and this cabbage stuff and corn and this black pepper watercress/sprout looking stuff. It was bomb but I realized I am gunna be pretty loose about this vegan stuff or else I am gunna drive myself insane. It was $40 which is like $1.30 usd. She told me that I should definitely come back to Taiwan. She has been here for a month. Ahhh all her stories made me so excited! The weather here has been shit though because apparently a typhoon is coming in so it was like seattle rain plus a bunch of wind the whole night. Anyways, I got me and my small backpack so I am looking forward to getting my big backpack tomorrow with all my stuff cuz I didn't put my rain jacket in my carry on. This is about to be the most informal blog ever just so you guys know. I'm just writing as I think. It has been a great start. Onwards to Bangkok we go! PS. This is me and Sue. She's on the bunk below me.