#for a mental health break

[blondebrainpowered]

The artist: https://www.instagram.com/gottehamham/

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[batcavescolony]

It's not over, till it's over.

[chipinsolace]

So called “mental health advocates”: Mental health matters! You are loved!

People who have a psychotic disorder: oh thanks-

Same “mental health advocates”: LOL! Delulu is the solulu! I wanna dye my hair so bad THE VOICES are LITERALLY TALKING TO ME! Ugh I hate you I’m in your walls/j! It’s giving schizoposting! No girl this is spiritual psychosis, Hope this helps! I hate this guy he’s so psychotic.

:(

[hemlock-dreams]

You've kinda teased it with the first bartender-Petey art, but I wanna know more about White and Yellow. Is their relationship with Deadpool the same? How do they interrupt/talk/think about Petey? And spider-man!

Why bother healing when you can just develop a deeply unhealthy and extremely codependent relationship with your hot bartender bff and assign to them the burden of your wellbeing instead?

Peter makes the boxes go quiet. A double-edged sword.

And the boxes have a love/hate relationship with Peter. On one hand, they can use Peter to taunt Wade. On the other hand, Peter takes up Wade's attention so he's not hearing the boxes.

[thirteen-31]

@thirteen-31

[shalom-iamcominghome]

It's absolutely true that delusions can take on religious elements and be fueled in part or whole by religion, but dear l-rd, do I hate when people blanket all religion under this whole "it's all delusion, anyway!!!".

No it is not, and I know that because I know what it's like to have gone through delusions! I was reminded of that difference recently, and I'm religious. Not everything that you personally disagree with is a delusion, a narcissistic power play, or anything else. Sometimes you disagree with others. I am pretty religious, but I am more than willing to agree with non-theists about their opinions because they come up with good ideas and we are equal human beings. In fact, the atheist has strengthened my own religious beliefs because I am challenged by them to actually think things through. My whole issue with this is the - funnily enough - holier-than-thou, stigmatizing attitudes that are necessary to say things like that.

As someone who has a vested interest in mental health and accurate information about it, this stuff unironically angers me. The human in me wants to educate people, but the ape in me wants to take away the terms delusional, narcissistic, gaslighting, and every mental health term under the sun away until people learn how to properly use and apply them. The only people you are hurting are people who are already hurting.

[s0fter-sin]

something people just don’t think about is how often chronically ill and disabled people just don’t have access to good food. not healthy food, good food; well made, tasty meals that don’t come from a jar or a freezer. how many of us are housebound or can’t drive? delivery services only offer within certain distances, if you live outside a city they aren’t an option. many people don’t have the energy or ability to cook for themselves if they have the skill to begin with. many certainly don’t have the ability to learn how. it’s something that goes completely unnoticed, just the opportunity to have a good meal and how much that wears you down

[thepeacefulgarden]

Stay informed, but resist the urge to doomscroll, or to stay glued to the news all day/night long. Get your news from actual news sources, not social media. (This is an important strategy to prevent misinformation and disinformation.) It's okay to take a step back from the news, turn off the push notifications, etc. It doesn't mean you don't care, or that you're callous/selfish/a bad person/etc. Your brain was simply not meant to handle everything, everywhere, all at once. (And that's true no matter how privileged you are or aren't.) It's okay to use Tumblr for fun, or for other non-activism-related things. (Same with any other social media site you use.) It's okay to not devote every waking minute to activism. In fact, it's good to take a break every now and then, for the sake of your mental and emotional well-being. And with that...

Please, please, please take care of yourself. Make sure you're eating and drinking water, getting rest and sleep, showering, taking your meds, checking in with your support system, etc. etc. etc. The causes you're fighting for need the best of you, not the rest of you...and more importantly, you need the best of you. You are your most important ally. Rest and self-care are not rewards for success, and they are not selfish, or frivolous indulgences. They are absolute necessities, and they are part of the work. Think of them as an act of defiance against the people, the forces, and the systems that want you to disappear, or to burn out and give up.

[your-queer-dad]

Hi. You. Yes you reading this. I'm proud of you. You haven't done anything wrong. You can let go of the thing you're worried about. You can breathe and take a break. You can rest. Love you <3

[parasolladyansy]

Especially when she was younger, Ansy would feel this need to just HIDE - the world was unsafe, & she had to go somewhere that was. Sometimes it was dissociation or daydreaming, other times it was finding a bathroom or corner to hide in until it was okay.

One of these times, someone came looking for her; Ingo found her as the sun was going down, & sat with her in that hiding spot. Among the things he told her, this one stayed with her into adulthood - it told her that even when it felt like the world was ending, it might not be, that there might be a way to keep going if she was brave enough to peek around the corner.

—

It is your right to be sad, worried, or angry, no matter what others around you may say. You have your own reasons for feeling whatever you may be feeling, & that is your business. My own tears have dried up. Now, I’m peeking around the corner, & I think I see a way forward.

We’ll be okay, so long as we don’t give up & isolate. In my experience, bad people will do everything to make you feel all alone, that no one is listening, & no one is coming. That’s not true, so long as we don’t close our hearts to each other, or to ourselves.

Take care, okay? 🩵 I may keep drawing, but if not, see you Sunday for the next DxP update. ^_^

[bedazzlecunt]

if you need to take a break from kink, if you need less of a dynamic, you're not a bad person. a sub who needs time off from the rules and punishments is not a bad sub. a dom who needs a break from being in control or giving punishments is not a bad dom. you're a whole, complex person, and there's no shame in not being able to be one thing one hundred percent of the time. it's okay to take a break. anyone who shames you or makes you feel like you're letting them down because you aren't up to playing the way you usually are is not a good partner. don't let anyone shame you for attending to your needs, even if those needs include "less kink."

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

hope you feel better soon!

I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!

[finifugue]

Listen I know in my head that the Lando puppy interview is mostly because of the PR success Leo Leclerc has had so now every team is on a pet thing but I do think it's HILARIOUS that McLaren went 'oh fuck everyone's saying our driver is severely mentally ill what are we gonna do? I know, let's make him play with puppies!'

[in4newz]

This shit costs 200rs... 2.1 $ or something... Why the fuck Americans are okay with this...

[artsyaxolotl]

💕Mental Health Checkpoint!💕

I don't know where we go from here. I don't know how it will be ok, but it will. It has to be. Take it easy today and try to give yourself a break. You're going to be ok.