#for the naughty list he just kills them

[crocrubies]

Merry Cyclopsmas 🫶

[nsomniacsdream]

So I'm just putting this out here, as someone with nearly 30 years in supply chain management. There's at least 7 working days before christmas where the naughty nice list is not available for corrections. It's just not feasible, orders have to be placed, supplies have to be loaded. If there's a toy for you on like Dec. 18, it doesn't matter what you do on the 19th, it's still coming. And this is only if he's using off the shelf supplies, like barbies or whatever. If it's handmade by the elves? Bump that back about a month. Everyone puts those elf on the shelves out just in time for their "job" to be useless. That elf could watch you kill your entire family and then eat them, and it won't affect the list.

[dollwrites]

ᴇᴍᴇʀᴀʟᴅ ᴋɴɪɢʜᴛs ! ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ʜᴀʟ ᴊᴏʀᴅᴀɴ

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 ∣ smut ( minors dni ), fem!reader, established relationship, hal sends nasty videos from Oa ( don’t ask me how the man could construct a giant satellite or something for all I care ), masturbation ( both! ), lots of dirty talk. all characters featured are aged 18+

𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 ∣ please reblog && leave feedback. not proofread so there’s probably mistakes. thanks for reading < 3

𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗸𝘁𝗼𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰 ∣ act eight [ masturbation ]

you were going to kill Hal Jordan.

he knows you— he knows how seriously you take your job. as he kissed you goodbye and prepared for an excursion to Oa to meet with the Guardians, you’d warned him about not bothering you at work. he’d simply laughed and soared into the night sky, the emerald light from his ring casting the shape of a rocket until it disappeared in a twinkle.

and now, here you were, creeping into your company break room in the middle of your shift to check your phone, because Hal’s name had popped up in your messages. “Hal Jordan, you are dead meat—“

you’d started to curse your boyfriend, ready to be angry, when you open up the message feed to see a new media file. the thumbnail of the video snags your breath in your throat, and ties your guts in knots.

you loved Hal’s Green Lantern get up, and he knew it, which is why he was still ( almost ) fully clothed, the emerald attire sticking to each crevice and dip in his muscle pads like a second skin. the waistband of his suit is rolled down just enough to expose his package, and even though the play button is smack dab in the middle of the screen, it doesn’t fully obstruct the visage of his thick, hard cock lain against his belly. there’s a smirk on his paused face, and a dusky rose tint to the apples of his cheeks. Hal always could smolder with the best of them, and just a look would have you dropping your panties on command. even now, this still image of your man had your core getting slicker and more needy for him.

you couldn’t help yourself. glancing around, mostly cautious, you slip around to the corner furthest from the door, and press your back against the side of the employee fridge, before you pressed play. the video’s window overtakes your screen, and the very first second, your speakers are assaulted with a lustful moan from Hal. your cheeks heat up, and you scramble for the volume down button, hoping no one outside the door heard the noise. “I know you’re at work, baby girl,” he starts, low and slow, one thick palm rubbing up against his swollen cock. he sucks in a breath, before wrapping his fingers around it in a vice grip, squeezing until the pressure forces a grunt out of him, and he exhales in a shudder. “but I’m hoping you got the chance to sneak away and watch me for a minute.” Hal’s wearing such a shit-eating grin because he knows you will. he knows that you can’t resist the urge to watch him play with himself, even though you should be working. after a moment or two of silent stroking, his fingers dancing along the traces of the veins that bulge out against his flesh when he’s hard as a rock, and then he elicits a little chuckle, murmuring to the camera, “That’s my naughty girl. You just play a lil hooky and watch me stroke with my cock.”

you wanted to be mad. damn it all, you wanted to lock your phone and get back to work and not give him the satisfaction of watching his stupid, sexy video. just because you knew that he knew that you couldn’t resist the temptation. still, your would rather sever your own fingers before you would reach for the pause button.

Hal groans on screen, rolling his mop of unruly, tawny hair around on his shoulders, as his thumb traces the shape of his frenulum, and his tongue lists outward to wet his lips before he inhales, sharply. “I can’t stand bein’ away from you, baby girl,” and, of course, the classic Hal Jordan charm starts to come out. “So, I’m thinking about you being here with me. How I’d have you sitting pretty, right here between my knees—“ the camera shifts, gliding down until it was perched right where he says he wants you. you can almost imagine the constructs he’s using to give you such a perfect POV shot as the swirl from his power ring, and hold the camera steady at a height close to your own when you’re on your knees. Hal caresses the swollen, red tip of his cock, bracing the balls of his feet on the floor to push up a little with his hips, creating a hypnotic undulation akin to the rhythm he likes to fuck you to, only this time his cock glides through the entrance provided by his own palm, and he grunts in approval, the specter of a curse upon his parted lips. “You’d look so fucking pretty, like a little angel, waiting to give my cock a kiss.”

his voice was low and husky, just like you liked it, and when his hand slid down the thick column of his shaft, he used said grip to angle the tip closer to the lens, as if he were going to swipe it against your lips. you felt your stomach do a steep loop, and found your mouth watering. if you truly were there with him, it would’ve opened, and willingly accepted his girth for you to suck on, like you had so many times before.

“I miss your warm, wet mouth, baby…” Hal murmurs, his hazel eyes heavily lidded. “The way you take me in.” you could tell by the dreamy expression he wore that he was deep in his fantasy, seeing you there, sucking his cock. it deepened the red in his cheeks, and his lower lip curled in as his teeth sank into it, suppressing a loud moan into a sultry rumble in his chest as he pumped his cock. “You’re so good at sucking my cock, like those pretty lips were just made to wrap around me and blow…”

you felt warm all over, and soaked between the thighs. you couldn’t believe how erotic this was— huddled in the break room watching your man get off on video for you. your body was begging for attention, some way to relieve the pressure in your core, so you slipped a hand under the waistband of your uniform to press your first, two fingers against your pulsing button through your panties. it didn’t help. if anything, you only got hornier. if anyone were to walk in right now, you’d be beyond screwed. but, right now you didn’t care. all you cared about was rubbing against your cunny and the sounds Hal was making as he, too pleasured himself. “Oh, Hal…” you whispered, feeling the damp patch from your panties start to soak through and wet your fingers. you elicit a soft whimper, rubbing more fiercely, pressing your back to the fridge to keep yourself steady.

“Fuck,” Hal curses louder, hips bucking forward as he ruts into his own, slick hand in a greedy rhythm that could only mean one thing that he soon confirms, “I’m about to fucking cum for you, baby… you wanna watch me blow my load right now?” though you know he can’t see you, you can’t help but nod eagerly, your breath coming out in furious little puffs as you strum yourself. “Oh, fuck, here it comes, baby!”

Hal cumming has always been one of your favorite things to watch, especially times like this when you had a front row seat to the action. his whole body moves in an orchestra of pleasure, each muscle writhing and tightening beneath his flushed skin, especially his abdomen, which dances to the hurried rhythm of his ragged breathing. his hips rock forward as he eagerly chases his relief, and when caught, he erupts with a broken yowl of your name. translucent streamers celebrate his coming undone in spurts from his furiously red tip. the first shooting upward in a long, thin rope. the second has a significantly shorter arc, and the third, until he is squeezing just below the head, milking out the final, beading droplets, huffing and puffing, staring down at his own satisfied cock.

you were still playing with yourself, and had almost reached your own finish line when there’s a knock. for a moment, your heartbeat thunders against your ribs, and it takes you several, breathless seconds to realize that it was coming from the video. a deep, booming voice then calls out to your lover. “Hey, Jordan! Let’s go!” Hal flashes the camera a sheepish grin, one so cute that you nearly croon.

“Yeah, yeah, be right out.” he answers, before tucking away his twitching, soft cock back into his skin-tight suit. “Sorry to cut the playtime short,” he grabs the phone, now and whispers to it, “but, ya know, I gotta go save the universe. I know you’re probably so pissed at me for bothering you at work, huh? Watching me, your little pussy is probably drenched right now, and you’ll have to suffer for the rest of the day without relief. Poor, little baby girl. But just know, the second I get home, I’m going to make it up to you.” Hal chuckles, his voice dropping to a husky whisper right by the speaker, as if he were whispering a sultry secret right in your ear. “Because I’m going to pin your legs up by your head and eat your sweet cunt for hours, until you just can’t take my tongue anymore. Love you, baby girl.”

[werepuppy-steve]

modern eddie would be a pibble dad. she's his baby and he puts little bows on her and he throws birthday (adoption day) parties where she gets a puppy-safe cake and his friends gladly show up with presents for her.

the mall hosts pictures with santa the entire month of december and allows pets for an extra cost that eddie gladly pays. his girl is well behaved and knows her manners in public spaces, thank you very much. but unfortunately, sadie is still a pitbull and society hasn't quite moved past its breed biases yet, even if she is sitting quietly at his feet in line and with an "ask to pet" patch on her harness that eddie had turned into a doggy battle vest.

"oh my goodness, is that sadie?!"

sadie's tail starts going crazy at the mention of her name and a woman dressed like an elf crouches down with open arms, ready to receive the gift of happy puppy. sadie immediately plops down and rolls onto her back, showing her belly, which the woman gleefully rubs and pats. sadie's tongue flops out of the side of her grinning mouth, her tail sweeping the floor.

"santa was wondering if he'd see her this year," she says to eddie this time, and gives him a subtle wink that has eddie chuckling. "along with a certain owner, too."

eddie and santa may have started flirting a couple years back. he's not ashamed.

the woman lets them through and there he is. the big (not really) man himself sitting in his chair with his fake beard and red shirt stuffed with fluff.

"well if it isn't my favorite pup!" santa says, patting his lap. sadie puts her front paws on his knees and pants happily as the man scratches her chest and sides. "at the top of the nice list, just like always."

he glances up at eddie with a certain glint in his eye. "and you, mr. munson, are at the top of the naughty list. we'll have to see about fixing that, won't we?"

it actually makes eddie blush, which never happens. it's usually the other way around and he's not used to the butterflies that fill his stomach. however, eddie munson is not one to be thrown off his groove, steps up to santa's side to pose for the photo and fires right back, "what can i say, some like me naughty. now smile for the camera, santa."

he's not sure what the photo looks like, but judging by the blush on santa's cheeks under the beard, eddie wants to put money on it being his favorite. the same woman from check in mans the camera and she frowns at the little screen.

"maybe we should retake it, this one's a little blurry and santa's eyes are closed."

it's very much neither of those things, seeing as the camera's on a tripod, but eddie isn't about to back away from an open opportunity.

"you mind if i borrow you lap for this one, big boy? hunching over like this is killing my back." before santa can reply, eddie's plopping himself into santa's lap and throwing an arm around his shoulder, giving sadie the command to lie down for the photo. just before the woman can press the capture button, eddie steals a quick kiss to santa's cheek.

he doesn't realize he's forgotten to take the photo with him until later that evening. he huffs as he tosses the empty frame to the side and pouts at the blank space on the wall next to all of sadie's other pictures with santa. he perks up when the front door opens and steve calls out a greeting.

eddie walks into the kitchen where steve's setting his bag on the counter and wraps his arms around his shoulders, giving him a soft peck. "hi, baby."

steve pulls him closer by his waist, returning the kiss. "mmh, have a good day today?" he murmurs against his lips.

eddie nods and pulls back before the kiss can lead to somewhere else. dinner still has to be made and he's not above refusing sex on an empty stomach lest he get hangry in the middle of a blowjob. "sadie got her photo with santa this morning, but i completely forgot to take the damn thing with me when we left."

steve hums and presses fleeting kisses to eddie's cheek, trailing them down to his jaw and making eddie sigh as he tilts his head back. eddie's eyes are closed, contentment washing over him as his boyfriend holds and kisses him so sweetly, so he doesn't see steve blindly reaching into his bag.

"you mean these photos?"

eddie makes a sound of confusion as he opens his eyes. steve's holding a fancy photo holder with the mall's name on it.

"you asshole!" eddie says without any heat as he swipes the envelope from steve's hand, the other man grinning. "you could've texted me and told me i forgot them. hell, robin also could've."

steve chuckles and quickly maneuvers out of reach of eddie's teasing smacks. "i'm sorry i was a bit distracted by the cutie sitting on my lap and kissing me. which was very bold, by the way, not many people want to kiss santa."

"would have done a lot more than kissing, but a mall full of children is neither the time nor place," eddie mumbles under his breath. sadie decides to join them, stretching her front paws out in the doorway before sleepily trudging over to steve for pets.

"there's my girl! you were such a good girl today, weren't you? were so well behaved getting you picture taken." the way he immediately dissolves into baby talk with her is hilarious. he's knelt down on the floor, smooshing her face between his hands and scratching behind her ears. "just sat there patiently while dad decided to accost daddy at work, yes you did!"

eddie rolls his eyes and takes the pictures into the living room to be framed and hung on the wall.

[generalissimomayhem]

TNMN tier list!

The Nightmares Edition: Do they hate humans?

Explanations under the cut:

Would like to see humanity crumble to dust in the palm of their hands

Shub Niggurath and Xezbet Xerbeth: Is nothing personal, they would say. But if humanity disappeared tomorrow they would celebrate. Big time. You know what they said: The best moment was in the past and the second best one is TODAY. Mind you, according to Shub, she feels that Xezbet doesn't even try to work towards his goal because he thinks he already won.

Would like to see humans in agonizing pain

Abducius Morail and Teutates Taranis: Between the two, Teutates is certainly the most merciful, he kills quick and he kills en masse. Abducius on the other hand, likes to take his time and make sure people FEEL something. Basically, quality vs quantity.

Wouldn't kill (Unless they want to)

Exael Lanithro, Yan Luo Wang Diyu and Ah Puch Xilbalbá: Exael can certainly be... an experience, he always reassures to his victims that whatever he does is purely professional; when he's not torturing humans, you can hear his thoughts echo throughout the torture chamber, they can either be calming and interesting or the most disturbing shit you have ever heard. Only kills when he is bored with his victims, but he's usually quick with that one. Yan Luo is the same as Exael, whatever she does is purely professional, she doesn't meddle feelings, or at least she tries to; because there have been people in which she has taken their lives away from them because they had provoked her wrath. Ah Puch as being as rowdy and uncontrolled as he is, to him, what matters most in the art of bone breaking is who actually deserves it, which to him is most everyone tbh; with some people a broken arm is enough punishment while others need to have their skulls smashed.

Neutral

Anazareth Anazarel, Chaugnar Faugn, Drugia Fleuretty, Izanami Yomi: Anazareth honestly couldn't care less about humans, but she does act like she's above them. Chaugnar holds nothing against humans, but his job goes above everything and his word is sacred. Drugia, more than evil, she's naughty, she just loves to mess with people, she doesn't hate anybody but to her, free entertainment is more important. Izanami is very lax and only targets certain people, if you aren't in her radar of victims, she simply doesn't give a shit about you.

Have some relation with humans

Quachil Uttaus, Yog Sothoth: Quachil is often the one that observes from afar but that doesn't mean she has never come in contact with the human realm, she's multidimensional and somewhat omnipresent after all. With that being said, she acts more vigilante than anything, and brings misfortune to anybody that she deems fit, yes, even people who have been previously spared from it. Yog has had the tendency to follow Barbatos around in his huntings and Barbatos, as to "make this guy useful for once" often uses him as bait to lure humans towards him. When he's not "working" with Barbatos, he often goes around terrorizing random people (kinda like Drugia) but when he needs to eat, he holds no barrens.

Interested in human life

Ishtar Ereskigal, Lilith Lilitu Lilit, Barbatos Barrabam: Ishtar is quite knowledgeable in human history and has extensively studied great historical plagues along the years; she knows where to hit humans. Lilith, being an undead and having previously lived among humans, she knows how do deal with them, what scares them what they like and how to approach them. Barbatos is pretty close to humans, as his job so dictates, so he had his fair share of experiences with humans; but he would be lying if he said that he has never given second chances to humans or listened and participated in their conversations.

LOVES Humans

Dagda Crom Cruach and Zoth Ommog: Dagda tends to hang around a lot in farm houses, the taller the grass/wheat/corn fireld, the better. He likes to see humans living their lives, even after being born from tragedy. Of course, he doesn't let himself get caught by people, the few times he has gotten caught, he terrifies everyone with no exception. Zoth is uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh... he likes humans, he thinks they are all just a bunch of funky little dudes and stuff. If you wanted to join and assist in any of his rituals, he would gladly let you participate (even if you were one of the preparations for the rituals); other than that, if he REALLY likes you, you might get extra priviledges around the Astral Circle or he might give you the praying mantis treatment, whatever he feels like doing.

Oscillates between two or more

Nyogtha Z'mog and Orcus Dis Pater: Their stories can't get more complicated™. Nyogtha being the victim of a particularily gruesome death when she was a human and after she was revived through very unethical methods, she was initially on the very top tier and was helbent on having humans die for once and for all. Eventually, the more she dealt with human graves, the more she was able to see herself in some of their deaths and helped her regain some humanity. With time, her hatred died down and is now more neutral towards humans. Orcus bears a really fluctuated view on humans, he switches from absolute undridled hatred to infautation on a whim, nobody is sure onto why he suffers from such changes, Chaugnar has speculated something regarding a past life but nobody knows for sure. Most of the the time he can be found in the "Have some relation with humans" tier.

[dreadsuitsamus]

older brothers choso and sukuna raising their baby brother yuji

older brothers choso and sukuna never seeing eye to eye about much, but one thing is definitely for certain

they're gonna make christmas for that sweet little five year old the best fucking christmas ever

older brothers choso and sukuna having no idea where to hide the massive amount of gifts they bought for yuji, because their little brat of a brother will try to find them ahead of time

older brothers choso and sukuna arguing over what gifts are from 'santa' and from themselves

older brothers choso and sukuna individually taking baby brother yuji out shopping to get a nice present for the other brother

older brother choso helping yuji set up milk, cookies & carrots on christmas eve

older brother sukuna trying to quietly stuff the stockings at 4am (he woke up in a cold sweat, realizing he'd forgotten about them) while yuji sleeps by the christmas tree just a few feet away

older brother sukuna failing to quietly stuff said stockings and now yuji's awake and rubbing at his eyes, realizing that 'santa' has already showed up and is ready to open presents now

older brother sukuna panicking bc choso is fast asleep and he doesn't know what to do with the kid now

"go back to bed or i'm gonna kill santa next year!"

little brother yuji doesn't know how big brother ryō isn't on the naughty list, but he lays back down in fear of santa's life

the itadori brothers have a nice christmas together<3

[shankss-magnificent-ass]

Imagine a cross guild Halloween party

At the beginning of October

Mihawk: *subtly starts to decorate the cross guide's HQ*

Buggy: *takes them down* I dunno who's putting up suits of armor, and chandeliers, but it does not mess well with my aesthetic. Plus this is my place, you should really ask first before installing a whole ass light fixture. I mean who does that? You come into my house and just install a crystal chandelier?

Crocodile: *has been sneaking in banannagators and really has no room to talk* The nerve of some people.

Mihawk: *points the tiny necklace blade to the clown's neck* Don't touch my stuff.

Buggy: You were the one who installed the light. That's totally fine, mi casa es su casa, you know what I mean?

Mihawk: *glares at him as he resheathes his blade.*

Crocodile: wow, you changed your tune real quick.

Mihawk: *picks up his shopping bags* I'm expecting a delivery, when it arrives have someone bring it to my rooms.

Buggy: of course.

You: *follows Mihawk up the stairs* Mihawk: *glances behind him* Rabbit, what do you think you are doing?

You: I wanna see your shopping haul, obviously.

Mihawk: ... Seeing as it's a surprise, I'd prefer you didn't.

You: oh, okay.

That night:

You: *opens the door to your shared walk-in closet to see the bags from Mihawk's shopping trip* Dear, you left these bags in the middle of the way. *

Mihawk: Sorry Rabbit, I was in a hurry to sit down, my feet are killing me. *Leans over to make sure you're not peaking, and is glad to see you move them without snooping.*

You: Just curious, who is the surprise for?

Mihawk: Mostly you, but I suppose everyone will get to enjoy it.

You: oh ho ho *grabs the bag and jerks it to trick Mihawk into thinking you're riffling through the bag*

Mihawk: *whips his head around to see you grinning at him, but still respecting his boundaries* Haha, very funny.

Halloween night

Mihawk: *had completely decorated the base with Halloween decorations*

The Guild: *realize he just really likes Halloween and have planned a party that they think Mihawk would enjoy*

Mihawk: * has a costume and everything*

You: *knows your partner** you planned this, didn't you?

Mihawk: I may have a very particular way I like parties to be decorated, and I may have used some reverse psychology on Buggy.

You: And you say I'm naughty.

Mihawk: oh you still are naughty * subtly grabs your ass*

You:: *giggles* You must really be enjoying yourself to be letting this loose.

Mihawk: I might have pregame the party a little bit, but only two bottles of wine.

Crocodile: same, except it was two bottles of brandy.

List of Up-and-coming works

Support me on Kofi and Patreon

[that-trans-autistic-guy]

Even More DBD as Incorrect Quotes from a Random Generator

Charles: So like, how far do you think the distance is from that window to the ground? Edwin: Enough.

Crystal: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call? Jenny: No. No, Crystal, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Person F calls Person C. Number five: Niko gets eaten by a shark. Niko: I’m Niko, and I approve the order of that list.

Charles: Some people are like slinkies. Edwin: What? Charles: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. Edwin: Edwin: Please don't push the Cat King down the stairs. Charles, pushing the Cat King down the stairs: Too late.

Crystal: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're impressed. Edwin: But you do know better.

Edwin: Ew. What kind of tea is this? Charles: I boiled gatorade.

Niko: Are you mad? Jenny: No. Niko: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

Charles: What the fuck is with english teachers and being like; "write a story about a deep and personal memory that impacted your life". Ma'am, if I do that you're going to send me to the counselor's office.

Crystal and Charles: Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

Charles: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait. Edwin: You and me. Charles: *tearing up* Ok.

Crystal: Hey, can I get a sip of that water? Esther: It’s not water. Crystal: Vodka! I like your sty- Esther: It’s vinegar. Crystal: …What? Esther: It's vinegar, PUSSY.

Charles: Underestimate me. That'll be fun.

Edwin: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees? Crystal: Bees? Edwin: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES! Crystal: Wait- *Charles approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

Jenny: What’s something you guys are better than Edwin at? Crystal: Mario Kart. Charles: Yeah, video games. Niko: Emotional vulnerability.

Charles: So apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually "Severe psychological distress."

Charles: You're a lying piece of shit! Crystal: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! Edwin: I'm leaving and I'm taking Niko with me! Jenny, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

Charles: If you were to have sex with any insect scaled up to human size, what would it be? Jenny: What the hell is wrong with you?

Charles, about Edwin: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

Esther: *writing a letter* Esther: Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty... And it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard.

Charles: How do those little boys on XBOX parties always know what slur to call you? Crystal: They're empaths.

Charles: Mama. Just killed a man. Charles: Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead. Charles: MAMAAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Edwin: What?! Let me hide the body, where is it? Is there anyone around that can hear us? Edwin: ...Are those song lyrics? Charles: Those are song lyrics.

Crystal: What’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done? Edwin: *sighs* Edwin: I killed a man.

Edwin: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you.

Edwin: What's this? Charles, hugging Edwin: Affection! Edwin: Disgusting. Edwin: ...Do it again.

Edwin: If you've ever had a crush on me, god bless your poor, misguided heart.

Crystal: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why. Edwin: Only if you also don't ask why. Edwin: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag* Crystal: ... Crystal, grabbing a skull: This one will do.

Niko: Source? Crystal: Divine intuition.

Crystal: Made you all playlists! Crystal: Jenny, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul. Crystal: Edwin, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression. Crystal: And Niko has the ABBA Gold album.

Charles, to Niko: You know, the Cat King can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching. Charles: *blows airhorn at the Cat King* GET FUCKED!

Niko: Croissants: dropped Charles: Road: works ahead Crystal: BBQ sauce: on my titties Monty: Shavacado: fre Jenny: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead Edwin: Edwin: ...I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

[happypotato48]

List of Thai BL dramas i've watched with short opinions about them i guess :P

Thai BLs that i finished:

A Boss and a Babe. It's cute for what it is, i loved the gaming friendships and i'm a sucker for forcebook. 7/10 need more unhinged energy from book.

A Tale of Thousand Stars/Our Skyy 2 : Bad Buddy x A Tale Of Thousand stars. this show reminds me a lot of early to mid 2000s lakorns. it's a beautiful by the book love story, i appreciated that a bl got to take a spin on this kind of quiet thai story. 8/10 loved it but still too vanilla for my taste.

Bake Me Please. Guide Kantapon is the cutest man alive and CAKES! that it, that all i have for this show. 6/10 it's a show that exist.

Be My Favorite. damn fluke gawin is so pretty what was this show about again? :P i'm kidding, i actually really liked this show. i watched it when i had zero knowledge about bl industry, i was oblivious about krist's controversy and i find krist acting to be charming and think kawee is very relatable as a cringe fail human myself. 8.5/10 this show made me want to collected weird thingies.

Cherry Magic (Thailand). oh boy this show. it's was everything to me also the only show so far that i've written extensively on this site. here is my personal feeling about this show. 9.5/10 would kill for taynew.

Cooking Crush. what! the fuc$! look look, i just learned that both offgun are older than me. when i first saw the show i thought they were some rookie actors with how young they looks. watching cute bl is gonna be the death of me. anywho this show is supercute don't have a lot of thought about it though. 7.5/10 cutting half a point cause of no samsee x metha.

Cutie Pie/Naughty Babe. what a fuckin legend of a series. all the characters have zero braincells and somehow all the rich pretty boys are engaged to each other and by arranged marriages nonetheless. wtf is this fanfic version of thailand and where can i get hit by a truck and get isekai to it. 7.5/10 still haven't watch Cutie Pie 2 U, i hope it get dumber.

Enchanté. this show is so dummmb it should've go full camp reverse harem yaoi nonsense but it didn't and ended up being kinda boring. 6.5/10. meh, i'm still a sucker for forcebook.

Last Twilight. UGHHH!! i'm still so mad. this show was going to be THE SHOW for me then ep 11-12 happened i legit mentally check out halfway through ep 12 and i basically blocked the ending from my mind. this show came out at the right place and the right time for me, the first 9 episodes helped me through a very tough time in my life. the story of two people helping each other finding their way out of the dark was very compelling to me. ughh. 5.5/10 (9/10 for ep 1-9) P'Aof why are you like this!!

Laws Of Attraction. yassssssss this show slay(literally :P) the show is a breath of fresh air for me despite how very lakorn of it is. i'm glad that there is a bl that feel this soapy and campy cause like i do love my angsty and innocent school bls but the industry really need show like laws of attraction. jamfilm also were very great in their roles espically film, charn is the most babygirl corrupted cute evil lawyer of all time. 9/10 no note headempty only charn's evil smirks in my mind

La Pluie. now, this is a romance. this show is one of the most romanctic media that i personally have experience. i loved that the show took the cheesy premise of soulmates and work it so well to do both deconstruction and exploration of the trope. i think using rain, thing that isolated people as a narrative tool for love connection is absolutely brilliant. last but not least pat is just the perfect bl love interest, he's an very idealized character but he do feels like an actual person. i want to give a shout out to Pee Peerawich the way he said "มันหนาวอ่ะ" in ep 8 sent me, the raspy voice, the eye twich and combo those with a back cuddle, sir! you just commited a mass murders with that move. 9/10 plz i need season two with my baby boy tien.

Love in Translation. the unhingendness of that first meeting is probably my favorite bl meet cute. look if you don't get into a fistfight with the guy you destined to be with then what is the point of life. this show fake date is very well done it's doesn't feel forced like in a lot of other bls and it make the growing attraction feels very genuine and it pay off in one of the best sex scenes in all of bl, yang is such a freak and i loved him for it. 8/10 the last two episodes did got slightly off the rail for me but i still enjoyed the show.

Moonlight Chicken. one of the most beautiful shows i ever watched. when watching this show i can feels, smells and tastes everything it depicted. from the comfort khao man gai to jim's loneliness, from alan's heartbreak to liming and heart's midnight motorcycle ride. this show gave me all the feels and i still can't completely shake it off. 9.9/10 this show is a healing.

My School President. These boys!!!! i can't, i loved these boys so much, all the boys, YES ALL OF THEM! this show is on the opposite spectrum of Moonlight Chicken for me. while MC give me the good heartaches this show give me unbridled joy it's like heartstopper on cracks. i absolutely adored tinn and gun and the show relentless optimism about thier first love. love is awesome no matter the romantic, familial or platonic kind and i think this show hit the marks with all three. 10/10(i'm super bias but fuck it idc i even liked the singing) this show made me started watching thai bl and it always will have a place in my heart.

My Ride. this show is lacking in intimacy but making up by being all heart. could this show be better if they fleshed out and explore more of tawan and his cheating bf's relationship, maybe but i'm happy for what we got. 8/10 mork and tawan were very cutie patootie, i don't remember much about the het and the side couple were just st ok.

Step by Step. man trisanu is exactly the same height at me and i want everyone to know that is the only reason i started this show🤣 . i feels like this show have a lot to say about stuff but i kinda got lost staring at man trisanu while watching. one thing i really loved is the very fem *ตุ๊ด coworker who got to be a real character not just a jokey sidekick and having a loving relationship with a hottie. 7.5/10 can i get more man trisanu in bl plz.

Triage. asshole doctor stuck in a timeloop for him to find the meaning of life, yes plz give it to me. i loved stories about assholes who need to better themself for love and other junk. tinn and tol are both grumpy bitches and i just loved that the show use the timeloop to soften these nerds. at the end i just want to wrap them in blanket and let's them cuddle each other forever. 8.5/10 the last ep is bit convoluted but i forgave the show for that cute clocktower kiss.

You're My Sky. i started this show for my boy suar and he did not disappointed. the pining and the longing for an older boy who been there for you most you life, chef kiss. this show also very beautiful to look at. 8/10 i'm kinda meh about the side couples, i do think they all got the "good ending" for their stories.

Thai BLs that i didn't finish or gave up and skipped to the ending:

Bad Buddy. Oh boy, am i gonna get murder for this??? sorry but idk why i didn't wholeheartedly love and give this show my undivided attention. i watched this show very weird and out of order, i started with the last ep than just watch other episodes in bit and peice. i think i've seen 70% of this show. plz forgive me this is the first thai bl i tried to get into but can't. maybe i need to give this show another chance and watch it properly. or idk maybe cause the way i watched it, it's ruined for me forever. 6.5/10 i loved the rooftop kiss plz don't kill me.

Dangerous Romance. this show is trash and not the good kind, how this show depicted relationship between a rich asshole and a poor boy feels very gross to me. i fast forward a bunch and gave up after the not just dumb but very cruel breakup. 4/10 it's watchable if you ignore the plot and the chatacters.

Hidden Agenda. wow this is the most nothing show that ever nothing for me. it's a perfected white noise while playing chill video games. i stopped watching after ep 8 cause look like there going to be a dumb break up, i have no desire to revisit this show. 5/10 joongdunk were kinda cutes.

The Miracle of Teddy Bear. this show is too god damn long with too many side plots the one and a half hour per episode killed the momentum for me. i liked the show and do think i want to revisit and finish it one day. 6/10 for now.

Vice Versa. why are they giving jimmysea this show. this show is so boring for me, i gave up in episode 6. 4/10 gmmtv give my babies better shows!!

Thai BLs that i've watched all the sex scenes and have no intention of watching the actual show:

Kinnporsche: heheehehhehehe everyone were so hot, too bad i don't like rich mafia story. mile being a nepobaby also significantly killed the mood for me. 55555/dead bodyguards (idk how many there are but i don't care) the ost are bangers though.

Venus in the Sky and Love in the Air. cringe gay sex for the wins. 69/420.

ok, whoo that was a lot. gonna pin this cause i don't think anyone want to read all that in one sitting. i think i'm gonna make another post for non thai BLs in the near future. thanks for reading my unhinged opinions hope i'm not gonna get moider for it 55555555.

[chrysalis-the-butterfly]

Sir Pentious perhaps?

Certainly, my dear!

Send me a character and I’ll list:

Favourite thing about them: His dorkiness! I like how he starts out trying to be intimidating so he'll be thought of as a formidable foe, and then learns to embrace his naturally dorky self and be a better person. Maybe there's a message there about toxic masculinity? Or maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Least favourite thing about them: That so-called 'joke' in Episode 6. You know the one. I mean, you can't have a whole episode taking sexual assault seriously when it happens to Angel Dust and then turn it into a joke when it happens to Sir Pentious. I'd have preferred it if, instead of Pen being dragged into the sex room, Valentino overheard his "sex with everybody" line and started offering him a job at the porn studio and making him flustered, and that was what motivated Angel to stand up for his friends.

Favourite line: "The only cool thing here is to say 'No' to drugs! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to not have sexual intercourse before marriage!"

brOTP: I like the enemies-to-friends thing he had going on with Angel Dust! My favourite moment is in Episode 5, when Pen is trying to shield his cookies for Lucifer from Angel's grabby hands, and then he has to stand up straight to salute Lucifer with a quick, "Your majesty!" before he goes back to shielding the cookies, but it's too late because Angel's taken one, but Angel doesn't make a big deal of it, he just says, "Heya, short king," to Lucifer as if there's nothing out of the ordinary going on. They're like brothers! Pen is the responsible one and Angel is the naughty one, but at the end of the day, they've got each other's back. It's fun to watch!

Also, now that Sir Pentious is in Heaven, I love the thought of Emily becoming his new best friend! She could show him how Heaven works, and he could teach her what he knows about Hell, and together they could try to find a way to let Charlie know that redemption actually works.

Plus, there's the angst potential of Sir Pentious interacting with Molly - he knows who Angel Dust is, and she knows who Anthony is, but they don't know they're talking about the same person... I'd love to see a Pen/Emily/Molly trio going on escapades in Season 2!

OTP: CherriSnake! I wasn't sure about the ship at first, but it's grown on me. It's a neat example of the enemies-to-lovers trope, where Sir Pentious' admiration for Cherri as a worthy opponent turns into something more romantic. And they could have bonded over being inventors - Pen with his gadgets and Cherri with her "brilliant explosive contraptions". Too bad he only confessed his love a few seconds before his heroic sacrifice...

I think I like this ship for its potential. What will Cherri do now that Pen is gone? Will she find out he's in Heaven? Will that motivate her to stay at the Hazbin Hotel, to get redeemed herself and be reunited with him? It's rife with story possibilities!

nOTP: Sir Pentious and Vox (StaticSnake?). Mainly because Vox told Pen to kill himself in Episode 2. That was unacceptable.

Random headcanon: Sir Pentious has a son! Remember that moment in the pilot when Angel said, "Harder, Daddy!" and Pen replied, "Son?!" I think Pen did actually father a child when he was alive, and he'd been scouring Hell trying to find him again. (And for a moment there, he thought Angel was declaring that he was his son.) Pen never found his son in Hell, but now he's in Heaven, maybe he'll have better luck...

Unpopular opinion: I actually quite like Sir Pentious' singing voice! It's nowhere near as bad as people make it out to be. And I much prefer it when characters' singing voices match their speaking voices, instead of being wildly different. (Looking at you, Vaggie.)

Song I associate with them: @hazbinned made a video of Pen being kept awake at night by Angel blasting out "Made You Look" by Meghan Trainor, so now I associate that song with Sir Pentious! LOL!

Favourite picture of them:

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Libra or seventh house 🎥✨🦄🐞🍄🪞🗝️♎️⚖️

Here we are starting off with the mask, which I feel very silly slapped. It slapstick kind of film with Jim Carrey, who has a really shitty kind of life, and then he becomes his other character in the mask, which is very labour like balancing out who he really is kind of like the naughty professor, but he takes a potion and he puts on a mask and become somebody else. It’s very funny and lighthearted for a libra like it also hurts like relationships with different types of people. Some of them are dodgy when he falls In love.

Hocus-pocus a bit of a silly one here which is on Halloween trying to hunt for children and take them away. Kind of season of the witches and the relationships between the witch assisted and what they are like and the relationship between the man that they turned into a cat who died And his relationship between them and the children in the film

All these films, now I think this is the most labour of them all black Swan, a very dark psychological thriller of adapting the films, Swanlake and how the girl has to embody both the white Swan and the black Swan. She goes through there psychosis becoming trying to become the black Swan while falling in love with her coaster who is to be the black Swan and her abusive relationship with her mother who doesn’t let her do anything else so put her foot out of place. She then becomes attracted to the girl and they have a lesbian that fling, or do they?

Gone with the wind, classic 1939 film with Clark, Gable and Vivian Lee as Scarlett and Rhett Butler. Scarlett is a spoiled Aries. I feel in the film with a Scorpio rising and probably a Scorpio Mars being her ruler but it’s all about her relationship with these different men and how she really love Ashley Wilkes, a man who is marrying us the best friend shares up and dance with Butler and it is during the Civil War times in America.

Last I have killed Bill I just thought it was a fast pace action film for a libra, and I added it to the list as the action film and dark kind of film for this list. I thought it had a bit of everything and that you could enjoy. actually we have she’s the man with Amanda bynes where she becomes her bar of Sebastian as a footballer where she has to pretend to be him and the things she has to go through is very fun and lighthearted.

[y2kas13]

Part two…

I think I may have perceived the Neil druckmann situation to be a little different than you did. Neil druckmann is from Israel and witnessed this brutality and genocide first hand, since Palestine and Israel have been fighting for many years! He said witnessing this caused a deep anger in him that he harnessed when writing tlou2…

I thought he was using art to make a comment on the situation. Like, he wanted to show that constant fighting over land and religion never leads to anything good. Literally, they showed that the constant fighting between the scars and WLF lead to the demise of both groups. As Shakespeare said, art holds a mirror to reality. Through art, we can make intentional choices that will evoke certain feelings in people. Because of all of the vengeance and violence they participated in, Abby and Ellie both lost everything. Could it be that this theme was missed by you? Art is meant to evoke visceral responses, so it kinda seems like he did his job with that. Also, he supplied financial support to both the Palestine and Israelis, so I’m not entirely sure how it was concluded that he hates Palestine. (I think what is happening oversees is absolutely disgusting, but I don’t see how Naughty Dog is perpetuating the war. Also, you never know what someone has been through or seen, so you really can’t condemn people for compartmentalizing in order to make it through. That is how/why some people are able to temporarily put the bad shit to the back of their mind for a few hours while they click some buttons on a controller.) What is the goal with not buying remastered tlou2? I want to help, but I don’t see how not purchasing a video game will make anything better. I want to understand. Remastered was auto-downloaded to my ps5, since I had it in my wishlist for a while. They already have my money for it, so might as well play it? They can’t benefit anymore from me playing it I don’t think…

while I can agree in the game you see how both side's actions are harmful to one another this isn't the case in real life. In Tlou its clear cut that no side is truly "evil" just the product of violence that isn't their own until they take on the violence but that's not the case in real life with Palestine and Isreal which is where I believe you are misconstruing what I'm trying to say. Palestine didn't do anything to Israel at least not in the same capacity as what Israel has done to them.

Tlou and Palestine/Israeli conflict are different in the sense that there is clear right and wrong, now am I going to sit here and say Palestine is completely 100% innocent no. But in this conflict yes. The people of Palestine shouldn't have to suffer because another nation wants to selfishly take what not there's and kill them to get it.

I am not claiming he hates Palestine but I don't think its fair for him to act like its some their both bad and good on both sides Israelis can walk free in their streets while Palestinians wonder if they will be shot down in there own to "be made an example of". it's not a fair nor accurate representation of the truth.

Not purchasing Tlou 2 shows that using real-world suffering for your profit and gain and not even doing them justice and being fair isn't right nor will be tolerated.

If you truly "want to help" and understand don't argue with me in my asks listing to the dozens of real Palestinians begging you to do what you can and if that means not buying a game then so be it. don't you think they want to be able to sit back and a play game.

I hope this cleared up for you and others why people like me are putting the pressure to not buy and boycott the game.

[puppy-steve]

modern eddie would be a pibble dad. she's his baby and he puts little bows on her and he throws birthday (adoption day) parties where she gets a puppy-safe cake and his friends gladly show up with presents for her.

the mall hosts pictures with santa the entire month of december and allows pets for an extra cost that eddie gladly pays. his girl is well behaved and knows her manners in public spaces, thank you very much. but unfortunately, sadie is still a pitbull and society hasn't quite moved past its breed biases yet, even if she is sitting quietly at his feet in line and with an "ask to pet" patch on her harness that eddie had turned into a doggy battle vest.

"oh my goodness, is that sadie?!"

sadie's tail starts going crazy at the mention of her name and a woman dressed like an elf crouches down with open arms, ready to receive the gift of happy puppy. sadie immediately plops down and rolls onto her back, showing her belly, which the woman gleefully rubs and pats. sadie's tongue flops out of the side of her grinning mouth, her tail sweeping the floor.

"santa was wondering if he'd see her this year," she says to eddie this time, and gives him a subtle wink that has eddie chuckling. "along with a certain owner, too."

eddie and santa may have started flirting a couple years back. he's not ashamed.

the woman lets them through and there he is. the big (not really) man himself sitting in his chair with his fake beard and red shirt stuffed with fluff.

"well if it isn't my favorite pup!" santa says, patting his lap. sadie puts her front paws on his knees and pants happily as the man scratches her chest and sides. "at the top of the nice list, just like always."

he glances up at eddie with a certain glint in his eye. "and you, mr. munson, are at the top of the naughty list. we'll have to see about fixing that, won't we?"

it actually makes eddie blush, which never happens. it's usually the other way around and he's not used to the butterflies that fill his stomach. however, eddie munson is not one to be thrown off his groove, steps up to santa's side to pose for the photo and fires right back, "what can i say, some like me naughty. now smile for the camera, santa."

he's not sure what the photo looks like, but judging by the blush on santa's cheeks under the beard, eddie wants to put money on it being his favorite. the same woman from check in mans the camera and she frowns at the little screen.

"maybe we should retake it, this one's a little blurry and santa's eyes are closed."

it's very much neither of those things, seeing as the camera's on a tripod, but eddie isn't about to back away from an open opportunity.

"you mind if i borrow you lap for this one, big boy? hunching over like this is killing my back." before santa can reply, eddie's plopping himself into santa's lap and throwing an arm around his shoulder, giving sadie the command to lie down for the photo. just before the woman can press the capture button, eddie steals a quick kiss to santa's cheek.

he doesn't realize he's forgotten to take the photo with him until later that evening. he huffs as he tosses the empty frame to the side and pouts at the blank space on the wall next to all of sadie's other pictures with santa. he perks up when the front door opens and steve calls out a greeting.

eddie walks into the kitchen where steve's setting his bag on the counter and wraps his arms around his shoulders, giving him a soft peck. "hi, baby."

steve pulls him closer by his waist, returning the kiss. "mmh, have a good day today?" he murmurs against his lips.

eddie nods and pulls back before the kiss can lead to somewhere else. dinner still has to be made and he's not above refusing sex on an empty stomach lest he get hangry in the middle of a blowjob. "sadie got her photo with santa this morning, but i completely forgot to take the damn thing with me when we left."

steve hums and presses fleeting kisses to eddie's cheek, trailing them down to his jaw and making eddie sigh as he tilts his head back. eddie's eyes are closed, contentment washing over him as his boyfriend holds and kisses him so sweetly, so he doesn't see steve blindly reaching into his bag.

"you mean these photos?"

eddie makes a sound of confusion as he opens his eyes. steve's holding a fancy photo holder with the mall's name on it.

"you asshole!" eddie says without any heat as he swipes the envelope from steve's hand, the other man grinning. "you could've texted me and told me i forgot them. hell, robin also could've."

steve chuckles and quickly maneuvers out of reach of eddie's teasing smacks. "i'm sorry i was a bit distracted by the cutie sitting on my lap and kissing me. which was very bold, by the way, not many people want to kiss santa."

"would have done a lot more than kissing, but a mall full of children is neither the time nor place," eddie mumbles under his breath. sadie decides to join them, stretching her front paws out in the doorway before sleepily trudging over to steve for pets.

"there's my girl! you were such a good girl today, weren't you? were so well behaved getting you picture taken." the way he immediately dissolves into baby talk with her is hilarious. he's knelt down on the floor, smooshing her face between his hands and scratching behind her ears. "just sat there patiently while dad decided to accost daddy at work, yes you did!"

eddie rolls his eyes and takes the pictures into the living room to be framed and hung on the wall.

[meguwumibear]

sfw 1k writing warm up; implied knives x reader, brief mentions of surgery and violecne

In a city, somewhere far, far away, there is a doctor who makes monsters.

You don’t know his name. You don’t know what he looks like. Hell, you don’t even know if he’s real.

You cling to the idea of him all the same.

Stories of him and his creations have been passed down for generations. At least in your village they have. Word has it, long ago your friend’s cousin’s great-great aunt (or whatever the fuck) came face to face with one of those mad scientist’s creations and nearly died.

The doctor and his monsters are a thing of nightmares. Your town elders tell stories of them to naughty children to keep them in line. Bad kids get sent to the doctor for reprogramming. Bad kids make good monsters.

The problem with all that is, you know monsters; you’ve met them. And each and every single monster you’ve met simply looks like a man. No horns. No fangs. No extra limbs. Just a human with a little too much time on their hands. Just a human with nothing to lose and everything to gain.

You weren’t born a monster, but you’re going to become one. The transformation will surely cost you; it’s a price you’re willing to pay.

Rumor has it the doctor is currently shacked up in a great city called JuLai. You’ve never been to a city before. The concept is foreign to you. All those ravenous mouths to feed. All those lights to keep on. Picturing a plant powerful enough to do all that is beyond the scope of your imagination.

You really only ever imagine one thing these days anyway.

Getting there is a fucking pain. There’s a brief period of time you’re not sure you’re gonna make it. Somewhere between sleeping around for lodging and stowing away on sandsteamer, you worry the hunger and dehydration will get to you.

The elders of your town also told stories of roaches. Horrible little critters capable of surviving anything. Small and fast with bodies not unlike the worms of this planet. Six scuttering legs and two long twitching antennae.

Your wonder if you’ll be reborn as one of those. You hope not. You don’t want to live forever, just long enough to take your revenge.

You do survive your journey, though it’s a mystery how. Perhaps years of starvation shrunk your stomach. Perhaps you’re just too stubborn to die. Maybe Gunsmoke understands it isn’t your time yet; there’s still a few people you need to kill.

The city folk think your chasing death. They’re not wrong. You want to die. Crave it, even. You’re just determine to take several people out with you. Anything after that is borrowed time.

Still, no one will tell you the whereabout of the mysterious doctor. They’re trying to protect you. They’re trying to protect themselves.

In the end it doesn’t matter; the doctor comes to you.

Both he and his benefactor find you amusing. It’s been a while since anyone came to them willingly. A man named Bluesummers became the first; Livio the second. The former ran from his fellow man, the second chased after one.

They ask you why you want them to operate on you; you’re honest with them. There’s a group of humans roaming around that need killing, and you plan to be the one to do it. Issue is, you’re unable to in your current state. You’re too weak, too tired. You need the strength and speed of a small army.

They agree to move forward with the procedure so long as you devote yourself to the leader. That’s fine with you. As far as you’re concerned, anyone capable of resurrecting you deserves to be worshiped.

There’s a chance the procedure may kill you, but you don’t really give a shit. Neither does the doctor really. He runs some preliminary exams and concludes that you’re S+ compatible, whatever the fuck that means. As long as it means he’s going to move forward with the operation, you don’t care to know the details.

The operation is painful. The doctor straps you down to a cross shaped table and shoots you up with who knows what. You’re awake for the entire transformation, listening to the sound of your bones snap, feeling your skin pulse and stretch. By the time your nerves begin to stitch themselves back together, you’ve sweat out every drop of liquid your body could produce.

And the strange thing is?

After all that, you still look exactly the same.

You don’t, however, feel the same, though the difference isn’t immediately made obvious. It takes a few sleepless nights for you to realize you no longer need it. It takes even longer for you to realize you no longer need food.

Complete cellular regeneration. At the molecular level.

The surgery is so successful the doctor almost doesn’t let you go. Apparently this, you, are exactly what he has been waiting for: a being capable of surviving without any external supports. It takes Knives direct intervention to sway him.

You’re surprised Knives agrees to fund your mission. He’s not even requiring you to take Bluesummers as a chaperone. Isn’t he worried you won’t come back? Given how powerful you’ve become, who could make you?

It takes months to track down the religious bandits that killed your family. Gunsmoke is a large planet filled with sand and rumors. Even aided by the vehicle Knives so generously provided you with, it takes time to pick up on and follow the trail.

You kill every last one of them when you find them. Not with a gun, but with a knife. The Eye offered you your choice of weapon, but you insisted on the simplicity of the blade.

“I wanna look them in the eye when I do it,” you told the doctor. “I don’t plan on shooting at them like a coward.”

They shoot at you like cowards, but your body can handle the wounds. The pain is sharp especially when they shoot you close range, but it’s of little consequence to you now. Even your blood replenishes. You won’t even have a scar.

You return to Knives caked in blood, only some of if your own. He doesn’t seem surprised to see you. There isn’t exactly anywhere else you can go. It isn’t that you need him—you don’t need anyone anymore—but, fuck it, a deal’s a deal. If he wants you, he can have you…if he can handle you that is.

Knives seems to like you. As much as he can a human anyway. Or maybe he likes you because he doesn’t consider you that anymore.

You look human, sure, but so does he, and everyone knows he is anything but.

Only, it isn’t you that Knives likes. Not really. It’s what you’ve become. He likes that you don’t need food or water. He likes that you don’t depend on plants.

And maybe, just maybe, when the rapture comes, he’ll spare you. He dreams of a new Eden, and what is such a garden without an Eve?

[buckysmith]

Advent special 3

find the others here

Baking Christmas cookies with you

Hey, I’m truly sorry that it’s too late again- I was just really busy

Includes: Ghost, König, Soap, Price, Graves and Gaz

You doesn’t have a gender (nonbinary) so everybody can see themself with :D

Ghost:

- he isn’t really a fan of Christmas at all

- and that’s why he doesn’t really enjoy doing anything Christmas related

- he just accepts if you like it ( he even accept if you decorate the whole house with Christmas shit)

- for him it’s important that you’re happy and it’s not like that Christmas itself is going to kill him

- but if you ask him to help you bake cookies, he’s a bit more interested

- but you both need to go shopping first

- he always wears a mask, so expect people to stare at you

- especially cause he’s so fricking tall and his eyes are always on the watch for threats

- creepy guy

- but he’s helping you like the good boyfriend he is

- you’re too short to reach one of the shelves? He’s got your back

- you forgot something? He is gonna bring you the item while you continue to shop (he would even ask you too, he wants to go back home as fast as possible)

- but back to the baking itself

- he’s gonna read the recipe first so that you both don’t make any mistakes

- a bit later you would argue

- you’re 100% sure the recipe said 2 cups of sugar and he tells you it’s 1 not 2 cups of sugar

- he’s right, you’re wrong

- he has to hold you back to not eat anything of the raw dough

- you’re complaining that it won’t make you sick

- he’s already so done with you after forcing him to listen to Christmas songs while baking and let’s you do whatever you want

- after the cookies are in the oven he cleans the kitchen by himself

- he knows you can do that too - but again he’s done with the Christmas songs

- he gives you a kiss on your forehead, telling you to go in the living room to watch some Christmas movie you love

- he absolutely doesn’t do this to get rid of you and your Christmas songs- no ofc not…. Cough cough

- he wouldn’t admit it but baking with you feels good for him, it gives him that warm spread in is stomach even tho he hates the songs in the background

- after the cookies are ready he lets them cool down

- he decides to join you and your silly little movie

- can’t hold a grin back after you complain that your tummy hurts

- didn’t he told you that you’re gonna be sick after eating raw dough?

Soap:

- he’s the one asking you to bake with him

- it’s his and your first time being with his parents and whole family while Christmas so you’re quite nervous

- and it’s somehow a tradition for him to bake with his family and cause you are his family now he wants you to accompany him

- watch the whole McTavish family having fun including you

- watch out for flying eggs cause his brothers an him will have a fight

- watch momma mctavish scold her adult kids like their 5

- Johnny is also constantly touching you, keeps giving you a kisses on your cheek or neck and whispering sweet little nothings in your ear

- at one point while you knead the dough he warps his arms around your waist, burring his face in your neck mumbling how much he loves you and that he’s so happy to have you

- this sweet little moment would end pretty quick with his brothers mocking him

- well- your boyfriend doesn’t take it well and hunts his brothers with a pastry roller

- you have to run after him cause he will use his weapon to beat his big brothers asses

- when you all come back into the kitchen, theres no dough to be seen

- just a happy golden retriever with a wagging tail

- watch grown men freaking out cause they think she not only ate the dough but chocolate too

- the little Nessie is the most chill out of all of you

- eventually everything will be okay after they found the chocolate- but the furry little girl is now banned from the kitchen

- you just have to make a new dough now

- with the Nessie out of the kitchen there’s only one threat left for the dough

- keep an eye on your boyfriend or he will eat some of the raw dough too… wonder why Nessie does it, seems like she had a good teacher…

- after hours of making cookies, eventually it will come to an end

- as a good end for the day his family watches a Christmas movie with all of you

- watch your boyfriend excuse himself to go the bathroom

- wasn’t the brightest idea to eat raw dough, wasn’t it Johnny boy ?

- what you both don’t know…. his brothers put viagra in the part he ate….-

- they know they fucked up when instead of exposing him with a boner in front of everyone while you’re sitting on his lap, they managed to give him the worst diarrhea imaginable

- they fucked the pills up and gave him laxative

- what a wonderful shitmess- sorry, I meant Christmas!

König:

(It took me some time to find a German song that I could imagine König to sing along too, but that song slaps… it could be a bit faster tho )

- he loves to bake, especially since it reminds him of the winter break

- it’s just that he wants to be with his whole family at least before Christmas to bake some cookies

- if you want to be with your family he just decides that they should come too

- so now you’re baking with your deadly boyfriend while your parents talk with his and thanking them that they can live rent free while they stay

- your parents doesn’t know that your boyfriend is in the military- well nobody knows besides you and his family

- they think he’s a baker cause his baked goods look way better than the baked goods in bakery’s does

- but- he’s still a bit hyperactive and he’s clumsy, especially thank to his height

- he yanks everything over- not just once

- watch out of his elbows cause if you don’t, well… we just say that the Christmas photos wouldn’t look that good-

- you have to tell him that’s it’s not good for the old Bernese Mountain Dog called Bernd to eat cookie dough

- he doesn’t give a duck about that and gives his beloved Bernd a piece here and there- only for him to eat something too

- the first dough you made is almost entirely in the stomach of your boyfriend and Bernd

- but you have to leave the kitchen for one single second

- watch Bernd slowly walking out of the kitchen while you’re entering it again

- there’s no dough left -

- it’s your boyfriend that has the last piece in his mouth, grinning at you like a child after you put one and one together

- he and the dog just ate the fricking dough- all of it!

- „Es tut mir leid Liebling, ich konnte nicht widerstehen“ (I‘m sorry darling, I couldn’t resist)

- don’t worry he helps you after that like a pro-

- well he doesn’t help- he makes everything without your help cause in his eyes you deserve to rest after making such a yummy dough

- he also cleans up everything! Even the stuff you used!

- decorating the cookies is the best part of everything

- he makes two little gingerbread men that look exactly like the both of you

- your parents see his one

- they ask him why he made such a weird face masked cookie

- I mean Halloween is already over, so what’s with that ugly mask…

- …. You should tell him after you’re alone again that his mask ist beautiful…

Price:

- you’re the one asking him to bake cookies with you

- he’s quite found to the idea

- it’s a struggle to find a cooking book in his house- is there even one there!?

- good thing there’s google

- bad thing, he lives in the woods- there’s no signal for your phone

- so you end up frustrated and sitting on the couch

- but wouldn’t he be a good boyfriend if he doesn’t know a cookie recipe?

- so now you’re following his orders

- don’t worry, his voice is just as loving as usual

- everytime you bring him whatever he needs he gives you something in reward

- be it a cute little nickname after a thank you or a kiss on your lips, cheeks or on your forehead

- he has a radio but he enjoys listing on a gramophone much more

- so you’re baking together, while the fire is safely burning in the fireplace, and o holy night is playing on the gramophone

- he takes breaks while you continue to make the cookies

- he just admires you while you’re smiling over such a silly thing

- he wraps his arms around you while pressing your back against his chest, burring his head in the crock of your neck mumbling sweet nothings

- he just can’t believe that this is really happening

- you have to tell him to let go of you or you both will continue to stay there for forever

- after the cookies are in the oven he just takes you to the couch

- cupping your cheeks and kissing you like it would be the last time

- just have an eye on the time or the cookies will burn -…

- but your eyes are everywhere but the time

- everywhere is btw price

- the cookies end up black as coal

- and after another try they’re really yummy!

Graves:

- Sweet Family

- such a good thing you are

- he’s rarely home but he makes sure he is around Christmas time

- he has already made a plan so that he can do everything he wants to do

- baking cookies is one of the first things on the list

- expect to be in the kitchen the whole day

- don’t worry he’s too

- you wake up, next to you a hot chocolate with a sweet little note

- „come to the kitchen when you’re ready darling“

- see your man in a red and white Cooking aprons with Santa on

- the moment he sees you he smiles at you

- he comes to you, wrapping his arms around you before kissing you with the brightest smile you’ve ever saw from that man

- he asks you to join his baking session

- hear him singing to whatever Christmas song is playing

- he can’t hold himself back

- he has to give you a kiss whenever you give him what he needs to make another dough

- together you bake for hours straight

- you both end up with 20 different Christmas cookies from around the world (whenever he worked with another military he asked them for recipes and he also asked his shadows for recipes )

- he did and does that so when he brings cookies to the shadows that can’t leave the base or that don’t have families that they at least have something for Christmas

- he wants that everyone feels like home (everyone, no matter the religion or ethnic)

- he even ask you to bring his shadows home for Christmas so that they don’t have to be alone at a military base

- Shepard is strictly forbidden to visit btw

- so you not only end up with hundreds of cookies but also with like twenty (or even more) soldiers at home

- even when they’re older than you, his soldiers see you as somehow a parent figure

- I mean, graves is their father figure so….

- you love them the same way they love you

Alejandro:

- he’s a sucker for Christmas

- but he doesn’t really have free time, I mean the bad guys don’t really care about holidays don’t they

- so the base is decorated to at least feel a bit like home

- you have to visit him to do the Christmas stuff just like baking cookies or something like that

- so you now you here, standing in the big ass kitchen that would normally prepare food for his man and him but now baking cookies

- but no no, you’re not alone here, his whole team his there too

- Rudy overwatches the younger recruits while Alejandro decides which cookies they should do next

- he loves to wrap his arms around you, pulling you closer to his chest while you’re decorating some of cookies

- his man know how much he loves you so they would look away, so that you could at least enjoy the moment of intimacy with your husband

- Rudy makes a picture of it

- supportive best friend

- after all the cookies are baked Alejandro enjoys the moment of peace

- in the end you end up with Alejandro, Rudy, and some of his other men on the couch, all cuddling together while watching a Christmas movie and eating the cookies you baked

- the others sit around you, some of the other couches, some on the ground but all with cookies in their hand

- big ass family

Gaz:

- you’re the one asking him to bake cookies with you

- watch him getting excited

- he’s not the biggest fan of Christmas but the music rocks

- with him it’s a pain in the ass cause he will do everything but what he has to do

- flour fight

- he casually grasp some of the flour and throw it right into your face

- after that you both are fighting

- watch out for the eggs!

- you’re able to throw a egg right into his face

- it wasn’t meant to hit his face tho….

- after that you should run

- very fast

- hes after you like a hell hound

- after you both are done with playing with each other

- there’s no flour, eggs, sugar and butter left

- well it is- but you can’t use it anymore cause it’s like everywhere

- the kitchen looks worse than a battlefield

- you both don’t look any better

- you both are covered with flour, eggs, butter and sugar

- there’s no need to add sugar peeling while showering….win win… cough

- it takes hours to clean the kitchen

- after that you agree to just buy dough from the store

- but you both can’t stop yourself so you end up eating half of the raw dough

- the other half makes it into to oven!

- but…. It wasn’t the brightest idea to eat raw dough

- you both are laying on the couch dying

- but hey- at least you end up with tasty cookies

[devilsrecreation]

Musical theater songs I associate with TLG/see TLG characters singing

-“Candy Store” (Heathers): Literally what Kiburi and his float would sing in the episode “The Little Guy”

-“How do you solve a problem like Maria?” (The Sound of Music): Is this not everyone except Simba talking about Makuu during “The Savannah Summit”? Just listing all his flaws and shit behind his back

Could even be the Outlanders complaining about Kiburi lol

-“There, Right There/Gay or European” (Legally Blonde the musical): I’ve mentioned it before but everyone in the Outlands are wondering if Neema’s either aromantic-asexual or if that’s just normal crocodile behavior

Spoiler alert: Yes

-Ucheshi’s version of “Congratulations” from Hamilton; taking place during Kiburi and Ucheshi’s argument, Ucheshi yells at her brother, recounting the events of “Let Sleeping Crocs Lie” and explaining just how stupid his actions were by comparing him to Makuu and reminding him what Simba does. If there was a crocodile version of a slap to the face, she’d do it

Ofc Tamka, Nduli, and Neema are spying on them in the background like :0

-“God, I hate Shakespeare”: Not Ushari singing about how much he hates Bunga

-“4 Jews in a Room Bitching” (Falsettos): Janja, Reirei, Mzingo, Kiburi basically introducing themselves and how they got here living in the Outlands ig lol (Creatures in a dump bitching)

Also either Ushari or Shupavu sings “Banishment” instead of “slavery”

-“My House” (Matilda): Wrote about it here!

-“Naughty” (Matilda): The skinks (mainly Shupavu) teaching Hodari how to get revenge by causing mischief

-“Stick it to the Man”: I’ve written about this before too! I can see Kenge singing it while teaching the Outlander kids and the skinks how to defend themselves by channeling their anger. Kinda as a parallel to Bunga’s “Teke Ruka Teleza”

-“Popular” (Wicked): Anyone else see Tiifu and Zuri singing this to Vitani and her lion guard? No? Just me?

-“Murder, Murder” (Jekyll and Hyde): You know how (in my hc) Sumu had a job as an assassin who killed all kinds of animals in his past? Yeah, this song are animals singing about his little murder spree (aka doing his job that evil animals hired him for) and not having a clue who the culprit is

Also not Sumu lowkey having fun like “(Insert name of victim here) I’m happy to inform you that you are relieved of your duties….all of them”

“My dear, you should be more careful walking around at night. You never know whom you might encounter”

“Bad news from the Kings~”

-“Confrontation” (Jekyll and Hyde): Explained here

-“The Smartphone Hour” (Be more chill): Season 2 in a nutshell

SCAR SET A FIRE AND HE BURNED DOWN PRIDE ROCK WOOOAHHHH~

“Consider Yourself” (Oliver): I wanna say this is Makuu welcoming Hodari into his float as an honorary croc but I know he isn’t much of a singer so how about Jasiri welcoming my oc’s Aibu (a striped hyena) and Kifo (a black mamba) into the Outlands/her friend group. Consider themselves official Outlanders :)

Honorable mention, “Master of the House” (Les Miserable): Remember my oc, Mamba, AKA Pua’s predecessor and a complete asshole of a croc? I imagine him singing this song about being a leader

Feat. a younger Pua who legit roasts him hghfgfg