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metalhoops · 2 years ago

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“I think I’m seeing things, man,” Eddie spoke from his spot on the Harrington’s couch. His white skin appeared paler still against the brown leather.

Steve didn’t blame him. He was on all kinds of painkillers. It’d been two weeks since the world fell apart. Two weeks since Vecna disappeared. Two weeks since Eddie almost died.

Steve liked to treat those memories as others treated head-on collisions. It was better not to look at them directly. It was better to treat it like it’d never happened.

“What’re we looking at?” Steve asked from his spot on the floor, following Eddie’s line of sight to the gap in the curtains.

“Don’t know. Thought I saw somebody outside,” Eddie confessed.

The Harrington house had always been filled with spectres, whether that of partygoers, like front lawn flamingos in need of an exorcism or the body in the backyard pool. But those were Steve’s hang-ups, not Eddie’s.

If all it took to be a ghost was to haunt, Eddie might be included in the ranks of his own private phantasmagoria. He kept checking each night to make sure the boy was really there, that he’d really gotten out. People shouldn’t have that much blood in them, and they definitely shouldn’t have that much blood out of them.

Steve went to the window because that was something he could do for Eddie. He wasn’t sure why he kept feeling the need to apologise. He hadn’t done anything wrong, but hell if Steve knew if he’d done anything right either. He’d gotten Eddie out of the Upside Down. He’d put his hands inside the boy’s body, shoved his shirt beneath his skin and held it in the dark cavity that oozed and throbbed warm blood like the rise and fall of the tide.

Don’t think about it. Check the window. His hands at his side felt cold. He wondered if they’d ever be warm again. There was a figure across the street.

A boy in a basketball jersey circled passed the house.

Things never ended smoothly. Steve liked to think once Jason went down the rest of the vigilante crew would stop looking for Eddie, but there were some stragglers who hadn’t got the message.

Hopper had his hands full trying to clear Eddie’s name. Eddie’s uncle was still looking for him. The whole town was holding their breath in the midst of destruction, waiting for someone to blame. Steve shut the curtains, turned the lights off and moved to Eddie’s side in the darkness.

“Hounds of hell still circling then?” Eddie guessed after one glimpse at Steve’s face.

“I’ll call Hopper,” Steve reasoned, reaching up to squeeze Eddie’s knee. He wasn’t sure why he’d done it. Maybe to make sure he was real. Maybe to tell him he was sorry.

“Don’t worry about it, Steve,” Eddie spoke, reaching out and snagging the hem of Steve’s sweater.

“No one thinks I’m here. If the cops show up at the Harringtons’ it’s going to turn some heads,” Eddie reasoned, and he was right.

So where did that leave them? Sitting alone in the dark with Eddie fading in and out of sleep and Steve watching car headlights dance across the curtains, waiting for the moment everything went wrong.

“Steve?” Eddie breathed beside Steve’s ear in the blackness. He hadn’t realised they were so close.

“Yeah?” Steve moved his eyes from the window to look at Eddie.

“I think I’m crashing,” he noted, a grimace dancing across his face. Steve had never felt smaller.

“Doc said we’ve gotta wait six hours,” Steve replied, hoping he didn’t sound as worried as he felt.

“How long’s it been?”

“Three.”

Steve always wanted to appear cool in times of crisis, but he had no idea what he was doing. Some of the government agents Steve had signed countless NDAs for over the past four years had patched Eddie up as best they could and had started scrambling for a cover-up.

In the meantime, Eddie would stay at Steve’s place. It made the most sense. Eddie was nobody to Steve. No one would go looking for Eddie at the Harringtons’, and unlike the other older teens, he didn’t have parents to answer to. Big house. No parents. Perfect place to lie low.

Steve was nobody to Eddie and yet for the past week, they’d been an island unto themselves, trapped indoors together, watching shadows on the walls and trying to keep each other alive and sane. He felt completely unprepared.

“Alright. Come on. Let’s go to bed,” Steve muttered, kneeling in front of Eddie. He watched the boy rise to a sitting position over his shoulder. Eddie snorted.

“What exactly is the plan here, Steve?”

Eddie had been stuck oscillating between the living room, kitchen, and downstairs bathroom for days. They could both use a change of scenery.

“Piggyback,” Steve spoke, trying not to think about the connotations that the word had garnered. He wasn’t going to think about Vecna. Not today.

He expected the boy to argue, but instead, he felt Eddie’s arms snake around his throat. He held tight, but not as tight as he should. Steve had to hold on to his forearms like backpack straps as he stood. Eddie’s legs were stronger. They held firm around Steve’s waist.

Eddie’s head flopped against Steve’s shoulder blade, nuzzling into the space. He was warm as the sun. Too warm. He was running a temperature. Steve tried not to think of the last time he carried Eddie. The boy was uncharacteristically quiet. Steve needed to do something.

“Saddle up, buckeroo,” Steve spoke, hoisting Eddie further up his back. He felt a puff of air against his neck, a barely there laugh.

“Hi-yo, Silver,” Eddie grumbled against Steve’s skin.

Steve moved deftly through the dark, taking the staircase slowly and methodically. The last thing either of them needed was another broken bone.

“I think I owe you one once all this is over,” Eddie noted. Steve was already shaking his head.

“You stick around, and I’ll call it a favour. I think Henderson would kick my ass if you died.”

“The kid’s got spunk. I’ll give him that,” Eddie noted as the two reached the top of the stairs.

“He’s got an attitude and a problem with authority,” Steve corrected, taking Eddie to his bedroom.

He moved to the edge of his bed and let Eddie extract himself. When they broke apart, Steve felt cold again.

“That’s our boy,” Eddie chuckled, shooting Steve a lopsided smirk. He was definitely still high on painkillers.

Steve rolled his eyes and helped lower Eddie down onto his favourite pillow, the one worn down with age but all the more comfortable for it. He pulled the covers up around the boy’s shoulders.

“Yeah, our boy,” Steve echoed in a too-fond tone.

He’d never let Henderson hear the term of affection. The kid had a big enough head as it was, but in the too-quiet world of just himself and Eddie, he felt okay admitting it. Once it looked like Eddie was settled in, Steve sat on the edge of his bed, feeling as he always did, like a stranger in his own home.

“When did you last get some shut-eye, boy wonder?” Eddie asked, his foot tucking beneath Steve’s thigh.

Friday. What day was it? Sunday. Not good.

“Well, come on then, don’t make a guy beg. Lay down, Steve. It’s your bed. I could sleep in the spare room if it’s a problem.” There was something cautious about the offer Steve didn’t understand.

He flopped down beside Eddie, so close the two shared a pillow. It changed the shape of the thing. It made the familiar strange.

“You know, I had this dream last night,” Eddie began, his dark eyes still open, glued to the ceiling. He cringed, knowing all the ways dreams could go bad, but Eddie shook his head.

“Not that kind of dream,” He insisted, his hands balling into fists on the bedsheets.

“I had a dream I was a pinball machine,” the boy stated plainly. The absurdity of the statement shocked a laugh out of Steve.

“These painkillers are legit, Harrington,” Eddie spoke, shooting Steve a sidelong glance.

“What kind of pinball machine?”

“You know the Centaur one? It’s black and white, mostly. The arts got this topless guy who’s half man, half motorbike,” Eddie explained.

Steve had no idea what he was saying, but it was nice to hear him talk.

“Wait, if you were the pinball machine, how did you know what you looked like?”

“Great question Steven. I’ve got no clue. Dream logic,” Eddie reasoned.

Steve screwed up his nose at the use of his full name. Only his dad called him Steven. Eddie raised a brow, seeming to take note. One of them had shifted closer. Steve wasn’t sure who. Eddie’s hand brushed against his side as he played with the sheets.

“Remind me again why I needed to know about your pinball dream?” Steve asked. The sound of the wind in the trees outside his bedroom window set his teeth on edge.

“Because you’re too damn serious and I thought it’d make you smile... Which it did.” Eddie added the last part in quietly and Steve rolled his eyes.

Eddie craned his head to look around Steve’s room before screwing up his nose.

“Anyone ever told you your wallpaper is gaudy as hell? Your curtains match your walls. Dude, I thought rich people were meant to have taste,” he observed, the boys’ shoulders pressed together.

“This coming from the guy who eats cereal out of the box with his hands,” Steve countered, no heat in his voice.

“Are you still mad I used to stand on your lunch table?” Eddie muttered, shoving Steve’s shoulder before tensing. When had Steve last checked his dressings?

He flipped the bedside lamp on, leaning over Eddie to do so. He’d been helping the guy shower for days now. Privacy was a word reserved for other people. Intimacy was a necessity.

“Once you stood in my mashed potatoes. It was disgusting,” Steve uttered, gently peeling up the hem of Eddie’s tee shirt. Really, it was Steve’s, but it seemed strange to make distinctions.

Eddie’s eyes trailed down to Steve’s fingers, half-hooded and slowed with sleep or inebriation, Steve didn’t know which. He wondered how much of all this Eddie would remember when he got better. He would get better.

“You never ate the potatoes. You’d bring your stupid bagels from home,” Eddie remarked, as Steve carefully unwound the bandage and gauze. It was stained brown with dried blood, but it looked better than it’d been a few days before, no longer as red or swollen.

The bagel comment made Steve look up. Seemed like Robin wasn’t the only one that’d been watching him. Maybe Eddie had a crush on Tammy Thompson, too. Maybe it was something else. Steve’s friends had crappy taste in women. Eddie could do better.

“What’s the verdict, doc?” Eddie questioned, noticing Steve’s sudden silence.

He cleaned the wounds as best he could. Eddie’s fingers had found their way to Steve’s thigh, gripping so tight he thought it would bruise. It would be another to add to the collection. Steve hadn’t been thinking of how his battle wounds were healing. He was in triage mode. Eddie’s wounds were worse than his.

“We're going to have to amputate,” Steve deadpanned as he found the first aid kit he’d hidden beneath his bed years before, starting to redress the wound.

“How the hell can you amputate a side?” Eddie asked with a shaky laugh, his breathing more ragged again.

“Well, you see, there’s this new experimental procedure that lets you transplant your brain into a pinball machine,” Steve began and felt Eddie’s elbow in his side.

“Screw you.”

Steve laid back beside Eddie, less space between them than before, if it was at all possible. They braced against each other, the contact grounding Steve. Eddie was alive. He was alive. Maybe one day they could look at each other and not think about death. That day wasn’t today, but Steve could hope for it.

As Eddie drifted to sleep, his head fell on Steve’s shoulder. He wouldn’t sleep for long that night, but he was used to that. He knew the weeks and months after a run-in with the Upside Down were full of fitful sleep and nightmares, but they never lasted.

On a long enough timeline, you could get used to anything. It was strange how short that timeline was when it came to getting used to Eddie.

More days came and went with the same imperfect routines. The two boys woke at all hours of the night and spent the daylight hours behind closed curtains, trying to heal.

By the third day, Steve got sick of the quiet. A sombre mood hung over them, shifting and changing like the phases of the moon. It never entirely disappeared, but there were moments it seemed almost absent.

One of these such moments arose when Steve hijacked the boombox from the living room and dragged it upstairs to his bedroom, where a slowly healing Eddie sat bored out of his mind, aching and itchy. Steve knew the feeling. The wound on his neck had scabbed and begun to fade into a scar.

“Hey, Munson?” Steve spoke, sitting beside Eddie, spreading his tape collection between them.

“You wanna hear some real music?” He asked, watching Eddie’s nose scrunch and his teeth worry away at his bottom lip.

“These are all horrible, Harrington.”

Eddie turned over several cassettes in his hand, treating them gently as though they were something special.

“You have every WHAM! album, dude. The Outfield. Halls & Oats. Tears for Fears,” Eddie listed off, his tone one of disgust.

“You’re going to have to pick something, or I’ll pick WHAM! out of spite.”

Eddie rolled his eyes and shuffled through the tapes, tossing one Steve’s way.

“Bowie isn’t horrible,” Eddie mumbled as Steve placed The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, into the player.

The two sat shoulder to shoulder, as always, listening to the quiet swell of drums. Steve realised too late it was a song about the end of the world. He realised, later still, that it was a love song. Eddie’s fingers drummed against his knee. Steve tried to ignore the way the action made his heart swell.

Steve couldn’t sit still any longer as Moonaged Daydream began. He remembered another life in Nancy Wheeler’s garage, asking her to pretend things were normal for a couple of hours. God, he wanted that. He needed a few normal hours.

He wasn’t the same person he’d been back then, but parts of him had stayed the same. He didn’t know how to change them. Nancy Wheeler faced problems head-on, but Steve? The passage of time had taught him how to stand his ground in the face of danger, but he hadn’t yet learned how to stop being chased.

He caught Eddie’s eye and watched as a wicked grin spread across his face. Without words, he knew exactly what Steve was about to do. He grabbed the nail bat he kept by the bed, the same one from the Wheeler’s garage and sang, using the gnarly weapon as his makeshift microphone. He was a little too loud and a little off-tune. He sang about alligators and space invaders, lyrics he knew off by heart, without understanding them.

He watched as a grin threatened to crack Eddie’s face in two. There was a reckless abandon to his smile. It was different from the glazed-eyed, half-high smiles of the past week. His eyes were keen and sharp as he watched Steve fling himself across the room in the way only someone who’d learned to dance drunk could.

By the time the album finished, he’d worked up a sweat. Eddie joined in, singing a couple of lines when he could before tugging Steve back to bed, his hand in Steve’s hair, smoothing it back in place. The action was intimate, yet familiar.

“Alright, Starman. Maybe Bowie doesn’t suck so hard, but when I’m not on the run from the law, I’m going to show you what real music sounds like.”

“Promise?” Steve asked, his chest heaving.

Then, Eddie did something so unlike anything the populous of Hawkins would expect. To them, he was a Satanist and a murderer. Steve had always known better, but he’d seen Eddie as a wildcard. He was loud and rough around the edges, but he also had the capability of being endearing when the moment called for it. Still, Steve had never expected Eddie to roll over, extend his pinkie and link their little fingers together.

“I promise,” He assured, placing his lips to the knuckle of his thumb as though sealing the deal.

The action was equal parts childlike and intense. Steve looked down at their interlaced fingers and knew he was in over his head. Warmth pooled in Steve’s fingertips.

“Eds, I—,” A knock at the downstairs door made the words die on Steve’s lips. The boys pulled apart. Steve was cold.

“I’ll get it,” Steve spoke, picking up the discarded nail bat and trudging down the stairs.

He hoped it was one of the door-knocking jocks. Some primal part of him felt like hitting something. Years before, he would have questioned if he was the kind of person who could do it, but now he knew he could.

Steve clutched at the bat hidden behind his back as he swung open the door, coming face-to-face with an older man dressed in too-short jean shorts, holding an armful of paper bags. He looked familiar. He’d seen the man with Hopper. A furrow etched its way onto his brow.

“Aren’t you going to let your beloved uncle in, Steve?” The man spoke, loud enough for the people in the next neighbourhood to hear.

“Right,” Steve mumbled, pushing the door open and stepping to the side.

The man walked through the house as though he’d grown up within their walls, dropping the paper bags on the countertop, switching on the lights and examining the space.

“Hopper sent me with supplies. It’d draw too much attention having the feds at your front door, but a visit from your favourite Uncle Murray? That’s incognito. I’ve got groceries and painkillers, slipped in some vodka too, on the house. Personally, I was thinking of making my homemade ravioli for dinner. Trust me, it’s to die for. Where’s the other one by the way?” The man, Murray, breathed, spinning on his heels to examine the interior of the house. Steve let his nail bat fall to the floor.

“You really should invest in a gun, kid...Was I interrupting something?” The older man asked, gesturing absentmindedly to his balding head. Steve touched his hair and found it still out of place. He ran his fingers through it in an attempt to tame it.

“No, we... I was sleeping. Eddie’s upstairs. I think he’s okay, but I could use another set of eyes. I don’t know exactly what I’m doing here. Are you staying?”

“I’m just staying for dinner. It’d look strange if your uncle only showed up for a few minutes, wouldn’t it?” Steve didn’t dignify that with an answer.

“There’s the man of the hour,” Murray spoke, glancing up at the top of the staircase where Eddie stood, leaning heavily on the banister.

“What happened to staying up there?” Steve spoke through gritted teeth, making his way back up the stairs.

“You were taking too long,” Eddie muttered with an unbothered shrug.

“And if it’d been one of Jason’s asshole friends, we’d have been screwed,” Steve rebutted, letting Eddie lean on him as they made their way to Murray in the kitchen. At least he could walk.

“But it wasn’t,” Eddie huffed, his breath warm on Steve’s neck.

Steve kicked out one of the kitchen chairs and lowered Eddie into it. The older man watched them as a scientist observes a specimen. There was a morbid fascination to it.

“I see you two are getting along well,” He spoke.

He’d found where Steve’s mother had stored their pots and had begun some strange kitchen alchemy. Steve had made risotto. This guy looked like he was completing a summoning ritual. The ingredients were splayed out on the countertop like objects of adoration.

Steve sat down in the chair beside Eddie. It felt strange having someone else in the house. For what seemed like a lifetime, his world had consisted of one other person. He missed Robin, Dustin, and the rest of the kids, but he hadn’t let himself dwell on it. He’d known their isolation couldn’t last forever, but he’d never have guessed Murray would be the first person he’d see.

“Tense mood. Why is it I always end up in the middle of couples in denial?” Murray breathed to himself.

Eddie’s head snapped up with a speed Steve hadn’t seen him manage all week. Steve didn’t look at Murray, he was too busy trying to unpick the pained look on Eddie’s face. His eyes searched the boy’s body for some torn open wound he’d missed.

“What? Don’t look so surprised. Contrary to what kids these days think, we did have homosexuality in the sixties,” Murray informed before pausing. He gave Steve a once-over that made his skin crawl. He felt as though he were a bug, pinned beneath a glass plate.

“And bisexuality,” He clarified.

Steve averted his eyes and reached over to squeeze Eddie’s knee. He was hopelessly lost in the conversation, but he knew something was wrong with Eddie. The boy jumped at the sudden contact and Steve pulled his hand away as though burnt.

“So, what’s the problem? Still in denial?” Murray asked, levelling Steve with a knowing look. He scowled back at the man, ready for him to leave.

“No. I think you know how you feel, maybe even how he feels.” Steve didn’t know how to respond.

“You, however,” Murray continued, turning his attention to Eddie, the boiling pot on the stove, forgotten.

“I don’t think you have a clue. Self-esteem issues, maybe. You try to hide it, but you couldn’t imagine that someone in a house like this would look at you twice.”

“What the hell, man?” Eddie breathed with a huff of indignation. Murray showed no signs of stopping. His eyes were back on Steve.

“So, what’s holding you back? You got your heart broken after Nancy Wheeler. Let me guess, you keep saying how much you want commitment, but you keep dating the wrong people, people who don’t want to be tied down. That, my boy, is self-sabotage and him,” Murray spoke, indicating Eddie with a wooden spoon he’d been using to stir the rice.

“He looks like a long-haul kind of guy.”

“Dude,” Eddie interjected.

“What? You’re both obviously attracted to one another. Don’t lie. I have eyes. You’re telling me that all this near-death stuff hasn’t made you re-evaluate your life a little? It’s just been you two, locked away together at the end of the world, helping each other heal. Seeking comfort in one another. You’ve got shared trauma. That kind of thing bonds you for life.”

“Leave it alone,” Steve said, standing as he spoke. The chair scraped on the tile floor. A nails on a chalkboard kind of sound.

Steve pushed past the older man, pulled the pot off the stove, and let a tense silence settle over the three of them. The subsequent dinner dragged on in uncomfortable silence. Steve and Eddie kept their eyes glued to their plates. Murray talked but neither paid attention. He gave Eddie’s wounds a once over, appearing as lost as Steve. He didn’t seem concerned, so Steve took it as a good thing.

He thought he’d known what tense silence between himself, and Eddie felt like, but he’d known nothing compared to the moment Murray left. His whole body was on edge. Eddie wouldn’t meet his eyes. They needed to talk, but neither wanted to be the first to cave.

“I was thinking of turning in early,” Steve spoke, not knowing what else to say.

“Yeah. Me too.”

The boys lay side by side, but sleep didn’t come. Eddie’s body was wound tight as a tourniquet. This time, Steve was the one bleeding out.

He wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what. Maybe that he was sorry. Murray was right. Steve had known Eddie liked him and he hadn’t said anything because it wasn’t a problem he could throw himself in front of. It’d be easier if he thought telling Eddie would end up with him getting hit. There were worse things.

Eddie’s feelings had become more apparent as their time together wore on, but on some level, Steve had known long before. When Eddie had leaned over into his space smelling of cigarette ash, dried earth and sweat and called Steve some god-awful pet name, he’d known. He also knew the feelings weren’t one-sided.

That revelation came later. Eddie had been fading in and out of consciousness. Steve had shaken him awake to redress his wounds when it happened. The boy awoke, shooting him a lopsided grin, gazing at Steve with his drowsy, doe eyes.

He’d crooned, ‘Good morning sunshine’. And that had been enough.

Steve’s heart had stuttered to a halt as it had all the times before when a pretty girl had called him a prettier name.

As much as Steve hated to admit it, Murray had been right about a lot of things. There was one thing Steve desperately wanted him to be wrong about.

He and Eddie were bonded because of what they’d been through. That’s what the man had said. Shared trauma. Was that all they were?

Steve was back in the bathroom with Nancy, her white shirt, red. The whites of his eyes the moment she left, red.

He knew where shared trauma got him. He’d try to bury it. To move past it. He wanted to be more than what was done to him. People would say he was running. He was bullshit.

How was he meant to sit with the kind of stuff he and Eddie had been through? How was he meant to fight it? Would Steve always look at Eddie and see his death? Would Eddie always look at Steve and feel like dying?

“I wished I’d met you later,” Steve spoke to the dark room. Eddie’s locked body loosened, and as it did, he started to shake. In a moment, he’d start to bleed too.

“You know, normally people say they wished they’d met you sooner.”

“I mean... I wish we’d met after everything with The Upside Down. That you hadn’t gotten dragged into it. I wish that we’d gotten to know each other the normal way,” Steve explained. Eddie snorted.

“Can you imagine me doing anything the normal way?” He had a point.

Steve didn’t know how to say what he wanted to say. The silence was back, looming large as a lunar eclipse.

“You aren’t... weirded out by what he said? About me liking you?” Eddie’s voice was small. The only time Steve heard Eddie whisper was when he was dying.

“I think he also said something about me liking you back,” Steve replied, glancing at Eddie’s profile only to find the man was already watching him. His face was contorted in confusion.

“Then... what’s the problem here, Stevie?”

Steve had never been good with his words.

“What if we’ve ruined it?” He tried. At seeing a frown cross Eddie’s face, he knew he hadn’t done a good enough job at explaining.

“With what’s happened between me and you. You never would’ve looked at me twice if I hadn’t saved you, and what if that’s all we’ve got? Shared trauma.”

Bullshit. What if all they had was bullshit? Eddie finally understood.

“I don’t like you because you saved me, Steve. I like you because despite all the terrible shit you make me want to laugh. I love that you’re shit at dancing, but you do it anyway. Also, screw that guy your risotto is better than his. You’re a good cook. Your stupid hair makes me want to slam my head in a car door and before you say anything, that’s a compliment. You care so damn much about everyone.” To Steve’s surprise, Eddie’s hand reached up to touch his cheek.

“I don’t like you because we’ve been through bad shit together. I like you because you make me feel like one day, we’re going to get out on the other side of it, that things aren’t going to be like this forever,” Eddie finished.

Steve’s heart was a cardinal, beating itself bloody against a windowpane.

“Can I kiss you?” Steve breathed. For the first time in a long time, he was nervous.

Eddie’s smile was a lightning strike, bright, beautiful and something they’d shape gods after.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Eddie’s lips were warm.

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angstyandromanticwriting · 2 months ago

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Ellie Williams X Fem!Reader Angsty, Cute, and Fluffy Prompt [Full Version; a heavy WIP at this point!]

• Takes place after the events of the second game;

• Some details may be changed quite heavily [not exactly for certain yet; just a possibility] in the near future, when I work upon this idea again;

• Parts within this instalment + their transition indicted via the use of Roman Numerals;

• There will be more!

!TW(s): Mention of loss + death + guilt linked to it, implied suffering from depression, mention of theft/criminal activity, depiction of a dystopian atmosphere (an apocalypse + elements of horror), mention + presence of blood, implied mention of violence/a violent atmosphere + violence in general, implied having to commit murder + manslaughter, implied suffering from anxiety + separation anxiety, mention of a kidnapping + possible abuse + murder in general, a general lawlessness, being wounded, presence of weaponry (both implied and physical), mention of a car crash, an implied break-up, swearing, mention of maiming/body mutilation, implied sexual occurrence taking place - if I’ve missed any, please feel free to let me know; thank you!

Care for Each Other/Not Anymore

It didn’t take Ellie long to decide she should leave Jackson again. What did she have left there, anyway? Sure, there were the remnants of a past life, including what she’d built alongside Tommy, Maria, and the others who’d decided to join them along the way, but now that she’d lost Joel, Dina, and Jesse, what was the point in fighting to keep what was gone alive anymore? All that was left was a memory - a singular memory, combining each moment she spent with each of them into a dark void of regret, and even heavier a portal for crushing guilt to ambush her the way it did, every night she lay in Wyoming, wondering where she should go next, now that so much of what had made up her own life had been burnt down to nothing, but a few ashes, and unashamed drops of tears separating them.

She had to try and harden her heart against all of what had taken place, and she decided to make further decisions as she packed up what she knew she’d need into the last rucksack she had left, the others she’d ever got her hands on just broken and worn mesh she kept under her bed in the makeshift town they’d all put together in Jackson, a few years ago now. She knew it wouldn’t be enough, eventually - of course she did; nothing lasted forever, that much had already been made clear to her, several times before now. She sighed gravely; the anger was still there - no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get rid of it. She only hoped she could try and dissolve it the further she ended up travelling, if ever she did end up going through with it.

That wasn’t to say she liked to engage in the thoughts of a doubtful mind. If anything, they only ended up frustrating her. She forced the last of her canned goods into the bag, before pressing herself up off of her bed, only to falter again when she noticed the guitar Joel gave her stood - lonely, and grim - in the corner of the room. Her eyes darkened a little, and she tried to ignore the emptiness she began to sport again, but she couldn’t forget it, rolling her eyes, before she walked a little half-heartedly and unsteadily toward the instrument. Though she knew it didn’t make her feel the way it did before - and was certainly hard to play, with two fingers less than what she’d had before - she couldn’t give up. Joel wouldn’t want her to.

In a way, neither would she, or Dina, but the excess thinking only added to the pain she tried to conceal all over again.

She carefully slung the guitar over her shoulder, the weight feeling only too familiar, and for a moment she was cursed to remember every word Joel had sung to her, a few years ago. She grunted, shaking her head subconsciously as if it would do anything to conceal her, but - again - there was nothing she herself could do to fix what had already been inflicted upon her. Maybe she’d come back one day - who knows? However, for now, she saw no other option, but to take her travels elsewhere again. She wouldn’t go too far, though, she speculated - if she was needed, then she could be close by, just-.. not here. Anywhere, but here again, at least until the near future.

Once she’d got outside, she whistled for the new Shimmer - a steed she’d managed to steal from the stables without recognition, given the WLF’s costing the loss of her old mare, as well - and her mare whinnied in response to her call, before tossing her head slightly, and then offering it for Ellie to stroke. Of course she couldn’t resist - whoever could, a creature so beautiful? She smiled softly - at least there were some things still light and warm in the world that had grown so much colder overtime. She pet her companion’s neck, before attaching her rucksack to the mare’s saddle. For a moment, she couldn’t help, but hesitate again, looking back in the direction of the city she missed, when it hadn’t been wounded by so many demons the way it had, before, so many unnecessary deaths it made her herself feel dead inside, to some extent.

She knew she shouldn’t dwell on it for too long, forcing a smile back up at Shimmer, before she climbed onto her steed’s saddle, unhitched her, and eased her with grave reluctance into a trot, back away heavily from the farmstead. She wondered if she’d regret it, eventually, and she guessed she had only herself to blame, when she found herself in almost completely new territory.

You yourself weren’t always content with your own life. Things had taken a toll on both of you, as was often the case in situations like these, with the ever progressing apocalypse and all. You hadn’t been subject to much of a childhood to enjoy, either, and often had to shed blood just to get by, and the blood aforementioned that you and your family spilt was not just the blood of the infected, old and new.

You leaned heavily against one of the hitch posts you and Shalyla, your half-sister, had set up all on your own. The others were often busy either finding more supplies, or running a perimeter check. The rotor often ran like that; the days were full of theft without consequences, blood-shed where needs be, and sleep where sleep could be had. How else could your lives be lived, when constantly at threat of things alive, or dead?

“Lyla,” you acknowledged gently, as she appeared around the corner of one of the wind-battered tents to the right of your frame. You wondered if she’d been crying again, noticing that her eyes were red, as a loose strand of light blonde hair stuck freshly to her left cheek, before she brushed it away, and smiled a weaker than usual smile back at you.

“It’s a quiet night, isn’t it?” She mused, not daring to look back at you like before as she, too, leaned upon the post also unoccupied beside you. You didn’t know what you could say to appease her thoughts, nodding slowly, before you bowed your head a little, feeling utterly useless and colder than you ever had before. “It’s not been this quiet, since-”

“We’re gonna find her, Lyla,” you managed, a pained expression on your face as you spoke through the lump forming within your throat, nodding determinedly as your eyes shone a little more in the darkness as soon as your’s too grew wet like her’s had, earlier, ever since the moment she’d come back to you, and declared your and her little sister missing, after you’d allowed her to go off one morning with your sister, as well as your mother and closest associates, here. You still blamed yourself, sometimes. Still thought about her, every moment of every day, wondering if maybe - just maybe - she could still be alive out there, waiting for you to come find her again. “She’s not gone; she was never gone - we can’t just say that she’s-”

“But what if she is?” Lyla interjected through gritted teeth, her voice sounding a little more strained than it did, before. You didn’t blame her, if it were a sign of hatred; you only hoped that she was directing it toward you, and not yourself. It was your ignorant idea anyway, you never thought she could just up and disappear like that, but you guessed you probably should have, right?

You scoffed to yourself, before shaking your head gravely as Shalyla watched after you, as if silently begging for you an answer to your and her new problem in life, as things often go. You didn’t know if you’d be able to reciprocate her gaze, without letting your façade drop, revealing every second of pain you’d had to endure, since the day she’d gone. Instead, you kept your head low, hands fisted at your sides as you fought back the tears, not wanting to inflict anymore pain upon Shalyla, too, alongside you. You certainly didn’t notice the way she scowled down at the ground after that, her eyebrows furrowing together as if she were trying to figure things out again.

“You need to sleep,” you murmured simply, your voice threatening to tremble again as she rolled her eyes, before turning to face you completely as if ready to protest again, but you got there before she could, enforcing a sharper tone to your voice no matter how much it cost you mentally to do so toward her - especially her, after everything the both of you had been through together, at this point in time, hearts bleeding together every night; every second, of every day, and still you didn’t know what else to do, as you hardened your heart against her again, before allowing the following command to slip your lips all over again: “you heard me, Lyla - go to bed, okay? We don’t need you out here right now; the others’ll be back soon, and I can take over the next search with someone else, instead, okay?”

You couldn’t deny that it hurt, seeing the shattered expression now residing upon her face, in response to your harsh words. She shook her head defiantly, but the look of disarray and betrayal of sharp juncture didn’t go remiss by your gaze, even before she’d made to try and argue again, like she had before.

“But, no, you - you can’t do that! You promised me we’d go together,” she hissed, and you sighed heavily as you nodded gravely, making every recollection that you had in fact made such a promise to her, not long ago, now, “what, so you’d rather me not help you, when she’s my little sister, too? Our family, and nobody else’s? Is that just the way things are now, between us? Because I don’t think I like it, at all; the - the way you’re making things go, now. Look, I know you’re the ‘big boss’ around here, but-”

“Lyla,” you began again a little more exasperatedly, but she didn’t budge, continuing without hesitation with new vigour against you, but at that moment you heard the approach of heavy hooves on solid ground, and you found you couldn’t hear her anymore, looking toward the entrance of the temporary camp you’d all set up together within the remnants of Dixie National Forest. What it used to be, anyway, before the apocalypse had begun to spread further and further across the country, soon becoming unmanageable on all sides of the gambit.

Olivia rode in first, looking positively panic-stricken as her grey standardbred neighed beneath her in what sounded like it could be a confused state of fright, her rider panting above her as the two came to a stop a few paces away from you and Shalyla.

You didn’t hesitate, rushing up to her and her steed as you held the mare’s reins, and anxiously looked up at one of your closest friends over the years, her cheeks looking whiter than they ever had before.

“What happened?” You asked a little more breathlessly, but there were still dangerous undertones beneath your words, Olivia easily looking shaken by them herself as she tried to recover herself further, before managing one word that easily sent shivers down your spine, whenever you were cursed to hear it, the way you did again, then, your heart already pounding too fast, especially when you began to grow more intensely aware of the absence of Bianca, another of your and Shalyla’s companions as you tried to fight the growing apocalypse together, even in the earliest of years, somehow. “Bianca,” you managed, your eyes widening all the more as your hands shook a little alongside Olivia’s, but still it took her a moment to speak. The dreadful word came when you least expected it.

You extended your left hand toward Shalyla, as if requesting her help, but before she could even get to you, you heard just about the most dreadful of screams. You dropped the reins, and before you even knew it you were making for the stable, only briefly looking back toward the two of them only to make out the word ‘hunters’ slipping from Olivia’s now paler than usual lips.

There was only one thing you knew for sure, now: the hunters had fucked you over before, but when it came to family, you would do anything to stop them, no matter what that meant for yourself, at the end of the day.

III

Ellie couldn’t deny that she hadn’t made it very far, before she encountered another wave of infected. However, they weren’t focused on her - not yet, anyway. Where the Stalkers were travelling, alongside a mere few Clickers, was another wave of commotion she had yet to discover in a hunt of more clarity. In a way, she knew she may be better off just turning Shimmer around, and finding another way to get by. But she was too tired to make a few more shortcuts to get where she believed she needed to be, right now. A new atmosphere; new - if not permanent - home; a new beginning to her life. She had to get it right eventually, right?

She drew her slightly trembly right hand across her eyes, eyelids drooping heavily at this point, but she slowly followed behind the infected, surprised none of them had yet noticed her, though she travelled far behind them enough to guarantee at least a delayed battle, if it had to come down to one, this far into her journey. It only became an action easier regrettable, especially when she saw the too familiar black motors ahead of her.

“How far?” You began again a little apprehensively, galloping alongside Olivia and Shalyla, the two looking almost as wary as you did, right now.

As others travelled close behind your trio formation, you wondered how far you’d actually make it against the hunters, without having to suffer more and more losses of the team the way you had, the fights you’d encountered before with the group. Olivia looked as if it terrified her; the thought of even speaking again, and you wondered what just had they done to her, before she’d returned to you, minus Bianca beside her, the way they’d gone earlier that day.

“Utah, on the border,” she breathed a little shakily in response to you, not once her gaze moving from where it was, now. You were certain, even then, that you’d kill as many of them as you could, before they could bring you down with them, somehow, if ever they managed to. “We’re close,” your companion added, and you subconsciously glanced toward your sister, wondering what she herself was thinking about, during this tense moment in time. You didn’t have to wonder, much longer.

“The hunters,” she began slowly, through the strain of gritted teeth, “do - do you think they-?”

She could hardly contain her composure, grimacing ahead of her as tears brimmed into the pools of her eyes, lighting them up in the dark the way they had, earlier, before Olivia had returned with such a grave announcement, the way she had. In some ways, you wished you didn’t know what had been plaguing her current thoughts, now.

“We won’t know what happened, until we find her, okay?” You murmured, and Shalyla tensed up, not sure as she reluctantly glanced back toward you, as if she were trying to determine if the answer you’d given was good enough, or too vague for her own liking. You didn’t give her time to consider enough, not wanting yourself to delve too far into it, though it made something within you shatter a little more each time you thought about it, knowing you should try and at least show you cared more, because you truly did; you never intended to convey to her any notion otherwise, the way you could see you had, now. “Look, Lyla,” you began again slowly, Olivia ducking her head a little as if ducking herself under an invisible branch, “I told you before that - that when things go missing, l-like a pet, or a pen, or whatever - it can be found, right? It isn’t gone; she isn’t gone, so she can be found, and we’re going to find her - promise me you know that, please, before we get to them-”

“You think they’ll kill us, don’t you?” Shalyla guessed, and you winced, not sure how to answer at first, but the dejected expression on your sibling’s face made it so much easier for the words to roll harshly off of your tongue, before they lingered, and burnt at the atmosphere around all of you, ready to strike at the hunters with new, and much - much fiercer - velocity. “That - That they’ll-”

“They’re not going to kill us, Lyla,” you interjected simply, your voice a lot bolder than it was, before, “I just want to hear you say it, before we rip their throats out, and have to wait again until later to talk again like we do - you get that, right? So promise me, please - it has to be now, okay? Not later, not tomorrow - now, because I can’t have you going in there without you knowing through to your bones that we will come out of this a family again, okay? Will you do it? Please say you’ll do it, Lyla - say something, at least - for god’s sake, say something!”

“I promise,” she managed, and you couldn’t help, but smile softly over at her, glad that she at least still had some faith in you, even after everything that had taken place, by now, but neither of you had much time to dwell on it, before the gunfire started, and you were torn from your horse’s saddle again.

Of course Ellie remembered them; how one had callously - specifically - crashed into the side of the car she and Joel had been gifted a few years ago, to get her to where she needed to be delivered, before, only for Joel to save her the way he had, realising something she still - and probably would never know, now - had no clue at all about, given that he’d lied about the result of the ordeal at hand, before. These cars - they belonged to the ruthless hunters, a group she’d been hoping to never run into again, for a little while now. If it weren’t for the screaming and rapturing gunfire she heard nearby - a few paces away, now, from the infected - she knew she’d probably avoid them, but that wasn’t who she was.

Instead, she pressed on, but sometimes she still wondered why she was even bothering with helping anyone, anymore.

You guessed you still had some things to learn about the hunters, or - more specifically - the cruelty of people, as a collective. You fell from your steed, an agonising grunt escaping you as you hit the ground, the back of your head violently colliding with the solid surface beneath you, leaving everything suddenly quite blurry and darker than the world ever had been, before. You winced, hearing the laughter of the hunters, and the cries as well as shouts of your companions. You felt lost, for a moment, but it came somehow with a sense of peace. You couldn’t deny - shamefully - that you thought of how things would be, if you just let go of everything, and allowed the sensation to take you away, instead of carry you further into a life of oftentimes pain and torment, the way it had, before.

But you couldn’t leave your family. You pressed yourself up off of the ground, gritting your teeth fitfully as glassy pains ran through your right shoulder, what felt like the warm oozing of blood leaking from it, beneath your current and often usual attire; dark grey jacket, a usually dirty green top (all the more worn whenever you yourself went out on territory cleansing runs like these), already staining a little with the blood that escaped from your wound, the way that it was, now.

“Y/n!” You heard Shalyla cry for you from a few paces ahead of where you’d fallen, her keeping a hold on the reins of your horse as you tried to pull yourself fully off of the ground, and back up onto your toes, but you couldn’t hold yourself for long, cursing shakily as you had to grip unstably onto the tree, your left shoulder making it a bit easier for you to do so without your muscles giving up on you the way they did, within your right arm. “Shit,” you thought you heard her utter as more gunfire sounded out, the laughs dying down steadily, but you couldn’t see where the new bouts of commotion and sheer rage were coming from, now, the hunters being hit from an opposite angle not quite in view, yet.

Your head reeled from the pain of every explosion that sounded out following your fall, you even having to try and cover your ears pretty much unsuccessfully to try and stop it from hurting as much. It was then you remembered Bianca, and wondered where the hell they’d taken her to, now. If they had got her hands on her, anyway, before you’d showed up alongside the others to try and take them all back down, again.

“There!” Another of your friends cried out, as if to answer your question, and your heart dropped in an instant when you noticed the struggling and quite limp figure of who was unmistakably the splitting image of your ex-girlfriend, but still close companion to your cause, and very own family, Bianca.

The emptiness came back again, and you found your eyes glued to her as they darkened, watching how blood occasionally spluttered out from her lips, as her chest rose too fast, then too slow, as if she were still trying to cling onto whatever life left she still had within her, after what they had done to her, not too long ago, now.

“No,” you managed, not sure what else to do, at first, as everything seemed to fail you, your legs stuck where they were, small tears being allowed to leak down your cheeks as you watched the struggle go on, fury burning through the last of your veins; the very core of your own soul, in its entirety. If there was anything left that you knew, now, it was nothing short of how you knew for a fact that someday, and somehow, you would make them all pay. They were still trying to take everything away from you, and for no good reason whatsoever, and for once it would be nice if you could avenge those who had been taken away from you wrongfully, if only the day could come sooner, by now.

As soon as you could move, you ran for her frame, before allowing your legs to fail beneath you once you’d finally reached her, and could carefully ease her body close to your own. You paid no attention to the remnants of gunfire that rang out around you, instead trying to protect her frame as she shook fitfully within your arms, a horrific gurgling sound escaping her lips more consistently than her heart was managing to beat, at this point. You burned with it, your hands hardly being able to stop shaking as you allowed yourself to get lost in her again, crying quietly as you connected your forehead to her own, lifting your left hand up to the top of her head as if you were afraid of them targeting her still, though she herself had gone beyond caring about what may, or may not happen to her, at this point, her being virtually on death's door herself, already.

"Y/n," Shalyla's voice rang out above the two of you, but you paid her no heed, even as she grew more desperate to try and get you and the others out of the situation again. "Y/n, please, we - we have to go! They're distracted, now's the time that we have to-”

"I'm not leaving," you spat, your voice shaking as she faltered in response to your words; your sharp tone, despite the pain that was interlaced within it, making up its very core, the way that it was

now. “I can’t, not - not without-”

“She won’t make it,” Olivia managed dejectedly, and you faltered yourself this time, your heart somehow dropping further than it did before as you shook your head gravely, not wanting to hear such words from anyone, especially not her and the others; people you considered heavily to be your family, therefore much involved and clued up on how much Bianca meant, and still means to you, the way she did ever since you’d even first met her, somewhere back in Palmdale. You couldn’t be sure what part of the city, now, considering it had been a few hefty years ago, now. “Y/n, please, we can’t stay here,” she begged, and you didn’t know what to do with yourself anymore, stuck on the notion that you could save her, somehow, if only you still could; if only you’d all got there faster than you had, meaning maybe that she wouldn’t be in such a poor state, now. “She’s already bled out too much,” Olivia insisted slowly, “besides, we don’t even have the resources enough to keep her going long enough for us to get back to Dixie!”

“What? So you’d rather just - just abandon her here, without even trying to keep her with us?” You questioned hoarsely, your throat burning with each word as a lump grew within it, making it all the more harder to speak as the gunfire went on behind you. “You of all people should know, Olivia, that that is not what we do here,” you spat, before you carefully gathered Bianca up, and off of the ground, no matter how much it further pained your right shoulder to do so right now, in the state that it was. “Get me one of the kits!” You called to the few companions still waiting there behind you and the others, as the ones gone were assisting in the bloodshed of the hunters that had decided to mess with you and your friends one too many times, now. “Didn’t you guys hear me? I need a kit - now!” You cried, evidently growing all the more desperate as every second passed by, Bianca’s strained and raspy breaths growing ever quieter as you did, indicating a steady down spiral of life, in its last moments, for her, only breaking you down more than anything ever had before, before this moment in time. “Please,” you begged, as they all warily looked amongst each other, not sure what to do, but they themselves knew that it was too late for Bianca, as well, no matter how much it pained them alongside the others to think in such a grave manner as they were having to do so, right now. “Fine,” you uttered, burning with the pain and sheer agony of it all as you stared them all down for a brief moment, before returning your gaze back down to Bianca’s bloody frame, “I’ll take her back there, myself, and patch her up there - I don’t need you guys’ help anyway; not anymore.”

But you didn’t get very far - of course you didn’t. Not before the incoming wave of infected that had been trailing - ever so attracted to the commotion at hand - had fallen upon you both, but - in a way - the idea of dying didn’t scare you anymore, not if it meant you could be with Bianca again, as well as less of a burden to the remnants of your now fractured - clearly - family and friends, not too far away from you both, now.

VII

You guessed the future had other plans for you, still, though you couldn’t imagine why.

Ellie had managed to create quite a hole within the numbers of the hunters who had decided to ambush you, and your family, as was oftentimes the case, whenever she found herself involved with them, somehow. She didn’t care to call it luck anymore - what would the point be? In some ways, she didn’t know why she ever considered it in such a way, before. It was skill - of course it was. She carefully pulled herself up into one of the trees the hunters had taken to hiding within, and - with a cry of alarm - another revealed themselves, making to shoot her down, but she got to him first, managing to swing herself recklessly from one branch to another, before she brought her legs up and over herself to kick the man down from his post. He fell, of course he did.

She didn’t hesitate to aim her own gun down at him, before pulling the trigger, and embedding a couple of bullets or so into him, one lodged in his throat, the other in his forehead. She didn’t bother to watch him die, looking out for any others, but the area had fallen relatively quiet since she’d taken him down. Although, she could have sworn she’d seen other attackers here. They didn’t look like hunters, but she still knew she should be cautious in her next steps, nonetheless. Instead of taking any further rash movements, she dropped down from the branch she was clinging to, before looking timidly around herself again, and wondering if the other life forms had since then run off, as if they were scared she’d take them down, too, if they’d even noticed her, that is.

She couldn’t say she’d got much of a look at them, but what she did get was enough to determine that they were preoccupied, no matter what the situation at hand might be. As soon as she was satisfied that she was now alone again, and - hearing the approaching wave of infected she knew she should at least try and avoid, just for the purpose of her journey and current mental state - she ran back to Shimmer, and sought to continue her journey.

VIII

Of course it ended up being you who had to interfere in that. Sure, you’d tried your best in the end, to keep yourself and Bianca safe, but there were too many of the wave to clear, and you couldn’t get any further than you had managed, so far. It would have probably been a safer bet, that you’d picked up more ammo than you had, at the start of this very day. In all fairness, though, as you fought harshly in your head with your doubtful consciousness - you didn’t know the infected would come with a helping of hunters, the way that it had, today.

Bianca started fitfully within your arms, a pained expression on her face as she looked up at you through dark and hopeless eyes, small tears lingering within them, only for you to delicately brush them away whenever you could, without hurting her in the process, somehow.

“I’m here, baby,” you cooed in a strained manner, a dejected look upon your own face as if you were trying not to break down in front of her again, only for you to remember that you said you wouldn’t call her that anymore after you’d both broken up recently, but it had slipped from your lips so fast that it made your heart ache with everything surrounding it; the memories, especially, before the fight you’d had with her had taken place, before, “I’m here, okay? I - I’ll never leave you again, I promise, I-”

The infected were getting closer, clickers twitching fitfully in the distance whilst their contemporaries howled with frustration and anger, as if they were still trying to figure out how to get to you both, somehow, when you were just on the other side of the willow tree they were approaching, tears streaming down your cheeks no matter how much you tried to fight them back, alongside the girl you held in your arms, still.

Bianca tried to speak, but her lips moved soundlessly, and were dreadfully pale. You shook your head, lifting your left hand up to her right cheek, prompting her to wince a little at the touch upon slightly sorer skin, but she nonetheless allowed herself to melt into it, her heart pounding faintly in her chest, still, though it had a few moments ago felt as if it were just on the cusp of giving up, the way that it had been, before.

“Just rest, now,” you added gently, “you need it, okay? If you won’t do it for me, do it for yourself, and the others - please; Bianca, I-.. we need you - we always have, and we always will, just-.. stay with me, please; don’t - don’t go - not - not like this, okay?”

Your throat felt raw; it was taking you a lot, not to just put your gun to your head, but you knew that wouldn’t do you any good, now. You had no more bullets left, anyway, and you couldn’t leave Bianca and the others, no matter what divisions you find yourselves in, the way you were, right now - or, at least, you thought you were, after they’d neglected to patch her up the way you’d begged them to, earlier.

“Please,” you pleaded again, your voice coming out as more of a whisper, this time, it cracking almost as consistently as your whole existence was, with it, and you silently cursed her at the same time for letting her eyelids grow heavier than they ever had, before. “Bianca, just - just stay with me, okay? Stay with me!” You cried, and your shoulders shook as you began to break down, not sure what to do with yourself anymore.

“Run,” she managed, and her voice was so small, and wet with the blood that had been escaping her too quickly, the way that it was, now, but you didn’t dare leave her like that; you couldn’t, and - even as you could hear the infected growing ever closer to the tree - you still didn’t leave her side, not until the others had found you again, before descending upon the infected, and leaving you feeling nothing, but numb inside, and out, without her beside you again, the way that she had been, all those times before.

By the time Ellie had successfully made it around the wave, only having to eliminate two of the Infected in the process, the group were gradually beginning to struggle, a couple more being bitten as they tried to keep the life forms away from you, as well as their horses. Your eyes never left Bianca’s frame, your heart aching steadily with the distance, and you struggled whenever the odd Runner or Stalker tried to get close to her, only to be shot down by Shalyla, noticing the dejected expression on your face that did finally make her cave in to trying to protect the girl again. Besides, she knew it would be horrible for her, to have so much pain inflicted upon her by the hunters, only to be worsened by jaws and claws of the Infected that had decided to join the congregation, here.

She’d successfully downed another, when Ellie grunted, decided to give in, as she readied her gun again, but she was alarmed by a piercing cry as you struggled against Olivia’s hold, desperate to get to Bianca’s now lifeless frame, seeing as Shalyla had now run out of bullets herself, deeming her body more vulnerable that it ever was, before. It didn’t take much longer for you to break free from your friend’s hold, you elbowing her in the stomach without thinking, before you bolted toward Bianca again, and took on the approaching Runner yourself. Of course, without any weapons to defend yourself with, by now, such a fleeting notion was not met with much luck, on your part.

You’d succeeded to avoid being administered any bites from the enemy, but soon it had you down on the ground, yourself, you trying to fight back tears still as you gritted your teeth against it, holding it as far back as you could from getting any closer to your bare neck as it almost had, whilst you’d had your guard down, for a brief moment. A second or two, at least, just so you could look over at what you’d lost so quickly, and unexpectedly, before you’d returned your gaze to the creature, scowling up at it with nothing, but pure hatred behind your darkened and weaker gaze. Ellie could see what was coming, even before it did. You were due to lose, if she didn’t step in; everyone was distracted, held up in their own battles - even poor Shalyla; this was more than what the group had expected there to be, and soon there’d be more Infected of them than there were true people, before.

She didn’t think to describe them as ‘good’; could people even be good anymore, or had the way things are now driven them all to insanity, as well as nothing, but a bold red greed clouding each and every one of their visions? She hoped, in some ways, that wasn’t all true, especially not for herself. She’d only ever done what she had to protect the people she loved, and nothing good seemed to come of that anyway. She sighed, before clicking the safety off of her weapon, and aiming it steadily at the Runner still snapping its jaws above you.

“Here we go again, I guess,” she remarked under her breath, before positioning her finger on the trigger as best she could, and allowing the bullet to slip from the barrel without a moment’s hesitation. The doubts came after, as the bullet embedded itself into the enemy’s head, splattering its blood upon your face as you winced a little, but it wasn’t something you weren’t used to, so it didn’t bother you much. What did, though, was how you couldn’t see where the bullet had come from, nor could you determine who had been the one to shoot the Runner down for you. You couldn’t think about it for too long, before another Infected - a Clicker, this time - stalked toward you, shrieking horridly as if in a nightmare, but again - from nowhere you could decipher - it had been shot down faster than it came.

You narrowed your eyes toward your invisible defender, and - for a moment - you believed you tricked yourself into seeing the hoof of a horse behind the brushes opposite you that Ellie was currently hidden behind, almost grinning with how comical the situation was, you still trying to see her, though it seemed useless to do so, at this point, but at the same time she wondered why she even cared, searching through the lens of her guns’ spyglass to seek out anyone else in need of her assistance, like you had been, a brief moment ago.

There were tons of them. Both Infected, and suffering humans. She took down as many of the snarling and clicking creatures as she could, though she still couldn’t think why she’d even bother, at this point in time. She’d lost so much as a result of this whole mess of an apocalypse, and still she was fighting. Maybe one day she’d figure out why, considering there seemed to be even less to fight for, now, the way that she had been, before.

The distraction of the rapid gunfire was enough to give you time to recompose yourself. You eased yourself toward Bianca, a pained expression on your face as you surveyed her quietly, not sure what to do with yourself, anymore. She still had her emergency pistol tucked away in her jacket; the hunters hadn’t found it, that much you could tell, not that they’d have any need of it, anyway. It looked like they’d been beating her, more than embedding bullets within her wherever they could. There was a horrible moment, you found yourself thinking of your little sister again - had they done anything like this to her, too, if they’d ever even managed to find her before you and the others could?

You scowled, cursing yourself for your wandering thoughts, the way that they were, and made you feel even more shattered and tired than you’d ever been, before. You slipped her pistol out of its secret holster, before you scavenged for the shiv you’d gifted to her for her birthday, a small engraving of her favourite animal upon its blade, followed by the initials ‘B.W.’, for ‘Bianca White’, and you faltered as soon as your left hand fell upon what felt like its sheath. You hesitated for a moment; it didn’t feel right to be taking it off of her - it was her’s, after all, and you wanted nothing, for it to keep being her own, no matter where she was, now.

You sighed, before nodding gravely, and taking it out of the sheath though it pained you to do so, and not just because of the way your right shoulder continued to throb, the way it did. You promised to return it; of course you did, even if she couldn’t hear it anymore - it was rightfully her’s. Besides, you only needed it to fight the remaining Infected that dare come any closer to her off, now, if your helper allowed you to do so, anyway, seeing as they were so insistent on doing them in, by themself, the way that they were, right now.

Eventually, there were too many for just Ellie to handle, on your behalf. You stabbed the shiv into each of them, digging it as deep as you could within their rotting bodies to try and help her as well as yourself as best you could, for Bianca’s sake, as much as your own, though you didn’t care whatever the future had in store for you, anymore, after today - not now. You fancied you did quite well, but even thoughts such as those you didn’t care for anymore; positivity such as that had left you, with the loss of Bianca, as dark as it made you feel inside, and outside, with no hope of rising up to the surface again. You believed that would end up being the case, anyway. Who wouldn’t, during times like these, now?

There were only a few more Infected that had to be taken down, but they weren’t anywhere near you, anymore, so Ellie diverted her attention again, and you warily surveyed the situation. Two more had gone down, by the time you’d made your decision. You crouched down beside Bianca again, your bottom lip trembling a little as you carefully returned the shiv to its sheath, after wiping it delicately upon one of the fallen leaves surrounding the area. You then lifted your left hand up to her right cheek again, remembering how she’d told you the day before that she’d been thinking about things for a little while, before she asked if the both of you could meet up and talk a little later today. The blow was worse, when you remembered that that wouldn’t be happening for you both, anymore. Not today. Or tomorrow. Or next year.

Not unless you did something about it. You grimaced, pressing your lips into a thin line as you gritted your teeth again, looking behind you to make sure the others were distracted. They were, still finishing up their own fights as you felt for the pistol to make sure it was still tucked away within your own holster. You allowed a small sigh of relief to escape you, before you smiled feebly down at her below you, only for it to falter as soon as you were reminded of the situation at hand here; you should have got there quicker for her. You could have saved her - deep within you, you knew you could, and that almost hurt you more than anything else ever had before, but not as much as it felt, to know she was just gone, now, not lost, just gone, with no hope of revival.

You nodded gravely, trying to accept that fact, but it was impossible, so you brushed over it, and leaned down for a brief moment to delicately connect your lips to her own, no matter how much it pained you to do so, not caring at all about the blood that stained your own lips from hers’, the way it did after you’d kissed her the way you had, so soft as if you’d been afraid you’d break her, if you lost yourself within her again.

“I love you,” you whispered shakily, even if she couldn’t hear it; you just wanted her to know, before you could try and end everything the way you hoped you could do so, soon. Whether it could reunite the two of you again, you didn’t know, but you were more than willing to try. The others would be fine, now; you were sure they would be. What would be left of you, anyway, if you didn’t do this, now? You pressed another delicate goodbye to her forehead, before forcing yourself to your feet again, and making to get far away enough from the others, so they couldn’t stop you like you knew they might try to do so, if you stayed there beside her body to do it, instead.

You should have known even that wasn’t good enough a plan, as Ellie caught onto your disappearance in almost immediate effect, before she noticed how the brambles you’d been perched by before shook as if somebody had passed through, or over them. She didn’t hesitate, before guiding her mare forward to chase you as fast as she possibly could, but it didn’t take her long to catch sight of you again, the barrel of the pistol pressed to the left side of your head as if you were ready - right then and there - to take everything away again, but she couldn’t let you give up like that, though she couldn’t think why; she’d seen it happen before, but nothing could be done to stop it by herself, or Joel.

No matter who you were, she couldn’t let you suffer the same fate, not for no particular reason, anyway, that might prompt her to want you dead, though it made her feel bad to have such a thought in response to the matter at hand, here. Perhaps that was why she hesitated for a moment, lifting her gun back up as she held Shimmer to a standstill below her, so she could get a good aim to try and shoot the gun out of your hand, perhaps, if she could manage to do so, anyway. It was no doubt to her that she could; she’d handled things with much precision, before, and this time was no different - of course it wasn’t. She readied her finger upon the trigger again, her eyes narrowing a little as you seemed to be crying quietly again, somehow making her ache a bit more to hear such a painful sound escaping you.

She couldn’t hesitate any longer than she had - not now, as she drew in a deep breath, and pulled the trigger, but the gun didn’t fire, and she cursed quietly, but she didn’t have the time to react any further as she was suddenly grabbed from behind by the collar of her hoodie, only to be pulled off of her horse again, and pinned to the ground like she had been, the day she’d lost Joel. It only brought the memories back again, exactly what she’d not wanted to happen, the way it did, but it didn’t last for long. Not when someone was suddenly standing a few paces away from her, commanding the attacker to let her go for reasons currently unbeknownst to her, if there were any, anyway.

It never occurred to her that you had as much power as you did within the group, but she guessed she didn’t know you like that, as she lifted her gaze, only to find that you were holding a gun to the attacker’s head, the way you were, now, and for a brief moment, she knew it was all over; she’d been caught, and maybe you’d get the others to kill her, so she never expected you to give her the freedom that you did, especially when she’d effectively invaded what she supposed could be your own territory. She wouldn’t take that for granted, no matter what the cost might be.

She didn’t know why, but she decided to go back to where you and the others were residing; the pull of fatigue was enough, at this point, to dissuade her from travelling any further than she already had, from Wyoming, now to the remnants of Dixie National Forest. She stayed there a little while, and already she knew half of the group’s names like she knew the back of her hands; the chords behind her melodies. You hadn’t left the tent you’d disappeared into, the interior dark and miserable like nothing she’d ever seen before, besides those abandoned buildings she’d been lucky(?) enough to come across. That was a fact still questionable to her, however; how all her explorations had made her feel, after all this time, now. Most of all, she wondered a lot about you, and that annoyed her, in more ways than one.

One way would be that she’d only just met you, today. Well, she hadn’t even met you, yet; you’d saved her, but hadn’t in turn said a word to her, at all. You were dismissive with your companions during their interrogation of your choices, in regard to what should be done with her, given none of you knew her, the only thing they had to go off on being how she’d assisted in the fight against not just the Infected, but the remaining hunters, alongside them. It irritated her so much, that she couldn’t focus properly, almost losing another of her fingers as she chopped off some chunks of the bread she’d been offered by your sibling, Shalyla.

It wasn’t half bad, when she’d finally got past the stage of preparation, not that it was needed, anyway. She could eat as if she were starving, and aching with it, but she didn’t feel like presenting herself in such a manner, too tired to be too ravenous anyway, even if she had been running quite low on her own supplies, lately.

“Where did you come from?” The girl asked her, and the question made her tense up a little as her skeptical gaze met with great reluctance the stranger, given that she’d not yet put a name to her face just yet, like she had already most of the others who had been a little more communicative toward her, as if they saw her as a friend, and not a possible foe, somehow, even though they’d only just met her, today, and not known her for years like she assumed they had each other, by now, although she’d not been made aware of any record of them, at all.

“Why d’you wanna know?” She questioned in turn, before swallowing down another chunk of the bread she’d picked off from the part she’d been given, earlier. “You wanna use it against me?” She guessed, and Shalyla frowned, looking a little disappointed, but she guessed she understood why Ellie would think in such a manner about her and the others in residence, here. Ellie softened; truth be told she felt guilty, in a way, for reacting like that, so she decided to answer her question anyway, albeit relatively quite vaguely, regardless of such a kindness as it was, given the situation she was finding herself in, by now. “Boston,” she admitted, her voice a little quieter than it was before, but not because she wanted it to be a secret; she just didn’t have much willpower left to talk a lot about it, anymore, “I’ve been in many other places, since then, but-.. yeah, I’m originally from Boston.” Shalyla appeared taken aback; Boston was quite far from here, after all, but even that was probably an understatement in regard to the true placements of such areas, compared to others against it. “Are you just from around here, or-? What’s the deal with you guys, anyway?” She inquired, genuinely finding herself quite curious into the new group’s own origins, in comparison to her’s and the others back in Jackson, but she deemed it understandable for now, given she only recently had just met them as a collective, the way that she did, earlier, having to save pretty much all of the remaining’s asses, including your’s and Shalyla’s, from a gruesome as well as certainly untimely death.

She didn’t know if she should find it comforting, or not, though, to determine that most of the people here were her age, or something just above it. She shrugged the thought off, instead picking at her bread again as she awaited patiently for the girl to answer her the way she’d had to answer her own question, a brief moment ago, now.

“Me and my sister came here from Palmdale,” Shalyla answered nonchalantly, “some of the others said they came from around there, too, whilst most of our new friends came here from Constance, or Colorado.” She smiled softly, and Ellie couldn’t deny she felt a bit safer, by now, everyone seeming more-.. well, friendly, than she expected them to be, especially after one of the others had put a gun to her head, earlier, only for you to chide them for doing so the way that you had, then. “We’ve never had anyone come from as far as Boston, before,” she remarked, “the others won’t believe it.” She then winced, before adding quickly, as if she were afraid of putting pressure upon Ellie when she’d not even decided to make any commitments here whatsoever, just yet: “that’s if you decided to tell them, of course; you don’t have to, nor do you even have to stay here, if you don’t want to.”

Ellie nodded slowly; thoughtfully, but she cursed herself for doing so, after that, reminding herself that she hadn’t exactly been planning on falling into another group, even after everything that had taken place, recently. She sighed heavily, before shrugging, and forcing a smile up at the girl before her as if still trying to hide her pain from her, as well as the others; she’d been doing stuff like that for a little while, now, not sure what else she could do, in a situation such as this one, or what had come before with the whole Wolves situation with Dina, as well as her new nemesis, Abby.

“What exactly do you guys do here? How - How do you even protect yourselves, in a place like this?” She pried, but regretted it almost in an instant, knowing how that sounded as soon as the question had slipped from her lips, like that. “No offence, by the way; I like what you guys have got going, I just-.. it’s not-.. y’know-..” She rolled her eyes, evidently a little frustrated with herself as she averted her gaze awkwardly, but Shalyla thought nothing of it, answering as best she could, especially after Ellie had gone so far as to defend them, earlier; she deserved what they could give them, and explanations were more than included in such a pact as this one was.

“Much?” The girl guessed, and Ellie appeared taken aback again, before reluctantly nodding, and appearing relieved once it appeared that Shalyla understood what was being asked of her, a bit more, now. Perhaps she understood too much, Ellie thought, as the girl grinned to herself, before looking over her shoulder toward the rest of the camp space beyond the tent Ellie had been given space to rest within, for a little while. They could all see that she needed it, and though they were at first hesitant to provide her with such hospitality, you smoothed them right out by commanding them to set up the space for her anyway, seeing as she’d done a lot for yourself as well as the rest of them for no particular reason or prompt to do so, today. “I can see why you’d think that,” she admitted in a little more of a strained manner, but nonetheless as willing as her voice had been, before this point in time, “we don’t have great defences, that’s for sure, but-.. there’s not a lot left to get here, I guess, not with the hunters and all, and the WLFs alongside them. You probably had it better back in Boston, right?”

Ellie couldn’t deny that she’d flinched a little in response to Shalyla’s mention of the Wolves, but she tried to cover it up as best she could, pretending to cough into her right hand, only to almost choke herself in the process with another chunk of bread - it was almost finished, now, and the sight was almost enough to deject her, if it weren’t for Shalyla’s speaking up again, taking her mind back off of it, and focusing her back onto the situation at hand, here - real life, as it was, she guessed, although some parts of it still didn’t feel real enough for her. How she was still alive was one thing that evaded her understanding, at this point.

“Shit, sorry,” Shalyla began timidly again, as if she’d just been pinched for forgetting something imperative, though Ellie herself couldn’t think of anything else she might need, right now, besides a stronger will to live, alongside a drink of water, maybe. “You’re dry, right? I’ll go and get you something to drink; I just got so distracted with introductions, and stuff, I’m really-”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Ellie managed, her voice cracking a little before she began coughing a little again, in the end having to spit out the bread she’d been working on in the meantime just in case she got herself into anymore danger with it, again, like she almost had done so, before, if her awareness hadn’t kicked in the way it did, a brief moment ago, now.

Once Shalyla had gone, you decided to take up the mantle, though she hadn’t seen you leave the tent you’d disappeared into, once, before now. You were out of sight, at first, lingering warily to the right of the tent she was perched beneath, before you drew in a barely audible shaky breath, and decided to reveal yourself to her again.

“Something wrong with the bread we gave you?” You asked, and she appeared a little startled, just briefly, her gaze warily falling upon you, before she tried to find her voice again to answer the question you’d so unexpectedly posed upon her, the way you had, just then, without giving her a moment to recompose herself the way she’d been trying to do, before you’d decided to come out of the shadows again, the way you had, a brief moment ago, now.

“Why? Were you listening to us, or something?” She retorted, but you didn’t bother to answer her question, though you knew you probably should, considering she’d done you yourself alongside the others an honourable service in fighting alongside the group, earlier, even if she weren’t apart of it at all, just yet.

“I asked you a question,” you uttered a little dismally, “we’ve done enough for you already, it’s your turn to start giving explanations, now.”

Ellie rolled her eyes, before averting her gaze again, though she didn’t miss the pang of emptiness she felt as soon as she’d allowed her eyes to leave your’s, the way she did, just then.

“Nothing’s wrong with it, apart from the fact that it’s a little stinky and hard, but-.. yeah; it’s decent for a chunk of bread wrapped up in some dusty tin-foil,” she remarked, and you raised your eyebrows, trying not to smile, though it surprised you in turn that your lips had almost curved upward in response to her comment, like they did, just then. “That a good enough description, for you, or-?” She asked, and you didn’t bother responding, slipping back around the corner the way you had, before, and she appeared a little disappointed in response to your hasty reaction, only to be further puzzled when she noticed Shalyla hurrying back over, making her think maybe you’d decided to slip away when you’d caught sight of her, before Ellie even could.

What she couldn’t understand, was why?

“Don’t mind my sister, by the way,” Shalyla remarked, as she and Ellie walked slowly the perimeter around the campsite, “she’s-.. well-.. she-..”

The girl sighed, finding words failing her as she remembered the way you used to be, compared to how quiet you were, now.

“Could weird be a good word for it? What you’re tryna get at, here?” Ellie offered, and Shalyla winced; she didn’t dare think of you in such a way, not when she knew everything you’d had to endure, anyway, to reach a point such as this one, but she didn’t fault the stranger for it, knowing she had only had a couple of encounters with you, so far, none more revealing than the last had been, anyway.

“I guess - in some ways - you could say that,” she mused, and Ellie raised her eyebrows, evidently a little more skeptical than she had been before, in regard to you.

“Alright, well - how do you see her, then?” She inquired, and Shalyla would think for a brief moment, not sure if it would be fair on you to talk about what had happened to you, after your and her little sister had gone missing, the way that she did. Neither could she imagine the thought process taken place within your head, now that you’d lost Bianca, too, alongside her, and some of your other peers, here.

“I guess-.. a good word for her would be-” she paused again for a brief moment, as Ellie watched her with nothing, but a curious expression upon her face, though she were still quite weary after the fight she’d had to endure alongside you and the others, earlier, “loyal. Mostly in the sense that she’s - well, quite family-orientated, I guess.”

Ellie couldn’t help, but scoff, trying to hide that her action then led to her feeling guilty for doing so, the way that she had, then.

“It seemed like she was more than ready to give herself up, earlier - what would have happened to you guys, if she managed to?” She speculated, and Shalyla smiled sadly over at her new - hopefully - friend, before she again averted her gaze, not sure how to describe what must be plaguing your mental state, at current, as she’d puzzled upon, before, a brief moment ago, to answer Ellie’s previous question in regard to your behaviour earlier with her being nothing more than positively ‘strange’ and unfeeling.

“Even if she did do it,” Shalyla began slowly, ready at your defence in the most friendly and awkward way as she could to avoid any new confrontations within the campsite, “I’m sure she did it, with the eyes of a martyr; she’s never done anything otherwise.” She then stopped, before timidly turning toward Ellie who faltered at the girl’s side, warily looking over at her as if still expecting someone here to turn upon her, and shoot her behind the back, somehow. “Look, I-.. I know things are awkward between the two of you now, but-.. I’m sure, if you decided you actually want to stay with us, she’ll come around to you being here, eventually,” she added gently, and Ellie rolled her eyes; she didn’t like the sound of having to wait for that to happen, as she looked over at Shalyla’s shoulder back toward the tent you had disappeared within again.

“And if I don’t want to stay here?” She inquired, and she didn’t miss how her new companion’s eyes seemed to darken at such a possibility, only making her feel worse for wear, somehow, than she was, before. “What would happen, then?” She pried, and Shalyla tried not to appear anymore dejected, somehow, but her will failed her as she forced a smile back up at the girl before her, before she turned her face awkwardly away from her all over again, like it had been between them before, Ellie beneath the tent they’d cleared out for her, whilst Shalyla had supplied her with a spare chunk of bread, hardly talking to her at first in the process of doing so.

“I guess we’ll just have to see, right?” She added, and Ellie appeared thoughtful - gravely - in turn, before she nodded her head slowly in response to Shalyla’s answer, vague as it was.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t right, however, as Ellie schemed quietly in her head as best as she could, right now. She hadn’t decided yet, whether she wanted to stay here, or venture on further than she had been able to do so, by now, so what would the harm be, if she tried to force your hand a little more than she had done so, already?

XII

She waited until it was quieter than it was, before, pretending to be fast asleep until she was certain that she could get around without a heightened risk of discovery, as well as suspicion surrounding her. She recalled her and Shalyla’s conversation; she needed to make a decision, soon, but not before she’d eased her thoughts concerning you, and why it had been that you’d accepted her here the way you had, earlier, rather than force her out the way she’d believed you would, despite her aiding the group’s attack against the Infected, as well as the hunter that had tried to take over your family’s territory once again, like so many times before. You’d lost count of them all, so far, except from the numbers you’d all managed to kill within the groupings they sent toward you.

Ellie kept low, moving quietly as she warily looked around her, before moving a few paces ahead, only stopping to check herself again whenever she heard voices close by. She moved when they faded away, hearing nothing, but the horses nearby braying, and snorting as she grinned subconsciously, though she couldn’t herself imagine why. She found this moment - although dangerous, as the group didn’t know enough about her to determine that she was truly sound a companion - quite exhilarating, and - plainly stated - therefore quite fun. It wasn’t like that for long, however, as she had to quickly dive out of sight of the two straggling figured passing by your tent, her just lingering on the outside of it, by now, so close, and yet so far. They took a while to move, and she found it painful having to stay where she was as they discussed awfully random topics like their hair, alongside palm trees on tropical islands she’d never herself been to.

It was only when they brought up the hunters again that she grew interested in what they had to say, tilting her head partially as she listened to them in sheer silence, her body tensing up a little as she did to try and focus herself more, somehow, her hands trembling just slightly as she did, trying to make sense of things even more than she had managed to do so, before, though she couldn’t deny it was difficult, at first, until this brief moment in time.

“Do you really think the hunters would take her?” One of the figures asked, another girl who looked something around a similar age to her own, but she didn’t take much notice of either of them, mainly focusing upon the words they were sharing with one another the way that she was, now, gaze averted skeptically toward the ground beneath her, by now.

“Who, Kylie?” The other replied, and the first hummed as if to indicate that the figure aforementioned was the one who she had been referring to, previously. “Why wouldn’t they? C’mon, they would have seen her defenceless out there, and thought nothing of the consequences, right?” They reminded their peer, and the other would frown, before nodding gravely as Ellie awkwardly shuffled in place, feeling a lot more uncomfortable here than she did, before, her body beginning to ache a little again with the weariness still washing over her, from before. She had travelled a long way, after all - of course she still found herself tired, the way she was, now, but she couldn’t let it stop her, as she listened on, whilst - at the same time - she urged for the two to go on walking, so she could slip into your tent, and try to get a better impression of you, somehow.

“Yeah, but-” The girl began again, only to have her speculations shot down faster than any bullet could ever travel, before.

“She was a kid, Dianne,” the other reminded her dismissively, as if he just knew he was right, and that was the end of the argument, prompting Ellie to roll her eyes subconsciously in response to the peer’s arrogant personality.

“I know, I just-.. think of what it’d do to Y/n if she ever found her there, o-or - or had them tell her that they chopped Kylie up like their other unfortunate captives,” Diana continued, this time a little quieter as if she feared you’d hear the two of them. Of course you did; if Ellie could, right outside your tent, who was to stop their words from reaching your ears, too?

She wouldn’t be surprised, if that was why the second of the pairing - Chris, short for Christopher, by what she’d gathered earlier from Shalyla as well as general conversations going on around her since she’d even arrived here - led Diana away, leaving herself alone to her own thoughts again, all of them almost as lost as ever, now that you were linked to some other missing person, now - a kid, no less. She wouldn’t let her intrigue be stalled any longer, as she pressed herself to continue her journey, before she finally reached the front of your tent, and slipped through the part of the cover left undone, as if you couldn’t even be bothered to do up its zipper anymore.

XIII

By the time she’d got there, you were still awake; you’d heard something coming - you weren’t sure what it was. You were half hoping it would just kill you; take all the dark thoughts away, but when Ellie slipped through the bottom half of the tent flaps, you knew nothing would ever change, again. You just - well, knew. You raised your eyebrows, her straightening herself out as she brushed down the dirt upon her jeans, watching you cautiously as you scoffed, before you brought your left hand up to your face to wipe the last of the sleep from the corners of your eyes; it had been building up for a while, that much you could tell, by now. You hadn’t allowed yourself to sleep for a while; the nightmares only came back in more velocity than anything else ever had, before.

Ellie couldn’t help her expression softening, when she noticed how dark and sunken your eyes seemed to be, in the natural light of the moon.

“If you think you’re some sort of Houdini getting in like that, I think you should just leave now,” you remarked, your voice barely audible, and she couldn’t help, but grin in response to your comment, certainly finding it more than amusing, though she couldn’t exactly pinpoint why, at this point.

“You really don’t like me being here, do you?” She guessed, but you didn’t answer, not sure what to say as you slowly rose from your bed, before moving toward the stainless steel bottle you’d perched upon the makeshift cabinet opposite your bedside table, a small vase stood upon it next to a little black box she found much intrigue linked to, though she couldn’t imagine why, a guessing game starting within her mind as she tried to link objects that could fit within a container of such molecular size.

“Coffee?” You offered, and she would appear taken aback, before reluctantly meeting your gaze again as if she’d just reawakened herself to the world around her, wincing as soon as she noticed the expectant look hiding behind the dark orbs of your eyes before her.

“Who drinks coffee at an hour like this?” She questioned, in turn, and it was your turn to fight back a smile, bowing your head again as you poured yourself a cup of it, before setting the bottle back down in its previous place, and awkwardly shuffling as you tried to find another answer for her again.

“People who like to keep their wits about them,” you answered patiently, “even when their at their weakest.” Her eyes tracked you cautiously, as though you were a being unpredictable to her; a silent creature - no, a gracious hunter, tracking its prey, but she didn’t think of you as being one of the bad ones, despite not knowing you as much as she knew your sister, Shalyla, by now. “You ask a lot of questions,” you added a little more exasperatedly, before sitting heavily back down upon your bed, as miserable looking as it was; she could tell you’d hardly used it, and you feared this of her; how she was recognising such things and linking them to you, but you didn’t dare tell her to stop for fear of what it - in turn - would make her think, or expect of you, then.

“Is that a bad thing for you, or-? What’s the big deal, here?” She pried, and you grunted, but she knew through the bemused look upon your face that you were accusing her of doing it again, though it didn’t bother you as much as you seemed to make it out to do so, earlier.

“It’s not a bad thing, it’s just-..” you sighed, having to try and find the right words again to explain your thoughts and feelings on needless topic for her - you didn’t doubt it would soon become a recurrent thing between you both, if she ever decided to stay with you and the others in the near future, somehow, “it’s annoying, okay? That’s all.”

You frowned, recognising the impatient tone that had escaped you, only making you feel worse than you had, before; you didn’t like snapping at people like that, that much was clear, right now.

“Then it seems we both have a problem, right? If I do decide to stay, though I don’t know why I’d even bother to want to, right now - you know I’d still ask questions, don’t you? You’d want me to leave, as fast as I came, wouldn’t you?” She assumed, and you appeared thoughtful for a moment, perhaps considering such a anecdote for a beat too long than you should have, flashes of different possibilities flickering through your mind, but there was only one problem with that; Bianca was gone, and you'd never be able to see her again, now. It made your heart sink, slowly but surely, as your gaze subconsciously fell upon the little black box Ellie had taken much notice of, earlier, before you both had even started talking evenly, like this. Her gaze followed your's, and she grew ever intrigued by the situation at hand, here. "There's a ring in there, isn't there?" She guessed, and infinitely correctly before she even realised it, but you ignored her observation, pressing your lips together grimly, for a moment, before you - more suddenly than any movement you'd ever made, got up to press a small shiv to her bare neck.

She faltered as soon as it happened, unable to react quickly enough as you pressed her with your free left hand roughly against the cabinet behind you both, rattling it a little as you did, but it didn't last for long, you tensing up almost as soon as it stopped, and that was when she noticed the small tears clouding your vision; the pained, but unsuccessfully hidden, look on your face as you tried not to let your façade drop again, though it certainly seemed to have done so already, whether you were aware of it, or not, Ellie couldn't tell, looking back at you defiantly even as the blade lightly pierced her skin - the moment you remembered yourself, scoffed, and allowed the shiv to slip from your fingers before it fell down to the ground beneath the both of you, as you made to turn your back on her vulnerably all over again.

She could have grabbed the fallen blade, dug it into your flesh, and watched you bleed, but she couldn't bring herself to do so, still recovering from the moment, and the unusual spark she'd caught within your eyes.

“You’re right,” you managed a little more hoarsely as you picked up the little box within your hands, the index finger of your right brushing over the inscription upon the surface of the container, still gilded, but fading slowly over time. “Maybe we do have a problem,” you uttered, and she didn’t know what to for a moment as you turned back to her, your gaze briefly meeting her own again, before it flickered back toward the ground as if afraid of being trapped within her own bright, but nonetheless tired orbs - much like your own - somehow. “Maybe we always will,” you added a little quieter, and she narrowed her eyes as you seemed to offer up the box to her for a reason unbeknownst to her, as of this moment in time, “take it.”

“What-?” She continued, and you rolled your eyes in response, before pressing it closer to her, insistent upon the matter though it still hurt you to do so, somehow, as if you were still dreadfully attached to the ring even now that Bianca was gone.

“Take. It,” you repeated a little more firmly, and she couldn’t do it, shaking her head as she even eased the box back into your palms, before closing your fingers delicately over it.

“I’m not here to steal from you,” she stated gently, and you softened again, your heart skipping a beat, taking you aback as you winced, her smiling softly over at you as the moment began to feel unreal, all over again, “look, I-.. I know that things haven’t started out great between us, but I want to show you that you can trust me, okay?”

It was hard to just plainly say ‘no’ in response to her offer, her eyes somehow ensnaring you again as you tilted your head partially, wondering why you felt so lost again, but safe, all at the same time, as long as she were there before you - this-.. this more than confident stranger, who’d saved your life more than once, already. You sighed, before forcing your gaze away from her own no matter how difficult it was for you to do so.

“How am I supposed to do that, then?” You inquired, and - in a dumbfounding moment of peace, yet rippling confusion - Ellie meandered around your still sunken frame, before she sat down upon the edge of your cold bed, and patted for you to sit beside her.

Of course, you hesitated, but she expected that from you, at first, but she didn’t let it deter her, as she smiled kindly up at you again, before offering brightly up the words in a slither of apprehension, alongside some hints of trepidation: “let’s talk, and see how far we get, shall we?”

XIV

You’d never talked that much, before. At least, not in a few years, now. She listened patiently to every word, and you felt like a child again; actually at peace, and contented with yourself, but since the day of the Outbreak had taken place…

You didn’t notice the tears that escaped your eyes again, until one slipped slowly down your cheek, and you stopped talking for a brief moment to clear it away, not starting again until you felt you could, somehow, the feeling of her left hand resting upon your right shoulder encouraging you to continue, or was it just that you’d managed momentarily to fight the lump in your throat back, allowing you to speak all the more without it threatening to break you down again?

“It’s funny,” you mused, and she narrowed her eyes a little over at you, as if trying to comprehend your comment, but she didn’t dare interrupt, instead distracting herself by admiring a little freckle residing just underneath your right ear, “that things can change so quickly, isn’t it? One second, you think everything’ll stay the way it is; you won’t lose what you’ve built, or been gifted, and then - j-just-.. out of nowhere-.. everything seems to just-.. disappear, I guess.” You paused again, unsure of whether you should go on for fear of what she’d think of you, if you did, though you couldn’t imagine why you even cared anymore; things had been hurting non-stop, lately - if she wanted to pick up a gun, or the shiv you’d threatened her with half-heartedly earlier, she could, and you’d gladly allow her to end your miserable existence with either of them, maybe even both, somehow. You sighed, a shaky thing, and still she didn’t say a word, wanting you to be able to vent to her, but she guessed - at the same time - the sound of your voice was calming to her, and she feared that speaking up herself would mean she wouldn’t be able to hear it again like this, tonight, a thought she found disturbing, but nonetheless strangely warming, as she again allowed her gaze to fall upon your side profile, a faint smile playing on her lips as if it comforted her to know you were still there, and not rushing off again, somehow. “I still think it’s my fault,” you admitted a little dejectedly, and her heart sank a little alongside your’s as she shook her head subconsciously, though she didn’t yet know what it was you were attributing such a notion toward, the way that you were, now.

“What do you mean? What’s your fault, exactly? From what I’ve heard, you’ve done nothing wrong; the hunters took Bianca away, and where Kylie is concerned-”

“Don’t,” you interjected, a little panic-stricken, and she faltered, noticing the worried look upon your face; how your eyes widened as another tear managed to fall down from your chin, to your right hand. You winced, feeling it, and she frowned, not sure what else to do, though she wished there was more she could say, somehow, to convince you that none of what had taken place could ever be used to fault you. “You - You don’t understand, okay? Things have been-..” You cursed quietly as you got up off of the bed again, though it pained you to do so.

“I understand you,” she contradicted, after a further brief moment of silence had passed between you, and - though her voice was quiet, it was filled with a bold degree of certainty, “a few years ago, my best friend turned right in front of me; I couldn’t save her - I still think about that day.” You tensed up, reluctantly turning your head a little as you heard the bed creaking again; she had got up a moment after you, and you could almost feel that she stood a few paces away from you. It was unbearable, feeling as if you couldn’t breathe again, the way it had been whenever you and Bianca were together, before. “Do you think that makes it my fault? She saved me; if she didn’t, maybe things would have been-..” Ellie faltered alongside you, before she fought back the doubtful thoughts again; the accusations still residing within her, though she was trying to prove them wrong, for your sake as much as her own. “A little after that, I met this guy named Joel,” she continued, but it was hard to keep herself stable, her voice trembling a little more than it did, before, especially as you half turned to face her, a pained expression on your own face as you wished you could take the pain away from her, somehow, seeing it had impacted upon her a great deal much like your own had been doing even more so, now, “I thought-… I thought I finally had a father, and - and these people, they-.. they came, and they-..” She couldn’t take it anymore; couldn’t fight as hard anymore, as the tears came spilling down her own cheeks, as it seemed to grow ever harder for her to breathe, alongside their steady fall. “They took him from me, okay? They took him, and I tried to stop them, but-.. but they-”

You shook your head slowly, your heart aching fitfully alongside her own as you subconsciously inched closer to her, but you winced upon doing so, not sure what to do; you didn’t know if she’d want you to try and comfort her like that - why would she, if you’d both only just met one another earlier today? Why would you, in turn, even want to, then, not knowing her as long as you’d known the others; your own sister, and mother? You averted your gaze awkwardly, though it pained you again to do so for reasons unbeknownst to you, but soon she found it within herself to continue, no matter how much it continued to pain her to do so, like she did, then.

“The girl I loved back where I stayed with them,” she continued slowly, as though every word came from the suspension of agony, pronounced by the struggled and strained breaths that accompanied them, made everything within that moment in time all the more harder for the both of you to bear, as drew closer to breaking down further with each word, and you tried desperately not to through your arms around her again, “she left me too, and I should have seen what I was doing to her, but I didn’t, because I wanted to avenge him; I wanted to-.. to stop them all; to hurt them like they hurt me, and I tried - I swear I tried, okay? But it wasn’t enough; I didn’t kill all of them-.. Abby-..” She winced, reminding herself of the name she’d been cursing for so long, now. “I let her go,” she murmured a little more dejectedly, and your expression softened further as you glanced back up at her, somehow seeing more to her than you ever had before, the moment she’d first presented herself to you, “so don’t you dare try and say that I don’t understand you, because I do, okay!? You don’t think I go through every day, now, just - just wondering continuously what would have happened, if I did things differently? Huh? You don’t think that I’ve blamed myself before, for stuff like that? Well, you’re wrong, because I have; I’ve blamed myself every. Fucking. Day, for everything that happened, before, so please don’t just think that you’re alone in this, like I did, before, because you’re not alone, okay? Nobody is.” She fell quiet then, after her voice had cracked once more, her chest rising and falling quicker than it ever had, before, since she’d arrived here, as she tried to catch her breath; tried to keep herself together again, somehow. She failed, miserably, at that, but still she tried to keep that from you; safely at bay, just enough for her to muster up a few more words, though her entire body seemed to ache with the reminder of it all, somehow. “You know that, right?” She added, and you didn’t know what to say, for a moment finding yourself fighting back tears alongside her all over again, before you couldn’t fight it back anymore, and had your arms wrapped around her now shaky frame.

The next moment, she didn’t know what happened, but there was one thing she knew: she’d never felt this safe, before.

Since that moment, you’d both been practically inseparable, to the point that the others were starting to talk under their breaths about the two of you. You’d even heard, once, that rumours were going around about you being Ellie’s bodyguard, and-.. well, you didn’t know what to think about that, but the thought of losing her did make you tense up, and have to take a short moment alone to try and recover yourself for her, as well as the others - of course - somehow. Since these rumours had been circling, you’d both been a little more - private, with one another, only going together where you couldn’t be seen, though neither of you could determine exactly why you were doing so.

You determined that there was nothing to it; this whole-.. scenario, you mused, trying to fight back against the guilt that washed over you, whenever you were reminded of Bianca, again. Ellie, too, took on a similar approach, often reminded of Dina, whatever she was doing, now.

On one of the next cold evenings; she couldn’t determine which one, now, considering there has been a few, at this point, she leaned heavily against one of the tall oak trees, wondering subconsciously at the survival of such natural elements such as these, as well as the occasional bushes lining the area. You didn’t reveal yourself to her, at first, warily lingering a few paces away from her, the brambles aforementioned serving as a good hiding place, for you, though you weren’t sure what had even driven you to hiding, the way that you were, now, your hands shaking a little as you tried to think of what you could say, before you shrugged the fear away, and pushed yourself finally to journey toward her, trying to make as little noise as you could, wanting to see how she’d react if you did so, sneaking up on her the way that you were, now.

You wondered if she’d get mad at you - if she’d be pleased with you, but you were too out of focus to think for too long on any of the possibilities lingering before you, right now, getting ever closer to her with every small step you took, to get to this point in time. She couldn’t deny she’d not seen it coming; how you’d suddenly emerged behind her, before making a snarl-like sound to try and scare her, somehow, just a fleeting moment of what you felt comfortable enough to do around her, right now, especially after the moment you’d both shared with each other before in the safe confinements of your previously grim-looking tent, before.

“Shit-!” She whisper-shouted, as she whirled around to catch sight of you behind her, now laughing quite heartily as she rolled her eyes, though she couldn’t help it as a small smile fought to appear, and though she managed to restrain it just enough, the dimples still appeared despite the restraint, and it didn’t hesitate to make your heart stutter in your chest, as you acknowledged that you’d got her to smile, at least a little, as it hadn’t been something she’d done a lot in front of you, since her very arrival here.

You couldn’t help yourself, as you thought silently that you wished she would show it to you more often; the smile she tried to hide away from you, still, even after you’d both revealed so much to each other, before.

“Admit it,” you encouraged teasingly, after you’d managed to recover from the fits of laughter that had rolled over you, the way that they did, a brief moment ago, now, “admit that I managed to actually scare you, this time.”

“Fuck off,” Ellie remarked, after scoffing, but you raised your eyebrows, determined to win against her, somehow, “you did not scare me; I knew it was you before I even turned around.”

You grunted, as if generally frustrated by her stubborn protestations, but you giggled, all the same, still finding it funny, the way she fought for her cause, despite how you’d definitely caught the way she jumped, after you’d performed a make-shift - and hopefully Oscar worthy - snarl behind her, the way that you did.

“Yeah, right,” you commented nonetheless confidently, and the smile only grew upon her lips, though she’d done her best to try and subdue it, again, as if afraid of what you’d think of it, if she gave it away to you, too much, though she couldn’t imagine why the idea terrified her - all she could think of, was how she’d lost those she’d given up so much to, and how she didn’t want to make the same mistakes again, especially not now that she’d found you, and had found at least some form of happiness again, whether it would end up being temporary again, or not so inconsistent, she didn’t know, and - in some grim ways - she was certain she would never want to know, not where the two of you were concerned, the way that you were, now, somehow. “What are you doing alone out here, anyway?” You questioned, and she winced, keeping her gaze stuck to the ground beneath her as she awkwardly hugged herself to free herself of some of the cold around her, whilst also providing some amount of comfort to her nerves in doing so, not that she really needed it, but-.. it was nice to have, anyway - who could question something like that so readily?

No-one, she hoped; you certainly didn’t pull her up on it, and she thanked whatever she could for that aspect of you; your discretion - you didn’t have to question her on things you didn’t suspect her on, and - during times like these - she couldn’t be more grateful for that from you, at least - right now, anyway.

“If you’re really so concerned about my whereabouts enough to even follow me wherever I go,” she began a little more indifferently again, as you almost froze in response to her foundations of the question you could just feel on its way to a sharp arrival, the way that it was, now, she briefly lifted her gaze to look up at you again, and you couldn’t explain how your throat ceased up, feeling her eyes upon you, again. It was enough to make you want to turn, and make a run for it, before she could finish the accusation, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do so, even after the question had finally slipped from her lips, only to arrive delayed within your ears, the way you couldn’t deny it did, then. “Then I guess I should ask you, too, what you’re doing out here? I thought you were supposed to be on duty with your sister-”

“She let me stay,” you explained timidly, and Ellie raised her eyebrows in turn, evidently in disbelief of your previous statement, but you guessed you could understand why; you were often quite committed to the perimeter runs you all had to make together eventually, to clear the area of any straggling infected, as well as of any blood thirsty intruders who were blatant in their not meaning well for any of you, here. Thus, you knew she probably deemed this moment to be unusual for you, especially as you’d gone out of your way to stay just so you could be around her, like this. “Albeit reluctantly,” you added, after an exasperated sigh, and that made a bit more sense to her, grinning as she averted her gaze down to the ground again; she imagined it would have been an awkward conversation between the two of you, but she couldn’t imagine why you would have requested this of Shalyla, for her, or just yourself. She winced; the notion had come up so quickly - too quickly, that you would have done this for her, and she knew this could be her treading dangerously, and it didn’t exactly make her feel good about herself, especially after what had happened between her and Dina, before.

“So-..?” She began again awkwardly, but couldn’t bring herself to continue as she awaited a further response from you, hoping you could make the atmosphere clearer for her again, the way you had before, with your arms around her like they had been, at the time.

“So - I’m here, aren’t I? What? Did you want me to go?” You inquired, evidently curious as you narrowed your eyes over at her, as your heart pounded almost too fast against your ribcage to the point that it only left you all the more frustrated again, carrying out the way things were between you both, right now.

“No-!” She answered, as if taken aback by your assumption, and you raised your own eyebrows again, trying to ignore the flutter you felt within your stomach at her interjection - it could be that you’d just eaten something you shouldn’t have eaten, or whatever, anyway; there was no point in worrying about it too much - right? You felt a little more uneasy, then, but tried to hide this from your expression, focusing your gaze intently upon her own as she stammered for a brief moment, as if trying to find the right words to say again. “I - I just meant-.. I meant-..” She groaned, evidently just as frustrated - or more - than you were, even trying to shrug it off as she cleared her throat, and bowed her head back down, again.

“I know what you meant,” you reassured her gently, and she faltered upon feeling your right hand resting upon her left shoulder. For a moment, she found she couldn’t look away from you, her eyes stuck on your’s, and you didn’t know what to do, feeling your face growing warmer than it ever had, before. “Shit, sorry,” you began again a little quieter, before withdrawing your hand from her, though it made you both feel a little emptier as a result of you doing so, the way that you had. “I wanted to ask you something, but-..” You fell quiet again, everything feeling too warm around you as you tried to recompose yourself again, a pained expression on your face as soon as you gave in, not sure what you’d had in mind, anymore, the way you had it, before.

“Allow me to guess, then,” Ellie stated, and you felt a little less hopeless, watching as she pushed hearse off of the tree, a faint smile playing on her lips as she, too, tried to think of a reasonable thing that you may want to ask her for some reason unbeknownst to her; she never expected she’d be on completely the right lines, especially when it came to her first try of the makeshift game you two shared together, “let’s see-.. you - hm. Do you-.. wanna be my bodyguard, or something? I just feel like that’s something you’d wanna do don’t know why, so - y’know, correct me if I’m wrong - if I’m ever wrong, okay?”

“Actually,” you spoke up again, before she could make further guesses, “you’ll never believe this, but you’re right - I - I was thinking, and-”

“Wait, h-hold on,” she managed, and you faltered in place to anxiously look over at her again, “seriously? Of all the things you’d wanna ask me - that’s what you’re going with? Y/n-”

“What? You didn’t think I’d want to protect you, or something? I basically try and protect everyone here-”

“Yeah, but you’re not their bodyguards, are you? They’ve never referred to you like that, and you have never referred to yourself like that, before,” she contradicted, and you rolled your eyes, evidently growing to be frustrated again, especially when all you wanted to do was defend her, like you did the others; it didn’t exactly matter what they called you, you mused, so why start now? “C’mon, there’s got to be something else you wanna ask me - isn’t there?” She pried, and you shrugged, though there were things, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say any of them, to her; why would you, when they didn’t exactly matter, anyway?

“I just-.. thought-.. I don’t know,” you murmured a little awkwardly, “Ellie-”

A familiar snarl sounded out somewhere behind her, and you faltered, your eyes widening as soon as your gaze fell upon the Clicker a few paces away from you both, by now.

“Fuck,” she spat, the situation becoming sharply clear to her, only now, as she looked over her shoulder to see the enemy trying to seek the two of you out, somehow - slowly, but surely, anyway, despite its lack of sight over the years, “it must have heard us talking-”

“I’ve got it, don’t worry,” you reassured, but she took out her shiv anyway, moving cautiously to the left of you just in case she was needed, here, but you managed to take out the unfortunate being clean, except you seemed to forget that there would always be a straggler, wherever another straggler may go.

In this case, it happened to be a Runner who’d followed behind its companion, the way it did, just then, easily catching sight of you as you grinned sheepishly over at her, hoping - for a strange, brief moment - that maybe you’d impressed her, somehow. Maybe that was partly why you didn’t notice the other one, only hearing it when it was too late for you too so much about it, but luckily Ellie was way ahead of you where this one was concerned, throwing herself toward it before it could get to you, before she struggled with it for a little while, you not sure what to do as you helplessly looked on, stricken by a panic you’d never felt before, making it hard even to move, now, somehow, but she knew what she was doing, thrusting the Runner against the tree behind it, before she swiftly embedded the blade of her shiv into its bare neck, it beginning to gurgle as blood ran down from its mouth, and - of course - the wound.

You hoped you wouldn’t be blamed, if you looked away as she dragged the blade across the left and right of where she’d not cut it, yet, only making a slow, but sure death more likely than it had been, before. When she was finally done with it, she allowed the body to drop to the ground after retrieving her weapon, before she warily looked back at you, trying to catch her breath again as she did.

“Some bodyguard, huh?” She remarked, and you winced upon catching onto the sarcastic tone she’d adopted into her voice, as the comment was made.

You flushed a little, bowing your head as you tried to search for an explanation in regard to your previous behaviour. She didn’t need it, but she couldn’t help, but find the way in which you stammered over your words for a brief moment more amusing than the movements of the Infected attackers had been, a brief moment ago, now.

“I - I panicked, I-.. I don’t know what happened, I’m really-” You managed, but she shook her head subconsciously as she crouched before you, her expression softening all the more as her gaze met your own again.

“It’s okay,” she reassured you gently, “we all make mistakes, remember? You more than me, though, clearly.”

“Yeah, yeah, way to rub it in even more,” you murmured a little faintly, evidently embarrassed again, only making her grin even more over at you, to the point she couldn’t bring herself to fight it back much anymore, especially not around you, when things were finally more - at ease - between you both, now. You looked nervous again, even fidgeting with your fingers a little, as she cautiously looked around the two of you to make sure there were no more of the stragglers around, but she couldn’t say she saw any, or heard any, by now, for that matter. She expressed relief, before making to get up off of the ground again, when you continued cautiously, as if you were afraid of what she’d say, next, if whatever you had planned in mind came out wrong, somehow: “Ellie-”

It didn’t come out, at all. She offered you her right hand, and you seemed to tense up a little again, words forgotten as you stared at her offering for a little while, before allowing your gaze to meet her own again, somehow, without any panic befalling you whatsoever. Instead, it was replaced by a feeling of contentment, and the warmth that came with it, filtering in through your chest, back up to your face again; you only hoped she didn’t notice; that maybe the trees were enough to block the sun from making it all the more clearer to her that you had somehow found yourself beginning to blush, somehow, as she encouraged you to get up off of the ground alongside her, knowing the two of you probably shouldn’t stay out here for too long, for fear of discovery by all types of things, but - mostly - she wanted to ensure that you could both just - be, in the confines of a safe place together, where you could hopefully talk without interruption, somehow, and that was why she found herself leading you back toward your tent, all over again.

XVI

Of course, people talked when they saw the two of you, and you rolled your eyes whenever you heard them. Besides, nothing weird was going on, but they always made it seem like there was, somehow. Ellie kept her head low, as you asked those you passed nonchalantly how their days were going, before you both finally got to the flaps of your tent, and you held one of them open to get her inside.

“So - that was-” Ellie began awkwardly, as you said: “I’m really sorry-”

The both of you fell quiet, your cheeks flushing again as she winced, though a soft smile fought to play on her lips again in response to this development.

“You go first,” she offered, albeit timidly, and you raised your eyebrows, before you shook your head timidly, managing a wary smile up at her as you lifted your right hand up as if to offer the gesture back to her; the bandage made it a little difficult to do so, but she knew what you meant, and she hesitated, before deciding to accept your offering, though it made her feel guilty in a way, wondering what would happen if you spoke first, instead of her; where you both would be, now, together, but she tried to push it away, trying to tell herself it was probably just a stupid, small thing like her own remark turned out to be. “I was - er - basically just saying that it was - awkward, out there; tense - all those people - y’know,” she appeared a little embarrassed, and you frowned, before nodding gravely - it certainly had been, though you wished it wouldn’t be like that again; the way it was, when you and Bianca had started seeing one another more often than you ever had, before, in front of the others. It still made your shoulders slump a little, as your heart in turn sank from its original place, to think she was truly just-.. gone, now, no matter what; you never thought you’d lose her, like that, before, and so it just- “what did you want to say?”

You appeared taken aback, wincing as you recovered your train of thought, but it had never happened like that, before.

“E-Er-.. I just - wanted-.. t-to-.. shit,” you uttered, evidently a little panicked, and she couldn’t help, but grin sheepishly over at you, as though she saw past your panic with no trouble at all, her eyes glinting ever so slightly as she did.

Others would probably just tell you to snap out of it; things felt so - strange, today. Although, you couldn’t deny they’d been that way, since Ellie had first arrived here, the way that she did, before.

“Well, you know where the toilet is, right? Don’t do it in front of me - ever, okay?” She commented, and you rolled your eyes, though it was an effort to fight back the giggle that wanted to escape you, the way it did, then.

You sighed, before shaking your head gravely, and she tilted her head partially, her eyes narrowing a little curiously over at you as you tried to find the right words again, wishing the fluttering that began again in your stomach would dissipate as fast as it had come, but - to no avail - it stayed there, all the same, throughout this moment in time, for too many reasons unbeknownst to you, though the feeling was nonetheless familiar to you, at this point in time. Especially after what had taken place between you and Bianca, before.

“You know I didn’t mean that,” you mustered up, eventually, and she raised her eyebrows skeptically again, only making your face burn more as you kept your gaze stuck down at the ground beneath you, wishing you didn’t find it hard to talk to her all the time, whenever you were especially close to her, like you were, now. “I just-.. I wanted to say-..” You grunted, as if frustration was overwhelming you, by now. “Ellie-”

“Take your time,” she cooed gently, and you felt even more numb when you realised she was stood ever closer to you, her right hand resting upon your left shoulder again as her eyes now bore into your own, as if searching for something you yourself didn’t even know you could find there, somehow - it was almost like… she could see - everything, about you, all in the space of a few seconds, and you didn’t realise you’d neglected to talk, until she herself spoke up again, clearing her throat as if trying to regain focus herself, somehow. “Look, maybe-.. maybe you’re over-tired,” she mused, “have a nap?” The idea did sound quite appealing, actually, until you no longer felt her hand delicately squeezing your shoulder the way it did, before. “I can go, if you want me to-? I don’t want to interrupt, or anything, if-”

“No,” you managed weakly, and she faltered, her expression softening as she glanced back at you again, before she could even reach to open the tent flap up again, the way you had, a brief moment ago, now. “I - I just-.. shit, I’m sorry,” you began again, and the soft smile fought with Ellie’s conscience again, “okay, I think I know what I wanted to say before.”

She fully turned toward you again, curious as she awaited for you to continue, before she realised maybe you wanted her to prompt you to continue, first, though she couldn’t imagine why, you looking a little apprehensive as if battling yourself over whether she’d want to hear what you had to say, or not, somehow. Of course she had to appease you, smiling softly in your direction again as she directed you to sit down again beside her upon the edge of your bed, which you did so, with a further great reluctance, this time.

“I’m listening,” she reassured, and you warily smiled back at her, but it didn’t linger long upon your lips, before you’d averted your gaze again, fidgeting with your fingers as she wondered how bad this could possibly be, somehow, compared to what she’d had to say, earlier, in regard to the suspicious gazes of those probably eavesdropping, for all that the both of you knew, right now.

“It’s probably stupid, but-..” You began again nonetheless nervously, her listening patiently to every word again as you pondered, her focus never faltering, even when you found yourself stammering and stumbling over your sentences again, the way that you did earlier around her, as well. “I just-.. I wanted to say - I’m sorry,” you stated, and she looked confused again, but that didn’t prompt her to interrupt, her knowing better than to do so, especially when you made to continue again shortly after that brief moment, your eyes darkening a little as you thought back to Bianca all over again, “the others, if - if they’re making you feel uncomfortable, I can-”

“No,” she interrupted gently, and you appeared taken aback again, your heart skipping a beat as she rested her left hand softly upon your’s, and you couldn’t help it as you allowed your gaze to meet her own again, prompting you to have to fight back a shudder, though you weren’t sure why, a pained expression on your face as you kept your head low, again, knowing you couldn’t lose control of yourself - not now. Although, you did wonder what it would mean, if you just inched a little closer to her than you had, already. “It’s fine; they don’t make me feel anything like that, okay? Don’t worry,” she cooed, and you expressed relief, “to be honest, when I see them looking at us, I find it just-.. well, comical, I guess - it’s like.. they don’t know what to make of us; it’s hard not to laugh, whenever I think of them, and see them like that.”

You smiled softly back at her, evidently relieved as you looked back at her again, your heart pounding too fast the way it had been, before, though you weren’t sure why, and were scared - at the same time - you’d put everything together, soon enough, in regard to your feelings toward her presence around you, the way it was, now.

“Good,” you responded, and it relaxed her to hear how exasperated you sounded, whilst the smile still reflected through your voice, right now, suggesting you were at least more at ease, than you had been, a little earlier, by now, “that - that’s good.”

“It - It is, isn’t it?” She reflected alongside you, as she herself smiled a little more warmly back at you, though her heart stuttered in her chest as she did, somehow. Silence passed between the two of you again, and she felt her face growing too warm alongside your’s the longer her eyes were locked within your own bright orbs. She rubbed the back of her neck, managing a breathy ‘so’ as she tried to bring herself back to the moment in real time again.

You winced, realising you’d got carried away in her eyes again as you rolled your own orbs at yourself, before awkwardly clearing your throat, and bowing your head back down again.

“We should-.. probably-”

“Yeah,” Ellie agreed, reluctantly, as she made to get back up off of the bed again, though it made her feel emptier than before to do so like she did, then, “I’ll, er - I’ll see you tomorrow, again, right?”

“I should think so, considering I am your bodyguard, now, aren’t I?” You reminded her, the smile playing faintly upon your own lips again, alongside her own, now, as soon as she were reminded of your and her previous conversation, together.

“Oh yeah; the inexperienced bodyguard game,” she mused, and you pouted a little up at her, but she maintained her view, until she decided she couldn’t leave such a title in the air, anymore, “I’m just kidding - you know I am; you’ll get there, eventually - I know you will, even if takes you years to do so.”

She stopped before the tent flaps again, her heart jolting a little as soon as she heard you voice her name gently again.

“Tomorrow,” you began timidly, “we’ll be on duty together; Lyla’s okay with it, so-.. I was thinking, could I - show you someplace? I, er-.. I like going there to think, sometimes, and I was hoping maybe you’d like it there, too - it - it’a okay if you don’t want to - of course it is, I just-”

“I’d love to,” she reassured you, and you forgot how to breathe all over again, your eyes hopelessly locking with her own again, “you’d better get some sleep; I expect my bodyguards to be up bright and early for me, no matter how inefficient they may be, sometimes. Tomorrow, yeah?”

You expressed relief again, smiling a little sheepishly up at her, before you nodded, and managed to find your voice again, somehow, though it seemed it easily went away all over again, regardless, whenever you found yourself in the blessing of her presence, again.

“Tomorrow, bright and early,” you confirmed a little breathlessly, as if still trying to recompose yourself, somehow.

She appeared more at ease, again, though she hated the idea of having to leave you, the way that she did.

“Good,” she responded timidly, “I look forward to seeing you there.”

“I’m glad; I look forward to seeing you there, too,” you returned softly, and she lingered for a brief moment, trying to hide the pained expression on her face that came with having to leave you, the way that she knew she should, but she knew she couldn’t stay there all day, as she nodded her head faintly, before managing a quiet ‘night’, and pushing herself to leave, whilst the hurt process - for the both of you, this time - seemed to begin, dreadfully all over again.

XVII

You hardly slept, that night, tormented by old memories you’d made alongside Bianca, whilst your heart pounded too quickly against your ribcage again.

“Oh, c’mon,” you heard her say in your head, whining and appearing a little disappointed as you sat back down upon the edge of your bed again, finding yourself anxious that you’d only make things worse, if you tried to continue dancing with her, the way you had, then.

“I’m sorry,” you responded, the edges of your vision hazy as you imagined one another together, her arms around you as her eyes silently begged you to get up again for her, at least one more time, anyway, before you both had to go back home again to the others, like you had to do so as well - albeit nothing but begrudgingly, every time before, “look, maybe-.. maybe I’m just not graceful enough to learn this; maybe we should just-”

“We’re not going back home; not until I set this right,” she’d responded, that day, making it all the more harder to breathe as you’d glanced back up at her, nothing short of timidly, as if you were afraid of just making things worse, somehow, if you didn’t convince her to give up on you, the way you wished she would, now, before it could grow to be too late for her to do so, already, surely a prospect not too far away, at the time, “look-” You remembered how she’d sighed, sounding exasperated with the moment; how she longed to hold you close again, the way she had before. “Maybe you aren’t graceful, enough, or it’s the fact that maybe you just need to trust me enough to let me lead.”

You remembered how you’d smiled, then, as she’d offered you her right hand to help you back up off of the bed. How you’d then taken it within your left hand, before allowing her to spin you around as you’d advanced up before her. She’d giggled, then, and for a brief moment, you wished you could hear it again, somehow. That was when the angels came.

Your eyelids fluttered open again lazily, and everything was much too bright; the sun glared through the material of your tent, not strong enough to fight it back as you groaned, turning away from it, but it wasn’t enough to make the atmosphere any better, or easier to handle, for you. You grunted, raising your right hand up to your eyes to rub them; you didn’t notice the two of your companions, their shadows blurred beyond recognition, as of this moment, until they finally decided to speak up, and therefore startle you when you least needed them to do so, right now.

“Jeez - it looks like you had another of those rough nights, am I right?” Diana remarked, and you rolled your eyes upon recognition of her voice, a few paces away from you, by now.

“Hi, Diana,” you replied awkwardly, your voice straining a little aa you sat up, groaning as you did as if your back pained you as you stretched your arms upwards, trying to prepare yourself hastily for the day ahead of you, arrived much too soon, “what do you need, now?”

The girl appeared a little dismayed, as well as puzzled, looking toward Shalyla, as if the two had the ability to Shine with one another, somehow.

“You’re meant to be riding out with Ellie, today, remember?” Your sister reminded you gently, and - of course - Diana being Diana, couldn’t resist to tease you as best she could, to keep the dark parts of you away from hurting you again, somehow.

“More like riding on Ellie,” she remarked, and you tensed up, taken aback by her comment as Shalyla winced, trying not to giggle in response to her as you rolled your eyes, trying to hide that what she’d said had most definitely had some effect on you, no matter what it meant to do so; you didn’t dare think too deeply on it, shaking your head gravely, before you began to recall what you’d been planning on doing today; how you’d wanted to show her an old Campground of your fancy; you’d often felt quite safe there, at times, the parties the previous owners held being of a bright time for you and your sister, until - of course - Outbreak Day had come, deeming it no longer usable as long as danger were on the horizon, which it very much still was, now, no matter the talk of some distant cure you’d heard, over the years.

“Shit, okay,” you murmured, quickly getting out of your bed to try and get yourself ready as fast as you possibly could, trying your best to ignore Diana as much as you possibly could, though you couldn’t deny her comment had got to you, more than anything ever had, before, somehow.

“Wow, that was quick - right, Lyla?” She continued, and Shalyla awkwardly nodded, though she knew it would probably be inappropriate for her to begin heightening her own suspicions, as well, given that she could somewhat sense a connection between you and Ellie, especially the day after she’d first arrived, here.

“That it was,” she mused, and you rolled your eyes again, evidently annoyed at the both of them, by now.

“I wonder why-”

“Look, I don’t know what you guys are thinking, but-.. there’s nothing going on, between me and Ellie, okay?” You interjected a little sharply, but Shalyla knew you; she heard the hesitation in your voice; noticed how your expression softened when you spoke her name again before them. You sighed heavily, as the two of them shared a half-hearted look of knowing, though - at the same time - they didn’t exactly know what to think of the notion itself, at play here, between the two of you, now, especially after Bianca hadn’t been gone for long, by now, the way that things were. “I need to go,” you murmured, sounding a little more dejected than before as you meandered around the two of them, more than certainly avoiding their gazes, but you knew you couldn’t hide from them forever; you’d just have to deal with that fact, as you strolled resignedly toward the stable area, having to fight off - as you went, somehow - the painful memories of you and Bianca again.

XVIII

Ellie was already ready, and waiting for you to join her, guiding her mare slowly toward the edge of the clearing as you slowly approached, a pained expression on your face which you tried to hide, until you’d edged closer, and had to finally lift your head up to her again. She smiled softly, before waving over at you, and you timidly waved back at her, before jogging the rest of the way over to your black stallion, Gizmo. Christopher was holding the reins of his bridle, evidently waiting impatiently for you to get to the two, and once he finally saw you approaching, he kept the steed steady as you climbed on, hauling your right leg over and your foot into the stirrup, before you pulled the rest of yourself up, and steadied yourself within the saddle, thanking your assisting companion as he offered the reins to you again.

You could feel her gaze flicker over to you again as you winced, trying not to glance over at her, no matter how much you wished you could do so, right now, your heart skipping too many beats at a time as you kept your head low, and gestured with your right hand for her to begin the journey out, if she wished to do so.

“I thought you were going to be doing the leading, today?” She mused, and you rolled your eyes, forgetting yourself, as she subconsciously grinned in your direction, sensing the frustration rolling off of you, though she wasn’t yet sure what the cause of it seemed to be, during this brief moment in time.

“Sorry, I guess I’m just tired after-..” You sighed, before running your right hand over your eyes again, as if it would wake you up some more, somehow. “Whatever; last night was rough, that’s all,” you added a little more dismissively, and she raised her eyebrows, but didn’t have much time else to react, as you squeezed a little Gizmo’s sides, prompting the stallion to snort, before he began to walk toward the entrance of the forest surrounding the area, where the trails usually began, the way they did, here.

She winced, quickly easing her mare into a trot alongside you as the two of you - at first - briefly travelled in silence together, until she managed to bring herself to speak up again, knowing she should, given that the journey would be awkward, if she didn’t manage to do so, but at the same time, she couldn’t help, but find herself longing to hear your voice again, somehow.

“What’re you thinking about?” She inquired, curious, and you tensed up a little, but tried to ease yourself up again quickly, as to not worry the steed below you.

With great reluctance, you turned your head toward her, and she smiled softly again back at you, though she tried to keep it faint as best she could, not wanting to be too optimistic around you, though it was hard for her not to be, though she still couldn’t imagine why, somehow.

“Why would you want to know?” You questioned, not unkindly, and she fell quiet again for a brief moment, trying to find the right words to say again.

“Look - I can see something’s wrong; if you just talk to me, maybe-”

“There’s nothing wrong,” you interjected a little too sharply, and it even hurt you to hear it, especially when you noticed that she appeared a little dejected, now, alongside you, as if it had pierced her much too deeply for it to be a normal reaction, if you really didn’t mean as much to her as you feared you didn’t right now, still. You sighed heavily, and she warily glanced over at you again, wondering if maybe there was something else she could do for you, but she wasn’t sure; it still grew hard for her to read much of you, though she wished she could do so even more, by now, no matter what the situation at hand, here. “I just-.. it’s like I said earlier; I had a rough night, El - that’s all there is to it, now,” you managed, and she frowned, before nodding gravely in response to your half-hearted claim, the way that it was, then.

“Look, if you wanna go back-?” She suggested, and you winced, subconsciously gritting your teeth as you did; you couldn’t fathom the idea of having to turn back so soon, especially when a part of you was still eager to spend more time with her, somehow, without it appearing suspicious for you to want to do so, though you couldn’t imagine why anyone would view it in such a curious light as the others back at the camp were, now, somehow.

“No,” you managed, and she would appear a little taken aback again, though - in a curious way - it relieved her, however, her heart skipping a beat as she smiled down at the reins again, thinking about how nice it would be, if things weren’t so risky the way that they were, now. If things were right with the world again; or - at least - somewhat more peaceful, anyway. She dreamt of many things, but it always seemed like - especially now - they would never come true, no matter how much she wished they could, sometimes, especially now. “I have to show you this place; it - it always helps me, when I need to think about things; it should do the same, for you, and we’ll probably get the bonus of being able to take out the infected, whilst enjoying the sanctity of the area around us,” you insisted, and she appeared a little more at ease again alongside you, grinning a little back at you again as she wondered how she’d never noticed the way your eyes sparkled in the sunlight, before. “Is - Is that okay?” You asked, your voice suddenly - smaller, than it was before.

“Is what okay?” She inquired, appearing a little puzzled; she’d got too distracted by the glimmer in your colourful orbs, to take any notice of your previous statement, the way she had the ones that you’d voiced to her, before, until this brief moment in time, now.

You appeared skeptical alongside her, wondering what she, too, was thinking, but - nonetheless - you decided to answer her, anyway, knowing you shouldn’t think too deeply about it, the way that you had, then.

“Would you-.. still like to go to that site, with me? Y’know, if you’re up for it, and stuff - I just-”

“I’d love to,” she interjected gently, and you faltered as soon as her gaze met your own again, “you know I would - Y/n-”

“Good, that - that’s good,” you managed a little softer, as if you didn’t want her to hear you, then, as you kept your head low, trying to keep breaths even, and a sense of ease about you, but you found it difficult to maintain around her, though you couldn’t understand why, still, feeling safe around her, and as if you enjoyed her company more than perhaps you thought you should, the two of you only still recently acquainted, after all, at this point in time, “thank you; it - it means a lot to me - it really does, I promise.”

“Then I’m glad for it,” she added, in turn, “but we should probably hurry up; it’s getting a bit colder out here already, and I’m not sure, but I think I can hear some signs of undead life nearby.”

“Undead life?” You mused, and she grinned again, before shrugging a little sheepishly, and allowing a brief second for her gaze to fall upon you once more, the way it did, then, her heart beating much too quickly alongside your’s, but it didn’t stop her from buzzing at the feeling, all the same, especially not when you were with her, the way that you still were, now, and hopefully could for at least a little while longer, anyway.

“You know what I mean,” she answered in a vague manner, and you playfully rolled your eyes, before deciding to play dumb, though - of course - you knew what she meant; of course you did, especially when you heard the faint clicking and groans sounding out amongst the creaking of trees and shaking of brambles, nearby the both of you, the way that it was, now.

“Infected?” You took an uncertain sounding guess, and she raised her eyebrows in your direction again, but she didn’t bother to answer you, instead teasingly claiming you to be an idiot, before you protested playfully alongside her, the smile sounding out beneath your words all the while.

Again, you found yourself distracted in the good things that were still living, whilst she, too, began a replay of the dreams in her head, but it wasn’t until you’d both made it to the alternate campsite that she knew for a fact that maybe - just maybe, things could be okay again - for now, anyway.

XIX

You dropped down from your steeds’ saddle, first, admiring the area; it was standing well, regardless of all that had taken place, recently. You couldn’t deny, though, that you missed the way it was, before the events following Outbreak Day had taken place, the way they had, before.

“Ruby’s Inn Campground-?” Ellie read off one of the rotting signs in the area, before she - too - dismounted her mare, and jogged up to you, as your eyes perused the clearing.

“It’s a resting place,” you mused, and she raised her eyebrows over at you, before looking around her as if to check the two of you weren’t followed her; even if the area were as nice as you’d insisted it would be, that didn’t mean it was safe from any more - aggressive - disturbances. “So - what do you think?” You inquired, sounding a little nervous as she perched her rucksack upon a stump sticking out of the ground, bare and worn, weeds growing around its edges as if the wild were taking it over still, abandoned RVs and all.

“It’s - quiet, for sure,” she answered slowly, as if thinking of everything she could merit it for, though she’d seen many places, by now, and couldn’t bring herself to be much affectionate toward them, especially not after Joel had brought her to the Science and History Museum back in Wyoming, a few years ago, now.

“Makes it easy to think about things,” you added delicately, and she couldn’t help, but smile a little half-heartedly down at the ground again, not sure what it was exactly that brought such a reaction upon her, however. Sometimes she wished it would stop; that she could just run away again - maybe it would be better if she did; she could go back to Jackson, try and sort herself out again, but there were so many things telling her she should stay; that things wouldn’t get any better, even if she decided to return the way she had thought of doing so, a brief moment before, now.

“It’s also-.. certainly - well.. peaceful, I guess, but-”

“You don’t like it?” You guessed, trying to hide that it had dejected you a little, to think in such a manner, the way you had done, then.

“Of course I like it,” she contradicted, but it sounded strained, and you knew you shouldn’t have wasted her time, wincing as you gave the clearing an almost apologetic and forlorn look, as if you intended to move back onto the original trail again sooner, rather than later, but she couldn’t let this moment end so fast, catching your right arm within her hand as you tensed up again, your heart pounding too fast again as soon as you felt her skin against your’s. “Hey, I didn’t mean to say that I wanted to go so fast, did I? Let’s stay and have a little look around for a while, shall we?” She suggested, and you appeared a little more at ease, your eyes glinting back at her as you beamed softly in her direction, somehow making it harder for her to breathe as soon as her eyes locked with your own again, somehow, without her feeling lost within herself, again, as well as guilty over Dina; what had come before, between the two of them, in comparison to where she was now, with you, wondering where everything would start; how it would undoubtedly end all over again, in the near future, most likely.

She sighed a little shakily, before clearing her throat awkwardly, and averting her gaze as fast as she possibly could, though it pained her somehow to do so, by now.

“I - I’d love that,” you managed, trying not to allow your voice to tremble, and she expressed relief, then, the guilt that had flooded over her a brief moment ago soon faltering as she beamed sheepishly over at you, before offering you her right hand to hold, which you accepted from her, without hesitation.

You were certain you would have lost control of yourself; your senses, right then and there, before her, though you weren’t sure what you’d do, startling yourself a little as you thought to glance down at her lips, your heart pounding on much too confidently as her eyes grew a little lighter alongside your own, somehow, before she gave your hand a gentle squeeze, and eased you out of your tight consciousness: “where would you like to start, first?”

“They used to host parties, here,” you recalled slowly, “even before the Outbreak got-.. well-.. really bad. I guess they did it to boost morale, sometimes; things felt so low, so slow; time just seemed-.. redundant - it still does; of course it does, with everything still-.. y’know.” You sighed a little exasperatedly, and Ellie wore a thoughtful expression upon her soft facial features, not daring to look over at you again after it had made her feel too much all at once, again, the way it did, a brief moment ago, now. “Anyway, there were some really fun times here,” you added a little more timidly, as if embarrassed at yourself for not stating that generally, before.

It was then she couldn’t resist a faint glance over at you, noticing the pained expression on your face, as if you were still plagued by such memories playing within your head, at a recollection of such a place as this one.

“Not so fun, anymore?” She guessed, and you tensed up a little, prompting her to wince slightly in response to your reaction, as if you’d been struck by a crowbar all of a sudden, an evident and unseen strength to her words that she now wished she could take back faster than she’d even said them, then.

The silence that befell the both of you didn’t last for long. You managed a weak smile over at her as if to console her, only making the achey feeling worse within her, though she couldn’t imagine why; you being in pain seemed to be enough to pain her, by now, even though it had only been for a few days that you’d both known each other, by now.

“You could say that,” you answered truthfully, returning your gaze to the bare sight that lay before the both of you, the way that it did, now, “things-.. just haven’t been the same, since-..”

You sighed heavily again, and she didn’t dare question what was going through your head, right now, knowing it wouldn’t be appropriate - nor would it even be easy - for her to do so, given the way it made her feel, to see you so dejected as you were, a brief moment ago, now. Instead, she decided to think on what the parties might have been like, having never been able to attend one, herself, before.

“Did you dance?” She asked, her voice a little quieter, but nonetheless sheepish and playful, as the two of you continued to walk slowly side-by-side around the wild RVs left behind, by now.

You appeared puzzled, at first, by the question, side-eyeing her slightly for a brief moment as you tried to figure out what she could mean, until you finally decided to give in, not in the presence of enough awake mental capacity to figure it out for yourself, right now, especially not after the night you’d found yourself having, a few hours ago, now.

“Did I what-?” You replied, none the wiser, and she couldn’t help, but playfully roll her eyes in response to your own question, before she teasingly nudged your right arm with her left elbow just to ensure that you knew she didn’t mind your previous state of sheer dumbness and part ignorance, as presented within you, before.

“At the parties you went to,” she clarified, and you then understood completely, your heart sinking a little again as you tried not to let the pain reach your eyes again, no matter how much it wanted to do so, right then and there, Bianca filling your mind and soul again, the way she had, so many times before, now, “did you dance at them?”

“Not much,” you answered vaguely, and she appeared half-bewildered; half-exhilarated by such a response as that one was.

“‘Not much’? Are you kidding me, right now? Y/n-”

“Okay - not a lot, then,” you corrected yourself half-heartedly, as she raised her eyebrows again, but you continued before she could protect anymore than she already had, a brief moment ago, now, “I guess I just-.. I never really cared for dancing as such, okay? I’m not even that good at it, anyway.” A soft smile seemed to play on your lips, but she didn’t need to ask why, before you continued on a little softer than you did, before. “Bianca-.. she-.. tried to teach me, sometimes,” you added, and Ellie’s expression softened again at the way your voice seemed to tremble a little, sounding a lot more strained in will than it ever had, before, in all the times she’d ever heard you speaking, before now, “that’s how I met her. I-..”

The smile collapsed almost as fast as it had come, and her heart sank alongside your own, a pained expression on your face again as she tried to think of the right words to say that could try and bring you back to her, somehow.

“You haven’t danced, since then?” She guessed gently, and you seemed a little frustrated with yourself, smiling sadly back at her, before shaking your head a little faintly as if it were hurting the very core of you to even move, at this point.

“There’s-.. not been much point in trying, anymore, since we-.. yeah,” you murmured, and Ellie knew the feeling, nodding gravely alongside you, before a perhaps risky idea struck her hard in the face, and she suddenly found herself wielding a lot more energy than she ever had, before.

“Then.. why don’t you try and dance again, now-? Maybe it would be easier - who knows? You might even enjoy it more-”

You scoffed, and she tilted her head partially over at you, standing her ground as you shook your head, wondering why she’d even think something like that, right now.

“You seriously think I’d want to do that, again, after everything I’ve told you, today?” You murmured, and she shrugged, unperturbed, before nodding as if she weren’t afraid of what you might say in response to her doing so, right now, your connection to Bianca, and all that playing quite an overbearing prominence, here.

“Yeah,” she answered simply, “why not?”

“El,” you uttered a little exasperatedly again, and she watched you keenly, though still with an expression of solidarity, alongside sympathy; she understood how you felt, losing Bianca the way you had, as well as your little sister, and she then knew - of course she did - how difficult it was to go on with life after such occurrences, but she didn’t want you to lose sight of the things that made life seem more-.. full, sometimes, regardless of the losses you can have, sometimes.

“Look,” she began slowly, her eyes expressing caution, as well as concern, as she held your hands carefully within her own, blocking your way forward as she tried desperately to restore your faith in what was lost, somehow, all whilst she found herself wishing more than anything that she could do the same for herself, after everything that had come down upon her before this moment in time, by now, “I know it’s hard, but-.. you can’t give up on what makes you whole, okay?”

“Ellie-”

She didn’t heed your interjections, eyes full of a new determination you’d never seen flare up within her, before, the way it did, now, eyes still locked confidently and contently with your’s, to the point it got hard for you to breathe in their wake, all over again.

“I didn’t know Bianca,” she began again sharply, but her voice didn’t grow less soft than it was, now, only making it harder for you to not break yourself down, all over again, especially before her, when her eyes were seeking something deeper than what she could determine on the surface of your gaze; she was trying to breach even your soul, perhaps, and sometimes you feared it was working, and much too quickly, at that - perhaps that was what Shalyla and Diana meant, when they’d made the comments they did, earlier, “but I know enough to determine that you both were close, okay? I’m sorry for what happened; I’m sorry I didn’t come and help you guys fight any earlier than I did-”

“What? Ellie, that’s not-”

“But she wouldn’t want you to give up on the little things you both loved to do, the most,” she concluded even softer, and that was when you gave in, faltering as though you knew she was right; Bianca probably hated you right now, for the way you’d been acting, recently - dejectedly; typically broken apart since you’d realised she was just - gone, the day you’d first met Ellie, the way you did. You cursed a little shakily, and she smiled apologetically over at you, as if still afraid that maybe her approach wasn’t as good as she’d thought it might be, a brief moment ago, now. “So, what do you say? Am I right, or-? Am I right?” She inquired, and you hesitated, surveying her a little skeptically, albeit with a somewhat warm gaze, as your heart beat steadily alongside her own again.

“Jesus, Ellie,” you murmured a little timidly, again, as if frustrated, but she somehow knew you better than that; she knew you didn’t mean it in a bad way, just perhaps in a oh-my-god-why-is-she-so-persuasive-way.

At least, she hoped that that was the case here, anyway, considering the situation at hand, here.

“C’mon,” she complained, almost whining, and certainly pouting over at you as you rolled your eyes again, before shrugging in a dumbfounded manner, and questioning your existence as you took a long time - somewhat purposefully, at least, just to get her to react some more, the way that she was now, practically begging for you to give in to her, at this point, but still you wouldn’t give, only making her all the more impatient, as well as frustrated, alongside you, but you weren’t so quick to give in like that, before you spoke up again, wanting to at least know why she was so eager to see you dance again, all of a sudden, the way that she did, now.

“Why? Ellie-”

“Okay; I guess I get why it would sound weird, or pointless, but-.. I’ll put it this way; I want to dance with you; you - you could maybe teach me some things, if you want?” She suggested, and you groaned, evidently finding the idea nothing short of a hassle, at this point in time.

“I don’t need to dance with you, El,” you reminded her a little more matter-of-factly, but she didn’t stand down, only grinning all the more as she watched you with an all-knowing gaze, as if she could see right through every part of you. It was humbling, nonetheless, the way she could see you, like Bianca could, before. Your heart stuttered again, and it was hard enough to hide it, the way you tried to do so, right then and there again. “I’m your bodyguard now, anyway - remember me?” You asked a little more dismissively, and she rolled her eyes, before uttering ‘boring’ under her breath, but the lift of her lips’ curves told you she didn’t mean it - of course she didn’t; not anymore, anyway.

“Sure, but that doesn’t change a thing,” she stated plainly, as you tried to seek an easy way out of this, but - at the same time - part of you wondered if an escape was what you really wanted, especially when she were here with you, the way she was, now, “yes, you’re my bodyguard now, and guess what that means? I expect you to guard me at all times-”

‘Even on the dance floor,’ you both concluded, and you sighed heavily, wondering how you’d even found yourself here, at this point, with her still beaming expectantly over at you, eyes aglow with things you wished you could decipher as easily she seemed to be able to do so, everything a part of you, despite your only recent acquaintance, here, at this point in time.

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this, but-” you sighed again, as you awkwardly rubbed the back of your neck using your right hand, what looked like a faint blush invading your cheeks and earlobes as you tried to avoid her gaze again, only to fail miserably as you did, somehow drawn in by every glimmering part of her being, effectively ever since you’d both first met one another, only to gather you enough to give into her completely with a lot more ease, as you grinned stupidly back at her, and couldn’t help the words as they steadily escaped your lips, and much too brightly - “where should we start?”

XXI

You weren’t expecting it to go the way it did; weren’t expecting how she learned as fast as she had to do what you could remember, your heart pounding too fast the whole of the way.

“You’re a natural at this,” you remarked, and she appeared a little embarrassed, as if she were still trying to hide something from you, but you could tell it wasn’t something fatally serious, as her lips curled up at the edges a little into a soft and sweet smile.

You couldn’t think much during that moment; you just noticed the way your heart slipped a beat, especially when your gaze tried hard not to fall upon the smile the way it wished to do so, a brief moment ago, now.

“Yeah, well, you’re clearly an excellent teacher,” she claimed, as the two of you warily kept hold of one another, feeling much too close together, without being able to part any further than you wondered if you should, right now.

You narrowed your eyes a little, even raising your eyebrows in her direction as you tried not to give into her too quickly, all over again, the way you had before.

“Possibly,” you agreed half-heartedly, though you knew you weren’t as good as she was making you out to be; Bianca had often tried to flatter you, as well, even when you accidentally stood upon her toes, at times, “or-” Her easy demeanour seemed to falter again. “You already know how to dance, and this is just an excuse to dance with me - what do you think, El?” You inquired, and she looked speechless for a moment, as if trying to find a way to escape this situation, somehow. “Don’t worry about it; I appreciate it, anyway,” you soothed, and she expressed relief, though she wished it didn’t flatter her as much as you had managed to, like you did, then, a roll of goosebumps prickling along her arms as you twirled her a little, and she warily followed your lead.

“Where did you learn how to do this, anyway?” She pried, and you winced, as if it were your turn to be embarrassed, now, somehow.

“You really like asking questions, don’t you?” You returned, and she appeared taken aback, remembering how Joel had once commented upon her inquisitive nature, a few years ago, now, before he’d taken her away from the fireflies the way he did, then. She still felt guilty for that, sometimes; the way she’d reacted to it, but she still found it difficult to think about how he’d lied to her like that, the first time she’d questioned such a rescue. “El-?” You continued gently, and she winced, realising she’d faltered in her step, before she managed to recompose herself again, and managed a faint apologetic smile over at you somehow.

“Sorry, I just-.. I don’t know what happened, I’m sorry - am I doing it right, now?” She inquired, and you tried not to ponder too much upon what might had crossed her mind the way it did, a brief moment ago, now.

“You’re doing it perfectly,” you reassured her gently, and she expressed relief, evidently glad, though she wished she could try and hold back the vulnerability you managed to pry out of her, “and it’s probably not that interesting, but - to answer your question - I learnt this in a violent assassin cult out in the Alps; it was part of our control regiment.”

Ellie raised her eyebrows, evidently surprised as she tilted her head partially, the glint in your eyes somehow appealing to her as being not entirely a truthful one, right now.

“Seriously?” She replied, and you - in turn - grinned sheepishly over at her, before shrugging your shoulders vaguely, prompting her to roll her eyes playfully, before she gently punched your shoulder, prompting you to giggle barely audible as she shook her head, tilting her head partially over at you as she awaited your true knowledge, genuinely curious to hear more about your own experiences, especially seeing as you seemed to understand her a lot more than some other people she’d met here ever had, before.

“It’s true,” you insisted, not very convincingly, as she snorted, before uttering ‘you dick’ as she had to try and stifle her own rising giggles, in response to your own, alongside her.

“C’mon,” she whined, evidently eager to know, no matter how boring the truth might be, in this case.

“Fine - you caught me,” you gave in as you timidly smiled over at her again, before warily averting your gaze as if you were afraid of allowing a wrong look to show; to grow too obvious, though you feared - at the same time - it wouldn’t make a difference, at this point. Not when you’d both caught one another looking at each other like that, before. “That wasn’t true-.. well, no - it feels like it was close to the truth, anyway, but admitting that my mother forced me into dancing lessons is so dull, isn’t it?” You guessed, and she raised her eyebrows, grinning over at you, in turn, as she hesitantly made to wrap her arms around you, again.

“It’s good enough,” she reassured you, before silence befell the both of you, as your eyes locked with one another, hearts pounding too quickly again.

“El,” you managed slowly, and she appeared nervous again, even as you allowed yourself to return her embrace, the way you did, then.

“You know anymore moves, at all? You are the teacher, remember?” She reminded you, but the smile never left her face all the while, though it seemed a little more weak, this time.

You couldn’t help it, as you giggled softly again; you couldn’t deny that it felt good, being here with someone again, like this, but it didn’t stop the faint ache that eroded you down gradually slowly, over and over again.

“Look, if this - if this is just an excuse to get close to me, I quit,” you remarked, and she raised her eyebrows again, though it amused her to see you a little more flustered than you were, before; the blush that invaded your cheeks again, somehow, after she’d raised her right hand timidly up to your left cheek, now warm with the blood that pulsed just beneath her palm.

“No excuse, don’t worry - besides,” she continued a little more brightly, as if anticipating what it could mean for you both, being able to be this close to one another, by now, “if I want to get close to you-” She inched even closer, and you tensed up even more within her arms. “I could just go somewhere people will shoot at me, and then wait for you to shout at me for doing so,” she speculated, and you winced - in turn - knowing she was right.

“Fair enough - so, what do you want to-?” You both faltered, hearing the click of a gun a few paces away from you, but it was too late to react to it, the bang sounding out before either of you could even open your mouths to speak, or shout, and she didn’t know what to do for a brief moment, time seeming to slow down and blur around her, as soon as she noticed the blood beginning to pour down from your right side.

XXII

Once the gun-shot had rung out, you didn’t know much of anything anymore. You’d felt the bullet; you didn’t need to look down and see the blood slowly beginning to pour out from where it had sharply penetrated you. You remembered Ellie holding you; saying your name, then shouting. But after that everything got-.. hazy.

You imagined you were back in Bianca’s old apartment, warily watching her as she poured you a generous glass of white wine.

“That much?” You remembered saying, and she grinned sheepishly over at you, a mischievous glint forming within her eyes as she offered you the glass, and you keenly accepted it from her, no matter how nervous you truly were, knowing that if you got drunk now, what might you end up doing before her, and how would it impact your relationship with her, as close as it was, now, after everything that had taken place recently, especially with your little sister going missing not too long ago, now, and all.

“What? You scared of having a little fun, now?” She teased, and you winced, before awkwardly shaking your head, as she smiled sweetly over at you, your heart skipping a beat at a time again. “Drink up; you need it - no, you deserve it, especially after-.. y’know,” she cooed gently, before she winced a little herself, and cleared her throat a little regretfully, busying herself with her own portion, now.

You sighed heavily; you didn’t want people to think they should pity you, or Lyla, for what had happened; you knew it was your fault, and being given sympathetic glances as opposed to spiteful ones didn’t exactly make life any better than the way it was, before this moment in time.

“Why did you bring me here?” You asked a little blankly, avoiding her gaze as she dejectedly, as well as warily, glanced back at you, a pained expression residing upon her face again.

“Your mom, she - she asked me if I could-”

“Great - no, fuck this,” you uttered, but she blocked the door a little exasperatedly before you could get up and flee from her again, and you faltered as you lingered timidly before her, your eyes darkening a little as she tried to catch her breath, as if your closeness to one another had knocked the life source out of her chest, somehow, the way it did, then. “B-”

“She wants the best for you; you know that,” Bianca explained gently, “Y/n, look at me-”

“Can you please just-”

“No - look at me, and then maybe I’ll consider letting you leave, okay?” She bargained, and you groaned, before begrudgingly allowing your eyes to lock with her’s, all over again.

You’d never felt so small before; her eyes were whirlpools of green, flecks of brown, and sometimes you wished you could live within them forever, if only she’d let you, and you had the courage to ask her if it wound be possible for you to do so, somehow. She warily lifted her right hand up to your left cheek, and you tried not to shudder, goosebumps swarming your arms; you were glad you’d decided to wear a shirt, that day, rather than one of your old vests that always seemed dirty, no matter how much you tried to clean them, after a few more further scuffles as you seemed to encounter now, almost every day, here.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she insisted, and you almost yelped at the way the words rolled over you, but you managed to swallow it back, your face feeling numb, and tongue feeling heavy as tears began to invade your own whirlpools again, somehow.

“Don’t,” you warned softly, your voice briefly trembling, and her heart sank at how strained your voice sounded, as if you were in danger of breaking down again, if she pushed any further than she had, already, but she couldn’t let you go on like this; she hated it, seeing the way it seemed to burden you, every day, since the moment the accident had taken place, or kidnapping - whatever it was that had happened to her, the way it did, before.

“Please,” she begged, and you fell quiet, your eyes warily searching her own as she winced again, and tried to swallow the lump that was beginning to form within her own throat, the way that it was, now. “Nobody could have known what was going to happen that day - you know that, right? Y/n-”

“What did my mom ask you to do?” You asked weakly, though you cursed yourself for it, as she frowned again, before bowing her head a little, and releasing her hands from you again.

“She just-.. asked if I could try and distract you for a little while - that’s all,” she reassured you gently, and you nodded gravely - of course you believed her; you’d believed everything she’d ever told you, before this moment in time.

“Well, I think you’ve done a good enough job of that already, so-”

“No, I haven’t,” she contradicted confidently, and you grunted as she held you back from the door leading back out into the too-long and eternally dark hallway, “look, I said I’d be happy to let you go earlier easily, but I’m not - not until you crack a smile for me, at least. Can you do that, for me?”

You couldn’t deny you tried, but it didn’t exactly do much to fight your corner. Begrudgingly, at least.

“Not like that,” she remarked, evidently frustrated, but it didn’t stop her from smiling timidly over at you, again, though it pained her to do so, whenever it resulted in a pained expression flooding over you, on your part of the warm exchange, “I want a genuine smile, okay? And neither of us are leaving here today, until I get one - understood?”

You sighed, and she grinned from ear to ear again, her eyes glinting as you shuffled awkwardly upon the spot, wishing you could just disappear already, if it meant you could curl up and die somewhere much further away from here.

“B - this isn’t-”

“Am I understood, or not, Y/n?” She pried, and you rolled your eyes again, before begrudgingly deciding to give in again, knowing that maybe you should do so, just to make her happy, if it did end up making her happy, anyway, by the end of the day, long as it felt, right now.

“Yes, boss,” you murmured a little exasperatedly again, “so - what do you wanna do, exactly? Or what did my mom suggest we do here, today?”

“She wants me to teach you some things,” she answered vaguely, her eyes glinting even more as she did, your heart skipping a beat painfully as you couldn’t help, but scoff, as a smile fought to show as she took a sip from her own glass of wine, before she leaned a little apprehensively against the bar behind her, again.

“So, let me get this straight,” you began again slowly, as if trying to keep your demeanour precise, no cracks left on show, anymore, the way they had been, before, in response to her attempted consolidation of your self-determined well-deserved demons, “my mom wants you - my personal bodyguard, and kinda best friend - to teach me some things, that aren’t - I’m assuming - anything to do with killing Infected, or those hunters?”

“That’s right,” she answered a bit too brightly, and you raised your eyebrows even further, somehow.

“So we’re not going to be doing what we’re supposed to be doing, basically? We’re just going to be-.. procrastinating, or-?” You guessed, and she scoffed, before rolling her eyes playfully in your direction, only flustering you even more as you winced, and timidly hid your face from her again, but that didn’t mean she missed how embarrassed and slightly red you had found yourself appearing, in response to her previous reaction, the way you did, then.

“I wouldn’t call it procrastinating,” she mused, as she swirled her wine a little, before gesticulating her head toward your own as if to remind you of its existence, given that it was still standing quite alone on the bedside table, the way it was, now. You grunted again, this time more frustrated at yourself for being so negligent again, as you lifted the glass off of the surface within your left hand, and hesitantly raised it up to your lips. The liquid wasn’t quite sparkly - perhaps it had been sitting for a while, the last time it had been here. You couldn’t help, but appreciate it anyway, the sharpness taking you aback as you even spluttered a little at the taste, but once it had settled, you couldn’t help, but drink more, your eyes brightening a little as soon as it had started to get the better of you, the way it seemed to be doing so, by now. It pleased Bianca, to see you enjoying such pleasantries again; you’d been a lot more - subdued, since what had happened, before; it had hurt her to see it, more than anything ever had, since that moment in time. It was nice - being like this with you again. It had been, since she’d first met you. She smiled to herself a little as she thought about that fateful day; how your eyes glinted as soon as she had spoken to you, once her sister had introduced the two of you, a few years ago, now, after Outbreak day had officially been announced, before. “It’s not procrastinating to keep yourself healthy and happy, especially when it comes down to things like - well, drinking and dancing, I guess,” she hinted, and you faltered, feeling cold all over at that; you wondered if you should just get up and run now, before you embarrassed yourself in front of her even more, somehow.

“Wait-”

Bianca pouted, noticing the worried look currently residing upon your face again, the way it had, earlier, after she’d brought up your mom’s intentions again, the way she had, before.

“C’mon - it’s not like I’m gonna shoot you; it’s just a bit of fun, okay? Don’t get so panicked over it-”

“How am I supposed to do that, when I don’t know how to dance? Like - at all?” You questioned, sounding a lot more breathless than you did before. You also looked like you wanted to be sick, as if you wished to force the words back down where they came from, but it was far too late for that, now - even you knew that, no matter how much such a fact harrowed you down to the bone, especially when presented in front of her, the way that it was, then.

“Wait, what? You don’t know how to dance?” She mused, looking like it was hard to not burst out laughing right now, no matter how much she wished to do so, right then and there, at such a revelation.

You sighed heavily, before bowing your head again, wondering how much mercy she would have on you, right now, if she could have any, at all, knowing that about you, the way that she did, now.

“Don’t look at me like that, okay? I sign your pay check, remember?” You reminded her timidly, avoiding her gaze like the plague, though you could still feel her eyes boring into you, the way that they were, now.

“And you won’t stop, no matter what, will you? I’m the one keeping you safe right now, aren’t I? Anyway, the one thing I can promise you right now, is that I won’t laugh, okay? Just - explain. You’ve been going to those campsite parties with me for years, now, and you’ve never learned how to dance?” She questioned, and you rolled your eyes again, wishing she’d just drop it; you didn’t like to be reminded of things like that, especially when they could hopefully be easily rectified, anyway.

“You’ve never noticed?” You pried, and she winced, before shrugging truthfully, because she genuinely hadn’t, at all; she’d often found herself more immersed within the experience - or, failing that, in you, but that didn’t mean she’d noticed your lack of a dancing spirit. “I guess that’s understandable,” you mused a little worriedly, before trying to inject a little more brightness into your voice again, “we both know that I’m excellent at coming up with excuses for things, anyway - right?”

She appeared a little skeptical, but you didn’t have time to react to her doubtful look, as she sighed exasperatedly, before pushing herself off of the bar, and offering you her now free and softly enticing hands.

“On your feet, then - it’s time for you to learn, if anything,” she decided, as you warily glanced up at her offerings, prompting your heart to pound much too fast against your ribcage again. “C’mon,” she encouraged a little impatiently, but nonetheless amusedly, as you brushed off the fear that tried to shake you, picked up your drink again, and allowed her to help you up off of the edge of her bed once more. She giggled, noticing the way you almost fell forward, as if you were tipsy already, despite still having a relatively half-full glass left. She didn’t know how she’d done it, but she’d almost finished her own glass, already, but she knew she should try and drink it slowly, wanting to keep herself responsibly mindful for her sake, as much as your own.

“So, how - how do we-?” You began, as you tried to recover from a burst of giggles that had awkwardly escaped, as if trying to relieve you of the embarrassment you’d faced, falling upon her like you had, a brief moment ago, now.

“First of all - stop stepping on my feet,” she advised, and you winced, shifting your ground again as you apologetically smiled up at her again, but of course she’d already forgiven you - how couldn’t she, when you’d been the centre of her world for so long, now?

“Yeah, well - you put your feet under mine, B - what did you expect to happen?” You teased her gently, your eyes locking helplessly with her own again, to the point that you couldn’t quite get yourself to look away, anymore, especially when you both were this close, your bodies almost brushing together as one, the way that they were, now.

“I only did that because I had to; you were gonna fall on your face if I didn’t - you realise that, right?” She reminded you, and you appeared a little flustered again, but not just because of her statement; it was the feeling - her hands running up your back a little. It was so hard not to shudder again, you having to try and think of other things just to stay calm, and not break down that easily in front of her, no matter how much you wanted to, during moments like these that you both found yourself sharing, the way that you were, now.

“Yeah, but-”

“No buts,” she interjected gently, “d’you know what? I’m gonna tell your mom to let me give you dancing lessons; you need them, that much is already clear, right now.”

You rolled your eyes, evidently frustrated by such an observation, but it didn’t stop the smile invading your lips as you held onto her shoulders, your heart beating steadily alongside her’s as long as you were gazing into her eyes, the way that you were, now.

“I believe you,” you admitted whole-heartedly, and she didn’t know what it was about the way you said it that made her eyes want to drop down to your lips again. She could only just hold herself back, focusing her eyes upon your own as she smiled sheepishly over at you again, wondering what she’d done to deserve a warmth like this, especially during times like these.

“You’re so stupid,” she remarked, and you giggled, subconsciously connecting your forehead to her own as you both couldn’t help, but laugh together, chests heaving and falling as you tried to recover again, reminding yourself of the situation; how you needed to keep a clear head, if you wanted to learn how to dance for her, somehow.

“You’re stupider,” you returned, and she scoffed, and you didn’t know how your faces had got any closer than they did, then.

“Oh, really? Well, I think you’re stupidest,” she stated, and suddenly it got hard to breathe, the two of you holding one another even closer, somehow, your clothes brushing against each other a little as you admired one another, the air growing somehow even hotter than it ever had before around the two of you, the way it was, now, “what do you have to say about that?”

You didn’t know what to do; didn’t know how to even think anymore. You tried to catch your breath again, but it had never been so hard to do so, the way it was, then. There were so many things you wished you could tell her, but - all the same - you were terrified. Why would she ever want to try and start something of a new life with you, anyway? Your heart dropped at the thought, and your eyes darkened. Bianca appeared dejected, as soon as you pulled out of your embrace, the way you did then.

“Y/n-?” She began, but you shook your head, slinging your rucksack over your shoulder as her heart began to pound again; head began to spin, at the possibility of her losing you again, somehow. She couldn’t let it happen again, as she caught your arm within her right hand, and you reluctantly stopped in place, forgetting how to breathe all over again.

“B, we can’t-”

“Why? We’re not even doing anything wrong - Y/n, please-”

“I love you, B,” you admitted weakly, and she faltered, her heart skipping a beat again as her grip loosened upon your arm, but you couldn’t bring yourself to rush off again, keeping your head low as she tried to process your words, only to fail several times over; she didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way for her - not in a million years, even, and now that you’d said the words, she didn’t know how to react to them, at first, staring after you tearfully as she tried to catch her breath after you, but it was as if her heart was stopping her from doing so, pounding as fast as it was, right now. “I’ve always-.. but we can’t be like this, because if we do, it’ll just make things worse, okay? And it’s nothing like what it was, before, from what I’ve heard anyway - I just - I want-” You faltered, your voice cracking more regularly, now.

Bianca slowly turned you to face her again, her heart slowing just enough for her to begin to concentrate somehow, as you kept your gaze low, and had never felt so vulnerable, before.

“Then let’s go - away from here - can we?” She asked, and you appeared taken aback again, evidently not expecting such a request from her, after you’d confessed to your feelings for her, assuming she’d hate you if you did, somehow, not that you wanted her to, anyway - of course you didn’t; you just couldn’t hide it anymore, especially after you’d spent so long just - wondering, what it would be like, to be with her, the way you were, now. You could still feel the faint pulse of what felt like electricity running beneath your skin, at her looser grip on your arm. It made everything-.. so much brighter, than it had ever been before, now.

“You’d-.. want to - after-?” You inquired slowly, appearing puzzled as she beamed over at you, before slowly easing your face back up to her’s again, the fingers of her left hand resting delicately beneath your chin, now, only making it all the more harder to think clearly, somehow.

“Of course I would,” she answered truthfully, and you couldn’t help, but grin up at her again, your eyes a lot lighter than they ever had been, before now, “Y/n - I - I’ve been in love with you since-.. since fucking Palmdale - I loved you, even then, I was just too-..” She sighed heavily, and you didn’t know how to explain the relief that flooded over you; how it started with a warmth flooding the depths of your stomach, before it began to swarm your upper body, a small tear leaking down your right cheek as you giggled softly, before leaning forward to delicately press your lips to her own, no matter how much it scared you to do so, before she’d smiled at you like you were her world, as much as she was, and had always been your’s, too.

“Fuck, that - that was-..” You managed, after breathlessly pulling away, though it had been a delicate thing to start with. “B, I-”

You both faltered, hearing something crashing in the hallway outside; it sounded like it was something tinny, like one of the trash cans you’d both passed by, and that’s when you heard the notorious clicking of an invading Clicker staggering by. Bianca rolled her eyes, evidently annoyed that your and her time was being interrupted by the stupidest of things, such as the infected could be, sometimes.

“Assholes,” she remarked, and you sighed heavily, before making to remove your own shiv from its sheath, but she caught your arm before you could do so, prompting you to appear taken aback again as you glanced back at her, so many questions pouring off of you, despite their silent conveyor. “They aren’t coming in here - leave them,” she stated boldly, and you raised your eyebrows again, but you didn’t dare protest against her, knowing that when she was confident, there was no way that that confidence could be knocked down, not even by a herd of incoming clickers flooding the establishment, even if there were that many out there - it didn’t sound like there were more than a couple - not yet, anyway. “Besides, I’ve worked on that door for ages, now; it’s stronger than you think it is - trust me, I’ve tried to break through it myself; it’s not happening,” she boasted, grinning a little again as her chest puffed out a little, as if she were proud of her remodel of a simple defence system.

“I fucking love you,” you stated, before throwing the shiv away, and kissing her just a little more passionately. It would be a lie, if you said you’d both slept at all, that night, but you knew the Resistance wouldn’t be particularly happy with either of you, the bastards its leaders were. You couldn’t deny it was nice, though, as well as quite flustering to think about, again and again, to have a moment with her like that, as Clickers screeched their frustrations outside the room, as if trying to find you both still, but Bianca had been right; you didn’t know what she’d done with that door, but boy did she strengthen it just enough to hold them all out, no matter how hard they bashed and clambered against it, the way they did, then. You loved that girl, and now that you knew she loved you, too, you didn’t think anything could ever take you away from one another, but you guessed you thought wrong, before you found yourself crying and bleeding out within Ellie’s now shaky arms, all over again, the way you had, before.

You guessed you’d just have to live with it; time doesn’t stop for the good moments in life, no matter how hard you fought for it to.

~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed it! Thankfully, it doesn’t seem as if it is breaching the text-block limit this time, so I managed therefore to fit the whole instalment into this post! I look forward to further exploring this idea, and certainly hope that you’re looking forward to the next one, with me! Have a lovely rest of the day, everyone!

As always,

Your ever faithful, H.H. ❤️

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