#for a while and have been considering top surgery for like... at LEAST a few years.

[raiii-bee]

Kinda funny that my top surgery was basically a quick time event irl

[justanothersanjilover]

One Piece Modern Gym Au Wip (Part 15)

A quick clean-up of the burned food later, they sat in front of a fast mixed-together meal from the remains of Sanji’s fridge and the parts he could still use from the meal he had planned. They sat at the table near the window, and Zoro smiled at his plate. The food was amazing! If he hadn't seen the burned rest and how quickly Sanji had come up with something from the - actually sparsely - food he had left, he’d said this had taken hours, if not days, to prepare.

“Why are you smiling like an idiot?” Sanji wanted to know while looking at his plate.

“Because this is fucking delicious, and I haven’t had a meal that good for a very long time,” Zoro explained, shoving another fork full of food into his mouth.

“It would have been better if I wouldn't have let the food burn…”

Zoro’s grin widened, and he reached out to ruffle Sanji’s hair. His eyes snapped up as he felt the touch of Zoro’s hand. After their forced talk a few weeks ago, touching each other became natural for them - at least on Zoro’s part. Yes, before, there were times they would shove each other or lightly hit each other, bump shoulders, and such - in a rival-friendship kind of way. But now? Zoro would always touch Sanji somewhere when they sat together - and if it was just his fingers tapping lightly against his bare arm when they talked at the Gym. And Sanji wouldn't comment on it. It seemed to calm Zoro from whatever was stuck in his mind. Sanji wasn't much of a tactile person. He ruffled Zoro’s hair now and then - to annoy him - but that was that.

“Soooo…” Zoro stretched the o for a moment. “About your green eye? I’m curious! It looks so…beautiful!”

There it was again. Beautiful…Sanji’s heart fluttered and hurt at the same time. Was he ready to talk about this?

“Soooo…” he mocked the way Zoro had said the word. “You were addicted? To what?”

Zoro made a dumbfound expression; then he laughed quietly.

“Should have known you’d change the subject very subtle.”

“I’m a natural.”

“Sure you are!”

He scratched his head and lowered his eye.

„I haven‘t talked about this in a long time,“ Zoro mumbled.

„You don’t have to…“

„No, it‘s fine. It‘s just…it‘s dumb, that‘s all.“ He smiled a little forced and put the fork down. „I was an alcohol addict a few years back and…“

„And you just drank beer! Why? You should have said no when I offered! I have other stuff to drink with no alcohol!“ Sanji stared at him wide eyed as Zoro laughed and shook his head.

„I‘ve got it under control, Curls“ he explained and grinned when he saw Sanji‘s ‘that‘s what they all say‘ - expression. „Really. One beer is not going to throw me back into addiction. It‘s fine every now and then. I know when to stop. I practiced self-control a lot and I won't let this get to my head ever again - it…I was miserable. Besides…”

Zoro stopped and rubbed the back of his neck, as if he were considering whether he should continue or not. For a moment Sanji thought he wouldn't say more, but then Zoro sighed.

“I almost couldn't get my top surgery because of it...I already had ruined my chance of a bottom surgery. So I was more than willing to end my addiction and never fall back to it.”

“Why would that get in the way of you getting surgery?”

Sanji was actually confused by that. He heard of cases where top surgery was risky or denied because the person used a wrong binder or binding method or used it too much, besides the many, very transphobic reasons and laws a person had to go through to actually get the gender-confirming surgeries - but because of alcohol?

“I wasn’t exactly suited for making major decisions at that time. Yes, I had a psychiatrist and I was on my way to getting better but the doc said there was no chance - at that time - for me to get the surgery done with the way I lived.”

“And now?”

Zoro pursed his lips while thinking and Sanji couldn't look away. Ah fuck, he was down bad for that man and Zoro didn't even know.

“I don't know…I think I learned to live with it. I mean it has his pros and cons to have a vagina as a transman,” he grinned but then realized what he had said.

His eye snapped up at Sanji to intake the damage he’d probably caused. Disgust? Rejection? Lack of understanding? But all he saw was a small trickle of blood flowing from Sanji’s nose.

“You…you okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Um…because… you have a nosebleed.”

“What?!” Sanji brushed his fingers over his philtrum - they really came back bloody. “Sorry! I…”

He jumped from his chair and walked over to grab a tissue and press it to his nose.

“Does this happen often to you?”

“Not usually…not with a guy,” he muttered the last part to himself, hoping Zoro hadn't heard it. “It should be over in a moment.”

“Alright.”

Smirking Zoro started to eat again. That was interesting. One more thing he could put to the list of Sanji’s little quirks.

Prev/next

First part

[beanghostprincess]

Modern au trans Ace has been consuming my mind lately so I thought I'll just share all of my headcanons or else I'll explode:

• Sabo was the first person he had come out to. It happened when they were around 9. Ace had always felt that something was "wrong" about him. That the way he acted, his interests and past times, and just how he would do things were "unnatural" or wierd". Once Ace became familiar with the conspet of transgenderism he just opened up to him, and was met with instant support.

• Immediately after this, Sabo gave Ace his (trademark) transgender haircut in the bathroom of Dadan's house. She actually entered it while they were there and upon seeing it she cried out of happyness. (Mothers know everything)

• Coming out to Garp was a bit harder for Ace since he wasn't sure how an older person would have reacted, I mean Garp just left there his grand"daughter" and came back to a grandson after all. But we all know that Garp would never discriminate, and plus now he has another grandson to train.

• Luffy arrived in his life after a full year after he had transitioned, so at first Ace wasn't sure how to exacly explain this to Luffy, but he did manage to open up to him after they officially became brothers. Luffy wasn't just an innocent kid, while he didn't fully understood concepts like transphobia, to him Ace is just his brother so if anyone is mean to him or calls him names he'll just kick their asses.

• Ace had been homeschooled for the 5 years that would have been him attending elementary school. Middle school was the first time he attended an actual school and at first he wasn't open or confident at all and was ready to just beat up anyone who tried to shit talk him.

• Surprisingly he made a few friends. They were mostly just Luffy's friends who were older than him or his friends's siblings, but he appreciated it anyway. His absolute best friend ever tho is Kuina. I hd her as non binary using she/they so its just trans supporting trans, and they also have like a million of other reasons to be friends but those were already pointed out.

• His top surgery was payed by none other than his father Newgate. The Whitebeards pirates would be just this one tatoo shop Ace works at that Newgate he opened after "retiring" from biker gangs and stuff.

• Obbligatory T4T Yamace, but we all already knew this, didn't we?

• Ace gets the best older trans guy advice from Franky. Because to me, he is just what every trans guy aspires to be, cool and hardboiled. And who wouldn't want to get advice from the dude who did his own top surgery in his father's mechanic shop at 15?

These are all from me, but feel free to add your own or elaborate on the ones you like.

Trans Ace is so real to me that I quite literally can't imagine him being cis. It's just so,,, Weird to me. And I absolutely love everything you said. I definitely think Sabo was the first one to know and the one who helped Ace the most with his transition, also telling Garp, who actually is way better (if you can say 'better' when something isn't even 'good' but yeah) at raising boys. At least he understands them better. So I think he wouldn't have a problem with it at all even if he's more on the "I don't really get it that much, kid, but as long as you're happy" type of vibe. I agree with everything,, When he was younger he really didn't interact with many people and usually preferred to be alone. Teachers considered him more of a problematic kid than anything, and always compared him to Sabo with the typical "how are you like this when your brother is just so polite and smart!?" but then Sabo always ends up fighting the teachers for saying that shit in front of the class and Sabo stops being so perfect in their eyes (also he starts rebelling himself a lot against the educational system lmao). And not to talk shit about Garp, but talking shit about Garp I'm sure Ace would get in trouble a lot and Garp wouldn't show up to the meetings with Ace's teachers. That only makes Ace feel lonelier and everyone thinks he's extremely troubled. When he's literally a sweetheart to both Sabo and Luffy,, When he meets Luffy's friends, he starts to open up to people. He still gets in a lot of trouble, honestly, but that's just him. I think his classmates find out about him being trans, of course, and not a lot of people are okay with that. He truly wants to fight them but he knows that if he keeps going like this he'll get expelled and he doesn't like the idea of leaving Sabo and Luffy alone ('doesn't like the idea' meaning he almost gets expelled and Sabo had to scold him and tell him that even though he has his own friends he doesn't know what he would do without him in school), so Luffy and Sabo are usually the one defending him a lot of the time since the teachers, even though they're chaotic, don't really hate them (because look at those cutie patooties how could you hate Luffy???? He gets along even with teachers). The Whitebeard pirates accept him with open arms and he finally feels he has a place to belong to. Newgate doesn't even offer to pay for the surgery, he just pays without telling him first because he knows Ace wouldn't have let him do it otherwise. He's so so grateful for them. And his brothers. And his friends. And everybody that has ever supported him. I think that he has lots of issues with depression and self-image and he often has a hard time when he acts impulsively, but Newgate always helps him. He grounds him. Gives him something to focus on. And Franky is soooo fun to be around. Newgate tells him to go see Franky and give him the money he owes him, and that's how they meet, basically. It's obvious he's trans because he goes shirtless all the time and scars are there and everything... And Ace just has to ask about his experience. Franky helps him gladly. And it's not only cathartic but also very comforting. He also meets Robin there!!!! Because married Frobin in this one. And I think Ace would absolutely love her because she keeps being oh so nice to him. She kind of reminds him of Makino, and it's extremely sweet. I think Ace now goes to help Franky from time to time when the Tattoo shop doesn't really need him there or, well, whenever he wants to because he also is extremely interested in bikes.

T4T Yamace my beloved.... Guys being guys. Dudes being dudes. I think they meet because Newgate tells Ace something about this man Kaido (leader of a gang) who owes him lots of money or something or did something very nasty to him yadda yadda Maybe they just have beef from when Newgate was into the gang stuff. And Ace keeps saying he should go and settle things with Kaido and beat him up for that, but Newgate is retired and he really, really doesn't give a single fuck about it. Lmao. Ace says he could take down Kaido himself. Newgate laughs. Ace is too proud. So he ends up looking for Kaido and fighting Yamato late at night in the street and,, Well. You know how it goes. They become daddy issues besties and turns out Yamato does not want to follow his dad's steps. Ace is curious about Yamato's experience because he doesn't seem to want to have surgery or anything, and they keep bonding over their pasts and family and Yamato ends up joining the friend group. And it's so cute. Newgate can see the kid is in love because every day he waits for Yamato to come pick him up to hang out. Or maybe he begs to get out earlier to go see Yamato. He keeps talking about Yamato,,, All the time. Even Sabo and Luffy are done with him. It's endearing.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA This is just so good. Modern Au my absolute beloved.

[animelover32456]

A story about a boy

A woman and a man fell in love

Leaving their home town

A woman and man fell in love

They traveled to settle down

Years later they had kids

How many you ask? I wouldn't know

they laughed and played and hid

One of them was a girl

She wasn't like the rest of her siblings

She didn't like being a female in this world

She played with her brothers all day and night

Her mother scolded her for being too rough for a young lady

It wasn't her fault, it just felt right

She wasn't as polite as her sister's

She loved boys clothes

She wanted be like one of those misters

Growing up she didn't play with girls, always finding the boys to more fun

Girls didn't like to exercise

While she loved to run

As a teen she realized she didn't like being a girl

Too much effort and too much things

Want she wanted was to be a boy and that made her world

She talked to people that were similar to her

They were trans and welcomed her in

She didn't remember the last time she was this happy. Ever

She decided to change and

He changed his name and loved being a guy

He loved it with his entire heart

But being himself set him apart

Parents shocked

Siblings confused

"You can't change" they said

He didn't care

He didn't listen

Being misgendered and deadnamed by parents hurt

"you're only doing it for attention" they said

He looked into a mirror

all he saw was a hurt little girl trying to be something she wasn't

He wanted to tell her that she could change

But all he saw was his pain and sadness

Maybe being a guy wasn't good

Maybe his parents were right

Maybe there was something in his head

He almost believed all those judging voices

Almost

He walked outside one day

He was 18 and already thinking about top surgery

A kid ran up to him

A huge smile on their face

It was a girl with her hair cut short

Her clothes are that of a boys

People sent judging looks to her father who was walking behind her

She ran up to him

"Hello mister! Are you like me?" She asked jumping up and down in excitement

She seemed to be around the age of 12-13

"What do you mean?" He asked confused

"Are you trans?" She asked

He thought for a moment before nodding his head

"I'm trans too! Can you help me out? I've been trying to act like a boy but I can't do it yet" He said

He stared at the boy

He saw himself in this kid when he was younger

But there wasn't anyone to help him

"Sure if it's alright with your dad" He answered

The father gave his permission

He helped the boy out

Next few weeks he scheduled an appointment for the surgery

He felt so much better after

Few years later he saw the boy that he helped out

Except the boy was bleeding

He helped him and asked what happened

The boy replied that he's been bullied for being trans

Kids nowadays don't need an excuse to be violent

If they see someone that they don't like they attack

This is also applied to adults

Politicians that say that being trans isn't right

Parents mad that their sons and daughters are being something else

Kids struggling against homophobia and transphobia

And there's no stopping it

Doesn't help that being forgotten by your own people helps

"Tran mascs have it so much harder cuz they have to work twice as hard to be considered men"

"No tran fems have it bad! They get called perverts! They have to stop being so masculine to be considered a woman!"

Just stop

We both have it hard

Arguing isn't helping anyone it's just dividing us further

The world may never accept us but at least we have each other

Right?

[cindylouwho-2]

Etsy's Adult Content Ban: Some Things You Might Have Missed, & Some Reasons Almost Everyone Has Missed

As almost everyone knows, Etsy announced a wide-ranging ban of many types of sex-related items on June 27, to take effect on July 29, 2024.

While the corporation was predictably vague about the reasons for this change, it's not overly-difficult to figure out why this happened, although at least one reason seems to have slipped by many. It's slightly more trying to make the logic work when we consider what they still allow. It may be more interesting (and vital, for some sellers) to consider what Etsy might ban next, or ban by accident when this policy takes effect.

While this post isn't intended to be a deep dive into all of the revisions to Etsy's official policies, I will briefly go through certain highlights of the new rules, followed a few alternative ideas for both sellers and shoppers. I'll then discuss why Etsy did this, and we should expect in the coming weeks, months and years.

First. here are the relevant materials:

the much-quoted announcement

Etsy's new Adult Nudity and Sexual Content Policy

the revised Mature Content Policy

as well as some of the media coverage:

Mashable was the first large outlet to publish

The New York Times (soft paywall)

The Guardian

The BBC

Modern Retail (soft paywall)

What's Out, And What's Still OK to Sell or Display

As has widely been reported, Etsy will no longer allow sex toys that touch genitals or enter the body, a female product model's nipples in photos, photos or "photo-realistic" images of sexual acts, types of nudity with "sexual context", fetish items such as used underwear and foot pics, and "sexual language referencing familial relationships". (Pornography was already banned before now.)

Plenty of other items are still permitted, though, including:

BDSM accessories

body harnesses

kegel weights

sex furniture

non-photorealistic nudity and "sex acts without visible genitalia or anuses"

female nipples in photos if the photo is the product and the first listing image obscures them

These exceptions lead to all kinds of questions. For example:

Etsy likes to position itself as LGBTQ2S+ positive. That means a topless photo of a trans male with visible nipples is ok even if they never had top surgery, right? Especially if they have legally transitioned and have government-issued ID that lists them as male, correct?

Where is the "non-photorealistic" line drawn? If a painter attempts to be photorealistic, but is not very skilled at the process, is that painting ok to sell on Etsy?

I am sure you can think of plenty more. But holes in the policies are not my main concern in this article, so I will move on (after noting that Etsy is going to have some enforcement messes with the policies as written).

Where Should Sellers and Shoppers Go After July 29?

(Mention in this section is not an endorsement of the platform. Please carefully research any option before signing up. Some links are not "safe for work".)

Etsy gave business owners just one month's warning that they were no longer wanted on the site. Many are still scrambling to replace their steady income that their Etsy shop provided. The alternatives are not always simple, and it does depend on what a shop sold.

There are a few small marketplaces for adult items, including https://spicerack.market/ and https://charmskoolshop.com/ (links not safe for work). These are not going to have the level of traffic Etsy had, but that also might improve now that many businesses and shoppers are looking for new venues.

There are also larger marketplaces that do allow many of the products Etsy banned, but each has its own restrictions and exceptions, making it risky to copy existing Etsy listings over directly. Always carefully research the rules everywhere. Amazon does have a sexual wellness category, but it is not part of Amazon's Handmade section. eBay also has sex toys. The Artisans Cooperative currently has some adult items listed, but the site is still in beta, so only coop members can sell there at the moment.

Freestanding websites and self-promotion are another approach, but this can be daunting for makers who chose Etsy for its built-in traffic, plus some platforms and payment processors do have rules against certain types of adult content. Shopify's Shop app bans pornography and "sexually gratifying" fetishes, and the bot filters can sometimes block allowed content by mistake.

If you have a favourite seller, they have likely already posted where they plan on going next; if not, ask them.

Why Did Etsy Ban Many Adult Listings, and Why Now?

The various media articles lay out numerous possible reasons for the new sex policies. They include:

Some jurisdictions have laws that limit what children or under-18s can see online, which is likely why Etsy's short announcement uses the word "safe" in 3 different places.

Some social media sites restrict adult content - "evolving industry standards", perhaps?

Some payment processors restrict what adult items can be sold.

We're forced to speculate, because Etsy has refused to answer questions or release additional statements since June 27. That's problematic when talking about destroying livelihoods, because none of these reasons seem to dictate an absolute ban.

As mentioned above, many sites still allow most of the prohibited products, either openly, with age minimums, or with siloed categories that don't appear in generic searches. A big tech company should easily be able to program for this. There's been no indication that any of Etsy's payment processors have withdrawn due to this content, either. So that list simply doesn't add up.

Instead, it's clear that the core explanation is that Etsy wants a bigger slice of the ecommerce pie, and is willing to reject long-standing sellers and product lines to better appeal to shoppers who find sex and related topics distasteful. But again, why not just separate the categories better, as Amazon and eBay do? Amazon is certainly not lacking for customers despite having a sexual wellness category where many things Etsy disallowed still happily reside.

This all boils down to a key reason few are discussing: Etsy's faulty algorithms don't seem capable of keeping such merchandise out of sight of really picky shoppers. They've in fact been trying to do that for a few years now, as the 2022 Transparency report detailed. Etsy stated that the “mature content classifier” led to "a 17% decrease in flags of mature content from our member community". Let's be honest - 17% isn't a great reduction. Even worse, that classifier led to shadow banning such innocuous items as dog diapers and "nude" coloured leggings, while endlessly missing actual porn, including deep-fake AI celebrity images [Forbes; soft paywall].

CEO Josh Silverman has made it clear that Etsy isn't going to focus on improving search relevancy any more, and will instead be focussing on product quality and shops' customer service records to determine search ranking. Problem is, niche searches still display tons of irrelevant items - go check; I'll wait - and this is frequently where one might see things they weren't looking for. If the search and other algorithms aren't able to give shoppers accurate results even when Etsy is attempting to filter out mature items, then Etsy's alternative is to ban the items outright.

Let's face it: if the real problem was female nipples being seen by kids, they'd all have to be blurred out, instead of just the first image. The first image is what shows up in search, ads, and recommendations across the site, so that is what Etsy is censoring. Kids are welcome to look at butt cracks to their hearts' content, as long as they click on the listing first. The real problem is instead that Etsy can't deliver accurate searches and tailored recommendations that people want to see, and regularly serves up things shoppers were not expecting.

But why now? Other than the recent promises to change the search focus from relevancy to quality, what made Etsy drop this notice on unsuspecting sellers on June 27?

The answer appears to be Etsy's new creativity standards, released on July 9. Those standards codify previously unofficial exceptions to Etsy policy, such as allowing 100% commercial goods to be sold in gift boxes. They are also the first official mention of Etsy permitting AI art to be sold on the site, although Silverman had already announced that unofficially.

The policy changes are likely to increase the number of listings on the site that are not handmade, vintage or craft supplies, and Etsy obviously felt the need to stem the eventual tide of sexual gift boxes of dildos from AliExpress - yes, there are already some listed on Etsy - and even more AI-generated nudity etc.

Note as well that July 29 falls just 2 days before the second quarter report is given to investors, providing Etsy with a topic to discuss during that call. They can claim they are taking action against mature listings without being expected to have removed 100% just 2 days after the ban, and the topic will likely be forgotten 3 months later when the third-quarter call happens. It's possible that, 3 months from now, no analysts will check to see if the ban was actually successful. Perfect timing, I'd say.

What Next?

First, any experienced Etsy seller knows that Etsy attempts to remove now-banned items will result in plenty of legitimate listings being deactivated as well; see the dog diaper example above. Items won't even have to be related to the prohibited categories, as the image recognition bots can be particularly bad. Every time Etsy bans something, even if only within one country or area, there is always collateral damage in the form of non-offending listings being removed. (I've had items deactivated for being amber, drug paraphernalia and illegal plant material, when they were nothing of the sort.)

At one time, you could expect Etsy to reinstate such items after an investigation, but that is less common these days, and frequently takes weeks to months when it does happen. This means all sellers should be alert and watch their deactivated listings folder in the coming weeks, and be resigned to losing best-selling products for no good reason, due to bad bots.

Long term, I doubt this is the last time Etsy narrows what can be sold in the interests of appeasing sensitive shoppers. Even if you 100% support Etsy banning everything that they did last month, you should be uneasy about what could be coming next. If age-limit laws were really behind some of this recent decision, what happens when some US jurisdictions start restricting no-fault divorce? Everything from party supplies to t-shirt slogans to happy divorce gifts could be on the chopping block.

It's also possible the company will try to continue to refine its bots and algorithms instead of outright banning other products. Since Etsy is already shadow banning items for certain searches, are shops with a few LGBTQ2S+ articles invisible right now in places where laws are discriminatory? In places where birth control is illegal or severely restricted, are birth control pill cases still ok? I am not sure we can assume Etsy won't continue down this path.

Whatever your thoughts on the listings Etsy is currently banning, remember that these are businesses who were allowed to sell their wares on the marketplace until this month, and have therefore done nothing wrong. Things you believe in could be the next target.

[prismatoxic]

I know you've been having oc brainrot recently, (which, fucking epic btw I just now found out about those guys and they're really fucking interesting too) I was just wondering if you had anything sitting in your brain about promises to keep specifically, something about them that you just can't stop thinking about? Or a thing you really enjoy about their dynamic? Even something completely unrelated to chilaios that you always think about. I'd rlly love to hear abt what makes you tick!

this is such a nice ask wtf

glad you like the sillies, they fill my brain with worms. but as for ptk and/or chilaios...

i do still rotate ptk in my mind fairly frequently, and was actually re-reading it recently so try and get back into the headspace for it. (i got to chapter 4, i have to get back to it soon.) i do have a variety of disorganized thoughts about it

i've been deliberately drawing out the sex stuff, obviously. to tell you the truth i'm not someone who's beholden to realism; i chose to have them actually work their way up to penetration, and actually realistically negotiate the daddy kink, because i thought it fit the tone of the story and would draw things out in a satisfactory way. it also gives me time to explore the different ways their inexperience manifests, show them learning each other's bodies and desires, and explore chilchuck's view of his own body and his relationship to his gender via sex over a longer period of time.

which brings me to another part i put a lot of thought into--chilchuck's gender! i am a fan of a lot of interpretations of him, both cis and transmasc in ways other than what i've been writing. i have plans for at least one fic where he's post top surgery and on T. but i chose to make him pre-everything in ptk for a few reasons, and i'm honestly really pleased with the portrayal. some things i haven't gotten to mentioning yet are that half-foot names are considered unisex (not a headcanon i always go with, but i am fond of it), and he did voice training after he came out. it was more accessible than, like, hormones, at least back in kahka brud, and then he ended up pregnant anyway which delayed doing anything. eventually he decided he didn't really need any of it, anyway. (sorry to deprive everyone of tdick chilchuck 😔.) i like exploring his dysphoria, where it exists versus the many places where he's moved past it, his relationship to sex as a trans man and his concerns about a gay cis man wanting him... while i do insert some of my own experiences into the narrative, chilchuck's transgenderism does manifest in several ways mine doesn't, and it's really fun to figure out what makes sense for him.

speaking of things that are fun to figure out: worldbuilding!! i was told early on that the casual inclusion of "the dungeon age" as a phrase was a really genius method of suggesting the state of the world without exposition, and it very much went to my head, lmao. i do exposition every so often, but only when someone in the conversation doesn't already have the information. so laios explaining monsters and their history, and chilchuck explaining the social structures around half-foots and the differences between kahka brud and the northern continent, are easy ways to try and build on the world i've made--make readers see my vision--without it seeming too out of place. i do hope i'm doing that well, i worry about it when i'm not being subtle, lmao.

other than that--i've set up several plot threads i intend to follow through on later. i really enjoy calling back to earlier things, big or small, and using them in ways people might not expect. (like chekov's plastic wrap from chapters 3 and 10. sorry, chilchuck.) i also thought of a new one while rereading that i think will slot into the narrative nicely. it's going to be a fun ride!!

i hope any of this was interesting :')

[riddlerosehearts]

very long and very negative/depressing vent post under the cut because i don't wanna bother my friends at 7 am and don't have anywhere else to put this lmao

i'm gonna be real i'm in my late 20s and have never, ever had what i'd consider a happy life. i've had a few days of happiness here and there but i just do not know what a genuinely happy, fulfilling, hopeful life is like. i might've known when i was like, younger than 10, but my memory sucks so bad that i hardly remember that time and the only thing i was holding onto for a chance of getting to find out someday was keeping trump out of office forever. my mental health gets worse all the time and trying to do anything about it is so, so hard.

and this is going to sound so fucking silly when it's the least of anyone's problems right now but i am the most disney-obsessed person who's never been to disney world because my family could never afford to take the trip. i used to dream more than anything of getting to go with my whole family even just once someday and i lost that dream permanently when my mom died, far too suddenly and far too young, and now i just want to go there for a few days with my dad and brother before my dad gets too old and his health too bad to be able to enjoy it. i just want a nice week-long family vacation where we get to laugh and smile and eat overpriced mickey mouse-shaped food together, my mom's spirit joining us from heaven while we ride peter pan's flight and ask my favorite princesses for their autographs, just once in our lives like so many other families get to do, but i no longer believe we will ever be able to afford that because i'm so scared thinking about if we'll even be able to afford to live the same way we have been under a second trump presidency.

for so long i've fantasized about my family getting out of alabama someday, about being able to move to a state where we could have access to things like health insurance and public transportation that would help mitigate so many of our worst problems, and not to mention abortion rights in case i ever needed one. but moving has always been too out of reach and under a second trump presidency with the rest of the government full of fascists i'm terrified that those states will no longer be able to exist in the same way.

i've dreamed about being able to get a breast reduction--not even full top surgery, just a good reduction because that's truly all i need or want--so i can stop wanting to tear my giant chest off out of soul-crushing gender dysphoria on some days but again, i've lost hope of ever being allowed access to health insurance that could cover that. it's only going to get less and less safe to even be trans, or queer at all, in alabama in the first place. my sister who also lives here in alabama has a wife and two little boys and i'm so scared for them. i'm so much more terrified of everything than i was in 2016 and i am just so, so unfathomably tired. like literally what is even the point of anything anymore? why do i not deserve to know what being a happy person feels like? why does my family not deserve comfort and financial security when they are such wonderful people, so much better than i am? why am i even bothering to cost them so much money and stress by still being alive? what is the point of anything in this world?

[maxicaiman]

I don’t think I’ve seen you post much about it yet but if you want you should totally info dump a little about ur repo au!! I’m really curious about it

Of course only if you want (or if ur waiting to spill about it that’s chill)

I would LOVE to infodump about my silly AU!! I’ve posted some art and such but not much with in-depth lore, which I’ve been adding to for the last few days!! So I’ve got,,,, a lot. I’ve got a basic introduction to the AU written out in google docs, which I’ll share here, then ramble just some basic information!!

Based on Repo! The Genetic Opera (which I highly recommend to watch as it will give some insight into this au and some dynamics / relationships) this AU focuses on the aftermath of an epidemic of T-Cog failures. After medics and surgeons across the factions were instructed to work together to help replace infected T-Cogs, the factions changed. Megatron was less worried about defeating Optimus Prime and the Autobots and more concerned with the repayment of those who’d gotten the surgeries. Oftentimes, bots couldn’t afford to make their payments, and Megatron would send his mercenaries after them.

The war still goes on in the new society, one driven by greed and the repayment of debts. Optimus Prime now runs a smaller group of bots designated in helping those who need it, while Megatron runs an empire built on greed and corruption.

An important thing to note (and something I’m often asked / the au is compared to) is this is not an infection au of any kind!! I have considered making one but wanted to focus more on the aftermath of the epidemic and such. This AU ended up being pretty focused on relationships and me being able to make my ships / rarepairs canon in SOME universe.

This AU is kind of a mix of IDW, TFP and TFA. I’m mixing in a lot of characters from different universes (Strongarm and Hound, who have never met in a single universe that I know of, are a married couple and I love them so so much). This is also partially bc I overthink worldbuilding and get WAY too into it than I should

BUT YEAH SO Cons now work as mercenaries, at least those who had no surgery / were able to pay their debts. A LOT of those who fell victim to in epidemic were Cons, as they had larger numbers and it spread quicker among them. On top of this, Autobots were able to pay their debts off easier, as higher members of the faction (Optimus and his close team) would help to pay off their debts. So this results in a lot of the mercenaries going after old friends. Megatron is basically tearing his own team apart because he’s greedy and selfish

And Optimus is just. Not having a good time. He’s constantly worried for his team, especially Ratchet (who has chosen to stay with Megatron full time to work on a more permanent cure and definitely not because they’re starting to like one another and Megs wants Optimus to be jealous) His amazing wife (love Elita One sm she’s so) is there to help him and just generally be a girlboss while her husband is having a panic attack in the corner. He just feels super guilty for not being able to stop Megatron earlier on

I literally just got this idea in the middle of writing this out but the movie is focused on a teenager who’s sick and her finding out her family secrets and such and oh my fucking god Rodimus could play that role. Optimus wants to keep him away from Megatron and the Cons, because he’s VERY anxious and wants some form of control over someone (because no one takes him seriously due to his immunity thanks to the Matrix)

UHHHHH YEAH that’s kinda all I got for now!! I’m working on writing out info for the main characters and such, and will eventually post this document for everyone to read and such! thank you for letting me ramble to you heheheh

[skywarpie]

Some dad copia thoughts/hcs below the cut

He'd always wanted to have kids but was worried that he wouldn't be a good parent bc he didn't exactly have any role models on the subject

( also considered himself unattractive so chances of having a partner were less than likely in his opinion. )

He'd never really given any thought to the idea of the kids being biologically his or not; happy with the idea of just having one

Is still in his cardinal era when he finds out about expecting the first baby. And spends at least a week wrestling with himself if he wants to keep it or not bc he'd never considered being the one to carry it.

After doing research and accepting that he really does want the baby, he stops taking his t-shot since there's risks to the baby if he continued while carrying

Decides to play it off like nothing is happening since he doesn't tell anyone

The ghouls can immediately smell smth different about him but can't pinpoint it

Plays off morning sickness as food poisoning (until he cant)

REFUSES to tell Imperator most of all

If she found out, copia can only imagine what she'd do. Instead suffers through his growing workload in miserable silence

Eventually he can't hide it anymore and the ghoulettes are the first to pick up on it.

They immediately begin pestering him. Making sure he's eating all the right things (even if it is halfway through the pregnancy)

Despite his best efforts to hide it, Imperator picked up on the issue a long time ago. Deciding that as long as he keeps working then it isn't an issue

He's been terrified of hospitals since he can remember (it made having top surgery extremely difficult) and decides to have the baby at the ministry but there's complications and what medical personnel they do have on the grounds end up doing a hack-job of a c-section (@southernshrimpghoul I'm stealing your idea)

But is overall happy that his daughter is a healthy baby

It takes an abnormally long time for him to heal which then DOES become an issue to Imperator and she makes sure copia knows it

Ends up forcing himself to do work while caring for the baby while also trying to heal from a botched surgery (which he thinks is how c-sections are supposed to be)

Ends up getting sick from not caring for himself

The incision does heal after a few months but it's still iffy

Eventually is able to resume his hrt shots

the incision still causes him pain from time to time

Almost 2-3 pass before he has his second daughter and once again the c-section is botched

Only this time it's a lot worse and he loses too much blood bc the "doctor" knicked a vessel or smth

The scar heals even worse and it isn't until a partner points it out years later and he immediately realizes that it was done wrong

Will eventually add more to these as I think of them. Also if it's the half ghoul girls, basically the pack figures it out immediately (more than likely because it's one of theirs.)

[drdemonprince]

I'm on part 5 of your IUD series, but saw you post how you don't have periods for two years now. And forget about them. I feel the same, and I haven't had one in a decade because of birth control.

You know people who got hysterectomy. Only person I know with one was due to cancer. I think it would be something I do but I'm afraid of long healing, bleeding, infection, etc. Same with the IUD stuff. Honestly I'm afraid to get one because your stories, I haven't bled in a decade and I realize now how dysphoric periods were for me.

Idk a bit of thought dump and asking your thoughts. I don't want to give birth ever. I like not having a period. I use progesterone because estrogen fucked with my medication at the time, but also it meant a sugar pill week. I'm also bad with medication tracking enough to forget once in a while a bc pill.

(for the curious, here is the series being referenced):

Anon: Hysterectomies are actually really mild surgeries! My friend who just got one last week felt basically normal again after two days, and they said the recovery was far, far smoother than recovering from top surgery. It's a minimally invasive procedure with only a couple small incisions (they pull the uterus out your vagina after a few tiny snips) and a quick recovery time and it actually hurts far less than getting an IUD in from all that I've read, so it's worth looking into.

I love my IUD. I love that i'm good to go on birth control until at least 2030, perhaps even longer (the data keeps being revised over time, and it's seeming that IUDs last far longer than originally believed), and I love not having any hormones fucking with me beyond the ones i deliberately want to be fucking with lol. i love not having to keep track of pills, not needing to refill prescriptions, and so so much more.

if you want a set it and forget it approach to BC that doesn't involve hormones or having a period, id consider a hysto! but if you dont have too many issues with the pill youre on, you can stick with that. ORR you can get an IUD *and* start testosterone like i did lol

[vulgarvixxen]

cervical penetration with Patton. We need some morality pussy every once in a while.

I tried a different style but it doesn’t translate well on tumblr so check it out on AO3

Tw: non traditional genitalia, mild degrading, biting

There was a reason Patton wanted to be considered the fatherly side but the reason was lost on the dark sides who hadn’t grown up with him, see each side of the Mindscape evolved as Thomas grew in a mirrored way in ways that reflected Thomas’s thinking. As a kid he was told that there needed to be a mommy and a daddy, his mind decided that each half of the mind needed a girl to be the mom. On the light side Patton had originally been formed as “Patty” but she never felt like a girl, when Thomas got older and met more people his ideas and understandings grew too. “Patty” became Patton almost overnight with Logan and Roman being happy to accept their friend for who he is, they even helped him get top surgery when Thomas was in college and was studying biology.

On the dark side of the mind a similar situation occurred with the edgy trio, Virgil had once been called “Melinno” or “Mel” after the Greek poet. He hated being different and he changed his name and wore baggy clothes as soon as Thomas learned what being trans was. It did help that his monstrous(animal) form made him feel manly with his ovipositor. Of course Remus and Janus playfully teased him (at least they thought it was playful, Virgil didn’t get the memo) until he left for the light side. The GG trio never brought up Patton’s transition and Virgil never brought up his own, to their knowledge the other was a CIS man like the rest of the sides.

As Janus and Remus messed with their “rivals” the two remaining sides were hanging out in Pat’s room, casually cuddling and watching a blooper reel from a muppet movie. It was during a video with Kermit and Fazzy that a familiar and hot sensation washes over Virgil, he curses under his breath as he checks his phone’s calendar. His seasonal heat shouldn’t start until the end of the week, what was it doing here so early?! There was no time to go to the imagination and find a cave to hide in for a few days, Patton would be concerned if he just rushed off without explanation too.

“H-hey Pat?”

“Hmm?”

“Imtransandaspidermonsterandmyheatjustcameearlycanwefuck?!”

“Uhhh, Virgy, can you say that again but slower?”

“I’m, um, trans. I also ha-have weird genitalia. My heat cycle came early. C-can I, would you…can I deposit into you? I promise it won’t hurt! They’re all duds anyway!”

After a few beats of silence Patton tosses the bowl of popcorn to a side table and hugs Virgil close.

“Thank you for telling me, I meant to tell you forever ago that I’m a trans man! I’d love to help you out with your problem. And after we can talk to Logie about anything you might want done, he and Roman created a doctor to give me top surgery! Best Father’s Day present ever!”

The amount of information was dizzying…or that could be the hormones fogging up Virgil’s brain, he catches the gist of it and nods. Next thing he remembers is kissing, Patton kissing him breathless as they both groped and grinded with a feverish need. Pat pulls off his shirt easily and then starts on Virgil’s, revealed is the pink and purple galaxy binder,

“That’s so pretty, mine was real with palm leaves. Well…it was more of a sports bra than a binder, it was always too constricting for my taste.”

He tosses away the shirt and helps Virgil out of his binder, the emo is too horny to be bothered by his body being so not masculine. The skin looks irritated so Patton is sure to be gentle when he roams his hands down Virgil’s sides, the poor thing whimpering in need and relief.

“Pat, pl-please, need to be in you so bad!”

“Shhh, soon. Let’s get rid of some more clothing and then you can have me.”

Khakis are flung over to the rest of the clothing pile, boxers a second later, the zipper to skinny jeans followed after some shimmying. “Aww, your boxers match!”

“Patton!”

The galaxy boxers get tugged off and Virgil sighs in relief as Patton gasps in joy, Virgil’s ovipositor was thick and glistening as it waited for a warm place to be buried into. It twitches when a curious hand strokes it causing Virgil to moan, low and animalistic. In a split second decision Patton hops on top of Virgil, sinking down part way before stopping. The natural elasticity of frogs let him stretch around the girth without a problem, the combination of their slick making it even easier as he rose and sank at a quick pace.

“Fuck, fuck, you whore, should have been fucking you for years! You take me better than even Remus and he’s a good slut.” Virgil growls out, hands on Patton’s hips to pull him down with a harsher snap. The mild insult makes Patton unexpectedly more wet, “You like being my whore? Good, then you should know whores stay on their backs!”

With a movement so fast that it should have left them dizzy, Virgil flips their positions, he pounds into Patton at an unrelenting speed until he gets to resistance. “Shit, bet no one has ever fucked you this deep, huh whore. Don’t worry we’ll get used to it soon.” He pushes against the muscles blocking him from his goal for a short time then stops, the process repeats as Patton struggles to figure out if this is painful or pleasing. Just as he thinks that he’s going to have to tap out the pressure inside him gives and Virgil is inside his womb!

“Virgil! Fuck me, breed me, I’m your little whore! Please please, pretty please breed me!” The others could probably hear him but the thought didn’t cross his mind, actually the only thing he can think of is how knows that the pressure he wasn’t sure about is definitely pleasure. His heart jumps into his throat as he feels Virgil’s thumb circle his clitoris, a thrilled croak leaves his mouth followed by a breathy moan. Teeth are on his throat a second later, sucking and biting marking as Virgil plays with him. So much is happening that Patton cums without a chance to say anything.

Virgil bites him hard as he climaxes, “Now you can take all of them.” He purrs into Patton’s ear, venom making the other lax and pliable. The last few inches of his ovipositor pushes in and Patton whimpers, “Oh honey, it’s only going to get better. You’re going to feel so full soon, whore, and then we can have fun pushing them all out.” It sounds like a threat from a predator but it’s really a promise of my pleasure. Patton moans as he feels the first egg press through the ovi and deposit inside his womb, Virgil grins and nuzzles the bite mark.

Half an hour later Patton is the size of a beach ball and Virgil is cooing at the image, “Virgie, c-can you take pictures? I want to remember this for forever.” He can’t see which phone Virgil is using but he hears the click of the camera app. Patton actually liked this, he had always thought that being trans meant that he had to hate everything that came with what body he was made with but maybe he could indulge and still be dad.

[queer-advice-hotline]

hii!! apologies in advance for the long ask- i am a rambler.

i’m genderfluid (any/all pronouns, afab (relevant to the discussion)) and so the idea of physically transitioning is. weird for me. because while some days i definitely want to be Shaped Different, i’m usually neutral and sometimes even euphoric to exist in my current body. because of this, my transition has been mostly social- i kept my name, got more pronouns, and started dressing in a way that made me happy- and i’m pretty chill with it! i don’t plan on starting t or anything permanent like that. HOWEVER, i’ve been looking at photos of people post-top surgery and there’s a part of me that REALLY wants that. i’m pretty happy with how my chest is at the moment (i don’t bind, and i don’t need to wear bras so no big dysphoria there), but i for sure have days where i wanna be completely flat chested. something as permanent as top surgery wouldn’t work for me, though. my “goal body” changes all the time. however, i still wanna be able to look at my chest, see myself (trans) there, and be proud of that part of me. i think even moreso than the flatness, the thing i’m most jealous of with top surgery photos is the scars. i know for a lot of trans folks the scars are a “downside,” but i’ve always found them gorgeous and a wonderful symbol of trans joy. i’d love to be able to keep my chest shape, but have top surgery scars as well. i’m considering getting them tattooed, but there’s a few things i’m still hung up on.

1.) i don’t know whether i’d want the scars to look realistic or more cartoony. i’m worried i’ll pick one and wish i picked the other.

2.) it still won’t be socially acceptable for me to be shirtless in public because i’ll still have visible boobs and i resent that idea

3.) i don’t really just want an imitation of the scar, i want Top Surgery Scars. if i get them tattooed, there won’t be any actual scarring. it’ll be visual, but the tactile part is important to me, too- the raised skin and all that that you can actually feel.

4.) i have a fear of needles, and finding a tattoo artist who is both willing to tattoo top surgery scars on me AND help me accommodate that fear sounds like a very tall task. also, i’ve never had a tattoo and don’t know how i’d respond to it!

i’m a chronic overthinker (if you can’t tell) and before i can even start to put this plan into action i manage to completely overwhelm myself with these worries. i know i want this, i have for at least a year now, but i have no idea how to go about getting it. how would i start looking for the right artist? better yet, is there some procedure i could get that actually gives me the scars without changing anything else? i know some people do scarring stuff for gender reasons, but i have no clue if it’s an option for me. any advice about any of this would be great. thanks so much! <3

There a few options I've found to recommend to you:

Intentional scarring for aesthetic purposes definitely exists, if that sounds like what you want. For that I would recommend look up some information on intentional medical scarring, there are websites where you can read for some information.

You can get breast reduction surgery, to get the actual scars while keeping some of the shape.

If you decide to get top surgery, you can get breast forms, to keep the shape when you want it, while being able to be shirtless, like you said you wanted.

Tattoo artists can definitely accommodate a fear of needles, that's super common. For that, call find some artists whose work you like, via social media, the internet, however you like. You can call the tattoo shop, email, or dm the artist to get in contact with them and explain your fear and what you need for that, as well as what you want done. they will be able to explain if they can/will do that and what accommodations they can offer.

As for the cartoon vs realistic tattoo, that's a personal choice, but having it edited or redone is always an option.

[system-of-a-feather]

Man, okay so shits going in the right direction and all and we are getting better but GOD was this week so far so so so so so god awful mental health wise. Huge L week fr fr, but in stereotypical Riku fashion, a list of silver linings to it all to give myself some closure on this stupid week as it starts to get better

While this is easily the worst we've felt in a year or so, it is also the worst we've felt in A YEAR OR SO and we are - all things considered - relatively fine.

Exhausted, spent, low on spoons, vaguely fragile and kinda unstable, tired, dissociated, but we are very much coping and handling it and making it through. Even the worst part of this week would have been considered a "good" week a few years ago, so while this is the worst we've felt in a year or so **THIS** being the worst and "wrecking us" this bad is a testament to now much we've healed.

It hard reset out worsening negativity and apathetic nature to our work (as we were just happy to have something ELSE to keep us busy with) which, if we can keep it up, should get us through the next few months until we hopefully hear back from one of the places we applied to and/or get progress and feedback on our PhD and thus the burn out / emotional burn out from work will be much more negligible.

That shit was getting pretty bad so thank god. Shit was getting miserable.

We're still making progress with getting top surgery, difficulties in place or not, it is still progress.

And progress is progress, small or not, every step in a marathon counts to the goal. We also have an appointment for a second opinion in place.

We ARE given motivation to get back get back to actually moderating our eating to the standards we'd prefer.

We've been meaning to as it is healthier, makes us feel healthier, has us cooking more which is good for us mentally, and often is cheaper but we've been returning to being lax on it due to us tapping out due to general stress. Additionally, our medical team is actually looking into testing oral medications for weight loss which we can humor and see which might be nice in the case we just have a medical issue here

Was forced to address that I need support with my fiance who - partially on my own fault - has been rather codependent and neglectful to our emotional needs as he's been struggling.

Which in turn made us actually bring shit out in the open and have a productive conversation about boundaries and our individual needs and limitations as well as better ways to support eachother which was REALLY needed in hindsight as we had basically fallen into our old counterdependent ways which we swore off of years ago.

Was able to validate that we have a support network that we can rely on now and that they'd do their best to support us even if we are acting VERY frightening and stressful

Cause XIV was thinking of hospitalizing himself because of how he genuinely was thinking and feeling and I know for a fact three different people were aware of how serious he was considering it because they told us later and we're like "haha... yeah" (but actually with more than just that obv, just that I aint posting the details on that conversation to the public)

Found out a funny thing, cause I think when we are REALLY stressed we also kind of fall into Fei at this point too .

Just a fun note of our healing direction cause Fei apparently is both the "I'm stressed" and "Im at blissful peace" mode which is interesting to say the least.

This week has been fucking HELL but hey, it's been a productive and effective hell.

[wyrdify]

This is not at anyone here. This is at the U.S. healthcare system, particularly as it relates to neurodivergent trans people. Rant below the cut.

So, back in April, I asked my med manager for a referral to get evaluated for autism. Said med manager does not do it herself since she doesn't do diagnoses, and neither does the facility she works at, so she referred me out. I was then told that the place will be in touch with me to get me scheduled, and this may take up to 6-12 months as they have a waiting list. But, I can check on that referral at any time by calling them. Cool.

More background information: I started taking Effexor more than a month ago (probably close to two months now) since Zoloft, my old anti-depressant, wasn't really working. I noticed that, on the 75 mg dose of Effexor, I sometimes experienced brain fog, muscle weakness, and other things I associated with my seizures. Effexor worked, but I felt it was also lowering my seizure threshold. Med manager, who prescribed the Effexor, told me to contact my neurologist about it since my neurologist handles my epilepsy. Fine. No problem. That usually isn't an issue.

I couldn't reach my neurologist. I called her office at least twice and had her medical assistant call me back, who promised me my neurologist would call me back. That never happened. So, I tried another method, which was MyChart. I sent a message to my neurologist there on July 6, and I never heard back. Nothing. I don't see her until the end of November, so now I need to try and basically move up my appointment just to get a basic question about a prescription answered. I schedule my appointments with her a year in advance, so I don't know how much luck I'll have there.

So, that's one fail of the U.S. Healthcare system. Let's move on to what happened yesterday and today.

Yesterday, I meet with my med manager to go over a few things. I bring a list with me because not only has it been about a month since I last saw her, but I wanted to get the ball rolling on a couple other things. I wanted to see if an evaluation for ADHD was separate from the one I was getting for autism, and I wanted to get a referral letter for top surgery. For those who've known me for a while, you've known I've lived with gender dysphoria since 2016-17. It's been a long time. I want to get that started now and not keep waiting around.

What she ended up telling me: an ADHD eval is part of the autism one I'm going to have since it's a full neuropsych eval. Okay, that makes sense. Cool. I move on to the next subject: top surgery. She tells me to go to a place in the city to talk to them about surgery. They don't do anything with top surgery. Yes, they do gender affirming healthcare, but I was specifically asking for a referral letter. I looked into what I needed for top surgery in my state before this appointment (not directly before, but days before). I need at least one letter from a mental health provider for it. Why did my med manager refer me to somewhere that doesn't do that and will likely just tell me to go back to her?

She said that she or my therapist, who works in the same facility, could write the letter, but still. STILL. She sent me to another place first. I am a trans person who doesn't need hormone therapy. I need top surgery. My gender dysphoria is well documented in their system. I checked. It became abundantly clear to me in that moment that she doesn't have many trans patients. At all. That facility in general probably doesn't considering the last med manager I had there was transphobic. Anyway.

Today: I called this morning to check on the status of my referral for the neuropsych eval. It turns out that they couldn't accept my referral because they don't have a specialist, so they sent it back for my PCP to handle (same facility as my med manager and my therapist). My med manager didn't see this at all. I'm not even sure she was looking at my chart to be honest. If she did, maybe she would've saw this and said, "Oh, I need to refer you to somewhere else or have your PCP do it." But no, I get to be back at square fucking one again. Because I couldn't ask my med manager to get that referral for a neuropsych exam. I had to go through my PCP to do it. Make it make sense.

I am so goddamn frustrated with this system. I'm just trying to take care of my health and be somewhat proactive about it, but I fucking can't. At this point, I don't know what to do. I might leave this facility all together and start over with a new PCP, new therapist, and new med manager. But, then I run the risk of not being in therapy for months, not seeing a med manager for months to a year, and not seeing a PCP for months to a year as well. And I'm in the middle of a med change too. Not only that, but I don't want to be a difficult patient or someone who just quits doctors or places willy-nilly. This is my third med manager, fourth therapist, and fourth PCP since I moved here nearly 10 years ago.

I don't know what to do. What the hell do I do? I want to cry, scream, rage. I hate this healthcare system so much.

[ottomozersoccer]

Ok while I'm here Seek headcanons rewrite coz I somehow never did it???

They/Them, would typically like to only be called that but won't kill you if you use He on them. Does present semi-masculine.

Their goo is made entirely out of human malice, fear, vileness, etc. and because of this they cannot properly deal with positive emotions. It's incredibly difficult to feel happy, love, etc. but when they do it causes cancerous-like growths that slowly dry them up until they die and it hurts really bad (Thank you Warden for the love cancer concept!).

Exes on good terms with Shadow, and she's the reason they speak so fancily. They wanted to impress it at first but kind of ended up adopting the way it speaks but a little more extreme lol.

Sally and Screech are their children. The kids whom of which Seek cannot properly love but tries to keep the image that they do. What kind of heartless monster has kids they don't adore? But at least Shadow gives them the lives they deserve.

Words cannot describe how much Screech does not like this fucker. She feels like she shouldn't have existed and she's so mad that they'd treat a locked-off entity with more care than she and her sister. And worse; that she's a liar about her problems. Ever since Seek saw Guiding Light for their growths, they have been at the mercy of their own daughter who'll stop at nothing to mess with them and give them hell.

Sally still loves them though. Screech thinks it should stay that way for at least a little longer.

Body temperature is subjective, and how their goo feels depends entirely on your emotions at the time touching them. If you're tired or generally neutral they'll be frigid but if you're in the middle of a panic attack or super happy etc they're boiling hot.

HIGHLY recommended you do not eat their goo ever because it has a hallucinogenic effect and you will be tripping balls for the next few hours. Screech's goo does this too but it is much less potent.

They can pass through almost any surface, and prefers some textures over others. The only thing they can't pass through is glass and this was so their creators could properly contain it.

Was created by humans a few months after experiment 60 to be used as a government weapon but they had managed to escape.

They vaguely knew who A-120 was because of the project's workers discussing jey're disappearance but didn't recognize her at first when they saw jem in the rooms. Good friends with her though!

Former rivals with Figure, now bloodsucking enemies with Ambush. They have been enemies for so long and the only people who can feasibly break them apart are Guiding Light, Figure, and A-90.

As of their current relationship with Figure, they're neutral on her and the two don't talk very often.

Staring at their eyes on the wall for too long can and will put you in a hypnotic trance that's very difficult to get out of and they can do this with their torso pattern too. Seek has accidentally hypnotized themselves before staring at their reflection in A-90's armor.

Ya, they have some red pattern on their torso that can be changed to anything. They usually make it look like top surgery scars cause it looks cool but also cause they think it'll make A-90 less dysphoric.

This is probably obvious considering this is the Seek90 guy's blog but Seek loves him very much and I'd say they don't show it much but this is the Love Cancer Seek which means they very do show it. Against their will.

Is the reason Curious Light and the rooms entities returned to the hotel. She walked in on them comforting A-90 after going through a really shitty reversion and nobody involved could properly articulate the event but they're all glad things have improved.

[undead-moth]

76% of Americans travel abroad at some point in their lives:

“Roughly three-quarters of Americans (76%) have visited at least one other country, including 26% who have been to five or more."

Given that USians will readily drive for entire days, it is extremely possible to visit both Canada and Mexico as a USian. It might not be extremely possible for them to stay at a high-end resort for a month in Mexico or Canada, but they can easily go there for even a day-trip.

My brother makes less than 50k annually and he travels overseas once a year, and travels to Canada once a year on top of that. He does this by renting a trailer and buying all his food from grocery stores and sleeping on the side of the road, but you know what he does it and he’s been more places overseas than most people overseas have.

While most Americans don’t get significant vacation time, or even any vacation time, they nonetheless currently can, at some point in their lives, take a few days off and go somewhere. Yes, most would need to save. Yes, most wouldn’t get paid for their time off. Yes, it is something most can’t do as easily as Europeans. But it is not anywhere near as implausible as OP makes it out to be and I can’t stress this enough, if OP makes 100,000 USD a year and still can’t travel it is because they are grossly incompetent with money and I'm also frankly amazed so many people read a post in which OP admits to making that kind of money and didn't for a second consider that this might not be the most reliable source on how poverty affects USians.

There are also many other contributing factors to why some USians never travel abroad, including having no desire to, or more likely, having bought into our own country’s negative portrayals about other places. My mom wouldn’t travel overseas for years because she was afraid of getting thrown in a foreign prison for literally no fucking reason, all while residing in a country with the most prisoners and life sentences in the entire world. The only reason she finally visited Europe was because I was living there at the time, and while there she realized she had nothing to worry about.

A significant amount of USians who will never travel abroad will never travel abroad for other reasons besides affordability - illness, having no one to go with, not knowing how to plan a trip, having no one to watch their pets, and many other things. Some will never travel abroad entirely because they will never make it a priority. They'll prefer to spend any disposable income they have on a new car, or plastic surgery, or any other expensive luxury instead.

And out of the people who truly can’t ever hope to afford to travel elsewhere, that’s extremely unfortunate, and not how it should be, and ALSO not even close to “most” USians.

Anyone who is one of those people who will never be able to afford it reblogging this, is greatly overestimating how many people in the US are as impoverished as they are.

The only thing anyone could actually say about the affordability of travel to most USians right now is that younger generations can’t afford to as much as older generations, and that it’s way more expensive right now than it was even ten years ago, let alone longer ago. In ten to twenty years, that statistic is going to be worse than it is now, and fewer USians will have traveled, but it is not going to flip to “most” USians having never left the US any time soon, and this is also just because of everything in the world becoming more expensive right now, which is not exclusive to the US. I’m guessing other countries will see less travel by their citizens in the future too.

Don't make excuses for USian tourists who go to other countries and say or do offensive or insensitive things. Many of them are rich, and that probably plays a role in their ignorance, but plenty of them are not rich and the reason they’re being offensive or insensitive isn’t because they just haven’t traveled enough, or never thought they’d be able to. It’s because the US acts like it’s the main character of the planet and most USians have been thoroughly brainwashed by American Exceptionalism propaganda.

You can't just blame all USian entitlement and ignorance on the wealthy. You are not immune to being one of these USians even if you can't afford to travel and in fact, according to the article above, the same study on how many USians travel abroad found this:

"Americans who have traveled internationally are more interested in and knowledgeable about foreign affairs, feel closer to others around the world, and favor a more active foreign policy."

So yeah. USians travel other places, and they're entitled and ignorant and they do offensive and insensitive things, and in the process they end up unlearning some of the American exceptionalism and propaganda that made them like that, and they become less shitty USians because of it.

since moving here ive noticed europeans have no concept of how few americans ever leave USA. every american tourist youve met is of an economic crust that is vastly unobtainable to the other like. 85% generously. no matter what you have believed i can guarantee this. even getting to canada isnt really a possibility and the mexico-US border is highly controlled and militarized.

to put it into perspective. a ~2 hour flight from london to warsaw is like. 30 to 45 USD?

and a 2 hour flight from one US city to another would be about 130 USD

it was very cheap to fly here. i make over 100k USD now and i dont know if ill ever be able to afford leaving. if that gives you an idea of how prohibitive travel is here. i havent even touched on how the US has Zero guaranteed holidays by the govt. many people here go years without ever having an entire week off of work

this has had a like. massive impact on American Brain and they dont even know it because travel isnt even a consideration economically. they dont even know how much more vacation time european countries have guaranteed