#for most of the interactions and ways they respond to their own struggles and needs the functions and overall desc on 16pers rlly works

[loquaciousferret]

Seasons

Summary: One scene for each season of the year of your relationship as you fall in love with Joel Miller, single dad and sweet southern heartthrob.

Pairing: Pre-Outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings: 18+ explicit smut MINORS MUST NOT INTERACT. Discussion of religion, virginity, christian!reader, virgin!reader, old-fashioned values and gender roles/views of women. marriage, fingering, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, unprotected sex

Word Count: 6.5k (whoops)

A/N: If you love a slowburn then this is the fic for you, filled with adorable flirting and so-sweet-he-gives-you-toothache Joel. This idea came to me so randomly but it’s been a WIP for so long so I hope you like it!!

Spring

You let out a sound somewhere between a gasp and a squeak as Joel and Tommy both picked up their cutlery ready to shovel the Sunday roast into their mouths. They hesitated at the sound and you spoke up, “I’m sorry, just, you don’t mind if I say grace, do you?”

A wide smirk spreads across Joel’s face and he raises his eyebrows at you, but puts his cutlery back down immediately. Tommy, who was frozen in place still clutching his fork which was loaded with roast chicken and gravy, received a harsh glare from Joel, leading him to put his down too.

“I’m sorry,” You said again, embarrassed that you had interrupted them.

Joel’s expression remained bemused but he responded kindly, “Hey, don’t apologise, sweetheart. You’re just always full of surprises, that’s all. Go ahead.” He gives you a reassuring smile.

You reached for Tommy’s hand with your left and Joel’s with your right and looked down towards the table, closing your eyes.

“Lord, please bless this food to our bodies and let us hold you in our hearts. We thank you for the meal and the company in which we will share it. Through christ our lord we praise you, amen.”

“Amen to that.” Tommy copied excitedly, wasting no time in getting stuck into his meal.

Joel didn’t respond to the prayer but gave you a reassuring nod, his smile still glowing. “That was lovely, darlin’.” He said, making you smile back shyly.

You got started on your own meal. You and Joel had spent the afternoon cooking together, and by together, that meant you did the cooking and he stood by and offered words of encouragement, assuring you that if he got involved he would only find some way to ruin it.

Joel’s daughter, Sarah, was out at a friend’s house all day, giving you ample time with him. He was yet to introduce you to her, given it hadn’t been long since you had met him, but you spent plenty of time with him and sometimes Tommy, too, when Sarah was otherwise occupied. Luckily for you, she was a social butterfly, and you usually got to see Joel at least one evening a week, and when you were lucky, for a full day at the weekend, like today.

It was your first Sunday with him, and it had taken quite the story to explain to your parents, grandparents, and siblings as to why you would be missing their Sunday dinner in favour of a new friend. They would most definitely be clucking like hens at their own dinner table, speculating about who might have enticed you away. In truth it had been your idea, you had been excited to do this with Joel.

You had met him in a hardware store just at the beginning of February, an old-fashioned meet-cute in which you struggled with deciphering what kind of faucet you needed to pick up for the kitchen sink in your new apartment.

“I’m sorry to bother you, sweetheart, you seem to be having some trouble there, can I lend you any knowledge?” The handsome stranger had asked politely.

His friendly demeanour as well as his expertise had led you to pick his brain in numerous aisles of the store and eventually, you bravely asked for his number. Strictly for DIY-related enquiries, of course.

But now here you were, gazing at him as he savoured the food you had cooked, and you quietly laughed along at his and his brother’s back-and-forth wit, chest bursting with affection for this gentle man whom you were growing fond of.

Summer

You fanned yourself with your magazine, sipping on a cool lemonade. Nothing was helping you to beat the suffocating Texas heat.

You watched on in amusement, perched at the edge of the lawn in Joel’s backyard as him, Tommy, and Sarah grappled with each other in a game of soccer gone wrong.

“Y’know, I don’t think soccer is supposed to be this violent.” You called out to them.

Sarah looked up at you and laughed. “These two idiots will wrestle over a game of monopoly, it doesn’t take much.”

You smiled back at her. You were so grateful at how quickly she had accepted you as Joel’s “lady friend”. You frequently caught her and Tommy wiggling their eyebrows and communicating about you and Joel behind your backs. Neither of them bought the idea that you and Joel were still just friends, but it was true.

In some ways, you had been surprised too. Joel was incredibly patient with you. Lots of guys you had dated got bored fairly quickly but Joel never rushed you and seemed happy going at your pace. You would go to dinner, take walks together, hang out with his family, but nothing more. And he respected it. As time went on, your respect for his patience grew along with your feelings for him.

Later, with Sarah in bed and Tommy having excused himself, the two of you relaxed together in the now relatively cool evening air on a wicker bench in his backyard. He nursed a beer in one hand, his other arm slung around you, and you were cuddled into his chest slightly, comfortable in his embrace.

He was pointing out constellations, but you found yourself unable to tear your eyes away from his face to look to where he was trying to guide your attention.

“Are you even listenin’ to me?” He said, smiling as he looked down at you and caught your gaze transfixed on him instead of the night sky.

You blushed and made to move away but he held you tighter into him, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You reached up to cup his jaw and looked up at him once more, connecting your lips to his. He leaned down to put his beer on the ground without breaking the kiss, the hand that was around your shoulder reaching up to become entangled in your hair, the other one holding your knee.

You continued to kiss and he deepened it gently with his tongue. At the same time, his hand drifted up your leg until it met the hem of your sundress. You jumped back as he slid his fingertips under your dress and onto your upper thigh.

“Joel, I-“

He straightened up, looking away with a heavy sigh. But when he looked back at you, he wasn’t angry. There was something else hiding in those brown eyes, you just weren’t quite sure what.

“Look, sweetheart..." He sighed. “We’ve been seeing for five months now. I just need to know, I mean…” He sighed again, he seemed to be struggling to get the words out. “I just need to know, baby. Don’t you see me like that? Don’t you want me like that?”

Your heart twinged with guilt as you met his eye again. They were filled with sadness. He thought you were rejecting him.

“Oh, Joel.” You reached out to stroke his cheek with one of your hands. “Joel, please don’t think that. I just-" You screwed your face up with embarrassment. Obviously, this moment would come. He had been so patient up to this point. You couldn’t fault him in the slightest for how respectful he was of your boundaries, never pushing you for more. And you were wracked with guilt at the thought that he had been considering this was down to him and how you felt about him.

“Oh, Joel, I- It’s.” You couldn’t help but stumble over your words. “Of course I do Joel, I do want you, more than anything, but I- I- I’m waiting, you see?”

“You’re-“ He scowled until the realisation hit and he raised his eyebrows. “Oh. You’re waiting waiting.”

“Yes.” You let out an apprehensive breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, sweetheart.” He said, putting a hand under your chin and tilting it up so you met his eye once again, his face having softened once more.

“Just means I’ll have to be the one to marry you.” There was a glint in his eye and that paralysing smirk he wore so often.

“Joel!” You scoffed, playfully hitting his chest. You wished your heart hadn’t fluttered the way it did at his joke.

Autumn Sarah skipped ahead of you excitedly, you and Joel followed, walking hand in hand down the meadow path.

You had all piled into the truck that afternoon and you had directed Joel to this location, somewhere you had visited ever since childhood to pick apples during harvest season.

“Look! I’ve found them!” Sarah was quite literally jumping with joy, pointing up at the first tree you had come across which was bearing fruit.

“Good job, honey.” Joel said as you both caught up to her.

She was hopping up but failing to reach the fruit even on the lowest boughs of the tree. Joel stepped in at that point. “Here, let me get you a leg up.” He offered.

He held out both his hands for her to stand on as a platform, grunting with exertion as he hoisted her up. She then clung to his shoulders tightly with one arm around his neck, stretching out with her other hand to reach out for the fruit.

She picked them successfully and dropped them into the basket you held out for her.

After gathering nearly a dozen, she leaped down and inspected her findings, picking out each one individually to admire them and compare their sizes.

“Have you ever had real apple pie before? Like this? With the fresh apples and everything?” You asked her.

“Nope, first time!” She responded excitedly. “I’m so hungry for it already. I hope it doesn’t take long to bake.”

“Well, it does take a while, honey. Baking is a labour of love,” You explained to her kindly as you walked back to the truck alongside each other, Joel a few paces behind. “The more time and patience you put into things, the better the end pay-off.”

Joel chuckled lightly behind you and you whipped round to look at him over your shoulder.

“What?” You laughed.

“Nothin’.” He said, smiling back at you. “Very wise life philosophy you got there, that’s all.”

You screwed your face up at him playfully. Trust Joel to turn your simple lesson into a different one entirely.

Back at Joel’s home, you taught Sarah how to soften the apples in butter, sugar, and cinnamon, filling the kitchen and most of the downstairs with that delicious combination of scents.

Next, you made the pastry by hand, patiently guiding her on how to knead the dough, and how to tell when to stop at the right consistency and not spoil it by over-kneading. She listened carefully and copied you, she was a quick learner.

Joel watched you both, filled with adoration at the scene in front of him. Your patience and kindness towards Sarah was a huge factor in how hard he was falling for you. You were only a little more than a decade older than her, but your maternal behaviours towards her seemed to come totally natural to you.

You were exactly the presence Sarah needed in her life. You were an absolute blessing for the pair of them.

He smiled and shook his head at his own thoughts. A blessing. Your way of thinking was rubbing off on him.

Sarah left to bathe and get ready for bed while you finished constructing the pie, the oven preheating. Joel continued to watch from his seat at the breakfast bar.

“You do so well with her.” He remarked.

“Oh.” You responded, slightly surprised. You had nearly forgotten he was there with how quietly he had observed the activity.

You didn’t turn to face him, not wanting him to notice the blush creeping into your cheeks.

“Thank you, Joel.” You said sincerely after having gathered your thoughts. “I’ve always loved kids. I think it just comes naturally to me.”

“Yeah?” He said, pleased with your response.

“It’s like I was born to be a mother.” You chuckled a little. It was something you had been told throughout your life. You had always enjoyed being with your aunts, helping with the babies, moreso than playing outside or doing things with your cousins and friends of your own age.

He couldn’t wipe the smile from his face. This happened all the time, you took the thoughts right out of his head and spoke them into reality. You were perfect for him in every sense, he had known this for a while now but you strengthened his belief in the fact every single day. Joel knew he was madly in love with you, a deep connection he had never felt towards anyone else. And he had your morals to thank. The lack of physical relationship meant that you had spent months building on a genuine friendship and emotional connection, one that stood on its own without the need for sexual attraction. Not that he didn’t have that for you in spades.

All his previous relationships had been built on something physical, an initial attraction that was acted on and developed into more. Not you. His fondness of you was not based on that. That’s not to say he didn’t constantly want more as you kissed him, not that he didn’t think of you in his intimate moments, or sometimes needed to excuse himself when he got a glimpse of your upper thighs or even a panty line under your sundress if you reached up on tiptoe to grab something or climbed up the steps ahead of him. You had him like a touch-starved schoolboy, every single glimpse of your flesh was like a jolt of electricity inside him.

It had been nearly 8 months since you met and you had changed his and Sarah’s lives already, bringing laughter and sunshine back into their home. He had even met your family, too, at a barbecue towards the end of summer. He had had to hold in a laugh at their old-fashioned ways when they referred to him as the man you were 'courting'. But they accepted him, approved of him despite him being 10 years your senior, a divorced single dad. They didn’t judge him and they could see how happy you made each other.

The other day, he had lied about needing to head to the store and you stayed and watched Sarah. It had been a relief when he had went to your father’s house, and he had said yes so quickly to Joel’s request for your hand in marriage.

Winter

Austin saw it’s first measurable snowfall in a couple of years. You three, Tommy, and the new dog you and Sarah had convinced Joel to adopt for Christmas, were out walking near a cabin you had rented together for some of the holidays.

You all had red cheeks and your breaths were visible, coming out as mist in the cold air. It was the one of the coldest winters in a while, with the temperature barely hitting the 40s each day.

When you got back to the cabin, you, Sarah, and Tommy fought over who would get to shower first for warmth. You ended up placing second in the queue, behind her and before him, which you were satisfied with. There were 3 bedrooms but only one bathroom in the cabin, leading to almost daily arguments between the brothers and Sarah, most of which you simply observed in amusement.

“Come ‘ere.” Joel said, beckoning you to join him in the lounge. “Fire’s just gettin’ started. I’ll keep you warm until it’s your turn.”

You smiled and joined him, shedding a few layers of clothing to dry off and warm up by the fire.

He rubbed your arms and legs roughly, generating heat from the friction. It tickled and you pushed him away. He lost his balance and fell backwards.

“You tryna kill me?” He laughs. “There’s a fire behind me.”

You smiled at him. He was mesmerised by you, with your rosy cheeks and your eyes illuminated, reflecting the flickering of the log fire.

He had wanted to wait for the perfect moment, and propose to you like a scene out of those terrible romance movies you love so much. But it was times like this that moved his heart, the simple every day moments you shared that reminded him why he was so madly in love with you.

And so he couldn’t help himself, he shifted so he was on one knee between your legs.

“What are you doin’?” You ask, eyebrows furrowing in curiosity.

“Quiet, alright, let me focus.” There was nothing impatient in how he responded, if anything, he only sounded nervous. That intrigued you more.

You smile at him and he loses all train of thought again taking in your expression.

“Sweetheart.” He starts, his voice cracking slightly. You had rarely seen Joel nervous or flustered but this had to be it. “I wanted to make this more special but I… I can’t wait any longer.”

You have to physically stop your jaw dropping in shock as Joel pulls a small box out of the pocket of his large winter jacket, his hands trembling slightly. Your heart races as you realise what is happening.

“Sweetheart, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I ask myself every day what I did to deserve you to come into me and Sarah’s life. You make me so happy every single day. I- I know we’ve not been together long but I know already I can’t see a future without you by my side. I- We- We want you to join our family. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

Tears well in your eyes as you look down at Joel, waiting nervously for your answer. You had only been together 9 months but he was everything you had dreamed in a partner, kind, caring, supportive, always making you laugh. He was the most important person in your life despite the short time you had shared.

“Yes, Joel.” Your voice was barely a whisper.

He exhaled deeply in relief.

“Yes, I want nothing more than to marry you.”

He pulled you into a tight embrace and you laughed, pushing him away, “Aren’t you gonna put that on my finger first?”

He pulled back, blushing, taking your outstretched hand and sliding the elegant ring onto your finger. “Yes, darlin’ I’m sorry- I-“ He cut himself off, pulling you close to him and pressing a kiss to your head.

This was the happiest moment of your life.

Neither of you knew Tommy was in the hallway and had listened to the whole thing. “Finally.” He muttered with a wide smile on his face.

Spring

You married exactly a year to the day that you met (Joel’s idea) in your parish church with your close friends and family watching. Your sister, your childhood best friend, and of course Sarah made up your bridesmaids. Tommy was Joel’s best man.

You wore a simple white dress with a lace bodice and sleeves, complimenting your figure, cinching at the waist and stretching around your hips.

The wedding was simple, as was the dinner and reception. Flashy wasn’t you and Joel’s style.

As the night wore on and the guests mingled, you finally felt yourself relax. You weren’t a big drinker but today was your wedding day and you had been constantly plied with champagne by your friends and family.

“Hey Mrs Miller!” Tommy approached you from the side. “Will you give me a dance?”

You look to Joel, who squeezed your hand and smiled. “Off you go.” He said.

You laughed and took Tommy’s outstretched hand as he led you to the dance floor. The music was relatively upbeat and he was twirling you, you giggled, trying not to trip up on your dress or your heels.

“I would say welcome to the family, but it feels like you became an important part of it a long time ago.” He says when the music calms down and he takes you closer to him for a slower dance. “Joel is one lucky man, and I’m lucky to have you for a sister-in-law now too.”

You didn’t respond, taking in his sincere words. You were absolutely grateful for the extended family Joel had brought into your life. And Tommy was right, they had welcomed you with open arms and made you feel like you belonged from the very beginning.

“He’s never been happier. Sarah too. Thank you for that.” He goes on.

“They’re everything to me.” You say simply.

He nods in understanding. As the song draws to a close he pulls you in for a tight hug.

“Congratulations, sweetheart.”

“No getting rid of me now.” You say back cheekily, and he laughs as he guides you back to where Joel is mingling with guests.

Joel sees the two of you approaching and smiles warmly, reaching out to pull you close to him and planting a quick kiss on your cheek.

“Having fun, Mrs Miller?” He says, his eyes twinkling. He hasn’t called you by your name all day. He likes this new one.

“Certainly. Tommy’s keeping me entertained.”

“Yeah he’s good at that, ain’t he?” Joel teases, raising an eyebrow at his brother.

Tommy holds his hands up in defence, “Hey! That’s your wife.”

“Damn right it is.” He responds, squeezing your hip. You blush as he holds you close to him. He is always affectionate, but today you have felt more loved and cherished than any day of your life.

You catch Sarah’s eye. She is watching you fondly from a nearby table where she sits with a small group of her friends and some of your cousins who are about her age.

You smile warmly and offer her a thumbs up. She smiles back. You are grateful for the bond you have with her and the support you have both shown each other throughout your relationship with Joel.

The rest of the night passes in a blur of happiness, laughter, and love. More champagne is consumed, and some cake. Sarah was involved in baking it for you with help from a professional. As the night draws to a close, you begin to feel nervous, knowing what is to come when you and Joel retire to your honeymoon suite shortly.

“I can’t believe we’re married.” He whispers into your hair.

“Me too. But it feels like everything I ever imagined.”

Joel nodded, rubbing circles into your back with his large palm. “More than I ever imagined.” He responds.

He kept you in a tight embrace. You can hardly believe that a year ago you didn’t know this wonderful man existed, and now you are a married couple. He pulls back from you, a tender expression on his features. “Are you ready to go to bed?”

You know this question is loaded with the implication of another. Although you feel nerves rising in your chest, there’s another part of you that is thrilled and excited to experience this entirely new element of your relationship with Joel.

You nod, and he doesn’t hesitate to take your hand and lead you out of the hall. Many guests have left and you bid farewell to the others on the way out.

He leads you hand in hand to your hotel suite. The room is dimly lit, with soft music playing. There is another bottle of champagne on the dressing table- not that you need any more.

You turn to Joel, feeling nervous, which he can sense easily. He approaches you carefully, removing his suit jacket and tossing it over an armchair in the corner, loosening his tie and removing the top button of his shirt.

He looks so incredibly handsome and you think that it is intensified by the knowledge that you are looking at your husband.

He cups your face in his hands, “I love you, sweetheart. I’m so glad you’re my wife.”

He leans in and kisses you. It leaves you breathless and exhilarated, knowing that for the first time, this kiss will lead to more. Your body melts into his, you wrap your hands around his neck and lose yourself in the moment, his warmth and his rich scent enveloping you and making you feel safe and comfortable.

He pulls away eventually and rests his hands on your hips. “I know we’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time- Well, I certainly have.” His voice is laced with emotion. “But we don’t have to rush anything. We’ll take it slow, enjoy every moment of getting to know each other like this.”

You nod, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. You were nervous about messing things up or disappointing Joel, but he was patient and understanding as always.

“Thank you.” Your voice comes out as barely a whisper.

Joel leans in for another kiss and you melt into his embrace once again. He restrains his lust and passion and tries to make every touch a demonstration of his love and commitment to you.

He begins to unlace the delicate back of your dress and pulls it from your shoulders. Your neck is exposed, then your collarbones, then your chest, clad in your special bridal lingerie.

He lets out a sigh as he takes in the sight of you. He had seen your body before, at the beach, but now when he looked at you it was accompanied by an entirely different feeling. You were going to be his for the rest of your lives, all of you, all of this, was his. Forever. It was nearly overwhelming.

He leans down, pressing a trail of soft open-mouthed kisses to your neck and down your exposed chest. He continues to pull down your dress gently as he goes, until it has slipped off of you entirely. He retreats to carefully lay it out on the sofa in the corner. He approaches the bed again and begins to remove his own clothing, unbuttoning his shirt painstakingly slowly as you watched him in anticipation. You take him in, admiring the way his muscles ripple as he moves, his honey skin, and the dark hair scattered over his stomach and chest. He was the image of beauty to you. His eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that made you feel as though you were the only woman in the world, the only one he had ever wanted.

He steps towards you and climbs onto the bed, holding himself up with one strong forearm and kissing you. The feeling of his bare skin against yours sent waves of desire through your body.

His hands explored you, softly roaming over every curve and contour of your figure, giving every inch of you attention with his lips or hands. As he does so, you feel your body responding to his touch. Your skin grows more and more sensitive to his every movement. You moan softly as his hands glide over the thin fabric of your bra, your nipples hardening in reaction to his teasingly light touch.

He whispers in your ear, a low and husky tone to his voice that you haven’t heard before, “I want you, I want to make you mine forever.”

You shiver at his words, a rush of desire shooting through you. You pull him tighter to you in an embrace and you feel the hard length of him pressing into your stomach. It adds to your excitement.

He kisses you once more on the lips, his tongue exploring your mouth. You taste whiskey and wedding cake frosting. A combination of strong and sweet, like Joel. Then he lifts your back from the bed slightly, his attention on your bra clasp which he removes with practiced ease and tosses it aside. He leans down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth and licking and sucking gently. You gasp at the sensation and feel yourself clenching your thighs involuntarily, desire coursing through you.

He moves down your body, one hand continues to touch your breasts and he trails kisses down your stomach. When he reaches the waistband of your panties, he looks up at you, questioningly. You nod at him, nervousness and excitement fighting for priority in your body and mind.

He pulls them off slowly, savouring the moment. You feel exposed and vulnerable, but the sight of his hungry gaze as he takes in your naked form turns you on.

You feel his hard length pressing into you again and you are silently grateful that he keeps his promise, taking you through this slowly, even though you know he wants you desperately.

“You trust me, darlin’?” He says, breathlessly.

“Yes, Joel.” You respond, anticipating what might be coming.

“Let me take care of you, alright?” He says, his fingers massaging at your inner thighs.

You just nod, and with that he slides his hands higher and his fingers enter your folds, which are already wet with your want for him. You gasp at the sensation, shocked at how his large rough hands are even capable of such gentle touches.

He rubs at you softly, circular motions around your clit snd then down to your hole, barely dipping in a fingertip before withdrawing it again and dragging wetness back up to your clit. You adjust to the sensation quickly and crave more, to intensify the feeling he is giving you.

You buck your hips upwards, letting your thoughts be known to him. He laughs lightly. “Be patient.”

You whine.

He inserts a finger all the way inside you and you gasp at the feeling. Of course you have done this alone but the feeling of his large masculine hands with long, thick, fingers, is a new sensation entirely.

He moves it inside you, slowly, his other hand holding you at your hip. His touches are gentle and restrained yet firm and deliberate. Small moans of pleasure escape you.

His finger then curls inside of you and hits a spot that makes you arch in pleasure, moaning more loudly. Your hands reach out to grab him by the shoulders. He grins and curls his finger again, pressing against that spot faster and with more intensity. You feel your body start to tighten, your limbs tensing up instinctively. The pleasure builds inside of you until it is almost too much to bear.

Just when you think you couldn’t take it anymore, he removes the finger. It is trailed by a large amount of your wetness. He does something unexpected then, bringing it up to his mouth and sucking on it. The sight feels inappropriate and you look away from him, blushing.

He takes the finger, now wet with saliva and inserts it inside you again, this time accompanied by another. The stretch is numbed by the pleasure he gives you. He pumps them in and out of you slowly, curling and scissoring inside of you. He plays a game of attempting to elicit the sweetest sounds from you.

He brings his thumb to your clit simultaneously and gently rubs it. It makes you bite your lip to stop you from crying out.

“Let it out, sweetheart.” He instructs. “Don’t hold back from me.”

“Joell-“ You whine. “Ah!”

Your volume encourages him and he continues, a steady rhythmic pace applied to both the fingers working you from the inside and the one giving attention to your clit.

You feel the same knot of pleasure from before building.

You find confidence and become more vocal, “Please don’t stop Joel!” You plead.

“Are you gonna come, baby?” He asks in a deep tone.

“I think so.” You squeak. “Fee- Feels so good J-Joel, plea-“ You cut yourself off with a moan.

Heat gathers in every corner of your body and as Joel maintains his consistent pace, you reach closer and closer to a release of this tension inside you.

Finally it snaps, and you cry out. The pleasure is overwhelming, your heart races and you pant, breathless, as the feeling courses through every inch of you. You feel yourself collapse further into the bed, weakened by the experience.

He removes his fingers from inside you but keeps gently rubbing your clit as you twitch and shiver underneath him. Eventually he stops that too, and kisses you deeply. You come back down from your high slowly.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, barely pulling away from you. His lips tickle yours as he speaks.

You feel a rush of affection towards him, still dazed from your orgasm. Your already flushed cheeks seem to grow even more warm under the weight of his intense gaze and his compliments. As you catch your breath, he continues to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, words of adoration spilling from his whiskey-loosened tongue.

“My girl forever aren’t you?” He whispers. You nod, keening towards his touch as he brings his hand to your core once again, the sensitivity of your orgasm finally worn off.

“My beautiful girl.”

You think he is talking to himself more so than you.

He shifts his weight, lowering himself further down the bed and positioning himself between your legs. You watch him, unsure what he is going to do next. He parts your thighs widely and lowers himself between them. He kisses and licks at your inner thighs, his hot breathe on your skin piques your arousal.

His mouth moves higher and higher, until his tongue licks a wide stripe through your folds. You immediately gasp.

He continues licking and sucking, his stubble grazing at your inner thighs, a sensation that burns, but not unpleasantly. He is bringing the peak of your pleasure quickly, and you feel the hot tension gathering within you. Your hands reach down to tangle in his curls, which are slightly dishevelled from the busy day. You tug on his hair lightly and he groans against your pussy, a sensation that sends shivers through you.

He continues to work you with his mouth, sucking at your clit and then moving all the way down to penetrate your entrance with his tongue, then dragging it back up and starting again. It is messy and raw and more intensely pleasurable than you could have ever imagined. Your wave of pleasure is about to crash down, and you cry out in warning.

“Joel I’m going to- Ah!” He doesn’t let you finish your sentence, cutting you off into a moan as he increases the pressure of the suction on your clit, alternating with flicking his tongue against it rapidly, pushing you over the edge.

You cry out his name and unravel beneath him, your body shaking with an orgasm far more intense than the first. He continues to lick and suck gently, tasting all of your juices. Not quite taking you into overstimulation, just easing you through as the waves of pleasure subside before pulling away. He slowly makes his way back up your body. When he reaches your lips, he kisses you deeply, and his tongue tastes of your essence.

“I love you.” He whispers against your lips. “You’re perfect.”

Finally, he straightens up, pulling away and removing his boxers. Your eyes widen as you take in the size of his erection.

He notices your reaction. “This ok, darlin’?” He asks calmly.

You nod, still nervous, which he can see from how you bite your lip. He crawls back onto the bed and positions himself between your legs.

“I’ll go as slow as I can baby, if it hurts you tell me, ok?”

You nod.

“Say it, sweetheart.”

“I’ll tell you Joel, I promise.”

“Good.” He says.

He leans down and captures your lips in a kiss. One hand holds him up, the other is guiding his hard length to your entrance. You take a deep breath, trying to relax, and he presses a kiss to your forehead. He slowly begins to push himself into you. You both gasp at that first sensation.

You feel a painful stretch, but it quickly fades as he stops with just the tip inserted in you, giving you time to adjust. He plants kisses all over your face and whispers words of praise and reassurance as he continues to edge into you again.

Finally, he is fully inside of you, and he stops, looking down at you with a caring expression. “This OK, sweetheart?” He asks softly, stroking your hair with his free hand.

You nod.

He begins to move slowly, in and out in a gentle rhythm. You moan softly every time he is fully deep inside you, hitting pleasure spots inside your walls. As time goes on he picks up the pace gradually and thrusts slightly harder, analysing every sound and expression of yours to ensure you remain comfortable.

You feel an urge to wrap your legs around his waist, wanting to feel him even deeper. He grunts in pleasure as you do so. Your connection to him is intense and overwhelming, physically full of him and giving yourself to him in every way.

Next he brings a hand to your clit and his thumb rubs at it gently like before. You feel that this makes your pussy clench around him. He grunts every time it does so.

“Oh, Joel.” You gasp.

He takes your gasp as a cue to increase the pace, and soon he is pounding into you with a steady, rhythmic force. You feel that knot of pleasure building in your core, and you know you won't be able to hold back a release much longer.

Joel's movements become more urgent, and his hand on your clit works faster. Your moans and gasps grow louder, and you feel like you're about to come apart at the seams.

"Come for me, baby," Joel growls, his breath hot against your neck. "I want to feel you come around me."

His words are all you need, and with a cry, you fall over the edge. Waves of pleasure crash over you, and you clench around him tightly as you ride out your orgasm.

As you come down from your high, Joel’s pace is faltering, and with a grunt of your name, you feel him tense up and a hot release spills into you. He collapses a little on top of you and you can’t help but laugh as he knocks the air out of your lungs, crushing you, his body shaking with exertion. He slides his hands under you and squeezes you into him.

You both lay there in silence, trying to catch your breath and ground yourselves from the pleasure you had both experienced. The gentle music continues to play in the background and other than that the only sounds that can be heard are the rise and fall of your breath and an occasional contented sigh from Joel.

Eventually he pulls out from inside you and rolls off of you, pulling you close to his side. You snuggle into his chest, feeling safe and loved in his embrace.

“Was I as good as you imagined? Didn't let you down?” He teases gently.

“Even better than I could have imagined.” You admit. “Can we do it again?” You say.

He laughs and kisses your head. “Of course, Mrs Miller. As much as you like.” He says, running his hand through your hair.

You both lay there, enjoying the peaceful afterglow of your lovemaking. You drift to sleep, ready to wake up for the first day of the rest of your life as Joel’s wife.

Read more pre-outbreak Joel smut in Country Lovin’

Find my entire masterlist of Pedro Pascal characters here

Pedro Taglist @tightjeansjavi @lovers-liability @cutesyscreenname @serenaxpedro @hrtsforpascal @queerponcho @sweetbutpsychobutsweet @kdogreads @drewharrisonwriter @therealmabelpinez

Story Taglist @carlyreneeinthemoon @anat2507 @soph55 @annagraceevanss @vanillen @hummusxx @still-wanna-be-corrupted @prettyangelsthings @luvtheoldmen @theelishad @afterglowsb-tch13 @moonlightdivine @dilfsaremyfavourite @midgetpottermills @skysmiller @gaypoetsblog @jadeees-posts @rosey1981 @alyhull @decaffeinatedweirdo @prwttp @hesjustken @luamarieta

Thank you for reading! Let me know if you would like to be on a Joel taglist, or permanent Pedro taglist <3

[jubileemon]

Explaining Huskerdust slowburn

Huskerdust is one of the most popular ships within the Hazbin Hotel fandom, which started with their first interaction in the pilot.

From the outset, Angel Dust shows a clear attraction towards Husk, which is evident from his immediate flirtatious behavior upon Husk's arrival as the hotel's bartender. This attraction is not subtle as Angel Dust is overt in his advances, often pushing boundaries. On the other hand, Husk was initially dismissive and annoyed by Angel's flirtations, responding with expletives and a general attitude of disinterest. Yet, this sets the stage for a relationship that promises to evolve slowly over time.

Although they started off bad, with Husk often finding great irritation in Angel's continued advances, their relationship would begin to deepen as the series progresses.

In the beginning, Husk made it no secret that he was forced to stay at the hotel because of his ties to Alastor and would gladly get as far away as he could if able to. He's addicted to gambling, much the same way Angel is addicted to drugs and sex. He used to be an Overlord but gambled away his bound souls until he got desperate enough to sell his own soul to Alastor.

While his words were poorly timed, pushing Angel's buttons after he'd just suffered a night of abuse from Valentino in "Masquerade", it's hard to deny that Husk is right to be frustrated with Angel's sexual harassment. He's cuttingly accurate when he points out how Angel's lewd and carefree behavior is all a self-destructive act that he hides behind to avoid his problems, and that nobody in the Hotel is particularly impressed with or taken by the front he puts up.

In the episode "Masquerade", a pivotal moment occurs when Husk rescues Angel from a potentially dangerous situation at a club that shows a protective side under his gruff exterior. Afterwards, Husk continues to remind Angel that he can stop his act. However, Angel, shedding tears and expressing his sadness, lashes out at Husk as they argue, explaining he needs to be who he is in order to break himself, both to wash away his misery and escape Valentino.

Saddened by this, Husk helps Angel recognize the parallel misery, which led to them both admitting their regrets and Husk revealing his past as an Overlord to Angel.

Husk getting through to Angel Dust in the manner he does makes a considerable amount of sense when it's taken into account that the first step to overcoming drug addiction is usually getting the addict to acknowledge they even have a problem. Angel hasn't been able to get better despite having some genuine interest because he's been utterly refusing to admit he has a problem to fix, the moment he does his mood drastically improves as does his motivation.

The song 'Loser, Baby' became an uplifting melody for Husk and Angel Dust's relationship. It encapsulates the message that while they may see themselves as losers, they aren't alone in their struggles.

The whole song is just "Stop thinking you're special". Some people may see that as a bad message (at first) considering what Angel goes through, but like him, staying in that mindset of "No one knows what I'm going through, no one else knows what it's like to be me, etc." would not be good for him at all as it would create a barrier of isolation. To be clear, the point is that Husk calls Angel a loser because people, especially very hurt people, need to break their cycle of self-loathing somehow. And sometimes, sometimes, people need to hear that they are, in fact, a loser. But that's okay because a lot of other people are too. This is even reflected in the song, with Angel initially assuming Husk is mocking him, but eventually picking up what he's actually saying. The message isn't "You're not special lmao," it's actually "You're not alone in this, and embracing that is a big step in getting out of it."

A small detail many fans have noticed is that whilst Valentino is very forceful with Angel Dust both emotionally and physically, during the song “Loser, Baby,” Husk is never seen grabbing Angel Dust at all during the song, only ever offering his hand out for him to accept. It's apparent that Husk is expressing more interest in Angel Dust, after seeing that he isn't as shallow as he comes off to be. Since then, Angel and Husk have formed a special bond through being vulnerable and honest with each other. But this scene also shows Husk's concern for Angel's well-being, especially when it comes to drugs and a potential relapse.

In the episode "Welcome to Heaven", Cherri invites Angel and Husk along with Niffty and Sir Pentious to a bar. During this scene, Cherri tries to motivate Angel to take drugs as a way to relieve stress. Husk reminded Angel it would destroy his progress. Husk then admits that Angel succumbing to drugs would really disappoint him. Angel declines the offer, making Husk smile, but later starts heavily drinking, something Husk disapproves of.

This concern is reciprocated when Angel Dust takes care of a drunk Niffty, suggesting a shift from his earlier, more self-centered behavior. The confrontation with Valentino, where Husk is ready to defend Angel Dust, further cements their bond.

Angel was very attracted to Husk and didn't hide it, with his constant boundary pushing flirtation. After being called out for this behavior, Angel not only begins a genuine bond with the cat demon but also stops the annoying, aggressive flirtation.

As they were preparing to fight the exorcists, Husk unconsciously makes a sex comment saying that "Angels won't stop coming", and Angel laughs at this remark. Husk realizes the double meaning of it, and laughs admitting his mistake.

During the bar scene in "The Show Must Go On" an instrumental of "Loser, Baby" plays in the background during Angel and Husks' conversation, which further underscores the hidden depths of their bond. Angel takes Charlie's words to heart about living however you want that night since it may be your last. How does he choose to do it? By simply having a drink with Husk and Cherri Bomb. Husk even notes that he's changed quite a lot since he came to the hotel.

Also, the way he looks at Husk and the little piano reprise of "Loser, Baby" playing in the background. Angel's feelings for him may run deeper than they seem... 😍

[witchywithwhiskey]

trucker prince charming (part 2)

pairing: trucker!jake jensen x sex worker!female reader

summary: you take your favorite trucker up on his offer to meet him at his rig after you finish your shift at the strip club where you work—and it's better than you imagined, which means you're in trouble.

warnings: 18+ content (minors do not interact!!!), smut, piv sex, unprotected sex, creampie, condom discussion, dry humping, marking/hickeys, finger sucking, begging, teasing, dirty talk, praise kink, pet names (kitten), sex worker insecurities, referenced glory hole sex, referenced abuse of power, love confession, a lot of emotions—let me know if i missed something!

word count: 9.5k

a/n: god i hope this chapter works 🫣 i struggled with it a bit, to make reader's reluctance consistent and believable. but i also wanted to to be like super romantic, so yeah, i hope it is!!! ahhh ok please enjoy more trucker jake—i hope y'all love him as much as i do!!!

trucker king masterlist

Excitement and fear roiled in the pit of your stomach, making you feel slightly queasy as you shoved your cash tips from the night into your purse in the back room of Diesel Dolls. In fact, you were trembling so hard, if you’d been wearing a pair of the sky high heels you wore when you worked the stage, you’d be worried about breaking an ankle. But your thoughts were elsewhere, on the trucker who was absolutely not your prince charming. 

As you gathered your things, all you could think about was your favorite trucker who visited you often in the glory holes at the back of the club. Jake Jensen was everything you shouldn’t want. He was one of Diesel Dolls’ most reliable regulars, always stopping by the glory holes when he passed by on the interstate—though, ever since he’d started coming to you, you were the only one he’d let take care of him.

Still, his status as a regular made any kind of outside relationship with him strictly off-limits according to the owner of the club, Mr. Ransom Drysdale. 

Mr. Drysdale didn’t take kindly to girls who formed relationships with his trucker clientele outside the club, he said it was too much of a risk of the girl stealing his business. And if Mr. Drysdale suspected anything, he was known for his harsh, humiliating punishments. He wouldn’t fire you if he found out you were planning to meet up with Jake after your shift, but he’d find a creative way for you to regret it.

Even with that thought in your mind, you couldn’t get Jake’s parting words out of your head. You kept hearing his friendly, sweet and deliciously deep voice saying to you, “I’m sleeping in my rig tonight…in case you wanna stop by.” 

Those had been the final words he’d spoken to you when he’d come to your spot at the glory holes earlier that evening, but he’d left before you could respond to the obvious offer. A part of you was grateful he hadn’t demanded an answer from you in the moment, since it meant you could think it over without any pressure from him. But it also meant that, hours later, you were still uncertain about what you were going to do. 

You were still debating it with yourself when you threw on a long jacket to cover the skimpy tank top and shorts you wore when working the glory holes, and walked out the back door of Diesel Dolls. There, you stopped short. 

In your preoccupation with Jake, you’d forgotten what to expect when leaving the club. A few of the other girls lingered outside smoking cigarettes and chatting with the security guards tasked with walking you and your coworkers to your cars. There was a bite of chill in the air that had you wrapping your coat tighter around your body while you wavered in indecision, the audience making you more anxious about what to do.

“Need a cig, girl?” asked Crystal, one of the girls that had been working at Diesel Dolls even longer than you. She held out her pack to you, her own cigarette pinched between two fingers, the smoke trailing up toward the late night sky. Her eyes were sharp as they watched you, even if her open expression seemed to be nice.

You gave Crystal a tight smile and shook your head, muttering, “No thanks.” You could feel Crystal’s eyes on you as you took two steps into the parking lot, which made the fear in your chest burn brighter than the excitement Jake’s offer had inspired.

Crystal liked to make herself out to be the motherly one of the bunch who worked at the club, the kind who would give advice to the new girls and commiserate with those who’d been working at Diesel Dolls too long. But you’d noticed the way things that seemed to only be said to Crystal had a way of getting back to Mr. Drysdale. That was enough to have your shoulders bunching up around your ears.

Crystal was the last person you wanted to see you walking to Jake’s truck. But you didn’t want to give up on him yet. You’d known Jake for a couple months while he’d been frequenting your glory hole, and you were so desperately curious about him, that you didn’t want to pass up on the opportunity. So you pulled out your phone and pretended to be texting someone while you hoped the group outside the back door dispersed.

Thankfully, they all seemed to finish up soon enough and Crystal went back inside while the security guards split up to walk the other girls to their cars. You waved them off when they offered to walk you as well, claiming you had a ride coming and waited until they rounded the side of the building to where most of the girls parked their cars.

For a brief moment, you were alone with nothing but the clear night air and your thoughts. You knew it was a bad idea to go to Jake, but the pull you felt to him was too strong. It was bound to get you into some kind of trouble, whether with Mr. Drysdale or something you couldn’t even anticipate. You typically prided yourself in having a great deal of sense, but everything about your favorite trucker made you want to act like you didn’t have any. 

Before you’d even fully made up your mind, your feet began to carry you in the direction you knew you’d be able to find him. For once, your heart seemed to be making the decisions and though your brain was still listing all the ways in which things could go wrong—Jake could be horrid in person, or he could fuck you and go around the club bragging about it—they didn’t seem as important as finally finding out what it would feel like to fall into your favorite trucker’s arms. 

Diesel Dolls had a small parking lot in front and to one side of the building, but on the other side, there was a much bigger parking lot that the strip club shared with Everett’s Roadhouse. It was big enough to accommodate all the truckers and their rigs who frequented both the club and the bar. It also had special permissions that allowed the truckers to sleep there over night. 

It was to this parking lot that your feet carried you. 

You breathed a sigh of relief when you were swallowed up by the shadows of the massive trucks in the parking lot, your soft exhale masking the sound of the back door of Diesel Dolls closing. You didn’t hear it, though, because you were too focused on looking for the truck Jake had described to you.

Turning a corner around a big white rig, you spotted the truck that could only belong to your favorite trucker. And standing in front of it, leaning against the grill at the front, was a man. Your heart leapt in your chest as you realized it could only be him. Your favorite trucker. Your Jakey. 

Your breath caught in your throat and your feet stumbled to a stop. He hadn’t noticed you yet, and you took the moment to look him over, greedily raking your eyes down his body while he stared at something on his phone. 

Jake looked tall, even from the little bit of distance between you, with broad shoulders that filled out the bright green t-shirt he wore, which had some kind of graphic printed on the front. His jeans were a basic blue denim that fit him a little snugly, and he wore work boots that were kicking idly at the pavement of the parking lot, like he was struggling to be patient.

But what caught your attention the most about Jake was his face. You were a little surprised to discover that Jake wore glasses, but that was maybe because you’d never seen another trucker who wore them. You stared at his side profile for a long time, appreciating his strong jaw accented by the goatee framing his soft mouth. His dark hair lightened at the spiky tips, and for some reason, you found yourself craving to touch it, to run your hands through it.

All at once, you realized you’d been right about Jake—he was cute. And not just cute, he was fucking hot. You’d never seen a man who could pull off both, but your favorite trucker managed it. 

Your heart thudded in your chest and if you’d been thinking with anything but your heart, you’d have been worried about your reaction to the man who you knew you couldn’t be with. But you were only admiring your favorite trucker and thinking about how cute he looked waiting for you.

You didn’t realize you’d been slowly drifting closer to Jake until he straightened suddenly, and looked straight at you. Your breath froze in your lungs when you met his gaze, startling at the bright blue of his eyes, even shadowed as they were in the dim light of the parking lot. Your feet came to an abrupt stop and you waited anxiously while Jake took his own inspection of you, hoping desperately that he wouldn’t find you lacking.

But there was no long perusal of your body, only brief moment when eh let his gaze drop to your lips before he caught your eye again. A charmingly friendly grin spread across his handsome face, excitement rolling off him in waves that made you feel giddy.

“Kitten?” he asked, a little hesitantly. Almost like he was a little shy. 

If you hadn’t already been certain the man was Jake, his voice would’ve convinced you. It was warm and pleasantly deep, sending a delicious shiver of recognition down your spine, heat blooming in the depth of your core. A small, tentative smile curved the edges of your mouth as you walked closer to your favorite trucker, noticing that he stayed near his truck and let you come to him. 

“Jake,” you said, his name gusting past your lips in an awed exhale. He looked even more handsome up close, and your eyes couldn’t stop taking in the lines and curves of his face. You didn’t think you’d ever get enough of simply looking at him.

“You came.” He stated the obvious, his voice low and gruff with an emotion that tugged at something deep inside your chest. You were drawn in closer to your favorite trucker by some invisible tether that seemed to connect the two of you. So wrapped up in the moment, you didn’t even question why you felt so deeply for a man you were only truly meeting for the first time.

You came to a stop right in front of Jake, close enough you had to tilt your head back to hold his gaze—close enough you could feel the heat of him in the chilly night air. You wanted to press even closer and wrap yourself around the big, broad man, but you held yourself back, suddenly unsure how to act without a wall of plywood between you. 

“You’re cuter than I imagined,” you said, the words falling from your lips before you could stop them, amazement making your voice breathy.

But as soon as the words registered in your mind, you winced and pressed a hand over your mouth. You were about to apologize for the backhanded compliment when Jake laughed huskily, a little bit of pink tinging his cheeks, which only made him look even cuter.

“Ya think I’m cute, kitten?” he asked, his fingers reaching out and brushing against yours, electricity zinging through your body at just that brief touch. 

Your breath hitched as your body went haywire, desire flooding through your veins and making you sway into your favorite trucker. Jake seemed to notice your reaction because a grin spread across his face and he tangled his fingers with yours while he kept talking.

“Not hot, or sexy—or studly?” His voice went much deeper on that last word to emphasize it, and you couldn’t help the startled giggle that fled from your lips. You’d suspected Jake was funny, and you were delighted to discover you were right about that too.

Jake used the moment when your guard was down to pull you into his arms, where you landed against his chest with a small huff of surprise. Immediately, your laughter died in your throat and you stared up into Jake’s eyes while he watched you with a pleased smile curling the edges of his mouth.

The thought came to you suddenly: You could fall in love with Jake Jensen. In fact, you knew, somehow, that it would be as easy as breathing to fall in love with Jake. A small part of you even thought you already were falling in love with your favorite trucker. 

But as soon as you had those thoughts, you pushed them away, the fear you’d felt earlier rearing its ugly head. You couldn’t fall in love with Jake, not when you knew you’d never be able to be with him in the way you wanted. Developing feelings for him would only lead to getting hurt and you didn’t think you’d survive the kind of hurt falling love with Jake would lead to. So you forced yourself not to think about it.

Instead, you let yourself act on instinct. You reached up and traced your fingertips gently down the side of Jake’s face, your touch so light you weren’t sure if he could even feel it. But when you got to the plump curve of his lower lip, he sucked in a sharp breath, his eyes darkening as he stared down at you so intensely, your hand fell away to fist in the soft cotton of his t-shirt.

“I don’t meet a lot of cute guys in my line of work,” you whispered, the words part explanation, part distraction from the way Jake was looking at you like he planned to grab you and kiss you and never let you go. “It’s…” you trailed off, not knowing where you were going with that thought.

No, that was a lie, you knew exactly where you were going, you just got scared to continue it. But Jake was patient, and he waited, his gaze expectant, and you discovered you didn’t want to let him down—either with an attempt to change the subject or with a lie.

“It’s amazing,” you said, so softly, you weren’t sure he’d be able to hear. “You’re amazing, Jakey.” Your eyes fell to his lips, looking so soft and inviting. Your favorite trucker’s mouth was so tempting, and you knew you’d never be the same once he kissed you, which scared you more than a little, your heart thudding almost painfully in your chest.

Thankfully, Jake was brave enough for the both of you. 

His arms wound around your waist, knees bending to wrap you up in his hold and haul you up close to his chest, so you were left standing on tiptoes and staring up into his beautiful blue eyes. He lowered his face until your mouths were so close, you could taste the sharp mint of his breath on your tongue, but he didn’t close the distance. 

Your heart was racing with excitement and a little bit of fear, and you could feel Jake’s arousal through your clothes, but the tension of the moment was delicious and you didn’t mind if Jake wanted to take things a little slow. At least, for the moment.

“Fuck, kitten,” he rumbled, collapsing back against the grill of his truck while he stared at you with amazement in his blue eyes. “I’ll take cute as a compliment if you’re the one saying it,” he said, his voice pitched low and earnest. Your fingers twisted in his shirt, clinging to him as you watched the edges of his mouth curve into a grin. “Hell, you can call me a cute little pup and I’ll roll over so you can pet my belly.”

Jake’s arms squeezed you tightly, holding you pinned to his chest, and a distant part of you was surprised by the fact that you didn’t feel trapped by him. You felt impossibly giddy with happiness and excitement, warmth curling pleasantly through your body as you pressed tighter against him, feeling his hard cock digging into your stomach. He was so eager for you, and it was so hot because you wanted him just as badly, but you couldn’t help teasing him a little.

“I think puppy wants something more than belly rubs,” you murmured, a smirk curling your lips. You lifted one of your feet to rest on the grill of Jake’s truck, opening your legs to grind your core against his bulge, wringing a groan out of him, his hands fisting in the jacket at your back. 

“Mm, you feel so fucking good,” he rumbled in a husky voice, then paused, pulling back enough to catch your eye. He wore an adorably confused expression. “Hang on, are you calling me or my dick ‘puppy’?”

Jake’s question startled you so much, laughter burst free from your mouth unbidden; you had to tip your head back and close your eyes to let it loose. It was the hardest you’d laughed in a very long time, your body shaking in Jake’s arms and tears springing to the corners of your eyes. 

You could feel Jake chuckling right along with you, but when you finally sobered, he’d quieted and was simply looking at you, an emotion in his eyes that was so deep and terrifying it nearly stole all the breath from your lungs.

“You have the best laugh,” Jake muttered seconds before his mouth descended on yours, capturing your lips in a kiss. 

Your first kiss with Jake was everything you’d dreamed it would be, your body lighting up and your mind going blank in a combination of delight and arousal. His mouth was warm and soft on yours, the bristles of his goatee tickling your cheeks as your mouths slid together. A giggle rose in your throat and your mouth curved in a smile as giddiness flooded through you. 

Then Jake shifted his arms, one hand coming up to cradle your head while the other remained banded around your lower back, holding you exactly where he wanted you. He deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping past your lips and coaxing a moan from you as he explored the depths of your mouth. Jake’s kiss was heady and all-consuming and you never wanted it to end—you wanted to kiss him forever and ever and ever.

By the time Jake pulled away, your lungs were burning for air and you were left panting, dragging in as much oxygen as you could. He seemed to be in much the same predicament, his chest expanding where you were draped against it, his heart beating wildly beneath where your fingers were clinging to his t-shirt.

“So, you got a bed in that big rig of yours,” you managed to ask, in between panting breaths. “Or are you planning to fuck me right here against your truck?” A cheeky grin curved your lips and you ground your core against Jake again for good measure, making his eyes go dazed and dark. His hands grabbed your ass and held you tight against his bulge while he seemed to freeze. 

For a long moment, Jake just stared at you like his brain had short-circuited, and your grin widened at the realization that you’d somehow managed to render your favorite trucker speechless. Then, all of a sudden, he seemed to come back online and he shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. 

Tangling his fingers with yours, Jake led you around to the driver’s side of his rig and opened the door, helping you up into the cab. You took a quick, cursory look around the inside of Jake’s truck as you moved directly into the backseat, where there was a soft cot covered in a haphazard pile of blankets. The bed was messy and unkempt in a way that made you smile because it just seemed so much like Jake.

Looking around, you noted that the truck cab was warm, and a little cluttered, but cozy in its own way. You’d never actually seen the inside of a long-haul truck despite servicing countless drivers at Diesel Dolls, but everything looked so high tech, you would’ve thought you were in the cockpit of a spaceship. All the dials and controls on the dashboard gave off a soft blue light, including some of the panels in the backseat around Jake’s bed. 

When you looked closer, there appeared to be a gaming system and TV rigged up in the back, and you smiled again, imagining your favorite trucker spending his spare time gaming by himself. You couldn’t help the way your mind wandered, wondering if Jake might be interested in letting you keep his cock warm while he played his games…

You were distracted from that thought by Jake hauling himself into the driver’s seat and shutting the door behind him. He had a determined look on his face while he locked the truck’s doors, checking to make sure the space was secure before he turned to you in the backseat. The corner of your mouth kicked up in a sultry grin and you leaned back on your hands, pushing your tits out as your jacket parted, revealing the tiny crop top and shorts you wore beneath it.

In the privacy of his truck, Jake let his eyes wander down your body, lingering on the way your nipples pushed through the thin cotton of your shirt. They tightened further under the intensity of his gaze, and your lips parted in a gasping breath as heat blazed between your thighs. 

But Jake’s eyes were already moving on, his gaze roving over the curves of your waist and hips and down to the plush softness of your thighs. You could almost feel his gaze like a lingering touch as he looked at your body properly for the first time. If you’d had a chance to feel at all insecure about whether he’d like your curves, the way Jake’s pupils blew wide with lust would’ve quelled it. 

Jake spent long moments simply looking at you and, after you’d taken your own moment to get your fill of him before he’d noticed you in the parking lot, you tried to be patient. But the way your body was responding to just Jake’s eyes on you made you squirm on the bed, your thighs falling open of their own accord in a wordless offering for your favorite trucker. Finally, your impatience won out.

“Now that you’ve got me in your truck,��� you murmured in a husky purr, smiling seductively when Jake’s eyes met yours again. “What do you plan on doing with me?” You shifted your shoulders, letting your jacket slip down your arms in a way that you hoped was enticing enough to make him want to rip it off you entirely.

Jake’s eyes darted to your bare shoulders then back to your face before he moved from his seat, prowling toward you in a way that looked more predatory than you would’ve expected from your sweet and friendly trucker. The intensity of his gaze on you sent a thrill through your body that only heightened as he eased closer, his hands sliding beneath your jacket to grab your hips roughly. 

Holding your gaze captive with his own, Jake eased you down onto your back until you were laying in his bed, his big body covering yours. Your lungs were struggling for air, little panting breaths slipping past your lips as you followed Jake’s lead, a part of you surprised by how easy it was to give in to your favorite trucker’s whims. But you trusted him—you trusted him in a way that was probably unwise, and it occurred to you yet again that being with your trucker could lead to serious trouble for you.

But then you were laying down in Jake’s soft bed, his broad shoulders and beautiful blue eyes blocking out the rest of the world, and your worries miraculously faded—helped by the fact that Jake decided to finally answer your question.

“I’ve thought about this so many times, kitten,” Jake rasped, his tone raw with emotion that had your heart racing in your chest.

There was a vulnerability in Jake’s words, and you couldn’t help but reach for him, cupping his handsome face in your hands. A soft smile played at the edges of your mouth, but it deepened when Jake leaned into your touch, his eyes fluttering closed while he nuzzled into your palms. It took a moment for him to gather his thoughts enough to continue. 

“I’ve thought about getting you in my bed so many times, I can barely believe this is real,” Jake mumbled, the words sounding like they were wrenched straight from his heart. You could feel your own heart thump in response, a little bit of fear trickling through your body that you decided to ignore. “I plan to do everything with you kitten,” Jake murmured, opening his eyes and pinning you with his fervent gaze. “But most of all, I plan to keep you.”

Your breath froze in your lungs at Jake’s pronouncement, and fear flooded your heart. It was on the tip of your tongue to tell Jake it was impossible—he couldn’t keep you, not while you still worked at Diesel Dolls. Not while Mr. Drysdale still owned you.

Your entire livelihood was dependent on Mr. Drysdale and Diesel Dolls. He was the only one who’d hired you when you’d come to town. And, despite all his faults, Mr. Drysdale paid well—well enough that you could support yourself. If Jake jeopardized your job at Diesel Dolls, you’d have to become dependent on him to take care of you, and you didn’t know yet if he was the kind of man who’d do that, though the part of you that was falling love with him told you that he would.

It surprised you—and scared you—how much you wanted to give your heart and soul and everything to Jake. You yearned for him in a way you never had for any other man. You felt almost desperate for your favorite trucker to be true to his word, to keep you and take care of you and make you his in every possible way. 

But you had too much sense to let yourself fall into Jake’s arms completely just yet. So you reminded yourself that your life was not a fairytale, and Jake wasn’t your prince charming. No matter how much you might want him to be. Jake was a trucker, and if you knew one thing about truckers, it was that eventually, they always leave. It wasn’t worth risking your entire life for the chance of a happily ever after with him, even if your heart yearned for it.

So, while you wanted to believe Jake meant what he said—that he was going to keep you—you simply couldn’t allow yourself to. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy the time you had with him, no matter how brief it would have to be. Pulling him down for a soft kiss, you murmured against his lips.

“Do anything you want with me,” you whispered, eagerly giving your body to your favorite trucker, even as you held back from giving him your heart. “Wanna feel your cock inside me so bad, please, Jake,” you begged, muffling a whimper as you kissed his jaw.  

If Jake knew you were holding part of yourself back, he didn’t show it. Instead, he captured your lips in a fierce kiss, his hands roaming all over your body, ripping off your jacket and tossing it into the front seat. As his tongue plunged into your mouth, he tugged off the rest of your clothes, leaving you bare beneath him before he pulled away to yank his shirt off over his head.

The movement knocked Jake’s glasses askew and you giggled at the sight of him, leaning up to nip at his jaw to stop yourself from calling him cute again. He huffed an impatient laugh and took his glasses off, tucking them into a compartment above your head. 

Even in the dim light of the backseat, Jake was still so attractive it took your breath away just looking at him. You couldn’t help yourself from pulling his face close to yours so you could kiss him sweetly. 

“So handsome, Jakey,” you murmured against his mouth, wanting so badly to tell him how much you liked him. You settled for wrapping your legs around his hips and grinding your bare core against the bulge in his jeans. “Look so fucking hot with glasses,” you said, pausing only to kiss him again before continuing, “and just as hot without them.”

Jake chuckled huskily, his hips pressing into yours to grind his bulge against your cunt, making you gasp while he kissed along your jaw. “What happened to calling me cute?” he murmured teasingly, nipping at the lobe of your ear and laughing again when you squirmed beneath him.

“You’re still cute,” you admitted on a gasp, humping against Jake from under his large body, trying desperately to get the friction you needed against your sopping wet pussy. “And handsome and hot and—god you’re everything, Jakey,” you cried, your desire driving you to grind harder against him, your body writhing like a cat in heat. “I need you, please!”

“Alright, alright,” Jake rumbled placatingly, easing your hips back down against the bed and untangling your legs from around his hips so he could undo his jeans. 

The loss of contact made you whine impatiently, and if need wasn’t blazing through you so hotly you would’ve wondered about what Jake had reduced you to—a needy creature so desperate for him that you were whining—but you didn’t care, you just wanted him. Jake kissed your cheek to mollify you while he fumbled with his jeans.

“Fuck, kitten,” he rasped, pressing his forehead to yours and taking a deep breath to settle his shaking hands. “I’ve never met a woman who wanted me so bad.”

An anger you didn’t want to analyze too closely surged through your body at Jake’s statement. Wrapping your arms around his shoulders, you buried your hands in his hair and pressed hot kisses to his cheeks, his temple, his forehead, anywhere you could reach.

“All the women you’ve met are fucking idiots then,” you snarled, tugging Jake’s head to the side so you could kiss down the strong column of his neck. It wasn’t like you to say such things about other women, but you couldn’t even fathom not wanting Jake with a desperation that clawed through your body. Before you could stop yourself, your lips latched onto Jake’s neck and you began sucking on his skin, intent on leaving your mark on your favorite trucker.

“Fuck, jesus fuck,” Jake groaned, shuddering at the feeling of you sucking on his neck. His hands were shaking again, but he managed to push his jeans and boxers down, kicking them off as fast as he could manage in the tight confines of the backseat. 

Then, finally, his cock was free, and you reached for it eagerly with a familiarity that came from sucking him off so many times in the glory holes at Diesel Dolls. You stroked him with an eagerness like greeting an old friend, reacquainting yourself with the part of Jake’s body you knew best. His cock was just as perfect as always and all the desires you’d felt earlier that night came rushing back.

“Wanna worship your cock with my mouth, Jakey,” you murmured in his ear, your fingers stroking his stiff length slowly, teasingly, pausing briefly to smack your pussy with the tip and making both of your groan in pleasure. “You have the most perfect cock I’ve ever seen,” you confessed in a breathy whisper, your lips pressing kisses to Jake’s neck just beneath his ear. “I wanna kiss you and lick you and suck you and make out with your balls, Jakey, god, I could spend hours just playing with your cock.”

Jake’s full body shuddered again, and you smirked against his neck, breathing in the fresh, clean scent of your favorite trucker and feeling yourself get wetter for him. But then Jake was pushing up and tilting his face to yours, capturing your lips in a searing kiss that stole your breath and stilled your hand.

“You have the hottest mouth, kitten,” Jake murmured when he pulled away, his hand cupping your cheek and dragging his thumb over your lower lip. 

You sucked his finger into your mouth and bobbed your head a little while staring up at him, hoping he’d see how eager you were and let you move down his body and worship him the way he deserved.

Instead, Jake’s other hand knocked yours away from his cock, fisting himself while you whined and pouted around his thumb. He chuckled, removing his thumb from your mouth so he could kiss you again.

“You can suck me off another time,” he promised, rubbing the tip of his dick between your soaked folds and making you shiver beneath him. “I gotta feel your cunt or I’m gonna go fucking crazy.” His voice lowered to a deep rumble, his words only turning you on more, as impossible as that seemed. “Gotta know if your pussy feels as good as I’ve always imagined.”

“Jakey, please,” you cried breathlessly, digging your knees into his sides and tilting your hips up to try to take his cock into your weeping hole. “Need you, need you,” you mumbled, humping against the tip of Jake’s dick, until a thought crashed into your mind. 

You’d never fucked anyone—at Diesel Dolls or in your personal life—without a condom. And you’d never forgotten to ask your partner to put one on. But you’d been about to take Jake’s bare cock into your unprotected cunt without even a second thought. 

It was chilling to realize just how much Jake affected you. You froze, your body tensing and pulling away as much as you could when you were laying beneath Jake in the small cot in the backseat of his truck.

Immediately, Jake took notice of your retreat, and he paused above you.

“What’s wrong?” he asked worriedly, pushing up on his arms so he could see your face fully. There was so much concern in his expression that you had to look away, reflexively shying away from the emotion in his gaze. You stared at his shoulder as you asked a question of your own.

“Do you want to use a condom?” you asked, forcing out the words in a rush, hoping Jake didn’t hear the insecurity in your voice. You knew some men thought you were ‘dirty’ because of your profession—you’d had more than enough of them say as much to your face—so you wanted to give Jake the option in case he later regretted not using protection with you. 

The part of you that liked Jake (which was growing by the minute), wanted to believe he didn’t think that way about you. After all, he’d met you in the glory holes at the back of Diesel Dolls, and had made you feel safe and respected even when there was a plywood wall between you. But you knew too well from experience that even if a man knew what you did for work, even if he’d visited you at Diesel Dolls, he might still secretly think of you in a certain way.

So you held your breath, cautious hope in your heart as you waited for Jake’s response to your question. 

He blinked once, then twice, his lips parted and his expression adorably confused while he processed your words. He even glanced down your bodies to see his bare cock resting against your pussy, and you weren’t certain what was going through his head, but you desperately wanted to know. When his gaze met yours again, he still looked concerned.

“Do you want to use a condom, kitten?” Jake asked, an anxious note in his tone. “Because I’ll find one if you do.” His eyes searched yours, but you were too stunned to respond because you’d realized something. Something life-altering.

Jake was the only man who ever asked you what you wanted. 

Maybe there had been others, long ago, before Diesel Dolls, but if there were, you couldn’t remember them. Jake was the first man in a long time to ask you what you wanted to do, if you wanted to use a condom. An overwhelming and terrifying emotion surged through your body, tying your tongue and rendering you speechless. 

Thankfully, Jake’s anxiousness at your silence prompted him to keep talking. He dropped his voice low, his expression going serious as he stared into your eyes. 

“If you want to know what I want, I thought I made myself clear earlier,” he rumbled, working his hips in tiny little circles that had his hard length slipping between your drenched folds and grinding lightly against your clit. “I don’t want anything between us—I want all of you, including your hot cunt wrapped around my bare cock.” 

A gasp fell from your lips as you tossed your head back, your eyes squeezing shut to quell the tears that were threatening to spill down your cheeks. “Jakey, yes, I want it—please,” you moaned in a broken, hoarse voice. Heat rose to your cheeks and, despite how turned on you were, you managed to feel a little embarrassed by how much emotion was in your voice when you said his name. Still, you couldn’t help the need you felt, and you pulled him close, feeling like nothing would be close enough. 

Jake dug his arms into the bed beneath your back, crushing you to his chest as he shifted his hips, lining up his cock with your hole and beginning to sink in while he shushed you. “I’m right here, kitten, ‘m not going anywhere,” he murmured soothingly in your ear. 

Your heart thudded in your chest and you were filled with an uneasy trepidation even as your legs spread wider around Jake’s broad body to take his cock deep into your cunt. You believed Jake. You believed he wasn’t going anywhere, and that scared you. But you didn’t have room in your mind to deal with that fear, not when he was sliding inside you, stretching your pussy to accomodate his thick length and pushing all your worries to the wayside. 

“Feel so good, kitten,” Jake rumbled in your ear when he bottomed out inside you. His lips found your neck and kissed your delicate skin, making you whimper for him. “Feels like you were made for me, like you were made to be mine, all mine.” He rocked his hips gently, fucking you in firm, short thrusts that you felt in the depths of your soul.

Jake’s words and the way he was fucking you—like he was making love to you—was too much. You wanted so badly to be his, to let yourself fall in love with him, but you knew it couldn’t be and that knowledge made you so despondent, you felt like you could cry. But you didn’t want to ruin the moment, so instead you pushed on Jake’s shoulder, urging him to roll onto his back. 

He did as you asked, rolling your bodies until he was laying flat on his back and you were straddling his hips, his cock still lodged deep inside you. The ceiling of the truck was high enough that you could sit up, so you did, pushing on Jake’s pecs to put some distance between you and your favorite trucker. You began to ride him with practiced movements, taking the opportunity to watch Jake. 

Your favorite trucker looked deliciously devastated beneath you, his blue eyes glazing over as you rose up and sank down on his fat dick. His soft lips were parted, his chest heaving with heavy breaths as you worked your hips in tiny circles, clenching down on his length and fucking him like the pro that you were. 

Jake stared at you like you were a goddess come to life and he’d be more than happy to bow at your feet, a dazed look of pleasure in his eyes as they roamed over your body. His gaze drifted down from your face, watching your tits bounce for him, then fixating on where your bodies joined. You could feel his gaze everywhere he looked, your body lighting up at his attention, which only made you ride him harder.

“Look so beautiful riding my cock, kitten,” Jake rumbled, seemingly having found his tongue. His hands fumbled over your body, gripping your hips and then your ass like he couldn’t decide which he wanted to touch more, squeezing you anywhere he could. “And you feel so fucking good—fuck, kitten, I want to keep you on my cock forever, just sitting pretty and keeping my cock warm while I’m driving, fuck, even when I’m sleeping.”

“Mm, Jake, don’t threaten me with a good time,” you murmured huskily, planting your hands on his chest and using the leverage to bounce your ass on his cock. You knew from past experience it made men lose their minds, and Jake was no different. 

His jaw clenched and his hands pawed at your plush curves, his eyes rolling back in his head as he let out a groan that sounded like he was being tortured. “Fuck, fuck, kitten, you feel so fucking good,” Jake rambled, his tongue loosening the closer he got to coming. “Your cunt feels better than I ever could’ve imagined, ‘m gonna come so hard in your pretty little kitty.”

“Do it, Jake,” you urged, even though a part of you didn’t want your first time with Jake to be over so soon. But you knew it was better this way. You’d get him off and make some excuse to leave and you could go home and get yourself off while Jake’s come was still leaking from your pussy. “Fill me up, wanna feel you flood my little hole with your come.”

“Oh fuck,” Jake groaned, his hands gripping your hips hard enough to bruise as he held you and fucked up into you so furiously, you would’ve lost your balance if he hadn’t been holding on to you. “You’re perfect, you’re perfect, I—god, I love you, kitten.”

Every muscle in your body froze and you sucked in a sharp gasp at Jake’s confession, your mouth falling open in shock as you stared down at your favorite trucker. 

Men had said those words to you before. They’d whispered them into plywood walls while you sucked their cocks and moaned other girls’ names. They’d murmured them into your ear while you gave them a lap dance, promising you jewelry and bigger tips if you broke the rules and let them fuck you. They’d confessed them to you in a bid to keep you in relationships that were toxic. 

But you’d never heard them from a man who treated you with as much respect as Jake did. You’d never heard them from a man you wanted to hear them from. And god, you’d wanted Jake to say those words—maybe not so soon, but eventually—because you knew you were falling in love with him. And the fact that he’d said it meant he’d made it real.

And you were fucking terrified. 

Even with how close Jake was to coming, he felt the change in you immediately. For a moment, he just looked at you, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath, his cock still hard inside you. As he watched you, you got the distinct impression he could see how scared you were of those three little words he’d said. 

Trying to conceal your fear with anger, you contorted your face into a scowl and hissed, “Don’t say that to me.” 

Jake sat up at once, one of his arms banding around your back to hold you in place while the other cupped your face, his thumb tilting your chin up so he could pin you in place with the intensity of his gaze. 

“Do you think I didn’t mean it?” he asked, his voice gentle and gruff.

With his blue eyes piercing yours, it was difficult to lie, but you managed. “I’m sure you only meant it because I was riding your dick better than any other woman you’ve ever been with,” you spit out with far more bravado than you felt. 

Jake’s expression shifted and he almost—almost—looked angry. His grip on your chin tightened, though not anywhere near enough to hurt. His hand was firm, unyielding in a way you’d never seen from Jake before. 

“I’ve been in love with you since the first time you called me Jakey and told me I have a perfect dick,” he said, his tone daring you to challenge him. “I’ve loved you since before I saw this pretty face for the first time, kitten, and I know you feel something for me, too.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, everything in your body telling you to flee, but Jake was holding you too tight so you huffed an exasperated sigh and rolled your eyes at your favorite trucker, pretending to be annoyed with him. 

“How d’you know I don’t tell everyone they have a perfect cock?” you asked in a nonchalant tone, your eyes cutting away from Jake’s as you shrugged. “Maybe I tell all my johns that so they’ll tip me better.

Jake’s expression softened, a grin spreading across his face, like he was amused by your antics. “And do you tell all your johns that you fantasize about their cocks while you touch yourself?” Jake asked, his tone almost teasing. “Do you finger yourself while you think about your other johns—or is it just me, kitten?”

Your mind flashed back to earlier that evening when Jake had visited you at the glory holes in Diesel Dolls and you’d been so turned on by him, you’d gotten yourself off while you sucked his cock. You’d never done that before, and you knew it was entirely because you were so attracted to Jake, even when you’d only known his cock. The fact that he was real and handsome and inside you made it impossible to ignore how much you desired him, your body squirming as need crashed through you.

Though you’d barely moved, Jake could feel the way you squirmed in his arms and he chuckled. “Mm, I thought so,” he rumbled, responding like you’d answered his question, which you supposed you had, in a way. He pressed his face close to yours and held you so you were forced to look at him, because he was all you could see. “You don’t need to say the words back to me, kitten,” he murmured, his tone so sweet and gentle, it inexplicably made you want to cry. “But I know you feel it.”

God help you, but Jake was right. You were falling in love with the ridiculous trucker, and it seemed there was nothing you could do about it. Tears filled your eyes and threatened to spill down your cheeks. It was so tremendously frightening to open your heart to Jake, even when you weren’t thinking about everything in your life that would endeavor to keep you apart. Your throat felt tight with emotion, like you were choking on all the feelings you didn’t want to feel. 

“Jakey,” was all you could manage to get past your lips. Thankfully, you didn’t need to say more because Jake covered your mouth with his own, kissing you so hard it stole the breath from your lungs. Your hips squirmed as heat flooded through you, the aching need of having Jake’s cock buried inside you becoming too difficult to ignore. 

Instead of letting you ride him more, Jake flipped your bodies until you were pinned beneath his larger one, swallowing your gasp as he began fucking you like he had when you’d first begun, in slow, firm thrusts. When you wrenched your lips from his, gulping down much-needed air, he didn’t let you pull too far away.

“Love it when you call me Jakey, kitten,” he rumbled, in between peppering your face with kisses, his goatee tickling your skin, “’cause I know it means you love me.” 

It felt like he was everywhere—his arms holding you tight to his chest, his lips pressing against every inch of your skin he could reach, his thick cock stretching your tight little cunt. He was overwhelming in the best way possible, and you let yourself give in to the moment, crying out, “Jakey, Jakey,” as he fucked you even after what he’d said about it meaning you loved him. 

The tip of Jake’s cock hit a spot deep inside you that had you moaning and clenching around him, and he groaned at the feel of your body squeezing his dick. He shifted his position slightly and made sure he hit that spot over and over again, until you felt like you were the one unraveling beneath your favorite trucker. 

“That’s it, good girl, take your Jakey’s cock,” he growled, his teeth nipping at your ear and your neck as he fucked you harder, feeling the way you twitched with pleasure in his arms. “Look so fucking gorgeous creaming on my cock—the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and you’re all fucking mine, isn’t that right, kitten?”

Your heart pounded in your chest, willing your lips to say yes, but all you could manage was a litany of your favorite trucker’s name, crying “Jakey, Jakey, Jakey.” You could feel the pleasure in your body coiling tight, and you knew it wouldn’t be long before Jake made you come. It felt better than you ever imagined, being with him, and you wanted it to last forever.

You could feel Jake’s smirk against your cheek and then his face was hovering above yours, his blue eyes nearly black with how wide his pupils had blown with arousal. It made him look nothing like the friendly trucker you’d met in the parking lot, but you wouldn’t trade in this unleashed side of Jake for anything. He wasn’t cute anymore, but he was so scorching hot, you thought you might come just from the way he was looking at you like you were his whole world.

“You gonna come, kitten?” he asked, his lightly teasing words at odds with the brutal way he was fucking you, his cock pounding into that delicious spot deep inside your cunt, his pelvic bone grinding against your clit every time he bottomed out inside you. “Gonna come all over the cock of the man who loves you? Gonna let the man who loves you come deep in your perfect cunt?” 

Jake’s words were your undoing. The tension in your body snapped as your release crashed over you, pleasure consuming every part of your being as you screamed your trucker’s name, “Jakey!” Your body trembled, your hands fumbling against Jake’s shoulders as you tried to cling to him, but he wasn’t done with you yet.

“That’s it, that’s a good girl,” Jake muttered, his hips rutting into you as he chased his own release while drawing yours out. “Ya look so fucking pretty coming on my cock, kitten—the prettiest girl in the world, gonna make me come, gonna make me come so hard your tight, perfect pussy.” He captured your lips in a kiss, breaking away a moment later to grunt, “Fuck, fuck, you’re mine, kitten, all fucking mine.” 

You felt Jake’s hips stutter against yours and then he pressed deep. His cock twitched inside you, and you knew he was flooding your pussy with his come, that thought making you moan deliriously. You pulled Jake down for a messy, sloppy kiss as you rode out your releases together, your cunt clenching around his cock to milk every drop of his seed into your pussy. 

You writhed together for so long that Jake began to shudder from the overstimulation, and he collapsed on top of you, forcing you to stop while he moaned in your ear. Even still, you kept your legs hooked around his waist, refusing to let him go. His heavy weight was crushing you a little, but you didn’t mind as you stroked your fingertips up and down hi spine.

Eventually, both of you settled, and Jake rolled onto his side, dragging you with him. He hitched your leg over his hip to keep your bodies connected, seemingly just as reluctant as you were to pull away from where you were joined together. 

But the realities of the world burrowed back into your mind, reminding you that no matter how much Jake loved you—and no matter how much you were falling in love with him—any relationship between the two of you was an impossibility. 

If Mr. Drysdale found out you’d fucked one of the truckers that comprised Diesel Dolls’ clientele, there would be consequences. Even if you weren’t fired, you didn’t want to learn what punishment Mr. Drysdale would come up with to make sure you never saw Jake again. There’d be no way for you to have a relationship with your favorite trucker, even a secret one, since secrets had a way of coming out at Diesel Dolls.

Once you’d caught your breath and thoroughly freaked yourself out with your thoughts about the consequences of your actions, you sighed softly and began to extricate yourself from Jake. “I should go,” you murmured, but the moment you tried to pull away, Jake pulled you in tighter against his chest. There was a light dusting of hair coving his pecs and you couldn’t help but nuzzle deeper into the warmth and fuzziness of him.

Jake chuckled. “Do you really think I’m done with you already, kitten?” he asked teasingly, dropping a kiss to the top of your head. “I’ve wanted to get you in my arms and on my cock for months,” he said, his dick twitching inside you as he began to harden again. “I’m not letting you go just yet.” He nudged your face up to look at him, a little bit of vulnerability swirling in his blue eyes as he whispered, “Stay the night. Please.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the way Jake said ‘please’, like he would be heartbroken if you didn’t stay. At that moment, you realized just how much trouble you were in. It would break your heart to hurt Jake, but there was no way things didn’t end with one of you hurting the other. Either you’d hurt Jake by choosing your job over him or he’d hurt you by leaving. It was an impossible situation.

Jake seemed to sense your reluctance, and he kissed you softly, putting his heart into the slide of his lips against yours. “Let me take care of you, kitten,” he murmured. 

You knew he was referring to sex, but a part of you suspected he meant more than that, too. You sucked in a soft gasp, wanting to believe he really wanted to take care of you, all of you, all of the time. But it was so difficult to believe. If you gave yourself to Jake fully, he’d have to really take care of you, forever. And you didn’t know if he was willing or capable of that. 

It wasn’t like Jake was some sort of prince charming who’d whisk you off your feet and carry you off into the sunset. This was real life, and he was a trucker. One day he’d leave, and, odds were, he wouldn’t be taking you with him. It wasn’t like he was asking you to let him take care of you for the rest of your life.

But if all he was asking for was one night, you could give him that. It was only one night, after all.

“Ok,” you murmured, kissing Jake sweetly, twining your fingers in his blond hair and rocking your body against his, fucking yourself on his cock. “I’m yours for tonight, Jakey.” 

You could feel Jake’s grin against your lips, and feel his happiness in the way he squeezed you tight. His elation was heady and you almost got lost in it, imagining yourself leaving with Jake when he went back out on the road. 

You pictured Jake rescuing you from Mr. Drysdale, fighting for you when your boss from Diesel Dolls inevitably protested you leaving. You imagined fitting perfectly into Jake’s life as a trucker, and eventually becoming his sweet little wife. You imagined being his princess while he was your prince charming.

But it was all a fantasy, and you knew that. You weren’t some princess locked in a tower by a wicked witch, and Jake wasn’t your prince charming. But for one night, you could pretend. What harm could it do.

trucker king masterlist

[cinnamonest]

gaahhhh imagine gf reader trying to calm delinquent childe and get him to NOT traumatize and scar new boys coming to their school or later when in college when they need to interact with others more by being as nice and sweet as possible and giving him want he wants (attention, pussy and love). And they almost get like this bartering system and it doesn't help when childe slowly gets a hint that she might be trying to protect these guys- in which case, comes the step of trying to placate him again and convince him this is for his sake and not theirs after getting her own ass beaten by him and fucked to the point she thinks of amping the Pill intake or smthng

(Follow-up to this post)

I’ve been thinking about that AU again for a while, hear me out

Because, see, once you become “official,” he somehow gets worse, something you wouldn’t have even thought possible.

Your life doesn't actually change that much, it’s more that his presence just becomes so utterly and completely inescapable. You used to at least be able to retreat to the comfort of home after school, now you don’t even have that — he’s either forcing his way into your house or dragging you back to his, depending on which has the parents gone, so you can do stuff… or if neither works, he’ll drive you off to some of the nearby abandoned, empty parking lots instead.

He's very vocal about what he now perceives as an “official” relationship. Very touchy in public, even in a school setting. His actual behaviors don't change much — he still steals your things and dangles them over your head, startles you with loud noises, taunts you and humiliates you at every opportunity… now he just does it with extra enthusiasm, like it makes him even more excited than it did before. And you like it, he knows you do. And at this point you've given up on getting the cigarette stench out of everything you own — your clothes, your bed, your car, even your hair. Ugh.

But he becomes so very on-edge, far more aggressive than ever before towards the rest of the male student populace. He’s definitely got a major cheating paranoia, like so many young guys, where he’s so ready to jump to that conclusion over everything. You didn’t respond to him for a while, what were you doing? Why are you smiling at your phone, who are you talking to?

Before, he was a source of frustration and anger and misery, but you never really felt scared the way he often makes you feel now. He was mean, a bully, but he was smiley and clearly deriving amusement from it — a contrast to the sudden serious glare and cold, dark tone and expression when he gets mad, when he grabs you so hard you can’t pull away and demands a minute-by-minute play of the day for the duration of time he couldn’t be glued to your side. It takes an alarming amount of reassurance to calm him down.

You do essentially end up bartering with sex. If you’re lucky, and he’s not too upset, you can just distract him from whatever is making him mad with kisses and smiles and a few reassuring words. But in most cases, you’ll at least have to take your clothes off to really appease him and calm him down, and usually have to spend the rest of the day giving him your completely undivided attention. Giving him lots of cuddles and kisses and pussy and head and affection and all that, just for him, to prove you really only care about him, no interruptions. Even answering texts from your friends and family will have him scowling and sulking again. Why are they more important to you than he is? Do you really even care about him at all, when you’re so easily distracted?

And oh, the moment you try and defend some poor boy, have the audacity to try and get him to not hurt someone, it’s over for you. Nothing sets him off faster.

Rather, it comes in stages — he gets mad, hauls you off somewhere alone if you’re in front of people, holds you by the jaw as you struggle and writhe and asks in some mixture of bewilderment and frustration why you’re doing that. Why would you be upset that he’s protecting you? Why are you mad at him for beating them up? Do you care about them? If you don’t like them, why concern yourself with what happens to them?

If you keep reassuring him, he’ll calm down, but if you keep insisting that he can’t be violent, he gets whiny, petulant, grumbly… and most importantly, he just ignores you and does what he wants anyway. Even if it upsets you, it’s not like that's going to stop him. He just blows off anything you say, completely inconsiderate of your feelings on things.

Even then, sometimes, the situation gets bad. Times where you can’t just calm him down, because you did something exceptionally bad — you fell asleep and didn’t answer him for hours, or you very clearly talked to that guy, he knows, he heard the whole thing, or someone told him (at this point, some of the other students have started telling him they saw you talking to someone or hugging some guy or something to set him off for their own amusement).

Those incidents are the worst — late-night explosive episodes where you’re interrogated on why you spoke with someone or the texts on your phone, as you flail and whimper and claw at the hand on your neck while you desperately try to defend yourself. Those are the times where you genuinely start to feel scared. But even then, with enough effort and appeasing and sex, it’s resolvable... though you may end up with some bruises across your body, or in a few cases, your neck and face... you can just both skip school and stay in bed all day until it's gone. Other people would get the wrong idea if they saw it, they wouldn't understand. As long as you comply with what he wants, it's easily resolved.

Until, one day, you cross a line.

You're just so sick of it all, deep into yet another long argument over him really badly hurting some poor kid who did nothing wrong, and in the frustration of the moment, the words come out of your mouth.

You say you’re leaving him. That you want to break up.

You regret your words, of course, the second they leave your mouth. Even before you see the stages of reaction play out on his face — a second or two of blinking in dumbfounded, blank shock, and the way his expression turns dark — you feel your gut twist in panic.

And you try to sputter out some apology, to backtrack, to say you didn’t mean it, but your feet have already left the ground, you’re already flailing and grasping at the hand wrapped around your throat and hoisting you into the air, before you can even get a full sentence out.

You don’t get to do that to me.

His grip gets tighter with those words. It’s quiet and cold — you’re pretty sure it’s the first time you’ve ever heard him speak quietly, for that matter, but you're too preoccupied with panic to reflect on that.

But you don’t mean it. He knows that. You just said something stupid because you wanted to make him mad. You just wanted to get his attention. You’re being manipulative, trying to control him with threats. You’re being a really bad girlfriend.

You don’t mean it. You’re not being serious. You just said it to get a reaction.

Right?

And see, you nod so vigorously, and you even have tears streaming down your face as you choke and gag. You must feel guilty for saying something so mean. Everyone says things they regret in arguments, right? Just the heat of the moment makes people say stupid things. But as long as you feel guilty, he can forgive you.

You crumple forward on shaky legs when you’re dropped down, more of less falling into him, hands grasping at his shirt — how cute, you’re trying to get reassurance now. You stiffen and shiver at the embrace you’re enveloped by, the arms that wrap around your frame.

...You know, you'll need to figure out something for your neck. It’s already starting to bruise, and it’s very clearly marks from fingers wrapped around… you’ll have to cover it up, you wouldn’t want your parents thinking he’s a bad person or anything.

But’s okay. He’s mature enough to forgive you and move on. And so long as you give him more attention and makeup sex all night, he’ll pretend it didn’t happen… for his own sake too. Just never ever ever say something like that again, and he won't hurt you... not too badly, at least.

[bloodywickedvamp]

Two's Company - What The Hell Is Six? Part 3

Poly!Lost Boys x GN Reader x Michael

Series Masterlist

Summary: It's date night

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: swearing, touching, angst, arguments, flirting, lil kiss

I really cannot believe it took me so long to finish part 3 like...where did the time go?? It was almost an entire year...I just struggled to find the motivation but I finally did! Not sure if this is even good it's so late when I finished writing lol, hope you enjoy!

Dividers: @saradika & @firefly-graphics

“Okay…I’ll do it.”

“What?” Michael turns towards me and asks bewildered. I can’t blame him, I’m a little shocked by my own acquiescence. 

I tear my gaze from David to Michael and briefly at our fingers laced together before meeting his eyes. 

“I know this isn’t ideal Mikey, but you heard them, they won’t stop. We can talk about this more later, okay? Just trust me.” Squeezing his hand so tight, to help him to understand why I’m doing this. Why I didn’t have a choice other than to accept their ‘offer’. To protect him from whatever they’re truly capable of. If I said no, they’d take it out on Michael, I know they would. 

He takes a moment to respond. Taking me in from top to bottom and squeezing back a non-verbal response before speaking. With more understanding than I initially thought he’d be capable of granting, he nods, brings our hands up to his lips to ghost them over my knuckles and finally lets out a soft 'okay' with a gentle smile only meant for me. I mirror the sweetness in his face back, until the moment is interrupted. 

“Well that’s just adorable.” David snorted, all too eager to have our attention not on each other. 

“But if you’re finished I’d like to get back to the date you just agreed to.” He directed impatiently. 

“Fine, but there are some ground rules we need to establish first.” I said.

“Oh?” questioned David. He seemed amused by my answer, curiosity slipping through at what I could possibly come up with. 

“First, no kissing or inappropriate touching-”

Paul cut me off to complain, “damn babe, those are all my go-to moves.”

Dwayne swiftly takes it upon himself to reprimand the wild blonde with an elbow to the side and a ‘shut up Paul’. While said blonde untangles his arm from the taller man's shoulders to soothe his aching side with a look of exasperation, like he’d been completely put out by the interaction. 

“Ow, I was only kinda kidding. You can’t hit me like that man, you know I'm sensitive.” He croaked out in a very childlike manner accompanied by a pouty bottom lip. I wouldn’t be surprised if he actually got into the fetal position next with how dramatic of a person he seemed to be. In a different circumstance I would’ve found the exchange funny and how close the two are adorable. 

Instead of dwelling, I decided to continue. “Second, we won’t be going anywhere private, we’ll be in public the whole time. Third, no threatening or hurting Michael for any reason. No matter what happens on our ‘date’ you don’t get to do anything to him.” Emphasizing date with a quick eye roll. I may have agreed to this but I don’t have to be happy about it. 

Michael let out a small chuckle from my right before he leaned down to whisper in my ear “My hero.” I try my best to hold back the smile threatening to sneak its way past my serious demeanor but it’s useless and I crack. I can never seem to hold myself back when it comes to Michael, he pulls every part of me to the forefront, good or bad, he always embraces it with open arms and a warm smile. 

“Is that all or do you have any more demands princex?” Marko piped in, once again directing our attention towards the boys in front of us. 

“That’s all for now, but if I think of any more I’ll be sure to let you know promptly.” I finish with faux nicety and the sweetest smile I can muster. 

Pulling a sarcastic laugh from him followed by an even more sarcastic “Can’t wait.” 

It seems Marko and I will be having the most lively time together on our date, if we don’t kill each other first. 

This time, I hear a genuine laugh come from the same curly headed boy. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

I’m baffled at the comment. His joyous response sounded like it was directed at my previous thought, one I definitely thought to myself and didn’t voice aloud. 

“Wait, I didn’t say anything. How-”

Paul decides to answer me first. “We've got all kinds of tricks we can show you baby”, with an additional cheeky grin thrown my way. 

While David finishes with a “but we’ll save that for next time. We’ll meet back here tomorrow night where we usually park the bikes, right after sunset. Don’t be late.” He looks between Michael and I as the quartet begin to make their leave. Each boy giving their own version of a goodbye with waves and ‘catch ya laters’ till they’ve vanished from underneath the boardwalk back towards the stairs. 

“So…we should probably get home and maybe figure out what the hell you just agreed to.” Michael announces after a bout of silence following the departure. 

After Michael drives us back home, he seems to be in a better mood than I expected. He’s acting like his old self again, not letting go of my hand or some part of my body since we arrived. The truth coming out makes him much more at ease, which I can appreciate. The rest of the family noticed his sudden presence at the dinner table with stunned expressions, Sam even commenting ‘what were you dying for moms lasagna or something bud?’ as Lucy shoo’s that off with a wave of her hand and says she’s happy to see everyone together again for dinner with a beaming smile along her face, quickly changing the topic to grandpa’s aversion to giving him an overdue haircut.

Later on, Michael and I found ourselves in the bedroom we share. After a lengthy discussion of the night to come and having to only calm him down a couple of times from leaving to find the boys again and telling them to fuck off, we agree on sticking it out just for tomorrow. After the dates I tell them it won’t work and we can put this mess behind us, hopefully. The matter of Michael being a bloodthirsty creature of the night has yet to be discussed. 

“I still don’t like this plan, just so we’re clear.” He proceeds to tell me one final time as we start to lay down to sleep with a few hours of darkness left cloaking the sky before dawn breaks. 

“We don’t have any other options…unless one of your new special tricks includes time travel to before you met them.” I jokingly tack on as I cuddle further into his side. 

He releases a light chuckle while rubbing my back soothingly. “Sadly no, that’s not in my abilities.” 

“It’ll be okay.” I say, not certain if it’s more for his sake or my own. He silently agrees with a kiss to my forehead and a soft goodnight as we both fall asleep in the comfort of this small window of time we have together. 

Michael and I silently wake up just hours before we would need to leave, having mostly slept the day away together. As dusk quickly approaches, getting ready seemed an easier task than I initially anticipated. He showers after me and dresses in his usual attire of blue jeans, t-shirt, sneakers, and his newly acquired leather jacket that I can’t help but start to like the more I see him in it. While I put on a nice tank top, black jean shorts, and sneakers, dressing fairly casual but also something I would wear on a date with Michael. My outfit showed a bit more skin due to the heat. 

He gives me a once over before asking ‘Is that new?’ as he points to my top. I nod with a look of ‘yeah why?’ and he only shakes his head back before answering, “nothing, you just look nice…and not to sound like a jealous boyfriend but…I can’t say i’m happy seeing you wear something new for them.” 

“Hey I can chan-”

“No.” He stops me before I begin. “Like I said you look good and I’ll just have to get over the fact that they’re getting to be with you tonight and not me, when all I want to do now is rip your outfit to shreds and toss you back in that bed till morning.” He says, as he grabs my hips pulling me into a heated kiss. Only allowing himself to pull back as I’m gasping for air. 

“Very tempting offer.” I breathlessly snicker while running my hands through his thick head of curls. He pulls me back in for one more peck and reluctantly drags me along to the front door so we can head out.

We arrive at the boardwalk and Michael parks his bike exactly where David said they’d be, watching the crowd go by and laughing amongst themselves till we’ve made our way into the group beside them as they take notice. Michael helps me off his bike as we stand in front of them, hands still intertwined. 

David looks at us like it’s cute we’re still trying to hold up some type of front to the situation, and I guess in a way he’s right, they have the upper hand. 

Surprisingly Marko is the first to speak, “And here I thought you were dreading going out with us, but by the looks of that outfit I’d say you were trying to put on a show, feel free to show off even more skin if you’d like.” It takes everything in my body to stay calm because I know that comment is only meant to get a rise out of me. I won’t give him the satisfaction. 

After I take a soothing breath I reply, “It’s hot outside and I’d rather not keel over from overheating, that’s all.” 

He leans closer with a smirk and gives a half-hearted “whatever you say sweetheart”, before leaning back and giggling like school girls about it with Paul. I simply roll my eyes and turn my attention back to David. 

“Let’s go.” He announces to the group as we all start to follow his lead. Dwayne walks in stride with Michael and I, sandwiching me between them, with Marko and Paul tailing behind us. I decide to chance it and look at Dwayne as he leans down towards me, not breaking eye contact for even a moment as we continue to walk. “Don’t let him get to you, he just likes to ruffle feathers. But for what it’s worth, you look lovely.” His lips lift into a half smile, half smirk once he notices the heat rising to my cheeks at the complement. I attempt to brush it off with a quick ‘thanks’ and steal a glance at Michaels now taut jaw and lingering gaze on us. I turn my attention forward as Dwayne’s hand coyly slides up my waist and is gone again before I even have time to register it as he picks up his pace to step in time with David. Michael lets out a scoff and pulls me closer to his side by our joined hands. 

David walked us to a section of restaurants with outdoor seating we could all gather at, choosing a wooden picnic bench for us. Michael and I are sitting on one bench with the two natural blondes and brunette sitting on the other, while David decides to grab a lone chair from a different table and pull it up on the side so he’s seated at the ‘head’ of the table. 

“So how is this going to work exactly? Are we all doing this together or…?” I decide to voice my curiosity before the conversation inevitably gets side tracked or leads to another argument.  

All eyes turn to David as he fills me in. “We’ll each take you out individually - Dwayne’s first.” Nodding his head in the direction of his friend. My own gaze found its way back to his dark brown eyes, that same smile from earlier plastered on. In that moment a wave of familiarity washed over me, like I’ve gotten lost in those eyes a million times before and would continue to do so for as long as I’d be allowed to stare into them. Like how it feels to look into Michaels. 

Michael.

Remembering he’s sitting right next to me I shake the previous thoughts away and proceed to stand to meet Dwayne on the other side so we can get this night started already. 

But I freeze in my tracks as it suddenly occurs to me that Michael will be all alone with the other boys for the rest of the evening, and the thought of him being tormented and teased about this situation he has no control over sends a pang of guilt through me. I decide I have to try and ease some of the tension, if I can. 

“Wait- before we go I have another condition to add.” 

David leans back in his chair with a raised brow, gloved fingers tapping along the table. “Yes?” 

“If this is going to work you can’t be at each other's throats the whole time I'm gone. Michael told me that he barely knows anything about any of you and vice versa, so while I'm on each date the rest of you are going to stay here and get to know each other - like real friends.” 

“What?” 

“I’m serious, you’re not going to sit here all night and fuck with my boyfriend behind my back, I’m not asking.” I try to muster up as much confidence in my words as I'm sure David actually has naturally coursing through him. He only ponders what I've said momentarily before giving a strained smile that doesn’t exactly meet his eyes and mutters out a quick ‘sure’. Looking towards the others that slowly nod along in agreement - even if their faces say otherwise. 

Now feeling better about leaving, I let Dwayne lead the way out of the seating area towards the  crowds of people scattered along the boardwalk for whatever he had planned.

Michael turns back to the remaining boys seated with him after staring daggers into Dwayne's back before the two completely disappear from sight. He speaks up before the others can, to get the ball rolling. “Okay so…where should we start?” He sends them each a questioning glance. 

David stares back with the most incredulous look he can muster, like he couldn’t believe he was actually going through with the ‘getting to know each other idea’. After a minute a mocking smile takes over his face. 

“Yeah…” He draws out. “We’re not doing that.” He says with little room for push back. 

Michael crosses his arms over his chest and nods his head in a similar mocking manner, amused by the reply. “You’ve got a lot to learn, they’ll come back and expect a full report on what we talked about, want specifics to make sure you followed through on your promise.” 

“We’ll make something up.” David again says matter of factly. 

Michael scoffs. “They’ll be able to tell if i’m lying, how do you think I ended up in this situation in the first place? I wasn’t able to keep what you did to me a secret.” The other boys may not want to participate in this but he’d be damned if he got into trouble for not at least trying to play nice. 

“Alright, fine. I particularly enjoyed watching you get your ass chewed out in front of half the boardwalk last night. It was the highlight of my week.” David faux relents, like he’s shared intimate knowledge of himself only few know and pretends as if a weight has been lifted from his shoulders with a content sigh. Stifled giggles from the terror twins echo in the background. 

“You know what, the only one you’re hurting is yourself. Keep it up and they’ll want nothing to do with you. Which will be the highlight of my life.” 

Silence followed Michaels statement as the two were now sat in a heated staring match. The tension in the air rapidly increased as neither one backed down. If looks could kill they’d both be six feet under. Even the blondes, who hadn’t said a word since the conversation began, were forced into an awkward stillness watching the interaction unfold, waiting for the underlying hostility to bubble over. 

Paul decides someone has to try and mediate before this gets any uglier and, more importantly, his turn for a date is possibly soured by the oldest and newest member of their pack coming to blows. In his opinion the best way to deal with this would be to let them fight it out, but he knows the night can’t end with them covered in blood, scratches, and bite marks - unless they’re fucking. 

All eyes are suddenly shifted to Paul as he clears his throat obnoxiously. “Uhhh…my favorite band is Mötley Crüe.” He says with a bright smile, proud that it actually worked since the boys' body languages were all seeming to relax. 

Marko, good naturedly, pats Paul on the back as an ‘attaboy’ for the attempt. 

As Dwayne and I continue walking through the boardwalk I feel one of his hands graze my lower back and rest there. I quickly snatch his wrist and pull it in front of me.

“I said no touching.” I admonish. Before I can drop it, he seizes the opportunity to grab my hand instead. 

“I was only trying to guide you, but you’re right this way is better so we don’t get separated.” 

“Right…” I probably should have put up more of a fight, but the crowd is double the size of last night's and we could easily lose each other. Not that I really believe his reason for wanting to hold my hand is so noble. I let it slide anyways.

We make small talk about movies and music as we venture through different stalls. Anytime he asks me a question I have to mentally prepare myself before answering. His intense gaze makes me apprehensive, it's like he’s enraptured by every word and I’m nervous if what I'm saying is even adequate. He hasn’t been judgemental yet, so I let his deep baritone put me at ease when he responds to something I’ve said. 

He pulls us to a stop in front of an ice cream shop claiming it's the best in town and we should get some. After ordering and him paying for both of ours, we head towards the other side to lean against the railing while we eat. He watches as I dig out a spoonful of the sweet treat to taste. My eyes go wide from the first bite. He wasn’t kidding about how good it is and he seemed proud of himself once I told him exactly that. 

After a few mouthfuls of his own, he silently gestures towards his cup asking if I’d like to try the flavor he had and I nod in agreement. He dips his spoon in and holds it to my mouth for me to try. I squint at it before making eye contact with him and before I can even get a word out he’s anticipated why I won't try it. 

“You’re not cheating on Michael by tasting my ice cream.”

“No, but I’m not trying to swap spit by sharing a spoon.” I decline, while gently pushing his arm towards his own face to eat it and he does so with a chuckle. 

He relents and allows me to try it with my own spoon. I, in turn, make him the same offer with my cup of ice cream. 

Instead, he takes his thumb and swipes it across the corner of my mouth before bringing it back to his own and sucking on the digit. 

“Pretty good.” He says casually.

I’m in shock as my whole body is set aflame from the intimate moment. He grants me a small mercy by not acknowledging how much it affected me. I proceed to eat the rest in silence knowing if I look him in the eye or, god forbid, try and have a conversation after that I’d be a stuttering mess. 

He takes the lead once more by throwing out our trash and grabbing my hand to help me off the railing. 

“Let’s check out a few pop up booths, there might be something there you like.” He says as he walks us in that direction. 

“Like clothes and stuff?” I ask. I haven’t really explored the boardwalk before so I don’t know much about what they have or the best places to shop. 

“Yeah, that’s usually where we pick something up if we need new clothes, that’s where Marko gets all his patches because they’re…cheap.”

“Do you even own a shirt?” I jest. “Because I’ve only ever seen you in just that jacket.”

He looks back at me with amusement in his eyes. 

“I do, but the clean up from a night out is much easier without one.” 

I give him a weary look and he tenses slightly like he said something he probably shouldn’t have. 

“Do I want to know what that means?” 

He shakes his head at me, “no, probably not.” 

“Let’s just keep the conversation light for now.” I suggest, hoping not to dive into anything too heavy. I’ve enjoyed the mostly chill atmosphere so far and hope it can stay that way. 

“Deal”, he says as he gives me a genuine smile as we continue on our way.

🖤 Taglist 🖤

@britany1997 @faefairi3 @princessmads1820 @1nternetvampire @itsyoboysparkel @nataliewalker93 @thelostone91 @misslavenderlady @ursatanicbunny @warrior-616 @charlizekkelly @ghoulgeousimmaculate @sidefanficaccounttohidemyshame @the-faceless-bride @wickedsandwich08 @palomam18 @walt25 @phantomenby @dwaynesbiboyfriend @crustyraccoon @vampirefilmlover @certified-ghostbuster @ofmenanduhhhwellmen @solobagginses @asdorlia @besas-stuff @kathylee2003 @notfoundfootage @milfsrcool @queen-bunny @imacollasaltitan @midnight-shadow-va

[awkward-walking-potato]

hi i saw you were open for gambit requests! maybe a gender-neutral reader who is insecure about their appearance and doesnt expect people to be nice to them, only for Gambit to fall head-over-heels immediately upon seeing them and try to rizz them up, much to reader's surprise

Extraordinarily ordinary

The X-Mansion was as lively as ever, with the team gathering in the common room after a long day of missions and training. You had joined them recently, still adjusting to the new environment and feeling somewhat out of place. You had always been a bit insecure about your appearance, not used to being the center of attention and struggling to believe that anyone would notice you, let alone show any interest.

You kept to the edges of the room, observing the interactions and trying to blend in. You were used to being overlooked, to feeling like you didn’t quite fit in with the crowd. So when Remy LeBeau, one of the most charming and confident members of the team, walked in, you didn’t think much of it. You admired him from afar, but you never imagined he’d take any notice of you.

Remy was the picture of effortless charisma. He greeted everyone with that trademark smile of his, his presence immediately commanding attention. When his eyes landed on you, however, there was a spark of something different—something that caught him off guard. He paused, his gaze lingering as if he had just discovered something truly fascinating.

For a moment, you felt self-conscious under his scrutiny, but before you could retreat further into the background, Remy made his way over to you with a confidence that bordered on magnetic.

“Evenin’, chérie,” he said, his voice smooth and inviting. “I gotta say, I’ve been lookin’ for a reason to come over here, and it looks like the universe has finally delivered.”

You blinked, caught off guard by his sudden approach and the directness of his compliment. “Um, hi,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t expect you to... notice me.”

Remy’s smile widened, and he took a step closer, his eyes never leaving yours. “Notice you? How could I not? You’ve got this quiet, unique charm that just draws a person in. Plus, it’s rare to see someone so genuine amidst all the chaos.”

You shifted uncomfortably, unsure of how to respond. You had never been one to attract attention, especially not from someone as striking as Remy. “I’m just... trying to fit in, really.”

Remy’s expression softened, and he reached out, gently touching your arm. “Well, you’re doin’ more than just fit in. You’re standin’ out, and that’s somethin’ special. How about we get to know each other a little better?”

His touch was warm and reassuring, making you feel a mix of surprise and intrigue. You hadn’t expected anyone, let alone someone like Remy, to show such genuine interest. “I don’t usually get this kind of attention,” you admitted, trying to keep your composure.

“Then let me be the first to change that,” Remy said, his tone light and flirtatious. “I’ve got a knack for findin’ the extraordinary in the ordinary, and you’re lookin’ pretty extraordinary to me.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, the sound a bit nervous but genuine. “You’re not really what I expected.”

Remy’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “Well, that’s a good thing, ain’t it? I’m full of surprises, and I’ve got a feelin’ you are too.”

As the conversation continued, you found yourself opening up more, his effortless charm and kind words easing your nerves. Remy’s attention was unwavering, his compliments sincere, and his interest genuine. It was clear that he was head-over-heels for you, despite your own doubts and insecurities.

By the end of the evening, you felt a newfound sense of confidence, thanks to Remy’s unexpected and heartfelt approach. As you both said your goodbyes, he took your hand gently, his touch lingering just a moment longer.

“If you ever need someone to remind you how special you are,” he said softly, “I’m your guy.”

You smiled, feeling a warmth in your chest that had nothing to do with your usual insecurities. “Thank you, Remy. I didn’t think I’d ever meet someone like you.”

Remy’s grin was infectious. “Well, looks like fate decided to surprise us both.”

As you walked away, you felt a new sense of possibility, knowing that someone as charming and sincere as Remy saw something in you that you had trouble seeing in yourself. And for the first time, you began to believe that maybe, just maybe, you were worth noticing after all.

[haesunflower]

jiwoong's 'shared' friend? | a friends with benefits story ft. matthew

genre: smut, threesome, minors dni

pairing: jiwoong x female reader, matthew x female reader

about/tags: in which jiwoong and y/n invite matthew to play (2.2k+)

this is explicit smut, minors dni, begging, toys, spitting, orgasm denial, use of 'sir' and 'daddy', slight jealousy, fluff at the end

┈•┈୨୧┈•┈ PART 1 HERE

The dorm is empty except for you and Jiwoong (and well, Matthew). Usually, you’d have your casual weekend fucks at your own apartment – away from all the members. But you’d insisted on spending your time in his place instead during the long weekend. Especially as most members chose to spend their break at their hometowns. 

While Hanbin brought Hao, Gyuvin brought Ricky, leaving Matthew alone with Jiwoong. Jiwoong had also “made plans” to go home that weekend, inviting Matthew and convincing him with fun stories about his family. He honestly feels bad for lying to him. 

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. SMUT UNDER THE CUT.

But how mad would Matthew be when you’re practically begging to be touched, your whines heard all the way from the other side of the dorm. And he’s benefitting from the sounds you emit, shamelessly jacking off in his room. 

Jiwoong is making himself busy and actively not paying any attention to you. He’s left his bedroom door wide open, with you tied up to the bannister with flimsy ribbon. Truth be told, you can easily undo the knots of the restraints. But you don’t, you’re a good girl after all. However it’s becoming incredibly difficult to hold yourself together. The vibrator against your clit is driving you insane, and all you is to be fucked. 

“Jiwoong, please. I’ll be good, I promise.”

Still, he pays you no mind. Instead, he’s stirring the cup of coffee he just made. He faces towards you, and with the door left open he sees you struggle not to cum. Your eyes are closed, and you’re biting your lip so hard he thinks you’ll bleed. Like the sadist he is, he doesn’t do anything. Casually sipping his coffee “like I said, babe. If you want to be touched, you’re going to have to ask Matthew.”

And at the sound of his name, the younger boy freezes. His movements on his shaft come to a stop, and out of fear, he pulls up his shorts quickly. Jiwoong turns to the other side of the kitchen where Matthew’s room is at. He knows that his door has been left slightly open with just enough room to peek at the situation in Jiwoong’s room. Said situation that almost drove Matthew to cum in his hands just a few seconds ago.

“Mattchu-ah, I know you’ve been watching it’s okay, you don’t need to hide.”

Matthew feels a mix of shame and arousal when he comes out of his room, unsure of what to do with himself. He’s never been in a threesome before. Jiwoong signals him to come closer, leaning against the counter as he lays down the ground rules. 

“She’s requested you, and since you’re too scared to make a move – I decided to play middle man and get things started for the both of you.” Matthew is gobsmacked at Jiwoong’s revelation. I mean, he did say he was more than okay with sharing, but Matthew didn’t know he was being dead serious. 

He pushes the coffee aside, “first, no kissing on the lips, she hates that. I usually let her decide whether she wants to. second, you’ll have to ask her where she wants to take you, if you’ll get to fuck her that way at all. And third, her safeword is daffodil. what are things you’re uncomfortable with?” Jiwoong asks nonchalantly. 

Matthew blinks once, twice, thrice. Poor boy had difficulty processing all the information with his mind already clouded with horniness. He wasn’t sure if this is a decision he should be making at all. 

“Matthew, if you want in, you’re gonna have to respond to me. Otherwise I’m more than happy to deal with y/n on my own.” Jiwoong gestures to where you are, and your moans bring him back to reality. Matthew glances at the door briefly – catching you in tears, vibrator in place, begging for him “Matt, please. It hurts…” 

With a gulp, he looks Jiwoong in the eye “okay understood, daffodil I got it.” Then, Jiwoong leads Matthew into his room. 

┈•┈୨୧┈•┈ 

Jiwoong shuts the door behind him, and sits down on the bed next to you. He mercifully turns off the vibrator, as he brushes your hair away from your tear stained face. 

“Poor baby, I’m proud of you for holding off for so long”. You let out a pathetic whine at the sudden loss of vibration. But at least Jiwoong is here finally, touching you. He places a soft kiss on your shoulder, “Matthew’s here baby, he wants to help you.” 

That was Matthew’s cue to come closer. You have no pride left as you try to claw at him, completely forgetting about your ribboned restraints. Matthew looks at Jiwoong for one last approval, and upon seeing him nod – gently undoes the knots around your wrists. When you're set free, he tentatively watches as you wrap your arms around his neck. "Touch me please, Matt" you whisper into his ear, as he eagerly removes his shirt and latches his lips to your neck. Matthew's brain is clouded, and all he can think about is how he finally gets to see and touch you like this – he thinks you're so beautiful, naked, and begging to be touched. Small whines escape your lips as he litters small purple kisses across your chest.

Jiwoong takes a backseat on the office chair across the bed and simply watches as Matthew explores your body.

“Matt, please. Please please please” is all you could let out. Your brain getting all fuzzy with how turned on you are – Matthew latching on to your breast and Jiwoong burning holes into your skin with his stare, slowly palming himself through his pants. Matthew's touches leaves you with goosebumps, and you let out a loud groan when he swirls his tongue on your nipple. You want him to take his tongue elsewhere.

“Waited so long to touch you, so I’ll take my time.” You didn’t know Matthew had it in him to be a little mean. You wonder where the shy boy had gone as he shoves two fingers in your mouth, commanding you to suck. Pliant, eager to please, and hoping to cum, you do as you’re told. Sucking and swirling your tongue around his fingers. Matthew’s eyes darken and he removes his fingers from your mouth, a string of saliva following it. You’re drooling and about to cry, and with that Matthew couldn’t resist anymore - he thinks you're so cute looking all desperate.

He remembers the time where you left him hard on the couch, the night when Jiwoong was running late. You had teased him with bold statements, straddling him and whispering dirty things to his ear. In an act of revenge he manhandles you, flipping you over and placing your body atop his in a second. You're so far gone that you don’t register the change in position until you feel Matthew’s hot tongue on your clit. 

The first few licks, gentle. He’s testing how you’ll react. You’re whimpering like a puppy at this point, and chanting “please” like a broken record. He wastes no time in sucking harshly at your clit, gripping your thighs in place to prevent you from squirming or moving away. "Right there please, don't stop". Matthew wants to see you suffer the same way you did to him, and releases you from his grip ruining your impending orgasm. "ngh no, why?" you cry, gripping on to the headboard as support.

From across the room, Jiwoong chuckles "seems like Matthew's just getting his revenge from all your teasing last week baby". You look to Jiwoong, and hopes he can come save you. But he already knows what those eyes mean, and he's not going to give in so easily. "No baby. like I said if you want to be touched you'll have to convince Matthew."

You look at the younger boy and you feel small next to him. You swallow your pride, and beg one last time – "please sir, I'll do whatever you want. please just let me cum". Maybe it's the way you parted your swollen lips, quivering as you utter the word 'sir' that flicked a switch in Matthew. He's done trying to torture you, he wants you just as bad.

"Since you asked so nicely, I'll reward you" he says as he shoves two fingers inside you, thumb lapping at your clit. He finds that gummy spot inside you, and you shudder against his ministrations. You cum embarrassingly fast, and Matthew pinches at your clit mid-high, overstimulating you. You yelp, and fall limply on Matthew’s chest, shaking from the waves of your orgasm. 

Matthew’s fingers are coated with your arousal, and he sits you up properly to check on your previously limp figure. As if Jiwoong read his mind, “Y/n can you take more or are you done for the night?” Your head snaps, and you take a look at Matthew’s flushed face, his eyes hooded and cheeks red. Your post-orgasm brain is starting to clear up, and you want to thank Matthew properly. "I can take more" you say, determined.

You look down and find Matthew’s tent in his shorts, instantly feeling bad that you’re the only person in the room who got to cum. Undoing his zipper, you let out his cock and he hisses at contact of cold air. You make brief eye contact with Jiwoong, and he’s surprised too. While Matthew isn’t longer in length, he’s definitely girthier than what you’re used to. “Sir you’ve been so nice to me, let me repay the favor.” You hold his cock in your hand, and it spasms - precum leaking out. You begin stroking him gently and he throws his head back in relief. “F-fuck, y/n” he hisses. 

“Cmon baby, you’re the one that wanted Matthew in your bed, that’s the best you can do?” Jiwoong taunts. He’s right, you can do so much better. You didn’t plan on doing this, but you place yourself to straddle him – taking a glance at Jiwoong, as if asking permission that it would be okay. He nods gently to give you the validation that you need. 

“Y/N are you sur-'' Matthew's sentence is cut short as you sink down on him. Biting your lips to prevent yourself from groaning in pain – you’ll need adjustment to his size. He holds your hips steady, knowing that you’ll need some time before you both move. With you on his lap, eyes closed and breathing out slow breaths, he knows you’re trying your best to adjust quicker. Matthew wants to kiss you for trying so hard to make him feel good, but he knows that’s your boundary. 

Instead, he distracts the both of you by placing kisses on your neck, marking down to your breasts. He playfully and gently bites on your nipple, and that’s enough to bring you to reality. You start to bounce up and down his cock, moaning his name freely. His head is thrown back, though he has to remind himself to keep watching you –wanting to keep the image of you on his cock burned into his brain. Obscene squelches resonate throughout the room, your vision gets a little blurry as you lose sense of your surroundings. Matthew notices you slowing down, taking charge of the pace as he harshly thrusts into you as you sink down on him. You let out a loud moan, “Oh my god, do that again.” 

Then, Matthew remembers he’s not the only other person in the room. “Jiwoon hyung, you’re not going to join?”. You're still desperately grinding on to Matthew, and he halts your hips in order to reposition the both of you in favor of his hyung. Now, you’re on all fours. Jiwoong walks over to where your head is, he lifts your chin up with his finger and looks you in the eye. He has an unreadable look on his face – stoic, unfeeling. He is a good actor after all. So you suggest something that you know cheers him up each time.  

“Kiss me?” you ask, fluttering your lashes at Jiwoong. He leans down to your face, lips ghosting over yours before saying “only good girls get kisses”. Then, Jiwoong grabs your face by the jaw, forcing your mouth open. “You’ll take what daddy gives you” as he spits in your mouth. Immediately, you swallow. 

“Thank you daddy” you beam as you make yourself useful. Jiwoong looks somewhat satisfied as you reach down his pants to free his cock. You spare all the teasing as you know he's not in the mood for it, and take him wholly by your mouth. Jiwoong fucks your mouth mercilessly, tip hitting the back of your throat several times. Meanwhile, Matthew is still thrusting into you from behind. It takes extreme focus to keep at your task with Jiwoong, you don't wanna disappoint daddy.

It's getting increasingly difficult to stop yourself from gagging at Jiwoong's movements. After a particularly hard thrust from Matthew, you yelp, momentarily releasing Jiwoong from your mouth. “Faster Matthew, she can take it” Jiwoong commands. The younger obeys, and quickens his pace into you. Jiwoong forces your jaw open and inserts himself in your mouth once again. Your moans are muffled, sending vibrations to Jiwoong’s length. 

Based on your expression, Jiwoong knows you’re close. “Baby, are you gonna cum?” he fucks into your throat, and you gag as a response. Still, you keep him in your mouth, head bobbing and cheeks hollowing out. As you make good work at Jiwoong’s length, Matthew lets out a deep groan. That’s when you notice Matthew stilling in his place, pulling out and painting your ass cheeks in white. “Shit. fuck.” he curses under his breath. Matthew’s body limps as he rests against the headboard. 

With that, Jiwoong calls it off. “Aww, looks like play time’s over for both of you” Jiwoong states.

Jiwoong removes your hands and mouth from his length and pulls his boxers back up. “Wait, but you’re still hard, let me make you feel good daddy” you protest, but he’s stern when he looks at you. “I said, play time’s over, princess.” 

Again, you can't read that tone and that stoic face he has plastered on. You’re mostly confused, especially with the sudden lack of physical touch from well, any one. Daddy always lets you cum at least twice, so you try to bargain “but I didn’t get to cum for a second time...” Jiwoong looks down at you smugly, “I said Matthew could help you, not me. And by the looks of it, he’s in no position to help”. 

He’s right by the way, Matthew looks spent. You’re used to multiple rounds with Jiwoong, and Matthew’s endurance isn’t as high in that regard. Jiwoong throws Matthew his shirt and shorts, and tells him to clean himself up. Matthew mumbles something about having a great time, and he’s off to the shower. 

You’re left naked on Jiwoong’s bed as he fetches a glass of water. He reenters the room, water and washcloth in hand, and silently takes one of his shirts to clothe you in it. He hasn’t said anything else since Matthew left the room, and you wonder if this was a good idea at all. You’ve never had a threesome with any of Jiwoong’s close friends, and you have a feeling that it bothered him more than he thought it would. 

He’s wiping your thighs with a washcloth, when you take it from him. You look him in the eye when you ask “is something wrong, Jiwoong?”. He sighs loudly, comfortably taking a seat next to you. "Sorry I didn't let you cum" he looks really apologetic, ashamed even, with eyes glued to the floor. "It's okay, I still enjoyed it", reassuring that it's no big deal. In this moment, Jiwoong's feelings are more important.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?" you gently ask, wrapping your arms around his neck, trying to get him to look at you. Head down, as if physically paining him to admit “I think...I hated that, surprisingly I couldn’t stand seeing Mathew with you like that..didn't look like you needed me at all actually...” he trails off. He can’t seem to look you in the eye, so he places his head by the crook of your neck instead. You run your hands through his hair, “well thank you for thinking of me, but you didn’t need to push through with it if you weren’t comfortable with it, woong.” 

“I know, I know. I just thought I wouldn’t be bothered by it. This was never an issue before.” Jiwoong responds, pertaining to your past escapades with other people. He removes his head from your neck and looks at you, then your lips. You give him time to say something, but he doesn’t. 

“Let’s talk about it some other time, woong. I think we’re both tired.” He hums gently, agreeing with you. Again, he looks at your lips. With that, you lean forward and kiss him. You feel the tension in his shoulders and neck melt away at the kiss, and you open your mouth slightly for his tongue to enter. He pulls at your bottom lip, and you let out a small smile. 

“For the record Jiwoong, you don’t have to ask permission anymore if you want to kiss me. Kiss me whenever, wherever.” He’s slightly surprised, and he’s hoping that his happiness doesn’t show too much as presses his lips against yours again – but you can literally feel his grin as he kisses you sweetly.

Jiwoong’s bedroom door is still open, and Matthew watches as you and Jiwoong kiss each other with smiles on your faces. He has a feeling that what happened just a few minutes ago would be the first and last time. 

So, I guess Jiwoong does have a sharing problem after all. 

-- -- --

PART 1 HERE

A/N: special mention to rose who fed me a few ideas!! also YEAH maybe Jiwoong does like Y/N that way

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

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[dairymistress05]

Colin: A Search For Purpose in the Wrong Places

Colin Bridgerton is both handsome and charming so why is he often grasping for his place in the world?

From the beginning there is a common thread of insecurity attached to Colins character. He seems to struggle to know exactly where he fits, to find his purpose.

So where do these insecurities come from? Well to start, he is sort of the “forgotten middle child” in a way, he is the 3rd son after which are 2 daughters. While he and Daphne seem close, as they were close as young children, now that they are older Daphne is having her debut and becoming a woman in society. All while Colin is also there but there’s no significance for him becoming an adult. Daphne is often treated like a first child as she is the first girl after 3 boys and the first to debut in the marriage mart.

First he tries to find his place in becoming a husband, in parallel to Daphne. It’s possible he feels unseen while she is emerging into adulthood. He doesn’t know where he fits but if he vows to take care of someone, he will fit in, right?!

He is intrigued and infatuated with and Wants to “rescue” Miss Thompson from her older admirers and be her saviour, this is all before he knows about her “condition”. AND when he finds out he only wishes that she had been truthful with him. “You wish to know the cruelest part of your deception? If you had simply come to me and told me of your situation, I would have married you without a second thought. That is how In Love I believe myself to be. But I see now that was all a lie.” Read — Fixer! He wants to be the Hero, to be needed.

Following this betrayal Colin is once again set adrift and begins his travels. He has also sworn off women, as he later admits to Pen and is attempting to know himself better. This interaction is very telling to his feelings towards Pen because she says “I am a woman” to which he responds with “You are Pen, you are my friend, you do not count”. — yes this seems to some as not regarding her as worthy — but actually this hints at something else entirely. It’s an effort to separate her because in his recent context “a woman” lied to him and betrayed him and Pen would surely never do to him what Marina did.

At this point it is extremely telling that Colin is beginning to find his true self. However, part of that self is directly intertwined with his connection to Pen. “If Penelope can see me this way, then surely I can too”. She is arguably his most valued and influential female relationship outside of his family. Colin here is struggling to understand himself and his place in society and to contextualise what Pen means to him. All of this at a time in his life when he is struggling to keep afloat.

He visits Marina he seems awkward and is once again reminded of his “out of placeness”. He makes an adorable olive joke (He is such a dork!) and nerds out about plants with Sir Philip. He is more interested in their conversation than he was with anything he was talking to Marina about. Furthermore, while visiting he seems surprised and almost disappointed that Marina is well. Like what did you think was going to happen? You were you going to save her from her life? Babies and all? Honestly, Marina isn’t wrong when she calls him “a boy caught up in his own fantasies.”

His visit with Marian was a wake up call hut he is still left without the purpose he was seeking.

“After all, everyone else is finding some purpose to their lives…and here I am feeding the ducks.” This leads him to his interaction with Jack and culminates in his “saving” the Featherington ladies which leaves him feeling like a hero.

In all his following interactions with Pen in the second part seem to hint at his feelings, (whether he knows it himself or not) he loves her.

“…Our relationship has taken shape so naturally over the years, one could take it for granted. (Hint at season 3)

You have been so constant and loyal Pen”. And his “Lady Crane was right about you…” He very clearly doesn’t understand his friendship with her but it is important to him.

Outside of his family, Colin doesn’t seem to have strong relationships. This becomes even more apparent when he is spending time with his “society buds”. All along while he seems to be able to navigate society with ease, he has often always been on the fringes and his relationship with those guys just exaggerates this fact. One comment made at Lady Danbury‘s ball saying “you are much much more fun this season”. It’s unclear clear if Colin ever really socialised with the “society buds” prior to the end of season 2 much at all. He likely didn’t though, because had he spent much time with them in season 1, he wouldn’t have jumped into proposing to Marina so quickly. So his comment about “never dream of courting Penelope Featherington”, a misguided last ditch effort at fitting in? Maybe!

It is Colin going away again, only for Pen not answer his letters this time that helps to highlight his feelings of isolation. Imagine, writing to the one person you most want to feel connected yo and getting nothing in return, heartbreaking. It’s not a wonder he “puts on armour”. When Penelope was answering his letters, he held onto the pieces of himself that she most appreciated. When she wasn’t answering his letters, he lost himself trying to find his identity apart from her. This resulted in him trying on a persona that no one recognised. When she tells him it’s been vexing to see him back into society if you watch his face in that moment, it’s almost like she slapped him and you can see his facade cracking for a second before he offers to help her.

Each time he was home, regardless of feeling without a purpose, he was constantly finding comfort in Pen. We see it in the way he goes to her “like a moth to a flame” at every possible opportunity. Colin has always been at ease when speaking with Pen. He appreciates her humour, he enjoys her mind and tries to make her laugh. There is even an example of this in season 2 where philosophising and Eloise is like do not encourage him (but not only does Pen enjoy encouraging him because they match wits very well) Colin also genuinely seems to be hanging on her every word. Until he was no longer afforded those words.

Finally it was those very words that led him to realise that he didn’t need to be useful in order to be loved. That by being truly himself, He. Was. Enough. All this time she had always loved him AND he had loved her, he just didn’t see it. Colin found that seeing himself the way that Pen had always seen him was how to find where he belonged.

In this way, he found his purpose. It was to love assuredly, fervently, loudly. That true love is Not about being needed, but about being Chosen by his best friend, the only one who truly saw him and loved him exactly as he always had been.

[thegoldencontracts]

To Comfort

Azul's been struggling under the weight of his obligations, yet he can't bring himself to rely on anyone else for support. Meanwhile, you just want to be there for the man you love.

Notes: hurt/comfort, you give Azul a massage and some introspection ensues.

Azul had been acting different the last few days. You didn't know why, but something was different.

His makeup had gotten heavier, his words more clipped, and his interactions with you less frequent. Something was wrong with him. You just didn't know what.

You didn't want to pressure him, truly, you didn't, but there was an ache in your heart at the thought that your own lover was upset and you could do nothing to help. And there was the desire to repay him in kind for all the times he'd comforted you.

So, you decided to go to his room one evening, right around the end of his working hours. He'd given you the spare key, telling you it was for emergencies. In your eyes, this did constitute an emergency. An emotional one.

You entered just in time, for shortly after, the door slammed often, and in walked a groaning Azul.

His eyes landed on you, and his sharp features softened ever so slightly.

"Good evening," he said. "What brings you here?"

"You," you said, "You seem tired."

Azul's eyes narrowed, defensive at the prospect of vulnerability.

"Well, I assure you, it's nothing I can't handle."

You nodded.

"Yes, I understand," you said. "But are you certain you wouldn't like some assistance?"

"I am," Azul said. "Now then, if that's all-"

"You seem tense, Azul. Would you like a massage?"

You felt a slight twinge of guilt for abusing your darling's pain-prone nature, as the opportunity to relieve his aches was too tantalizing for him to resist.

"That would be lovely, thank you," he said, and you did not tease him about the flush of his cheeks for once.

Instead, you motioned for him to lay down, and once he did, you began to work your way down his back, working out the knots as you went.

As you did so, Azul spoke.

"Thank you," he said, voice barely above a whisper. "I apologize for how unpresentable I've been these past few days."

"Please do not feel the need to apologize for that," you said. "I only wish you could rely on me as much as I rely on you."

It seemed as if your words had shocked Azul into silence, for it took him a while to finally speak again.

"Is that truly what you want?" He said, shuddering as you found a particularly bad knot.

"Really, it is," you said.

"Then that is what I'll try to give you," he said. "I'm afraid I cannot promise anything, though."

You took a moment to comb your fingers through his hair before responding. You loved doing that. It was quite soft. What was his haircare routine?

"This is not about me, Azul." You said. "I simply cannot help but feel an ache in my heart every time I see my love suffer, knowing I cannot do anything about it."

Azul was silent once more, but this time, the flush of his ears said all that needed to be said.

"Flattery will get you nowhere," he mumbled, though you were aware he knew you meant it. That was simply his default response to praise from most people. A method of deflection.

Still, you indulged him.

"Then I'm pleased to say my words were genuine," you said, softly pressing a kiss to his hair.

Azul had gone silent for the third time. This time, though, no response came, and his body seemed calm.

"Azul?" You said, gently turning him over, only to find that his eyes had fluttered shut.

He looked adorable like this, at peace. You had no intention of disturbing him.

So, you gave him one last goodbye.

"Good night," you said, pressing a kiss to his forehead, "sleep well."

[valtsv]

i get a lot of people telling me how patient and kind i am in interactions with people where they address me in an angry, upset, or argumentative manner, and i'm glad that it's something you appreciate about me because i do think it's one of my better qualities and i'm proud to have developed that kind of control over my temper (especially since i've struggled with healthy emotional regulation, particularly regulating my expressions of anger and distress, for most of my life due to abuse and neglect) but i do want to emphasize that it's okay to get angry sometimes. it's healthy to get angry and upset sometimes.

it's not healthy or good for anyone (but especially you yourself) to suppress your emotional responses to the point of flat out never allowing yourself to express them. it's not a sign of strength to avoid acknowledging your honest feelings. catharsis is necessary sometimes. and it can hurt other people who have less of an iron control over their emotions to suppress your own, especially if you lash out unpredictably because you've held back necessary hurt and let it fester, or if you weaponize that control you have against opponents in confrontations in order to portray them as irrational and overruled by their emotions (which is also very manipulative, and a trap you can fall into without realizing if you refuse to be self-aware about your emotions).

i choose to respond to people with kindness and patience most of the time because i feel that in too many interactions online anger and retaliation are unnecessary knee-jerk responses that tend to only make things worse and leave people resentful and unwilling to communicate with or listen to one another, but if i ever need to express my anger or hurt with someone, i am more than willing to. i just prefer to ask myself whether i actually need to react that way before i do - or if i need to express that hurt on the internet when i might be able to deal with it more productively in private. but i do feel anger, and pain, and i get hurt and cry sometimes - i just don't always show it on social media, because it's a semi-public space where it isn't always appropriate or comfortable for me to do so. so i don't want to give the impression that you shouldn't allow yourself to feel those things. you can, and you should. it's not weakness to let yourself cry or get mad. even online.

[velvetvexations]

Ive seen at least two responses to your antigonism post saying that the word would be divisive because “transfems who are normal about transmascs are the norm” and I really truly do believe that’s probably the case but at the same time it personally feels a little dismissive?? I cant speak for all trans people obviously but I know A LOT of trans people, basically everyone in my life is trans- my blood sibling, all of my friends, my 2 girlfriends (im poly) I am regularly in contact with other trans people/trans communities in several cities across my state, and for me it really does not feel like its a “small vocal minority” of transfems who hold anti transmasculine and exorsexist beliefs.

I want to make it clear I absolutely love the transfems in my community, they are my dearest friends, and I deeply treasure our relationships; but absolutely every one of them that I have gotten close to has ended up saying something to me that made me feel really weird. They either mention something about how transmascs have it easier/transfems have it the worst, or they feel the need to gatekeep things from other trans people& borderline accuse other trans people/intersex people of copying transfems, or they joke and complain about “theyfabs” or justify the use of the term (both of my gfs did this- mind you I was afab and exclusively use they/them pronouns), or they invalidate feminine transmasc and afab enby people (again something both of my gfs did despite me being genderfluid and sometimes presenting feminine).

And thats just some of the things Ive experienced IRL in my own home and within my own communities! If I were to start listing my experiences online Id be here all night!! I honestly want to go on about the shit I see online but I dont have the energy for it- but when I see exorsexist or anti trans masculinity coming from transfems (and self proclaimed tmes) online, the comments/notes/whatever is always filled with sometimes hundreds of other trans people agreeing and venting their own frustrations about “tmes” and it just. Again doesnt FEEL like its a minority. You are literally one of the only TWO transfems I know who makes content actively CONSISTENTLY standing up for transmascs and pushing back against anti trans masculinity. Its not that I think its transfems job to dismantle anti trans masculinity but the ratio of transfems who complain about tmes vs ones who actively push back against that rhetoric feels so disproportionate to how often I see transmasc and afab enbies pushback against trans misogyny and the exclusion of transfems in queer spaces.

This turned into a very long winded vent and Im kinda struggling to conclude my point but i guess I wish it felt like more people cared to pushback against TIRFism. It just feels kinda dismissive to hear people say that transmascs who are hesitant to interact w trans communities just need to touch grass or whatever when in my personal experience it feels like I cannot escape anti trasmasculinity or exorsexism in every trans space I am apart of. Kinda blanking on how to end this ask i hope any of this is coherent.

I wanna emphasize again that the person I responded to specifically was really cool and my emotions in this post are not directed at them

Recently someone said it was "easy to forget most trans women are normal about trans men," and I was scolded because me not thinking that was horribly transmisogynistic was apparently a sign I'd lowered my standards as a trans woman because I'm too discourse poisoned, so now I'm even more self-conscious that people will start to see me that way no matter how much I try to insist over and over that TRFs are a vocal minority.

Meanwhile I continue to get asks calling me a pickme and comparing me to Blair White. I continue to have ten people respond to my every reply going "don't listen to Velvet she's crazy and hates trans women!!!!!".

So yeah. It is, actually, easy to forget that sometimes.

Especially since I'm stuck in a tiny southern town without even the option to make use of what meager community exists in the area because there's no one to drive me several hours to the state capital for their annual Pride stuff. I can't just go outside and be gal pals with all the vast numberless hordes of Normal trans women. I would be shocked beyond fucking belief if I saw two gay cis men in my fucking zip code. With my personal situation I can't even be social with cishet people anyway, let alone other queers, let alone all the trans women others perceive as Normal because they've knowingly been in the physical presence of another trans person a single time in their life and have the option of making that happen when they want it to.

Thank you for the support, anon.

[misserabella]

stray. pt.4

joel miller! x fem! reader

< previous chapter next chapter >

summary; after saving Joel and Ellie from the brink of death, you get caught with having to live with two more strays.., and you don't do strays.

REMINDER: english is not my mother language so i apologize if there are some mistakes <3 !¡either ways, i hope y'all like it. <3

REPOSTS AND COMMENTS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!<3

warnings; eventual +18 content! MINORS DONT INTERACT IN THE CHAPTERS WHERE IT IS IMPLIED IN THE WARNINGS and smut, mentions of death, possible deaths, blood, fighting, angst, fluff..

warnings for chapter 4; as always reader being a bad bitch, guns, blood, fighting, clickers, wounds, weapons, threats, torture, murder, deaths, s3xual @ssault (no r@pe) , mentions of r@pe, tension, arguing, cursing, anxiety, angst angst angst, loss, mourning, ptsd…

Please, under no circumstances, repost my work on any other sites. I do not consent to anyone taking my work and posting it as their own.

“You’re not going.”

“But why?!” Ellie whines, shaking her hands. Exasperated.

“ ‘Cause you’d get me killed, brat.” you were packing on Larry’s house. You had a mission on the nearest city, a dirty job, but a good job. “Have you forgotten that you’re the most wanted kid in the entire world right now?” you ask her and she closes her mouth on a thin line. “Right.”

You roll your eyes, getting your water bottles and food to put them inside.

“It’s too dangerous even for you, y/n.” Larry says, sighing, tired. You two had been arguing about it for hours now.

“Larry. I’ve already tell you. If I get that motor for Maria she has promised to send us weekly food and resources. That could really help us out here, even more after this season…” you repeat, over and over again. He knows it’s a good deal. A deal you cannot pass on.

“But those men…” he tries, he really tries, but you are stubborn.

“Those men are nothing. I can take them.” you respond, and he doesn’t seem happy.

“No. Joel is going with you.” you look at him with a horrified look in your face. “Will you go with her. Joel?”

“No.”

“Sure.”

You look at him and he simply shrugs.

“FEDRA will be there.” you point out.

“I can use a cap.” you scoff.

“As if a cap would help you.”

“Believe me, they probably won’t even notice me. They’re mostly looking for Ellie, not me.” you sigh and Larry smiles, content. You hate him.

“If you die I’m leaving you behind.” you warn him and he nods.

“I hoped you would.”

What was that supposed to mean?

“Here.” Larry gives him a knife already sharpened and ready to cut. “You have a gun, am I right?” Joel nods and pats his back. “Okay. This mission needs to be quick. You get in there at night. Put them down slowly, no struggling and no shooting unless is necessary. We don’t want them to notice you’re there. You get the motor and you run, I’ll have Blair waiting for you with a car ready to get you back home, alright?”

“I still find it unfair. So he can go and I can’t?” Ellie whines and you give her a look that makes her cross her arms and huff, sitting back on Larry’s dinning table and taking a bite of his ham sandwich.

“Okay. I’m ready.” you say, hiding the last of your daggers on your ankles and wrists.

Joel takes his back and you two leave the house after having said your goodbyes. You had promised Lizzy to come back soon, in the mean time, she’ll have Ellie, since she’ll be staying with Larry.

You don’t talk to him, you hate it when people mess with your plans or things. You worked better off alone.

He followed you out of town and through the gates, the beep of the alarm on your backs letting you know it was newly locked.

Joel got on your left, and just tagged along. “We need to go up north a little bit and go right on the woods. Then we’ll get to the city. The most dangerous zone is a couple of km from here. There have been spotted various clickers.”

“Is there a way to avoid them?” he inquired.

“Sadly no. The safest way is right now completely occupied by a rebellion against FEDRA. They are really aggressive and don’t like outsiders.” you said.

“Tell me about it…” he muttered, remembering the first time Ellie and him were attacked while trying to get though one of those cities by car. “Well, it just means we’ll have to be more careful.”

“Just keep your eyes open and don’t stand on my way.”

He cocked his gun in a swift move.

“Copy that.”

-

“You got it?” you whispered, his arms extended and eyes focused on a stray infected on your way. You had walked around 2km and reached the dangerous and restricted zone. In a blink the infected was down. Shot straight to the head.

“I got it.”

Joel and you hadn’t talked much, only when necessary. It was normal. This silence in between the two of you. He didn’t know how to talk to you. You didn’t know either. Did you even want to?

He was a good fighter, not like you had suspected of their almost death the first time you had met him. He had a great stance, great aim. Maybe the fear of Ellie getting hurt had gotten the best of him. But that had been a mistake that could have cost him everything. Although you could understand.

“Let’s go.” he said, going to take a step forward, but before he could, you were dragging him backwards and in a quick movement pressing him against the wall. The building was cold and dark, creaks could be heard every now and then, and the paper of the walls was falling apart. Some bits stuck to his jacket. “What-“

You pressed a hand to his mouth, your eyes never meeting his but the door next to the both of you. Joel’s eyes did the same, and his chest got stuck in a new breath when he finally heard it. You were tightly pressed against him, trying to not be seen. The big heavy steps came closer, the sound of rotten flesh shifting with every thud. The bloater came into your point of view and you gritted your teeth.

Motherfuckers. You hated them. Every and each one of them. More than any type of infected. It had been a long time since you had seen one. A year to be exact. You knew it wasn’t the same bloater that had tore apart Laura. It couldn’t be. But you felt your blood rush, boil, the need to destroy him just like he had destroyed your most important person in the world.

But with that rage came too the fear. The panic. Your body froze, and your limbs shook. The images of that ominous day coming to your mind like flowing acid water that left you with a knot on your throat.

Joel placed a hand over yours when he felt them tense against his chest. You looked at him due to the recent touch, his eyes stare into yours. Soft brown and caramel touch. ‘Breathe’, you could read on them. ‘I’ll kill them. All of them.’ he could read on yours, your mind strong against your body, who seemed to be about to fall apart.

That silence again. A full out loud conversation made just with stares.

‘It’s not worth it.’ he shook his head, pointing out the obvious danger. Where a bloater goes a million clickers could appear.

You let go of his mouth when you could no longer hear it. It had gotten lost in the building once again, away from you. His hand was still on yours, his heartbeat bellow your palm. He was alive. He was here. You were not alone. This was not the past. Laura was dead. Joel was alive.

You got away from him as if he was burning and you were gasoline, about to combust.

He was alive. You were not alone.

That made your blood run cold, freeze in your veins and make you ache. Bitter and sweet, like lemonade on a fresh cut.

“Let’s go.” you said, and he looked at you, when you were about to walk away taking you from your hand and making you stop.

“Let’s go through the fire scape.” he pointed at the windows, where you could see the steps and stairs.

“It could fall apart. The erosion could have bitten it apart.” you said, and he pursed his lips, thinking.

“Could be. But if we continue we’ll meet the bloater again.” he argued and you rolled your eyes.

“Then we’ll kill it.” you said, and he gave you an stern look.

“It’s a suicide. We’re only two and with mere guns. We won’t be able to take it down.” you fight against his grip, as if you could prove a point, make him believe you were strong enough to take it alone. “y/n.” he said your name, and your body froze. “You’re still hurt. We can’t take the risk.” he said, and for once, you listened, ‘cause you muscles lost their tension and your skin softened under his touch. “Let’s try the fire scape.” you looked at him for what it seemed to be hours.

Follow me. Trust me. I’m here.

Your throat was aching to say fight more, stubborn as always. But you knew he was speaking the truth, and you had to take it even if it hurt your heart. Even if you couldn’t get your vengeance today.

“Fine. But if you fall it’s all your fault.” you said and he scoffed, letting you go as he walked towards the window that led to the fire scape and opened it. “You go first. I don’t have to die too for your stupidity.” you pointed out, crossing your arms over your chest.

“As you wish.” he shrugged and stepped outside, the fire scape not making even a sound. It was perfectly stable. “Told you so.” he smiled, cockily. You rolled your eyes.

“Shut up and move.” you said as you crossed the window to the other side and followed him.

-

The night quickly fell on your shoulders, and the city welcomed you with the remains of its busting energy. There were only a few people left on the streets, probably late workers getting ready to get home after an exhausting day.

You gave him a nod towards a hidden alley and he followed you with now his gun on hand. You managed to slowly open the door to the building where the motor was supposed to be stored, using a clip that has been seating on your hair. Joel was impressed, but again, this was a really hard world, and you learned things to adapt to it.

You slowly creaked open the door, gun looking right, then left. Clear.

Joel closed it behind his back when you waved your hand, stepping in. You cocked your head towards the right and started walking. The hallways were dark, dusty and old with multiple doors that you passed by as quickly and as carefully as you could, checking then one by one.

It was not long before you found the motor, after five minutes of searching room by room. It was in what it seemed to be an storage/meeting room, a really big one, with tables and a couple of sofas on the left. There were guns and bookcases and…

Next thing you knew, there was an arm around your neck. You choked, fighting the person that had attacked you. You heard Joel grunting at your back.

“Got him!” a male voice said, and you groaned as they dragged you further into the room, a girl snatched your gun away from you with a kick.

“Not as pretty as the one I’ve got.” the male at your back laughed, and your wrists were grabbed with his free and big hand, fingers digging on your skin and bruising it up. Your tries to kick him again were in vain, because in just a matter of seconds you were on the floor, his body pressing against you and making it hard to breath. The arm that surrounded your neck had retracted, his hand pushing your face against the floor. “Such a pretty little thing…” he smiled, and your heart jumped, a moan of pain leaving your lips when he tugged on your hair, bringing your face closer to him.

Joel was at your right, in the same position as you, fighting the buffer man on top of him.

“Don’t touch her!” he said, but he got kicked on the face by a blonde hair, breaking up his lip with her combat boot. Joel hissed and she laughed.

“You really thought it could be that easy? Get in here and walk right out?” she scoffed, taking a step closer to you and kneeling just the slightest to catch your face in between his fingers, fiercely digging her nails on your skin. “Who do you work for?” she asked, and you simply spat on her face, making her close her eyes and fall silent for a couple of seconds before she smirked, looking at you with malice in her eyes.

“Bob.” he simply said, and you had to watch as the man on top of Joel took his head and bashed it against the floor, making a breech open on his forehead.

“No!” you screamed, but you got silenced with a punch so strong that made your ears ring.

“Hey! Don’t touch her face! I want her all pretty for me later.” the man pinning you to the floor said, and the girl stood up, a golf stick now shinning brightly in between her hands.

“You bitch…” you said, and she smiled.

“Better watch what you say… Wouldn’t want your boyfriend here to pay for it, right?” she teased, and swung at his ribs, making his face contort in pain and a groan leave his lips. “Who. do. you. work. for?” she asks, Joel this time, and he doesn’t answer. “Fine.” she swung again, but this time he hit his head, blood pouring on his skin.

“Get off me! Get the fuck off me!!!!” you screamed at the guy pinning you down, fighting him off as she got Joel’s ribs, making him scream in pain. “Fuck!!!!!”

“I love the tough ones. Always the ones that cry the hardest on bed.” he said, and once again banged your head against the floor. “Should I make it quick?” he said, and Joel glared at him. “Maybe I could even do it right here, in front of your little friend. I bet he would love that, huh?” he said with a smirk, and you felt your skin crawl when his tongue met your neck, sucking there ‘till you hissed.

“I’ll fucking kill-“

Your eyes widened when Joel was cut off by another swing to the head.

You screamed when he slumped against the floor, blood dripping onto the floor from the wound on his forehead, which got bigger. “You’re gonna fucking die!” your gaze was strong, your words directed to the girl that now walked towards you with an amused smirk on her face. “Fucking bitch, I’m gonna-“

But you moaned in pain when she kicked you on your side, three times, making you curl on yourself and knocking the air out of your lungs.

“What did you say? You ‘want me to kill him’?” she mocked you, cocking her head, stepping back towards Joel.

“Finish him off, already, Jade. We’ve got things to do.” the brunette girl that had kicked your gun away and now stood guarding the door said, making the blonde roll her eyes.

“You’re always so fucking boring, Ray. You never let me have fun.” she pouted.

“Joel, wake up.” you said, fighting to get away, trying to make him come back to you and live. “ WAKE THE FUCK UP!” you screamed, your breathing ragged.

Your blood was rushing through your veins, burning you from the inside out. Your whole body trembled and shook.

“Yeah. That’s right. Watch the little rat die. I promise you will be right behind, pretty girl.” the boy on your back said, whispering and kissing your ear. You felt the urge to vomit. “But we’ll have a little bit of fun before though, what do you think, hm?” your eyes landed on the gun scattered just a couple inches away from you. “I promise I’ll be good to you…” he said, one of his hands now leaving your head and pulling aside the neck of your shirt to reveal more skin, his hips grinding against your ass.

Big fucking mistake.

“I won’t.” you spat and with a quick movement for your leg you rolled on yourself, hit his legs that straddled you. He lose balance, falling at your right. With a quick swift of your hand you had your dagger in hand the one that had been hiding on the ankles of your pant and that now you dug on the neck of the asshole that had been touching you just mere seconds ago.

He let out a scream that soon turned into a gurgling mess of blood and gasps that couldn’t fill his lungs.

“Axel!” Ray was quick to react, gun and hand and finger pulling the trigger to shoot at you, but you dodged it by rolling on the floor.

Her body was the next one to hit the floor, your dagger perfectly placed in between her two eyebrows. She was lying in a pool of her own blood by the time you got to your gun, but you groaned when one of the last two standing shoot at it and pushed it away from your reach.

You stood up as quickly as you could dodging multiple of missed bullets. You went straight to the guy, that had been pinning Joel to the floor and that now stood on his feet, your legs aching at the effort.

“Finish that rat off!” he screamed at his blonde friend as he recharged his gun. He groaned and struggled with you as you fought for his gun once once you’ve taken a hold on it —a little trick you had learned years ago— twisting it to dodge a new bullet. He almost had it, though you were quicker than him and, once your eyes had found it lying in the floor not far away from you, you took ahold on a bat with nails that you supposed they had used to beat the shit out of others like you. It was the divine intervention that you needed.

At this point blood was decorating your skin in little freckles. A painting of death and revenge in the hands of the wrong artist. You were still thirsty for it, you were on the hunt for more. You couldn’t see, only red and the ghost of his bodies. Rage was taking ahold on you. Mind was turning blank.

Your veins screamed for death.

The nails dug on the side of his face as you swung, his eyes rolling back as his jaw falling slack. You could see some of them sticking through his cheek and onto his mouth.

You were sure to have hit the brain once he had fallen on his knees as you pulled from it, brain matter decorating your shoes. You took his gun, and with a quick twist of your body, you shot the last girl standing —which was the one who had been beating Joel with a golf stick— on the stomach before she could give him the final blow.

“Fucking bitch!” she groaned in pain, hands falling to the bleeding hole on his body.

You shot her again, this time to both his legs, making her fall, the golf stick clinking onto the floor. You were going to shoot again, somewhere that would hurt but not kill her yet, but the gun had ran out of bullets. You clicked your tongue and threw it aside, making a dent on the wall at your right.

You almost felt the need to laugh when you saw her crawling her way to the emergency door in the room, away from you and Joel’s semi-unconscious body, who slowly came back to his senses.

Your steps were the only sound filling the room as you approached her, her heavy breathing and pants adding to the melody of an incoming death.

You were gonna bash her fucking skull in.

When you got to her, you kicked her hard on the stomach, winning new stains on your dusty jeans. Maybe you’d leave them. Maybe you’d grow fond of them. Let’s see how many more you’d get after you were done with her.

You were breathing hard, your chest heaving with every puff of air you could get, though no oxygen seemed to be enough for your body, for your dizzy and gone mind.

Not again. Not again. Not again.

The scream that she left when you kicked her once again could made anyone shiver, but not you.

I’ll kill them. All of them.

She was finally on her back, bleeding out on your feet. And if you were someone else, you would have felt mercy. But you were just you.

So you rose the bat and swung, blood splattering all over your face and clothes when you did it again, and again, and again…

Your arms hurt, your lungs burned, your body shook…

She was already dead. But it was not enough.

No. Not this time. This time I’ll be strong enough. This time I won’t be left alone. This time he won’t die. Joel won’t die. Not him. Not again. Not like Laura did. He won’t…

And suddenly you could breath, strong arms surrounding you from the back and stopping you with force. You fought back his grip, his hushing, his soft voice promising that you were okay. That he was okay.

He could see it in your eyes. That fear. The same fear that he had fought for decades. The same demons.

He had seen them take a hold on you while you fought, he had seen you lost yourself on the blood.

“It’s okay.” he muttered, and you hands let go of the bat, your eyes fixed on the corpse in front of you, completely unrecognizable, your crimson hands, your messy clothes… “y/n.” he called out your name and your eyes swelled with tears that you fought to not let show… Your palms burned due to the friction of the wood, blisters rising up on the skin.

His eyes found yours when he turned you around and away from the bodies that you had left behind, trying to get you to focus on him.

He too had been through this. Through this rage, through this mourning and need for blood.

“I’m here.” he said, and just in case, repeated his words, slower, softer. “I’m here.” you slowly let him bring you into his arms, your cheek pressed against his heart, where you made sure that it was true. He was here. He was okay. He was alive. You were not alone.

And Joel made as if he had not noticed the way your hands had clutched and fisted his shirt, tugging him closer.

-

The look that Blair has given you when you had taken the motor back to the car was…, well it was an understatement.

She tried to make your eyes meet hers, gaze digging holes on your body. But you were too gone to say something. Too deep inside your head to be able to speak. You were staring at the nothingness, at the blood on your hands.

You didn’t recall the way back to the town, nor how you had ended up on the back along with Joel, who silently looked at you and made sure you were okay. You had always been silent, but this time it was different. You were as still as a corpse, your eyes lost and hands trembling every now and then. He didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what was the right thing to do, the right thing to bring you back to the present, ‘cause it was obvious you were caught in between it and the so painful past that you always avoided.

The doors made a beep that let the car in as they opened and closed shut behind it, securing you inside. You were back home. You were safe. But were you? Was the person on your left safe for you?

Joel’s face was a mess. Busted lip, a cut on his right cheek that had already stopped bleeding, swelling eye, bleeding forehead… He had cuts all over his arm, the same arms in which you had been in between just a mere hours ago. The same arms that had made sure to stop you from falling apart.

“What the hell happened?!!” Larry was quick to approach the two of you in the middle of the night, being drawn by the noise of the car, flashlight on hand. Ellie was right behind, fully awake. It seems that she hadn’t been able to sleep at all, not when you and Joel weren’t around, when she wasn’t ‘safe’.

Ellie froze when she looked at you, Larry with eyes shot open. You were bathed in blood, new deaths weighing your body.

You didn’t look at them.

Joel explained, explained that you and him had been caught with your guards down, that the mission had went wrong before you had fixed it. Before you had killed all that people…

Larry took your face between his hands and you looked at him. His eyes were concerned, his hands inspecting for new wounds, for danger. You were okay. It wasn’t your blood. Then, he hugged you. He hugged you so hard you almost couldn’t breath. You were like a ghost in between his arms. Lifeless, lost. You mind had too much to think about, your mouth too little to say.

Ellie didn’t move. She couldn’t. Didn’t know how to react, how to move or talk. She could breath when Larry had promised that you were okay, that everything was okay. But her hands were shaking, and a pang of pain crossed your chest in fear that it was because of you. Was she scared? Had you finally become the same monster that had killed your family…, your friends?

The apartment was too cold. So cold you were freezing under your sticky clothes. Larry had made sure the three of you were back inside, secured, still shaken up by the thought that he could have almost lost you, lost a daughter.

That was when you started to move. Your feet unable to stop.

You didn’t know where you were going until your hands were on the handle to Laura’s door, didn’t even realized you had finally opened it after a year of solitude —or ignoring it was even there— too fearful to try and step inside.

Ellie, Larry and Joel were looking at you. Frozen in place, unable to move or speak as you closed the door at your back and buried yourself on your best friend for the longest time after her death.

It smell so much like her it made your eyes water. Her paintings and sketches all over the walls. Polaroids decorating the empty spaces, photos pf the two of you when everything was perfect —as perfect as it could be in a world like this—. Books left unfinished where left at the feet of her bed, her night table still had her favorite one left open on her favorite page. Alice in wonderland.

Your heart plummeted with your body on her bed, on her unmade bed that felt like giving her a hug, like having her close. That smelled like the stupid citrus stupid shampoo he used for her curly hair…

Your hands tugged on one of her pillows, your body curling around it trying to find her. Trying to find her warmth, her own beating heart. But you only could feel your own, your own shattering one.

You were staining the sheets with blood. Destroying that already broken place that you had been to scared to walk into. But you couldn’t care less. ‘Cause maybe that’s what would make you finally clean them up and put them inside her wardrobe, which peeked open at your right. Maybe…, this new blood could make you move on, even if it hurt.

You closed your eyes, ignoring the stickiness of your body, the weight of your drenched clothes, and cried. Cried in the silence that she had left behind, cried in the fear that had caved in you today after years of fearless guts.

For the first time in a year you had been scared. Scared of this world. Scared of a new death. Scared of your heart breaking again.

-

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[tired-fandom-ndn]

ok but adaine growing comfortable in elvish culture after reconnecting with the family

aelwyn has always been better at the whole being an elf from fallinel thing because she had more time growing up there than adaine

yes she knows what’s expected of an elf but it comes off way more robotic and family members are like “why are you being so formal we’re family you dont need to do that for me”

and after a couple stays and visits she’s embraced her elvish nature while still being herself. not the mask of perfection her parents expected her to act like at all times

Oh gosh, I love this.

I can imagine Angwyn and Arianwen as the sort of people to just. Completely disregard any aspects of their culture that aren't convenient for them, that don't make them look better and feel more important.

They eat food and display art from Fallinel, but only the "highest" class things. They speak Elven at home, but only the most common dialect and they trained Aelwyn and Adaine's accents out of them. They claim to only respect other high elves, but are disgusted and disappointed by any aspect of Fallinel's culture that isn't absolute perfection. Their home, clothes, and general behaviors are all very typically Solesian upper-class.

You're so right about Aelwyn, like even just the couple of years between them was enough to give Aelwyn more of an established identity as a Fallinel elf than Adaine had, especially since Adaine was probably more isolated and held to a different standard than Aelwyn in terms of interacting with other people and engaging in their culture. She sometimes slips back into her accent when speaking Elven (something Adaine is bitterly jealous of), she's more familiar with Fallinel music, and she's up to date on politics and events in Fallinel in ways Adaine isn't because she wasn't given that opportunity by their parents.

(When they're younger, that's just another thing for their parents to pit them against each other over, another thing for Aelwyn to lord over her sister. When they reconnect, it's something they both struggle with, the ways they've been denied their culture and especially Adaine's bitterness and grief at what she should've had.)

Before reconnecting with her family, I would bet that Adaine's main exposures to Fallinel culture were her parents (who could've lied about a lot of shit, to make Adaine feel bad for not meeting "Elven standards" while also shaping her into being as quiet and obedient as possible) and Telemaine (who I'm pretty sure is meant to be a weird forest hermit and not a reflection of overall Fallinel), so her perceptions are. Warped. She's not prepared for her loud and affectionate family, chattering away at her and talking over each other while children run around underfoot. Yes, they're weird in very distinctly elf ways and pretty disconnected from the world, but they're also bright and energetic and eager to listen to what Adaine and Aelwyn have to say.

I definitely think Adaine would fall back into the habits her parents trained into her, but her family members would respond with just open affection and jokes about how she behaves like a diplomat how just needs to relax, she's with family! Parents send their kids over to play with Adaine and Aelwyn in an attempt to get them relax more and they're constantly plied with food and drinks and the sort of easy affection that they've always seen in other families but have never experienced in their own. One of their aunts manages to pin Adaine down to do her hair in some elaborate style of braids and hairpieces (pins and flowers mostly, maybe some birds) that went out of fashion hundreds of years ago.

I like the idea of Adaine and Aelwyn traveling through Fallinel, visiting scattered family members and learning about real Fallinel cuisine and art and fashion, picking up different dialects as they travel and finding out how fake the idea of an unchanging culture is, how much of what they know is just propaganda invented by the Fallinel upper-class to try to keep people in line. Adaine finds it a lot easier to accept and embrace that part of herself when she sees how Fallinel isn't some pristine and perfect place untouched by the world, that it's a real place home to messy and complicated people and it has space for someone like her.

[whoslai]

Off The Menu - Lee Heeseung (Chapter 5)

genre: angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, eventual smut!! (you’re responsible for what you consume, read at your own risk)

warnings: unprotected sex, overstimulation (f), slightly angsty but not really, don’t wanna spoil too much. ⚠️

send me an ask if you’d like to be tagged! thank you to all my new followers, you guys are amazing for supporting me. please interact and give me as much feedback as you’d like (don’t be an ass tho, no need to spread negativity.

authors note: this chapter took me so long to write, i’m so so sorry. this is more of a filler ykwim..more to come

word count: 7k

link to series masterlist or whatever

Chapter 5: “Let Me Love You”

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‘Dating’ Heeseung wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. As strong as your feelings were for him, he wasn’t the most catering partner in the world. But could you even truly call him your boyfriend? Not once had he referred to you as his girlfriend nor had he even bothered to ask you out OFFICIALLY.

During the time you spent with him over winter break, you’d wanted to ex out other women from his life but you slowly came to realize that almost all of the contacts in his phone were women. And not to mention all the workers at his job were ALSO all women. It was a lost cause so you completely gave that stupid idea up.

As much thought and consideration you’d put into getting Hana out of his life, getting the women out of his contacts, it was pointless.

However, you couldn’t dwell on it too much. As much as you’d thought about him, you were back to school throughout the day, studying all night, and taking tests at the end of the week.

Second semester was always the hardest to get through for you. You’d often burn out by March and have to cry your way through May. So, with the combination of Heeseung’s lack of intimate communication and your homework, you were slowly falling apart.

Worrying about why he wasn’t answering his phone to cramming studying in…it wasn’t going well for you. You also had yet to get a refill on your medication, and you could feel the world around you crumbling into small pieces…but you just couldn’t afford a refill. The plane ticket you’d bought to go home took just about all of your money. It’s not like you had a job, you couldn’t just buy what you want. And you wouldn’t dare ask Heeseung to buy it for you, you’d yet to ask him to get you anything. You were afraid he’d say no. While there wasn’t anything that led you to believe he’d say no, it was just a hunch.

But again, you couldn't deny that Heeseung's lack of commitment was starting to contribute to the downfall of your health. As much as you wanted him to be your boyfriend, you couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way. It was frustrating not knowing where you stood in the relationship, and it made you feel insecure and unsure.

With schoolwork and personal struggles piling up, you couldn't dwell on him too much. You spent many long hours studying and taking tests, leaving little time for anything else, specifically him.

The days continued to go by, you found yourself struggling to keep up with everything. You would try to call or text Heeseung for support, but he would often take hours to respond, leaving you feeling even more anxious and alone.

One night, you caved and texted him.

Taking a deep breath, you placed your phone down on your nightstand and stared ahead. You hoped he wouldn’t take hours to respond to you as he normally did as you needed to get your thoughts off your chest as soon as possible.

Your phone vibrated after a while, and you slowly picked it back up.

Slowly, you typed back.

You read over your texts, waiting for his response. His typing bubble popped up, only to be quickly stricken away. His side of the chat stayed empty for a while, and then he replied.

Taking another deep breath, you looked up at your ceiling and thought about a response. You didn’t want to accuse him of anything nor did you want to downplay what you felt.

Frustrated tears fell from your eyes as you read his last message. How could he be treating you like this? Just a few weeks ago, everything was fine and you were cuddled up in his arms. You didn’t want him to just…act like this. Surely something else was wrong.

You rang his phone, glancing over at your sleeping roommate before you made your way out to the common area. He answered with a loud sigh on the other end of the call.

“What is it, Y/N?” he asked. “I don’t feel like arguing about this.”

You sniffed, wiping your tears, “I don’t want to argue either, Heeseung. I just don’t understand why you’re being so mean to me.”

“I’m not being mean.” He said. I have other priorities right now. I can't just drop everything to make you feel better.”

“You are being mean.” you whined. “I asked you to put more effort into talking to me, and you blatantly told me that you're not willing to change to help me feel some type of reassurance.”

“Look, Y/N, I'm sorry if I'm not meeting your expectations, but I have my own life to live,” Heeseung retorted, his tone becoming more defensive. “I can't just be at your beck and call all the time.”

“I'm not asking you to be at my beck and call,” you protested. “I just want to feel like you care about me.”

Heeseung replied, his voice growing more impatient. “I have my own way of doing things, and if you can't accept that, then maybe we're not meant to be together.”

You felt tears welling up in your eyes as you realized how stubborn he was being. “So, you're just going to give up on us because you can't be bothered to show me a little bit of affection?”

“Not what I said.” Heeseung sighed. “I'm just saying that you can't expect me to change who I am just to make you happy.”

“I'm not asking you to change who you are,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady. “I'm just asking you to show me that you care about me.”

“Well, I don't know what else to say,” Heeseung said with a hint of annoyance. “I'm doing the best I can, but if that's not good enough for you, then maybe we should just end this.”

You felt your heart break as you realized that he was serious. “So that’s it? Only a few weeks into a relationship and you’re already willing to end it?” you cried, your voice barely above a whisper.

“Y/N, it's not about the length of our relationship,” Heeseung said, his tone softening slightly. “It's about whether we can make it work in the long run. And if we can't find a way to meet each other's needs, then maybe it's better to end things now before we get too invested.”

“But I don't want to end things,” you said, feeling desperate. “I just want us to work on our communication and show each other that we care.”

“Sometimes it feels like you want too much.” Heeseung said, his voice sharp. “Before we even dated, you asked too much of me.

You felt a pang of hurt as you heard him say that. “What do you mean I want too much? I just want a healthy, loving relationship. Is that too much to ask for?”

“I'm not saying that it is,” Heeseung replied, his tone becoming more defensive. “But you have to understand that I have limitations too. I can't always be there for you every second of the day.”

“I know that,” you said, trying to keep your voice steady. “But I just want us to make time for each other and show that we care.”

“I care about you, kid.” Heeseung said, his tone odd. “More than you might think.”

“It doesn’t feel like you do.” You admitted to him, feeling hurt from the lack of remorse in his voice.

“I’ve done a lot for you, to keep you happy…in my own way, of course. I could just stop trying completely, but you wouldn’t like that, right?” He said. “Or are you going to freak out like last time and threaten to fuck someone else again?”

Taking a deep breath in, you shook your head at his words. “You didn’t have to bring that up.”

“Why not? I’m allowed to bring stuff up just like you are.” he said. “If you can attack me over my behavior, I’ll do the same.”

“You know what, just forget it.” You said. “I’m done.”

“Okay, bye.” He said, hanging up the phone.

You felt hurt and frustrated as the call ended so abruptly. You couldn't believe that he would bring up something from the past just to hurt you. You knew that communication was key in any relationship, but you couldn't keep having these kinds of conversations with him. It was draining and emotionally exhausting.

As you sat there, feeling lost and alone, you realized that maybe it was time for you to bring the issue to him in person. The constant texts and calls weren’t fulfilling your concerns, you needed to see his face, see if he had any genuine reaction to what you said…or if he truly did lack remorse for your tears.

With a heavy heart, you walked back to your room and grabbed your keys. Your feet carried you to your car as your mind remained in a state of tunnel vision, unable to stop yourself from speeding to his house, afraid that that conversation over the phone may be your last.

You drove in silence, tightly gripping onto the wheel as you passed through each individual city, surrounded by the moon, the stars, and occasional street lights.

The appearance of a beach signaled that you were close to Malibu, and you retraced your steps to his house.

You looked around his neighborhood before pulling into the parking garage, making your way to the door and inputting the code. It was nearly 4 in the morning, you were unsure of whether he was even still awake as about 2 hours had passed since you’d talked to him, but you couldn’t help yourself. You had to see him, to talk to him, face to face.

You made your way up the stairs to his apartment, and found it, knocking on the door. You wait for a bit, not hearing footsteps on the other side of the door, so you knock again.

Still no answer. You stood there, feeling the weight of disappointment and rejection settling in your chest. Did he ignore your calls and texts, only to avoid you in person too? You couldn't help but feel foolish for coming all the way here, but something inside you refused to give up just yet.

You tried calling him again, but it went straight to voicemail. You left a message, telling him that you were outside his door and that you needed to talk to him. You waited a few more minutes, hoping he would come to the door, but there was still no response.

Feeling defeated, you turned to leave, you heard a sound from inside the apartment. It was faint, but unmistakable - the sound of someone shuffling around.

Your heart leapt in your chest as you knocked on the door again, this time louder. After a few moments, you heard the sound of the lock turning, and the door slowly creaked open.

There he was, standing in front of you, his eyes bleary with sleep and his hair disheveled. He looked surprised to see you, but didn't say anything.

You took a deep breath, gathering your courage. "Can we talk?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.

He looked at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. He glanced behind him, before making his way out of his place and closed the door behind him, leaning against it as he looked down at you. “Y/N…don’t tell me you drove all the way over here this late at night…”

You looked up at him, feeling a mix of emotions. You were hurt, frustrated, and exhausted, but you were also determined to make things right. "I had to," you replied, your voice shaking slightly. "I couldn't keep having these conversations over the phone. I needed to see you, to talk to you in person."

He shook his head, “No, you can’t just drive to my house like this.”

You felt your heart sink at his words, and a knot formed in your stomach. "I know," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I just...I didn't know what else to do. I had to see you."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I understand that," he said. "But you can't just show up like this. It's not fair to me.”

You nodded, feeling tears prick at the corners of your eyes. You knew he was right, but you couldn't help feeling like you had no other option. "I'm sorry," you said softly. “I just..I just want you to want me the same way I want you.”

He sighed, “I do want you, Y/N," he said, his voice gentle. “But now is not a good time.”

“I can’t come in?” You asked him, “Why not? Am I supposed to drive all the way back to campus?”

“You drove all the way here…I’m sure you can drive back.” He said, tapping his fingers against the door, occasionally glancing behind you.

“I can’t believe you right now.” You huffed, “Can I at least use the bathroom?”

He hesitated for a moment before nodding, stepping aside to let you in. You walked past him, feeling a mix of relief and apprehension as you entered his apartment. It was dark and quiet, and you couldn't help feeling like an intruder as you made your way to the bathroom. You closed the door behind you, taking a deep breath as you looked at yourself in the mirror.

You couldn't deny the tears that were streaming down your face, and you couldn't help feeling like you'd made a mistake by coming here. But you also knew that you had to try, that you couldn't just give up without a fight. You splashed some water on your face, taking a deep breath before making your way back out into the living room.

He was sitting on the couch, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked at you. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice soft.

You shook your head, feeling the tears welling up again. "No, I'm not okay," you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "I feel like we're just going in circles, like we're never going to get anywhere."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah…” You sighed, heading to the door as you didn’t feel welcome in his place, only for him to clear his throat. “Come sit down with me.”

You hesitated for a moment, but then you turned around and walked back to the couch. You sat down next to him, feeling a little uneasy.

He put his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. "So what is it that is truly bothering you?”

“I’m bothered by…us acting like a couple but not having an official label, by you only contacting me at night, and by this weird feeling I get when I come to your apartment.” You told him.

He listened quietly as you spoke, his expression serious. When you finished, he took a deep breath and turned to face you. "I understand why you feel that way," he said. "And I'm sorry if I've made you feel like you're not important to me."

You looked at him, surprised by his words. You had expected him to get defensive or dismissive, but instead he was being open and honest with you.

He continued, "I've been hesitant to put a label on our relationship because I didn't want to rush into anything," he continued. "But I understand that it may be causing you confusion and anxiety, and I don't want that for you."

He paused for a moment, taking your hand in his. "As for contacting you only at night, I know it may seem like I'm only interested in one thing, but that's not the case. I just have a busy schedule during the day, and I enjoy spending time with you in the evenings when I can relax and unwind."

He looked at you, his eyes searching for yours. "And as for this weird feeling you get when you come to my apartment, I'm not sure what that's about. But if it's making you uncomfortable, we can talk about finding a new place to spend time together."

You felt a weight lifting off your shoulders as he spoke. It was like he had been reading your mind, addressing all of your concerns.

"Thank you for being honest with me," you said,your voice soft. "I appreciate it."

He gave you a small smile. "Of course.”

You leaned in and kissed him, only to be met by a small peck and for him to pull away.

You looked at him in confusion, but didn’t have time to question it as he had gotten up and glanced up at the clock behind him. “Why don’t we regroup sometime soon and talk more about this, yeah?”

“Why’d you pull away from my kiss like that?” You asked him.

He shook his head, “I just..am really tired and I’m ready to go back to sleep.”

“So I really have to drive all the way back to campus?” You asked him, standing up.

“Y/N, I didn’t tell you to drive here at 4 in the morning.” He sighed. “What do you want me to do about that?”

You rolled your eyes, “Whatever.” Pushing past him, you walked towards the front door, waiting for him to come and unlock it.

He followed you to the door and unlocked it, but as you stepped out, he grabbed your arm gently.

"Hey, wait," he said, his voice apologetic. "I didn't mean to come across as dismissive. I don’t have any energy right now…to do anything, you know?”

You looked at him, feeling a mix of frustration and hurt. You had been hoping for more, but it seemed like he wasn't interested in taking things further.

"I understand," you said, your voice sounding far colder than you intended.

You walked away without looking back, feeling a knot in your stomach.

As you drove back to campus, you tried to push the thoughts away. Though he combatted all of your doubts, you just weren’t sure. It wasn’t like him to kick you out, especially without engaging in any type of..hug or something. It was just odd.

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Over the next few days, you found yourself dwelling on the encounter with him. You couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, and you couldn't help but wonder if he was really as tired as he claimed to be.

You decided to give him some space, hoping that maybe he would reach out to you. But days turned into a week, and still, you hadn't heard from him.

You couldn't take it anymore. You needed to know where things stood between you two. So, you mustered up the courage to text him.

"hey, can we talk?" - You.

It took a few minutes for him to respond, but eventually, your phone beeped with a notification.

"Sure, what's up?" - heeseung <3

You took a deep breath and typed out your thoughts, explaining how you felt confused and unsure about where things stood between you two.

When he didn't respond right away, you started to panic. Maybe you had been right all along, and he wasn't interested in taking things further.

But then, your phone beeped again.

"It’s best if we have this conversation in person. I’m not a big fan of having it over the phone.” - heeseung <3

You took a deep breath, feeling a mix of relief and nerves. At least he was willing to talk to you in person.

"k, when is a good time for you?"- You.

“How about tomorrow evening? We can meet up at that coffee shop we like?" - heeseung <3

You agreed, feeling a sense of anticipation. You didn't know what he was going to say, but you knew that you needed to have this conversation.

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The next evening, you arrived at the coffee shop early after you’d finished all your classes, feeling nervous. You ordered a latte and sat down at a table in the corner, waiting for him to arrive.

When he walked in, you felt a flutter in your chest. He looked so handsome, with his hair styled perfectly and his clothes fitting him just right.

He walked over to your table and sat down, looking at you with a serious expression.

"Y/N.” He said, “You look pretty.”

You nodded, thanking him, “You look nice as well.”

“Thank you.” He said. “How are your classes coming along?”

“Fine.” You said, crossing your arms.

He noticed your body language and frowned slightly. "Is everything okay?" he asked, sensing that something was bothering you.

You hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to respond. You didn't want to ruin the conversation by bringing up your concerns, but at the same time, you knew that you needed to address them.

"Are we going to sit here and have this small talk the entire time? Or are we going to actually talk about us?” You asked him.

He nodded, “Right. Sure, let’s talk.”

You took a deep breath, “Are we dating? Officially?”

He was quiet for a second, before replying, “I don’t think we’ve made it official..?”

“Do you want to?” You asked.

He glanced to the side before leaning forward on the table, “If that’s what you would like, then I’d like it as well.”

You shook your head, “Don’t think about me, think about yourself. Because you know that this is my first time doing this stuff. I like you a lot but I’m not stupid.”

He nodded, “I like you as well, Y/N.”

“Your actions aren’t backing up your words.” You told him. “I want to believe you but I don’t.”

“What do you want me to do?” He asked, sitting back in his seat. “Just tell me what you want.”

“Make me believe you. I really want to…but I really don't.” You told him, sitting back in your seat as you watched him stare at you as if he was trying to sort through his thoughts.

He took a deep breath, rubbing his hands on his pants as he stood to his feet. He reached into his pocket, throwing money onto the table and said, “Meet me at my house.”

“Why?”

He shrugged, “Just meet me there.” He walked out of the cafe before you, and pulled off. You groaned to yourself, annoyed at the whole encounter. There he was again, avoiding answering questions that you wanted answered, trying to brush them off and change topics.

You got up, walked out to your car and sat there for a while, wondering if you’d actually go to his place or not. You didn’t know what he wanted, and just the other day he was barely letting you step foot inside.

After a few minutes of contemplation, you decided to go to his place. You knew that you needed to have a serious conversation with him and figure out where the two of you stood. You drove to his apartment, parked your car in the parking garage, and walked up to the building, putting in the code. You made your way up to his place and knocked on the door, waiting for him to answer.

After a bit, he opened the door and moved out of the way so you could walk in. He closed it behind you and said, “Are you hungry? Thirsty?”

“No.” You said, crossing your arms and turning to him, “Why did you have me come here?”

He looked at you with a serious expression. "I wanted to talk to you in a more private setting. I know I haven't been the most communicative person lately, and I wanted to make it up to you."

You raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

"I like you, Y/N," he said, looking at you directly. "I do. And I know that I haven't been showing it enough. I want to change that.”

You felt a mix of emotions – relief and skepticism. You had heard these words before, and you weren't sure if he was really ready to follow through on them.

“How are you going to do that?” You asked him.

He opened the fridge, took out a water bottle and drank some of it. “Well, I’m more of a physical person, not a verbal one.”

“Okay?” You questioned, “And what?”

“I’m gonna show you, not tell you. Words aren’t enough.” He said, placing his water bottle down and reaching out for your hands. “Do you trust me?”

“I do.” You told him, holding his hands.

He intertwined his fingers with your own, leading you back to his room with a small smile on his face.

He threw you back onto the bed, closing the door behind you both and locking it. You felt a rush of excitement and a hint of fear as he locked the door. You trusted him, but you couldn't help wondering what he had in store for you. He leaned down and planted a soft kiss on your lips, sending a shiver down your spine.

Without a word, he began to undress you, his fingers moving slowly over your skin. You close your eyes and let yourself be swept away by the sensations, the touch of his hands, the warmth of his breath on your skin.

As he finished undressing you, he climbed onto the bed and began to explore your body with his hands and lips. You moaned softly as he found all the right spots, his touch sending waves of pleasure through your body.

Heeseung moved down your body, and paused at your hips and looked up at you with a mischievous smile.

“What?” You asked, your voice low, almost as a whisper.

He was quiet, only lifting your legs up to rest on his shoulders.

He left a few kisses on your inner thighs, before his lips found their way to your most lower setted lips. You gasped as he began to pleasure you with his tongue, his skilled movements driving you to the brink of ecstasy.

His nose pressed against your clit as his tongue thrusted inside of your tight hole and you arched your back, moaning his name as he continued to work his magic, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

Your fingers intertwined into his hair, pulling him closer to you as you rocked your hips against his face.

“H-Heeseung…” You moaned and tugged at the roots of his hair, in turns causing him to moan in return. The vibrations of his throat sent rapid pleasure to your core, making you moan even more.

Finally, you couldn't hold back any longer, and you reached your climax, your body shaking with pleasure as your orgasm coated over every inch of your body. You covered your mouth, holding back the cries that so desperately wanted to rip through.

Heeseungs hand flew up to your wrist, tugging it down from your mouth. “Don’t cover your mouth.” He said, climbing up to meet your face. “I want to hear you.”

You looked up at him, panting heavily, and nodded in obedience. He leaned in and kissed you deeply, tasting yourself on his lips. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him close, and he held you tight, his body pressed against yours.

For a few moments, you simply lay there, catching your breath and reveling in the intensity of the moment. But eventually, he kissed your cheek, making his way down to your jaw, then to your neck.

As he kissed your neck, you let out a soft moan, the sensation sending shivers down your spine. You ran your hands over his clothed back, feeling his muscles tense and relax under your touch. He continued to kiss and nibble at your neck, his hands roaming over your body, exploring every curve and crevice.

After a few minutes, he lifted his head and looked into your eyes. "I want to make love to you," he said, his voice low and husky.

You looked into his eyes, seeing the desire and passion burning within them, and you knew that you were ready. You nodded, and he leaned in to kiss you again, deepening the kiss as he pressed his body against yours.

He slipped his t-shirt over his head, tossing it to the side and kissed you once more before lifting himself up and doing away with the rest of his clothes.

His hands slid up to your waist, lifting your back up as he reached for a pillow and positioned it underneath you.

As Heeseung positioned himself between your legs, you could feel your heart racing with anticipation. His fingers traced delicate patterns along your skin, sending shivers down your spine. You ran your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to you as he leaned down to kiss you once more.

The tip of his cock pressed against your opening, slowly slipping inside as one of his hands held your thigh apart from the other.

He felt so much larger than what you’d remembered. You gasped as Heeseung pushed inside you, feeling the fullness of him as he stretched you in all the right ways. He moaned softly against your lips as he began to move inside you, his hips rocking back and forth in a steady rhythm.

His arms wrapped around you as he let more of his body weight onto you, resting his face in the crook of your neck, fastening his powerful thrusts and causing you both to rut the headboard against the wall.

As the pleasure built inside you, you clung to him, your nails digging into his back as you urged him on. You could feel the heat building between you, the intensity of your lovemaking becoming almost overwhelming. You cried out in pleasure as Heeseung hit just the right spot inside you, sending waves of ecstasy through your body.

The both of you approached the peak of pleasure as you clung to each other, lost in the moment. Finally, with a shudder and a moan, you both came together, the intensity of your release leaving you breathless and spent.

Only, he didn’t stop, overstimulating your sensitive walls as you cried, begging him to slow down.

Heeseung ignored your cries, reaching down to rub your throbbing clit against his rough fingers, inducing a weird sensation in your pelvis.

“Heeseung, please..” Your voice quivered, tears from exhaustion coating over your body.

He ignored you, once again, and caught your lips in a kiss as he harshly pressed down against your sensitive button. As quickly as he’d done that, your back arched up and warm liquid shot out of you, coating over his chest and the bed underneath you both.

You couldn’t even react to what happened before another orgasm rippled out of the both of you. He collapsed into your arms, both of you exhausted but deeply satisfied, wrapped in each other's embrace.

As Heeseung and you lay there, wrapped in each other's arms, your heart beats slowly returning to normal, you couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of admiration and contentment. You gazed at him, admiring his messy hair and low-lidded eyes as he nestled closer to you, the intensity of the moment still hanging in the air.

After a second or two, he got up. “Are you okay?”

You glanced down at the wet spots on the bed and your liquidy essence dripped down from his torso. “I’m so embarrassed. I literally pissed.”

Heeseung smiled, shaking his head and helping you sit up. “I wouldn’t call it pee.”

“What is it then?” You asked him.

“Mmm..” He hummed, glancing around, “A squirt.”

You narrowed your gaze at him. “Um well, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get it all over your bed.”

He shook his head, walking out of his room, soon coming back with two towels, “It’s okay.” He smiled. “Now come shower with me, sweet girl.”

You got up with him, following him into the bathroom as he turned the shower on.

As the warm water cascaded down your bodies, you couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort and safety with him. The tension that had been building between you since you first met seemed to dissipate in the steam-filled bathroom.

He leaned in and planted a soft kiss on your lips, causing your heart to race. You had never felt this way before, and the intensity of your feelings for him scared you.

But as he continued to kiss you, you could feel your inhibitions melting away. You ran your hands through his wet hair, pulling him closer to you.

After a few minutes, you reluctantly pulled away, feeling a little embarrassed by your boldness. But he just smiled and pulled you into a hug.

"I know this is new and scary for you," he whispered, bringing his lips closer to your ear, "but I promise to take things at your pace. I won't push you beyond what you're comfortable with."

You nodded, feeling grateful for his understanding. “Okay..”

“And I’m sorry, Y/N.” He sighed, holding you closer to him as the water coated over both of your bodies.

“For?” You asked him, resting your head on his chest.

“For not being a good…whatever. Boyfriend, causal friend, whatever you want to call me.” He said. “I know I’m your first…everything. I’m sorry for being so absent.”

You looked up at him, noticing the glint of vulnerability in his eyes. “And I’m sorry for being so crazy.” You smiled, “I should tone it down a bit.”

“It’s okay, really.” He said, “I know you don’t mean any harm, baby. Don’t apologize for expressing your feelings to me, okay?”

You nodded, “Okay.”

He left one more kiss on your forehead before you both stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around yourself.

You lotioned up in his room with him, enjoying his presence with a few exchanged words and changing into a large shirt of his.

Once you both laid in bed, he flipped you both over, gently resting your head against his chest as he pulled the bed sheets up to cover you both and held onto you. He leaned in to place a gentle kiss on your lips, his hand caressing your cheek.

You closed your eyes and savored the moment, feeling his warmth and steady heartbeat against your cheek. You felt safe and protected in his embrace, and a sense of peace settled over you.

As his hand continued to caress your cheek, you opened your eyes and looked up into his deep brown eyes. They were filled with tenderness and affection, and you could feel yourself falling deeper in love with him.

"I want to take care of you," he said softly, "to make you happy and keep you safe. Will you let me do that?"

You nodded, feeling tears prick at the corners of your eyes. This was the Heeseung you wanted to see. You missed this affectionate and caring Heeseung. His words were back to touching your heart in ways that you couldn't explain.

"I will" you whispered, snuggling closer to him.

He smiled down at you, his eyes shining with emotion. "I won't let you down," he promised.

As you drifted off to sleep in his arms, you felt a sense of contentment wash over you. You knew that there would be challenges and obstacles in your relationship, but you were ready to face them together, with his love and support by your side. He was finally yours…right?

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ ✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ 　✼✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　

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[identitty-dickruption]

i think i get why saying everyone is a bit autistic/adhd/etc is bad but could you elaborate on your opinion on why?

thanks :)

yeah of course!

first and foremost it almost always comes across as incredibly dismissive and invalidating. this is usually because “everyone is a little bit [insert thing here]” tends to come up in response to someone talking about their own experiences with that thing. for example, if I say “I can’t read tone due to my autism”, someone else responding with “oh everyone’s a bit autistic” completely dismisses the struggle I’m trying to voice

it also tends to simplify the issue or make it one-dimensional. as in. when people say that everyone struggles with a particular thing, they have an image in their head of what that thing looks like. when they say “everyone has an addiction”, they are (by definition) not acknowledging the complexities and realities of addiction. the same is true for any other problem that someone might claim is universal

and that’s the thing, right? these problems aren’t universal. we put a name to problems for a reason, and usually the reason is that we are different from most other people in the ways we interact with the world and in the ways we struggle. if addiction or autism or adhd or whatever else were universal, we wouldn’t need those labels in the first place!

I’m not saying we’re completely different from all other people or that people aren’t allowed to relate to us. it is true that everyone loses focus sometimes and everyone has experienced miscommunications and everyone has felt shame etc etc etc. it is a good thing that more people are able to relate to us and (for some) to feel more compassion towards us through that

it’s just that there are limits to that, and someone who does not share a particular disorder/experience will never be able to fully understand or capture the full complexities of those experiences (and that’s also okay!)

hope this helps :)

[imtrashraccoon]

Do you have any romantic headcanons or headcanons in general for dirk, maul and reven? Dovovan can be added into the mix too! Just curious on those three since we've only seen how they interact with somebody who they are fighting against, being soulmates with their boss and joining the team. :o so curious on how they would do with somebody they fall for.

Oh boy, oh boy, do I?! So, I'm actually gonna just spitball some general headcanons as well because I love these guys and need to write for them!

The Dark Fortress: Headcanons

Dirk

- He's a really crass kind of person. You've never heard so many different ways to curse before meeting him and most of the time, you have no idea what half of what he says even means. He's also loud, obnoxious, and endlessly flirtatious towards anyone remotely attractive in his eyes. No one is safe, even those in commited relationships, but his advances aren't ever serious. Well, except for when they are.

- He struggles to feel much of anything most days. Which is why he acts the way he does most of the time. He needs stimulation. He needs to stay busy. He needs to interact with people or he'll go crazy. Depending what phase his soul is at the moment also impacts how he responds to people. He doesn't really like talking about his soul though.

- Despite what you might think, and what he insists, he's not from high society. He had very simple beginnings, think a farmer or something to do with physical labour, but he never talks about his childhood. If it ever comes up, he gets deathly quiet and withdrawn. You get the sense that whatever actually happened to him was pretty bad if the guy who never shuts up suddenly refuses to talk.

- He doesn't really talk about anything before he joined up with the band of brigands actually. He likes to boast about all the heists he took part in and how much he made from them. He doesn't talk about what happened to cause him to snap completely and kill the people he used to call brothers, but considering how much he values loyalty, you suspect it's somehow related.

- He's a huge flirt but somewhat surprisingly, he won't pressure you into anything that you aren't comfortable with. If you clearly tell him to stop, he will, no questions asked. He mostly flirts for his own amusement since he finds other people's reactions incredibly funny. He does get up to his own escapades whenever the opportunity presents itself, which isn't as often anymore now that he works for Donovan.

- As for how he'd react towards something more long term? You'd think a guy with a penchant for messing around and flirting with anything that breaths might be a poor choice in a partner. His unyielding loyalty means that he'll be there for you through anything and everything, providing you do the same for him. He's your ride or die, but woe to anyone foolish enough to betray his loyalty.

- With Dirk as a partner, you will never be bored as he won't allow it. He struggles with any type of emotion that isn't passion or violence, but once you become close with him, you'll begin to see an entirely different person.

- Dirk is oddly sweet when he's alone with you. He loves snuggling, usually he'll insist on being the big spoon, and will often find excuses to stay in bed with you. He's a physical touch kind of person already, generally giving it, but he would love it if you did the same for him.

- He's really good at giving compliments and if you're feeling down, he's quick to try and cheer you up. You're his rock and if you're sad, he's gonna be sad and neither of you want to see that.

- He's still a really dangerous person though, even with all his obnoxiousness and flirting. No matter how long you're in a relationship, he's still scared of accidentally hurting you. Oddly enough, being around you does calm him down if he's worked up, so unless he's in an actually dangerous state of mind, you might get shoved into the same room as him if any of the others need him to calm down quickly.

- While he enjoys killing people for the chance to get more EXP, Dirk has a couple of more "normal" hobbies. He likes to "collect" weapons and cool looking armour, even if he won't actually use most of them. He just likes having dangerous and shiny things. He also likes animals, especially cats, but most animals don't do well around the corruption from the dark fortress. If you somehow find him a pet that can survive, you'll be his best friend for a while.

- He knows how to properly use most types of weapons, even some obscure ones, but he prefers a dagger since it's easier to sneak into places he's not supposed to have weapons. He's totally the type to have multiple knives hidden on his person at all times, sometimes even while sleeping.

Maul

- If Dirk is the loudest and most energetic, Maul is the quietest and generally the calmest. He speaks pretty much only when spoken to and when the question can't be answered with a simple yes or no. Even then, he keeps his answers brief and moves on to whatever he was already doing before being interrupted. This changes when he realizes that he likes you though.

- Maul generally keeps to himself when Donovan doesn't have need of him. He's basically a brick wall most of the time anyways, but he does show some emotions at times. This is mostly the occasional grin, raising a bonebrow, or frowning if he's annoyed. It's rare for him to emote since he doesn't want people to know what he's thinking, but occasionally he'll catch himself reacting to something genuinely funny or express some of his frustrations.

- Maul mostly spends his free time doing chores like sharpening his greataxe, maintaining his gear and armour, or working on his hobbies. He enjoys cooking, especially baking, and often is the one in charge of meals. Except for maybe Donovan, who is at least competent in the kitchen, he's the only one who can cook well. Maul also likes taking care of animals or gardening, although it's harder to do either of those now that he's staying in the dark fortress.

- He doesn't talk about himself, at all. If you can somehow start a conversation with him, he'll talk about literally anything else but his past or the things he's done. Just be patient, as his idea of a conversation is letting you do the bulk of the talking while he listens, usually while doing something else, and occasionally answering with grunts or one word answers.

- The thing is, while Dirk is immediately up front if he likes you, Maul isn't really, at least not to any outside observers. He's just doing normal things that anyone would do for others, right? He'll randomly make foods you like, bring you something to drink or eat if you've been busy for a while, and come see you just to "hang out". To the others, it's very, very obvious that he likes you as he pretty much ignores them most of the time, but you might have a more difficult time figuring it out.

- He even starts to engage with you about topics he's knowledgeable on. He knows exactly how to sharpen any weapon or tool and while he may not have as much martial knowledge as Reven, he could probably still teach you a thing or two about throwing your weight around in battle. He doesn't do sneaky or small weapons though so if you want tips, you're fresh out of luck with him.

- He'd love it if you joined in on whatever he's working on. Making food for others is one of his ways of showing he cares, so to do it with a partner is a great way to bond with him. You'll get bonus points if you have experience cooking/baking already, especially if you've memorized recipes or have made up some of your own.

- Maybe when you get really close, he might let you in on his backstory, although it'll take a while to put together all the pieces since he isn't gonna sit you down and explain everything at once. Instead you'll get little comments here and there randomly like how he learned to get meat to stretch as far as possible or how much he despises tyrants. He definitely didn't come from wealth but it's hard to tell if he had a simple upbringing like Dirk or if he was enlisted into military service at a young age. He doesn't care how anyone perceives him anymore but he struggles with believing that anyone could find him anything but scary.

- His head injury has impacted his memory and changed a lot about how he processes emotions and approaches situations. He sometimes takes a bit to respond to questions but at least combat still comes as naturally to him as breathing does. He's much more patient as a result and takes his time doing tasks so they're done correctly the first time.

- He's a very doting lover. All he wants is to have a calm, relaxed life without having to fight for survival each day. If he had his way, you wouldn't have to lift a finger for anything. Things like breakfast in bed and cuddles in the evening by a fireplace are a regular occurrence. He also loves physical touch, both giving and especially receiving, but his larger size makes it a bit difficult for him to be the small spoon while cuddling.

- He's also majorly protective, almost like a guard dog. If he thinks someone's bothering you, he'll come up to you, wrap his arms around you, and frown at them. To you, he doesn't look that scary, but to anyone else outside the dark fortress, he's downright terrifying. He's not above growling at people if they don't get the message but unless you're in an actually dangerous situation, he's more likely to pick you up and leave than actually start a fight. Not that it would be much of a fight for him, but he doesn't enjoy needlessly killing people, especially in front of you.

- He experiences nightmares and zoning out fairly often. He's been through a lot before joining Donovan, including a coup that overthrew the monarchy which resulted in a famine and caused many citizens to suffer. He stood by as people starved and did nothing but follow orders like a good soldier should. It took his own brother attempting to stand up to the tyrannical general for him to act. In the resulting conflict, he was mortally injured although he survived. The head injury left him with a memory gap so that he isn't certain who walked away from the fight or who was dusted. He doesn't even know if his brother made it out or not.

Reven

- Reven is somewhere in the middle, although he tends to be a bit more quiet rather than chatty like Dirk. He generally likes to sit back and observe the situation before injecting himself. He's a schemer by nature and thanks to his incredible observation skills, he often notices details that others won't. If he's approaching you to talk before you have a chance to approach him, it's likely because he thinks he can get something from you.

- He's prone to random outbursts of laughter, especially if the room has been quiet for a while. If asked what's so funny, he usually attempts to brush the question off by claiming that you wouldn't get it. He's aware that it probably makes him look insane but it's the truth.

- He won't readily admit it but he hears the voice of his dead brother constantly as he's haunted by him. It's unclear if it's actually his brother's soul or just a figment of his insanity, but Reven fully believes that he literally has his brother haunting him. While his brother normally has murderous tendencies, if that behaviour isn't directed towards you, then Reven is gonna pay extra close attention.

- You catch him staring a lot, like a lot, a lot. His face is almost always hidden by his hood but you can usually still see his eyelights and feel the intensity of his gaze. Even when you catch a glimpse of his face, it's like he's wearing a mask. His expression rarely changes but when it does, he tends to grin with unknown glee or glare at whatever has irritated him in the moment.

- It often takes a lot to make Reven actually angry, but when something tips him over the edge, you better hope there's nothing particularly valuable or fragile nearby. He wouldn't dream of actually hurting you but there isn't any guarantee that you won't get caught in the crossfire. Most of the time, Dirk is the target of his anger but he likes to purposely rile Reven up when he's bored, which is fairly often.

- It's true that Reven used to be a paladin before snapping. He and his brother were raised in a dusty backwater kingdom that has since collapsed but when they were young, they decided to join a holy order to defend those who couldn't defend themselves. They were brave and noble paladins until disaster struck of course.

- Reven doesn't talk about what actually caused him to snap. It's possible that he was responsible for his brother's death and doesn't know it, or he is very much aware and just refuses to even think about it. Either way, he abandoned the order after this and eventually his insanity led him to become the serial killer responsible for the Crimson Stabbings. His obsessive nature led him to never actually be caught, although he was spotted often enough to become known for his red cuirass.

- He occasionally gets the itch for more EXP and will look for opportunities to kill again, for this reason he isn't usually left alone on stealth missions. He's good at what he does though and with the proper motivation, will complete any mission perfectly without anyone even knowing he was there.

- His obsessive nature can lead to concerning situations, especially if you haven't figured out that he likes you yet. You'll start receiving gifts from an unknown admirer that are very obviously tailored to your preferences. Sometimes you even get the feeling of being watched but there's never anyone there. Hopefully, you already know him before he makes a confession of love and hopefully you accept his affections. Otherwise, well, he doesn't do well with rejection and there's no telling what he'll do.

- He's really sweet when you're in a relationship though. He enjoys spoiling you with little gifts and lives for your gratitude since it makes him feel oddly fuzzy inside. He's also super cuddly and will find any excuse just to sit with his skull on your shoulder and arms around your waist. He also likes PDA and will shamelessly hold your hand in front of others. He may not actually kiss you in public but if he does, it's probably because he thinks it'll upset someone or make you embarrassed, which he thinks is really adorable.

- It goes without saying that his mental state is unstable but just be patient with him. If he's having a bad day, give him some space to calm down but if you approach him later on, he'd love it if you comforted him. You'll probably get confined to the couch with him holding onto you. He's not that heavy as he's a skeleton but it's a bit difficult to move around with a whole person hanging off of you. Best to wait it out.

Donovan

- Donovan is an interesting case. He claims that he can't feel emotions beyond negative ones, which is technically true. Once he finds his soulmate though, he starts to question everything that he knows about himself. While he isn't the person he used to be anymore, maybe there's a semblance of his old self still there?

- No matter how much you look or how many people you ask, there is no information on him. It's as if he just popped into existence or something. He's not exactly one to talk about the past either, which seems to be a running theme by now, but maybe someday he'll tell you what happened to him. He wasn't always covered in corruption or had tentacles protruding from his back after all.

- He's really not a nice person and while he's generally very patient and reserved, even his patience has limits. He tries not to get upset at you but there are times when he inevitably snaps and says something he shouldn't. He usually regrets it immediately afterwards but sometimes he won't notice how upset you are for a few hours.

- Most of the time, he acts cold towards you and the boys but he does care in his own way. He makes sure you have anything you could need to survive and be happy as he struggles with anything more. He's fiercely protective of those he calls his own, which may come as a bit of a surprise at times, but he really does consider you and the boys as his "family".

- He has no patience for foolishness or people trying to deceive him. This is why he might lash out at people and harshly punish those who wrong him. Of course, he's also rather selfish and isn't above just taking what he wants. He very much sees himself as a god and everyone else as being below him.

- He has genuinely sweet moments, although these are strictly reserved for his soulmate. Something about the closeness with an uncorrupted soul seems to almost "heal" his own very damaged one. Maybe there's hope for him after all?

- He's actually a little shy about PDA, although he doesn't mind holding onto you if he can excuse it away with being protective but behind closed doors it's an entirely different story. He loves touching you. He loves how warm your body is, how soft you are, and especially the little noises you make when he touches a ticklish or sensitive spot. He's super mindful of his claws and his own physical strength as he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he seriously hurt you.

- He will gladly snuggle with you and will often drag you into bed if you're taking too long for his liking. He wouldn't force you to do anything you aren't comfortable with but you may have to get firm with him if he's distracted and not listening. His tentacles are basically an extension of his own body and mean he has an even easier time hanging onto you. If anything, he prefers to touch you with them since they are soft and squishy, as well as cool to the touch.

- He was very lonely before the boys and you especially came along. He collected them because their souls ooze negativity and he enjoys having an easy source of it nearby. He also wanted to have henchmen to facilitate his own plans and spreading more negativity. Over time though, he's come to kind of see them as his own and not just pawns. It's an unconventional arrangement at best though and they butt heads a ton, but he's provided a place for the destitute, the lost, and the vagabonds to stay.

- When you've earned his trust and been together for a while, you'll learn about who he used to be and where he's from. This could be through an ancient book that he keeps locked away for safekeeping or through bits and pieces of what he tells you. However, you learn a few things such as how he was once a prince of a lost kingdom, had a twin brother, and barely survived an assassination attempt.

- There was a massive tree at the center of his kingdom which bore two kinds of magic fruit. It was rumoured that if you ate one, you would gain knowledge beyond all measure and the power to defeat all foes. The fruit also had the power to influence your emotions but this wasn't of much interest for those who lusted after them. Donovan ate all of the negative fruit in an attempt to survive a mortal injury and protect the tree. However, he was overwhelmed by the power and failed.

- He aimlessly wandered the world for many years before he grew into his powers and decided to make a move to create his own kingdom. This is why he created the dark fortress and collected the boys. At the moment, his goal is to spread the corruption and his influence, but contrary to what some may think, he isn't all powerful. There are many powerful people out there who may take issue with him if they heard about everything he's done.