#for all those who wished they would have fucked at the end

[thedeadtalker]

-my grandfather was 8 when he and his family were rounded up on the Oregon coast, kept in a livestock pen for 3 very rainy days, then put into a cattle car to be carried out to the reservations in the east.

-my grandmother had two brothers and sister who were sent to mission school and never returned. They said they ran away. They lied.

-My mom remembers when Indians got enough citizenship to vote in Oregon. She describes her parents and their friends discussing if the should do it -vote -or if it was trick to register them.

-My friend took his grandmother out for her 100th birthday. He asked her what she thought were the most important things to happen during her lifetime. She told him: free wifi and the legal end of segregation.

-I remember those fucking nuns in mission school. I only went 1 year when the laws changed and we could go to other schools. We could live with our parents and ride a bus to school and back again and sleep that night in our own home. I remember that, you fuckers.

-I remember that my mom and two of her sisters gave birth in a hospital connected to the mission, and they didnt know for years that they'd gotten botched steralizations against their wishes and without their knowledge. I remember my parents desperatly trying to have more children. Theyd always wanted a bunch of kids. The house my dad built had many empty guestrooms. Eventually they sold it. I remember my mom having to have a hysterectomy 2 years ago because of all the health problems caused by the fucked up surgery. I remember sitting in a meeting and one of the nurses there having to put me through a fainting protocol because i got a text from my stepfather that during the hysterectomy they discovered one of mom's damned ovaries was just fucking gone. I wonder sometimes if some sick fuck retired doctor kept a genuine Indian ovary in a jar in his office. I wonder if his nazi kids and grandkids pull it out to show to guests as a conversation point. I think about how whites were paid piecework for Indian scalps amd seeing one dried out and leathery in an antique store in a small town in Idaho. There is evil in the Americas. The nazis were here long before they were ever in Europe.

- I remember my highschool history teacher showing us the number tattooed on his wrist. I remember him showing us all these recordings of ordinary German citizens talking about how they didn't see anything wrong happening. How there must have been some sort of perfecrly mundane reason for the endless smoke pouring from the ovens in the camp up in the hill. How it was all just politics. How they were reassured that all the people who were taken had just moved in the night, or were much happier wherever they'd gone to. "But you saw them all: the Jews, the other prisoners going into the camp. But you never saw them leave. Didn't you think that was odd?" "We just figured they'd moved from the camp in the night while we were sleeping." "Where?" "What do you mean?" "Where did you all think they went -in the middle of the night?" "Oh. We didn't know." "Didn't you wonder?" "Why would we?"

- I remember that same teacher explaining how the nazis had gotten a lot of their ideas from the US government's Native American policy. The death camps were modelled after our reservations. The dehumanizing and the stories of savages/gremlins that ate white babies and were less than human were based on the clever marketing campaign set up to not just enable the settler take over, but used to unite the fragmented people of newly forming colonial nation. He fucking showed us. There is publically available documentation of all of this.

-I remember getting put on the no fly list. I remember finding out about it because when we tried to buy tickets for the whole family to travel down to New Mexico for my granduncle's funeral the whole purchase was bounced. We were told why that might be the case so we tried seperate purchases for everyone. Me. It was me. Several years later my roommate's family friend -an old white guy with some pull, found out why. I was teaching K-3 and moonlighting as a computer programmer back then. And I'd printed some photos of holidays around the world to share with my students on the same computer I wrote code from. My own computer, in my own office, in my own home. He said it also didn't help that I wasn't white.

-I remember that fucker's first time in office: I remember seeing my coworker snatched from the elevator by ice agents and shoved into an unmarked van. He was a 3rd generation American.

-I remember having to warn the non-white, non-abled, non anything a nazi would want to gas you for residents of the dvsat shelter we worked with to not go out at night, not go out alone, not walk on these specific streets or go into these specific shops. I remember the time a native Hawaiian chick on my caseload didn't come back when expected and everyone was out of their mind with worry. She came back, tear-streaked and shaking, and told us about how she'd gotten lost (not in Hawaii any more, Dorothy) and ended up in one of the neighborhoods she was supposed to avoid, and being chased by some of the proud boys that patrolled our city streets in their ridiculous be-flagged pickups, and how some nearby restuarant diners had rushed her into the restuarant, and the staff there had hid her in the pantry, and all the diners lied and said they hadn't seen her. My teacher read Anne Frank to us in 6th grade. Do they still read that in schools?

-I think about that time I went into a DMV and the woman behind the counter told me to "sit over there," next to two men, and well away from the other patrons. Then a highway patrol officer came over and told us to go with him. In the parking lot he explained that he'd been called to take us to an immigration detention center. But instead he directed us to a "safe" DMV 40 miles away and walked away muttering about having had it up to here with those idiots in there. The two American Samoan men started laughing. Honestly, I didn't feel like laughing. I didn't feel like anything. I was thinking about the mission school and wondering if the detention center looked like it had.

-I've spent the last couple of weeks handing out flyers in different languages. I don't use an interpreter. I have no way of knowing if I can trust them. But somehow I manage to convey to the people I visit in field hand huts and steamy laundries that they are in a sanctuary state and what that means. That no one in our offices will turn them away or turn them in. At least I hope Im conveying that. Then I tell them, using paper language dictionaries if needed (librarians are superheros) how to get away, who to talk to, how to find the big dipper. I think a lot of my high school history teacher and those faded numbers on his wrist.

Oh I know they're coming for me first. Im your canary.

[capesch-arts]

Death

(In which Arthur Lester writes his final letter. Scroll until below).

"I am going to die. That is for certain.

As I write this I can feel my mind stretched thin and my consciousness fading as fatigue takes me over. I know that when I sleep this night, I may never wake up.

Before my mind is taken and broken apart to dust, I wanted to leave this behind. For anyone that follows me, whether it be friend or foe. I know why you all pursue me, and you will receive what you wish to seek. But, allow me to share my thoughts.

I've been running for nearly 10 years, killing cultists and evading creatures that would drive men mad. It's been a long time since I've slept with peace in mind. So much blood has washed upon my hands that I still feel it under my nails.

Am I the same person anymore? I wonder.

'Was it all worth it?' I often ask myself.

I'm not a good man. Especially before my encounter with The King. An unfit husband. A coward. An alcoholic. A poor father. I am all these things. And perhaps, whatever is waiting for me when I shut my eyes will be deserved. At least I'll find peace in that.

My only regret is leaving you. Alone. I wish I hadn't found that book. I wish I wouldn't have done all this to keep you away from its curse. I wish- I wish. I wish we had more time together. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

This path I've taken is dark and dreary, and it will only end in tragedy. So if you still wish to walk it, so be it.

That damned book has not been in my possession for years. A new friend has helped me hide it somewhere I don't know. I thought that after all this game of cat and mouse, HIS eyes would not stop following me. Those damned golden eyes would be so fixated to me that none of his followers noticed when it slipped from my hands and a decoy was in its stead.

If you are one who walked this path to protect humanity from darkness, then I'm sorry. It was too much of a risk for it to fall unto another person. But, if you're HIS, well... Fuck you. Good luck. I'm sure your King would be satisfied knowing how well you've accomplished your mission.

I can feel it. Pulling. Music, unfamiliar, filling my head. A vision of a city, unnatural, with impossible angles, whenever I close my eyes. The twin suns above Lake Hali and the tattered cloak of The King in Yellow...

Death is at my doorstep, and I fucking welcome it. I will not squirm. I will not beg. You want me to drown in despair as you come and harvest me. I'm not giving you the satisfaction.

I am the master of my own fate,

I am the captain of my soul

- Arthur Lester"

[cityofmeliora]

TRANSCRIPT: Terzo talking about the Nameless Ghouls during "If You Have Ghosts" (acoustic version) interlude 🎸🎸🎸

this is a compilation of Papa III's speeches after the guitar solo in If You Have Ghosts. these speeches are notable for being the source of many popular clips where Terzo says a bunch of horny stuff about Omega, Alpha, and Water. he also introduces Earth and Air before the song starts, but i did not include those parts.

here are some highlights / notes:

All that horny stuff Terzo says about the Ghouls was him joking about things he allegedly heard the audience saying.

Omega was originally just called Aether / Quintessence, and Alpha was originally just called Fire. 'Omega' and 'Alpha' were nicknames given to them by fans, and Terzo was initially confused by those nicknames because he did not call them that.

Terzo describes Alpha receiving his nickname as him being christened at one concert and 'un-christened' at a different concert 😂

Terzo's nicknames for Omega include 'Mister Quintessence' and 'The Giant from Gistad', referencing Omega's (real-life) place of origin, Gistad, a locality outside Linköping.

Terzo called Water 'A Nameless Ghoul Called Water' as if it was Water's full name, which is very funny.

Terzo accidentally called Alpha 'Omega' in Indianapolis and then awkwardly pretended like he didn't just do that.

Terzo seemed to think that 'stage right' and 'stage left' was a difficult concept for the audience to understand.

Terzo repeatedly notes that Water was in fact the best six-string guitar player in the band, despite his role as the bassist.

TF would frequently get mixed up about the timeline / whichcharacter he was playing at what time

this transcript includes 21 concerts and ended up being over 7k words, so the full text of this post is under a cut:

PAPA EMERITUS III: Magnifique! Yes! Now what? These guys are Nameless, right? That's how it all started. 'A Nameless Ghoul.' Then people picked up on the fact that they had little things on them, on their clothes. Okay! So uh, then it ended up being that they picked up on the fact that they had been given the elements. You know, you remember Earth and air? But this wasn't enough. Apparently, two of the guys, they have other symbols, too. Especially the girls saw that, because after a while the girls had their favorite ghouls and they wanted to be Ghoulettes for their favorite Ghoul. So let me introduce to you the Nameless Ghoul who just did a solo for you. All of a sudden, we can hear the girls in the front over here saying "Alpha… Alpha!" Ladies and genitals, Alpha! 'A Nameless Ghoul', my ass! What we got here in the middle is a curiosity, I tell you that. He happens to play the guitar! Normally you see him fingering the bass. And I know you wish you was the one he was doing it to, right? Not tonight. Especially not now, because he's doing the axe right now. Because you see, every day we get it smeared in our face that out of all the guitar players in the band, he just happened to be the best fucking guitar player in the band. So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Water! About here, geographically, there are usually girls standing, looking this way. You see stomps. So usually I hear from here, this part, "Omega... Omega…" Also quite a good guitar player. Please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Omega! So there you have it! Now you have Ghost. We are Ghost. How 'bout that? Eh? Rouen, France (February 5, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on! It is... Alright. The guy who just did a very good solo– technically, he's referred to as 'Fire'. [APPLAUSE] Don't clap too much yet. That was a big one. It just so happens that on his other guitar, there's a little symbol. And fans –especially female fans– paid attention. So we were out touring. All of a sudden, from this side there were voices: "Alpha… Alpha… Alpha!" the girls screamed out. So ladies and gentlemen, he became 'Alpha'! Not bad! Now this fellow. Usually, he plays –he fingers– the bass. [AUDIENCE: IT'S SEXY AS FUCK!] Yeah! And he does so very good. Now ladies, if you find yourself at the show feeling your bottom, like, moving like this, it's because of the bass and the drums. That's where it feels, y'know– here. He's also one hell of a guitar player, to the annoyance of all of us. Please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Water! Over the years, on my right, here, I started hearing another word that– I knew the word,but I didn't truly know the meaning of it until I heard it loud and clear from female voices: "Omega… Omega! I want you, Omega! I want to be your Ghoulette, Omega!" And for me, I was like, eh? Omega? I don't know you as 'Omega', but fine. On the axe here, please give it up for Omega! La Rochelle, France (February 6, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on! He's a pretty able guitar player, isn't he? Yes… Bon, bon! Let me tell you a little story. Obviously, the band is supposed to be nameless. For some fucking reason, I have a name– there was no way around that. But first off, it was 'a Nameless ghoul, a Nameless Ghoul, a Nameless Ghoul, a Nameless Ghoul', and so forth. You had to have something, so they all were wearing signs: Earth, Air, et cetera. So there was this guy who played guitar. His name was Fire. But he also had a little sign on his guitar. And once we had been on tour for a while and we were starting to get a little bit popular, so there were peoples on our shows and there was a lot of girls on the shows. You can hear from that corner there: "Alpha! Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" So apparently, here we have a Nameless Ghoul named Alpha! You see… usually this guy in the middle here fingers the bass, the four-stringed instrument. That is the thing that you feel in your crotch and in your ass when we play. You know the boogie-woogie? Bass. That's the trick. But see, this is not a fucking bass he's handling right now. It's a guitar. It just so turned out –he likes to point out every day– he sort of smears it in the faces of everyone, how fucking good of a guitar player he is, too. Not only does he make the asses move, he also plays the guitar like a devil! Please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Water! Around the same time when we heard "Alpha! Alpha!" sounds from over there, amongst the stomping, which I heard, obviously, I also noticed something else from that corner: "Omega… Omega! Omega…" Eh? Alright. It was the women calling out: Omega… Stomp me, Omega! Treat me like you treat your guitar." So he did. Please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Omega! So there you have it: Ghost. We are Ghost. Fantôme! Grenoble, France (February 8, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Word! What a good solo, right? Yeah. I'm uh... I'm gonna stop fiddling with my pants now.  You know we started  with the idea of being completely nameless. You know… it was such a good idea on paper. It didnt fucking work at all. It didn't go into people's psyche that you can have something that you cannot name. Okay. Let's have names. Okay so we had Earth and Air. That's a good start. So, y'know, we came up with, like, 'Fire'. Fire! That's good. So everybody got their little element, right. It makes things easier. You can sign something– if someone wants your autograph you can just like, [DRAWS A TRIANGLE IN THE AIR]. Good. Autograph. But then uh, this person on stage that I'm referring to also had a little symbol on his guitar. So he's standing here in the middle, most of the time, and I was standing there and I was thrusting and I was dancing and ehhh and I hear, over here: "Alpha…" Eh? It was the ladies in the front, around here, saying "Alpha.. I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha. Alpha…" So let me introduce to you… a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Now… the tormentor of the bass… busy fingering, for one-and-a-half hour every night, the bass. The bass is the four-stringed instrument that makes your ass move, together with the drums. But it is a very, very important tool if you want people to dance– it's the bass. if you want to be a guitarist that's cool but the bass. and the drummer… That's it! This bass player happen to be also a very very good guitar player, to the annoyance of everyone else. That's why he's playing the guitar right now, but he's holding back because he's a tormentor of the six-string too. Ladies and gentlemen, a Nameless Ghoul named Water! Around the same time that I was standing there in the middle, I was doing my mating dance, singing all female-like, being a little bit too shorter than people thought as soon as I took my hat off– thank you very much, I also noticed another sound from that part of the audience: "Omega…" Eh? What? What, what, what, what? What was that? That was the ladies here in the front. They were saying what? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Yes. And they were flashing and they were sweating profusely, in… in heat! and they were flashing it for… Omega! Bordeaux, France (February 9, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Good solo, eh? You might know… that we are –or let's say they are– supposed to be nameless. But uh, you know, why make things difficult? Maybe they can have signs so they have something to sign if someone wants an autograph. Okay. Alright, let's do that sounds like an interesting idea. So obviously, y'all already know Earth and Air. Simple triangles. So does the other guys have symbols too, so they can sign shit. But the guitar players here on the sides, they also had small sign– things on their guitars. And y'know, we have Fire… And that was good. But I was standing here in the middle doing my charade. I was dancing, I was singing, I thought I had it going. And I heard an occasional "Papa! Papa!" But I heard from over here, the girls whispering "Alpha… Alpha… I wanna be yours, Alpha. Make me your Ghoulette!" Okay! So uh… here he is– a Nameless Ghoul named Alpha! Are you familiar with the bass? It's four strings. the thing that you finger.. you can pick it too but if you finger it it feels even better. The bass is the thing that makes your ass move. That is the part you feel. No rock and roll without the bass. Here we got a bass player. He's doing a really good fingering on it. But it just so happens that he's even better at playing guitar, as you can see. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Water! About the time when I was standing here doing my mating dance, I thought I had everything and I was expecting someone to yell "Papa!" I hear from over here… something different: "Omega… Omega… I want to be yours, Omega! Omega! Omega man!" Was surprised! Eh? Omega. So here you have it: a Nameless ghoul named Omega! There you have it. Now you have Ghost. We are Ghost. Thank you. Nimes, France (February 10, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: So we started out as a nameless band, except for myself, who was given a name. We thought that everything would be okay, but we came up with something that would not work very well, and that was, 'what if they ask for an autograph?' OK, well maybe every member of the band can be the elements, yeah that makes sense, that's smart! Uh-huh. OK, so you've met Earth and Air yeah? So the other ones gotta be similar, right? Fire, yes? Easy. But the little thing is that Mister Fire here had a little 'A' correlating with something else on the stage. One night, a little bit into our career, we were getting a little popular. Girls liked us. There were many girls over here. And I was doing my dance and I was flirting and I was thrusting and I [THRUSTING NOISES]. I was doing everything I could and then I heard over here: "Alpha… Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" Alpha? Alright. What happened to Mister Fire? So now, ladies and gentlemen, on the solo guitar, here… give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Alpha! Ladies, do you know what the bass is? That's the four-string instrument that makes your ass move sideways… frontways… feels good. Unfortunately, we have no bass on the stage right now because it just so happens that the guy who fingers the bass is also one motherfucker on guitar. So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Water! Wasser! About the same time as I was standing here thrusting and doing everything I could in order to get somewhere, I heard another sound from over here. For me, I recognized the word but I didn't really fucking– What are they saying? Do you know what they said? Anybody had an idea? "Omega… Omega… Take me right here, right now, Omega…" Eh? Okay! Mister Quintessence here, the giant from Gistad, Ostrogothia, outside Lincopia. Give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Omega! There you have it. Now you have… Geist. Dresden, Germany (February 19 , 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on, man! Not a bad solo, no? It's a good one! Very good. You know, maybe you already know the story, you have figured it out, but y'know, we started out as a somewhat ehh– it was supposed to be nameless. Well, my brother who was in the band obviously, he got a name but uhh, oh wait a minute, it was the guy before that. Fuck it. Anyways– [SHUSHES THE AUDIENCE] I'm gonna tell you a story. Thank you for the enthusiasm, though. We figured that if we were nameless, all would be okay. Then rose a problem: what the fuck are we gonna do for autographs? Not sign it? Heh. It's a funny idea but it didn't really translate very well. So we figured that well all the members are like cornerstones, like elements. A-ha! Elements! We can use the elements and they can sign it with elements. Oh, what a fucking brilliant idea! That is perfect. Alright. Said and done. So you all met, obviously, Earth and Air. So on. So we did like, Fire. So there was this guy, Fire, but on his guitar there was another symbol, too, to correlate with another guy on the other side of the stage. So one night in our career, we had just gotten to be a little bit popular. There were girls coming to our shows. And they made sounds. I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but one night I heard, over here, something along the lines of "Alpha… Alpha… Alpha! I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" Were they talking about fire? Ah-ha! OK then. Please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul named Alpha! Ladies, do you know– Yes, you. Ja. Say 'ja.' That is the four-string instrument that make your ass, like, move. Like a… Maybe you didn't know that before, but it is the bass. We happen to have one bass player who normally fingers the bass very well. but he just so happens to be a very, very good guitar player, too, to the annoyance of everyone else because he's so fucking good. Please, give it up for our eminent bass player, a Nameless Ghoul named Water! Wasser! Yeah man, you rock! About the same time when I heard that Alpha stuff over there, I also heard another noise coming from this side. And it was stomping like a [STOMPING NOISES] But also something from the crowd. Do you have any idea what they were saying over here? What do you think? Not a clue. Is it "Omega?" Yes, "Omega… Omega. I want to be yours, Omega. Look at my… Just look at me, Omega… Omega…" So apparently, the guy over here had changed names into something else. So I give to you here in Herford, the giant from the Ostrogothian fields, from Gistad outside Lincopia, Omega! There you have it: a nameless band. Now you have ghosts. Herford, Germany (February 20, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on! That was a good fucking solo. Very soulful. This band started out, once upon a time, with the idea of not having names. Um… But my predecessors had a name. My brother had a name, now I've got a name. But the other ones– Nameless Ghouls. One day rose a problem. What if people want an autograph? Ah! Now, there was this smartass who came up with "Maybe all the different members can be elements!" I said that seems reasonable and it's a simple sign and it will be quick. Great. OK, so you've already met Earth and Air. You know the other ones, yes? So we have Fire. But this Fire guy– on his guitar, there was a sign, obviously, that sort of correlated with the other guy on the other side. So people picked up on that. One night in our successful career, I was standing here in the middle. I was thrusting and I was dancing and I was doing everything I could do to get the– the meows, eh? Then I heard, from the– my left– I heard female voices that yelled… whimpered "Alpha… Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" Alright! Well, my buddy Fire here has a new name, apparently. So please, on the guitar, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Ladies, do you know what a bass is? I know you do. Four strings. And that is usually the thing that makes your ass wobble like that when you hear music. That is the good part, actually, the bass. Normally fingering the bass, but currently playing guitar– very good, actually, just to insult us, the rest of us. Give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! About the same time I was standing there in the middle and I heard that Alpha crap, I also heard something else from this side of the stage. It was women– busty women, who said something I hadn't really heard before. Can you guess what they were saying? Yeah. "Omega… Omega… I want to take you home and rip you apart, Omega." That's what they said, actually. It's weird. But he has a way to not leave one seat in the house dry. Please, from the Ostrogothian fields, from Gistad outside Lincopia, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Alright, there you have it! Now you have Ghost. Thank you. Malmö, Sweden (February 25, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! What a good solo! I'm telling you a story. When we started out, the idea was for us –except for myself and my predecessors, obviously– to be nameless. We thought that would sort of work with the human psyche, but it did not. And there was a practical problem as well, because people wanted autographs. Oh! And there was this smartass in the band who came up with this idea: "Maybe we can– here, the band, we can represent the elements, right? And then we hav a little sign that we sign." Problem solved! Voila! So, you've already met, obviously, Earth and Air, and so we went on with Fire, and so forth. But there were other symbols, too– heathen, clandestine. One was on one guitar and one was on the other guitar. The thing was, we were getting bigger. We started to attract girls to our shows. There you are. One night, I was standing here in the middle –or maybe it was my brother, I dont know, fuck it– and there was this noise, this sound that I've ever really heard before, coming form this side. It was girls saying "Alpha… Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha." Fire? Alright! It was the sign they saw– the alpha sign. So please, give it up, christened by our female fans, a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Do you know what the bass is? You do, OK, good. For the rest of you, that is the four-stringed instrument that makes your ass wobble when you hear good music. That is it. It is basically that simple– the bass… Normally tormenting the four-string axe, but currently insulting us all by being the best guitar player in this fucking band give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! About the same time I was standing here at the show, at that time long gone, there was also another sound that I heard from this side. Girls, do you know what I heard? Can you say it? "Omega… Omega…"  Yes. It was the women, yelling out to be ravaged by… a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! And so the ravaging continues… So there you have it! Now you have ghosts. Uppsala, Sweden (February 26, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on! Good solo! We started out once with the idea of being nameless. It went so-and-so. One early problem that appeared is that, as we grew popular, people wanted their records signed. Well, I got to– Well, my predecessors got to sign shit. Fuck. You know how it is. Heh! But the other guys, they needed to sign something, too. So there was this smartass in the band who came up with the idea of "Maybe everyone in the band can be elements, right? That's a simple way to get out of that problem." OK, so as you already met Earth and Air, and so it went with Fire and such. Ehh. Problem solved. In addition to these symbols, there were other little details that was incorporated. As we grew a little bigger, people picked up on that, too, especially the signs that was on the two guitars. I was standing here in the middle, somewhere, someplace, in the middle of our successful career, and I was dancing and at this time, y'know, we were starting to attract not only dudes, it was a lot of girls at our shows, too. So it was beginning to be really funny, huh? And one night, I was dancing and thrusting and doing all the moves I could in order to get everybody in heat. And I heard something that I never really heard before, at least not at our concerts, and it came from this side. And it was –I guess mostly female– voices saying "Alpha, Alpha, Alpha, Alpha, Alpha, Alpha. Alpha, Alpha! I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" Fire? OK? So Fire got a new name. So please, give it up, on guitar, for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! I am sure you're familiar with the instrument called bass. If anybody saw us in Utrecht last time, you might remember that we actually have a bass player who is one motherfucker on guitar, too. Remember that? When poor Alpha had to stand out on a show or two –I don't remember how many– where this dude over here played the guitar. So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! Looking sharp! Do you remember when I told you about when I noticed the whole alpha shit going on on the other side? Around the same time, I heard a new word coming from this part of the crowd. Yeah. All I could see, these big whoppers, women casting them forth, yelling something. Do you know what? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Yeah… That was what they yelled. So please, peoples of the Netherlands and beyond, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! There you have it. Now you have Ghost. We are Ghost. Thank you very much. Tilburg, Netherlands (March 1, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Right on! Good solo! Y'know, originally, the idea– I'm not grabbing my ass, I'm adjusting my pants! Originally, the idea was for us to have no names. 'A Nameless Ghoul.' Except for myself then and my predecessors. One day rose a problem. People want shit signed. Alright. We can have signs! Each and every member of the band can have signs. Problem solved. Great. So they were the signs of the elements. And you know, you've already met those– you've met Earth and you've met Air, and then you get so on, y'know. But there was also smaller symbols around, especially two that sort of correlated on the guitars. People seemed to have picked up on that, because one night, I was standing about here. I was dancing and I was singing and thrusting. I heard a noise– female voices over at that side, saying something. Do you know what they yelled? "Alpha… Alpha…" So our multi-talented guitar player here, whose name is Fire, had a new name. Give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! You do know what a bass is, right? That's the four-stringed instrument that makes your ass wobble. It's easy as that. You need a good drummer, too, but if you have a good bass and a good drums that has their shit together, it really feels good. Our bass player is very multi-talented, and as you can see, there are– there's a six-string axe in his hand right now. Please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! About that same time when all that Alpha shit was going on on that side, it turned into a murmur for me in the middle because there was– they were saying other things on this side. [STAMMERING] Do you know what they were saying here, neighbors of stage right, as they say? I saw whoppers all over the place, women screaming "Omega…" So please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! There you have it! Now you have Ghost. Thank you very much. Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania, USA (April 14, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: What a good solo! Yeah! Good work, dude! Y'know, we started out with our thing– They started out– fuck. This band started out with the idea of everybody, except myself and my predecessors, to have no names. It seemed like the right thing to do. And so far it has worked okay. One day, quite early in our career, we had gotten a little bit of recognition. We had an album out, and there were a few fans that wanted signings on the record. We do not have names, so uh…  What are we to do? I said, "I dont give a fuck! I can sign it!" Again, where's my head here– obviously the other guy… Fuck it. Alright, there was this smartass who came up with the idea that maybe we can have signs, kind of like the elements, maybe. That's brilliant. I mean it's easy, it's fast, we can do stamps. Fantastic! Great idea! OK, so what do we have here? Obviously, we started here with Earth, and then we have Air and Fire and so on. So everyone had this little names and their stamps. Very good business model. But see, on their spare time, they also decorated guitars with other signs, very similar to the ones that we already used for them. So one night, when my predecessor was standing around here in the middle, he was thrusting singing and dancing and throwing kisses all over the place, there was a sound over at stage left. Confusing, eh? Stage left? Do you know what that sound was, over here? It was ladies' voices –and I guess a few guys, too– that said "Alpha… I want you, Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha." Eh? You talking about Fire? So Mister Fire had a new name un-christened by the girls in our audience. So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! We have a guy in our band who usually plays the bass on stage, but on his spare time he likes to insult us all by showing off how great of a fucking guitar player he actually is. Please, give it up for the multi-talented A Nameless Ghoul called Water! Around the same time I heard those noises from stage left, there was also a little murmur from stage right– that's your part of the audience. I saw voluptuous women… was heaving their breasts, and they were chanting the same word. Do you know what that word was? Yes… "Omega… Take me right here and right now, Omega!" So please, ladies and genitals of Long Island, give it up for the Nameless Ghoul called Omega! So there you have it: Ghost. Huntington, New York, USA (April 15, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Right on. Not so shabby eh? What a good solo. I'm gonna tell a little story. When this band started out, the idea was simply for the band to have no names. Well, one person needed a name, so myself and my predecessors could have a name. We never really thought we would be popular enough to write autographs, but when time came to write autographs we had a fucking problem. So someone came up with the idea that maybe we could have the signs of the elements to sort of symbolize the different elements in the band. [PAPA NOISES] Not so dumb, actually a little bit clever. So you've already met, obviously, Earth, the drums, and Air being like the ambience, huh? Right? See? Clever. And then we continue, like, with Fire and such. Everybody got their names, and in times of boredom they started doing shit. One thing led to decorating their guitars with, actually, the sign of Fire– triangle. And that was to correlate with the sign on the other side of the stage on the other guitar. But we will get to that. Bear with me. On one of our tours, sometime into our career –our successful career– we were attracting dudes, men, girls, and women. Everybody was having fun. I was having fun! I was dancing, I was singing –for the best of my ability– and I was thrusting, doing my best to scare you all. Then I heard this little noise. It was, I guess, mostly female voices here on this side of the stage. [AUDIENCE SCREAMS] It sounded kinda like that. But do you know what they said? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] Exactly. They said, "Alpha… Alpha… Alpha… Little triangle sign on the guitar, Alpha!" OK, so Fire had a new name, apparently. So, peoples of New Haven, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Do you know what a bass is? That's the four-string guitar that makes your ass wobble. Good drums, good bass– that's usually the key to writing a good song. Our bass player likes to spend his time off stage by showing off how fucking great he is on guitar, to discontent of everyone. But please, give it up for the multi-talented a Nameless Ghoul called Water! Around about the same time we heard the Alpha nonsense over there, there was this murmur, lets just put it that way, over here. And then there was chests. Voluptuous women heave themselves against the railing. And they yelled what? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Yes. "Omega… take me here, right now, Omega…" You're getting it. Right now! So please, Connecticut, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Are you not impressed? So-and-so. OK, we'll get to the good part now. New Haven, Connecticut, USA (April 16, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Very, very good. I'm gonna tell you a story. This band started out with the intention of being, as far as the members went, nameless. Which didn't pose a big problem until the day came that we had a record out that people liked, so they wanted names to be written on the record. Well, maybe we can have like signs. Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, we can even have signs that are representative of the elements. Ah! Great! Fucking brilliant! [PAPA NOISES] Simple, too. Maybe it can even have stamps and we can save a lot of time. Said and done. So I know we had Earth, air, and Fire, and so on. So it worked like a charm. On endless treks around the world, with nothing to do but work and roll, we did other things too. Well, they did other things. So they started decorating their guitars. One with the sign that also says fire. But it also correlated with a sign on the other side of the stage, so that makes it seem something different. Hold on there. One night in our ever-so-prosperous career, we had started to attract a lot of ladies. I was standing here in the middle doing my spiel and I heard this noise coming from stage left, as we say in the business. It was ladies who said– what do you think the ladies of stage left said? they said, "Alpha… Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha." So Mister Fire had a new name, because of the sign on his guitar. So, ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! We'll get to the other symbol on the other guitar very, very shortly. But speaking of another guitar… Holding in his guitar, right now, a six-string axe when he's actually supposed to play something that has four strings on it, but he likes to insult everyone with the idea and the fact that he's a better guitar player than all of us. So please, give it up for the  multi-talented a Nameless Ghoul called Water! About the same time when we heard that Alpha nonsense over there, I was thrusting here. I heard something else from stage right. There was a murmur. It came from voluptuous women.. who'd put their whoppers on the rim, and they'd say something very very strange for my ears. "Omega… Omega… Take me right here, right now, Omega!" So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Thank you. Niagara Falls, New York, USA (April 17, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: My god, what a shredder! Alright… You've already met Earth and Air, so you get it, right, yeah? Elements, and so on? Fire? But some of them goes by additional names. Do you know what they usually yell, mostly female voices around here? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] Yes… So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! This tormentor of the axe usually torments the bass with his fingers of doom. Have you seen what his fingers can do? I'm sure you wish you were the one he was doing it to, huh? But now he's playing guitar, so please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! Ladies of stage right flank, what do you usually say over here? What I usually hear over here is "Omega.... Copulate me right here, right now, Omega." But unfortunately, ladies, he's occupied playing the guitar. So please, ladies and genitals, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Houston, Texas, USA (April 27, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Look at Mister Guitar Guy, here. Alright… I guess you smatasses understand what it's all about, right? Earth on the drums, Air on the keyboards, and so on. Do you know what ladies over here usually yell during our shows? Do you have a clue? What is your guess, darling? [AUDIENCE: PAPA!] Some of them yell 'Papa' too, but they usually yell something else, too. Are you clueless, all of you? "Alpha…" [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] No, say 'Alpha', you stupid! There you go… They say "Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha!" So please, people of Alabama, give it up for a Nameless ghoul called Alpha! You know what a bass is, right? However, that is no bass. I assume that you know. This guy perfectly knows that he's not playing the bass right now. Because you see, he is very multi-talented. His fingers can do magic to basses, guitars… you tell me. So please, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! Alright, let's see if, uh, peoples of stage right is smarter than people of stage left. What are you yelling? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Yes! It's usually accompanied by "Take me right here, right now, Omega!" Is that what you're saying? I see. Ladies and genitals of Alabama, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Birmingham, Alabama (May 2, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Alright, have you understood the drill now? On the drums, Earth. On the keyboard, we have Air. And so it goes on according to the elements… correct. However, usually around this time of night, we hear women in heat from this side of the stage, and they're yelling out a name that doesn't really fit into the chemistry lesson, but it belongs on a campus– usually between the sheets. Do you know what these girls are yelling? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] Yes… that's exactly what they were yelling. They say "I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha. Don't do the show, just come down here with me and make me happy." Please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! We do have a bass player in the band, but he's kind of an overachiever, so he likes to spend his days in front of us playing guitar because he's really good at it. Please, people of Tennessee, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Water! When I look to my right, because confusingly that is stage left and that is stage right – for us– so when I cast an eye on stage right, I usually see big, big, big, big boppers. And they're yelling something… You girls know what that is? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Yes… Yes… "You can breastfeed on me, Omega!" That is what they say! All of them! For some reason. So please, Tennessee, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Knoxville, Tennessee, USA (May 4, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Alright… I know you have your heads screwed on here in Maryland, so I take it that you figured it out by now, right? It's the elements. Earth, Wind– Air, yes, and so on! But somehow… I heard different things coming out of the crowd every night, usually about here, the so-called stage left, because we see it the other way around, so we say stage left. There is a sound coming from the female parts of the audience of stage left. What do you think they say? Eh, no, they actually say something else. Can you try it again? You say "Alpha… Alpha… I want to be your Ghoulette, Alpha." "On the floor, right now," they say. "Come down here. Fuck that guitar shit! Come down and make me happy woman." So what do they say? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] Ladies and genitals, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Our four-string axe tormentor… is now tormenting a G string. He does it very well. Please give it up for the multi-talented Nameless Ghoul called Water! Usually there 's murmur over at this side, too. You know what they're saying over here? Busty women, you say– what do you think they say? They're saying "Take me right here, right now, Omega," they say. Can you say that? Once more, give me one more try! [AUDIENCE: TAKE ME RIGHT HERE AND NOW, OMEGA!] Yes! That's what they say. So Baltimore, please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Very good. Baltimore, Maryland (May 8, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Eureka! What a fantastic solo! Alright… It is early in our relationship, but I think it's time that I test your mental powers. You're a smart bunch! By now, you figured it out, right? Earth, Air– elements, yes! Hon hon hon! Yes! Fantastic. However, to my confusion, one day I heard another name from this part of the stage. Do you know what they were calling out from here, stage left? Do you know what they say, what they yell, the females to our guitar player standing here? What? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] Yeah that's half of it. They say "I can take both shlong and balls at one time, Alpha! Just drop that guitar and give it all to me, instead." That's what they're saying, collectively, to my confusion. Richmond, Virginia, please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! You're such foul mouths! I'm trying to keep it decent here. And speaking of nasty things, just look at this fingerwork! Not your fingers, your fingerwork. Our bass player here, who usually plays with four strings, he can handle six, he can handle 12… as if it was a vagina. Give it up for the multi-talented a Nameless Ghoul called Water! Magical fingers… What makes things even more confusing for me is hearing different things in my ears. Do you know what they're saying at this side of the venue –stage right, for us– do you know? You know what the whole sentence is? "Impregnate me right here, right now on this floor, Omega!" And that combined with the other sentence at the same is just fucking grief to me. Sounds fucking weird. But ladies and genitals, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Richmond, Virginia, USA (May 9, 2016)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Yeah! Alright see how smart you are… Have you figured it out now, then? If we have Earth and Wind, how do we continue? Those are the elements, yes! And you've already met Earth and Wind –or Air, if you want– and Fire and so on, yeah. But do you know what –especially the ladies here of so-called stage left– what they are yelling most of the time? What's that, honey? [AUDIENCE: ALPHA!] That's half of the sentence. They usually yell: "Omega, why don't you drop this rock business and just come down here on the floor and impregnate me, right here, right now?" That is what they yell. So uh, can you all yell that? [AUDIENCE YELLING] Alright, that's close enough. But ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Alpha! Ladies, maybe you noticed that, uh, up until now, your ass has been shaking and wobbling like this. But now it's sort of stopped. It's because of those four strings that are not represented on stage right now, because the guy who usually makes your ass wobble is right now playing a guitar. So please give it up for the multi-talented A Nameless Ghoul called Water! So, ladies of stage right, what are you usually yelling? [AUDIENCE: OMEGA!] Again, that's just part of it. You have to learn the whole line: "Why don't you jizz all over my whoppers, Omega, right now?!" That is what they say. So say it! "Why. Don't. You. Jizz. All. Over. My. Whoppers. Right. Now. Omega?!" [EXACTLY ONE GUY IN THE AUDIENCE REPEATS IT] Right on, dude! Good work! Alright, Indianapolis, give it up for a Nameless Ghoul called Omega! Indianapolis, Indiana, USA (May 19, 2016)

[sarahisarobot]

Yes, yes, YES - all of this. I love Winter Soldier and I love this scene for this exact reason, and I love everyone's takes above. And ALSO reading all of this today reminded me of another movie scene that has a very similar feel to me: this scene at the end of Rogue One. I saw a post about this not long after Rogue One came out, and I wish to God I could remember who wrote it or where I found it, but it has stuck with me ever since, and it was about those people in that hallway between Vader and the broken door.

All of those folks had to know they were doomed. They knew there was no way for them to stop Darth fucking Vader. But they didn't give up - they did what they could to slow him down, to buy some time, to give that one person banging on the broken door a chance to get that message through.

And it mattered! Those moments mattered, that delay mattered - if not for that, for each person's moment of resistance, the message would never have been passed on and the whole thing would have failed.

But it didn't fail! The message got through and (eventually) the day was saved, because those people did everything they could; they put themselves between the most powerful, evil force (no pun intended) that they knew of, and their team and community and mission, and said, "You have to get through me first."

And I find that (and them, and Cameron) really comforting and inspiring now. Because I can do that, too.

[abyssalzones]

apologies if i'm interpreting wrong, but do you not like the family aspects in gravity falls?

I enjoy the family aspects in gravity falls in terms of surface level enjoyment... but even then I do agree wholeheartedly with the post I reblogged and I think it's definitely applicable to a critical examination of the story, as it would be in Any story. mainly in terms of stan and ford's dynamic.

I've thought before about how stan's tumultuous relationship with ford really comes down to the failings of "the family" and particularly masculinity and the concept of The Family Man as a breadwinner and every time it frustrates me for what it is and intrigues me for what it potentially says as a deconstruction, even if an unintentional one. stan's core values are familial in nature, which to the audience is a purely noble goal. therefore, when stan does the things she (and I'm using she/her as always for stan because I interpret her as a trans woman) does, it's "all for this family", which is a very empathetic goal. but it's also one that snowballs into the devastating rift between her and ford: ford wanting to go to college and remove himself from The Family is implicitly depicted as a betrayal, if not to the audience then at least to stan. and yet it's perfectly understandable Why he does this if you actually examine the stan twins' childhood, which is that of two siblings being forced to compete in a black sheep/golden child dynamic in a poor household, overseen by the abusive patriarch figure that is their father. when ford refers to his dynamic with stan as "suffocating" (expecting dipper to relate), it's simultaneously insight we're meant to read as selfish and anti-family, as well as being perfectly logical. stan and ford depend on one another for survival and recognition as they deal with both the trappings of their home life and peer abuse at school- and, at the same time, are locked into their roles as "potential breadwinner" and "the fuck-up twin". would that not be suffocating? would you really feel secure trying to maintain a close relationship with your twin like that, even if you did love them?

I refer to this as a matter of masculinity because at its core the trappings of the (american, western, whatever you want to call it) family are often patriarchal in nature: everything revolves around the authority of The Father, who is succeeded by The Son. stan's lack of success in terms of bringing money to the family reflect her failures to perform as a man. the only time she begins to succeed in this role is when she's impersonating ford. (and here you can kind of see the foundations of my headcanon for her as a trans woman... but that's off topic) at the end of the day, ford's desires for agency outside of his family are punished by the story: "you care about some dumb mysteries more than your own family? well then-- you can have 'em." and this is only truly rectified when ford relents, admits the true importance of family, and gets on a boat with his twin. even if I think it's elaborated on in ways that lend itself towards a more complex story, even if I think it could work perfectly well as a deconstruction if you were to read it that way, I think this is the type of story they're trying to tell and the one that is most commonly related to by an american audience.

I say that this frustrates me because as much as I wish it were the case, I don't believe gravity falls intends to make a critical commentary on the nature of the family. I think it says a lot about how those dynamics can be strained or muddled by factors such as miscommunication, trauma, abuse, etc- but at the end of the day it's intending to be a very "familial love surpasses all" type of story. does that mean it's unwatchable garbage? not really. I obviously love the show and still enjoy familial dynamics for a lot of reasons and think there's good to come of those kinds of stories. however I also think there is a lot to be said about how dangerous the idea of "family comes first" is, both in terms of justifying violence and absolving or enabling abuse.

*note that my specifications of the structure as "american" or "western" are due purely to a lack of perspective. I'm sure there are examples of these types of trappings across various cultures I just can't confidently elaborate, and in the context of the show we're talking about a story that takes place with american characters. kind of a pointless amendment but just in case.

[nudijsmos]

stalker's tango.

pairing: stalker!bangchan x female!reader.

what would you do if you had a man spying on your most "intimate" moment? surely everything except letting him corrupt your body like a rag doll. or not, no one judges you.

warnings: explicit content, mentions of cnc and mask kink, knife kink, female masturbation, blowjob (male recieving), riding a knife like it’s the end of the world, sadistic bangchan, mention of blood while orgasm, reader it’s a whore for everything he does, petnames, degradation kink.

a/n: i swear i'm not so normal about him. ���🏼

your saturdays were certainly the most boring days of your week: no parties, no hanging out with friends, no alcohol and especially no one to spend the rest of the night with.

it was certainly a very niche wish of yours but there were times when you locked yourself into books to feel something new, even if it was fictional. the pleasure that these erotic books generated for you was too ecstatic for anyone else who will not be able to understand the reason for the great fascination with them.

especially if you use it as a method of self pleasure, mostly to reward you after a rough week.

your fingers lay between the folds of your cunt, opening their way with parsimony in a tortuous swing that left plain sight how weak you manage to put yourself to all kinds of touch, your chest uncovered just so that one of your nipples will remain on the paradise of lust that was building in your body. the wet feeling of your throbbing lips against each touch was music to your ears, coming to rub you more and more on them as if it were a sex toy; you wanted to remove all frustration in them for the most pathetic of what was seen.

the viscous sensation of your fluids invading, staining every end of your digits could get you drunk if it was scientifically possible, gently squeezing the apex of your clitoris only for the purpose of turning yourself into a bunch of moans. it's too inappropriate for an explicit scene to have put yourself like that.

your lips parting to let out another sultry moan that echoes the room, it’s actually a relieve that you have the house completely alone ‘cause if you were with your parents in the other room those slutty groans and gaps would get you grounded as fuck. even though what you are doing it’s risky, you still want to keep that tortuous pace on your vulva.

it’s difficult when you suddenly gasp louder, your fingers picking up speed. your pumping is getting sloppy and you constantly shift on the mattress like a greedy puppy, hungry for more.

your knees buckled at the near feeling of your orgasm reaching, pleading to be released when suddenly a noise distracts you.

on the side of your window, the shadow of what appears to be a person begins to become visible, a robust figure that slowly becomes more present: those eyes observed the apex of your thighs with desire, a heavy breath that fogged the glass. the only problem was that you couldn't see his entire face.

fear invaded you, a strange combination along with your denied orgasm made you beg with your eyes for two things. your liberation or that he wouldn't kill you.

tears falling from your eyes, thinking that this must be just a bad nightmare and that's it.

while on the side of the dark stranger, saying that he was enchanted from the moment he slipped through the balcony window was an understatement... almost nothing.

under curses around his plump lips he holds back the urge to pull out his erect member from his denim pants. It wasn't the first time he followed your steps, but it was the first time he saw you in such a deplorable and exciting state.

his hands gently forced the lock of the window, slowly opening it and as he went up your groaning heard sharper, making his sanity gradually disappear. the sound that comes out of your mouth was like an invitation for him to take advantage of it, as if you were doing a show just for him to see. or at least he wanted to believe that.

with the agility of a cat, broke into your room without any warning and searched his way through your body like a desperate man. the hands of that mysterious elder were placed in your mouth to make it impossible for any complaint to come out of you, bringing you even closer until those dark eyes connected again with yours almost in a plea not to stop.

"mhm.. what we have here?" she says in a flirtatious tone. his voice was deep and rough, as if his throat dried up when he saw you please her. "a dirty whore who thinks no one can see her being so fucking provocative."

your hum was vibrating against the palm of his hand, and tears were running down your rosy cheeks. you were scared - even terrified, this was too real to be just a dream of yours. his hand was so big. he hugged your face in such a way that it covered your nostrils as well, making it harder to breathe. his face was covered with shadows and a black mask hid his mouth, only one of his darkened eyes visible in the night.

your eyes roamed your room, trying to find something to use as a defense mechanism for escape. the man noticed your attempts immediately, "what are you doing, my dear? nah.. you won’t walk away from this."

his free hand was going down to the top of your underwear without too much haste since he wanted very internally to drain all your energy in what remained of the night. the thin fingers of the masked man seemed to know your body from beginning to end, outlining the folds of your intimacy as if he had memorized them, pressing his thumb against your clitoris causing a gorgeous and sharp moan to come out of your lips.

"how noisy you get to be sometimes, you’re going to blow my head if you keep this way," again the boy’s voice overwhelmed you and promptly you only deigned to nod while his nimble hand was getting rid of your underwear, the lace rubbing your thighs as it slid down your skin almost like a cut. sharp and painful.

the gloved hand of the chestnut bathed in your fluids, going up and down between your folds and listening to that characteristic sound of it. your eyes were still on that handsome man, half-closed for pleasure and your mouth just babbling overflowed prayers to the contrary.

"just look at you. you look so insultingly pathetic." he muttered between his teeth as he moved to the side of the bed, standing on the ground at the perfect height for your watery face to be millimeters - if you could say so of his crotch.

from his trousers he pulled out a red-handle leather knife, the edge of the weapon shone with the light of your room lamp. "what would you do if i used this on you? would it be right to put the edge inside you and watch you kill yourself while riding it alone or should i use the handle as a dildo?"

the edge of the knife would go in? what, that would be too much and no matter how hot you are you wouldn’t let your parents see you dead from an orgasm. "please." you sounded so pitiful, even the elder was pleased to see you in spite of not knowing what to choose. "choose m'lady, the edge or just the handle of the knife."

another breath of pain was heard through the room, without the man realizing you were already a mess; dripping your thighs and nipples slightly erect with only the sight of him waiting for some answer from you. your eyes were turned to his crotch and back to his right hand, which with agility held the knife, you did not know where to put all your attention.

"the handle, use the handle." god, he could die from just hearing you say that. his left-hand was unbuttoning his pants without lowering them at all, the same with his boxer that marked on his elastic calvin klein on his waist.

the handle of the knife was rubbing against your vulva as if it were a sex toy of those you kept somewhere in your room while suddenly the boy’s dick went inside your mouth, not giving you any choice but to pump your head and try not to choke by how it stretched your mouth cavity looked to him, seeing you as a fleshlight for his cock.

"that is bunny, take my cock just as well. almost seems like you were made for this, being such a cocksleeve for a stranger.. what a desperate thing." the voice of that man was bouncing through the walls of your ears like a forbidden melody, the handle of the knife was penetrating you causing several cries of pain to drown in the chestnut’s phallus. " there you go, take it like a good girl, you’ve grown up so much so i bet you have some kind of experience gettin' sluted out.”

the leather of the knife was moistened inside you, the rubber walls were adjusted to its size as if really your whole body was made so that he can abuse it, hurt it too - of course and hurts as hell compared to the different dildos that you had used on you.. but holy mother who could kick you out of just hearing him curse your own existence by smearing his weaponry with your slick and blood.

you have no idea how men can be saddled with a palate full of sophomoric slapstick. but a dick is a dick, and something tells you that he won’t let you go empty-handed on this one. "you're not tapping out already, are ya’? cause you looked so pretty with your mouth full of my dick.. use your tongue just a bit more and keep the fucking pace or i'll stab your stomach.” he demanded, fuck he sounded so hot saying that.

the masked man’s hand was gradually bathed in blood surrounding the material of his glove, each cut that made the girl’s movements only left him more stunned at the sight of the young woman being raped in pleasure. who would say that the facade of a sweet and well-dressed girl could be destroyed in one night by him. the assaults became much faster and deeper, the splashing of material against the intimacy of the female became more noticeable along with the obscene expressions that were ripping from her rosy face.

under the mask the man could say that he was worse than his companion; drops of sweat falling down his forehead and his meaty lips were wounded from the number of times that their canines killed them with careless bites, tearing the skin of these on purpose to feel the metallic taste of his blood rub his palate. “how does it feel having a complete stranger arranging your guts with a knife? huh?.. what i even ask you if you can even look me in the eye while you're blowing me out.”

“i fuckin' hate you.” you spat, getting his cock out of your weeping mouth. his hand began to move from the base to the tip of his member, masturbating it over your face without stopping the previous movements that were creating a burning feeling in your lower abdomen, your free hand was held from the ends of your sheets being almost impossible this time to shut up, “ you motherfu-.. oh god!!”

your legs weakened and the heat of your lower stomach was increasing more and more, reaching to raise your body from the mattress by the over stimulation that you were subjected to, something that the elder loved, dying inside to see you like this for a while.

“that's it sweet girl, keep struggling, ‘m gonna cum on your pretty face and you're gonna make a mess in my hand.. understood? show me how weak you manage to put yourself into”.

you hated to say he was in fact right but you were close to your limit, you hated with all your soul that the touch of that stranger makes you tremble with pleasure. you hated that especially warmed you to the idea that this would not be the last time he broke into your house. “s-sir.. ‘m close.. bun wants to.. please”, you couldn’t speak - not even say a single word.

that’s how the masked man let out all his seed on your face, smearing your cheeks and corners with his semen just as you burst on the handle of the knife that had made his hand a table full of cuts and drops of blood that combined with your fluids.

this couldn’’t be better, clearly not.. right?.

(...)

"bun.. bun, baby" you heard a familiar voice echoed onto your ears. "baby dol,l you fell asleep again". it was your boyfriend who spoke to you with a worried tone but with some happiness of seeing you again.

"what are you doing here? i..didn’t know you were coming." you mumbled shyly as you climbed into the sheets to check that you were still in your clothes. and so it was, but there was something else lying at the end of your bed: a knife with its blood-stained leather and in the distance the shadow of that man walking away from your window.

it certainly wouldn’t be the first or last time you would see him spying on every move you made in the distance, and that made you more than eager to be used by him again.

and only for him.

[gasp-hehe]

Hamilton x JJK

This is 1000% brought on by me consuming those edits again, but Burr and Alexander are Satoru and Suguru if Suguru didn't defect. Hear me out, Hamilton didn't know how Burr felt. The inferiority, the jealousy, he to an extent always considered him a better half. In the musical we witness how excellent he was, leagues above everyone else, not cut from the same cloth, yet we have the musical because people never acknowledged him compared to some other founding fathers. Akin to how Gojo didn't even get a funeral, he altered the balance of the world when he was born just to die the same as you and I. Burr truly never held any ill will towards Hamilton in the beginning, their paths aligned, they became acquainted, but he did not excel. If it's sad that a founding father's legacy is a musical, is it not sadder for Burr to be remembered as the man who isn't Hamilton? If Geto had not defected but still harboured the same feelings and went through the same trauma, yet saw Gojo overcome and "win", then what's the difference? I think when you take songs such as 'Wait For It' or 'Non-Stop' this is better shown. The obsession Hamilton had with writing the same as to how Gojo exceedingly became so far above everyone he wasn't human, he is literally untouchable. He fought, took mission after mission, works 21hrs a day, he could theoretically handle it all alone. How Burr wasn't willing to back up the constitution, how Suguru didn't defect immediately, a year passed. The hatred brimming and boiling, him hoping it'd subside just for the wait to result in a different outcome. How the only time Burr did not hesitate was for that final shot, contrastingly enough, the only time Hamilton did. Satoru has always hesitated in taking Suguru's life, yet Suguru was truly happy when he was away from Jujutsu society. Honestly, JJK is ripe with symbolism, excellent re-read material in the sense that everything comes together so beautifully with certain characters. Gojo's ability being unbeatable, being his only weakness, how him messing with the fabric of reality impacted his life and the consequence of being untouchable. How regardless of the strength he has never got what mattered, just like his domain. Toji deciding to risk his life by fighting Gojo a second time just to prove to the people he hated that he was good enough, yet if he had won that fight there'd be no difference between him and the Zen'in clan. He died for the same people who wished he was dead anyway. And if Geto Suguru didn't wind up hating non-sorcerers he'd end up hating Jujutsu, believing the world would be better with 0 cursed energy. To dismantle Jujutsu can be done in multiple ways, but perhaps the most effective would be to take down the pinnacle, i.e Satoru Gojo. I will one day draft an entire character study and analysis on Satoru (because clearly I cannot shut up and I have too many thoughts), but when SatoSugu were like Lafayette and Hamilton just to technically wind up in the same fate, is post hidden inventory Geto the real Geto or did he die in that fight against Toji? If he didn't, was hidden inventory Geto the fake one and the racist the real one? This is also interesting because say Geto tried helping, pushing it down, not going insane. Would he be Jefferson? Would Satoru be Jefferson? Would Geto/Jefferson view Satoru as Washington?

You could say the trio ended up becoming like John Jay, James Madison, and Hamilton. What with Shoko never being recognized, John Jay recovered after writing four to write the fifth. James Madison writing more than their agreed upon original limit simply by himself but never given value, like Suguru being a special grade that came from no resources. Him having virtually no weakness. And of course, Hamilton going insane and losing everything in the pursuit of his 'dream', I wonder if anyone has ever randomly hugged Satoru and told him they love him. He never had an Eliza after all, fuck did he even have an Angelica? A Maria Reynolds? Yet Suguru had Theodosia. This is such a niche but goddamn do I love to yap.

[ask-postcrash-curly]

Here's the deal, Ouroboros. Bite down, or let go. But you can't keep holding on like this.

Sooner or later you'll have to make a choice, or die in a cycle. Always too scared to grasp, too scared to cut loose.

So ever in a perpetual stasis, standing there.

Frozen.

Deep down, you want to bask in the ignorance and bliss of what once was, to remain in the past. You're tightly clinging on what you thought of those you've met, and how those ideals were crushed by the terrible reality of who they actually are.

It's slowly killing you and you don't even realize it, that you've become so numb to the pain they have caused throughout time. Can't even realize that there is a cycle to break.

And in the off chance that you do realize, you have become so tunnel visioned that it's taking a literal cacophony of voices to make you realize the desperate need for change.

Change hurts, but worse things fester for a long time.

First you found respite on our back and forth, but then couldn't stand the constant, constant screaming.

After all, they're always there. In the back of your mind. The dead pixels you were told about.

It's hard not to notice, now right in front and inside you. But they've always been there, haven't they?

We've told you.

Sure, they were easy to ignore, with our backs turned, and our eyes closed. And we tried, we really did. But now that you can't even turn a blind eye to it all, you finally see them. Some day you were going to get fed up with them.

And you did. But with the bad also left the good, and we disappeared.

Now you can't sleep without us... easy to grasp, hard to leave. You gained the inherent need for someone to talk with and be heard without a voice, but it is company at the expense of your morale.

We said tomorrow will be different. Today would be the last day. The last one. The last one and then another. And another, and another, and another...

Every time, you get caught up in the same old venomous spiral inside your head. At one point you'll just have to start hearing:

"Learn to bite down or to let go"

You have to accept that some things are out of your control. It is not easy to cut yourself off from familiarity. It is also not easy to take a risk, or to choose consequences of your own accord.

But it is possible.

It's easy to feel locked into a course of action because it's what you've always done and it's what's expected of you, even if it's detrimental to your well being. It's hard to look at an unfamiliar path and choose to gamble that same well being on the end of it.

You just can't keep this going.

Maybe the idea of biting down sounds self destructive, and letting go being of resignation, but not making the choice is the real fatalistic path. It's continuing to forsake your own agency for a "safety" that is still hurting you, but feels safe because it's familiar.

Biting down and letting go are both active choices to end the cycle, both are positive outcomes.

You bit us down, and we left an unwilling void in our wake. Then came the pleas, so we came back to fill it once again. But accompanied by the dead pixels too, for our collective dismay.

...

Grant.

We will have to be let go one day.

You've got to move in a direction rather than circles, whatever that direction ends up being.

You are eating yourself alive.

I know the quiet is violent, it forces you deal with the raw situation. But we're just a fake screen masking the real issue in between.

We are all afraid of silence. It is terrifying. But we also wish you peace.

You'll have to do it someday Grant.

You will have to do it scared.

Of course I want to remain in the past. The present is an endless fucking nightmare and it's too late to fix anything. Not— not so I can unlearn what I've learned, that wouldn't be fair to her— I don't want that. Can't. No.

...

Why does that sound so familiar? It's true. It's completely true. Never told him off when I saw the signs, never left this job, and I let it become all this. One big old festering wound.

...This isn't the same, though.

You're wrong. It is not at the expense of my morale. I didn't have any morale to lose before you lot came along, do you understand, I wanted nothing more than to die every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month! Death was all I wanted, all I prayed and begged for, when I wasn't too overwhelmed by the pain or drowning in the guilt. That was worse, that was much worse than the damn screaming. I can't go back.

Look. As terrible as things were before the crash, it was better than it is now. Dead pixels, big picture. I was wrong, I know that, but there was a grain of truth, yeah? Before the crash, we at least had the appearance of being fine. We had medical supplies, we were nearly at destination, I wasn't hurt and I could have stepped in, and I didn't but we're not slaves to our past and I could have stepped in at any moment in the future if that wasn't taken from me. It was awful because of the dead pixel in the corner but it wasn't unsalvageable. Couldn't have fixed it, I see that now, but could have kept us moving. There's no repairing the damage, but there's healing. But now? You think this is better? Hah! There's no more dead pixel. The whole damn picture is dead with a few tiny squares of light. And it's unbearable. There is nothing I can do to help her. There is nothing I can do to help myself. Not one of us is better off than we were before.

All this to say, I don't care if the dead pixels remain. Or, well, of course I care, but I'd rather take that than the gaping irreparable damage they leave when you try to smash them out! There's no fixing those things without destroying the whole picture and I can't, I'd rather have a marred picture than no picture and be alone again, yeah?

It isn't the silence I'm afraid of! It's the pain! I can't take my mind off of it without you there! Please, all I'm asking is that you don't leave me alone with it again. You can leave once it stops if you need to but please please I can't stand it. I can't. There is no peace to be found. Having you lot distracting me is the closest thing I can get to peace. It was awful, all right? That's what I'm scared of the most, being trapped in that again, it was the worst thing I've ever experienced and it went on so long and I can't do it again, I'll do anything if you don't let me go back there again, please, please.

And if I fall back in again, with you gone, how can I let it out? I can't scream, I can't cry, that's been taken from me already. You are all I have to take it out of my mind and have anyone at all understand. There's no form of expression I have left.

I AM DOING IT SCARED! I'M FUCKING TERRIFIED, OKAY? I'VE BEEN SCARED ALL THIS TIME!

...

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Just— please. I don't care how self-destructive you think this is. All choice in my life has been stripped from me. The one thing I have left in which I have any form of agency is the conversations I have with you and I can't lose them. I believe that you want to help me and if you do please just stay a while longer, just until I'm safe and it doesn't hurt and I can communicate again, please, I can't do this alone I'd rather die right now than go back to doing this alone, and that was when I had painkillers that worked and that was before he hit me and I can't I can't there's no way out except you all. I won't hold on forever, just until it doesn't hurt, yeah? Just— just let me hold on until it doesn't hurt, please.

[synthsamuri]

⭐️ The Heart of a Star: Epilogue ⭐️

With the evil defeated and a new prince crowned, peace has been restored to Stormhold. Guan Shan and He Tian reunite with their pirate companions, enjoying their new found freedom. The two take time to appreciate their hard fought victory, and finally take the next steps in their relationship. ⭐️ Read "The Heart of a Star," a completed six chapter fic based on Neil Gaiman's "Stardust!" ⭐️ Read the epilogue here! *please be advised of explicit tag*

--- ⭐️ Written for and dedicated to @rainy19days my beta reader and very dear friend! You can send her your thanks for a final smut chapter!

[silentsockfeet]

with the obvious addendum that act 3 isn’t out yet and we can’t form true opinions until the show’s officially done, i’m still really feeling like it could have maybe benefited from a third season. they’re hitting all the right plot points and those moments are full of really intense emotion, but everything in the middle feels so underwhelming in comparison and so much of it still feels rushed to me. idk

[july-19th-club]

forced myself to finish this book even though by the last hundred pages or so all i was doing was picking apart the post-catholicism of it all. bc i feel like it's important to read shit you don't gel with . just because. even though the whole way through i was like they HAVE to prove it's not real. they HAVE to. so not the point of any of it but i was desperate for them to Find The Body etc. and of course instead they have mystical time travel experiences and all that because that is the kind of book the actual star is but i was desperate for them to realize that the star you see is the actual star. and then it wasn't

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.

[supersecretnerd]

Ok so these designs are cute as hell, the Internet is just mean

I have too many thoughts about a game I still need to watch

[shortqueershakespeare]

i keep annoying myself by creating good queues instead of playlists on spotify because for some unknown fucking reason i've developed an aversion to the skip button and a memory just bodyslammed me

my mum used to tell me i could listen to music when i revised but i had to put on a playlist AND STICK TO IT because otherwise she knew i'd spend hours fucking about queuing songs

[midnightwind]

I love Dragon Age companion quests, but sometimes I wish we had more that didn't culminate in fighting a Big Personal Bad, you know

[gio-cosmo]

Guys I am so excited for LIS Double Exposure but I am also so so nervous