#for the record I feel the same way about writing queer characters

[scribble-dee-vee]

Writing women like real people is a great way to incite the flames of Internet Discourse, but it's ALSO a great way to attract cool people. Write relatable characters for the unhinged media analysis girlies FOREVER

Sorry if this female OC is not likeable! I totally should have considered what you the reader would like. It's just that as a writer I fraction my personality into a million shards and jam them into characters to make new people. That bit of personality you hate? Yeah, that's just me. Sorry I'm so annoying. I should've become the ideal strong female character in advance. Totally my bad.

[agoldenblackbird]

i'm gonna be a ranty bitch for a minute.

tbh i'm turned off even reading new buddie fic despite being a multishipper and have unfollowed a bunch of buddie accounts because i'm sick of the smug attitudes. one ask that i am otherwise not going to publish or respond to ended with 'sorry you don't understand media literacy bestie :)' fuck off. listen INFANT, i have been writing fanfic and original fic AND watching, reading and analyzing queer media since before you were born, i understand how character and story development works, and i know the difference between 'storyline i personally disliked' and 'bad writing.' this was BOTH, and it also was marketed to us as 'carefully crafted bi rep' and 'queer love story that is not about a bunch of pain and conflict FOR ONCE' so we have every right to be upset at the bait-and-switch.

the fact that i'm seeing the same exact posts - 'bt bones buddie CANON' that i saw three seasons ago after the bucktaylor breakup, or every time they thought buck and taylor MIGHT break up - says something. the fact that so many fans seem genuinely convinced (STILL!) that buddie is inevitable because there have been so many 'signs,' and then they rattle off a convoluted theory that would make the most hardcore taylor swift stan say 'wow, that's a bit of a reach,' honestly weirded me out a little when i first joined the 911 fandom. i have never been in a fandom where so many fans are insistent that their ship will be - not might be or could be, but WILL be - canon. i am skeptical both from past experience with other shows mishandling queer storylines or ship-baiting, and tim minnear's proven track record with this one of not really knowing what to do with buck's LI's. but i didn't want to yuck anybody's yum, so i let them have their theories and squee in peace, and unfollowed or blocked certain tags if i was seeing too much of it and getting annoyed. it's too out there for me, but i'm glad they're having fun!

yet they can't give us the same courtesy. they deride us as delusional for thinking that a canon pairing that was presented to us both in promo and the show itself as different and important (eg the bobby approval convo and 'buck getting off the hamster wheel') might last, and we're stupid to have ever liked tommy or lou or be disappointed at how the breakup was written, and if we point out the biphobia it's just sour grapes.

the bucktommy breakup is not the first time 911 has started out strong with an interesting storyline and fumbled it in the 4th quarter either because the writers got bored or in the name of needless drama/a 'gotcha' sudden twist. amir & bobby, eddie's fight club arc, the sperm donor SL, hen vs councilwoman ortiz, whatever the hell is going on with harry, the whole mess with shannon/kim, just to name a few. and especially the past couple of seasons, for me since 6b, the pacing has been off. they seem to have too much happening at once and many of the storylines don't have enough room to breathe to be narratively satisfying, or they get resolved in ways that feel lackluster.

if the toxic buddie stans who have been attacking lou on sm and sending death threats (wtf!) actually get what they want, which i admit is possible, but it's certainly not guaranteed….i don't know why they think the writers won't fumble that just as badly. it's not going to happen precisely the way they want it to because it is impossible to please everybody, that's what fanfic is for. but at this point i have zero faith that it would even be well done at all, and zero trust in the writers not to just sabotage or regress a character for funsies, and that's an excellent reason to stop watching the show. in most of my other fandoms i regard canon as a jumping-off point or a blurry outline at best, and i can have just as much fun in the 911 sandbox without any further input from canon at all, once i'm less angry.

[lurkingshan]

I Feel You Linger in the Air: Novel vs Drama 

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Happy IFYL special day! While I wait (not so) patiently for the special episode to become available for international viewers, I thought I would stop being lazy and get around to writing up my thoughts on the adaptation choices of the drama now that I’ve finally had a chance to read the original novel. 

First, let me just say: the novel is so fun. I’m so glad folks like @clairedaring and @pharawee talked about it on here and @waitmyturtles read it first and told me to jump on it, because I’ve had a really hard time with poorly translated y novels before and was definitely skeptical. But the story was excellent and the English translation was really solid, so a great time was had by all and I wasn’t even salty about spending eighteen American dollars on it. I didn’t think the novel was perfect (turtles can attest I had a few LOUD complaints) but it was a very enjoyable read. Shoutout to @bengiyo, @neuroticbookworm, and @wen-kexing-apologist as well for listening to me rant about Tee’s choices as I made my way through the novel. Bonus: if you have the chance to read this novel while vacationing in Thailand surrounded by plumeria trees and romantic scenery, I highly recommend. 

So, with that established, let’s talk about the adaptation! Adapting novels to a visual medium always comes with a lot of choices, and it’s not easy to make everything translate effectively. On the other hand, a live action drama can make some of what’s on the page feel even more vivid and new elements can be introduced that add to the canon. I’m on the record as both loving this show and feeling like there were some significant missteps in the writing, so I really wanted to understand the source material and how some of those choices were made. So here’s your spoiler alert for IFYL’s adaptation: it’s a real mixed bag of choices from our dear frenemy Tee Bundit, and all in service of one clear goal. 

I Feel You Linger in the Air, but Make It Sadder!

I’m going to break down the details below, but this is the TL; DR right here. Every choice Tee made in this adaptation was in service of transforming a relatively light and often comedic time travel romp into a story of deep melancholy and a thorough examination of queer pain. This is Tee’s whole schtick, so we can hardly be surprised; and yet I was kind of taken aback by how stark the difference in these stories felt even as a lot of the plot stayed the same. During the drama’s airing @respectthepetty talked about how this show was just too damn sad for her, and I gotta say, she was definitely picking up what Tee was putting down. YMMV on how sad you like your romance, but Tee Bundit is a very sad boy indeed.

Jom

gif by @junghaesin

Let’s start here, because this is definitely my biggest grievance with Tee: he removed most of Jom’s personality from the book in order to give us a flatter, sadder version of him that fit better with a much more melancholy vision for this story. As it turns out, Jom was originally written to be smart, sassy, and very funny (h/t to @stuffnonsenseandotherthings whose post on this really got me interested in reading to see the difference). Novel Jom is a smartass who never misses the opportunity to work in a salty comment or express his frustration when things aren’t going his way, and he’s such an active character. He does not just sit back and let things happen to him; he thinks and he struggles and he tries. By comparison, show Jom just feels… vaguely confused, mildly depressed, and wildly passive most of the time. This is by no means a knock on Nonkul, who is a fantastic performer—these are clearly writing and directing choices and he is interpreting the character as instructed.

And it’s not just the removal of his core personality, either. Jom in the book has emotional intelligence and a stronger sense of connection to others. For one, he actually cares that Eung Phueng is his sister! Throughout the book, we see him dedicate time and energy to finding ways to care for his sister despite their different social stations; this dynamic is completely absent from the show, where Jom doesn’t even seem to remember Eung Phueng has his sister’s face most of the time. This was a major hole in the show and I still don’t really understand why Tee dropped the ball on it when there was so much material to drawn from in the book.

Winner: The novel, hands down. If you take nothing else away from this post, please take it as a recommendation to read the novel so you can experience Real Jom in all his sassy glory.

The Mythology 

gif by @chickenstrangers

Now, I can’t really claim that either the novel or the show does a fantastic job with the mythology, because there’s a lot of hand waving in either case and some definite plot holes. But I will give the book credit for being upfront from the start: it didn’t really intend to explain it beyond giving us a little preamble about wormholes (yes, wormholes!) and for having Jom actually notice and care (and get very amusingly frustrated) that he didn’t understand what the wormhole wanted him to do or how to control it. He actually tried quite a lot in the book to figure it out, rather than just sitting around gazing morosely into the distance. In the end, the book tells us that Yai vowed to love Jom at first sight in every lifetime, which is a vow he made after the wormhole brought Jom to him but somehow affects the times that had already happened from our perspective. It’s a paradox that doesn’t fully make sense, but it is at least an explanation.

The show, by contrast, intentionally added layers to this mystery that it had no intention of resolving. The drawings opening up connections to the present, the ghostly visages haunting the characters, the glimpses of Jom in the future doing things we never saw in the original timeline, Mustache Yai kissing Jom in the water—all show inventions, and all setting up an expectation that some sense would be made of these clues. Which of course, never happened. Instead, these things were used to contribute to the spooky scary vibe and make everything feel sadder, and the show offered no explanation at all for why any of this happened.

Winner: It’s a draw since neither really did it well, but I’m staying salty with Tee for fucking with me.

Family Drama 

gif by @thii-nii

Here is where we get into some of the stuff Tee added to the story that actually worked pretty well. One very smart adaptation choice: he made Yai and Eung Phueng siblings so that Yai would have a reason to be more involved in their household and able to interact much more with Jom in the early parts of the story; in the novel there is no connection between the households and Yai and Jom barely interact for the first several months after Jom arrives in the past. He also added a lot of family drama in the back half of the show: the struggles with Yai’s father, the shady uncle, the plot to force Yai to marry, and the big confrontation over Robert’s misdeeds are all show inventions, likely added both to pad out the story and make the relationship harder and sadder, and because he was looking for an alternate source of conflict since he was not doing Part 2 of the book (which takes place once Jom is yanked away again and shot back to the Commander Yai time period). 

Another major change from the novel to the show: in the novel, Yai’s plans to go study abroad were already set before Jom even got there, not something he won as a consolation in a negotiation over marriage. Which has some implications I’ll get into in the next section.

Winner: The drama, where the family dynamics were much more thoroughly explored. 

The Romance 

gif by @loveisactivated

As I mentioned above, Tee made a smart choice in bringing Yai more firmly into Jom’s orbit early in the story, but unfortunately, he didn’t do much with that advantage and actually failed to use some of what the novel gave him to work with. In the novel, Jom is much more aware of the attraction between him and Yai, very attuned to Yai’s flirting and their age gap, very aware of his own growing attachment to Yai, and thinking through the implications of all of it as it grows, which is a more natural and believable build up to their romance than in the show, where Jom seems distracted and unaware of Yai’s affections until they suddenly start jumping each other. That lack of romantic development in the show (which we discussed even as it was airing) was not because the material was not there for Tee to use in the book; he simply had other priorities and neglected to build it properly in show time.

That said, I have to give major credit to Tee for how he handled the romance once our leads were together and intimately involved. First, he really brought some of the scenes that were in the book to life in a way that still has me shook, like Yai’s drunken poetry recitation (credit must also be given to Bright for his eye work in that and many other scenes, what a stunner). And on top of that, the drama has some of the best physical intimacy scenes I have ever seen in any drama, full stop, and that is nearly all Tee and his creative team. He used elements from a few scenes in the book, but he remixed and amplified them to be a lot more powerful, and certainly much more artful and sensual than the sex scenes in the book. That olive oil masturbation scene? The show gets full credit, and the way the direction, editing, and performances so vividly painted their attraction to each other still gives me shivers when I think about it.

But anyway, back to bitching about Tee: one of the scenes that really stuck out for me like a sore thumb in the romance arc in the show was when Yai learns he will be going abroad and he and Jom discuss it in a curiously flat and emotionless way, with Yai acting like it’s no big deal for them to be separated for three years. I mentioned above that this was a change from the book: in the novel Yai was already set to go abroad before he ever met Jom, it was not a new surprise that came about after they were together. They discuss Yai’s impending departure twice in the book; once when Jom is still only Yai’s majordomo, and then once again when they are lovers. As you can imagine, the emotional tenor of these two scenes are quite different. And Tee used the wrong one for the show! I almost threw the book at the wall when I realized I was reading the verbatim dialogue from that scene in the show in the context of Yai and Jom hardly knowing each other yet, and then again when I got to the second conversation that was actually appropriate for two lovers who do not want to be parted. That has to be one of the most senseless adaptation mistakes I have ever seen. Tee Bundit, what is wrong with you!!

Lastly for this section, I will just note that the very long, drawn out goodbyes between Yai and Jom are also a show invention. In the book, Jom gets yanked to the next time period with no warning shortly after they get together and begins his next adventure with another Yai. Since Tee was ending the show here in this time period, he went in a different direction, having Jom and Yai much more aware of Jom fading and anticipating a separation so that he could (say it with me) make everything sadder. His choice to wallow for two entire episodes in sorrow and melancholy and to put much heavier focus on Yai’s despair was entirely his own, and so very on brand.  

Winner: It’s a draw. The book definitely writes the romantic arc more holistically and doesn’t have any of the missteps the drama does, but the show is so artful and the parts it gets right are so good I will remember them for the rest of my life. And I can’t pretend I’m not an angst monster at heart, so Tee’s sad af vision totally worked on me.

Sides and Queer Community

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Here is where Tee’s adaptation really shines, and I know others have discussed these changes before so I won’t go too deep on the details. But I absolutely have to give Tee props for taking tiny threads for these side characters in the books and building them into whole people that we actually care about. Especially in the case of Ming and Fong Kaew, Tee really made something of their extremely thin book stories to turn them into fan favorite characters with real growth arcs. I do think the book was better in the way it handled the fated connection between Fong Kaew and Khamsaen, but everything else about Fong Kaew’s story was deepened by the show. And Tee gets credit for adding so many meaningful stories for women characters in the first place, let alone developing a lesbian romance for Eung Pueng and Maey. He picked up on a tiny bit of subtext for underdeveloped characters in the book and ran with it, and it really enhanced the story. 

He also used side characters as a means to make this story feel all around more queer, not only by including additional queer romances but by building out a real sense of community and solidarity among the queer characters. Not only the addition of nods to real queer history, but the speakeasy, James’s explicit queerness, and Nuey the Green Queen are all Tee additions to the canon that really enhanced the story.

Winner: The drama and it’s not close. Well done, Tee!

That Ending

gif by @dragonsareawesome123

One of my biggest interests in reading the novel was seeing how the ending with modern Yai is explained in the original source material, because I found the drama version of that scene so lacking. Well, it turns out, the novel did pretty much the same thing! The ending sequence of the book is even shorter than the scene in the show and similarly offers zero explanation for this new version of Yai or how he knows Jom before they jump each other and the story concludes. The main narrative ends there and the book then tacks on an epilogue explaining who this new Yai is, and it reads like an afterthought. Honestly, it felt to me like the writer ran out of steam and just didn’t bother to finish the story, and Tee did exactly the same thing. Which is kind of infuriating, because being able to fix stuff like that is one of the best things about a good adaptation. 

Winner: Absolutely no one, my kingdom for a proper ending to this story.

gif by @pharawee

So, my conclusions? 1) Tee Bundit is the saddest creator in Thai bl, hands down; 2) It’s a draw between which version of this story is better. The novel and drama both have different strengths and significant flaws, but both versions are compelling and had me on the edge of my seat. I highly recommend the book to anyone who is missing the show and wants another chance to revisit these characters, plus the added bonus of seeing Jom wrangle Commander Yai, something we are unlikely to ever see on our screens (though hope springs eternal besties!). If you do decide to give it a read, come talk to me about it! 

[seriousbrat]

I know abt the shit that Snape stans say abt Lily, but what do Marauders stans say?

You mean negative stuff? Well a lot of it isn't really directly negative, it's more just that people need her out of the way so they can ship James with Sirius's rando little brother. Even though this is ridiculous because nothing is stopping anyone, but I think newer Marauders fans can often overcompensate because many view shipping/stanning as a moral act, so the fact that they obviously don't care about Lily makes them feel guilty lmao. In fact I think there's arguably a tendency among mainstream marauders fandom to be overly positive about Lily just in a way that lacks the consideration and complexity people give to their favourite male characters. Like yes she's a girlboss but what else? Well-written characters are supposed to have flaws and foibles balanced with strengths, that goes for women too.

So while making her out to be a traitorous she-devil is obviously something I dislike, I think it can go too far the other way too, where she's just a 'sweet lesbian girlie' happily dwelling in the background with no real problems or depth or protagonism of her own.

Lily's often made a background character in The Story of Regulus, at the service of the narrative needs of the male protagonists, and typically paired with a random female background character in a way that can feel like an afterthought and really just a convenient shunting aside of Lily's character masked by faux-progressiveness. Making a character queer isn't a replacement for giving them depth and nuance. It's especially grating when the same people accuse anyone who points this out of 'reducing Lily to being a mother' even though it's that section of fandom who often uses Lily as a surrogate/baby-making machine for the male characters, which is quite literally, in the most literal, biological sense possible, reducing her to being a mother lmao.

For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with having Lily be a background character, or not using her at all, on an individual basis. (although I admit I find using her as a surrogate fairly appalling as a concept. but that's just me.) I myself have used her as a background character and paired her with Mary in Lippy Kids. Also, it's fandom and people are going to do whatever they want, it's not up to me to stop them and I wouldn't want to lol. I'm not going after individual people for doing this in their own writing.

As I've said before though, I believe it's worth pointing out in a general sense because it's such an overwhelming tendency. I think simply being aware of the fact that you and people around you centre men in life and art is a positive thing-- even if you don't actively do anything to change it, because sometimes talking and thinking about the issue can lead to it changing on its own. We all do this to some extent-- I recently went through my own fics and realised I have more male-pov fics than female. I'm not going to write anything purposefully to correct this because that wouldn't feel natural and it's not a huge issue on its own, but I'm just aware of it moving forward.

Looking through any marauders' era tag (even the jily tag rip) or ao3 categories/statistics, etc, gives you a pretty clear idea of who is prioritised by fandom and who is not. And the argument that Lily is too minor of a character to care about falls a bit flat when characters like Regulus, Barty, and Rosier are so much more popular in mainstream marauders fandom than she is.

Curiously I have seen Marauders fans use the same exaggerated criticisms of Lily that Snape fans do (viz. 'she was a terrible friend!!11' which is so ridiculous given none of these beloved male characters are winning friend of the year awards.*) AND I have seen plenty of Snape fans who are normal about Lily, either because they like her themselves or are just able to be objective about characters lol. So either way it's not a universal thing.

* arguably except regulus but his friend of the year award is because of what he did for kreacher, not james or sirius or barty or anyone else. and regulus stans never care about that. stop lily erasure but also on a minor, less relevant note, stop kreacher erasure

[meraki-yao]

Is this a safe place? I sort of want to get something off my chest, but I have to do it anon because I’m scared. I’m a straight girl and a huge rwrb fan, and thus also a big fan of TZP and Nick. Lately I’m feeling more and more alienated in most of the fandom and I’m afraid I’m the problem? It’s just all this talk about topping and bottoming and what that means for how the characters are perceived that I absolutely do not get? Is it empowering in some way I’m not getting, because if not the feminist in me is sort of appalled.

It’s more or less the idea that bottoming is a little humiliating in a way that needs to be made jokes about that is bothering me. Like the bottom is always a little pathetic or desperate (like how women have historically been portrayed), and we should snicker when the top (or anyone) publicly «calls them out» for bottoming? Obviously not everyone does this but I see it more and more? And when it was just in fics and art I kept my mouth shut because I think that should be a free space, but now I see it in how the actors are talked about too. Like Alex is the top so TZP is made out to be hypermasculine and Henry was the bottom so Nick is either babied or made fun of? It’s bad for both imo. Why can’t tzp be babygirl sometimes and the focus be on his soft sides? All I see is talk about his body and how everyone wants him to top them. And then there’s Nick and how people are saying they are uncomfortable watching him act as a top in M&G, saying he will always be a bottom and that he is a slut etc. If it was an actress or female characters getting that treatment I would riot. And I guess I am a bit now in my cowardly anon way. Am I alone in feeling frustrated about this? Is it bad that I am? Please help me understand if I’m in the wrong.

Thank you for reaching out to me. As long as you’re respectful and not hurtful, you’re welcome here.

Actually, I’ve kind of wanted to write an essay on gay sex and the perception of gender in same-sex couples for a while now! So this might sound kind of academic, bear with me.

Preface: I identify as a straight cis girl, but I’ve been consuming both western and Asian queer media, both fiction and real person for years. This is my understanding of the matter, and I’m trying to be as sensitive and empathetic as I can be, but please note at the end of the day, I am not directly part of the queer community, therefore there may be certain things I miss, or a queer person will tell you otherwise. Also literally all my knowledge of sex comes from the internet, because Chinese culture literally does not talk about this at all. I gave my sister the talk instead of our parents. So please take what I say with a pinch of salt.

Also gonna talk about sex in an academic manner, but it’s still sex, so here’s your nsfw warning!

Ok here we go:

The power dynamic in sex position is fundamentally biological: the penetrator controls the pace and intensity of the act, thus is the active participant; the penetrated is in turn the passive. This is just the mechanics of the act: The penetrated, be it the woman in a straight couple or the bottom in a gay couple is put in the more vulnerable position, therefore the top, as the active participant is perceive as having more power, while the bottom as the passive participant is perceived as having less power.

And there are historical records of this perception: in ancient Greece, there was a common romantic dynamic called pederasty, a romantic and sexual relationship between an older man (the erastes/ to love) who acts as the active, dominant participant, aka the top, and a younger boy/ a teenager (the eromenos/ beloved) who acts as the passive, submissive participant, aka the bottom. It is speculated that this is the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus. This practice was understood as educative, as a means for the older man to teach the younger “how to be more manly as to grow up into a man”. THAT BEING SAID BY TODAY’S STANDARDS THIS IS PEDOPHILA AND DEFINITELY NOT OKAY. On top of that, the perception of being gay in ancient Rome is “it’s okay if you’re gay, as long as you’re the top”. My point is this power imbalance when it comes to same-sex relationships has existed for a very, very long time.

But the thing is a lot of things have advanced in the past centuries, and the perception of sex and gender is one of them.

So firstly in terms of sex, people are much more flexible in terms of the power dynamics, which is where terms like “switch” (can be either top or bottom), “power bottom” (the penetrated controls the pace and intensity of the act) , “service top” (the penetrator focused on their partner’s needs and wishes instead of their own) and the whole BDSM category (which I’m personally not informed about or interested in). So I would say we’re mostly past the point of humiliating bottoms or perceiving bottoms as inherently weak, and use bottom more in terms of the mechanics.

That being said, the power being more balanced does not immediately take away the gender perception of the dynamic.

Since when comparing a gay couple’s sex act with a straight couple’s sex act, the woman has to be in a penetrated position as per biology and anatomy (at least traditionally speaking), the association drawn between the bottom and the woman becomes easy to make. In fact in China, all bottoms, regardless of gender/sexuality, are referred to with female terms, like “wife”, “princess”, “queen” etc. So bottoms tend to be feminized, or at least viewed as more effeminate. Again, this has changed and made more flexible/free in modern times, but this trend is still present.

But when it comes to applying the terms on the boys, something involved is also the audience’s own perception and understanding of gender representation. “Babygirl” is more referring to the “cute” kind of attractiveness than actually babying him, which with given material, tends to apply more to the perception and presentation of Nick than Taylor. That being said I have seen Taylor/Alex being referred to babygirl as well. It’s a little rare but it’s present. I wouldn’t really say Taylor’s hypermasculine either, but in relatively, his style and manners lean more towards the masculine side of the spectrum. But again it’s a matter of perception. Are the gendered terms used on the boys affected by the dynamic of their characters? To some degree, yes. But it’s also sometimes a genuine commentary on their own style as themselves.

As for Geroge, I personally haven’t seen those comments, but the problem with the comments lies in associating George with Nick as an individual and Henry as an individual: as in, they’re not treating George as George, they’re treating George as Nick, which might be why they have such comments. That being said, this is a piece of media, so each to their own.

I think the last thing I’m gonna say to end this is that please remember that this is all subjective perception. If you see something different, then that’s just what you see. Try seeing someone else’s perspective, and if you tried and it didn’t work, then let it be. You’re not in the wrong, it’s ok that you’re frustrated, but at least I don’t think the situation is as harmful as you might see it to be. These types of comments often are throwaway thoughts, so there’s also the question on how serious a comment is.

Hope this helped! Feel free to shoot me another ask if you still have questions.

[thistle-and-thorn]

Dying to know what you thought of the goldfinch. I never read it and am very 👀

thank god you sent this because i was about to make an incredibly long, rambling post about this but now you have prompted this, it feels less unhinged to put it into the form of a solicited answer. @.@

I....have mixed feelings about GF. Like, really mixed feelings. When I was in college, I took a seminar on opera history and we studied the opera, Wozzeck, and my professor described watching it as "an act of endurance." I felt sort of similarly about The Goldfinch. Like I'm glad I read it, and I can't wait to never read it again lmao.

It's a really well-written book--God, I want to write like her--and it is a compelling story with a lot of really great moments, but I found it to be overall less thematically incisive than TSH and, though TSH had some pacing issues, especially towards the end, The Goldfinch felt much, much more uneven. There's a lot of crossover between the two novels--unreliable narrators that are closeted queer men, so much drinking, so much drugs, etc--to the point where I thought a twist would be that they were set in the same universe and that Theo's father was somehow Richard Papen. But TSH felt bolder in a way, more satirically cutting, funnier, wilder, and younger. The Goldfinch is a sadder book, unrelentingly anxious and grief-stricken. And I do think this is sort of the point and I don't criticize it for that. It did make the melodrama of the novel's conclusion feel a little...i don't know...less justified and a little more gimmicky? And anxiety is a monotonous state so I think the GF lacked the emotional texture that made TSH much less....exhausting?

The Goldfinch is DT's ode to Dickens and there a lot of nods to Dickens in both direct references and style (the book is basically like what if uriah heep from david copperfield was psychosexually obsessed with pip from great expectations). There are certainly class dynamics here, episodic adventures, varied characters, and a lot of ruminations on providence but I did keep wondering what about Dickens drew her to tell this particular story which on a surface-level seems to ruminate on the impact of beauty, as opposed to the impact of wealth. In a lot of ways, TSH, with its commentary on class and wealth, even more over-the-top characters, feels like a better fit for Victorian literary structures.

In my wild and quite honestly unfounded speculation, I think the conclusion that I have come to is that it is a really, really personal book. Dickens was an intensely personal writer who used his own experiences, including those with his difficult father and poor upbringing and young infatuations as material, even in sort of unrealistic scenarios. I made a half-joking post about Brett Easton Ellis serving as DT's muse but I think....like...that may be true? I spent a lot of time, while reading this book, googling and reading about BEE and his erratic personality, contradictory and sometimes controversial and nihilistic media statements, and drug addiction. (Something that stood out to me was that BEE said that Patrick Bateman was based on his father, which he later retracted, to say that he felt like he was more like Patrick Bateman and wrote that book from a place of intense depression and isolation and consumption. This third-eying of oneself through the lens of the father is so Theo to me.) It's an examination of a self-destructive person but feels so clearly written from the point of view of someone who loves them--there is a real tenderness in how Theo is rendered that makes me think that it is not directly autobiographical about DT's own life but is the record of someone else who is loved and who is grieved. I have no evidence of this, truly, but this is what I keep thinking.

Some random other thoughts: one thing that @attonitos-gloria and I have talked a lot about is how DT always writes from the point of view of men who desire other men but whose desire is so hidden and buried that it becomes warped and we think that this is fascinating. @.@ The women in both TSH cannot be held as whole people in the eye of the narrator, their wholeness exists but beyond the borders of the male narrators' understanding of them. I also love how DT loves places and loves things. She creates fantasias of real places that feel like they influence the narrative and I think that's really cool.

TL;DR: I thought TSH was better, but GF was more personal and thus more messy. But it won a Pulitzer so literally what do i know.

[biihanka]

I think the reason why Izzy dying is bothering me so much is bc OFMD is one of the shows that came out right after the superwholock queerbaiting era was ending, and for the first time I thought that "it's okay if my old fave characters didn't had a happy ending bc new characters are coming and it's possible now"

If you where on the fandom back in the day you know what I'm talking about, like it was queerbaiting all the time on these shows. But then Good Omens, OFMD, WWDITS, IWTV came and this new generation of openly queer series and characters took over my life and I was "okay I think I found my safe spot here".

I never cried as much for a characters death like I did for Dean, at the time I even felt relieved that he died bc this bs show would be over and I would never have to go trought that again. I was very wrong. Having showwriters dismiss and treat your faves bad bc of whatever reason, budget cuts, limited episodes, idc is no excuse for bad writing.

In Izzy's case, it literally felt like a deja vu to Dean, spending a whole night crying when there's work the next day, the sadness as if it was a real person who died, almost same circunstances for them too, either from bts problems or show storytelling, it was rushed, it was stupid, it was abusive to characters that finally had a chance at a happy life... either way I could be here all day now but it won't change shit.

I already said why Izzy was my fave and I don't want to sound like a broken record but damn I thought it was gonna be different this time :´)

EDIT: I'm gonna add a little something here that I forgot, sorry I'm really not doing well, but:

The worst of all too is that Izzy is an openly queer character! When I say Izzy's death devasted me is because it felt like I was being queerbaited again!

Yes I know, Lgbtqia+ characters can die on stories and it's okay, I agree, but when you come from a background like this, and literally one of the firsts new gen queer shows pulls these same tactic as the other previous one who traumatized you, well we can feel a little betrayed.

[ocheeva]

5 Favourite Characters Poll (Tag Game)

i was tagged by @pangzi @melodious-tear and @psychic-waffles ♥♥♥

picking characters was pretty easy actually, i know exactly who i love most. the only hard thing was picking between xiao hua, shen qingqiu, and himemiya anthy but i ended up going with my bestie ♥

Rules: make a poll with five of your all time favourite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favourite.

Tagging: @astrangedoor @lealdog @mishikaiya @jauffre & @margomadisons uwu

propaganda under the cut, not a formal part of the game but i love talking about these bitches!

commander shepard made me who i am and i'm not joking. i'm always a hoe for duty-bound characters and she is such a perfect example of what makes me love a character like that. she's also someone i roleplayed for years, i met some of my oldest friends & my soul sister because of her (thirteen years in august!) and when i need to stand up for myself or others with people i don't know i still model my approach on her, as well as a myriad other interactions (due to the autism it's easier to ask 'what would shepard do?' than to make something up). she means the WORLD to me!!

nie huaisang charmed me when a friend played a character based off him in a d&d oneshot and went on to become my favourite character in one of my favourite books. i'm deep into chinese literature and drama because of this little man. he was a gateway drug to SO many experiences, I've read ancient erotica and poetry because of him + gained a deeper understanding of chinese history and culture. and a bitch loves learning! but he's also just a character who gets to me in a really special way. he means things to me i can't even express. what a guy. god.

captain janeway came into my life when i was thirteen and star trek: voyager was on tv on some weeknight, and i was bewitched. my mother enjoyed it and i would sometimes join her, but after a while i barely could because janeway made me realise i was queer and i couldn't have those feelings when i felt unsafe and exposed. but, man, i never forgot her and i've rewatched voyager in its entirety twice as an adult. i'm overwhelmed every time. if she smiled at me and told me i'd be okay i actually believe i would. i love her. i've loved her for twenty-three years. loving her is such a core part of my personality it's ridiculous.

xie yuchen/xiao hua was mentioned to me when my didi and i talked about who i might get along with in the mess that is the dmbj franchise. among ridiculous claims, magnets that can affect time and your feelings, and snakes that can be used as video recorders thanks to their pheromones, he is a shining beacon of sensibility. he's been called 'competency porn made flesh' by more than one person for good reason. he's a big reason why i started watching terrible dramas and read terrible books but he makes every second SO worth it.

finally, estraven became a dear friend last july when i read tlhod. it was a slow read at first but around the halfway point i was suddenly rendered breathless; estraven as a character proved to be so much more than i expected. reading a single description of him by the main character brings tears to my eyes because he is so much. i'm crying a little just writing this! he's that same kind of duty-bound and loyal that makes me insane as shepard and janeway, and i'm so grateful he brought me across the gobrin ice. i left a piece of my heart there. i need to crochet a shawl dedicated to this book (and him) so i can wrap myself in my own feelings about it. the power of his nonbinary alien pussy is out of this world.

[lothli]

About Tumblr, My Writing, and Finding Home

This is a personal post unrelated to news about my writings, and as such, is quite possibly dreary and uninteresting. I do apologize. As a courtesy, I've included a Keep Reading.

I spent around a month on Tumblr, from the end of September to the start of October, and I've observed many interesting posts from many people. I've also learned new things, such as what a whump is and other such writblr-exclusive terms.

But in a way, the more I learn, the more I understand the differences between myself and the wider community.

Most of the time, I do not write romance, especially regarding shipping of existing characters. I understand that this is quite an important part of the Tumblr community, what with the "antis" and the "pro-shippers" all running amok. For the record, I still consider myself a pro-shipper; what other writers wish to write is none of my business. It's just something I find little interest in doing.

I am a queer writer, but I feel like my work is not "queer" in the same way as many other very talented queer writers have. This kind of leans into the lack of romance; for my original characters, you'll never know if they're gay or ace or bi or het, simply because it's just not something I ever have them think about.

I find myself lost, unable to find a real home for my original works. Tumblr and Ao3 are suitable places for An Unmaking to live, and I am glad that the folks here seem to enjoy them somewhat. However, long posts don't seem to be in vogue on Tumblr, which makes some sense. This is a blogging site, not a writing site.

My one-shots fit in alright, but I also have short stories that simply don't fit here. Serialization is something I find great difficulty with on Tumblr; it's why I've given up posting An Unmaking here.

Ao3 and FF.net are both fan-fiction-dominated pages. Sure, I could probably post original works on both, but it doesn't feel quite right. It's not a home.

I've looked into other websites, but Wattpad seems unappealing in general, and I've never heard anyone say good things about the site outside of nostalgia.

RoyalRoad makes sense, but the demographics feel strange as well. I am not a LitRPG or Portal Fantasy writer, and the works feel pretty skewed toward a straight male-leaning audience. This isn't criticism; it's simply that I am not straight or male. In the same way that I do not fit in Tumblr's shipping and romance, I do not fit in RoyalRoad's power fantasies.

I'm not someone who chases stats or engagement. I simply want a place where my original works feel at home, where it feels like my work is something that belongs, instead of a strange hanger-off that does not quite fit in with the rest.

For my Secret History readers, an analogy: A creature of Winter and Sky is looking to settle. But the first is a place that is too full of yearning, too dappled for it to truly rest. The next is warm and comforting but also sharp in a way it is not. From place to place, it flits, looking for somewhere to make its home but never truly finding it.

If you've read this far, thank you for indulging in a painfully conspicuous and inexperienced outsider in her ramblings. If you have any suggestions for where my works may roost, please let me know in all the myriad of ways that Tumblr lets you interact with me. Frankly, I've probably missed some. Maybe there's some tag that fits me that I'm unaware of, too.

None of this will affect An Unmaking, not that I've been consistent with its upload schedule. Thank you for reading.

-- Lothli

[v-e-l-v-e-t-g-o-l-d-m-i-n-e]

You know, the thing that pisses me off the most about the Enterprise finale is not Trip's terrible death, or that the crew doesn't even have a proper POV during their finale episode. Sure, these things makes me very angry, but the one thing that makes me see red, you know what it is?

It's the presumption that if the franchise were to be given a goodbye to a not known lenght of time, the ones who had to send it off had to be the TNG crew and none of the other series deserved this honor, as if the other ones - even the Enterprise crew, the one show doing the goodbye - were not worth it.

I'm having a similar feeling watching the third season of Star Trek: Picard, considering they wrote off the entire cast of the series, with the exception of Raffi and Seven. It does feel like once again the TNG crew is kicking out the cast of the original show to insert themselves in there at the end.

But it's not the same because it's a Picard series and Picard was the main TNG character!

Yes, I see this point, somewhat agree with it but. It's not the same. Because this is Picard twenty years after his captain years, and it's about who he is now. We saw him make new friends, a new family in the two previous seasons, and this is now all cast out, as if it was all worthless.

And you see, I'm not actually against the inclusion of the TNG crew in Picard's last season. I think it makes sense to include them; they are Picard's family, after all, and Nemesis left several loose ends. What I'm against is the exclusion of the original cast, when they should have been kept IN ADDITION to the TNG crew being brought back.

But it's too many characters to write about!

Deep Space Nine had NINE main characters (Sisko, Dax, Kira, Bashir, Odo, O'Brien, Quark, Jake, Worf), three main antagonists (Dukat, Winn, Female Founder) and a TON of supporting cast (Garak, Damar, Leeta, Rom, Nog, Morn, Keiko, Kasidy, Ziyal, Martok, Weyoun, Vic Fontaine...) and they managed to juggle it all just fine. More than fine.

But they have to work with much less episodes!

I see this point. It's true; only ten episodes it's not a lot of time when there used to be 26 episodes per season, but you know what? It's still a body of work with almost ten hours of duration. This is just a little less than the hours of the LOTR trilogy, and see the size of the universe and the storylines you're capable of creating with roughly the same timeframe.

If they focused on what matters and if they were to write it well, it is more than possible to juggle many characters and do a good work while you are at it.

Elnor should have been in this season; he could be a foil to Jack, since he sees Picard as a father figure. So should have been Soji, especially now that Data is back; I think he deserves to know he has a daughter. They never should have gotten ridden of Rios. Borg Queen Agnes is very plot relevant, but she's nowhere to be seen.

I'm glad that Raffi has been in this season and its a joy to see her with Worf, but it leaves such a bitter taste in my mouth that her romance with Seven seems dead to me. Trek has a terrible record with queer characters, and Seven and Raffi are the first lesbian couple in the whole franchise (and the only main ones apart of Jennifer and Mariner in Lower Decks), and even if they had highs and lows, at least season two bothered to give them time together and interactions. They barely were in the same room together during this season.

The constantly barbs to the early seasons like the way Troi and Riker talked about their home life, the way they ignore Borg Queen Agnes whole existence... this season seems do disdainful of its predecessors, and even if they were full of flaws, this seems so unfair to me. Especially when this season have such a a weak plot being held together only by the talent and the charisma of the TNG crew, it's really not a good look. The story is weak, it's repetitive, it doesn't make sense when you think about it for too long.

And you know what it's sad? Man, I LOVE the TNG crew. In fact I love TNG; apart from Deep Space Nine, it's my favorite Star Trek series. I prefer it even over TOS. It makes me sad to see them being brought together again so messily, and in detriment of everything the Star Trek: Picard series had previously established, especially when you can see the ways it could have been good.

[prototypesteve]

2024 summarized.

Stayed calm through and ongoing cancer scare. The antigen numbers are still high, even though ultrasound and other checks didn’t find anything obvious. So on April 27th (2025) I’m going for an MRI. If this is something, then it’s very likely a highly treatable thing. So much so that the specialist prefers to use the term carcinoma rather than cancer.

Went on two trips to the UK, to break my compulsive habit of going on the same BC road trip. I fell in love with international travel. I live on the touristy west side of Canada, where tourism and a short travel season have made domestic travel so expensive and carbon intensive (a burger in Tofino gets there by two or three ships, and many different trucks across mountain ranges) than international travel (one plane ride, lots of electric transit, and lots of walking).

Managed my disorders. Went back on Concerta to take my ADHD. Then with the breathing room that gave me, I addressed my anxiety and depression with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. I now have ways to respond to and get past thoughts that used to create anxious or depressive feelings which lead to behaviours like shutting down, avoiding, falling apart, stalling etc.

Came out to my oldest evangelical friends. Many didn’t reply. Whatever. Four of them were super accepting and I’m honestly getting tired of all the crying from unexpected relief/joy, okay? Enough of that.

Joined the volunteer leadership team for the Pride Team Member Network at work (if you’re read Loveless, think “Pride Soc.”). I went from coming out in mid-2023 to writing regular columns on sexual orientations, co-hosting queer pride events, and recording courseware on pronouns and gender-neutral language, for a company with like 5,000+ people.

Just really focused on Alice Oseman’s advice shared through her character, Sunil, in Loveless:

“There’s nothing you have to do except be.

Which is why, on the UK trip, I had some really good hangout time with God. Or more accurately, God kept crashing my vacation with little things that would mean absolutely nothing to eight billion people, but that always stopped me in my tracks. We have the kind of blunt rapport that is the hallmark of a deity and their absolutely broken and rebuilt student. God gives the answer, and then I eventually ask the question I was scared to ask. So in this case I got bombarded with unmistakable versions of the answer, “Yes” to which I finally confessed the question, “Is this real?” about my asexuality.

I know that last paragraph was weird. What would be weirder is if I had hidden that. If I’m going to be brutally real about my sexuality and my mental health, and my actual health, it’d be kind of tacky to think you’re not ready to hear about the user interface I run, when I connect with The Bigger Thing.

[queer-ragnelle]

I would love your opinion on Black Sails! I was never able to finish it (even though I want to). Seasons 1-3 felt linear and natural in the way the characters were driven and motivated. Season 4 changed so much... undoing character growth, scrapping character beliefs for new motives that were narratively weaker, and using way more shock/gore than there had been used previously. I would love to know your opinions on it, and if I'm talking out of my ass on this. Love the show! Would love to finish it. Would genuinely love to hear you do a character analysis, if you felt up to it. Ty!

Hi Anon! I'm going to put this below a cut since it's not strictly relevant to this blog and yet I have much to say about it lol

It's been over a year since I watched Black Sails in it's entirety, but I'll go on record saying it's the best show I've ever seen. I love the writing, the acting, the costuming, the filmography, the music, the everything. It is [almost] perfectly balanced. Ironically I felt season 1 was the weakest and didn't take the same issues with season 4 as you did. My biggest criticism of season 1 involves the plot regarding Max's captivity on the beach. I think connecting her with Anne could've been achieved some other way (or even a similar plot just overall less sexual violence/quicker resolution). But even so, I still stand by that I recommend it, particularly to those who love a blend of historical and fiction/mythic characters.

I would love to see an Arthurian retelling on that scale and with that tone. Starz had produced their show Camelot in 2011, three years before Black Sails, and while that first season also has some issues, I'll forever be heartbroken it wasn't renewed. I fully believe they would have developed Camelot into an epic tale ala Black Sails, particularly with strong female characters and queer storylines. We could've had it all....

On that note, Black Sails was absolutely vital in my journey as an author adapting Arthurian legend in a historical 6th century. The meta about ambiguous storytelling subject to biased perception or outright misinformation and thus misconceptions about people involved in historical events fascinated me. On one hand you have Jack Rackham's obsession with his legacy, almost uncannily aware he's in a story and his limited time to leave his mark. Then there's Charles Vane's hanging in Nassau, when the history books say he died at Port Royal. It circumvents expectations, not with shock value (looking at you, Game of Thrones finale), but in service to the narrative by calling into question the validity of our accepted reality. Beyond that, it seamlessly blends historical figures, the cast of Treasure Island, and original characters created to incorporate more women and people of color into the narrative. Everyone's developed and fascinating and complex with clear motivations and fleshed out backstories (except for Silver, lol, which itself makes him compelling). Bernard Cornwell's Warlord Chronicles does similar things. He utilized Saint Derfel as his point of view character to analyze the Arthurian legend through a [semi-]historical lens. But I think Black Sails does it better. It also seems to transcend genre at times. It's adventure and action, but it's got everything from romance between a network of characters in all different Stiuationships to the horror of Flint's past haunting him (literally). And yet it never feels like too much. It doesn't lose track of what it's doing. Nothing set up is dropped or forgotten about. It's frustrating when the goal post moves yet again, but in a way which draws us in closer to the characters and makes us all the more driven to see it through. When another hiccup arises we must overcome, or even a devastating and insurmountable shock (Miranda....), it feels earned. Of course that was liable to happen. How could we have been so foolish to think things would have worked out?

This show gave me permission, and frankly, the determination, to experiment with my own retelling. The people who made Black Sails knew when to stay true to the past, drawing on facts to develop the story in accurate ways (such as utilizing the colony of escaped slaves to bring Madi and her people into the story (which also ties into Treasure Island in which Silver had a black wife!)) and when to follow the rule of cool (Jack Rackham in his definitely-historically-unviable-but-undeniably-cool shades). Literally life changing.

I don't think I could narrow down the characters enough to do a full analysis of one of them, I love them all for different reasons. But I did name my borzoi Long John Silver, so, I kind of have to talk about him, right? Well I think the character's lack of a backstory, ie his unwillingness to disclose it, acts as a surrogate for the viewer. We ride the wave with Silver, thrust into this predicament with the map and the gold and the very culture of Nassau's pirate trade whilst Silver somehow remains a blank slate mystery as he navigates this dangerous world with a quick mind alone. While Flint could certainly be considered the main character, and we're quite often in his head, his memories, his nightmares even, I don't think the viewer's supposed to identify as him so much as with him. Flint is Flint. But we are Silver. (Scary thought lol)

If you couldn't tell already, I'm long winded. :^) So I'll stop here and the real deep dive character analysis happens in my books. Gawain is just landlocked Flint if you squint<3 Thanks for asking about Black Sails! Everyone go watch it.

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 Truly, Madly, Deeply Book Review 🦇

❓ #QOTD Do you believe in love at first sight? ❓ 🦇 Sparks fly when a lovelorn romance novelist and a divorce lawyer who has sworn off relationships agree to cohost a podcast series offering dating advice to viewers. As a bestselling romance novelist, everyone thinks Truly Livingston is an expert on happily-ever-afters. Unfortunately, she feels like an imposter after catching her fiancé cheating learning that her parents are separating. When she meets Colin McCory, she's anything but ready for a relationship, even if Colin drives her a little crazy. Okay, a LOT crazy. Can he change her shattered view on love, or are there no more happily ever afters?

💜 Excuse me while I shove my entire fist into my mouth to squeal in delight from the absolute cuteness of this. For the record, I read most of this between 10pm and 1am with my girlfriend fast asleep beside me. I lost track of how many times I had to stop reading to silence myself before some giddy, disgustingly adorable, definitely disruptive sound of glee escaped my body to keep from waking her up.

💜 Now that we got that out of the way, why are we not talking about this book? You bookish bats LOVE asking about book boyfriends/girlfriends. Have you MET Colin? You need to meet Colin. Just, trust me. Listen to me. Meet this man.

💜 It's 2am as I write this all heart-eyed, with a fire alarm chirping across the house and a storm raging outside, and I don't care about any of it because this. WAS SO. CUTTTE. From the MOMENT Truly sets eyes on Colin, all bets are off. She describes him as gorgeous, her breath hitches, she (a writer) stumbles over her words. We expect that from plenty of rom-coms, right? But the moment they get at it, their witty banter CAPTIVATES, chemistry off the charts, screaming off the page. I told you I had to pause reading multiple times? Every, EVERY time, it was because of a quick-wit exchange between these two. Truly looks at him appreciatively at first, sure, but otherwise tries shutting her heart off. Colin, though? Colin is full-on SMITTEN over her. He's lost from the beginning and KNOWS IT from the very start. And then we get to the smut and woooooh I had to get out of bed to find water and the nearest AC vent.

💜 And then. AND THEN they both realize they're bi but have never been with someone of the same sex, and maybe don't quite feel "queer enough" because of it (please, check the quotes I shared!). Bierasure is a real thing, but it's not often that we talk about internalized biphobia (a topic I haven't seen in a book since Perfect on Paper by Sophie Gonzales). Bisexuality is part of the queer spectrum. We're not confused, and who we're with does not change or negate our sexuality. This was such a perfect scene to read at the start of Pride Month.

💙 The pacing for this one was a bit off for me. While I loved every scene, the momentum doesn't pick up until the very end, and by then, we're nearing the epilogue. The Parent Trap-esque sub-plot, while important to Truly's character development, felt awkward and a bit immature (though perhaps fitting for a romantic who defined love based on her parents' relationship). My biggest hang-up is the lack of real conflict, which is more internal (Truly's doubts about love) than external (which only manifest as Truly keeps Collin at arm's length...briefly).

🦇 Recommended to fans of Practice Makes Perfect in search of a steamy, queer rom-com that's full of tension, heat, and witty banter.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 📚 Bi4Bi / Queer Romance 📚 Contemporary Rom-Com 📚 Parent Trap Sub-Plot 📚 Opposites Attract 📚 Forced Proximity 📚 Witty Banter 📚 Musical Theatre References 📚 He Falls First

💬 Quotes ❝ No one, and I mean no one, deserves to be living rent free inside your head if they aren’t making you come so hard your brain leaks out your ears.” ❞ ❝ “Maybe I don’t want to play nicely with you.” ❞ ❝ Words were her thing, and Colin gave as good as he got. ❞ ❝ Colin’s praise was like swallowing the sun. It left her hot all over, flushed not just in the face but from her hairline down to her feet, damp in the creases of her elbows and her knees, uncomfortably sweaty all over. ❞ ❝ There’s no such thing as being queer enough. Action and attraction are two different things. You could go the rest of your life never dating a woman and it wouldn’t change a thing. If anything, I think you’re the perfect person to talk about bi- erasure in media because you spent the last six years in a straight- presenting relationship that was queer because you’re queer. And the gender of your partner? Doesn’t change that.” ❞ ❝ Truly (11: 16 p.m.): Screw you, McCrory. Colin (11: 16 p.m.): Promises, promises. ❞ ❝ As much as she got a thrill from playing verbal tug-of-war, there was an argument to be made for this tenderness, in laying down her sword and letting Colin hold her. ❞ ❝ With anyone else she might’ve considered the moment broken, but with him it just felt like turning to the next page in a book she’d never read. A book she’d left lingering on her nightstand for weeks, picking it up and putting it back down, her hopes for it so high she feared there was no earthly way the reality of it could live up to her expectations, too afraid she wouldn’t like the ending. She didn’t know what would happen next, but for the first time, the thought didn’t make her want to close the book and it didn’t make her want to flip ahead. ❞ ❝ I do like you. I like your obscure facts and how your eyes light up when you talk about them, when you share them with me. I like it that you aren’t afraid to call me out on my bullshit and that for some reason that’s completely beyond me, you haven’t given up on me even though I’ve given you a hundred opportunities and a thousand reasons why. For some reason you like me and most of the time I’m not even sure why, but you do and I like that, too. I pretty much melt when you say my name, it sounds better when you say it, and when I’m with you, it’s easy to forget what I’m afraid of, but when I’m not, I guess I have a tendency to get in my head.” ❞ ❝ “You said it yourself; we’ve all got flaws. But the day I don’t want you is the day the earth starts rotating backward, okay?” “That’s a hell of a bold statement from a guy who’s known me two months.” “Remember this moment in twenty years. Can’t wait to tell you I told you so.” ❞ ❝ “I see, caffeine and kisses are the way to your heart in the morning. Good to know.” ❞ ❝ Love launched ships and started wars and inspired sonnets and drove people to madness. Love was heaven and hell, sin and redemption. It was as real to her as any other force of nature, hurricanes and earthquakes and lightning storms and meteor strikes. It fascinated her as much as it terrified her as much as it humbled her and— She’d spent her whole life trying to put it into words, eighty thousand of them at a time. Love had to be enough. There was no point if it wasn’t. ❞

[firesign23]

Can you tell me about The Queen's Thief at middle? (at length might be too much for my currently achievable level of attention 😅)

WELL, good news, I did something very stupid yesterday and mid-length is probably the most I can type right now 😂

So, my caveats I always supply before starting my rec:

The first book in the series is middle grade fiction. It’s good middle grade fiction with a lot of the same skillful execution that makes me feral for the series, but there is a maturity jump from book one to book two, and I recommend you read at least a little into book two before deciding if the series is for you. AFTER book one.

GO IN BLIND. I cannot stress enough how good it is to go in blind. No art. No reviews. Just buckle in and see where you end up. The series is good even when you know what is coming--and that’s a whole point later on--but that first exquisite moment where all the threads pull together? Experience it, you’ll thank me

Now, to keep this short I shall bullet point. Or try to. Parts of this will require a lot of “Trust me, it’s worth it” because, well, see above re: spoilers.

The series is set in a historical pseudo-Mediterranean locale, which is honestly fantastic. Really sort of blends the worlds of Greek myths and Tolkien bucolic fantasy that was many fantasy fans gateway drugs, while also feel entirely distinct. I know fantasy has spread out its influence to cultures beyond western Europe nowadays, but the first Queen’s Thief book was published in 1996 so it was definitely early to adopt that. 

The actual fantasy element is handled in such a fun way? To say too much means spoilers, but it is a story about people first and foremost, and the fantasy elements just give the plot a push from time to time. 

And oh god, the people. THE PEOPLE. I love these characters. I named my cat after one of them. My youngest child has decided that Gen is his favourite character of all time and dressed up as him for a school event. But the characters in this series are just… they’re wonderful. They are complex, with their own motivations and histories and views. My kid went from hating to loving a character in the second book in a single chapter because we got to see who they were and how they came to be that person. There are disabled characters and queer characters, but never in a way that feels checkmarky. They are funny and harsh and kind and just… human, in a way that brings me so much joy.

And not only are the characters great alone, their relationships? Again, spoilers, but this series has so many good relationships. Romantic and platonic and antagonistic. Family of choice to the EXTREME. Unlikely friendships. There is a moment in a later book where two characters hold hands and I teared up. 

THE. WRITING. I could go on and on and fucking ON about the writing, whole post in itself. But it makes me feral. The books’ use of perspective are art, absolutely exquisite. Each book does something unique with the narrative point of view, and does it deliberately. The first person perspective is telling us a story, and tells us what he wants us to know. The historical record makes the characters the most human by letting us see behind the Great Events. It’s just one of my favourite examples of POV I’ve ever read.

The narrative never lies to us, but trusts the reader to draw connections. This is one of those “Makes more sense with spoilers” moments, but the writing is incredibly good at telling us everything we need to know exactly when we need to know it, and not before. And it results in this fantastic joy when it all pulls together--it’s not really plot twists, because we have been told (almost) everything, but you get an incredible payoff.

The books get better with every reread. I was recently working through the second book with my kid, who devoured The Thief two years ago (and probably a dozen times since) but wanted to be a bit older before tackling the rest of the series, and I was still catching details that I had missed or forgotten from previous reading. 

The contents of the stories are just… there’s war and grief and rage, politic machinations, trauma, betrayal. And the narrative doesn’t handwave those things, but it doesn’t wallow in delight in them either. It’s just a series that takes you by the hand and says “Bad things happen, and we will live with those things forever, but it doesn’t have to define you. What’s important is the connections we make with other people, who will catch you when you fall.” Reading the series leaves me with that same hopefulness that drew me to Discworld? I may not be explaining it well.

The actual writing style, on top of being masterful, is so much fun. It’s sparse, but in a way that makes every word feel important. It’s delightfully funny, heartbreaking, evocative. Just a joy to sink into. 

And I just realised this is definitely getting long, so I’ll stop for now. But I highly, highly, highly recommend the series. And hey, if this made anyone want to vote for The Queen’s Thief, the poll is here!

(Also, if you do read it and like the series, the author is on tumblr and is an interesting person to follow. Just don’t do it before reading, because occasional spoilers)

[cailynwrites]

Harry Potter Rec Fest Day 11 - Dark Fics

I don't seek out a lot of dark fics. I'll read them if they cross my browser or kindle, but I gravitate more toward fluff and save the dark stuff for "published fiction" or just "the news". That's probably why these fics stuck out to me particularly, because I wasn't left with the warm fuzzy feeling. Some dark things for @hprecfest day 11 ...

The Unknown Door by @amywaterwings Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 60,970 Rating: E

This fic was part of @hderised last year. Boy does it pack a wallop of feelings. Get ready for addiction, death, child neglect, torture, people experiencing homelessness, discrimination against all kinds of people and creatures. It's a lot. It's also really real because of all that. @amywaterwings creates an apartment building filled with unique and uniformly loveable (but still dark) original characters and the lore goes deep. A beautifully despairing peek into a less magical part of Magical Britain and how hopeless it can feel even when you are in a position to help. It does have a happy ending though!

Death is Not Fit to House Love by @starlitsilvereyes Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 20,919 Rating: E

I'm hesitant to say too much about this fic for fear of spoiling it. This was written for @hd-fan-fair Career Fair this year and I screamed aloud at the end. Featuring Politician Draco and Hit-Wizard Harry Potter.

Serious content warnings: Character death, discussion of suicide, violence

A Nasty Piece of Work written and recorded by @picascribit Pairing: Fenrir Greyback/OFC Word count: 11,198 Length: 1:10:00 Rating: E

Hard to believe that this is written by the same @picascribit who brought us cute little Scorbus at Protego Club with all their queer friends. This fic is traditional DARK. Like make you sick to your stomach dark. But also such an interesting character study. Recorded excellently, as usual, by the author themself.

Serious content warnings: Violence, Rape, Non-con, Underage, Major Character Death - this checks all the boxes, literally all the boxes on AO3

************************************************************************

And a couple of little self-recs ...

White, the colour of flowers by @lumosatnight Podfic read by Cailynwrites Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 3,203 Length: 23:35 Rating: T

A beautiful, poetic multi-ending fic taking place during the second war. Draco has Hanahaki disease and it's angsty, but it has a happy ending. Mostly it's just like floating through sad space, but like, in a good way.

Devour the One You Love also by @starlitsilvereyes Podfic read by Cailynwrites for @hp-mcd-fest 2023 Pairing: Draco x Harry Word count: 28,102 Length: 2:33:56 Rating: E

@starlitsilvereyes writes an incredible story here. It's non-linear, which I personally think is incredibly difficult and impressive. It's suspenseful, has jump scares, and ends with horrible horrible things happening. Possibly the darkest fic I've ever read. Enjoy!

Content warning: Violence, death, psychological abuse, self-harm, dub-con, cannibalism

[rocketturtle4]

Eclipse in progress part 2

Okay so I've only seen two more episodes and I kind of had in my head I'd watch till the end of 8 before writing anymore because I have the time but episode 7 just one two suckerpunched my feelings so I need to go regulate.

For the record while I'm a sucker for crying I get WAY MORE OVERWHELMED when things are bitter sweet and this episode is whoooooooaaaaaa

@wen-kexing-apologist @plantsarepeopletoo @grapejuicegay also @thegalwhorants I'm basically gonna @ you cause you interacted with my eclipse stuff, let me know if you'd rather I didn't

So some thoughts

I had forgotten about Namo he could also have stolen the diary and I think logistically this makes mroe sense because he is in a different year level so not expected to be in class BUT where did he get the key? Whereas Thua being class president potentially gives him key acces idk and I still feel like there's more layers

We still really haven't gotten background on anyone which is why I wasn't going to post yet so my theories havent changed much except

TURNS OUT AKK IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CAR

Did both Ayan and his uncle have a necklace? I'm really unsure about whether or not Ayan legit saw his suicide or has just vividally imagined it but n the dreams they're both wearing it whereas I had previously assumed Ayan was wearing his uncles necklace.

Namo also seems to genuinely believe in the curse so where did this rumour come from, I don't feel like it's NEW, did Akk hear it and just capitalise on it? or has someone else being doing this in the past? Is it passed down from the head prefect

also Khan and Wat are prefects were they indoctrinatinated by candelight??

1984 stuff was WAY LESS SUBTLE than I was expecting when Akk first found that book

Ayan convincing Akk he needs to 'tell the truth' and Akk being woried about his family and his reputation is obviously legit but also feels like a coming out metaphor ngl

Khan thinking Ayan is playing with Akk and Thua but gently confronting it rather than getting jealous made me appreciate him even more

ALSO THE POWER DYNAMICS in the framing of Ayan and Neo’s convo on the stairs, Neo is SO MUCH HIGHER and yet from the loew position Ayan managed to be confident and understanding.

IM SORRY ARE THESE CHILDREN EXPECTED TO WEAR THEIR BLAZERS REGARDLESS OF TEMPERATURE????

The three prefects convo was interesting when you consider the queer metaphor of the fact that Wat (so far) ISNT queer and is the one most openly empathetic to the protests, because he doesn't have the same personal stake as our gay boys

I want to know what wanna-be-prefect Nom and Aye think of the three prefects clearly non-prefect behaviour.

FUCK Firsts Goofy Smile is nearly as good as his doe eyes

Akk is way to relatable help me

god they're so proud this is gonna hurt

As a person who silently cries VERY SIMILARLY to Ayan (and just Khao in general because he cried like this on TC as well) I feel VERY SEEN by the way his tears just fall

HOW CAN I BE RELATING TO BOTH CHARACTERS HERE

I spent way to long examining the order of the boys and realising that Aye and Namo had swapped places

and that arguably you're more vulnerable when you're sleeping

THis ENTIRE SCENE

the interchanging eye opening

they both think each other was asleep

he's never really sleeping is one of my FAVOURITE tropes for forwarding a relationship and they doube whammied it but this one was CRAZY BECAUSE ITS NOT GOING TO FORWARD IT

Khan looked SO HAPPY TO HAVE KISSED HIM WAAAAAAAAH

DOUBLE WHAMMY

I have taken way to many screenshots and I can't believe episode 6 was a dream kiss and then episode 7 left us hanging but I'm still stopping for a bit. Have a few more moments that punched me in the gut

bye for now.