#doctor daddy cullen

[volturiprincess]

Carlisle Cullen w/ His Mate Mood Board

Surprise, Surprise! Technically when I was checking the poll earlier of "Who should be next" regarding Mood boards, Carlisle was in second place after Paul so...... Just checking now, Jane is now second (not surprised, she deserves first but no judgement). But I got to say something about Carlisle is just muah, Chefs kiss. I found it amusing when I was reading Twilight and Bella's reaction to him in the hospital was literally "handsomer than any other movie star", she's not wrong (the only time I agree with her) but like I got to say he is Daddy Cullen, The handsome Vampire Doctor.

[pinkfoxd0ll]

think I need someone older

just a little bit colder

take a weight of your shoulders

think I need someone older

[little-diable]

Sweetness – Carlisle Cullen (smut)

We just love daddy Carlisle in this household. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated! Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: Carlisle and the reader finally give in to the longing they had felt for years. Pwp

Warnings: 18+, smut, just oral (f) though, Carlisle is a dick at the beginning, some fluff, friends to lovers

Pairing: Carlisle Cullen x fem!reader (1.5k words)

“(Y/n)!” Anger dripped from his voice as he called for her. Her eyes were ripped from the file she was reading, rechecking the report before she could send it off. Slowly, her eyes wandered towards Doctor Cullen’s open door, waiting for him to keep on speaking. But all he did was call out her name again, forcing her towards his office with cautious steps.

Ever since last night, he had seemed off, more stressed and agitated than normal. Something must have happened at home, something that drew snappish words, loud commands, and unfriendly comments from the lips she had felt pressed against hers only last week. 

“Yes?” She stood in the doorframe with her hands interlaced in front of her. Ever since their shared kiss, a weird atmosphere had grown between them, something neither of them had spoken about in the past days. Perhaps he regretted the kiss they had shared in the middle of the night, while working on patient files together; perhaps he simply didn’t feel the same emotions she had struggled to adjust to these past years. Whatever it was, it left her feeling uneasy. 

“Where is the Jensen file?” His desk was covered with files, a mess that made her heart ache at the thought of having to sort this in a few minutes as he’d leave for his next consultation. He wasn’t one to leave behind a mess for her to take care of, and yet, every now and then, he seemed to drown in the numerous files he had to go through, begging her for help whenever he lost control. 

“I left it on top of these files this morning.” She stepped towards his desk, ready to sort through the files. 

“Well, it isn’t there. So where else could you have put it? Did you even work on it?” The accusatorial tone of his voice left her frozen, wide eyes finding his angry ones. Her heart ached in her chest at his words, she wasn’t used to being treated like that by him, the man she considered her closest friend–at least until last week.

“What exactly are you implying?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest while matching the tone of his voice. Both stared at one another for a few moments before a sigh clawed through him, forcing him to close his eyes. (Y/n) studied him, he looked exhausted, tired even–something she hadn’t ever picked up around him before, something must clearly be wrong. 

Without saying another word, (y/n) turned back towards the door to close it, knowing that they needed some privacy. Carlisle’s golden eyes followed her every move, he watched her walk back towards his desk, watched her shuffle through the files for a second before finding the one he had been searching for. A quiet “Thank you” left the doctor as he took the file from her hand, letting it drop to his lap before reaching his hand out for (y/n) to take.

She needed a handful of seconds before giving in, allowing Carlisle to pull her towards him. With her standing between her thighs, both clung to the silence wrapping itself around them for a moment. (Y/n) had to fight against the need to comb her fingers through his hair, wanting to offer the comfort he seemed to desperately need. 

“There are some things we should talk about, can you stay for a while longer today?” Her heart skipped a beat at the way he looked at her. His eyes were filled with different emotions, uncertainty and confusion she felt just as much, but yet all she managed to do was nod her head. 

And with one last sigh, he let go of her, watching (y/n) find her way back to her desk with a slight tremble.

……

“You’re godsent, thank you for this.” Carlisle plopped down on his chair as he admired the way she had cleaned up his mess. It had been a long consultation, robbing the usually calm and collected doctor of his last nerve, something only (y/n) could now restore. She was sitting on the small couch with her gaze focused on his handsome features as she waited for him to keep on speaking. 

“I think I overstepped last week. It feels like I took advantage of a situation and pressured you to kiss me.” He avoided her gaze as he spoke his words, clearly emanating what he was struggling to fight through. She whispered his name, tried to catch his gaze though without any luck. Slowly, (y/n) rose to her feet to find her way to him.

“You didn’t pressure me, Carlisle. I enjoyed the kiss, and I know you did too.” Her heart ached at the pained expression crossing his features. Carlisle was clearly fighting something he struggled to put into words, unsure how to let her in on whatever he was currently going up against. With a sigh, (y/n) reached for his chin, she tilted it upwards so that Carlisle had to get lost in her gaze 

“I always struggled to stay away from you, but now,” he didn’t finish his sentence. All Carlisle could do was stare at her as (y/n) tilted her head down to kiss him. It didn’t take him long to snap into motion, to pull her into his lap with strong hands placed on her waist. He could hear her racing heart, could hear the blood rushing through her body, could hear the excitement she was held hostage by. 

Their back and forth had started years ago when they had first met, forming a strange bond that had lured (y/n) right into his trap. She’d follow the doctor wherever he’d go, unable to part from him. And he’d never be strong enough to let her go, a selfish need neither could shake. 

“Carlisle,” (y/n) choked on his name as she pushed herself closer, letting her heat rub against his bulge. She had always felt that need to be touched by him, hoping that one day she’d be fortunate enough to feel his hands on her body. 

“Talk to me, love, what do you want?” He parted from (y/n) to look at her, to stare at the woman who was straddling his lap. Her lips were swollen, her eyes were filled with a longing so strong, Carlisle couldn’t help but feel pride simmer deep inside of him. He’d be the only one to make her feel like this from now on, the only one to touch and cherish her. 

“I need you, always have.” The satisfied hum that left him almost managed to drown out her gasp as he rose to his feet only to place her down on his desk. They held eye contact as he tugged her trousers down her legs, exposing her soaked panties to his darkening eyes. With both arms wrapped around her thighs, Carlisle kissed his way up to her core, leaving her trembling in anticipation before he pushed her panties aside. 

“You’re gorgeous.” His praise left her moaning, she tried to shuffle even closer, needing to feel his tongue on her heat. (Y/n)’s hands instantly found his bright hair as he finally let his tongue brush through her slit, groaning at her taste. She couldn’t hold back her sounds, couldn’t force herself to stay quiet as he ate her out with an unfamiliar passion.

She felt weightless, thrown into another dimension as the man she had been crushing on for years finally touched her. It was better than imagined, more passionate, more raw, more intimate. Something about the feeling of his cold fingers on her warm skin made her tremble even stronger, adding a new kind of intensity. 

His name kept leaving (y/n), a sound that reverberated through his office, followed by the satisfied moans he couldn’t hold back. It was a sinful mixture, a mixture so intense, she feared she’ll never be able to rip herself free again. Her heart was Carlisle’s, he could have her forever if he’d want. 

“Fuck, love, look at you, you temptation.” He growled the words against her skin, let his fingers circle her clit while his tongue pushed into her tightness. Her walls fluttered around his strong muscle, pulling him even closer as her orgasm was about to thump through her. She could only moan his name, could only arch her back with trembling thighs and a racing heart. 

His mouth found her pulsing bundle as he let two of his cold fingers explore her tightness. He curled his fingers against her swollen spot, and with one last flicker of his tongue, (y/n) came for him. She couldn’t hold back her moans, couldn’t stop herself from giving into the most powerful orgasm she had felt in years.

“Jesus fuck, Carlisle.” Her panted words left him chuckling. Slowly he let go of her, only to pull her into his lap with his strong arms. With her head resting on his chest, (y/n) tried to come down from her high, while cuddling herself even closer to him.

“We’ll have to do that again.” (Y/n) mumbled against his shirt, words that left him chuckling louder than anticipated. And with a kiss pressed to her forehead, she knew that everything would be alright, he’d hold onto her for as long as she’d let him.

[littlespace-imagines]

Hiii! I love you blog so much!! Could you by chance do a Carlisle Cullen where he’s the reader’s caregiver? Lots of snuggles and some comforting reassurance for mental health struggles? Thank you🥺💞

Cg!Carlisle Cullen x little!human!reader

Headcannons

Contains: established relationship, CG/l dynamics, littlespace, Carlisle being the best, fluff

Carlisle would be the best caregiver for a chronically ill little honestly.

He’d use his position as a doctor to get you actually diagnosed and get you the accommodations you need.

He also just…. Loves to spoil his loved ones.

I could absolutely see him “prescribing” his little one regression time just because he can tell they’re overwhelmed and not doing great.

Is the best ever sippy-cup refiller. Keeps you hydrated even if you won’t do it yourself.

Very supportive of your clinginess. Literally will get a comfy pull-out couch for you in his work office for when you need him extra bad that day.

Gives those good, firm hugs where he rubs your back a little bit.

Fully supports you sitting on his lap for cuddles if you need it.

Keeps you fed on a schedule

This man buys you things just because he forgets you can buy things yourself

I think Carlisle would rather be called Papa than daddy imho

Carlisle is the type of caregiver to zip your coat for you if he thinks it’s cold

Also always holds your hand when going places

He really enjoys slow, comfy days in with you

Enjoys playing with you! Loves buying you play pretend toys so you can both play together

Loves seeing your imagination work

[heavenlytouches]

pls doctor Cullen x female reader. make it like, she came to doc and she was afraid of doctors so he comforts her. I have such daddy issues with that man. also love your work

Hello dear! Thank you so much for a request and sweet words! And of course, Doctor Cullen is something else. I love that man. Let's dive in- El <3

Dr. Carlisle Cullen- beneath the fog

•.⋆｡✮⋆⟡

FEM reader

<3 (SFW)

TW-none

Gentle doc ;)

Reader has Iatrophobia (fear of doctors)

Carlisle Cullen

The rain drizzled softly over Forks, each droplet dancing down from the gray sky, blurring the edges of the world. The fog hung low, wrapping the town in a shroud of mystery and tranquility. You hated mornings like this.

Then happened your big fall—an embarrassing tumble on the icy sidewalk just outside Forks High, leaving you in an ambulance, heart racing with more than just the fear of injury. You had always been terrified of doctors, their sterile instruments and white coats invoking a sense of dread that was hard to shake.

As you were wheeled into the small, dimly lit examination room, the smell of antiseptic filled the air, sending shivers down your spine.

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block out the memories of today's accident, the embarrassment of slipping in front of classmates, and the impending dread of a doctor’s visit.

But when the door opened, the atmosphere shifted. Carlisle Cullen entered, a vision of calm amidst the chaos of your thoughts.

His golden hair framed a face that seemed sculpted by the gods—a mix of gentleness and strength radiating from him. His smile was warm, a stark contrast to the chill of the clinic. You had seen him around Forks, although you had never spoken to him.

“Good morning.”

He said, his voice smooth like honey.

“I’m Dr. Cullen. How are you feeling? They said it was a pretty nasty fall.”

You glanced up, catching those beautiful eyes—amber and sparkling with kindness. You could feel the anxious flutter in your stomach, the same kind you felt whenever you saw someone particularly interesting.

“I… um, I’m okay, I think.”

You stammered, your voice barely reaching above a whisper.

He managed to make the medical environment feel a little less fearsome.

“You’re safe here. Let’s take a look at what happened, shall we?”

His demeanor was calm and relaxed, occupying the space with an aura of tranquility.

You took a deep breath and nodded, attempting to push your fears aside as he gestured for you to lie back on the examination table.

He moved closer, his presence both comforting and daunting, and you instinctively wanted to inch away. But he didn’t crowd you; instead, he patiently waited, letting you adjust to his nearness.

“How did you fall?”

He asked, gently inspecting your elbow, where the bruise was beginning to blossom in shades of purple and blue. His fingers were deft and careful, brushing against your skin with a tenderness that momentarily distracted you from your anxiety.

“I was just… distracted. I didn’t see the ice-”

You mumbled, then added, more hesitantly-

“I’m not very good with ice… or doctors, for that matter.”

He looked up from his examination, curiosity dancing in his eyes.

“What about doctors makes you uneasy?”

You couldn’t decide whether to be honest or to deflect. But there was something in the depths of his gaze that urged you to be open.

“I guess… I’ve just had a few bad experiences. It’s a bit frightening, you know? The needles, the equipment…”

Carlisle nodded, his expression softening further.

“I understand completely. It’s perfectly normal to feel this way. Many people do. But I promise, I only want to help you.”

His confidence was infectious. You found your breath coming easier, the tension in your shoulders loosening ever so slightly.

“Thank you..”

You whispered, feeling warmth bloom in your chest at the way he treated you—not just as a patient, but as a person.

He spent the next few minutes talking softly, weaving stories of how he got into medicine, his compassion for those in need pulling you into his world. You felt your heart flutter as you realized that behind the caring doctor was a man who struggled with his own burdens yet chose a path of gentleness.

“Okay...”

He said after a while, stepping back and examining your elbow one last time.

“It looks like a bruise, but I want to do a quick check to make sure you’re okay overall. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

With that simple statement, you felt lighter. Watching him work with a grace that was mesmerizing, you realized your fear was slowly being replaced by admiration. Carlisle was everything you wanted in a protector��a gentle spirit with an unshakeable strength.

“Thank you for being so kind.”

You said, an earnestness in your voice that surprised you.

“It really helps.”

His smile widened, genuine and radiant, and your heart soared.

“Anytime. You’re stronger than you think, you know. Just take it one step at a time.”

As he finished his examination, you left the clinic not only with a better sprain but with a fluttering heart that dared to hope.

There was something about him—the way he listened and understood—that made you want to see him again. It was as if, in the midst of a foggy Forks morning, he had cleared away the clouds of your fear, revealing a light you hadn’t known you desperately needed.

Maybe, just maybe, you could face the world beyond the fog if it meant you could have another moment with Dr. Cullen.

Like I said, I loooove Carlisle so much! Also, I hope y'all liked this drabble ^^

Don’t forget, requests are always open and I can write for any character you’d like!

I love you guys so much <33

El <3

(all images were made by: El via canva & paint)

[shelbgrey]

Hi! alright? could you do a fanfic where the reader (or y/n) is Emmett and Rosalie's adopted daughter and they just LOVE the fact that she's a redhead? they love her freckles all over her cheeks and fiery red hair, not only them, but the entire Cullen family, they love it!! And maybe one imagines where someone at school admires her for her fiery hair and vampires don't like it! Idk ❤️.

Forever now(Emmett Cullen and Rosalie Hale)

Paring: Daughter!Reader X Emmett Cullen x Rosalie Hale.

Summary: normally when a child in need crosses the path of the Cullens carlisle is always willing to find a spot in his family for them but when a small red-head crosses their path its Rosalie's turn to start the family she's always wanted.

A/n: I love this request so much. I love purness in it and I'm excited to write my first Twilight request.

A/n #2: request are currently closed so I can work on my Emmett Cullen series.

MasterList

The little girl with firey hair story starts a little while back. The little girl was no less than two when she we welcomed into the Cullen family. The little girl's mother had died while giving birth to her and her father was unfit to take care of her.

The soul residents of small town in Alaska became concerned for the red-head child which led her in the hands of the chief of police. This was Beyond the cop's knowledge, so of course he called Carlisle Cullen who was head of the hospital he worked at the time. He had brought the small red-head girl to the hospital and Carlisle was in aw as the small girl stared at him with big doe eyes, almost too shy for her own good.

Carlisle knelt down to her hight and offered his hand. He smiled softly as the little girl approached him carefully. She was clueless to the situation but she knew she could trust the blonde doctor with gold eyes.

Alice had a vision of the red-head girl with freckles but the version she saw, Carlisle and Esme adopted her. Alice's visions had never been so wrong...

Not even the 300 year old vampire could explain what happened that day. As the little girl wondered around the bright house she curiously walked up to Emmett. He was setting in the living room playing video games when the small girl poked his knee a mumbled a small word...

“giant”

It was the first time they heard her talk and they were not disappointed. Emmett chuckled at the smell girl as she hugged on his giant leg. She didn't shy away from him. She did the same with Rosalie.

The family have never seen her this happy. She had gotten home from late from a shopping trip that same night and she was in love as soon as she saw the little girl's fuzzy red hair and beautiful freckles setting on Emmett's lap.

“who's this?” she smiled. The little girl waved at Rosalie and had a big cheesey smile. Rose loved every part of the little girl. In her eyes she's was perfect, from her red hair to her freckles.

The little girl stayed for about a week before the family made the decision of what would the future would be. As that week passed Rosalie grew more and More attached. She would always make sure she ate well and would do her hair everyday. Just like a mother would.

As for Emmett he was slightly afraid to be around the small human. With his bone crushing strength and everything else that came with being a vampire he would never forgive himself if he hurt her.

Of course that didn't stop the little girl. She would giggle and follow him around where ever he went. If he was working on his jeep she would laugh and crawl under it with him. If he was playing video games she would crawl into his lap begging him to read her a story.

All that two year old understood was, this was her home and the people around her was family. She was so young her brain told her Emmett and Rosalie was Mommy and Daddy. Which led Rosalie to life aultering decision after that one single word that fell out of Little red's mouth.

'mama'

Edward nor Jasper could even put into words how happy she was. When she heard that she was glowing with happiness as she held the little girl.

“mama loves you darling” she mumbled. After that the family knew she had a home there and they also knew Rosalie would fight tooth and nail for that little girl.

That night Rosalie layed on the couch as the little girl slept soundly in her arms. Emmett quietly joined her with a huge grien. “okay” he simply replied.

“okay?” she chuckled not really catching on.

“she's ours Rose” his smile only got bigger as he watched his mate hold the little girl with nothing but pure happiness.

“your mommy and daddy love you so much little y/n” Rosalie said kissing her sleeping head.

And that's how the little girl with red hair and freckles became y/n Hale-Cullen. The little girl brought so much joy into the family and each family member ment so much too her.

Emmett and Rosalie of course were #1 in her eyes but as she made herself comfortable in the family she also made meaningful relationships.

She was a listener and an observer so she quickly caught on that carlisle and Esme were her parents 'parents'. She would often call carlisle, Car or pops. When she was little she couldn't properly say his name which lead to Car and pops. Carlisle became close with the small child as well, he loved her personality and loved it when she'd ask about being a doctor. Then Esme. Y/n grew close with Esme immediately, if she wasn't with rose then she was with Esme.

Her Aunts and Uncles were the same. She'd never say it out loud but Jasper was her favorite uncle. Jasper would say y/n was the only thing pure in his life, but that was true for all of them.

Then there's the who vampire thing. Y/n wasn't stupid and of course she wanted to know why mom and dad never ate gold fish crackers like she did and she wanted to know why when ever she had a bad dreams mom and dad weren't in bed asleep when she ran in for comfort.

She was about six years old when she found out. She knew she had to keep it a secret and she was very good at it. This also led to Rosalie's fear of her becoming a vampire. Of course she wanted her daughter to be around Forever, but her heart broke eveytime she thought about the opportunities that would be tooken away from her. Which is why she's now 16 and looked the same age as her uncle Edward.

Y/n would never say it out loud but she was sick of it. She wanted to be like her family and it was hard for her grow up while everyone else in her family remained the same ages. She wanted her mom's gold eyes and her father's strength... She just wanted to feel normal in what she felt was a normal family but here she was, now 16 going to High school with her parents and her Aunts and Uncles.

Just livin' the dream...

--------( ....... )--------

So far Forks was y/n favorite palce to live. She's been just about everywhere, that came with being a Cullen. But something about this town was special to her. But the down fall was all the curious eyes. She didn't like the attention her family received. She hated how people would watch them... She hated how people watched her and that made her have second thoughts about the thing everyone loved about her.

She's was going through a 'phase' at least Emmett and Rosalie hoped it was. Her phase was she didn't like how her hair looked, no matter how many times Rosalie or Esme would tell her how beautiful she was. But no matter what she did with it everyone still seemed to be in aw about it.

Especially the boys at Forks High...

As I said before she hated how people watched her. Her beautiful hair is the reason why people watched her. She started to resent it no matter how many different ways Rosalie or Alice styled it or how many times Carlisle would say how beautiful it was. She just hated the attention. She hated the attention the high school boys gave her.

“Hey, y/n” Mike Newton said one day as she was leaving her English class.

Y/n wasn't a socializing type, hell she was shy. She would just mumbled a small hello with a smile. Mike continued to walk with her and eye her up and down.

“your hair is pretty today” Mike smiled. It was a nice thing to say, yes but as he said it y/n passed her uncle Jasper.

“Hey I was wondering if-”

Jasper slammed his locker shut in anger as he felt impure feelings the teen felt for his niece. In Mike's defense he truly liked her but he would never be her type. Jasper took on the role of the big brother he played at school and walked up to the two.

“hi y/n” he said glaring at Mike. Y/n rolled her eyes as milk gulped.

Jasper continued to walk down the hallway with the two as he intimidated Mike. Y/n sighed and looked down in embarrassment but at the same time thankfull it wasn't her father. Emmett would have made it ten times worse.

“Hey Mike, weren't you gonna say something?” y/n asked softly as they walked to their next class with Jasper.

He shrugged. “I honestly don't remember” he said staying silent in fear of what Jasper would do. They then walked passed Alice and Rosalie in the hallway he recoiled even further as he felt Rosalie's percing eyes. Rose didn't say anything though, she knew her daughter was safe with Jasper. She also knew Emmett would have a cow if he found out.

Despite the angry eyes of the Cullen family, Mike couldn't stop looking at her beautiful red hair. He loved the way the curls perfectly framed her face and bounced as she moved gracefully. But you just don't look at y/n Cullen like that. No matter if you have good intentions or not.

So Mike failed and so did a handful of others at school. Jasper of course kept it a secret like y/n asked but his mind would wonder and if it wondered to that one faithful day Edward would find out. And Edward refused to lie to Emmett or Rosalie when it came y/n.

This would lead to Emmett putting the fear of God in Mike dispite his daughter's pleas. Yes she found him annoying but the kindness Esme and Carlisle had tougher made her fear for Mike.

Tyler was the only one who was close to even getting a date with her. She actually liked him at one point but then he moved away. But after that y/n stopped showing interest in the boys of her school. She stopped even if they still loved her and her red hair.

Those human boys never mattered to her. There was no possible future due to her life style and family. They especially stopped mattering after she found her mate Benjamin...

The first thing Benjamin noticed about her was her freckled covered cheeks as she smile. He couldn't help but smile with her. He was in love with her firey red hair and couldn't stop staring at how it perfectly layed on her shoulders or how it reminded him of the sunsets at his home.

All the things she grew tired of because of the boys at Forks High, she grew to love because of Benjamin's genuine compliments and love he had for the things that made her stand out.

[owen-writes]

Owen Writes

Male Reader Or Gender Neutral Or FTM Reader Only

Fem aligned people may interact and read but do not fetishize. No Fem Reader requests.

Masterposts:

Main Masterpost

Doctor Who Masterpost

Nameless Series Masterpost (needs a name)

ATM, I write for:

The Doctor (9,10,11,12,14,15) - Doctor Who

Rory Williams - Doctor Who

Captain Jack Harkness - Doctor Who

Alec Hardy - Broadchurch

Cale Erendreich - Bad Samaritan

Campbell Bain - Takin' Over The Asylum

Crowley - Good Omens (Will Do Poly Ineffable Husbands)

Saul Silva (Platonic) - Fate, The Winx Saga

Cullen Family (Platonic) - Twilight

Sierra Six - The Grey Man

Jonah Simms - Super Store

James Marriott

Lucifer Morningstar - Netflix Lucifer

Rules:

No smut! I may write smut if I want to but will not write requests that are smut. (Basically if I get horny and want to indulge, I will.)

All smut I do write is for 18+ only. You're reading my work at your own discretion and I am not responsible for what you read on the Internet.

Gore wise - no explicit descriptions but cannon typical stuff I'm okay with.

I can delete any request if it makes me uncomfortable

I'm not really a fan of AUs or anything that strays too far from cannon.

Can be a platonic or romantic relationship. Aka dad or husband? (Basically I have some deep daddy issues)

I like to have dialogue prompts to start off. But it's okay if not. (I lack the creative fuse to make up a story but can sure as hell write em.)

[simpfordemetri]

Why do u hate the cullens? No judge just genuinely curious!

Hii babe

They are WEIRD,want to fit into being humans so bad instead of just embracing what being a vampires means.

The Volturi have SIMPLE RULES and somehow they manage to be stupid and break them all and then HAVE THE AUDACITY to say the Volturi are the villains

Babe if you all dont break the rules maybe they dont have to act against your coven xx

Anyways,i can understand the whole vegetarian diet okay,but why trying so hard into continue the human life?Graduating over and over again?Being a doctor?Bro wtf daddy chill

Not to say Jasper is racist,no i dont take opinions here you all can go look it up.And Edward dont make me talk about him because oh my god

And why do they hate the wolfs???Mmmm i smell racist again because otherwise they dont have other option.All their kids are adopted and somehow all of them are white

They are just the “I AM THE VICTIM RIGHT?” kind of people,fuck up over and over again but THEY ARE THE VICTIM AND THE VOLTURI SUCKS BLABLA

Okay go create your own vampire government maybe you do it better mm?

Hating on vampires because they feed on humans?Bro what do you fucking expect to have Tea and cookies parties?Mental health is important guys because they are delulu

[welcometololaland]

Here it is...LOL-ing at the choice of characters. Jacob shirtless. DYING. And like, fuck the rest of the cullens who actually live there. But here's Doctor Daddy Cullen. Dead. https://nerdist.com/article/lego-announces-twilight-cullen-house-set-edward-bella-jacob-minifigures/

Michelle 😂😂😂😂😂 I'm screaming!!!!! this needs no comment you have really said it all

cc vampire enthusiasts: @strandnreyes @lightningboltreader @rmd-writes

[sethsclearwater]

And the last one 💖 Can you do Carlisle (again, no Esmo existing) with his female!human!s/o that's on her period and is having horrible pain? Like she feels she's gonna pass out and is just laying in bed in pain? How would daddy Cullen (xD) help his mate? 💖

once again i am so sorry for not seeing this for literally two years🤦🏻‍♀️ can’t believe i just now figured out how to access my requests😭

...

period pain was nothing new to you. though, every month you seemed to forget just how bad the pain was and consistently found yourself baffled by how miserable you were.

this month seemed to be particularly bad seeing as you were quite literally curled up in your fiance's bed, light-headed and nauseous from the seemingly never-ending cramps that left you near tears.

"still hurting?" carlisle murmured, gently brushing your hair out of your face so he could get a better look at you.

"i literally feel like i'm dying," you whined, tightening your grip around your abdomen and rolling over so you could rest your head in his lap, desperate for any kind of comfort.

"i'll get you some more midol. i really think you should consider birth control so you don't have to keep doing this every month." he cooed, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead.

you groaned, shaking your head and burying your face in his lap as you mumbled, "don't wanna. too many side effects."

he sighed at this, stroking his fingers through your hair, "you know i'm a doctor, right?" if you didn't know him any better you'd think he was teasing you. "i wouldn't suggest it if i didn't think it would help," he cooed, gently massaging your scalp. although it didn't do much for the pain in your uterus, it did provide a small bit of comfort.

"i know." you reluctantly mumbled, rolling over so you could look up at him, now teary-eyed from the pain.

he frowned, "no tears my love," he cooed, "why don't we go downstairs and put something on the tv? and i'll get you some more midol and something to help with the nausea." he suggested thoughtfully, and you nodded, allowing him to bundle you up into his arms and carry you downstairs.

[dinoalexander]

Your Moment of Zen: The World Famous Semi-Quotable 2023 Quotedown Quotetacular (NSFL)

The following is created from encounters from many friends and loved ones over the past year. And it is my honor to say... READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. === Y'all know what this is... We've done this 21 times before... Here comes #22.... ... as we proceed... ... to give you what you need... ... 2023 QUOTE WALL, LET'S GO! === “Happy 2023! Everything has been perfectly fine the first 2 minutes. Don't screw it up for the rest of us over the next 364 days, 23 hours, and 58 minutes.” -Klaussie

“We won the game. You get a prize, honey. And here is mine!” -The Fifteenth Doctor

“You did the first good thing of 2023. Now you have 364 days to fuck it up.” -Jay “And you know I will…” -C “Multiple times over.” -Jay

“Looks the same, but all the racehorses are one year older.” -Joe T.

“I think Will’s favorite line is “it feels good to be a gangsta” … every time he helps a perp walk.” -Bing

“On New Year's Eve, everyone says that they support you when you fall. On January 2nd, the only thing that's going to support you when you fall is the floor.” -G.

“ I can smell your throat and want to murder you every moment of the day… Romance.” -Shannon

Gordon: BAD BAD PLANT! Jason: I have to report it to PPS Gordon: PPS? Jason: Plant Protective Services Gordon: He's so bad

“The things I miss when I go to bed at the crack of 10.” -C

“Printer + Edge of Table = Always Trouble.” -Hollywood

“So I've been downgraded from hated to just disliked. That's progress.” -G. “Listen… if you don’t go out and get your Monday… somebody else will.” -Miss Sarah

Gordon: You want to see Scream 5? Carlos: I live in your apartment. I think that movie is not gonna scare me

“All hail the Mighty Pop-Tart!” -Hirsh

Gordon: My plant pooped a $100 Money egg. Chico: Hope you wiped afterward. Gordon: Always

“He showed talent, which disappointed me.” -Jay

“You know these are people you want to work with when we are not just talking about The Joker's Wild, but The BILL CULLEN version of The Joker's Wild.” -G., geeking out. “You’re working with keepers.” -Chico “"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" That's cute and all but have you ever had street tacos while drunk at 2am sold by a nice old Hispanic lady saying "¡Qué lindo! ¡Estás demasiado flaco! ¡Come más!"?” -Kim

“Covid Rica.” -G.

“And now here is your deep thought for a Friday. The first person who ever saw a parrot talk was probably not OK for quite some time afterwards. Think about it.” -Brian

Keep the masks on! -G. I was in the bathroom -Bowler You don't pee through your nose -G.

Get me a ferret or I will cut your balls off - Carlos

I'm pretty sure I didn't intentionally create a User Access Denied page to block me from working -G. ...Or did you? -Boss “FAA had to unplug it and then plug it back in again.” -Heather

“Nothing left to do but throw it out into the universe in the hopes that NMRK course-corrects.” -C

“Listening to country music and sitting on a bed of nails must be similar experiences.” -Sarah

“I’d rather roll in honey butt naked and sprinkle sugar all over myself before jumping on an ant nest the size of a Walmart before ever wanting my baby daddy back. I barely wanted him the first time!” -Jenn

“YouGov paid for my last pair of AirPods, and I’m sure they’ll pay for my next pair as soon as I lose these.” -John Lang, Audit the Audit

“Don't forget the rings. You know what finger they go on, right?” -Carlos “Yes, they are right next to the F*ck You Finger.” -G. “YES! Ha ha ha ha ha ha” -Carlos “Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox Mailbox” -Carlos

“On a side note, I got the lewdle quicker than the wordle, which should surprise no one.” -G.

“O Canada, je suis la jeune fille.” -Statboy “He spoke French, but he’s not French. He’s American!” -Brian

“If you can eat it and like it, I'll be moving towards getting the sponsorship. If it kills you, then I won't.” -G.

“And now the 49ers are in a dire situation at QB… and wait, something’s happening in the stadium tunnel.. good God that’s Colin Kaepernick’s music!” -Mark Ellis

“No one likes Butt-Ass Naked Lanes.” -Panther

“My plant has the munchies.” -G.

“That hairstyle was a choice.” -Brian

“Ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff.” -George W.

“We may have a bigger bunch of haterade next week.” -G. “I'll bring the Church Key.” -C

“Can’t play Lingo without my lucky balls.” -RuPaul, host of Lingo

“Come. Let us play night.” -C

“When you’re in the toilet in Scotland, the smell of cow shit and horse shit overpowers the smell that any human can produce.” -Q

“I'm a stay at home pro bowler.” -Charles K. “You're a stay at home cabbage.” -Justin K.

(Watching Meta taking a Dive) JD Witherspoon somewhere is laughing sipping some tea. -G.

“Herb Abrams! HE FAT!” -C “Next time you're about to complain about cancel culture just remember that a man who is currently under investigation for attempting to overthrow the United States government just got cast as like the Happy Li'l Slice o' Cake on The Masked Singer.” -Dave Holmes

“Can a Game Show stop a Civil War?” -Dave Statman

“Nestor Cortes is on the 15-day DL.” -Greg “Oh, that gives him 15 days to go molest somebody.” -Klaussie

“We’ll get started once we figure out what all these wires do!” -Cory

“What the hell is this nonsense?” -Jordan, on a Dook sweater in the Dean Dome

“Not this game show shit again.” -Carlos.

“Let’s take their Chinese balloon money.” -Jay

“Shut the front door!” -Q “The door is firmly shut. And bolted.” -cruise director Lee

“Kath & Kim… and the Power Rangers Razzle Dazzle Show!” -Klaussie

“A mountain is only unclimbable until it’s climbed.” -Q

“It’s only a Champagne Ranger if it comes from the Champagne region of the Morphin Grid.” -somebody re: Russell Curry’s Cosmic Fury costume

“There is no saving throw for bullshit.” -someone at Jay’s D&D.

“If you are showing any foul play, you will be sent to your dressing room. And if it is really dirty, you’ll be sent to mine.” -The Governess

“No spoilers! I don’t want to know how it ends! Oh wait…” -Paul, re: the HQ Trivia doc

“He couldn’t have been more open if he was wearing a neon sign that said ‘Throw it to me, you idiot!’” -Brian

“Tomorrow's going to be a real banner day for Rich People Who Like Wearing Fancy Hats to Things.” -Kit, on May 6

“Applebee’s food is piss. Even the Hooters we have is slightly better.” -Carl “That’s because Hooters piss is $2.50.” -Kim

“Student: "What's that (you're eating)?" Me: "Prosciutto wrapped around mozzarella cheese." Student: "What's prosciutto?" Me: "A kinda-salty, kinda-fatty ham, just like me." Student is dead.” -Klaussie

“That was uncomfortable. I enjoyed it.” -Jay

“I’m not ashamed. I’m a gentleman. There’s a difference.” -C

“This car is on firrrrrrrrreeeeee!” -G

“What is it with animals and me and shit?” -Q

Jay; “yeah that means…” C: “I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS JASON!” -subject; Bad Bunny’s “Titi Me Preguntó”

“Dad humor numbs the pain.” -Swoop

“Who shot Lee Harvey Oswald?” -Quizmaster “THE CIA!” -… somebody.

“K-LOVE… Imagine what would happen if Great American Family was a radio station.” -C

“TL;DR: Arte Moreno is a cheap, money-grubbing piece of shit.” -JVG

“I’m In Denver for a few while I make my connecting flight to Atlanta. And I’m not gonna lie to you the thin air at this altitude is starting to get to me… for starters, I’m beginning to think this unicorn named Sylvia that I’ve been talking to for the last 30 minutes isn’t real.” -Brian

“Ahh Facebook, still can't tell a joke from your own assholes, can you?” -Justin

“The Giants can have a hot chick as a quarterback and still fail to score.” -G

“My brain is not braining right now…” -everyone.

“You can tell the writers are on strike because you’d never put a hurricane and an earthquake in the same episode.” -Buzzy

“Because Pete Davidson is a man-whore, that’s why.” -Tom

“If I have to ride my autodrafted fantasy team’s ass with a known sexual deviant to the finish, so be it!” -Jay

“New York is the greatest city in the world. Toronto isn’t even the greatest city in Canada.” -The Professor

“Swifties could find Emily Miscavage.” -Emily

“WLTI has been brought to you by Outside your Bubble Burst. Watch JD Witherspoon and others notate on the demise of Facebook and Spotify. Very. Very. Slowly.” -G.

“It's a cross between a Jackson Pollack painting and a Quentin Tarantino movie.” -Evil Travis

“They look like rabbits who have been through some shit.” -Caitlin

“Whoever dances to Beauty and the Beast gets an unfair advantage. All they have to do is recreate the ballroom scene. And they get votes! Dance to the Gaston song. Everyone hates Gaston. Turn that into a dance that gets you votes.” -Q

“Have you ever considered using your gifts for good?” -me after Q pretty much nails how to use “Beauty and the Beast” as an advantage on Disney+ Night of Dancing With the Stars.

“Dangerous fluids everywhere.” -Jay, on Megan’s house

“If you work hard as a kid, you will play hard as an adult. If you play hard as a kid, you’ll end up working hard as an adult.” -Q

“Boy Zaxbys just out here saying to hell with all y’all.” -Big Rick

“My plant is bloated.” -Gordon “It needs an enema.” -J Block

“If I wanted a slide, I would have written in a slide!” -Heather

“You cheerin’ like you gon’ git some of this Whammy money. Girl, bye.” -Q getting WAY TOO INTO a Press Your Luck rerun.

“Now I do NOT recommend you do this but…” -Ken “That’s a green light if ever I saw one!” -C

“Look for the Technicolor yeti.” -Erskine

“(In my best Craig Ferguson voice) Did you guys hear the news, apparently, Tom Brady has decided that he’s going to become a minority owner of the Las Vegas Raiders! I know! And the two are very different of course. One of them is a football institution whose fans are some of the most annoying, sycophantic and overbearing in the world of professional sports, who has been hyped up to hell by people despite success eluding them in recent years, and many people are annoyed by how they skate by on previous success despite many recent failures. And the other are the Las Vegas Raiders.” -Brian

“Nobody wants a WEBP file. I repeat: NOBODY wants a WEBP file. WEBP's own mother doesn't want a WEBP file. If WEBP was an ice cream flavor it would be Moist Gym Socks. If they ever make a movie about WEBP it'll star Dane Cook, Amber Heard and a 3D hologram of Richard Nixon. Go away forever, WEBP format.” -Justin

“Bryce Young is ass.” -Daniel

“Viva Mark Mothersbaugh.” -Tommy

“Sometimes it's a W. Sometimes it looks like a W but it's only 2 crooked L's” -Chris 'Strike Tyson' Schenck

“The mystery is… How does Gritty take a piss?” -Klauss “Sam has done something no one has ever done before! They ate at Cook-Out… sober!” -Cody Dove

“Roosevelt won us the war, but Marshall won us the peace.” -Q

“He still has a whole ass empty hand, quit whining sir.” -Rooks

“BTW - this game is going to be as painful as putting your own junk in a vice grip.” -Jay

“Even though this has been a real pain in the…” -Susan “… TUCHUS.” -C

“Everyone in McKinney is dead. It is hot in McKinney.” -Pete Delkus, on a heat index of “101,105”.

“…stank.” -Brian

“‘Yesterday’s price is NOT today’s price.’ -Fat Joe” -Zenith Ranger & dead ringer for Obama Russell Curry

“Hello trouble!” -Sav “Hello trouble!” -Julia

“Duck Mycinko.” -Ben Potter “Brian Bumblepiss.” -Peter Austin “Hot Fresh Science Fox.” -Ben Potter “Ashton Catthews”. -Peter Austin “And… Billy Ray Walrus.” -Both -TripleJump’s Worst Games Ever

“Life’s too short, so don’t waste time on nothing but the good stuff.” -C

“All this talk about whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie but no one ever fights about whether The Hunt for Red October is a Halloween movie.” -Cara

“Stairs. They’re the tweaker’s natural enemy.” -C

“Those edibles ain’t shit!” -Christian

"i like a good, firm banana" - @BenHigginsSD

“I am Allstate and you are in good hands!” -Q, with a snap and a head bobble

“I’m going to the loo.” -Zoombelina “Make sure you use the toilet!” -The Boss

“… you guys have any Anacin?” -C “What is this, Bill Cullen’s The Price Is Right?” -Jay

“WHO IS HEATH LEDGER?!” -TJ

“If you've lived in New York, being an a-hole is a requirement.” -G.

“Spam is just pantry wagyu.” -Alvin “Heck of a Hill to Die on But Whatever” Zhou

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” -Danielle “But I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.” -Jordan “But I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” -Danielle “Will someone go to the bathroom?” -C

“I have a shameful confession to make. I get Alan Tudyk and Paul Bettany confused. I'm not proud.” -Jonathan

“Can someone tell me what channel the Taylor Swift game is on?” -Cindy

“Laughing for “Our Lady of Perpetual Tournaments” and because my parents are going to be REJOICING.” -Jenny & Chelsea re: J!

“But Chico…. Chaos is good!” -Q

“I’ve Got a Secret. Hosted by Kanye West. The game no one wants to play.” -G.

“My family now refers to me as Chaos Auntie.” -Wingo

“Day 1 down and no one wants to kill each other. Yet.” -G.

“To be the only carrot in a room full of hungry rabbits.” -Q

“So I went from leaving last night to 3 meetings and a great adventure trip. I completely expect to hear from tbs today and if you've seen everything everywhere all at once I expect my fingers to turn into hot dogs.” -G “So a typical morning then.” -C “Yup.” -G

“What happened in Florida, Whitman?” -Greg

“Third down and Roger Goodell’s penis.” -Jay

“McKeever, McIver, MacGruber, MacGyver. Whatever.” -C, trying to pronounce the name of the actress who plays Sam on “Ghosts”.

“You: “Bowls are meaningless now!” Bowls: “It is now time to sacrifice the mascot so that the victors may enjoy their spoils.”” -Joe Ovies

“We're going back home because the Uber Driver is the worst.” -Carlos (Gordon changes the station) “Who changed my music?” -Carlos “The Worst Uber Driver in the World.” -G.

“That was his throwing ankle!” -Brian

“If you have sex with Godzilla, you'll need more than a pill to protect you...and your city.” -Nikki

“Gonzaga is Gonzarbage.” -Daniel

“Elon is proof that nobody can ever have everything. No matter how rich, powerful, or smart he is, he'll never actually be the one thing he wants to be: funny.” -Chelsea

“Show the buzzer kindness, and the buzzer will respond in kind.” -Ben Ben

“Politics is just show business for ugly people. -some guy idk” -Jonathan “J Aubrey” Aubrey

“… why they always gotta have their shirts off?” -Pierogi “Sampson County smells like Darth Vader’s farts.” -Q

“Carbs oh how I missed you.” -Jay

“$5000 says Cat Stevens gets the chair.” -“Pete Rose”, 2004

“All the trivia nights we’ve been to, and you remember the one where Quisla brought up Pokémon-inspired sex positions.” -C

“I’m just gonna bleep the bitches because it’s funnier.” -Greg

“My sensors are detecting a vibe.” -Alpha 9 (Richard Horvitz)

“Brain Return on Lane 41.” -G.

“The people who watch The Bachelor for drama watch NASCAR for the wrecks.” -Jay

“An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Botswanan, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Puerto Rican, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a Sammarinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a bar… The doorman stops them and says “Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai." You're welcome.” -Blish

“Meetings, meetings, meetings.” -Carlos “Welcome to America, the land of meetings.” -G.

“This April, you will know his name. You may not be able to spell it, but you will know it.” -C re: Brian

“You're full of Moo Poo.” -G.

“The cheek! The nerve! The audacity! The gall! The gumption! The Aggro-Crag-sized global guts on you!” -C

“I'll take dumb people who should be strapped to a nuclear warhead for $1,200, Mayim.” -G.

(Watching Jeopardy) “I hate this shitty program.” -Carlos (Ed: get out)

So playing Jeopardy: Fish or Foul for $200. The Answer: Where Foul Go to stay for the night. The Question: What is Chicken Inn? -G. That’s 🥚-zactly the spirit! -Dave S.

(Quisla eats a basket of French fries while waiting to pay for them…. Then looks at Chico’s basket of fries… which also haven’t been paid for.) Q: “You gonna eat those?” C: “MINE!”

“BEHOLD… THE DECABOX!” -VRM

“And that Travis is getting too much TS lovin’.” -J, re Travis Kelce

“I’m in Dunkin getting a coffee and this lady is trying to start a Christmas Carol singalong. Girl, if you don’t sit your Disney movie ass down somewhere!” -Bruce

“I just saw an ad on NBA TV for a podcast with Ernie Johnson and Charles Barkley. Paraphrasing... Barkley: I want to get an M tattooed on each butt cheek. Johnson: Why? Barkley: If I'm standing up, it says MOM but if I'm standing on my head, it says WOW.” -NBA on TNT

““Callahan! That 34 Oz. Hickory bat you’re swinging is against regulation! In this clubhouse, we do things by the BOOK!”l -Brian, on Willie Stargell looking like every cinematic police chief.

“I’d like to recommend reading the Up With People Wikipedia page as a lesson the subtle art of criticism.” -Muffy

“Can’t spell Dallas without two straight Ls.” -BFG

“Can we stop saying the word ‘buttcheeks’?” -Eli Manning

“Give this man a Sharpie.” -C to Brandy re: new hire, channeling his inner Black Panther.

“‘You sure you don’t want me back?’ I will write it in blood if you need me to.” -Q, re: Jenn’s baby daddy quote

“So apparently I found out that our new son tried to burn down the apartment, which at least would stop you from complaining about how messy it is.” -G.

“Watching this Mar a Lago speech is worse than drinking unflavored Trilyte colonoscopy prep & when you finish the gallon they bring a beer bong w/6 more gallons for you to consume while listening to your uncle w/dementia & halitosis muse about the raging dysentery he had in Korea.” -Mattie Timmer

“$50,000 for a helicopter ride? For $50,000 it better transform into a Gundam.” -C

“Isaiah Pacheco does his shimmy. It drives the women in Kansas City crazy!” -Brian

“What were you doing on your birthday?” -C “Working.” -Q “What was I doing on my birthday?” -C “Working.” -Q “So what are we doing here on vacation?” -C “Talking about working.” -Teddy

“Enjoy Drake Maye stinking it up in Arizona.” -Greg

“Fortune favors the bold. And the chickens who maintain the inn.” -G.

“Muffy Marracco: Helps You Get Drunker By The Hour.” -Muffy

(Planning Bowling matches) “We're matchmakers now as well lol.” -Rudy F. “Which one of us is Tevye?” -G.

(Wearing a brown wig) “It's not TV, It's Wiggyvision.” -Douglas H.

“What oil pattern is this?” -Joe P. “This is the famous Oil of Olay pattern.” -G.

“Let’s rush’em! They can’t stop all of us!” -Q

(After getting Jasser a sandwich instead of what he wanted) I ask for Chetos. You get me a sandwich - Jasser Chetos in Spanish means Cheetos. It does not mean Sandwich -G. Si -Jasser (scowling) “The Word of the Day is Banhammer.” -Nick G.

So you want a little of everything -G. Yes. I want a smorgasbourg. I want a Smorg. -Lauren R.

“I have no idea what is going on, and I am here for it anyways!” -Carl K.

“Man, I REALLY hate those Pfizer ads…” -Ian

“I got nothing, but hey, I’ve got a lot of it!” -Jill

“Hi Ted, Ron here. Listen, I know how tempting it is to appeal to the real lowest form of humanity here in the United States, the bottom feeders, people who pride themselves on hatred and un-education and inability to read and inability to understand the difference between true patriotism and the bulls*** you’re selling. I know how tempting it is to play to those people, because at least you have a base, but Jesus Christ Ted, for somebody with a really, really small d***, you get to be a bigger p***k every f****** day. Go f*** yourself.” -Ron Perlman to Ted Cruz.

“Is Austin Reaves the best undrafted player of all time?” -somebody on Twitter. “Ben Wallace won Defensive Player of the Year four times and is the reason Kobe & Shaq didn’t win four. This app needs an age limit.” -Somebody else on Twitter

“Do I want to sleep to Special Forces or do I want to sleep to Baltimore/Cincinnati?” -G

“Wanna try street hockey?” -Jordan “I gotta pee first.” -C

“Somebody hit somebody!” -Brian

“I am about ready to trade Drew Lock for a reconstituted and reanimated Sean Lock. It could scarcely be any worse.” -Evil Travis

“Debate: Does Yoda sound more like Grover or Miss Piggy?” -Dane

“NFL uses CONFUSION! It’s super effective!” -Tom

“This is how riots begin.” -Robin

“Hey! Tom Brady… We don’t believe you.” -Jay

“That man is gonna move to the Triangle and bring every convo you have with him back to the fact he’s from New York and that you can’t find any good takeout around here.” -Joe Ovies, re: Tommy DeVito

“Programming note… the CFP show will air upon the conclusion of the basketball game featuring Fuck U and Tossoff State.” -C

The most frustrating part of hoping to get a phone call from a number you don't know: You have to answer EVERY call and suffer through every robocall and solicitation. -Sonic Whammy I'm sending you every single Car Insurance Warrantee call that comes my way, just to let you know 😃 -G. Gordon Pepper I'm touched -Sonic Whammy

“Latte - $5.00. Bottle of Water: $40.” -Richard Barone

“Quisla, stop turning off the television!” -C

“No… also no.” -Victoria “The Queen” Groce

Give these steps a go for me please -Worker Doing that now...I'm getting a picture of an apple and no loading bar -G. If you’re still holding the keys you can let go and see if the loading bar appears after -Worker Nope. Still the apple menacing me lol. Thoughts? -G. You mind sending me your Mac serial number? You should see it in very very tiny print on the back -Worker If you tell me that It's a demon MAC possessed by goblins and I need to leave the house immediately. I could believe that -G. At this point I think that’s the only logical conclusion -Worker

“Predetermined Bullshit. The latest fragrance from Calvin Klein.” -C

“The first steel coaster was opened in 18-rickety-dickety-doo.” -Chris aka Airtime Thrills

“I don't follow enough sports to properly complete this joke but "[INSERT FOOTBALL TEAM HERE] is looking as useless as a back button on Facebook today".” -Terry

“This song has an instruction to "Think Dolly" and feels the need to explain who Dolly Parton was. HOW DARE YOU. I blame the young people.” -Heather

I need Chicken -Jasser

“Lydia’s animated. Quisla’s animated. Get’em together, it’s the Cartoon Network.” -C

Ezra Miller, who was a contestant on Jack Black's 'Jablinski Games', is playing a new game called 'Why am I in your Bedroom?' -G.

“Great effin’ job, Al, on that call with all the enthusiasm as watching a janitor mop the floor at McDonald’s at 3 in the morning.” -Greg

“So I just had a rep from SiriusXM call me to sell me radio. I bought a new car recently. Of course it comes with a 3-month trial, and I love it. I try to explain to her that I work in REAL radio, terrestrial radio, local radio, actual RADIO radio. She’s trying to tell me how streaming is so much better… THAN WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING! ….bitchgetoffmyphone!”- Miss Sarah

“Fancy hotel shower.” -Q

“I’m a benevolent quiz overlord… not like those bastards at Jeopardy!” -Buzzy

“i look forward to everyone in my hometown reacting to this in a completely civil manner, with no anger whatsoever!” -Jordan

“Barnacles.” -Paul

“I don't like strikes. They are bad for you.” -G. “Just make your spares, Gordon.” -DouglasVision

“Gordon bowls? I've never seen Gordon bowl.” -Brandon B.

“I take one whiff downwind of the cafeteria and I thank every god in the multiverse that I have brought my lunch today.” -C

“We’re putting a helmet on RJ.” -Jordan

“I can't make strikes!” -G. “We know you can't make strikes. There's something wrong with Gordon.” -Douglasvision

“You broke him, Kimberly.” -C “Sucks to suck.” -Kim

“In addition to a quote wall, I think a wall of AI images is needed. The world needs 7-finger McLean Stevenson.” -Klaussie

(Carlos walks in) Gordon: I'm teaching Jasser English. Carlos: eh? Gordon: Agua Jasser: Water Gordon: Leche Jasser: Milk Carlos: My turn. Gordon: Ok Carlos: Fuck me in the Bathroom Gordon: (Faceplant) Carlos: Fuck me in the kitchen Gordon: Jasser, no digate nada Carlos: Pierro is a Cum Whore Jasser: Pierro is a Cum whore Gordon: (Faceplant) Jasser: Que? Carlos: Pierro gusta luche para mi chorizo a se boca Jasser: Ah Pierro: Jasser, repita por favor: Carlos is a nasty bitch Jasser: Carlos is a nasty bitch Gordon: Dios mio.

“Plot twist: the cat is the actual "Person of the Year". So all the haters can quit their seething now, kthnxbye...” -Dane

“The real Daily Doubles are the friends we made along the way.” -Emily

“Friday is Leg Day, as in put those legs to work by getting 3 dozen donuts.” -Klaussie

“I'm mad Gordon cashed in the tournament. (Bleep)” -Douglasvision

“I regret emotional investment.” -everyone experiencing disappointment and having seen Strange Planet.

“You needed to be here to ride coasters with Danielle because that's a hell no from me.” -Jordan

“Bobby Hill is a Disney Princess confirmed.” -Chelsea

“(The Shark Tank Sharks’) ‘success rate' at funding successful companies is at best comparable to the batting average of below-average baseball players.  They get lucky and confuse it with acumen.” -David B.

“Riverside, motherfucker!” -Carl

“I’m sorry, but even inside a store… With the factory seal still on… I refuse to believe there’s cookies in this tin. And my therapist wonders why I have trust issues.” -Brian, on Royal Dansk cookies

“Ending of UNC vs. UVA providing drama on @thecw I haven't seen since Gossip Girl went off the air.” -Joe O.

“Nick Adams, YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK!” -Tom

“The Titans wearing throwback Oilers uniforms against Houston feels so wrong.” -Jay O’Brien “Peak petty.” -LaKedra

“I’m on pins and needles to see if you bought this!” -Jess, re: Brian’s Danish cookies

“I would’ve been better if the person I was bowling was a righty like myself. But noooooo Gordon Pepper was on a better side. The left side. The not so used side. Good job Pepper. Hope you take home the cheddar as in Moola.” -Elijah B.

“The internet was doing so well with the submarine memes, and then I saw that.” -Klaussie, re: Dunkaccino

“I don’t know but whatever it is, it’s covered in cheese.” -C, on breakfast casseroles

“Makumba!” -Carlos

“"Well, it's-- Ah, you wouldn't be interested. It's too lowbrow." "No...I'm QUITE lowbrow."” -Brian

“This is a pretty blue car...” -Car Insurance Agent. “Well it was a pretty blue car. Now it's a pretty blue accordion.” -G.

“If Bob Iger were to purchase the WWE, it would make it officially a Mickey Mouse organization.” -Klauss

“Fook.” -G.

“I am officially "ooh, who knew LL Bean had such nice things" years old.” -Wingo

Why are the lanes so dry? Who oiled them? -Bradley E. It was supposed to be the Tin Man from Oz, but he needed the oil more -G. That explains everything -Bradley E.

“Interesado -Mike D.

“I try not to take too much stock on what people say on social media because Twitter is the mark of the Beast and I refuse to go to Hell for my job.” -C

“I apologize for being over-the-top obnoxious. I only wanted to be semi-obnoxious but I got carried away.” -G.

“No money, no honey.” -Jasser

From the creators of 'Why am I in your bedroom?' comes the new game show called 'Why am I hitting you with a chair?' -G.

May we all strive to be 😎 better than Ezra. - Doug M.

“My commencement speech: if you're a gorgeous 20-something... get you some ugly friends. B/c their reality is your future. You need to prepare for a time when you're not getting all the world's favors. Now I'm not saying these friends need to be butt ugly. But they need to be avg enough that they've had to a) develop layered personality b) have some shrewd sense of how to operate in the world c) been mistreated enough that they have thicker skin d) have perseverance and know how to bounce back from the world judging them by their book cover. We all get less attractive as time goes on, but do you have a beauty retirement plan? As I get older I'm meeting more and more former playboys and faded hotties who are bitter, confused, and totally unprepared for not getting the free drink from the bartender and the extra guac on their taco. They didn't have a beauty retirement plan, and it's rough out there. Bikini cute is just a short minute. But the future always belongs to the plain-looking, middle child wearing boxers and New Balance sneakers. Look at Silicon Valley, look at DC, look at who runs the world. It isn't Fabio.” -Aurin S.

“We need to go to Fright Fest so I can feed you to the zombies.” -G.

"In 2020, Madison Cawthorn became the youngest Republican elected to Congress in American history. In 2022, he became the youngest Republican to lose re-election to Congress in American history," -Ben Collins

“Stop acting like a psychotic Oompa Loompa.” -G.

“I’m doling out truth bombs! Who wants to get blown?!” -C

“FAT FUCK MAGIC!” -Jay re: the Detroit Lions

“Chatting on Facebook - is that part of the work you do?” -Carlos “Why yes. Yes it is”. -G.

“Quisla Quisla Quisla Quisla… the vacation… begins in your mind… before you EVAH leave the house.” -C

“Guess who blew me off for Valentine's Day.” -Lisa D “I'd rather he blew you.” -G.

“Put your pants on, Chico. We’re getting a car.” -Quisla

Carlos: I made like 500 usd for 10 years of service Gordon: You'd make more in New York for 10 hours of service.

“Holy Hannah!” -Klauss

(Points to the Special K Box) - Now this is a real cereal -Carlos You're only saying that because there's a giant cock on the box -G. (Carlos stares at the box. Gives the finger)

There was a United Nations summit in Central Park -G. How many delegates -Ben T. Enough for 6 continents. And stenographers -G.

“Better send those refunds.” -Joe Burrow

(Walks into Carlos watching the X-Men in Spanish) OOh! Is this the X-Men? -G. Noooooo, It's Porn -Carlos (Points to Nightcrawler) It's not just his tail that's long and pointy -G.

“Waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure.” -Jay

“I’m leaving this in as punishment to myself.” -C

“If it was Tom Brady or anyone on the Cowboys, Skip would want the season cancelled.” -best. Comment. Ever.

“Fragile ego. Fragile body. Weak mind. Weak spirit.” -Jon Moxley

“I don’t miss.” -Jessica

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then... you're doing things you've never done before and more importantly, you're Doing Something.” -NEIL GAIMAN

“In hindsight, I preferred it when Will Smith’s love interests just vanished with no explanation or sense of closure.” -Adam

“Aren’t you supposed to call a doctor if your election lasts this long?” -Daniel

“Every time I hear a government official describe Russia's invasion of Ukraine as "an imperialist land grab" I'm like "oh, so you do know what that means..."” -Wingo

“I vow to be a cleaner MK in 2023. And when that's busted at 12:10 AM on 1/1/23, I'll be back to my usual raunchy, ribald self.” -Klaussie

“I’m not that good! I’m just the best at… fucking.. TRYING! I’m the best at fucking trying.” -C

“When you eat a poop sandwich, but the bread is terrific. Then you go to the restaurant and get the same sandwich with different bread.” -G

“Take the last two off the year sign and shove it up the ass of an elephant. Someone gimme that 3.” -Carl

“Yes, we all know MTV used to play music. It’s time to let it go.” -Josh

“Why don’t you force an answer out of yourself for a change?” -C

“When I said, “South Carolina is so pretty—we should spend more time here,” I didn’t mean driving the entire state at 35 MPH.” -Clay

“I finally get Taskmaster.” -C

“A clown’s average yearly salary is $40,000-$50,000. And here you are being one for free.” -Anneke

“And remember.. you can’t spell ‘similar to but legally distinct from’ without TEMU.” -C

“Hi good morning it’s Monday it’s foggy but it’s warm enough to sit outside I already took an everything shower and scrubbed off every skin cell that was present in 2022 and moisturized from head to toe so I’m a newborn baby glazed donut girlie with clear hair love you ok bye.” -Shannon

“PUT THAT… IN YOUR COMIC BOOK… AND SMOKE IT!” -Joe O

“It’s better than buying the new Blad Bhabie single. And for the Americans who do not understand that reference…. Ignorance is bliss, my friends. Ignorance is bliss.” -The Right Opinion

“GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!” -C whenever Jay says something remotely profane. Which happens once every…day. === And goodnight everybody...everybody. Come together, just think of tomorrow. :)

[softsnzstuff]

Guys. Twilighr fans from the past. Because I never watched New Moon through … the rest. - DO WE EVER BET TO SEE DADDY DOCTOR CULLEN SNEEZE????

Like. Link me to the good shit. Here my sick charlie and sick Carlisle fics at

[like-rain-or-confetti]

I'm assuming this new Vladimir wouldn't handle breakup well? At all? Like you're staying with me forever and there's nothing you can do about it. Unless you've called the Cullens head of time to make your escape and this is regular Vlad. The kind of man who would kill your ex boyfriend or any man( if he's jealous) in front of you think it's no problem. Why? Because he thought it was okay to talk about eye gouging in front of a child.

This a random thought of mine. Since the Romanians come from a time where the man spoke for him and his wife. I think they would speak for their human(s) like when it came to going to Carlisle for doctor stuff or even when it's answering the door. I would say ordering stuff as well but they might leave it up to her since it's modern

New or old Vladdy daddy is utter shit with break ups. No one breaks up with him and they never live to tell the tale! Nope. Date him and that's you and him FOR LIFE. PRACTICALLY MARRIED.

He speaks for reader all the timeeee. Although he doesn't when it comes to human stuff. He avoids them like the plague unless he has the munchies. He has no desire -or knowledge- about eye contact lenses and he'd rather just eat the humans than communicate. vampire world wise however? Game changer. He'd glue you to him if he found it necessary. Tight grip on you always. He speaks for you and practically shields you away from sight.

[renee-writer]

Awake Chapter 164 A Test

AO3

“Samuel, when Daddy gets home, Auntie Alice is going to take you to her house to play for a few hours.”

 

“Solomon?”

 

“He will stay with mommy and daddy.”

 

“K mommy.”

 

By having Samuel stay with the Cullen’s a few hours a week, they can test Carlisle ‘s theory by working with Solomon. Solomon will spent one evening a week so his Uncle Carlisle can work with him as well. They start the experiment today.

 

“We will see how Solomon reacts to his brother being without him.” She tells Alice.

 

“Yes, he should be fine.”

 

Bella heard the doubt. “Do you think he is autistic?”

 

“I am not a doctor. He could just be very shy. Whatever it is, with all the love and support he has, he will be fine. You all will.”

 

“That is just what I needed to hear. Thank you.”

 

“What are sisters for?” Alice hugs her.

 

“Solomon, you are going to have mommy and daddy all to yourself,” Jake tells him when he gets home that evening. He shakes his head no, “Yes, mommy and daddy want to spent some time with you, “, he continues to vigorously shake his head, “it is only for a few hours.”

 

“Uncle Carlisle will bring your brother back. I promise.” Alice adds.

 

“Say goodbye to your brother.” His daddy instructs.

 

He runs over and clings to Samuel, who hugs him back. “Be okay brother. I be back.”

 

Jake has to physically separate them. Alice takes Samuel’s hand and leads him out of the house.

 

 

Solomon stands, forlorn in the kitchen, before running into the living room and climbing on the couch, burying his face in it.

 

“Come on Solomon. Don’t you want to play with mommy and daddy? You never have us to yourself.” Bella pleads.

 

He shakes his head, no.

 

“Come in Buddy. Daddy has missed you. Sit up so I can see your handsome face.”

 

He lays still not even bothering to shake his head. Bella looks to Jake, her face a mask of fear.

 

“Give him a minute.” He whispers to her. They both kneel down beside the couch, stroking their son’s back.

 

“We know you miss Samuel,” Jake says after a few minutes, “mommy and daddy can play with too. Whatever you want to play. Baby Faith is asleep so it is just us.”

 

He looks up and then gets up, walking into the nursery. His parents follow. He stops in front of his sister, asleep on her back.

 

He stands and stares at her until he gets tired. Then he takes a seat by her crip and watches her.

 

“Solomon, Faith is asleep. Daddy and I are awake. You want to come play with us?”

 

He shakes his head, thumb in mouth, continuing to watch his sister.

 

“Want to help Mommy cook?”

 

Another shake has Bella looking mutely at Jake.

 

“Go Cook. I will watch him.” He sounds resigned. She bends down to kiss the top of his head and walks out.

[noybusiness]

This is a great analysis, thank you for posting!

Some Gotham Knights-related thoughts I've had since the end of the series:

I do wonder if Turner might have changed his name to Turner Wayne eventually, since he now knows his biological parents were bad guys (whom he described as "monsters") and reaffirmed his commitment to Bruce's legacy in the finale, and with all those fake IDs, Hayes may not have been their real name, anyway.

Also, as they were prolific international assassins, I would expect that they had a bit more money than they seemed to, stashed away in a nest egg somewhere.

Being thought dead while being trained by the League of Assassins increases his parallels with Jason Todd, at least in the later adaptations where Jason was resurrected by the Lazarus Pits while Bruce thought he was dead. And of course, Damian Wayne was raised by the League. Doubtless a dramatic reveal/unmasking would have been coming in the future when the other Knights finally both saw him again and learned the person before them was Turner.

I actually would have liked to see him embrace the bad boy thing Duela pointed out he was flirting with in the episode "Daddy Issues" and run away with her in that episode (with or without Jane Doe) instead of how things turned out. Also, have you noticed that Oscar/Turner has blue-brown heterochromatic eyes? It's striking, but I rarely see people comment on it.

Rebecca March said that she started over with "a new name and a new family" several times, so Brody may not be the only child she's had over the past century+. He could learned about or even met them. And what would the long-term effects of the Electrum in his system have been? Would it have run out after he took enough injuries?

It wasn't totally clear to me if Cullen's confession to Turner about how much he matters to him was platonic/fraternal or not.

The show made sly references to Stephanie and Harper's comic book codenames Spoiler and Bluebird a couple of times, so I wonder if they would ever have actually used them, as Carrie goes by Robin already. Of course, Cullen doesn't have a codename in the comics :( :( :( , Duela's is primarily "the Joker's Daughter", which she now knows she's not, and Turner and Brody are original characters. I suppose Turner *could* resurface as Red Hood. At more of a stretch, Turner and Brody could be Batman and Owlman, but I have a harder time seeing that; slightly easier if it's years in the future when they're older. Carrie could also become Batwoman when she's older.

I hope we would have seen more of Carrie's mother Doctor Lisa Kelley, since she's the only living parent the Gotham Knights have access to who doesn't suck (something the others can all be envious of), apart from arguably Harvey/Two-Face (and what kind of frenemy/evil mentor/anti-mentor dynamic might he have developed with the kids? We were robbed!). Would Brody have wanted to work at the hospital more, and would he and Carrie have gotten closer? They seemed to have chemistry.

For that matter, I assume he and Stephanie have had all the necessary conversations offscreen before the last scene of the finale about her not really being into him and dating Harper now and that he's more-or-less cool with it, though I suppose there could have been a bit of awkwardness for an episode or two at least, I don't know.

CW’s Gotham Knights sorting 

Attention: SPOILERS AHEAD!

Turner Hayes

The first thing that hit me about Turner before he was framed for Bruce’s murder is that he was genuinely happy with his life. I expected a lot of Main Character AngstTM from him, the way most protagonists are written especially on the CW, but there was none (or very little) of it. And it’s not like Turner doesn’t have sources of angst: his parents are dead and he went overnight from the son of cleaners to the adopted son of a billionaire -and all that implies- without any explanation. You can see it clearly in Gotham Academy (and in the city at large) that he isn’t very liked. Actually it looks like most people resent him for ‘getting uppity’ and rising above his station. Just look at how Brody treats him in the beginning or how the people of Gotham are ready to believe the worst of him overnight. But Turner doesn’t care. He has his best friend, Stephanie, he has Cressida and he has Bruce. He loves them and they love him; more than enough for a Snake primary. Sure, Bruce may be a bit too busy and it’s annoying, but Turner can always distract himself with a party. Classic hedonistic young Snake.

Turner’s arc is all about betrayal and how one deals with it. Turner is slowly, over the course of the series, betrayed by almost his entire inner circle: Bruce, Cressida and even his dead parents. Interestingly enough he is the person who doesn’t betray anyone even when they turned their back to him. At the end of episode two, Turner is the one who went to save Duela from the Talon despite the fact that she abandoned him to certain death. I don’t think Duela was entirely in his inner circle at this point (although I think she, Cullen and Harper were slowly getting there from the very first pilot when they handed him the lockpicking tool for his handcuffs, thus including him in their escape), but I think it was important to Turner that he will not be the kind of person to leave behind someone who might rely on his loyalty. Another moment that comes to mind is finding out that everyone at the Gotham Gala is gonna be gassed to death. His first reaction? “Stephanie is there!“

Like all healthy Snakes, Turner adopts Bruce’s morality as his own. And he’s so successful that I almost wondered if he was an Idealist for a while. But what sold him as a Snake for me was him saving Cressida versus not saving Joe Chill. Cressida had helped the Court to kill his father and frame Turner for the murder but Turner saves her because ‘this is what my dad would do’. So he blows up his cover to save the woman who helped raise him and betrayed him in the worst way possible, despite the odds being overwhelmingly against them. But when he finds out Joe Chill had been framed by Thomas and Martha Wayne’s murders and will face the death penalty….he does nothing. Despite the fact that Joe was arguably more of an innocent than Cressida, Turner doesn’t even have a throwaway line later on about wishing he could have helped him. (This plus the way he has zero remorse over killing the Talon also made me rule out Badger as a primary.) That’s because Turner is Bruce’s son in all the ways that matter, but he is not his heir in this show. He’s too much of a Snake to ever be. 

His secondary is somehow even more obvious than his primary: this is the guy who had argued that they need to stick together from day one, who said that what makes them different from Joe Chill is the fact that they have each other, who was literally introduced to us extending a hand towards Brody when the latter lost the sword fight. He is such a Courtier Badger that for the first half of the show it almost overshadowed his primary. Not to mention, he is an amazing manipulator. Look at the beginning of episode two; after failing to convince Duela to trust Stephanie by vouching for her, he pivots: “[Put the knife down] or you might kill the one person who could prove we were set up.” He realizes Duela needs a self-serving reason to stop threatening Stephanie and he gives it to her. The same hyper awareness of emotional situations shows up again in episode thirteen when he wants to convince the group to have faith in Duela. The rest of the Knights are somewhat derisive that someone with Duela’s past and parentage could ever become a self-sacrificing hero…at which point Turner reveals his own parents’ secret: they were assassins sent to kill the Batman, and if they don’t trust Duela because of who raised her, they shouldn’t trust him either. And it works like a charm as the group gives into Turner’s wishes. 

Duela Doe Dent

Duela is such a complex character, I wasn’t sure of her sorting till the very last minute. I think what’s important to look at in order to figure her out is her mom. Duela idolizes Jane Doe and wants nothing more than to be like her. And Jane is the ultimate hedonistic Double Snake. So of course Duela has a Snake secondary that is always ready for a con. But at the end of the day this is just the model she wears because of her mother. One of the themes of the show is trying to live up to your parents’ expectations and what that does to you. And modeling Jane’s Snake sec I think made Duela to feel a bit invisible. In episode eight when she talks about how her mom had so many identities even she herself forgot who she really was, it’s the first time when she doesn’t talk about her with admiration, but with fear. Duela is similarly terrified of losing herself while trying to live up to the legacy of being the Joker’s daughter. Deep down under that playful Snake, there is a Lion Secondary that is as blunt as they come. Her plan B when rescuing Turner in episode nine? A bomber vest to kill everyone if needed. Her reaction to evil!Harvey? To taunt him by throwing the truth in his face. Turner is dying from radiation? Duela tells him as soon as she finds out, against everyone else’s wishes. As Turner says she ‘has no grasp on social clues’, ‘she always tells the hard truths’ and ‘she’s always…Duela’. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence it’s this last line that makes her kiss him. This is the Lion secondary being overjoyed at someone liking Duela for who she is, not who she tries to be. Her fighting style (punches and knives to throats), her way of gathering information being kidnapping and torture and her tendency of giving Turner a reality check whenever he needs it are also evidence that support a Lion secondary. Her idea of a distraction is also hilariously straight-forward: she escapes from the police by pointing out how she’s trying to pick her handcuffs. (Sidenote: Turner and Duela’s ‘not offended’ game, aside from giving us THE most romantic line in the show, it’s also very Lion-coded IMO. There is very little you can say to a Lion secondary that will offend them as long as you are honest and it’s clear your intentions aren’t malicious.)

When trying to figure out Duela’s secondary I realized that she is incredibly healthy for a girl raised in Arkham by a conwoman. Sure, she’s extremely self-serving and would climb over anyone to get what she wants, but she has no regrets about it. It’s a tough world and everyone is in it for themselves. Except Duela is in it for her and her mom. (And she thinks the same must be true for her mom.) She’s a Snake primary who can’t be with Her Person. So she’s a little burnt. She doesn’t let herself get too close to anyone because what’s the point? Everyone leaves you eventually. Jane is the only person that had been there for Duela so she is the only one allowed to be in her inner circle. But than episode two happens and Duela abandons Harper, Cullen, Carrie and Turner to save her own skin. So when the invincible assassin comes after her, Duela is all alone. Except no, because suddenly the others are there and they are saving her life. She tries to clumsily thank Cullen for it, but he points out that if it wasn’t for Turner, they would have left her for dead. This is the switch that puts him on her map and slowly but surely, her Snake latches onto him. “I don’t care about Gotham, I care about Turner.” Duela and Turner’s first conflict in episode 11 is a deeply Loyalist one: she wants him to run away with her and her mom because she only cares about these two people, but Turner’s inner circle has expanded to include the others, so he can’t just leave. And the girl who’s already kinda burnt takes it as a betrayal and leaves without him. But she does come back when she realizes her mom is safe, but Turner is in mortal peril; or tries to. I find it interesting that her reaction to seeing the others imprisoned is to say ‘Even little bird’. And that’s because Carrie is the other person she bonded with. 

Duela heals completely in the last episode when two things happen: Harvey promises to be her dad and commits a great sacrifice for her…and Turner comes to save her despite still being under the impression that she was never gonna come back. Her delighted expression when seeing him says it all. I always thought the Twelfth Doctor’s speech ‘Do You Think I Care for You So Little that Betraying Me Would Make a Difference?’ is every Snake’s dream, especially a burnt Snake’s, and Turner gave her this exact speech with his actions. Duela’s last scene mirrors Turner’s attitude during the whole show.

Harper: Duela, do you even care about the people?

Duela: No. But Turner did. And I cared about him.

She has adopted her loved ones’ morality and is willing to act on it. She’s a healthy Snake now despite all the tragedies that have happened to her.

(I am unsure about this, but I do wonder if Duela might have had a Bird primary model filled with nihilistic beliefs that she gets rid off by the end of the series. It would explain some of her more Idealist-like scenes, like when she is upset Joe Chill -the patron saint of small thieves- was actually set up. Or when she has to be comforted by Turner after saving the lives of kidnapping victims: “Just because you did a good thing doesn’t make you a good person.” The fact that this phrase makes her smile happily was hilarious.)

Harper Row

Harper is another Lion secondary that can’t be anything else but what she is. She’s blunt and forceful and makes her opinion known. She may be a genius but she is no Bird as she has none of the Bird sec traits. Sure she does research when needed, but she doesn’t show any particular inclination towards it outside life and death situations. As proven in the last episode, when she’s in a fight she goes for the biggest weapon. The way she stands up to Stephanie’s mom by throwing the truth in her face is also a very Lion move.

Harper is another Loyalist and for a while I believed she was a Snake with only Cullen as her person. After all, everything she does was and is for him. But she’s actually pretty miserable. Which is why I think she’s actually a Burnt Badger. @wisteria-lodge has this to say about Burnt Badgers: “[the Burnt Badger ]has decided that communities are unsafe, unpractical, and the only way to be safe is to be alone - or to try and be content with a much smaller community than the one they want. For this reason, Burnt badgers tend to look like miserable Snakes.” We sadly don’t get a lot of interiority for Harper (another reason to hate the cancellation), but I think her behavior towards Stephanie and especially Stephanie-Turner when contrasted to Duela’s is telling. Harper and Duela both have a crush on a person that has a very deep relationship with someone else, to the point that one can mistake the relationship as romantic. Which Harper does and starts resenting Stephanie and pushing her away in order to protect herself. She’s too scared to let herself get attached, typical Burnt Badger behavior. Meanwhile Snake Duela is just happy there is someone else prioritizing Turner like she does.

After their names are cleared, Harper says she might enroll in Gotham Academy with Stephanie, which to me shows that she’s looking to build a community.

Cullen Row

Cullen is the only one, alongside Stephanie, that is willing to deviate from their quest of proving their innocence in order to catch an art thief. While Harper refuses to risk her life in order to ‘recover trinkets for the rich’ and Turner says it’s not a priority, Lion primary Cullen has embraced his role as a hero of the city and thinks it would be unethical to not try and catch the thief and recover the stolen art. He’s also the one that wants to clear his name in the pilot because ‘I am the one who chose the damned thing’. If Turner wants to prove his innocence because he doesn’t want to be remembered as his own father’s killer and Duela and Harper don’t want to risk their lives in order to clear their names, Idealist Cullen is the only one who wants to do it because it’s the Right Thing to do. 

I oscillated between Snake and Bird for his secondary, but I went with the former because deception is his go-to method. Need to trade the electrum for Turner but don’t want to give it to the Court? Just create a fake one. (And that scene is such a contrast with Lion sec Duela whose solution is to try and cut the powerful space rock with a run-of-the-mill knife LOL) Need evidence from the police station? Pretend to be a cop. In the pilot, when they knock out the cops chasing them, Cullen is the one that uses their station to keep the other cops from finding them.

Stephanie Brown

Stephanie is a Lion primary who is pretty much being gaslighted by her parents. She knows your mom being so drunk and drugged she can’t even stand at your school function is wrong, just as wrong as your dad using his money and status to supply her addiction just to keep up the picture of the perfect family. Stephanie does everything her parents tell her to, including ‘dating a guy with the right last name’. Except that’s not entirely true. Stephanie rebels in her own quiet way from the pilot when she helps Turner and keeps helping him and his friends after they become fugitives. You can see her Lion primary both loves the rebellion and the fact that she gets to be a hero, to truly do something good. As I pointed out before, aside from Cullen, Stephanie is the only one who believes it’s their duty as heroes to recover stolen art. 

When she lets her father go to prison instead of giving Lincoln her friends’ location, Arthur Brown frames it as a Loyalist conflict: me versus them. But Idealist Stephanie doesn’t see it that way. What she sees is that her father is going to pay for his crimes, while her friends are innocent.

Her secondary was a bit harder, because I think it had been a bit burned by playing the perfect daughter, but I settled on Lion secondary. She and Harper communicate with each other in an easy and blunt way, like Lions do. She also has the Lion tendency of picking a strategy and just sticking with it, no matter how ill advised it might be. In her case it is using her hacker skills despite almost being arrested in the second episode. She’s also incredibly honest (when Brody asks about what she thinks about his dad, Stephanie just repeats that she thinks his mom is nice), uncomfortable with deception and goes after what she wants once her Lion primary has picked a path (see how she kissed Harper both in episode 11 and 13).

Carrie Kelly

Carrie is Bruce Wayne’s student when it comes to vigilantism and his true heir in the show. She is another Lion primary, and a Paragon one at that, just like her mom and her mentor. Like Turner’s and Duela’s, her story is about rising to your parents’ expectations, but in Carrie’s case, she surpasses them! Dr. Kelly is Gotham’s best surgeon who has double shifts at the hospital because this is the right thing to do and her drive has rubbed onto her daughter. So of course Carrie picks up on her mom’s, and later, Bruce’s, desire to save people and protect the city. As such when the opportunity arises she becomes Robin, Batman’s partner. Dr. Kelly is shocked her daughter would become a vigilante, but as Carrie points out she had been raised to do the right thing. This is also why she saves Turner and co in the pilot: she knows they are innocent and as such needs to rescue them. She’s still a young Lion who has quite the idealistic view and we see in the episode ‘More money, more problem’ -where she manages to put a mob boss behind bars only for him to be released by corrupt officials- that Gotham’s harsh reality could easily burn her. Thankfully I think the creation of the Gotham Knights would help prevent this.

As for her secondary, first things first: this girl is not a Lion. She steals the journal pages in episode two and keeps the secret about Batman killing Turner’s parents for the next eight episodes without much effort. She doesn’t have any Bird or Snake traits, which leaves Badger secondary, something that fits her quite well. I would say she is a Bookkeeper Badger, the other side of the coin to Turner’s Courtier Badger. Wisteria says about them: “A Bookkeeper Badger shows up and does the work. They are dependable, they are thorough, they don’t like cutting corners (Badgers consider cutting corners on something that they actually care about immoral.)” This perfectly describes Carrie.

Brody March

Brody doesn’t get that much interiority, so it’s hard to settle on a primary to him. I am oscillating between a heroic Badger or Lion as he turns on his parents when he realizes they are doing terrible things. I am gonna go with Badger primary, mostly for how much it seems like a community is important to him. When he joins the Knights in episode 12 he immediately considers himself one of them: “We would be fine.” There is also the way he seems to have quite the social life at Gotham Academy. This is mostly implied, but from the very first episode, while Turner is positioned as the outsider who will never get over the stigma of being ‘from the slums of Gotham’ and as such never truly belong in the upper class, Brody is the ‘guy with the perfect family name’ as Stephanie puts it. Everything he does is to live up to this family name, but unlike Stephanie, he genuinely wants to do so, it isn’t just pressure from his parents. You can see the first peak of the more heroic Badger when he does volunteer work at the hospital with Carrie and is bothered by the people left to suffer and wants to help them.

Brody and Turner’s pre-show relationship is fascinating and I’m sad it never gets fully explored. It’s clear they were somewhat close to each other, probably mostly because of Stephanie, but they are also clearly rivals in a lot of aspects: when it comes to swordfighting, to Stephanie’s affection and just to social status in general. Being the Bruce Wayne’s son, Turner is somewhat socially above Brody and pretty much all of the other students and you can see it irks them as they certainly feel he doesn’t deserve it. Brody believes Turner is capable of murdering his own father for money for…nine episodes, I think! And unlike most of Gotham, Brody clearly had enough of a rapport with him to have some doubts, but he doesn’t. I think these are the dark tendencies of a Badger to give into prejudice.

As Turner’s foil, Brody is another Badger secondary, but like Carrie -with whom he forms an organic friendship- I think he’s more of a Bookkeeper. While Turner may have been introduced to us in the pilot offering his hand to Brody, Brody is introduced when he accepts said hand, showing his fair play. His reaction when he is in uncomfortable situations (the gala, when he discovers the hidden camera with the recorded evidence) is to ask a friend (aka Stephanie) for help.

TL;DR

Turner Hayes - Snake who picked up Bruce’s morality/Courtier Badger

Duela Doe Dent - somewhat burnt Snake (with maybe a nihilistic Bird model)/Lion with a healthy Snake model

Harper Row - burned Badger/Lion

Cullen - Lion/Snake

Stephanie Brown - Lion/burned Lion

Carrie Kelly - Paragon Lion/Bookkeeper Badger

Brody March - Badger/Bookkeeper Badger

[cudan2]

Vampires Aren’t Part of the Curriculum

Spring Break Shadowing Part 6.1

Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Word Count: 3,185

Summary: Finals have come and gone, and it's time to bid farewell to another year of college. As fate would have it though, a certain doctor unexpectedly reappears in your life again.

Warning: Death, implied canon-typical violence

A/N: I don't typically write things that warrant a warning, so feel free to let me know if anything else should be added/tagged!

Masterlist

XXX

If there’s one thing you never hear living in the city, it’s silence. Even if the semester is over and your roommates gone for summer break, the reliable cacophony of cars honking, police sirens wailing, never-ending chatter from the sidewalks, and the unmistakable thumping coming from your neighbor’s bed above will always be there to keep you company. At least they waited till finals were over.

Your phone vibrates on your bed where you tossed it earlier, and you groan from two feet away. Lying on the floor in your apartment bedroom is the first real break you’ve had this whole week. You roll over and stick an arm up high enough to grab your phone. It’s a message directed at you in the group chat with your friends.

Y/N what’s the ETA? We’re all at the restaurant.

In the midst of getting back from your last exam and attempting to simultaneously pack and clean your apartment, the small get-together everyone planned the week prior had slipped your mind. Shit. You scramble up from the floor, tripping over your open suitcase in the process and stubbing your toe. Pain radiates from your toe up through your foot, and you let out a string of incoherent curses. Double shit.

A few minutes later, your outfit is changed, your hair is semi-presentable, and you no longer resemble the bum you were earlier. You throw on the first jacket that you find in your closet and grab your keys and wallet on the way out the door with your phone in hand.

Sorry guys! I’ll be there in 20!

Even though exhaustion slowly creeps up on you, you’re glad to have spent your last night as a college junior with your friends. After dinner, the party migrates back to one of your friend’s apartments where you end the night with a movie and some board games.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to walk you to the station?”

It’s nearing 11:00 pm. The night is still young – for college student standards, that is – but you really need to finish packing up everything before heading home tomorrow afternoon.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine! It’s only a ten-minute walk from here,” you tell everybody. Your friends look skeptical, but you reassure them. “Really, guys, I’ll be fine. It’s not that late out yet, so you can keep playing without me.”

“Okay, but text us when you get back to your place!” You agree and shrug your jacket on before giving everyone one last goodbye.

The route home is simple: walk ten minutes to the 14th Street/6th Avenue Station, and the train would take you directly from the Village back to Bowery where all you have to do is walk another two blocks to your apartment. Despite the simplicity of it though, the exhaustion you felt earlier is pushed away by a gnawing sense of foreboding by the time you are halfway to the station. The hairs on your body stick up, and there’s a sinking feeling developing in the pit of your stomach. Something feels off.

You stop dead in your tracks and look around. Greenwich Village is fairly lit from restaurants still serving people or closing up for the night, and there are enough people walking about for you to not freak out… yet.

Nothing around you is overtly suspicious, but you can’t shake that gut feeling that something is bound to happen. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to walk back alone after all.

You start towards the station again, better to get home quicker than to make yourself a target anyways. Sticking your hands into the pockets of your jacket, you feel the comforting plastic of the pepper spray attached to your key chain. There is also a slip of paper in the pocket that you never had the courage to remove.

Doctor Cullen’s – Carlisle, you have to remind yourself – phone number still remains where you first placed it. There were plenty of times where you considered sending him a text in the last two months, but there never seemed to be a good reason for it. Carlisle is a busy doctor, and busy doctors shouldn’t have to waste precious time over frivolous things like messages from a college student with a stupid crush.

If it weren’t for the bout of uneasiness that sprung out of nowhere, the urge to facepalm for even thinking about him again would have overwhelmed you. He is a surgeon you shadowed for a week – nothing more, nothing less. Or, that’s what you keep trying to tell yourself. You like to believe life would be easier if the god-like doctor wasn’t popping up in your thoughts every now and then like… like a bad zit.

Great, now you were comparing Carlisle to a pimple of all things. The sentiment does serve as a good distraction from the otherwise less appealing option of anxiety though.

A block later, you see the signature globe lamps at the top of the subway stairs and nearly let out a sigh of relief. Abandoning the growing darkness of the Village behind, you make your way into the bright fluorescent lights of the station.

Flying past faded advertisements as you navigate to the correct platform is second nature to you at this point. The distinct smell of sewage and the questionable water dripping down from the ceiling reminds you of a dungeon, an image only further maintained by the variety of rust stains splattered across the rundown tile walls like a mosaic. The only thing this station is missing is its own Pizza Rat.

At the platform, there are a number of other people waiting for the train along with you. You breathe a little easier knowing you won’t have to stand here alone, yet the gut feeling still won’t dissipate. Could it be the exam you took earlier in the day? Did you forget to lock your apartment door? Your mind jumps to a dozen different reasons as to why you’re possibly feeling this way, but nothing clicks in your head.

The deep rumbling of the train soon arrives and you board, taking a seat in the corner of the car. It thankfully ends up being a more uneventful subway ride, but the sense of foreboding grows with every minute that slowly crawls by. Fifteen minutes pass for the train to finally pull into your station. By then, you’re ready to tear out of the subway and just get the hell back home as fast as you can.

You realize a little too late that your station is virtually empty once stepping off the train alone and facing nothing but the sounds of cricket chirps and the mechanical clanging of the subway that quickly grows further and further away. Clenching your hand around the pepper spray again, you warily take a deep breath and try to ignore the resounding thumping of your heart. The fluorescent lights flicker above you, and every step you take towards the exit echoes off the walls of the empty halls.

Then, a loud thump slices through the silence.

You freeze on the spot. Alarm bells go off in your head. You’re on edge more than ever now, and every fiber of your being is telling you to run. And yet, you don’t. Your feet refuse to move from where they are. There’s a part of you – the part that aspires to help people and save lives, the part that yearns for the chance to make a difference in this world – that part wants you to seek out the source of the noise. Your brain releases epinephrine, sending you into fight or flight mode. You know you’ll regret it if you don’t check things out though.

“Screw it,” you mutter under your breath. You only hope this doesn’t backfire on you.

Around the corner is an alcove in the wall where you spot the crumpled body of a woman on the floor. Time slows around you.

For the first time that night, you feel a sense of clarity. You aren’t one to believe in fate, but something deep inside you knows that every decision, every choice you have ever made, led you to this very moment. There’s a reason the universe brought you here and you know that reason is to save a life tonight.

You jump into action.

The steps to providing first aid run through your head at the speed of light, and you’ve never been more grateful for your CPR training. The cold tiled floor of the station collides with your knees as you drop to the ground to roll the woman onto her back. Despite no visible signs of injury, her body, still warm, remains lifeless. You shout and tap on her shoulder in an attempt to rouse her from unconsciousness.

She doesn’t wake up.

Your head moves of its own accord, tilting an ear towards the woman’s mouth to listen for signs of breathing while your eyes are trained on her chest, looking for the rise and fall of her lungs.

She’s not breathing. You pray she isn’t dead already.

Calling 911 is the next priority. Your phone is in hand before you even process it, and you’re about to dial the last digit when a silvery voice you haven’t heard in two months diverts your attention. He doesn’t need to say more than your name before your head snaps around, relief washing over you like a wave when you see him standing there in the grimy subway station hallway with you.

If the situation wasn’t so dire, you would’ve thought you were imagining things.

“Doc– Carlisle!” Words tumble out of you before you even get a chance to think. “I found this woman unconscious, and she won’t wake up. She isn’t breathing, I–” Carlisle cuts you off, but what he says isn’t what you expect at all.

“You need to leave.”

You need to…

His words almost don’t register in your head, but when they do, it sends you reeling.

“What?!”

And that’s when you finally see. His hands are balled into fists by his side, his jaw is clenched, and the golden eyes you sought out in your dreams avoids the body on the floor. You realize he has no intention of helping.

“You need to leave, now. It’s not safe for you here.” He takes a step closer to you and offers you a hand, reminding you of your first day of shadowing with him. “Please, Y/N, I beg of you.”

You want to acquiesce, oh how you wish you could give into his pleading eyes, but you can’t understand why Carlisle is refusing to provide the help this person clearly needs. Your brain grasps at straws for an answer, even for possible excuses, anything to make sense of what he’s saying.

“How can you leave someone here to die?”

His lips press into a thin line, a pained look passing over his features. “This woman is already dead. Over fifty percent of her blood volume has been lost, and her organs have already begun shutting down. There is nothing more we can do. When the authorities discover her body in an hour, she will be declared dead on arrival.”

You don’t want to believe him, but the same gut feeling that led you here to begin with tells you otherwise. You turn back to look at the woman, and his words hit you like a wrecking ball.

Already dead…

The clatter of your phone hitting the floor reverberates through the emptiness of the station. You gasp and fall back off your knees, your hands meeting the ground behind you as you try to scramble away from what you now recognize as a corpse.

A strangled “How?” slips out of you. You don’t know what answer you’re looking for exactly; there are too many questions running through your head. How did she die? How does Carlisle know? How was he even here to begin with?

Within a blink of an eye, Carlisle crouches in front of you, effectively blocking your view of the woman. His voice is low but clear. “I know none of this makes sense, and I wish there was more I could tell you, but your safety is of the utmost importance right now. Y/N, I need you to listen to me. I need you to stand up, and we will leave here together. Can you do that for me?”

Against your better judgement, against all common sense, you go with what you heart wants, and your heart has always told you to trust Carlisle. Foolishly, and perhaps even dangerously, you nod meekly and accept his frigid hand to pull yourself up. He hands you your phone.

“I’m sorry you had to get involved. This never should’ve happened,” you hear him say. What did you get involved in? His firm grip on your hand tightens, as he urges you towards the exit. “Come, we must hurry before–”

“Before what? Please, I…” You want to demand answers from him, but your voice falters. You’re far out of your element here. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”

And just like that, his finger is on your lips, shushing you into a forceful silence. His eyes widen, panic striking across his features. Suddenly, he turns around. The hand you held lets go and pushes you behind him away from the exit.

Over Carlisle’s shoulder, you see a man that wasn’t there seconds before. He’s wearing a haphazard collection of worn-out clothing that almost appears to be held together by threads at this point. He stands casually, unconcerned with the heavy tension that lingers in the air, with a blank expression. He takes a step forward into the direct lights that illuminates the pallid, ashen tone of his skin. It’s the way his eyes are a shade of unsettling red and the streak of blood on his chin that sends the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end. You unconsciously wrap your fingers around the pepper spray in your pocket again, but you have a strong feeling that it won’t do much here.

Carlisle is the first to speak. “My name is Carlisle. Allow me to extend an apology for interrupting your meal; we’re not looking for any trouble.”

Meal? Your eyes dart from the other man to the one in front of you, boring holes into the back of Carlisle’s head. The beating of your heart thunders rapidly in an incessant crescendo. You desperately want answers from him now. You want the missing puzzle pieces to what you conclude is a game that you never signed up for because no… there is no freaking way Carlisle is implying what you think he’s saying.

The other man purses his lips in mild contemplation. “Consider your apology accepted.” His lips curl into an unsettling smile, and you inhale sharply at the sight of his blood-stained teeth. “Excuse my manners, I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure to meet. I’m Theo. Now,” his crimson eyes flicker over to you briefly before meeting Carlisle’s again, “I’m not personally one to play with my food, but if you’ve brought dessert, I don’t mind sharing.”

All color drains from your face. Not only is it bad that you’ve managed to stumble across a dead body, but now a cannibal too? Your stomach churns and you can feel the bile rising in your throat. To make it worse, Carlisle is somehow involved in all this, shattering your illusion of the perfect surgeon you thought him to be.

There isn’t time to dwell though. Once hearing what Theo had to say, Carlisle lunges into a low defensive stance. His movement is faster than anything you’ve ever seen, a speed that shouldn’t be humanly possible.

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible. I suggest you keep your hands off what isn’t yours.”

Theo puts both of his hands up in mock surrender. “Tsk, no need to be so aggressive. If you don’t mind leaving me to it, I have unfinished business,” he nods over to the body on the floor.

“Of course,” Carlisle regards him coolly, the dangerous inflection in his voice never wavering. He grabs your free hand and starts moving towards the exit with you in tow. Before you ascend the station stairs to the street, he stops and turns his head back to Theo. “Do clean up after yourself. The last thing we would want is for the Volturi to descend upon the city.”

“Duly noted.”

Silence is something you never hear in New York City, but after going through the deafening silence of that subway station, you were ready to welcome the noisiness of the surface with open arms.

Your self-preservation finally kicks in when a car horn pulls you out of autopilot mode. You’re nearly to the end of the next block in the opposite direction of your apartment by the time you realize your hand is still in Carlisle’s. A chill runs down your spine, and you try to yank away from the man leading you to the unknown, if you can even call him a man.

“Carlisle, stop!” You refuse to run blindly anymore. It takes another few attempts of tugging until the cold fingers wrapped around your own let go.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Carlisle lets out an exasperated sigh, the present crease between his brows deepening as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Are you hurt?”

Beyond all the fear and anxiety, anger flares within you. “Hurt? No, I’m not hurt. What I am though is confused as hell!”

“I know. There is much I promise to explain, but there are far too many eyes and ears here for me to do it now. Do you have anywhere safe to go?”

Carlisle managing to ignore the elephant in the room yet again does not escape your notice, but you humor him anyways. “My apartment is three blocks away.”

“No, no, no,” he shakes his head. “That’s too close. Is there anywhere else?”

You don’t say a word. What could you even say? Your roommate was gone, your actual home is no where near here, and you can’t bring whatever this is upon your friends.

He takes your silence as a no and says, “I see.” There’s a brief interlude, one that Carlisle spends in deep thought before asking, “Y/N, can you find it in yourself to put your trust in me one last time?”

Could you? Would taking the plunge into the deep end be worth putting everything you’ve worked for so far at risk? You’re angry – angry at the situation, angry at Carlisle for not doing more for the poor woman, and for not telling you anything. Above all else though, you are most angry at yourself because despite every red flag and what all logic dictates, you still hold a sliver of trust in him.

“Fine.” The word falls off your tongue before you can even stop, and you can already imagine the headlines: NYU Student Gets Eaten by Cannibals.

“Please close your eyes.”

And so you do.

XXX

Tag List - Please message me if you would like to be added or removed to either this series or the rest of my fics!

Carlisle Cullen

@jelly-fishy-babie @anxiousgoldengirl @mindlessstories

@floweringashore

Spring Break Shadowing

@justine-en