#fix for me in comments if you want

[lawyer-of-louis-de-lioncourt]

Fans of IWTV that are problems

People who want to put the blame on one character.

Like sir. Uhm. How do I say this? In a way that can penetrate your mind?

They. Are. All. Horrible. People.

But they are also: All Beautiful People With Love All Consuming.

Both can be true. Because IWTV is the extreme reflection of life and people.

There is this comment on a fan edit on YT that was literally posted a day ago that I found.

I think we've established Louis is the problem. He is the common denominator in all these toxic relationships. Even his and Claudia's was an unhealthy mess. [Image]

And before I go on, on why this sh*t brings the movement down and I don't and won't tolerate I just want to bash the thinking of this person.

Let me ask you, reader and watcher, if a person in an abusive relationship lands in another abusive relationship are they the problem? Are they seeking to be abused yet again? Do you think they like it? Do you think Louis du Point du Lac went into loving Lestat because Lestat showed anger issues? Insecurities? No. He saw the best in him. He still fucking does. He loves the guy despite his problems. Do you think Louis fell for Armand because he was a gaslighter? A liar? A betrayer and clear child killer? No. He fell for Armand's ability to be soft to be gentle. He fell for his understanding. His clear care and focus on what he wants. His endurance.

"Louis is the problem." The problem here is that there are lies and manipulation from all characters. Louis is a lost soul who is more impulsive than the rest of the characters. He goes through life always seeking, seeking, seeking not really knowing what he is looking for. He also has fucking depression and some deep self-resentment.

But to say he is a problem because he is a victim (and he is because even though he has his strengths in the events between the Big Lestat Drop and The Trial he has been most hurt from both events more than Lestat and Armand (if we don't count Claudia because she was the MOST VICTIM OF ALL OF THEM DURING THAT ERAS)) is disgusting. It's victim blaming. To say he is a common denominator of abuse is stupid. He is the common denominator BECAUSE he attracts powerful love interests who are unhinged.

There is a huge power imbalance between Louis and Lestat. That was unknown. A power imbalance between Louis and Armand that was known but put aside because Armand gave the illusion that he was giving Louis the reigns.

To say Louis is the problem is blaming a wife being beaten, divorcing her husband and then getting in a relationship where she is beaten again. Clearly she's asking for it. (That's how this post sounds like) And. I. Will. Not. Tolerate. It.

Okay. Now that is put aside.

Like I said before.

These vampires are broken. One could argue being beyong repair.

The purpose of the books is to show monsters in love. Monsters who act on humanity but still take it too far.

There's a whole quote that says something about Lestat loving first and how passionate he is but in that love the only way he can show it is through violence. To break it.

We see Armand who is so loving and so f*cking patient. So eager to be loved. So eager to not be alone. Because he has been so alone all these years and then he meets Louis. Louis with a daughter. Louis with a burning, eager heart to be free this time around. Louis who represents everything Armand desires. To be free of all chains. And in wanting Louis he loves only him. Sees Claudia as chain too. Because Louis broke free of Lestat. Because Claudia, to Armand, is an extension of Lestat. Louis' capturer, maker, abuser.

He loves so much that he sees this as right. To get Louis all to himself. He wants this so badly. He even says it. "I want you more than anything in the world."

Words with weight. Words he meant. Words he carried through. He loves wholly. Obsessively. He loves solely.

And then Louis. Sweet Saint Louis. A father, a brother, a man who cannot exist or see himself outside of others. He is father, brother, lover, companion, son before he is Louis. This man who cannot exist outside others. This man who because of his spiraling self-hate drags others so he can stop the self- punishment. To get a reprieve. To put this love onto others because he can only love himself by loving and caring about others.

Who cannot love himself. Who drags the body of a stranger's daughter to beg for one himself. Who self sabotages and then tries to fix it. Who loved someone who hurt him because he can't let it go. Who thought he could love a man with burdens and control that was spiraling. A man who he knew felt the loneliness he had too. Louis who begs, demands and pleads and manipulates to get this fix of love. To put it somewhere. Even if it destroys the person he loves. (Paul, Claudia, Lestat and Armand) Just a little bit. Who loves then bites the hand that feeds him. Who loves so much. So much. He gets lost in it. Then drowns. Drowns in his failures. And drags others into it.

(Lestat: You drag me into your gloom. Armand: Will I be on suicide watch for the next 1000 years?)

And it's true to sense. He can't preserve his happiness. And sometimes he goes out of his way to not. Destroys it. (The killing of Lestat. The harsh words in 1970s to Armand) Because he doesn't deserve it.

This is all what it comes to:

They are humans stuck to live forever with these woes and problems and nowhere to put it. No where to put their trauma. So they make it themselves and then try to love with these jagged pieces.

They are fleshed out and more real than any character out there.

They are real. In their monstrosity. In their humanity.

They are horrible, they are beautiful, they are guilty, they are innocent. All of this. All true. All at the same time.

"I could not prevent it."

"...Was a band aid for shitty marriage?"

"This fascinating boy."

"I HEARD YOUR HEARTS DANCING?"

"Let me go."

"I love you with all of myself."

"Come to me."

"But she didn't love you. Not like he did, not like I have."

"I hate you."

"I know, I know. She's calling me."

"You and me. Me and you. You and me. Me and you."

"PICKED ANOTHER ONE OVER ME!"

"He's...a lot."

"I love you too baby brother."

"I'm not asking Arun."

"Am I all I have endured?"

"THE NAME! UNUTTERED in our home for 23 YEARS!"

"Could you imagine me? Without the burden of her?"

"I want you more than anything in the world."

"She called me an angel. Me!"

"Saint Louis."

"Are your companions?" "Yes." "No."

"I had a hunch."

"He forgave me."

"Why do I owe you my one act of cowardice?"

"Armand preserves my happiness..."

"Claudia is my coven."

"It was never about me."

"Tell her she's beautiful every morning."

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[hongluboobs]

Twitter really liked this one so u guys get it too (with additional context from Twitter in the frame

[fisheito]

Me: Everything i make is garbage i shouldn't even bother

The eiden in my head:

Me: Sorry eiden you're right my efforts have value

[novantinuum]

gnawing at the bars of my cage

can we please Stop telling SU blind reactors all the fandom drama and SU crit that came out of every episode so we can allow them to just enjoy the show like a normal person at their own leisure and make their Own opinions thank u

[paulawithsharks]

"They turned me into a monster, Arthur. But my memories of him, they still pure"

[socksandbuttons]

loving the response on dadcode and bean bloodmoon comic

[nomairuins]

i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

[holocene-sims]

a sneak peek for an upcoming (timeline tbd) update 😊

[shi0n]

just had the most insane 1h 30min moment w this maintenance worker. i wanna move somewhere far away where no one knows me.. SIGHHHH

[outlying-hyppocrate]

in line to the bathroom just to cry!!

[minty-bunni]

The craziest thing about PTSD is thinking you're free from it and then getting triggered like 5 mins later by the most random thing.

[restinpeacesensei]

I stepped into a room with clocks That all told different times I stepped into a mirrored world That mirrored all our crimes

You keep picking at the scab And I'll keep selling the plaster You keep telling me that I'm bad But I keep on getting better faster

I've lost, I've lost my innocence I've found my self-belief And in a cup of loneliness I've found instant relief

[pathetichoney]

[Image description: a detailed outfit reference for Kirika from my mha/dp crossover fanfiction locked out, with five different styles. The styles are labelled "warm weather outfit", "punk outfit", "cold weather outfit", "work uniform" and "formal attire". There is also a drawing of two golden rings on a chain with the annotation of "dead parents' wedding rings on a necklace wears constantly under clothes". There is also a small bio in the bottom right corner.

Watanabe Kirika / 23 / female symbol / june 3rd / 183cm/6 feet / aro ace

never wears heels or wedges

refuses to use bags and will complain when she needs to

steals @ every opportunity mostly for fun but mostly due to habit

fluent in many languages due to landing in many places

experiments with hairstyles often

End image description.]

i finally finished this. i'd been meaning to have this done since i first posted locked out, but nah i had to redo it a bunch of times and i was late getting to it in the first place. but please know that kirika has a lot of different hairstyles and the only constant is her fringe and how she doesn't let her left side of her hair free. she'd likely shave that side if her hair didn't take forever to grow (she's had like two proper haircuts her whole life outside of trims).

some other facts about kirika's style that i think is important but i didn't manage to showcase it here nor write it in the bio:

her parents rings usually end up being tucked between her boobs, not for a sexy reason mostly just to keep them secure and out of the way

she would have a tattoo (previously pictured) if she wasn't worried she'd get sick of looking at the same image constantly. if she sees something too much she'll get annoyed by it. temporary tattooes are her best friend.

almost always will choose a high waisted skirt or trousers over the low waisted option. she has wide hips and high waisted things tend to feel more comfortable to her

when she's in a universe that doesn't normally have bright hair colours she uses temporary hairdye that usually is black or brunette. she's rather adept at applying it quickly

wears a lot of jewelry and mostly rings. a fidget she'll often rearrange the rings on her fingers

has a variety of different surnames as aliases depending on where she lives at the time though watanabe is her birth name

[teh-inggris]

gritting my teeth so hard

[acedavestrider]

does anyone have any advice on how to feel alive again

[ultimateaclrecovery]

So I am talking to the boy again tomorrow because I’ve realized I didn’t really give him a chance to address any thing and make changes. And there’s a part of me that wants to see if that would actually make things better especially combine with therapy. And then there’s a part that wonders if it would make a difference and even if it did make a difference if it’s what I would want.

And then all my 11:11 wishes this week have been for a sign from the universe as to whether I stay broken up or get back together

And then Monday one of my friends suggested, unprompted meeting the pony as a girls day activity and my second responded very enthusiastically and we set the date to the first mutually available one (albeit in 30 days) compared to the boy who can’t be bothered to go when repeatedly and at times when he has already said he has no other plans.

I saw a new therapist on Wednesday and she was very validating (which like yes to a large extent her explicit job) about how she would be annoyed by some of the things he does/says and more to the point sort of how he expresses them. Like going “why are you cutting the onion that way? Don’t you know it so much easier to this way?” It’s like he’s not trying to mean but it can off so mean when it sounds like he can’t fathom ever doing anything suboptimally

And then today I had to have a conversation with my manager about the fact that I’ve searched for signs of emotional abuse on my work computer. Which while horrible in it of itself also sent me on a bit of tailspin as to how bad is it really to have searched about it. On the one hand the overwhelming response was no he doesn’t do any emotional abusive things, does not meet the signs and in many cases the explicit opposite. But also is the fact the I looked it up answer enough in and of itself?

I don’t know. I know I can be happy enough by myself. But I want more. And maybe I’ll find more with someone else but it really did feel like we fit in a lot of ways.